(Author’s note: The following fanfic you are about to read is canon.)
THE GREATEST STORY TO EVER BE TOLD BY MORTAL BEINGS
Sir Cinnamon, one of Equestria’s greatest warriors. Well known for using his Hoof of the White Star to take down a manticore by punching a nerve cluster in its neck. He single handedly fought off an invasion of griffins riding on dragons with a tree he hoof chopped down into a toothpick because hey, he wanted to work on his carpentry skills. Currently, he’s on vacation in a small town called Ponyville…
RING-RING-RING-RIN-*SMASH*
And he’s just waking up all pissed off…
Sir Cinnamon sighed. Why are those fucking alarm clocks so god-damn annoying? Shaking his mane, he climbed out of bed. He looked in the mirror to see his reflection. What he saw was a simple, dark navy blue-colored Earth Pony staring back at him. It had a light chestnut-colored mane, which was currently sticking out in places thanks to rolling around in his sleep. He then summoned concentrated awesome into his hoof, and used that to slick his mane into a nice, tidy manestyle. He then started to flex.
“You want this baby? You want this? Then slide down on my coltmeat for it!”
“Oh yes! Sit on mai face Cinnamon!!”
Sighing, he turned around. What he saw would terrify most ponies with its appearance. You could say that the frame of its form was a unicorn. It had no mane, and had tentacles instead of legs and hooves. The tail of a Honey Badger was there instead of a regular tail, and two antennae rested on each side of his horn. Its cutie mark was a gun, showing that its special talent was combat-based.
“Damnit 6695, what did I say about coming in uninvited this early!” SirCinnamon shouted at the strange creature. It responded with a deep voice, indicating that it was a stallion and not a girly mare.
“Why hello to you too my brotha!” the creature known as 6695 said.
The light fluttering of wings was heard between the two of them, along with a buzzing noise.
“Aw shit, them too?!” Cinnamon groaned, because he wanted time with a mare, not guy time.
“Eeyup, they followed me here!”
As this was said, a parrot flew in, with a golden parasprite by its side.
“DARRPARROT, MOTHERFUCKER!” The, well parrot screeched.
“ME GUSTA!” The parasprite exclaimed before shining brightly.
SirCinnamon’s face changed, transforming into a hideous visage of black and white.
“YOU BEST BE CHANGING ME BACK FROM THIS ‘ME GUSTA’ BLADO!” Cinnamon shouted at the parasprite. It grumbled, but complied with his wishes.
Cinnamon turned to the parrot and said “DARR, shut the hell up, and could you all get the fuck out of my god damn house!?”
Disheartened by his yelling, they left one by one. 6695, feeling terrible, said “He really needs to vent that shit out. What do we do?”
“Go on a killing spree against dragons?” Suggested DARR.
“I say we go into Everfree to slay some hydras with him, like in the war.” The parasprite said.
“Maybe we should get Luna and Celestia down here to have HAWT PONY SEX with him?” 6695 asked the others.
“Wait,” the parasprite started, “I have a plan! All I need you two to do is lure about six mares into his house, and I’ll take care of the rest!”
“Isn’t that kind of, you know, illegal?” Asked DARR.
“It’s only illegal if we get caught!” Said 6695.
“I don’t know guys…” The parrot said worriedly. 6695 gave him a hard look.
“I implore you to reconsider.” He said to DARR.
“Hmm…okay!” Said DARR, reconsidering it.
“Let us commence Operation: Gentle Caresses now!” Blado exclaimed.
And so, Operation: Gentle Caresses began. This little group here saw that their buddy needed to get laid, and getting six mares would help with that ‘small’ problem.
~Some time later...
DARR was flying off by himself. He just needed to find some mares to be sexed up by his homeboy Cinnamon. This way, they could all chill out, maxin’, relaxin’ all cool, and shooting some b-ball outside of the school, like old times! He finally looked down and saw a yellow pegasus mare with pink hair. She seemed to like animals, so she was going to love him! DARR landed in front of her.
“Why hello you pretty birdie! What’s your name?” The yellow mare inquired
“DARRPARROT, SON!”
“Why hello DARR, my name is Fluttershy. How about you come with me for some food?” While some grub did sound good, Cinnamon REALLY needing to get laid and stop being a wet blanket was the foremost thought in the parrot’s mind. DARR flew off, hoping that Fluttershy would follow him. He could tell he was right when he heard,
“Wait, come back DARR!”
Then, utilizing some badass flight maneuvers that even the Wonderbolts couldn’t pull off in a thousand years, DARR entrapped Fluttershy in vines. DARR then used his radical bird strength to carry her to where Blado said to meet up
~Herpderp...
