Ashes and Dust

"Ahem.

Day one of my traveling’s with Rainbow Dash. She seems so different, so inexperienced. I need her back to what she was if we have any hope of accomplishing our mission. I've racked my memory as to the safest trail from here to New Appleoosa, as it is being called, but the trail is long, and I can only hope that we can avoid most of the struggles.

As I know, the sky will be cloudy and solid for a long time, so I must check the progression of day to night frequently using my magic. Despite this I sent Rainbow Dash up to the cloud layer in order to record this message. I still have no idea how to talk to her. Is anger an appropriate response, or am I being bitter? Regardless, the spell for this particular moment is done as follows."

There are a series of magical sounding crackles and spurts, before Twilight's voice, cracked but calculated, returns.

"Anyways, I need to find out where the camp is from our current location. We need to visit it. She has to see. I know the risks, but provided she has a level head nothing will happen that I cannot handle.

I wonder if it will even faze her. She truly seems to regret what she has done, but for all I know it could be a clever act. While there is plenty of evidence to the contrary, I think she is what I know she is. Time doesn't heal all wounds, some fester and get infected. I cannot believe I ever thought… thought…”

The voice cuts out to a heavy sigh full of emotion. Slowly and gently, Twilight resumes speaking.

“There is so much devastation due to her actions; I cannot let her go through the land without witnessing it. We will stop at the refugee camp. Perhaps if I was stronger we wouldn't have to just pass by, but this isn't about them, it’s about the greater good. Maybe if my horn hadn't been so damaged by the explosion, I would be able to fix this so much more than before. But for some reason I already made the decision and this is where I am now.

Seeing my home like that was… traumatic to say the least. I’m not sure it even is my home anymore. The hundreds of books I once organized and sorted every Thursday evening would forever be scattered in the wind. The slightly neurotic part of me wanted to pick up the remaining pages, chase after the ones blowing in the breeze, and try to put them back together for one final sorting, but there was work to be done so I walked away from them, from my friends, and from everything I ever knew back in Ponyville, knowing that it would be my last time every setting hoof in the town.

Thankfully, the elements were safe. It was a stroke of unusually good fortune that Celestia decided to have me hide the elements at the library, because there would be no recovering anything from Canterlot. She said it was so that if my friends and I needed them in an emergency, they would be on hoof. Was it really?

The fact remains that Luna and Celestia are dead, and nopony has seen Cadence. But she was in Canterlot, and nopony survived Canterlot. I cannot even begin to explain the Princess of the Dawn and Dusk when I cannot even understand it fully myself.

Maybe, just maybe, things don't turn out the way I know they will. Things can change. Eventually I will tell Dash everything, but I need to know first. I have this strange feeling I can’t shake however, and I don’t think I'll ever truly understand everything going on. Wouldn't that be a sad fate, doomed to everlasting ignorance.

I think I can see Dash on the way down, I will find time for another journal entry later. For organizational purposes I will both address the day from calamity at the start and end of every journal entry. This is the end of day one."

"Day two of this horrid travel. We ran into manticores in the Everfree Forest. I couldn't teleport Dash, and I couldn't let her see me, for lack of a better term, eliminate the creatures. Teleportation of others is to be done only under very specific circumstances or extremely dire emergencies due to the risks. It was mostly my fault anyways, I should’ve been watching myself instead of ensuring that Dash got away.

In addition to binding her wounds, I've administered plenty of magical aids, but she has not yet woken. Sometimes I wish she would just die, but that's not how it works. Fate has some plan for me, and despite my efforts it seems like we will both be weakly trotting towards the refugee camp.”

Light choking is heard before some coughs manage to clear the speaker’s voice.

"The spell worked perfectly, augmented by… it. I didn't mean to do what I did, but at this point it leaves me with little choice. I have started considering it a blessing mixed in with a curse, and even that leaves me perplexed as to my state of mind.

I managed to protect us both using a minimal amount of magic, but even so the burnout has left me with healing spells so poor that I would have already buried Dash if not for her inexplicable resilience. I've killed many times before, but this is the first time I’ve taken time to think about it. Somehow that pegasus is giving me back my conscience.”

Some shuffling is heard in the background. A large snap and the sound of ripping flesh cuts through the air as the sound of someone coughing up liquid is noticed by Twilight, and she no longer speaks to the device.

"Calm down Loyalty. It's going to be okay. You have major lacerations and have lost a lot of blood through a torn artery in both your wing and chest."

"Twi'?"

"You've been severely hurt and you need to stop moving. The slash from the manticores claws cut into your heart and lungs. I have been repairing them the best I can. Just go back to sleep."

"Twi', it was..."

"Go to sleep Loyalty! You’re going to kill yourself!"

"...all my fault."

Some magical sounds were heard, fizzing and bubbling as spells were cast. Fabric is ripped apart and the sound of quiet levitation permeates the quiet. The wind gently blows past the device before the speaker, briefly swallowing loudly, continues.

