Bathtime for Ponies Part 2

Chapters

Soarin
Shining Armor
Time Turner Whooves
Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon
Screwball (Co-op with Discord)
Twist
Gilda
Babs Seed
Prince Sombra
Bon Bon
Carrot Top
Raindrops
Ditzy Doo
Pipsqueak (Semi-Co-op with Princess Luna)
Redheart
Lotus and Aloe
Flim and Flam
Berry Punch
Ruby Punch (Co-op with Berry Punch)
Minuette
Photo Finish
Fancy Pants
Fleur
Prince Blueblood
Hoity Toity
Sapphire Shores
Nightmare Moon
Daring Do
Granny-Smith
Braeburn
Little Strongheart
Blinkie, Inkie, and Pinkie Pie
Caramel
The Founder Ponies, A Hearth's Warming Special
Sunset Shimmer
Snips and Snails (Co-op with Trixie and Sunset)
The Power Ponies!
Cadence (Co-op with Celestia)
Cheerilee
Lightning Dust
Lily, Daisy, and Roseluck

Soarin

You finish turning the knob for the hot water counter-clockwise, content that the bath is now ready. You have made the bath slightly hotter than normal, worried that it will be the right temperature by the time that you get the foal that you are looking out for today. After all, Soarin is a pegasus and future Wonderbolt and experience has taught you that not only do most pegasi foals hate bathing, but that it’s much easier to force somepony into the bath if they can’t fly. You hope that your pursuit of the young flying ace doesn’t leave the ground like it did with Rainbow Dash.

The last time you saw Soarin he was playing outside, getting some flying practice, so that’s where you begin your search. Once outside here in Cloudsdale, you get some polite waves and unintentional stares from some of the local Pegasus here in Cloudsdale. They have seen you before after all, but you’re still a bit strange to most of them.

Finally you find the colt of the hour, or rather, the sheer air current produced by him racing past lets you know you’ve found him. The force of the air current knocks you over, but thankfully the ‘ground’ here is made of clouds, so it doesn’t hurt. Once you stop seeing stars, a tiny white pegasus stands over you with a genuinely sorry look, “Don’t worry Soarin, I’m alright, but it’s time for your bath now.” Soarin smiles, glad that you’re okay. You can’t help but wonder if that’s really all. It’s never this easy to coax pegasus into the bath.

Once you are both back upstairs and the bathroom door is closed behind you, Soarin flies up and sits on the rim of the tub, waiting for you to be ready. “Well this is a first,” you can’t help but say. Soarin isn’t exactly eager, but doesn’t show any signs of dreading the event either.

You make your way over, ready to begin, and sit down next to the tub. Soarin slides into the tub gently and you worry that it will be too hot still since you didn’t expect to get him here so fast. He doesn’t seem to mind the temperature though, so you decide to begin.

You start by squirting some shampoo into your palm; apple-cinnamon flavored this time, and begin lathering it into Soarin’s hair. Soarin’s hair is relatively short but is very thick, so it takes about a minute to lather it completely. Once it is fully lathered you cup your hands and scoop up some of the warm bath water, embarrassed that it’s still this hot, but you brush it off since Soarin doesn’t seem to mind. Since his hair is so thick it takes over a dozen rinses and you have to scrub a little, but you manage to get all the suds out.

Soarin meanwhile hadn’t demonstrated any emotions at all. Even now he was just sitting there, totally passive, neither enjoying nor resenting the procedure. You then ask him to turn around so that you can wash his wings. Immediately Soarin lets out a happy little sound like any filly or colt opening their Hearth’s Warming presents to see that they got exactly what they always wanted. Soarin quickly turns his back to you and spreads his little wings. You get the feather shampoo and begin massaging it into the wings, careful to preen then properly.

Soarin lets out a contented sigh and you realize that this is what he had been waiting for the whole time. The poor little colt had been practicing so much and his little wings must have been completely exhausted. The cool massage caressing his wings must have been wonderful. You mentally facepalm for not realizing why he was being so agreeable earlier and decide that you will preen his wings perfectly. There’s really no need for such precision and you could have settled for cleaning them in less than a third the time, but it felt wrong to deny him this one simple relaxation. He had been so good after all.

Finally you have to move on to the tail. You tell Soarin to stand, and as if in thanks for earlier, he complies, again feeling neither excited nor depressed. Like his mane, Soarin’s tail is also thick, so it takes a while to lather it properly. After about a half minute of scrubbing, the tail is finally sudsy and merely needs to be rinsed. You start to cup your hands, but Soarin sits down, and wiggles about, effectively rinsing his own tail.

Satisfied, you reach over and get out some bath toys and hand them to Soarin to play with. He again gasps happily at the prospect and takes the toys to play with.

Unlike many of the ponies you’ve bathed, Soarin has no trouble just being himself and having fun. After a while of letting the toy boat and rubber ducky become friends, he decides that they should race. He places them side by side as fairly as he can, and begins making them race all around the tub.

And the race is underway! The boat is off to a good head start, but the ducky is making sure not to fall behind! They’re coming up on the first turn, the ducky cuts the corner and is in the lead! The boat’s not letting him get ahead that easy. The other corner of the bathtub is just ahead. The boat tries to cut the corner, but ducky won’t let him. Ducky is still in the lead, but what's this? The boat goes into turbo drive! (which sounds like Soarin’s best “zoom” sound by the way. DAWW!). They’re coming up on the finish line! Boat’s in the lead! Come on Ducky you can do it! It’s neck and neck! And the winner is…

Ducky!

“Ab, haha, ah-haba!”

KABOOM!

Soarin was so happy to see the way the race ended that he unintentionally flapped his wings as hard as he could, which it turns out, even at that age was a small shock wave. The water from the tub had been jettisoned into the bathroom floor, and more importantly, all the suds were now on your face. It made you look like you had a Santa Claus beard and unibrow, all white and sudsy.

Soarin was so sorry for what he’d done. He put both his little hooves to his mouth in shock and stared at you wide-eyed, wondering what you were going to do. You laughed as sincerely as possible, you didn’t care. Even if it was at your expense, that was the funniest, cutest, most awesome moment of your career.

Your laughing made Soarin start laughing, which was honestly more of a coo at this point. You helped the young colt out of the bath, and after finding a towel that was still dry, dried him off. Soarin nodded, silently thanking you and made his way to the door. He then turned and waved at you with his wings, which now that they were dried, looked like a duckling’s down feathers. It was all just too cute. After waving goodbye to him and having one more laugh to yourself, you turn back to the room.

“I’m going to need a lot of towels.”

Author's Note

Well everypony, I had one vote each for Gilda, Flufflepuff, Granny Smith, Screwball, and even a dare for Mare Do Well, but Soarin got two votes, so here you go. I was busy until yesterday, so the chapters haven't been coming out frequently, but I'm not as busy now, so they should become more frequent.

Soarin always came across to me as the most laid-back member of the Wonderbolts. Spitfire can be a drill sergeant when she wants to be, but Soarin will eat his pie and not give two bits what anypony thinks. Thought he deserved the royal treatment. I also saw an appalling lack of pegasi foals being compared to ducklings, I had to fix that.

Shining Armor

You land on your back with a thud. This was going to be harder than you thought. Why do these ponies have so much power even when they’re foals? “Shining Armor you need a bath!” you repeat, as if to renew your own willpower. Shining Armor had wrapped himself in a much, much smaller version of the shield spell. It was big enough to hold him, and also just big enough to make the “ball” too big to fit through the bathroom door.

You get up and try to force the ball through the door again, but it’s slippery, sturdy, and unfortunately for you, bouncy. As you slam it into the doorframe, it bounces, sending all your momentum back at you and inevitably, putting you right back on your back again. Good thing there’s a soft throw rug. Despite REALLY not wanting to take a bath, Shining also doesn’t want to hurt you, and is feeling a little bad about you ending up on the floor. With his resolve wavering, the shield ball around him begins to shrink proportionally.

Seeing this, you remember what he said when he helped you wash Twilight long ago, “She's determined," he explained. "That's how magic works: pure unicorn determination." Now that you thought about it, it felt weird describing something that hadn’t happened yet as “having happened a long time ago.” You brush it off as the issues of time travel.

You then remember another feature of the shield spell. “Look Shining, I promise it won’t be as bad as you think. After it’s over, we can both have cookies or something and wait for Night Light and Velvet to get home.” Shining couldn’t say anything yet, but he was very smart already and looked agreeable. You reached out your hands slowly, managing to grab Shining through the shield spell.

You nearly “squee” in delight, glad that you remembered the shield spell lets you go through it if the caster doesn’t mind you entering. Overjoyed at your success, you pick Shining up and walk through into the bathroom. You would have closed the door, but Shining was a little heavier than you thought he’d be so you decided to get him in the tub first.

As you lower him into the tub, you notice that even though you are now permitted by the shield, the bathwater is not and begins parting as the shield is placed in it. You give Shining a stoic look, only to receive a “do I have to?” look in exchange. You nod and Shining’s shield spell pops like a soap bubble, even making a little bubble popping noise.

As soon as the bubble pops you notice that Shining smells like dirt and sweat, and now that there isn’t a pinkish tinted field around him, the patches of dirt really stand out against his naturally white coat, which is slightly grayed now from dirtiness. “I stand corrected. You really need a bath Shining. How did you get so dirty anyway?” Shining can’t convey the story with cute looks alone, so you realize you’re not going to find out.

You place Shining into the bath water and go to close the door. Once everything is ready you make your way over to the mat and begin by getting out the shampoo. You begin lathering it into his mane. Since it is only medium length, it only takes a minute to scrub. In your hurry you accidentally scrub too close to the horn, provoking a “don’t you dare” look. Apparently unicorns don’t like it when you touch their horn, or at the very least the Sparkle family doesn’t apparently.

You then cup your hands and begin the rinse cycle. Shining just sits there, basically just waiting for this part to be over. After only seven rinses, the mane is clean. You then ask him to stand up so you can wash the tail. Shining’s tail is also only medium length, so it shouldn’t take long. Unfortunately, you discover that Shining really doesn’t like it when you touch his tail. Though the task itself is no problem it takes twice as long as the mane because Shining fusses about it, and nearly bucks you to Luna a few times. You try telling him that it will be over faster if he’ll just stand still, but to no avail.

As you finish the lathering a VERY long half minute later, you decide it’s best if he rinses his own tail, which he has no problems with.

Normally you give Shining some toys at this point, but you can’t help but notice that since his coat is white, any little bit of dirt on him really stands out. You decide to get the brush out of your travel kit and give his coat a good scrub. Since you usually let the bath water itself do the cleaning for this part, and aren’t used to it, it takes several full minutes before Shining is shining.

You had never thought about it, but you guessed it would be much harder to stay looking clean if your coat was bleach white. On that thought, you gain a new insight and appreciation for Rarity, and decide to give Shining some toys to play with now.

You give him a little red toy boat, which he stares at. Shining plays with the little boat, but only for a little while. You try to assure him that it’s okay for him to play, but he just doesn’t see the appeal.

“Oh well”, you think to yourself, “I guess he always was the sort that played best with others rather than alone.” You reach over and unplug the tub, satisfied that the job is done. You then pick Shining up and place him on the mat, where you begin drying him off. You are immensely proud to see that Shining is now whiter than the towel you are drying him with.

Shining then looks up at you expectantly. “Oh right, I said there would be cookies didn’t I. Alright, a deal’s a deal.” Shining laughs happily, and you both begin walking to the kitchen. You can’t help but smile deviously to yourself.

“This will make a great embarrassing anecdote to tell Cadence and Twilight later.”

Author's Note

Hello everypony. Please visit my blog post: Bathtime for Ponies, Blog Post Edition.

There you will find a list of ponies I intend to wash (suggestions have already added two ponies to the list) and answers to general questions.

Time Turner Whooves

You’re late! You’re never late, you can time travel, how can you be late?

'Vworp, vworp, vworp'.

You arrive at the home of the young Time Turner Whooves, Whooves for short.

You see that his parents have already stepped out, leaving you in charge for now. You are a little bit embarrassed that you were late for the first time. You notice that Whooves himself is playing quietly in the living room, and seems to be doing fine. Content that you don’t need to look after him for now, you head upstairs to ready the bath. You would normally have spent at least part of the day watching out for him like a proper sitter, but you were really busy earlier, and it is past already bathtime now.

You add bubblebath and start filling the tub with nice hot water, which should be cool enough to bathe in by the time you get the foal of the hour. Once the tub is full you head out to get Whooves. You walk downstairs to find the little colt still playing happily. You walk over offering him a polite greeting to get his attention, and let him know it is bathtime. This was a mistake.

As soon as he sees you, his little eyes grow wide and alert. Whooves dashes away with speed that only Pinkie Pie would consider realistic. You sigh to yourself, knowing this won’t be easy. This will be the third time you have looked after the young earth pony, and he doesn’t exactly like you.

You make your way up to his room, knowing that is where he will be. You try to open the door, only to find that he has locked himself in.

“Whooves!” you shout at the colt on the other side, “Don’t make me get the screwdriver and pick the lock again.”

You hear an incoherent baby noise, implying that he isn’t coming out. “How many times do I have to say I’m sorry? I really didn’t mean to let you drink the pear shampoo the first time.” On your first visit, you had left him alone at playtime to take a call for just a minute, and came back to find that he had tried drinking the shampoo you had used. Poor Whooves had hiccupped pear flavored soap bubbles the rest of the night, and had developed a loathing of pears. This in addition to the fact that he didn’t want you to bathe him now.

“Look, I changed shampoo. It’s just generic brand now. And I promise I’ll be more careful from now on.” You hear nothing in response, but stay optimistic and assume that’s a good thing. “Look, the boss and your parents worked out a contract, I have to bathe you eleven times in total, can’t we put this behind us?”

You hear the sound of the door being unlocked, and moments later, a little brown earth pony colt appears in the doorway. Whooves is consigned to his fate, but also gives you a look like, “I’ll give you one more chance.”

You squee in delight, and thank him. You both make your way to the bathroom, and you take your place on the mat. You then lift Whooves into the tub, and gently place him in the now-warm water. Hoping to get this over with as badly as he does, you squirt a handful of generic brand Shampoo into your hand and begin lathering it into his mane. Since he has a very short mane, it only takes you twenty seconds. Once his mane is lathered, you get the rinsing dish and begin to rinse the soap out of his hair.

You are extremely careful not to let it get in his face; you really want him to have a good impression of you from now on. Once his mane is clean, you move on to the tail. You don’t need to be as careful anymore, and in only a few moments his tiny tail is lathered and ready for rinsing. This time you just cup your hands, and in only eleven rinses the tail is clean.

You now give Whooves some bath toys: A rubber ducky, two little red boats, and toy sea-pony. You lean back against the wall, and let him play. Whooves seems to thoroughly like the toys, and plays randomly for a while. Then he notices that there are a LOT of bubbles, in the tub. This gives him an idea, and he plays it out.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Biggest bubble spoke to the toys, “Toys, you have declared war on the bubbles.”

The red boat responded, “This is not war, this is dirt control!”

“We are five million bubbles, how many are you?”

“Four!”

“You would pop the bubbles with 4 bath toys?”

“We would pop the bubbles with ONE bath toy! You are superior in only one respect.”

“What is that?”

“You are fun to pop.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Whooves began splashing about, popping the bubbles with the toys, all while cooing something unintelligibly. It was cute, but it was splashing water all over the floor. You decide that the bath is over, and manage to get Whooves to stop playing. Whooves gives you a look that says he really doesn’t want to stop playing, but you kindly insist that the bath is over now. Though clearly disappointed, Whooves agrees, and gives you a little nod. You lift him out of the bath and onto the mat.

You then get out your drying towel and begin drying the young colt off. You decide to start with the head, and move the towel back and forth to dry his hair. When you remove the towel, his hair spikes up from the static friction. You try to comb it down, but it’s decided to stay that way. You move on to drying the rest of the body, and since he’s just a tiny foal, it only takes another moment.

With your job done. You walk over and open the door, gesturing him to go play now. Whooves gets about one human step out the door, before stopping, turning around, and nuzzling you, as if to say, “I forgive you, we can be friends.”

“DAWW!” That’s just wonderful. You are so very happy that he forgave you, and the way he did it was SO CUTE! You give him a little pat on the head, and he walks off smiling.

You go back and start drying off the bathroom floor where he splashed out all the water earlier. You hear Whooves make a curious, “Oooh” sound, followed by another sound, 'Vworp, vworp, vworp'.

You have really got to learn to stop leaving this foal alone. When you arrive it’s too late. You pace back and forth for a few minutes, trying to figure out what to do even though in reality who already know there is only one thing to do. You call the boss.

“Um, boss…It’s me. Whooves took the time machine.”

Author's Note

"The boss was mad at you, but quickly got the situation under control. Whooves was returned to his parents safe and sound, but had acquired his cutie-mark. The parents were so happy they didn't mind your neglect, and the contract continued."

I don't really know much about Doctor Who, so I got help from Timey-Wimey to make sure this worked, Thanks Timey.

As Always, for questions regarding which ponies I will wash refer to my Blog Post: Bathtime for Ponies; Blog Post Edition.

Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon

You finish filling up the tub with water. The bubbles in the tub looked no different than normal, even though on the request of your employer you used ‘premium brand’ bubblebath. You were 99% sure that it was the same as the stuff you usually used, but about three times more expensive. You really couldn’t complain, your clients had paid for it after all, so you just shrugged it off.

You then head down stairs to collect the foals of the hour. Technically you were in Filthy Rich’s manor, but Silver Spoon had been brought over for an extended sleepover. With all the parents out of town on a business trip, you were going to be responsible for the two for a while now.

You know better, but you can’t help but dread looking out for them for the next week. This is Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon after all. “They’re just foals” you remind yourself, “I shouldn’t think badly of them.” Determined that you are going to give them the benefit of the doubt, you make your way to the end of the really long hallway and turn into the parlor where you find the two young fillies.

They are just playing with each other like any small foals would. You think it was supposed to be a game of tag, but they ended up just running and jumping around and giggling together. It made the game pointless, but adorable.

You get their attention, and almost immediately the giggling stops. They both compose themselves and walk over to see you without complaint. Being the divas they were, you were expecting more resistance. Then you remember that they were always well behaved when an adult was present, and you’re an adult.

You scoop them up in each arm and make your way to the bathroom. Upon arriving, the foals both realize what’s going on and begin to whine. Even if they can’t talk yet, whining is inherent to all life, the original language, and these two were fluent in it. You ignored their whining and placed them in the tub. They stop whining and exchange a look. They both lower their heads and sigh in defeat; now that they were in the tub it was better to get it over with.

You decide to start with Diamond Tiara’s mane. Thankfully she doesn’t have her signature tiara yet; you can’t even imagine the fight that would ensue if you tried to take it from her. You begin scrubbing the premium brand shampoo into her mane, still convinced that it’s the same as regular brand. Diamond Tiara continues to squirm about, making the task much more difficult than it should be.

Once Diamond’s mane is white with suds, you move over to Silver Spoon, and begin scrubbing the shampoo into her mane. This process is much easier since Silver doesn’t object, and you manage to really scrub all the way down to the scalp, something Diamond was too fidgety for. You realize that you had never noticed just how silvery her hair was until now.

Diamond Tiara watches the whole process, surprised that her friend actually didn’t mind it. You could see out of the corner of your eye that Diamond Tiara was relaxing now, realizing that it wasn’t so bad after all. With Silver Spoon’s mane now matching Diamond Tiara, you now move on to the rinsing the suds out.

You cup your hands and pour the warm water over Diamond Tiara’s mane, careful not to let the soapy water get in her eyes. After about eight rinses her mane is clean, and it is time to rinse Silver Spoon’s mane. As you pour water over her mane, you notice that since her mane is almost white anyway, it’s hard to tell if there are any suds left or not. Her mane is clean after only eight rinses, but you aren’t sure and rinse it twelve times just to be extra careful.

With both their manes cleaned now, you ask them to lift their tails so that you can wash them. They both sigh in unison. They really want to get this over with, but you think it’s cute the way the know when to sigh in unison like that.

You start with Silver Spoon this time and begin scrubbing down her tail. You were wrong to assume that she would be as cooperative with this part. Silver Spoon doesn’t like you touching her tail, which makes the whole process take more than a half minute to complete.

It doesn’t even surprise you when Diamond Tiara is even more opposed to having her tail cleaned. As you squirt more shampoo into your hands and begin scrubbing Diamond Tiara’s tail, she immediately begins whining and fidgeting about. She even kicks you reflexively at one point. She really didn’t mean to, and looks up at you with a “sorry” look, but the shine in her eyes alerts you that she got some satisfaction out of it nonetheless. You tell her it’s alright, and continue to scrub. It didn’t even hurt, much. After all, foals or not, these two are earth ponies, those kicks can do some damage. You’re really grateful that your first full-on kick came from one of these high society ponies and not from Lil Mac, that would have hurt for a week.

Not wanting to find out how much they hate having their tails rinsed, you let them rinse their own, which they do gladly. You then decide to give them some toys and let them actually enjoy a part of the bath. Deciding to be equally fair and not give them a reason to fight over the best toy, you only give them your two toy boats, which are practically identical.

The girls look at them and each take one, ready to play. They race the boats around and, just like their earlier game of tag, basically just make the boats move around all the while giggling and enjoying themselves.

Watching this, you have a eureka moment. Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon are each other’s one and only real friend. They have always done everything together, and are always side by side. It may be one of the closest friendships in Ponyville. You decide not to get too philosophical, and let them know bathtime is over.

Silver Spoon is closest, so she unplugs the tub for you. You thank her even as you lift Diamond Tiara onto the mat and begin drying her. You rush through the process as fast as possible while still being through so that you can get Silver Spoon out and start working on her too. Like her friend, Silver Spoon only takes a few moments to dry, and the two are eager to leave.

Diamond Tiara turns around in the doorway and comes back to get her boat, but it’s too high on the counter for her. You have given boats away before, and will again, so you get it for her. She gives you an unsatisfied look. You roll your eyes and give her the other boat as well.

As soon as she has both, Diamond Tiara rushes back to the door where Silver Spoon is waiting, and gives her the boat she had played with. Silver Spoon gasps with surprise, and happily takes the toy. Both of them burst into friendly laughter and resume their running about, this time with boats.

“DAWW! That’s adorable” you say to yourself. There’s hope for them yet. Maybe your stay won’t be so bad after all.

Author's Note

I had a lot of suggestions about this one. Many (not all) of them were something along the line of, "make them terrible brats." I couldn't do it. Regardless of my feelings, these are foals, I gave them the benefit of the doubt. Also, they're friends, good friends. Brats, but good friends. Everyone deserves a chance, I gave them one.

Also, someone pointed something out, and it is now in my headcanon. Pony names, some ponies seem to be named after something related to their cutie mark even though they wouldn't get there cutie mark till after that. Also, there don't seem to be last names: Twilight Sparkle, Shining Armor, Night Light, Twilight Velvet. All in the same family, no family name. My friend guessed that ponies CAN (don't always) change their names after they get their cutie mark. It would explain a lot: Tiara and Spoon being perfect examples. I was tempted to call them just, "Diamond and Silver" in this chapter, but knew other people don't have my headcanon. I'll make a blog about it if you have thoughts.

P.S. brace yourselves, a Co-op with Discord is coming.

Screwball (Co-op with Discord)

You have been all across time and space. You have been to a city in a cloud, and to an empire made of crystals. But all the places you have ever been pale in comparison to this place in sheer weirdness. In front of you, built into the side of a hill that looks like half of it was washed away by rain to cut out a space for the was half a hill, and where the other half should have been was the… ‘house?’ you guess, was the home of Discord.

You are starting to think this was a bad idea, but the alternative was to invite him to your house, so you seem to be in checkmate either way. You look down into your arms, where a little baby filly lays curled up, sleeping peacefully. You have bathed Screwball many times before, but the boss said you should have Discord help you at least once. You had asked what the EXACT relationship between the foal and Discord was, but had never gotten a straight answer.

You turned around to see Castle Canterlot in the near distance. Celestia wanted Discord close enough to watch, and far enough not to mess with Canterlot. The Princesses would be right there when everything went wrong. IF, if everything went wrong, you need to keep a positive outlook.

You took one more breath and started walking towards the… door? Towards the thing that looked like the opening of a snail shell that was clearly the entrance. The ‘lawn’ was overgrown with what looked like sea anemones. You started freaking out when they stepped out of your way so that you could walk to the ‘door.’

“You’re doing this for Screwball, stay strong.” You reminded yourself. You walked up to the ‘door’ to Discords house, not really sure how to walk inside. “Well come in already, you just walk straight.”

You knew it was impossible, but this was Discord after all. You just walked straight, and found yourself walking on the wall of the ever spiraling snail-shell path. By the time you were inside, the warping walls had made you walk out onto what you were sure should have been the ceiling. It felt like standing on the floor, but also like standing on the ceiling, and was disorienting. But then, this is Discord’s house, what did you expect?

Discord sat at a table that looked like a giant sundial. There were no walls and the house seemed to go on forever. The room was a grassy field, and there were stairs leading up and down and sideways into what you guessed were other rooms. Even though she’s asleep, you advise Screwball, “Never do drugs dear, you never want this to seem normal.”

Discord looks down at his sundial table, which could somehow tell time inside, “You’re late. It’s five wabing past Bryllyg. I was beginning to think you weren’t coming at all.” You have no idea what any of that means, so you get to the point, “You… you should really wash Screwball… you know, at least once… maybe.” Discord strokes his beard, “Yeah, I guess it would be the right thing to do.” You weren’t expecting that. What exactly was their relationship again?

Discord flexes himself and his whole body gives off a sound like knuckles popping, “Alright human, let’s get started. Obviously I don’t have a tub, but I can fix that.” You didn’t know why it was obvious that he wouldn’t, but Discord pulled out a bottle of bubble formula and blew a bubble about a tub’s length wide. Discord then turned the bottle into a giant butter-knife, and cut the whole bubble in half horizontally, only the top half burst though. After setting the ‘tub’ down on the table, he snapped his fingers and it filled up with sudsy, warm bathwater (from the top down). You realized the bubble was the tub.

At this point, you looked like a little kid scared out of their mind, clinging tightly to their teddy bear for dear life, the ‘teddy bear’ in this case being played by Screwball, who was awake now and wasn’t scared at all. Discord signaled to you that it was time to bathe the young filly, and you made your way over to the tub, which Discord had placed just inches above the ground. Discord made you a pink cloud to sit on and you took it, placing Screwball into the tub.

You pulled a bottle of boysenberry shampoo out of your travel case and handed it to Discord. Discord regarded it for a moment and laughed, glad you had decided to be random. Discord then began normally scrubbing the shampoo into Screwball’s mane, which she actually seemed to enjoy.

Since Discord’s paw was as big as her whole mane, he had the whole thing lathered in moments with a circular scrub. “It’s uh… time to rinse now,” you said, trying not to draw attention to yourself.

Discord then snapped his fingers and all the bubbles popped, revealing a clean mane. You start to object, but don’t know how. Discord looks at you like explaining the most obvious thing in the world, “Rinsing means getting all the soap out. So if all the bubbles pop, and none of the residue sticks, the mane is rinsed by definition. Savvy?”

You give up trying to understand and tell him it’s time to wash the tail. Discord smiles menacingly and the whole room flips upside down… or right-side up, it’s hard to say. What had been facing up was facing down and vice-versa, only Discord hadn’t changed. Discord began scrubbing Screwball’s tail, which was now pointed straight up from his perspective. The tub was flowing everywhere like an ameba, with Screwball’s tail sticking out.

The only problem was that Screwball’s tail was spinning like a helicopter, and even Discord was having trouble catching it. Screwball noticed this and began giggling hysterically. The spirit of disharmony himself couldn’t help but laugh warmly at this. Discord decided to cheat to magic the bubbles onto his tail. Screwball gasped before speaking in gibberish, “Aw ba goo ah ga!,” Discord reprimanded her, “Play fair? Maybe we haven’t meet, I’m Discord.”

Discord made the bubbles pop like before, ‘rinsing’ it. Out of the goodness of his heart, or maybe it was out of annoyance at you screaming for your life, he put the room back to ‘normal.’

You sigh; glad you’re not hanging from a cloud over an abyss anymore. “Great, now all that’s left is to dry her.” Discord looks at you cross eyed, “You don’t wash the body? I thought you were a professional, and you only wash the hair? You’re awfully strange human.” Well, there it goes your sanity. Discord, the weirdest thing you know of, chaos incarnate, thinks that you are the weird one.

Discord shrugs and makes the bath itself scrub the little filly’s body before evaporating, literally steam cleaning her. Screwball is so happy that she walks over and nuzzles up next to Discord’s side. Despite being Chaos incarnate, he seemed to be a pretty good… um… what was their relationship again?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You and Discord, who is now holding a sleeping Screwball, walk outside and get a good look across the Canterlot landscape. “And you’re sure it’s ok if she stays here with you for the night?” you ask again, worrying about her. “Don’t worry; I’ll take good care of her. I promised to be good and I meant it. Never said anything about not being chaotic though.” You have almost gotten comfortable around Discord, almost, “How do you do one without the other?”

Discord smiles, “Oh there are a lot of ways to be chaotic without being bad: anonymous tips for the tabloids, I help balance the budget, oh and you phone, I’m the one writing the rules for auto-correct.” You deadpan. That explains so much.

“What about you, what will you do now?” Discord asks. You shrug, “Oh I don’t know, probably just continue trying to clean all of Equestria.” Discord smiles, “Is that all? I can help with that.” You panic, realizing that it’s too late. Discord snaps his fingers, causing the ground to turn to soap again. It begins giving off soap bubbles and before you know it, everything as far as you can see is sudsy. Discord frowns when he sees your reaction, “What? It’s completely biodegradable, it will wash out harmlessly. Oh, and the ground underneath is normal again.”

“Discord!”

Celestia and Luna descend on the sight, their coats, manes, and tails wet and sudsy, as though they had gotten out of a bath right before a rinse. You bow your head to them, “I promise I had nothing intentional to do with this.” They focus on Discord, “We know.” Discord smiles ear to ear, “Problem?”

Luna is furious, “Discord! Thou shalt return Equestria to its former glory or we shall inflict brutality upon thine hindquarters with the hooves of our hind legs.”

Discord leans over to you, “I think that’s Ole English for she’s gonna kick my…”

“DISCORD! THERE’S A FOAL PRESENT!”

Author's Note

I tried, I did my best, but you can't make this chapter in less than 1500 words.

Well, I'm in the middle of final exams right now, but I made time for you guys, you come first. These finals are driving me crazy, what am I going do, everyone's panicked and bickering. If this keeps up... What! Discord! how did you get here? You can break the fourth wall! Everybody run for your sanity! Oh wait, before I hide, can I have an autograph?

Twist

You finish filling up the tub with warm soapy water. Satisfied that your job is done, you go to find the young filly that you are looking out for today. You find Twist napping on the sofa, but are afraid when you see that she slept in her glasses.

You quietly make your way over to the couch so as not to disturb her and possibly make her damage them. You gently remove them and softly wake Twist up. Twist raises herself to a sitting position and yawns adorably. You daww internally and tell her it’s time to wake up, not wanting to let her know about the bath yet.

You give her the glasses back and tell her that she will have to be more careful with them. She blushes in embarrassment, having only gotten glasses the week before and not knowing how to take care of them. You let her know it’s alright and scoop her up under your left arm.

Once back upstairs, you walk into the bathroom and shut the door with your free hand. Twist’s smile melts when she sees what’s happening, but it’s far too late now. You make your way over to the tub and slowly put her in to see if it’s too hot for her. It’s not too hot, so you take her glasses and place them on the bathroom sink.

Now that everything is in order, you get out the shampoo and squirt some into your palm, ready to begin. You couldn’t think of a good shampoo to wash her with since you can’t use your knowledge of the future and just use candy cane, so you use “sweet-as-sugar” shampoo. It smells, well, as sweet as sugar. You begin lathering it into the little filly’s mane, which only takes about thirty seconds.

Once the mane is fully lathered, you scoop up some warm bath water and pour it over her mane to begin the rinsing. It takes about twelve rinses, more than you were expecting, but you manage to get her mane completely rinsed. Now that it is both clean and wet, Twist’s normally fluffy hair is straight and drooping. She thinks it looks funny, and burst out giggling. You laugh at the sight of her laughing.

You now ask her to raise her tail so that you can wash it. She does and you squirt another palmful of shampoo into your hands and begin working it into the little filly’s tail. Since she has been sitting down her tail is already straight, which somehow makes scrubbing it slightly easier, so the tail only takes twenty seconds to lather. With that done, you scoop up some water and rinse out her tail, only taking eight rinses this time.

You then get out your bag of bath toys (and other bathing supplies) and hand Twist some toys to play with. She really seems to love them right from the beginning, and plays randomly with all of them. She seems to be enjoying herself, and as much as you love watching the cuteness unfold, there is something you need to do while she is occupied.