6695 was on the scene! Find some sexy mares for Cinnamon to shag? No problem! Ooh, sexy white mare! She was also talking with a sexy Pink mare wearing a dress! This was perfect!
“Tell me again Pinkie, why did you want me to make you this dress for today?” The white mare asked to her companion.
“Oh Rarity, you’re so silly! I told you already!” Said Pinkie to the now identified Rarity.
“Well yes but, tell me again. I must have forgotten.”
“I wanted a nice, pink party dress for when we get kidnapped in a few seconds!”
“Of course, that’s right! Wait, what do you-“Rarity was cut off, as her and Pinkie had a portal open up under them.
6695 smiled. It was so easy! Feeling elevated that this was all going according to keikaku (translator note: keikaku means plan), he then jumped in after them, the portal closing as he descended.
~Stuff happens...
DARR sighed. This was harder than it looked. Oh wait, he found another one! This one was cyan, and had a rainbow mane! He swooped down, screeching “The Final Countdown” at her.
“What the hell is that?!” the rainbow-maned mare said, before getting the wind knocked out of by the parrot.
“WE’RE LEAVING TOGETHER MUTHAFUCKA!” the parrot screamed into the mare’s ears, knocking her out with its sonic rainboom level sound. DARR let out a caw in victory, before realizing that he needed to carry the mare.
“FFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-“
~You decide to spend some time with 6695...
6695 was getting bored. He was losing the thrill of the hunt in him. Also, his boner has went down. Fuck it, he was just gonna steal the next two mares he sees in his portal, and be done with it. Luck shined upon him, for he saw two walking by! A nice lavender mare and an orange one wearing a cowboy hat! Feeling no need for dramatic flair, two portals opened up and swallowed them.
“Finally, I’m done with this shit!” 6695 shouted.
~The party is gathered before venturing forth...
Finally, six sexy mares were together in this lonely bachelor’s pad. Luckily, Cinnamon left, so they could set up before he came. The six mares were placed in a pentagon formation, with hydra blood making up the segments between them. Oh, and they were bound and gagged, because that’s hawt. Since they were all knocked out with chloroform, there was no struggling from them. After a while, 6695 spoke up and said,
“So, what’s the plan for this venture Blado? I mean, you didn’t really tell us anything about what you were going to do.”
“Wait, you mean to tell me that we did all this without a full plan in mind?!” DARR squawked
“SHADDAP! I DO have a plan!” Blado exclaimed proudly
“And what the hell is going on in here?” said a new voice, who was…CINNAMON!
“Oh no! how could the person who lives here be standing right by that sexy ritual pile of mares? Quick, do your thing Blado!” DARR shouted
And so, Blado did in fact do his thing. Unfortunately, he panicked and screwed up. The sexy mares were transformed into giant mushroom versions of themselves! All they could do is stand there and gape at these turn of events.
“Oh, what happened, and why do I feel warm?” Said the purple mushroom, that they knew to be Twilight.
“Celestia fucking damnit guys! What did you do this time?” Cinnamon asked, exasperated
“Well, I was more or less gonna put them in heat so you could sex them all up, but you screwed me up while I was all doing mah magic.” Blado said, wondering what would happen now
“Wow, look at that sexy colt right thar!” Shouted the orange, let’s say ponyshroom that used to be Applejack
“Give me a sec…” Cinnamon said before walking over to Pinkie Shroom “Eeyup, she still has a pussy, and you know what? I give up. Come back in six hours guys.”
“You got it dude!” DARR, 6695, and Blado said before leaving
“Time to get to the part anyone who is possibly reading this is waiting for!” Exclaimed Cinnamon, breaking the fourth wall
He started off with Shroombow Dash, by whipping out his amazing 37in. pony penor. The tip lightly penetrated her shroomy folds. Dash moaned, loving the feeling, but they both wanted more. Cinnamon bellowed, and jammed it in with a mighty thrust. Dash began to have a wingboner. Cinnamon grunted, letting out noises that increasingly became more primal with each powerful thrust, as he was loving that shit. The feeling of Shroombow Dash’s vagina clenching is supa penor was beginning to be too much. With a final roar of explosive passion, he gibbed in her shroom field. She collapsed in pleasure.
It still wasn’t enough for Cinnamon. He’s had blue balls for months now! He jumped onto Fluttershroom liek a bawss, and rammed it in with a loud bellow. Fluttershroom took it all in, cuz she loves that shit up and down. With 37in. of coltmeat piled deep inside of her, she felt filled. As Cinnamon was thrusting into her, she would push her mushroomy stem up to meet him! They were both beginning to lose themselves in this hot, sexy passion. Then, Cinnamon lifted her up with his forehooves, and began again with renewed vigor! Fluttershroom couldn’t handle it, and came like a motherfucker. She fell asleep.
