The Pony League

by SwiperTheFox

Rating: teen
Tags: Sex, Twilight Sparkle, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Romance, Original Character, Rarity, Fluttershy
Length: 4026

A dark, moody, and violent band stops over at Ponyville. Twilight falls for the frontcolt.

Equestria's most notorious musical group, The Pony League, makes a stop in Ponyville on their mayhem-filled, Equestria-wide tour. They blow out speakers, scream for political revolution, throw out obscene gestures, squeal feedback throughout the town square, and smash instruments just inches from ponies' faces. And that's just the first song. Most horses feel shocked and horrified by their sound, their ideology, and their callous attitude. Yet Twilight finds them utterly fascinating, and she takes them on as a sort of psychological science project.

Her friends think Twilight has truly lost it. She also fears that Princess Celestia will not take very kindly to a group ranting about her "tyrannical rule". Yet something about them and their handsome lead singer, Ian, touches Twilight's heart as well as her mind.

Musical inspirations include Ramones, Sex Pistols, Misfits, Joy Division, G.G. Allin, the Tubes, Missing Persons, the Human League, the Smiths, the Jesus and Mary Chain, Gary Numan... and many other socially transgressive punk / post-punk groups.

Published 2012-02-05 12:32:52 UTC
Last updated 2012-02-06 05:50:49 UTC

Hear the Revolution (Part I)

Rarity began to faint. She curled over in front of Twilight's hooves, and then the white unicorn melodramatically stumbled backwards inch by inch. Rarity tail dropped between her legs, the thick blue color almost draining from the strands.

"Hold on, just hold on," Twilight said. She made a kind of magical recliner behind Rarity's back. Twilight immediately nudged the white unicorn back on her four hooves. "I know that it looks terrible." Rarity, please, you should take life a little less seriously for once.

"It's not that it's so scandalous," Rarity moaned. she stepped over to the side of her boutique, "I mean: 'It's not just that it's so scandalous.' What makes it so terrible is that it's so pointless. There's no reason for such anti-social behavior, no cause, no..." She looked as if she would burst out in tears at any moment.

Twilight walked over to the formerly blank side wall of Rarity's boutique. She let out a very quiet sigh as she leaned against the bricks. Twilight then traced her eyes upwards for the umpteenth time at the thick, black streaks of graffiti.

TPM
SECRET TOUR... BUT SECRET NO MORE
SEE THE GROUNDSWELL
HEAR THE REVOLUTION

"That's some really clear writing and decent grammar for graffiti," Twilight said, thinking back to her copy of Spring Step's sociology book History of the Velvet Generation: Social Class and Social Outings, "Look over there, Rarity, they even maintained correct spelling for every word."

"I don't give a thought about the spelling!" Rarity moaned as she walked over besides Twilight, "I care about the... the..." Rarity rubbed her bottom hooves together. "Implications..."

I'm putting an end to this drama right now. Twilight concentrated, and her horn lit up. She muttered a quick cleaning spell under her breath. Trails of little sparkles shot up the wall, and the unicorns leaned a few inches back. Twilight smiled. Rarity just looked blank. They looked at the pristine wall for a second, and then they locked eyes with each other.

"Why!" Rarity called out. She curled her lips.

"But I... I..." Twilight began.

"We needed that. Oh, don't get me wrong. I'm very happy that you just fixed it. Really, I am. But it is-- or, I should properly say, was-- evidence against those little ruffians," Rarity said, curling about her head in frustration, "We should have looked for paint prints or hoofprints... or maybe..." She trailed off as Twilight's eyes narrowed.

"Hoofprints?" Twilight asked back, and she moved out twoards the town square. "What do you think, they painted this with their own hooves? What is this, kindergarten?" Sarcasm dripped down like rain.

Twilight then fluttered her mane across her head. Wow, looking for a new lesson has gotten me all... She blinked. Why not? I can take it all out on Rarity. She's a big girl. She can handle it. The purple unicorn walked over and stood right in front of Rarity.

The white unicorn opened her mouth to say something. Twilight immediately cut her off. "You remind me of a little upset foal-- so worried since she'd had some bully put his hoof on her drawing. Oh, you poor baby," Twilight said. She pointed a hoof at Rarity's side.

"Twilight, you're... and it's..." Rarity stammered, and her face scrunched as she resisted the urge to say something unladylike, "You're certifiable!" The white alicorn twirled about and shut herself back in her boutique.