You get up and make your way over to the bathroom sink and pull something out of your travel bag that you normally wouldn’t even have packed: dishwashing detergent. You have never babysat anypony with glasses before, so you wanted to provide the extra service, no charge. Based on the research you did, you set out to properly clean the glasses.

You wash your hands before you start, just in case. You then take the glasses and run them under the hottest water that doesn’t burn your hands in the bathroom sink until they are thoroughly soaked on both sides of the glass. You then squirt a drop of the detergent on your finger and lather the lens on both sides.

You’ve never lathered glass before, but you’re used to being gentle when lathering anyway. Satisfied with the results, you put the glasses under the hot water again until the as clean and without streaks. Finally, you pull out a soft cotton cloth and very gently dry the glasses.

You are very proud of your work, but notice that the bathroom is deafly quite. You turn back to see that Twist is starring at you like you’re some kind of wizard. Her wide eyed amazed look is just too adorable for you and you just have to laugh. “I looked up the recommended way to wash glasses before coming here. I could show you later if you want.” Twist says nothing, but smiles ear to ear and nods.

You make a mental note to set aside some time later to teach Twist the trick, and resume your seat next to the tub. You assure her that it’s okay to resume playing now. Twist had nearly forgotten about playtime, and looked back down at the toys still floating in the tub. She reached over for the boat which had floated to the edge of the tub and move it through the water for a moment, but realized the fun was gone.

After she had taken an interest in what you were doing, she has consequently lost all interest in the toys, and it was no longer fun for her nor cute for you. “Oh well” you think to yourself, and you make another note that in the future you will let her play before you clean the glasses.

You reach into the tub from where you are sitting and unplug the bath. You pick twist up and set her on the bathmat, ready to dry her. You rub the towel around in her hair until it is dry. Upon removing the towel her hair is straight only for a moment before exploding into its normal curly state. And here you though Pinkie was the only one that did that. You repeat the process for the tail, and then the whole body, and Twist is finally dry.

You get up and open the door, telling Twist she can go play now. Twist makes it out the door, but turns back to you, as if asking if you’re coming. “Sorry Twist… I have to clean up the...,” but you can’t resist those little eyes that have always, and will always, be so eager to make friends.

“Ok, my chores can wait a while.”

Author's Note

I'm thinking Gilda will be next, then probably Babs, and then Sombra, and I'm not sure who after that. I've been reading a lot of Lunaverse, maybe I'll do the Lunaverse Elements of Harmony one-by-one after that. If I do so, should I do Ditzy Doo? She's the Lunaverse Derpy, so she COULD be considered different... I'm not going to pretend to know what I'll do, but it'll work out. As always, anypony can head over to my now notorious blog post, "Bathtime for Ponies, Blog Post Edition" to see a complete list of ponies I intend to bathe, and make requests if one you want isn't on it.

Gilda

“Gilda! You need a bath, NOW!” you yell from ten feet in the air.

You had been a little smarter handling Gilda than you had with past bath-hating flyers, but it still hadn’t worked out. You had just put down your book on the different types of down-feathers (always good to brush up on such things before bathing a new species) and had already gotten hold of Gilda before telling her about the bath.

In retrospect, just griping the young flyer really did nothing to stop her from flying away, dragging you into the air. Since this wasn’t the first time this had happened, you just held on for dear life and waited for her to tire out, which she had much faster than Rainbow Dash had.

Gilda had finally given up trying to carry both of your weights, and set you both down exhausted. You have a feeling of déjà vu.

Gilda may be too tired to fly, but she still has claws, which she flaunts to you with a battle cry (which was actually just a chirp and growl sound together and was kinda’ cute). You look Gilda right in the eye fearlessly, “I have bathed Discord, and worked with him. I’ve bathed a dragon. I have bathed the Alicorns that rule the heavens above. I’m not afraid of you.” Gilda may have been grouchy, but she also respected power and coolness, and your little talk had just ranked you as the coolest adult she had met.

You put Gilda under your arm and walk up to the bathroom. It’s everything within your power not to set her aside and do a victory dance. The truth was you were scared to death of her claws and her willingness to use them. But your bluff had worked, and Gilda now thought you were some sort of super human. Score one awesome point for you!

Once you got to the bathroom, you placed Gilda in the tub before going back to close the door. You then begin your plans to wash a griffon for the first time. You start by squirting some feather shampoo into your palm and working it into all the white feathers on her head and neck.

You are especially careful not to get any too close to her eyes, stopping just shy of her natural purple outlines. Once every part of her head that you can safely wash is clean, you realize how hard it is going to be to rinse it all out without getting it in her eyes. You have her tilt her head back and being rinsing it off the top of her head.

Even after twelve rinses, there are some places on her neck the water doesn’t reach, so you have to get out a rinsing dish and a washcloth and wash her face and neck extensively. Even with all your expertise, this takes about two minutes. The bath has only started and you are already tired, but seeing how shiny and flawlessly white her crest is makes you feel proud.

You then move onto the tail, or more specifically the tuff of fur on the end of it. Since it’s so small, it only takes a moment to wash, to both your and Gilda’s great relief since she doesn’t like you touching her tail.

Since Gilda’s fur is longer and coarser than a pony’s coat fur, you decide to wash the whole body this time. It will take too long to shampoo her whole coat by hand, so you get out a scrubbing brush and begin to lather the whole coat. With the brush this only takes a minute. You decide not to rinse her until you also have the wings lathered, so you switch back to the wing shampoo and get started.

Now you ask Gilda to turn around so you can wash her wings. She turns, and spreads her wings, which are about three times bigger than a pegasis’ wings per her size. You don’t know why you never realized how much bigger griffon’s wings were comparatively.

You get out the feather shampoo again and begin working it into her wings, careful to preen them properly. Due to the sheer size of her wings, it takes several minutes to fully lather and preen both of them inside and out. Because you take so long, Gilda gets tired of holding her wings up, and only holds up the wing you are washing at any given time. By the time both wings are fully lathered, you are tired, and the water is getting cold.

Not wanting to rinse her wings and coat with cold water, you unplug the tub early and turn on the sprayer from the shower. Using the sprayer, it only takes a minute to rinse Gilda’s whole body off.

Finally, you let Gilda out of the tub and onto the bath mat. You let her know that you’re just as glad that it’s over, and begin drying her. Because you don’t have to be as precise with the drying as you did with lathering or rinsing, you have her dry in less than a minute.

You stand up and start to admire your work, and are a little surprised at how well it turned out. Gilda’s feathers are super fluffy now that they are dry, and since there are so many it really shows. She’s almost looks like a kitten and a baby bird mixed together (which technically…). You start to squee in delight, but Gilda gives you a, “DON’T. YOU. DARE.” Look, which fails miserably because it only makes her look cuter.

You both walk downstairs, where you hear a knock on the door. You answer it to find Rainbow Dash and her dad, who apparently arrived a couple of minutes ago. “Oh good you’re here. Sorry for the wait.” You turn back to Gilda who is still close by, “Gilda, Rainbow’s here for the sleepover.” You exchange some causal conversation with Rainbow’s Dad, and then head back in to look after the kids.

All you have to do now is take care of two flying troublemakers for the rest of the night and following day. You sigh, “I can’t wait for bedtime.”

Author's Note

I have been writing and editing for a while now, but this... this was easily the hardest chapter I have ever written. I spent the day before publishing this studying up on the differences in pony fur and lion fur, and the different types of feathers, and the different types of down feathers (there are three), and going over in my head just what steps I would take if I had to wash Gilda. I'm fresh out of Finals anyway and I'm beat. I really like you guys though, so I had to get the chapter done for you.

P.S. I originally had this line right after you start shampooing her head, but since she's not technically a Bald eagle, I removed it.

You realize whoever named the “bald eagle” was obviously not the first person to try to wash one. There were a ton on feathers up there.

Babs Seed

You sit next to the tub, waiting for it to fill up for today’s bath. In the meantime, you talk with your boss on the phone, “Yeah boss, everything’s going well. Yeah. Yeah. Augh, you’re not going to let me forget about losing the time machine that time are you? Don’t worry I know, no using knowledge of the future to change the past and all that. Yeah. Ok, bye boss.” Your call ends with perfect timing, as it is now time to turn off the water.

Now that the bath is ready you have a young Babs Seed to find. So far, Lil Macintosh has been the only member of the Apple family to willingly take a bath. You decide that it would be best to just go find the young filly rather than call out for her. You make your way down the hall to her room to find her playing happily. She seems to like you, because she immediately comes to greet you.

You feel better knowing that you’re appreciated, and tell her it’s time for a bath. She gives you a panicked expression which quickly becomes a pleading one, but somehow just deflates into a sigh. “Wow” you think to yourself, “That was so easy.”

Not wanting to wait until she changes her mind, you make your way to the tub, followed closely by Babs. You stand aside to let her go in first, which she does with only a little hesitation and you close the door.

You place Babs into the tub and let her get comfortable as you ready your travel bag. You get out the apple gel shampoo that you used on all the Apple siblings and squirt some into your palm. You begin lathering it into Babs’ mane. Her mane is not very long or thick or full, but it is as soft as silk, so you wash it gently for a good thirty seconds until it’s extra sudsy.

With the mane lathered, you scoop up some of the nice warm bath water and pour it over her mane. Normally you would have her tilt her head back so that the suds wouldn’t get in her eyes, but once wet, her hair just flowed back against her head anyway, so there is no need.

Now that her mane was clean, you kindly ask Babs to raise her tail out of the bath so that you can wash it. Babs complies without complaint, and you start on the tail. Thanks to the fact that Babs had a very short tail, all of which could fit in your hand at once, it only took mere seconds of scrubbing before it was fully lathered.

Moving onto the rinse cycle, it only takes three rinses for her tail to be lather free. With that, your job here is done, in record time no less. You know it’s only because she has so little hair to wash, but it’s an accomplishment nonetheless.

Not wanting the bath water, which is still warm and toasty, to go to waste you decide to get out the bath toys so she can relax herself. You get out your standard toys: two rubber boats, a rubber ducky, a seapony toy, and just for the occasion, a floating toy apple.

Babs regards the last of these, and then proceeds to give you a deadpan, “Seriously?” look. You shrug. You had been so excited to get to come to the Big Apple and Manehattan, that you had went out and seen all the attractions.

Obviously you had to buy some souvenirs, and that was about the only thing relevant to bathing ponies. Second only to getting to see all the adorable baby ponies and things, the best thing about this job is that it let you see the world and explore great places. You had wondered if it was a coincidence that the surrounding area was nicknamed, “The Big Apple” and that there was a branch of the Apple family living here. You decide to think about such things after you finish bathing Babs.

Babs reaches out to the toy, but only to push it away. You predicted that would happen, so you’re ok with it. She does seem to love the other toys though, and immediately sets out to make them get to know each other.

The duck and the seapony quickly become best friends, and go on adventures into the great unknown, as far away as the edge of the bath even (it was an accomplishment for her). Most importantly, they all became good friends, and laughed together when their adventures were over. Since Babs was doing the sound effects, this literally translated to bountiful heartfelt giggles.

Once you had metaphorically restarted your heart from Daww overload, you decided that it was time to bring this bath to a close. You unplug the tub a lift Babs out of the bath and onto the bath mat. There you bring out the towel and begin gently drying the young pony. Once the drying is over, Babs giggles warmly, she had more fun than she thought she would. You get up and open the door to let her out. On her way out the door, she nuzzles up against you as if to say thank you. The cuteness overload forces you to resort to the only word still in your vocabulary at this point, “Eeyup.”

With that, Babs is on her way. She’s such a sweet little filly; it makes you sick to think that she’ll be bullied later in life. You have to do something else for her, you just have to!

You decide to call up the boss again, “Hey boss? Do you think that, in the future when Babs has to change schools, do you think we could use some of the profits from this to send her to school? I would feel bad if we did nothing… how much? Full? As in Full scholarship? Thank you sir! Yes, thank you sir!”

You do a victory dance right then and there! The sound of giggling alerts you that Babs never went far, and is laughing at how silly you look. You blush at being caught, but decide to use the Manehattan atmosphere to roll with it, “Yeah that’s right. That’s how we roll in the Bronx!”

Author's Note

• Time spent researching different types of apple and seed based soaps: 30 minutes
• Time spent re-watching the Babs episodes: less than one hour
• Time spent re-reading the Apple family chapters from the original story: about 30 minutes
• Time spent dreading that I had to throw out the original ending because it involved the Sitter babysitting the bullies and blackmailing them not to pick on Babs with embarrassing photos of them when they were foals because it goes against my nature: one second.
• Time spent writing an alternative that was heartwarming and good-natured: Two Whole Hours!
• Time spent proud that we helped Babs in the end: FOREVER
There are some things that are timeless, for everything else, there’s the Sitter’s time machine.

Prince Sombra

You haven’t even started the bath yet, and already you are busy looking for Prince Sombra. You thought it was best not to fill the tub until you found him, considering that the crystal palace was enormous and you were sure that the bath would be freezing cold by the time you found him otherwise.

The good news was that one of the palace staff told you where to find him, but the bad news was that he would likely be in his playroom, at the top of the stairs. Thankfully back in those days, there was a door in the throne room that lead straight to the stair case on the 90th floor, but that still left about ten flights worth of stairs to go.

You made your way to this section of the seemingly never-ending white spiral staircase. Now all you had to do was go to the top, get a super powerful unicorn who hates bathing, go back down the stairs to the secret door, and then go give Sombra his bath, oh and you need to be quick about it because bedtime is approaching. You’re glad you don’t have to go the long way like Twilight, but this was still outside you’re normal job description.

After climbing high enough that you could see the top (and catching your breath), a young foal Sombra appeared at the top of the stairs, curious to see who had come to see him. You tell Sombra that it’s time for a bath now, to which Sombra, even as young as he was, responded, “No bath.” Now it wasn’t the words that were funny, it was his voice. Sombra’s deep tone hadn’t come in yet, and his voice was squeakier than Pinkie Pie’s after breathing helium. You would have laughed if you weren’t busy catching your breath.

“Look Sombra, you have to get a bath.” Sombra put on his sternest look, and summoned all his magic at once. You couldn’t believe that he had all that magic even as a foal. You thought now would be a very good time to run.

But you never got a chance as Sombra summoned an avalanche of Slinkys to chase you down the stairs. When you saw what was happening, you deadpanned, “Seriously Sombra?” Sombra held his head high and proud, “A spwing a spwing a marevelous thing, everypony knows it’s a Slinky.”

That innocence coupled with his squeaky voice and baby talk was just too adorable for words. You made your way up the stairs and made it to his play room and retrieved him before heading back down to the bathroom. Some of the servants there offered to give Sombra a traditional crystal mud bath before you washed him in a proper crystal bath. You said it was fine with you if Sombra didn’t mind.

The servants then drew Sombra’s attention to the green crystal mud bath, hoping he would approve. Sombra made his way over and tested the strange substance with a hoof. Sombra quickly found that he hated whatever this stuff was, and regarded it in disgust, “Gak!” The servants shrugged it off and left you alone to bath Sombra. Thankfully they had drawn the bath for you in the meantime so you could get straight to work.

As before with Cadence, this was a crystal bath, so you got out the crystal shampoo and began working it into his mane. You’re still not used to using the sugary crystal shampoo, so you take your time. It takes over a minute to finish lathering his black mane, mostly because you are being cautious.

In addition to not having his deep voice yet, he also doesn’t have his dark magic eyes, and his eyes are the sparkling emerald eyes of a crystal pony. You sit back for a moment to mentally record this moment, of seeing Sombra with sparkly innocent eyes, and white bubbly mane, and a squeaky little voice.

Sombra gives you a cute impatient look and you decide it’s time to rinse. You get out the sapphire rinsing dish and have Sombra tilt his head back. Since the crystal soap is so grainy, now more than ever you want to avoid getting it in his eyes. You then scoop up the warm water, laden with opal-like bubbles, and pour it over his mane. After more than a dozen rinses, you are absolutely sure his mane is washed.

It took longer than normal because apparently, Sombra climbed all those stairs by himself, everyday, so he was quite sweaty when you put him in the bath. A blackish murky mist now surrounds him in the tub.

With the crystal shampoo taking effect, Sombra’s mane was now like shiny crystalline onyx, which would have made him majestic if he wasn’t so cute. You now move on to wash his tail, and ask him to raise it up for you. Sombra does so without complaint, and that is when you notice something. Sombra already has his cutie mark: a white spiral staircase. No wonder he always wore his robes in public later on, hard to be afraid of that.

You decide to think about it later, and begin scrubbing his tail. You work a little faster this time, and notice just how soft Sombra’s mane and tail are. After a minute of scrubbing, you are ready to rinse, which only takes eight rinses this time, and Sombra’s tail is shiny crystalline onyx just like his mane.

With the bath finished, you lift Sombra out and onto the bath mat. You don’t really like the towels they’ve provided you, they’re just not soft enough, so you dry Sombra slowly and gently. When you are done, Sombra’s mane and tail look like they have hardened into real onyx and it seem surreal to see it move. Sombra just shrugs, the whole crystal look never really appealed to him.

You check your phone for the time, “Well, that was fast. It’s not even close to bedtime yet. I assume you want to play some more?” Sombra smiled ear to ear, and ran towards the door, but stopped to motion you to follow him. “You want me to play with you? Ok.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You weren’t sure about this anymore, “There is no possible way this is safe.” One of the servants had just finished strapping Sombra into his protective gear, and the emotionlessly handed you a helmet. The attendant spoke to you in a very proper and emotionless tone, “Don’t worry, it’s magic. The young prince does this often.” That didn’t make you feel better.

Sombra then got on his sled at the top of the stairs, a fearless look burning in his cute little emerald eyes. The attendant then put you on the sled. “Um, you know, I changed my mind. I think I’ll just AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!"

Author's Note

Sombra is lame they said.

Sombra can't be cute they said.

You can't give a guy like Sombra the "I have faith that everyone has some good in them" treatment like you do for everypony else they said.

Challenge accepted I said.

This is what happens if you spend enough time on Deviantart.

Bon Bon

"Oh! Now it makes sense." You had just finished talking with Bon Bon's parents. Apparently, her mother was from the Apple Family, and had married a stallion candy maker. That seemed to explain why she showed up at so many of the Apple family get togethers.

You wave them goodbye and assure them that you'll take care of everything. It's starting to get late now so you head upstairs to prepare the bath for tonight. You apply the bubblebath formula to the tub as you turn on the hot water. Once the bubbles start to form, you adjust the temperature until it's just right.

Once the bath is ready, you set out to find the young filly. Although Bon Bon is no longer where you left her, you can hear the sound of tiny hooves scampering away. You turn you head just in time to see a pink and teal marbled tail swish around the corner.

You could see that this wasn't going to be easy, but at least it would be cute. You follow the young bath hating pony into the kitchen and look around. You look under the table and all the other obvious places, but there is no sign of Bon Bon, until you notice that one of the lower cabinets is slightly open.

You kneel down in front of the door and open it. Inside there is a mixing bowl that is turned over. You raise the bowl up to reveal a little cream colored filly hiding. Bon Bon puts on a perfect poker face, and gently reaches up to pull the bowl back down. Maybe you didn't see her.

You Daww at how cute that was and gently pull Bon Bon out from under there. She looks up at you in disappointment, but concedes defeat. You carry her to the bathroom and place her in the tub before going back to close the door. With all preparations complete, you assume your regular spot on the mat.

You open your travel bag and get out rocks, wait what? "I didn't put those in my bag!" you say aloud to yourself. You look back to Bon Bon, whom appears to be saying, "Suprise!" in baby talk. You remove the rocks from your bag and get your real supplies out, ready to begin.

You grab the shampoo, deciding to use candied apple scented today, and begin working it into her marbled mane. You initially try to wash the colors separately, but find that there is no difference in the two hair colors other than the color itself. Both are as smooth as silk and as soft as cotton.

You now prepare for the rinsing, and scoop up the warm water. As you pour it over her head, she giggles a little. This makes you want to giggle, but you can't risk accidentally getting soapy water in her eyes. It takes you seven rinses before her hair is totally clean, and smells like sugar and apples.

You now ask her sweetly to lift up her tail so that you can wash it. Although she doesn't yet understand your words, she seems to comprehend that it's now time for her tail to be washed, so she lifts it for you. You thank her and squirt another handful of candied apple shampoo into your hand.

You begin scrubbing the tail, which you now notice is relatively long for a filly. It takes you over a minute to thoroughly scrub all of it. You move on to the rinse cycle, which takes ten scoops to fully remove all the suds.

You get some bath toys for her like you do for every foal you wash. Bon Bon briefly looks them over, but decides she would rather play with her dolls once the bath is over. She can't convey this to you, but you can tell that she doesn't want to play with the bath toys, so you put them away.

Finally, you reach over into the tub and pull out the stopper. Bon Bon lifts herself up on her two hind legs so that you can easily pick her up, which you do with a heartfelt laugh. You place her on the bath mat and dry her off. It takes about half a minute but Bon Bon is totally dry at the end, and smells more like sugar than apples.

She immediately runs over to the door, ready to go back to playing. You get up and open the door for her to go, which she wastes no time with. As Bon Bon runs off to her room to play, you pack up your things and clean the bathroom.

Once downstairs, you pour a glass of assorted fruit juice for both of you. You then head upstairs to find Bon Bon and tell her about it. You look for her in all the upstairs rooms, but you do not find her. You know she's still in the house somewhere, but your babysitter instincts automatically make you worry a little.

You go downstairs calling out for her, but see her sitting in her chair at the table, drinking her juice merrily. You wonder how in Equestria she got up there, but you've seen much weirder things in your time as the sitter, and more importantly are just glad that you found her so easily.

You also notice that she has a stuffed teddy bear with her that you saw advertised on Equestrian TV. They had claimed that it was, "That incredible, amazing doll" but it looked normal to you.

You take your seat at the table and drink your own glass of juice, but notice that it tastes absolutely terrible. You see what the problem is, and look over at Bon Bon accusingly, "Mine's got rocks in it."

Bon Bon doesn't take notice of you, and cutely sips the last of her juice up through the straw. She then giggles to herself. You smile, just glad taht she's so happy. "I guess I'll get both of us a new glass of juice." Bon Bon smiles, and so do you.

Author's Note

While researching, I found that Bon Bon shows up to a LOT of events that involve the Apple family. I've heard people mention this before, but I don't think she's a direct member of the Apple clan. Maybe just distantly related.

There are three references to Bon Bon speaking in this chapter.

I have become a huge Lunaverse fan, and decided I want to do all the Lunaverse versions of the Elements of Harmony: Trixie, Lyra, Carrot Top, Cherilee, Raindrops, and Ditzy Doo (Whom I consider different from Derpy, a parallel version of her in my mind). Since Trixie, Lyra, and Derpy have already been washed, I decided to wash Bon Bon in place of Lyra, and wash Ditzy Doo as well, counting her as a "new" pony. I will publish one chapter a day this week. Hence: I declare Lunaverse Week!

Carrot Top

You finish watering the carrot patch in the back yard, a young Carrot Top watching your every move. “There, that’s all we can do for them today dear” you assure her. She nods thankfully to you for watering her little section of her parent’s garden for her. It’s much easier to use a watering can if you have hands, and aren’t one foot tall.

You usher her inside after getting her to wipe her hooves off, and notice how dirty she is from gardening (which mostly involved watching and playing, but it’s the thought that counts). It’s a bit early for a bath, but you’ll make an exception this time. Carrot Top goes over to a basket of hers that is full of carrots, and you make your way up the stairs to the bathroom.

You sit by the tub waiting for it to fill. The tub is only half full when Carrot Top rounds the corner and walks up to you. You briefly notice that she is bright eyed and has the leafy part of the carrot hanging out of the side of her mouth.

“Hello sweetie, what is it?” Carrot Top looks down, then to her right, then to her left, then her cute little smile fades. This makes you feel bad, “What’s wrong?” She regards the little carrot leaves sticking out of her mouth and answers you, “I bringed you a carrot, but I think I eated it.”

“Daww! It’s ok sweetie, you tried.” This instantly restores her little smile, “I could get you anuther.” You notice out of the corner of your eye that the bath water is already as full as you normally get it, “That’s ok, it’s time for your bath now anyway.”

Carrot Top seems fine with the idea of bathing. You turn off the water and go close the door for now. You pick up Carrot Top and place her in the tub, instantly creating a muddy bath. How could such a little filly have gotten so much dirt on her? You squirt a new brand of shampoo entitled, “Golden Harvest” into your hand, and begin lathering it into her mane.

As you gently work the shampoo into her mane, the bubbles have a brown tint to them. It was a really, really good idea to give her a bath early today. After a minute of scrubbing, her mane is ready to rinse, but you don’t think it’s a good idea to wash her in murky water.

Thankfully, you still happen to have the sapphire rinsing dish from the Crystal Empire. Knowing that you will need new bath water anyway, you unplug the tub, and turn on some new, lukewarm water. You hold the rinsing dish under the faucet and pour it over her little mane.

About twelve rinses and even her dirty mane is clean. You notice that most of the dirty water is gone now, and decide to re-plug the tub, and make a mental note to rinse extra dirty ponies off before putting them in the tub from now on.

You now ask her sweetly to lift her tail, which she does. Oh boy, you have some work to do. Mud, mud everywhere. What dirt hadn’t dissolved into the water while she was sitting down had become mud when mixed with the bath water, and she had gotten VERY dirty in the garden.

You get out a brush and “comb” the mud out of her tail. You have to be extra gently so as not to tug her hair and hurt her. After about fifteen seconds you are ready to shampoo. You squirt some more Golden Harvest shampoo into your hand and scrub it into her tail. It takes another fifteen seconds to get her tail sudsy, and then you are ready to rinse. Maybe just because it worked so well the first time, you get water straight from the faucet for this.

About twelve rinses later, and her tail is clean. This would normally be the part where you would begin to end the bath, but her body is still dirty. You decide that there is no way around it, and get out your brush, ready to scrub.

You start at her head and work your way down, careful to brush all the dirt off her body. After about thirty seconds of this (due to her small size) her whole body is finally clean. You unplug the tub and wait as the water drains out. You hate that you will have to skip playtime, but you don’t want her to play in even slightly dirty water. One last time, you fill your rinsing dish from the tap and pour it over her body, rinsing her totally clean.

You pick her up and set her on the bath mat with you. You reach over and get a nice soft towel and begin drying her off. Once dry, Carrot Top’s carrot top hair is puffy and cute. With your job done, you open the door for her to go play. She smiles and hurries out the door.

You decide to stay and clean up the bathroom, maybe even clean the bath tub. It’s really not THAT dirty, but it will be a nice thing for you to do anyway. You’ve already got everything ready to start when Carrot Top runs around the corner into the room with you.

You notice that she’s bright eyed again, and has another carrot stem sticking out of her mouth. You smile ear to ear, unable to resist, “What is it Carrot Top?” She looks confused, as if it wasn’t obvious that she was giving you the… the um… well it had to be around here somewhere. She remembered having a carrot downstairs, and she also remembered having half a carrot on the way upstairs, and she… OH.

“Well?” you ask just dying to hear the cute response. “I bringed you a carrot but…” Carrot Top looks back down at the leafy green stem hanging out of her mouth. Come to think of it, that part tasted good too… “Om nom nom nom nom.”

Author's Note

Carrot Top: Lunaverse element of Generosity.

She’ll share her hard earned carrots with you, if they last that long. To be totally fair, if I had to deliver someone a chocolate bar in my mouth, they wouldn’t get it either.

Raindrops

You sit down next to the bath and turn on the hot water. As you pour the bubble-bath formula into the tub, you instinctually check the water temperature with your hand. HOT! HOLY CELESTIA’S SUN, HOT! CORONA COULDN’T HAVE MADE IT HOTTER! You quickly turn off the hot water and turn on the cold. You notice that even the cold water is warm.

You’re not sure why, so you call up the boss to find out. Apparently, it’s the same as plumbing in a regular house. If someone is running hot water elsewhere, it takes away from any hot water you’re using, and if they use cold water, it backs the heat up into the water you were running. The pegasus had the raincloud hooked up to the city, so all that cold rain backed up a lot of energy into the plumbing.

You can’t bathe anypony in this water, not until it cools. That will be a while. You decide to go back downstairs and sit with Raindrops until the bath is “ready.”

As you enter the living room, Raindrops notices you, and spreads her wings (even though she can’t fly much yet, it’s instinct) ready to avoid the bath. “It won’t be bath time for a while Raindrops, you can relax.” She is skeptical, but trusts you. Suddenly a smile comes over her face, and she offers you a place to sit next to the window. You take it, unaware of what you are about to experience.

Sometimes, you realize just how amazing your job is, not just because of who you get to meet, but also because of the things you get to see. This was definitely one of those moments. The pegasus had planned a whole week of nonstop rain, only bothering to move the raincloud a little so as not to overwater any one area. The same rainstorm that you and Cheerilee had seen days ago was now being brought back to Cloudsdale, where is was scheduled to rain until it disappeared over the fields beneath Cloudsdale. You’ve seen a lot of rainclouds before, but never from eye level, and you’ve certainly never walked on one before.

Getting to be in Cloudsdale and see the pegasus crafting the storm like musicians in a perfectly harmonized orchestra is totally one of the coolest moments of your life. You sit by the window with a young filly Raindrops, who is just as mesmerized as you are. “Wow” you chime in together. You wonder if she got her rain-drops cutie mark like this, but then realize that she couldn’t really know weather was her destiny until she had actually made the rain rather than just watching it.

You sit together like this in awe for almost half an hour before you get the feeling you forgot something. You gasp when you realize that the bath is probably ready, and run to check on it. You are amazed that even after all that time the bath is only now starting to be cool enough to give Raindrops her bath, but then again that was a lot of water pressure.

You go back to Raindrops, who has forgotten about the bath. You know you’ll hate yourself later, but you think it’s only fair not to trick her, “The bath is ready Raindrops.” She looks disappointed, then like she may fly, but just sighs and nods her head. She appreciated your honesty, score one for doing the right thing.

You take Raindrops to the tub, and set her on the rim. You want her to be the judge of whether the water is cool enough. As you return from closing the door, you see her testing it with a hoof, and she slides into the water, not making much of a splash due to pegasus being so lightweight.

You get out the shampoo, “Morning Rain” brand, and pour some into your hand. You begin lathering the shampoo into her light blue mane which is warm and strong, to provide insulation in harsh weather, but is also smooth, soft, and manageable, to provide good aerodynamics. After about twenty seconds, her mane is sudsy, and ready to rinse. You go to cup your hands, put Raindrops motions for you to stop, so you do.

You have been paying attention to her hair, and had not noticed that she had been playing with the water. There was a bubbly white thing in Raindrop’s hooves, which she proceeded to lift up out of the water, revealing that it was a cloud! You stare in disbelief, this foal, who can barely even speak yet, just turned tub water into a raincloud with her hooves. You didn’t even know they could do that.

She fluffed it like it was a pillow, and suspended it over her head. She then reached up into it, and it began to rain. The warm bath water rain washed her hair out in seconds, you hadn’t noticed that she had used half the bath water to make it until it all rained back into the tub. You were worried that the suds or water might have gotten in her eyes, put her pegasus aerodynamics made sure the water always flowed off properly like water off a ducks back.

Here you thought you had to be perfect or it would get in her eyes, well played mother nature, well played. You ask her to lift her tail up, which she does. Raindrops also has a fairly long tail, so it takes you half a minute to fully lather it. Once the tail is lathered, Raindrops sits down and spins around, effectively rinsing her own tail.

You are fine with this, partly because her back is now facing you and you can wash her wings. You ready the wing shampoo, and carefully begin working it into her wings. All the preening tips and skills you have picked up pay off, because it takes less than a minute per wing before both are sudsy, preened, and effectively massaged. You wonder what a professional wing-care service would charge.

Raindrops has spent this time making the whole bath into a cute little black raincloud no bigger than her, which she places above herself and makes rain to wash her wings. You can’t help but guess this is how grow pegasus get showers, but what do they do when the rain runs out? Raindrops hums to herself as she rains her wings out, and when the “rain-pressure” gets low, she thoughtlessly scoops up all the water in the tub into a ball and adds it back to the cloud, resuming her humming. “Good thing they can’t all do this or I’d be out of a job.”

With her wings cleaned, Raindrops pokes a hoof into the cloud, causing it to melt into water which sloshes in the tub. Having been outdone by a foal, you pick her up and put her on the mat to dry her. It only takes about fifteen seconds because of how aerodynamic and aquadynamic she is. You smile at the sight of her little yellow wings ruffled like a ducklings down feathers.

You open the door to let her out, which she accepts. These foals, they never cease to amaze you.

Author's Note

Raindrops: Lunaverse Element of Honesty

Equestrian Cloud physics presented above: now totally canon. Some ponies are hard to write for, but this was easy, and I deeply enjoyed writing this, it made my week.

