“You ready honey?” asked Pepperoni, making certain that the gifts were well hidden. It was early in the morning and the sun hadn’t even risen yet. Bloomheart and Pepperoni were getting ready for a very special day.
“I sure am!” she responded, marking the checklist to make certain that everything was hidden. Bloomheart had a bad habit of forgetting to hide the last gift and would often end up hiding the last present in someplace that nopony ever looked. As she was checking the list twice, the sound of hooves descending the staircase approached.
“Quickly!” he whispered, gathering up all evidence of what they were planning. In this family, everybody always liked to act as if they didn’t know it was somepony’s birthday until near the end of the day. It always made things more suspenseful since somepony might actually think they’d forgotten.
“Morning!” Pepperoni and Bloomheart greeted their daughter, Sound Barrier, as she came down. She looked extra tired that morning and didn’t bother to respond to her parent’s greeting. Instead, she immediately went over to the pantry and took out a box of cereal.
“Alright. Let’s try out our ‘Bait and Switch’ technique. Ready honey?” Bloomheart sook her head and Pepperoni motioned for her to head over to the dining room table. She sat next to Sound, who was busy eating her cereal now. The bait and switch was something they always liked to do since they always changed it up. Sometimes they’d immediately reveal that they had their daughter’s birthday planned, other times waiting until after dinner to reveal. It was always fun playing this game with her.
“Hey, Sound dear, do you know what today is?”
“It’s Thursday.” Sound’s response was not what the mother expected. She had thought that she might go and start getting excited and start asking what today was, only to have the mother express that today was garbage day. Speaking of which, they should probably take it out now.
“Oh, yes. You’re right. We need to take out the garbage.” Bloom was about to ask if Sound could take it out, but she had finished her breakfast and started going out the door.
“I’ve gotta go in the office today. Need to help do illustrations for the next scene for Hoof of the South Star and need to pitch it to the stockholders. Bye,” she said in a monotone voice while leaving. Both the parents looked at each other, wondering what had just happened.
“Wow, she didn’t even appear excited in the slightest,” remarked her dad. “She usually gets excited when we do that.”
“Maybe she’s just gotten used to our tricks,” the mom remarked. “We have been doing this for at least fifteen years now.”
“That is a possibility,” he mused for moment, “but this seems less like she was just bored by our antics and actually bothered by something.”
“Huh. Maybe we should ask her what’s bothering her. Don’t want anything to keep her down on her birthday.”
“Yes,” Pepperoni said just before a grin formed on his face. As it got bigger and bigger, Bloom knew that he was up to something. “OR we could stalk her and see if something is bothering her! It’ll be brilliant!”
“Dear, doesn’t that sound, well, stupid?” his wife remarked. “I mean, it sounds like something out of a sitcom. She’s twenty-two, honey. I’m fairly certain whatever it is she can handle it on her own. Maybe-“ a beeper went off and she immediately checked it. It was the emergency beeper she had for the hospital. “Great. Almost all the nurses are sick with the flu and they need me to come in.” She got her uniform on quickly and looked at her husband just as she was about to fly off.
“Dear, please don’t do anything stupid, please?”
“I can do no such thing. Besides, I’ve closed the shop today for Sound’s birthday under the guise of getting our shop professionally cleaned. Also, I’m really bored. Don’t worry though; I’m very stealthy.” Hearing her husband’s words brought no relief to the nurse. Heading off to the hospital, she could only hope things didn’t go horribly wrong.
Sound entered through the doors of Trot Comics and was immediately halted to the security guard at reception.
“Halt! Who dares to enter these hallowed halls of art and illustration? Speak now, or face the wrath of THE SECURITY!”
“Walkie, please, not today,” replied the pegasus to Walkie Talkie, the elderly unicorn who hoped to someday get his own comic.
“Sorry, Miss Barrier. I heard that you have presentation to give today. Hope that goes well,” he said.
“Same here.”
Sound walked through the illutration studio, passing the other offices of the other illustrators such as Kirby John and Heyfield. She usually didn’t like to hang out with them too much. Kirby was always complaining about how capitalism was destroying artwork and how everything he made would always be garbage while Heyfield always ended up drawing these humongous muscles on colts and covering their uniforms with pockets. She ended up making a villain one time by the name of “Mr. Pockets”, a colt in the future wasteland who was almost consistently on steroids and kept needles in each of his pockets.
“Hey Sound,” greeted Mr. Bates, her boss and editor. “You ready for your presentation? A lot is riding on this. Some of the stockholders were a bit cautious with how you put our main heroine together with what was supposed to be a one-time villain and now they’re looking for payoff with the story and artwork.”
“I’m ready with the artwork. Have several interesting character models planned out. What about the writers. Are they all ready?”
“Eeyup! Got them all nice and drunk before the presentation started. Honestly, I think these guys run on pure alcohol and nothing else.” Mr. Bates always enjoyed how low-cost the maintenance was for his writing staff. All he needed to do is make sure the liquor cabinet was full and they’d always be content with writing the stories.
“Alright then,” Sound walked up to the door of the conference room, took a deep breath and trotted in to give her presentation.
“And that’s why you have to let me in!” demanded Pepperoni, on the floor as Walkie Talkie had him in a Full Nelson on the ground.
“Oh yeah? What evidence do you have that you’re related to any of the staff, huh?” the security officer barked.
“An ID you dolt!” The unfortunate pegasus managed to get one hoof free and picked through his wallet, pulling out a plastic card that showed that told the senior unicorn who he was.
“Oh, I guess you were right. Sorry sir.”
“That’s okay. You were just doing your job. Just, very poorly. You mind taking me to where my daughter is? I’m trying to spy on her and see what’s keeping her down. See, it’s actually her birthday today and I’m just trying to make certain she has a good day and not let her see me.” Pepperoni gave the zealous guard a look of sadness and hoped that he’d understand his story.
“I know that feeling,” he finally responded. “I used to have kids. Haven’t seen them in a while. My daughter had this bad birthday once. She wasn’t really the same ever since. If that’s what you want to do, I won’t say anything to her. Just be careful and be stealthy.”
“Thanks,” the worried father responded. The security officer pointed the way to where Sound was and he went off. “Now, I must use my secret ninja techniques in order to keep hidden.” Pepperoni didn’t actually know what actual ninja stuff was, but he had seen enough movies to try and keep hidden. He only regretted that he wasn’t wearing anything black.
The pizza making ninja was now sneaking around the animation studio, trying to stick close to the walls and floor, creeping out the staff that worked there. He peeked into the lounge, his eyes just peering past the corner of the room, creeping out two marketing executives that were on break. Pepperoni, not seeing any sign of his daughter, left the room, humming the theme from “Mission Unlikely”, obviously forgetting the fact that he was trying to act like a ninja.
“Hey, Hitch?” asked one marketer.
“What, Romero?” replied the other.
“I think we just found out how to really market our new horror comic.”
Ninja Pepperoni continued his stalking through the studio, unaware that he was being watched by somepony right behind him.
“Is there something I can help you with, sir?”
“GAH!” Pepperoni yelped out, turning around to see that it was Mr. Bates, his daughter’s boss. “Oh, it’s just you Bates. I honestly thought somepony else had found me,” the sneaky pegasus looked around quickly to see if there was anypony else nearby before he revealed his plan. “Listen up; I’m secretly tailing Sound to see if something’s bothering her. She seems to be bummed about something and I’m trying to figure out what it could be.”
“I’d guess her big presentation if anything. We pretty much win or lose funding for our comics if they don’t like this project and the direction it’s heading, so we make sure to cater to them so we don’t end up losing money and jobs,” explained the editor.
“That explains everything!” remarked the worried father. “Well, hope she does well.”
“Me too,” he responded. “She’s in there right now giving them a look at her art stuff. It determines how much we earn for supplies for her to continue making her sketches. Heck, her job as a Penciller depends on this as well.”
“Uhhhh,” was the confused response.
“I’m guessing you don’t know what that is. See, your daughter that you just call an artist is specifically a Penciller, the pony who does the rough sketches of the characters and scenes in the comic book. What usually happens next is that the sketches get refined and colored and, well, it’s a long process actually. You should talk to Cloverbud about that.” Mr. Bates’ words put a chill in his spine. He had often heard his daughter talk about Cloverbud being the “Queen Ice Bitch of the Universe.” As he was about to respond, the noises in the conference room started getting louder, as if they were about to leave the room.
