The Musings of Frederic

by BakaBoy

Rating: everyone
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Other, Random
Length: 2202

Delve into the mind of Frederic as he examines the instruments of his ensemble

Practice day, it is like most other days for me really.
Get to the practice hall, meet the rest of the ensemble, sort out our music, tend to our instruments, and then practice...
But then why does my piano look really... strange?

Enter the mind of Frederic in this small side project as he observes all the characters in Keys to the Heart and their instruments of choice.

Published 2013-04-10 19:10:02 UTC
Last updated 2013-04-15 10:30:40 UTC

The Pianoforte and I

A piano key: an object wide enough to be able to be used by a hoof without the hoof touching any of the adjacent keys around the key. Pressing a piano key results in a hammer striking a string inside the piano causing a note to be played. Each piano key corresponds to a different note. A series of notes can be played in sequence in order to create a melody. A combination of several notes played simultaneously is called a chord... How am I supposed to play several notes with only two hooves?

I sat there, dumbfounded, staring at the piano as it mocked me with its mystery. For all the years I have played the piano it has only struck me now about how impractical it appeared to be if you were to be using a hoof. Sure, singular notes could be played quite easily in sequence with just two hooves but the possibilities of creating a complex piece would be hindered if it was composed for only two hooves. Admittedly this seemed more like a minor inconvenience, it was rare to see a solo pianist these days. Piano's were a group instrument in pony culture, rarely did they ever take the center stage and perform a solo, only true masters of the instrument were ever given the opportunity.

I myself am one of the lucky few who had been graced with the opportunity to play a solo, something that was used as a last result in a recent concert when one of the ensemble members was late in preparation for the upcoming performance. It was a quick piece, only lasting around four minutes, but it also was a simple piece. Simple, yet meaningful.

My train of thought ended there for the moment, nothing more could really be said about the solo. So instead I opted to just carefully observe the details on the old piano in front of me instead. The practice hall piano was an old but reliable instrument, it has served many a pianist for many years and will continue to do so for many more. The rest of the ensemble were busily preparing their instruments while all I needed to do was open up the piano lid and set my music out... Simple. Of course this simplicity has led me to my current train of thought, just what is it about piano's that fascinates me so much?

The inner workings of this particular piano is relatively standard for nearly all pianos in existence, that is not to say that it is not complex, rather the opposite actually. The inner workings of a piano is like an art piece, a feat of complex engineering that has been compacted to create one of the most successful instruments of all time, the instrument of choice for most composers. The existence of pianos has been firmly cemented throughout the history of music, from classical to modern, because of its famous reputation of being the large, centerpiece instrument for some, if not most, classical music groups throughout history.

So then, why did it all seem rather... unnecessary?

The instrument was far too big to be able to be used as a portable instrument, it was expensive to produce even a single piano, the range of possible notes was in between most instruments and it took years of dedication to be able to even play the keys properly without constantly hitting the adjacent keys. On top of that if you were an Earth Pony, like me, you would find it extremely difficult to play more than two notes simultaneously unless you were willing to think outside the box and use your muzzle or, Celestia forbid, your tongue.

Unicorns and pegasi would both have a generally easier time, magically skilled unicorns could easily manage several keys, if not several instruments, all at the same time allowing for controlled and precise manipulation of the instruments. Pegasi had amazingly precise motor movement with their wings allowing for a far more precise control over their instruments whether it be playing the instruments with their wings or even just holding the instrument in place, allowing for a far more comfortable position for the musician to play.

Even with all the distinct advantages that Unicorns and Pegasi possess in comparison to Earth ponies, it was rather strange that, even if it is fundamentally more difficult for Earth ponies to play the classical instruments due to the lack of magic or prehensile wings, the majority of classical musicians in Canterlot seem to be Earth ponies... Actually, I think they ALL are only Earth ponies.

It was another revelation, why were Earth ponies deliberately learning something that was naturally far more difficult to accomplish in comparison to Unicorns and/or Pegasi? Was it a tribalist instinct? Something to try prove to the other tribes that Earth ponies indeed could do whatever a Unicorn or Pegasus could do the same if not better? Was this all just a massive tribal conspiracy that led to a large number of Earth ponies, I myself included, into a delusional career involving long hours, days, weeks, months, years of practice just to achieve a sense of security of our tribe’s position in comparison to others?

“Earth to Freddy? Hello~?”

The voice snapped me out of my musings momentarily, derailing my spiralling train of thought. Beauty Brass looked at me quizzically but with a slight amount of amusement. “Have you returned from dreamland yet?” She inquired, a small chuckle escaping her lips. Trying to salvage some form of dignity, although in truth I did not know why I felt embarrassed, I quickly jumped off of my piano stool and faced Beauty Brass.

“Is one not allowed to be in deep thought every now and again?” I questioned, Beauty Brass just merely chuckled in response.

“Only if one wants to be a philosopher instead of a musician, come on, the rest of the ensemble is ready and all our instruments are set, let’s practice now okay?” She said, chuckling as she hobbled over to her position, wobbling slightly due to the large brass instrument that was wrapped around her carriage...

Now hold on, how did Beauty Brass even fit into her Sousaphone?