Alas, filly Raindrops is so cute. If only I could draw, but I can't even do stick figures. And I can't write Bathtime for OCs until I get some new cover art. I'm trying to find someone who can draw, no luck so far. I have some good friends, but none of them are artists. Sigh, back to begging on Deviantart.

Ditzy Doo

You are on the phone with Twilight. She has no phone, put can magically hear and speak to you, and your phone receives it, despite being in different times and dimensions, all thanks to your phone. Isn’t your boss’s magic great? Twilight continues, “Now remember, that bubblebath formula I magically made for you is extremely potent, one drop should be more than enough for one bath. Don’t even think about using it as shampoo or something. Remember: one drop in the tub before the bath starts, that’s all!”

“Don’t worry Twilight, I’ll remember” you assure her. You speak casually for a few more minutes, but you both have work to get back to, and so the call ends. You hold in your left hand the magic bubblebath from Twilight, while with the other hand you turn on the bath water. You now apply a single drop, which has an ethereal flowing sapphire appearance. It instantly dissolves into the bathwater, causing it to become like a deep cerulean nebula, tiny bubbles appearing like stars in the night sky. You look back to the bottle, which almost appears to be made of the same material but solid, in awe. “Got to hand it to Twilight, this stuff is powerful.”

Over a minute later, the bath is ready, and the tiny bubbles have become full sized sudsy bubbles filling the tub. Now you need to go find Ditzy Doo. It’s still hard for you to not consider her and Derpy to be the same pony, but that’s dimension travel for you, what are you going to do?

You walk to the living room to find Ditzy standing on a chair, forcing both of her eyes to stare at the couch propped against the opposing wall with all her focus. She flaps her wings in practice a few times, and you realize she wants to fly. You say nothing, not wanting to disturb her. Finally, she pounces into the air! She flaps her little wings furiously at first, but then steadies them, trying to glide. Overall, her attempted flight goes rather well, but she misses the couch completely.

You rush in to make sure she’s ok. She is, but her spirit is hurt a little. Being cross-eyed made learning to walk hard for her, but try flying that way, it was just so hard. She gently bites her lower lip, which is so sad it makes you do the same. “Don’t worry Ditzy, we’ll have muffins after your bath. Ok?”

She nods, not really interested in the muffins or the bath. You didn’t realize it was so serious that it overshadowed both her hatred of bathing and (more impossibly) love of muffins. You pick her up and carry her to the tub. You don’t even close the door, you know how much she hates baths and how bad she feels, so you want to hurry and get to those muffins.

You get out the shampoo and pour some into your hand, and begin lathering it into her mane. You feel so bad seeing her sad. You suddenly remember that Derpy was always ticklish behind the ears. Your hopes that ticklish spots held constant across split realities proved to be correct, and you intentionally wash those spots more than they needed. This provokes rolling, heartwarming giggles from the young filly, and makes your whole world seem brighter and warmer. Oh yeah, and her mane is fully soapy now.

Seeing that her mane is sudsy now, you scoop up some of the bath water, which you have to move bubbles aside to get to. Maybe Twilight overdid it with the bubblebath formula. Ditzy seems to like the bubbles though, so you don’t mind. You pour the warm water over her little mane, and after repeating this for a total of seven times, her beautiful blond mane is clean.

She seems happy about this, and you are immensely glad that the overall mood has improved. You decide to move on to the tail. You sweetly ask Ditzy to raise her tail for you, which she does. You pick the shampoo up again and get yourself another handful. As you turn back to wash her tail, you notice that she sat down already, so you ask her to raise it again. You begin lathering the tail, when you remember that you had this problem with Derpy as well, what are the chances of that? Probably really high actually, you realize, and decide to quickly (but gently) finish the tail before she sits down again.

Lastly, it’s time to wash her wings. You switch out the regular shampoo for the wing shampoo, and begin working it into Ditzy’s little grey wings. You are a little surprised that her wings are as strong as they are. Sure they may not be as strong as Rainbow’s or the Wonderbolts, but they were stronger than a normal filly’s. You realized that she had been trying really hard to fly. After about a minute per wing, her little wings are ready to rinse. After about seven rinses to each wing, she is finally clean.

You now reach to get her some toys to play with, and notice that there is no towel to dry her with. You must have forgotten about it in your hurry. You hand Ditzy the toys and leave to go get one, noticing that she is playing happily with the toys.

Ditzy looks over to notice a lone bubble on the cap of a pretty blue bottle next to your travel kit. It was so pretty, and it made bubbles! Good thing the bottle was full, cause if one drop could make all these bubbles, then the whole bottle…

You make your way back towards the bathroom with a towel, when you hear a “pop” sound, it’s not very loud, but you are surprised the sound carried that far. You then hear a sound like boiling, but gentler. You run to the bathroom door, and stare in disbelief. Bubbles are everywhere, a wave of them cascades over you and would have flattened you if they weren’t just bubbles. Note to self: tell Twilight that the bubblebath formula works great, but may be too potent.

Suddenly a grey pegasus filly in a bubble floats by, and out of courtesy, waves to you. You wonder if it’s even physically possible for a bubble to do that, but your foalsitter instincts tell you the foal is floating away and that you need to act!

Ditzy is having fun, but realizes that she has no steering in this thing. She almost panics when she realizes that, but then notices something: the bubbles are all flying perfectly. They don’t have to look where they are going, they just feel the air currents, and sail gracefully. Pegasus instinct kicks in, and Ditzy has a true eureka moment.

Ditzy’s bubble pops, but she does not fall. She closes her eyes, and feeling the gentle current of the bubbles, sails it. Your jaw metaphorically hits the ground, and you stare in awe. She’s doing it! She’s really flying! She circles back around, and slowly opening her eyes, wobbles through the air to you.

She looks up at you, her expression screaming what her voice cannot, “DID YOU SEE!” You smile, “Yeah I saw, my favorite part was the cutie mark.” She looks confused, she doesn’t have a… SHE DOES! She bursts out into heartfelt giggles, hiccups out a bubble, and bursts into more heartfelt giggles.

You both laugh as millions of bubbles rain down twinkling like stars all around you.

Author's Note

Ditzy Doo: Lunaverse Element of Kindness

Yes, I know Derps already washed Derpy, but ask yourself: would you rather I not have written this? This may well be my masterpiece.

The part in italics is such because this is a second person story, it's from your perspective. You were not in the room at the time, hence it couldn't have been yours, or even shared by you, not even partly like the rest was.

Pipsqueak (Semi-Co-op with Princess Luna)

You are really worried. Ever since you got this job, you have encountered many ponies that hated taking baths, but never this much. Young Pipsqueak hated baths to the point that you almost wanted to let him avoid them, almost. You had to think of something, but what?

Suddenly you hear a loud knocking on the door. You have no idea who would be stopping by at this hour. At the door, you are pleased to see that Princess Luna has stopped by. You open the door for her and a heartfelt reunion ensues. “It’s so good to see you Luna,” you say once the greetings are out of the way. “Verily, tis a pleasure to be reacquainted after so long sitter,” Luna responds in her proper Canterlot accent. You laugh, glad she’s not using the full royal Canterlot voice.

“There’s no need to be formal with me Luna. This isn’t my house, but I’m sure you’d be welcome.” Luna enters the house, “Bless the sitter, tis heartwarming to see an old face again after so much time.” You realize that from her perspective of time, a really long time has passed. She has just gotten out of the moon. She must want to see an old face in addition to Celestia’s. You can’t help her catch up on what’s been happening the last thousand years, but you can assure her that from what you’ve seen, Ponykind is faring well.

You sit in the kitchen having tea, one of her favorites. You try to comfort her, but inevitably the conversation turns to your life, and eventually the young foal you are currently taking care of. “We see. T’would seem young Pipsqueak is afflicted with fear more so than simple distain. Thou must make haste to correct this sitter, lest the young one suffer it indefinitely.” Well when she says it like that, it’s hard not to worry. Something about that accent made everything seem so dire.

“I’m trying Luna, but what am I supposed to do?” Luna ponders for a moment. “The Elements of Harmony serve to remind us what we need most and how to defeat the troubles of our hearts. Perhaps thou should try the Elements of kindness and laughter, thus dispelling the troubles of his young heart.” You take a moment to mentally translate that into English, “So… make bathtime fun?” Luna nods with authority, “Verily.”

You think carefully, “Well… he likes pirates.” Luna doesn’t understand, “Why would one so innocent set their admiration upon such rogues? Is it noble to steal and ruin? Tis..”

You cut her off, “No no no, you don’t understand. Equestria doesn’t have pirates anymore. It’s sort of… Lore. Yeah, the love of things from the past that you never got to see. That sort of thing.” Luna smiles at the idea of the young generation loving things from a long ago time, for what are obvious reasons. “We do not fully understand ye, but we concur. We shall aid thee in thy quest to banish young Pipsqueak’s fears.”

“WE SHALL ...!

You quickly silence her, “Pipsqueak’s napping right now. The royal Canterlot voice would scare a foal anyway.” You try to be kind but stern with Luna, being a foalsitter can do that for you.” Luna nods in understanding. “Verily, you have our gratitude sitter. But we shall aid thee nonetheless.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You finish filling up the tub, hoping this would work. You go to Pipsqueak’s room and see the young one, who seems bored. “Yarragh! Yo-ho me hearty, there be adventure on the horizon! We aught be setten’ sail befur the tide goes out!” This would be embarrassing for you if it wasn’t so much fun.

Pipsqueak is staring at you in wonder, not really knowing what to do, but is clearly interested. “I’ll not lie to ye matey, before we go adventurin', ye be needed a bath me hearty.” Pipsqueak instantly gasps and rolls under the bed. “Don’t be scared matey, we pirates sail the seven seas. Could we do that if we were afraid of getting a bath?” Pipsqueak sticks his little head out. He hadn’t thought of that.

You speak sweetly for a change, “It’s ok to be afraid Pipsqueak, but everypony has to face their fears to live their dreams.” Pipsqueak gulps, symbolically putting his fear aside, and follows you.

Upon reaching the bath, you decide to leave the door open, so as not to make him feel trapped. You then place him in the bath very gently. “Now then me hearty, the first thing any pirate needs is his trusty bandana. But ye need yer hair washed first so it wouldn’t be gettin' dirty. Savvy?”

Pipsqueak seemed to think that made sense, so you started to scrub the shampoo into his little brown mane. After about fifteen seconds you were ready to rinse his mane out, but he was worried some would get in his eyes, even though you never had. Good thing you had a plan, “Don’t worry matey, I got ye an eyepatch, it’s fur keepin’ soap out of yer aye!” You give Pipsqueak the eyepatch, which he loves.

After eight rinses, his mane is clean. You give him the bandana, and put it around his clean mane. You now ask him to raise his tail for you, but he does nothing. You sigh, “I mean, Yargh! Ye need ta raise yer tail matey.” With a smile, he does. Since his tail is so small, it only takes a moment to finish. You scoop up some water and only five rinses later, it’s clean.

It’s now time to play. You get out a toy pirate ship and give it to Pipsqueak. “Ye-er finally gettin’ yer ship matey, now set sail!” You look disappointed. You look up at the vent for the exhaust fan. “I SAID, NOW SET SAIL!” Luna, who has been listening through the vent, is a bit distracted, “Tis inaccurate. Truly pirates were generally poorly literate and had appalling enunciation, but few spoke exactly like… “I SAID, NOW SET SAIL.” That snaps Luna back to reality. Using her magic, she makes the bath water gently churn, having a bit of a tide and the suds become sea foam. Pipsqueak loves it, and all manner of pirate play ensues.

Pipsqueak is so disappointed five minutes later when the bath has to end. You get him out and dry him off. Pipsqueak reaches up, begging for his little boat, which you give him. You look up at the ceiling, “Thanks Luna.” Luna materializes, “Think nothing of it, sitter. Twas wonderful. We really must meet more often.” You agree, “I’ll look forward to it. I have to go; I have to read Pipsqueak Goodnight Luna.” Luna blushes, so happy at your little act of kindness to both of them.

That night, you would read Pipsqueak Goodnight Luna, and the next day, he was the one that drew the bath, wanting to play again.

Author's Note

Cheers to Luna, for helping others overcome fear, and to Pipsqueak, for overcoming his.

After Lunaverse week, I figured the best way to follow up would be with a chapter with Luna in it. For more cuteness, you should see the story, "My Mother Moves the Moon!" The address is at the bottom, yes I asked for permission.

Yargh! Do Yee have any idear ow ard it be fur a guy who already has trouble wiv English to write like dis? Verily! Tis toil well past a man's merit, t'was many a fortnight under waning moonlight spent in wonderment afore I could hence publish unto thee.

http://www.fimfiction.net/story/73524/my-mother-moves-the-moon

Redheart

You finish filling up the tub with warm sudsy water. Normally you would call for Redheart now, but decide to go get her instead. This isn’t because she wouldn’t come if you called her, but because you don’t want her to have to walk. You return downstairs to see Redheart snuggled up on the sofa, asleep in her little sitting position. Her light blue eyes are closed, and her ears are occasionally gently twitching slightly. You mentally savor this cute little moment, but it’s bath time.

You kneel next to her before gently waking her up. Her light blue eyes open and look up at you as a warm little smile forms. “Hey there sweetie. Sorry to wake you up, but it’s bath time.” She nods, and stands up on her two hind feet as well as her left front leg. The reason for this is the same reason you didn’t want her to walk; her right leg is bandaged up around her knee. As is natural for a pony, she tucks it up against herself with a little limp.

You’re not sure what the opposite of “Daww” is, but this is it. You weren’t given all the details, but you were told she hurt it while playing. She wasn’t badly hurt, but she wouldn’t be able to stand on it for a while. Your boss and you agreed to put everything else on hold and devote all your time to taking care of her until she’s better. Her parents were very grateful for the full time assistance, and you couldn’t say no to helping a hurt pony.

You gently pick her up and tuck her into your arms so that her right front leg can hang over the side, and carry her to the tub. You set her in the tub and have her put her front right hoof on a towel that you have draped over the side of the tub. The towel is getting wet on the side draping into the tub, but it was never intended to be a drying towel anyway.

You close the door and assume your spot on the mat. “Are you comfy?” She nods, “Do you need anything?” She shakes her head for no. You wanted to make sure that everything was perfect, this filly would grow up to take care of countless others; you just couldn’t let her down.

You get out the shampoo, and begin lathering it into her mane. Normally she kept her hair up, but having let her hair down for the bath you notice just how much she has. Still, it is only medium long, so you are able to get it all lathered in only twenty seconds.

Once her mane is fully lathered you ask her to tilt her head back so that you can wash out her mane without getting any suds in her eyes. About seven rinses later and her light pink mane is clean.

Now comes the tricky part. You need her to lift her tail so that you can wash it. But you don’t want to ask her to stand on her hurt leg. As you mentally begin planning how you’re going to wash her tail with her not standing, a look of understanding comes over Redheart’s face. She smiles appreciatively, and eases her way down into the tub. You try to stop her, but she has already limped into position. You don’t like this setup, but she smiles at you, trying to convince you it’s fine.

Not wanting to waste time, you begin lathering her tail. Her tail is even longer than her mane, but since she’s just a little filly, it still only takes about twenty five seconds. You then cup your hands and scoop up a handful of warm water from the tub. You quickly pour it over her tail, and after repeating this seven more times, her tail is clean.

You would normally have given her toys, but that would be insensitive since she can’t play with them right now. You decide to make up for it by spending extra time with her later.

With the bath finally over, you pick her up and set her on the mat beside you. You try to work out drying her without asking her to stand, but despite your wishes, she is standing. Her leg may be hurt, but her smile is warm and deep and genuine. You begin drying her off, and before long you have her lower half dry. This allows her to sit on her hind legs, thus allowing both of you to relax and finish the drying.

You decide to re-bandage her leg. You ask her to hold it out if she can, which she does. You slowly unwrap it and are glad to see that it looks better than the last time you did this. “Well… it looks a lot better dear… it should be better in a week or so.”

She has a strong spirit, but is glad to hear that she’ll soon have a strong leg to match. You disinfect the wound, which stings a little. Redheart whimpers a little. Thankfully this is over in a few moments. You check to see if she’s alright, and she nods, trying to tell you that she is. She seemed to be able to bear it, but your heart couldn’t take another whimper.

You rub some medicinal ointment on her knee before wrapping it in clean bandages. Satisfied that your work here is done, you pack up your bath bag and get ready to carry her to bed. “Kiss it make it bed-er” you hear pleading from behind you. You turn around to see her leaning up towards you pleadingly.

“Oh, of course I will dear.” As you pick her up into your arms, you start to kiss the wound like she asked you. You are surprised when she gives you one on the forehead. You reflexively pull back in surprise, and look back at her. She smiles at you, “You seemed worried. I not want you to feel bad. I kiss it, make it bed-er!”

You hold back the flood of feels boiling inside you at the moment. Even at her young age, even hurt, she was looking out for others. You kiss her knee causing her to giggle. You both break down laughing, both glad that someone is looking out for you.

Author's Note

This Memorial Day, I wanted to do something special. Regardless of nationality or race, space or time, we all live the way we do thanks to the sacrifices of others who have fought for us. This means our soldiers obviously, but our doctors as well, and everyone who has ever made any level of sacrifices for others. They are all overworked, and all undervalued. So this memorial day, I implore you: remember those who have died for you, and appreciate those that still live for you. A toast: to all the real heroes in the world, thank you all.

Lotus and Aloe

Your boss had assured you multiple times that this was just a regular job, no different than any other. For you however, this was the ultimate test, the ultimate bath! Well, maybe not that serious, but you wanted it to be perfect, even if you were the only one who fully appreciated it. The prospect of bathing the ponies that ran a spa, of pampering the future masters of pampering; there was just a glory to it that only you could fully appreciate. It is time to give the spa treatment to the spa masters!

You are a little disappointed that the tub is completely normal and not spa style, but it seemed that they lived in a totally normal house. It was already past the time that you would normally have given them their baths, but you were waiting as long as possible. Vera was coming over for a week-long visit, and you wanted to include her. You check the time again, and with a sigh, you have to acknowledge that it’s time for the bath.

You search the house for the twins, Aloe and Lotus, and finally find them in the kitchen. You immediately notice that Lotus has gotten into a box of seaweed that you had bought, happily nibbling away. “Dear that’s seaweed wrap. It's not for eati…” You notice that it’s all gone, and just give up mid-sentence. Oh well, it’s not like you know how to do a proper seaweed wrap like they would someday anyway, and based on that display, they would just eat it then anyway.

“Oh well, at least you’re well feed. Um, where’s your sister?” On cue, the brown paper bag you brought your groceries in falls over. You walk over to the kitchen table to see the little pink filly how found the cucumbers that the spa had recommended for a mud mask. The now empty box they came in was now being worn like a little hat over her blue mane.

You’re not sure what’s cuter, the fact that she fit in the grocery bag or the fact that the box was too big for a hat and was slipping over her face. “Why are you two never this easy to feed when I’m trying? Oh well, It’s bathtime anyway.” Lotus seems thrilled at the idea, but Aloe gasped.

Aloe began looking around for someplace to hide, and suddenly got (in her mind) a brilliant idea. She pulled her little hat forward and it fell over her eyes. Now that she couldn’t see you, you must not be able to see her! It was the perfect disguise.

You laugh at the little display, and scoop her up in your right arm. You now turn back to Lotus, who is still very obedient. “Well little lady, would you like to walk on your own or carri…” you never got to finish that sentence either. She reached up her little hooves, asking to be carried.

You make your way to the tub. Lotus like riding like this, the view is much better when it’s not from one foot off the ground. Aloe on the other hand is having none of this, and is trying to get loose. You place both of them in the tub and go to close the door. As you go to take your place on the mat, Aloe tries to climb out of the tub, but Lotus pulls her back in for you.

Though not her original intent, now that Lotus has her sister, she decides to let it become a full hug and snuggles up to her with a little cooing sound. This all embarrasses Aloe, so as much as you want to comment, you keep your dawws to yourself.

Since she is cooperative, you start with Lotus. After squirting some white lotus scented shampoo into your hand, you begin massaging it into Lotus’s scalp as best you can. She closes her eyes and savors it, and you are glad to finally bathe a pony that really wanted it. Her pink mane is sudsy after only twenty seconds, but since she enjoys it, you continue for forty.

You now get out your crystal rinsing dish, feeling this is something of an occasion, and use it to ladle water over her mane. Ten rinses later, her pink mane is clean. You now turn to Aloe, who is still pouting.

You get another handful of shampoo and begin massaging her mane exactly like you did Lotus’s. Despite all her fussing, she really likes it, and begins giggling warmly. This makes both you and Lotus giggle.

After another forty seconds, you scoop up some more warm water and pour it over her little mane. Ten rinses later and her mane matches her sister’s (except for the color obviously).

You now ask Aloe to lift her tail so you can wash it. She opens one eye to regard you, and after taking a moment to consider it, she does. You thank her, and begin lathering the tail. After thirty seconds, you have combed the shampoo down her tail until it gently dissolved into suds. You get the rinsing dish, put she has sat down, and rather than shaking like you expected, she scoots her way around her sister, giggling all the way.

After you stop laughing, and wondering where that unlimited energy came from, you ask Lotus to do the same. She slowly lifts her tail for you. You again begin brushing the shampoo into her tail until it is ready for rinsing half a minute later. Lotus waits for you to rinse her tail, and in eight rinses her tail is clean. She smiles and resumes sitting.

You give the two sisters some toys to play with, and each begins to play. Lotus has a toy boat and the rubber duck, and is making them have a tea party. As if it wasn’t cute enough, she is humming something like, “lalala-lala-lala” You smile warmly.

Aloe also has a boat, but also the seapony toy. Aloe holds the seapony is underwater, and slowly makes it creep up on the boat. Finally, after wiggling her own tail in suspenseful anticipation, she pounces! It still amazes you that little foals already understand the concept of monsters so well.

Aloe then notices her sister’s “tea party”. Lotus and you both realize a moment too late that the monster has found some new prey. Aloe tries to make the seapony ponce the other toys, but because she is so far away, she pounces, sending water everywhere.

Both Lotus and you are now soaked and shocked. Aloe realizes that she may have went too far, and puts her toy aside, clearly sorry. Lotus and you exchange a look, and decide it was pretty funny after all. You all laugh together.

You take the sisters out of the bath and dry them off. Lotus folds her towel and drapes it over her shoulders. Aloe ties hers into a cape and sticks one hoof out front, pretending to fly with a little whooshing sound. You smile at both, and carry them both to the living room.

You arrive just in time to see that Vera’s parents have brought her over. Upon seeing their cousin, Lotus runs over and pulls her into a hug. Aloe, noticing this decides to complete the dogpile, and pounces the over two with the force of a pouncing kitten.

You and the other adults daww at the sight, and you assure them that you’ll take care of everything. You look forward to seeing how Vera plays into the sister’s yin and yang vibe.

Flim and Flam

You finish filling the tub, ready for today’s bath. You make your way to the living room and are once again amazed at what you see. Flim and Flam are using magic to make toy cars race each other around in a circle. Flim, being the younger of the two, is just barely able to make his car move, yet his car is winning the race. You take a seat between them, “You’re a good brother to let his car win you know”, you tell Flam so that his brother doesn’t hear. Flam is a year and a half older, but still technically a foal like his brother.

Flam smiles, glad you think he’s a good brother. You smile and lean back to watch the race, “I’ll let you finish the race, but then it’s bath time.” Both cars stop in the tracks. The brothers’ ears drop and their eyes bulge. You realize too late what’s about to happen and both brothers race off in opposite directions. You lunge to your right grabbing Flam, knowing that he would be the harder to catch. You luckily manage to catch him on your first try.

You both turn the focus of your attentions to Flim, who is standing in the doorway looking to see if Flam got away. Flam is just old enough to talk a little now, and yells to his brother, “Sabe yurself! RUN!” Flim doesn’t need to be told twice. You hurry to your feet and give chase. Flim manages to stay several steps ahead of you. You decide to turn around and head him off as he circles through the house, but Flam yells ahead warning him. You look at Flam with an expression that asks, “Seriously?” Flam smiles a guilty smile, admitting that he’s just having fun.

You sigh, realizing this is getting you nowhere, “You know we can have cider after the bath.” You feel a tug on the rim of your pants and look down to see Flim sitting there waiting for some cider. Well, that worked great! You scoop up Flim and make your way to the tub.

You set the foals in the tub and go back to close the door. With everything ready you take your seat on the mat, ready to begin. You decide to start with Flam since he is older, and get out your apple gel shampoo. You begin scrubbing it into his mane gently until it becomes a fine lather. After about twenty seconds of this, Flam’s mane is ready to be rinsed. You scoop up some water and pour it over the sudsy mane seven times until it is clean.

With Flam’s mane clean, you get another handful of apple gel shampoo and begin to lather Flim’s mane, but Flim doesn’t let you. After slowly and carefully trying to convince him for about a minute, you sigh in defeat. You look to Flam for help, knowing he’s the only one that can convince his brother. Flam meets your pleading gaze for a moment and realizes you’re right so he sticks out his hoof, asking for some shampoo.

You give him some and he manages to get Flim to let him shampoo his mane. Flim doesn’t like it and Flam’s not good at lathering with his hooves at all, but Flim trusts his brother completely, an advantage you don’t have. This takes half a minute and still isn’t done. Thankfully, now that Flim isn’t scared of the shampoo anymore, you take over and finish lathering his mane in mere moments.

After seven rinses both brothers have clean manes. Deciding to move on to the tails, you get another handful of apple gel shampoo. Flam stands up first, and it only takes about twenty seconds before his tail is clean. You cup your hands and scoop up some water to rinse with, but Flam has already sat down and is effectively rinsing his own tail. You release the water you are holding and get out the last bit of shampoo you will be need for this bath, which happens to be all that is left in the bottle.

Flim’s tail also only takes twenty seconds to wash just like his brother’s, and just like his brother, he sits down to his rinse his own tail, probably because that’s the way his role model of a brother did it.

With the bath over, you give them some toys to play with. The boats, duck, and seapony are all present, but you also picked up a toy turtle the last time you shopped for more shampoo and supplies. The brothers both take a boat and begin playing. Flam has a little red boat and Flim has a boat that is identical, but green.

Flam drives his little boat around exploring, but Flim is content just to follow his big brother around. You are suddenly overcome with a strange since that you have seen this before somewhere. You think about it for a moment, but aren’t sure why this seems familiar.

Flam decides to steer the boat back towards the other end of the tub where the other toys are waiting. At the extreme end of the tub under the faucet is the seapony and both brothers decide to send the boats that way, but due to their splashing around, the turtle floats into the middle of the path, preventing them from advancing. The brothers know they will have to defeat the evil turtle king to save the seapony. Why does this sound so familiar?

The brothers work together, magically moving their boats across the tub. Flim’s little green boat lags just a little behind due to having weaker magic at this point, so the little red boat takes the lead. They finally make it to the evil king turtle. You pick the duck out of the tub altogether since it’s been forgotten. You’re not sure what this reminds you off.

After both brothers try running their boats into the turtle to defeat it, to no avail, the little red boat hops up onto the turtle, knocking it into the nearby hazard of suds. With the path cleared, the boats save the seapony. Both brothers cheer, but you’re not convinced that they didn’t have more fun fighting the turtle than actually saving the seapony.

You unplug the tub and get Flam out to dry him. After about twenty seconds, Flam is dry. You reach into the tub to find Flim is mesmerized by the water going out of the tub, Flam looks and agrees that it seems fun. After twenty more seconds Flim is dry. You open the door and tell Flam that he can get some cider for the both of them and that you will be there shortly.

As you clean up the bathroom, you wonder what they remind you of: Two brothers going on an adventure, to fight a turtle, and save a princess, are fascinated by plumbing, at least one has a mustache (will eventually anyway), and speaking of eventually, they eventually drive a cart. You just aren’t sure what they remind you of, but decide to order some Italian for dinner tonight.

Author's Note

Thanks to Spleedude, who asked for this chapter long ago, I can't keep the fans waiting forever. See: good things come to those who wait. Say what you want about these two, they are good brothers. Their cutie marks are an apple with a slice out of it and a apple slice for crying out loud: working together is their destiny! You can't easily get a better brother than that.

Suona molto meglio in Italiano

It's one of my favorite sayings, it means: "It sounds a lot better in Italian." I know these two aren't Italian, but come on, comparing them to everyone's favorite heroic band of Italian plumbers was to good a reference for me to pass up.

Berry Punch

This would be one of the most adorable things you had ever seen if you weren’t the one who would have to clean up the mess later. Oh who cares? It’s cute anyway. Berry Punch’s parents owned a large old fashion grape press, similar to the one the Apple family used to make apple juice (not the cider press). Little Berry was pouncing up and down on the grapes in the press, trying to make her very first batch of grape juice.

She would treat the task no different than playing on a trampoline most of the time, but would occasionally see spot, crouch down, and pounce. The resulting impact had no significant force at all, but made her overjoyed at the thought of accomplishing something. She would then resume bouncing around, just having fun.

You might have wondered why the ponies didn’t just use more modern methods to press their grapes, but if they did you wouldn’t get to see this incredibly cute attempt to make some grape juice. After several minutes of letting her try, you take her out and set her beside you. You check to see how much juice has been produced. It’s not even four glasses worth, the press should produce at least over a dozen gallons if a professional was present, but for a ten pound foal who never tried before, it was pretty good.

You congratulate her on her first try, to which she giggles. She starts to go back inside now, but you pick her up. She is covered in grape juice, and if grape juice stains pony fur half as easy as the carpet that you had to clean the other day, you want to wash her immediately. You take her inside and to the tub, which you haven’t even started to fill, since you’ve had to watch her for the last significant while.

You set her down on the mat and pour some bubblebath into the tub right before turning on the water. Berry can’t talk yet, but the little disapproving grunt she gives you communicates her not wanting another bath perfectly. “Yes I know this is your second bath in an hour but you need one. The first bath was to get you perfectly clean before you could press the grapes. But now you need another to get the juice out of your mane and coat.” Berry Punch gives you a stern look, but due to being a foal, it is adorable rather than intimidating.

As you wait for the bath to finish filling up, you put her on the rim of the tub, careful to hold her so she doesn’t fall in or off into the floor. Once you both agree on an acceptable water temperature and depth, she hops into the tub without warning. Luckily for you, you learned to stop wearing clothes that you didn’t want to get soaked early in this job.

According to your boss, the best way to get grape juice stains out is with cold water and detergent, and most importantly to act fast, but gentle. You absolutely cannot bathe anypony in cold water, so you’re really hoping that detergent makes a good grape juice remover.

Since her belly and hooves are the most stained you start with them. You use the detergent that the boss and Berry’s parents assured you is safe for bathing ponies with, and begin using your brush to scrub the stains (which are the same color as her mane). Unfortunately, her tummy is ticklish, and scrubbing it with the cool detergent causes uncontrollably tickle induced laughter to ensue.

After several minutes of scrubbing have passed fruitlessly (pun intended) you start to get seriously worried that, and you can’t help the cliché: THAT STAIN WILL NEVER COME OUT! You are really panicking until you remember that her parents, as well as all grape growing ponies, have been doing this for generations. If this was a serious problem, someone would have told you. Right? You pretend you’re confident in your reasoning, and resume scrubbing.

You eventually come to a point where you concede that some of the stain just isn’t coming out right now, and call it a day. Poor Berry Punch is relieved that you gave up the ticklish task, and sighs in gratitude at your judgment.

Her hair should be clean due to the bath an hour earlier, but since the grape juice is the same color as her mane, you can’t take any chances. You had used grape flavored shampoo in the earlier bath, but realized that using something grape scented to get grape juice out, was probably not a good idea. Hence, you use the detergent as a shampoo, scrubbing it into her mane. You can’t really tell what if any parts of her mane need this scrub, so you continue for the standard half a minute.

With her mane ready for rinsing, you scoop up a handful of water and pour it over her mane. Detergent takes slightly longer to rinse out than shampoo, so it’s a whole twenty rinses before you’re sure her mane is clean.

You sweetly ask her to lift her tail now. Berry complies, mostly because she is ready for the bath to end. Berry’s tail is long and very fluffy, so it takes over half a minute to lather. Her tail’s natural fluffiness makes it even harder to rinse, and it takes you a record setting thirty rinses to make it totally clean! To be fair, it wouldn’t have been that much if you were using shampoo instead of detergent.

You would give her some toys, but you know how much she wants the bath to end, and she got to play earlier anyway. She however is playing without any toys. The detergent that was rinsed out of her mane and tail has mixed with the bath water, and the tub is overflowing with bubbles. Berry is bouncing around in the tub, popping bubbles left and right. You quickly take her out of the tub and place her on the mat before she splashes all the water on you.

You unplug the tub and dry her off, which takes less than twenty seconds. A lone bubble floats down and lands on her nose. She stares at it intensely, marveling at its beauty. You smile at the sight, and decide to tell her about a bath with a lot, LOT more bubbles later.

