A horse is a horse, of course, of course.

by Angel

Rating: teen
Tags: Original Character, Spike, Comedy, Bon-Bon, Rarity, Princess Celestia, Slice of Life, Sex, Twilight Sparkle, Lyra, Cheerilee, Applejack, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 5555

Ponyville has a strange new visitor.

Ponyville has a strange new visitor, who just walks right out of the Everfree forest and into Ponyville one day. Hilarity ensues.

Published 2012-02-21 11:24:02 UTC
Last updated 2012-03-17 11:20:20 UTC

A horse is a horse.

A horse is a horse, of course, of course.

Part 1

From deep within the Everfree forest, there was a bright flash of light. Magic, maybe? Not many ponies could tell, because it was so far away. And most ponies can't use magic, anyway. But this wasn't ordinary, anyway. It would be the start of something different, something much, much more than ordinary. But it looked ordinary. Sort of. But looks aren't everything, now are they?

-----------------

Twilight Sparkle was standing on the library balcony, gazing at the stars through a home-made telescope. Suddenly, something caught her eye. Not in the sky, but on the horizon. She observed it came from the Everfree forest. It looked like someone was using magic.

"Who's using magic at this hour?" She said to nopony in particular.

She was debating with herself whether to go and investigate or not, when she yawned loudly.

"Forget this, I'll do it in the morning..." She drawled.

Spike was already curled up in his bed, so she snuck into bed ninja-like and pulled the sheets over her head. Her dreams were of her entering the Everfree forest and seeing for herself what the source of the magic flash was. She was at the location of the blast, examining the vast quantities of nothing that came from it, when another one happened. And from that magic, came herself. And army of Twilight Sparkle clones, each one more identical than the last.

"We are your servants. What is your command? They said in unison.

"Me?" She asked, dumbfounded.

They all frowned together.

"Yes. We just said that."

And before she could reply, the dream ended. She was at home, in the library, wrapped in her sheets. It was dawn, and the sun had just reared its ugly head. She smelled pancakes, and she heard a sizzling sound coming from the kitchen.

-----------------

Who the hell puts a kitchen in a library? it's not like you hear stories about how people torch a library because they wanted the home insurance they took out on it everyday. More importantly, why would you want to live in a library? So you can stare at the millions of books on the shelves before you go to bed? Is there no such things as motels in Equestria? Is Celestia really that much of a cheapskate, that she can't set up a decent home for her most faithful student?

-----------------

Twilight made her way down the stairs like she had a hangover, and into the kitchen. Spike was at the hotplate, preparing pancakes for breakfast.

"Spike? What are you doing at this hour of the morning?"

"Oh, hey Twilight! I woke up really early and I couldn't get back to sleep, so I'd thought I'd cook myself up some pancakes. Want some?"

"No thanks, there's something I need to do."

"Remember what Celestia said the last time you did that?"

"Oh yeah... I suppose I could have one..."

"Great! There're just about done."

Spike expertly flipped the pancakes out from the pan and onto a plate in the middle of the table. Twilight took one pancake from the top and started munching on it absent-mindedly. Spike picked up the plate and swallowed the rest whole.

"Twilight. What is so important that you have to skip breakfast?"

"Last night. I saw something in the Everfree Forest."

"Well, good luck with that! I'm off to Rarity's!"

And with that, Spike walked out the door and slammed it behind him.

"What is with Spike and turning up at Rarity's at the crack of dawn?" She thought to herself.

"Oh well, I have more important things to attend to.

She magicked on a coat and trotted out the door. She was about to enter the Everfree forest, when she heard a scream. She turned, and noticed it was coming from Rarity's boutique

"I hope Spike hasn't made any moves or anything..."

She galloped over to the boutique, and she noticed the door was ajar.

"EEK! SPIKE! GET THAT WIERDO OUT OF HERE!"

"I'll save you, Rarity!"

