Celestia Visits the Dead

by blazikenking

Rating: teen
Tags: Other, Random, Adventure, Princess Celestia, Princess Luna, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy
Length: 7768

Princess Celestia takes a short trip to the afterlife. It's not what she expects at all.

After a funeral, Celestia finds herself wondering about what happens after a pony dies. After some research and preparation (with help from Luna), she embarks on a trip to the place nopony has ever returned from. Turns out the afterlife landscape is far from what anypony could have expected.

Don't worry, Celestia lives at the end.

Published 2013-04-12 23:10:02 UTC
Last updated 2015-06-12 08:10:16 UTC

The Whole Story

Death.

While it had never come for her, Celestia had seen death come for all her subjects at one point or another. For each death, she bid some compassion for those related to the deceased, more so if they were close to her. At the funerals of the close ones, namely castle staff and a few others, she’d put on a mask to let her little ponies feel like she felt their pain, even though it had happened so often that she was practically numb to the events.

It wasn’t until a funeral held for one of the longest serving and oldest guards was held that she began to wonder about death and what happened afterwards, and this curiosity of hers came about with one of the guard’s grandfoals, a filly.

“Princess Celestia?” The little filly was sitting right next to the solar diarch.

“Yes?” Celestia’s voice was soft, a result of many years of practice.

“Where’s Grandpa now?”

Celestia gave her usual answer. “He’s gone on to a better place. I don’t know anything beyond that.”

“Can’t you go find out?”

This question caught Celestia off guard. Not once before had she remembered being asked such a thing. “I don’t know. But I’ll see what I can do.”

This bit of improv seemed to satisfy the filly, who kept quiet until the funeral was over, although that was due more to her falling asleep at some point.

Once the funeral was over, everypony went their separate ways; Celestia to her chambers and everypony else went elsewhere. Most likely home or somewhere else to get something to eat.

Funeral days, while always somewhat sad, had one nice perk: day court was not held, thus reducing Celestia’s work down to just raising the sun, attending the funeral, and setting the sun. This gave her lots of free time that she knew she needed.

Normally, Celestia would have a slice or five of cake sent up, enjoy herself, and take a nap. But partway through her 4th piece, a cheesecake slice, the little filly’s question resurfaced and piqued her curiosity. She truly had no idea what, if anything, happened after a pony died. Was there a soul? If so, did the soul really go somewhere? What was that place like? Were there multiple places a pony could go? She could finish her cake, but there was no way she was going to get a nap in with all these questions floating around her head.

The time to lower the sun came and passed as always, and after a brief chat with Luna, went to bed. After a quick brushing of her teeth and casting a time delayed wake up spell, sleep came with relative ease, and Celestia’s mind went into the world of dreams.

Her dreams, normally filled with warm sunshine, delicious cake, and friendship reports, were different tonight. The sunshine and cake were still there, but the friendship reports were replaced by questions regarding the afterlife. This confused the solar diarch quite a bit.

Unknown to Celestia for the moment, Luna had picked up on the confusion in the dream. Also unknown to Celestia was that night court was long over thanks to nopony having even shown up for 90 straight minutes after the last guest. Luna had taken to the dreamscape and was observing the dream from a moon pie moon, which was going from full to crescent thanks to her.

