The Conquering of Love - April Foals 2013

by Littlecolt

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Queen Chrysalis, Random, Princess Celestia, DJ P0N-3, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Alternate Universe, Princess Luna
Length: 3678

Pinkie and Vinyl Save Equestria

Upon entering Pinkie Pie's dream, Pinkie Twi and Pinkie Shy find that Pinkie Pie and Vinly Scratch have a plan to save everypony - by combining their cannons and blowing away the changelings forever!
This is a joke chapter that was released for The Conquering of Love on March 31st 2013. It offers a ridiculous and abrupt ending to the fanfiction. Reading the original fanfic up to chapter 16 (Book 2 Chapter 10) is required if you want to even have the slightest clue what is going on. That said, it's a joke, so all you really need to know is that the ponies are trapped in dream worlds by Chrysalis and the changelings, and that Luna, Pinkie, and Vinyl have a plan to save the day!

Published 2013-04-09 16:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2013-04-09 16:30:01 UTC

Riot Cannon

Book Two: Overgrowth

Chapter Ten: Interference

“Wake up, Pinkie!”

Pinkie Shy slowly opened her eyes, immediately met with bright sunlight and a bit of a purple glow. She blinked and felt fluid running down from her eyes. It was at that moment she realized that she was floating on her back in a large, calm sea of liquid. Turning her head to the side, she further realized that the liquid she was floating in was a deep purple color.

She licked her lips--it was also delicious.

Fruit punch?

She felt something bump into her head on the other side and turned in that direction. A giant cherry was floating next to her. In the distance, she could make out the shore of the fruity lake, a glass bowl rim that curved along its edge. However, the thing she took more note of was the giant slice of banana floating towards her with Pinkie Twi sitting atop it like a starchy boat.

Pinkie Twi reached her hoof down and helped Pinkie Shy out of the drink, as it were, but not before she took a big gulp of the liquid.

“Ew, you were floating in that stuff,” Pinkie Twi said as she scooped up a hunk of banana and shoved it into her mouth without a second thought.

“Well, you were sitting on that,” Pinkie Shy responded. “I couldn’t help myself.”

“I know! Me neither!”

“So where are we? The last thing I remember was flying towards Ponyville and having some sort of... I don’t know what... like an explosion of stuff just shooting through my brain!” Pinkie Shy said, putting a hoof to her forehead.

Pinkie Twi pulled her goggles down over her eyes and looked around. “Well, it’s definitely a dream world, not that that helps much,” she said, reaching behind her and grabbing a rather large cinnamon stick she’d salvaged from the water earlier. “Let’s row to shore, maybe we’ll find a clue there.”

Pinkie Shy nodded and grabbed the stick, starting to row as best she could with it. Pinkie Twi rowed on the other side, but it didn’t seem like they were getting anywhere very fast.

Pinkie Shy blinked and tilted her head. “Hey, why are we rowing?” she asked, spreading her wings out.

“Oh yeah!” Pinkie Twi said with an embarrassed grin. “I guess rowing a banana boat with cinnamon just seemed too fun to not try it, at least!”

Pinkie Shy nodded, but then took off towards the shore, the other Pinkie following close behind. Arriving at the rim of the giant punch bowl, they found a beach of dark sand. They touched down on the beach and immediately felt that it was a bit sticky, and was definitely not sand after all.

Pinkie Twi lifted her hoof and licked the brown substance. “Huh... brown sugar.”

“Sweet!” yelled Pinkie Shy in response.

“I know! But there’s no time for that, we’ve got investigating to do, and I think we should start over there!” Pinkie Twi pronounced, pointing her previously licked hoof off to one side. In the distance was a rickety looking wooden shack. The two ponies decided to fly there as well, since walking in brown sugar proved to be rather difficult, not to mention messy.

“So...” Pinkie Twi began, “fruit punch lake, brown sugar beach, and I bet this isn’t even really dirt or grass we’re walking on. So what do you think that shack is made of?”

“Peanut brittle,” replied Pinkie Shy casually. They landed in front of the door, and sure enough, it was peanut brittle--the entire house was made of the stuff.

