True Capitalist Ponies: The Melting Pot of Magic

by Generaal

Rating: teen
Tags: Other, Romance, Princess Luna, Comedy, Profanity, Adventure, Derpy Hooves, Princess Celestia, Crossover, Human, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 34910

The tale about how Celestia's tests for the "Brony Colonization & Placement project" didn't work out as planned

This story tells us from the unknown tale of what happened after True Capitalist Radio suddenly stopped airing.

Equestria suffers from a long-term problem. Ever since there were spells created so that parents can decide what gender their foal will be, the fair nation of Equestria has gotten far too few stallions. In a few centuries, ponies could go extinct or have their numbers depleted. But Celestia then hears about the Bronies, and decides that this is a perfect way to fix that problem while giving Bronies a perfect new life. But, of course, she must first run a test, and randomly picks an internet community where many Bronies are at, so she can see if it will work or not.

I think she should have researched what ''True Capitalist Radio'' actually meant.

So now Ghost, Engineer, Asho, Karasz Kun, Suspicious Tumbleweed, Equestrian Citizen and his daughter Becky, NavyHusky and their hostage Derpy will travel through Equestria in order to find a way to return home safely as humans, while meeting a lot of new and old friends along the way, and learning about the magic of the melting pot of friendship.

Now featured on True Capitalist Wikia! Click here.

This story is not meant to be very serious. Please be aware of that. Thank you.
ALSO: the story starts a few weeks before season 3 and takes place during the entire season 3.

Published 2013-04-06 21:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2018-07-25 20:51:16 UTC

0. Prologue

“Are you certain about this, my beloved sister?”

Luna walked toward her older sister, Celestia. Celestia was looking at the data she got from her spell. “Yes. Yes I do. I think this is our best solution.”

“I am not worried about you, sister, but… wouldn’t this not kill the culture of the ponies on the long run? Would they even be ponies in their hearts?” Luna asked.

“I’ve already thought about that.” Celestia said. “I have a solution for that problem. But don’t you worry about that part, my dear sister.  You better prepare yourself to raise the moon, because this is going to be one long night.”

“Of course.” With that, Luna walked out of the court room.

It was a problem that had struck Equestria, even if nopony had ever realized it. Since a couple of decades, ponies were able to choose which gender their foal would be. Harmless, you might say… well, most couples preferred to have mares. A lot of couples, actually. Now, there weren't enough stallions. Celestia's first intention was to forbid the use of the spell and have a few unborn foals be made stallions by the use of that spell to replenish the number of stallions in Equestria.  But...

But something had come along. Over the past few centuries, Celestia had shared stories about Equestria with other universes in the exchange of technology and stories from the other side. This had served her country a great deal. For the last 30 years, she had worked together with some people on Earth. There was a company there under the name ‘Hasbro’. They shared stories with that company in exchange for steam technology. The company made a toy franchise out of the stories about Equestria under the name ‘’My Little Pony’’, Celestia had found that fitting, as she called her own subjects that from time to time.

30 years ago, she told them stories about the past of Equestria, and about how 180 years ago 2 girls and their brother came to Equestria and spend time there during their childhood. Now, decades later, she told them what her student Twilight Sparkle experienced during her time in Ponyville. By the use of magic, she made an animated series out of it so it could be easily distributed. Hasbro made a cover story that said that ‘’artists’’ were involved.

The franchise was very popular with little girls over the years, so she had heard. She smiled at that thought that young beings from another planet could relax by the idea of Equestria. Not that they ever would come here though.

But then, something else came; a group of male adults, under the name ‘Bronies’. She was very surprised when Hasbro told her about this.  But that presented her with an opportunity for this problem. See, she had heard that lots of those humans actually wished to go to Equestria, a lot of those even wanted to become ponies.  Now she had a solution to her problem while granting the wished of those humans.

She needed to make a test, though. She couldn’t just pour thousands and thousands of humans in Equestria not knowing what to expect. So, she randomly took an internet community with a list with a few dozen names and locations. It was an internet community based on friendship and some sort of economic system. Later on, a lot of them became Bronies. They sounded friendly enough, Celestia thought. There would be no harm in taking them.

“Sister? I am ready,” Celestia heard Luna say. “Where do I need to go?”

Celestia turned around and saw her sister coming towards her. “Very well,” Celestia said. “I have a list of names and traced their locations. You will need to get the people from this list.” Celestia ripped the list in half and gave one half to her sister. “You can’t stay on Earth for longer than 5 minutes, or your magic won’t function anymore and you will be stuck there.” Celestia said. “And after you got someone, teleport them to the infirmary. There they can adjust to the magic from Equestria and get the physical form that is solid for them.”

Luna nodded and took a good look at the list. “I don’t think persuading them won’t be that hard, ” she said while chuckling. “I had my doubts, but this? Equestrian Citizen? I hardly doubt that guy would have something against going to Equestria…”

Celestia grinned. “Ready to go, then?”

Luna nodded.

With that, the two sisters both went to get the people on their lists.

1. Oh, you sorry sack of crap!

May 15th, 2012.

To say that Ghost wasn’t happy at that point of time was an understatement. Every day, every freaking day he tried and he tried to deliver an honorable show about capitalism. And every day he was getting infested by all kinds of fruits and butt stalkers from the internet:  whether they were splicers, commies, talking horse lovers or some other kind of over feminized fruit ball, they always had some sort of crap to say in his show. He didn’t deserve this crap! He was a capitalist, and he deserved more respect according that title! All he wanted was a serious taco Tuesday with the people he liked, not having all kinds of fruits ruin it!

But now they had gone too far. They made a splice – another one. But now they were not mocking him, but his friend. His one and only friend he ever had in his life. He liked Karasz Kun. And now they made some splice about him selling hamburgers! How much fruitier could they get?

Out of rage he stood up and kicked against several beer cans that were lying around in his office while shouting and cursing against the asshole who send that splice. “I told all you cyber vermin to leave Karasz Kun alone! I told all you cyber vermin to leave Karasz Kun alone, and I mean it! I mean it! You better leave Karasz Kun alone! I mean it!”

His face turned red and his throat was getting so sore no one understood him anymore, but he didn’t care. He quickly took some breath before giving those cyber vermin a piece of his mind.

“You better leave Karasz Kun alone! You g******n piece of crap!”

He hesitated one moment before he realized he had to use his microphone.

“Gimme the mike! Gimme the mike!”

While bashing his beer cans he sat down. One more caller for today, he wouldn’t let it end on that one! O, hell no!

“I’m warning you. I’m warning all of you. LEAVE. KARASZKUN. ALONE. G*******n it, one more and that’s it! O this is fresh, this should be rich, Coodoo, radio g*******n Graffiti!”

Too late Ghost realized he had summoned one of the greatest trolls in history.  But when he realized it, the damage had already been done. A splice came on the radio, starting in his voice:

“I mean, what’s next? The Buttstreet boys?

-YES!!!!!!

I’m a Jew!

I am a g******n - Brony

I’m a Jew!

Fluttershy - is best pooony.

I’m a Jew!”

Ghost quickly took him off the air. “G*******nit that’s it! That’s it! That-that-that-that-that”

Out of his rage, once again many beer cans had to suffer his wrath. But he just couldn’t care anymore. He wanted out of this nightmare.

“I’ve had enough! I’ve had enough! I’ve had enough of this crap. I’m done, I’m done with it man. You people have RUINED my Taco Tuesday! You people have ruined it! I can’t believe that you did that to Karasz Kun - I mean, where is your soul???!!! G******n I can’t believe you, I just can’t believe you. I’m done, get me outta – you know what? Screw all you people. You people will be LUCKY if I ever come back again! After you are disrespecting Karasz Kun, after you disrespect me, after you besmirch my broadcast, by God, you’ll be lucky if I ever come back here, and do another broadcast!  You son of a bitch! I’m done; get me outta here, Engineer.  I’m not giving these idiots the pleasure of listening to my broadcast. Right? I mean, every time I broadcast on the internet, it’s a privilege to these cyber vermin. It’s a privilege.  Gimme the mike!”

Once again, the cans suffered.

“I’m done. I’m not going to forgive you for this crap, all right? I’m not going to forgive you for what the hell you’ve done. You stupid soulless pieces of crap. And I know for a fact, that all you people are making fun of Karasz Kun are afflicted with the same ailment he is, the only difference is, is that you people are to chicken crap are too afraid to go on the internet and speak your mind like he does, you stupid ungrateful aspie idiots!”

Ghost just had to catch his breath, but he wasn’t going to forgive these assholes.

“You stupid sons of bitches; you’ll be LUCKY if I ever come back again after this crap! I can’t believe you did this to Karasz Kun! I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS CRAP!  And I know that all you idiots that are making fun of Karasz Kun are men-children Brony embracing pieces of crap! I know it for a fact, I can hear it in your voice like it is a retarded Elmer fart happy and then you have the audacity to sit over here, and make fun of Karasz Kun? How dare you idiots? How dare all of you morons? You son of a bitch! Hey Engineer, get this freaking mike outta my face -”

And then, the beer cans suffered once more. “Out of my face! That’s it! Stick a fork in me, I’m done! Get me outta here Engineer, get me OUT!!!!!”

“aaadaaa-haa-aaa!” he heard Engineer shout from behind the controls.

“I don’t care!” Ghost said. Why would he care if they still had minutes of broadcast to go? “Get me outta here! Get everyone out of here, stupid assholes!”

And that was it. The broadcast had ended. Ghost breathed heavily. His heart beat like a rabid monkey, and he was in no mood for any other games.

Why did this happen to him? He was always there for the people while trying to spread the friendship and the capitalism. He had some friends, some of who happened to be black. And some who happened to be Hispanic. And now even one who happened to be autistic.  But it didn’t matter. No matter how hard he tried, the only ones who listened were trying to get him angry. First the internet butt stalkers from 4Chan, then the talking horse rapist. Who had known that a series for 8-year old girls who give him so much trouble?

He stood up, kicked against of his beer cans out of anger, and went for the door. He saw the Engineer standing there, with a concerned face. “What do you want?” Ghost asked, irritated.

“gzhe-aha-aaah-a-aah!” the Engineer replied.

“Why would you care?”

“Kzee-ee-aa-e-a.”

“You… you are offering me a beer?” Ghost said. His eyes lit up. “Why not? Yes please, Engineer. I’m thirsty! ”

It was a good idea from the Engineer, Ghost thought. He could take his mind off things for a second. Ghost followed Engineer to the conference room. Where a refrigerator was located. Engineer opened it and pulled two cans out of it. A soda and a Heineken. Good, Dutch capitalistic stuff. Ghost often thought about moving there. It was a place full of capitalists, and not too many Bronies. It was still a monarchy though… but you can’t have everything.

Ghost and Engineer sat down at a table. He opened the can and took a chug from it. “Ah… good stuff.”

“Tza-aha-ha-ah?” Engineer asked.

“The next broadcast? Why would I do another broadcast? You saw what happened, Engineer! Those fruit balls just don’t stop besmirching my broadcast. Why would I?” Ghost replied.

“Tga-ka-ga-ah-ah!”

“Interested? Don’t be stupid, Engineer. No one likes my broadcast for the capitalistic viewpoints. You know it and I know it. They just want to see me get angry. Come on, please; why would those talking horse lovers love capitalism? Hah? Why else would they come and listen to my broadcast?”

“Mwah, a-da-ah-ah!”

“Yeah, I know you like them too. You like that Derpy so much, right? Of course you do. Shove it up your ass.”

Ghost began thinking. He was thinking the last weeks about finally quitting his broadcast. This seemed to be the best moment to do so. It was not something he wanted to do… but his show wasn’t serious business anymore.

“Engineer… I need to tell you something.”

“A-ga?”

“I am going to end the broadcast. I have had about enough of this crap.”

“Tja-a?”

“No engineer, I am not coming back in three weeks like last time.”

“ga-ah-ah! Mwa-ka-tjah!”

Ghost sighed. Of course Engineer wouldn’t believe it; he has said it so many times before. It would take more to convince him that it was real this time. He had to do it; otherwise his wife would leave him and take his son with him. And the only things he would have left were Engineer, Karasz Kun and the grave of his granny.

“I will pay you for the next three months, so you can find another job. I’m sorry, Engineer… but… you’re fired.”

Of course Ghost would pay him for some time. He was a melting pot of friendship, and deep down he actually cared a bit for the Engineer, even after the Engineer tried to take over his broadcast. It took a moment for the engineer to realize it was real this time. His eyes started to water.

“No, don’t do that, Engineer. Don’t start fruiting up, please?”

Ghost took a last chug from his beer before he threw it away. “Let’s… just get our things and sign off. For the last time.”

It wasn’t much that he kept here – a sweatshirt he got from one of the members of the melting pot, some beer and some equipment. He had to buy some new mikes though from time to time, because they always seemed to break. Quality really wasn’t as good as it once was. Anyway, that’s wasn’t now of his concern. He wouldn’t be using them again anyway.

Ghost and the Engineer entered the office where they were always broadcasting, ready to pack up their stuff and leave this place forever. But as soon as they both entered, the door was shut tight behind them.

“What the hell…” Ghost mumbled under his breath. “Can’t you do it a little quieter, Engineer?”

Engineer made a gesture that he didn’t know what was going on.

All of a sudden, he heard a graceful voice coming from nearby his table. “Mr. Conquest, can I have a word with you?”

Ghost stopped in is tracks. Someone called him by his real name. And somehow he knew that voice. When he looked up, he saw the queen of the talking horses behind his desk. What was she called? Celery? Serest?  How did a talking horse get inside his studio?

Ghost looked around. “How did you get in here? What are you doing behind MY desk?”

“By the use of teleportation, Mr. Conquest. Now, I need to ask you something.” The horse answered.

“And that is?” Ghost said. He felt something behind him. Ghost looked behind him and saw the Engineer cowering behind his back.

“I am in need of your help, Mr. Conquest. But we don’t much time. I had hoped that you were in your office, but it seems like you just took a break. I suggest you and your friend, Mr. Engineer, come with me. Hold on.”

“What do you mean, hold on -”

At that moment, they were zapped away.

That evening, Louisiana.

It was one of many side jobs that Suspicious Tumbleweed performed: babysitting. It was a nice job, and it got her some money. But this kid she now had – a kid she babysat once a week -was more trouble than he was worth.  She didn’t blame him. He just had a weird family. That was most likely the reason he behaved that way. Always after his mother dropped him off she would go to Applebee’s and have a drunk night. Despite that she was pregnant… with her 7th child. If that doesn’t give the poor baby Fetal alcohol syndrome, then what does? And some black guy is supposed to be that father. If she remembered it correctly, the mother should be getting the baby in 2 or 3 months. It would probably become a burden for the kid.

Suspicious watched the kid. The kid’s name was Asho. He was a young Mexican kid who – as Ghost sometimes mentioned – looked a lot like Justin Bieber and was a kid who was very fond of Bean and Cheese. For an 8-year old kid, he was rather mature in his speaking and doing. He pretended to be 13, but his voice always betrayed him on that part.

Suspicious sighed. She had hidden her mobile phone and her parent’s landline telephone in order to prevent Asho from prank calling someone. It wasn’t a problem if he would call Ghost, but Asho had done more than just that. And prank calling a university, what he did last time, wasn’t such a great idea. Luckily, Asho was not stupid enough to get himself traced, and thus he stayed out of the hands of the police… for now, at least. O and he needed to stay at her place. Before she would know it he would have gone outside and tied a cat’s tail to a knot.

But the doors were locked and the phones were hidden. It would be a quiet evening, unless Asho would come up with something or would go whining. But he sat next to her on the couch watching television. He was zapping through the channels hoping to watch something interesting. After a minute, he found something.

“Wrestling?” Suspicious asked. “Really?”

“Carlos always watches it. I want to see how the tourney ends.” Asho responded.

“Doesn’t Carlos always watch weird stuff?” Suspicious sighed. “Well, I find it gross. Pick something else and watch it on YouTube later when you get back home.”

“But Roberto always takes the computer! And when he isn’t at home, Juan always goes! And the only time I get a chance is when TCR airs…” he looked down. “…most of the time.”

“Come on, Asho, don’t start being all sad and all, right? I know you do this just to watch wrestling on TV.”

“Sí. Can I watch wrestling?”

“No. You can’t.”

“Perra estúpida…”

“Excuse me?”

“Nothing! Nothing, sabihondo.”

“I am taking a course in Spanish, you know.”

“Crap.”

“So you better shut your mouth.” Suspicious said with a smile. It was a lie, but him saying estúpida was of course clearly a sign that he was saying something bad about her.

“So, can you now switch to something else? Isn’t there a movie on somewhere? Like, on the HUB or something?”

Asho shook his head. Suspicious sighed. This was going to be a long night, but she had to claim her authority should she make Asho listen.

“Asho, now listen to me. Give me the remote.”

But then, before Asho could react, a bright light appeared in the room. Suspicious quickly covered her eyes. She could hear the TV going off. After a few seconds the light dimmed. When she opened her eyes again, she saw a majestic white horse standing right in her living room… was that…?

Was that…?

“Princess Celestia!” Asho shouted.

Suspicious saw the little kid running to the princess and giving her a hug. Celestia in return nuzzled him a bit, and he let go.

“Miss Tumbleweed, Asho,” she said. “I know I’m rushing a bit here, but I can’t stay here for long. I need you two to come with me.”

“Why?” Suspicious asked.

“I will explain underway.” She said.

“Can I at least take something with me?” Asho asked.

“Make it quick, please. I can’t stay longer than five minutes.” Celestia said.

Before Suspicious could react, the child ran out of the room.

“I suggest you do the same, if you'd like,” Celestia said.

Suspicious was overwhelmed by what just happened. “Are you… taking us to Equestria?”

Princess Celestia nodded. “Yes.”

Suspicious realized what was happening, and quickly ran to the kitchen. What would she take with her? Let’s see… a photo of her deceased parents, her old Gameboy with some spare batteries (fortunately, those batteries would take a long time before they would run out of juice) and a few other belongings. She tossed them in her shopping bag and ran back to the living room. When she got there, she saw that Asho already had grabbed his stuff.

“Are you ready to go, Miss Tumbleweed?”

Suspicious nodded. Although the thought of leaving everything behind bugged her – and who knows for how long - the opportunity to go to Equestria was something that she never would put down. She looked at Asho’s backpack. “What’s in there, young man?”

“My IPhone, some bags of M&M’s, my lunch with bean and cheese I hadn’t finished and some flyers to support the Mexican capitalist army.”

Of course, those were the things he had to bring with him. Suspicious fought against performing a facepalm. But then again, he wasn’t at home – he could only choose so little. But she couldn’t think about that now. Time was running out.

“Get close to me and hold on,” Celestia said. When Suspicious came close, Celestia unfolded her right wing over Suspicious, and her left wing over Asho, causing the two to stoop a little. Once again, the bright white light illuminated everything, and then, everything went dark.

Harlem, New York City.

Equestrian Citizen’s home.

“Muh nigga, wha should I saying?! You hung up on me last time cause the work wasn’t good enough. Time before that, it was cause I was too late, I’m just saying, what are you so pushy for, dawg?” Equestrian Citizen said through the phone. “I work my ass off day and night to get that shit done!”

It wasn’t an easy job Equestrian Citizen had, but it paid well. He was an administrator for a local harbor, and with the Chinese sending so much stuff, it was difficult to keep check of everything that came through – legal or otherwise. Equestrian Citizen didn’t want to get involved with illegality for the sake of his daughter. He actually wanted to go and live on the countryside, most preferably Oklahoma.

“Well… okay, I’ll get it done. Before tomorrow night, is that good for you, dawg?” Equestrian Citizen said.

Equestrian Citizen expected a rection, but guy on the other end of the line just hang up. Equestrian Citizen sighed. This job wasn’t easy, that much was certain. But then again, he had an angel to feed.

“Who was that, daddy?”

Speak of the devil.

“Someone from work, hun. It is late already. Are yo ready to go to bed, yet?”

“Hm-m.”

“Good.” Equestrian Citizen said while nodding. “Let’s get yo off to bed, then.”

Just when Equestrian Citizen stood up, a bright light illuminated his room. He covered his eyes and heard Beckie – his daughter – make a yell. A few seconds later, the light faded away. When he opened his eyes again, he saw a dark blue horse standing right in the middle of his living room.

A few seconds, he couldn’t say anything… “Princess Luna?!” he asked. “Yo, shit, man… what?!”

Beckie didn’t say anything; she just stood there with her mouth wide open.

“Please, be still my friends. I do not mean to let any harm come over you,” the blue alicorn said. “I, however, do not have enough time to explain my intentions. I apologize for the inconvenience, but I need you both to come with me.”

Equestrian Citizen noticed how she didn’t speak the ‘’royal Canterlot voice’’ anymore, but she still sounded extremely formal.

“Like, what?” Equestrian Citizen said sarcastically. “yo sain’ that there is some evil monster out there and we are the only hope for Equestria or some shit? Man, what is this?”

“Well, yes. How did you know?” Luna responded.

Equestrian Citizen’s eyes widened.

Princess Luna smirked. “What, can’t I join in your sarcasm, Mr. Equestrian Citizen?”

“Why yo callin me by my nickname? I only use that nickname while I’m on TCR, man.”

“II apologize, but my sister and I only know you by that name. But we must hurry, though. I can’t stay here for longer than five minutes.” She then noticed Equestrian Citizen’s daughter. “You must be his daughter, then. I’ve heard about you.”

“Are we really going, daddy?” Beckie asked while acting like she was on a sugar rush. “I really want to!”

Equestrian Citizen was taken aback by the shitstorm that just happened – to find out ponies are real is one thing. Then they want to take you to Equestria, and your daughter pulls you to come with you.

“Listen, hun…” Equestrian Citizen said. “I don really know if we should… you know… go with it.”

Princess Luna wanted to say something, but was interrupted by someone who was pounding on the door. “Our contract is over! Come on out, big guy!”