You take her back to the kitchen where her parents have just gotten in from their work. They are also covered in grape juice, but assure you that while pesky, earth ponies have mastered the art of getting it cleaned off, eventually.

You sigh in relief, and show them the grape juice their daughter made. They are very proud of her, and pour it evenly into four glasses, one for each of them, one for her, and one for you. You realize how profound it is to be included in this, and are secretly glad you cleaned her really, REALLY well before you let her press it.

Berry’s mom then get out a box of Berry’s favorite fruit, which is of course: Strawberries. You are somewhat shocked at this reveal, but then again, it would be on her cutie mark someday, and you were already tired of grapes after being here one day. It made sense that grapes didn’t have to be her favorite.

Berry’s mom mixes some strawberries into the grape juice, and you all celebrate with strawberry-grape juice. And you are very careful not to spill any of this stuff of anything. Tasty as it is, grape is the archenemy of the cleaning profession.

Author's Note

“What do you mean you’re having trouble writing a chapter for my little girl!?” Berry Punch demanded.

“Sorry Berry it’s just that… well. Look, I’ve been researching Berry Pinch, and the only concrete information everypony agrees on is that nopony agrees on anything. Some people call her Berry Pinch, others Ruby Punch, others Ruby Pinch. In most episodes she’s a unicorn, but in Sisterhooves Social, she’s an earth pony, and don’t get me started on the number of ponies that look exactly like her of all three tribes, some with cutie marks and some without.”

Berry was unrelenting, “Oh please, you just can’t tell them apart. It’s not like I haven’t had other ponies that look exactly like me in the show. Changelings, look alikes, show artists making careless mistakes. There are plenty of explanations for your confusion. It happens Starry.

Look the earth pony in Sisterhooves Social is my little sister, not my daughter. My daughter’s name is Ruby Punch, but my cute nickname for her is Berry Pinch, it’s a term of endearment. She’s a unicorn. It’s really not that complicated, so…”

“I don’t know Berry. I need the fans to know what’s going on, and if they’ve done the research like I have they’ll rightfully be really confused. Not to mention I think we’ve broken the fourth wall like a dozen different ways in this author’s notes alone so…”

“Please Starry. She’s my daughter. Oh please.”

(Sigh) “Alright, alright. I’ll find a way to write the chapter… somehow.”

“Thankyouthankyouthankyou!”

Ruby Punch (Co-op with Berry Punch)

You finish filling up the bath tub for today’s bath. With all the necessary preparations complete, you go to get the foal you are looking out for today. Or more accurately, the mother of the foal you are looking out for. You get up off the mat and make your way to the living room to check up on them.

When you arrive, you see Berry Punch and her daughter Ruby Punch playing with some toy blocks. These blocks have letters on them, and Berry is desperately, but patiently and calmly, trying to get Ruby to practice talking. Berry holds a block with the letter ‘A’ on it, “Now sweetie, what sound does ‘A’ make?” Ruby looked up wide eyed, thought for a moment, and went, “Ah.” Berry Smiled before scurrying to get the next block. “Very good. Now, what sound does ‘B’ make.” Ruby didn’t answer. She was tired of playing this game and had noticed you.

Berry also noticed you, “Oh sitter, didn’t see you there. Hold on a second, she can do it I know she can. Ruby dear, what sound does ‘B’ make?” Ruby responded, “Ah-ba-goo?” Berry thought it was cute, but it turns out that’s not the sound ‘B’ makes. Berry sighed. You reassure her, “Don’t worry about it. Most foal’s her age can’t talk at all. She’s doing exceptionally well thanks to you.” Berry couldn’t help but smile, but felt like she could do better, “Thanks sitter. I just… really want her to do well you know?”

You nod in understanding. “Don’t worry, I’ll help you with talking practice later.” Berry realizes it must be bathtime, “Oh sorry, I got caught up in what I was doing. Let’s go, I got Pinch.” Whenever Berry talked to Ruby she always called her by name, but sometimes her nickname, Pinch (short for Berry Pinch) would slip out instinctually. You write it off as one of those things, and make your way to the tub.

You stand by the door, waiting for Berry to bring Ruby, which only takes a minute. You close the door as Berry puts Ruby in the tub. Finally you head over and join Berry on the mat, ready to begin. Berry hoofs you your travel bag, which you start rummaging through.

Berry suddenly looks as though she just remembered something important, “Oh yeah, you did remember to get something other than grape flavored shampoo didn’t you?” You pull out your shampoo, “Yeah I did. I’m still not sure why you insisted on it though.” Berry gestures to her cutie mark, “Punch! Punch is my special talent. Not grapes, not strawberries, and not wine. I love grapes more than anyone, but that doesn’t mean everything I have has to be grape flavored. Does… that make sense?”

You nod, it does make since actually. Even your favorite things would get old eventually. Berry perks up, “So what brand did you go with?” You hand her the bottle, “Pretty n’ Pink” you know, since she’s pink.” Berry rolls her eyes slightly, but is smiling.

Now that you are all ready to begin, you open your hand and Berry gives you a handful of shampoo. You begin massaging the cool pink gel into her little pink mane. The gel slowly turns white as it becomes a fine lather, and in about thirty seconds her mane is fully sudsy.

Berry watches the whole process, “Are you sure you cleaned behind her ears?” You are confident you did a fine job, “Yes, I’m sure.” Berry looks almost apologetic, “Sorry, I’m just being a mom.” You assure her she doesn’t need to be sorry for that, and start to scoop up some water. Berry however assumed you were going to use the crystal rinsing dish since it was in your travel bag, and presents it to you. You take the dish and begin rinsing Ruby’s hair out. Berry is amazed that you have a rinsing dish made out a solid sapphire, “What’s the story behind the overly fancy dish?” You consider the question for a moment, “Let’s just say the crystal empire has no shortage of precious gems, so they just gave it to me."

You pour the contents of the dish over Ruby's mane seven times and her mane is totally clean. You now ask Ruby to lift her tail, but she doesn't seem to understand, and does nothing. Berry reaches in and lifts Ruby's tail for you, and you start. Since Berry is busy, you have to get the shampoo yourself, and then begin lathering Ruby's tail. Ruby seems to understand that she needs to be standing up now, so she stands until you finish lathering her tail.

Thirty seconds later, both Berry and you feel that it's time to rinse, but Ruby, seeing no need to stand now that (she thinks) you're done, sits down. Berry tenderly tries to coax her to stand up again, but you assure her that it's not a problem. You reach into the tub and hand rinse the tail while it is underwater by scrubbing the suds out. Berry is impressed, and takes a moment to stare at one of her hooves.

You ask her if everything is ok, to which Berry responds that it must be nice to have fingers when you need to shampoo hair. You agree, but having never had hooves, you're just speculating. After all, these ponies never seem to stop surprising you with all the things they can build and tasks they can do with their hooves alone.

You give Ruby the toys to play with, which she takes happily. Almost immediately after being given the toys, she hands half of them to her mother so that she can play along. Berry understands, and plays boats with her daughter for a minute or so.

With the bath over, you unplug the tub and pick Ruby up. You set her on the mat between you and her mother, and gently begin drying her off. Berry is again impressed by the precision your hands give you over pretty much everything. “Thanks sitter. You’ll never know how much I’ve appreciated your help.” You accept the praise, “you’re welcome, it’s no trouble.”

Berry smiles, “Thanks. Now if only I could get her to talk.” Berry picks her little girl up and tenderly hugs her, “But that can wait. I love you so much Ruby.” Ruby is somewhat taken by surprise by the suddenness of the hug, but quickly snuggles into her mother’s warm embrace. “I… love… you… momma.”

Your eyes go wide, but not as much as Berry’s, “She talked! She talked, oh I’m so proud of you Ruby! Oh I love you.” Ruby giggles as she can almost feel how happy her mother is, “I… I love you momma!”

Author's Note

"Starry are you..."

"No! It's liquid pride! Liquid pride I say!"

Minuette

You finish filling up the tub with warm water for today’s bath. Satisfied with your task you call out for the foal it was prepared for, “Colgate the bath is ready.” You wait for a few moments only to realize that she wasn’t coming. You almost decide to go find her until you realize that at this point in her life, nopony had given her that nickname yet. You facepalm at your mistake, and try again, “Minuette the bath is ready.” You patiently wait, and after a moment or so your patience is rewarded with the sound of hooves softly bouncing your way.

Little Minuette skips along into the room and smiles. Most people, or ponies, that saw this would only notice that it was cute; but you knew better. “Why that’s a beautiful smile Minuette, your teeth are coming in nicely.” Minuette bounces in place with a laugh warm enough to melt any sorrow, as proud as if she had raised the sun. You join her in the laughing fit, and then motion toward the bath. Unlike most of the foals you take care of, she for one is more than happy to have it. She always did like feeling clean.

You lift her into the tub and close the door before returning and beginning the bath. You pour some minty fresh scented shampoo into your palm and begin scrubbing her mane. This only lasts a moment before she pulls away. You look at her, wordlessly asking what you did wrong. She liked the first bath you had given her.

Minuette point her hoof to your travel bag. The first time you washed her, she had gotten into some mud, and you had used your brush to wash her. “You want me to use the brush again? There’s really no need to…” but you never finished that thought. Her little sapphire eyes were pleading with you, begging almost.

Defeated once again by the power of foal’s cuteness, you get out the scrubbing brush and start brushing her hair. Happy to have gotten her wish, Minuette laughs once triumphantly. It takes you slightly under a minute to lather her mane this way for no reason other than you’re not used to shampooing anypony with the brush. You set the brush carefully on the rim of the tub so that it won’t fall into the tub or onto the floor. Now that your hands are free, you scoop up a handful of water and ladle it over her sudsy mane. Her mane is relatively short, even for a foal, so it only takes six rinses before her mane is squeaky clean.

You ask her sweetly to lift her tail, which she does. You pour some more shampoo into your hand and begin to lather her tail. Once more, she stops you, she likes having her hair brushed. This time however, you cannot relent. A mane can be brushed because her scalp is underneath it, giving you something to apply some pressure to, and thus scrub gently but effectively. The same cannot be done for the tail, not practically, so you have to wash it normally.

Minuette is disappointed at first, but realizes for the first time that fingers are much better for scrubbing than hooves, and quickly decides she likes it. You are glad she does, but because her tail is so long, it takes almost a minute to lather. You kind of hope she’ll sit down and rinse her tail herself, but you’re not that lucky. You proceed to scoop up a handful of water and pour it over her toothpaste colored tail. It takes twelve rinse cycles to get the suds out of so long a tail, but in the end it’s clean, and you are glad.

You give Minuette the toys and let her play with them. Rather than the boats, she takes to the rubber ducky and seapony for a change. She plays happily with the toys for a while, and you remember that she was (will be, time travel stuff) with Fluttershy’s team taking care of little critters during Winter Wrap Up. She must have empathy for others and for small critters. It could even be why she wants to be a dentist; or could be the fact she is proud of her own teeth, you like to think it’s both.

You get sidetracked in this train of thought longer than you realize, and it’s not until Minuette pats your hand (which is still on the tub’s rim) that your mind returns to the present. She is done playing now and telekinetically hands you all of the toys at once. You might have been amazed that a foal whose teeth were just coming in could magically do that without trying, but not much surprised you anymore. You take the toys and put them on the mat to dry later before putting them back in the bag. You then unplug the tub and pick Minuette up and set her on the mat.

After a few moments of drying, she is squeaky clean. For no particular reason, this bath has ended around the same time you normally would be drawing a bath. This means that you both have quite a while until bedtime, and not much to do. You decide to take her downstairs and give her some dessert, as a reward for being exceptionally well behaved.

You give Minuette her all-time favorite candy: chocolate covered mints. It’s good for your breath, not great for your teeth, and pure scrumdiddlyumptious. After eating the three you allowed her before bed (which was actually six due to her bribing you with cute little eyes) she opens her mouth and gestures to her teeth.

You take her back to the bathroom for the chore that most foals hate, brushing her teeth before bed. Since she is too small to reach even the pony sized sink, she has a little step-stool to stand on. She telekinetically picks up her brush and begins brushing. You remain present only to advise her if necessary, and to be a watchful sitter. She clearly doesn’t need help though, and brushes her teeth for exactly two minutes without looking at a clock. She then pulls a cup to herself and rinses twice.

At this point you think the brushing is over, but she gets out some floss. You don’t want her to hurt her gums, so you do this part. You’ve never flossed anypony before, and her little teeth are barely developed, nothing could get stuck between them. Still you make sure, and after ten seconds of you actually doing nothing the flossing is “done” (despite not having happened).

Minuette now fills her rinsing cup with a fluid you realize is the old timey, full strength, unflavored, undiluted Listerine which she begins to gargle. You can believe anything but this, is this possible? She gargles without complaint or any signs of discomfort for two full minutes before spiting it out. As if it had just been water, she sweetly hops back to the floor and yawns, ready for bed.

You tell her to go ahead, which she does. You clean up the bathroom and start turning everything off for the night. You then decide to brush your own teeth before going to tuck in the light blue filly.

Author's Note

“Well Starry, high society ponies or schoolfoals, take your pick.”

“Umm… high society.”

“Great, write a chapter for Hoity Toity, Fancy Pants, Fleur, Sapphire Shores, Photo Finish, and Blueblood.”

“Ugh… all of them? In the next few weeks? I’ll run out of ideas. There are only so many ways to rephrase fancy yaknow.”

“Fine, do the schoolfoals instead and get back to the high society.”

“But I’ll need to do Featherweight, Snips and Snails, Sparkler, and any others that I’ve missed; and I've never even read one page on Sparkler.”

(getting annoyed) “Then do Nightmare Moon!”

“I have someone who said they’ll draw art for that, I have to wait.”

“I give up Starry. You haven’t updated in a week DO SOMETHING!”

“Colgate then.”

“That’s random. Fine, write one for Colgate.”

“I will, I like Colgate. Most of this chapter is personally inspired anyway. I love mint chocolate the best, had a stepstool as a kid, actually loved baths, and have always preferred old fashion full strength Listerine. I’m weird that way, but my teeth are perfect.”

Photo Finish

You finish preparing the bath for the night. You don’t bother calling out for the young Photo Finish, because you already know exactly where she is, and set out to get her before the water by the time the water has cooled enough for the upcoming bath.

You make your way down the halls of her parent’s surprisingly ordinary house. Ordinary might be the wrong word for it, more like… drab. You really expected her home to be more… just more. There really was no magics, ahem, excuse the phrase; there really was no glamor to the place at all. It was still rather warm and inviting, but you half expected Photo Finish’s childhood home to be more… whacky.

Your thoughts are interrupted by the fact you are now standing outside sewing room. You realize you shouldn’t think that way anyway, and open the door to the room. You open the door to find little Photo sitting next to a stack of patch clothes that her mother used for sewing.

At this point, Photo herself is no more than a foal. As such is not allowed to sew because she could hurt herself. Photo has still found a way to make things though. She is tying a single spool of red ribbon into various bows and things. Once she makes one, she bites off the ribbon long enough to tie another one. Once her little ribbons are made, she deposits them in a little basket. The cutest part of this process is that she is actually so small; she is in the basket she puts the bows in.

She notices you approach, and makes a happy foal-like cooing sound. This is already into the second week of you taking care of her, so you know her well enough to know she’s happy. Still, even when she was this young, that everlasting poker face of hers made it hard to tell her emotions apart.

But despite the changes in her mood being subtle, they were noticeable if you paid attention, and her bright pink eyes always told how she really felt. “Those are some beautiful ribbons Photo. You can finish making them later, but it’s bath time.” Photo seemed to generally understand what you were saying, but decided to keep working anyway. You sigh, but you realize that you have a great advantage. “Fine, keep working.” You pick up the entire basket and carry it whole set-up to the bathroom.

About halfway to your destination, you slow your pace to admire the cuteness. You are carrying a baby pony, in a basket, full of little red ribbon bows, which she is making with a song in her heart. DAWW! Once inside, you set the basket on the bathroom sink before going back to close the door. You now take the light blue pony out of her little basket and set her in the tub.

Rather than hating or loving the bath, Photo’s general attitude is something along the lines of, “let’s just do this so we can go back to whatever we want to do.”

You get out a special shampoo that the boss gave you. This particular shampoo is just in a perfectly white bottle with no labels, due to it being ‘homemade’ so to speak. The boss told you that it would have a perfectly safe whitening effect on her naturally white hair. You pour the shampoo into your hand and begin massaging it into her little mane. This goes on only for about fifteen seconds due to her relatively short mane length, even for a foal.

Though her expression appears blank, her eyes tell you that she is having fun. You smile and scoop up a handful of water to pour over her mane. She knows the drill by now, and tilts her head back to let the water wash over her. Seven rinses later you are sure her mane is completely suds free.

You start to ask her to lift her tail for you, but you’ve already done this several times, and she already has. You thank her to give her some positive feedback, and get out more of your white shampoo. Because her tail is longer it takes longer to scrub. Much longer, her tail is very fluffy and thick, despite being straight. Scrubbing even a very small patch of it took some time. In all, it takes you almost a minute to scrub and that only because you are good at this by now.

Once it is time to rinse, you don’t have any time to consider scooping up more water to do so. Photo has sat down and is swishing her tail around in the water. Such has proved to be the fastest way of doing things in previous baths.

Unfortunately, Photo wants to finish this bath a little too fast, and her swishing splashes water on your shirt. Photo realizes this only after she already finished washing her tail. A hoof quickly shoots up to cover her mouth, clearly having not meant to do that.

Photo and you exchange looks, and have a complete conversation with looks alone. It goes a little something like this:
“(sigh) Photo…”
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to.”
“It’s ok, just be more careful.”
“I will.”
“Then don’t worry anymore, it’s fine.”
“(Laughter)”

With the bath having come to an end, you give Photo the toys to play with. She smiles, but you know it’s an elaborate ruse. “You don’t have to play if you don’t want to Photo. I know you would rather make ribbons.” Photo sighs in relief, and silently wishes she had some… she doesn’t know, some goggles or something to find her eyes and make her poker face complete.

You unplug the tub and pick little Photo out of the bath and set her on the mat. After only twenty seconds she is dry and ready to go. She wordlessly thanks you and starts toward the door. Before she gets far though, you set her basket down next to her, “Want a ride?” Her poker face melts into a complete smile as she pounces into the basket so softly only the rustling of ribbons resonates. You carry her back to where you found her and go to change your shirt to one that isn’t soaked in bathwater. When you start to change your shirt you notice that on the way back, she tied one of the ribbons through the cufflinks of this work-shirt.

You carefully untie the ribbon as if it was as delicate as a soap bubble. She wanted to make you look nice, and you have to admit, it did feel a little magical.

Author's Note

“Is it acceptable?”

“Acceptable? Are you daft? Is Mare-velous darling. And historically accurate I might add. Don’t get me wrong, I’m an eccentric and proud of it, but I’m not crazy. Why do zee peoples always picture me that way?”

“(shrugs.)”

“I mean really darling, I want zee ponies to look fantastic. I want, NO, I need to work zee magics.”

“I know, I just always pictured you as the sort who came from humble origins. You certainly don’t have the same air as Sapphire Shores or Hoity Toity.”

“The vurld, the whole vurld is so gray Starry, I just want to add de magics.
Oh and uh…thanks for portraying me as… caring (liquid pride concealed by goggles).”

“Iz vhat I do darling, is de magic!”

“Is that vhat I sound like? I’ll need to work on that.”

“By the way Photo, I’m planning on maybe starting a group for Bathtime for Ponies part one-spin-off authors sometime around Bathtime for OC’s, any advice?”

“Give them da magics darling. Bring da magic and they rest vill… (adjusting her accent) I mean, will, fall into place.”

Fancy Pants

“And… just a little more warm water...” You murmur to yourself as you try to get this bath just right. Your facial expression undergoes various strains as you try to get the water as hot as can be comfortable, accounting for a foal’s sensitiveness to hotter temperatures of course.

After carefully adjusting everything, you are finally sure that the water is just hot enough to be thoroughly relaxing, but not too hot. And there are enough bubbles to be fun, but not enough to be annoying. You wanted this bath to be just right. Not because Fancy Pants was picky, he actually enjoyed a good bath, but even from the time he was a foal he had an eye for quality and knew something great when he came across it. As such, he liked his baths to be just right. You had gotten lucky with the first bath, but the second bath just hadn’t been very enjoyable. Fancy Pants had pretended not to mind, but you knew better.

With preparations complete you hurry to find the little colt. You are pretty sure he would just have come when you called him, but you didn’t think he would hear you. This mansion was ridiculously huge, and the chance that he would be within casual calling distance was miniscule. Thankfully you now knew your way around and even more thankfully there were only a few places Fancy Pants liked to hang out. You check the parlor, the sitting room, the dining room, the formal dining room, the piano room, the play room, the lounge, his room of course, the hallway, the side hallway, the grand hallway, and the kitchen.

You make a mental note that if you ever become this rich, you still want a house with a number of rooms you will actually use. You made the bath hotter than the ‘perfect’ mark just because you knew this would happen. You are beginning to worry the bath will be too cool before you find him when you see him outside. You step out the back door into the gardens and hurry to his side. “Greetings young master” you remark. It had sounded weird the first time you had said it, but you soon realized there weren’t many options. Calling him just “Fancy” or worse “Pants” just didn’t seem like the right thing to call the young foal. ‘Fancy Pan’ was too long and he didn’t like “dear or sweetie” very much. “Hey you” didn’t seem appropriate either, so “Young Master” worked very well in this case.

You tell him it’s time for the bath. Fancy Pants is conflicted between getting a bath or staying to watch the pretty sunset. You realize this, “Don’t worry; the sun won’t set for at least another half hour. If we hurry you can get a hot bath and watch the sunset.” Fancy Pants really liked the sound of that and began trotting after you. After passing through more rooms than should have been necessary, you finally arrive at the bath. Fancy Pants had chosen to run alongside you rather than be carried, and is just barely starting to sweat. You close the door behind you and help the young colt into the bath.

You anxiously anticipate his response, and to your great relief the bath is absolutely perfect by his standards. Nailed it! You rock. You get out the shampoo, which in this case is the same premium brand that you previously used on Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon, which you are still convinced is just ordinary shampoo that someone dubbed “premium” and made unnaturally expensive. Fancy Pants stops you, he doesn’t like that shampoo. You may get in trouble with his parents for not using it, but they aren’t the ones getting bathed after all. “Alright then young master” you say as you set your travel bag on the tubs rim, “You decide what brand you want.”

Fancy Pants opens each bottle of shampoo and smells them. After trying them all, he points to one that is a homemade brand that doesn’t even have the money to afford a proper name; it’s just “shampoo.” You look at him, “Are you sure? It isn’t expensive or famous or anything.” Fancy Pants never was the one to like something just because it was the richest, nor dislike it because it wasn’t. You agree and pour some into your hand.

You begin lathering the plain white soap into his little mane. Fancy Pants seems to enjoy the feeling of having his scalp massaged with the admittedly great smelling soap, so you make it last twice as long as normal. Once his mane is fully lathered you get out the sapphire rinsing dish and scoop up some water to pour over his mane. After seven rinses his mane is clean and, somehow, already seems combed perfectly. Some ponies just have it natural you guess.

Fancy Pants already knows that it’s time to wash his tail, so he politely complies without being asked. You thank him and pour some more shampoo into your hand and begin stroking it through his tail. Since this isn’t your first time bathing him you’re not even surprised that his tail is dirty. Not one to meet high society stereotypes, Fancy always enjoyed playing outside in the sun and as a result, getting dirty. You laugh at his modest honesty and continue for a full minute before you are sure you got all the dirt out.

You look over your work once more to make sure no dirt is left before getting the dish again to rinse the tail. After seven more scoops are ladled over it his tail is clean. You give him the same toys to play with that you would give any foal, not treating him differently from anypony. Fancy Pants takes the toys and plays with just like any foal would, not really being different from anypony.

You casually sit there beside him and wait until the bath water is no longer warm and he looks at you with eyes that ask to be let out. You nod to him in understanding and unplug the tub before setting him on the mat. You take out a soft towel to dry him with and briskly dry him off. Once dry his hair falls perfectly into place without combing. “Looking sharp as always young master” you state partly just to sound fancy.

You take out another towel and take him down to watch the sunset. You lay the towel out so that he won’t get dirty again. You both watch as the sun falls below the horizon and realize just how spectacular an event it really is.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After tucking him into bed for the night, you give your reports to his parents. You even admit that you changed shampoos. They take it very well, saying that if he approved it, then it must be the best. They ask to know what brand it is and you tell them it’s a small family owned brand that nopony really knows about. “That’s my boy, he’s got a real eye for things you know. We must spread the word, throw in one of those… ah… what did you call them? Bath toys? Yes throw in a few of those, capital idea really. You see, Everypony in Canterlot will be wanting one for their foals.”

Author's Note

Finally, real life chores are done for a while. I thought I wasn't going to get this in today, but the rest of the week should be easier. Ah Fancy Pants, I really admire him. To quote something I found about him while research, "He has all of Canterlot hanging on his word, but does not play by their rules. He's a cool guy." My thoughts exactly.

Fleur will be tomorrow, and Blueblood will be Wednesday. In the spirit of, "I love everypony" I will be presenting Blueblood as, "cute and innocent." It can't be done you say? I don't see why not. Sure he's stuck up, but have you seen (most) Canterlot nobility? Poor guy gets it honest and to be fair the Gala is supposed to bring out the, "I'm rich and proper" in people, ponies, you know. I'm going to try to put in a good word for the guy, wish me luck.

Fleur

You turn the nob for the warm water, completing preparations for tonight’s bath. You now turn to make your way to find the young filly you will be washing. Thankfully, unlike your last job, Fleur’s parents lived in a house with a reasonable number of rooms.

As you walk through the house, you are still shocked at how… well, ordinary it looks. It’s a nice house, not poor like Photo’s, but still nothing more than a shack compared to Fancy Pants’ house. You would describe it as middle class, but not wealthy either. For what it lacked in grandeur though, the house had a wonderful sort of family feel, was comfortable, inviting, and warm. Overall it was much nicer than the mansion.

You step into the front yard to see a foal Fleur sitting with a foal Fancy Pants, and smile at the heartwarming scene. Unknown to most ponies, Fleur was something of an ugly duckling when she was small, and not many of the colts wanted to play with her. Thankfully, Fancy Pants never cared one jot what anypony thought, and enjoyed her company. And so, there they sat in the front yard, as cute as buttons. Fancy Pants noticed a pretty pink flower blooming in the yard and picked it with his mouth (he wasn’t good at magic yet. Fancy Pants sweetly offered it to her, and in gratitude (but misunderstanding), she ate the tasty treat. This left Fancy pants with half the stem, which he ate with a happy, “Om-nom-nom” and you with a super high pitched “Squee.”

You interrupt the scene before your heart can give out and tell her it’s time for tonight’s bath. Fleur doesn’t like baths, but Fancy Pants (whose contract to have you bathe him has already just slightly expired) assures her in baby talk that you know what you’re doing and to not worry. She hugs her friend goodnight (DAWW) and follows you to the tub. Once inside you close the door and make your way over to the mat. You pick her up and set her on the rim to test the water. This turns out to be a good decision, because due to recent baths being hotter than normal, you’ve made the bath a little too hot for her.

Thankfully Fleur is helpful and together you cool the bath slightly before helping her in. You get out your trusty, “Pretty in Pink” Shampoo and pour some into your hand. You used this shampoo because she has a pink mane. However, when you took the job you did not know that her mane had been a very pale pink when she was little, and had only taken on its glossy pink shine later in her life. Her mane is beautiful even now, but she hates it. You continue to scrub the little mane until it is time to rinse.

You scoop up a handful of warm water and pour it over her little mane. After seven rinses her mane is back to its pale form, much to your satisfaction and her disappointment. Choosing not to dwell on it, you ask her to lift her tail, to which she complies. The same story holds true with her tail as did with her mane, as it lacks the luster, softness, or elegance of her later tail. You pour some more Pretty in Pink shampoo into your palm and begin tenderly stroking it through her little tail. You start to scoop up some water to pour over it, but she quickly hides her tail beneath the water, not wanting it to be seen. You give her a deadpan, “Really?” look to which she nods with a definite, “Yes.” You ask her to at least scrub the suds out of it so that it so that it will be properly rinsed, and one cute wiggle later her job is done.

Normally the bath would be mostly over now, but she has been playing outside and has some dirt on her, which really shows considering she’s white. She doesn’t really mind this part, so it goes pretty well. You scrub her little legs and belly with the brush, which she doesn’t mind because she’s not ticklish. Or at least that’s what she keeps telling herself. She doesn’t even giggle, but her expression distorts into the funniest forms possible as ticklish tear barely form in her eyes. Thankfully (for her) this is over in just a few moments and the laughs she has been holding in escape as a mere sigh.

Since she didn’t you decide to laugh instead and you give her the bath toys which she gladly accepts. You watch as she begins by having them act out having a tea party fit for princesses. This somehow escalates into the princesses having to fight off Discord (who at this time remember was still sealed in stone, and was not thought of as anything more than a fictional character to scare fillies), and finally into the Princesses having tea with Discord. You think to yourself how quickly that escalated, but then notice that she seems sad not having anyone to play with. But you are an awesome foalsitter, so you play with her. She is girly, but has a personality, and wants to play with friends, aka: a normal filly.

With the bath over (and the water definitely too cold now) you take her out and unplug the tub. You dry her with a soft towel and by the time the bath has drained a dry foal stands before you with a VERY frizzy mane. The frizz covers her eyes but you can tell she is giving you a, “please don’t laugh” look underneath it. If she can contain a laugh so can you, and you pretend you have no idea what she’s ‘talking’ about.

She hugs you for not judging and you carry her off to bedtime.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next day, Fancy Pants stopped to play again, and the ice cream truck made a round through the neighborhood. Fleur never had ice cream before and has pleading eyes for it. Fancy Pants notices and tugs at his attendant’s coat. They buy the truck.

Author's Note

.No time to explain, click here
But seriously, this links to a question I have: should I end Canterlot Nobles week after Blueblood and work on Bathtime for OCs and Nightmare Moon, or finish the week and delay them. Please follow the link to answer.

I know I say this too much, but I like everypony. I also research anypony before I write about them. Why does everyone think this girl is just a gold digger? I can see one or two people thinking so but everybody! Come on. She wasn't clingy enough to be a stupid gold digger, and not controlling enough to be a smart one. Plus, this is Fancy Pants we're talking about, he doesn't pick the "most proper" he picks the ones that have real value.

Give a one dimensional character with a bad rep a background that is wonderful and redeeming: check.
Now to do the same for Blueblood. Starry Eyed away!!

Prince Blueblood

You watch Blueblood play ball with several of the other foals in the neighborhood. At this time in their lives, even simple telekinesis is challenging, so it serves as good practice for them. You still find it hard to believe that Blueblood was so innocently playing with other foals, even ones of lesser social status. Technically everypony had lesser status, but there were even some rather poor ponies. You momentarily wonder if he only became a jerk later in life, but stop thinking bad things, he is only a foal after all.

As is true of any playtime outside, all the foals get a little sweaty and dirty. The sun will go down soon so you decide to take Blueblood to get his bath. When you tell him it’s time to go, all the other foals are disappointed and Blueblood gives a sad little, “aww.” You promise them that they can all play tomorrow and pick Blueblood up. As you walk away, Blueblood waves to the others, you wave back as they head home also. You haven’t started the bath yet, so you take him with you.

You turn on the water and reach in your bag for bubblebath formula, but don’t find it. A little hoof-pat gets your attention and you see Blueblood with the bottle sideways in his mouth offering it to you. Some of the formula spills onto the floor this way, so you quickly take it. Blueblood sees that he made a mistake, and lowers his head, “so-we.” You know he was trying to say sorry, and give him a pat to assure him it’s okay. This results in a few giggles. How did this turn into… no you won’t think that way.

You pour the bubblebath into the tub and he helps you adjust the water. When the bath is ready you place him in the tub and use the side of the brush to scoop up the spilled bubblebath gel. You pour some ‘Solid Gold’ shampoo into your palm, and begin lathering it into his mane. You really notice how shiny his soft little golden mane is. You allow this to get too much of your attention, and some of the shampoo gets in his eye. As much as some people would love bad things to happen to Blueblood, seeing a baby pony who has only been good to you cry is downright heartbreaking. You quickly get a warm washcloth and help him. You also decide to rinse now, so that more will not get in his eyes. Once he is ok again, he sniffles cutely and looks at you, “Thanks sitter.”

Being forgiven feels great, but also makes you feel guilty. You ask him to lift his tail for you, which he does. You get some more shampoo and begin lathering his tail. You accept that he is good at this point in his life, but wonder what happened. You once again get sidetracked and wash his tail for much longer than necessary. You realize your mistake and stop, quickly starting to rinse.