Twilight trotted away. She suddenly halted in the middle of the street. A young filly almost smacked into Twilight's side, but then she walked out the way in confusion. No... That was just horrible of me. "Ugh," she said, and she looked down at the gravel beneath her hooves. She kicked her left hoof a little.

A: Rarity is a friend. B: Friends need each other. C: It doesn't matter how ridiculous the thing is. D:Here I am besides her. Twilight walked straight along the town square, glancing at the various shops. Do I really have to put it into a syllogism for me to get that?

She pictured giving Rarity some flowers from Roseluck to apologize. No, that's... that's too sappy and overdone... She then pictured giving Rarity one of those new white-chocolate cupcakes Pinkie had been so gaga over lately. Better... maybe... She twirled to the left and then went for Sugarcube Corner.

"Although..." She paused, and she then leaned over. "I got Fluttershy cupcakes for snapping at her yesterday," the unicorn muttered under her breath. She flipped around and headed towards Roseluck's place. "Wait!" She halted again. "I got roses for Bon Bon when I messed up her..." She tapped her face with her hooves. Or did I give roses to Applejack when I stomped on her... "UGH!"

Rats, I should know that I'm far from my best when I'm almost tardy! She had at least learned her lesson the hard way. She promised herself she'd let whatever new revelation about friendship happen naturally rather than go too crazy. Still, the frustration built up inside her like a ticking time bomb.

Twilight leaned over into the bushes and rubbed them along her side. I can't even feel anything. I can't talk with anypony anymore without hurting their feelings somehow. I might as well be just a pony iceberg chopping through everything. She then looked out into the empty horizon. Shops everywhere had started to close up. The last bits of the sunset had almost faded as darkness crept along the sides of the street.

"I'm going," she declared to herself. She walked straight ahead. "I'm headed somewhere else." She picked up a little speed. "Somewhere I've... never or almost never been before..." She ran, although she had no idea why. "Someplace new... or new-ish..." Someplace where I can piss somepony off with zero negative consequences.

Twilight aimlessly flowed down the road like an apple dropped into a river. A young white unicorn with a pushcart suddenly shot out from her right side. Twilight bounced off to the left. She waved her hooves around for a moment, but then she realized she was standing upon thin air.

*Clunk*

The purple unicorn rubbed up against something soft yet filled with hard ridges. She flopped her head around, but she couldn't see a thing. Some kind of mysterious ticking noise sounded off in front of her. She sniffed, and the air reeked of every kind of alcohol she could imagine.

"Ugh, it's..." she muttered. Relax, Twilight. No broken bones? She tried to pick herself back up. That's the important thing. She twisted about her head, and then the light black tarp fell off of her face. She flung her head upwards.

A smattering of stars across the night sky shone straight down upon Twilight. She nudged herself about against the tight walls. She curled her neck a bit over, and she saw some kind of long pipe going vertically into a rusty, crimson hatch-- left about half-open. That's pretty dangerous to be left like that. Somepony could get hurt. She sighed again. Somepony stupid enough to jump in the air without looking where she'd land.

She stepped around in place for a second. Her hooves touched big bags filled with bundle after bundle of cables. Something being repaired, maybe? She felt around the walls, but she couldn't sense anything except layer after layer of grime. She sheepishly held her front hooves above herself and then magically scortched them clean once again. Is this... am I in a closet? But where's the door, for Pete's sake?

*Smack*

Twilight got knocked down flat on her back. She then felt a giggling pegasus rub up against her. The pegasus' small, still mostly budding wings rubbed all along her in full arousal. Twilight then felt a tall stallion jump up on them both.

"Hey, I... uh... I'm here!" Twilight called out.

"Yes," the pegasus said, suddenly flipping over onto another set of cable bags. Twilight's eyes ran along the mare's short, stubby body down her set of crimson spots over to the blackish-red tail tucked between her legs. The pegasus curled around a little bit-- wetness collecting on her tail as she squeezed it even closer.

Don't... don't stare! Twilight shifted her look upwards as the stallion. She moved her eyes along one of the goofiest expressions that she had ever seen over to his very long, silvery body. She spotted the then open door. The stallion also clenched his flank and curled his tail to hide the excitement between his own legs.

"If you, uh, excuse me," Twilight said. The lovebirds leaned over. Twilight awkwardly stepped over on top of them-- placing a hoof on the back of the stallion's head that nudged his face against the grimy wall. The purple unicorn then bounced out into the room. Frantic squishing and pounding noises went on behind her.

