Fronthology

“Hurry, Twilight!  You have to come see this!”

Spike dragged the unicorn into the library’s main atrium.  He halted her and pointed his claw to an object in the middle of the room.  “There it is!” he exclaimed.  “It just appeared out of nowhere!”

“Take it easy, Spike,” Twilight said.  “It hasn’t set the library on fire or anything.”  She set her cup of tea down on the ground, and cautiously stepped forward to get a closer look.  After rubbing her hoof on her chin in thought, she instructed, “Fetch me my magnifying glass, tape measure, protractor, and… the surgical specimen examination pliers.”

Seeing her assistant’s perplexed look, she amended, “The tweezers.”

He nodded and bolted to her study.  Upon returning, he emptied his armful of tools.  Twilight selected the tape first.

“Hmm…  Shape: rectangular prism,” she observed, and started to take measurements.  “…Three feet and five eighths inches long; two feet wide; two feet, seven and three eighths inches deep.  Approximate total volume of… sixteen square feet.”  She glanced at her assistant.  “I hope you’re getting all of this, Spike.”

Startled, he pulled out a scroll and scribbled frantically.  “Leave a space for its mass,” she added.  “We’ll record that when I’m sure it’s safe to handle.”

A magnifying glass levitated out in front of her, close to the object.  “The surface is a uniform colour, and looks to be of a copper – borderline ochre – shade of brown.  I’ll have to run some tests with the spectrophotometer to be sure.  Make a note of that.”

Although Spike had trouble with the word “spectrophotometer,” he didn’t bother trying to write it down.  Instead, he scribbled some more while stifling a giggle.

She leaned in closer to one of the edges, inspecting an instance of fraying.  “Judging by the fibres, the material could be paper, or a close relative… maybe cardboard?  Yes, I think it is.  I can see corrugations.  Spike, can you get my hacksaw, please?”

“Ha- Hacksaw?” Spike repeated.  “But, wh- what for?”

“I need to take some cross-sections to determine the degree, and therefore the coefficient, of corrugation.  How else can I dissect it?”

“Dissect?!” the object shouted.  A rainbow-coloured streak shot out of it, and ended on the ceiling.

Twilight giggled.  “You know, Rainbow Dash, if you want to pull a prank on me, you’ll have to get more creative than that,” she advised as her pegasus friend sheepishly drifted back down to Earth.

She took a triumphant sip of her tea.  Something in her mouth wiggled around, and she spat it back out immediately.  She shrieked as she saw a pair of tadpoles swimming in her drink.  “Ew ew ew ew ew ew!” she said as she brushed her tongue off with her hooves.

Rainbow and Spike burst out laughing.  “You know, Twilight Sparkle,” Rainbow Dash snickered, “if you want to outsmart me, you’ll have to keep up!”