"I don't need another Mercer running around."

-Colonel Rooks

There wasn’t much going on this time of night in Ponyville. It was the middle of the week so the majority of ponies were either heading home or getting ready for bed. Most business owners were locking up for the night, turning away the last few straggling customers and politely informing them to move on their way. Even some of the more popular restaurants that were known for staying open later to cater to couples on their date night were closing up. The only establishment that was still accepting customers was the only bar in town: Lucky’s Watering Hole.

“One apple cider, please.”

“Coming up.”

The bartender grabbed a mug from under the counter, pushing it into the switch on the tap and letting it fill up. With expert flair he levitated an apple and a knife above their heads, the aura from his magic casting a dull glow over his face in the darkly lit bar. He sliced the fruit into thin pieces, avoiding the core, and dropped them into the sweet liquid, pulling the mug away from the tap just as it was about to overflow. Placing it on the counter, the bartender slid it across the smooth surface, sending it on its way to the pony who ordered it.

Nick caught it with ease, stopping it just before it went over the edge. He raised it to his lips, taking a long swig and swallowing it with a satisfied sigh. It hit the spot perfectly, just what he needed after the rough day he’d had. But thank Celestia it meant he could relax finally, even if it was only a little. This harsh tasting beverage couldn’t have come at a better time; thanks to all Nick’s hard work, he was going to make rent this month.

It came as a huge relief to him, too. He was beginning to fear he was going to get kicked out of his place. He’d already been late on rent the last three months in a row now; he wasn’t looking forward to what his landlord would have yelled at him this time had he not had the money to pay him. Again.

He took another drink. It felt a little off for Nick to be sitting at a bar this late at night, mostly because of how he imagined it made him look. Only the more hardcore drunks tended to stay this late before a work day. He wasn’t at all a drunk; he couldn’t even remember the last time he’d drank enough to feel buzzed, let alone plastered like some of these lost souls in here tonight.

“Sweet Celestia! How many times have I told you Pierce, the bathrooms are around back! And no, you cannot ‘take a leak’ in the bushes next to the building! What are you, an animal?”

Nick turned his head to see the bartender futilely trying to explain to the pony standing in the doorway where he was allowed to relieve himself. It was obvious the stallion was drunk; even standing still he swayed back and forth unsteadily. Looking at the drunken pony Nick couldn’t help but think he looked familiar.

“Aww, c’mon Duke! Ya gotta talk slower; I don’t know what in the hay yer talkin’ about…” He slurred his words as he spoke, swaying over to the right and losing his balance for a second. It seemed talking took too much of his concentration away from keeping himself upright.

Then it hit him where Nick knew the poor drunkard. A few months ago he’d taken a job out at Sweet Apple Acres to help Big Mac finish up picking the last apples of the season. He’d only worked there for a week and he’d found the pony passed out behind a tree four times. He was an impossible lush, but harmless, so most ponies just left him alone. Pierce Hunk was his name. At least that was his official title. Now most ponies just called him Pierce Hunk the Hopeless Drunk, or when they were feeling especially vicious, Stupid Asshole. As in “Quit pissing on my azaleas, you stupid asshole!” That one was heard surprisingly frequently.

Nick shook his head and returned his attention back to his drink. When he tried to take another sip his shoulder flared up in pain, his hoof shaking in a spasm strong enough to make him spill the contents of his mug. He gritted his teeth and waited for the pain to subside. Earlier he’d hurt it when he slipped off a ladder while repainting a building at the edge of town. It was why his day was particularly rough; since he wasn’t able to move it much, his construction job later this evening took twice as long as it should of. That’s what he gets for scheduling two different contracts so close together.

“Need any help there?”

The sudden voice startled him, mostly because he was intent on soothing his aching shoulder but also because of the feminine sound of the pony that asked him. He turned his head and saw the smiling face of one of the most beautiful mares he’d ever seen staring back at him. His jaw went slack, the pain in his shoulder temporarily forgotten.

She giggled at his expression. “You ok? You look like you just saw a ghost.”

“Or an angel…” He muttered under his breath.

“What was that?”

“Nothing!”

She raised an eyebrow at him, the smile never leaving her face. She nodded at his spilled drink. “What were you having?”

“What? Oh! Uh…I-I was…” He stumbled over his words. “…Um, cider.” He finally managed to finish, albeit a bit timidly.

Without hesitation she looked to the bartender and raised her hoof to get his attention. “Two apple ciders over here, please.” The stallion nodded, pulling out two more mugs and going about preparing the order.

Nick was dumbfounded. This mare, this absolutely gorgeous mare, was ordering him a drink. If it weren’t for the excruciating pain he was currently in, he would swear he was dreaming.