“So, I was thinking the same thing you were. Why do you suppose that is?” asked Pinkie Twi, her tone becoming serious. “Doesn’t this whole place sort of feel familiar to you?”

“Yeah, it really does, somehow,” Pinkie Shy said, tapping her hoof on the ground.

“I don’t know how it happened, but I think you and I connecting like that caused a sort of magical outflux. I’ve been noticing some sort of interference ever since I started tinkering with the telepathic magic that allowed this, and I think it has something to do with it.”

“Interference? Like some sort of outside energy?” Pinkie Shy asked, tapping her hoof even faster.

“Right, and I know I cast the spell so it would only work for us. Given that I didn’t mess up the spell, and the fact that we feel familiar with this place, I think we’ve somehow been transported to Pinkie Pie’s dream.” Pinkie Twi said, raising her goggles back up onto her forehead.

Pinkie Shy blinked. “You mean the real Pinkie? How can we be in her dream? We’re just... dreams. We don’t exist outside of Fluttershy and Twilight’s minds... right?”

“We shouldn’t, but the fact that we were able to communicate in the first place at least proves that we can transcend their dreams in some way... maybe. So, anyway, we need to be prepared for whatever craziness the real Pinkie Pie might be dreaming of. I’m sure you can imagine what that might mean.”

Pinkie Shy blinked. “Not really. I’m not one to try and think things through too much... I think. Anyway, what’s the worst that could happen?” she asked as she reached for the door and pushed it open.

Behind the door was the throne room of Canterlot Castle. Ponies hung from the ceiling in cocoons and a green glow seeped down towards the throne, upon which the changeling queen sat, her eyes glazed over from the influx of magic. Pinkie Shy gulped and shrunk back a bit.

“I told you... sheesh,” sighed Pinkie Twi, flipping her goggles back down and looking back and forth from the doorway of the large chamber. A pink glow caught her eyes from up above, and she noticed a hoof poking down from one of the cocoons, waving them towards it.

A second later, the whole cocoon slit upward as if it had a zipper on the inside, and Pinkie Pie’s head poked out.

“Come on!” Pinkie whispered. “Get in here before she notices you!”

The two dream Pinkies looked at each other and shrugged, flapping their wings as quietly as they could, heading straight towards the opened cocoon. Pinkie Twi hit the cocoon first with a thud and a squish, squeezing her way into it. Pinkie Shy nervously followed, after which the cocoon zipped back closed.

Once inside, the two ponies were surprised to see that they were inside the main lobby of Sugarcube Corner. The entire place had been strung up with wiring, flashing lights, steam exhaust pipes, and various meters and buttons. Sitting in the far corner was a white unicorn with spiky blue hair and wires draped over her. The Pinkies recognized her as Vinyl Scratch, also known as DJ Pon-3, a Ponyville music aficionado with a taste for heavier sounds than most ponies enjoyed. She stared at a panel of meters, as well as a wavelength readout that was being etched onto scrolling paper, her horn glowing the whole time.

Standing to her side, inexplicably, was Princess Luna, staring intently at whatever it was that Vinyl Scratch was doing. She hadn’t even noticed the three Pinkies approaching.

“Princess, Vinyl, how’s it going? A couple of unexpected guests have arrived, but I think they’ll be able to help,” said Pinkie Pie with a grin. Vinyl and Luna looked up. Vinyl’s jaw dropped as she saw the two pink alicorns, but Luna just blinked and smiled.

“Unexpected, but quite fortuitous,” the princess said calmly. “We welcome you to our resistance center, Pinkies. I see you’ve borrowed a bit of our sister’s magic--I’d recognize it anywhere.”

“Yeah, Princess Celestia gave me some power so I could help her out, and then I was able to share it with Pinkie from Fluttershy’s dream, too,” Pinkie Twi said with a grin.

Luna glanced at Pinkie Shy and grimaced. “Yes, she seems to have gotten,” Luna started, pausing for a moment, “a bit more than you bargained for.”

Pinkie Shy blinked in confusion, tilting her head.

Foul, dark magic, Luna thought to herself. It doesn’t seem to be affecting her, though. A blessing, indeed.