It was Rarity. Twilight was glad Spike hadn't done anything they'd all regret, but she was worried as to why she was screaming so loud. She cautiously walked into the door, and her jaw almost hit the floor.

Spike had a frying pan in his hand, and an upside down cooking pot on his head. Rarity was standing on two legs behind him, one hoof on his shoulder and the other pointing at the source of the confusion.

There was a pony in the middle of the room. But he wasn't any ordinary pony. He was as big as a princess, but lacking a horn or wings of any kind. He had a brown coat, dark brown mane and tail. And most noticeably, he had no cutie mark of any kind.

He was standing in the middle of the boutique, eating one of Rarity's dresses.

"STOP EATING MY DRESS, YOU RUFFIAN!"

And with that, she picked up a nearby pot plant, and threw it at the unexpected guest. It narrowly missed him. Rarity screamed in frustration.

-----------------

How about we call him, Mr. Ed? Yeah, let's call him Mr. Ed.

-----------------

"Chaarge!" Spike cried.

He ran towards Mr Ed, jumped into the air, and hit him on the head with his frying pan of choice. Mr Ed neighed loudly in pain, did that thing where he stands on his two back legs and flops his front one about aimlessly for a second, and then rushed out the door.

"Oh my strong, brave Spikey-Wikey!" Rarity teased.

"Oh Rarity..." Spike teased back.

"Who was that?" Twilight asked herself.

"Someone with no respect what so ever!" Rarity huffed.

"And why was he eating a dress?"

Rarity noticed the dress was was completely and utterly missing. She shrieked.

"HE ATE THE WHOLE DRESS! RUBIES AND ALL!"

Rarity was fuming by now.

"ALL FOR NOTHING! NOTHIIIIING!!"

Twilight and Spike noticed Rarity's mane was starting to get frazzled. Clumps of hair from her mane and tail were everywhere. Rarity didn't even notice. She simply charged out the door, looking to avenge the loss of her poor, unfortunate dress at the hands of the silent marauder.

"GET BACK HERE! I'LL TEACH YOU NOT TO EAT ONE OF MY DRESSES!" She screamed as she rushed out the door.

"I think we better follow her." Twilight said with a worried look on her face.

'Yeah, let's go."

Of course, of course.

A horse is a horse, of course, of course.

Part 2

While the ponies were still in the boutique, Mr. Ed had rushed right into the nearby garden, which happened to be Cheerilee's personal flowers on her front lawn.

He almost galloped right past them, but Cheerilee took good care of her flowers, and Mr. Ed. couldn't help but notice them. He slowed to a halt, as the tasty flowers caught his eye. He stopped to admire them, and swiftly started devouring a nearby patch of roses.

Cheerilee was walking past her kitchen window when she noticed her flowers at the mercy of the handsomely large stranger. She was about to scream, when she took in his... essence. His manly good looks. His beautiful brown mane and coat. She rapidly found herself falling in love. He let out a burp and she snapped back to reality. He wasn't stuck-up, she also noticed. Another good sign.

She decided the best course of action was to approach the mysterious gentlecolt eating her flowers. She slowly and nervously walked out the front door. With extreme caution and a crush like a schoolgirl at a Justin Bieber concert; she approached the handsome hunk of a pony and tried to start a conversation.

"Excuse me? But, you're eating my flowers..."

He gave her a slow glance with one eye, then returned to munching on a nearby dandelion patch.

"Hello? Sir?"

"..."

"Um..."

She couldn't finish that sentence, because she was interrupted by Lyra and Bon-Bon

"Hi mum!" They shouted in unison as they trotted down the cobblestone path, before they noticed mum and the stranger in the garden.

"Something we're missing?" teased Lyra.

"Oh, um..." Started Cheerilee

"Are you seeing someone else?" Asked Bon-Bon.

"No, I... He just started chewing my flowers a few minutes ago..."

"I thought they were supposed to look pretty?"

"They were! But..." Cheerilee was at a complete loss for words. Suddenly, she was rescued from her plight by Rarity.

