The Old Ways

SHE HAS MAGIC! I panicked inside my mind while dodging another ball of light that Celestia shot towards me.How perfect I muttered internally and glared at Celestia.

"Lady! Are you accusing me of black magic?" I demanded pointing a finger at her."I must tell you that I'm half Mexican!"

Her glare intensified.

This could have all been avoided if I just didn't leave my house! My internal rambling was stopped when a golden aura suddenly covered my body. Now thats just downright disrespectful... I thought as I was lifted from the ground.I tried to wiggle my body out of the spell,but then realized that I couldn't move at all. A paralyzing spell? Maybe she was willing to discuss this through after all.

"Celestia you have to calm down!" Her eyes stared to glow.".... Does that mean we can talk this through?" I asked with a sheepish smile.

I was proven very wrong when she reared her head back and with a swift motion, threw me towards the sky.

"Celestia! You.Goddamn.Jackaaaass!" I shouted as I soared trough the sky,spinning uncontrollably. I desperately tried to focus my gaze to see where I was going to land.Please God!Let there be something that cushions my fall!

It was a house.

"Curse you Go-!" I crashed back first into the wall before I could finish my sentence.Needles to say that the wooden wall did little to cushion my fall. "That..hurt.." I muttered as I fell to the ground,accompanied by an unceremonial *thump*. Did I say that violence doesn't solve anything? Scratch that, I'm making an exception this time. She needs to get a proper ass kicking.

I slowly got up, massaging my sore back while Celestia teleported closer to me, her eyes still glowing. " The eagle has landed"  I said while carefully dusting my fanny pack." And its not happy" She started to charge up another spell as a response.She is literally blinded by her own rage. I rubbed my beard in thought.So the best stragedy for now is to.. I turned side ways,facing the road.

"Advance in another direction!" I started to run away,dodging a projectile in the process, in a zig zag motion from her as fast as I could. Given how sore my body was at the moment it wasn't exactly easy.

"You shall not escape!" Celestia's voice boomed behind me,but I didn't stop.

I have to think how to stop her. I winced in pain. My stamina was really low at the moment.

"That was so cool!" A voice sounded from my right side. I turned my head towards the voice,noticing that Scootaloo was running beside me.

"Not now." I replied and faced the road again. But what should I do? I ca.... My mind froze

"Scootaloo!?" I blurted out in surprise as my gaze snapped towards her."What are you doing here!? Its dangerous!"

"You are actually fighting the princess!" She ignored my outburst." I cant wait to tell my parents!"  She fluttered her tiny wings.

"Now isn't the time to admire me! Go to your friends and stay there!" I scolded her causing her ears to drop.

"Aww.." I narrowed my eyes." Fine.." She muttered and ran to the her friends who were watching in awe and horror.

I sighed and resumed my thinking. I cant keep running for much longer anymore. I have to do something.....wait a second! The perfect idea struck me.I opened my fanny pack and pulled out a small metallic device.Pepper spray. To think that I almost forgot this little fellow. I stopped running, my back still facing Celestia.

"You pissed off the wrong senior citizen!" I pointed out to her.

"Enough!" Celestia yelled in fury and teleported right behind my back, intending to blast me away. "It ends here!

I quickly spun around, the pepper spray aimed towards her eyes."Indeed it ends!" Before she had the time to react, I unleashed the full might of the pepper spray straight into her eyes.

She stumbled backwards, screaming in pain and covering her eyes with her hooves."What is this!?" Her voice had returned to normal.

"A device that humans use for self defense" I returned the spray to my fanny pack and continued."Its good at blinding attackers" She tried to open her eyes, but failed miserably.

"No! I wont let the Smooze get away!" She turned around to buck me.

Now normally I don't like showing off. But this time I couldn't help, but to do a little moon walk to dodge her desperate buck.

"Hee-Hee!" Power to you Jackson. What? I may be old, but that doesn't mean I cant have some fun from time to time.I whistled for my dog to come."When you find a way to get this thing out of my hand without the use of violence, come and find me" I said to Celestia and turned to leave.

"For the good of this land, I have stop you.." She rubbed her eyes in pain,but seemed to have calmed down.She probably realized that fighting back doesn't exactly work when your eyes are out of commission "Please understand that.." I sighed in response.

"Lady.If you attack me the next time we meet, I will get a baseball bat and shove it up your regal ass to get the message across..." I started to walk away. "Till we meet again Celestia." I hope that shes more cooperative the next time..

Sweetie bell and Applebloom ran towards the princess to possibly check if shes alright, but I ignored them and continued to walk away.Now thanks to that,I have an entire country after me.. I turned towards my dog. "Lets get out of here before the princess regains her vision"He barked and I smiled. Well..At least my best friend will keep me company..

Ponyville Hospital

Rarity trotted trough the hospital hall ways with a bounce on her step." I feel fabulous!" She sang "I have never felt so alive!" She giggled.

Had someone else been watching, they would have noticed a strange purple spot on her hip.

"The servants of the Smooze are baaack~ "