You decide to reward him for being so nice, and give him the toys. Blueblood plays with the toys briefly, but quickly learns that the bubbles are more fun. Every time he pops one, he smiles as if he’s the happiest pony ever. You decide to add the spilled bubblebath to the tub, but remember too late that it’s the magic kind you’re not supposed to add more than a drop of. You are horrified, Blueblood is overjoyed. You begin cleaning the bubbles that overflowed, and Blueblood (trying to help) begins popping everything in sight. The cutest moment is when one of the toy boats floats by in a bubble, “ooh, aewrship.”

Once the bathroom is reasonably clean, you unplug the tub and set Blueblood on the mat. It only takes a few moments to dry him. You open the door to let him out, and he chases the remaining bubbles floating out the door. You can’t deny he’s adorable. You also can’t ignore that he grows up to be a jerk. You decide to find out what happened. Being a time traveler has advantages.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You arrive in the present, determined to find out whatever happened to make Blueblood such a jerk. You call your boss (who has magical ways of knowing things) and learn that Celestia and Blueblood are having tea at Castle Canterlot. Realizing that talking to both of them will be the best way to get to the bottom of this, you make your way there. Since the guards recognize you it is only several minutes before you arrive.

Blueblood is sitting with Celestia and, to your surprise, several of the off-duty attendants (who are commoners). They all seem to be talking equally and enjoying themselves. They take notice of you upon your entrance. Blueblood might not have recognized you after so many years if you were a pony, but it’s hard to forget the only human you ever met. “Sitter! What a pleasure. Everypony, this is my old sitter, the only one I ever had that wasn’t stuck up.”

Celestia sets down her slice of apple pie (common food, which they are all eating) and properly addresses you. “Welcome sitter, what can we help you with?” The attendants and guards are awestruck that even Celestia refers to you as her sitter, and pay full attention. You start feeling guilty about asking him why he’s a jerk in front of everypony, but, “Curiosity just got the better of me. You seem like a good guy, but… at the Gala…” Celestia and Blueblood smile ear to ear as Blueblood responds, “Ah yes that. I’m glad you asked. You’re still looking after me in a way, good to know.

You see sitter, Twilight wrote EVERYTHING to auntie Celestia in her letters, and we knew well in advance that Lady Rarity would swoon over me. But I really didn’t want a relationship at the time, and frankly, it would have been disastrous!”

Celestia took over, “Rarity was so infatuated that she would have followed Bluey to the ends of Equestria, in over words: away from her career, family, and friends. In retrospect, if that had happened, we couldn’t have stopped Discord and… well you can figure out the rest.”

Blueblood resumed, “If I told her off, it would have broken her heart. If I had accepted her advances, she would be torn between me, and the place she really belongs. If I avoided her, she would have pursued me.” Blueblood smiled deviously, “So… I played the worst jerk I could, so she would be happily rid of me.”

Celestia looks worried, “Sorry, it’s not a secret, just a secret to anyone who might tell Rarity. Are… you mad?” Your jaw drops. No words come out. You think for a while, and finally speak, “Well, you really are Celestia’s nephew after all. You’re both brilliant, heroic,… trolls.” Everypony breaks out laughing, including those involved. Blueblood half-laughing responds, “Maybe so, but we use those talents for good purposes when we can.” Bluey offers you some pie in the most real sounding proper accent, “Want some ‘common fair’ peasant?” His kind smile assures you it's a well meaning joke.

You’re pretty sure that Tartarus is frozen over, but you sit down and have some pie with the friendly tricksters of Canterlot anyway.

Author's Note

If five more people vote, I will reward you all with the cover art. vote here.

Blueblood sits in his parlor in his evening robes next to a crackling fire in the fireplace.

“Hello all you lovely mares, look at your stallion, now back at me, now at your stallion, now back at me, him, me, him, me.

Your stallion is not me but your stallion can be as cool as me, if you forgive and forget like Starry forgave me.

Look up, look down, where am I; I’m jumping out of my ivy covered glass window of my stately manor, magically turning my robes into a cape that lets me fly. My gold mane is billowing against my muscular back.

Look up, look down, where are we, we’re on my flying yacht up in the clouds, which has a crew of beautiful mares that I respect as individuals rather than objects.

Anything is possible when you give people and ponies like me a second chance.

I am a magic horse.”

Hoity Toity

You have to make this bath perfect. Sure you say that too much, but this time it may be a fact rather than an exaggeration. This will be your second time bathing Hoity Toity, and well, let’s just say the first time didn’t go over well. The water was too cold by the time you found him, but not cold enough to start a new bath. Hoity really didn’t like the smell of the shampoo. There weren’t nearly enough bubbles, but you didn’t add more due to problems with the magic bubblebath in the past.

All in all, it just wasn’t your day, which meant it wasn’t his either. You make sure there are more bubbles than necessary and that the water is hotter than normal because you are sure many bubbles will have popped and the water will be just right by the time you catch him. You head out the door and are lucky enough to find Hoity playing in the living room, right where you made sure he was before you started. The easiest thing to do at this point would be to surprise him, but a good foalsitter knows not to lose the trust of the foal. Like it or not, you have to warn him.

“Hello Hoity dear. I’m sorry the first bath wasn’t so great, but I promise this one will be wonderful. Hoity’s full attention so shift to you with worried eyes. You muster the best fake smile you can to try to reassure him. You both stare at each other for a while. “You’re going to run aren’t you?” You ask already knowing the answer. Hoity smiles acknowledging, and disappears with a takeoff speed that only Pinkie Pie would consider perfectly normal.

As frustrated as you would normally be, this really is your fault. The only bath you’ve ever given him was one of the worst you ever gave anypony, and definitely the worst overall considering your current level of expertise in this job. You slowly turn and walk in the direction he ran off in. You quickly scan around and find him. Rather than chasing after him, you decide to reason this time. “Look I know the first bath wasn’t all that great, but just give me one more chance, please.”

Well needless to say that doesn’t work and he runs off into the next room. “Would you give me a chance for a cookie?” No response. “Two cookies?” No response. “If I make some hot, fresh, gooey cookies right out of the oven, any kind you want?” You feel a tugging at the back of your shirt and see Hoity, more than ready for that bath. Normally you wouldn’t resort to bribing the foal, but the first bath was your fault, so you kind of owe him one.

You rush back to the bath and are happy to see that it still looks perfect. Rather than set him down in the tub, you set him on the floor so that he can inspect it himself while you get the door. Hoity makes his way over and smiles at the sight of all the bubbles this time. You make your way back and have a seat next to him. Neither of you say anything, but you exchange a look at confirms that this will count as ‘bath one’ a new start.

You pick him up and gently set him in the tub. You sit back for a while and let him settle in to the nice warm bubbly water. Hoity would admit that it felt nice if he could talk yet. You show him your travel bag and let him choose what kind of shampoo he wants. “You can’t complain about this one, you get to pick.” Hoity looks over the different shampoos and picks some “Scent of Summertime Shampoo” You wouldn’t have picked that since it has nothing to do with him, but he likes it, so you go with it.

You pour some into your hands, lather them, and apply it before gently massaging it into his little white and gray mane. Thankfully he didn’t have his puffy manestyle as a foal, and his mane is instead fluffy and cute. You almost wonder why he didn’t leave it like this, but realize he wouldn’t look as serious if he was fluffy and cute. After twenty seconds of scrubbing like this, you get out your rinsing dish and scoop up some warm water. You have him tilt his head back so that it flows of better and repeat this rinsing the standard seven times.

You ask him to lift his tail for you now. Hoity does nothing at first, not wanting his tail washed, but he is already impressed that the bath is going so well that he eventually complies. You give yourself some more shampoo before lathering it into his tail. You decide not to stroke it through like last time because he hates that, and instead just lather the whole tail. This only last another twenty seconds before it is also ready to rinse. You use the dish again and repeat the process until the tail is free of any suds.

Hoity sits down again in the water, which is still comfortably warm and wonderfully bubbly. Hoity can’t speak to congratulate you, but smiles at you warmly. It’s the only way he knows to thank you. You are glad to finally have his approval, but the bath isn’t over yet. You give Hoity the bath toys, which you completely forgot to give him in the first bath. Hoity really isn’t sure how to play with them, and gives up after a few moments. You want this to go over well though, so you offer to play with him. Hoity gives you one of the boats and you send the next few minutes having fun.

The bath ends with an, “Aww” of disappointment rather than a sigh of relief like the first time. And you dry the little one off. You realize that your first impression of him was… well, you thought he was a little pompous. But here in retrospect, not many people or ponies with his influence would give others a second chance after such blatant failures as you and Rarity, but he did. That made him pretty cool in your book.

Hoity and you both laugh together, glad that the bath went over so well. You head out the door together, but he suddenly stops and looks up at you. You don’t know what’s wrong at first, but then realize, “Yes, we are still having cookies.”

Author's Note

Funny story behind this one actually. I meant to do Sapphire Shores today, but I've been busy and when I sat down to write, nothing. I've had my plan for her for weeks, but I couldn't write it. So I went with Hoity at the last minute.

Now I actually really respect that a bigshot guy like Hoity would give Rarity a second chance after she royally failed in front of everypony. Not everyone is so understanding. Sure he didn't expect much but he had no reason to. The fact he wasn't expecting greatness and still wanted to let her try makes his selflessness even better. Good job Hoity. So, I wanted to expand upon that. It's always been my plan to portray him as the one who gives second chances, which I now realize makes him perfect to follow the Blueblood chapter, which would otherwise be a very hard chapter to follow.

Sapphire Shores

Playing with these foals is one of the most heartwarming things possible, but no one said it wasn’t tiring. Even as a foal Sapphire Shores was brimming with life. She had a song in her heart that just couldn’t be bottled up, and when that song got loose, well you just couldn’t help but move and be moved. It was wonderful, but for you, as her foalsitter, it only proved that she had more energy than you would ever have.

You were outside her parent’s house in Canterlot, down in a district of the city that wasn’t quite as packed. Still, it was a nice little neighborhood. You have been taking care of her for over a week now and have already gotten to know some of the adults on the street (after the initial shock of seeing their first human of course). Over the last few days it has become the natural proceeding of things that she would play outside, sing, and inevitably draw a crowd. Sapphire got her accent from her mother, who wasn’t originally from Canterlot, and wielded it with the musical talent of an angel, of pop.

One of the local ponies made a comment amongst the group of adults you were standing in, “I’ve said it before, but I’ve never heard anything like that before. It’s sensational I say! I’ll bet a hundred bits right now she’s destined to be a star.” You make every effort to not let your expression give away the fact. Part of your contract with the boss is to not use future knowledge to win bets due to already knowing the outcome. You check your phone for the time and realize that it’s almost time for the bath. You bid farewell to the ponies you’ve talked to and take Sapphire inside for the night (after letting her wave to her fans of course).

Since you haven’t even started the bath yet, you set her down on the sofa in the living room. You now make your way to the bathroom to prepare. Sapphire’s parent’s house is the smallest house of any of the Canterlot nobles you’ve bathed (though it is technically tied with Fleur’s in that respect) but it is also the ‘brightest’. The house has been hoof-painted vibrant colors and is most definitely lived in. The family is close-nit to say the least and it emanates a warm feeling. You actually feel bad for the other nobles, who despite having ‘nicer’ homes, live in a much ‘stuffier’ environment. This house and it’s family are whatever the exact opposite of stuffy is.

You think all this to yourself even as you get the bath ready. Once you feel that everything is just right, you decide to call for the little one. A moment later you hear ever nearing hoofsteps, and a moment after that a light creamy yellow colored comet with sapphire hair pounces into you. It winds you only for a second, because other than being surprising the actual impact only has the force of a pouncing kitten. You start to scold her, but those little gold eyes of her are sparkling up at you. “I’ll get the door” is all you say to her. She ‘pins’ you down with a hoof though, telling you not to move. She runs over and closes the door, which is somehow adorable considering she doesn’t even come up one tenth its height.

You give her a pat on the head for trying to help and scoop her up to put in the tub. As you place her in she acquaints herself to the warm bubbly new setting and starts splashing around. You remain calm, she’s not being bad, she just has too much energy for you. You get her to stop splashing, and she realizes that she has already splashed a lot of water on you. You forgive her and ask her to just settle down a little.

Now for this bath, you decided to do something very special. Since her mane and name are Sapphire, you are using some of the fancy stuff from the crystal empire. You begin lathering the little crystal bead shampoo into her mane. Stroking or combing the shampoo into her mane proved impossible in previous attempt due to her hair being so curly and fluffy that straight motions only pulled her hair. You lather for almost a full minute to make sure the magic takes effect.

You now prepare the rinsing dish. This is her favorite part since the dish is made of sapphire. You rinse over a dozen times partly just because she likes it. With the rinsing done, her mane really does appear to be made of sapphire. Someone who had never bathed a crystal pony would say it was just like crystal pony hair, but you know that real crystal ponies’ hair is much smoother and much more manageable when washed this way, that’s why it is so easy to style, even with magic. Sapphire’s mane lacks this property, but it’s still beautiful.

You ask her to lift her tail for you, which results in her spinning around and sitting up in one instant motion, which result in you getting wet, again. You remind yourself that she’s still not being bad, just energetic, so you say nothing. You work on the tail the same way you worked on her mane, lathering the crystal shampoo in carefully. You continue this until the tail is white and bubbly. You KNOW you’re going to regret this, but you let her rinse her own tail, she like that best. One foal sized, foal originated tsunami later her tail is a perfect sapphire. She looks up at you, and her hooves cover her mouth in regret. You take a deep breath for as long as you can, and let it all out. You now look down into those sorry golden eyes for a moment, and assure her it’s ok. You knew it was going to happen after all.

You get her out and dry her off, before opening the door. You can hear a voice that sounds exactly like Sapphire’s coming from down the hall. “Welcome home Mrs. Shores. I just finished her bath.” Sapphire and her mother warmly greet each other, and Sapphire wordlessly asks to go outside. “Well ok dear, as long as you stay where you won’t get dirty. We don’t want the sitter to have to start over.” She nods and runs off. “Isn’t she sweet” the mother says more as a statement than a question. You nod, “She’s wonderful, but as you ponies say” you give out right where you sit, “She’s a hoof-full.”

Author's Note

This chapter started with the idea that, you don't have to be a bad kid to give the sitter trouble. Kids are just pure energy incarnate, and it can be exhausting keeping up with them even if they're good. Sapphire seems to have plenty of good natured energy, so I new early on it was going to be trouble for you. SAPPHIRE! Y U GONNA BE SO AWESOME IF YOU NO SHOW UP AGAIN? Sapphire is an awesome pony, and I love the accent, but she's only in one scene. She's a wonderfully colorful character, but there wasn't much to go on.

Now my dearest readers, I'm NOT on hiatus, but I will need time to prepare. the next chapter will be Nightmare Moon, and I will release it on the same day, at the same time, as the Nyx chapter for Bathtime for OCs part 2 (note to self, come up with a better title). For those of you who don't know who Nyx is, look up Past Sins by Pen Stroke. Even if you don't read it, learn about it, there are spin-offs that are just as good: Winter Bells is a sequel, and one of my favorites., And here's another good one, though by a different author., and Winter Bells has two other one shots in its series, and the other story has a sequel.

But many of you already know Nyx. On the same day, I will also release a Chapter for Fluffe Puff, I recommend Clicking here
(Just another day is probably the best. You be the judge.)

And Snowdrop. It's sad, but it's a happy kind of sad. A Snowdrop video, no reading necessary, it will only take a minute.

When I have finished all these chapters, I will release them all. Till then everypony, wish me luck.

Nightmare Moon

Princess Luna was pacing about in her land of dreams when you approached her, “Hello, Luna. Are you ready to begin?” Luna actually jumped in surprise. To her credit she had walked in on countless dreams, but never had anypony (or human) walked in on hers. Even during her imprisonment inside the moon she had still watched over the realm of dreams, though she was only semi-conscious, not able to take form or to distort anypony’s dreams. You see that she is bewildered, “Did … I do something wrong Princess? I thought we agreed ….”

Luna comes to her senses, “Fear not sitter. You are of course welcome, and yes, this is where we agreed to meet. I am merely astounded! Well technically, because I welcomed you; it is possible, but honestly I thought I would be the one to find you. How did you get here without me?”

You automatically answer out of habit, “Boss’s magic.” You regret being so brief, but it’s a habit. When you took the job your boss gave your phone and travel bag a few magic tricks, not to mention the time machine. More than a few ponies had inquired about how you seemed to ‘do magic’ since you don’t ‘have magic’. This was especially true the first few times you visited Cloudsdale and everypony asked how you could walk on clouds. You got tired of explaining the whole thing and just started telling ponies that you could do stuff with the “Boss’s magic.” You think Luna deserves the full explanation though, since you did technically break into her most sacred magic, but she gives a knowing nod that seems to dismiss the subject.

Luna sagely walks around you while wrapping her right wing around you and leading you on to the darker part of the dream. There you find the Castle in Everfree Forest but as it stood in Luna’s youth. Luna takes you in and grimaces as you finally stand outside the room she has led you to. She speaks half in a reassuring tone, half in a guilty one, “She’s on the other side of this door.” Luna pauses a moment, “Are you sure you want to do this?”

Some part of you is probably afraid to wash Nightmare Moon, but that part hasn’t said anything yet. You’ve bathed Discord, Chrysalis, and Sombra, and even though they weren’t ever evil, Spike and Gilda were nonetheless fierce creatures that could seriously have hurt you without even meaning to. “Everypony needs some kindness Luna, even her. Come to think of it, maybe her most of all.” Luna doesn’t realize it consciously, but she took that as a compliment.

You walk into the room where Nightmare Moon awaits. She may be in the form of a foal, but she sits with the dignity and seriousness of a sovereign. Her turquoise eyes gleam against the light – cold, calculating and commanding. Her astral mane is billowing without wind. She is sitting with the same posture with which Celestia sits on her throne. She opens her wings proudly as a display of her majesty as your eyes lock. As you come to grips with standing before Nightmare Moon, you can only utter one thing, “Daww! She. Is. Adorable.”

A little blush flushes over her face as she leans back on one front hoof, defensively. She defends herself with a cute little voice that just barely squeaks as she speaks, “I…I am not! I am the night! Feers me!” A smile forms on your face. That blushing, cute voice, mispronouncing ‘fear’, Nightmare Moon is simply adorable.

Nightmare Moon finds your lack of reverence disturbing, and sees fit to reduce you to ashes with a bolt of cosmic lightning. That was the plan anyway, but a little glowing spark on the tip of her horn was all she got. Luna glances up at you, “She can’t do magic here. I’ll watch her while you do whatever you need to do.” You thank Luna and go to find the tub. A minute or so later the bath is ready and you go back to get Nightmare.

You can’t help but sigh at the sight of Luna and Nightmare Moon with their backs to each other and their forelegs crossed, obviously having argued and stopped talking to each other. Oh well, it could be worse, a lot worse you think to yourself. You take Nightmare as Luna asks if you will need help. You point out it would be really awkward bathing… yourself, in a way. Luna agrees and you make your way to the tub.

You set the little Filly in the tub. She is squirming about fiercely until she touches the water. She realizes that the water is cool, even though you just drew the bath. She looks up at you demanding an explanation. You give her one even as you get the door, “Luna always liked the water at a temperature that was ‘just hotter than too cold’, as she described it. I figured you would like it that way too.”

Nightmare considers the thought you put into this and examines the bath. The bubbles are much smaller than the ones in any other bath you prepare, but more numerous, like stars. You make your way over and sit on the mat by the tub. “Are you comfy?” you ask, only receiving a nod.

You get out the shampoo and squirt a handful into your palm before massaging it into her mane, which is harder to do than it sounds since it’s still billowing in the non-existent breeze. She cutely sniffs the air, and a humbled look comes over her. You realize what she’s smelling, “Yes, this is the same shampoo I used to wash Celestia and Luna. It’s not fancy, but I thought you’d remember it.” Nightmare starts to scold you for using some cheap shampoo on her, but for some reason she can’t bring herself to say anything bad about it. After you finally manage to get her mane sudsy, she giggles at the realization that her mane must look silly all white and soapy. You laugh with her, but she soon realizes she doesn’t look scary this way and resumes her stern act.

You decide not to pursue it and begin rinsing. This takes longer than normal because cold water doesn’t rinse the suds out nearly as well. You want to comb the wet mane out of her eyes, but it magically flows back on its own.

You sweetly ask her to lift her tail. Nightmare raises her tail and you begin lathering it. You have the same problems washing the tail that you had with the mane, so it takes a minute. Nightmare, like Luna, is one of the only ponies that actually really likes having her tail washed. You continue for longer than necessary but eventually stop to rinse the tail out.

Nightmare feels nostalgic being bathed with the familiar shampoo. Unlike almost all her other moments of reminiscing, these memories are good ones. You ask her to spread her wings so that you can wash them. Nightmare smiles proudly as she spreads her wings. After all the experience you have had, you are an expert on preening and washing wings, but not bat wings.

You start with what you know and begin using the wing shampoo to preen her feathers while washing them. While doing this, you note that the bat-like wings beneath the feathers are soft, but with a leathery texture. You tell her how magnificent you think are wings are, and she realizes nopony has ever said that before. Most ponies are scared of them. You start to scoop up some water, but neither of you are fond of the slow rinsing that comes with cold water, so she regally flaps her wings in the water until the suds come out.

You now give her the bath toys. She makes an attempt to look as though such things are beneath her, but she gently bites her lower lip and quivers at the thought of how much fun it will be. The tension bursts as she grabs up the toys and hugs them gratefully before playing with them gleefully. You both remain like this for a time before Luna comes to check in on you, “You’ve been at it a while, I wanted to make sure all was well.”

You show Luna that everything is fine and recommend to Nightmare that the bath should end now. Nightmare has no intentions of letting the bath end, “No. no, no, no. I like it. The baf will latht foreber!” You still think the way she mispronounces things so seriously is adorable.

You gesture for Luna not to say anything as you try to coax the young Nightmare, “But if the bath doesn’t end, I can’t tuck you in, and I can’t read you goodnight Luna.” Nightmare hadn’t thought of that. You continue, “And then for breakfast tomorrow, I’ll make you some pancakes.” Nightmare’s jaw drops in sync with her dropping the toys. That was a REALLY good reason to end the bath. Nightmare personally unplugs the tub and elegantly flies out onto the mat, ready to be dried.

As you dry her off, Luna whispers to you, reminding you that this world is still a dream; there will be no way you can cook edible food here. You recommend that you take her outside the dream and make her some pancakes then. Luna forgets to whisper, “You can’t. Outside the dream she still has power. She’ll cast Equestria into everlasting night.”

Nightmare hears this, grits her fangs for a moment and then begins quivering sadly, “I don’t wanna rule. I don’t want E-pur-nal night. I don’t even want magic. I wanna get petted, and tucked in, and eat pan-cakes.” If Nightmare Moon’s sad little sob wasn’t convincing enough, you give Luna a begging look of your own.

Luna starts to object, but sighs in defeat, “Fine.” Nightmare begins dancing around you as you move to open the door.

You ask Nightmare, “So, how do you like your pancakes?”

“To eated them.” She responds innocently.

You let that one go, “Fair enough. How many do you want?”

“All of them!” She cries out gleefully.

After you catch your breath from laughing too much, you let her go play. After all, it’s not quite bedtime. Luna walks alongside you, “It makes you wonder how things might have been, doesn’t it sitter? I wonder what would have been … if she had found someone who loved her too.”

You step into the time machine, “My contract doesn’t allow me to answer that.”

Luna thought you were staying, “Where are you going sitter?”

You start the time machine up, “Tell Nightmare I’ll be back in time for bedtime. I just have another job right now.” You set the machine for ‘parallel world’ and disappear. You will be back. You keep your promises.

Author's Note

The link in that last paragraph goes to the Chapter for Nyx, if you want to read the Nyx Chapter, that's where you have to go. Bathtime for OC's just need to be fully submitted, it probably will be by the time you get there. Thanks for sticking with me.

Daring Do

On average, the ponies that you bathe generally dislike the process at first; but every now and then, you come across a pony that simply HATES baths. This is one of those times. Daring Do had fought you viciously on the first bath, and had cried two-thirds of the way through the second, causing you to end the bath early. Forget the job, this time it’s personal. You made up your mind to make this the best bath ever, or at least good enough to make her like baths from now on.

You fill the tub with hot water and too many suds. You really hope that your master-plan will get her in the tub before all the suds pop in the lukewarm water.

Daring is flipping through the pages of her first picture book, cutely going, “Ooh” and “Aah” at every little thing. Much like Scootaloo, Daring couldn’t fly when she was young, and for that matter wasn’t very fit or athletic in any way. She spent her time reading grand adventures and wishing she could go on one.

She looks up and sees you wearing a safari costume, fully equipped with the hat, and a fake bush limb in each hand for ‘camouflage’. You fake looking surprised to see her, “Ah! Daring! Thank Celestia you’re here. I’m on a quest. A quest to recover the ancient lost Alicorn Grail. But I’ve lost the map. Where could it be?”

Daring blinks in surprise a few times, and turns her attention to map tacked to a big piece of cardboard in her reading room labeled, “Map to the Alicorn Grail.” She had wondered when it had been put there. She points a hoof at it, and you gasp in fake surprise. “This is wonderful Daring! Say, I hadn’t thought of it, but… would you like to come on the adventure?”

Daring jumps into her nearby toy-chest. You are afraid that she noticed the map leads to the bathtub, but she emerges momentarily wearing her own safari hat. You lead the way around the corner to the living room, er… to The Cave of Adventure. In reality you have draped all the blankets over the dinner table and made a foal sized tunnel under it. You look down and see that she is completely immersed in the game, taking all of this very seriously. “Well this is a problem Daring. The Cave of Adventure can only be traversed by one whose heart is as big as they are small. Where are we going to find somepony like that at this hour?”

Daring smiles ear to ear and tugs your pants leg to get your attention. “You? Why didn’t I think of that, it’s perfect. I’ll find some way around.” Daring trots into the ‘cave’ and her imagination fills it with everything a foal would expect to see in the Cave of Adventure. She feels bad for you though, and comes back to the entrance. Before you can ask what’s wrong, she takes the corners of the blanket and pulls them back so that you can get in. You aren’t looking forward to crawling under the pony sized table, but the offer is too sweet to avoid. You crawl on hands and knees while Daring rides on your back, both front hooves up on your head.

You both exit the ‘cave’ and arrive at the hall, otherwise known as the monster’s lair. As you both carefully peak around the corner, you see the monstrous, terrifying, viscous… stuffed bunny. Even as mesmerized as she is, Daring gives you a, “Really?” look. You pretend not to notice her as you continue to look afraid of the monster. She had some stuffed bears, but they were too cute, and her stuffed tiger was her favorite, she would just have run up and hugged it. That only left the bunny.

You are about to tell Daring the plan, but she is missing. Your foalsitter instincts kick in and you worry about where she went to. But a moment later, she returns from the kitchen with a box of carrots, which she puts in front of the bunny. You let out a Daww. Her plan was much cuter, and smarter, than your Holy Hoof Grenade.

At last you arrive at the bathroom, where low and behold, your sapphire rinsing dish from the Crystal Empire sits on the tubs rim. Daring’s jaw drops, she can’t believe it. There really is a real Alicorn Grail! She runs up to inspect it, and you hope desperately that this will work. You made some calls to the families you have worked for, and asked for one of those science fair volcanoes, complete with lava. You pour in the baking soda and the volcano erupts, right there on the bathroom sink. Daring can see that she has been too hasty. The floor is lava. “If only there was a river nearby to escap…” SPLASH!

You never got to finish the plan. Daring was already in the tub, having been smart enough to escape the ‘lava’ by jumping into the water. You sit down next to her really glad the plan is working. Daring is having a great time, not opposed to being in the bath at all. You get out a bottle of shampoo that you have taped the label, “Crocodile repellant” over. Upon seeing it Daring gasps. You are afraid that she will resist the bath now, but instead she points at the bottle urgently. Well after all who would want to be in a jungle river without their crocodile repellant?

You quickly scrub the crocodile repellant into her mane. Time is of the essence, but you can’t afford to do a bad job with something as important as applying crocodile repellant. Half a minute later you get the rinsing di… The Alicorn Grail, and rinse the crocodile replant out of her mane. You lean in and whisper, “Ok, half done. You stand watch for crocodiles, while I scrub this on your tail.” She salutes you, and turns to watch the rest of the bath. You follow the same procedure as with the mane. You didn’t even know you could perfectly scrub a tail in less than twenty seconds, but all your experience combined with the situation proves you can.

You put the rubber duck and merpony in the tub while she isn’t looking, and rinse her with the rinsing di… The Alicorn Grail. “Well Daring, I don’t think any crocodile would dare get close now; nothing but birds of paradise and merponies in this river.” You gesture to the toys as you say that, pretending that it’s a real river and that those ‘animals’ just swam there on their own.

Daring loves the toys, and plays with them. Not the way a foal plays with toys, more the way a foal would greet a real duck and merpony. “Now it’s time to wash your wings.” Daring doesn’t like that you said the word ‘wash’ and starts to pout. “But Daring, you want your wings to get stronger, don’t you?” Daring considers it. She really, REALLY does want her wings to get stronger. She turns to let you wash her wings. You slow down for this part. Wings are more delicate after all. After a minute per wing Daring puts her little wings in the tub and practices flapping them until the suds are all gone.

You unplug the tub as quickly as you can, “Oh no! Whirlpool! Quick, out of the river!” Daring literally grabs the tub’s rim and tosses herself out, lunging as hard as she can. You are prepared for this move, and are holding a towel against your chest so that when she crashes into you, you can begin drying her. This plan results in the both of you giggling on the floor while you dry her. She even ‘saved’ the merpony and ducky from the whirlpool before jumping.

You dry her wings last, causing her to look temporarily sad at not being able to use them, but then looks back at you, glad to have had such a good day. You smile, “Well Daring, we have the Grail. Now we have to get back to the reading room. Let’s fly.” She looks at you; you know she can’t fly. You scoop her up and carry her, letting her flap her wings and ‘fly’ back.

Daring’s parents return home minutes later, unsure what to make of their house being such a mess, but immediately overlook it when they see how happy their daughter is. You realize that you have some explaining to do, and tell them everything. They are laughing along with you by the end of the story, and the mother finally speaks, “That’s brilliant! You set all that up by yourself? You really are the best foalsitter we could ask for.” She regards the set-up, “And apparently, you know how a foal thinks.”

You shrug, “We don’t stop playing because we get old. We get old because we stop playing.”

You turn your attention back to Daring, “So Daring, I trust you like baths now?” She can’t speak, but responds with an enthusiastic nod. She won’t mind getting a bath tomorrow, but is a little sad that it won’t be an adventure again. You notice this, but your previous quote has already given you another idea.

You get out the pirate costume from the time you bathed Pipsqueak, “Yee be lookin’ like the adventure’s over matey. Tell me, yee ever heard of the fountain of youth? I heard frum an ole buccaneer it be sudsy dis time of year, and full of merponies, duckies, and the occasional toy boat or two.”

You are disappointed to see that she has already gone off to do something else. “Oh well” you think to yourself, and the parents just shrug in response. Daring’s dad then notices her returning from her room, and you all turn to see.

She is wearing her own pirate outfit, eye patch and all. She roars the least intimidating, “Argh” anypony has ever heard, and the whole room bursts into laughter once more.

Author's Note

I have been looking forward to writing this for a long time. Why did I not write this sooner?

For that matter, why have I not written as much recently? Maybe it's because I have felt under the weather recently, but I should have known writing about ponies would heal me, duh. Bathtime for OCs was a huge success, I was featured for something to the effect of twenty minutes! I feel like Mike Wisoski:
I don't believe it.
Oh Starry, I'm so...
I'm... Featured!
If this computer was working better, I would post a link to, "My Little Disney: The trail we blaze."
I'll fix it when I get to a better computer.

Granny-Smith

As you sit by the tub, waiting for it to fill, you admire the room it is built in. This house is a log cabin, and even the logs here in the bathroom are logs cut like giant Lincoln logs, perfectly designed to fit together. And yet, despite that here you sit, next to a regular bathtub, with a regular sink and toilet right there. Sure this is one of the more under-equipped bathrooms you’ve ever been in. But it surprises you that in this time, with such limited common convenience, here you sit in a perfectly furnished bathroom.

You remember that Celestia and Luna had such things over a thousand years ago, so you know you shouldn’t be so surprised at ponies in olden times having modern things even in a poor, makeshift log cabin. Then again, you’re a time traveling foalsitter; nothing should be able to surprise you.

Lost in your thoughts, you nearly make the mistake of letting the water run over. Realizing your mistake you quickly turn the water off. Now that the bath is ready you step back into the main room of the house. Another thing you are not used to is the number of ponies still present. In most of your jobs, you and the occasional parent home from work are the only ones present besides the foal. But now, the foal of the week, her two older brothers, mother, father, aunt applesauce, and one of the cousins, were all present. Having the extra help is nice for you, but the reason you are here in the first place is because they don’t have enough help to go around as it is.

