Lunacy

by Toraka

Rating: teen
Tags: Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rainbow Dash, Romance
Length: 1048

Repeating the same action can only lead you to progress, right? My name is Twilight Sparkle and I am a coward.

My name is Twilight Sparkle and I am a coward. Why do the words which matter the most have to be the hardest to speak?

Twipov, first person.
Why do I always run out of things to put into the description?

Published 2013-04-13 05:30:03 UTC
Last updated 2013-04-13 05:30:03 UTC

Iteration

"Yeah, guess I'll be going then."

No, don't leave, don't allow myself to repeat my mistakes for the thousandth time! I want to scream out, but my mouth remains glued shut. I can only watch in silence as she takes off with a single beat of her powerful wings. With her, the light escapes, and I am left with the darkness slowly wrapping around me. I lose sight of her, my mind empties of thoughts and memories. All too soon, I become as empty as the darkness that is now my only reality. I try to cling onto my sense of self. Unfortunately, as I hear dismissive sneering from the void, I lose even that, and my consciousness soon follows.

I awaken from a sleep I don't remember taking into an unfamiliar environment. At least it seems like that at first. With every sound of the clock's gear behind me, I regain another bit of memory. My name is Twilight Sparkle. This is my home, the Ponyville library, immaculate and ordered as always. Before me lies a tome listing all known formations of stars that Princess Luna paints onto the sky each night, together with a hundred-page excursion on the moon's properties in various fields.

Yes, I remember, I turned to research after staring too long into the night sky which still silently calls for me through the windows. I have been waiting, for something, somepony. I have special plans for today. Exactly what I have in mind still eludes me, but I know it's important. I've cleared the house of any draconic influence and invited a very special guest over.

I wrench my head for more details, but find only emptiness. Worse even, moments after I begin my search, there is a decided knock on the door. She is here, it can only be her. I magic open the door, trying to look surprised. "Ah, hello. Come in!" I say, beckoning her to another seat at the round table. It is far too close to mine, will she see through my intentions? I have to forgo my usual preparations and lead the conversation on the fly. But how can I do that when I myself don't know my goals?

She sits down. Apparently, I was mindful enough to prepare two cups of still steaming tea. I discreetly push one of them over to her, she takes a brief sip and says, "Thanks. You wanted to talk to me?"

"Yeah, I-" I break off, realising I have no response, and try to fill the gap with my own cup. Fortunately, as I peer into the water, a flash of lightning illuminates my mind and I remember my plans from before. I can barely keep a violent blush off of my face at my own silliness "About our friendship."

"Oh, Applejack already brought that up." What? Another bolt of lightning strikes, this time directly into my heart. "Doesn't surprise me that you would, too. And I definitely agree, I gotta spend more time down on the ground, where my friends are. As much as it hurts to not use those -" She ruffles her beautiful, amazing wings "- I've been kinda neglecting you all and I'm sorry for that."

The light breeze that her silken feathers produce is only the lightest help to my emotional turmoil. I'm glad about her innocent misunderstanding, as the consequences if it didn't exist would be terrifying. Yet I could not ask for an easier excuse to abandon my courage and let remain unspoken those few words that burn within my soul.

Apparently, I've been leaking a bit of this to the outside. Her ears drop in sympathy as she asks, "Anything wrong? You look nervous."

I fumble the cup in my hooves, almost dropping it despite the ability to use magic. "No, that's all I wanted from you. Thanks for coming by, see you later," I mumble, trying to hide the heat creeping onto my face.

"Yeah, guess I'll be going then."

"No, don't leave," I want to scream out, "don't allow myself to repeat my mistakes for the thousandth time!" But my mouth remains glued shut and I can only watch in silence. She takes off with a single beat of her mighty wings and the light escapes with her. I am left with the darkness slowly wrapping around me. She disappears into the night. I am alone with a solitary drop of water which drips from my face into the cup, soon joined by another.

The void envelops me, consumes me, caresses me. From nowhere and everywhere at the same time, it emits a chuckle, too gentle to be malicious, too biting to be friendly. "To repeat the same action and expect different results. That is madness, filly," the same source hisses. "Well, I suppose we always have time for another go. You're not going anywhere."

The darkness overcomes me, forces me into sleep. Eternities later, I awaken in my home, the Ponyville library, immaculate and ordered as always. Before me lies a tome listing all known formations of stars that Princess Luna paints onto the sky each night, together with two steaming cups of tea. Something is different from last time. I release a gasp. Last time! It forgot to rob me of my memories! I toss everything on the table back where it belongs. Maybe some of the objects took a little damage, it doesn't matter. I am Twilight Sparkle and I have found the key out of a nightmare..

Darkness surrounds me. A blink, followed by another. My eyelids flutter, but I manage to keep them high. I hear beeps, gears, pumps, and a hopeful gasp. I see endless white, blinding light, a glance of the stars, and seven colours running towards me. "Oh my gosh, you're alright, I can't believe... gotta tell the others."

"Rainbow." I can't manage more than a whisper, but it is enough to be heard. Her head turns back towards me, I snatch it with weak limbs and press it against mine. In that moment, I can feel a breeze's gentle touch on my face, the padding's softness below me, and around twelve shattered bones' agony, but it is all drowned out by her silken lips, exactly as I imagined.