“What is it that troubles you, sister?” Luna said quietly to herself. After trying and failing to read any of the scrolls at the distance she was at, Luna stealthily took action and snagged a few of the scrolls from the pile of finished ones. A plan began to form in her mind as she went through the questions.

~~~Thursday Morning~~~

The wake up spell activated with its usual harshness. Celestia woke up with a bit of rage. She was just about to finish off a banana cream pie. After 5 seconds of mourning the lost bit of dream food, she walked over to her balcony and engaged in the daily ritual of raising the sun.

Getting up before dawn in order to make the dawn had this nasty tendency to leave Celestia feeling very sluggish. In order to help alleviate this sluggishness, she went to her usual destination: the private royal dining room.

The room contrasted greatly with the rest of the castle. The floor was a simple alternating grey tile pattern that looked like it had a thin layer of dust on it (it did), the table was a simple yet elegantly carved dark wood that had its share of subtle stains from many spilled drinks and sauces, the walls were dark red with warm gold and cool silver lines placed seemingly at random, but still somehow organized. Light came from a large bay window that looked over a nearby forest.

Aside from just being a dining room, there was also an open kitchen for the sisters to use. Celestia didn’t want to have the cooks wake up before she did just to make her breakfast. There was one cook that, no matter what, was somehow always up and on the job before her though. His name was Morning Jolt, and he made mornings better for Celestia by providing her with a cup of coffee every morning. Thanks to this, he often got most of the day off.

Another reason Celestia let the cooks sleep in was because she secretly enjoyed cooking breakfast for herself.

“Good morning ‘Tia. Is there a breakfast plan?”

And maybe Luna too.

Celestia only let out a series of incomprehensible mutterings that roughly sounded like “no” as she made her way to her cup of coffee on the table. Grabbing the cup with a hoof, she brought it up to her lips and drank half of her coffee. Perfect as always. And just as always, Celestia’s awareness and energy went from near zero to slightly upbeat.

“Good morning to you too, Luna. How was night court?”

“Well, there was this one unicorn who showed me something she called an engine and claimed it could revolutionize transportation beyond the trains we have now. It blew up in her face. She seemed unfazed, excited even that it blew up. I declined her request for funding to get the materials and research to improve it.”

“Did this mare have a grey and red mane, green eyes, and a red phi cutie mark?”

“You know her?”

“Twilight’s told me about her. I can’t recall that much about her, but she’s very much a mare of mechanics. Turned the area around her home into a blast range apparently. Explosions on Wednesdays. She never seems to be hurt by them. Anything else interesting?”

“A petite pegasus mare who wanted funding for a school to teach ‘the arts of evasion and redirection’ as she called it. She also claimed to be able to dodge anything and was willing to prove it. I sent 10 of my guards, unarmed, at her.”

“What happened?”

“She practically danced among them. Kept at it for half an hour. She came out fine, but my guards looked like they could fall asleep on the spot. She neither got hit nor delivered a single attack. I gave her the funds and a certificate of my approval. I may even attend her school myself.”

“Wow.”

“I know.Also, an earth pony named Action Sequence showed up. He wanted me to be in one of his films. Said he had an entire film written up with me as the hero.”

“Let me guess: he also asked for funding?”

“Surprisingly not. Seems he already had funds lined up.”

“Did he try to hit on you?” Celestia got a smug look visible just over the rim of her cup.

Luna blushed and stammered out a denial. “Why would you think that?”

“I like a morning laugh. Anyways, what can I fix for you?”

“3 waffles, hay bacon, 2 scrambled eggs, and a bowl of oatmeal.”

“You prepare the fruit then.” Celestia went to work with relative haste. While she fixed Luna’s breakfast (and Luna went through the fruits), Celestia made herself some toast, hash browns, and an omlette with cheese, peppers, tomatoes, onions, and bits of hay bacon in it.

20 minutes later, and the sisters sat down to eat breakfast.

Luna spoke up in the middle of chewing a bite of syrup covered waffle #2. “Oh, night court ended early as well. I thought I’d go visit some dreams. One had a fair deal of confusion coming from it.”

“Oh?”

“Yes. Seems she was wondering about what happens after somepony dies. The questions were on scrolls that look like the kind Twilight sends you. Isn’t that peculiar?” It was Luna’s turn to get the smug face.

“You went into my dreams?” Celestia had a look that was somewhere between annoyance and anger. To help calm herself, she started taking a sip of her coffee...

“Yep. And in order to help you figure that out, I decided to cancel day court through Tuesday.”

Which was forcefully sprayed out in Luna’s general direction. Fortunately, the lunar diarch had put a shield over her breakfast and face, so all was safe from the ravages of Celestia’s perfectly brewed coffee.

“WHAT?!” Celestia shouted, slipping a bit into the Royal Canterlot Voice.

Luna somehow remained calm. “That should give you enough time to come up with a way to see if there is a place where the souls of the dead go. If there is, then you can also come up with a way to go there.”

Celestia, without changing her expression or looking away from Luna, gently moved her breakfast to the side before introducing her face, accompanied by high speed, to the table. Table wasn’t damaged, high speed was killed in the accident, and Celestia’s face simply hurt after impact. “Ow”.

Luna simply smiled and giggled at this before composing herself. Once Celestia recovered, the two quietly finished their breakfasts. When they were done, They took the dishes to the kitchen and left them for Sparkling Clean to wash, as usual.

“Well, I’m heading off to sleep for the day. Have fun on your quest.” Luna made her way to her room at a trot and left Celestia to her own devices.

Celestia knew that she couldn’t go and open day court back up, seeing as Luna had closed it for the time being. And thanks to Luna, Celestia’s mind was not only back on the questions of what happens after somepony dies, but she was also starting to think of how she could pull it off.