Your job here is the same as always, to watch the foals, and her brothers aren’t exactly responsible adults yet either. This is by far the noisiest job you’ve ever had, but it’s also a very pleasant experience for you, though tiring.

With Ma and Pa Apple out collecting seeds, Aunt Applesauce is the one who greets you, “Well sitter, ya got that bath ready yet?”

You nod that you do, and get ready to do the hardest part of this job, “Bath time…”

You freeze. What in Equestria are you supposed to say? You can’t call out, “Granny” she’s just a little foal after all. It would just sound weird. But you’re not sure that yelling, “Smith” will be much better. Yelling Miss Apple… well for one that could apply to several ponies and also didn’t sound very good.

Aunt Applesauce is starting to wonder if you’ve somehow gotten stuck. You’ve just been standing there for over a minute with your mouth wide open and no sound coming out. “Er you okay there sitter? Ya stuck er somethin.”

You start to assure her your fine, but think for a second before admitting, “Kinda’. What am I even supposed to call her?”

Aunt Applesauce looks at you like you’re crazy, “Depends, is it time for Apple rose’s bath, or Granny-Smith’s?” The way she says Granny-Smith makes it sound like a compound word, like saying cow-girl, you just say it “cowgirl”.

A great revelation comes over you, “Ohh! Granny-Smith, like the apple!”

Aunt Applesauce now knows for sure that you’re crazy, or at least a few apples short of a tree. “Well uh, as you would say, duh. What’d ya think her name stood for?”

You’re not sure if it count’s as breaking the timetravler rule not to tell ponies about the future by mentioning that you associate “Granny” as being old. On the one hoof, “Granny” seems to imply age; but on the other, she is the youngest one here now.

You decide you’ve already made a fool of yourself and that the bath is getting cold. You call out for the young one, “Granny-Smith, it’s bath time!” It actually sounds completely normal said like one word. Unfortunately, despite being a relief for you, Granny-Smith does not appear.

Aunt Applesauce still thinks you’re crazy, but helps you, “I can’t finish this last piece of yummy pie! Such a shame an all. It’s made from the same kind of delicious apples that one of my two favorite nieces is named after. I’ll just set it right here.”

A moment later two little heads poke in the front doorway. One has soft pink hair, meaning Apple Rose, and the other is the one you’re looking for. It isn’t even a moment latter that the two rush in and devour the pie piece complete with cute little, “Om nom nom” sounds and everything.

You pick up Granny-Smith and head into the bathroom. She realizes that she’s been tricked, and begins struggling to escape. You place her in the tub, and admitting defeat, she crosses her forelegs. You get out the apple gel shampoo that you are contractually obligated to use on anypony even remotely related to the Apple Family, and begin lathering it into her mane.

Despite all the protesting earlier, she likes the shampoo itself and quickly relaxes in the bath. Her hair always had a white sheen to it, but washing it now you can really see and appreciate the little golden sheen that it had in her youth. Thank goodness that she didn’t yet have her hair braided like she would once she got old enough to bathe herself, you’re not sure you would have been able to wash that.

After her mane is significantly lathered, you scoop up a handful of water and pour over her mane. Strangely she likes this part a lot, so you rinse more than necessary. You now ask her to lift her tail, which upon her compliance; you see that it is very dirty. Considering you knew she spent all day playing with Apple Rose outside, you would have been really surprised if her tail wasn’t dirty.

You begin working the apple gel shampoo into her tail, careful to get all the dirt properly washed. This takes a full minute (her tail was really dirty) but you manage to get it washed. You start to rinse it, but she sits down and, more than just shaking like some ponies, she virtually does a jig. This gets water everywhere, but you don’t really care.

Normally you would give her some toys now, but you know she would much rather play with Apple Rose, so you unplug the tub. You get her out and dry her, which she enjoys, and laughs all the way to the end.

You take her out to the living room and set her next to her friend, “Now you two, listen carefully. Don’t get old. Even if you get older, never get old. Keep playing, keep believing, never get sour.” Judging by their expressions, “Sour” was the only word they got out of that, because Apple Rose sticks her tough out in disgust and Granny-Smith smiles at the thought of food.

Applesauce calls to you, “Sitter, food’s ready. You can wash Apple Rose latter. I’ll need to call the others in.”

You realize you’re never going to get this chance again, and you really want to do this, “Oh uh, can I call everypony in for dinner?”

Applesauce thinks nothing of it and agrees. You can barely contain yourself as you open the front door, see the rest of the family either talking or working or both in the yard, get the deepest breath you can, and in the most country accent you can muster, yell, “SOUPS ON, EVERPONY!”

Author's Note

Wow, this chapter was really hard to write. I'm not even going to pretend I found this easy. People have been asking for this one since the original, I had to write it eventually. But this one was literally forced on my part.

I suspect if Ignus sticks with Mealtime for Ponies all the way up to here, he will likely have an easier time.

Oh, I don't think you wonderful readers are the type that would think this way, but a friend of mine who proofed this chapter wanted me to add to my notes that I am not slandering the southern stereotype. Like I said I don't think any of you will think that, but I take advice when I get it. I am a full time resident of South Carolina, with no plans to ever move away. I'm southern. I am not about to make fun of myself and family. Besides, this is what the Apples sound like. I've never claimed that my own English was great, I've said it isn't many times. But I'm not slandering my own accent. Again, for what I suspect to be 99.99% of you, there was no point to reading this paragraph, but I said I would... so.

MLP Season 4 coming November 23 OH YEAH!

I know this chapter wasn't as good as the last one (even if nopony commented on the Monty Python jokes), but Excelsior, onwards and upwards.

I'm actually writing a new story right now, it's inspired by the Season 4 trailer, but with my own, "I love everypony no matter how much everyone hates them nature." I'll probably post more next time... so, till next time.

Braeburn

Forget the ponies; you’re going to need a bath when this is over. You keep running after Braeburn, who absolutely does not want to get a bath. You remember that Braeburn didn’t move to Appleloosa until it was built, which won’t happen for a few more years. You realize now that it will be the perfect place for him, considering how much he loves being out in the dirt.

You have been chasing Braeburn around an old dry dusty trail, similar to the environment of Appleloosa, and have both been coated in a layer of the dry dust, which is quite hard to wash. You collapse, needing a moment to regain your energy, “Half the fitness of Lil’ Mac, half the hatred of bathing of Applejack, all the trouble I could ask for.”

You stand up and brush yourself off, “Braeburn, the family will be getting home soon, it is getting late after all. If we go now, we can have the bath over with in time for you to play with them a little before bedtime.” Braeburn stops momentarily, considering your point. On the one hoof: he doesn’t like baths, bedtime, or stopping right in the middle of such a fun ‘game’ of chase; on the other hoof, he REALLY wants to play with the rest of the Apple Family before bed. Even as young as he is, Braeburn falls to his rump, crosses his forelegs, and pouts at the unfairness of the situation. You shrug, if bathing is the worst of his troubles in life, he seems to be doing pretty good.

You pick up Braeburn and a dust cloud forms. You can no longer tell if the dusty haze is coming from the road, him, or Faust forbid, you. At this point it doesn’t matter anyway. You take Braeburn back towards the house. On the way back, Braeburn squirms, not liking to be carried. But you’re a good foalsitter, so you put him up on your shoulders, letting him ride up high. Braeburn gasps in sheer delight, he’s never seen the world from this high up before, not even close. Braeburn loves the whole cowboy theme, and is loving his very first ride. You laugh a little at the thought of just how weird this would look back on earth, with the cowboy being the ‘horse’ and you being ‘pony’. You question how ponies even know about cowboys, but remember that you are a time traveling foalsitter and drop the subject on principle.

Once you get back to the house you head straight for the tub and start the water running. Braeburn sits next to you as the warm water fills the tub. You look at yourself in the bathroom mirror, more than a little upset that your clothes are dirty now. Braeburn notices this and looks sorry. You assure him that it’s ok, this time. “In fact, if I hadn’t gotten dirty too, I wouldn’t have been as willing to let you ride back. I’d say things worked out for the better, wouldn’t you?” Braeburn smiles in the gleeful way that he is famous for, and you return it.

The bath is half full (for foal bathing purposes) but that’s actually more than you intended. You turn the water off and put him in the tub. Even as little as he is, the water barely reaches the bottom of his stomach. You go ahead and ladle the water over him with the dish, trying to get as much of the dirt off of him before you start a proper bath. You don’t think using the brush is necessary but use it anyway to be sure. Like most foals, he is ticklish and giggling fits ensue. You scrub him from head to hoof, which doesn’t take too long considering he fits under your arm.

Once he is brushed, you want to rinse him, but the water is now very dirty, just as you anticipated. You unplug the tub and turn on some new water to pour over him. By the time the rinsing is done, the tub is practically emptied. You plug the tub again and let him help you adjust the water, half because you want it to be just right and half because it’s a fun exercise for both of you. Unlike you, Braeburn doesn’t know how to get the water just right. This results in him changing it from scalding hot, to freezing cold, and back again. Rinse and repeat, pun intended.

You try to maintain as much balance as possible, and pour the bubblebath formula on him, since he’s in the tub already. The warm water flowing around him dissolves the patented apple-bubblebath formula into the tub, and gets his coat perfectly clean in the process. You now apply the apple gel shampoo that you use on all Apple family members and massage it into his mane. Braeburn’s coat may be clean, but you are still dirty. This causes the air in the bathroom to have a unique smell, which is a mix of dry dirt, soap, and apples.

Once you have his mane lathered, you scoop up some of the bath water and rinse. The golden brown mane of his instantly shines out from under the suds, and after ten more rinses his mane is sud free. You move on to the tail, which is his least favorite part. Almost nopony likes having their tail scrubbed. You proceed the same way you would with the mane, and after twenty seconds you scoop up some water to rinse.

You are extremely tired now after a long day of (trying to) keep up with him, and end the bath without playtime. Braeburn isn’t even disappointed, because by now you can hear the rest of the Apple Family getting home from working on the orchards. You unplug the tub and set him on the mat beside you. In half a minute you have him dry and ready to go. You open the door and greet the rest of the family. You double check to make sure they can handle it from here and close the bathroom door again. Braeburn’s not the only one who’s going to need a relaxing bath after today.

Author's Note

Well, I'm back. Give me a second to catch my breath, I've been on a adventure to a terrifying place called, "reality" and it wasn't pretty. Two weeks! Has it been that long? I'm going to have to step it up.

Speaking of stepping it up, These last two chapters were hard to write. I tend to find when I have a great chapter in mind, it is easy to write, and comes out beautifully. That is why, for the coming chapters, I will be adding a lot more flair and story, like in the Daring Doo, Nightmare Moon, or Lunaverse chapters.

Saw Equestria Girls during my absence. Gotta say, I know it wasn't great but... I ain't even mad. It was what it was intended to be, a Twilight becomes a teenage high school student spoof. I bring this up because, I was writing a story before I watched it, and there were some elements of my story that were original, but the writters of Equestria Girls had the same original ideas. Now I have to go back to rewrite parts of mine, even though it wasn't based on the movie. Still, live and learn.

Finally, Ignus (writer of mealtime for ponies) and I are going CO-OP for an unrelated project of his, wish us luck. Not that he needs luck mind you, he is the only person I've told the identity of the Boss from the story to after all, it was originally DerpsandDinks404, the guy I took over for, but now I know it's... I mean... um... you didn't read anything... (walks away).

Little Strongheart

You have been sitting for so long now that all you want to do is stand up and walk around, just a little. Chief Thunderhooves has been working out the ‘terms’ of this job with you for almost four hours now. Either you or your boss have worked out a contract of some kind with everypony (or other sentient being) you’ve ever washed (actually with their parents or guardians) but this is different. More than conventional terms, Thunderhooves is more concerned that you understand the lifestyle of his people, and is far more concerned with your relationship with the buffalo as a whole than this job in particular. It’s not that you don’t appreciate it, but this is so uncomfortable for you, and Thunderhooves can have a tendency to ramble in a way that puts even his fellow buffalo to sleep.

After what feels like an eternity, he utters words you thought you’d never hear, “And also… um, actually, come to think of it, that’s probably everything there is to know about buffalo. Well, make yourself at home then.” You get back on your feet, glad they still work after sitting like that for so long. “Now then” continues the Chief, “I suppose it’s time to start worrying about that bath for my dear Little Strongheart. I wonder where she is anyway?”

It is only just barely afternoon, nowhere near time for a bath yet, “Actually chief, I do the whole foalsitting, um excuse me, calfsitting job, not just the bath. I’m sure there is still a lot to do before bathtime.”

Thunderhooves turns and points away from the tribe, “No doubt, but the river is that way. We only have small streams running through this area, enough to wash a calf I suppose, but really the stream is better.” A stream? The chief didn’t really expect you to wash her in a stream did he? Thankfully he seems to notice your confusion, “Understand Foal Sitter, we buffalo pride ourselves on cleanliness, though we do not have the tools of bathing I have heard you speak of. While the sun is high, and the river is warm, that is the best time to bathe. In the winter, you can take sweat baths, very warm, very traditional, but now is the wrong time of year for that. Now is the time for a bath in the warm summer river. But if you wait much longer, the sun will start to go down, and the water will get cold.”

You pause. You had never really considered their way of life. Hearing about their traditions was one thing, but actually seeing and hearing how they went about day-to-day life is something else. You and the chief head out immediately, if what the chief said was true, you couldn’t afford to waste daylight. You both arrive down by the river, and fortunately find the foa… ahhem, correction: calf, you are looking for.

Your heart nearly jumps out of your chest at the adorable sight. Little Strongheart is sitting by the river, no more than a mere buffalo calf. She notices the Chief and lets out what in a human, or even a foal would be a cooing sound, but due to her bovine heritage, it’s more of a mooing sound. The Chief introduces you to each other, and tells you that he’ll leave the rest to you. You take note of the ‘tub’ being a whole river, and the daww you had been holding in comes out as a worried sigh. You’re really not sure how to handle this.

You start to put your mat down near the riverside, but Little Strongheart gestures to a different spot in the river. You decide to follow her lead, and go along with it. The water is shallow here, meaning not only is it not too deep, but the sunlight reflecting off the smooth river rocks makes that spot warmer. You can’t help but be a little embarrassed that this calf knows more about bathing than you. You get out some shampoo that the buffalos gave you, and pour it on her… mane? Hard to say in this case. Though not fluffy, buffalo fur is definitely thick, so you scrub extra hard. You worry you’ll hurt her, but she doesn’t flinch.

Once her head, for lack of a better word, is clean, you scoop up some water to start rinsing. You don’t get a chance though, because she sticks just the part of her head that is sudsy into the oncoming stream. The moving water acts like a shower rather than a bath, and the suds are gone in no time. Strike two of you being shown up by this calf.

You wonder whether or not to wash her tail, but seeing how it’s not as big or a furry as a ponies, you decide to use a different approach to the rest of this bath. You get out your most underused bath tool: the brush. You decide to bathe the whole body for this bath. You pour a generous helping of soap on the brush and begin scrubbing. Though short, her fur is extremely thick by pony standards, and doesn’t even start to lather. You tell her to say something and stop you if you scrub to hard, and she nods in understanding. You keep scrubbing until you finally have her whole body coated in soapy bubbles. She moos cutely and your heart melts away at the cute little baby bison before you. She rolls around in the river, having the river-current shower her clean.

It dawns on you that the reason she was so willing to have the bath, as well as the reason that she knows more about it than you, is because even as a calf, she participates. Rinsing is done by the river, and is best done personally. She already knows how to give herself showers, in a way.

You want to have playtime, but you sadly can’t give her toys, they’d wash away. But destiny demands that cute things happen around you, and a family of little ducklings comes paddling its way up river. Forget rubber duckies, Little Strongheart plays with real duckies. The calf and ducklings play gently in the warm summer river, and a symphony of quacks and moos echo each other. Even the mother duck doesn’t mind this exchange, and preens one of the bigger ducklings. Like all children Little Strongheart wants to imitate the adults in her life, so she takes the preened duckling feather and puts it in her hairband behind her ear. It is still yellow, like a baby duckling, and as soft as a down feather.

Having nearly imploded from cute overdose, you ready the towel for when she wants to get out, but don’t dare break up this scene. A few minutes later the mother duck as moved her little ducklings upstream and Little Strongheart is ready to dry. Outside in the warm summer air, drying takes place very quickly, and you are both ready to walk back.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

That night, you speak with the chief about installing a hot spring, having heard that if and when they are available, other buffalo tribes have used them for baths. You assure him it would be feasible with the boss’s magic, and he says that he will consider it. “This is all very interesting Foal Sitter, but there is something that we should do first. Follow me please.” Not knowing what’s going on, you follow Thunderhooves to a great bonfire, with all the buffalo gathered around. The chief clears his throat and gives a speech, “Today, this human has helped us in our daily lives, and been of great help to us. I think it is only fitting then, that we make Foal Sitter and honorary member of the tribe.” You are shocked, but delighted. You don’t know why you never noticed that the chief was calling you Foal Sitter as a name.

The chief lifts up Little Strongheart so that she can put a headband on your head, equipped with one feather of your own. You feel a warm fuzzy feeling spread outwards from your heart, and eventually out of your eyes as liquid pride. “To Foal Sitter!” cries the chief, which is echoed by the rest of the tribe, complete with ceremonial stomping in place, “To Foal Sitter!”

Author's Note

This was mandatory right after Braeburn you know.

As you can see, I decided to base the buffalo's bathing style after the Native Americans, rather than normal buffalos. I have a great deal of respect for the Native Americans, and I hate the way they are trivialized in most representations as all being so generic. They all had different traditions and ways of life, bathing would have been different in different climates, and for different times of the year. I wanted to do them as much justice as I could, I hope I succeeded. Sweat baths would really be more common, but that's really for cooler climates, this is the most practical thing I could come up with.

I also thought "Foal Sitter" as two words sounds like a Native American name, so I thought I'd use it. Anyone who stuck with the story this long deserves to be an honorary something :)

The next chapter will be Inkie, Blinky, and Pinkie Pie. Faust help me, I'm going to try to make it rhyme! I got the idea from reading this. Be careful, you may laugh so hard you can't breath, so read somewhere you can laugh out loud. You have been warned.

Blinkie, Inkie, and Pinkie Pie

You have been cursed by the scorn of Everfree: the poison joke
you did not realize until this morning when you awoke.
You’d have just gone for the cure to this most accursed flora
but you haven’t had time to visit your old friend Zecora.
Like the wise zebra, your curse makes your thoughts and words rhyme.
“You can’t heal my curse but you let me travel through time?”
Over the phone your boss once more explains
that despite wishing to aleve you of your pains
that the only real cure is a bath in medicinal herbs,
so with magic the boss can’t fix this thing which disturbs.

You hang up the phone with a consigned sigh
returning your full attention to young Pinkie Pie.
Her tail and mane are both straight and she has no cutie mark
forgotten birthdays yet to come at first made you suspect she’d seem dark,
but as you watched over her, anyone would clearly see:
she was just sad; her life was not yet full of glee.
Not wanting to see such a sad little sight
you gently pet her soft head saying, “It’ll all be alright.”

She smiles; you’re her favorite person other than her granny
she did seem depressed, but at least not uncanny.
You scoop her up in your arms, provoking a laugh
which is instantly stifled, “It’s time for your bath.”
She struggles to escape with the force of ten twisters
“Oh come on relax, now let’s go find your sisters.”

You quickly find the next sister of Pinkie,
a young second sister, by the name of Blinkie.
Her coat’s a soft purple, her mane the color of limestone
you say, “It’s time for your bath”. She just lets out a groan.

Now that you have the next sister in tow
you look for the last, “Only one more to go.”
You search over and under and all around,
but the last sister is nowhere to be found
then at last you find the last sister, her coat a soft gray
her mane like black marble, once the dirt’s washed away

You pick her up before telling her, in a manner so sly
she does not want a bath! No not Inkie Pie!
But by now it’s too late, no more sisters to go
you head for the tub, young Blinkie in tow.

Once there you watch patiently, as Blinkie crosses the floor,
and once she’s safely inside with a foot you close the door.
You set the other two down, both complaining a lot
and take a seat while testing to see if the waters too hot
you get the sisters to join you, so they can also see
then into the tub they go, one, two, and three.
This will be the first time you’ve washed three ponies at once
and you really hope Pinkie won’t try any of her Pinkie Pie stunts.
With one hand you prepare ‘homemade pie’ scented shampoo
and proceed to form lather from the sweet smelling goo

You decide to start with the oldest, who has given you so little trouble
and so scrub Blinkie Pie’s mane with the soap until it starts to bubble.
You realize how dirty they get on the rock farm they trample,
but Blinkie loves the tickly scrubbing, which sets a good example.
The next sister giggles at this sight, with a babyish warble.
You decide to move on to the foal with a mane of marble.

Inkie likewise enjoys the scrub that she thought she’d despise,
you see their levels of happiness are now on the rise.
You didn’t realize her mane of marble had a real marble-like shine,
you scrub and you scrub, once rinsed it will be so divine.
You finish lathering the mane the color of ink
and turn you attention to the sister of pink.

Even back then, Pinkie’s joy was seeing others smile
though she’d not get her cutie mark for a fair while.
Seeing them happy like that makes her want her mane soapy too
you scrub and scrub, how you love what you get paid to do.
With all three sisters now donning bubbles of white
you all three burst into giggles at the adorable sight

You rinse young Blinkie so that her mane will finally be clean
and behold the softest gray color that you’ve ever seen.
The next sister hates rinsing, and awaits with a mad but cute little frown
her washed mane looks to you like a well of ink ‘round her head pouring down.
At last you move on to an anxious Pinkie, and the last set of bubbles
and wash them away, along with her worries and troubles.

With all the manes cleaned, and the sisters finally at ease
it’s now time to move on, “Sit up won’t you please?”
Blinkie lifts up her tail, doing what you asked for
you start with her, it worked so well before.
You finish scrubbing her tail at record setting rate,
it’s really easy with the hair being so straight.
You now wash Inkie Pie’s tail with the very same ease,
she still hates this part, but she readily agrees.
Pinkie stands up, knowing her turn is drawing near
you at last wash the pony, which brings up the rear.

You instruct the first sister by having her sit down
you gently take her forehooves and spin her around.
Her tail swirls in the water, till the last sud is gone.
She’s sad when it’s over; she wishes it had gone on.
The others rush over, who's next, they wait to learn.
You go out of order, making dear Pinkie turn
Inkie’s not even jealous; she takes hold and holds fast
and once you have spun her they are all clean at last.

You ready the toys, which you give to the three
giving only one each, so they’re given fairly.
You lean back to watch, as the three sisters play
it’s a wonderful end to a wonderful day.
You pull the plug, the bath is finally done.
Three foals pout, it was so very fun.

You take the three out, placing each on the mat
you dry their little heads, giving each one a pat.
You move on to the tails, and tummies, and side to side,
and at long last the three little sisters are dried.

You stare in melancholy, as the three sisters still play,
knowing they will live apart on a not-so-distant day.
You decide to break rules, in a manner most grand
and give them advice they will not understand.

“Girls” you say softly, and each one turns a head
“I want to say something before you all go to bed.”
You look to the sisters, both Inkie and Blinkie
knowing that soon they’ll be apart from dear Pinkie
“When you three are together, I’ve seen the way you feel
the bond between sisters so precious and real.
And even, let’s say, if you were to soon roam
it’s not where you are that comprises your home.
Your home doesn’t change, though you may grow apart
that place is where bonds are, right here, in your heart.
It’s made of the stuff that makes the day seem so bright,
and it’s made of the stuff that keeps your heart warm at night,
yes it’s more than any sort of feeling, or anything thereof
the most powerful thing, a great magic called: Love.

So even though I’m sure you won't remember what I have just spoken
know that the bonds in your hearts can never be broken.”

You stand up now, a stand silent a minute
your eye is bright, but a tear stands in it.
Part of you wishes you just hadn’t spoke,
what a sappy thing to stay. Stupid Poison Joke.
You remember to make sure to turn on the nightlight
and tuck them all in, telling each one goodnight.
You read them, “Goodnight Luna”, give them a kiss on the head
and you exit the room, as they snuggle into bed.

You get in the time machine, ready to get your rhymes cured
and you receive a call, it’s your boss you’re assured.
You apologize in advance, for saying something you shouldn’t
“You just gave them advice. I never said that you couldn’t.”
Your boss has already scheduled a cure for your Rhyme
It’s waiting for you. You love messing with time!

At the baths down in Ponyville you finally arrive.
Another day of this rhyming? You’ll never survive!
You talk with Lotus; who has already prepared your aid
“It’s not only scheduled, it’s already paid.”
You’re sure to that detail your boss wouldn’t see
so who paid your bill? Who could it be?
You turn to see the ones who your cure did buy:
Inkie, Blinkie, and Pinkie, the sisters of Pie.

“We heard about your cure” said the sister of party
“So we decided we’d chip in don’t you see?”
“We all wanted to help, it was the least we could do”
The sisters had done this as their thanks to you.
This seems like a lot; you were paid to foalsit.
They all give you a hug, “We did not forget.”

Author's Note

Looks like I was completely wrong when I said this chapter was coming soon,
I mean for goodness sakes! It’s already been a full moon!
I have been dealing with a real curse: one called, “Real life”
It’s had me bogged down and filled up with strife.
I wanted this sooner, but had too much to do,
But I would have hated to disappoint you.
The next chapter won’t be out till at least the 17th
But it will be out then (if I have the strength).
Oh English, why do you hate me so?
You're my native language, why do you not flow?
In any other I could have done this with ease
Next time help me, you know, if you please.
You’re free to complain, since I’ve been gone such a long time
But complaints must be “G” rated, and submitted in rhyme.

Caramel

You fill the tub with hot soapy water. ‘Hot’ is the key word here. You haven’t bathed Caramel before, but you have bathed a whole lot of the Apple Family members since you started this job, and if the past is any indication, Apples don’t take to bathing kindly. You want to be sure the water is still warm by the time that you finally get him in here. With preparations made, you set out to find the little guy.

You feel strangely at ease walking through his parents’ home. After having bathed some of the older Apple family members when they were foals, as well as bathing members that lived far away from Ponyville, it feels good to be walking through a normal home again. Caramel’s parents settled down right here in a far more modern version of Ponyville than their own parent’s generation did, and Granny Smith had already made the Apple family financially able to live comfortably here in Ponyville. Caramel may never even consider it, but since you’ve seen the living conditions of all the other family members over the years, you know he should be extremely grateful to live in such a good and modern home.

You realize that you’re getting nostalgic, and get your mind focused back on the search. You Finally find the little colt, who is playing with his toys. Caramel looks up at you with interest as soon as you walk in, he’s gotten rather bored and is waiting to see if you’ve come to play.

Knowing that this is about to turn into a wild chase, you are tempted to either trick him by saying that there’s a game or else to jump him before he has a chance to run. You decide that neither approach is ethical foalsitter protocol, and decide to be honest with him, no matter how much trouble it will cause. “It’stimeforyourbathCaramel” you say as fast as you can as you crouch into running position.

Caramel lets out a disapproving, “Aww” and begins to pout. You wait for it… any second now… or, maybe not. You’re half sure this is a trick, no bath hating Apple ever came along this easily. You decide not to look a gift pony in the mouth, smack yourself for using that cliché, and pick him up.

When you get to the tub the water is still too hot to bathe him, after all this is record time when you had to chase down an Apple Family member. You set him on the mat and go back to close the door. You now take a seat next to the little guy and assume the friendliest demeanor you have, “You know, since you were so good, and didn’t put up a fight, we’ll have this bath over much sooner than bedtime. I’m sure we can eat some caramel swirled ice-cream in the extra time we have.”

Caramel instantly becomes happier, you hadn’t even realized how sad he had seemed until you saw him cheer up. To get him interested, and to make him lose his distain of bathing, you get him to join you in testing the water to see if it’s still too hot. The two of you make it a game, and before you know it Caramel and you are splashing merrily in the tub. You let this go on longer than you think it’s fun, because he likes it, there’s no reason not to, and you’re a good sitter.

Once he’s ready, you move to help the little guy into the tub, but he throws his front hooves over the side and pulls himself in all at once. You automatically reach for a towel to wipe the soapy water out of his eyes. After bathing little ponies over a hundred times it becomes a reflex.

You pat around his eyes with the towel and make sure he doesn’t have soap in his eyes, and he appreciates the care. You roll your own eyes at how strong earth ponies are even as foals, and get down to business. You use your patented Apple Gel Shampoo that you have used on every single Apple family member so far and begin lathering it into his mane. Caramel gives you a look that demands you not get any more of the soap in his eyes. You’re not even mad; it’s a natural response coming from a young foal who just got soap in his eyes while you were watching.

You scrub carefully for about twenty seconds until his mane is white and sudsy. You scoop your hands and ladle it over his mane ten or so times until his mane is clean. A normal person would be surprised, but after all the ponies you’ve washed, you had already long since expected it. Now that his mane is clean, his hair almost looks like it’s made of flowing, liquid caramel. It even has a sweet smell to it, but that’s probably just the shampoo.

You ask him to lift his tail, and smirk knowingly when he outright refuses. Caramel’s methods are different, but he’s opposing bathing just like any other Apple family member. “Need I remind you that our getting ice-cream for desert is entirely dependent on your bath ending early?” you say in the most confident tone you have.

Caramel opens his mouth in shock for a brief moment before staring at you with a look that screams, “That’s not fair!”

You shrug, still smiling and completely confident you’re going to win, “It’s not my fault if bedtime rolls around before we get our ice-cream.”

Caramel doesn’t like it, but he complies. You scrub the tail hard so as to get the process over with. It Caramel’s tail is no bigger than his mane, so it’s over in less than half a minute. The very instance that you finish scrubbing he sits down and swishes his tail around in the water, rinsing his tail himself.

You lean back and laugh at the cute display of defiance, “I’ll let you pick Caramel: toys or ice-cream?”

Caramel lets you know his answer by pulling the plug out of the tub. You concede to that and place him on the drying mat. Moments later the little guy is clean, but not too happy about being bathed.

“Oh come on. We have a whole hour I hadn’t accounted for now. We can eat desert and play and still have time to story time. Caramel can’t believe it; he never gets to do that much stuff after a bath. The look in his eyes asks for an explanation. “You obviously don’t know how hard it is to catch an earth pony.”

Author's Note

I knew when I was writing this chapter that many of the references wouldn’t be picked up by anyone but me, but I didn’t realize how many until I proofread it again one last time just now. So here we go.

I research every pony thoroughly right before writing anything about them, sometimes for hours per pony. When I look up canon material for Caramel, I noticed something that never occurred to me before, something I doubt many of you picked up either:

“Did anypony else noticed he’s almost always upset about something?”

Neither did I. But consider the following:
In Winter Wrap Up, he’s sad that he lost some seeds, and looks like he doesn’t like his job.
In Cutie Mark Chronicles, he is the only one staring at Twilight with an angry look, rather than a normal surprised or worried one as she jumps around after telling the Crusaders how she got her Cutie Mark
In the Best Night Ever, he’s happy as he and his friend talk to Rarity, but threatens Spike when he tries to get the coach to go faster (“If you weren’t a friend of Raritys)
He’s one of the madest ponies when the Apples don’t produce enough Cider, even though he’s family.
And he’s one of the mad ponies in Magical Mystery Cure.

Seriously guys, how did we all miss that this guy is always mad?

The only time he comes off as being really super happy is when Rarity flirts with him, or when he is flirting with Sassaflash.

I also had a reference that only I was going to get. This is probably the last Apple that I am going to get to wash unless the show introduces more. In DerpsandDinks original Applejack chapter, they coaxed her with pie when the bath was over. I added ice-cream as a tribute to the series, to top-off the story the way it practically begun. The reminiscing at the beginning was also a tribute to just how far the Apple family has come in three generations. I think about these things, and I realized all this as I wrote the other chapters. To you it may be filler, to me it’s progress. Not everypony can go from being dirt poor to founding a town and becoming a major pony family in one lifetime. You rock Granny Smith! That’s the power of the Equestrian dream at work right there.

Oh, speaking of Sassaflash, did you guys know she's a changeling? Cause this story is my favorite one for either of these ponies.

P.S. since someone was kind enough to point it out, I will put it in the notes. Is Caramel Apple Family? Not according to the canon no, but neither does it say he's not. I've read enough stories where he is that I'm conviced it's so. Sorry if you don't think so, but this is a story about a timetraveling human who washes baby talking ponies, it's not the most canon story to start with. Let this one slide just this once, please.

