Stuff

by AppuhCobbler

Rating: teen
Tags: Adventure
Length: 2024

Poop

Cock

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2013-04-10 13:51:21 UTC

1

Flickering candles lit the large library annex of Everfree Castle, throwing dark shadows across the walls and floor in every direction. The dim orange glow barely lit the room, the night engulfing the structure like a thick blanket. Not even the moon shone through, a thick layer of clouds darkening the nighttime sky, blotting out the celestial heavens above as it dropped a steady rain across the sleeping city.

Towering oak bookcases filled with ancient texts and lore reached the high vaulted ceilings, looming over the sole occupant of the room. The lone pony stood at one of the many large tables in the library, a collection of books and scrolls strewn about the wooden surface. Pale magenta eyes weighted down with great burden scanned across every item, a mournful look glinting in those eyes.

The rhythmic sound of rain against stone and glass was broken only momentarily as the library doors opened mutely, followed by the soft footsteps on the floor. A pale arcane guardress walked up beside the statue-like Queen standing sentinel at the desk, the way she had been when the guardress had left her last. Her hand glowed a bright purple as she levitated a cup and saucer over to rest on the table beside a stack of books where the Queen rested.

“Your tea, your highness,” she said plainly, dismissing herself at the Queen's acknowledging nod.

Queen Rarity waited until she heard the doors open and close again before she let her mind focus on her work before her again. In the low light, she looked tired, weary with the weight of a thousand decisions, a calm yet sad frown touching her lips. She knew what each of these scrolls, reports, and books contained; they would all be the same, with the same ending. But try as she might to deny it, she knew the outcome wouldn’t change, no matter how much she hoped differently.

A golden purple glow of magic surrounded the cup filled with piping hot tea as Rarity lifted it to her lips, taking a long swallow of the soothing, strong liquid. It comforted her, but only for a moment. A flash of lightning illuminated the archives as she placed her hand upon the nearest book, a non-descript basic brown leather journal, and dragged it closer. No title was inscribed across the cover, nor was there any trace of it being anything more than a commonplace diary.

But she knew better than to judge a book by its cover – especially this book.

Swallowing hard to keep herself collected and together, Queen Rarity flipped open the cover. Inside, the first page had no publication information, but a short segment of text scrawled across the center of it. Her eyes danced across the words slowly, memorizing each and every one as if they meant the world.

Personal Journal Belonging to:

Private Honey Dew

3rd Company, Royal Everfree Reserve

If found, please return.

A deep breath, another sip of tea, and Rarity steeled herself to continue. Turning the page, she came across a larger mass of text: the first entry of who knew how many. Her regal face still as solemn and still as an effigy, she continued on, only her eyes and the flames of the candles wavering back and forth.

Hello, Journal!

I’m writing in you for the first time ever! Well, mostly because this is the first day I’ve ever had you, but still, it’s the excitement that counts, right? My good friend Goalpost gave you to me as a present for graduating boot camp. Oh yeah, I’m in the Royal Guard! Well, okay… Royal Guard Reserve, technically, but it’s pretty much the same thing. It just means I won’t be going around protecting Queen Rarity or standing like a statue around Castle Everfree. I’ll be patrolling around Elysia  instead wherever they decide to garrison me, and you’ll be coming along on all my adventures. Finally, I get my chance to live my dream and serve my country. Brace yourself, Journal, here we go!

Chapter 1

The sound of rolling waves surrounded the vast shore along the coast of Elysia. The bright sun threw warm rays of golden light across the land. The sky was a clear, solid cerulean, and the peace was broken only by the occasional call of gulls. It was the definition of a tranquil seaside.

Two guards walked side-by-side along the only road within kilometers – a single dirt trail that ran the length of the beach. Both wore a suit of lustrous golden armor, glistening in the sunlight, and both had skin tones of white and ice blue eyes, as was the royal mandate for active duty soldiers. A long, wood and metal rifle was slung on their backs, the bags filled with scouting supplies and ammunition. The only noticeable difference between the two of them besides their looks was their age. One being merely 17 years of age while the other being 19. Otherwise, they looked like identical twins. However, behind their appearance, one of them was magic-sensitive and one was not.

“Did we luck out or what?” the magic-sensitive soldier said, nudging his partner with his shoulder and grinning from ear to ear, “Guard duty on the eastern shore! What could be better?”

“Maybe actually doing something instead of going on a hike?” retorted the earth soldier, clearly disheartened. The Magic-sensitive soldier nudged him again.

“Hey, c’mon, Honey Dew. You’re still doing what you want, buddy. You just get to enjoy the beach while you’re at it!”

“No, Goalpost, this isn’t what I wanted,” Honeydew corrected, staring bitterly at the ground as they made their way along their route, “I wanted to be stopping crimes, or fighting bad guys, or doing something useful to protect Elysia! This is just… just… a nature walk! Busy work! We aren’t doing anything!”

“It’s not really that bad-”

“Yes, Goalpost. It is.”