~~~Friday, after many hours of reading and some trips around Equestria~~~

Celestia had confirmed that there was indeed an afterlife, but nopony knew what it was like. Some thought that there was a judge who looked over your life before sending you to either a personal paradise or a soul destruction factory. Others thought the soul was inanimate without a body and would have all memories wiped from it before being reincarnated in a new body, though not necessarily on Equis. Whatever anyone thought happened, they generally agreed that the soul goes off of Equis somehow. This meant that Celestia would have to find a way to temporarily kill herself. Not an easy thing to do, and there was only one pony she could think of who would have the courage to do such a thing: Luna. And the best time to ask her was breakfast.

~~~Saturday morning in the private royal dining room~~~

It was in the middle of breakfast that Celestia revealed her findings about the afterlife’s existence. And it was while Luna was drinking some tea that Celestia asked Luna to kill her, which got Celestia’s face covered in tea.

“You can’t be serious ‘Tia.”

“Oh, but I am. And I trust you to keep me dead for a couple days. Just until Monday morning. Do you think an enchanted blade would do the trick?”

“I... guess so?” Luna was still kind of surprised.

“Good. I’ll be waiting for you in my chambers. I already have a sword prepared and ready to use.” With that, Celestia left Luna in a state of partial confusion.

Luna quickly gathered her scattered wits (one had attached itself under the table somehow), finished her breakfast, quickly cleaned up, and made her way to Celestia’s room. Standing in the middle of the room was Celestia admiring a sword.

“You like it?” Celestia floated the sword over for Luna to look at.

“I will admit, it is impressive.”

“Thanks. Now then, down to business. I’ve enchanted this sword so that it can kill me, but only for 48 hours. I trust you’ll be able to handle the sun for a bit?”

“I’m fairly certain that I can. What’s it like compared to the moon?”

“It’s warmer than the moon and a tad heavier, but aside from that, they’re the same. Any other questions?”

“How are we going to do this?”

“You stab my heart and leave the sword there. I die for 2 days. I’ll tell you what it’s like there when I wake up. Sound good?”

“I still don’t like this idea, but I’ll help you out.” Luna took the sword in her magic and took a chance to look it over before throwing it at Celestia, the blade going through her heart with ease. “One last question, ‘Tia.”

“Yes?” Celestia’s voice was noticeably weakened

“Where can I get a sword like this?” Luna had an innocent smile on her face.

“Find Amanthera.” Celestia said before collapsing, a small pool of golden blood starting to form around her.

“I’ll do that. Wait, where is this Amanthera?”

Celestia didn’t reply. She was too busy being temporarily dead.

“Well then, I guess I’ll inform the staff about your current condition. And try to get some of those swords.”

~~~Meanwhile with Celestia’s soul~~~

The last thing Celestia remembered was saying “find Amanthera” before passing out. Opening her eyes, she found herself on an escalator going upwards in small increments in a tube. She quickly looked over herself and found that she looked like herself, but without the regalia. All around her were the ghosts of various ponies that had recently died. None seemed to pay any attention to anypony or anything else.

“Is this purgatory?”

The escalator eventually plateaued into a moving walkway. Thanks to Celestia’s height, she could see that ponies were going in one of two directions: left or right. There seemed to be no particular pattern or discernable order to which way the pony souls went.

10 minutes later at the end of the pathway, Celestia saw why there was no pattern. There was a sign that pointed to each branch. The left one said “Sun” and the right one said “Moon”. Under that, the sign said that it was your own choice which way you went. Celestia decided to go to the left and see what the sun was like.

At the end of the tube, Celestia found an entryway into another tube of some kind, but this one had an array of seats on it. The seats looked like they were designed for a bipedal creature though. She took one towards the middle that had a window next to it so she could look outside and found no discomfort from what would otherwise be a very odd sitting position.

“Must be a soul thing.”

What she saw outside was a black background so dark, it looked like no amount of light could even hope to penetrate it. There were many points of light though, many more than could be seen from the ground, but unlike looking at the night from the ground, they did not twinkle. Celestia’s pondering was soon interrupted by a voice that seemed to emanate from everywhere at once.

“Hello everypony. Welcome to the Solar Flight. We will be departing for the sun shortly. Please be sure your seat backs are in the full upright position and your tray tables are stowed away. Please be sure to buckle up as well.”

This statement confused Celestia greatly, but she still checked both after her experienced mind pieced together how the tray table worked, that the little button on the armrest controlled the seat back, and what the seat belt did. Once she had triple checked everything (seems that habit of Twilight’s had rubbed off on her a bit), she went back to looking outside at the stars.

