Chapter 1: The Humanoid Typhoon in Equestria.
Fanner Town, a beautiful city, as beautiful as the Planet Gunsmoke's harsh desert will allow, that is. Fanner Town is known to have the largest supply of water and power in all of the desert. It's a peaceful town, but that's about to change, as the local bar is known for causing a ruckus. Sitting at the bar was a tall Caucasian man in a giant red coat with huge gold buttons, a pair of sunglasses, tall leather boots, and leather gloves. He had a blond, spiky haircut and he had a specially made gun in his possession as well, a heavy one with a six bullet chamber.
"You want another drink?" Said the barkeep to the man.
"No, no, I'm fine." Replied the man. He was getting ready to get up and suddenly he heard the cocking of a shotgun and felt the barrel on the back of his head.
"Don't move son. You're the Humanoid Typhoon, are you not? Vash the Stampede." Said a man, holding a gun to his head. The man who was just called Vash held both his hands up over his head as the man holding him at gun point pulled out a 'wanted' poster.
"Yep, that's him alright. I can't believe I caught you so easily, and people said that you were gonna be a challenge. C'mon, you're coming with me." Vash got up and started to walk, but the man hit him in the back of the head with the butt of his gun, knocking him unconscious.
Vash awoke in a grassy field. His head hurt really bad, and his glasses were no longer on his face, instead they were lying, half way open on the ground next to him. He tried to stand, but found it extremely hard to stand on two feet, and everything was kind of blurry. He sat there and rubbed his head, finding it impossible to move his fingers. When his hand touched his head, however, he didn't feel any thing but one, hard limb touching his head. He found this to be very weird, but when his vision stabilized, he reached for his glasses to see a furry arm and a hoof reaching for it. He panicked slightly, but figured that he's pretty hysterical when drunk, so he thought he was hallucinating. Looking at both his hands, which were now hooves, he looked at his body to see a red, furry body with a mark on his butt that looked like a halo and angel wings. One more thing was he had a golden blond mane the same color as his hair. Vash tried to find a zipper, thinking it was just a costume, but found nothing, so he decided to pick up his glasses with his mouth and walk to the nearest town to seek help.
As he walked, he found a little sign firmly planted in the ground, and a small town ahead. The sign read, 'Welcome to Ponyville!'
"Ponyville? Why would someone name a town after a little animal?" Vash asked himself with a confused look on his face, trying to scratch his head, but finding no luck with his hooves. He continued on into the town, trying to hold back pain from trying to remember what had happened. Whenever he tried, he would just get a small headache and would just stop trying. As he approached the town, he noticed another life form in a pony costume.
"Why am I dressed as a horse, and why is that person over there dressed as a pony?" Vash asked himself as he walked towards the pony. The pony turned her head towards Vash as he approached, he actually looked even less threatening as a pony than as a human, if you can believe that. As Vash walked closer, he studied the pony, she was a really light blue with a mane that was an even lighter blue with white highlights. He noticed a horn the same color as her protruding out of her forehead, along with that, she had a mark on her butt that looked like a harp.
"Uh, hello there, could you maybe tell me where I am, and why we are both dressed as horses?" Vash asked the pony.
"'Dressed as horses'? We're ponies, why would we buy costumes to look like ponies?" Asked the blue pony, "As for your other question, we are in the land of Equestria, of course! This is Ponyville! Who are you?"
"Equestria? But I was on Planet Gunsmoke, until I was knocked out by a man." Vash was puzzled now, wondering why he was in a land filled with ponies.
"Planet Gunsmoke? I've never heard of that place before, anyway, I'm Lyra, You may want to go see Twilight Sparkle, she may be able to help you out. She lives in the library over there, in that huge tree." Lyra pointed towards Twilight's home, she noticed Vash's glasses in his mouth, so she grabbed them with her own mouth, and placed them carefully on his face.
"Oh, thank you Lyra, I'm Vash, uh, I guess I'll see you around!" He darted off towards Twilight's home as Lyra said to herself, "What a weird stallion.'
Vash arrived at Twilight's home and knocked on the door with his right hoof, still not believing what he's been told. The door was opened by a purple dragon who looked up at Vash.