Twilight's eyes flashed a solid yellow, and some twisted symphony of noise assaulted her ears. She tried to stand up-- hooves moving from wet surface to dry surface to scratchy surface all laying about haphazardly. She rubbed her eyes to no avail. She staggered across over to her right and then landed upon something soft and fuzzy. Drinks clinked all above her head. She blinked. She then gasped.

Metal (Part II)

The stallion suddenly pulled back. A little slimy trial dripped off of the side of his face onto his partner's mouth. Twilight eyed the smaller stallion as he kissed the suddenly open air. She stared down along the worn blue overalls and towards his pale red hooves that kicked against the counter behind them. Holy cheese and crackers, he's so young. Does he even has his cutie mark yet? And just... Wow... I can't believe the way he's... going at him.

She then eyed the taller stallion as he leaned in and pressed his bright blue and white spotted body against his partner's neck. Not kissing... Licking! It drove Twilight out of her mind how much the smaller stallion looked like a younger Big Mac. And to top it all off, that colt's moaning just sounded exactly the same as the grunts she heard from the field yesterday as she trotted along Applejack's barn. Twilight had to look off at the wall. Of course, Mac wasn't doing... that... He was just picking up weeds!

She had read lots and lots about coltcuddling-- in the appropriate context as she studied sociology and psychology. It was a rather different thing to... sit right next to them in action. Still, what does it matter? It doesn't bother me. I'm an open minded mare. She turned her head back and kept instinctively staring at them. Aren't I?

"Take a picture, sweetheart, it will last longer," the Big Mac clone said. Twilight shrank into her seat and blinked repeatedly. She then stepped off and moved over to the other dingy side of the room.

Her eyes trailed across everything-- from the coltcuddling couples at the bar to the ponies lazing about in fluffy beanbag chairs to the tables with papers mindlessly thrown about-- as she walked. She propped herself upon an ancient looking wicker chair in the corner, and she then stared at the stage in the distance. A stubby little pegasus with a long black sash curling about her pale white chest and legs hopped up and down. Totally out of sync with the rhythm...

Another stubby pegasus, shoved over to stage right, bonked his drums with a simple 'thumpa-thumpa-thumpa-tum thumpa-thumpa-thumpa-tum' beat. He tossed about his head and screamed mindlessly into the nearby microphone every few seconds. All in all, Twilight found it about as interesting as listening to her toilet drain. She looked off at the bar again. Well... am I daring enough to order something? Goodness knows what would be in it!

A tall silver mare that Twilight recognized from somewhere, although she couldn't quite remember where, sped onto the stage. The silver mare called out something to the performers, and then she moved about the stage as she went on jabbering. She had a little of skipping grace almost like a ferret. The pegasii nodded and then stepped off the stage.

Nopony applauded. A gigantic unicorn perched right bedsides Twilight let out a growl. A few other ponies coughed. The ferret-like mare twisted about and then clutched the microphone.

"Haha, right..." she said, "Now then... We all know what you've been waiting for..." The crowd mostly grumbled, although a pony here and there made a happy cheer. "And now... THE PONY LEAGUE!" She paused. She then looked off from side to side. Nothing happened.

Twilight then watched a tiny green stallion with something like a fancy white suit ran off and tapped the side of the ferret-turned-pony. The two of them exchanged some terse words. Although she barely had any color to begin with, what was left drained out of the mare's face. She tapped her front hooves against each other in supplication.

"I mean," she announced into the mike, "AND NOW!" She went back to her screaming, which for whatever reason sounded exactly like a stallion's voice. "Let's all give a round of applause for: Ian Sheffield of The Pony League! With the Jabbers!"

"About time, marelicker," somepony groused off behind Twilight. Still, most of the crowd either tapped their hooves or made some kind of happy noise.

"Up yours, Michael," the ferret-like pony called out. She then shoved her right front hoof under the left one to complete the visual. Twilight eyed her as she reflexively danced along the stage towards the exit.

Does she have some spell or something tickling her all the time to get her to prance like that? Twilight's gaze then fluttered back towards the middle of the stage. A guitarist unicorn jumped out from the curtain behind the stage. She pulled up the instrument and then held it up in the air like a magic chalice. A few of the dim lights sparkled against the gold and red stripes. The guitarist wagged her instrument about and then thrust a hoof down.