“Oh snap!” Pepperoni remarked. “How am I gonna hide now?” He looked around nervously, noting that there wasn’t any cover for him to hide behind and he couldn’t make it out of the hallway in time before they noticed him. He felt as if he would be located, until he had a realization. “Oh yeah!” he said as he flapped his wings and quickly flew up to the ceiling before anypony from the conference room saw him. Mr. Bates knew not to give any indication about what was going on as the business ponies exited the room, excited about what they saw.
“Well, Miss Barrier, I can safely say that we shall enjoy seeing your upcoming artwork and designs in future issues of the comic. Your investors, including myself, have always made it a personal mission to find that our investments are always ensuring high-quality, and it is obvious here. Keep up the good work,” the matured, white colt said as he walked away with the rest of his colleagues.
“Congrats, Sound! I’m guessing they really liked your presentation then. Your job is now secure once again!” Mr. Bates looked excited at the news from the investors, but Sound still had on that same expression she had earlier that morning.
“Thanks, Mr. Bates. I’ll be doing some work here right now, I guess,” the somber pegasus replied to her boss.
“Really?” Bates was pretty surprised by Sound’s statement. She usually worked from home and only came in the days where she needed to submit her work.
“Yeah. Right now I just can’t stand to be at my home. Just… something. It might be nothing, but I’m really not in the mood.” Pepperoni was shocked and sad to hear those words from his own daughter. What could he and his wife possibly have done to make their own daughter feel this bad?
“Alright, that can work. I’ll just make certain that Heyfield moves his stuff out of your workspace. He calls your area his ‘Pouch Zone’ and it may take a while. You should take your lunch break now, okay?”
“Sure thing, Mr. Bates,” Sound went off to her usual lunch restaurant and left the two colts wondering what could be bothering her. Pepperoni descended from the ceiling, glad his daughter didn’t see his snooping.
“What’s going on here? What did we do?” both colts were confused, especially Pepperoni, by this news.
“I dunno. I’m guessing that something happened at home with you guys. That or she’s just getting antsy about living with her parents. She’s twenty-two and still at home with her parents.”
“She’s actually twenty-three as of today, remember?” corrected the dad.
“Exactly. She’s a young woman, and I think she’s starting to resent the fact that she lives at home. I think you’d feel the same way in her position.” Mr. Bates had a point. Pepperoni thought this through and knew that he had a point. Sadly, even with two sources of income, Sound still didn’t make enough to have her own place yet in Ponyville.
“Yeah, you have a point,” the father begrudgingly agreed.
“Hey, can I ask you for help on clearing Sound’s work area? Heyfield put all his pockets and bags there and dubbed it his ‘Bag Area’. If you help it could get done quickly and Sound might appreciate it.” Pepperoni responded enthusiastically to helping out Mr. Bates and went over to his daughter’s desk. At this point he had decided to ditch the sneaking and just hope that people wouldn’t notice him since he was actually tired from it. Not only that, but he’s fairly certain that he drew more attention trying to be ignored than if he had just trotted by.
Cleaning off the workstation turned out to be a pretty big job. Turns out that Heyfield loved to make models of really large packs and bags. Not only that, he seemed to have life-seize models of buffalo nearby, marks on where the most noticeable muscles were. It seems that he used buffalo models for drawing pony muscles and the result was extremely muscular colts.
“Wow! I can’t believe how much I actually enjoy this! I should come over here more often when I have the day off, you know?” Bates responded with a nod of his head as he carried out several more pockets on his back.
“The job does have its ups, but you really have to deal with the downs more than anything else sadly. Writers get sick or face a block, artists get low on supplies or have difficulty working with writers on what their vision is, and having to decide if an artist or writer gets to create their dream project and if it would be fiscally sound to have it work. It’s difficult since you have to decide if people keep their jobs or not and if what they’re doing will be good for the company,” Mr. Bates thought back on his career with the industry and sighed, thinking of everything that had lead up to this point.
“Sounds like more downs than anything else,” responded Pepperoni, hearing the editor’s lament. “Is there anything that you really like about the job?”
“Heh, yeah. The thing I love more than anything is approving a comic that I’m willing to take a stake on and seeing it succeed. There’s also the times when I suggest a change to a comic and it ends up making everything work out better than expected. Why, I remember the first comic I ever took a chance on. It was called The Silence, a comic book about a creature from a higher plane of existence that watched ponies and other species throughout time and viewed their existence until it decided to reveal its existence to its chosen ones. Needless to say, it didn’t seem like it would sell that well and would be too artsy for the public. The other title we were looking at during the selection process was something that Heyfield was going to write. He wanted to write an action comic and take control of everything that’d be done. He had popularity attached to his name, so everypony thought his would be the one I’d choose. In the end, I chose the artsy comic and was possibly going to be fired from my job when they heard I authorized something that’d lose them money. Turns out that artsy stuff was just what people were wanting and the comic became legendary, even winning a literary award. I’m glad that when my got told me to go for it, it worked.” Mr. Bates smiled as he thought back to that one young writer who was so happy when he had heard that his comics were really liked. He actually started dancing and had tears of joy in his eyes. People saw his art, and they liked it.
“That sounds really neat. I wish I could say that I’ve had a feeling like that before with my job. I’m guessing the closest I’ve felt is when I made my famous Pepperoni pizza and people actually liked it. I guess we all do art in our own ways.” The two colts shared a smile of understanding with each other and moved the last of the large pockets.
“Well, that takes care of that. I’m guessing you could hide in my office and- SNAPAPPLESSHESHERE!” Pepperoni was about to ask what his new friend had just said when he saw the multi-colored mane of his daughter. Not knowing where to go, he dived to the floor and looked to the nearest hiding place. There was an open office door leading to a room covered in blinds; that would have to do.
“Here I go!” he whispered to himself and he quickly went into the office and closed the door, glad to see that Mr. Bates had delayed his daughter to give him just enough time. He checked out his hiding place and saw an earth pony with a cream coat, glasses, and a mane that looked like it was both green and blue. She hadn’t looked up from her paperwork to see him in her office yet, but thought that it would be better to announce himself now rather than have her shriek at the sudden site of some unknown colt in her office.
“Um, hello there mam,” he announced awkwardly, hoping that she wouldn’t give him away.
“Oh, hello there. What can I do for you?” she asked calmly.
“I know this sounds awkward,” the colt started saying quickly, “but I need to hide in here right now and not let my daughter see me. See, today’s her birthday and she seems to be feeling really down and I’m trying to find out what’s bothering her. She’s right out there and I don’t want to blow my cover. You mind if I stay here until the coast is clear?”
The mare sit there for a minute, a blank look on her face, before saying, “Sure. By the way, what’s your name?”
“Pepperoni. And yours?”
“Cloverbud.” The moment he heard her say it, Pepperoni shivered and realized that he had just met the mare his daughter had warned him about. He gulped and tried to figure out what to say next.
“So, um, Miss Cloverbud, what do you do here?”
“I’m Quality Control. I review each comic before being sent to the editor and make certain that what’s being made is not only serviceable but profitable,” while she was saying this, a small smirk appeared on her face, pride in her job shining out. “I always have writers tripled check their stories and make certain that they know where it’s all heading so we don’t end up with a confusing universe with arbitrary rules and explanations for events. I have the artists always redo their drawing as well. For each panel they draw, I ask that they draw it five more times, each in a different style, in order to find which one works best for the story. It sounds rigorous, and it is, but my placement here is what has led to Trot Comics being one of the most recognizable companies out there.” Pepperoni now had a clear understanding of why Sound always called Cloverbud ‘Queen Ice Bitch of the Universe’; she was always calm when talking and had her redraw each of her panels five times before approval.
“Well, that sounds like it’s definitely working. Except, well, do you really need the illustrators to draw each panel five different times?” He was hoping that he could possibly convince his daughter’s Task Master to lessen her workload. After all, maybe this was the cause of her troubles.
“It’s really good practice for the pencillers to do. I’m fine with the color artists who fill in the lines since they’ve got a basic layout for what they’re supposed to do, so I only look over their stuff once. Say, Mr. Pepperoni,” she said, taking off her glasses, “are you, how you say, available?”