The Earth soldier's reply had been so sharp and sudden, it cut Goalpost off and took him by surprise. The two guards  walked along in silence for a moment longer, Goalpost trying to think of some way to cheer up his friend. After a few moments, Honey Dew stopped where he stood in the middle of the road, looking up to his friend once he came to a halt a few paces ahead.

“What is it?” Goalpost asked, a confused look across his face.

Honey Dew was quiet for a moment before speaking up, “Would you mind helping me learn to… ya know… hold our guns?” Goalpost stared in surprise for a few seconds.

“Again? Really?” The sheepish nod from his partner denied his assumptions that this was a joke. “We went over it dozens of times in boot camp!”

“I know! It’s just… hard…”

Goalpost had prepared a sarcastic remark questioning how Honey Dew had gotten past basic training, but couldn’t bring himself to make it. Seeing his longtime friend actually admitting vulnerability and naivety was definitely out of character. But if he was going to stay alive in the Royal Guard, he was going to need to learn.

“Okay, okay…” he agreed with an exasperated sigh, sliding the rifle off of his back and into his hands, positioning his body onto the ground into the firing position, “But only once more. Next time, you ask the captain.”

Honey Dew smiled and nodded in agreement, his eyes lighting up as he drew his weapon and fell to the same position as his friend.

“Okay, you know how to load it, right? Sit down, get a good grip on the stock, push the mag into the slot…” Goalpost ejected his magazine and jammed it back in for demonstration, nodding as Honey Dew followed his instructions, “Then slide the bolt back to chamber a round and slide it back into position.” Again, the young Earth soldier demonstrated by sliding the bolt of his weapon back, revealing a shiny brass bullet in the chamber, then sliding it back into place.

“Yeah, I got that part. It’s the standing I can’t do. The freaking rifle is weighs like a dwarf horse,” admitted a very timid Honey Dew. The Magic sensitive soldier, Goalpost, just rolled his eyes.

“It’s just like how musicians play their instruments, like cellos, violins, that sort of stuff. You just rise, shift your weight back enough to counter-weight the rifle from your body, take a deep long breath, and hold it,” explained Goalpost, rearing up on his legs to a standing position, leaning on his rifle for some support before raising it up and leveling it out, “Then you take aim and squeeze with your finger around the trigger. And exhale."

Honey Dew clumsily rose up on his feet and shakily lifted his gun, trying to balance the body weight from the immensly heavy rifle, taking aim down the barrel off into distant nothingness, the ocean. He only lasted a couple of seconds before collapsing face-first into the dusty road, coughing and sputtering. Goalpost slung back the heavy long barreled firearm onto his back, shaking his head disparagingly at his partner.

“Don’t laugh,” came the muffled response of one facedown Honey Dew.

“I think this is past laughing,” he rebuked, still unable to keep a smirk off his face, “Honey Dew, you’re an Earth soldier. I thought your kind were on averge, physically stronger than us magic sensitive folk. Then again, I did just say 'on average' so i'm not going to rule out any outliers.” Honey Dew lifted his head quickly, eyes narrowed and burning with determination.

“Do you want to bring up the nature vs. nurture argument again?”

“Nope, and not knowing how to properly handle a rifle is going to get someone killed,” warned Goalpost.

“Yeah, the enemy!”

“There is no enemy, Honey Dew.”

“Not yet.”

All Goalpost could do was look down incredulously at his dirtied up friend before walking back off down the road. Before he knew it, Honey Dew sprinted past him like a bullet. Even if Honey Dew may not inherit the strength of the average earth person, he sure does have the incredible speed and agility of one. As Goalpost looked into the distance, he saw that Honey Dew was grinning like an idiot at him. And was he... Sticking out his tongue at me, Goalpost asked himself.

Goalpost disappeared from Honey Dew's field of vision within seconds. Nice, he thought. He was going to beat Goalpost by getting back to camp before he can. If he lost to Goalpost in the firing component, then he'll at least end the day by beating him in a race. As soon as Honey Dew turned his head to the road ahead, Goalpost was already in front of him.

“Needed a teleport to catch up? Am I THAT fast?” Honey Dew asked with a joking smirk.

Goalpost snorted and rolled his eyes. “Hey, if I’ve got the magical advantage, I’m gonna use it!”

"You're not going to use your magic to chea-"

The next thing he knew, Honey Dew was the one down in the dirt... again, courtesy of a magical shove from his partner. Before he could even grasp what was going on, Goalpost was smiling and laughing, all while sprinting away down the road. Honey Dew could feel his face go hot in embarrassment... Again. Thank Tartarus their commanding officer wasn’t around. They might have been fresh out of training, but even this fooling around would’ve gotten them kicked out. But it was all games with Goalpost; it always was. And since their commanding officer wasn’t around…

“Oh, it’s on!” Honey Dew called out, wiping the dirt off his face and like a artillery shell, took off hard as he took off after his partner. Both of them pursued each other, one using his earthly enhanced speed, one teleporting away, in a game of cat and mouse until their reached the end of their patrol route. Just as the sun began to set, the two friends and soldiers walked in unison back into their camp, as stern and attentive as ever – but with plenty of dirt covering their once glistening golden armor.