OH MY GOSH IS THIS THE TITLE!? CAN I NAME IT?! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE-

by RatherHomely

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Random, Pinkie Pie, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Original Character
Length: 2487

Pinkie Pie, shut up! No you can't name- You already did. Son of a...

Author: Pinkie Pie, shut up! No you can't name- You already did. Son of a...
Pinkie Pie: So author, you're always writing stories about me! How about I write a story about YOU!?
Author: That is a horrible... horrible... HORRIBLE ide-
Pinkie: Spectacularific! Let's do it!

A hack author (from "Extremely Terrible and Horrifying Stories" and "Mystery Pinkie Pie Theater 3000") is attempting to write his next magnum opus. Then Pinkie Pie happens.
Not the most original idea in existence, but hey, this is my take on how it would play out.

Published 2012-02-05 21:40:16 UTC
Last updated 2012-02-05 21:40:16 UTC

Pinkie: Can I name the chapter title too?! Author: No.

Pinkie: Can I name the chapter title too?! Author: No.

Alright.

Gonna write a story. Right... now.

Gonna have an idea. Right about... now.

... Why am I even typing if I have no clue what to write about? Think, author, think...

Nope.

It isn't working. I've got nothing. Hmm… I suppose a little brain storming couldn't hurt. Let there be Pinkie Pie!

And so there was.

"Hi author!" she shouted. Scratch that, I've got a headache. She didn't shout, she whispered. "Oh... But inside voices are no fun..." Pinkie grumbled, which, mind you, I don't appreciate. You aren't going to make this difficult for me, are you? I just want to come up with a story without any of your 4th wall bull.

"Okay... So what's the story for today?! I'm so excited!"

Not quite sure yet. I think it's going to involve you. Maybe Luna too. I'll throw in a couple of banishment jokes and BAM! A million trackers!

"Are there even a million bronies?"

How should I know? Anyway, let me bounce some ideas off you. Picture this; you and Luna are transported into the real world where you become rock stars, and Lady Gaga, Justin Bieber, and Rebecca Black all team up against you because you're taking away their popularity. Brilliant, eh?

"I don't know who any of those ponies are."

... Okay, maybe that was a stupid thing to run by you. How about this-

"Ugh! Author! Your ideas are so BORING!" A piano fell on Pinkie Pie's head. "Ha! My Pinkie senses let me dodge it!"

Touché. And my stories are NOT boring.

"Why don't you let me give it a try?"

No.

"Oh! And you could be the main character!"

No.

"Pleeeeeaaaasssssseeeeeee?"

No. Stop whining.

"That's not whining. Thiiiiiiiissss is whiiiiniiiiinngggg-"

Shut the hell up. You're just copying Rarity.

"You're no fun!"

I'm plenty of fun!

"What do you do, go to parties and talk about My Little Pony?"

... Alright, why am I being out-argued by Pinkie Pie?

"I'm Pinkie Pie! All your arguments are invalid!"

Image macro. Look, Pinkie Pie, it's not that your idea is bad. It's just that it's a horrible, horrible, HORRIBLE idea, and-

"Fantastarific! Let's do it!"

What? Hey! Stop that! What are you doing?! What the hell silly I'm just typing a story get away from the keyboard I just want to write a story hell no yuo can isdjio osshffkn';p[455

* -

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"Gah, my head... Didn't I tell you I have a headache?"

Oh, this is so exciting!!!!! I can't believe I get to write a story!

"Whoop-dee-freaking-doo. I don't know how, but you've usurped my writing throne, and shoved me into the story. Now what?"

Huh? OH RIGHT! The story! ... I don't know what to write about!

"First things first, write that I'm doing a face palm." The author face palmed. "Thanks, now why in the world did you switch places with me when you didn't even have a PLOT in mind?"

You're being a grumpy cupcake! I'm the author! You can't talk to me like that!

"You belittle me like that all the time! And you can't be the author, I'm the author!"

That's right!

"See? Now, if you'd kindly let me out..."

So I'll give you a new name!

"... What?"

I'm going to name you... Arthur!

"You're originality amazes me."

Thanks Arthur! Anyway, let's start the story! It was a super happy sunny day in Ponyville!

"This is going to hurt..."

Everypony was super happy! They were laughing, holding balloons, eating muffins and cake and lollipops, and, uh, what's those things that you cook with cinnamon?

"Are you asking me? If this is a story, I'm not even supposed to be talking to you!"

Oh yeah, churros! And everyone was having a good time! Except for one pony... Arthur!!!!

"I'm not a pony. Also, stop using so many exclamation marks. Grammar laws state you only need one, ever."

Guess what?! You got turned into a pony when the evil enchantress, uh, Gorgonzola cast a spell on you!

"And that's what the story is going to be about? Me finding a way to turn back?"

