Zecora foalsat the young apple sister, keeping her safe for the siblings who missed her. Apple Bloom sat, her smile bright, as Zecora settled down for the night. She waited for the Zebra to begin her tale tall, a bedtime story of a dragon’s fall.
This is the story of Doctor Zeus, who lived in a city known as Chartreuse. In the country of Zebras was the town of Chartreuse, and he was a masseur of considerable use. He rubbed on their backs, he battered their sides, he kneaded their stressed out and stripy hides. He was famous for miles, they came to him there, creatures of all species and colors of hair.
He pounded the back of one hungry hippo, and always he listened to keep in the know. “It was crazy,” it said. “I was there and I saw a fiery dragon with a ginormous maw!”
“A hungry dragon?” he asked the hippo. “Why just tell me? To the authorities! Go!”
“I told the princesses,” the river horse said. “They told me it was handled, that dragon’s good as dead.”
“The pony princesses?” Zeus asked. “What a sight! I suppose they’ll send the princess Twilight.”
Do not ask how a hippo knows both the princesses; it will just leave you crazy and gray-haired with stresses.
So Twilight Sparkle, the new-minted royal, set forth to the cave where the dragon was coiled. She snuck up behind it with a gleam in her eye, and as her horn glowed, she whispered, “Bye, bye!”
But the dragon was old, a crafty old sort, and he turned to the princess with a ready retort. “I knew you would come,” it said with a smile. “I’ve heard you coming for a good long while.
“You think you’re so great, with your wings and your horn, but I sit and laugh at your power with scorn! I am a great dragon, the best of the drakes, and now that you’ve come, I’ll heighten the stakes. If you leave me alone, I’ll stay in this land. Fight me on this, and I’ll show you my hand!”
“You big mean old drake,” she said with a frown. “You leave this land now, or it’s going down!”
The princess rose up to her full height, but she stood no taller than his toe on the right. “You’ve eaten their livestock, you’ve taken their chickens, you’ve dirtied their countryside and burned all their mittens!
“You can leave here right now, and start up anew.” Twilight yelled with vehemence, and started to spew. “You can take up your hoard and leave this place now, or I’ll buck you to Canterlot you overgrown cow!”
“No offence,” did she mean, and said it she did. A bovine mom shrugged and played with her kid.
“I like living here,” The big dragon growled. “I’ll never leave here, no way and no how!”
“Then by the power that’s vested in me,” Twilight said as she picked up a tree. “I’ll pound you to dust, that’s the honest truth!”
The dragon clobbered her all the way to Vermouth.
He was riled and grumpy, awoke from his nap, and fighting a princess left his strength all but sapped. He cracked his back. “I think I shall pillage. I think I shall go out and pillage a village.”
What village did he pick but the town of Chartreuse, from which all the smart ponies readily vamoosed. A stampede was created as he strode into town; the bakery was burned like a marshmallow to the ground. His fire was hot, his eyes had a smolder; female dragons would kill to lean on his shoulder.
He picked up the jewelry store in a single claw and dumped the contents out on the floor. “This looks quite pretty,” he said with a gleam. “I think I shall borrow this, if you know what I mean.”
The dragon felt a hoof on his back, and turned to see which pony’s sense lacked. The Zebra masseur, one Dr. Zeus, clutched at his scales and would not shake loose. “Get off my back, you miserable cur,” the dragon shouted. “I’ll take you for a whirl!”
Zeus was civically minded, and thought he could help. He clung to the scales with a frightened yelp. “You enormous beast that flies in the sky, why would you attack our town? Why, oh why?”
“You’re kidding, right?” it said with a frown. “I laugh at the creatures who walk on the ground. I fly in the sky, I’m awesome and large, you lot are just piddley, I should be in charge!”
He flew into the sky with a grin and a wink, and soon Doctor Zeus would be needing a shrink. A loop-de-loop, an aileron roll, the dragon was flying with expert control. The Zebra was frightened, he found himself shaking. He found himself quivering, twitching and quaking. He pounded the dragon’s back in terror and fright.
And accidently hit the beast’s pressure point.
The humongous beast started, he started with shock. Then the dragon twitched and fell like a rock. Zeus clung to its scales with a grip of despair, and he needed a change of his underwear. There was a flash of purple and a flutter of wings; Zeus was saved by a princess, of all things!
Princess Twilight set him down with a smile, and the dragon crashed down, leaving a furrow for a mile. “Thanks for your help,” she said with a grin. “It’s only through you that we were able to win!”
He opened his mouth to proclaim victories, but he fell to the ground with a painstaking wheeze. He shuddered and coughed, his stripes were all mussed, he looked like a turkey ready to be trussed. The princess knelt down to get a closer look, she thought she had read the solution in a book. “I know just what to do,” she said with great glee. “I shall get you a banana of great pedigree.
“Potassium deficiency is no laughing matter,” she spoke as she climbed up a pony-made ladder. “I’ll get you the vitamin that you need so dearly. It’s what you need most; I can see that quite clearly.”
The Zebra doctor had begun to recover, just screaming nerves and a cry for his mother. He stood and he stretched as he took in the damage, the damage to the city the dragon had ravaged. Twilight flew down and stuffed the fruit in his mouth; he tried to complain but could not let it out.
“Aha! You’re all better,” she smiled and laughed. “Now you can return to your town and your craft!”
He watched as she fluttered and flew on her way, and wondered…
“Just what the hay was the point of today?”
“So what does it mean?” Apple Bloom asked. “The dragon, the masseur, the potassium attacks?”
“A moral is something that this story lacks,” Zecora replied as she rolled on her back. “But should you take something away from my yak…
“When facing a dragon, don’t ever talk smack.”
Author's Note
I can almost see the looks on your faces when you realize what you're reading. I'm sorry, but not that sorry.