She noticed his discomfort. “What’s wrong with your shoulder?”

“I um…slipped…off a ladder…” He let his head drop in embarrassment. “Because I forgot you’re not supposed to stand on the very top unless someone is holding it steady for you…”

“Aw, you poor baby. Does it hurt?”

He choked a little. It almost seemed like she was…flirting with him just then. “Oh, no…I can hardly even feel it.” He tried to give her a brave face just as it flared up again, causing his smile to look more creepy then brave.

The mare reached over and began rubbing his shoulder for him. “There…does that feel better?”

His reply was to let out a series of unintelligible noises that he had intended to be some form of cognitive speech. Despite how moronic it sounded, it still made her giggle. Was this mare for real? Was this really happening? He couldn’t believe it.

The bartender chose just that moment to bring their drinks over to them, a large smirk appearing on his face when he noticed that her hoof was still rubbing his shoulder slowly. He scoffed and walked away, shaking his head like he saw that sort of thing a lot. The mare picked up her mug and brought it to her lips, tilting the bottom up and draining the whole thing in one go. She set it back down lightly and wiped her mouth of the excess cider still on her lips. When she noticed him staring, she blushed.

“Did you see something you like?”

Nick blinked slowly. “…Yeah…” She giggled at him. “I-I mean…uh…yeah…” He face hoofed.

Sensing his humiliation, she pushed the remaining mug towards him. “Here, why don’t you take a drink? It might help you relax.”

He nodded, doing as she said. After he had drunk the contents of it, she ordered two more. They toasted and downed them quickly, laughing together at how much faster she was at drinking.

The night continued in that fashion, every round that came their way was finished with ease, replaced immediately by the next one. Thanks to the heavy doses of liquid courage, Nick found it immensely easier to talk to her without sounding like an idiot. And even if he did manage to say something strange, it didn’t seem to matter to her. At one point his shoulder started acting up again, and he had to take a few breaths to help with the pain.

“You know,” She took a pause and waited for him to turn his attention back on her. “You don’t have to deal with that bad shoulder.”

He looked at her curiously. “What do you mean?”

“I mean there’s a way you could skip the part where you’re in pain.”

“There is?”

“Sure. Plus, you wouldn’t have to worry about all those little things like jobs or rent. You could just tell your landlord you don’t need him anymore.”

Nick snorted. “Yeah, that’ll be the day.”

“I’m serious. You could be part of something bigger.” She spoke mysteriously.

He finished off his latest mug of cider, slamming it back down onto the counter with a loud thud. “That sounds great. If they really had something like that, I’d sign up in a heartbeat. If it meant no more dealing with that pompous jackass, I’d agree to anything.” He laughed to himself.

“Well now. That is interesting.” She narrowed her eyes a little as she studied him.

When the time for last call came around hours later, he almost couldn’t believe it. This mare he had just met tonight was actually still there. She seemed to actually be interested in him, not just as more then somepony she could trick into paying her tab.

“Well, I guess it’s time to go then.” She got up from her seat and began digging through the saddlebags he had only just now realized she was wearing. She tossed a small bag of bits on the counter and said “Thank you” to the bartender. Nick started to reach for his bag of bits before she stopped him. “Don’t worry about it there, stallion. I’ll get your tab too if you agree to walk me home.” She gave him a wink.

“…Okay…” Nick tried to get up but lost his balance, forcing him to grab onto the counter for support. Uh oh, he may have drank too much. There was only one way to know for sure. Let’s see…he couldn’t see straight, couldn’t stand on his own, and he couldn’t remember what the topics of their conversation had been about. Yep, he was most definitely drunk. “Hehe…I uh…I think you might have to walk me home.”

She smirked at him. “Even better.”

Nick let go of the counter and tried to take another step, but this time when he almost fell his new companion pushed herself up against his side to keep him from falling. He had to admit, even though this mare was drop dead beautiful, something about leaning up against her felt weird. He couldn’t figure it out. It was like something inside him was saying this wasn’t right. He shook it out of his head, blaming it on the alcohol coursing through his system.

Once they were outside, he looked to his right expecting to see Pierce urinating on the bushes outside the building, as he usually was this early in the morning. He was surprised to see that the drunk was nowhere in sight.

“Huh…that’s weird…”

“What is?”

“…nothing. Never mind.” Nick looked down to both ends of the street they were on. “So where is it that you live then Miss…” He drew a blank. “…You know, I don’t think I actually got your name.”

She smiled at him politely. “Berry. Berry Punch.”