Nope! Anyways, Arthur wwas grumping down the street, when all of a sudden he saw a kid carrying a balloon! And he say in a mean nasty way; "... What is this my cue? I'm not going along with it." If you want to get out of the story you willl!!!! "... I loathe you so much. Alright, what was the narration again?" And he said in a mean nasty way; "Um, grr. Kid, I see you have a balloon. That makes me mean. And nasty, I suppose." Then he reached out and totally popped the ballon with his hooves! And the kid started CRYING!!! Arthur laughed because he was so evil! "... Oh, uh, ha ha ha. I'm bad. Because... Wait, why am I evil?" Because your BAD! "And why am I bad?" Becaues you're EVIL! "Oh. I see. Deep." KEEP LAUGHING EVILLY! "Ha ha ha."

THen the mother punched arthur in the face with her bag! "How do you punch someone with a bag- OW! Son of a bitch!" Arthur was even grumpier than usual today because today was his birthday, adn he didn't have any friends! HE was so lonely, which is why he liked picking on ponies. THen he ran into Twilight! Who knew it was his birthday, and felt sad cause he had noone to share it with!

She said to him, "Hey, Arthur, how's your- Wait a second, author, is that you?"

"Unfortunately, yes."

"Why are you in one of your stories? And why are you a pony? You aren't here to ask me to be in one of your gore-fics again, are you?"

"No, Pinkie Pie is just pulling off some inter-dimensional antics. And she's writing."

"May Celestia save us all."

"Exactly. Actually, while I'm here, I was just wondering if maybe you could be part of a crossover fic I'm thinking of with Men in Black-"

Hey you two! This is my story, so no dillydallying! Twilight, talk!

"Right, sorry. Ahem... Hey Arthur, I hear it's your birthday. Are you having a party?"

Arthur, who didn't believe in fun, grumped in reply, "I don't believe in parties, apparently. I also apparently don't like fun, but that could just be because of divine intervention. And by divine I mean Pinkie Pie."

Twilight was SOOOOO sad to hear that! She let out a super sigh and said, "Wow, I'm so sad to hear that. Don't you have any friends or anything?"

Arthur SNORTED like a bull, and growled, "Grr. I don't need no stinkin' friends! Obviously friends are the bane of my existence! I'm insulted you even uttered that word!"

Twilight's eyes were all teary. If only she knew a pony that could show Arthur how awesome parties and friends could be! BUT WHAT PONY WAS AWESOME ENOUGH FOR THT!? "Yeah, it's a real mystery... Hey, Pinkie, have me roll my eyes." Roll your eyes? But that's not in character, twilight! "Sure it isn't..." Anyways, Twilight knew she had to show Arthur the magic of friendship before the end of the day, or he'd be a mean old grumpy muffin forever!

"How does that work? It's not like my personality is set in stone. It's not like I need to develop my character in less than a-"

FOREVER!

"... Nevermind. Next scene?"

Right! Okay, so Arthur was busy kicking birds on the way back to his house and when he got to his house, it was al dark and SPOOOOOOKY! He was shaking in fear! "Oh no. My lights are off. Whatever shall I do?" He opened the door all slow and stuff, and when he peeked inside....

"Surprise!" a whole bunch of ponies shouted!

"Holy shit!" cried the Arthur. "Pinkie Pie, don't do that! You scared the crap out of me!"

Twilight, Applejack, Rarity, Flutershy, Spike, and Rainbow Dash were all there! Twilight was all like, "Hey Arthur! We know it's your birthday, and we just wanted to give you the best gift of all... Pinkie, am I reading this right? It feels a bit corny." Say it!

"Wait, you prepared a script? You just started the story only a page or so ago!"

Twilight ignored Arthur's random talking to nopony, and said; "We're going to give you the best gift of all; fun and friends!" Everypony cheered a big horay, except... DUN DUN DUN! Arthur!

He grumped; "I don't think that warranted a dun dun dun." He didn't grump that! He grumped; "Um... Bah! I don't need friends and I don't need fun! All I need is some balloons to pop and ponies to make miserable! Because I guess that's my characterization!"

Everypony was SHOCKED! Balloons are super duper awesome, and nopony should go poppong them!

"Pinkie Pie, have you ever heard of spell checker before?"

Huh? Wat do yu meen? Hevent i been sport on wit mu speling?

"... Nevermind. Next plot point please."

Oh, right, uh...

"Well?"

Actually, I'm getting bored with this story.

"Me too. Can I go back now?"

No way!

"You have no idea where to go with the story, so there's no point going on."

But...

"C'mon, Pinkie, what are you going to do, put me in a tutu and have me dance around Ponyville?"

Hm... Now that you mention it...

"... Oh no. Oh HELL no! Pinkie, if you even TRY to-"

Suddenly, Twilight had an idea! She would show Arthur how much fun fun could be by making him have fun in a fun way! They would have a super duper gluper booper show, and everypony would cheer arthur on as he danced!

