Ponyville Live Reporting: Life on the Moon
[}—–{ Ponyville Live Reporting: Life on the Moon }–—{]
We don’t always go to the moon but when we do, we throw a house party while we’re there.
Pony Ace opened his eyes and blinked away the remnants of the dream he had been having, which he then instantly regretted due to the fact that his dream was about a pretty, orange mare that had been on the verge of kissing him, but it wasn’t like he was desperate for the kiss or anything. This stallion in question had to actually avoid the hordes of mares that were wanting of his attentions and whenever he failed, which was quite often, he found himself walking home on weary legs that wanted nothing more than to drop him onto the ground.
What drives the mares of Ponyville to attack him like this, you ask? Well, the reason is actually quite simple. Pony Ace was in fact, a DJ, but not just any DJ. No, he was the most popular DJ in Equestria; a pegasus with a dull yellow coat along with a stunning wind-swept mane with an azure hue who had lost his dreams of becoming a turnip farmer and turned to a life of music instead. Of course, life in Canterlot with all the other amateur upstarts was too dramatic for this pony, so he had moved to Ponyville along with two of his friends (who we will discuss further into the story but for now will remain nameless).
He yawned an absolutely glorious yawn, a few mares who had been looking in through his window fainting with the awe that jolted through their girly brains and told them to black out from his awesomeness. When he looked over to said window that the ponies were no longer occupying, Pony Ace was left slightly disappointed due to the fact that there were birds outside, twittering away in complete normality. “Aw man, looks like another boring day today.”
But why would this story even be in existence if there wasn’t any interesting things that happened? So, in an attempt to make it more interesting, I shall now break from the complete work of fiction that has been occurring from the first line of this story and dive into the world of truth; a world everypony else likes to call “reality”.
The first thing from the reality that we have now established for this story is the disillusionment of Pony Ace’s perceived, as Rainbow Dash would say, “radicalness”. In reality, he was simply a small time DJ that barely had a name even in a small town like Ponyville, which he moved to in order to be one of the only DJs in the region but was swiftly put out of work by the resident Vinyl Scratch. Another things is that the mares that were mentioned are non-existent in this truthful world, except for Pony Ace’s dreams like the one he was rudely awoken from by the sunlight that streamed through the grubby window of his even grubbier house. The only true part of the initial description of Pony Ace was his wanting to be a turnip farmer, for reasons that he never divulged to anypony, not even the omnipresent narrator like myself who would then share it with the rest of the canternet.
The second thing from this reality that has so callously stripped away everyone’s misinformed notions of Pony Ace’s character is that this indeed was not a normal day, for it started with our pony protagonist having to get out of bed and answer the door, which somepony else was knocking against quite loudly. As he opened the door, he was greeted with a sight that he always dreaded in the pit of his gut: his two friends he had moved to Ponyville with, staring at him with manic grins slashing across their faces. “What is it you two?”
He only got a glimpse of Silver Eagle’s slightly weary face before another visage burst into view. “Heya there, Ace!” Pony Ace didn’t even have a moment to unleash a mental groan before Wubzy continued his all-too-familiar antics. “I hope you’re ready for this cuz we have something really really really really really-“ The pegasus leaned around the excitable stallion and looked questioningly at the other pony who had been knocking on his door.
Silver Eagle gave an annoyed snort and flapped his wings in mock irritation before chuckling good-naturedly. “Hey, not my fault he’s like this. He’s always like this.” He sipped at his half-finished Starbits Doubleshot and grimaced at the taste of lukewarm coffee, yet as the glutton for punishment and the helpless caffeine addict that he was, Silver found himself taking another sip.
“Yeah, but you brought him here.” Despite the annoyance in his statement, Pony Ace stepped aside to allow his two closest friends into his home, wincing at their obvious attempts to ignore the stench. Well, only one of them was pointedly ignoring it. The other was still jumping about repeating the same word and would keep doing so until somepony else finally responded to him or something else grabbed his attention, which incidentally was not hard to do. “So what’s this about?”
“Well,” Silver ruffled his wings and smiled slightly, “we found somethi-“
“We found a rocket ship! One that can take ponies into space! I mean, can you imagine how many ponies we can blast with bass from space?!” The other DJ let out a little giggle at his rhyme before sitting on the ground, smiling drunkenly to himself at the very prospect of DJing from space itself.
“Um, Wubzy, there isn’t any air in space.” Silver Eagle interjected into the excitable pony’s fantasy, trying futilely to inject some kind of reality into the situation. Needless to say, such an approach was doomed to fail before it even began, though our golden-maned pegasus friend usually chooses to ignore this time-proven fact. “Without any air there isn’t sound.” A moment of silence followed, within which Wubzy simply stared blankly at Silver, who in turn grew more irritated with every passing second. “And if there isn’t any sound then nopony can hear the music?”