Here we go, Equestrian Citizen thought. Trapped inside your own house and surrounded by Chinese gangsters and motherfreaking princess Luna inside your own living room too. You finally meet a pony, and then you all get killed  – but wait a minute…

“Shit, nigga. We gotta go.Now.” Equestrian Citizen said while facing Luna. Luna knew what he meant, an that she came just at the right time.

“Move under my wings, both of you. This will be a hard spell to cast.”

Equestrian Citizen moved under her right wing, Beckie under her left. Luna casted a spell and the whole room was illuminated again. Before Equestrian Citizen could react, the whole world around him became dark.

And there they went, all good friends of one another, now going to the magical land of Equestria... and many more would follow.

2. I've told you time and time again!

Ghost’s head hurt. He wasn’t sure if he had drunk too much at Sixth street or that he had picked a fight with an Alabama black snake or a Mexican. Maybe both.  Wait a minute…

When Ghost opened his eyes, he saw that he was lying in an infirmary. Everything looked white and sterile. Yes, Ghost thought. This is definitely a hospital.  Ghost regretted that, because they didn’t serve beer in hospitals. That wasn’t very surprising since hospital nurses were too chicken-crap to serve ‘dangerous alcoholic drinks’, although they used needles with God knows what kind of weird stuff in them on you the whole time.

Ghost fought against sleep, but he wanted to wake up. He had to go home, take a shower, then go to Sixth street for some drinks again. He wasn’t airing True Capitalist Radio anymore, so he now had some extra time for himself to go and find a new job. But he couldn’t find a job if he was empty on beer, though. So, beer first. And then what? Well, maybe he could get a job as a newshawk for Texas Cable News, or for KERA-TV or something of that nature. It was a solid plan: get out of this hospital, then go to Sixth street, then find a job. Ghost nodded and smirked at his own ingenious plan.

“Nurse?” he called out. “Hey! Nurse!”

He heard someone coming from the hall and turned his head towards the door. “Hey, nurse, I’m done here, get me outta here - ”

He was cut off by his own yelp. The thing he saw was not a nurse… it was a freaking pony!

This wasn’t happening. This wasn’t happening for Christ sake. This can’t be happening, Ghost thought. Now I’m hallucinating! Who did it? was it some midget that tried to seduce me with a needle? Yeah, it had to be a midget. Only midgets do that sort of thing. yeah, it had to be midgets. And because they are all so small and I can’t see them, I now hallucinate by seeing them as being ponies. Well, whatever their plot is, I’m not going to fall for it. that’s not going to happen! I can see midgets being busy whenever I see them. First they congregate to create a scheme to destroy the Capitalist army and then they want to take me. Their first move was to call in on my broadcast, their second to come in while pretending to be Princess Celery, and now they sedated me. I mean, who else could it be? Russians? Actually, that is a possibility. Russians always do weird stuff.  Stupid communist Soviet Stalin up the ass having bastards. Or maybe it was a Russian midget. Double the fun! Or maybe it was even a Liberal Russian midget! Or a Soviet Liberal Russian midget! I can totally figure why those assholes would come up against me and the Capitalist army! Yeah!

The pony had not spoken yet, but instead had observed Ghost. The pony finally opened its mouth, and it was at a good moment, because Ghost almost wanted to yell at the pony for being a Helen Keller deaf mute.

“Mr. Conquest, I see you’ve woken up.” The pony said.

“You don’t say.” Ghost grumpily reacted. “Why do I even talk to you? You’re a hallucination, for Christ sake!”

“Mr. Conquest, I know this must be a shock to you, but - ”

“Just go back in the kitchen, all right?”

“Mr. Conquest, please - ” nurse Redheart said while trying to reason with him.

“Stupid talking horse piece of crap!”

“MR. CONQUEST!” nurse Redheart said, a bit angered. “I don’t know how your people see your reaction from where you come from, but out here you were just highly offending me!”

O, Ghost thought. Now the talking horse that I’m hallucinating is highly offended. How quaint. And it smells like fudge in here. Yeah, is that fudge? It sure smells like it.

“Let’s try this again. Mr. Conquest, I am nurse Redheart. Are you feeling well?”

Except from waking up in Bronyland? No. I don’t.

“Good enough. Can you give me a beer?” Ghost said, not being amused by the strange event of seeing a real-life pony that was meant for 8-year old girls.

“Now, Mr. Conquest, if you don’t mind,” nurse Redheart said, “I will ask you to get off from your bed for some walking, to see if you have adjusted to your new anatomy.”

Walking?! Ghost thought. Why would this talking horse have me learning how to walk again? it is not if I…

Upon looking at his hand, Ghost yelled. The hand was gone, and there, there was a hoof.  Out of surprise of his newfound body part and the fact that he clearly wasn’t hallucinating, Ghost yelled terribly loud. Nurse Redheart took a few steps back and saw Ghost falling from his bed, and then saw him jumbling around like he had epilepsy.

“What is this?! What is this crap?! Is Hasbro trolling me here?! Is this the wrath of CelticBrony?! What is going on with this crap?! I’M GETTING INFESTED BY PONIES!!!!” Ghost yelled out loud.

Ghost panicked and could not believe it. His body, his perfect Texan body, gone! Gone because something ordered him too. Who was responsible for this?! he thought.

Before he would hurt himself, Redheart quickly put a hoof on his tail, causing him to stop. “Mr. Conquest, please, calm down. I don’t know what is wrong with or what got into you, but the others didn’t react as much as you do, so I suggest you take it nice and slow, okay?”

“Nice and slow?! Nice and slow?! Bitch, what do you think I am doing right now? I am not going to join the herd! I am not going to join the herd! You stupid -”

Then, Ghost realized something.

“Others?” he said.

“Yes. You are not the only one, you know. If you want to, you can meet them. but first, I think you need to get acquainted with your new body.”

Ghost really needed beer cans right now to end his frustration with, but he couldn’t, so he had to play along with these fruity horses. “Do you fruit balls have a mirror?” he said angrily.

“There is one over there, Mr. Conquest.” Redheart said. “I suggest you calm down, though. You are upsetting the other patients.”

What are you talking about? There aren’t any other patients in this room!

Ghost slowly walked on his hands and feet – or whatever you want to call it - towards the mirror, and took a good look in it. What gazed back at him was terrifying. He still his brown eyes and blond hair – mane - now, but he had fur that resembled his skin color and even had a cutie mark. A True Capitalist skull nonetheless. And a tail. He was a… what did those over feminized fruit balls call it? ’Earth Pony’, right?

That’s just it. This was amazing, wasn’t it? He could be on Sixth street, right now having Miller Time! But no, fate has drawn him to Bronyland to become all fruity and twisted and become a transtesticle and a talking horse. Not a talking horse lover, but a talking horse himself. This was going to be a bad day.

“So, what do you need me to do now?” Ghost said, frustrated and angered. He knew he had to listen to the ponies – ponies for 8 year old girls – if he wanted to survive. That’s just great, isn’t it?

“There are some of your friends who are already up and about. You can meet them if you wish. You have a spell casted on you which will help you to adjust to your new anatomy. Even with or without the spell, you will have an easier time to adjust than the pegasi and unicorns, but I still recommend taking it easy for a while.”

Ghost nodded. “And in what kind of fruity place have I just wound up?”

“This is the Canterlot infirmary. This is a part of the barracks of the Royal Guard.”

Well, Ghost thought. I’m definitely not in Texas anymore…

Ghost then saw a doctor come in. Ghost didn’t know what that horse did with his hair, but he made it look like an orange muffin or something.

“I heard him screaming, Redheart. How is our patient?” the pony said.

“His mind has been very opposing to his transformation, doctor. But his vitals are strong. He has a temper though… and the way I see it, I think he is very racist.”

“I’m not a racist! I am a melting pot of friendship!” Ghost protested. “I’m a nice guy!”

“Okay, okay…” the doctor said. “Allow me to introduce myself. The name is Horse. And you are…”

“John Conquest.”

“Mr. Conquest, I need you to do a few tests for me, to see if your nervous system has adjusted. It won’t take long.” Horse said. “It will be just a breeze.”

As long as it doesn’t involve needles…

“Now,” the doctor said. “Please move your left front leg and try to bend it.”

Ghost did as he was asked.

“Now your right front leg, please.”

Ghost made another movement.

“That seems about right… now for something more difficult. Please move your tail.”

Is this going to take long? I don’t see the need for this anyway…

Ghost tried to move tail, something he didn’t like. It was hard for him to accept that this was a new appendage. Surprisingly, it took him no effort at all to move it.

“You have adjusted well, Mr. Conquest. Now, there are other tests we really should run… like if you can make a recollection of your memory, for instance.”

“How long is this going to take? I’m getting nervous here,” Ghost said. “And I’ve got other things to do.”

I only don’t know what the hell I’m supposed to do while being in Bronyland.

“alright, alright, that’s fine,” the doctor said. “But I still need you to make a recollection of your memories. Can you please tell me what you did yesterday?”

“Why should I let you in on my private information?”

“You are not ordered to, Mr. Conquest. But we only want to make sure there isn’t any memory loss or brain damage. It is just a precaution.”

“Here is the quick version: first I woke up, took a beer and a Johnny Walker, then went for a shower, then took another beer, then went for my Twitter, posted a few retweets on some fruit balls, then went for my studio and tried to make another broadcast, but the same fruit balls and that idiot called Coodoo ruined it! And when I was so done with them I choose to end the broadcast, and then that white horse called Celery came in and took me to Bronyland. Happy now? ”

“It is Princess Celestia, and I want you to show some respect,” the doctor said. “In any case, you seem to be fine. But I want you to do something about your attitude.”

“O, I’m sorry; I just woke up being a talking horse. I’m sorry if I’m a bit upset,” Ghost said.

The doctor and Redheart tried not to get in a fight with him. The doctor left, but Redheart stayed and looked at Ghost.

“Two of your friends have already met each other; the other ones are still asleep or are waking up. They are in the waiting room right over there.” Nurse Redheart advised.  “If you want too, you can check up on them.”

Ghost already wanted to walk away too see what horrors would await him, but he was once again stopped by Redheart. “I need you to sign these papers first, please.”

Redheart went to a table and picked up some form. It didn’t look too different from the stuff back home, Ghost noticed.

Ghost took a good look at the papers. “What is this? Some sort of ‘yeah we are all happy you woke up, now we need you to sign so we can take all your money’?”

Redheart shook her head. “In Equestria, all hospital bills are being paid by the state. The same goes for education and several other bodies of our country. I thought you wanted to know. No, these papers right here are there so you can be discharged from the hospital.”

O, that’s just great, Ghost thought. This place is worse than Canada. Stupid talking horses playing socialist and shit… but wait…

“How exactly do I sign?” Ghost asked. “It is not like I have fingers anymore.”

“Hold the feather in your mouth and write with it.” Redheart explained. “It is easier than you might think.”

Ghost took a look at the quill. Redheart wanted to give him. Did horses actually take them in their mouths? “No thanks… can I do that later? It is too fruity for me right now.”

Redheart gave him a weird look. “Uh… okay, sure, if you want to Mr. Conquest, that’s fine. But don’t leave the hospital though until you have signed them.”

We’ll see about that…

Ghost walked towards what looked like to be a lounge. The place was quite empty, except for two ponies and a foal talking to each other. All three were male as far as he could see. Welcome to fruit ball paradise… Ghost thought. I shall be your guide.

The room was poorly decorated. It had walls made of stone bricks – it looked like lime bricks – and it had a marble floor with some hay spread around.

Welcome to civilization…

The room had some candles, but it now just before noon so it was lit by the sunlight that came through the windows in the ceiling and the walls.

on the other side he saw the ponies talking about something. It seemed like they were having a good time...

Stupid fruit balls. How can someone have a good time when there is a crisis going on?

One of the ponies had noticed him. “Hey, guys! Here we got another one!” he heard the pony say.  It was a unicorn. “Are you fine, mister? I mean, how do you think about this. It is al so weird, you know…”

That voice.

I know that voice.

Oh no… this… this can’t be happening.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ghost took a few steps back.

“Ka… kaa…. Kaaa….” Ghost mumbled. “No… this can’t be…”

“Ghost? Is that you, man?” the pony before him asked. The unicorn had a brown mane, a caramel color fur and a cutie mark in the form of a tie with a colorful puzzle pieces pattern, also known as the logo for the Autism Awareness Movement.

“Karasz Kun?! Are you freaking Karasz Kun?! What are you doing here?” Ghost asked. “How come you came here? Have you pissed off the ponies or something?”

“Well, I don’t know, nothing much for all I know, man,” Karasz Kun said. “I never liked ponies, but I didn’t hate them either, I was actually just busy in my study making something for Ghetto Capitalist when suddenly… bam! Princess Luna came in! And before I knew it, I was taken away, just like that.”

“Are you kidding me?” Ghost said. “Are you kidding me, there Karasz Kun?”

“Nope. It just happened.”

Not only did those talking horse pieces of crap take him away to their fruity and colorful world, they also did this to Karasz Kun? The only friend he ever had? How dare they pieces of crap! How dare they morons!

Ghost looked at the other ponies. The foal – a unicorn - had a grin on his face. “Who are you supposed to be, then?”

The foal grinned, and then said: “Supongo que lo que.”

Then, Ghost noticed the bean and cheese cutie mark, and facepalmed, or, facehoofed.

“No!!!! This can’t be happening! You bean and cheese Justin Bieber Mexican kid also came to Bronyville and now you are a unicorn? What is going on with this crap?!”

Ghost then heard the third pony speak. “Technically, we’re in Canterlot, Ghost. But I am happy  to see that the situation hasn’t changed you. I am also amused by how Asho’s cutie mark totally became what you expected it to become.”

“And who are you supposed to be?” Ghost said. He saw a male pegasus – a stallion – with a red and black mane, dark brown eyes, black fur and an F-22 jet for a cutie mark.

“The name is Jon, but you know me as DarkRazorz, Ghost.” DarkRazorz said. “It is good to finally meet you.”

Ghost eyes turned red. “NOOOO YOU GOTTA BE SHITTING ME. YOU ARE THAT ASSHOLE THAT CONTINUED TO UPLOAD VIDEO’S ABOUT ME?!”

“I got onto the shit list for it, yeah I know.”

“You only your appearance on the shit list to make fun of me, DarkRazorz. You know it and I know it!”

“Relax, Ghost. You will not see me that often,” DarkRazorz said, trying to assure Ghost.

“O, yeah?” Ghost said. “And why’s that?”

“Well, technically I’m enlisted in the U.S. Air Force. I think about joining the Pegasi Air Force here in Equestria. Maybe I even get to join the Wonderbolts!” DarkRazorz said with a grin. “It will give me less time to be around you guys, but I’m sure you can manage it.”

“Yeah, I bet you like it.”

“Don’t worry about it, Ghost. I’ll be gone before you know it.” DarkRazorz assured him.

“Of course you are.” Ghost mumbled.

Before DarkRazorz could react, a pegasus came in. It was a mare. She had a mane with black hair on one side and white hair on the other, and grey fur. “Hey, what’s going on, guys. Did Asho behave while I was gone?”

Ghost knew that voice.

“SUSPICIOUS TUMBLEWEED?!”

“What, you didn’t know?” Karasz Kun asked.

“I just woke up, Karasz Kun,” Ghost said. He then turned to the mare in the door opening. “G*****t, you too, Suspicious? What is going on here?”

Right now, I need an entire bottle of Johnny Walker, second harvest black label. I have had enough of this crap! I need to get that bottle and chug all of its contents!

“Well, it is good to see Ghost has arrived. I could recognize your behavior from ten miles away,” Suspicious said. She then looked at her wings. “Man, I can’t wait to use these babies! You too, DarkRazorz?”

“Are you kidding me?” DarkRazorz said. “I’m dying to use these!”

Both of them showed off their wings while using them enthusiastically. Asho was staring in awe at them, amazed by the many feathers the wings had.

“And my magic!” Karasz Kun said while tapping his horn. “It is weird, I know, but I think I’m getting excited for this. Who knows what I can do with it! Maybe I’ll become as good as Twilight!”

“Twilight? Come on, Karasz, you’ll never be as good as Twilight,” Asho said. “I think Twilight will become as good as Princess Celestia one day. I doubt you will top that.”

“What,  become something like the Princesses and then grow wings and become an alicorn or something?” Suspicious asked. “Yeah, like that is ever going to happen. It will never happen. Not to you, not to Twilight, not to anypony.”

“Yeah, right…” Ghost ignored Suspicious saying ‘anypony’ and turned to Karasz Kun. “Of course you would have liked it. Come on, man, don’t you have some loyalty to your humanity and love for Texas or something?”

“Well, Ghost,” Karasz Kun explained, “You know what they say; when in Rome…”

“Yeah, right. Shove it up your clogged up pooper,” Ghost said.

Man, what would I give for a cold beer right now…

“Why are you complaining, Ghost,” Suspicious said. “It is because you lack both traits and are just an Earth Pony?”

“It is because I am not human anymore!” Ghost shouted in her face.

“Yeah, he doesn’t like being not-so-special. You are so obvious in showing it, Ghost!” Asho said while grinning. “We would make a good band together! The great Capitalist pony army! With Ghost as our fearless leader, we could overcome anything!”

Ghost wanted to kill the Justin Bieber kid, but instead wanted to deal with the problem at hoof – eh, hand.  and thought out loud. “ Yeah, right. Let’s see; So now we are kidnapped into Equestria: me, Asho, DarkRazorz and Suspicious Tumbleweed. Wouldn’t it be great if Tub Guy were here to join us?”

“Tub Guy was send away while we slept,” Suspicious said. “Something about his… strange condition. I don’t know what they were talking about, though. They didn’t tell me much when I asked about him.”

“Anyone else I missed?” Ghost asked. “Or did those talking horses just invite everyone to the party and I can’t keep track of them?”

“I saw Elfoxoloco earlier. He is still sleeping. He looks cute,” Suspicious said.

Asho jumped in. “I also saw a very muscular brown Earth Pony! I think he’s Equestrian Citizen!”

Great. Mr. Furry King Elfoxoloco and brother-from-another-mother are also here. Kill me.

“There was a young filly with Equestrian Citizen!” Asho said agitated. ”I think that is his daughter he always talked about!”

I need MORE beer!

“And another unicorn who was mumbling something weird in his sleep. I couldn’t understand anything he said. something like ‘a-aha-aa-aaaaa’!”

DarkRazorz smirked. “That sounds like the engineer.”

The Engineer? Maybe I should see how he is doing…

“And there aren’t any more capitalists or splicers out here?” Ghost asked.

“As far as I know of, no.” Suspicious said.

If we were send to Equestria, why not people like Ghetto Capitalist, or PranksterPinkiePie, or CelticBrony? Why were they left behind? This made no sense… why us and not them? Stupid ponies. Should be used for horse meat.

Well, at least my theory about midgets doing all this makes more sense now. Yeah, midgets did this. Only those people would be too stupid to forget half the capitalist army and the biggest bronies out there. They just drugged me and put me in an animus or matrix or something of that nature, and now I am pretending to be a talking horse. Stupid Communist Russian Liberal talking horse-embracing midgets!

Then, nurse Redheart walked into the room. “Excuse me, gentlecolts – and mare. But I have something to tell you. In half an hour, the captain of the Royal Guard, Shining Armor, will come here. He will inform you of everything and will answer all your questions.”

Finally. Some answers.

“You are expected at the front of the royal gardens. Just follow this hall and you will be there. Remember: be there in half an hour,” Redheart said while pointing at the door leading to the garden. And with that, she walked away.

“Who is Shining Armor?” Karasz Kun asked.

“Dude, Shining Armor is awesome!” Asho said. “He and Princess Cadence blasted like, an entire army of Changelings right out of the castle!”

Princess Cadence? What a fruity-ass name. Reminds me of that fruity ass fruit bowl Cadence Cowgirl.

“Yeah, I don’t really watch ponies,” Karasz Kun said “So I hope you guys can keep me in a loop.”

Asho smirked. “Maybe…”

Don’t you dare! Don’t you dare go and bully Karasz Kun! I know you pieces of crap want just that, but I won’t let it happen!

“Hey, what’s going on, Ghost? What are you thinking about?” Suspicious asked. “Something on your mind?”

“Yeah, a lot…” Ghost said. “Do they have some beer around here? I really need some beer!”

“I don’t know about that, I doubt it, but you can try an inn or something - ” Suspicious tried to say, but something interrupted her. A dog came from one of the wards.

“I just gave him his collar!” Redheart shouted. “Be easy with him! He is still adjusting!”

Asho didn’t listen to her, though, and went for the dog, who seemed to be happy to see the gang. “Hey doggie! Hey doggie, how are you doing? Good doggie!”

Asho stroked the dog with his hoof, and the dog happily received it. Suspicious also went for the dog and also stroked it.

“Hey, that’s a good boy! O, that’s a good boy! What’s your name?” she said in a baby voice.  Ghost and DarkRazorz didn’t say anything, but just stood there watching.

“Come on boy, let me see that collar! That’s a good boy!” Suspicious said.

But then her face went pale and she looked shocked.

“What?!” Ghost asked.

“It…” Suspicious said. “It reads…”

Asho finished the sentence for her. “it reads Eric NavyHuskie!”

"WHAT?!" Ghost shouted.

DarkRazorz was also shocked, and said under his breath. “Well, congratulations Eric. You’re the new Balto...”

3. I am not a racist!

Despite the shock upon the discovery that NavyHusky had become a Husky himself, everything calmed down after a few seconds. Ghost was warned by that. Why is everyone so okay with this crap? he thought. This is ridiculous. Why don’t I hear someone protesting and screaming because they are talking horses now? Why is everyone so… okay with it? This is just sick… sick as being a midget or some sorts.

