In my time of dying

by Gron

Rating: teen
Tags: Twilight Sparkle, Sad, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rainbow Dash, Romance
Length: 2923

Two ponies. One speaks the other listens, thinking.

She talks to me.
I wanted to answer but I couldn't.
I wanted to hold her but I wasn't strong enough.
I'm sorry.

Published 2013-04-07 16:20:03 UTC
Last updated 2013-04-07 16:20:03 UTC

Memories

Darkness…
Everywhere around me was darkness. I blankly stared at it, expecting something to happen but nothing changed. The darkness was there, everywhere, and wasn’t leaving.
I was not afraid of the darkness as I knew it would go away soon and she would come again. She always comes here. And I was waiting… here… all the time.
Time… time was different to me now. I knew that the darkness wasn’t lasting long, only a few hours, but to me it felt like years. But I was willing to wait.
I continued to stare at the darkness for what felt like an eternity, until I noticed that the darkness began to get brighter. Finally.
I wanted to move my head to the side where it was the brightest but I couldn’t. I just had to wait.
I watched as the darkness slowly was defeated by the light. I liked to watch the light rising.
By the time the darkness was gone completely and now everything I saw was white. The look was not much better than the darkness but I knew what would come with the light soon. It would still be a long wait though.
I heard the door open and somepony stepped inside but they didn’t say anything. It wasn’t her. I would have sighed but all I can do is wait.
The wait was long today. I couldn’t tell for sure but it felt longer than normally. Did something happen I asked myself, and if something did happen what could I do?
After another eternity I finally heard the voice I was waiting for all day.
“Hello Rainbow!” Twilight said.

”Hello Rainbow!” Twilight greeted me. “What brings you here?”
“Just wanting to spend some time with my favorite egghead, you know,” I said and stepped inside the library. “That is you have nothing else to do.”
“Oh no of course not. It’s just unusual to see you at the library so often, especially entering through the door instead of crashing through my window,” she teased.
“Hehe yeah… sorry about last week. And the week before. And the two times last month,” I said grinning at her. She was smiling back at me.
“Don’t mind that. I have enough windows in storage. You can’t break all of them.”
“Challenge accepted!” I exclaimed. She giggled. I loved that sound. I made my heartbeat rising to a level I never even experienced during my hardest flight sessions.
“So you have something in mind to do?” she asked.
“Actually yes,” I said and pulled out the newest Daring Do from my saddlebags. “I thought since we are both fans we could kinda read it together?”
Twilight didn’t seem to notice how nervous I was or I was better at covering it than I expected and replied with a smile, “I’d love to, Rainbow.”

I would have given anything I had left to greet her back but there was nothing I had. So I just lay there waiting for her to come over. And she did.
As she finally moved into my view I got a glance at her face. It looked tired. Her lavender coat was pale, dark rings were below her eyes and her mane was unkempt. She tried her best to give me a smile but it didn’t help much. I could saw her pain.
I didn’t know why or how I was able to see. My lids were closed but I could see. Maybe it’s just my mind, constructing what I wanted to see or it’s something else. Twilight could have explained it to me for sure but I couldn’t ask her as I couldn’t open my mouth to speak.
So I just looked at her without her notice. She probably thought that I never noticed her but still she came here every day. There was no light dark cycle where I didn’t see her. That’s what kept me going from day to day in these times.
“Sorry I’m late but I have a gift for you today which I had to pick up first,” she explained, sounding guilty for letting me wait longer.
I hated to see her like this. She shouldn’t feel bad. She deserved better. She shouldn’t have to go through this.
“Since we finished the complete series already I had to pull some strings to get an extra early copy of the next Daring Do. I haven’t take a look inside myself so I’m just as excited as you are,” she said, her voice dropping as she added. “I hope.”