"YOU MONSTER! GET BACK HERE!"

Rarity tried to crash-tackle Mr Ed, but she went right into his flank, and he didn't even budge. Rarity picked herself up off the ground and dusted off her mane. She then tried to lift him high into the sky with magic, but he was just to big.

"Who do you think you are!?" She shouted right into her face, unaware of the gathering crowd, including Cheerilee, Lyra, Bon-Bon, Twilight and Spike, with his home-made armaments.

Suddenly, a loud Phffffffrt echoed through the crowd. About half the nearby ponies curled their noses and turned away. The other half simply looked disgusted and/or shocked. Rarity almost vomited.

"Well, that answer that..." She thought to herself.

"Hey mister!" They heard from Lyra

"Who do you think you are? Eating mum's flowers like that? Huh!?" She was right up close to him, face to face. But he wasn't intelligent enough to comprehend what he had done. He was growing bored, so he walked away slowly.

"Where are you going?"

No reply. Ponies were beginning to wonder if he was mentally handicapped, or something.

Twilight started whispering to Spike

"I think there's something... Something with that pony. He looks to big to be an ordinary pony, and he hasn't said a word since he got here."

"i know, right? He even farted in public. How gross is that?"

"Nopony needed to be reminded of that, Spike."

"I was just sayin'..."

Rarity weaved her way through the crowd and joined Spike and Twilight in discussing the stranger's possible problems.

"Can you believe him? The nerve of some ponies..."

"I think there's more to him than meets the eye..."

"Yeah, he let out a great big fart in public."

"Spike!" Twilight hissed, as she shot him a withering glance.

"What?"

"At any rate, he's really strong..." Rarity trailed off, lost in her thoughts. And possible affections for the manly Mr. Ed.

"Rarity? Something on your mind?"

Spike noticed the look in her eye, and turned away mumbling something about "revenge" and "I'll teach him not to steal Rarity's heart".

"Oh, nothing, dear. I was just..."

"Rarity?"

Then Twilight caught on. A wicked smile crossed her face.

"You like him, don't you Rarity?"

Rarity was appalled

"What!? I would never! He ate my rubies!"

That definitely caught Spike's attention. First some strange pony was winning over Rarity, and now he was eating Rarity's jewels!

"Well, looks like somepony needs to teach him a lesson."

Still with his frying pan in his scaly hand, and a cooking pot on his head, he marched furiously in the direction of the departing prince among ponies.

"Oh Spike..." Twilight said as she facehoofed.

"Rarity, you coming?"

"Oh! I suppose I should." She said a little uncertainly.

And with that, they set off after Spike. Cheerilee decided she wasn't letting the mute prince among ponies get away from her, so she took off behind them, eager to finally make acquaintances with the famous Mr. Ed.

And no one can talk to a horse, of course.

A horse is a horse, of course, of course

Part 3

Mr Ed dashed away, having been hit on the head not once, but twice by the valiant knight Spike in an attempt to protect lady Rarity. Needless to say, he was successful. Mr Ed was fleeing for his life, straight out of Ponyville, being followed by Spike, Twilight, Rarity, and Cheerilee, each for his or her own reasons.

As he ran down a long dusty road, he slowed down and took in the scene.

Apples. Hundreds of the red delicious bastards. He was in the middle of a giant apple orchard. He stopped, and craned his long neck to a nearby apple tree, examining the round red things up close.

Applejack was bucking apples nearby on the other side of the road, when she noticed a potential customer eyeing her hard work. She jumped the fence in a few short gallops and approached the stranger.

"Well, howdy! Welcome to Sweet Apple Acres! Finest apples in all of Equestria! What can I do ya for?"

Applejack noticed he was taller than most ponies. Tall as princess Celestia, in fact.

Applejack's words went in one furry ear and right out the other as he leaned in closer and plucked an apple right from the tree. He then proceeded to devour it greedily.