That reminded him of something; he had totally adjusted to walking on four legs. That was rather quick for someone who had been walking on two his whole life. Was it that spell that caused all this? They said something about a spell that would help them adjust to their new lives… would it also cause mental changes? If so, Ghost knew he was doomed to a life full of cupcakes and fruitiness and talking horses. He would see his ex-wife and his son never again. Hell, he wouldn’t even see his own body anymore, and the fifteen-and-a-half inch sausage between his legs. That thought made him want to puke. Not only because of himself, but NavyHusky, that idiotic troll who always made those stupid splices about him seemed to be really happy being a dog. Was he a furry earlier on or something? He was fruity enough for something like that. Or maybe it was because of his fruity-ass voice. Ghost didn’t care. At least NavyHuskie got what he deserved for making all those splices about him. Those really pissed him off, and now NavyHuskie paid for it.

Without Ghost noticing, another guy has joined the group. He, of course, introduced himself. Upon realization who it was, Ghost wanted to puke. It was Mr. King of furries, Elfoxoloco. He had become an Earth Pony, just like Ghost. He had a nice chat with DarkRazorz while Suspicious had turned to Asho, leaving him and Karasz Kun out of whatever they were talking about. Asho talked about something like ponies would have bean and cheese while DarkRazorz – of course – showed off his wings. Then, he heard Elfoxoloco talk about how much he wanted to visit Ponyville, and then move towards the countryside, and set up a farm. Well, if he really wanted too, by all means! This way, Ghost would never have to see that furry bastard ever again!

But he didn’t want a conversation with them anyway, so he left. There was something he needed to do; go and check up on the Engineer. The Engineer must have woken up by now.

Ghost walked through the hallway where Suspicious came through earlier. It was another infirmary, where a few beds were set up. He saw nurse Redheart talk with a unicorn. The unicorn had a yellow coat and black mane.

“Now, try it again mister. Maybe you need to adjust to the new location of your vocal chords” Redheart said.

“aah-neigh-a-a-a!” the unicorn said.

Ghost immediately had to facepalm. It was obviously clear that those stupid ponies couldn’t realize that the Engineer spoke differently, despite being turned into a talking horse. Can you believe this crap?

“Let me handle this,” Ghost said. He pushed Redheart away and sat down by the Engineer. “Engineer, listen, it’s me. Ghost. Your buddy.”

The Engineer was happy to see a not-so friendly face. “naa-aaah-aaa-neigh!”

“I know, Engineer, I know. Now, what did those fruity bastards did to you? Did they give you estrogen or something?”

“da-aa-aaa-neigh!”

“Wait a second,” Redheart said, “You understand him? How?”

“I’m his boss for years now,” Ghost said, “I understand the Engineer when I want too.”

“nah-aah-a-aa!” the Engineer said.

“Yeah, I know, I fired you. But that was just before we were being kidnapped by talking horses, so consider me as being your boss again.”

“You fired him?” Redheart asked. “If I may ask, why did you do that?”

“Those over feminized fruit balls I used to call my dear fans and listeners of my broadcast kept fruiting up the place. I got sick of it. And so I quit the show and fired the Engineer over here. But just before I could, you know, pack my things and go to Sixth street, your so-beloved Princess Selery showed up and took us.”

“Celestia.” Redheart corrected him.

“What?”

“You need to pronounce it as ‘Ce-les-ti-a’”

“Yeah, well, shove it up your pony-ass pooper.”

Redheart facehoofed. “Is this seriously how your kind behaves? Why would you? The dossier told us that Bronies were totally not. Like. This!”

“I am not a Brony!” Ghost protested. “I’m a capitalist! Where did you get that crap from?!”

Redheart was surprised at the sudden reaction Ghost gave him.  “All right,” she said. “Now, if you two excuse me, I need to talk to the doctor.”

Ghost saw as the nurse walked away. Too much estrogen pumped in their ass.. stupid talking horse. Should be used for horsemeat! Ghost thought.

Ghost then turned to see the Engineer, who now stood up from bed. “naa-aaah-aa-neeeighhh…”

Great. Even his talking has turned all fruity and horsey.

“Yeah, Engineer. It’s great, isn’t it?” Ghost said. He noticed his cutie mark – a black symbol resembling a switchboard. Of course. A switchboard. That’s just great, isn’t it?

“se-aaah-aaaah-sa-saa-ah-ah-neigh”

“You don’t say…” Ghost said. He was disturbed at how Engineer was so obvious. Yeah, Captain Obvious Engineer. That would be a good name for him. He, of course, wouldn’t tell it to those fruit balls in the other room. The only result would be that the Engineer would be made fun of. That is the kind of crap he had to deal with every day, and now it seemed like it would be every single minute. That is just wonderful, isn’t it?

“nje-aa-nee-neigh!”

“Of course you would be,” Ghost said. Now that’s great, Ghost thought. Now all of a sudden he is hungry and he has to go to the bathroom.

That reminded him of something. How do these talking horses actually go to the bathroom?

“Well, come with me. I’ll find you a bathroom.”  Ghost said.

As much as he didn’t want to, he also didn’t want the engineer to be peeing all over the floor here and embarrass him and Ghost in front of the entire capitalist army – or, fruity pony army.

And thus, Ghost and the Engineer walked down through the hallway. The bathroom wasn’t that hard to find – the ponies were smart enough to put some signs on the wall to point where it was. And fortunately, they had the dignity to create separated bathrooms – one for the ‘colts’ and one for the ‘mares’. Of course they would name it like that, Ghost thought. It is not like they would put ‘men’ and ‘women’ on them.

When Ghost tried to open the door, he noticed that he somehow was able to use the doorknob. Like his hoof had become some kind of magnet. Weird, Ghost thought. But that was of later issue, now the Engineer had to go to the bathroom. But no matter what he did, it didn’t open.

“I’m using it!” the voice inside said.

“Well, make it quick!” Ghost yelled at him. Now we got stupid ponies out here on the bathroom with a British accent. That’s just great. British ponies. Well, I’m still not forgiving them for the independence war. Stupid sons of bitches.

“Ghost?!” a surprised voice inside said. “Is that you!?”

“Yeah, it’s me. So what?”

“I’d recognize you anywhere!”

“and who are you supposed to be, then?” Ghost asked.

“I’m Tzeki!”

“WHAT?!” Ghost yelled. O no, this isn’t happening. Another friend of mine? What is going on with this crap? But wait… if this Brony is out here… Ghost realized, then Goofybone IS HERE SOMEWHERE TOO!!!!

Ghost turned around in disgust. So now we got Goofybone and Tzeki?! GOOFYBONE AND TZEKI?! This is going to be all like a big ruckus between these two! What is going on with this crap? First I find out that I’m somehow a talking horse, and now I’m here in Bronyland, and Asho and Suspicious Tumbleweed are here, and Tub Guy is somewhere, and we have Karasz Kun, we have DarkRazorz and Elfoxoloco, and that black brother-from-another-mother idiot called Equestrian fapper or some sort, and now Tzeki…

Without second thought, Ghost pulled the mares’ room open and puked the contents of his stomach right into the hole in the ground. There was a stench coming from it, but Ghost didn’t care.

I need a beer.

“He, Ghost, are you all right?” Tzeki asked. When Ghost turned around, he saw Tzeki standing there.

“No! just leave me alone!” Ghost yelled at him.

“Have it your way, Ghost.” Tzeki said with a smirk. Ghost heard him walk away, his hooves touching the ground. clop, clop, clop

I will never get used to that sound…

“MR. CONQUEST!”

Here we have Mrs. Fruity-and-bitchy again…

“If I may ask you, Mr. Conquest,” Redheart said. “I really don’t know what is wrong with you, but do you understand the difference between the colts’ room and the mares’ room, or are you humans so primitive?”

“I needed to puke… and the other one was occupied,” Ghost explained. “Why do I even need to explain this to a talking horse? It’s disgusting, man…”

Redheart sighed. “Mr. Conquest, I really don’t have any clue what is wrong with you. But I have asked your companions about it, and they refer to it as ‘hambone syndrome’. Is that true, and if so, can you give me an explanation for it?”

Ghost quickly turned around, startling Redheart. “WHO SAID THAT? THAT’S A LIE AND THEY KNOW IT!”

“Mr. Conquest, please, behave yourself. What does it matter if you have hambone-syndrome? If you are ashamed by it, then please realize that your friends of course have the intentions for your well-being…”

“I do not have hambone-syndrome!” Ghost protested. “ it doesn’t even exist! They just made that up!”

“All right, all right,” Redheart said. “if you don’t have hambone syndrome, you don’t have it. but if you do, you must realize that you can’t run away from it forever.  You are showing the symptoms your friends described to me.”

“I need a beer….” Ghost mumbled.

“The need for alcohol was one of them, and the possibility of becoming an alcoholic. Now, Mr. Conquest. Please do realize that we have enough medical and magical care to help you overcome that. you know that, right?”

“So now my love for Texan  beverages and me endorsing capitalism are now signs for a handicap that doesn’t even exist?”

“Mr. Conquest, please. Listen. If need be, we can help you. ” Redheart explained.

“You can help me by shoving that crap up your - ”

All of a sudden, the doctor walked in. Great. Now we get another giant turkey-talk.

“My apologies, Mr. Conquest,”  the doctor said. “But the captain has arrived and he is expecting you and your friends in the inner court.”

Finally. Some explanations.

“So… what, we now get into the military?” Ghost asked. I will never join any military other than that of the United States.

“No, Mr. Conquest. This is merely a military facility. Under the circumstances, we found it a better idea for our patients to be here, should they need the… proper medical attention.”

“Well, whatever,” Ghost said. “So I better find this captain-guy.”

“His name is Shining Armor. Captain Shining Armor of the Royal Canterlot Guard,” the doctor explained.

Ghost wanted to walk away, but the doctor stopped him. “Mr. Conquest! Before you leave…”

“Yeah?”

“Please know that while in your world it isn’t possible, out here it is perfectly possible to cure mental diseases. If you want a treatment to help you get rid of hambone-syndrome, we can help you.”

“Hambone-syndrome doesn’t even exist.”

“It is your own choice, Mr. Conquest. But please, be aware of all your options, including curing. In any case…” she walked down to a table and picked up the form. O, come on… come on!!!!

“I still need you to sign these papers, Mr. Conquest.”

Ghost rolled his eyes. “Seriously?”

“Yes, seriously.”

Ghost facehoofed and then looked her straight in the eyes. “Let’s get this over with.”

There was a quill and a jar of ink on the table. Ghost picked the quill up. Some milky-licker has had this in his mouth! Ghost tried to ignore it, but he was clearly showing it. Then, he dipped the tip of the quill in the ink jar. It took him some time, but he managed to make a few scratches on the piece of paper that Redheart held up for him. He could see she was enjoying his clumsiness.

“Awe we dwone hewe?” Ghost said with a muffled voice.

“Of course, Mr. Conquest.” Redheart said with a smirk. The doctor grinned as well. Look at them! They’re laughing! They’re laughing! Ghost thought.

Ghost ignored the idiot and walked down the hallway to the inner place. While getting there, he heard the two ponies talk about a ‘proper treatment for hambone-syndrome’. Whoever did that, I hope he gets cancer of the cock… whoever did that I hope he gets cancer of the…. STUPID TROLLING MORONS!!!

In a daze of hatred and anger, he stamped harder with his hooves. Someone looked at him because of it, but he didn’t notice that.

Once he came outside, Ghost noticed how… blue the sky was. Great. Even the world itself Is cartoony. Can you believe this crap? I’m getting infested with all kinds of trans testicles over here…

The others – Asho, Karasz Kun, the Engineer, Suspicious Tumbleweed, Tzeki, Elfoxoloco and DarkRazorz – were already congregating there. The only ones missing were Equestrian Citizen and his daughter.  He also saw NavyHuskie, who seemed to be fond of Asho and was wildly playing around him and wagging his tail. How does that idiot even like this crap?

Ghost also noticed a new one. This must be that ‘Shining Armor’ they were talking about, Ghost thought. That fruity bastard even has a stupid strap of armor on. Well, now he’s living up to his name. Not that he probably can do more than that… stupid talking horses…

The strange stallion, although it seemed he came from higher-up, didn’t seem to be too serious. He had a friendly look on his face, which disgusted Ghost even more. Maybe it was also his blue mane that disgusted him, but Ghost wasn’t sure about that.

“Good morning, everypony,” he heard the pony say.

Instantly, DarkRazorz, Asho and Elfoxoloco stood firm and saluted. NavyHuskie of course didn’t, but he stopped playing and was now standing right beside Asho. There was a serious look from his face.

“At ease, colts. Skip the formalities.” He said. “I am just here to tell you what is going on and what the plan is.”

Plan?

“First I would like to welcome you on behalf of the princesses and the people of Equestria. You are part of the Brony integration project.”

Brony- what now?

“This project will allow you and all of your friends to start a new life here, in Equestria. You will all get a green card, but after some time you will get your own passport based on the results you make during your integration…”

Ghost couldn’t stand it any longer and intervened. “Hold on a second! Wowowowowowo, did you just say ‘Brony integration project’? Are we all Bronies to you or something?”

Shining Armor looked puzzled at him. “Well, yes, of course. If you weren’t, then the spell couldn’t possibly transport you to Equestria, so - ”

“Well, yeah, shove it up your pony ass! I’m not a Brony!”

Ghost could hear Asho laughing in the background, but he didn’t care about what that bean-and-cheese Justin Bieber Mexican kid found so funny.

“Well, mister, that must be impossible… the spell only allows us to carry Bronies back to Equestria.”

“And where did you get the stupid idea then that I might be a Brony?!” Ghost shouted. Now the others started laughing as well, save for Karasz Kun and the Engineer.

Look at them! They’re laughing! They’re laughing!

“Come on, guys. Don’t do this. This is not cool,” Karasz Kun said. “A bit of sympathy is not useless right now.”

“Says our beloved Ghost fanatic. The only friend he ever had…” Tzeki said.

Ghost once again intervened. “Hey! Leave Karasz Kun alone! I’m warning you, I’m warning all of you, leave. Karasz Kun. Alone!!!”

“That’s enough!” Shining Armor shouted. “The group in Ponyville and the group in Fillydelphia are not even like you people! What is wrong with you? I thought you Bronies were all about love and tolerance!”

There are even more groups?

“Now, I’m going to pretend this didn’t happen,” Shining Armor said. “I am here to inform you that you all will get new homes. You can also enlist in the army if you want to. I’ve heard from Fillydelphia that a lot want to become Royal Guards. Princess Celestia has approved of this, so they are now enlisted. Is there anyone from you who wants to?”

DarkRazorz stepped forward. “I do.”

Shining Armor nodded. “Good. After we’re done here, you can come with me. I’ll take you to the recruitment center.”

An entire army for talking horses… what a waste… they lost every battle anyway, including the Changelings a few weeks ago.

Shining Armor then turned to the others. “Princess Celestia and Princess Luna have ordered that you are all allowed to choose a place to stay by your own choosing. If you want to, you may also start a life there. Here in Equestria, houses and jobs will be provided if necessary. ”

They are a monarchy and they are communists?! Kill me.

Then, everything became too much for the poor radio host to handle. All he wanted was some respect, because he deserved it, according his title. And then everything around him faded black.

5. I'm a nice guy!!!

The fact that the entire capitalist army was watching said more than enough about how entertaining the situation was at the moment.

It was the battle of the titans, and no one knew who was going to win: the host of the True Capitalists Radio or the always smiling pink pony who saw a new friend in Ghost. The fact that someone wanted to become his friend – safe for Karasz Kun, but rumor has it that he was hired by Ghost – was quite a shocker, but then again, it was Pinkie Pie they were talking about…

In any event, this clash of the titans would make a very interesting half an hour for the Ponyvillians and the members of the Melting Pot.

The only ones who couldn’t find any amusement in it, were Ghost and Karasz Kun, with the latter for simply not understanding what was going on.

These ponies need testosterone pumped in their flanks… and the others as well! Ghost thought. Are they trying to seduce me now with behaving fruity and all? O, yeah, they did that during season 2 the whole time, so I could have predicted this, but they’re never going to get me… I have been prepared for this! They will never get me in their stupid herd, because I have never seen an episode of that fruity pony crap! Yeah, they are that fruity, I just can’t watch them. and now, with that, they will never get me… pieces of crap… o yeah, show me what you’ve got, you pink disgusting talking horse for 8 year old girl waste of pony life! Should’ve been turned into horse meat…

“…and now you have lots and lots of friends!” Pinkie said with a grin. “Just the way you like it, Mr. Melting pot of friendship!”

“My friends are waiting for me on Sixth Street, right now! I could be having miller time, drinking beer and Johnny Walker black label and all that stuff!” Ghost yelled at her.  “Stupid fruit bowl talking horse piece of crap!”

Ghost thought he heard Elfoxoloco sing ‘Johnny Walker sixth harvest’, but he ignored it. first, he had to show off this pink thing. then, he would educate Elfoxoloco about his language!

Pinkie looked at him full of hope, thinking she could easily convert the grumpy Earth pony into a happy, nice and friendly pony.

“Your friends are with you right here, Johnny!” Pinkie said while smiling.  She then patted him on the shoulder with a hoof. “Ghostie, there, there… if there is any problem, you can tell auntie Pinkie all about it!”

“Auntie?! I’m at least twenty years older than you, you sorry sack of crap!”

“Of course you are, Ghostie… but what is the problem, actually?” Pinkie asked. Then she hugged him. “Sometimes all we need is just a good friend to help us out.”

Is this really happening? Ghost thought, flabbergasted. Did that horse just hug me? What is it with all this hugging? Is this freaking Care Bears? What is going on with this crap?! I’m GETTING INFESTED BY PONIES---

This scene made Asho and Suspicious da’www, but they did it more because they wanted to insult Ghost rather than they would find Pinkie’s scene heartwarming – although it looked like that, anyway. Karasz Kun just stood there, without having any clue about what was going on. From inside a store, Elfoxoloco, Equestrian Citizen and his daughter were looking through the window to see the scene unfolding before their own eyes. They didn’t dare to come outside in case Ghost would get a meltdown, but it wasn’t something they’d like to miss… It was something the like they had never seen before.

But unbeknownst to anypony out there at that moment, the hug did something to Ghost. What it exactly was, no one can explain it till this day. Some ponies say it was the magic, love, kindness and the friendship of Equestria that had hit the Ghostler. Some say that it was some goodness in the heart of the grumpy capitalist that was hidden but now came to life thanks to Pinkie Pie. That, however, was quickly dismissed by the members of the capitalist army safe for Suspicious Tumbleweed, Karasz Kun, the Engineer and Tzeki.  Elfoxoloco however counterclaimed that those 4 – ‘Tumble flat chest’, ‘aspie Karasz Burgers’, ‘the real host’ and ‘that weird British dude that was always fighting Goofy Bone’ as he called them – were in fact brainwashed by Ghost during the shows and that their opinion was thus biased anyway, something in which the rest of the capitalist army agreed on.

But now we are going back to Ghost. Ghost was still dumbstruck as he felt something he has never felt before.. that strange love… not like romance, but more like that someone cared for him and wanted to protect him…  no, he had felt it before, to be precise the last time he had hugged the corpse of his grandma… that was one other moment he would never forget. It was that moment that the police had come in because the family was keeping granny’s corpse, for already 10 years. Ghost had never known her, but he had always felt her love and was taught by his father that she was a great woman.

Ghost felt that love once again – again, it was nothing romantic, but it was something else: caring, friendship, sharing…. Socialism. Communism. The love of –

WHAT?!

ARE THOSE LIBERAL SOVIET RUSSIAN MIDGETS NOW TRYING TO CONVERT ME TO COMMUNISM?!

THOSE SORRY PIECES OF…

The next thing the ponies and the capitalists heard was an enormous shout, a cry, something that made everypony take a few steps backwards. But Pinkie still hugged him. The cry was something that could not be described – it was not like the time Ghost went raging so hard he went Super Saiyan  - no, this time it was like he realized he was betrayed and lost something. Asho remarked later on that he had hoped that Pinkie’s actions would cure him of hambone-disease, something he and Suspicious had warned the doctors about.

Suspicious and Asho had backed down and watched everything happen from behind a barrel. They figured it was a safe place to stay in case Ghost would have a meltdown.

The only ones that were watching that hadn’t taken cover were the Engineer and Karasz Kun. The former was just loyal to his master while the latter had no idea of the danger.  Suspicious Tumbleweed wanted to protect him, and whistled.

Karasz Kun noticed that, and trotted towards them. He didn’t, however, see them… while Asho and Suspicious were taking cover behind a barrel he was standing across from!

Suspicious whistled again, and then Karasz Kun noticed the two.

“What are you doing there?” he asked them.

Suspicious looked straight at him. “Just get behind this barrel. It is getting really dangerous!”

“What? Wháát?!”

“I said it is going to be dangerous! Now come here!” Suspicious said, annoyed. She then came from behind her cover and shoved with her head against his flank urging him to get behind the barrel. Asho made some room, and then both Suspicious and Karasz Kun placed themselves there. While Suspicious and Asho lowered their heads and only had their foreheads and eyes above the barrel, Karasz Kun just sat there, unknowing what was going on.

“Karasz, you engañe,  Ghost is going to have a meltdown! Just. Take. Cover!” Asho whispered.

“Why?”

“Because Pinkie is giving Ghost a meltdown, that’s why!”

“O, come on, guys… Pinkie and Ghost are just having fun together! Because he is a real melting pot of friendship!”

“Imbecil…” Asho whispered.

“Wháát? What?” Karasz Kun said with a weird voice. “Whát do you mean?”

Suspicious facehoofed, but remained calm, and went on to look for how Ghost and Pinkie were doing.

And what she saw there, she wouldn’t forget for the rest of her live.

Ghost his yelling was coming to an end, and he…

Ghost…

Ghost was starting to sob.

It was like he was regretting something… or an action in his life. Pinkie let him go, and now Ghost fell into the shoulder of the Engineer (who came to see his master) and started sobbing on his shoulders.

“There, there, Johnny…” Pinkie said. “Everything will be just fine. All your friends are here!”

“nja-aah-neigh-aa-aa-aah!” the Engineer remarked.

“Don’t be so fruity, Engineer…” Ghost said, completely taken down.