“Kinda. I mean, not exactly much I can do right now, is there.” Pepperoni noticed that smirk returning to Cloverbud’s face. He wondered what was going on right now.
“Oh, I don’t know about that. I have several things that you could do right now,” Cloverbud got up from her desk and approached the handsome colt. “Would you mind reaching up and getting some files on the top shelf? They’re high up and hard for me to reach.”
“Oh! I can do that for sure. Hay, I even have wings!” Pepperoni flapped his wings and gathered the papers that were up there and placed them on her desk. For some reason she looked a bit disappointed about that.
“Alright, um, could you help me check something underneath the desk? I think there’s something there to check out.” Wanting to help out her daughter’s dictator, he started looking under the desk.
“I don’t see anything. You said there’s something I’d like or something like that.”
“Oh, I see something I like,” the comic book lady remarked, checking out Pepperoni as he was bending down.
“Well, I didn’t see anything down there. Is there anything else I can do to help out?” The pizza making pony’s question was met with a stare that he’d only seen several times in his life, mainly from his wife. For the next hour or so, Pepperoni spent his time around the office doing various tasks that actually required him to bend down a lot, from sweeping a certain area in front of Clover’s seat to licking stamps for forms to be mailed out. He was glad that he could be doing something to help out instead of just sitting around. Cloverbud really seemed to enjoy the help as well. She had a pretty big smile on her face when she looked at him.
“Alright!” Pepperoni said loudly as he finished wiping down her broom after sweeping. “Finished that up. Anything else I can do?”
“Well, there is one last thing you can do for me,” Clover said, giggling to herself as she walked much closer to the unsuspecting colt. “I know of one way you could help me so your daughter doesn’t have to do so much work. I’m fairly certain you know what I mean,” she said, flipping her mane back. “Wanna tell me her name first?”
“Neat! My daughter’s Sound Barrier. You know, the penciller for Hoof of the South Star?” the father said, full of pride.
“SOUND? She’s you daughter?! Aww buck me, buck me,” she said to herself as she went back to her seat. She laid her head right down on her desk and continued to talk to herself.
“Is there something wrong?” the oblivious colt asked.
“Yes. Something is wrong. Something is very wrong with me. I mean, I can’t believe that I’d do this. I mean, you’re married, right?”
“Yeah. Um, what’s that have to do with anything?” Pepperoni was clearly clueless about what was going on right then.
“I was trying to hit on you, that’s what!” Cloverbud burst out, tears in her eyes. “Every time I try to hit on some colt they’re either married or not interested and frankly it sucks. I mean, I have never actually managed to get a date with any colt in my life because of my tastes, you know?” Cloverbud returned her head into her arms, quietly crying at her misfortune. Pepperoni decided to go to where this unlucky mare was sitting and placed a comforting hoof on her back.
“There, there. You really shouldn’t worry about silly stuff like that. After all, doing that never helps you get a colt any faster, eh?” It’d been a while since this old colt had to comfort somepony like that. He remembers when his oldest daughter, Cleversong, had boy troubles and Bloomheart wasn’t around to help her out. He gave her what advice he could (mostly all colts are trouble and to stay away from them) and helped her deal with whatever she was feeling at that moment. “Look, I don’t know your history when it comes to relationships, but I can tell you that there’s somepony out there for everypony, even if it’s not a romantic relationship. After all, the goal of romance and such is to find somepony to share your life with, and you can even do that with friends. Don’t feel bad that you have an awful time finding colts who are available; rather feel sorry for the girls who find somepony and it turns out to be a terrible relationship. That’s something that’s truly bad.”
Cloverbud picker her head out from her hooves and asked, “Really?”
“Hay yeah! I mean, you have friends, right?” Pepperoni’s words caused Cloverbud to think on all the friends she had, from Curveball to her office associates, she knew that there were other ponies that cared for her.
“Thank you sir. I’m sorry if I offended you or something like that,” she apologized with a cheerful smile.
“No problem! To be honest, I think I was starting to enjoy some of what was going on here. I’ll have to remember this for next time with my wife,” Both of them laughed at this statement, Pepperoni feeling relieved that he could break the tension and not worry about an emotional meltdown. “Say, Sound just moved out and looks like she’s heading to the bathroom. Mind if I move out and head to Mr. Bates’ office?”
“No problem. I’ll also see if I can make it so I’ll just need to see two final revisions for your daughter then instead of four,” she remarked. “I just want to let you know one thing before you leave though.”
“And what’s that?” he asked.
“You have a very lucky wife,” Pepperoni smiled as he heard that remark and left her office. Once he was out, she added, “Also, dat flank!”
Bloomheart had finally found enough time for her to go on break. It was difficult doing so today with most of the nurses out sick, so she took this time to max and relax to the fullest extent of the law.
“Message for Bloomheart. I repeat, message for Bloomheart,” yelled the PA system. The tired Pegasus got up from her tired hooves and went over to a nearby phone to get her call.
“This is Bloomheart. Put the message through,” she told the secretary. A moment later and her husband’s voice appeared on the other end.
“Hey honey! Calling to see how you’re doing today. You alright with all those other nurses sick?” Bloomheart had to smile at hearing Pepperoni call her. Every day at 12:30 PM he called her to see how her day was going. She remembers all the times that simply hearing his voice helped her through those difficult days, especially when she was still new to nursing.
“I’m doing fine now. It hasn’t been too busy a day luckily. Worst thing I had to deal with so far was a little foal who didn’t want to get his shot. He was crying so much that he actually fell asleep. Feel sorry for the little ones. So, how goes the investigation, Private Pepperoni?” She giggled to herself when she said that. Hearing her giggle was one of Pepperoni’s favorite things in life.
“I’d say it’s going, um, possibly nowhere? I’m gonna be completely honest; I have no idea what I’m really looking for. She had this big presentation earlier this morning and that seems to have gone really well, but she’s still bummed.”
“You think it’s something specific with her birthday?” Bloomheart had often heard how sometimes ponies feel depressed on their birthdays since it marks another year gone by and a feeling of resentment in not getting everything you want to get done accomplished.
“Bates said that maybe it has to deal with her living at home with us. I mean, she’s a fully grown mare and she’s still with her mom and dad. That could be it.” Bloom considered this, remembering how when she was her daughter’s age she had already moved out and was living at the intern dorms for Cloudsdale Hopspital.
“I think so as well. Thing is that she doesn’t make enough to have her own place in Ponyville. No place is up for rent and you have to buy. I’m guessing that fact that she knows she can’t do anything about it is the cause.”
“I agree. Actually, I went and talked with her other boss, Cloverbud.”
“You mean ‘Queen Ice Bitch of the Universe’ Cloverbud?” Bloom wasn’t certain how she had remembered that nickname her daughter had given to her other superior while she forgot…other things that she couldn’t recall at the moment.
“Yeah. Funny thing is that I hid in her office just in time to escape Sound. Bates and I were cleaning off her desk so she could work there and she suddenly came in from lunch. I just saw her sitting at her desk and chatted with her. She actually told me that she has illustrators like Sound draw five different versions of each comic. I think I managed to talk her into giving them just a bit less work.”
“That’s great, dear! How’d you manage that?” Bloom was pretty surprised that her husband could manage to convince somepony to do less work. When it came to diplomacy, he wasn’t always the best.
“Well, I think it was because, get this, she was into me! It was kinda funny! She kept taking off her glasses, trying to be all sexy, and only now do I think of it, I think she liked my flank. She had me bending down to pick up something and I think she was checking me out. I guess those times she bumped into my rear were more on purpose than accidental then. Probably should have realized that when she touched it with one of her front hooves. I’m guessing not eating anything so far today has really affected how I miss subtle things like that. Now that I think of it, I’m fairly certain, no, I know that she was just about to proposition me for sexual favors in order to get Sound’s workload lessened.”
“Huh. Very interesting. Excuse me for a moment, dear.” Bloomheart walked away from the phone for a moment, placing it gently down so it wouldn’t hang up, and went to see what the commotion down the hallway was.
“Oh, please, anypony! We need help!” Dr. Beau yelled out. “The safe is locked and has materials we need right now, but we don’t know the combination!”