"Hey mister! Ya can't just start eatin' apples without buyin' em first!"

Suddenly, Spike stopped a short distance from Mr Ed, next to Applejack.

"Hey, Applejack. This wise guy givin' you any trouble?" He said, leering at Mr Ed.

"He sure is! He's just eatin' mah apples, right off the tree!"

Mr Ed whirled around on the spot. He recognized Spike's voice, and he managed to put 2 and 2 together.

He whinnied loudly, and did that thing where they stand on two legs, flailing their front legs wildly in the air, and took off. Down the road, straight towards the barn.

"Oh no you don't!" Cried Spike as he charged towards Mr Ed, revenge clearly in his mind.

"What in the hay?" Applejack managed before Twilight approached her.

"Applejack! Have you seen Spike?"

"Uh, yeah. He went after that..."

"That really tall pony?"

"Yep."

"Follow me!"

Suddenly

"I'm coming my love!"

"No, he's mine!"

"Get your magic away from me!"

Twilight and Applejack saw Rarity and Cheerilee running neck to neck, eagerly trying to throw themselves at the object of their affection, much to the other's dismay. Twilight and Applejack had to jump out of the way to avoid Rarity and Cheerilee's clashes, but Applejack was hit by a stray bolt of magic, and was turned into a living disco ball.

"So sorry, Applejack! I hope you understand~~!" Rarity called out as they both neared the barn.

"Twilight! What's wrong with mah hair?!"

Twilight couldn't help but giggle a little. Applejack certainly would be able to catch her affection's attention, but for all the wrong reasons. Applejack frowned a little.

"Twilight! This is serious! Ah look like some kind ah magical clown, or somethin'!"

That really set Twilight off. She fell over on the ground laughing, clutching her belly.

"Twilight!"

"I'm-I;m sorry, Ah-Applejack! I really am!" Twilight choked out between bursts of laughter.

Applejack groaned. Twilight would be of no help while she couldn't help herself. Applejack waited patiently, while turning more colours that Rainbow Dash's mane.

After several seconds, Twilight composed herself.

"Okay Applejack... I think I might have a book in dispelling magic back in the library. But I don't think you can follow in your condition."

"Wait. AH wanna come. Ah think ah have a cloak and some work boots in the barn. Lemme fetch 'em."

"Okay, but don't be gone too long."

"Ah won't."

______________________________

"So, It all comes down to this."

No reply.

"Well, Mr Perfect." Spike spat, adding emphasis on Mr. Perfect.

"You think you can just walk into Ponyville, and steal the girl of my dreams? Well, this town ain't big enough for the both of us."

"Spike, you don't have do this..."

"No Rarity, I must do this."

"Spike please. Look at this reasonably for a minute." Rarity begged as she approached Spike, the darkness hiding the determination on his face and the stress and worry on hers.

"Your the only dragon for me."

"I've seen the way you look at him. Like he's your prince charming."

"Spike, I would never do that! You know that."

Spike had no more to say. It had all come down to this. It was now, or never.

Suddenly, a multitude of light and colour emanated from the door. Applejack had opened the barn door looking for her duds and a cloak to hide her shame. Spike didn't notice. He crouched down a little, and jumped in the air for one final bonk with the frying pan. Unfortunately, Mr Ed was spooked by Applejack's bright personality, and he charged out of his corner and right through the wall, sending wood chips and broken planks everywhere.

Spike went flying into the corner face first. His frying pan went flying out of his hand, soaring above Rarity's and Applejack's head, and out the door. Outside, Twilight was almost ambushed in the face by a flying frying pan. It flew right out of the barn and landed just meters from her front hooves.

"Oh no! Something must have happened to Spike!" She thought aloud.

She picked up the frying pan by the handle with her mouth and galloped valiantly towards the barn.

______________________________

"What in the hay is goin' on in here?!"

"Ugh... My face..." Spike groaned.