“Nevermind that. How fares my sister?” Luna asked. “I knew she was in Fluttershy’s dream, as I had been there myself, but could not stay.”

Pinkie Shy sighed. “She’s doing fine, no thanks to me... but things seem to have calmed down there, at least,” she said, then tilted an eyebrow. “Why wouldn’t you stay there? They really could have used more help.”

Luna sighed. “Sadly, I can not stay long in any dream... or rather, I can not stay away from my own dream for very long,” she said slowly, lowering her gaze to the ground. “My absence would be noticed... and taken advantage of.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Pinkie Twi asked.

Luna shook her head. “Nevermind my predicament, we need to focus on the solution to the overall problem: the changelings. I believe you have this well in hand, now, correct?” she asked, turning her head towards Vinyl, who grinned.

“No problem! Those changelings will be gone within the hour, bet on it!” Vinyl proclaimed.

Luna smirked and then began to fade away into the shadows of the room. “Very well, then. Until the time when we awaken!” her voice echoed.

“Welp, guess we better get started,” Vinyl said, reaching a hoof behind her and pulling a massive device from basically nowhere. Pinkie Pie smiled and reached back as well, yanking the Party Cannon into view from a place where no one may know of lest they peer into the abyss and learn of the terrible secret of the world.

“So how do we do this?” asked Pinkie Pie as she pushed her cannon towards Vinyl’s.

“What are we even doing?” Pinkie Twi asked quizzically.

“Oh yeah, I guess I should explain the plan,” Vinyl chuckled. “You see, Pinkie Pie loves to party, as you should be well aware. In that sense, we’re sort of kindred spirits. Nothing excites me more than a crowd in front of the stage, moshing to the sweet sound of music, though some philistines out there call it ‘noise’...” Vinyl made a face like she’d smelled something rotten and rolled her eyes.

“I do love parties!” Pinkie Shy said, her voice beginning to rise with excitement at where this explanation could be headed.

“So anyway, most ponies in Ponyville know that I crafted an amazing cannon-shaped speaker box with a built-in magical sound amplifier a couple years back,” Vinyl continued. “Everypony is also well aware of Pinkie’s--or should I say your--Party Cannon, which can set up a party in a single booming shot... but nopony has ever pondered until today: what would happen if these powers were to combine?”

All three Pinkies, even the real Pinkie Pie, stared at Vinyl as she spoke, speechless and eyes aglow.

“That’s right! It would be the ultimate party machine! The world may not yet be ready to receive swag of this magnitude, but we’re going to deliver it anyway!” Vinyl shouted, raising a hoof in the air. “If my predictions are correct, if used in the real world, it would cause a party, complete with a dance floor, to basically materialize spontaneously anywhere it was used! But the fact that we’re in a dream world changes things quite a bit, and I believe your powerful magic is the key we need to start this baby up!” She pointed a hoof at Pinkie Shy who smiled and giggled in response.

“My unicorn magic and Pinkie Pie’s lucidity, which Luna has explained to us and had Pinkie practicing, would be able to fire this baby across dreams, hopefully waking up the rest of the Element bearers. But with you two here, I think we can crank it to eleven!” Vinyl said, rubbing her hooves together in a circular motion. “With all of our powers combined, this baby should be able to produce fourth-wall-shattering mega-bass that will wake everypony in Canterlot up and infuse them with an irresistible need to party down!”

“So hey, I think I know what to do!” interrupted Pinkie Twi with a bounce. “I learned about it while reading about magic in Twilight’s brain! You have to shove them together and shout ‘FU-SION-HAA!’ I think!” she said with some excitement.

Everypony in the room stared at her blankly.

“Or, you know, maybe not...” she sighed.

After about an hour of tinkering, charging the devices with spells, and even trying the fusion move Pinkie Twi suggested, they were finally able to fit the speakers from the front of the Bass Cannon onto the end of the Party Cannon, haphazardly tied together with some rope, duct tape, and a bent coat hanger.

They all stared at the “new” device awkwardly.

“You sure this is right?” asked PinkieTwi. “It looks... unstable.”