Twilight heard a satisfying purr. The guitarist then twisted her head about. Her flowing solid white mane curled all over her bright red body. She hammered through a few power chords, and the heads started to nod around Twilight. The guitarist stepped over to the farthest left edge of the stage. Twilight's gaze moved over to a dark green colt crawling about the other side of the stage.

He twisted around a little like a dog. He kicked his hooves against the air, and then he popped up again. Twilight spotted the thick leather leash going from across the colt's neck over to somepony behind the stage curtain. The colt suddenly jumped in the air. He landed right in the drummer's stool and magically thrust up the sticks.

In a split-second, the room filled with deep, hard beats. Twilight felt it rubbing up all along her body. She couldn't help but bounce a little. It all felt like one of Applejack's anvils falling upon concrete again and again with perfect timing. She looked a the drummer again-- working like a repetitive machine-- and then her gaze moved back along to the stage curtain.

An extremely tall unicorn with something a lot like Mare-Do-Well's costume stepped out. The unicorn swung up a battered old bass and then perched himself of herself at the left side of the stage. The bassist leaned over like an owl on a branch in that dark spot. Well, he... or she... might as well have dissapered.

The room suddenly exploded. Ponies jumped up and let out huge cheers. Twilight scrunched her ears and tried to move over to see. A bunch of loud whistles erupted around her. She blinked. She put her hooves out and lifted herself onto a table. She then gazed at the stallion coming up from the crowd onto the stage.

She ran her eyes up from those thick, black boots littered with little silver stubs and shiny grey straps up his slender yet fit hind hooves. The muscles looked strong enough to crack a walnut between the edges. She shifted her head up and moved across his dark grey body to his cutie mark-- a sun tinted checkered white and black. She looked up at the gigantic, thick mane rubbing inky black hairs all down his shoulders, face, and front hooves.

It looked as if somepony had placed a dozen black wigs upon the frontcolt's head and glued it in place. She then glanced up at his horn. She focused on the dozens of little black and white checkerboard squared littered across it. The stallion made a loud grunt. He then thrust his head up and pulled with his right hoof at the chain. The drummer squealed. The frontclot ripped off his inky black jacket and tossed the thing across the stage.

"He's... he's.. so weird..." she muttered. Wait, I almost said 'beautiful' didn't it? Everypony sat down. Painful self-conscious emotions burned onto Twilight's face as she sat all her lonesome atop the high table.

The frontcolt immediately locked eyes with her. He looks so... so... hurt. It's like there's a scar in his mind or something. The stallion leaned over, unlocked the chain from the drummer, and then threw it right at Twilight. She caught it and then held it against her chest with her hooves. "Uh... thanks..." she muttered.

The frontcolt held up his front hooves into the air. The crowd started to cheer, but they immediately stopped as the stallion began clopping them together. The drummer slowed his pace, and then the guitarist and bassist halted. Twilight stared back again at the frontcolt's face. His eyes looked ancient-- curves went along the ends of his face so unnaturally. Yet his soft nose and his supple chin along with everything else reminded her of a foal.

Something about his eyes shocked her. She locked right at his pupils-- marked in the same kind of weird checkered black and white. She blinked. He blinked. She then saw the frontcolt move down to the main microphone.

"I'm Ian Kevin Sheffield to my attorney's," he declared. The voice... THAT VOICE... Ripples went through Twilight's skin. He put such extreme power and presence into every word. It could only make her think of Princess Celestia or Princess Luna putting on their full royal airs. "To you all... just call me Ian. AND..." He shot a dirty look off stage, where a certain ferret-like mare bobbed about nervously. "I'm 'The Pony League' to nopony. Of course, you'll see all of them tomorrow. At the BAND's first gig."

Twilight glanced down, and she suddenly saw the synthesizer perched over in front of Ian. The frontcolt paused. He then nudged over to the instrument-- carrying the microphone close by. He gazed at the instrument with a deep, inner hunger shooting across his face. Like a starving mare coming upon a buffet... No, it's more like a husband to his wife.

Ian reached down and dances his hooftips across the instruments. A gigantic metallic whoosh spread across the room and hit Twilight almost like a set of hooves grabbing the sides of her head. Ian leaned back-- his face shifted almost like a tyrannical prince about to order an execution.

