Wotz Dis Frendship Rubbish Anyway?

by Shrek Is Dreck

Rating: teen
Tags: Princess Celestia, Crossover, Alternate Universe, Main 6, Princess Luna, Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Cutie Mark Crusaders, Other, Adventure
Length: 2199

WAAAGH! Grimskull has been scattered to the stars. The Warboss himself survives with a mere band of 20 followers. But, as is usual, grot pilots are unreliable at best, and during a trip through the Warp, some git sends the ladz somewhere very new...

Equestria. Yep. And its fun at first, because there are lots of new thingies to kill, and new shiny stuff to steal. But then, as Grimskull and his ladz venture out of the Everfree Forest, and deeper into Equestria, they must deal with new... squig-fings who talk, and don't even know his species, let alone name. The boyz must keep firm. This "Frendship" that the squig-fings talk about is a load of rubbish. All Grimskull wants is to kill stuff and steal its shiny things. And they all need to make it off this planet sane (by Ork standards, anyway).
That would require some good pilots and mechanics.
Unfortunately, the only things around that can offer these are the very squig-things he hates...

Published 2013-04-12 01:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2013-04-12 01:00:01 UTC

Woz An "Ekwestria"?

Grimskull shifted himself in his Kommand Throne. All that was left of his once-glorious WAAAGH! were twenty odd boyz (grotz didn't count). How had this happened? He went through the memory for the hundredth time.

Ghazghkull's invasion of Armaggeddon was very successful.

Too successful.

When he had finished with the planet he had no further need for Grimskull. The Warboss could no longer promise any more fighting for the boyz under his command, and the warband gradually disbanded.

He was left with the twenty on the kroozer.

As they drifted through the Warp, Gimskull's only mek, a fading genius named Bazza, roared at his grots in the cockpit. They were unreliable pilots at best, and Warp travel was particularly difficult.

"NO! DON'T YOU DARE PRESS DAT- WOT? I DON'T CARE! I'LL THROW BOTH O' YOU OUTTA DA AIRLOCK- OH, SHUT UP!" he roared and cuffed a grot across the room.

Grimskull stared dissapprovingly, and flexed his Power Klaw. He decide he was bored with the old snappy design, and called Bazza over.

"OI! Get over 'ere!"

"Yes, boss?", the mekboy shuffled over.

"I need a bit o' work on me klaw. Fink yer up to it?"

"Yes boss."

The two left the control room, leaving the grots to their own devices.

A mistake that they would soon regret.

"Wot were ya finkin' in perticular, boss?", the mek queried, stepping backwards and upsetting a box of Tau guns.

"Somefin' moar flash, maybe shootier. Like...", the Warboss trailed off, staring around the room.

"I could always put a bigga powa field generata on it, boss."

"Yeah... yeah, you do dat." Grimskull's eyes settled on a crate labelled: DAkKa. "Wotz in dere?" he inquired.

"Where?"

Grimskull nodded at the crate.

"Extra shootas, boss."

Grimskull clanked over to the crate and broke the lid off with his klaw.

There he found it.

He picked up the big shoota, and examined it for a bit. Then, using Orky ingenuity and brute strength, rammed it butt first into his power klaw.

He let off a burst of fire that narrowly missed Bazza.

"Wow..." he murmured.

Then the emergency lights and klaxons went off.

"WOTZ GOIN' ON?" roared Grimskull as soon as he made it into the cockpit.

There were grots running about, screaming, and some were hammering as many buttons as they could with one hand. Grimskull grabbed one, and roared the same question in its' face. Its' only response was to scream louder, so he dropped it and then stepped on it with a massive iron boot.

Bazza ran over to a panel.

"We're exitin' Warp-space, boss! Over some planet or uva!"

Grimskull clanked over to the command room. The boyz were standing about uncertainly.

"Orright, you filthy squig-brains! Load yer shootas, an' get back 'ere sharpish! We'z pro'bly about to get some fightin' done!"

The Orks cheered as one, and scattered. When they returned, they were shouted at to 'form up' in front of the ramp. For Orks this meant big ones muscled their way to the front, and the weediest ones were left at the back.

Their whoops of joy were cut short with a jolt, and many barreled over as they exited the Warp. Grimskull could feel the accelerations as the kroozer hurtled through the atmosphere of a new planet, gaining speed. The grots in the cockpit did their best to slow it down, but the impact was still jarring as the piece of space-junk collided with the ground.

The assault ramp began to open.