She was interrupted minutes later again, this time by feeling herself moving forwards. Looking around, she saw most of the other souls looking around in slight puzzlement as the tube was moving. The voice came up again.

“We are about to leave the soul station. Once we are up to speed, refreshments and meals will be served. You’ll find a list of everything we serve on the tray table. An announcement will be made when you can unbuckle and move about the plane, as well as when you are to head back to your seat. We will be in transit for 2 hours. Enjoy the flight.”

Celestia resumed looking out the window until the unbuckling announcement came, at which point her appetite struck and she folded down the tray table to look at the menu. On it were six words.

YOU CAN ORDER

WHATEVER

YOU WANT

“Is this because I’m royalty?” A quick glance at the menu of the pony next to her revealed it to be the same as hers. “Well, that narrows my options down a bit” she sarcastically thought.

Celestia began thinking over what she wanted and figured it out. When the unicorn mare taking orders came around, Celestia ordered noodles with stir fried vegetables, bits of egg, and tofu with water to drink.

Despite the fact that the order should have taken at least 20 minutes, it was out in only 5. Served in a generously portioned bowl, the top of her meal had a spiral of noodles with an assortment of vegetables arranged on top to look like her cutie mark. Celestia took a bit of time to savor the smell and appreciate the artistry that went into the final product. A glass of water and various utensils were also given to her.

After finishing her savoring of the food, Celestia went over the given utensils and chose to use chopsticks. It had been a long time since she got to use them. Once she had them adjusted and set properly, she attempted to pick up a single vegetable, and was successful. After placing it in her mouth, her eyes rapidly widened and her chewing was slow.

“I swear if I weren’t dead, I would have died from this flavor. And I’m immortal!”

After composing herself, Celestia began eating more earnestly, savoring every bite of her stir fry and noodles with the occasional drink. She even found herself doing something she hadn’t done in centuries, if not at least a millenium: she had the bowl in her hooves and was eagerly licking it clean like a little foal given a mixing bowl with leftover cake batter on the sides. Come to think of it, she might have been the one to start that kind of behavior.

Once she was certain that the bowl was stripped clean of any remaining flavor, she set it down and finished her water. Shortly afterwards, the mare that took her order came and got the bowl, water glass, and utensils. Celestia then went back to gazing at the cosmos just before the voice spoke up. “We will be landing in 15 minutes. Please return to your seats, stow your trays, buckle up, and prepare for landing.”

Celestia took a moment to check that she was ready for landing according to the voice’s directions, and satisfied that she was, went back to looking outside. There was a noticeable glow in the direction she was going. A small pang of fear started to creep up on her when she remembered an important detail about the sun: it is HOT! Possibly hot enough to burn souls down to whatever it was that souls were made of. Still, no turning back now.

Landing was a different experience than taking off. Upon hitting the “ground”, Celestia felt herself lurch forward a bit from the sudden deceleration, but the vehicle was soon slowed down to a more reasonable speed. Looking outside, Celestia saw that they were literally on the surface of the sun. Even if there was a heat protection spell on the vehicle, it should have been extremely hot in there.

“Once the craft has been brought to a complete stop, you may unbuckle and file forward in an orderly fashion and begin to disembark. If for you decided on your way here that you wanted to go to the moon instead of the sun, flights for the moon leave once every 20 minutes at all times. Have a nice afterlife.”

Eventually, Celestia’s turn to leave the vehicle came and she went on like everypony else. After going through a hallway that had no discernable purpose, Celestia found herself walking on the surface of the sun. It felt no different than walking on the ground back home, and the “air” was at a comfortable temperature as well. Refocusing, Celestia saw some dark lines that formed a path of some kind that led to what appeared to be fortress walls. She let her curiosity take control over her as she went through the gate.

What she saw on the other side was one of, if not the last thing she expected to see in the afterlife.

“An amusement park? Has Discord been here? That would explain it. But he’s never died. Only been imprisoned, broke out, reimprisoned, freed, and converted to good. You know what, I give up.”

A stand near the entrance had free maps. Celestia took one and unfolded it. A blinking arrow towards the bottom of the map caught Celestia’s attention. After looking around a bit, she figured out that that was her current location. Walking around changed the arrow’s location and direction.

“That’s nice.”