“Let me help,” Bloomheart calmly said to the doctor before walking over to the safe. In a moment she grabbed the door of the safe and ripped it off its hinges, yelling, “STAY AWAY FROM MY HUSBAND YOU HOMEWRECKING SLUT!” before throwing the door into the wall, embedding it a full foot into it. She then walked back to the phone, took a deep breath, and said, “Please, continue dear.”
“Well, the thing is that she asked whose father I was and when I told her that I was Sound’s dad that’s when she stopped. She actually didn’t know that I was married when she started her advances on me.”
Pepperoni’s explanation of events lessened Bloomheart’s wrath. Turns out that Cloverbud, the pony who could sometimes be a bit cold, was right now very hot. “She apparently has bad luck with colts and after a conversation with her I was able to calm her down and give her some hope. I’m guessing she decided to return the favor and give Sound less work to do.”
“Oh, my knight in shining armor once again saves the day! Also,” her voice started to sound more cheery, except in a more menacing way, “I hope you weren’t considering her proposal when offered. I’d hate to share my hubby with anypony else.”
“Not to worry, dear! Frankly, I didn’t know what was going on in there. I really need something to eat soon. I’ll be going now. Good luck!” Pepperoni hung up on his end, leaving Bloomheart back to her work again. She was glad that her husband was fairly dumb without his morning meal. It always meant that he ended up avoiding situations that if he had otherwise been mentally prepared for, he would have made worse. One event, the time he didn’t eat breakfast and several robbers came to the pizzeria, actually worked out for everypony since he couldn’t tell that there was a robbery going on and he kept asking for their order. Turns out that the robbers were so confused that they went along with it and ended up ordering a pizza before the guards arrested them. Only later did he fully realize what had just happened. He may be a fool, but Pepperoni was at least her fool.
Pepperoni put the phone back on its receiver, looking at a befuddled Mr. Bates.
“Wow,” the editor put out. “I can’t believe you told your wife about whatever I going on with Cloverbud. Most colts wouldn’t do something like that in a million years.”
“Yeah, well, maybe it’s the fact that I haven’t eaten all day that’s affecting my judgment, or maybe I trust my wife enough that she’ll understand what I’m saying and won’t turn out to be something it isn’t. That’s love for you.” Pepperoni’s words struck a chord in Mr. Bates’ heart. It was something that reminded him of his past.
“Say, how about I get some food for the both of us. On me, of course,” offered Bates.
“Sure! What’s there to eat?”
“Today the lunch truck has spaghetti. You want any?” Pepperoni could only answer that question by jumping up and down and squealing in delight. It’d been so long since he had that dish. “I’ll take It you want some. Hold on and I’ll be back.”
To keep himself busy, Pepperoni had started reading some of the unedited comics that were left on the editor’s desk. One of the things he noticed in one comic was a character that resembled the editor himself and was referred to as “Master Bates”. It was about an hour before Bates came back with the spaghetti, looking as if he had just run a mile.
“You would not BELIEVE how much effort it took to get this spaghetti,” Bates said, panting as he put the two aluminum bowls down on his desk. Pepperoni looked far too excited about that pasta for any normal colt. “So, what makes you act this way about spaghetti?” he asked in response to the new friend’s drooling.
“Honestly, it’s my favorite food, but I’m terrible at making it. Sure, pizza is the greatest thing ever made, but spaghetti is special to me in its rarity. When I have a good spaghetti dinner, I just feel like crying.” Pepperoni’s words made Bates laugh. It’d been a while since he heard something as ridiculous and sincere as that. “Hey, I’ve wondered something; did you notice that several writers and artists will include you as a character in the comics? I notice that and wonder if they’re talking about you.”
“Oh yeah, I know what you’re saying. Here, I’ll get us something from the writer’s cabinet to down this meal with,” Bates said as he left. In a moment he came back with some fine wine to go with their pasta. Pepperoni almost looked like he was going to actually cry. “Now, you were asking about my name in the comics, correct? Well, it’s actually a common joke some writers will do with that name. I always catch it, but they still just love adding it in there.”
“But what’s so funny about a guy named Bates who’s a master at something?” Pepperoni asked, showing that he clearly had not eaten enough yet to get his head fully working yet.
“Alright,” the editor said, putting his hoof to his face. He really didn’t believe he was going to have to explain the joke to someone around his age. “Say the name really fast. Master Bates.”
“Master Bates,” he parroted. He didn’t look like he understood the joke yet. Mr. Bates continued saying it, hoping he’d get it.
“Master Bates,” the editor said again.
“Master Bates,” the pizza maker repeated. They ended up doing this about five more times until Mr. Bates realized that this colt wasn’t going to get it anytime soon.
“Alright. I guess you don’t understand it still. Listen, what would happen if you removed the space between the two words and made it one word?”
“I’m guessing you’d have somepony who was really bad at spelling,” Pepperoni answered. Bates would have to explain it very carefully at this point.
“Alright. You know something that, um, people do when they feel, sexual, and have no other way to get rid of that feeling?”
“You mean flying a thousand miles in a hour, fighting a dragon with one hoof tied behind your back, and writing a ten page essay about something that’s simple like cheese?” Pepperoni obviously lived an interesting life.
“Wow,” was the first reaction to come from Mr. Bates. “I’m fairly certain you’ve used your energy better than any other colt in existence. Anyway, the way most would deal with it is,” Bates stopped at, before looking around his room. It was something that was fairly difficult to explain without feeling embarrassed to another colt around his age. He decided to whisper to him what the true meaning of the joke was, no beating around the bush. As he stepped back from him, he saw the horrified and confused expression on the colt’s face.
“EWWWWWW!” was his reaction. “That sounds so gross! Like, you do that with yourself? Uck!”
Mr. Bates was confused by this reaction. “Pepperoni, you have two daughters. Obviously you know how that happens. How is that any less gross? You know the birds and bees obviously.”
“Yeah. Birds eat bees.” Before being corrected, the two colts heard a knock outside their door. Mr. Bates opened it to find a timid looking mare with a light blue coat and golden mane standing outside.
“Um, Mr. Editor, sir? Could you please stop talking about…that?” she said meekly. The blood rushed from Bates’ face as he heard her say that.
“Golden Bell, how do you know what we’ve been saying?” he asked, horrified of what the answer could be.
“We’ve all heard it on your intercom, sir. You’ve been sitting on it for at least the entire conversation with Pepperoni here,” Golden Bell answered. Both colts were shocked by what they had just heard. Mr. Bates ran over to his blinds and opened them, finding that everypony was outside the office, trying to listen in on the conversation. he apparently decided to tell them before they went any further, making her look like a buzzkill in the office. Pepperoni saw Cloverbud trying to grab some tissues. Apparently she had a major nosebleed from something that had just happened.
“Where’s Sound! Did she hear any of this?” asked the father. Of all the conversations to give away your secret location, one where you discuss sexual habits with your boss probably ranks as one of the worst ones to be discovered having.
“She’s been in the bathroom for a bit, so she couldn’t have heard anything. We purposely blocked off the PA system in there unless it’s an emergency. After all, would you like a loud voice yelling at you while you’re trying to use the bathroom?” Bell’s words put relief back into the hearts of the two colts.
“Alright. Um, please, none of you let her know that her dad is here, or what we talked about. Please. Just…just don’t,” begged their editor, seeing the giggles his employees had as they went back to work.
“I should check up on Sound and see if she’s alright,” remarked Golden Bell. Everypony went back to where they were before, with Mr. Bates making sure to place his mic someplace where he’d be less likely to press it.
“Wow. I guess we were lucky in that she didn’t hear that, huh?” remarked Pepperoni, trying to add levity to the situation. Bates shook his head in agreement as they both silently went on to enjoy their meals. It was nice to eat in silence. As they finished up, Pepperoni had a question for his daughter’s boss.
“Hey, Mr. Bates,” he started, “I’m just curious as to why you hired my daughter. I mean, she’s really good, but you guys are a big comic making force and she was pretty new when you hired her. Was there any specific reason to that?”
“Well, the standard answer we’ve always said is that we thought that Sound seemed like an exceptional artist and would be a welcome addition to the illustration team,” he said before taking a long sip from his wine glass. “My reason was a bit more personal though.”
“And what would that be?” the father asked. Mr. Bates took a deep breath and sighed before saying anything.
“First, I’ll need more drink,” he said, going out into the office and then quickly bringing in two more bottles. “I’ll need drink if I want to get through this,” he said, corking open a white wine. He poured it into both glasses and sat down, ready to tell his story.