"READY LADZ? WHEN I SEZ CHARGE..."

The assault ramp hit the ground.

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!" Came the cry from twenty voices, and was cut short with questioning grunts.

They found themselves in the middle of a forest.

Twilight Sparkle trotted back to the library with a box of cupcakes on her back. It had been an uneventful day so far. She had  gone out to meet up with her friends in town, then gone back with Pinkie Pie to Sugar-cube Corner to purchase the very cupcakes that she was carrying now.

She hadn't discussed anything note-worthy with her friends. Applejack had been talking about how poor the harvest had been this year. Rarity was discussing some new design of hers, and Pinkie had simply rambled on about anything that crossed her mind.

As she neared the door of the library, she heard a loud noise that almost caused her to drop her baked goods.She stopped and listened to see if it would be repeated.

But no. She entered the library and deposited her cupcakes on the table.

"Spike!" she called. "Could you put these in my room please?" she asked as he came in.

"Yes, Twilight."

"Thank you." she said, and picked up her book.

As Spike left, she put the tome down and hurtled out of the door to round up her friends and go and investigate the sound from the Everfree Forest.

The six cantered along the forest path in silence. The place still unnerved them.

Twilight was still attempting to locate the source of the noise. There were no maps of the area, so all she could go on was her memory of the origin of the sound.

Then she heard something.

The voices were gruff and loud, and barely understandable.

"Quick, girls, hide!" she whispered to her friends.

Then she began to make out the words.

"Too much green stuff fer my likin'." The voices were accompanied by the sounds of the hacking and slicing of vegetation.

"Well, da boss sed we need to 'ave a look around, see if dere's anyfin' to eat."

"An' all I can see fer miles is green stuff. We can't eat green stuff, can we."

The voices were very loud now.

Rainbow Dash risked a glance over her bush, and darted back down again.

The hacking stopped.

"Wot?"

"'Ere, did you see dat?"

"No."

"Well, I did. It was all blue, an' 'ad dis 'air wot was stripy. It was red, yeller, green, blue, purple, an'... uva stuff. Come on."

The stamp of iron-shod feet closed on Rainbow's position. Her eyes widened and she began to quiver. Fluttershy was barely holding back her tears and was positively vibrating with fear.

The stamping stopped.

A large green head peered over Rainbows' bush.

It was met with a small but powerful hoof, and she was off like a shot from a gun.

"OI! GET BACK 'ERE, YA STRIPY GIT!"

The stamping began again at a higher tempo. The ponies scattered and galloped towards Ponyville.

"WOTZ DIS? MOAR OF 'EM!"

The green monstrosity let off a burst from its' huge gun, all of the shots going wild.

"Let 'em go, Wozzmek." the other thing said to its' compatriot. "We'll foller 'em 'ome in da shadows. Dat way we'll know where to get 'em, see? An' maybe dere's moar of dem where dey came from."

"We must inform the Princess!" Twilight shouted to her friends as they galloped.

"For once, we have a good reason to." replied Rainbow.

"Oh, my, oh, my, oh, my!" Fluttershy panicked.

"Ah'll betcha there's more o' those things in this here forest!" Applejack intoned. "We could be facin' full-scale invasion, or somethin' like that."

Ponyville honed into view, and the six hurtled into the library.

"Twilight! Where were you?" Spike asked. "I was so worried!"

"No time to explain. Spike, take a letter."

"Wow! Dis place is crawlin' wiv..." Wozzmek thought for a while. "Squig-fings. Oi, Druzger, ya remember da way back, roight? Da boss'll be so pleased."

Back at the crash-site, Grimskull was, in fact, very peeved. He was overseeing the set-up of a ramshackle camp. The Orks were hungry and rather more aggressive than usual because of it. He had had to sort out several brawls by picking the two participants up, holding them at arm's length from each other, and yelling in their faces. And his flashy new klaw did not console him for his lack of food. Oh, what he wouldn't give for a squig pie...

"Boss! Boss!"

Grimskull's reverie was interrupted by Wozzmek and Druzger running at him.

"We'z found fings! Dey looks like squigs, only dey talk, an' 'as four legs, an'-"

"Can we eat 'em?

"I- I don' see why not, boss."

"Well where are dey?"

"Foller us, boss!"

Grimskull stood on a hill overlooking Ponyville. He eyed the happy-looking ponies greedily.

"Well, boss?" Druzger inquired. "Whadda we do now?"

"Come on." The armored greenskin replied, and clanked down the hill.