"Oh, Applejack! My dear, you look..."

"Help me..." Spike whispered to the corner.

"Mmph!" Came the response from a bound-and-gagged Cheerilee in another corner.

"Quiet you!" Hissed Rarity, glaring at Cheerilee. She simply returned the icy stare with one of her own.

"Ow..."

"Oh Spike! Are you okay?"

Spike slowly got to his feet. Rarity shrieked.

"Oh Celestia, Spike! Your nose is bleeding!"

Sure enough, there was blood on the corner of the wall. And Spike's nose was crushed slightly, and dripping blood.

"Haha!" Spike cheered, with a triumphant look on his face.

"Spike? Why are you cheering?"

Spike couldn't answer, because Applejack interrupted.

"Um, Ah think ah'll just get my coat an' leave..."

Applejack slinked away from the drama that is Spike, leaving Rarity, Spike, and Cheerilee alone. Cheerilee started shouting muffled shouts and fidgeting for all she was worth. Spike was explaining to Rarity how his nose was a battle-scar he acquired defending her from the heart-snatcher.

"Oh Spike..." Rarity teased, with a seductive look on her face.

"How about we clean up that broken nose, and then I can show my appreciation properly. And with that, Rarity kissed Spike.

Then, Twilight made her appearance, frying pan still in her mouth. She dropped it when she saw the scene.

"...Did I miss anything important?"

"Oh my dear, Spike was so brave. And so tough..."

"Aw jeez, Rarity."

"Come on Spike, that nose isn't going to fix itself."

Rarity and Spike departed through the hole Mr Ed left.

"Mmph! Mmph!!"

"What? Oh, what happened to you Cheerilee?"

"Mmph!"

"Let's get those ropes off you..."

That is, of course, unless the horse is the famous Mr Ed.

That is, of course, unless the horse is the famous Mr Ed.

A horse is a horse, of course, of course.

Final Chapter, part 1

"There, all better."

"Thanks, Rarity. But you didn't really need to-"

"Oh hush, Spike. Your nose was bleeding all over the wall. You were defending me, well, from myself. And this is the least I could do to help."

Spike blushed. They were both inside Carousel Boutique, and Rarity had a first-aid kit in her magic. Spike was standing on one of the platforms used for trying on dresses, and Rarity had one of her giant mirrors on standby.

Rarity pinned a safety-pin to Spike bandages covering his shattered nose.

"There, all better. You really should be getting home to Twilight, dear. Say, where is Twilight?"

"Uh, I think she's still at Sweet Apple Acres. I'll go check."

"Oh no, not in your condition! You should be getting rest! I'll go."

"Thanks, Rarity. I'll be at the library."

Rarity and Spike both headed for the door. As Rarity left, she shouted something back to Spike.

"Get some rest. I'll be back with Twilight shortly."

"Okay, Rarity. Bye!"

Meanwhile, some time later...

_______________

"There, all better."

"Thanks for staying behind, Twilight."

"Oh, it's no problem."

"What about Spike?"

"I'm sure Rarity would've helped him."

"Didn't you see his nose?"

"What?"

Cheerilee pointed a hoof towards the blood-stained corner.

"Oh no! I really should be going!" Twilight made for the door.

Suddenly, she bumped head-first into Rarity.

"Oh there you are Twilight!"

"Have you seen Spike?!"

"Yes, he's fine. He's on his way to the library to get some..." Rarity trailed off when she noticed Cheerilee was free from her ropes. Cheerilee returned her cold stare.

"Thank you so much, Rarity!"

And with that, Twilight galloped full speed out of the barn and down the dirt path.

"You. Bitch." Cheerilee spat, her voice laced with metaphorical poison.

"Hmph! Well I never!" Rarity huffed, raising a hoof and turning her head away in disgust.

"Hey! You're the one that tied me up in the first place!"

"Well, I'm above such trivial things as fighting over stallions now. Because I've got Spike." She said triumphantly.