Brass tubes and tight spaces

It's not that I think Beauty Brass is fat, far from it actually. It's just that a sousaphone does not seem to be the most... comfortable instrument to fit into.

Actually I think it would be impossible for me to fit into one no matter how hard I try.

From observation alone I could already tell that I am far too large for Beauty's sousaphone and it probably doesn't help that I am not the most flexible of ponies. Actually, thinking about it now, I think my lifestyle of sitting on my piano stool all day playing piano is not exactly... healthy, neither does it compliment my waistline or figure.

Disregarding my poor health and physical condition for now, I must admit that the thought of a rather fragile piece of tubing wrapping around my midsection scares me to some extent. Not that I'm claustrophobic, it's just that the risks seem far too high just to play an instrument. Think of it this way, would you be willing to have a fragile piece of equipment strapped close to your legs? Where one accidental movement could cause hundreds of bits worth of damage? Not to mention the damage to your own health and pride if you were to trip on one of the pieces of piping.

It seems to just coil around you like a snake, ensnaring you with the cold metal while blasting your ear every time you play a note... Actually, I'm surprised that Beauty isn't partially deaf from playing her sousaphone. We used to get noise complaints from when we practiced a little too late into the night. It would have been understandable too, had the complaints not come from a different district of the city.

One of my acquaintances, who is a royal guard, swears he could sometimes hear us from his post at the castle.

My thoughts are straying again, back to the original topic: How in the world did she manage to fit into that infernal contraption in the first place? The way it wraps around you leaves nearly no room, this helps it not suddenly slip while performing but at the same time it offers no physical space to be able to squeeze through at all, at least, not without dislocating both your forelegs. Since the instrument itself is made of brass it is highly inflexible... Well it would bend, but good luck getting it to work again after that!

Furthermore, the instrument is designed to rudely shove its mouthpiece directly into the player's face. It admittedly make the instrument physically possible to play without breaking your neck, but just the fact that the mouthpiece seems to just jut towards you seems rather rude... Plus it just sounds outright embarrassing to say out loud.

Plus, how are you supposed to get any variation in tone? Does it work like a Bugel? There are no visible valves on it plus even if there were then it would be nearly impossible to play if you were an Earth pony...

Suddenly a blur of white passes right in front of my snout, frantically waving trying to grasp my attention. I was told later that my squeak of surprise would have been rather cute, had it not demolished my masculinity to absolutely nothing.

"Yo, Fred, what's up man? You've been brain-dead for like, hours now!" Vinyl Scratch suddenly blurted into my ears, it was quite loud and left a slight ringing sensation. The outburst definitely did its job though as I directed both my attention and the finest glare this side of Canterlot bar Celestia's. (It has been said that she has stopped many a noble petitioners cold just by quirking an eyebrow. No pony has ever lived to see her glare and tell the tale about it).

"First of all Vinyl, we have only been here for half an hour at most. Second, shouldn't you be slightly concerned about why he is currently 'brain-dead' at the moment?"

Ah, that would be Octavia, ever the voice of reason even though she could be entirely unreasonable herself. I could not decide whether to be annoyed or amused at both Vinyl and Octavia's assessment of my absent-mindedness... Although thinking about it now I do wonder what Vinyl was doing at our rehearsal.

"Vinyl, what are you doing here anyways?" I asked, it would be no good for anyone if I did not sate my curiosity for I have been told that I become rather angsty and distracted when my mind was occupied.

"It's not like I'm not allowed to be here" Vinyl scoffed before trotting over to the edge of the stage.

"You do realize that we have booked this hall for the night, right?" Octavia stated, a devious smirk adorning her lips. "So in other words, you aren't allowed to be in here".

"As if!" said Vinyl, quickly dismissing Octavia. This predictably started a complete banter between the two mares, causing the remaining Quartet members to groan in frustration, me included.

"I really don't think we are ever going to get any practice done for the night" I sighed, Beauty and Harpo both seemed to agree with me. "Maybe we should just go" I whispered to them and they both nodded in agreement almost immediately. Octavia and Vinyl were so concentrated in their bout of verbal warfare that they did not notice Harpo and I pack our books and instruments.

Then I saw the most amazing, yet disturbing, event I have ever seen. Beauty Brass seemed to literally ooze out of her sousaphone and cleanly pulled it off with a small *pop*. It required extreme skill and balance along with natural finesse to be able to execute such a maneuver without looking like a complete foal, yet this was the first time I have ever witnessed Beauty execute such an amazing feat.

My expression must have been amusing for as soon as Beauty turned to face me she burst into hysterics almost instantly. Harpo was behind me at the time and so saw my expression as I turned towards him. He has always been the calm, composed, level-headed pony among the group, so to see him struggling to contain his own hysterics also caused me to tear up in amusement. The entire situation was ridiculous and soon the three of us were laughing and giggling like little foals, something that we have never done in years.

The sound of unrestrained laughter caught the attention of Vinyl and Octavia who quickly stopped their banter and stared at the three of us dumbstruck. Vinyl quickly started giggling along with us while Octavia quickly became frustrated with the situation and stomped off to her cello. She must have noticed that we packed away because she too started packing her cello, either that or she was leaving due to our crazy antics.

That's when I saw another mind-boggling event.

How did Octavia even hold on to her bow?