“Let me start by saying that I have NEVER told anypony else this. Ever. You’re her father, so I feel you should know. Anyway, I used to be a dad just like you. Her name was Funny Doodle, and she loved to draw. Her mother, Berry Pie, died from an illness just a week after giving birth. She only ever had me for family, and that’s all we needed. With Doodle’s drawing skills she quickly found her cutie mark as an artist. She loved to sketch out all the fantastic things that came to her mind and always gave the figures life. She said she hoped that she could draw comics when she grew up and loved the fact that I was an editor and could tell her about the industry.” Bates finished off his glass and poured another. Pepperoni was too enthralled to drink right now. “She actually was going to apply to here when she turned fifteen, hoping that pure talent would be enough. Surprisingly, several upper level guys loved the idea of having her work in the company as it showed we hired new blood and had the best of the rising stars in the industry. Are you gonna finish that?” he asked his friend, seeing the full glass. Pepperoni actually shook his head, letting the storyteller take a drink. He seemed like he was going to need it. “Funny thing is that Doodle’s favorite musician was actually your other daughter, Cleversong. She actually had each of her singles and one day hoped to see her in concert. She actually drew some artwork of her as well and would listen to her while working on her art. In some ways, I knew you guys before your daughter worked for me.” Pepperoni was actively surprised and a bit happy about this little bit of information.
“That’s pretty neat! I’m sure my daughter, the singer, would love to see her artwork!”
“Yeah. She always hoped that she would like it. She never mailed it though, feeling that she’d never get it right. I always hoped that she would though. I wish that she did,” he said before taking a gulp. “Sadly, she can’t now.”
“Oh,” Pepperoni said to himself. He knew what was coming.
“The same illness that took her mother, pneumonia, took her as well. Obviously that was hard to deal with. Ended up hanging with the writers for a while and took on their drinking habits. Really, my life felt pretty terrible after that. Hay, I actually considered jumping in a printer several times. Actually, I was more worried about the fact that I used to live in this house with a balcony and that whenever I work up that would be the very first thing I saw. Had to sell the place and move into a one-level place after that. It actually made things a bit more painful since I felt like I was leaving them behind along with the memories. This went on for a while until the day your daughter was called in for an interview. I remember her being so nervous and shaking when I was talking with her. I actually considered asking her to leave halfway through the interview because I thought she couldn’t take it. She showed me the portfolio she had with her right before I said anything though and I was stunned. It looked just like how Doodle used to make her drawings, just before she passed. Not only that, but she had accidentally included an illustration of her sister, Cleversong, in there as well. I didn’t know that she was related to her and we chatted about that for a bit. I also learnt that she was almost the exact same age as my daughter, just two days after hers. The more I talked with her, the more of my daughter I saw in her. That’s when I knew I had to hire her. Hay, I remember how thrilled she was when she heard that. She jumped up on the desk and then climbed back down slowly, apparently afraid of heights. Since then, I see your daughter working and the art she makes and I remember the precious times I had with my Doodle. She ended up saving me, and while I’ll never be able to tell her, the way I treat her is the exact way I treated my own daughter. Hope that wasn’t too long or creepy for you,” he ended his story with. Pepperoni was pretty speechless. Mr. Bates pretty much was telling him that Sound was the best thing in his life right now and that he wished she was his own daughter. The father couldn’t tell exactly what he was feeling, but he felt like the best way to describe it was some form of pride. The two smiled, refilled their glasses, and polished off the bottles before slipping into an alcohol fueled slumber.
Golden Bell had just entered the bathroom, attempting to check up on Sound. She was unsure of how exactly she should check up on her. After all, this was a bathroom and everything that happened in here was a million times more awkward than anywhere else.
“Um, Sound? It’s me, Golden Bell. I was just wondering if you’re alright. You’ve been in here for a while.” The mare could hear what appeared to be sniffling and blowing of the nose. She saw Sound walk out of the stall, her eyes looking puffy. Bell thought that she was tired from the work she was doing.
“I’m alright. Thanks, Golden. You don’t need to check up on me,” Sound told her associate. She went to the sink and washed her face, hoping to look better.
“Sound, I know you’re just acting tough. Something’s obviously bothering you. You may not want to talk about it, but just don’t lie, alright? It just makes everypony feel worse,” Golden Bell said, trying to figure out how she was able to say these things and also sound confident. Sound greeted this statement with a long sigh.
“Yeah, you’re right. Something is bothering me, and I just don’t wanna talk about it. It’s a bit silly and I don’t want to get anypony involved with it. It’s personal.” Golden Bell was happy that she was able to get at least that little bit out of her associate. She hated seeing anypony sad and loved to change that whenever possible.
“That’s fine. Um, say, I was wondering about somepony. See, I think I have a crush on one of the artists,” Golden Bell said, blushing.
“Oh, and who might that be?” Sound asked, curious about who the colt in question was.
“It’s actually Heyfield. I was a bit nervous about how to talk to him and wondered if you knew something we could both talk about.” Sound just had to laugh when she heard that. She couldn’t believe that somepony was actually interested in an artist like him. Her laughing died down though when she saw that Golden Bell was actually serious about this.
“Oh. Huh. Well, the first thing you should know about him is that he actually likes clothes. That’s one of the reasons he likes to draw tons of pockets and pouches on his characters. He actually wanted to go into fashion design, but it seems fate had different plans for him.” Now that Sound thought of it, she really didn’t know too much about the guy. She just didn’t like his art style too much and always loved to make fun of that. Maybe she should have an actual conversation with her coworkers every once in a while.
“Anything else? I don’t know too much about fashion,” remarked Bell.
“Well,” Sound said, pondering what else she remembered about him, “I know that he also loves to work out. He also likes to collect swords. That’s actually one of the things he used to create Redfool, his most popular character.”
“I LOVE swords!” the shy mare yelled out. “I have my own collection of griffon blades and even some early stone-age era blades used by Diamond Dogs. I bet we could compare collections. Thanks for that, Sound!” Sound blushed at being thanked. Obviously she never knew that about Golden Bell. Actually, she knew next to nothing about her.
“Hey, Golden Bell, what do you do here?” Sound asked. If she wanted to know her coworkers a bit more, she should start with somepony right in front of her.
“I’m the Licensing Manager for all the comics. Essentially, I make certain that people want to pick up your comics and put them online and in stores. I don’t like to brag, but I’m pretty good at it. I’m the mare that managed to get comic books into book stores and made the term “graphic novels” popular to make them seem more professional and less immature than how they were previously viewed.” Sound was in shock and awe of what she heard her coworker did for her industry. She was pretty much talking to the mare who made comics something that anypony could buy and not feel childish. Golden Bell was obviously big with comics; too bad she never heard of her much before.
“Hey, um, Sound, I know this may sound pretty intrusive, but I’m just curious about something,” Golden Bell asked.
“Ask away. I’m all ears,” Sound replied.
“Which mare do you think is most attractive here? I know you’re a fillyfooler, so I’m just wondering who you think is best looking.” Sound was honestly surprised by that question. For a moment, she didn’t know if she was supposed to be offended or not. She simply decided to answer Golden Bell.
“Well, if you really want to know, I actually haven’t thought about that, like, ever.”
“Let’s discuss it! I’ve always wanted to do something like that!” Golden Bell said, giggling to herself. Sound was fairly certain that she was more excited about seeing which mare looked better than the actual mare who liked other mares. “What do you think about Cleverbud?”
“Not particularly attracted. Probably because she’s not only one of my bosses, but she’s a close friend of one of my best friends as well. What do you think about her?”
“Well,” Golden Bell started, “I think she actually does look good. I think she likes to use her glasses as a way to make herself look better since she likes to take them off and, I mean, WOW does she look good when she does that. Alright, how about Flaming Chariot?”
“The delivery mare?” asked Sound. “I’ll be honest when I say that I wish I had her mane. Seriously looks awesome. Huh, now that I think of it, her mane sorta looks a lot like my sister’s, Cleversong, mane.”