"Ha! You don't even know eachother's birthdays!"

Rarity was shocked. Shocked, because she was onto something. It wasn't exactly true what Cheerilee said, but they didn't much about eachother beyond that.

"And besides, he's been staying with Twilight all his life. Who knows what they've been doing when nopony's watching?"

'Oh, it. is. ON!"

And with that, Rarity charged towards Cheerilee. She should've seen it coming.

_______________

A series of crashes and bangs emanated from the adjacent room.

Applejack turned her chromatic head towards the source of the noise, cloak in her mouth. She dropped it when she heard a series of thuds hit the floor.

"What in the hay is goin' on in there?" She said to herself.

"Those better not be mah apples they're dropping!"

She picked up her cloak, and with a few deft movements of her head, put on her cloak. She charged out of the door and into the next room.

_______________

"Get off me!"

"You'll pay for this!"

"You started it!"

Applejack was dumbfounded when she saw what she saw. Rarity was on top of Cheerilee, grappling with her. Cheerilee had a grip on her horn, cutting off any magic spells Rarity attempted.

"What in the..?"

Both ponies turned, to see one glowing earth pony standing in a doorway.

"Hey, Applejack!" Rarity said slowly.

"This isn't what it looks like..."

"What in the hay are you two doin'?"

"Oh, don't mind us. We're just..."

"Out! Now! Before ah call Big Macintosh!"

Applejack pointed a hoof towards the door. Rarity and Cheerilee both sighed, and slowly walked out. Like kids that have been grounded for knocking up that handsome stranger. (I think you know what I mean.)

Applejack pulled her hood over her head, so she wouldn't glow in public unless somepony looked really hard under the cloak. It was time for her to find Twilight, so this magic curse could be over with. Earth ponies aren't used to magic being within them all hours of the day, and Applejack was starting to feel delirious from a lack of resistance to magic.

_______________

Spike was sleeping in his bed back at the library, when Twilight burst through the door.

"Spike! Your nose!"

Spike took a moment or two to wake up, but when he did, he realised he could show off his trophy scars from the battle against Mr. Ed.

"Yeah! It's a trophy I got from protecting Rarity!"

"Doesn't it hurt?"

"No, Rarity used her magic. Can't feel a thing!"

"Well, I'm glad to see you're safe. You should get more sleep."

"Yeah, alright."

"Good night, Spike."

Then Twilight remembered she was supposed to be helping Applejack.

"I have to go now, I'll see you tonight."

"Bye, Twilight"

_______________

Applejack made it to Ponyville, despite her condition. She saw Twilight approaching, and dashed right towards her.

"Twilight! Ya gotta help me! I feel so... So wierd..."

"Hm... Looks like you're feeling sick from the magic. Let's get you to the library. Suddenly, they both heard a familiar shout.

"Waaah!"

"Look out!"

A multicoloured pegasus crashed right into Applejack, landing right on top of her.

"Sorry about that. It was just a new trick gone wrong." She said nervously. Then, she noticed just who she was talking to.

"Get off me, Rainbow!"

"Applejack? That you? You're... glowing!"

"Yes, it's me!"

"That is so cool! I wish I could glow!"

"That's why we're here." Interjected Twilight.

"The magic is making her sick."

"Hey Twilight! You think you could make me glow like that!"

"Well, I could try..."

"Sweet! Let's go!"

Rainbow Dash charged towards the library. Twilight and Applejack exchanged a worried glance, then galloped after her.

_______________

"Okay girls, you ready!"

"Yeah!"

Silence from Applejack for a second.

"Hey Twilight. Did ah ever tell ya you should be... Sparkly? Just, just picture it fer a second Twilight... Sparklies...."

Twilight groaned. Applejack was acting like she was drunk on magic. Rainbow Dash burst out in a fit of laughter.

'Applejack, let's just get this over with... Are you ready?"

"Ah'm ready... Ah'm ready fer you to live up to yer name!"