At this, Wubzy surprised the two ponies by simply bursting out laughing. “Of course there is, Silver!” He bounced up once before pulling a Nightmare Moon mask out of nowhere and sticking it on his face. “How do you think I lived up there for so long?” If only Luna could have heard his horrible attempt at mimicking her evil voice, maybe Equestria would be free of the hyperactive pony that was practically the embodiment of Pinkie Pie. If those two ever meet, then the entire universe, along with all other universes that are in different dimensions, would be destroyed.
Regardless of Luna hearing it or not, the other two facehooved spectacularly before shaking their heads in unison, both accepting the fact that Wubzy’s beliefs wouldn’t be swayed by any amount of fact. “Anyway,” the ever-ignoring-Wubzy Pony Ace began, turning to his more level-headed friend, “what’s this about a rocket?”
“Well,” the ever-coffee-consuming Silver Eagle replied, taking a sip of his aforementioned coffee and shuddering again at its warm temperature, “we found a- Quiet down Wubzy, I’m telling the story! Anyway, we found this amazing rocket that a pony called… um… Twilight Tinkle I think it was, had left out in the open with a sign that said ‘Please use me’. Strange I know, but that’s what Wubzy told me."
“And you believed him?”
“Well, of course he did!” The ever-excited Wubzy leapt forward, bouncing with the emotion that he was the pure embodiment of. “Why wouldn’t he, Ace? I never lie!”
The other two had to suppress their snorts and derisive laughter before they could speak again, by which time the earth pony had already taken off on another bouncing trip around the house. “Yeah, you never lie. Sure.” Pony Ace turned and picked up his saddle bags despite his suspicions of Wubzy’s story. “Well, I suppose we should go ahead and check it out; it could be a pretty interesting story to write about.”
“That’s what I was thinking!” Silver Eagle finished off his coffee with a grimace, tossing the cup into the nearly overflowing trash bin that was tucked away in the corner so its stench couldn’t permeate the rest of the house, something that the general mess already accomplished. “Who knows, maybe we’ll meet Applejack or something along the way, eh Pony Ace?”
To his credit, Pony Ace’s blush was only half as bad as it normally was as he flatly stared at the blond pegasus that was busy chuckling to himself. “Heh, yeah. Real funny. Remind me to not buy you a Starbits coffee on the way to the rocket.”
One completely eventful-but-for-the-sake-of-time-cut-out journey later, within which our trio of troublemakers met up with Ashfire who was curious as to what they were doing but too shy to demand the answer and so instead began to follow them in a way reminiscent of the one mare that had stalked Silver Eagle halfway across Manehatten, the newly-made quartet of quizzical equines found themselves staring up at the rocket that did indeed have a sign tacked to it. Albeit, the sign was entirely too high for anypony to have any hope of reading it lest they flew up there, which none of our prodigious protagonists had any intention of doing.
“Well, what d’you know. It really is here.” Pony Ace walked forward and touched the metal skin with a hoof, in a state of pure awe towards the monstrous behemoth before them. “This is… amazing.”
“It sure is… I really have to get that Sparkle girl in for an interview one day.” Silver Eagle sipped at the coffee that Pony Ace had sworn not to buy him, smiling at the familiar taste of the bitter liquid that was tantalizing his tasting tool. “So, what should we do now?”
“We should go inside! I mean… if you guys want to.” Ashfire stepped forward shyly in a way that was strangely reminiscent of a certain butter-yellow pegasus. “I’d like to see what’s inside such a big rocket. Well, if you want to that is.” The admission left the shy pony’s mouth in a totally non-cliché way, her barely concealed curiosity only just curbed by her desire to be out of the way which was in turn detracted from the fact that she enjoyed being a part of a group.
“I don’t think it’d be a good idea to go into that thing. It doesn’t look very… safe.” Pony Ace looked to the others, who were all casting disbelieving looks at him. “What? It doesn’t.” As much as he hated to be the party-pooping voice of reason, the DJ held firm. “How are we even going to get into it in the first place?”
“Uh, we use the door?” Wubzy pointed to an open panel in the side of the ship, one that wasn’t there before as far as any of the ponies who were standing by could remember. “Pretty simple, Ace.”
“Wait… that wasn’t there before.” The ever-observant Pony Ace pointed out, just as I, the narrator, did moment before. Unfortunately, there are times in which a story must be played out by its characters lest the audience of said tale not understand what was happening. So, let us continue the journey.
“Well, it is now, PA.” Silver Eagle trotted forward eagerly, ready to explore the depths of the mysterious ship. “Come on, you can help me interview the on-board AI.”
“How do you even know it ha-“
“Oh my goodness, I love talking to Artificial Intelligence! It’s always so much smarter than the ponies around here. Um, no offense.” Ashfire was the next to trot forward, her excitement apparent in every bouncing step.
“I still don’t think this is a good idea.” Despite his mutters and grumbles the “voice of reason” Pony Ace was the next to trot forward, followed closely by Wubzy. The latter of the two was uncharacteristically silent as he observed all of the shiny buttons and blinking lights that were just waiting for him to press and/or fiddle with them. “Fine, I’ll come inside but only for a little bit. Then we’re leaving and not going back here to bother it again.” His declaration, however, was met with flat stares and bemused smiles. “Guys,” the perturbed pegasus began threateningly. He didn’t need to say more as the others all cut across him like school-ponies replying to a teacher.