Then, Ghost shrugged off the Engineer and walked away from the scene. “I need a Johnny Walker… right now!” the Engineer followed him, as well as Karasz Kun who came from behind the barrel. The other capitalists, however, as well as the ponies of Ponyville waited for a second, and then came onto the street.

Twilight was the first one who talked to Pinkie. “Pinkie!” she called her.

Pinkie turned around and gave a big grin.

“Pinkie, how could you?” Twilight said to her. “ For all we know that human could’ve…”

Pinkie still smiled, and Twilight just sighed. “you know what? I don’t understand humans anymore. These humans are so much different from what I’ve read in Lyra’s books… and I think only somepony as random as you can handle them.” She then gave a sigh. “Good luck.”

Pinkie nodded. “Okie-dokie-lokie! Just leave this itty-bitty problem to me!” she then turned her head towards Ghost, who was walking away. “I like him!”

Twilight facehoofed and sighed, but then concluded that Pinkie was just too random to reason with… and maybe she would convert that grumpy human, who knew? No matter about that now… I still have an assignment to work on, Twilight thought. That weird human-pony will hopefully not cause any trouble… I hope… She then walked back towards the library.

Asho, Suspicious, Elfoxoloco, Equestrian Citizen, Becky, NavyHusky and Tzeki followed Pinkie, who went back to work at Sugarcube Corner. It was the place they all had heard of so many times and had seen a few times in the series, and they now truly wanted to see the place like how it was.

Except for some rages coming from Ghost, (much to the dismay of his loyal dog the Engineer who had followed him)  the town of Ponyville didn’t have to suffer Ghost his wrath.

The other capitalists, however, got a hard time… but it wasn’t coming from Ghost…

Canterlot, Royal Guard recruitment center, same time

Shining Armor was in charge of overseeing the new arrivals in Equestria, but that had become an unbearable task, especially since many of the humans had already spread across Equestria.  Instead, he had given orders to some ponies in the towns across Equestria where the human came to tell them to keep an eye on the humans and help then if they would need it. He still needed to write a letter to Mayor Mare of Ponyville about the situation, but he figured he could do that after talking to his new recruits.

That was correct. About half of all humans that came into Equestria directly went for the military. It was not a real surprise, especially since humans were known to be very capable at warfare. And with them being grateful for being taken to Equestria, they can become loyal assets if the Griffin Empire would try something, Shining figured.

The humans were going to be formed into two new battalions: one would reinforce the troops around the griffin border, the other one would be stationed at the bases nearby Manehattan. The latter one was vital in case there would be war with the griffins. If Manehattan would fall, then Las Pegasus and even Canterlot would come into immediate danger. Luckily, I now got some reinforcements…

Shining felt lucky he got these reinforcements, mostly because a lot of his troops had signed off after the Changeling invasion. They were too frightened for military life. And then leave the country defenseless for other invasions? Figures… leave the military right when it needs you most.

But now he got some fine new stallions…

Shining Armor walked into the courtyard to witness the human-ponies lined up there. There were about thirty of them.  Lieutenant Sparky Sprint walked towards Shining. “All human-ponies from the first battalion are accounted for, sir. We are awaiting further instructions.”

Shining took a good look at the group. If they were ponies, he would scold at them for their lack of discipline. They were smirking and giving whispers to one another. This was an act of insubordination when an officer would be present… but then again, they were from a different planet and perhaps had different customs in their military. They would learn how to behave themselves soon enough. It was something that could be taken care of later. Right now, he had to find out how to train this bunch and get them combat-ready.

If he could find an appropriate leader, of course. Shining Armor had a lot of capable and loyal lieutenants at his disposal, (some didn’t even have a squad anymore because too many recruits had resigned after the Changeling invasion) but Shining figured that the humans would be most loyal towards somepony who was one of them – Shining thus had to pick one.

You know what? Let them decide, Shining thought. Hopefully, those humans know who should become their leader.

He nodded to Sparky Sprint, and then walked towards one of the humans. It was a brown stallion with a black mane. He took a good look at him and then looked at him right in the eye to make sure he got his attention. “Human.”

“Yes, sir!” the human-pony responded.

“What is your name?”

“My name is Vince, sir. Vince in the Bay.”

“hm.”

Shining had the idea that these humans knew each other back on Earth.

“Soldier, listen. Do you know any of these guys from back home?”

Vince nodded. “More than half of them.”

“Hm. And tell me, human, who do you believe is capable to be in charge of this bunch of losers?”

The humans started to whisper among each other, something that Shining had intended to cut out. “Silence!” he shouted. “I believe Mr. Vince here is capable of giving that answer  himself. Remember: out here, in the Equestrian Army, you only speak when you are spoken too. Understand?”

Everypony nodded.

“Good. ” Shining then turned to the brown earth pony again. “now tell me, who do you believe should be the leader?”

Vince pointed to somepony who was standing in front. “That guy, sir. The dark brown unicorn with black mane.”

The other ponies nodded and agreed regarding Vince’s choice. Shining gave sigh of relief. No endless debate about who should be in charge at least…

So a lot of you guys got a brown coat and black manes… Shining Armor remarked. The group that went to Ponyville was much more diverse, but okay.

Shining Armor walked over to the unicorn that Jackie had pointed out. Shining then looked at him. “So… do you believe that you can lead this bunch?”

“Of course, ma’ nigga, I’ve been doing that for a lóóóng time. It will be just like that capitalizing that I’ve been doing!”

“So,” Shining Armor said. “Can you tell me what your name is?”

“Of course! They call me… the Ghetto Capitalist, baby!”

“Can you tell me something about your earlier occupations, Lieutenant?”

“I’ve been living of the welfare system, baby! And of course, the charity has been a very successful source of income!”

Whatever that is supposed to mean… how can you actually make money from a charity? And what does ‘’welfare system’’ mean? It must be something human, I suppose… Shining thought. Well then, let’s get this over with.

“If you can lead your own men like you claim you can…” Shining said. “You will have to go through officer training. It is a course that takes three weeks. During that period, you will be taught how to lead your own stallions into battle. Think you can handle it?”

“Of course, baby!”

Then, Shining looked towards the other human-ponies. “The normal recruits will also have a fresh course that takes three weeks. It will hopefully teach you something on how to behave in the Equestrian army, because I’ve been looking at you, and you guys are even chattering more than a little fillies’ class! Now ten-hut!”

No reaction. How can I be so stupid? These humans of course don’t know what that is.

Shining then turned to lieutenant Sparky Sprint. “I want these rookies trained in the next three weeks, lieutenant. You think you and the others can handle it?”

Sparky nodded. “Yes, sir!”

Shining nodded. “Good. I will now report to the princess. After that, I will oversee the training of the second battalion myself.” and write some letters to Ponyville and Las Pegasus…

“Understood, sir!” Sparky said.

While Shining walked away, he saw and heard how Sparky had already begun disciplining the stallions. He is a capable soldier. he can make it, Shining thought.  Hopefully, the second battalion will not be as hard as this one…

Ponyville, Sugarcube Corner

The capitalists – safe for Ghost, the Engineer and Karasz Kun – had walked into Sugarcube Corner. It was the same place they recognized from the show… it even felt that way, Suspicious thought.

Although they didn’t have that much money, Suspicious figured it was a good way to celebrate their arrival in Ponyville – and the fact that Pinkie trolled Ghost extremely hard, although she didn’t even realize it – by having some cakes and some soda, something in which the other capitalists agreed on. Asho wanted a cupcake, while the others settled for a muffin.

Their orders were being taken from Mrs. Cake, who was very polite and with curiosity towards the humans. After she took the orders and gave them to her husband, she tried to start a conversation with the humans.

“So, dears, how do you like it here in Ponyville?”

“It is better than I had hoped!” Suspicious said. “We hadn’t really expected it to be this…” she was searching for the word. “…peaceful.”

Tzeki nodded. “It is a particularly good place to begin our new lives. It was a bit unexpected perhaps, but we’re grateful nonetheless.”

“well, dear,” Mrs. Cake asked Tzeki. “Can I ask you a question? Are you perhaps from Manechester? You sound like it.”

“No… not exactly,” Tzeki replied.

“O, silly me,” Mrs. Cake said. “I should’ve known that you are from Earth…”

“Well, technically, I’m from Manchester, so you weren’t that far off…” Tzeki said.

“Ah, yes… and what is your name, actually?” Mrs. Cake asked him.

“My name is Tzeki, madam.”

“Tzeki?! O, well, then I’ve heard about you! Your friend is sitting at that table over there!” she then turned towards a table near a window, where two ponies were having a conversation. “Mr. Goofy Bone?”

What happened next was likely to end the good mood the capitalists were in. An earth pony stood up from across the table. It had a long, white muzzle and black fur.  It had a cutie mark in – what could it be else – a bone.

Goofy Bone took a good look at the table.

“Tzeki.” He said eventually. “We meet again.”

He then turned his face to the other capitalists. “And you guys must be… Suspicious… Asho and Ghetto Capitalist, right?”

“Equestrian Citizen.” EC corrected him. “And this right here is ma daughter, Becky.”

“Well, you nigga’s all look the same, especially when you’re ponies. Sorry.” Goofy Bone tried to apologize, but of course, he only made things worse.

Mrs. Cake felt the tension and backed off towards the kitchen.

Equestrian Citizen however was wise enough not to cause a stir, but let Tzeki handle it. Suspicious saw how Equestrian Citizen looked expectantly to Tzeki, and agreed with him. Tzeki kicked Goofy Bone’s ass so many times, it shouldn’t be that hard.

Although the other capitalists were a bit frightened (as they knew how harsh Goofy Bones’ attitude could be), Asho on the other hand was amused and asked Mr. Cake at the counter for a bucket of popcorn. Suspicious didn’t blame him, and found it rather amusing.

Tzeki and Goofy Bone didn’t say anything, but just stared at one another. It was of course a sign that old friends were meeting each other again…

…only to be interrupted by a dog growling at them, which caused Goofy Bone to jump up.

“Yo, motherbucker… what was that?!” he yelled.

“That is a dog, Mr. Mexican!” Elfoxoloco said. “And of course, he will bit bad ponies! You should know that.”

“Shut up! And how do you know I’m a Mexican? You’re Mexican yourself, right? And a Brony at that!” Goofy Bone argued.

“Actually, I’m Irish. And I’m more of a Furry rather than being a Brony.” Elfoxoloco said.

NavyHuskie growled again.

“Can someone please shut that dog up? I’m scared of dogs, man!” Goofy Bone said.  “From who is that dog anyway?”

The capitalists looked at one another, not certain what to answer. Was NavyHuskie actually somepony’s property? It didn’t look like it.

“If that dog is from nobody, then it needs to put down, man! That beast could be rabid!”

“It is my dog!” a colt shouted. The capitalists turned their heads to see that it was coming from Asho. “Mine and Suspicious’, actually.”

“Is this true?” Goofy Bone asked Suspicious Tumbleweed.

Suspicious nodded. “It is.”

Goofy Bone took a step backwards, and NavyHuskie growled again. it was clear that he didn’t like Goofy Bone.

“What is his name?” Goofy Bone asked Asho.

“His name is NavyHuskie.”

Goofy Bone’s eyes widened in shock. “Navy Dumbass Huskie? Really?” he took a moment to recollect himself, sighed and then walked away, out of the coffee corner. “Dumbasses…”

Elfoxoloco and Equestrian Citizen sighed. That was out of the way, at least… but now they faced a new problem.

“What are we going to do about NavyHuskie?” Elfoxoloco asked. “He needs an owner…”

“Yes, he has been a wonderful audio-splicer earlier on. He deserves  a good owner,” Tzeki said.  he then patted NavyHuskie with a hoof. “Question is, who of us is it going to be?”

Suspicious Tumbleweed looked around the room, and then said: “What about me? And Asho? I’m sure Asho will like it… right Asho?”

Asho looked up and nodded, expectantly. “Of course I do, Suspicious! I’ve always wanted to get a dog!”

The other capitalists nodded. Suspicious and Asho - who were almost like brother and sister – were the right ones to take care of NavyHuskie.  Although they had used it as a lie to get rid of Goofy Bone, it indeed was the most logical thing to those two be the owners of him. Plus, Asho and NavyHuskie would become the best of friends, Suspicious thought.

While NavyHuskie wagged his tail happy and was getting petted by Asho, Mrs. Cake came in with the ordered muffins, cupcakes and drinks.

“So…” Mrs. Cake asked. “Do you know where you all are going to be staying?”

Suspicious nodded. “There is a student dorm around the edge of town where we can stay…”

“Ah, yes, I’ve heard about that,” Mrs. Cake. “Funny, actually. There isn’t even a university here… but sometimes some young ponies stay there before they buy their own apartment.”

“Well, that is our goal too, Mrs. Cake.” Tzeki said. “And we are of course grateful for the hospitality of the Equestrians.”

“Oh, you’re very welcome,” Mrs. Cake replied. “I am a bit more concerned about one of your friends though… Mr. Goofy Bone called him Ghostler…”

“Ah, yes, Mr. Ghostler,” Asho said. “He’s a bit grumpy, but he’s our lizard Jewish hambone and we care for the old grumpy Brony, aren’t we guys?”

The others laughed. Mrs. Cake didn’t understand what Asho meant by it, but chuckled a bit.

“…and if it is the last thing I’ll do, I will go back to Earth and go to Sixth street! And those talking horses aren’t going to stop me!”

“naaa-aaah-aah-neigh-aah!”

“Whááaát? What? How are we going to get back, then? Do you have any idea?” Karasz Kun objected.

“I don’t care… but when I will find the ones responsible, I will give them, punitive damages! And you can tell them all I said that!” Ghost ranted.

“So beware, ponies…” Ghost shouted to no one in particular. “For this capitalist will whoop your asses and make horse meat out of them! BWAHAHAAHAHAHAHAH!”

6. AAAAAHHH!!!!

Ghost, Karasz Kun and the Engineer walked aimlessly through the streets of Ponyville. They had no idea where they were going – Ghost didn’t care, the Engineer didn’t think about where they should be going and Karasz Kun just followed in the footsteps of his master, trusting him blindly.

They soon reached the end of Ponyville towards where the Everfree Forest lies. It was a very peaceful night, without any clouds coverage blocking Luna’s stars in the sky. The only thing that made this night less peaceful where the sounds coming from Everfree. This scared the Engineer a bit, but Ghost called him out for it for being a shaky-leg who probably wanted to taste Martin Riggs poop shoot, in which the Engineer just felt silent and went on to follow Ghost’s lead.

To dull the time, Ghost hummed on his favorite self-written song.

“Look who it is,

It’s the man they call Ghost,

The host,

With the most,

And I don’t mean to brag or boast,

People hatin’

Cause I talk about the president,

The fruity liberals and the illegal Mexicans,

They all say Ghost is a dangerous man,

Cuz I speak the politics that they don’t understand,

Truth and service to the heart,

Just to let ‘em know,

Capitalism to the soul,

To the bullet hole.

I’m living rich sitting fat, but I want mo’,

I’m living lavish, and I ain’t got no time for the po’,

My ass bleeds for single mothers of eight,

But like Marie said,

Let them bitches eat cake,

I’m not heartless,

I’m like Ron Hobbesian,

Theopolitics, books all Leviathan,

I’m not cold, I’m a humanitarian,

I wanna see human progress ‘till the very end! wooo!”

“That was nice, Ghost.” Karasz Kun said. “Did you ever consider yourself to be a song writer?”

“Why would I?” Ghost answered.

“Aaaah…. Because you… are talented?” Karasz Kun said. This was good for Ghost his ego – correction – self-confidence, but he still declined. “I’m a capitalist! And first, I want to go home and out of this body. Don’t you agree, Karasz Kun?”

“It seems nice around here…” he muttered. “And to be honest, this fur is keeping me warm while it’s cold out.”

“Are you a freaking furry now? Come on, Karasz Kun! Don’t you all turn fruity on me now! I need someone I can trust in a time like this.”

Speaking of furries, Ghost knew he still had to do something about Elfoxoloco. That asshole just didn’t stop uploading videos about him and it was making him mad. But hey, he was right here in Ponyville making him a perfect target for –

“Njaaa-aagh! Nja-aaa-aaah!” The Engineer shouted to Ghost.

“What is it now, Engineer?” Ghost muttered, grumpy.

“Naaaa-aaah-daaa!” The Engineer shouted, pointing to the sky.

But it was already too late. Something hard smashed right into Ghost his head, flat his head and Stetson hat completely flat.

“EVERYTHING OKAY DOWN THERE?!” a pegasus mare shouted from above. Ghost really wanted to know who it was, because he really needed to punch that talking horse. Ghost shoved the chest of his head and got back onto his feat.

The pegasus came into view. She had gray fur, had two yellow  eyes that looked at totally different directions and had for some reason bubbles for a cutie mark.

“I’m sorry, mister. I just don’t know what went wrong!” the mare said to Ghost. What was her name? Derpy Grooves, right?

Ghost didn’t say anything to Derpy but instead turned his head to say something towards the Engineer, but Ghost was dumbfounded when he saw the Engineer staring.

“nja… aa-aa-aaa-aaaggh…”

“Um… thanks?” Derpy said, grinning a bit while blushing. “So… what is your name?”

“Graa-aah!”

“Nice to meet you, En-gi-neer!” Derpy said. She then turned to Karasz Kun. “And who are you?”

“I’m Karasz Kun. What’s your name?”

“I’m called Derpy! But when writing something formal, I’m called Ditzy!” she then chuckled a bit. She picked up the package, grinned a bit embarrassed to Ghost, and then flew off. “I have to deliver this package, guys! Hope I see you guys later!” she shouted.

Ghost sighed. Stupid retarded horse that mare was… should be used for horse meat…

“Man…” Karasz Kun said, his mouth wide open. “She was… gorgeous…”

“Dzje-wouje-aaage-aaah…”

What the hell? Ghost thought. What are they… then it hit him. NO! THIS CAN’T BE HAPPENING! WHY…..

Right that instant, Ghost went for a nearby ditch and released the contents of his stomach in it. But the Engineer and Karasz Kun were so in love with Derpy, they didn’t even notice.

It was going to be a long night for Ghost. But just after he was done with throwing up, he felt something kicking against his leg.

“AND WHAT IS IT NOW?!” he shouted to it. When Ghost took a better look, he saw it was a white bunny who was taken aback by Ghost’s reaction to it. Why would a bunny be kicking against my leg?

The bunny made some sounds and pointed to the mess Ghost made in the ditch.

“And why would you care? It is not even on the road, (censor)” Ghost argued with the bunny. This made the bunny even more furious, but someone else intervened.

“Oh, uhm, I’m sorry, mister. Angel bunny here can be really insensitive sometimes…”

When Ghost turned around to see who was talking to him, and saw a butter yellow pegasus.

Fluttershy? I almost got full house on my first day here in freaking Brony land…

“I hope he hasn’t hurt you?” she apologized.

In what way could a freaking fruity bunny even hurt me?

She then notices the vomit that Ghost had threw up in the in the ditch.

“O, my goodness! ” Fluttershy said while holding a hoof for her mouth. “You poor thing!”

What the hell?

“Mister, I didn’t know you were ill!” she then put a hoof on Ghost’s forehead to check if he had a fever. “You should get to bed right away!”

“Listen, pony - ” Ghost tried to say, put he was then grabbed by Fluttershy and taken towards her cottage. The Engineer and Karasz Kun noticed that and followed them. Ghost kicked around trying to get the pegasus mare off him, but she didn’t notice anything.  She didn’t even notice his swearing words, but she was to innocent to understand them anyway.

First that pink thing hugs and tries to brainwash me, and now Fluttershy? What?! What the hell are those fruity liberal Soviet midgets trying to do now?! Is she now going to sedate me and then brainwash me?! Stupid sons of-

Fluttershy had now dragged Ghost with her – and she was too far away in her thoughts thinking how she could help the poor sick stallion to notice his ranting – and dragged him inside. “You must have a really bad flu, mister! But don’t worry, I can help you!” Fluttershy said.

I’m not sick, stupid pony!

Fluttershy opened a drawer, and took a thermometer. Then she went to Ghost – which she had put on the couch. “Mouth open…” Fluttershy said.

“Wait a second, you talking - ” but he was interrupted because the thermometer was shoved into his mouth.

“O, poor thing,” Fluttershy said with a motherly tone. Then she felt Ghost’s forehead. “You are steaming hot! We need to do something about that right away!”

Fluttershy then went back to the drawer. Then, Ghost noticed that the Engineer and Karasz Kun were standing by the window.

“djzee-eeeh-aah-ahah?” the Engineer to Karasz Kun, but the latter of course didn’t understand him.

What do you think, Engineer? HELP ME!

“What? Wááát?” Karasz Kun responded.

“ah! Ge-ah-ka!”

“Okay… I think Ghost will be fine here. I mean, he’s sick, right? And if Fluttershy can take care of him… we better not disturb them.”

WHAT?!

Before Ghost could get up, however, Fluttershy was already back. She had taken a damp cloth, put it on Ghost’s forehead and urged him to lie down.

“Just relax, mister. You are going to be just fine. Don’t worry.”

What the hell?! I’m not even sick, you talking horse piece of garbage!

But when Fluttershy suddenly put a blanket over him. Ghost began to have that feeling again. That warm feeling he got when that pink thing hugged him – wait this one also has a pink mane. And a pale one at that. Is it emo or something. Must be. Yeah, taking care of animals, treehugger, pale… I’m in the house of an emo hippie who has nothing better to do than trying to be nice and then proclaim communism to everyone – wait a second, this explains what those liberal soviet midgets are up to! But I’m not going to let them have their way!

Just before Ghost wanted to take the blanket off and get the hell out of there, Fluttershy came back to him. She gave him a cup of tea. “No need to thank me, mister! We’re going to fix you right up!”

TEA?!

And then Ghost felt that same feeling as what Pinkie Pie gave him. Something called… caring… like how his transtesticle wife felt for him and how his fruity son felt for him before they said they never wanted to see him again.