One attraction that got her attention was a roller coaster that went all the way around the park, which would let her see more of the landscape. With this objective in mind, Celestia made her way to the roller coaster entrance.

~~~5 trips later~~~

Celestia couldn’t recall the last time she had so much fun. This track had everything a good roller coaster should have: a giant hill, a steep drop, twists, turns, loops, tunnels, a subsurface tunnel that went over a rainbow river, and through a waterfall. It was only after she had gone through multiple times and decided to go somewhere else that she realized she hadn’t taken the time or chance to memorize any of the layout of the park. Still, she did have the map.

Celestia partook in a few more rides and some games before finding herself exhausted. She pulled her map back out and looked for anything resembling a rest area. She found a train station that went to and from a hotel complex, but the walk there looked like it would be very twisty and turny, so she did what any reasonable winged creature would do: she flew over everything and gracefully landed at the station. Fortunately, she didn’t have to wait long for a train to arrive. Once she was onboard, she found the nearest empty spot and did not hesitate to sit down.

Looking back on her recent life and current time dead, she realized that a good deal of it was spent sitting down. But at this point, she didn’t care. Heck, she could have passed out right there if she wanted. She didn’t though, but when it came time to leave the train, she did feel a bit better.

The hotel selection was pretty big, as were all the hotels. Picking one at random, she walked in and immediately realized something: there was no check in desk. Just a sign that said “find a room”.

“The afterlife seems to be very laid back with things. Then again, when you aren’t carrying around 20 suitcases of stuff, there’s no need to worry about setting things in place. I think I’ll call it a day and go see what’s on the moon after I wake up.”

Celestia quickly found a room that was (surprisingly) unoccupied and, with all the grace of a brick in a ballet class, collapsed on one of the beds, got under the (very nice) blankets and was sound asleep within minutes.

~~~The next “day”~~~

Celestia slowly woke up. There wasn’t any pressure for her to go anywhere or do anything. Not even raise the sun. Without those pressures, she could snuggle into the blankets as much as she wanted. She could even sleep in!

But try as she might, she couldn’t get back to sleep. Sure she could cocoon herself to almost no end, but she had to get up eventually. Her habits demanded her to do so. With great effort, she emerged from her blanket cocoon and stood up.

“Alright then. Time to go to the moon.”

Celestia made her way out of the hotel. It looked the same outside now as when she went in before. One new thing she spotted was a group of ponies doing an odd dance, one she didn’t want to partake in, even though the dancers appeared to be fine.

Pulling out her map, she planned a route that would take her to the station to head to the moon and stop by what appeared to be a cake store on the way. Destinations in mind, she made her way to the cake store first. If she recalled correctly about departures for the moon leaving once every 20 minutes, she really could take her time with the dessert.

A 15 minute walk got her to the cake store. Going inside, Celestia saw that it was shaped like a horseshoe with cake displays along almost all of the wall with tables spread apart such that, even if every table was fully occupied with standing ponies, there would still be room to walk comfortably between them.

Going to the display cases, she began looking at the cakes available. White cake, chocolate cake, red velvet cake, multi-fruit upside down cake, angel food cake, cupcakes, and even cheesecake, all in one display. And no matter how much she ate here, it wouldn’t go to her flanks! If Celestia were to drool any more than she already was, the sun would become flooded.

A pegasus mare eventually came up to Celestia and accidentally saved the sun. “Can I help you?”

The voice snapped Celestia out of her cake gazing and made her realize that she was drooling, which she quickly fixed. “How much would it cost to get a slice of every cake in this display?”

“Nothing. Every piece of cake here is free. One slice of everything in the display coming up.” The mare went to work with her wings, gently placing 6 different slices of cake on a plate, topping them off with a cupcake in the center.

Celestia thanked the mare and accepted the plate of cake with glee, taking it over to a table before starting on the cupcake. Taking a bite revealed that it was perfectly moist, perfectly sweet, and that great care went into making it. Needless to say, the cupcake didn’t last for too long.

Before she started on the other slices, Celestia got a fork and extra plate. With a high level of concentration, she moved the chocolate cake slice onto the extra plate. She then took the fork and, with a level of precision that would make the best surgeon cry liquid pride, she cut off a piece of the cake and ate it.

~~~Back on Equis~~~

Quick Stitch, regarded by many as Equestria’s best surgeon, felt proud for somepony’s precision cutting. The odd thing was that he was alone, not looking over any reports, and not watching an operation. His confusion was soon washed away by rivulets of liquid pride and a genuine smile on his face.

~~~Celestia and her cake~~~

After the chocolate cake’s precise elimination, the angel food cake, red velvet cake, upside down fruit cake, white cake, and cheesecake were eliminated in order with Celestia taking 10 minutes on each slice.

Once she had finished and placed her used dishes in the correct place, Celestia made her way to the station to go to the moon. She didn’t have to wait long for boarding to start, and if her previous experience was anything to go by, there was no telling where she would sit.