Applejack was getting rowdy. Pretty soon, she would be fighting a lamppost over who's apple cider brought all the stallions to the farm.

"Let's just get this over with..." Twilight muttered under her breath.

Twilight Sparkle flashed her magic towards her friends, and successfully managed to transmit the enchantment from Applejack to Rainbow Dash.

"This is gonna be so awesome!" Rainbow Dash squeaked.

"Everypony's gonna notice me now!" She cheered as she flew out the door.

"What in the...? Where'd that lamp get off to?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Huh? Oh, right! Thanks fer savin' mah flanks, Twilight! Ah owe ya one!"

"Oh, it was nothing!" Twilight blushed.

"Now, ah best be gettin' back to the farm. That wall ain't gonna fix itself."

_______________

Over at Fluttershy's cottage, Mr Ed made his appearence. Fluttershy was just finished feeding every animal, when he showed up. She didn't even notice the poor bastard until he dropped a turd right next to her mailbox. She turned her head to see him after he did, and she immediately bolted inside the cottage and locked the door. She didn't even notice the crunching sound he made when he started eating her flower garden.

(This next section is dedicated to TwiliteSpunklez, who I'm fairly certain has a thing for angry mobs).

Suddenly, a stampede of ponies marched right up her stone steps and confronted Mr Ed. Fluttershy could only watch helplessly as the angry mob, led by a certain Big Macintosh, started attempting to communicate with Mr Ed.

"So I've heard you've been causin' trouble." Said Big Macintosh evenly.

No reply from Mr Ed.

'Well, us Ponyville folk don't like strangers causin' trouble."

Murmurs of agreement sprang from the angry mob. A few 'Yeah!'s could be heard among the whispers.

"So you best just be packin' yer things and leavin'. Before anypony gets hurt."

TO BE CONTINUED.

Final Chapter, Part 2 (Mature)

A horse is a horse, of course, of course

Final Chapter, Part 2 (Mature)

Mr Ed wasn't talking. Wasn't listening to Big Macintosh. And he didn't like it, at all.

"Are you even listening to me?"

Nothing.

Big Macintosh was weighing up his options to loosen Mr Ed's lips, when Applejack and the rest turned up.

"Big Macintosh! He stole an apple right off the tree!"

"Well that tears it..."

Big Macintosh walked right up to Mr Ed, eyed him like a hawk, and promptly headbutted him on the forehead.

He staggered, and subsequently fled.

"He's gone..." Said Rarity.

"Who... Who was he?" Added Twilight Sparkle.

"We might never know..."Applejack said slowly.

Everypony forgot about Mr Ed. Almost. It he weren't so damn famous, and if it weren't for the vast amount of Ponyville residents composing the mob, he would have been entirely and temporarily forgotten. Skip ahead a few weeks.

(End TwiliteSpunklez' Section).

_____________

"Bring him in."

"Yes, my princess!"

Two guards escorted Mr Ed into the royal throne room, where princesses Celestia and Luna were sitting on their respective thrones.

Mr Ed had been walking for quite some time, living off of wild flowers and taking dumps wherever he liked. He eventually found Canterlot, and had quickly caused a commotion. Ponies were getting worried because of his strange behavior and the fact that he never talked to anypony. Some ponies even remembered him from seeing him in Ponyville, and that only made things worse.

Guards had to be called in to arrest him because of the sheer number of complaints from nervous ponies. Word of him and his strange attitude reached the ears of the princesses. From his prison cell, he was brought to the princesses at their personal request.

"So we've heard you've been causing quite a commotion." Said Celestia evenly.

Mr Ed said nothing.

Usually, the culprit would say something, and the princesses would respond accordingly. But when he said nothing, what would they say?

The tension was so think, you could cut it with a knife. Luna started growing nervous, her thoughts a tangle of conspiracies.

"Say something!!" She blurted out eventually.

Nothing came.

"SAY SOMETHING!"

Still nothing.