"Her heart is not healing properly, and she is probably delirious from a lack of liquids. I’m going to have to force her to drink while she is unconscious. With the speed at which we are traveling we will probably be very thirsty when we get to New Appleoosa. If she even recovers by tomorrow it will be a miracle of pegasus physiology.

Still, whenever she wakes, I need the story. Every single facet of what happened is knowledge, and knowledge is power. Until then I’ll just scavenge from the woods and wait. This is the end of day two."

"Day three has been mostly uneventful as we didn't leave our current camp due to Dash’s injuries.

She almost caught me because I made a slip of the tongue. I need to be more careful around her, she is very inquisitive. Luckily she didn't make any connections. I also found out that the radio has several unused functions: a music player with recorded songs, a communicator, though useless as this is the only one left and I don't have any radio frequencies, and a solar panel, also useless, and ensuring that I will have to keep charging it manually.

She told me the story. The whole story, I suspect, but sometimes it is hard to tell if she is lying, and I think she knows more about the event than what she lets on. Anything she withheld probably is of little significance compared to the flood of knowledge I now have at my disposal. Understanding this enigma known as the Endless Dark will help in my attempts to destroy it.

As for Dash, I try to hate her, but my emotions are getting the better of me and befuddling what should be a foregone conclusion. Seeing her as an enemy was so much simpler, but this objective keeps our futures intertwined, and I have no choice but to associate with her, and however begrudgingly I do so she seems invigorated by it. Hopefully she screws up somehow, and I can have an excuse for hating her some more. Did that sound vengeful?

What is wrong with me?

Still, growing too attached to her will be unhealthy for me in the long run. The more things remain as I expect the more I feel like it will all end how it must. Is clinging on to some faint hope worth it? Hopes and aspirations are what lead me here. Well, there is nothing to do except just see how it all pans out. This is the end of day three."

"Day four. Dash almost caught me this morning working with the radio, so I must only use it without her around. I also can't leave it around her if I can help it; her curious nature will lead to bigger problems than I can deal with right now.

She reacted as I feared when she saw the camp. I even felt bad about knocking her out. Why should I, she is the cause of everything! I’m just tolerating her because I need her, and for nothing else! It’s her fault I… I’m…”

There is heavy breathing as Twilight calms herself down.

“I just hope she buys the lie I will tell her. It would crush her if she found out the truth. But who does that? There was no way she could save them, none at all, yet still she tries! I couldn't let her.

The truth of the matter has infinitely complicated the issue. I will hold fast to this lie, and every other lie I need to tell. If we win, then I’ll be honest. Until then honesty would just drag me down, and thus I have no need for it.

I miss them all so much. My friends, my family, Celestia… I swear to you all, I will fix this, whatever the cost.

One thing that will remain confusing for me is how to rationalize her making the choice while injured to do something and then… she tried to save them.”

Twilight’s voice almost seems in awe.

“So I made the only logical choice I could in that situation. She would've killed herself if I had just stood by and let her go through with it. But…”

A slight sniffling voice is heard, and the voice returns sounding on the verge of tears.

“…it made me care a little! It was so much easier when I could just hate her for all the terrible things she's done. Now I can say it wasn't all her fault, she actually wants to try to make up for it all. I have trouble dealing with her. Not because of her actions or how close we were, but because it reminds me of what I used to be like. And that hurts for so many reasons. End.”

"Day four, entry two. I gave in to my incessant emotions. I saw the pony I had every reason to hate practically break down before my eyes. The pain and tragedy of seeing her be corrupted by this world ate at me. Nothing is sacred anymore.

I hope that doesn't haunt her like some of my faults do. I can't leave the radio alone again either, Dash caught a bit of a radio entry. I'd hate to imagine what she might've found on the radio had she kept fiddling with it. So I told Dash how I felt, mostly. I honestly feel a little better.

I still can't tell her about the intricate details of New Appleoosa. They will hunt me if they see me. Alicorns other than the Princess of the Dawn and Dusk are seen as impersonators under the new regime, and for good reasons, however inconvenient they may be. Fear of what power Dash may have gained leads them to ill-informed conclusions. Usurpers are not tolerated. I will have to be especially careful.

Still I feel something nagging at me, something I have forgotten about New Appleoosa. As for the Princess of the Dawn and Dusk, under no circumstances must we draw her attention or have any dealings with her. It would be far too dangerous and unexplainable.

I’m hoping that some sort of weapon manufacturer that deals in major black market weaponry is available. We need all we can get, though I must admit, I am a little nervous having never dealt with such ponies before. I know of somepony that we need to meet, despite not knowing her name or even having seen her before.

I hope that there aren't any representatives in the area to deal with. They would be able to find us in an instant if we make a single mistake. So many interjecting and winding strands of logic and possibilities to consider, I am losing hold on the situation as every hour passes into the mists of time. Hopefully things will clear up after New Appleoosa. This is the end of day four."