Vinyl’s jaw dropped and she raised her hooves in protest. “Are you kidding? That’s extra-strength duct tape holding it together! It stands up to my fiercest bass and doesn’t break! You know what they say, if you can’t duck it, f--”

“Yes yes, okay!” Pinkie Twi interrupted apologetically. “It’s just not very... pretty.”

Pinkie Pie shook her head. “Who are you, Rarity?”

Vinyl shrugged, “Anyway, I guess we can’t really test it, because if it works, it’ll be go-time, and we should probably be ready before--”

She was interrupted by the sound of a button being pressed and a magical charge being formed. Everyone turned and stared, jaws dropped, at Gummy, who had just sat down on the button on top of the device.

“Gummy’s always ready for a party,” Pinkie Pie said sheepishly, grinning. Vinyl sighed and shook her head as an explosion of low-tone bass filled the room, shaking the walls and shattering anything fragile in its vicinity.

A moment later, in a flash, Pinkie Pie found herself awake, upside down, and inside a cocoon in the Canterlot throne room. She froze up, or would have, except she couldn’t stop shaking due to the fact that she was sending out wave after wave of magnificent bass from her body itself.

The cocoons around her began to shake furiously, and she could spot Chrysalis at the front of the room shooting up from her seat and staring up at the cocoons.

The cocoons began to burst open; a few at first, but soon after many more. Ponies hit the ground, some with a splash into the growing sea of ooze, some more firmly on their hooves, all of them staring furiously at the queen.

Eventually, Pinkie decided to push her hooves outward. The vibrations emanating from her body made the cocoon burst open like a water balloon. She hit the ground and stood up just in time to see a moderate cerise-colored, because that’s what color MLP Wiki told me she was, mare fall from a cocoon, her forelegs flailing as she hit the ground.

The mare leapt up, landing in the center of the yet unmoving crowd and yelled, “WHERE’S THE PUNCH?!” Her voice reverberated off the walls.

Like a bomb whose fuze had finally finished burning, the crowd exploded into a riot of ponies who needed to party, perhaps even more than breathe. The crowd quickly flowed towards the changeling queen like a wave. She let out a shriek as the dozens of ponies all tackled her, and then lifted her into the air above their heads.

“Yes!” came Vinyl’s voice from behind Pinkie Pie. She turned her head and saw the unicorn standing there, eyes glossed over, staring at the giant flash-mob mosh pit before them. “She’s in for it now!”

“Um, I think she’s crowd-surfing...” came Spike’s voice from behind them. They both glanced back and saw Twilight, Fluttershy, and Spike standing and staring in disbelief as they wiped away green goop from their faces and bodies.

“Looks kind of fun, actually,” Spike said with a shrug.

“Put me down, you cretins!” Chrysalis screamed, which only agitated the crowd more. They began launching her in the air and dancing even harder to the beat that was still emanating from Pinkie Pie.

The agitated alcoholic mare from before, Berry Punch, jumped into the air above Chrysalis and came crashing down on top of her, grabbing her by the mane. “I NEED A DRINK!” she screamed. Chrysalis pulled her face back, eyes wide, as spittle flew from the far-too-sober pony’s mouth.

Applejack, Rarity, Princess Celestia, and a very groggy looking Rainbow Dash now joined the others in just staring at the unfolding chaos.

“I almost feel sorry for her,” said Rarity as she watched Berry Punch throttling Chrysalis for a moment before finally being thrown off by another upheaval from the crowd, which also sent Chrysalis flying through the air towards them. The queen landed with a heavy thud and slid forward, stopping as she pressed against Celestia’s front hooves.

Celestia stared down at the changeling angrily, her horn now glowing brightly. The queen looked up at her nervously, rolling away and flipping back to her hooves. The crowd in the background continued to party, unaware that they were even supposed to be fighting Chrysalis in the first place.

“Yeah, maybe this wasn’t the greatest plan I’ve ever had,” Vinyl finally said with a laugh.

Celestia walked towards the queen slowly, watching for any sudden movements.