"I'm not going to do it!" Arthur grumped. "I'll make your life a living hell in my stories if you-" But then he changed his mind! "What?! No I didn't!" He most cerrtainly did!

THen Rarity was all like; "... Oh, I have a speaking role? Ahem, I'll make sure he receives the most pristine outfit that's ever been seen in Equestria!"

"C'mon, Rarity, you've got to convince Pinkie Pie not to go through with this!"

"Why? I think it’s funny."

"Please! I’m begging you! Just think of all the good times we've had! Remember those gore-fics we did a while back?"

"Ah, yes. I recall quite clearly. In that case, I'm going to make you a beautiful, pink tutu, with plenty of frills and sparkles. You'll look so pretty."

"Thanks... And you can have a big ol' helping of 'buck you, asshole'."

"Tsk, tsk, is that anyway to treat the pony that's making you a nice tutu?"

Soon Rarity was done, and the tutu was super luper pretty! And Arthur looked SOOO Pretty in it!

"I will now proceed to crawl into a ditch and die."

Not yet! FIrst... BUm BUM BUM! Music played as aRthur took to the stage! All the ponies in ponyville watched amazed at his moves! Arthur had been super nervous before going on, but all his friend supported him, and he felt conficdent that he could do it! He flipped and twirled and courtseyed and spun and leapt and maneuvered and, most importantly, HAD TONS AND TONS AND TONS OF FUN!

"I'm gonna be sick..." cried Arthur in triumph when he finished his performance! THE cromwd went crazy because he was so amazing, and spectacular, and... and... spectamazing! "I still have a headache. You know that, right?"

When all was sais and done, Arthur had finally experienced fun and stuff! But there was one surprise awainting him...

"Hey Arthur," said Twilight. "There's a surprise for you back at-" Don't tell him it's a surprise! "Oh, um, there's something I need to show you back at my house."

"I hope it's not a surprise. I hate surprises." But he was just joking! "No I'm not." Yes you are! "NO. I'm not." Yes you are TIMES INFINITY. "Great Scott, it's like talking to a three year old..."

When they got back to twilight's house, Arthur opened thefront door, and was super shocked when he saw that inside the house was all sorts of decorations and signs that said HAPPY BIRTHDAY! And in the middle of it all was the superdy dupery smoopery pony that had set it all up!

"Let me guess. Zecora."

NOPE! IT was Pinkie Pie, the smartest, most aawesomest, funny fun pony in POnyville! "Sorry I wasn't at your house or the show!" said the awesome pony. "I was busy making your party here."

Arthur was overcome with joy! "Um... Thanks."

Pinkie PIe shouted "Let's eat cake!" And theyt did, and they danced, and they had a super fun time!

After it was all doen, Pinkie Pie took Athur off to the side to talk to him in a very serious private conversation. "Hey Arthur," she said, "I know we're super special awesome friends and all now... But I 've gotta know! Did you have a good time?"

"... Pinkie Pie?"

"Yeah?"

"Not you, the narrator Pinkie Pie!"

Yeah?

"Have me punch this Pinkie Pie in the face." What?! "Then write how I knee her in the stomach." WHAT?! "And how I felt quite satisfied at having my revenge taken out against her for making me do all these stupid things!"

... You didn't like the story, did you?

"No. No I did not."

I... I just wanted to make a good story... You're writing stories all the time, I was just thinking maybe I could do it sorta kinda like you...

"Yeah, that's flattering; you want a medal or something for getting on my nerves?"

I'm sorry... I'll bring you back now...

"Wait a second, are you crying? C'mon, not on the keyboard! Just... What's wrong?"

I just thought that maybe you'd like the story... But I guess I'm just no good as a writer...

"Crap… Hey, uh, look, I never said that exactly."

No, it's okay... You never wanted to do this in the first place, and I guess I just screwed everything up...

"About that, I, um... Ugh. The things I do for fan-fiction... Uh, Pinkie Pie?"

...Yeah?

"Not you, the character!"

"Yeah?"

"I... I… really liked the party. Thanks."

You liked it? REALLY?! I mean... "Really?!"

"Yeah, it was, er, tons of fun."

"OH MY GOSH I"M SO HAPPY YOU LIKED IT I'VE BEEN PLANNINNG ALL DAY FOR THIS AND..." And so, Arthur, who wasn't such a grump after all, joined Pinkie Pie and his friends in having the best party ever! THE END!

"Holy crap... Being a character is exhausting."

And do you know how hard it is to type with hooves?!

"So, have you written to your heart's content? Satisfied?"

Yep!

"Good. Say, you aren't going to post this on the internet, are you? Because that would be SO embarra-"

Click! Just submitted it!

"... FUUUUUUUUU-"