Ghost felt so peaceful at that moment. Like there was something that gave him an aura. And then he drifted off to sleep.

“So, lads, so this must be the place!” Tzeki said, pointing at a building. It was an apartment somewhere between the edge of the town and the center. It was quite a large apartment, obviously meant for a group to live in, a company or just a large family.

The capitalists noticed that the building was still in good shape. For some, like Equestrian Citizen and Asho, that was quite a relief. Coming in an old and dusty building and then have to clean up everything? It was already getting dark, and they would be sleeping soon yet.

They still couldn’t believe that only this morning they woke up in Canterlot as ponies. They hoped that this would maybe be a sign to get a better life than the ones they had – and hopefully, the Ghostler would also see that way.

Suspicious Tumbleweed tried the key out of her pocket, but had problems doing so since Asho was jumping just beside her.  And, of course, her wings were in her way. It would take her some time to get accustomed to them. she hasn’t yet tried to fly with them – DarkRazorZ, knowing him, probably has already tried it – but first she wants to get integrated with living in Equestria. Weird, last night I was still babysitting Asho and now…

To Suspicious’ relief, the place seemed clean inside. She took the key, put it in her mouth, then put in the door and tried to open it. It took her a few attempts before she succeeded. Let’s wait with flying until I got this under control…

When she opened it, Asho immediately went inside to check it out. Fortunately, Tzeki and Equestrian Citizen were more of a gentlecolts and let the lady walk inside first. Or, trot.

The door lead them into an hallway. On either side of the hallways were doors, the left one leading to the kitchen and the right one to the living room. On the end of the hallway there were also 2 doors, the left leading to the eating room and the right to the bathroom while there was a staircase to the bedrooms upstairs. Hopefully, we can all stay here for a while…

She could already hear Asho looking around upstairs, making loud noises. She couldn’t tell if that was just because he was a noisy kid, or his hooves did that.

Suspicious, Tzeki and Equestrian Citizen entered the living room, followed by Elfoxoloco and Becky. Becky seemed curious and sniffed at the couch, while the others just looked around the room. Why does Becky do that?

“Man, nigga, lemme tell ya, this is some fine piece of work,” Equestrian Citizen said, nodding. “I think we’re going to be just fine sitting here.”

“Well, this house does seem to have a nice atmosphere,” Tzeki commented. “I wonder though what will happen when Ghost is here and he has a… disturbing attitude.”

“Well, Pinkie gave him some cans, that seemed to be working…” Becky said. “I still find him a bit scary.”

The filly inspected every single object that was in the room, sniffing it. Does she think she is a dog or something? Weird…

Suspicious went over to the kitchen. The kitchen had a large sink and furnace. At least we can cook for all of us here…

Wen inspecting the cupboards and fridge, she noticed that there was enough food stocked to sustain them for a few days. After that, they should go to the marketplace. But there was plenty of time for those sorts of things, and with the money they got from the princess, they should be able to handle themselves for a month or so. I still have to look for a job… and someone needs to take care of Asho.

Never mind. Let’s get settled in, first.

Suspicious went upstairs. There were two more floors, and each floor had several bedrooms, enough so that everypony could have one – Ghost, Engineer, Karasz Kun, Asho, Suspicious, Becky, Equestrian Citizen, Tzeki, Elfoxoloco and perhaps Goofy Bone. There were also 2 extra bathrooms. That was a relief, considering somepony is known for being for a long time on the toilet. Plus, if Tub guy where to join us… then we would never use the bathroom ever again. Speaking of Tub guy, where is he?  For that matter, where are all the others?

And Ghostler?

Ghostler was still in Fluttershy’s home, lying on the couch. He was unable to move since Harry the bear had decided to keep the ‘’poor sick pony’’ company for the night. It almost crushed Ghost, and the only thing Ghost could do was let out a few muffled words. Angel thought at first he heard words about demanding more respect and “soviet liberal midgets”, but dismissed it. He simply didn’t care about it, the annoying rabbit he always has been. Instead, he just decided to prank a bit with the wedged capitalist, which – to Angel’s amusement – seemed to annoy him. Harry the bear all the while was still peacefully sleeping and had no idea of what was going on.

There was only one thing he wanted, and that was to get the hell out of Brony land.

He needed to get out of Ponyville and find a place where they would be willing to help them out. But he couldn’t even leave Fluttershy’s home:  there was still a heavy sleeping bear on top of him.

Finally, Angel bunny stopped pranking him, and because of exhaustion the capitalist fell asleep.

Ghost was standing with a US flag in the middle of Moscow. Why, he didn’t know, but nonetheless he knew he had to do something. These people couldn’t be left alone. It was time to propagate! Capitalism for all!

He reached for a loudspeaker, climbed on top of a few crates, and started to spread the melting pot of capitalism to everyone who could hear it. But not a single cock-eyed Russian liked it.

“Just give up, John. ” he heard someone say. The voice was familiar. He looked at where the voice was coming from and saw a guy standing there. He had a large, gray winter coat on and a typical Soviet hat.

“J**** ****t, is this Nikolai?!” Ghost said, a tad upset.

“Yes Ghost, it is me, Nikolai! Your most favorite Russian buddy - ”

“You’re an over feminized fruit bowl communist bastard from where I’m standing! How about you take ten steps away from my freaking butt crack before you come and communize the place up again?! I won’t forget those stupid bottles of capitalist vodka you made, you stupid piece of crap! I should’ve put you on the shit list for that!” Ghost ranted.

“Well Ghost, we are in front of the Kremlin, so I won’t have to do anything… I’m just going to go home now, and drink some Russian vodka blue label. See you later!” and with that, he walked away.

When Ghost turned around, he understood what Nikolai had meant. Before him, a whole horde of communist bastard were there to arrest him.

But they wouldn’t take him alive! If they wanted to kill capitalism, they would have to go through him, first!

But when he tried to punch them, he got overwhelmed. This was the end.

Suddenly, a bright light appeared and everything disappeared around Ghost. When he opened his eyes again, he saw that he was a pony again, and now lying in a green grass field.

How much fruitier could it get?

When he looked around him, he suddenly saw a blue talking horse. What was her name again? Luna, right?

“Greetings, Mr. Conquest. I see you had to suffer an unfortunate night mare.”

“Yeah, no shit, Sherlock!” Ghost mumbled, not really amused by the intervention of the lunar goddess. It made Ghost aware that he was dreaming at the moment, and also that Luna was inside his mind. As she a dream? Or was that really her?

“Mr. Conquest, my name is not Sherlock. I am Princess Luna, alicorn of the night and watcher of dreams.”

“Well, that’s a nice occupation.”

Luna chuckled a bit. “Don’t be so grumpy, Mr. Conquest. But please, let me ask you, have the citizens of Ponyville welcomed you with open hooves? I would really like to know if everything has worked out fine…”

“Flutter-i-yee had taken me in because she thought I was ill. And - ”

“Aah, Fluttershy, element of kindness. Yes, of course. I should’ve expected something like that could occur. She did something similar when my sister’s pet phoenix went through a rebirth.”

“I’m sure that was one big adventure for your little ponies.”

“It was. But Mr. Conquest, now I must really ask you to get a hold of your temper. My sister got a letter from her pupil Twilight Sparkle saying one of the humans made a ruckus in town square. You wouldn’t know anything about that, would you?”

She knows. But Ghost didn’t care.

“Anyway. Except for the event about your nightmare, there is another reason why I’m here.  You are the oldest human in your group, and I’ve heard that you are the main reason they’re together.”

“Something like that.”

Luna beckoned him to follow her, and Ghost followed her. Then, he came into another dream. “What is this?” he asked.

“This is the dreamscape of one of your friends – the melting pot friends, am I correct?”

Ghost shook his head. “Doubtful. I bet it is just from some fruity - ”

“Watch.” Luna demanded of him. Ghost then look towards the scene unfolding before his eyes. He saw a boy with black hair being beaten at school.  One of the boys that were beating the kid was a Hispanic kid, and he seemed to be the leader. The others were two whites and a black kid.

“An Hispanic as a leader. That is not something you see every day…” Ghost mumbled.

“I beg your pardon?” Luna said, confused. “What does ‘Hispanic’ mean?”

Ghost pointed with a forehoof towards the Hispanic kid. “Him. He’s Hispanic.”

“And how do you know he is one?” Luna asks.

“His skin colors and face, of course!” Ghost said.

“Interesting…” Luna remarked. “So, you categorize your own species based on skin colors? That seems to be a way to let racism evolve out of control…”

“I’m not a racist!” Ghost shouted to her. “I happen to have a whole bunch of friends that happen to be black! I happen to have a whole bunch of friends who happen to be Hispanic! Or wop, camel jockey and kraut”

Luna looked at him, confused. “…I’ve never said YOU were a racist… but somehow you seem to prefer to categorize your friends based on their skin colors.”

Ghost looked away, but said nothing. Luna wanted to talk about another subject and just dropped the case.

“…anyway. Do you know who these children are?”

“How should I know that?” Ghost said.

“…because you lead them, Mr. Conquest. You are the one that brought them together for a single purpose, one that I cannot comprehend as of yet.”

Trolling? Ghost thought.

Luna pointed to the Hispanic kid. “That one over there is the one you call Asho. And that kid that is receiving violence is the one you refer to as…. Karasz Kun. This is his dream.”

Canterlot Royal Guard training grounds, around midnight.

“For the last time, lieutenant, if you do not behave as the protocol demands, I have to report you to captain Shining Armor!”  lieutenant Sparky said, annoyed.

“Ya need to chill out, baby! Ah’ doing my job júúúst fine, you see!”

“Reported: lieutenant Ghetto Capitalist does not respond properly towards officers…” Sparky said while noting his files.

“Just point me where to go, and I’ll do it, baby! Ah, ah, ah, ah!”

Sparky sighed. “If you do not behave as you’re told, you will be pointed towards the brig!”

“Cááálm, baby!  Everything will be just fine, you see!”

Sparky deadpanned him, and then pointed him towards the wall. “All right… I will file this report to the captain, and you will get to man the watch tower to the south… for the entire night! No breaks!”

“Will do! See you, baby!” Ghetto said with a smile, then he trotted off.

Sparky found the human to be incompetent to become an officer, and he would note that in his report towards the captain. One thing is weird though… Sparky thought. Each time I see him, I hear a foal crying loudly. How is that possible?

Now that Princess Celestia was asleep and Princess Luna was doing her nightly duties, Princess Mi Amore Cadenza  took the job of welcoming the new humans into Equestria. And this round would be a special one! They had refined the spell, so that also non-Bronies would be able to enter Equestria. It is for the better. It will tell us how non-Bronies will react to entering a wonderland full of ponies… and if they will love or hate it.

The pink mare walked towards one of the halls where the humans would be teleported in. She had learned the spell thoroughly. Envision the person you need to go to, teleport, then come back as soon as possible before the magic that is encased in your body runs out. That is 5 minutes at the most.

She would only need 15 seconds, tops.

Princess Cadence took out the photograph of the human she needed to get into Equestria. According to the reports, he was a friend of the leader of the ‘capitalists’ group. He looked like to be overweight in comparison to the other photographs of humans she had seen, but then again, how much did she know about humans?

She envisioned the person in her mind, and then fired the teleportation spell. It was a very difficult spell, and the only ones who could pull it off were the alicorns. Even if a normal unicorn could do it, the unicorn would get stuck in the human world due to lack of magic. Even alicorns couldn’t stay on Earth for more than a couple of minutes. This human world doesn’t even have a portal, like the one in the basement of Canterlot castle… but that one is sealed off, though. Besides, those humans have weird skin tones. Like there is something wrong with their pigment.

The spell encased her, and there she went. The person would of course not expect her, but explanations could be done later on back in Equestria. He seemed to be nice though, this Mr. Alexander Emerick  -

7. *cans.wav*

7. *cans.wav*

”And the – Ghostler – says, wie is der master race? Sieg heil! Heil! Right in the – Ghostler’s – face! Not that you would love the – Ghostler - , he is a great disgrace! So Sieg Heil! Heil ! Right in the – Ghostler’s – face!

*terret-tet-tet,terret-tet-tet*

And the – Engineer – says, we own the world in space! Sieg Heil! Heil! Right in the – Engineer’s – face! And then – Herman Cain - says, they’ll never bomb this place! Sieg Heil! Heil! Right in – Herman Cain’s - face!”

GET THIS STUPID SHIT OFF, GET IT - *cans.wav* OFF!

Ghost woke up, sweating and panting. Stupid milky-lickers, giving him nightmares… now where in name of capitalism has he gone to, he wondered. It looked like he was in the inside of a hollow tree.

O, yeah. Flutter-i-yee had kidnapped him. A freaking colorful talking horse! Stupid sack of crap…

When Ghost tried to move, he found himself unable to. Something held him tight. When Ghost looked up, he saw what it was.

IT’S THAT STUPID BEAR AGAIN!

Ghost tried to move away with all his might, but the bear didn’t even notice it. it was like the bear used Ghost as a pillow. Did Flutter-i-yee use this as a way to keep me locked up? That stupid fear mongrel talking horse piece of crap…!!!

Ghost turned his head around to see what time it was. It was half past twelve. Great. I’m stuck for the rest of the night with this… thing. That bear wouldn’t have dared it if we were at 6th Street! All my friends there would help me… I’m known all around those parts, furry boy! I’m known all around...

That’s it! I should call up Asho, Suspicious Tumbleweed, Karasz Kun and the others and raid this place! How dare they mess with me! Look at them! And… and…

Although he didn’t admit it, Harry the bear was kind of soft. And because he was exhausted from the long and ridiculous day, he fell to sleep.

Author’s note: I know you all want it, but there will be no Ghost x Harry the bear. Thank you!

Although it was past midnight, it wasn’t really dark outside thanks to Luna’s beautiful night sky. It was a half-full moon and numerous stars sparkled through the sky. Beneath the clouds, on a field beside Ponyville, something lovely was brewing.

“So… what do you do for a living?” Karasz Kun said. he just stood there, under the beautiful night sky, talking to the most beautiful mare he had ever laid eyes on.

“I? I am the local mailware!” the gray pegasus mare said, blushing.

“What? What! So… you bring the mail around for the ponies in Ponyville?”

“I sure do!” Derpy said, smiling.

Karasz Kun started hoping that out of nowhere the song “can you feel the love tonight” from the Lion King would start playing. Unfortunately, this Don Juan had to do this himself.

“A draconequus?” Ghetto Capitalist mumbled. “It is not Discord, baby, he is turned to stone and standing in the garden… ”

Shining Armor nodded. “This is another one. He is one of your fellow human-Bronies. Perhaps you should meet him. He is not really used to his power and Princess Luna has ordered me to tell you that you need to keep an eye on him. Make sure that he does not get out of hand.”

“Come on, baby! I already got lot of things to do! Why can’t someone else do it, baby?” Ghetto Capitalist protested.

I still wonder why I keep hearing a foal crying when I’m near him… Shining Armor thought.

“That is something much more important! Besides, there isn’t really a lot that you need to do. You’re in the military now. I don’t know where it works where you came from, but out here, we follow orders.”  Shining Armor said to him while putting his ‘strict’ face on.

When the two unicorns went around the corner, they saw the draconequus standing there. He was mostly gray (unlike Discord being brown) and didn’t have that goat beard that Discord had. But one thing was something that was remarkable to Ghetto.

He’s fat.

The draconequus was writing on some papers. What he was writing about, Ghetto didn’t know. Ghetto approached the draconequus. “Hello?”

The draconequus looked up. “Yes?”

“I’m Ghetto Capitalist, baby! Lieutenant of the human battalion here in Canterlot! Mr. Shining Armor here instructed me to spy on you all the time, baby!” he said, while nodding towards Shining, who instantly facehoofed.

“Well…” the draconequus said – who, to Ghetto’s opinion had a very heavy voice for some reason – “I suppose that Celestia and Luna obviously want that. They just want to maintain control to overcome that someone would topple them over… right?”

Ghetto nodded. “Pretty much, baby!”

The draconequus then shook hoof/paw with Ghetto. “Then that must be it. Well, I’m Alexander. Known all throughout the States. I hope this can be the beginning of a solid cooperation.”

Shining Armor then walked away while facehoofing. It is already late. I’m off to bed. I will deal with this mess later.

Some hours later Luna’s moon went under the horizon to make way for the dawn.  Celestia’s sun rose in the sky and everypony in Ponyville was waking up from a quiet night.

And of course there was Ghost, who was still stuck in the furry arms of a bear who used him as a pillow.  He was almost squeezed tight, but finally the bear let go of him and went outside. The reason for that was obvious, as Fluttershy was feeding the animals.  This gave Ghost a chance to stretch his legs for a moment.

ow, ow, ow, ow! I will need a whole lot of Johnny Walker to dull the pain this time… stupid bear!

Ghost tried to walk outside – he had no idea where the house was where the other capitalists were staying, but it was better than nothing. They have to be looking for me! I am the talent!

But just before he was outside, Fluttershy walked back in. she was of course nursing and caring like always. “O, my goodness! You’re up! I was so worried there last night when you threw up in that ditch that I just had to do something! What do you want for breakfast?”

All the while she was pushing him back on the couch, oblivious of the rants that Ghost spew out in the meantime.

“Now what you need, mister, is some warm soup! Yes! That will fix you right up! I can still hear you couching! It must be a terrible illness you have!” she then reached her right forehoof up to his head. “O, my! You’re glowing red! You need some extra bedtime right away!”

When Fluttershy had Ghost set on the couch again, Ghost of course immediately wanted to get the hell out of there.  “Listen, you stupid sack of crap Flutter-I-yee…”

“GRMBL!” he something grumbling behind him. When he looked up, he saw it was that bear again, somehow urging him to stay put and just let Fluttershy nurse somepony – like that bear was doing Fluttershy a favor.

When will the cavalry arrive? Ghost wondered. It was going to be a long day.

But there was one thing he knew: he had to go back to Earth.  Of course, the pony princesses that brought him here weren’t exactly much of a help, and it was obvious they wouldn’t help him now. Maybe a neighboring country would be a help.  Maybe they had portals there that would lead to other worlds – including his own.

The trip would be long, but his fellow capitalists would of course help him.

When he was thinking about it, suddenly he heard a female voice with a Texan accent talking to Flutter-i-yee. Was that the cavalry, or…?

When he looked up, he saw it was another fruity talking horse – Applejack. Named after the alcoholic beverage for some fruity reason. Even her name was fruity.

Ghost pointed his ears to hear what they were talking about.

“So… she has to do a test?” he heard Fluttershy say.

“Yeah, something like that. The princess wants that from her. And knowing Twilight, she is a bit stressfull right now.”

“So… what do I need to do about it?” Fluttershy asked Applejack.

“Ah thought we should be there for her, you reckon? I’m sure it will help here if we are there to support her.”

“We have to go to Canterlot? But I’ve got a sick patient here that needs my help…” she said while pointing with her hoof in Ghost’s direction.

Applejack looked at Ghost.

“Isn’t that that troublemaker from yesterday in town square where Pinkie had vowed to make that stallion her friend?”

Fluttershy stared at Ghost, and suddenly her eyes went big. “O, my goodness, you’re right!”

“Yah can’t just take anypony in, Fluttershy! Before yah know it ponies will use yah for their own benefit!”

“Uhm… I don’t know, Applejack. He is really ill, and needed my help!”

“Why would he need yah help, Fluttershy? Tell me.”

“He was puking in a ditch yesterday and just now his forehead was really hot…”

“Just because somepony was drunk in apple cider doesn’t mean they’re ill, Fluttershy. Before yah know it, he would’ve been violent.”

Then Harry the bear grumbled a bit, and Applejack realized that Fluttershy actually never had been in any real danger.

“Anywho…” Applejack said. “We should be going to Twilight. Can you leave the animals behind for a few days?”

Fluttershy nodded. “Angel and Harry can take care of everything. It is not the first time I’ve been gone for a few days.” The bunny, who was standing in the door opening, and Harry both nodded simultaneously. Fluttershy quickly packed a few of her things and then went off with Applejack, leaving the animals – and Ghost – behind.

When they had left, Ghost stared at Harry. “So… can I go now?”

Harry nodded, letting Ghost get out of the house. No use keeping him here, right?

Ghost quickly left the house, trying to keep distance from Fluttershy and Applejack who were heading towards Twilight’s library. Instead, he went for the place where the other capitalists were located… if he could find it.

When looking around him when he entered Ponyville, there was a realization that dawned into him.

I’m lost.

Suspicious Tumbleweed, Tzeki and Equestrian Citizen  were at the kitchen sink making breakfast. Being ponies made the job a bit harder, but the tree knew that they would get the hang of it eventually. It was just a time of adjusting. Time. Nothing more than that. (Unless something would interrupt them, but to them, it seemed like they were having a peaceful time for the moment.)

“Now to think of it…” Suspicious wondered out loud. “Why is Karasz Kun asleep? To me, he never seemed to be much of a sleeper.”

“He made it last night,” Equestrian Citizen responded. “He’s still sleeping.”

Asho – who was sitting on the couch – tuned in “Karasz Kun and Derpy, sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G…”

“Asho, stop that!” Suspicious snarled at him. “Just be nice to him! He already has it diificult…”

“…From having not so many brain cells…” Tzeki mumbled, which made Asho grin. Suspicious heard it, but decided not to give him also a speech. She instead turned her attention to Asho.

“Say, Asho…” Suspicious said. “Have you made any friends yet? You have to go school tomorrow, so you better have made some friends!”

“But I don’t wanna go to school! I already did that when I was human!”

“So? Does that change here?” Suspicious said, smirking.

“Well…”

“Then you will just go to school. Every child – or foal –has to. But you haven’t answered my question yet. Have you made any friends?”

“Uhm…” Asho thought. “Yes! Thre is this kid called Button Mash. He’s totally cool.”

“All right…”

“…and his mother is totally MILF! Just check her out! She’s hot!”