"Hello? Who are you?" Asked the dragon as Vash looked down wondering the same.
"Uh, I'm here to see Twilight Sparkle." Vash said to him.
"TWILIGHT!!! YOU HAVE A VISITOR!!!" called the dragon up the stairs to Twilight, from which she replied, barely audible.
"Just send them up Spike!"
"Oh, okay Mr..." Spike said to Vash, expecting him to say his name.
"Oh, uh Vash, and you must be Spike?" Vash replied
"Yes, follow me and I'll take you to her." Spike led Vash up to the second floor where Twilight was looking through some books.
"Are you Twilight Sparkle?" Asked Vash as he approached the pony.
"Yes, and who might you be?" She inquired, looking up from her book.
"I'm Vash, Lyra told me that you could help me figure out how I got here."
"What do you mean 'how you got here'?" She questioned Vash as he told her the whole story.
"Oh, so you must be what caused that flash of light last night! We didn't think anything of it, but I guess now we know. Well, I guess you need to know some basic stuff about this world. Well, I'm a unicorn, there are three types of..." As she rambled on, telling Vash about all the stuff about Equestria, he only wanted to know really one thing: How did he get here? Twilight looked at the red stallion's flank to see if he had a cutie mark. She examined it for a bit, which got a weird, uncomfortable look from Vash, as Twilight noticed it was a halo and wings.
"You have a cutie mark? Maybe that's a result of when you were a human, did you do anything special when you were human that would have gotten you your cutie mark in this world?"
"Well, I had a large bounty on my head due to a freak accident with my gun. My brother, Knives, was very evil and wanted to wipe out all of humanity, so he made two special guns. When I was searching for Count Revnant Vaszues, my brother killed him, and activated the gun, killing two hundred thousand people, and making everyone believe I was a bloodthirsty killer." At this point, he was sitting with his ears down as he told his story. "People believed I was nothing but trouble, but I am not trouble, I vowed ever since I was a child and when Rem, my surrogate mother, died that any life no matter how small and insignificant, was sacred."
Twilight had no idea what to say, so she just said, "You sound like a good man, er stallion, but we may want to keep that information between us, who knows how the townsponies will react if they found that out." As she discussed more about how the world works, Twilight decided that it would be best to bring Vash to Princess Celestia. They got ready to leave and when they opened the door, a blur of pink slammed into Vash and there was Pinkie Pie, on top of Vash, hooves on his chest. While she was talking... no, jabbering, to where Vash could only make out a few words from the pony's mouth. The key words being, 'friend, new, happy, and excited.
"Pinkie." Twilight said as Pinkie kept talking.
"Pinkie!" Pinkie still happily talked at speeds that would rival a sonic rainboom.
"PINKIE!!!" Twilight yelled at the top of her lungs as Pinkie became very quiet, turned to Twilight and just said, "Yes?"
"Don't you think you should give him some space? Why are you here anyway?"
"Well, Lyra told me that there is a new stallion around with red fur and an angel looking cutie mark, and I just knew I had to make friends with him!" Pinkie said to Twilight as if the answer was just so obvious. She returned her attention to Vash who was standing again, and before Pinkie could speak again Vash started to talk.
"Uh, Pinkie Pie, right? Listen, I would like to be your friend, but first me and Twilight need to go see this Princess she's told me about."
"Celestia." Twilight corrected the stallion.
"Right, but if you would like to come along, you can." He said to give Pinkie Reassurance. Pinkie agreed with a huge smile, bouncing along with the two as they headed for the train station to go to Canterlot...
"Princess Celestia!" A royal guard called, galloping towards the princess.
"What is it Steelhoof?" she asked, noticing some urgency in his eyes.
"The outsider, he's starting to wake up and the doctor wants to see you!" The two ponies started heading towards the infirmary, making no communication whatsoever on the way. When they arrived at the castle infirmary, the doctor stopped Celestia at the door to give her a few precautions.