She got a window seat, buckled up, checked her seat back, and looked outside. The surface of the sun was still glowing as brightly as before. It wasn’t long before a voice spoke up.

“Welcome to the lunar transit. This trip will take about 45 minutes, refreshments will not be served. Enjoy the trip.”

It wasn’t long before the vehicle started to move towards a runway and began picking up speed. Having a bit of experience with this, Celestia braced herself for the acceleration so she could continue looking outside. She eventually saw the sun’s surface get further away as she did her best to hold her position. Once off the sun, she saw the blackness of space and the many points of light in it. When she saw Equis, she knew that the moon wasn’t too far away.

The moon landing was very smooth compared to the sun, and disembarkment also went well. When Celestia left the vehicle, she found that there was a bit of an extra spring in her step. Enough to send her almost 2 feet above the ground with each step she took.

After getting used to the low gravity the moon appeared to have, Celestia made her way down a similar path to the one on the sun. What she saw was similar to what she saw on the sun.

“A jungle gym? On the moon? Well, I won’t think about it too much.”

Celestia decided to skip getting a map and just made her way into a random entrance and started climbing. Some spots inside were just a bit too tall to climb up over, and it was spots like this where the low gravity was very useful. Really, the low gravity was useful everywhere. Despite the many climbs Celestia went through, she wasn’t tired in the slightest.

She had no idea how long she was in the jungle gym, and she didn’t care either. She felt like a little filly again, and was determined to enjoy it as long as possible. Zip lines, ball pits, trampolines, slides, obstacle courses, and more were all present and enjoyed beyond what Celestia thought was physically possible.

When she tired of those, she found a combat game with 2 teams, designated RED and BLU, each with nine classes with different functions. She chose one class called Pyro and found herself wearing a flame resistant outfit. She also had a flamethrower, flare gun, and what looked like an axe wrapped in barbed wire. After figuring out how to use the flamethrower and flare gun, Celestia went onto the battlefield and started burning as many enemies as she could, even getting a few with the axe, which always seemed to deal more damage against burning enemies. She also found out the hard way what happens when you “die”, which just sent her back to the locker room.

Once she got comfortable and efficient as a Pyro (and maybe a bit crazy), a song started to go through her head.

My name is Celestia

And I am here to say

I’m going to make you light up

To brighten up my day.

It doesn’t matter now

If you are RED or BLU

‘Cause torching all my friends is

Just what ‘Tia’s here to do.

‘Cause I love to set you on fire fire fire

Yes I do

It fills my heart with rainbows all the while

Yes it does

‘Cause I want to set you on fire fire fire

You may run, but you’ll be mine

I like to blaze your chin

I love to hear you scream

The corners of your base burnt up

is always ‘Tia’s dream

And I bet you’re now worried

And your face has made a frown

I’ll work real hard and do my best

To find your frown and torch you down

‘Cause while you burn, I love to grin grin grin

Yes I do

Flames burst in and out your ears

Let it begin

Just watch me now joyfully grin grin grin

And I’ll come and cook your rear

It’s true some days are dark and gloomy

And maybe you feel sad

But ‘Tia will be there to show you

There’s something more bad

There’s one thing that makes me happy

And make this whole fight worthwhile

And that’s when I roast up my friends

And set them all on fire.

I really am so happy

Your fear fills me with glee

I invade your hive

Burn you alive

And that’s so special to me

‘Cause I love to hear you scream scream scream

Yes I do

Tell me what more can I do to make you flee

Oh I do

It makes me happy when you scream scream scream

Yes it always makes my day.

Gonna set the world on fire fire fire

Make it all burn like sunshine sunshine

All I really want is fire fire fire

‘Cause someday you will be mine

Gonna set the world on fire fire fire

Make it all burn like sunshine sunshine

All I really want is fire fire fire

‘Cause someday you will be mine

Yes the perfect gift for me (Come on step into the fire fire fire)

Is fire that goes on for miles (Make it all burn like sunshine sunshine)

To make me happy as can be (All I really want is fire fire fire)

‘Cause someday you will be

Fire, fire, fire, FIRE

Here comes the fire

Here comes the fire

The last note of her song ended on a sour note as she got drenched in a warm yellow liquid from somepony on the BLU team. It wasn’t long before she met a hail of bullets and went back to the locker room.

“Was that yellow stuff what I thought it was?”

Pushing those thoughts aside, Celestia went back out on the field and kept at her job of torching BLUs. This activity went on for a couple more hours.