That made Suspicious facehoof. She did not know how to respond to it properly, but just went with the ‘’we are not talking that way about other kids’ parents’’ speech towards Asho, which made Tzeki grin. Tzeki always thought that Asho needed to be shut up.

“But have you made any other friends? Or just Button Mash?”

“Yeah!” Asho said. “The Cutie Mark Crusaders! And there were a few other foals and fillies I saw the previous day, but of course I will have to see them…” he sighed. “…tomorrow.”

That made the others laugh. And then Engineer walked in. “djze-eh,eh!”

“Good morning, Engineer!” Suspicious said.

“Good morning, actual host!”  Tzeki said. “Sleep wel?”

“Nja-ah! Djaa-a-a-ah!”

“Good for you,” Tzekl said, not understanding the mumbling of the Engineer. “Is Karasz Kun still sleeping?”

“Ja!”

“Talking ‘bout waking up,” Equestrian Citizen said, “I should wake up mah daughter. She actually shouldn’t be asleep right now, ya know?”

“You do that!” Suspicious said.

Equestrian Citizen then went off. It made Suspicious think, though. Equestria really is a peaceful place. But we haven’t seen any kind of adventure yet – it is like I’m still home, but now being a pony. Maybe it will come some other time?

And where is Ghost? I’m starting to worry a bit about him…

Ghostler was walking through town in the hopes of finding the house that was given to the capitalists – easier said than done. Except for one or two strange and fruity looking houses, most of them were just made of wood and plaster – except that said plaster had a lot of hay in it and looked like it would go down in any moment.

You know what? Let’s just ask one of these talking horses if they know where it is. Will save me a lot of time!

Ghost decided to walk up to a pony and ask it about the whereabouts of the capitalist. That unicorn mare on the other side of the street will do.

“Excuse me, miss, but…” Ghost attempted to say before the mare saw him and interrupted him.

“Hey! I’ve seen you yesterday!” she squeezed. “You’re one of the humans, right?”

“Uh… yeah? So what?”

She squeezed again and her eyes went big. “Oh! I’ve wanted to talk to one of you all day yesterday! And last night too! I couldn’t sleep about it!  Bob-Bon says I’m far too obsessed by humans, but I’m only just interested! Tell me, what is your name?”

What does this fruity green talking horse piece of crap want from me?! Ghost thought, but he decided to go along with it. He needed his directions after all.

“John Conquest.” Ghost responded to her questions.

Immediately, the mare shook his hoof. “A fine please to meet you, good sir! I’m Lyra! Lyra Heartstrings! Oooo…. You must tell me everything! Tell me! What is it like to have fingers? To drive cars? Do you have a society? What kind of government do you support?”

“Well, I’m a capitalist, but…”

“Oooo! And what is ca-pi-tal-is-m like? I’ve never heard of it!”

That made Ghost his nerve break. “YOU HAVE NEVER HEARD ABOUT CAPITALISM?!”

The mare, shocked by Ghost his response took a step back. “Uh… no….”

Ghost, shocked to by hér response, looked around him and said. “I need a Johnny Walker. or a beer. Or Johnny Walker ánd a beer. Do you know where I can get those?”

“What is a John Wolker?” Lyra asked, clueless of what Ghost was talking about.

THEY HAVEN’T GOT ANY JOHNNY WALKERS HERE? OR BEER? THOSE SICK SONS OF BITCHES – OR WHATEVER THEY ARE…

“Uhm… Mr. Conquest?” Lyra asked.

“Yeah? And what do you want?” Ghost shouted in her face.

“I really like to know more about humans!”

“What? Are you obsessed by us or something?”

“Uhm… just a bit interested.”

“And what do I need to tell you about humans, then? Listen, pony, all I want is…”

“Everything!”

“What?” Ghost asked, confused.

“I want to know everything about humans!” Lyra said.

“Well, you’re not going to, fruity pony! I just need to go to - ”

Lyra took a step forward and looked Ghost in the eyes. “No! You’re going to tell me!”

“O yeah? And what made you think that?” Ghost asked.

Lyra looked around. “It is still early and the streets are still empty. Please, excuse me.”

What is this talking horse talking about?

But before Ghost could respond, Lyra took a hammer out of nowhere and knocked Ghost out, making him unconscious.

8. GIMME THE MIKE! GIMME THE MIKE!

Ghost slowly regained consciousness he saw the lights of the day coming through a small window just below the ceiling. How much beer did I drink last night?

When he snapped his eyes right open, he realized what had happened. A talking horse has foal – I mean, kidnapped me! That made him think a bit more through about what might happen. those fruit bowls are influencing me! Indoctrinating me! But I will not let it happen!

Ghost tried to move, but noticed that he was tied to the table. He wasn’t going anywhere. He was also muffled, thus making him unable to shout for help. Great. I’m now in the hooves of a talking horse meant for 8-year old girls that is going to dissect me once she comes back. Stupid green Harvey Dent up the ass having vermin…

Moving around didn’t really help Ghost get free, as did struggling. But while being busy freeing himself he was interrupted… by soft meowing coming from the window. Ghost looked up to see a white cat with blue eyes standing there. And what the hell do you want? he thought while glaring at the cat.

The cat pushed the slightly open window frame and came inside. The cat seemed to recognize Ghost for some reason. Where do I know this cat from? The cat hopped on some boxes that were near the window and then walked over to the table were Ghost was tied up on. The cat then looked at Ghost and made some strange sounds. Did that cat just laugh at me?

The cat hopped up on the table, and when he got a closer look Ghost recognized who this cat was. IS THAT SPERMY?

Spermy grinned and jumped on Ghostler’s head, going to do his…

WARNING: THIS IS A SFW STORY. THIS SCENE HAS BEEN CENSORED. LET US JUST ASSUME THAT STUFF HAPPENED AND THAT GHOST IS NOW COVERED IN WHAT LOOKS LIKE GLUE. THIS IS ALL CAUSED BY SPERMY THE CAT.

After a quarter of an hour the sound of hooves were heard, causing Spermy to quickly leave through the open window.

Finally, Ghost thought. Someone to rescue me-

He cut himself short when he saw who that was in the door opening.

Of course. The foal- I mean, kidnapper.

Lyra came walking down the stairs, with a grin on her face. That grin suddenly left her face and was replaced for confusion when she saw all the white goo on Ghost his face, hooves and belly.

“What happened to you?” Lyra asked.

“Mffff!” Ghost responded, him of course still being muffled.

“O, yes,” Lyra said, hesitantly. “Let me get that off for you.”

Lyra then used her magic to get the pieces of cloth out of his mouth and untie the one that was tied around his muzzle. “So!” she said, looking awkwardly at the cloths that were stained with the white goo. “Is that better?”

Ghost groaned a few times, similar to the groans when he had breakdowns during his show. He then turned to Lyra. “What is the meaning of this?!”

Lyra looked at him, confused. “I-I –I was just going to analyze you and ask you some questions on where you came from, but where did all that white goo come from?”

Ghost then got into a violent rage. “I will do punitive damages out of your ass! First you give me a smack in the back of the head harder than two bottles of Johnny Walker, and now you’re just standing over there mumbling because there is… this all over me! What is your problem?”

“Well… I just wanted to know more about you!”

“And the best way to do that is to smack the living crap out of me?”

“But you were walking away when I asked you about your cavitalispm!”

“IT’S CAPITALISM! YOU SORRY GREEN MONGREL TYPE OF -”

“I’m sorry! But I really want to know what capritism is!”

“O, WELL? SHOVE IT UP YOUR CLOGGED UP - ” but then Ghost hesitated. He realized he maybe could gain a follower her. A talking horse meant for eight year old girls as a follower? Well, another capitalist in the capitalist army would always be welcome… right? Maybe he could do some good in this world, which seemed to be a dictatorship by two oppressing monarchs. “Really? You want to learn about capitalism?”

Lyra nodded.

“Well…” Ghost said. “Get me out of these restraints, then I can tell you all about it.”

Lyra put him out of his restraints. Then something remarkable happened. Ghost acted nice for once. He was covered in white goo all over, but that didn’t stop him from trying to reach his goal, which is to assimilate another person into the capitalist army. A bond grew between Lyra and Ghost over the course of an  hour… a bond which was made by common interest in the world of humans, and…

“So…” Lyra said, shocked, “you mean that you are against the idea that poor people should not be allowed to get food from the government?”

“Yes!” Ghost said. “That is junkyard America! People who do no good for society and are only relying on food stamps and Obamacare to survive - ”

“That’s horrible!” Lyra said, eyes wide open.

“Well, if people cannot capitalize in - ”

“No! this is not the way! You’ve got to share, you’ve got to care! We should help the weaker ones! That is our responsibility!” Lyra intervened.

That was enough for Ghost. Making her understand the concepts of capitalism was hard enough, but the fact that she was so deeply rooted in socialism and social care was beyond Ghost’s imagination. Ghost had not even expected that she would even be worse than Lenin and Stalin!

Ghost facehoofed and was ready to leave. “I’m going to leave now. I see no other options.”

Lyra followed him, trying to stop him. “But wait! I wanted to be your friend!”

“Good for you,” Ghost said. he then followed his path out of the house. I still need to wash myself. Spermy’s stuff stinks

Lyra made no more attempts to stop him, but stayed behind and sobbed a little bit. “I don’t think I like humans anymore…” she mumbled.

Ghost didn’t hear her and continued on. He still didn’t know where the place the others were staying once, but hopefully he would find it eventually. While doing that he began thinking. Equestria obviously wasn’t a place for him to be. It was full of hardcore socialists. It was full of talking horses, something he despised from day one. He hated season 2, even without having ever watched an episode!

There had to be some way to leave this place. Like a portal, or a magical spell or something in that nature to get him out of this place. Something had brought him here, so logically there had to be something to bring him back.

“Ghost?”  he heard someone say. When he looked to where the voice came from, he recognized it as being Asho.

“Ghost! I’ve been wondering where you were!” Asho said, smiling. “I’ve made some friends and I’m going to meet them after school! And.. “  he then noticed the goo on Ghost his face and hooves. “Is that glue?!”

“Yes.” Ghost lied. “Carry on. What is it about you and school?”

“ Well…” he looked down. “…I have to go there tomorrow…”

Ghost wasn’t really interested in anything that he would have to say, or even the fact that he was making friends with ponies. The idea behind it made him want to puke. Nonetheless, that would be less awkward than explaining what Spermy the cat did to him. Instead, he asked him the obvious question.

“Do you know the way to the place we’re supposed to be staying?” Ghost asked.

“Yeah!” Asho nodded. He then pointed to a side road. “We live down that road. To the right you will eventually see a yellow, large house. That is where we live.”

The fact that Asho said ‘life’ and not ‘staying’ made Ghost shudder, but he remained silent about that. If those betrayers of the capitalist army wanted to stay as colorful horses and eat grass and poop rainbows for the rest of their lives, than that was their own problem. Ghost, who at least had half a brain (where the other half was supposed to be there was Alcohol, which caused the rest of his brain to suck that up, which then caused that to swell which then would cause fits of violence and aggression. Of course, Ghost was not aware of this.)

Ghost thanked Asho and then walked down the road. The road, the road, the yellow brick road – no, wait, lets stay on track here. He walked down the road and came to the conclusion that all the yellow houses looked the same. This is what caused Ghost to wander forever and eventually cause his death. No, wait…

This author is an idiot. First he causes lots of plot holes and inconsistencies, now he doesn’t know where to go from here.

Screw it, let’s insert a very contrived reason in here. Despite all the buildings like looking the same, Ghost for no reason instantly found the correct one while never knowing what it looked like.

Ghost stepped inside the house, shouting “Hello? Is anyone there?”

“Yo, ma nigger, you look like you’ve rolled around in glue, man! What happened to ya?” Equestrian Citizen asked him.

“Spermy the cat did this,” Ghost said, frowning

“That is awkward, man! How did that happen?”

“Well,” Ghost said. “I don’t really know. The cat just came through a window and bam, everything was broken. And now I’m going to take a bath.”

EC nodded. “You do that. You look terrible, ma nigga!”

Ghost walked off to the bathroom he conveniently knew where it was despite never having been in this house. Meanwhile, he thought about how many of the capitalist army would be consumed by this insane world.

Is there time to save Karasz Kun? How can I save him? Ghost thought.

And for that matter, where is he?

It was quite early in the afternoon. For most ponies lunch break was already over and were getting back to work. Others only had to only work in the mornings and thus were now relieved of duty. Some of those were now sitting here at Sugarcube Corner, drinking coffee or soda and enjoying muffins and cupcakes, just like any normal day here.

Mrs. Cake enjoyed watching young couples in love in her cafeteria. One of the ponies she knew well; is was Derpy, the clutz of the town. She has never expected her to find a special somepony, but somehow she managed to get one; a human-turned-stallion who had his own mental problems. Mrs. Cake found it romantic and also quite cute seeing them together. She still couldn’t wrap around her head how those two found each other in such a short amount of time.

“So… do you want me to stick around for a while?” Karasz Kun asked Derpy.

Derpy blushed. “Of course, I would love that.”

Hopefully Derpy isn’t as good in breaking hearts as she is in breaking ceilings… Mrs. Cake thought.  I could not stand to see that happen to her and that lovely stallion.

Now they were sharing a muffin together. Mrs. Cake loved seeing that as they both nibbled from their extra-large muffin. It was a chocolate with vanilla, the one Derpy loved most. Sometimes she would fetch a few before heading to work. She was a regular and good customer here.

Out of nowhere suddenly Pinkie Pie bounced in the cafeteria to deliver the couple their hot chocolate.  Mrs. Cake noticed that the hot chocolate had cream on it in a heart-shape.  Well, at least Pinkie understands a bit of romance… Mrs. Cake thought. Hopefully she will not interfere them too much. I’d hate to see that happen, but fortunately Pinkie has improved over the last few months. After all, she does foalsit the twin a lot.

“Here yaaa goo love doves!” Pinkie shouted. She then had a huge grin on her face and bounced back into the kitchen. She’s feeling very Pinkie today,, Mrs. Cake remarked. She then noticed how confused the stallion was by Pinkie’s action, but so did Derpy.

Derpy saw this as well, and explained it to Karasz Kun. “She is just Pinkie Pie. You’ll get used to it.”

Karasz Kun nodded. Yes, he probably would. Although back home he never had much love for the series, he began to feel something for this world – the way they behaved against him, and the way that beautiful lady on the other side of the table was. He finally had something he never had back home – friends, and love.

Back home he only had one friend. And that was a raging alcoholic who rambled on about capitalism.

Here he had something. The idea of wanting to stay and life here forever? That thought creeped up his mind every single hour, but he began to like it more and more.

After Ghost had taken a bath (and a long one too, since the white goo was quite sticky), he made his way through town. According to Suspicious Tumbleweed Karasz Kun had gone off to the middle of town – why? He didn’t know. But he also didn’t care. He needed the only friend he ever had now more than ever. He needed him to escape fruit-balls-land and he was going to help him find a way.

All of a sudden he saw a very fruity looking building he recognized – it was in the series he had never watched, and he also saw it yesterday before that pink thing wanted to fruit him up with a song and wanting to become friends. He stood there for just a second. There was something off with this place, he could feel it in his guts.

And that is when it happened. he saw two ponies coming out of the cafeteria. One of them was Derpy, while the other was…

There’s no way…

It was Karasz Kun. He and that piece of crap pony walked together like they were friends, no, even more than that.

This cannot be happening…  Ghost thought.

Karasz Kun is in love with… a pony?!

While he saw the two doves walk together towards the edge of town, often nuzzling each other, Ghost just stood there, silent. He then fell through his legs and yelled loudly.

Youtube Video

9. *more cans.wav*

9. *more cans.wav*

The revelation that Ghost just had witnessed made him cry beyond belief. The two doves didn’t notice it though and just went on with their daily business. But for Ghost it was now clear; he had to get himself and the Capitalist Army out of here as soon as possible – before they would all be indoctrinated and completely turned into fruity talking horses.

Ghost quickly trotted back to where the apartment was. Just outside of it he saw Asho, Equestrian Citizen’s daughter and some other foals and fillies playing some fruity-ass game with a ball. But it wasn’t his intention to talk to them, he had to talk to some other people – real capitalists, who would aid him in his quest to first congregate and then make an end to their captivity in fruit bowl land.

When he came inside he saw Equestrian Citizen, Suspicious Tumbleweed, the Engineer and a few other capitalists doing whatever they were doing.

“Listen up, everypo... body!” Ghost said. That was a close one. I’m fruiting up already! “I have decided this is no place for capitalists like any of us! we have to get back home as soon as possible!”

The other capitalists looked up, seeing the rambling stallion standing there in the doorway. “And why should we care, ma nigga? Why would we ever want to go back to Junkyard America?” Equestrian Citizen asked him.

“Because… because I said so! Don’t you worry about that, brother-from-another-mother!” Ghost said. “We have to leave this place before every one of us becomes fruity! There is no other alternative!”

“And… how why would you ever want to leave Equestria?” Suspicious Tumbleweed asked him.

“Because it is sick! It is disgusting! I rather listen for three full hour’s non-stop to Alex Jones than spending one more day here!”

Realizing what he just said, he quickly took his words back. “Forget I said anything!”

The others chuckled. “So… you just want to leave Equestria?” Suspicious asked him.

“Yes! I need to get out of here  -and so do you- before any one of us gets fully fruity! For this place I have less respect than Sarah Palin’s glory hole as well as the nostrils of Cadence Cowgirl!”

The outbreak of Ghost against Cowger wasn’t really expected but was approved of by the other capitalists. He was an idiot anyways, and the fact that even Ghostler could see that made them have more respect for him.

“So, mah nigger, what is the big deal?” Equestrian Citizen asked him. “Just go to Princess Celestia and tell her everything, man! She’ll have ya out of here in no time!”

“She is the one trying to get us all to fruit up, for ***** sake! I don’t trust her with anything!” Ghost yelled at him “We have to find somep… body else who is able to get us all back to Junkyard America before we all become so fruity that there is no way back!”

Ghost panted for a little while, and then stared to each and every one of the capitalists. “So…”  he finally said. “Who’s with me?”

“Nja-ah-ah-aaagh!” the Engineer yelled at him. Ghost smiled. Perhaps there was some hope after all. Then he heard a few barks and a husky with sunglasses on joined him.

3 Capitalists are in…. me, the Engineer and Navyhusky. Ghost thought. He looked at Navyhusky. Don’t think just because you join me here that I will forgive you for those splices!

Navyhusky was a bit confused by the looks that Ghost had given him, but he didn’t think too much of it. It was Ghost that stared at him after all.

“I’m  in!” he heard a joyful voice say in the door opening. When he turned around he saw that it was Asho.

“Me too!” he heard another more feminine voice say. It was that daughter of Equestrian Citizen. What was her name again? Kecky of something?

“Not so fast, Becky!” Equestrian Citizen intervened. “Ya can’t just go on a long journey like that!”

“And neither do you, Asho!” Suspicious Tumbleweed told him, sternly. “Why do you do this? so you can escape school tomorrow?”

[size=6pt]”Yes,” Asho mumbled.[/size]

“Well,” Suspicious Tumbleweed said, “There will be nothing of that! You have your own responsibilities, young stallion, and…”

“What about your responsibility?” Ghost asked her.

“Huh?” both Suspicious and Equestrian Citizen responded, confused.

“Look at them! Look at them!” Ghost yelled towards the two. “They are trying to be the masters of their own destiny, for ***** sake! they do better at capitalizing than either of you ever will! They at least understand what is at stake here, better than anyone of you!”

The ears dropped of the two and they looked at the ground. Somewhere deep in their hearts they knew that Ghost was right. They thought they could have a simple life here in Equestria and that was somewhat true, but this… this is a whole different story. Ghost here asked them to take their own responsibility, something they seem to have lost when they became ponies.

Perhaps they had become fruity after all? For both Suspicious as Equestrian Citizen this was very confusing, but they knew Ghost was right.

It stayed silent for a moment. Ghost looked at them in the eyes, furious as always. Both Suspicious as Equestrian Citizen had their ears dropped and looked down.

“All right, mah nigga” Equestrian Citizen finally said. “You’re right. I need to be a master of my own destiny. I will come along with you, for Becky’s sake.”

“And I for Asho’s sake,” Suspicious said.  she still wasn’t sure though if Asho wanted to go back to Earth because he wanted too or because he wanted to escape Ponyville because of school.

“Pack up your stuff,” Ghost said. “We’re leaving at dawn.” He turned around and went outside.

“And what are you going to do, mah nigger?” Equestrian Citizen asked him.

“Safe as many as I can,” Ghost said. With ‘many’ he of course meant only Karasz Kun because that was the only capitalist important to him. The others he didn’t really care for, although he always tried to make them capitalists. The thanks he got for his hard work was always delivered in splices and transtesticle talk.

Would Trisha be in this world? Ghost wondered, but he quickly realized that Suspicious had killed her, so she wouldn’t be a bother.

Ghostler quickly trotted into Ponyville, trying to find his young padawan. It was a hard task to do since he could be virtually anywhere. Maybe he would even go to care-a-lot, the capital city of Brony land for all he knew.

But before Ghost got anywhere, he heard something coming out of the radio that was lying on the street near a couple of fillies who were dancing. It was a piano piece he had heard before… but where? Then the music suddenly stopped and he heard a voice coming out of the radio.

“And now a gigantic applause for our newest guitar player…. Xarahox!!”

And that made Ghost almost want to puke, causing him to trot away in fear from whatever he heard back there. Xarahox is here in Brony land? And what is Xarahox doing, playing for a local radio station? He belongs to True Capitalist Radio! He is my piano player! Mine! He belongs to me! and look at these fruity bastards, they’re ruining it!

I have to save Xarahox… from himself! Ghost thought, determined. Wherever he is, I will find and save him!

After some trotting around, he found Karasz Kun. He of course was still with… that thing with the weird eyes. I will save you, Karasz Kun! Ghost thought. Have no fear!

But before he could get to the two, something else intervened.