The first the poor ponies new of his arrival was the ground shaking. Then this was accompanied by they clank, whir, and hiss  of machinery. And then a vast, armored, green monster was stamping down Stirrup Street.

Suddenly, the street was filled with screaming ponies.

"OI! GET BACK 'ERE!" Grimskull roared and clanked after them, saliva dripping from his mouth at the thought of grilled... squig-fings. But they were too fast.

Suddenly, the sky was filled with winged silhouettes. They behaved in a very odd manner. They began to dive him. All Grimskull could do was stare. Nothing EVER attacked an Ork. Then they were upon him.

He swung his Power Klaw in a wide arc, batting several away at once.

"WHAT NOW, BOSS?" cried Druzger.

"NOW, WE DAKKA!" roared Wozzmek, and, hefting his big shoota, blasted some out of the sky. When they were that bunched up, it was hard to miss.

"BOSS! WHAT NOW!"

"WE MAKE A TAKICKALLY SOUND RETREAT!" Grimskull shouted back.

The Orks stared at  him.

"LEG IT!"

The ragged band ran as fast as their legs/mechanical limbs could carry them back to the camp.

"Now DAT'S a propa fight! Next time, we'z gonna smash dose runty squig-fings. We jus' need moar ladz...

Princess Celestia landed and walked towards Twilight's library.

"You see, Princess?" Twilight said.

"Yes, Twilight. The situation appears dire."

"And ah'll bet there's more o' them where they came from." Applejack repeated.

"I understand." the Princess replied.

"Oh, my! I wonder how all of the little animals are feeling! Oh, I hope they don't get hurt!" Fluttershy intoned, her hooves over her mouth.

"Why can't I go and get the big one myself?" Rainbow groaned.

"Because we don't know how many of them there are yet." The Princess replied. "I have a patrol silently following those three monsters, but until then, we have no idea of their numbers."

"Oh, lord! They might have gotten to the orchard! It's not too far from the forest! Well, ah'll see y'all later then." and with that Applejack galloped off.

"I really must get back to work on my ensemble." Rarity said and trotted away.

And so, the group disbanded, to wait for the next day.

"Orroight, ya maggots, yer goin' 'ungry tonight!" Grimskull shouted.

There was an audible groan from the assembled Orks.

"Get yer choppas sharpened, yer shootas loaded, 'coz we'z gonna get dose squig-fings tommorrer!"

The groan was replaced with a cheer.

"Oi! Wozzmek! Druzger! You go see if dere's any moar ladz around in dis 'ere forest!"

"Yes, boss."

"Bazza!"

"Boss?"

"A word."

The mek walked over to the warboss.

"Can ya get dis fing off da ground an' back in da sky?" Grimskull asked as quietly as possible.

"I dunno, boss. I'll need some moar meks, an' some decent pilots."

"What? I thought you 'ad da grots!"

"Well, ya sorta stepped on 'em all, boss."

"Oh, yeah."

The patrol had returned, and Celestia awaited the news gravely.

The guardsman in charge of the patrol took a bow.

"A mere twenty beings, you majesty."

Celestia blinked.

"Hardly a threat." she said.

"Indeed, your majesty."

There was a pause.

"Give the order for the Royal Guard to return to Canterlot. Leave a garrison here."

Now it was the captains turn to blink.

"This is hardly a threat, captain, I said so already. We leave now."

The captain saluted and marched away.

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!"

The Orks ploughed down the hill to the edge of the town. But Grimskull would not let them stop there. They carried on through to the library. There were no ponies about. No easy pickings.

"I need to break somefin', an' dis looks best. So dis goes first." Grimskull raised his power klaw, and was about to bring it down on the door, when his arm was encircled with purple light.

The door opened, and a small squig-fing came out. It was purple, and had a glowing horn. Grimskull roared in anger, and brought his shoota to bear on the squig-fing, letting off a burst. The bullets were met with an impenetrable shield.

Three boyz charged it, screaming, but were vaporised with a bolt of energy. The rest began to back away as Grimskull struggled.

"Creature," It said, "What are you? And where did you come from?"

"I iz an Ork! Wot does it matter to you, anyway?"

Twilight took a glance at Grimskull. An Ork. All she could see about it were that it was barbaric, simply existing to kill, ravage, steal....

His arms moved and inch.

My magic isn't strong enough, she thought. No...

Grimskull broke free.

Twilight ran.

And the flames of Ponyville burned bright that night.