The Founder Ponies, A Hearth's Warming Special

You make your way through the castle courtyard, an oaken basket with bath towels draped over it under your arm. Now understand, when you first started this job, there was a mutual discomfort from you and the locals in your presence, being a human and all. It also never helped that, since you travel through time in addition to places, ponies in each new time or place were unused to you.

But this was different, completely.

The unicorns here didn’t look at you so much as an oddity. They really just didn’t like you, and that was that. You have been doing this long enough to tell. You decided to take it as a blessing that they ignore you generally, after all, the king “accepts” you, but that is only because the unicorn king wants nothing less than the greatest foalsitter ever for his precious Princess Platinum (though he was disappointed when he saw that you were not a unicorn). In truth, there is only one full-grown pony that treats you like a peer and equal.

“Out getting your bathing supplies sitter?” asks a kindly court wizard.

“Oh you know, the necessities Starswirled”, you lie to your dear new friend. You’re contractually not allowed to reveal any knowledge about the future, but it takes everything in your power not to have an awesome attack around the one and only Starswirled the bearded, greatest unicorn to date and your newest personal friend.

Starswirled raises a knowing eyebrow at you, “Yes, I’m sure. And I’m sure those little ones just happened to get mixed into your supplies, aye sitter?”

You freeze; the old guy is too smart for his own good. You lower the basket and remove the towel, revealing four baby ponies cuddled up in a ball of warm, loving pony cuteness. Two pegasi and two earth ponies. “I have to wash all of them, and the unicorn castle has the best tub by far. But you know nothing about this, right Starswirled?”

Starswirled feigns ignorance, “Know nothing about what sitter? Is there something I should know?”

You smile; Starswirled possesses none of the racism and hate of the other unicorns, or the other tribes for that matter, “Thanks, Starswirled.”

Starswirled smiles and steps into a side room. A moment later he returns, leading two baby unicorns with him. You ask him to lead them to the bathroom, knowing that it would otherwise be a struggle. You go in and start the water to running, pouring the bubblebath into the tub. A small purple foal trots merrily into the room ready and waiting for a bath. The other foal on the other hand is sitting in a pouting position and would never have entered the bathroom at all if Starswirled magic was giving her any choice. Starswirled sets her down next to the basket and closes the door. You know that he is going back to work and you need to get around to yours.

With the bath drawn you wake the little ones in the basket. The first to awaken is Smart Cookie, an earth pony a lot like Applejack. Her mane and tail are like shiny straw. Her coat is a light tan, but her (pardon the expression) down to earth nature is what really reminds you of the apple growing earth pony. Next, a sky blue pegasus flutters up and holds onto the handle of the basket cutely failing to perch there and wobbling about. Hurricane, the future commander of the pegasi race, looks exactly like Rainbow Dash, but has a storm cloud colored mane and tail and her wing tips are white, a fiery look permanently set in her eyes and in her soul. Puddinghead, or just Pudding to you, is a much lighter pink than Pinkie was in the play, and turns out, it wasn’t a hat; her mane just looks like chocolate pudding in reality. She jumps merrily out of the basket and starts playing with the little purple unicorn with a midnight mane: Clover. With the basket practically empty, a pegasus that Fluttershy acted as, Pansy, kindly pokes her head out of the basket, giggling at just the sight of you. She may not look anything like Fluttershy. Her body is light green and her mane and tail are bluish-purple (like a pansy), but her demeanor is EXACTLY like Fluttershy’s to the point you ignore the colors.

You sit on the bath mat and lean your back against the tub, “Well, I’ve never washed 6 ponies at once before. Who’d like to get into the bath first?” The non-unicorns have just woken up and are only now realizing that a bath awaits them. Hurricane flies vainly towards the closed door, Pansy ducks down in the basket, and Pudding hides behind the basket. For her part, Smart Cookie (or just Cookie), happily wants a bath and volunteers.

You start gently petting Cookie’s head for her good behavior but wait long enough to put a plan into motion, “Well, I guess you’ll go first. That means everyone else will come in… oh… you know, not first place.” Hurricane can’t bear the idea of not coming in first and flies into the bath so fast a good bit of water splashes out.

Well, you asked for it after all.

You place the foals in the tub: Platinum, Cookie, Clover, Pudding, and Pansy, ready to get started. You use “holiday spice” scented shampoo on the little ones, they may not know the future significance, but you do so it’s good enough.

You start massaging the shampoo into Princess Platinum’s mane, since she’s the pickiest in regards to how she likes it. Platinum looks very similar to Rarity, but her mane is the exact same color as her royal robe (slightly different shade) and instead of being opal in color like Rarity, she is a platinum-white.

Because of how picky she is about her hair, you still aren’t done even after half a minute. This normally wouldn’t be a problem, but there are five other foals waiting their turn that are starting to get impatient. And when foals get impatient, they start misbehaving.

You realize that you can’t leave them all alone while you wash, and also begin to realize that at this rate the bath water will be too cold for playtime by the time you finish washing them all.

Cookie may only be a foal, but she realizes your dilemma. She looks over at the shampoo bottle and points at it while squeaking cutely for your attention. You’ve gotta admit, she’s one Smart Cookie.

You’re not sure letting little foals wash each other is a good idea, but realize you don’t have much of a choice. You give Cookie some shampoo and she turns to the pony closest to her, which happens to be Pansy. She starts scrubbing Pansy’s mane. You do your best to see that she’s not scrubbing too hard, but really can’t tell if her earth pony strength is too much, or if Pansy is just shying away from the cleaning. You then give some shampoo to Pudding, who starts washing Hurricane’s mane. Poor Hurricane looks up at you with pouting eyes, begging you to do something about this. You can only laugh at how cute she looks. You see that Clover has already magically picked up a bath brush and is washing Platinum’s coat.

These foals, they will never stop amazing you. They are all getting along so well and doing a much better job than you would have thought possible. You get to work washing tails and keeping careful watch that nopony gets soap in anypony’s eyes. After a while, the little ones switch who is washing and who is being washed.

You pull Hurricane over to the side of the tub, since she is the rowdiest, and start washing her wings. You know this is one job too serious and delicate to entrust to foals, no matter how gentle or well-meaning they are. Like most pegasus, nothing feels better for Hurricane than a good wing preening/massaging; it seems to have a tranquilizing effect on her. This is especially good for you, because it means the troublemaker of the group is temporarily gentle.

You are ready to wash Pansy’s wings now, and see that she, Clover, Cookie, and even Platinum are all sitting in a circle, trying to figure out how in the world to wash Puddinghead’s crazy mane. They all have a hoof propping up their chins with a dumbfounded look on their faces, totally unsure how to approach the situation.

You permit Hurricane to join the others and gently pull Pansy over to wash her wings. At first you are a little surprised that she seems to have no reaction to it, but then shrug it off as, “She’s like Fluttershy, already tranquil to begin with”.

With no more wings or tails to worry about, you look over to see that, to your great surprise, Platinum of all ponies is using her magic and your brush to fix Pudding’s hair better than you ever could. Despite being a little stuck up (and growing up to be MUCH more so), she was actually very fashionable. You guess Rarity was perfect to play her part after all.

Sadly, you see the water is cold now. “Sorry everypony, no playtime tonight.” Six saddened, “Aww's respond to you, but there’s nothing you can do. You hear a knock at the bathroom door and are terrified what will happen if the unicorns find out about this. “Sitter, it’s just me, open the door.”

Hearing Starswirled’s voice relaxes you, and you go to open the door for him. “Sorry to disrupt you Sitter, but I forgot to mention earlier that the unicorns are all having a grand meeting in the city today, the castle will be mostly deserted. What that means for you is you don’t need to rush anything. Nopony is around to care about you bringing those other ponies in”.

You shrug, “Thanks, but the baths are already over anyway. I was going to let them play, but the bathwater is too cold.”

Starswirled is staring behind you, “Then… what do you call that?” he says pointing towards the bath.

You turn around to a magnificent sight. Platinum and Clover are magically heating the bath, with no small amount of help from Pansy and Hurricane’s control over water. Cookie is holding Puddings hind legs so she can reach the toys before pulling her back into the tub, resulting in a victorious squeak from the other four. Hurricane balls up enough of the now hot bathwater into a cloud which she makes rain, one-by-one over each pony’s head, showering their mane’s clean. This process accidentally gets some soap in Pansy’s eye, but before you have time to react, Platinum combs Pansy’s mane back so the soap won’t get in her eyes anymore, and Pudding wipes her tears away with a dry washcloth you had on emergency standby.

You can feel the moment taking your breath away. The love and harmony present here is like nothing you can find in “civilized, adult society”, and you can feel your hope overflowing out of you.

Starswirled is just as surprised as you are; with all his knowledge, he is unable to explain what he is seeing. “What in the world did you do to harmonize them so perfectly in one bath, sitter?” he asks, desperate to find out the secret.

“I didn’t do anything Starswirled. They did it on their own.” You look at him, “I’ve washed a lot of foals, and they hate a lot of things: baths, being fed, going to bed on time, hiccups. But I’ve never known them to hate others. The three tribes don’t hate each other, not naturally anyway. Do they look like natural enemies to you?”

Starswirled already knows his answer, but is too busy watching the little ones, “No sitter, not at all.” Starswirled then looks back at you, “You seem to understand friendship better than I do, I’m currently writing my findings on it in my diary. I’d like your professional input sometime.”

You shrug, “What I’ve learned most about friendship is acceptance and love, and what I’ve learned most about acceptance and love”, you point at the foals, “Is right over there. Foals understand love better than we ever will.”

Starswirled nods sagely, “You may be right, sitter.”

You head back in, “Close the door Starswirled. I owe six little ponies another 5-10 minutes of playtime.” Your statement is answered by 5 cheers, a closing door, and Hurricane grabbing the toy boats to begin her invasion of the toys on… well, everypony.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You are on the phone with Twilight (technically, you are on the phone, she just hears your voice in her head magically. Isn't your boss's magic great!) asking for more of her magic bubblebath mix. Since it's Hearth's Warming's Eve, she politly asks how you will be spending the holidays. "Oh you know Twi, the boss made some adjustments to the time machine, though temporary. I'm just riding around, doing a bit of a... a bit of a charity drive you might say, you know, for the less fortunate."

Twilight says that's wonderful of you, you talk a while longer, and you hang up. You drop a sleeping Smart Cookie off at her parent's home, and leave her some Hearth's Warming presents without telling anyone. One down, a few hundred to go. You aren't Santa, but hey, every one counts. And since you know from the Hearth's Warming Story that they live and found Equestria, you don't have to worry about saving someone you "shouldn't" and messing up the timestream. You can give them food enough for the winter, and toys enough for Hearth's Warming (even though it hasn't offically started yet, grateful foals won't care a bit).

You love time travel, you love Hearth's Warming, AND YOU. LOVE. THIS. JOB!

Author's Note

A few notes

I'm still here, and I'll be writing more soon.

Why are my founder ponies different? Simple: what are the chances they would be exactly like ponies that played them in a Hearth's warming play over a thousand years later: zero. Hurricane is based on the pegasus on the flag of the Pegasi. Platinum is based on the flag of the unicorns. Pudding is based on Pinkie, and the "hairdo". Pansy is based on the flower. Cookie is based on a farm pony (straw mane, tan skin). and Clover... Twilight with a black mane like the night sky. I wanted to give them lives of their own, and I also didn't want to use the version in "Nyx's Family", which is my personal headcannon, but probably no one else's.

Speaking of me writing more, I'm currently writing a Snowdrop one-shot, so I hope to have that before the week is out. If you like Bathtime, you should definitely look into it, It'll be probably be Thursday or Friday.

For you that don't believe in the magic of Hearth's Warming, consider this: I am as southern as Applejack. I have never had as many friends as Twilight Sparkle, but my dearest friends were black and Chinese (not asian american, from china), and the three of us were inseparable. We were the cutie mark crusaders. So I'm not going to listen to anyone that says harmony isn't really possible.

speaking of the Crusaders, I waited to write again until I saw what happened. To misquote Obi Wan Kenobi: "It is as if I heard millions of voices holding their breath in anticipation, and then suddenly silenced in disappointment". I don't know what I was expecting, but "OH COME ON!"

Oh yeah one more: Sunset Shimmer will be soon, maybe not next, but soon. Now Snips and Snails have also yet to be washed, but here's my question: do you people really want me to wash them? If so, anything for you guys, I don't even mind, but... I can't be the only one that has a hard time imagining writing a chapter for them that makes everyone say, "Daww! that's the most adorable thing ever!" which is kinda the goal here. If you wonderful readers really want it, your wish is my command, but if not, I'm got a secret idea to use them in the story after washing Sunset Shimmer. I re-wrote that several times so as not to spoil anything. I'll definitely make a blog post after leaving here, tell me what you think there, in the comments, or any way you want.

Sunset Shimmer

“I don’t care what the rest of the fandom thinks, I loved Equestrian girls,” you say to no one in particular, though you may only have said it because you are now holding a bacon cheeseburger. One of the best things about your job is that you can literally go anywhere. And that means you can go to the next world over and get a cheeseburger, with actual meat, without being judged. You’ve tried to cut down on meat since taking the job, but bacon.

You set the food down on the table, and hand a salad to the person across the table. “What do I owe you?” she asks professionally. You laugh, “Now Sunset, you know I won’t charge you.”

Sunset Shimmer scowls, “I don’t need your charity sitter,” she assures you.

You shrug, “I’m not used to my clients paying me personally you know. Besides, we’ve got work later. The least I can do is feed you first.”

You chuckle once, “Not like it’s the first time.”

Sunset starts to object, but even she deflates. You took care of her as a foal. Compared to that, buying her one salad hardly seemed noteworthy.

You almost take a bite out of your cheeseburger, but wait, “You don’t mind, do you?”

Sunset rolls her eyes, “Even I’ve tried them, sitter. You’re not eating pony meat anyway. It’s what humans eat, so don’t worry.”

She looks up to see you, holding the remaining half of your cheeseburger, “Tfank ou!”

You swallow and resume talking, “So, how have you been adjusting since the incident?”

Sunset slumps, clearly weary, “Twilight’s friends have taken good care of me. It’s amazing how forgiving they are. Still, adjusting is hard. Obviously not everyone forgives me, but they do”. Sunset lays her arms on the table and looks out the window, “And the more they forgive me, the more I love them, and the more I love, the guiltier I feel for being mean to them. And the guiltier I feel, the more I want to change into what I know Celestia always knew I could be.”

She sits up, embarrassed, “Sorry, I don’t know what I …. ”

You stop her, “It’s nice actually. I’ve been looking after you since you were little; obviously I want to know you grew up to be your best”.

She frowns, “Why do you care? How can you?”

You laugh, “I care about Discord, Sombra, Chrysalis, and Nightmare Moon, to name a few. Sorry if I can’t get upset by something like that.”

Sunset eats her salad, “You haven’t changed at all. Oh well… I guess I should eat before the show.”

You’ve finished your burger now, “Well, take your time, I’ve got a job to do before then.”

Sunset is mildly curious, “Oh? Whom are you washing at the moment?”

You summon and step into the time machine, “You.”

Sunset’s eyes grow wide as you disappear.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You return to your house, or more specifically one of the houses in Equestria where the boss lets you stay. It’s much nicer than your own house, but it’s also mostly for foal sitting more than anything. There you have a young Sunset Shimmer, playing happily in the living room. Despite the mistakes she made later in life, as a foal, she was the same as any foal. She sees that you are back and instantly drops the teddy ursa she was playing with and runs to you for snuggles, which you accommodate.

You enjoy the little bonding moment for a minute, and the two of you laugh warmly, mostly just because the other is. When she is ready to stop, you set her down on a mat that she knows she’s stood on before. “Well, it’s time for your bath, Sunset.” Her eyes grow wide as she turns to run, but she gasps in shock as she sees that while snuggling her you made your way to the bathroom and already have everything ready. You outstretch a hand and close the door. Checkmate.

She gives you a look that says, “That’s cheating!”

You sit next to her on the mat, “I’ll make it up to you, I’ll buy you a salad later to make up for tricking you.” She doesn’t see why that will make up for it, but submits. You pick her up and set her in the tub. You pour some shampoo into your hand and then lather it. You do this much slower and more carefully than you normally would because you want Sunset to watch you use your hands, so she won’t get a huge culture shock later.

You massage the white suds into her beautiful red and gold mane. She doesn’t know it, but getting used to you (a human) will make her future life much easier. It only takes a minute or two before her mane is white with suds. She isn’t really paying you any attention anymore, so you tickle her tummy a little to get her interested again. She initially squeals with laughter and squirms about, her full attention gained. You scoop up some water in your hands, showing her how it is done. You then pour it over her mane, repeating the process until her mane is washed and she is educated on the procedure.

Now washed, her mane really does shimmer red and gold like the sunset. She really is worthy of her namesake. You then ask her to lift her tail, which she refuses.

She never was any good at taking orders or following instructions.

“I’ll get you a dessert with that salad if you lift your tail,” you bribe her. She doesn’t care about the salad, but you haven’t met a foal yet that turned down desert. She complies and you again demonstrate how to wash and rinse with hands.

Normally you would stop now, but she’s going to be a human someday, and for a long time. She needs to know to wash the rest of her body. You get out a scrubbing brush and scrub her coat down. Since she’s a foal, you scrub as gently as possible, so as not to hurt her. This takes a long time (partly because she squirms), and partly because you want her to get used to it. “Look, I know you don’t like it, but humans have hands. We can just scrub better than you can with hooves.” She doesn’t see what that has to do with anything, but you want her to know.

Lastly you give her the toys and sit and play with her. You play until the water is cold, taking care to dote on her as much as possible. To be her friend.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sunset Shimmer has long since finished her salad back in the present and is getting up to leave. As she stands up, you place a peanut butter and chocolate sundae before her. She looks up questioningly at you, objecting to your charity, “Can’t be helped Sunset, I promised you desert with your salad.”

Sunset raises an eyebrow, “No you didn’t.”

“Yes, I did. You probably don’t remember, it was a while ago.”

Sunset notices that you have a large box full of these sundaes, “They’re for the show. You ready?”

Sunset nods, “Alright sitter, let’s go.”

You invite her into the time machine and fire it up. On the way, Sunset awkwardly speaks up. You notice this because Sunset never has a problem speaking her mind, “Um, sitter… This show… it’s an excuse, isn’t it. You’re using it as an excuse to take me back to Equestria, so I can see my homeland again. I don’t consider it my home anymore, I have no family there, and I’m not exactly welcome. But it’s still my homeland and you’re letting me visit it. You’re doing all this for me even though it’s supposed to be part of my “parole” so um…”

“You’re welcome.”

The door of the time machine opens to reveal the great and powerful Trixie, getting ready for a show. Someone who didn’t know her personally wouldn’t be able to tell, but she was tired. Trixie glares daggers at you, but you can tell she’s glad to see you. “I’ve had to take care of those little… darlings, all day. You owe me one, sitter.”

It’s Sunset that speaks up, not you, “How does the sitter owe you? Sitter is doing this to give me a chance to visit Equestria, give you a chance to get your fame back, and pass it off as if we’re doing “community service” to make up for our past mistakes. We both owe the sitter, not the other way around.”

Trixie magically equips her signature hat and cape, “That may be true, but Trixie still doesn’t like having to foalsit those two, and Trixie is still mad at you for asking her to do it as her ‘parole’ sitter.”

“I got the sundaes with peanut butter in them, Trixie. I know it’s your favorite.”

Trixie does her best to not smile, but can’t help it, “I missed you sitter.”

You head to the stage to take a place in the audience, “Well you two do your best. You are the best unicorn magicians in Equestria after all.”

Sunset rolls her eyes, “Oh come on, we all know Twilight ….”

You interrupt her, “Twilight is an alicorn; I said you two are the best unicorn magicians.”

You can’t see it, but two unicorns are beaming with happiness behind you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You sit in the audience, ready for the show. Celestia comes and sits next to you, “Well done, sitter. It was very clever of you to think of all this. I look forward to seeing Sunset Shimmer again, especially if she’s improved as much as you say.”

You offer Celestia a sundae, “She has. Incidentally princess, these four seats in the front are reserved.”

Luna takes a nearby seat. She is mostly there just because Celestia is. “So sitter, even we aren’t V.I.P. enough to have the best seats?”

You smile, “The best seats in the house belong to the two ponies that have done the most for those two and gotten the least credit.”

Snips and Snails arrive, twice. You’ve brought the versions of them from Canterlot High to watch too, and they all sit in the front seats that you’ve reserved for them. Twilight's friends sit with her of course, all of them. It's a bit of a culture shock at first, for the school-girls because they aren't used to being ponies, and the locals because they aren't used to seeing... themselves. You hand all of them their sundaes and ask them how they’ve been doing. You don’t have long to do this though before the curtain rises and the two most powerful unicorns in Equestria take the stage, bubbles rising up instead of fireworks, a tribute to you no doubt.

Two giant bubbles pop, revealing the two unicorns. The crowd cheers wildly. Sunset's friends cheer her on, Trixie's public adores her, Snips and Snails and Snips and Snails all admire them. Despite all that's happened, this moment makes everything right. Then and there, the two unicorns held back tears. Each in their own way, they were home again.

Author's Note

Snips and Snails will get a chapter. I'll think of something, for you, my wonderful readers.

I try to keep the sitter non-gendered because the sitter is "you" literally. It was hard to do in this chapter with all the times the sitter is addressed directly, not something that happens with foals usually.

While you're here, Wishing Snow is out, and if you like to cry happy tears, and like this story you should read it. It's just in time for Christmas so you can... what's that, Christmas was a month ago? I couldn't tell the readers in chapter form because I've been too busy to write a chapter? And too lazy? Well drat!

Snips and Snails (Co-op with Trixie and Sunset)

In your time as the greatest foalsitter in Equestria, you’ve had to sit down with the parents or guardians of all the foals you’ve ever taken care of. Sometimes they were strict and demanding and other times they became close friends. Sometimes you have had to give them difficult talks about their foals' nutrition, allergies, or other needs.

But this, this is definitely the most awkward conversation you’ve ever had to have with any foals' parents. You had even called Celestia to vouch for you, just in case this didn’t work out.

Snips’ parents sat to your left and Snails’ parents sat to your right. Everyone had awkward looks on their faces. “So what you’re saying is… our kids are, in the future, right? And the future versions of them are here…”

You don’t want them to meet their kids from the future, throwing time and space out of balance and all that jazz, so you just nod awkwardly. At least you can rest a little easier knowing it’s not your fault this time.

Snails’ dad thinks for a moment, and finally responds, “Fair enough. You say they’ll be back tomorrow?”

You appreciate how understanding they are and just nod again. “Alright then, that's fine.”

You feel like you got off way too easy on this one, but you count your blessings and step outside. You talk with Celestia and she assures you again that Snips and Snails (from the future) are loving their accidental time travel, and that she will make sure they are fine until the spell wears off and they switch back to the appropriate time.

Satisfied that everything is fine in the past, you head back to check on the foals.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“We wouldn’t be in this mess if YOU hadn’t used forbidden magic in the first place.” That sounds like Trixie. The volume of her speech isn’t high, but the tone is nearly condemning.

“You are the one who asked me to help you use the age spell without the Alicorn necklace! I seem to recall you weren’t supposed to do that either!” That sounds like Sunset Shimmer.

“It’s called the Alicorn Amulet. I should have known not to cast a spell that went, “Come to me from time now past.” I just didn’t know it would actually call them from the past.

You turn the corner and enter the room, “Yeah, you girls shouldn’t have used my time machine for a power source. Seriously, what did you think was going to happen?”

You stifle a laugh at what you see and even then you try hard not to burst out laughing. Sunset is telekinetically holding Snails, and both of them are covered in baby powder. COVERED. Trixie isn’t doing much better. She’s holding Snips telekinetically, and has something blotching multiple places on her coat, her hat and cloak nowhere to be seen. Both foals are crying, but more of a baby cry than a sad cry, and both mares look moments away from tears of their own, tears of frustration.

Sunset is scowling madly at you, but you become serious when you see Trixie’s pleading eyes. You walk over and take both of the foals from the mares. “Shhh, it’s okay little guys, settle down.” You then begin humming softly while you rock them and the little guys crying turns to sniffling and finally to cooing.

You look up to see two very stressed out mares that have no idea how you made that look so easy. You motion with your head (since the little ones are still in your arms) for them to follow you, and answer their question at the same time, “You’ve just got to have patience with them. You can take care of yourselves and have lives of your own, foals only have you. It’s not unreasonable that they would need a lot of your time.

It’s Trixie that responds, “Sorry for the trouble sitter. None of this would have happened if we’d stayed out of your things.”

You shrug, “To be honest, I’m glad, all things considered. It’s nice to have some help for a change. If you hadn’t I would still have had to wash them, but by myself.”

Sunset shakes off some of the baby powder, but immediately regrets getting it on the floor. “I’ll clean that up later sitter. You’ve always taken such good care of the house after all.”

You correct her, “It’s not my house. Not really, it’s one the boss lends me for foalsitting. Though I do stay here sometimes.”

Trixie, not having a house of her own (that doesn’t have wheels) realizes the implications of that, “One? As in one of multiple?”

You motion for Sunset to get the door, “You’ll have to call the boss if you want to rent. Anyway, we need to get these little guys cleaned up.”

Snips and Snails now desperately try to get loose, but your grip has been tempered by countless struggles and the door is already closed. You set the two on the floor and begin to fill the tub. All the while they try to get out, and Trixie washes whatever is on her coat off in the sink. “It’s hay smoothie, in case you’re wondering. Turns out feeding foals is hard work.”

Yeah, you know how that feels.

Sunset just accepts that she’s covered in baby powder for now, “Do you really need our help for this part sitter?”

“I never forced you to do any of this. You can quit anytime you want.”

Neither Trixie nor Sunset is a quitter, so they stay. Trixie notices that Snips and Snails are cutely (but pointlessly) trying to just will themselves through the door. “They really hate baths don’t they?”

You turn off the water, “It’s normal at that age. Now, take a foal and let’s go.”

Again, Trixie picks up Snips and Sunset picks up Snails and the two are lowered into the tub. A white cloud forms around Snails from the baby powder washing off, but you don’t think it’ll hurt anything and continue. You open the bottle of shampoo and hold it like you are going to pour it, but not into anything. The adult unicorns get the message, and you prepare to pour the shampoo for them to collect in their magical grip.

But Snips and Snails are still very uncomfortable with the notion of getting a bath, showing no signs of adjusting like normal foals would. You get out the toys, to make it more enjoyable, but Sunset stops you. “That won’t be necessary sitter. We’ve thought of a better solution.”

Trixie conjures up her magic, and the bubbles begin floating up out of the tub, popping like a tiny firework display. The little guys laugh wildly, applauding their little show. “Gentlecolts!” begins Trixie, “Welcome, to the greatest bath magic show of all time! Starring the great and powerful Trixie, and her assistant, the amazing Sunset Shimmer!” Finishes Trixie in a mysterious hushed tone. Sunset is giving her a 'I'll get you for calling me your assistant' look, but says nothing in front of the foals.

“Now then, before our performance can get underway, we will have to take two volunteers. Now where do you suppose we could...” but by this point both young colts were raising their hooves as high as they could in hopes of being picked. Sunset, not wanting Trixie to get all the credit, pointed at them first, “Yes! you two in the front row, you will be our volunteers!” They both cheered as if they had really won something, making you laugh a little.

You pick up the shampoo again, wave it around a little for effect, and finally pour it out into nothing in particular. As you pour the shampoo, they collect it in their magical grip. To you it just looks like it’s flying, glowing shampoo; where’s Discord when you need him? The two foals applaud cutely at the display, and are so surprised that they don't even mind what happens next.

The two get to work scrubbing the two’s manes, and you get to work on Snips tail. Snips' tail is too small to even fit in your hand, so you just scrub it with the brush and some shampoo for a moment, and do the same for Snails. Since they have practically no tails to speak of, the whole process is over very quickly. Trixie and Sunset finish scrubbing their manes at this time too, and the bath looks like it really won’t take long.

You are impressed that the two managed to not only distract the two so easily, but even more so that they worked together to do it. You sit back, admiring the show just as much as the foals, and wondering how they are going to pull off the next part. For our next trick, Trixie and her amazing assistant will put on the most amazing firework display of all bathtime! Or should Trixie say...” the two unicorns work together, and bubbles resume floating up out of the tub, popping in colored displays of light. The foals don't notice, but you do, the popping bubbles create rain which is pouring down, rinsing their manes.

With the bath (and show) over, Sunset takes the two out of the tub and places them on the mat. This time it is Sunset who is running the show, “And for our last trick, I will make the water, disappear!” And with the sunset glow of her horn, the foals are dry, and even the water in the tun is all gone. You yourself clap along with the foals, not sure where the water went.

The five of you step into the hallway, ready to have some snacks. “So little guys,” begins Sunset, “What kind of snacks do you want?”

All of a sudden, the two foals begin resonating with magic, startling all of you. A massive energy spike blinds you all for a minute, and before you know what happened, the school-aged Snips and Snails have landed in a pile in front of you.

Snips looks around, realizes where they are and asks, “So... what are we supposed to do now?” The two mare blink a few times in surprise but then smile warmly, “Going for snacks, want some?”

The two colts spring to their hooves ready to go, “YEAH!”

You shake your head at it all and let the other go ahead, since you're getting a phone call. You were expecting the boss, but instead, you get your friend Twilight. “Ah, Twilight, how are you today.”

“Pretty good sitter, I just called you to ask a question. Do you know why a tub worth of bathwater got teleported onto me during my afternoon reading?”

Author's Note

I'm not sure if I got this in on the 11th or the 12th, but oh well. This chapter was a long time in coming, but it's here. Real life has been getting in my way.

Well, the 10th was our one year anniversary of me taking over, and of my birthday. I was going to publish this then, but it's also my mother's birthday, so we were celebrating.

Hope you all liked it, it's my birthday present given back to you.

The Power Ponies!

Look, up in the sky! It’s a bird, and that’s a plane! But that’s not important right now, because walking down the street is Hum Drum! Shrouded in a mask and a mystery, whose secret identity does the mask hide?

You can’t help but feel both wonderful and stupid at the same time. You’ve been sent into the Comic World to rescue your friends the mane six, after they were once again dragged into the mysterious superhero world within the enchanted pages. They would have sent Spike instead, but this is a job only you can handle.

The Power Ponies have all been turned into foals by the Mane-iac’s most recent diabolical invention: pacification gel! It pacifies anyone it touches by turning them into back into foals, but won’t work on you because you are a human, and thus, were never a foal (there’s always a catch isn’t there?). The only way to reverse the effect is to wash the gel out of the ponies’ manes.

As said, you feel great getting to be a demi-superhero, but feel stupid, nopony isn’t going to realize you’re not the same person (or in this case dragon) who normally aids the Power Ponies.

“Look, it’s Hum Drum! Save us Hum Drum, you’re our last hope!”

Seriously? Nopony notices the difference? Well fine, comic logic.

But now isn’t the time to think about how logical comics are. Washing normal little foals as proven many times to be very difficult, so washing six superpowered ponies who all hate baths is going to take some real superhero cunning. You begin planning exactly how you’re going to go about this.

But our fearless Hum Drum isn’t given the time or safety to contemplate the next move, because the one pony Hum Drum most feared meeting is unfortunately the very first one to be found!

You stare down the daunting task of washing Saddle Rager, who is already morphed up into her full berserker mode. Given that she’s a foal, she’s not even close to as large, but she’s easily larger than a full grown Bulk Biceps, and she just got hit by a bus. That bus is definitely not going to be ok.

Saddle Rager locks her sights on Hum Drum, somehow knowing that an attempt at a bath is being contemplated. Even with her decreased size, she squints her eyes in distain and throws the bus’s remains away one hooved, out of anypony’s sight. She moves in after her old friend.

“Saddle… Rager… No… Take… BATH!!!”

All plans or thoughts of plans are abandoned to the wind as you run screaming for your life as fast as you can! This is definitely not in your contract!

As Hum Drum runs scared, even turned into a foal, Saddle Rager’s crime fighting instinct to chase down the villain kicks in, and with stomps of fury that shatter the pavement, she charges after the lone hero! Hum Drum takes advantage of the ability to take quick turns and runs terrified for dear life, ducking into alleys and cutting corners. But things take a turn for the worst when Hum runs straight out into the open, nowhere left to hide! Saddle Rager runs right through the nearest building, spitting out a steel beam that she collected in the wall. She turns to our hero:

“WILL! NOT! TAKE! BATH!!!”

“That’s totally fine! Stay dirty! Feel free to roll in mud! Stay up late and eat junk-food if you want!”

But the chase continues! No matter how fast Hum Drum runs, Saddle Rager is always gaining. But suddenly, Hum Drum notices an automatic car wash! Realizing that if a bus won’t hurt her, the wash won’t, Hum Drum runs straight through it, dodging and weaving like a master ninja! (Or a scared fool, take your pick).

Taking no notice Saddle Rager follows through, thus washing out the gel, reverting to her normal age and form and mindset, and might one add: she’s now very, very clean.