“This was awesome!” I cheered after we finished the last page.
“Yes it was pretty good. I like the new more realistic style. It makes Daring at least 20% cooler as you would say it,” Twilight said and grinned at me.
“More or less. I can’t believe we actually read the whole book at once,” I said.
“Me neither. Just look at the time! It’s already past 2 AM!”
“Time flies by if you have fun.”
“Indeed. I had a lot of fun tonight. Thanks Rainbow. It’s really nice to see that you start to like books now.”
“Yeah, yeah… don’t spread it around too much. Still got my daredevil image to maintain.”
“Afraid to become a boring egghead like me?”
“You are anything but boring Twilight.”
“Thanks, Rainbow,” she said and hugged me.
“I mean it. Not as cool as me of course but nothing’s wrong at being second after me!”
Twilight giggled. “Come on Rainbow,” I said to myself. “Now’s the time!”
“Uhm Twilight?”
“Yes?” she asked and looked directly into my eyes. It took me a while to concentrate while looking into her deep violet eyes. I could look into them forever and never get tired of the view. They were as perfect as every other part of her.
“Uh… I was wondering if… uhm you have uh something planned for tomorrow?”
“No. Why?” she asked. I was at this point too nervous to notice her smile.
“Would you like… I mean would you be interested… Uh I mean…” I stammered. I’ve never been so nervous before. Not even before the Best Young Flier competition.
“Would like to what?” she persisted.
“To go on a date with me?” I said quickly. Finally I spoke it out. I was relieved to finally have the guts to ask Twilight out but I didn’t thought about the long pause that could follow the question. I couldn’t even look Twilight in the face, afraid of what her reaction could be. Nothings ever been so important to me and I was about to lose it all in just a few moments.
I didn’t get an answer first but instead Twilights hoof pushed up my chin so that I would look into her face again. She moved her head closer to mine until she came to a rest only millimeters in front of my ears and whispered, “Yes.”

“Do you want me to read it to you?” she asked as she was expecting an answer.
I wanted to answer but I couldn’t. If I had any control over my body left I could have started crying but no tear left my eye. I lay there the same as ever not giving any sign.
Her fake smile turned into a frown. She also hoped that I would have done something, anything. She opened the book and began to read, “I’ll take that as a yes. Let’s get started. Daring Do and the Crystal Horse. As Daring Do was wandering through the icy deserts of the north…”
I listened as she read the book to me. It felt great. Her company gave me power, hearing her voice made me happy. I would have smiled if I was able to. I would have hugged her if I could lift my hooves. I would have said that I loved her if I could speak. But all I could do was laying still and listen.
She continued to read, trying her best to mimic the voices and gave me the feeling I was there as Daring explored yet another dungeon, until she got interrupted by the opening door. It was so early again. I didn’t want it to end.
“Visiting time is over, Miss Sparkle,” one of the nurses said to her.
I saw her face turning into a frown again. She would have loved to stay and I wanted her to stay as well but I couldn’t speak it out. It made me feel sick. I was powerless. I, the best flier in Equestria, couldn’t even open my mouth to let the one pony that loved and that I will always love know how much I needed her by my side now.
“Okay,” Twilight replied and put the book on my nightstand. “I leave the book here. We’ll read it together tomorrow. I think we can finish it, there are only a few pages left. I see you tomorrow.”
She stood up from her chair and stayed a while watching me. I was watching her as well but she didn’t know. Tears formed in her eyes as she saw my crushed body before she leaned over to give me kiss on my forehead. I couldn’t feel it but I knew how it was supposed to feel. I still remembered…

I felt Twilight’s tongue pushing against my teeth. I let her in and embraced her with my own tongue. We melted together. I lay my wings around her back and pulled her closer into a warm embrace. My hooves were striding through her mane. I could feel her soft coat close to mine, her hooves around my neck pulling me closer as well.
The moment could have last forever but we needed to catch a breath at some time. She pulled back first and smiled at me. I smiled back.
“So this is a yes?” I asked playfully. Twilight laughed and gently rested her head on my chest.
“I thought you never asked. Of course I will marry you,” she replied.

She pulled away and gave me a soft smile. It must have hurt her to see me this way and it hurt me even more that I was unable to change that.
The room felt silent again. I only could stare at the ceiling watching the play between light and dark again until tomorrow.
This was now my life. Helplessly waiting from day to day. If it weren’t for Twilight I would have gone insane long time ago. I didn’t know how long this was going on now. It could have been weeks or years. I only knew what happened. I just had to do it. She warned me not to do it. I was out of practice. I couldn’t do it. But I didn’t listen to her. I was stupid and now she had to suffer…

All I had now in the time she wasn’t here were my memories of her. All the joy we had. The easy days where we just curled up together and read a book or when I took her flying with me, the picnics we had together and when we went stargazing. It was like a dream that I thought would never end but sooner or later all things come to an end. I just didn’t expect it to be this soon.