She’s absorbed so much power. I can feel it flowing out from her, Celestia thought. Awakening so soon was not the best idea, but at least we all awoke together.

“So, what do we do now, y’all?” Applejack asked. “We have to do somethin’!”

“We get the Elements of Harmony, that’s what we do!” yelled Twilight. “For real, this time! They won’t stop us again!”

Pinkie Pie and Vinyl Scratch laughed in unison.

“That won’t be necessary, everypony. I think we got this,” said Vinyl. She reached behind her and pulled, again from Celestia-knows-where, her Bass Cannon. Pinkie Pie did the same with her Party Cannon, and the two of them began to roll them towards Celestia and Chrysalis, who were staring each other down.

“You might want to move, Princess,” said Pinkie nervously. “We’re not sure what this will do.”

Celestia looked back at Pinkie, and immediately noticed the faint outline of a horn and wings shimmering on her like a magical mirage. Her Party Cannon was glowing a dark red magical aura, the dark magic she had sensed earlier charging it with power.

Celestia jumped aside as Pinkie and Vinyl simultaneously slammed their hooves down onto their respective cannons. A blast of bright red magical energy and deafening noise filled the room as a wave of magic and music slammed into the changeling queen, causing her to crash through the window behind her and blast into the distance, a trail of red and green mist floating in her wake.

Everyone, even the partying mob, just stood and stared silently at Pinkie and Vinyl.

A moment later, the silence was broken by the door to the throne room being broken down as Luna, Shining Armor, and Princess Cadence burst through it. Luna leapt in the air above the others and towards the throne. Her horn and mane were drenched with blood, her body was scarred and charred as if she’d been through the depths of Tartarus.

“Where is she!” Luna screamed, looking around frantically for Chrysalis. She eventually caught sight of Pinkie and Vinyl standing by Celestia, a broken window behind them.

“Wait, I...” Luna started, not knowing what to say. “What?”

Cadence and Shining Armor joined the lineup, looking around the room with confusion.

“It looks like everything’s been handled, little sister,” Celestia said, her horn returning to normal. “What happened to you?”

Luna smirked. “Cadence, Shining Armor, and myself have freed the guards, single-hoofedly defeated The Order, laid waste to the changeling drone army, and nullified the magic auras that they had cast. Any changeling that may have escaped will surely think twice before invading Equestria again,” she said, licking at a trail of blood on her cheek.

“Whoa, that sounds really awesome!” Rainbow Dash exclaimed. “I wish I could have seen it!”

“WHERE’S THE PUNCH!!!” a voice screamed from the middle of the crowd of ponies, who for the most part had finally calmed down since Pinkie Pie was no longer producing hypnotic party waves. Everypony wondered who had even invited her to the wedding in the first place, not knowing that the author just threw her in randomly to appease his drinking buddies from Berrytube.

“Anyway...” Twilight started, turning to her brother. “Here’s hoping we can finally put all of this behind us and finally get you married.” She smiled, then turning her head towards Cadence, who smiled back, though she looked mentally and physically exhausted, not to mention scarred in several places.

“Yes,” said Celestia. “Once we’ve recovered, we’ll have the real wedding!”

Everypony smiled. The nightmare was finally over.

Or so they thought. A guard galloped into the throne room, right towards the princesses.

“News from northern Equestria, Your Highnesses!” he yelled, a panicked look on his face. The princesses looked down at him as he bowed and removed his helmet. “We’ve received a message while this has all been going on! It just says that ‘IT’ has returned.”

Celestia and Luna gasped, their eyes wide.

“I guess there’s no rest for us, sadly,” Celestia sighed. “Twilight, I know this is sudden, but we need you to go north to the Crystal Empire.”

Twilight sighed. She opened her mouth to speak, but was interrupted by a voice from her left. Everypony turned their heads to see Vinyl Scratch standing in front of the Bass Cannon.

Vinyl grinned, the outline of two pink alicorns to either side of her.

“You all take a break,” she said, pushing her sunglasses to her eyes. “We got this.”

THE END

Author's Note

Happy April FOALS Day, you guys!

Don't kill me.

The real chapter is coming soon.

*HUGS*