“Yes, Pony Ace.” Despite the chorus of acknowledgment, Pony Ace knew, deep down, that this was hardly the end of any mischief.
Of course, what kind of person would I be to deny such a truth? Furthermore, what kind of story would this be if it didn’t have some kind of conflict? A boring one, that’s what, so here’s a nice helping of creative construction to keep you rabid readers at bay.
And so, in lieu of that statement let us fast forward past all of the bothersome details about what exactly our quartet of querulous ponies did inside of the rocket ship and go straight into the conflict: Wubzy pressing the “launch” button.
Needless to say, when his peachy hoof struck the big red protrusion the rest of the group fell silent, staring at the perpetrator of their soon-to-be-had adventure. “Wubzy,” Pony Ace began, stepping forward menacingly, “What exactly did you just press?”
“It was a button that said lunch!” Wubzy looked around confusedly, trying desperately to find the food that he was promised. “Where is it? I can’t smell anything besides Silver’s coffee!” Said coffee was sipped by the mentioned pegasus, who all the while had a troubled frown on his face.
Pony Ace, on the other hoof, shook his head bemusedly. “Why would a rocket ship have a lun-“ He fell silent as the realization struck him like the flowerpot that resulted in Ditzy’s unfortunate eyes. “Wait… that wasn’t a lunch button.” The DJ stepped forward and shoved the mischievous pony aside, glaring down at the big red letters that were ominously blinking. The words brought a lump to his throat as he choked them out one by one. “It… was a... launch... button.”
Just then, before anypony else could utter a word, Twilight Sparkle’s matter-of-fact voice echoed throughout the room. “Moon Journey launch sequence is starting. Everypony please buckle your seatbelts.” Her voice lost its professional tone as the mare began to have an obvious exhilaration at the thought of her rocket launching, even though it was just a recording. “It’s going to be one hay of a ride.”
Then, without giving the same ponies any chance to move, four seats somehow levitated over to them and shot a mass of ropes and buckles, which then wrapped around their respective charges and dragged them into the fluffy mass of seating.
“Five…”
“Hey, Wubzy?” Despite their predicament, Pony Ace was rather calm unlike the other two ponies who were screaming, Ashfire because of the loudness and Silver because of his coffee falling onto the floor.
“Four…”
“Yes, Ace?” Despite his obvious knowledge of his wrongdoing, Wubzy sounded entirely like he was a good little pony who had done nothing wrong.
”Three… Two…”
“Remind me to kill you when we get to the moon.” By this time, the sounds of the rocket engines firing up was deafening, but Pony Ace somehow made himself heard over them.
”One…”
“But what did I do?” In keeping with his innocence, the pedantic pony smiled, setting off a spark that would explode Pony Ace’s built-up anger.
“YO-“ The words of rage and fury (ones that would have certainly broken the PG rule) were shoved back into the DJ’s throat as the sudden feeling of G-force clamped down upon his body. The voice of Twilight Sparkle was the last thing he heard before the creeping edges of blackness grabbed him.
”We have liftoff!”
. . .
. . .
. . .
And so, after a nice, long, conveniently placed dream about Applejack, himself and a bottle of cider coupled with some nice background music with a romantic tinge, Pony Ace’s eyes began to open. What he saw nearly dropped him back over the edge of unconsciousness with the shock that came from seeing it. The images, while horrifying, also inspired another bout of anger from his previously extinguished rage. “Wh…. Wh…what are you…guys… doing…?”
Around him was a house, filled with all sorts of odd widgets and items that floated through the air. The walls flashed with the multicolored lights that were coming from the center of the room, where a DJ’s table had somehow been set up despite the lack of them taking one along. Behind said table was Wubzy, somehow floating above the vinyl disks that were spinning on its deck. “Hey! Ace is awake!”
Somehow turning to take in the rest of the house, Pony Ace was greeted with the sight of Silver and Ashfire both floating through the air doing some sort of wiggling jig, Silver’s being much more pronounced due to his dancing partner being his own Starbits Doubleshot that he had found stashed in the back corner of the ship's refrigerator. Then he looked over to the windows, whose curtains were drawn back to reveal a harsh, grey landscape that was cut only by the stout flag that hung outside, blowing in an ethereal wind like the kind that always kept the princess’s manes aloft. On its colored surface was the emblem of the lunar goddess, Luna. “Guys… do you know whose house this is?”
Nopony else had a chance to answer as the loud, booming voice nearly destroyed everypony’s eardrums. “Who dares throw a house party in our lunar palace!?”
. . .
“And that’s how Equestria was made!” Wubzy’s story concluded dramatically, his hooves falling down from where they had been waving in the air. The others stared at him with flat glares, their emotions almost hidden behind the fires that surrounded them.
“No, Wubzy, that’s how we got to the sun. Luna sends ponies to the sun, how ironic.” Pony Ace facehooved, groaning as he turned away from the one he so badly wanted to strangle. “Why did I agree to this?”