"Princess, the outsider must stay calm as his body is still severely injured. He has a huge gash in the back of his head, and whenever he tries to remember how he got here, he just draws a blank memory, maybe if something could jog it, we would find out where he's from. Along with that, he says his body is really sore and it shows, as he has bruises all over him. Try to keep him from using his right arm, as it's broken, wherever he was beforehoof must have been horrible..." the doctor informed her before stepping aside and letting her enter.
Celestia walked in and saw the outsider, who had a piece of gauze around his head and a cast around his injured shoulder. He had a short, black mane along with a tail of the same look. Along with that, he had blue eyes, and a white stomach with a blue coat of fur all the way to his neck, his head's fur being brown. His cutie mark was that of a cross. It was cut in half with one side being all white with some light shining around it, while the other side was all dark, blood red with fire engulfing the cross. There was a demon horn on the dark red side too. Along with the fire, there were skulls, demons with pitchforks, dragons, and other such devious things while the white side had angels with harps, clouds, and angel wings around it, with some holy words that were very small but were things like 'grace,' 'amen,' and 'holy.' To any passerby, this would just look like any strange cutie mark, but this one was different in a way, it looked like... it looked like the two sides of the cross were... at war. If you looked closely, the detail on the mark was so fine, you could almost see the two sides moving around, fighting, like a good vs. evil type of war.
The outsider looked up, seeing only Celestia. "What's with the big horse?" He asked the doctor with a questioning voice.
"What? This is Princess Celestia, she rules Equestria."
"Really? A land ruled by a horse?" He asked, still unaware to the fact that he's a pony, as he never really bothered to check himself yet. The doctor did give him some powerful painkillers.
"What do you mean? We're all ponies, so of course!" He replied with glee.
"What?" he looked down and noticed his pony body, "What the hell?!" he screamed as he turned to the doc and pointed with the uninjured hoof, "I thought you were dressed that way for humor! Isn't laughter the best medicine?! Nobody would take you seriously dressed that way! They'd think it was all a joke!" He screamed as he just now realized how much pain he was in and fell back in the bed, screaming in agony.
"Where are you from outsider?" asked the doctor, completely oblivious to the pain the outsider was in, in fact, it gave him a good chuckle! "Actually let's start with the basics, what's your name?"
He just sat there miserably, "Ugh... Nicholas D. Wolfwood." Disgust filled his face, he wasn't too big into animals.
"Well Mr. Wolfwood, you should consider yourself lucky! That gash on your head could have been fatal!" They talked about his wounds and such when a clamor was heard outside of the room.
"Princess Celestia," Steelhoof announced as he poked his head into the room, "Twilight Sparkle, her friend Pinkie Pie, and another outsider are here to see you, should I allow them access?"
"Sure! I haven't seen Twilight for a while, it will be good to see her again!" she smiled as they entered. Upon Vash and Twilight entering, the very first thing that Wolfwood noticed were Vash's glasses.
"Needle Noggin?!" he exclaimed as he saw Vash enter.
"Wolfwood?!" was also yelled, but by Vash.
"What the hell are you doing here?!" They both screamed, pointing a hoof at each other in unison.
"Me?! What about you?!" They kept pointing at each other until Wolfwood's arm started bleeding profusely, causing him to throw himself back, writhing in pain violently from the injury.
"Goddammit Needle Noggin! What did you do this time!? Why the hell are we ponies!?" He yelled at Vash, holding his injured arm, staining the white bed sheet with his blood. He started to settle down due to his light headedness from blood loss.
"Please Mr. Wolfwood, you need to calm down, you aren't gonna get better that way! In fact, you could die from blood loss!" The doctor informed him as he quickly tried to bandage up the wound with sterilized bandages. Celestia felt it would be best to use her magic to restrain Wolfwood so he couldn't get anymore injuries.
"You two know each other?" Twilight was astounded, but before her answer could be delivered, Pinkie shot past her and before anypony could blink, the pink pony was on top of Wolfwood, jumping on him saying about a million words a minute. All that could be made out were, "Oh... new friend... know Vash?!"
"Pinkie! Down girl!" Twilight ordered, picking her up with her magic. She set her friend down on the ground, and as quickly as she came, she had left again.