Up next was Appleshroom. Cinnamon was being overpowered by lust. He then let loose an amazingly loud roar of triumph.
“HAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!” was all that was heard for about ten minutes. Then, he finally stopped, and let loose a wave of awe-inspiring magic, even though he’s an earth pony. Out of nowhere, Cinnamon’s hair spiked up, and turned gold. He became one of the most feared creatures in the universe. Also his drill core went from 37in. to 48in.!
“What?! He’s gone Super Neighan!? Amazing!” Twilight Shroomkle said in her moment of clarity, right before staring at his crotch and losing it yet again…
He then fucking FLEW at Appleshroom, piercing her heavens with his drill. However, he was still not done. After jamming it in, he lifted her up, fucking her while flying in the air! Appleshroom was loving this shit so much. All she could do is moan with her shroom-mouth while her vagina lip thingies were being stretched by the now 48in. kamehameha of Cinnamon. Before she came and passed out, she managed to say one thing,
“This stallion’s power…It’s maximum!”
With a predatory smirk, he turned to Pinkie Shroom, who let out a tiny squeal as she was lifted into the air, because she was waiting for this. Cinnamon couldn’t stop himself from impaling her onto his colossal shaft. Pinkie was okay with this. She began to slide herself on and off of it, spearing herself more deeply each time. How this was possible to do while floating in the air, Cinnamon did not know, but it felt good. At this point, he couldn’t stop charging up his energy to shoot a spirit bomb inside Pinkie Shroom. The ki of all of Equestria filled her woman pit, and she came too. It was also in slow motion. It looked really cool.
Twilight Shroomkle all but jumped at him when they were done. She is a Liberian, so she clearly had a lot of pent-up sexual frustration. In the air, there was nothing to hold them, but air. Cinnamon gripped her neck to get a hold for thrusting into her. Twilight began to moan, but didn’t do much besides that, because she was controlled by her lust. Cinnamon, feeling like he was gonna burst yet again, dropped her. Twilight was confused, why would he do that? She got her answer when his penor began to glow bright red.
“I’m positive, that I have acquired new abilities, with the help of NEIGHOJI!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HERE I CUM, I AM CINNAMON!!!!!!!! TAKE THIS, MY LUST, MY STAMINA, AND ALL OF MY PENOR!!!!!! ERUPTING, BURSTING JIZZER!!!!!!!!!!! GO!!!!!!! GO!!!!!!!!! GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Cinnamon said, spearing Twilight right in her vag, and jazzing like a boss-colt.
The last of them, and the most beautiful in Cinnamon’s eyes, was Rarishroom. She had finally given in to her magically induced lust. Cinnamon scooped her up into his hooves. Then, he slammed his hot rod into her mushgina. She groaned, loving the stretching out that was being inflicted on her. The intense, overpowering pleasure and pain were getting to her.
“Aishiteru Cinna-kun…” Said Rarishroom, speaking in moon-speak to show how deep her feelings were for him. They were about as deep as the pounding she’s getting from him, so they were very deep.
“Fuck yeh babe. Now, to take this to the next level!” Cinnamon said, suddenly wearing really cool shades. He then threw the really cool shades. They span before brakeing into two pairs. They wrapped around Rarishroom, keeping her in place. A cape appeared on Cinnamon, who’s enormous drill grew ten timez his size. It then began to have green energy swirl around it.
“GIGA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! VAG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BREAKER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Cinnamon shouted, ramming hard into Rarishroom, creating a mess of cum and biologically incorrect fluids. Suddenly, there was a huge explosion!
~Oh Snap! What a Tweest!!!
“Eh! Wake up boyo!” a voice shouted, “We got moose to hunt!”
“Aw man!” groaned a young man, “I had liek da best dream ever, eh!”
“Oh yeah, what was it aboot?”
“I don’t think you wanna know…”
“I’ll be back when you’re ready boyo!” and then they left.
The young man felt a lick on his face. It was his pet moose. He named it Rarity after sharing a cold night together in his bed. He had to share his dream somehow, but didn’t want the rest of his Canadian tribe to find out. Then, he had an idea! Draw ponyshrooms of the Cutie Mark Crusaders to make the ponyshrooms look innocent! He then walked out of his igloo, and said,
“Best. Night. Ever!”
SirCinnamon had some work to post on Reddit and Deviant Art.
THE MUTHAFUCKIN’ END
