“No, no, this won’t do, this won’t do at all,” Twilight Sparkle said to herself as she veritably tore wires out of a large metal shell.
Twilight Sparkle was building a robot.
Such technology is unheard of Equestria after all Equestria was almost completely devoid of technology, in fact, even the constructor’s teacher was a little skeptical towards Twilight’s ambitions.
One must understand what purpose the purple pony pursued by building this robot, to fully comprehend why she built it in the first place. The robot could be a number of things: it could be a firefighter, it could be a break-dancer, or it could be a zompony apocalypse prevention robot. No, it was more impressive than any of those. It is a robot… that solves riddles.
Twilight has engaged upon a quest to solve the ultimate riddle. This baffling riddle has confounded many a pony throughout the years. Professors, princesses, preachers, and painters all sought to solve this riddle, but to no avail. Twilight herself attempted the riddle only to be more confused at the end than when she began.
Now the RIDDLEMASTERTM must succeed where it’s very creator did not. It must do a nigh impossible task… it must learn. It has to understand the very essence of a riddle. That is why Twilight Sparkle is building a robot.
She tore wires out, put them back in, soldered the wires, checked the connections, double checked the connections, triple checked the connections, as well as a myriad of other things. Eventually she finished, and she checked every single box on her carefully ordered checklist. Except for that one box at the very bottom of the list, that only said one simple word “test.”
She knew how to test this metal megalith certainly, but she also knows that she cannot test it herself, else the results will become skewed. Twilight programmed every riddle, and answer she knew, so her creation could gain a better concept of the very foundation of a riddle.
She knew she couldn’t test it, but she knew somepony who could.
Derpy Hooves was known for many things: her derpy eyes, her love of muffins, but most of all, her incomparable intelligence. Not so much the latter, but it is there regardless.
“Hey Twilight sorry I’m late, but I got some… muffi…” she trailed off as she saw a massive metal machine mounted motionlessly while many margins marred the megalith’s mask of menticulture. In short, Derpy saw a robot. “Well this is certainly nice, but why did you call over if it was done.” The mailmare flew down to Twilight and held out a muffin, “muffin?”
“We don’t have time for muffins right now Derpy; right now, we test!” Twilight proclaimed as she turned to her creation, “Derpy, will you please ask it a riddle?”
“Sure, Twilight!” she stored her muffin in her inventory and began in a soft crystal clear voice, “two muffins are baking in an oven. One muffin says to the other muffin, “Hey, it’s getting kind of hot in here isn’t it?” What did the other muffin say in reply?”
The RIDDLEMASTERTM required no time to think, it immediately replied.
“Ooben gleeben glouben glooben.”
Twilight did not what the answer to the riddle was, but she certainly knew it wasn’t that. She ran toward the robot, her magic reaching out, pulling out wires, and fiddling with the circuitry. Eventually Twilight rejoined the mailmare and proceeded to coax her into repeat the riddle for the robot. Derpy repeated the riddle.
“WAAAAHHHHHHSSSSSSSSAAAAAAAPPPPPPPPP!”
Twilight swore and tinkered with the machine once more. Derpy once again repeated her riddle.
“AAAAHHH! A talking muffin.”
Twilight looked at Derpy hopefully. Derpy only gave a nod and a smile. Twilight leapt up and down circling the grey pegasus in pure unadulterated elation. “Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes. Yes… After about a minute of celebration she became stopped and rubbed her head sheepishly. Derpy giggled.
“Come now Derpy we must not get caught up in our petty victories. It’s time for more testing!”
“We?”
Twilight ignored her, “Come on Derpy say another riddle.”
Derpy composed herself, and proceeded to tell a completely original riddle that she made by herself because she is so awesome, cool, and very good at writing.
“I am that which is toughened by the fires of experience.”
“I am that which mends broken bonds.”
“I am nearby, but hard to achieve.”
“I am the ultimate weapon, but the strongest friend.”
“I am known throughout all of Equestria.”
“I am delicious.”
Derpy let her words hang in the air for a second before finally finishing.
“Who am I?”
The automaton replied almost instantaneously.
“A muffin.”
Derpy nodded once more.
“Okay, Derpy finish this off with the strongest riddle you know.” Twilight said eagerly. The mailmare took a deep breath and began.
You go into a dark room. You only have one match. There's a kerosene lantern, an oil lamp, and a wooden stove. Which should you light first?
“The Match.”
“Yes! Now the RIDDLEMASTERTM is complete! Now it is time for the ultimate riddle!” Twilight took a deep breath to compose herself.
“Pinkie Pie.”
The robot exploded.
…
“Sure you don’t want that muffin Twilight?” the mailmare asks.
Twilight picks her jaw off the floor. She attempts to suspend all thoughts of failure and disbelief. “Sure,” Twilight says in a resigned tone. The constructer takes a bite of pure muffiny goodness, for with that one simple action all of her discontent disappeared leaving nothing but the pure feelings of joy in her heart. She smiled. “Thanks Derpy, I needed that.”
“It was no trouble Twilight I’m your friend after all, aren’t I?”
“Yeah, you’re right,” the apprentice sighed, “I guess some riddles aren’t meant to be solved.”
“Like why muffins are so delicious.”
Twilight giggled. “Well maybe you should have asked it that before it blew up.”
“I don’t need to know the answer to that Twilight.” She stared solemnly at the wreckage. “Because just like Pinkie Pie, I will love muffins no matter what secrets they hold.”
“You’re right,” Twilight sighed, “I probably never should have asked that question because the answer would change nothing.”
“You’re going to have tough time cleaning this up Twilight.” Derpy gestured toward the fragmented metal scattered throughout the area.
“I’ll just get Spike to do it.”
They both laughed.