She eventually began to hear the ticking of a clock wherever she went.

“Is my trip here almost over?”

Even though she didn’t want to, she left the game, relinquishing the suit and weapons. The clock ticking got louder as time went on. After 30 minutes, the ticking had gotten louder and Celestia had made her way outside, where exhaustion caught up with a vengeance, leaving the solar diarch with only enough energy to move somewhere out of the way of the ponies before, with all the grace of a meteor, collapsed on the ground and passed out.

~~~Equis~~~

Luna felt something large impact her moon and leave a crater. It didn’t feel like a meteor though. A bit of meditation (something she’d been doing for most of the past 2 days. Someone blabbed about Celestia’s “trip” and the newsponies were constantly pressing for details) let her look at the impact site, and it looked Celestia shaped.

Suddenly remembering that the 48 hours of the spell were almost over, Luna made her way to her sister’s room. She took a secret path there in order to avoid the reporters that had begun setting up tents in the castle as if on a trip through the woods.

Celestia’s body was just as dead as when she was killed. Luna didn’t have to wait long for that fact to change as Celestia started breathing again, apparently asleep. Luna took a deep breath, cast a soundproofing spell on the room, and eloquently relayed an intricate message to her sister.

“WELCOME BACK TO THE LAND OF THE LIVING, SISTER!”

Celestia jumped so high out of shock that her horn got stuck in the ceiling.

“Luna! Why did you use the Royal Canterlot Voice? The whole castle must’ve heard you.”

“Nope! I cast a soundproofing spell on your room. Nothing we say in here will be heard anywhere else, so don’t worry.”

“If you say so.” Celestia began pushing on the ceiling, but couldn’t get herself out. “Could you help me out, Luna?”

“You know how a screw works?”

Celestia thought Luna’s tip over a bit before understanding and started turning herself counter-clockwise. Once she had turned 90 degrees, gravity decided to try and become friends with the Princess. But thanks to Gravity’s acquaintance Hard Floor, the friendship was short lived.

“Now then, we have to get that sword out of you.”

Celestia looked down and saw that the sword was still there. “You know, I don’t think getting it out will be as simple as GAH!”

Luna held the sword, blade coated in gold, in her magic. “As simple as what?”

“I was going to say ‘just pulling it out’.”

Luna had a smug look on her face. “Seems that it was. Now then, seeing as I am the healthier of the two of us, I suggest that you go take a bath. You can also tell me about your trip. I want to hear about it.”

Celestia made a small pout. “You win this time. But I do expect to hear about what you did while I was out.”

Luna had no time to respond as Celestia dashed into the bathroom. Flowing water could soon be heard as well as an ancient song not heard in ages. Celestia’s bath lasted for about an hour, and while Luna wouldn’t admit it, she sang with Celestia a few times, occasionally acting as background vocals.

Celestia came out looking better than when she went in and sat down on her bed, inviting Luna to join her. “Now then, tell me what happened while I was dead.”

Luna sat next to her sister with no objections. “Let’s see, I found Amanthera and got myself a couple of those swords. Comparing them with the standard issue swords, these new ones are amazing. They’re more durable, don’t dull as easily, and are a good deal lighter. They even have a special feature!”

“And what would that feature be?”

Luna pulled up the sword. “See that blue dot just above the hilt?”

“What does it do?”

“It draws magic from the wielder and coats the blade in energy. While this does enhance the blade, it also takes a bit out of the user.”

“Interesting.”

“I know. And I decided that all sword wielding guards shall get one of these swords.”

“What?”

“Yes. It’ll cost only 1 million bits for all the swords.”

“While I can’t say I approve of that choice, it’s already been done.”

“Indeed. Oh, I also started acting last night.”

“And how did that go?”

“Splendidly. Action Sequence has one particular fight scene that he really want to get to. It involves me using a finishing attack on a giant robot. But beyond that bit of info, he’s not giving any details.”

“Anything else of note?”

“Just a bunch of reporters camping out in the halls.”

“Again? I thought the reporter repellant would last at least 20 years.”

“I guess they got stronger. Now then, how about you tell me about your trip?”

Celestia took a breath. She was going to say this all in one go just so she could say she did. “I had a choice of going to the sun or moon. I chose the sun, there was a 2 hour trip there, I had the most delicious stir fry ever. Turns out the sun has an amusement park, hotels, and cake shops. Tasty cake. Once I was done there, I took a 45 minute trip to the moon, which has lower gravity, a jungle gym and fighting area. I was a Pyro. I felt like a little filly again. Once I left, I felt exhaustion kick in before I fell over and passed out on the ground.”

Luna was silent for a few seconds. “That explains the new crater on the moon.”

“Ha ha. Very funny.”

“I’m serious. There’s a you-shaped crater on the moon now.”