"Uh... who was that?" Wolfwood was confused by what just took place, but just quickly forgot about it, "Yes, we do know each other, this one gets me in deeper shit than I usually get into on my own."
"Wolfwood, how did you get here anyway?" Vash asked him, curious as to who else could be here too. If Wolfwood was here, who's to say that Meryl or Millie weren't far away.
"Well, I don't quite remember, but I'll tell everyone what I do remember." He cleared his throat as he began.
"Well, I had taken a job to bring in a bounty worth a thousand double dollars. As I arrived at the guy's shack, I had been grabbed from behind by some thug and knocked out. I had woken up tied to a chair, face to face with with the man himself, Mal Furente.
'So Mr. Wolwood, it is my understanding that you know Vash the Stampede,' He smirked at me, 'Well tell me now, where is the Humanoid Typhoon today? Frilten Town? Sonter City? Maybe... Fanner Town?'
I just denied his questions, knowing that deep down, you're a good guy, and it was no place for a fallen preacher to rat you out. I spat in his face, making him angry with me, to the point that his only methods left were torture. He had his goons break my arm, subject me to burns from his beat up cigar. He continuously interrogated me for about three days, trying to get you for the sixty billion double dollars on your head until he gave up on me. He decided to try and kill me, he had his goons bash my head in repeatedly until I lost consciousness and, when I woke up, I was here, being cared for by the doctor, then a few minutes later the big horse over here."
"Princess Celestia..." Twilight butted in, correcting Wolfwood.
"What?"
"The 'big horse' as you call her, that's Princess Celestia!" She held her chin high with an elitist's smile on her face.
"Okay... Nice to meet you princess... I guess. Anyway, why are we ponies and how the hell did we get here?"
"Well, technically you two are stallions." Wolfwood could already tell Twilight was going to be a total pain when it came to knowledge, but just played along with her, hoping that it would return them to normal quicker.
"Thank you miss know it all..."
"You're welcome! But to answer your question, it probably has something to do with those flashes of lights that have been appearing recently..." Twilight put a hoof to her chin as she stated to them, "Wow, you two are certainly taking this whole thing better than I had thought..."
Wolfwood sighed, "Well, it may not be the best situation, but we've been in weirder ones, after all, he's a plant..." He pointed at Vash as everypony turned to him.
"Speaking of which," Started Celestia, "What is your name anyway?"
Vash got real serious now, his face straightening out, eyes poking straight ahead, "Well if you must know, I am known as..."
Wolfwood brought a hoof to his face as he just said in disgust and disbelief, "Oh no, here he goes..."
Vash began to state his name to the Alicorn, "Valitinez, Alkilanella, Xifaix Sicidaboherez..." He paused as Celestia opened her mouth to talk, but Vash continued, "...Gombigobella BLUE Stratavari, Tatenfrent Pierre, Andri Charton-Haymos, Ivanovici Baldeus George, Doitzle-Kaiser the Third..."
Vash finished stating his full name to the now confused Celestia, "Well uh... I-it's nice to meet you Mr. uh... Valitenez..." she struggled to remember his full name.
"That's not what she meant you dumb-ass!" Wolfwood screamed at him, then turned back to Celestia, "Don't hurt yourself, just call him Vash, that's what everyone calls him."
Vash held out a hoof as a sign for a hoof shake, Celestia smiled and giggled from what she had just witnessed from Vash, "Vash the Stampede ma'am. Nice to meet you." Vash was still oh so serious.
Celestia still smiled warmly at him, "Princess Celestia, but the pleasure is all mine. So what did you two need to see me for?"
"Well, we wanted to know if you had any idea as to why me and Wolfwood are here." Vash stated as they heard two familiar voices outside in the hall.
"Hey! Hey! Stop pushing!"
"Meryl, I think she's trying to bring us somewhere! Maybe she knows where Mr. Vash is."
"Is that..." Vash turned to Wolfwood as Pinkie pushed two mares in, which Vash and Wolfwood instantly recognized. They were both astonished that these two were here. So astonished that they both yelled in unison,
"Meryl?! Millie?!"