“You’re sister is Cleversong! Ohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh! I totally had a major girl crush on her when she was still making singles! I still have a poster of her and sometimes I-,” Golden Bell stopped as she saw Sound’s face of possibly horror. “Oh, um, I don’t mean, I, uh, oh gosh. I didn’t mean that I had a thing for your sister. I just mean that if she and I were in the same room and she commented on how I looked I’d totally, um, oh horseapples. I literally cannot say anything that makes this sound like it’s anything different.” Golden Bell was seriously blushing at this point. “I think I have a completely legit crush on your sister. Is she available? Wait, NO! GAH! WHY AM I DOING THIS!” she yelled out. Sound was completely silent, obviously trying to figure out if there was a proper way to react to this situation. Golden Bell tried to change the subject quickly by asking, “What do you think about Maddy, the new accountant?”
“Oh, my.” Sound blurted out, blushing when Bell mentioned her name. “I’m gonna be completely honest; I totally lost control when I saw her. I mean, she had that auburn colt, that pink mane, that, well, EVERYTHING!” Sound was pretty excited about her. “Yeah, well, funny thing is that the first chance I got alone with her I ended up saying, ‘Hey, Maddy, you available tonight?’, and you wanna know what her response was?”
“What?”
“She goes and say, ‘Sure! My husband and I have been trying to get out of the house ever since I’ve had my foals’. My heart just dropped right then. At least I was spared having a crush on a mare that wasn’t even available. At least her husband is a nice colt.”
“Oh yeah, he really is,” Golden Bell said before drifting off into a trance. Sound clopped her hooves and brought her back to reality, a guilty blush going across her face.
“Yeah, but you guys could be nice together. Hopefully he could change his art style just a bit and make it less of a mess. But yeah, is that all the mares who work here? Wow, we need to hire more of them and make this less of a colt’s club. Guess that’s one of the reasons I work at home so much. So, anything else you wanna ask me?” Sound inquired.
“Actually there is one last thing I wanna ask you about,” Golden Bell said, blushing. “Sound, what do you think of me? Like, would you describe me as, um, good looking? Please be blunt. No bars, please. I’d like to get another mare’s perspective on this.”
Sound stopped a moment to prepare herself for what she was about to say. “Golden Bell, you REALLY want to know what I think of how you look? It might sound a bit awkward, but I’ve REALLY wanted to say this to you for a long time.” Golden Bell was blushing, ready for whatever Sound was about to say.
“Y-yes,” she managed to utter. She didn’t know how she was feeling in this situation, and it was so new.
“Golden Bell,” began Sound, “you are SO CUTE! Like, GAH! You’re just so adorable and you remind me of a kitten with your voice! I see you and I immiediately think ‘so kawaii’! I just wanna hug you so hard sometimes since you’re just too adorable,” at which Sound immediately went over and hugged Golden Bell, bearing a face with what could only be described as unbearable joy washing over it. Sound came back to reality and let go of her work associate, completely silent for a moment. “I’m sorry. I went full weeaboo on you. But yeah, you’re adorable.”
“Oh, thanks,” Golden Bell replied, both feeling complimented and possibly disappointed.
“Yeah. Anyway, I was gonna head out soon. Just feel like I won’t be getting anymore work done with stuff going on in my head. Probably gonna grab a bite to eat at Belcher’s Burgers. Thanks for cheering me up,” Sound said before heading out of the bathroom. Golden Bell felt like she had done some good today and also felt like she had just made a friend, something that she found usually difficult to do. She decided that later that night, she would finally chat with Heyfield and try to go out with him. She went out to her work area with vigor, sat down, opened her desk drawer, and immediately felt awkward when she saw the picture of Cleversong she kept in her desk. She quickly closed her desk and realized that maybe she should try talking with Heyfield right now before she felt anymore awkward about it all.
“Ugh, what time is it?” Pepperoni asked, coming out of his wine coma. Looking around, he found that the clock said it was half past five. He had been out for several hours and looked through the shades to see the office slightly more empty than before. Sound was no longer in sight.
“Oh crepes!” Mr. Bates remarked, looking at the time. “I didn’t realize that we were out for so long.”
“Yeah, and Sound’s gone too! I need to find where she went and see if I can finally end whatever’s really bugging her.”
“I thought you said that it was her living at home that made her feel that way,” Mr. Bates reminded Pepperoni.
“Yeah, but that’s only one theory. I wanna find out the absolute truth, and to do that I have to follow her today and discover what’s bothering my girl,” he said heroically. “Also, we should get together more often. Mind visiting my place next Sunday? That way I know I’ll be able to be free and hang out.”
“Heh, sure. Be sure to make me your namesake pizza when I get there,” the new friend remarked. Pepperoni exited the office and tried to find somepony who might know the location of his daughter. He checked around the office and noticed the pony who knocked on the door chatting with some large colt, giggling. He remembered that she went to check in on his daughter and would have the best idea of where she was.
“Golden Bell, I need to know where my daughter is! You have any idea?”
“Well, actually she said that she’d be heading over to some place named Belcher’s Burgers. Maybe you should check that out.” Golden Bell’s words put horror in the heart of the colt as he heard that dreaded name.
“BELCHER!!!” yelled out Pepperoni, rushing out the door. He couldn’t believe that his daughter would be visiting the enemy restaurant. He had to hurry and make sure that nothing could happen.
“Alright, honey!” Burger Belcher called out to his wife, Linda Lettuce, as he passed two more burgers through his kitchen window. He was glad that tonight they were really having business since this was one of the nights that were usually quiet. He’d started this restaurant after spending time with Diamond Dogs in his college days and learning about some food they had called beef. Since ponies are, or course, vegetarian, he used tofu as a substitute and based on what his DD buddies said, it tasted just like the real thing. With that he created a restaurant that specialized in this new food, hoping that it would catch in popularity. So far it wasn’t too popular, but it seemed like it was gaining traction. The one thing that bothered him was the restaurant across the street, “Pepperoni’s Pizzas”. He sometimes hoped that place would blow up or something. After all, the owner was a kind of a jerk.
“Hey dad, I was just wondering about colts, mainly what they’d say in reaction to a banshee. Would you say ‘Ah!’ or ‘No!’ Trying to write this scene and a need a different perspective,” his oldest daughter, Tina Teriyaki, asked. She was trying to write a new fanfic and wanted some input.
“I’d go more for ‘Gah!’ than anything else. Tina, be honest with me; is this some sort of story with flanks again?” Tina didn’t respond to her father’s question, rather walking away after ten seconds of blank staring.
“Hey pops, just finished handing out samples,” Belcher’s son, Guacamole Gene, told his dad while taking off the burger costume. He was into music, mainly using an electronic keyboard. His goal in life was to create music and write jingles.
“Alright. Help Louise out in the back with cleaning up,” he responded. Louise Limburger was the youngest in the family and a possible sociopath. He knows of several times where she’s actually tried to inflict major bodily harm on ponies she considered her foes. Not only that, but she loved to talk like a super villain when she really got into things.
“What?! No! Gene smells like dead dog when he’s worn that suit. Don’t send him back here!” Louise yelled.
“Come on, Louise. It’s not that…wow, Gene, you actually do smell like a dead dog,” his mother remarked.
“No I don’t. I smell glorious. Smell my glory!” he yelled, causing Belcher to facehoof.
“Great. Now I need to wash out the suit. Hey, at least this day can’t get any weirder.” The father tempted fate, and fate was glad to respond. In a moment he saw the door to his restaurant flung open, his archenemy coming through the doors.
“Pepperoni! What are you doing here?” Belcher asked.
“I’ve come for my daughter!” he responded, obviously forgetting the fact that he was trying to be stealthy. “Is she here? I’ve been following her all day since something’s been bothering her and I want to make it better since it’s also her birthday.”
“Really? Huh. That makes what she was talking about in here make more sense,” Burger Belcher said, revealing that he knew what was bothering her.
“Reveal your secrets! What was bothering her?” Pepperoni demanded to know.
“I’m not telling you. You’re her dad and you don’t know it? Wow, and I thought I was bad,” Belcher said.
“Don’t worry dad. You’ll always be a terrible dad in our eyes,” Louise sad, giving her dad a hug.
“Yeah! No one can screw us up worse than you!” Gene added, hugging his father and spreading his smell to others.
“It’s true. Don’t worry about feeling bad about being bad, dad. Hey, that rhymed,” said Tina, joining in on the hug. Lin saw them all hugging their dad and awed at the sight.