"We with the Pony League have been most pleased by all of the culture jamming activities going about in Ponyville. But it's not enough. Not nearly enough." The darkness of the stage streaked across his face. Twilight could only see his mouth. "I need to see the power structure shocked to its very core. You all need to strike back. DIRECT ACTION." His voice raised as he pounded out a throbbing metallic beat. "Occupy. Destroy. Smash. Fight. Take it to those spoiled, stupid whores like that marshmellow colthood sucker with the boutique. Nice work, whomever it was."

The drummer hammered all through his speech. The bassist went on like a metronome. The guitarist's chords seemed to just melt into something raw, something black, and something alien. Ian contorted the beat into a harsh, metallic grind. Twilight pictured wall after metal wall scraped against by some gigantic machine-- sparks flying everywhere.

"We need blood. We need darkness. We need to see those spoiled, stupid whores and their property structures brought crashing down," Ian continued.

"ENOUGH POLITICAL GARBAGE!" A tall stallion shouted besides Twilight.

Ian shot out a stare that could melt an iceberg. He curled his face-- showing his shiny white teeth pointed like fangs. "YOU..." Ian sang out, "Are... absolutely right! Buck socialism. Buck capitalism. Buck it all!"

"BUCK IT! BUCK IT ALL!" The bassist and guitarist screamed into their own mikes.

Ian made a huge moan. "We're in the building and they make... us... growwwwwwwww..." Ian sang. The syntheizer just erupted. The dark thumping rhythm filled up every last inch of the club. Ian clapped in that death-like, instinctive beat. Twilight went along, totally mesmerized. Everypony else did as well.

*Throb* *Bang *Throb* *Bang*

"And I'm frightened by the liquid engineerssssss..." Ian stared directly at Twilight. His eyes burned against her skin. "LIKE. YOU." Twilight's heart seemed to stop. Ian closed his eyes, and he leaned back. Ripples poured down his skin.

"Oh... Celestia help me..." Twilight moaned. Her mouth went dry from staying open so long.

"My Mallory heart... Is sure to fail..." Ian smashed his head just inches from the synthesizer. His thick, black hair ran everywhere. "I could crawllllllll around the floorrrrrrrrrrrr...." He let out a deep, animal like growl crossed with a laugh. "Just like I'm real."

Twilight fell down against her hooves.

"Like youuuuuuuuuu..."

Twilight could barely breath anymore. That horrible, scarring darkness... It's so beautiful. It's so soothing. It's so rich, so seductive, and so nice. My heart is freezing to death with pleasure. The clapping, the drums, the guitar riffs, the vocals, and every last bit of the symphony of sweet despair brought her into a complete trance. All the words and beats melted into pure emotion.

"All I know... Is no-one DIES!" Ian sang. The crowd screamed back. "I'm still confusing love with need..."

Love... Ian's eyes felt all over Twilight's body as he sang that word. She reflexively cooed. She looked on as the synthesizer sounds rolled into a crescendo. Ian hopped up and down. He sputtered out mindlessly. He thrust up his front hooves, and he danced the weirdest dance Twilight had ever seen. He popped around and jiggled left and right like a flopping fish. His features seemed to melt, and his eyes seemed to pop out of his sockets.

At least a third of the crowd had joined Ian's dance. It looked more like a full body seizure than real dance moves, but nopony cared. He then threw himself against the synthesizer. He mashed a pile of buttons, and everything seemed to build on itself. Twilight heard something like three songs all mashed together. The melodies and harmonies all flowed together and all built up from second to second. She felt herself jiggling.

Ian jiggled as well. He curled his face upwards. He bit his lip. The electronic sounds shot across the roof. Everything in the room seemed to rise up higher and higher. Beat upon beat and tone upon tone rumbled through the bottom of the club. It almost seemed painful. Everything had to climax. It had to... or else Twilight would just lose it.

*CLICK CLICK CLICK*

The electronic pounding accelerated into a solid wall of noise. Twilight could hear it. She could see it. She could touch it. She could taste it. She gazed straight at Ian as his body shivered in anticipation. The noise built up a little bit more. In just a few seconds, it reached the highest possible climax.

*Release*

"UUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Ian grunted. Pleasure dripped down from every inch of his face. He smacked the ends of the synthesizer with his sweaty hooves. His head jerked about with his mane going everywhere.

Twilight gasped, and then she fell off the table. She knocked her head against something tiny and hard. She blinked. Then, she was completely out.