"GUARDS! TAKE HIM AWAY!" Luna screeched, pointing a hoof at Mr Ed.

"Wait." Celestia intervened.

"Luna, return to your duties, I'll handle him personally. I know many ways of getting ponies to talk. Guards, please allow us some privacy."

The guards swapped uneasy glances, before leaving the room.

"What are you doing, sis!?" Luna hissed in Celestia's ear.

"Who knows what he's capable of!?"

"You have nothing to fear, sister. I am quite capable of defending myself."

"Please, Celly. There's something about that pony...!"

"Luna, return to your room. You seem too stressed out to handle things at the moment.

Luna opened her mouth to say something, before closing it and scowling slightly as she slowly walked to her room. Once everypony was gone, save for themselves, Celestia approached him.

"Hey there, handsome." She said seductively, with a sly grin on her face.

No reply.

"So I've heard you've been a naughty pony." She teased.

The sheer amounts of raw nothing that came from Mr Ed slightly threw Celestia off, but never the less, she continued.

"Well, if there's one thing I love, it's naughty ponies!" She purred.

And she shook her shapely flanks in his face, revealing her pink hole, in all it's royal glory, to him. Driven by instinct and survival, he grew a raging boner. He then proceeded to mount her. Celestia giggled like a schoolgirl at a Justin Bieber concert when she noticed.

"Hold on, big boy. You're not getting some of this without a bit of foreplay first!"

Celestia then started sucking him off. He didn't even move. She did have trouble when she tried to get him to indulge in foreplay, but in the end she decided she would finish her

*Deleted Finale*

*Deleted Finale*

A horse is a horse, of course, of course

DELETED FINALE.

THIS IS NOT CANON. I considered it, but I thought it was too strange. Although I'm starting to rethink the canon ending...

Mr Ed wasn't talking. Wasn't listening to Big Macintosh. And he didn't like it, at all.

"Are you even listening to me?"

Nothing.

Big Macintosh was weighing up his options to loosen Mr Ed's lips, when Applejack and the rest turned up.

"Big Macintosh! He stole an apple right off the tree!" Applejack called out.

"Well that tears it..."

Big Macintosh walked right up to Mr Ed, eyed him like a hawk, and promptly headbutted him on the forehead.

Instead of blood, there was nothing. He didn't move at all. Big Macintosh was even dazed by the hardness of Mr Ed's forehead. Instead of injuring him, his forehead cracked. It literally cracked.

"What in tarnation...?" Said Applejack. Various gasps and whispers emanated from the crowd.

Suddenly, even more cracks appeared, spreading down his face and neck. Pretty soon he was covered entirely in cracks. Then, he shattered. Like a priceless vase, he shattered into several horsey brown pieces.

Standing in his place, was none other than Princess Celestia!

Everypony was shocked, to say the least. There was a distinct sound of jaws hitting the dirt as Celestia shook her mane free from the last of Mr Ed's remains.

Twilight was the first to speak up.

"P-princess Ce-Celestia?"

"So, how did I do?" Celestia said wryly.

"What?"

"I said, how did I do, Luna?"

"Impressive. I must admit, I would have never thought of such an elaborate prank..." Said a ghostly voice, seemingly from nowhere.

Suddenly, Luna appeared in a puff of blue-black smoke. Some ponies shrieked when they saw the royal reunion in full swing.

"Celly, I never thought you had it in you."

"Maybe that will teach you not to underestimate me. Now do it."

"Not here. That was never part of the bet."

"Very well. But you aren't backing out of this. The look on your face will be priceless..."

"Wait, Princess Celestia? What is going on here?" Twilight interjected.

"I suppose some explaining is in order."

Celestia turned towards the sun for a moment, contemplating her recent deeds done.

"It all began a few weeks ago, during Nightmare Night."

Luna allowed herself a sly grin. She knew exactly where this was going.

(On that note, I have no idea where this is going. What do you guys think?)