“Kids, come on. Anyway, yeah, your kid was in here earlier. You mind leaving now if you’re not gonna order anything? Most of the time you come in here it’s usually to gloat or, frankly, just annoy me.” Pepperoni had a glare on his face and declared something.
“You know what, Belcher? I’m tired of dealing with you! I hereby declare a cook-off! Whoever makes the better meal is officially the better cook and you have to tell me what was bothering my daughter. If I lose, then I never come in here again, get it?”
“Woah, like, never?” Belcher couldn’t help but smile at hearing that. “Sure! You wanna do it tomorrow or something? I’ve gotta be ready for customers.”
“Belcher, all you have to do is make a burger or two. I have to make entire pizza. You’ve got it fairly easy compared to
me. By the way, does your kitchen have an oven? Kinda need one for pizzas.” Pepperoni also realized that he’d need supplies to make the pizza, something he was sure a place that made burgers didn’t have.
“Oh! You can use our personal stove! It’s just upstairs in our kitchen. Here, I’ll help you clean it,” offered Lin, guiding the pizza making pony upstairs.
“Yeah! I wanna make a pizza! I’ll help too!” Gene said, still smelling.
“That’d be different to see. Mind if I join also?” Tina asked in her monotone voice.
“Why do my kids hate me?” Belcher said to himself as he saw his wife and two kids head upstairs. Only Louise was left to help out. “I’m glad you’re still here, Louise. Mind getting some of the tofu ground?”
“Actually, father, I had another idea for helping you out. See, pizza makers often need to put pizzas real deep into the oven. In fact, sometimes they need to get into the over a little.” Louise added a little smile to her statement, as if looking for approval.
“No, Louise, you cannot push Pepperoni into the oven. That could kill him,” the father responded.
“Fine! When you lose it’ll be on your own head! My talents are waster here! Gah!” Louise said before storming off upstairs, leaving Mr. Belcher on his own to make the burgers. He was starting when two of his regulars, Mortimer the Mortician and Teddy Bear the repairman, came in.
“Hey guys. Just letting you know that I’m busy right now. Pepperoni came over somehow we ended up getting ourselves into a cook-off,” Belcher told his friends.
“Hey, no prob Belcher. You have any judges?” Teddy asked him.
“Judges? No, not really. Why?” he responded.
“If you two are having a contest then you need judges. Hey, how about we do that for you?” Mort asked him.
“Sure! Hay, you guys’ll choose me, right?” Belcher asked his friends.
“I’m sorry, but we’ve gotta be impartial in this, right Teddy?”
“Yeah Mort. Hay, I might actually be biased to the other guy in fact. I really like pizza.” These were not exactly words of confidence for the burger colt.
“Hi. Bye,” were the two words that Pepperoni said quickly as he ran out the door.
“What was that about?” Mort asked. Lin came downstairs, looking as if she really wanted to say something.
“Oh, he noticed that we don’t really have pizza stuff in our house and to his house to get some,” Lin answered. Almost as quickly as he had left, the pegasus came bolting back in, carrying bags and jars with dough, cheese, and his specialty, pepperoni. “Oh yeah, he’s just across the street. I forgot that. Why don’t we talk to his family more often?” Belcher didn’t even know how to respond to his wife, or pretty much anypony, anymore. “Hey guys!” she then said to Mort and Teddy. “I just came up with this song for this. Wanna hear?”
“Sure!” the two regulars said, Belcher looking as if he was going to say something different. Seeing that his wife was about to start singing, he just continued to making his burgers.
“Alright then!” Lin cleared her voice and started singing her totally-just-made-this-up song:
It’s a pizza burger cook-off! Pizza burger cook-off!
Looks like we’re gonna be in for a treat!
It’s a pizza burger cook-off! Pizza burger cook-off!
We’re gonna have a lot of stuff to eat!
Time to stuff your faces and then it’s time to choose
Who’s gonna make something great and some crap that’ll lose!
“Lin, please,” begged Belcher before Gene came down smelling like he finally got a shower.
“Wow mom! Let me get my keyboard!” he said, grabbing it and starting to play a beat along to it. She continued singing while Gene played.
Will the burger be the victor, or will it be the pizza?
I don’t know who the winner will be but it’ll sure be such a treat-sa!
“Treat-sa?” Belcher asked out loud, hoping to get an answer to what she meant. He did not.
Oh I can’t wait till the food is done
So then we see who it is that won
All I know is that this is a pizza burger cook-oooooooooooooooooooofffffffffff!
With that long finish, Lin finished up her song and was met with applause. Gene took a bow as well with his mom.
“Wow, that was great, mom,” Tina said. She had apparently come downstairs while the song was going on and nopony noticed until now.
“Yeah, great job, Lin,” Teddy added.
“Wait, is Louise all alone with Pepperoni upstairs?” Belcher asked, worried.
“Yeah, why?” Gene answered. In a moment the dad suddenly galloped upstairs, hoping to be in time. When he got up there, he saw Pepperoni with his upper half in the oven putting the pizza in with Louise holding him by the sides.
“OHSWEETCELESTIALOUISENO!” Belcher yelled out. Pepperoni came out of the over, Louise helping him out of it.
“Thanks, Louise! I might have fallen in if you didn’t help me out. This oven is lower than what I work with and I really needed to put the pizza in deep, so that really helped,” Pepperoni thanked Louise.
“No problem, sir! Just glad to be of assistance!” Pepperoni went out of the kitchen for a moment, leaving Belcher and his daughter in there alone. “You had your chance to have me get rid of him, but now there’s no stopping him! If only you’d given me the power I desire,” she said in a villainous tone.
About half an hour later and both colts had prepared their respective foods for judgment. Teddy and Mort were both hungry and ready to judge. Each one of them was given one special burger of the day, today’s being the “You Fetta Get Ready”, a burger using feta cheese with lettuce, tomato, the tofu burger with spicy sauce on the bun. Pepperoni had prepared his namesake pizza of the Pepperoni deluxe, a pizza where every bit of the pizza’s surface was evenly covered by his tofu pepperoni. The two each had the food and, after deliberation and a bathroom break, finally came up with a verdict.
“Well, I have to be honest and say that when it came down to it, I actually liked Pepperoni’s pizza better,” Mort declared. The pegasus punched the air with his hoof, certain that victory was his.
“I’ll have to disagree with you here, Mort. I think Belcher’s burger was the better of the two. Heh, guess I was wrong earlier about being biased,” Teddy declared.
“Oh come on!” Pepperoni yelled out, being stripped of his possible victory.
“Well, looks like it’s a tie! Yay! Everypony wins!” declared Lin. Belcher and Pepperoni weren’t about to let that stand.
“Nopony wins in a draw,” Belcher told everypony. “Hold on for a moment,” he said, going upstairs to Lin’s special cabinet, taking out a bottle of Dragon’s Tear, the most alcoholic, mind tearing drink in existence. He came down, bearing two shot glasses, and declared to Pepperoni, “Let’s have a drink,” to which Pepperoni silently agreed to, sat down, and started taking shots. Ten minutes later and the bottle was now empty and neither of them looked like they were about to give up.
“Yous think you are SO good at food. Your pizza tastes like it was cardboard!” Belcher’s insults had the accent of one who had drunken just a bit too much.
“Oh, yeah? Well, your food IS cardboard!” replied Pepperoni.
“YOU TAKE THAT BACK!” Belcher started to do what looked like a punch, but his hoof fell flat on the table. His head soon followed, and Pepperoni got up, feeling victorious.
“Hah! I can hold ALL the liquor!” he declared to everypony. His victory was hollow however, as the colt who knew what was wrong with his daughter was now fast asleep. “Did anypony else happen to hear what my son, or daughter, whatever, was mad about earlier?”
“I know what she was complaining about earlier,” a mysterious mare in the corner of the restaurant declared.
“Oh, wow, we totally didn’t see her at all and she’s been watching us all this time. That’s kinda awkward,” Teddy said, referring to the booth in the back of the place.
“What was it? I’ve been busy all day trying to make her happy, but she’s just SO moody about something!” Pepperoni blurted out, drunkenness fairly obvious at this point. At this point the mare got out of her booth, revealing herself to the surprise of everypony.
“Sound? What’re you doing here? Mr. Belcher said you left?” a confused father asked.