He smiled back. “Hello Miss Berry Punch. My name is Nick Flash. It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

Author's Note

There ya go, Mr. Nick Clarke! A pivotal role if I say so myself. No doubt a hangover is going to be the least of his worries by the next morning. Alcohol can be a killer. Just like Alex Mercer. And skinny jeans. I weep for the sperm count of any man that wears skinny jeans. Although then again, can you really be called a man if you wear skinny jeans? I guess technically skinny jeans can look good on a guy, but he'd have to have like, REALLY girlish hips. That fad ruined the self esteem of teenage girls everywhere. "Hey, you look ugly if you don't wear these!" Thanks a lot you fashion peddling a-holes. Now these girls look even MORE out of my league! It's hard enough getting a date, without you telling girls that I'm not cool unless I'm jammed into a pair of testicle-destroying pants. I was never really one to follow trends anyway. I remember when I was in 5th grade the popular thing was sagging. The school had a big ban placed on sagging, and any child caught doing it was forced to pull them up and held there with duct tape. It was cool though, 'cause then they had duct tape. I've always loved duct tape. I've been buying a lot of it lately. Walmart has these colored ones in the paint section; like just solid colors or crazy patterns. I saw a peacock one. I'm not even lying. They're really fun to make stuff with. I made all the members of my family wallets. And not crappy ones either; I'm talking fully equipped, credit card slots and ID pockets and everything. I even made a Luigi one for myself. It's got a big "L" on it. A guy complimented me on it at Gamestop. He thought it was the coolest thing ever. I went in to look for the first Bioshock game. I used to have it, but I let my cousin borrow it and he never gave it back. It's like, whenever I borrow a game from someone, I always return it within a reasonable amount of time. But whenever I loan them out to other people, they claim I never let them borrow it. Bullshit.
Man, are you guys still reading this? I've just been droning on because of how incredibly bored I am right now. I just got cable again for the first time in almost 2 years, and I'm honestly not seeing what the big deal is. It's way better to just pay for a Hulu or Netflix account. Cheaper too. Then I can just watch TV on my Xbox, instead of paying up the ass for 300 channels I don't even watch. I already have enough expensive addictions; I don't need to add one more to the list. Speaking of addictions, I was starting to feel bad because I wasn't paying that much attention to My Little Pony other than the usual things I look at: Equestria Daily, FIMFiction, original artwork and music, etc. But I wasn't really watching the show anymore. Then when that Equestria Girls movie came out, I felt like I needed to do something big to satisfy my growing guilt, so I got my cousin to let me borrow her 4 yr. old since she loves the show almost as much as me, and I took her to the nearest movie theater that was playing it. It was like a 3 hour drive, and I'm still contemplating on whether or not it was worth it. The movie was okay, maybe a bit lacking on certain aspects, mostly that I have no freaking clue how they're going to have that tie in to the show for the 4th season, but still okay I suppose. All I know, is that I hate Flash Sentry. Or at least I think that was his name. The second he appeared playing a guitar, I wanted to kill him. Oh yeah, how original! The polite pretty boy love interest is also in a band! I really hope they wise up and kill him off later. If he even thinks about touching Twilight, he's got another thing coming!
Another thing I found weird with the movie was that ALL of the mane six wore skirts as humans. Even Rainbow Dash. And she played soccer. Who plays soccer in a skirt? That's like running a marathon in high heels. You're just asking for it. Spike being a dog was funny to me. Not because he could talk; it was because his name had such an easily transitional feel to it. He's "Spike" because he's a dragon. But then as a dog he's still Spike because that's one of those extremely generic names for dogs. That and Spot. My uncle actually named his pug Dammit. He said it was because that's what he always had to say to get his attention. I still think that's a stupid reason. If I went around naming everyone after the one word I used the most to talk to them, I'd call my boss "Yessir!" and the guy at Subway that makes me sandwiches for lunch "The Works". I hate ordering sandwiches and then having to go through everything I want on it. My usual answers are "American cheese, no tomatoes, onions, olives, pickles, and as many hot pepper slices as you can fit on it". I don't know why I like peppers on my sandwich so much. I'm not brave enough to try to eat a whole pepper, but when it comes to things like salsa or hot sauce, I'm all for it. I guess it's a taste thing. Peppers are dry as hell. And they taste like you're eating a sock. But apparently they're really good for you. I heard that one pepper has 3 times as much citrus as an orange. That blows my mind. I can never eat oranges. I love them, but whenever I eat them I get these weird sores on my tongue. It's like my individual taste buds swell up and get really sensitive. And then I make the mistake of eating a potato chip, and OHMAHGOD, I might as well have just gargled ammonia.

Well, I guess I've burned through enough topics for one night. I'm going to bed. Goodnight everypony.
-Poly