“GHOSTIE!” he heard a voice say.

The only thing that Ghost could come up with is how to get out of there as soon as possible… because ‘Pink’ was now chasing him.

“Ghost, my good friend, I saw you there with a frown! You’re to my party because I know you’re really a clown!”

NOW SHE’S SINGING, FOR ***** SAKE! NOW SHE’S SINGING LIKE IT IS A FREAKING X FACTOR!

“And before you say, ‘no that’s too fruity’….” Pinkie Pie sang on, but then she was intervened.

“Pinkie!” Ghost heard another pony say. When he turned around he saw that it was that Tara Strong thing.

“Pinkie, you know we have to go to the Crystal Empire. Your party with this… fine gentlecolt will have to wait for a bit.”

Purple took Pink away, making Ghost’s task to find Karasz Kun a bit easier.

Wait, where is he?

Of course, Ghost could not find Karasz Kun anymore since he and his… lover had taken of and went someplace else. It was most likely that they had not even seen him nor the pink circus clown that suddenly jumped in and started singing to him.

So, for Ghost there was no other option than to just run around looking for him. Ghost knew that time was of the essence him if he were to save Karasz Kun from fruiting up. That… weird-eyed thing seemed like she was controlling him and indoctrinating him to be fruity and stick with him for all of eternity.

No! Ghost thought, I will not let that happen! Never!

This made him wonder how the other capitalists would be. The capitalists from whom he never would think they would end up in Brony land. How can he save them?

“And so I said, ‘Hey baby, I thought you was in trouble, I thought you might need something’, and then he went all beer cans and was completely nuts for a minute, baby!”

Alexander nodded. The fat draconequus didn’t really care for this guy, but he was a fine sport and he could help him with whatever he would need in the future. Maybe he could help him become governor, or even president, or maybe take control over this strange land he just had found himself in.

“So we take all the petty people and we put them into labor camps. Hm-m.” Alexander mused. He found it to be an interesting concept this Ghetto Capitalist had told him about. Maybe he should starts propagating it. after he got home of course. There seemed to be no logical way to get out of this place.

Or maybe he should just take this land and its inhabitants under his control. Than he would be the king of the land. Well, it is not the United States or even a human country, but one cannot be really picky on that one, right?

“Alexander, baby,” Ghetto said, “What do you think of this plan?”

Alexander tried to get his straight face on and pretended he didn’t really saw that much into Ghetto’s plan. He had to keep him under control after all and don’t let him get ant funny ideas.

Then Alexander noticed another figure entering the scene. O, yes, the commander. Or captain. Or whatever. Since when are horses in charge again? he thought. And why does everything around here look so… bright? It’s sickening, really.

“Attention!” he heard the captain say. His name was Shining… something, right? Why would anyone name himself after a piece of armor? O, yes, right, Shining Armor, that’s his name.

“I said, attention!” Shining Armor repeated himself to the Ghetto Capitalist and Alexander, who both didn’t really seem to pay any attention.

“Relax, baby,” Ghetto Capitalist reassured him. “We’ve got your attention, don’t you worry about that, baby!”

Shining Armor ignored his statement and just started talking to the two of them. “I don’t care what you two are up too, but know this; you two and your battalion of… Bronies will be having a march starting tomorrow morning. The goal is to make a march through the countryside, to shape up your own bodies and hopefully your discipline. Hey, you might actually learn something…”

Shining Armor was getting frustrated about what happened of the course of the past few days, but he knew himself that he had to move to the Crystal Empire as soon as possible. Something was brewing there, but he couldn’t just take his guard and march in . especially not these newbies. They would only cause collateral damage and make the whole situation even more fragile. Perhaps Cadence knows what to do. She is the Princess of Love after all. Shining thought. And I need to protect her in this without causing a war. Hopefully, Twilight and her friends will be at the scene to quickly resolve the situation.

“So… we’re having a march, baby?” Ghetto asked Shining. “But I was just liking it here!”

“I don’t care what you like or not! You need to listen to the orders your superiors give you! I’m now ordering you to inform your chalk about what needs to be done. If you don’t, I will see to it that you end up in the cell yourself. ” Shining warned him. “And you as well, draconequus!”  He told Alexander. “Make sure he does his job, or you will join him in his cell!”

“Yes, sir!” Alexander said, half amused and half irritated. He also saluted for a bit, but it wasn’t very genuine. “I will make sure that we will get it done!”

Shining Armor. “Good.  Report to lieutenant Feather Blitz for further instructions. Now, dismissed!”

And with that he trotted off back to the castle, leaving the confused pony and draconequus behind.

It took Ghost more than an hour before he could find Karasz Kun again. He was – of course – hanging around with his new-found girlfriend. Or marefriend. Or whatever.

Now came the hard job for the old grumpy capitalist. He now had to find a way to get Karasz Kun to realize what he was doing and escape Brony land together with him and the other capitalist. He wasn’t going to lose Karasz Kun! He wouldn’t! it was the one and only friend he ever had despite having bunches of friends that happened to be black, Hispanic or kraut!

I need beer, Ghost thought. But that is a later issue. Now, how do I get Karasz Kun away from her…?

Ghost walked up to the two doves. Karasz Kun saw him coming and looked up. “O my,” Derpy responded. “Is that a friend of yours?”

“Well…” Karasz Kun responded. “He is sort of my tutor. Kind of.”

“That’s enough,” Ghost said towards Karasz Kun. “I need you. I’m taking the capitalist army back home and I need your help!”

“What? What!” Karasz Kun responded.

“I cannot do this without you, Karasz Kun! You’re my best friend and without you I cannot keep those fruit bowls under control back home!”

“Why do you want to go back home?” Derpy asked Ghost, confused.

“Because I’m a capitalist! And capitalists are needed on Earth!”

Derpy thought for a second and then turned to Ghost. “So… this ‘ka-pi-va-lis-ne’ is really important and meaningful, huh?”

Finally, some fruit out here with some intelligence, Ghost thought. Maybe there is some hope for this place after all.

“Okie-dokey!” Derpy cheered. “A nice place with ‘vi-ta-pi-ki-sm’ where me being cross-eyed isn’t a big deal? Sign me up!”

Stupid dumbasses… Ghost though.  I needed to get Karasz Kun with me back home, not for him to take his fruity friends who cannot pronounce capitalism right with him!

“Well…” Karasz Kun said “I’m not sure… I could go back home because of capitalism, but I found so many nice ponies down here…”

“I want to see the land of papitaclism!” Derpy cheered. “And if it is a nice as I think it is, we could be so happy there together!”

Well, except, Junkyard America and Obamacare… Ghost thought. And Ron Paul and Sarah Palin, of course.

“Come on, let’s go! Let’s go right now!” Derpy said while jumping up and down, excited as she was.

“What? What!” Karasz Kun reacted, startled. “You really want to go right now?”

She nodded.

“Come on, Mr. Grumpy!” Derpy cheered. “Bring me to the land of katikaklism!”

“It’s capitalism -” Ghost wanted to react, but before he could react the two doves raced away from him. Then they suddenly came back, and Derpy opened her mouth.

“Uh… where do we need to go?”

10. Oh, you just shut up in the chatroom!

Ghost knew he had to come up with some sort of plan on how to deal with the situation. He couldn’t go to the authorities, because they would only make his life harder or perhaps even restrain him from leaving the village. He knew the princesses would make sure of that.

And Ghost knew that if he stayed any longer in the village, the pink menace would come to him and make him as fruity as possible. Ghost shivered at the thought.

Luckily though, the pink menance along with Tara Strong and the rest of the club were out of town for a while so that gave Ghost and the others the opportunity to leave before anyone could stop them. They had bigger issues to deal with. So Ghost went to Twilight’s library – after having heard from Suspicious Tumbleweed that is was a library – and dug through several books talking about opening up portals to other realities.

Finally he found something of interest. "Talking Otherwordly Crystals" it was called. Legend had it that, whoever wished while touching it, would be send to another universe. This might be my ticket home, Ghost thought.

Because he needed the book, he took it with him. Wait, he lend it of course. Without telling anyone, but hey, then the librarian just had to be at her post!

No you stupid fruit bowl reader, I’m not a thief! I’m a capitalist! Capitalists can’t be thieves!

Preparations went easier than anyone had expected.  Suspicious Tumbleweed managed to get a large cart so supplies for a few days and some camping material could be put in there. All in all it took them two hours to prepare. The Engineer of course would be the one to pull the cart, as Ghost had ordered him to do.

“na-a-aa-aaah!” the Engineer objected. “tja-tja-ka-a!”

“No objections, Engineer!” Ghostler objected. “It is in part of your contract that you would take care of the equipment!”

“Tja-ka? Nja-ag-a-a-a!”

“O, yeah, that’s right. I fired you. ” Ghost said. He put a hoof to his chin. After a few seconds of thought, he came to an inspiring conclusion. “Ah, well, you’re hired again! Now get moving, Engineer! I want to be at home so I can go straight to Sixth Street!”

“Tka-ga-a-a!” Engineer pointed with his head.

“What…” Ghost mumbled, seeing how Asho was sitting on the cart, together with Equestrian Citizen’s daughter.  “Get off from there, you stupid fruit bowls!”

The children did as they were ordered to, and the caravan could finally leave. It was not a very strange sight for the citizens of Ponyville to see a group leave with a large cart full of supplies, but some of them were wandering why the new ponies were leaving so early – and why Derpy Hooves decided to go along with them.

Ghost didn’t mind. He just wanted to get out of the fruitiest place of all.

“Hey, mateys!” a pony near the town border shouted. “It is going to rain tonight! You may want to stay here for a while!”

Ghost ignored the guy, and so did the others. A good capitalist would never be feared of a little rain. That depends of course what kind of rain it was. If it were to be raining Sarah Pailin’s or something of that nature, it would be something else entirely.

The group that went out was composed of Ghost, the Engineer, Suspicious Tumbleweed, Equestrian Citizen and his daughter Becky,  Karasz Kun and his beloved Derpy Hooves and then there was Asho. Asho, Becky and – how could he be forgotten – the dog Navy Husky were up front, The youth these days… Ghost thought.

The first destination they had in mind was Manehattan, where it is said that was a crystal connecting universes together. Hopefully, there they would find a way to get back home.

As they went forward, the group slowed down a bit. The rhythmic sounds of their hooves made Ghost half mad, but he didn’t want to show that to the others. After all, he was the symbol of kindness and prosperity.

“Ghost…” he heard Suspicious Tumbleweed say. “Can we have a break? I’ve got to pee.”

Ghost mumbled half under his breath that it was alright, and summoned the group to stop. Hopefully she’s done soon. I want my beer on Sixth Street!

John Conquest looked up. The sky has begun to become more filled with clouds. So there are the few drops of water that that horse was talking about…

Ghost didn’t mind a bit of rain. He worked in the rain! Rain is good for a man! Maybe not for a fruit bowl pony, but I don't give a shit about them either. He just wanted to get out of here as soon as possible. He looked through the group and noted that some of them seemed to be getting tired, especially the Engineer. Can that lazy idiot not just work properly for a moment without screwing up? Do I really have to do everything myself?! Before you know it SOMEONE may try to perform a coup on my authority again… I never trusted this guy.

“I’m done!” Suspicious Tumbleweed said as she came out of the bushes. She then looked at Asho. “Good boy, Asho!”

Ashhole didn’t peek. At least he did that right… Ghost noted.

It slowly began to rain. Ghost didn’t mind it, but some of the group got a bit irritated by it. Stupid fruit bowls…

That path the group was taking ran through the mountains. To the right side it went uphill and there was a forest. To the left there was a cliff with a river below, with more forest on the other side of the river. Although the water was calm, nobody seemed to have the idea to take a bath in it.

The rain started to intensify, but the group kept going. Staying on the road to Manehattan. Perhaps I should’ve looked on the map for a hotel or something… Ghost wondered. Nah, that would probably be full of Alabama Black Snakes not giving a crap about their dignity. Of course I’m not racist, but those Snakes are bad…

“Ghost…” Equestrian Citizen said.

…and then there is this brother-from-another-mother, Ghost thought. “What the hell do you want?!”

“Ma nigga, it looks bad shit dawg, I think we should camp somewhere.”

“And then let everything get wet? Screw you ponie… people!” Ghost managed to correct himself. “We need to get to Manehattan, even if it is the last thing I do!”

“Ow….” Becky said. “Can’t we really camp somewhere? I’m tired…”

“Yeah, Ghost!” Asho nodded, agreeing with her.

But the capitalist was as hard as a rock. “NO!” was his simple answer.

The two then came over to Ghost, stood in front of him and started using the puppy dog-eyes trick on him.

“I’m a tough capitalist, dearest children,” Ghost stated. “You can try it on me all you want, I’m not going to bend just because you two start acting like the talking horses you are.”

“Uh… you’re a talking horse, to,” Suspicious Tumbleweed reminded him.

“Shut up!” Ghost said.

“Well ma niggah, you look kinda horsey…” Equestrian Citizen said with a smirk.

“Oh, will you please shut up!” Ghost said, getting irritated. “No matter what the sun and the moon did and what they will do to me in the future, I will always be myself! John Conquest, king of Sixth Street - ”

“10 year old Mexican boy-ass”, Asho corrected him.

“-guardian of America, defeater of the Junkyard America, mortal enemy of Communism - ”

“Yeaaah niggaa that’s the way!” Equestrian Citizen shouted out.

“-and I don’t know about you horseys, but I won’t go quietly! And I won’t let this socialists, and I won’t let these communists take over my country - ”

All of a sudden, the ground began to rumble. Everypony became quiet and noticed the pathway was giving in, deciding to fall into the river. It turned out the rain was too heavy after all.

“Everypony! Run!” Suspicious Tumbleweed said.

The Engineer made weird sound and somehow was very energetic again, and brought himself to safety. Becky, Equestrian Citizen, Suspicious Tumbleweed and the dog were also able to do so.

Asho, however, was nailed to the ground out of fright. He wasn't able to move. He just stood there. “Asho!” Suspicious yelled. “Run!”

When it seemed like he was going to fall into the water, Ghost didn’t hesitate and stepped in. He grabbed the young foal with his forelegs and tossed him away, sending him stumbling towards the others.

Ghost himself, however, was now standing on ground that was giving in. he floundered, but he fell together with the land into the river.

With a loud sound, he fell into the water. He heard his fellow capitalists yell after him, but he wasn’t a swimmer. He was sinking helplessly to the bottom, his life flashing before his eyes. He saw his grandma beating his dog, he saw his son interact with Alabama Snakes and his wife leaving when he had just had a rage towards here.  And then it became black.

11. Just shut up!

“NOOOO!” Suspicious Tumbleweed yelled. “Ghost!!!!”

The whole group came forward to the edge of the reformed cliff to see where the capitalist had gone to. However, nopony was able to see him. It was obvious he was now deep beneath the surface of the water.

“Did he died?” Asho asked. Suspicious immediately smacked him in the face. “Hey!” the Justin Bieber bean-and-cheese foal yelled out. “What was that for?”

Suspicious Tumbleweed didn’t say anything. She didn’t want to lecture Asho. At least not for now. Instead, she just stood there. The person who her moral life was based around was… gone. He probably drowned, that she knew for certain. Still, she didn’t want to lose hope. Especially not since they needed to complete their quest to…

Wait a second, what are we actually trying to accomplish with this freaking journey? she wondered. What are we here for, anyway? Why did John want to leave Ponyville? It was a nice place so there was no reason for him to flee… unless he desperately wanted to go to Sixth Street or something.

Equestrian Citizen picked up Ghost’s hat, which had fallen off his head when Ghost saved Asho. “Da nigga was maybe a fool, but…” he sighed, “…he did what was necessary. At this point, he proved that he wasn’t the self-indulgent racist bastard ah’ thought him to be.”

Suspicious Tumbleweed sighed.

And the only one here who doesn’t seem to realize that Ghost saved Asho is, well, Asho himself. She look a second at the foal, who was still looking deep down the river below. Or maybe he is, I don’t know. He is a weird kid to begin with.

The rain was starting to turn down a few notches in intensity, but didn’t stop. It didn’t look like it would stop raining for the next few hours either.

“Okay,” Suspicious Tumbleweed finally said. “We need to get out of here. Guys?”

The group looked at her, and one by one they obediently followed her. The loss of their leader fell hard on them all. Derpy Hooves was comforting Karasz Kun, and the Engineer wept in silence.  Suspicious saw that, and went over him.

“Hey Engineer,” she said. “Are you all right?”

“nha-a-a-aagghaa…” the Engineer mumbled. Suspicious saw a loose tear in his eye. The Engineer really cared about Ghost, didn’t he?

Suspicious sighed. I wish I could understand what he is saying. I always did.

“Do you need a hand… I mean, a hoof?” Suspicious said, pointing a hoof to the cart the Engineer was pulling.

That seemed to delight the Engineer. “Nga-ah! Ja! Ja! Ja!”

Suspicous smiled, got the Engineer out of his harness and pulled it on herself. The cart was quite heavy, but she didn’t mind.

Oh, Ghost… She thought. Will we ever see you again?

Ghost fell into the water with a loud and strong smack. The pain from the fall shot through his pony body, making it almost limp. In desperation he tried to move around him to get back to top level, but somehow wasn’t able to. Then again, he wasn’t able to breathe in before hitting the water.

Even though he move strongly with his hooves around, he didn’t seem to dive upwards. That was partially because he was dizzy from the impact. He saw how he fell down to the bottom of the river.

Then, all of a sudden, a huge bubble appeared around him. Ghost opened his mouth, and realized he was able to breathe again. He gasped for air and was relieved that this bubble wasn’t a hallucination. He took a moment to take in his surroundings. He was still underwater, surrounded by this gigantic bubble.

What in the name of Johnny Walker is going on here?

Ghost looked around him and saw that some sort of sea horse was standing… or hovering… in front of him.

“uh…” the sea horse said to himself, “how did that little song greeting go again…”

The sea horse then faced Ghost. “Sho… shoo ba… doo… shooo shooo bie… something… doo…”

Ghost was confused by the sight of this Sea Horse. “Who the hell are you?” He looked a bit better at the sea pony. “For that matter, what are you?”

“Well, I’m a sea pony, the most sexiest and slimiest creatures of all the land…” the sea pony said with a grin on his face. “But enough about me… who are you…?”

“I’m John Conquest, king of capitalism! You should be in awe, you fruity… something!” Ghost yelled at him.

The sea pony looked up, surprised but also entertained. “John Conquest? The John who killed McCain’s image?”

“DON’T PULL THAT ONE ON ME!” Ghost yelled. “HE WAS BACKSTABBED BY THE LIBERAL MEDIA PIPELINE AND…” he then he realized something. “How do you know me?”

The sea pony seemed rather amused. “Really? The legendary Ghost? How quaint to meet you, good sir. I’ve always wanted to see you in person… or, in pony…”

Where do I know this guy from?

“We really should get acquainted. We will be the best of pals, you and I,” the sea pony said. “I want to swirl and screech my glibbery body against your pony body,”

THIS CAN’T BE!

“It will be totally legit!”

NO!

“O my!”

NOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ghost began to move around. “Get away from me you…. You freak! It really was something, huh? I should’ve known better! I should have known better than come here to Bronyland and not expect you fruity bastard to be here and…”

“You may want to stop that,” the Tub Guy said. “You will be bursting your bubble!”

“And I will be bursting yours,  you freak! You will never get the weird fetishes executed that you so hard desire! And now, get me out of here!”

Tub Guy frowned. “You’re no fun….”

“Of course I’m not fun! I’m as serious as a heartbeat! Now get me out of here!”

Tub Guy hesitate for the moment, but obeyed and started to drag his bubble upwards to the surface. “We’ve left the river,” he said. “We’re in a small lake now. That will make it easier to get you to shore.”

Ghost faced Tub Guy. That sick fruit…

“You know,” Tub Guy said, “I still want to use my slime against your body. It will be totally legit!”

“Shut up. Just get me out of here,” Ghost said, unamused.

“All right, all right.”

Ghost started wandering something.  “Are you the only sea horse thing? Where are the rest of your kind?”

“A group picked me up the day after I came here,” Tub Guy explained. “They left me behind though. They said that sea ponies aren’t slimy and that they barely used slime. As some sort of sperm or something. But anyway, I have a lot of it!”

“Well, keep it for yourself!” Ghost shouted at him.

The two arrived at the shore, and the bubble bursts directly afterwards. Ghost climbed ashore, while Tub Guy (of course) stayed in the water.

“I need to find the others,”  Ghost said.

“Others?” Tub Guy asked.

“Yeah… Suspicious, Asho, Equestrian Citizen and his daughter, NavyHuskie that troll and the Engineer of course. We’re finding a way home, out of this fruitness land.”

“Oh…” Tub Guy said. He pondered for a bit, and then asked,

“Can I join you? It will be totally legit, my good sir!”

12. All of you in the chatroom, just shut up!

Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.

4. I am a melting pot of friendship!

Ghost woke up with the idea that something had taken off his hat and then hat beaten him with an acme-brick. It quickly became aware to him that they were moving… somehow. He slowly got up and watched around him. He was lying on a matrass on a cart, which seemed to belong to a caravan.

“What in the name of capitalism…”

Ghost took a better look of his surroundings, and he became aware that they were moving to a train station in the distance. On the caravan, a few ponies – the Engineer and some other fruit loop – were lying, while the others were moving with it. It seemed to be that half the capitalist Brony army was here.

“Hey Ghost!” someone said to him. “I guess that was quite a shocker, huh?”

Ghost turned around and saw that Suspicious Tumbleweed was looking at him. “Suspicious? Can you tell me what is going on around here?!”

Before Suspicious could react, the Justin Bieber bean-and-cheese Mexican kid – or, colt - turned around and looked at Ghost. “They are bringing us to our new home!”

This wasn’t happening.

“WHAT?! What are those talking horses trying to do?”

“We’re going to life in Ponyville, Ghost.” Suspicious said. “Except for DarkRazorz everyone is going to Ponyville. Celestia has given us a house to share there!”