“Yeah. I told him not to tell you I was in here when you came in and tried to hide. Couldn’t leave since you kept coming back down here and would have seen me. I also heard about how you said that you were following me around all day as if I were a child. Now, if you excuse me, I’m going home right now,” Sound angrily said, going out the door. Pepperoni quickly went after her, reaching her just as she entered their house.
“Sound, just hold on a minute,” he begged of her. She stopped turned around, and was ready to listen. At that moment, instead of words coming out of Pepperoni’s mouth, it was vomit. Annoyed, the mare went into the house, greeted by her mother.
“There you are, dear!” she first said. “Your father’s with you also. That’s…dear, what the hay is that smell? It’s like, dead dog, oil, alcohol, and vomit combined.” She went out and saw her disheveled husband, looking as if he had just come out of a dirty washing machine.
“All of the above. Listen, Sound, I’ve been trying to figure out what’s been bothering you all day, and it doesn’t seem like anything I’ve done has helped. So what is it? What’s bothering you?” Sound glared at both of her parents, giving them a stare full of daggers.
“You guys wanna know what’s bothering me? Fine, I’ll let you know what’s bothering me; both of you forgot my birthday!” Bloomheart and Pepperoni were silent for a moment before they looked at each other and couldn’t stop laughing.
“Oh, Sound, sweetie,” her mother said between laughs, “did you really forget what we do? We always make it seem like we’ve forgotten until some random time in the day, remember? We’ve been doing this for years! I can’t believe you forgot!” The two parents were pretty relieved to hear that all that had happened was their daughter falling for their joke, but she did not look any less angry. In fact, she looked angrier than before.
“Are you BUCKING KIDDING ME!” she yelled out in her loudest voice, surprising the two. “My birthday isn’t today, IT WAS YESTERDAY!”
There was only silence. The most awkward silence you could imagine. They say that silence is a defense mechanism engaged in order to analyze the situation, see the possible solutions, and act upon them without having caused any further damage. This was one of those situations that even silence couldn’t fix. Instead of silence, the parents decided to act in the only other appropriate way to their situation.
“Buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu….” the two of them continued for a two full minutes, before ending with, “ck”. Sound reacted by galloping up to her room and slamming her door. The two parents looked at each other, completely caught off guard with what had just happened.
“How?” Pepperoni asked his wife.
“Why are you looking at me? You’re her father! You should know just as well the day your daughter was born!” she responded.
“Hey, I know that, but you’re her freaking mother! You had to squeeze her out! How’d you forget that?!” the husband responded.
“You know that I didn’t even know I was pregnant! I thought I had a really bad stomach ache, tried to just sleep it off, and BAM! I find a foal right next to me and my stomach ache is gone,” Bloomheart told her husband. “Wow. I just realized that if she heard that we didn’t even know that I was pregnant with her in the first place that she’d somehow become even angrier, you know?”
“I can hear everything you’ve been yelling!” Sound yelled from her room, her voice strained. “Also, buck you!” was yelled before the door was slammed again. Both parents knew that they had done wrong and didn’t have any idea of how to fix it.
“Maybe we should leave her alone?” Pepperoni suggested.
“I don’t know. I mean, she’s this way in the first place because we left her alone and forgot about it, remember?” Bloomheart responded. “I think we need to do something now before things somehow get worse.” The two of them nodded, trying to discuss their strategy of talking to their justifiably angry daughter. They decided that Pepperoni would lead with an apology of following her around all day with Bloomheart talking about how much they cared for her. They went upstairs, hoping that things could somehow work out.
“Honey, can we talk, please?” asked Bloomheart. Silence was her answer. “Please, let us in. We know we’ve done something terrible, but we really need to talk about it, alright? It’s not going to get better like this.” Once again, silence. “Please, Sound, I’m your mother and I’m worried about you. Please, won’t you let us in?” For a moment, it seemed like silence would be their answer again, but this time they heard the click of the lock on the door popping. Both parents waited for a moment before entering the room. The found their daughter with her head under her pillow.
“Hey Sound,” the father greeted his daughter. No response. “Listen, I’m really, really, sorry if I bothered you by following you around today. I just wanted to figure out what had been bothering you and wanted to try anything to make you feel better. I’m sorry that I was also the cause of your pain in the first place.” She greeted that bit with a slight shuffle of her head under her pillow.
“You know how much your father and I care about you,” Bloomheart said. “We’d never try anything that could bother you like this. We don’t care if it was unintentional though; we’re sorry for forgetting such a special day for you.” Sound finally got her head out of her pillow, her face looking wet.
“It bothers me BECAUSE you’re my parents and you forgot. All my friends and even Cleversong remembered it yesterday. I waited all day for you guys to do the reveal like you always do, even thinking you’d do it when I went to bed. I woke up and found absolutely nothing had happened. The two ponies in the world I care about the most didn’t remember the day that I was born.” Sound was finally talking, so it seemed like they now had something going for them.
“We know honey, and I think it has to do with how you were born,” her father pointed out. “See, when you were born, your mother was asleep and alone. She told me when she found you that she couldn’t remember when you came out of her body. She claims that she felt you pop out right before she passed out, but she also says you coming out might have been the thing to wake her back up. We actually had a hard time on the birth certificate deciding what day you were born and decided to choose the earlier one after a coin toss. Honestly, it was always difficult for us to remember the exact date you came into our lives. We were both so happy to have a new addition to our family, especially out of nowhere! At this point your older sister believed that the stork delivered new foals and she used you as an example to her story being true. Hay, some of the other kids who knew how it really happened actually believed her! The point is, while we could never remember the exact date your birthday was, it was such a great surprise to your mom and I. That’s actually the big inspiration to why we surprise you with your birthday every year as well.” Pepperoni looked like she had calmed down a bit more. She was still tense though, and didn’t look happy.
“I know that you guys care about me and all, but it still bothers me that you guys did this. I love you guys, honestly, but I’m still going to be bothered by this for a while. Not forever, not even a week maybe, but I’ll still feel sore from it,” she told the two of them.
“We know, and that’s fair,” her mom commented.
“I’ll also probably bring it up at family reunions repeatedly when things get heated. ‘The year you guys forgot my birthday’. I’m sure to win a lot of arguments with that one.”
“I’d be more surprised if you didn’t,” her dad said.
“Alright,” she said, a smile returning to her face. “I’m glad that you guys didn’t completely forget about it though. I already don’t make enough to have my own place; I don’t need psych bills to go on top of it,” she joked. Everypony laughed at that joke, and things seemed to get calm once again.
“Alright then,” the mother declared, “Happy Late Birthday! You wanna have cake or open presents now? It’s up to you.”
“Honestly, I’d just like to go to bed now. I’m exhausted and can’t really stomach any cake after seeing dad vomit everything. Not only the fact that I totally just realized that the colt who Cloverbud was trying to seduce was you. Everypony knows when she tries to do that when she puts a red sock on the outside of her blinds.” Pepperoni had just forgotten that little fact, Bloomheart obviously remembering that as well, evidenced by her teeth grinding.
“Alright, well, good night honey. Remember that we’ll always love you,” the mother said, both of them kissing her goodnight. A smile spread across their daughter’s face, returning hope to the house. Outside the door the two had a conversation.
“Wow, we really handled that well,” the dad said. “We rock!”
“Yep, we sure do,” Bloomheart responded, kissing her husband.
“Yeah,” he said, seeming to zone out for a moment. “Hey, honey, I’m wondering something?”
“Hmm?”
“You want to give it another go?”
“A go at what?” she asked. A look into her husband’s eyes was all she needed to know what he was asking. “Really? At our age? I mean, won’t it appear, I dunno, odd?”
“Honey, we’re only 46. We’ve still got a lot of love and, honestly, I’m hoping for a colt this time,” Pepperoni said, only partially joking.
“If you’re going to do anything like that, please do it someplace else. The walls here are thin,” Sound interjected. “Also, I’ve always wanted to let you guys know that, but it was always too awkward to talk about. Sorry.” Somewhat horrified, the parents started laughing.
“Let’s think about it,” Bloomheart told him, both of them heading off to bed. Pepperoni was glad to hear that, as he finally passed out from the day’s activities. He hoped that in the morning he’d feel as good about his family as he did that day. He’d hope that every night before sleeping, and was now glad to know that his hope would always pay off.