“... Is my cutie mark imprinted there as well?”

“Yes.”

“... I have no idea why that happened.”

Celestia and Luna went on to quash the reporter invasion. Most were sent away by Celestia’s voice while others required ~~being picked up and forcefully set outside~~ some gentle persuasion.

Celestia took the rest of the day and all of Tuesday to get her body back to its usual flexibility while Luna went to bed for the day.

On Wednesday, Celestia, back to her regular self, faced the press. She told them that her “trip” wasn’t a physical one as much as it was a spiritual one, and she hadn’t really left the castle. This seemed to satisfy most of the press ponies, while others wanted to know more about Celestia’s experience. Her only response was “enlightening”.

Author's Note

I forgot just where on DeviantArt it was, but I got the idea for this in a comment chain. It was a fun thing. I hope you had as much fun reading it as I did conceptualizing it.

Extra: Celestia's Diary

Dearest Diary,

I just returned from the afterlife, and it was quite enjoyable. If you didn't have to die to go there, I'd tell all my little ponies to go spend a day there. Neither Luna or I will tell anybody on this planet about it though, as we fear it could be used in conjunction with a silver tongue to convince our subjects to kill themselves. We've been debating whether or not to tell Twilight about this. I think Twilight could handle the secret, but Luna fears she might let something slip out by accident and thinks it would be best to wait a few hundred years. We'll see how things play out. Neither of us are sure whether to tell Cadence or not.

Something interesting I saw in the afterlife was how different ponies were responding to the same things. While I was on the moon, I saw two ponies on a ride called a 'roller coaster' that were sharing a seat. They had nearly identical physiques, but when they sat down, their expressions and reactions were different. One of them, a dull white pegasus, looked like he had just sat on my throne and was enjoying the comfort enchantments in it that I never tell anypony about. The other, a deep red unicorn, looked like he just sat on something uneven and bumpy covered in something that was not mud. A safety bar was also put down. The white pegasus now had an expression like he was getting a massage while on my throne (I should try that sometime). The red unicorn's expression when the safety bar came down was like that when you're squeezed around the barrel in a hug with too much power.

When they returned, they still had different expressions. The red unicorn looked like he wanted to throw up, but couldn't. The white pegasus was smiling like he just had the time of his life. This caught my interest, so I decided to give up my spot in the line to follow these two for a bit.

Remarkably, they stuck together and did the same things for some time. They each got a funnel cake from a stall serving them (I got a waffle crepe with strawberries. It was better than perfect). The white pegasus looked like he was enjoying his funnel cake as much as I was my crepe. The unicorn did not share his enthusiasm, and seemed to be forcing the funnel cake down. I politely asked if I could have a small bite of each of their cakes, and each one tasted the same to me.

I was invited by the white pegasus to join them for some stargazing. We found, of all things, a grassy hill to lay back on. The pegasus acted like he was laying on a could bed while the unicorn seemed more like he was on a bed of warm coals. The hill felt perfectly fine to me.

During the lunar stargazing (quite the experience, I must say), my thoughts began to wander to the two ponies I had joined and what I saw of their experiences. The pegasus seemed to be enjoying everything while the unicorn was not. The conclusion I came to was that the unicorn was a bad pony when he was alive and the pegasus was a good pony.

After we went our separate ways, I did some more pony watching. There were ponies that were enjoying the place more than others, though it wasn't always as noticeable as the white pegasus and red unicorn. I believe that the better you were in life, or the more struggles you went through, the more enjoyment you can get from everything here.

I looked back on some of the things I had gone through in my long lifespan. There certainly were some bad things I had done, but there were many more good things I had done, not to mention struggles like when I banished Luna and had to spend a thousand years alone. I'm getting teary eyed just thinking about that.

I suppose I'll end here and go give Luna a hug. Even though she's back, a thousand years of her absence is not easy to just leave behind. I suppose a piece of me is afraid of losing her again.

Sincerely, Celestia

P.S.: Luna loves getting hugs. She's also very nice to hug. I'm sure any foal would love to have her as a family member just for that.

Author's Note

The white pegasus and red unicorn's colors and species were randomly chosen by me. Any similarities with common depictions of other entities is purely coincidental.

Oh, be sure to ask the faceless old woman who secretly lives in your home what she thinks of this story.

And is that a bit of foreshadowing of something at the end?