“I am not going to join the herd!!! I am not going to join the herd!”

“Well, you already look the part, Ghost.” Asho teased him. “I think you will be grazing soon”

“I may look the part, but I’m John Conquest! The honorable founder of the Capitalist army and defender of the pride of Texas!”

“Of course you are Ghost…” Suspicious said.

“You better don’t find me when we are at Sixth Street, there youngsters. I’ve known all around these parts, I’m known all around…”

“Uh-uh…”

“So if you think that I will join you idiots into grazing on a perch or something, you’re wrong!”

“But Ghost,” Suspicious said while laughing, “We are civilized ponies! We don’t eat raw grass from the ground! Or are all humans still hunter-gatherers? We are just going to have a nice life in Ponyville! Isn’t that awesome?”

“Of course it is. Fruit bowl.”

Ghost looked around him and saw his hat lying next to him, and put it back on. The same went for his red bandana. Although he looked like a pony now, it would make him a bit more representable. Ghost jumped off the wagon and started to walk beside Karasz Kun, who didn’t seem too bothered by being all horsey and all. Ghost didn’t want to lose Karasz Kun in this madness! He was the one and only friend he ever had!

“You all right, there Karasz Kun?” Ghost asked him.

Karasz Kun was a bit startled from Ghost’ sudden arrival at the scene, but replied nonetheless. “Sure, Ghost, why wouldn’t I?”

What.

“We are talking horses, Karasz Kun! What is the matter with you?”

Karasz Kun shrugged. “Well, when in Rome… besides, it doesn’t look like we have much choice now anyway. Might as well enjoy it.”

Is he brainwashed?

Ghost mumbled something about fruit and talking over feminized horses and something about his need for some extra beer, and then left Karasz Kun. He couldn’t watch this happening.  Ghost wasn’t sure of what to do. How could he get back to Texas for some Johnny Walker Blue Label and some extra beer on Sixth street? Scratch that. He would go to the restaurant, order those drinks as well as eating a whole plate full of shrimp.

“Put the cargo on board!” Ghost heard a pony shout. “We are leaving in ten minutes!”

Great. I am getting a ride to my destiny. I need cans to kick!

When Ghost walked around the train station and saw the train itself, he felt like he could puke.  The wagons were al colored in many stupid bright colors… and then there was a locomotive that was pink as hell like it was painted with sugar sprinkled. It was so fruity to Ghost’s opinion that it seemed like it just jumped out of some stupid little girls cartoon.

Oh, wait…

Whatever.

Ghost saw how some unicorns took the cargo from the caravan with their fruity-ass magic and levitated it onto the carts at the back. He – and the others – were then guided towards the front wagons of the train. He saw how his fans – or trolls – entered the cart. Elfoxoloco, Karasz Kun, Asho with Suspicious right behind him, Equestrian Citizen with his daughter, the Engineer, Tzeki and some other ponies. Great.

“Are you coming along, Ghost?” Tzeki asked. Stupid British moron.

“Yeah, yeah… I’m coming,” Ghost said. He then trotted over to the train, disgusted by the sound of hearing his own hooves clop to the ground, and then he hopped on board.

When he walked into the cabin, he saw some sort of beds… or banks set up in a row. The walls were painted beige, but had pink flowers on them… and then there were those green curly glass wall things that separated the benches. I hate this place. I want to go back to Texas!

Asho and Suspicious had already taken two couches and were lying next to each other. Figures. Suspicious is practically a big sister for him. Those two moronic Bronies cannot be separated.

Ghost sighed. He saw Equestrian Citizen comfort his daughter – what was her name… Becky? – and take a seat himself. A pony with a brown coat… Ghost thought. Figures. I wouldn’t even have to play ‘guess the minority’ here… everyone can see that is an Alabama black snake.

“All aboard for Ponyville!” Ghost heard the conductor shout. Well, welcome to Bronyville. Idiots.

Ghost sighed and lied down on one of the benches. They were soft enough, but Ghost didn’t like the way he sat on it. Like he was a dog or something. It wouldn’t mind him so much if he was a human being, but now it pissed him off. When I come to Bronyville, I will search for beer. Cold beer. And Johnny Walker, if those talking horses even heard of it. Actually, anything with alcohol will suffice.

The train departed from the station. Ghost saw how Asho, Suspicious, Becky and Tzeki were playing a board game together –How did they even get that thing? did they buy that somewhere in Camelot while I was out cold? Ghost then noticed that NavyHuskie was sitting beside Asho, wagging his tail happily. The happy dog. Stupid idiots with this over feminized crap…. On the other side of the wagon Elfoxoloco, Karasz Kun and Equestrian Citizen were talking about… something.

But there was another pony that seemed to be a bit depressed, muttering while looking outside the window. It was the Engineer.

Ghost decided to cheer him up a bit… for as well as he could do that, anyway.

“Engineer?” Ghost asked. “How’s it going, man?”

“na-aah-aah-aa-neigh!” Engineer responded. He really has to do something about his neighing…

“I know, Engineer. I too want to go home. And when I do, I go right to sixth street for a beer! Want to join me?”

“nja-aah-aah-neigh-ah!”

“Don’t be so fruity, Engineer. We don’t need more fruit bowls here in fruit bowl Brony land!”

“nja-aah-aaah-ah!”

That’s enough, Ghost thought. I’m not going to lose the Engineer on this one. That fruit bowl actually thinks about being a pony and live in Bronyville? What is wrong with him? But then again, he is desperate and hopes for a good situation… and thus thinks about accepting it.

I now truly believe that Liberal Communist Soviet Russian midgets are behind this. They were the ones conspiring, and now I am in a dream state where I believe everything. They try to seduce me by letting me believe that everyone is against me. But it has always been me against the world! So no, I will not give in! Hahahaha! Woo! They’re gonna get it!

Ghost pondered a bit about how he can get the Engineer his sanity back, but decided to let that go for now. There were more pressing issues at the moment. For instance, we had Karasz Kun. Ghost truly cared about the kid and wasn’t about to let him go. Karasz Kun is not going to graze on a field. Not on his watch!

Ghost left the Engineer’s side and went over to Karasz Kun , who was sitting alone and was watching through the window. Ghost saw that Karasz Kun was in deep thoughts about something, although Ghost couldn’t exactly figure what it might be. Perhaps something about him becoming all furry and pony and all that shit.

He was a melting pot of friendship. He wouldn’t let Karasz Kun down and let him fight the liberal communist soviet midgets alone.

“How you doing there, Karasz Kun?” Ghost said.

Karasz Kun jumped  up a bit, surprised by Ghost who was now suddenly behind him. “Oh, hello Mr. Conquest.”

“It is John for friends, Karasz Kun,” Ghost said.  “So, how you doing? I mean, you still in the fight to get back home?”

“Well…”

“Of course you are, Karasz Kun!” Ghost patted him on the shoulder. “I really wouldn’t have it any other way! You and I are going to get back home!”

“Actually…”

“Actually what?” Ghost asked.

“I am actually wondering if I should,” Karasz Kun said. “I mean, take a look outside! See how peaceful and beautiful this place is! It is nice, quiet, and a bit adventurous sometimes and I can forget and leave behind all my troubles I had on Earth… so I’m actually going to give it a chance here.”

Both didn’t say anything for a while, leaving Ghost thus speechless. It is confirmed. The liberal Soviet midgets did this. On the background, they heard Elfoxoloco, Asho, Suspicious and the others playing a boardgame which Asho seemed to be winning – by cheating, of course. It was something he obviously had learned while going with his mother to Applebee’s.

But Ghost didn’t care. He only took in the words that Karasz Kun had said to him. Karasz Kun was the one and only friend he had in his life, and he now had lost him to the talking horses.  And he had lost the Engineer to the talking horses. Why is it that everyone around me, everyone that I used to know is now becoming a Brony? Can’t we stop with this crap? Just… just…. JUST….

Ghost couldn’t take it anymore. He went to the exit of the train, opened the door, stood there in the doorway and made a lot of curses towards princess Celestia and princess Luna, so hard that everyone could hear it. and then, he puked the contents of his stomach onto the ground below. The game that Asho – while cheating - was winning was now put down and everypony looked and smirked on how extremely stupid Ghost was behaving. It was something they had never seen before – well, they had heard it some many times before, with all those beer cans that Ghost had molested and abused over the years.

How about I just jump off the train? Ghost thought. If you die in a dream, you wake up, right?

He looked below and saw that the train was driving quite fast.

Nah, I don’t want to drop into Limbo. If that means that those liberal Soviet midgets can pester me for decades long, I rather stay here in Bronyland for just a few weeks.

“Ghost?” he heard someone say. Ghost turned around to find Karasz Kun there. “We are going to play some poker. Luckily they have cards here in Equestria. Want to join us?”

As being a great Texan, Ghost could of course not refuse a solid game of cards. He followed Karasz Kun back into the train cart where he found  Elfoxoloco and Equestrian Citizen sitting there. Becky was now in the hands… or, hooves, of Suspicious Tumbleweed, who seemed to enjoy babysitting the children. Of course Asho needed one… he is only eight!

For the rest of the time until they would arrive in Ponyville they were playing cards. This would often be interrupted by Equestrian Citizen claiming someone was cheating or Ghost who got into a rant about some reason or another, with the occasional swearing and mixed-up ramblings. But that, of course, is how we knew Ghost.

The fact that were not really that many cans in Equestria was a good thing, for now Ghost couldn’t abuse them. He did deliver some curses and insults towards the other players during the game. When he was being confronted by Equestrian Citizen why he was so racist, he of course delivered the fine statement that he was a melting pot of friendship and that he had a whole bunch of friends that happened to be black.

But everything would eventually come to an end, and the same was for this game: “Ponyville station, next stop, Ponyville station,” the conductor announced. The members of the Melting Pot packed up their belongings and went for the train exit.

The first impression everyone got was answered with a lot of ‘’oohs’’ and ‘’aahs’’ and some mumbling from the Engineer. Only Ghost was silent, who was pissed off by just looking at this fruity ass town. Couldn’t those milky-licking talking horse fruit bowls at least make houses without pink doors? It made him sick.

The train came then came to a stop, and they had arrived at their destination: Ponyville station.

______________________________________________________________________________________________

Despite the fact that there was a human group that landed right here in Ponyville, both Twilight and Spike hadn’t seen a lot of it. both had slept through most of it. the whole town actually slept through it, except for Lyra who was extremely agitated to see them. but most of them had left by morning. Most of said humans wanted to join the military and were thus send to Canterlot or Cloudsdale.  Only a few ponified humans were left behind, and that only seemed to be around half a dozen. The only thing that both Twilight and Spike had seen from the whole thing was that some ponies had set up a few tents right by the hospital, but they weren’t needed, so they were taken down almost instantly.

The others, however, had already spoken with some of the humans. They seemed to like them. it was actually weird that Twilight actually was somepony who had not seen a human yet. She heard that Pinkie Pie tried to make friends with one of the humans, and the guy instantly loved her. Like her already knew her for years. Maybe that is a human custom, Twilight thought.

Celestia had written Twilight and the rest of Ponyville a letter about what the humans were. Twilight had heard about them – as well as those who fell victim to Lyra – but it was nice that the princess at least would send an explanation. So, Twilight went this morning to Mayor Mare, who in turn gathered all the citizens of Ponyville and told them about the humans the plan. The only one who was against it was Bon-Bon, who was afraid that Lyra would go nuts (which Lyra did).  The other citizens of Ponyville shrugged it off and found it an interesting idea, and said that they would accept the humans with open arms. Despite the fact that everypony seemed to like it, Twilight still found it weird that the humans saw the ponies as legends from some fictional story, but didn’t try to think much of it.

But anyway: Twilight later heard that Fluttershy had also taken a human in. this particular human was somehow turned into a cat. That was weird, since Celestia had thought that the humans would only turn into ponies and perhaps a griffin. The now-human turned cat had a light grey fur and green eyes. Twilight heard that cat listened to the name ‘’Spermy’’ or whatever that was supposed to mean. Fluttershy had said to her that Spermy was happy in his new home, but that it was pouring a strange liquid everywhere that Fluttershy had to clean up. Humans are weird… but I shouldn’t be prejudiced. Perhaps it will all be fine…

But when Twilight wanted to go and visit and check up on said cat, the Princess wrote the Ponyvillians a second letter that she found it a better idea if the humans that landed in Canterlot were send to Ponyville. it would be something around ten ponies. Although there haven’t been any problems so far – beside the fact that the princesses were vague in their intentions – a lot of things bothered Twilight. She had heard from humans before in her old books. As far as Twilight knew, humans were intelligent, adaptive to any environment and also pretty violent. The fact that so many of the humans in Ponyville went for a career in the military didn’t really make her doubts go away.

But she wanted to give them a chance, and went together with Spike to the train station.

When they got there, the train just had arrived from Canterlot. The Cutie Mark Crusaders were also there to see what was up, as well as Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie.

“~good morning!!! Isn’t this exciting?” Pinkie said. “Are you excited? Cause I’m so excited I have never been so excited well except for the time that I could dance together with all those dandy ponies in Canterlot and all went - ”

“Pinkie, please…” Rainbow Dash interrupted her. “I just woke up, I only want to see what those humans look like.”

“Just woke up?” Twilight asked. “It is ten in the morning, aren’t you…” she realized who she was talking to. “Never mind.”

“yeah, Rainbow Dash! Why would you miss on all the fun?” Pinkie asked, but Rainbow Dash didn’t reply.

Pinkie didn’t keep asking, because the humans just came out of the train. She gasped. “Oooohh….”

Twilight didn’t really know what to think of these… things.  They were turned into ponies, sure, but how would they behave? She took a step back and watched.

“Come on, Twilight! Those humans cannot be that scary!” Spike said. he walked towards one of the pony-turned humans. It had become an Earth pony, and it wore a Stetson just like Applejack had. “Maybe those humans have interesting things to talk about! Come on Twilight, Just try!” Spike said to Twilight.

Twilight, unsure of she could trust the humans, walked towards the one that Spike pointed. She looked at the human. “uh… hello?”

The human was pissed. “I’M A CAPITALIST! SHUT UP WITH THAT HELLO! STUPID TARA STRONG PIECE OF CRAP!”

The human then stampeded towards a bit of grass and stomped his hoof while letting out a curse.

“Well…” Twilight said. “That was interesting all right.”

Spike sighed. This is not how he expected the humans to be. Not like this at all, actually. Maybe he had to try a human that wasn’t in such a bad mood. Spike looked around and saw that the other ponies had better conversations. The Cutie Mark Crusaders seemed interested in a foal and what seemed to be his big sister. Twilight saw how Apple Bloom was a bit disappointed in the fact that the foal already had his cutie mark… whatever it was supposed to mean. What was it, some sort of pancake? It was a strange sight, a pancake with some sort of yellow and brown stuff coming out of it. Spike couldn’t actually see what those cutie marks would actually mean. For instance, that strange guy who was shouting at Twilight had a cutie mark in the form of a skull wearing a bandana and a hat. What kind of special talent could come from that? Beheading ponies? Burying the dead? Spike couldn’t figure it, and sighed.

Well, there were more human ponies, and good ones too! Pinkie seemed to have fun with two ponies. One of them was a stallion with a brown coat. The other one was a  filly and it seemed like she was his daughter.

In the meantime, some more ponies had arrived on the scene – Lyra, who seemed to be extremely happy to see more humans, Bon-Bon, who only was here to keep an eye on Lyra, Doctor Whooves, who also seemed to be interested in humans, and there was Derpy and her daughter Dinky, Caramel, Colgate and Berry Punch as well as Applejack, Granny Smith and Big Macintosh. And, if Spike heard it right this morning, the Apple family was hoping that one of the humans would stay at the farm. They could always use another muscle, more so because Applebuck season and Cider season were not too far from now.

Spike decided to walk over to the Cutie Mark Crusaders, who were still talking to that mare with her little brother.  They don’t actually look like brothers, but okay…

“Hey, there!” Spike said to the mare.

The mare looked up, and smiled. “Hey, Spikey-wickey!”

Spike looked flabbergasted. “You know my name?”

The mare was a bit taken aback, but recollected herself quickly. “um, yeah, of course. You are the nr. 1 assistant of the Element of Magic, right?”

“Sure! The one and only!” Spike said with a grin on his face. “But who are you?”

“I am Suspicious Tumbleweed, and this here is my friend, Asho.” She said while pointing at the colt. So that wasn’t her bother after all.

It bothered Spike a bit on how the humans behaved like they knew him and the Cutie Mark Crusaders for years, but he shrugged it off. Perhaps it was just a human custom of sorts. Besides, the humans only seemed to know the world of Equestria because of some sort of legend, but had nothing else to base themselves on; this was a world they did not know, and it seemed logical to welcome them with open arms to make them feel welcome. Later on, they hopefully could explain –and adjust – their customs.

But for now, humans were an unknown. Like that grumpy stallion who called Twilight a… what was it? ‘’Tearing Song’’ or something?

“You okay, Spike? You are a bit quiet, amigo.” Asho said.

“Huh, what?” Spike said. “O, yeah, I’m good.”

“So… you are here to check up on the humans, huh?” Suspicious asked. “it must be quite a shocker to you, seeing all these new people come here…”

“People?” Apple Bloom asked. “What in the hay are ‘people’?”

“ehm…” Suspicious mumbled, thinking. “Well, that is what we call each other in our place, while you say ‘ponies’. In your world you guys say ‘other ponies’ while we say ‘other people’.”

“So you guys say ‘everypeople’ instead of ‘everypony’?” Sweetie Belle asked her.

“No, for that it is ‘everyone’, just like ‘anybody’ and ‘anybody’.”

The Cutie Mark Crusaders looked at her, confused. Ultimately, Sweetie Belle reacted. “Why does human language have to be so hard?!”

“ah know, right?” Apple Bloom said. “That guy with that bandana and hat on really has a lot of words I never heard of before?”

“Really?” Spike asked her.

“Ya, like ‘milky licker’ and ‘over femi… fem… femin…’”

“Over-feminized fruits?” Suspicious asked, smirking.

“Yah! That was it!”

“That is not human language. That is just Ghost being… Ghost.”

“ow…” Scootaloo asked. “So you guys have different languages for each person?”

Sweetie Belle sighed. “Why does human language have to be so complicated?”

That made Asho and Suspicious laugh. “Don’t you guys worry. Ghost is just one… very special somepony.” Suspicious remarked.

“Oh! You mean something like Pinkie?” Scootaloo asked her.

“I think he will be just like Pinkie, but then her evil counterpart,” Suspicious remarked.

How do they know so much about Pinkie’s randomness? Spike wondered. Never mind. Must be a human thing. but I don’t understand any of it.

“Oh… no ah see…” Apple Bloom said. “He will be something like Pinkie when she wanted to bake cupcakes and…”

Asho quickly stopped her. “You know what? It is too early for that kind of stories.”

Apple Bloom frowned. “ah was only going to tell that she ran out of eggs at Sugarcube Corner and had to steal them from ‘our farm because we weren’t home at the time…”

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN, YOU OVER FEMINIZED FRUIT BOWL? YOU RECITING POETRY NOW? YOU’RE TROLLING WITH POETRY?” Spike heard the grumpy pony yell. It was followed by calling a god numerous times and a lot of what seemed to be cursing.

“IF WE WERE AT SIXTH STREET, I WOULD BE WOPING YOUR MY-LITTLE-PONY ASS ALL THE WAY TO MEXICO, YOU UNGRATEFUL TALKING-HORSE IDIOT!”

Spike, the Cutie Mark Crusaders, Asho and Suspicious walked towards the yelling to see what the fuss was about.

“YOU TALKING HORSES PIECES OF SHIT ARE TRYING TO TEAR ME DOWN, BUT IT WON’T HAPPEN! YOU HEAR THAT BOY? I WILL WOOP YOUR GREEN MILE ASS AND DRAG IT THROUGHOUT MEXICO AND CANADA ALL THE WAY TO FRUITLAND!”

There, Spike saw the pony who had also been yelling at Twilight make a scene towards Cosmic, who was levitating a paper in front of him. The poor pony wanted to make a grand entrance welcome for the humans but failed to do so, simply because he took the wrong human.

But Pinkie Pie intervened.

“Hey there, cowpony! What you need is a good laugh!” She said with a large smile. That pony would go to any lengths to make friends… Spike thought.

“Now we’re gonna get it…” Suspicious said.

“Who do you think is going to win?” Asho said, but his question was unanswered.

“WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT?” the pony raged, now against Pinkie.

“Ow, you’re just a tiny bit umpy-bumpy-grumpy, aren’t you? What’s your name?”

“My name is John Conquest, you over feminized piece of - ”

“Well, Johnny, what you need is something to place your anger on. Here, have some empty cans.” She walked towards a tree and pulled out a lot of empty beer cans. “Enjoy!” she said with a smile.

John Conquest didn’t wait, but almost immediately duck into the pile of cans and said a lot of words that were alien to Spike. He seemed to cool down though.

“My heart is beating like a rabid monkey…” John remarked.

“What you need is a good drink!” Pinkie said, and he gave him a can. “Enjoy!”

The Earth pony opened the can and seemed to be smiling. “Aah! Beer! Finally….”

But he spat out the first bit of juice he got in. “WHAT KIND OF FRUITY AND OVERFEMINIZED CRAP IS THIS?”

Pinkie Pie shrugged. “Well, duh, of course it is fruity! It is apple cider!”

“APPLE CIDER? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? ALL YOU OVER FEMINIZED TALKING HORSE MY LITTLE PONY FRUIT BOWL MIDGET HORSES GOT IS APPLE CIDER? YOUR GUT - ” and then he went into the pile of cans again.

Pinkie hopped happily towards the Cutie Mark Crusaders, Spike, Asho and Suspicious and said, almost with a whisper. “This is going to be a hard nut to crack! But I’m sure he will make a wonderful friend!”

Spike sighed. Pinkie would just keep trying with this violent raging human. This was going to be a long day…