“Umm… Sitter… I’ll never mention this if you won’t.”

“Uh… hahahaha… that’s ok Fluttershy… I don’t ever want to remember this either.”

But the job is far from done, without her anger; Saddle Rager is the weakest of the Power Ponies, and the least likely to be able to help our would-be-hero! Hum Drum is still practically alone in the quest to save Maretropolis, and the next Power Pony turned foal is in the nearby parking lot, even at a young age, pushing her powers and wits to the limits!

“You call that pushing her powers and wits to the limits Narrator? Applejack is just using her power to jump rope. It’s totally adorable really.”

Stop going out of character Sitter… I mean… Hum Drum.

You pick up some cleaning supplies that are conveniently next to the car wash and approach Applejack, or in this case Mistress Mare-velous. She is cutely jumping rope and singing a cute baby-talk version of the “Apples to the Core” song that just makes your heart melt, but you have a job to do.

Upon seeing Hum Drum, Mistress Mare-velous stops her fun and games and goes on the offensive, cracking her rope like a whip and puffing up her face to look as big as possible while demanding, “No Baffs!” Even Saddle Rager is unsure how they will prevail, but Hum Drum has a brilliant yet risky solution!

“Miss Mare-velous, I bet you I can jump rope a hundred times in a row. If I lose, I’ll dump this bucket of water on my head. But if I win, you have to, and I won’t get it in your eyes.”

Mistress Mare-velous thinks about it for a while, but unable to turn down a challenge, she accepts. Even spinning the rope both ways, Hum Drum still manages to complete the task, and unable to break a promise, Mistress Mare-velous is washed!

“What in tarnan… Oh, well that was weird. Thanks Sitter.”

“No problem Applejack.”

“Consequently, how did you know you could win that challenge?”

“Are you kidding? I’m a foalsitter. Being able to keep up with foals and all their games for hours at a time is the job description.”

Fluttershy interrupts, “Umm… I hope tea parties are part of that, because it’s about to come in handy.”

Saddle Rager was right of course, because in the comic world, everything is either extremely convenient or extremely inconvenient, and in this case the former! Radiance sits just across the street, sipping down Darjeeling with her conjured dolls, Marie Antoinette... and her little sister, oh, and a conjured Buzz Lightyear.

You and the two Power Ponies make your way over to her, but upon seeing you, she conjures up a steel box around herself, which is in a castle with cannons, inside a moat filled with sharks, inside a barbed wire fence, inside a magical done, inside a dirt circle, with a sign saying, “Deaf-init-lee not Radincy is home, NOPE.”

After laughing hysterically at the sign, you ask Fluttershy if there is any way she can be mad just enough to get through the defenses. She never has time to tell you no though, as suddenly a tunnel is formed through the blockades and Rarity comes running and screaming to you where she hugs on to your leg for dear life. She shocks both of you until Applejack makes the rope slitter up to you like a snake from out of the fort. You start to scold Applejack, but realize that sometimes the nice thing isn’t the kindest thing, Breezies all over again.

And so, Hum Drum washes Radiance’s mane, reverting her to normal, and thus restoring half of the Power Ponies! But even with this milestone, the remaining ponies will arguably be the hardest to wash!

“Thank you Sitter darling, but the narrator is right, how are we going to wash the others, especially Pinkie Pie?”

“Well, I’ll need your help to wash her Rarity, but getting her here is easy.”

Three ponies ask together, “It is?”

You place your hand on your stomach, and take out your wallet, “Oh somepony help. I have all this money to buy cupcakes with, and want one so much I’d share at least half of them, if only some…”

But our hero of the hour never got to finish that statement, because at unfathomable speeds, Hum Drums Wallet was swished out of hand, appeared in the nearest Bakery, and a little pony with a tray of cupcakes materialized in Hum Drum’s lap! And all before anyone saw anything!

“Fili-Second, I don’t want to wash you, not at all.” You say before she can figure it out and run away, “But I don’t think that you’re really as fast as you claim, want to race me?”

Fili-Second isn’t about to be outdone by Hum Drum in a race, and gets on the mark, ready to run! With both of them ready to run, Hum Drum counts down, and the race begins!

“Sitter, you know you ain’t got any chance of catching up to her, right?”

“Yeah I know.” You say as you stop running. “Rarity, could you conjure a ball of soapy water right about… there, and make it on a checkered line if possible?”

“It’s already done darling, but I don’t see how…”

Meanwhile! Fili-Second has been running as fast as she possibly can, without even realizing that, with the exception of dodging obstacles, has run perfectly straight. In mere moments, young Fili-Second has run all the way around the earth! Not one to pass up a checkered line, or a chance to cannon-ball, Fili-Second dives straight into the ball of bathwater! The sheer speed of the transaction evaporates the water and literally steam-cleans the young foal, thus reverting her to normal!

“Oh wow, cool! That was really smart Sitter, you know I can’t turn down a cannon-ball! I thought you’d never be able to wash me.”

“Thanks Pinkie, but your power is going to be necessary to wash those other two. Now I need you to get me some proper shampoo, and something to help you catapult yourself at Dash.”

ZIP! “Here you go Sitter, best shampoo for superheroes.”

Fili-Second was right! For she had recovered the finest shampoo in the superhero world Thor- éal, because justice is worth it!

“Really?”

Or how about this: maybe she’s born with it, maybe it’s niegh- belline!

“That’s not even the same brand.”

But the time for comic relief was over, as Zapp made her way into town, riding a thunderbolt, which was riding a tornado, which was riding a tidal wave! You will never be that awesome!

“Tah be fair, that sounds exactly like somethin that Rainbow would do.”

“Pinkie, we need Fili-Second’s speed for this one, we can’t draw this out any amount of time.”

“Okie Dokie Loki”

No Pinkie, wrong comic, Loki isn’t in this one!

“Well he should be!”

And with that, Fili-Second shot off so fast she was able to run up the drafts of the cyclone, before bringing down a blow of justice, and hot water, onto Zapp!

The reunited ponies stood silent a second or two before Rainbow broke the silence, “You all have to admit, that was pretty awesome.”

You roll your eyes collectively, and have Rainbow use her power to whisk you all off after Pinkie in attempt to find the last Power Pony. When you all find her, you all “Daww” collectively. Twilight has her uniform on, but the Masked Matter-Horn’s mask didn’t shrink with her, and it’s cutely too big for her to wear.

“Alright, I got this one.”

“No Pinkie Pie, she’s got the mask on. If you speed wash her, it might pull her mane too hard.”

“Oh dear darling, we don’t want to hurt her. What should we do?”

“Leave it to me.”

The Masked Matter-Horn sees Hum Drum Approaching, Thor- éal in hand. She doesn’t want anything to do with a bath, and begins channeling up snow and ice that even her adult form can’t handle. She unleashes a cold wave, and commands Hum Drum to release the Shampoo, though admittedly in her own icy way.

“Let it go, wet it go! We-wease da shampoo! Let it go, wet it go! It’s a no-can-do! I don’t cawe, what you say, let me pway on! The dirt never bothered me anyway!”

You make your way against the cold until Twilight can see that it physically hurts you. She didn’t mean to hurt you, and the ice melts away, just like your heart at seeing her apologize. “Sowy sitter.”

“I knew you’d do the right thing Twilight, I’ve always believed in a foal’s innocence. Besides, I wasn’t going to use Thor- éal on you.”

She sniffles, unaware that the melted ice means that you are both now standing her-foal-height chest deep in water, “Really?”

“Yeah, Mane-iac may be a good inventor, but so are you!”

You pull out a bottle of the magic shampoo that Twilight made you, and squirt a glob of it into the water! The resulting over-concentration of the highly volatile shampoo explodes in a massive wave of cleansing bubbles.

Fili-Second looks on, brokenhearted at the loss of her friends.

“NOOO!!! Oh why? We’ll never forget you!”

But then, from out of the bubbles, to brave figures begin to reappear!

“You’re ok!”

“Oh course Pinkie, it was just bubbles, no need to be dramatic.”

Oh come on! None of you have stayed in character any of the time!

“Spike? Is that you, what happened to your voice, why is it so deep?”

No, this is the narrator, pay no attention to the dragon behind the curtain.

Twilight facehooves and everyone else shares a laugh. “Well I guess all’s well that ends well, let’s go home.”

Not so fast, you can’t go home until you defeat, her!

You turn to see the greatest, most evil villain of all time! You’ve bathed Nightmare Moon, Discord, Sombra, and would gladly wash them all again to avoid this. You’ve never seen anything so evil, so terrifying. You literally break down and sob right there at the very sight of her!

“No… No… NO! It’s too horrible, it’s too wicked, it’s… it’s…

It’s just as long even though she’s a foal! So much mane! It’s everywhere, it’ll take hours to scrub it all, it’s every foalsitters absolute worst nightmare! WHY?!”

“Really sitter? This is the worst you’ve ever encountered?”

“You just don’t understand, we’ll never get that washed!”

“We will. We’ll all wash it, together! Power Ponies… GO!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

With yet another day saved our heroes returned home, but may have caused something bigger than they realized, for in the shadows is another hero, one that is all of them and none of them: Mare-Do-Well! Who is this mysterious figure, who is behind the mask? Tune in next week, for the shocking reveal!

Author's Note

To Celebrate Memorial Day, a day we celebrate real heroes, I thought I would tribute our pony heroes. Bruce Mane is coming next, and later this week, Mare-Do-Well. Do your best to figure out who is behind the mask!

This chapter was particularly hard to write without using gendered words. Hum Drum is a guy, but as a second person story, I must assume you can be either gender, and had to go back and edit a bit. Hope you like it.

Oh, if you haven't seen, "How it should have ended" particularly the ongoing bit with the superhero café, look it up, I reference it a bit in the next chapter.

Cadence (Co-op with Celestia)

You finish filling up the crystal bathtub. You’ve seen some impressive and unusual houses as you’ve traveled around, but this place takes the cake. The bathtub here is made of white moonstone, the floor is tiled with amethysts, and the walls are aquamarine. It never failed to amaze you how abundant crystals are in Equestria, but even more so here in the Crystal Empire.

Now all you need is the future ruler of the Crystal Empire. “Alright, it’s ready” you call out. Celestia walks in, the little crystal filly on her back. Cadence is cooing the cutest little cheer imaginable. Celestia was only walking at her normal pace, but to the filly at fourth her height at best, it was a fun ride. You couldn’t help but daww at the adorable sight. Celestia then tenderly wrapped Cadence in her golden aura and floated her down to the floor, at the same time magically closing the door behind her.

Cadence had been enjoying herself, but she now realized what was about to happen. She turned to run away as fast as her hooves could carry her. You instinctively began to give chase, but Celestia had wrapped Cadence in her telekinetic grip again, lifting her just above the floor, preventing her from going anywhere. Cadence kept running anyway and also began flapping her wings. She couldn’t fly yet, but it made her look strangely adorable trotting and flapping like that in the air.

Celestia finally turns her attention to you, “Thank you again for agreeing to help with this. The Crystal Empire is still cursed at the moment, but I wanted Cadence to get at least one traditional crystal bath here in the Empire while she was little. I want her to grow up with some experience of her future subjects’ lifestyle.”

You get comfortable next to the bath again, “It’s no trouble, really. I’m not new to washing ponies after all.” Celestia smiled, “I’m all too aware.”

You flinched for a moment. Was it possible that Celestia could still remember the time you washed her sister and her? That was over a thousand years ago. And unlike you who traveled thanks to your boss’s magic, Celestia had actually lived all that time in between.

“Do you have everything I asked for?” Celestia asks you. You reach over and pull out a case of things that you picked up prior to your arrival, “New brush, crystal soap, sapphire rinsing dish, mat, drying towel, yep; everything you asked for. Are you sure you want to stay for this? I know how busy you are Princess.” Celestia smiles, but it is hard to see since she is always smiling anyway, “Oh course. A crystal bath is different than a normal one, and I want to be here to reassure her just in case.”

You nod, ready to begin. You reach over to pick up the little Alicorn filly. She leans away from you, but does not step away. You lift her over the tub and slowly dip her in the water, making sure that it’s not too hot for her. She seems to like it, so you place her in the tub. The water looks like diamond, and the bubbles like semi-clear opals. You lift the sapphire rinsing dish and scoop up some of the crystal water. You pour it over Cadence’s head slowly, making sure she tilts her little head back so that it doesn’t get in her eyes. About twenty scoops later and her hair is wet and ready for the shampoo.

Celestia floats the shampoo bottle over so that you only need to put your hand out and receive it. You thank her, and let the shampoo pour into your hand. It is a slightly thicker shampoo than most, but has little sugar-like scrubbing bath salts mixed in it and feels just slightly sandy.

You worry a little that it will be coarse on the little filly’s head, so you decide to scrub even more gently than normal. You pick up the brush and begin scrubbing the shampoo into her hair with it. You try lathering the shampoo into her mane. It doesn’t seem to be lathering, and Cadence doesn’t seem to mind, so you scrub harder. It takes longer than normal since you have never used crystal shampoo before, but in three minutes Cadence’s long hair is nice and sudsy.

You then go to pick up the sapphire rinsing dish, but Celestia is already ‘holding’ it in front of you. You thank her and begin scooping up the water to rinse Cadence’s hair. Because her hair is so long, it takes almost twenty rinses to remove all the suds. When it is completely rinsed, both you and the littlest princess are equally surprised, and even Celestia seems a little surprised.

Cadence’s hair was wet and hanging like anyone’s hair would, but it now had a crystalline shine and hung like pristine icicles from her head. It looked like precious, purple stained glass dripping in icicles.

Her hair looked so delicate that the little filly was scared it might break like glass. She began to tear up quietly. You bite your lower lip, terrified at the sheer sadness of the moment, and quickly turn to Celestia to fix the problem. Celestia thinks fast and magically squirts some of the shampoo, mixing it into a tip of her own hair. She dips the tip of this hair into the bath water and scrubs it magically with force that she would only use on herself for fear of hurting the filly.

“Look dear, it’s okay. See, it doesn’t break, it just looks glassy.” Celestia magically twirled her hair, demonstrating that it was still normal hair, just shinier. Cadence looked up wide eyed at this astonishing discovery. She leaned in to study this new phenomenon. It looked like…fruitcicles.

“Om, nom nom nom,” Cadence had decided to see if it tasted like a fruitcicle too. Celestia was startled momentarily, but remained composed and gently pulled her mane away. You are impressed with how composed and gently Celestia managed to handle that, all without making Cadence sad again. Celestia just blinks in your direction, “There, taken care of.”

You smile, and decide to move on to the tail. Like the mane, Cadence’s tail is longer than a normal pony's, so it takes a little longer than normal to lather, even with the brush. Thankfully, since you aren’t holding back any more, it’s over in a few minutes. Out of the corner of your eye you see Celestia floating the rinsing dish at the ready, waiting for you to finish. You take the dish and after a dozen rinses, Cadence’s tail matches the mane.

Celestia is satisfied that the job is done, but you realize that the wings haven’t been washed yet. “Celestia, what is the procedure for crystal washing the wings?” Celestia loses her smile, “I um… I don’t think there is one. Crystal Ponies are earth ponies, with an occasional unicorn. I’m pretty sure there is no procedure for crystal washing wings.”

You reach into your travel bag and pull out your standard wing shampoo, “Well then, unique circumstances call for unique solutions.” Having decided to wash the wings normally, you gently lather the feather shampoo into the little wings. Celestia starts to give you some preening tips, but sees that you are already doing everything perfectly. “How do you know how to preen so well?” You turn to the Princess, “I’m not new to washing pegasus. I picked up the trick somewhere along the way.”

With Cadence’s wings preened and cleaned, you would normally give Cadence some toys, but you can tell she has been in the bath too long already and is ready to get out.

You lift the little filly onto the bath mat and begin drying her with the towel. Once dry, Cadence’s hair shines like crystal, pristine and extremely beautiful. You get a little smile from the filly and feel that you have been repaid a thousand times over. Celestia smiles to you, “Thank you so much, I really appreciate it.” You say what you feel, “It was my pleasure.”

Celestia floats the little pony onto her back, “Come on Cadence, I’ll braid your hair with gems now.” Cadence cooed, ready to ride again. The pair of Alicorns made their way out the door. You smile warmly; glad to know that Cadence has such a great aunt, and that you have such a good job.

Cheerilee

You sit with Cheerilee in the parlor of her parent’s house. Cheerilee is bright eyed and curious, so she would normally want to be outside exploring, but it’s raining today, so you have to stay inside. Cheerilee is still very young, but thanks to being very curious and a very good listener, she can already talk a little. “Sitter, why does it rain?” You think about your answer carefully, making sure not to confuse Equestria’s physics with earth’s accidentally. “Well dear, the pegasus bring us rain, so… I’m really not sure about the whole process. I know lots of pegasus that I could call though.”

“But why does it rain sitter?” You are impressed by how perfect her enunciation is, but her adorable baby talk accent still makes it cute. “Oh, well, the plants need water. If it didn’t rain, the flowers and trees wouldn’t grow.” Cheerilee laughs, “I wike flow-ow-ers sitter!” You check your phone for the time and find that it’s later than you thought, “The trees aren’t the only thing that need a bath right now.” Cheerilee looks disappointed, and you hate to leave it like that, “You can color until bath time if you want Cheerilee.” This seems to boost her spirits, and you make your way upstairs to ready the bath.

About five minutes later, you have the bath, towels, and travel kit all ready. You begin to make your way downstairs, noticing that you can hear the pitter patter of raindrops on the roof. Come to think of it, was it a good idea to wash her in the middle of a storm? You check the pegasus weather forecast for today, and see that no lightning is planned this week. Knowing that it is absolutely safe, you only double check two more times before you go down to get Cheerilee.

When you get downstairs, you see that you never should have suggested coloring to such an imaginative mind. Cheerilee has somehow managed to get paint on her everything, but on the bright side has several wonderful drawings done, and there was only about a pint of paint in the carpet for you to clean later. You decide to scold her, but then she walks over to you and shows you her pictures, “Look sitter, is a flow-ow-er, see?”

Operation scold Cheerilee failed completely. You sigh; it’s all part of being a foalsitter. You pick Cheerilee up and carry her up to the tub. You go to close the door and notice that there is now pink and yellow paint on your shirt. You hear curious little sounds coming from the tub, and turn to see that Cheerilee’s paint has turned the bubbles different colors, and she is clapping at the amazing rainbow of bubbles flying around her.

You go over and take your seat on the mat, ready to begin the bath. You ready the shampoo, and pour some into your hand. You begin scrubbing it into Cheerilee’s pink and magenta mane. Since her mane is about medium in length, it takes about thirty seconds to finish scrubbing it thoroughly.

She notices that you are smiling at the sight of her mane, and wants to look at it personally. What follows is the cutest display of a filly not realizing that she can’t see the top of her own head no matter how many times she turns around in the tub, EVER. After scooting in two complete circles, she just gives up, and wonders why you are laughing.

It is now time to rinse, so you scoop up a section of water without paint and slowly pour it over her little mane. It only takes ten rinses to become completely clean, but that takes normal than longer since you have to scoop non-painted water. “How did you get THAT MUCH PAINT on you Cheerilee?” You can’t help but ask. “Makin a card.” She responds with no more detail than that. You are curious, but don’t pursue the question.

You now ask her sweetly to raise her tail for you, which she does. You had never notice what a long and full tail she had, but then, you had never had to wash it either. Because her tail is really fluffy, it takes a whole minute before it becomes sudsy.

She turns her head back to see her tail, and seeing that she CAN see it, she points a hoof at it with a triumphant, “AH-HA!” Glad she can see what it looks like; she now burst into giggles at the sight of her large bubbly tail. This causes you to giggle at the sight of her giggling, which makes her laugh. You both end up laughing heartily.

But she still needs to be cleaned, so you scoop up some water and pour it over her tail. About fifteen rinses later, her tail is clean. Normally this would be the end of the bath, but apparently, she was sitting (like a pony, belly down) on her paint when she was drawing, so her tummy was now a rainbow of paint.

You get out your brush, ready to scrub. You apply some soap to the brush, and begin scrubbing off the paint. Apparently Cheerilee’s tummy is ticklish. She starts laughing outright, laughing which, due to her being a foal, sounds almost like a cooing sound. This adorableness lasts about thirty seconds, longer than it normally would have been, because she fidgets around.

Finally the bath is over, so you pick her up and set her on the mat. You dry her with a nice soft towel for about a minute until she is completely dry. Normally you would let her go play while you cleaned, but you don’t want her to just get into the paint again.

You take her downstairs, and tell her not get into the paints again before setting her in a chair. You go over to pick up the pictures and paints, you would deal with the paint stain later. Suddenly you pick up a card shaped picture she drew, dripping with paint. It’s flowery and colorful and was clearly made by a foal, but it takes your breath away.

“Thank You Sitter” is written across the top, with a stick-figure version of you in the middle. “Do ya like it?” You hear from the foal in the chair on the other side of the messy room. “Yes, yes I love it dear.”

Author's Note

Cheerilee: Lunaverse element of laughter.

Now class, what did we learn from Cheerilee today? Yes Starry.

I learned that teaching and taking care of children isn't always just easy and cute, sometimes it hard to handle. But it's worth it.

I also learned that Cheerilee is nearly impossible to write for, did you know this was draft 5? 5! Note to self: Derps didn’t let them talk because baby talk is nearly impossible to convey in text, everything just looks spelled wrong. Raindrops will be next, the rain is an attempted allusion to that.

Lightning Dust

“This doesn’t even seem unusual anymore,” you drolly remark from ten feet in the air. Several nearby pegasus are alarmed at first but then recognize you and go about their business. They may have helped you, but you’ve always assured them you could handle this, and this has become common after all.

The young flyer heard it was bathtime and took to the air. You were once again able to catch her, only to be dragged off the ground by the young champion flyer. Because this has happened before with Rainbow Dash and Gilda, you are now able to hold on much better than in the past. When the boss told you foalsitting would be good exercise, this isn’t what you had envisioned.

This might have gone on much longer than it did, but Lightning Dust had already been exercising and was already tired when you caught her. She kept flying until she simply couldn’t fly anymore with both your weights, which luckily was also just as long as you could hold on.

Even after your feet were firmly on the clouds, Lightning continued flapping her wings. You realize that she is pushing her limits and won’t stop until she’s used up all her stamina. You watch for a few minutes until she really is completely exhausted. “You really shouldn’t overdo it like that you know. It’s not healthy.”

The last five minutes have made her smell like sweat, “Lightning Dust you REALLY need a bath.” Lightning smiles, more than happy for the bath that will follow. You realize that she flew away just because she wanted to test her strength while carrying you, not because she dislikes bathing. You sigh and make your way to the bathtub.

Once inside, you close the door and catch up with Lightning, who is already on the tub’s rim. You join her next to the tub as she tests the water with a hoof. The water is warm, but she likes a hot bath. Lightning looks at you with disappointment. You shrug because it can’t be helped, “Sorry Lightning, if you’d come when I called you for your bath, it would still be hot like you like it.”

She wants to object, but knows your right and mentally makes a note to just follow you next time. Lightning settles into the warm bathwater and splashes around a little as you prepare the shampoo. You begin scrubbing the shampoo through her golden mane. Like all the pegasus you’ve bathed, her mane is thick and warm to provide maximum insulation from atmospheric conditions. Despite this, it is soft and smooth to provide maximum aerodynamic. You continue scrubbing for half a minute.

Once her mane is fully lathered, you scoop up some of the water in your palms. You ladle the warm water over her mane four times until it is cleaned. It takes fewer rinses due to her pegasus hair allowing water to flow through (and out) of it more easily.

Your satisfaction at the completion of cleaning the mane instantly evaporates into dread as you prepare to wash the tail. Lightning Dust hates having her tail washed and you know this is going to turn into a fight. You sweetly ask her to lift her tail the same way you ask everypony. She responds only with a glare. “Lightning I have to wash your tail. It’ll be a lot better for both of us if you make this easy.” There is no change in her expression.

You give yourself another handful of shampoo and lift one of her back legs with the other hand so that you can begin stroking the shampoo through the golden tail. She squirms about the entire time, making what should have taken twenty seconds take a minute and since she is flapping her wings, bathwater is being splashed everywhere. By far though the worst part of the experience was the fact that she reflexively tried to kick you a few times. She didn’t mean to but it made the experience no less enjoyable for either of you.

With her tail fully lathered, you let her sit down and wash her own tail. This was done by means of an adorable little wiggle which made the whole experience seem a little better. Finally, all that remained were the wings. You put the shampoo away and ready the feather shampoo. Upon seeing this, Lightning’s mood goes from grumpy to ecstatic. She loves having her wings cleaned almost as much as she hates having her tail cleaned, almost.

Without being told, Lightning turns her back to you and spreads her little cerulean wings. You rub your hands together to lather the feather shampoo before massaging it into the wings. As you lather the wings, they turn from being hard and sleek to being as soft as down feathers, and you know how soft those are first hand because she is young enough to actually still have her down feathers on the underside of her wings. You are careful to preen the little wings as you go to make sure they are cleaned properly.

As far as you know, this is the most relaxing thing in the world for a pegasus like her and you’ve become something of an expert at doing it properly. It takes about two minutes per wing since you are being a perfectionist for this part, but finally the wings are cleaned.

You start to scoop up some water, but Lightning begins flapping her wings in the water to rinse them. You know that’s the most thorough way to rinse them, but you warn her, “Be careful, we don’t want a repeat of last time.” She is disappointed that you would even consider that it would happen again; she had more self-control than that. She gently flapped her wings back and forth until her wings were thoroughly rinsed. You congratulate her for not getting water on everything, and unfortunately she is so happy she beats her wings once as hard as she can in victorious cheer.

The resulting shockwave rockets all the bathwater out of the tub and in your direction. With the exception of the tub itself, everything in the bathroom is now covered in bathwater. As for you, you are not only dripping wet, but the suds all landed on you. You now have Einstein hair made of bubbles; the chances of the bubbles landing exactly where they needed to give you this look being so low only Pinkie Pie would consider it normal. Lighting Dust’s hooves cover her mouth; she really didn’t mean to.

You laugh it off. Being a foalsitter really develops an unnatural patience after all. You take her out of the tub and dry her off. This takes about half a minute. You notice that she feels bad about earlier, so you take the only dry towel you have left and tie it around her like a cape. “Now now, a super strong flyer like you shouldn’t feel so bad. You should feel super, especially now that you’re clean.” She laughs warmly before hugging you to tell you how grateful she is.

With that Lightning flies out the door. You smile after her before turning to check how much work it will be to dry the bathroom. The entire bath is completely emptied into the room. You consider for a while before shrugging, “Oh well, at least it’s better than last time.”

Author's Note

You wonderful people deserve moar! I've been busy and not really sure what to write next. But I'm feeling good now, almost... feeling like a sir. Hence my dearest friends, next week shall henceforth be Canterlot noblity week. I shall be writting Fancy Pants, Fluer, Blueblood, Sapphire Shores, and Hoity Toity. Tally Ho!

Lily, Daisy, and Roseluck

You have played a lot of hide-and-seek in your long career of foalsitting, but this may be the cutest game you have ever played. The three flower ponies are hiding while you look, but that’s not the cute part. The cute part is that they are all hiding in the flowers behind Roseluck’s parent’s house. That’s right, they’re so small, the wildflowers are tall enough to cover them completely.

You were worried at first that you might accidentally kick or step on them since you are moving about blindly to find them, so you are crawling about on your hands and knees to avoid such a terrible thing. You comb through the slightly shorter than knee high flowers, looking for any of the three little ones.

You are starting to wish you had told the girls the rules of, ‘Marko Polo’, but you didn’t and they can barely speak at all anyway. Fortunately, you can hear the flowers rustle as they move, and hear them giggling, so you know they are close.

Finally, you hear the giggling to your left, and as gently as grabbing for a soap bubble, you scoop up the first pony: Lily Valley. She gasps in shock at first put then bursts into giggles at being caught. You two share the laugh before you ask her to join you in looking for the other two. She salutes in understanding, and like a good foalsitter you set her on your shoulders and let her ride as you “trot” through the flowers.

Lily giggles cutely at riding above the flowers, which by her standards, are too large to enjoy like this normally. You sweetly shush her and cue for her to listen. You both listen very carefully to a sound coming from nearby, “Om nom nom nom.”

You look up as Lily looks down, knowing that you two have found the second pony. You sneak up carefully behind Daisy, who is eating the flowers she is named after, a overjoyed grin beaming on her face. You move carefully around to scoop her up, but your sneak attack is foiled (or should I say “foaled”) by Lily, who springs off your shoulders to pounce her friend.

Now if you hadn’t heard it yourself, and if this wasn’t Equestria, you wouldn’t have believed it, but as soon as the two collide, they each make the cutest, “Squee” sound on the planet. You start to let out a Daww, but hold off to see that neither was hurt in the exchange. Daisy looks at her friend in sheer surprise for a moment, before breaking out in strong laughter, which spreads to Lily and then to you.

You now a one pony per shoulder, and set out to find the last. You realize that finding Roseluck will be extremely easy; you can hear her singing a wordless tune from here. You decide to stand up, careful to brace the little ones, before looking for Rosy (Most call her Rose for short, but you call her Rosy).

Following her little tune, you find the little one near the house, having completely forgotten the game. She is knitting together a little crown of flowers. She delicately weaves a flower through the wreath, careful not to hurt it, so that it will be just right for whoever is special enough to get it. Then, just as carefully, pulls another flower from the basket, which she eats happily before going back to work.

You sit down next to her, “Making a necklace Rosy?”

She nods, and gives it to you. It’s one of her first, and as such is too small to even go around her neck, let alone yours. She sees this and is sad. You slip it over your wrist without missing a beat, “It’s wonderful Rosy.” She squeals with happiness.

You scoop her and the other into the nearby flower basket, and set forth to the bath. Once you turn into the bathroom, three little pouting sighs come from the basket, which you set on the mat. You close the door and start to run the water. You didn’t know how long you were going to be seeking, so you have waited till now to start. As you wait for the water to fill the tub you very, very carefully remove the flower bracelet and place it on the bathroom sink, so it won’t be damaged.

With the tub full, you place the three ponies into the tub in the order you found them: Lily Valley, Daisy, Roseluck. You ready a bottle of “Field of Flowers” shampoo, and begin to lather it. Lily protests having her mane washed, so you lean back and use you storyteller voice, “But Lily, don’t you know?” All three ponies look at you curiously, “This is ‘Field of Flowers’ shampoo. If I wash your manes with this, you’ll smell just as nice as the flowers, and be just as pretty.”

The three little ponies have suddenly become excited, and can’t wait there turns. You are glad your ploy worked, and begin scrubbing Lily’s mane, which is as golden as a lily’s center. After twenty seconds, you move to Daisy. Daisy’s coat is a slightly softer pink than Lily’s, but her mane is a light green, rich and vibrant. It is gently curly, so you have to be more delicate than on Lily’s straight mane. At last you get around to Roseluck, and begin scrubbing her mane. Maybe it’s because this is Equestria, maybe you just love what you do, but you know as you scrub her mane that it feels exactly like washing real rose petals, but flowing back like hair.

You normally would use the rinsing dish, but for these three, you have a watering can. It’s frilly and light-green with pink flowers and that’s the way they like it. You rinse their manes off, and though rinsing with a watering can takes significantly longer than other ways, they like it, so it doubles as playtime. You let this go on at least five minutes longer than necessary just for the fun factor you are all having, and only stop because the water is cooling.

With manes rinsed, you move on to scrub their tails clean, a process which is more work and less fun in every way. You have all been playing outside, in the flowers and dirt, so the tails need to be scrubbed harder and longer. Thankfully you are the best at what you do and all three are spotless in no time.

You unplug the tub and only as you watch the color of the water draining out do you realize just how dirty they were. You place them all on the mat and dry them one-by-one, in the same order you washed them.

You open the door and watch as the three lifelong friends run out the door after another adventure. You decide to clean up later, and for now go to pick up your “necklace” which you are going to preserve and add to a scrapbook you keep of the sweet things you’ve gotten in this job. Seriously, this is the best job ever!

You go for now to check on the girls to find they are all captivated by a butterfly that must have flown in through the open window. It keeps fluttering from one filly to the next, but each time it lands it tickles and the girl giggles it off. You reach out a finger for the butterfly to alight on, and carry it to the back porch of the house, it rests on a potted flower there, and the girls marvel at it.

You explain that butterflies need flowers to live, and the flowers need the butterfly, you go to call the boss for resupplying purposes, and see the little girls taking their hard-picked flowers to the butterfly, wanting desperately to help it and the flowers.

“Oh yeah, Best. Job. Ever.”

Author's Note

I'm still alive, but real life is trying to insure otherwise.

this will be the last chapter until season 4 starts (do not read that wrong, it's not the last chapter, it's the last UNTIL season 4, don't worry).