Twilight yawned. She was waking up. I was awake for a while now but I didn’t want to wake her. She was too cute when she was asleep so I enjoyed the view and rested my head on her soft warm coat on her chest. I loved to sleep in her arms. She always hold me tight and made me feel safe.
“Good morning, beautiful,” I greeted her.
“Morning Dash,” she answered, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes. “Slept well?”
“Not very much. I’m a bit nervous about tomorrow.”
Tomorrow would be the sixth of august. The day of our first date and now the day of our marriage.
“You don’t have to be nervous. It will be perfect,” she said.
“How can you be so sure?” I asked.
“Because you are there,” she replied and pulled me into a long kiss.
“Because you are there,” I thought.

Tomorrow came and I was waiting in my bed for my love to show up. But she didn’t came. Instead the doctors were coming three times today. I was not worried about it. They did some more intense check-ups on me from time to time and it appeared today was one of them again. But today it looked like it was cutting in the visiting time. I didn’t want to miss a single day of Twilight. I didn’t know if I could take it.
I tried to calm myself that she will be coming later, maybe they give her an extra visiting time, but it didn’t work. I was furious. It was the first day here that I didn’t see Twilight. I wanted to yell at the doctors for taking her from me but I couldn’t. My lips didn’t made any movement. I would have been crying again if I would be able to. I didn’t like to cry but right now it would make me happy to be able to cry. The feeling of my tears watering my coat even if Twilight wasn’t there to comfort me.
In front of her I could be who I really am. I didn’t have to act tough or strong. She loved me for who I was not for who I acted to be. And I showed her all my suppressed emotions. The tears I held back all the time, my fears I never dared to show, my deepest secrets I never told anypony. And she was there for me, always.
But not today. The day turned into night and I realized Twilight was not coming today. I wanted to scream but no sound came from my body. I was alone. I was afraid. What if Twilight wouldn’t come tomorrow?
Please Twilight. You have to. I need you!

”Fillies and gentlecolts. We have gathered here today to celebrate the union of two of our most beloved friends,” Princess Celestia announced.
I looked over at Twilight. She had tears of joy in her eyes. My eyes were wet as well. She was beautiful. Her mane was shining and she had a spark in her eyes. I never saw her happier before.

And then she came. It was light again. Twilight stood next to my bed. She didn’t greeted me when she opened the door. I wanted to ask her why but I couldn’t.
She just stood there looking at me. She looked terrible. Her coat was paler than I ever saw it before and she looked like she didn’t sleep at all last night. Her eyes were red. She had cried.
Twili... what happened?
Twilight remained silent, just staring at me, her eyes were filling with tears.
A doctor was appearing next to Twilight. He put his hoof on her shoulders but she pushed him away.
“I’m very sorry Miss Sparkle but she left us clear instructions for a case like this,” he began and Twilights tears were now streaming down her face.
What happened?! I wanted to shout.
“It’s been six weeks now and we have no sign of improvement.”
Six weeks… Twilight I’m so sorry for the pain you had to go through all this time.
“She stated that she wants all life support systems to be turned off after this time.”
Twilight was crying, she began to shiver and could have collapsed any second now.
No… I’m still here! CAN’T YOU SEE IT! I wanted to yell but I couldn’t.
“I’ll leave you two alone,” the doctor said and left.
“Rainbow,” she began, barely hearable, after stopping her tears.
Twilight! Please! You have to see that I’m still here!
“I’m so sorry it ends this way.”

”Twilight Sparkle do you swear to take Rainbow Dash as your wife, that you will love and honor her until death splits you apart?”

“I never thought about it ending. I… I… I don’t even know if you can hear me or heard me all the other times before but you should now that I only regret one thing in my life. And that is to not have met you earlier to spend more time with you.”
Twilight began to cry again. I wanted to hold her tight but I couldn’t.

”Yes, I do.

I tried to pull out every power reserve I had left to get me awake but I couldn’t.
She was holding my hoof. I couldn't feel it but I saw it. She buried her face on my chest.
“I love you Rainbow. I did it from the day I first met you and always will.”

”And do you, Rainbow Dash, swear to take Twilight Sparkle as your wife, to love and honor her until death splits you apart?”

COME ON RAINBOW! YOU CAN DO IT! I yelled to myself.
“Thank you for making my life so colorful,” Twilight finished and the doctor showed up.

”I do.”

I’m sorry Twilight. I’m not strong enough. I… I can’t do it.
Twilight nodded towards the doctor, her face was wet from all the tears.
He turned off the machines that kept me alive and watched the heartbeat monitor, waiting for my pulse to show up.

”You may now kiss each other.”

“I love you, Rainbow Sparkle.”
Goodbye Twilight. I love you too.
“Time of death, 10:47 AM September 17th.”