A Change of Events/Half-Baked Afternoon
Chapter IWherein I find magical ponies and get high as fuck.
"CHUG, CHUG, CHUG, CHUG, CHUG! WOOO, YEAH!!!" The partygoers cheered me on as I downed a pitcher of beer, adrenaline surging through my veins from the crowd's enthusiastic encouragement. They patted me hard on the back and yelled drunken words of congratulations when it was all down the gullet. The cold beverage stained my shirt and froth covered my mouth and neck. Boy, was I fucked up!
But enough of that, allow me to introduce myself. My name is Xyrus Tocker. I was your average (average is relative) 19 year old college freshman/part-time drug dealer living it up with parties, booze, and the glorious Mary Jane (as well as some other marvelous mind-fuckers). I grew the best shit this side of Michigan and business was booming, both from weed and the rest of the drugs I took with me to sell. I was at the biggest bash of the year, hosted by my best buddy Joe. Joe threw massive parties annually at his private mansion, completely isolated and away from the authorities. Hundreds of people showed up every year and each party lasted for a week or more. Non-stop partying for a week? Hell to the motherfucking yes!
Not long after my beer-chugging, I found myself making out with this smoking hot brunette chick. Our tongues swirled around as she moaned loudly in my mouth, her fingers running wild through my shaggy hair. My hands found their way up her shirt to her bra and I unhooked it, letting her perfect breasts hang free, nipples poking out at her thin, tight shirt. Little did I know that this was going to be the last time I ever touched a human girl. Or was it? I hope not. Fuck that noise.
Just as the brunette and I were about to grab a room for the night, someone screamed the word of the worst nightmare to a party goer: "COPS!" Everyone stopped and looked out the windows and saw red and blue flashing lights approaching at an alarming rate, sirens becoming audible over the thumping bass. The party screeched to a halt as people dropped drinks and scrambled out of the doors, jumped out of windows, and bolted into the woods surrounding the Party Playhouse, as it was known as. I was one of the first ones out of the door; I grabbed my backpack from my car and hightailed it into the trees, stumbling through the adrenaline-soaked drunkenness mixed with a mind-numbing weed high. I dodged in and out of trees, ducking at low branches and pushing shrubbery out of the way as I ran. I could feel thorns and sharp twigs scratching me as I tore through the darkness, but I didn't care; I was not getting arrested tonight. Unfortunately, I was so drunk that I was running in zig-zags, barely dodging branches and bushes as I fled. I found myself not watching where I was going and a tree seemingly appeared out of nowhere. By the time I saw it, I was far too late.
I dodged to the side as much as I could but I wasn't fast enough. My body slammed into the side of the tree with the front-left side of my torso and face. I felt the skin of my features being ripped open by the rough bark as the sickening crunch of my nose combined with the sound of my forehead hitting the side of immobile trunk echoed through the night, accompanied by the unfortunate crack of one or two of my ribs. When my head made contact with the solid wood of the tree, I saw a bright flash of light before going unconscious, spinning slightly before hitting the ground like a sack of bricks.
I opened my eyes to a low ceilinged room. I was lying on a soft bed, covers pulled up to my chest, arms at my sides on top of the blanket. My whole face was in pain and I had a splitting headache; probably from all that booze (not to mention slamming into a fucking tree...). My side also hurt pretty badly too. Not sure why. Hm. I reached my hand up to my face. It was all crooked and my skin was crusty and rough from the dried blood that covered my features. I cringed at the pain of my touch combined with the distortion of my visage. Goddammit. Fucked my face up and broke my nose. That's gonna be a bitch to fix up. Suddenly, a small, yellow, pony-like creature with a flowing pink mane and tail, Pegasus wings, and big, teal eyes came into the room and looked at me with a small gasp. She ran over towards me and began a plethora of check-up procedures to see if I was okay, all the while saying in an adorable, feminine whisper, “Oh my goodness, you’re awake! Here, let me take your temperature, you poor thing. Ooh, your face is looking a little better, that’s good. Here, let me get you some soup.” She turned to leave but stopped once more to say, “Now, don’t you move. Fluttershy’s gonna get you a nice, big bowl of mushroom stew."
While I was confused at the sight of the strange creature and even more confused that it could talk, I answered nonetheless. “ Uh, yeah. Okay. I'm not going anywhere anyways.”
“EEEEP!” Fluttershy jumped and cowered down for a few seconds before cautiously standing back up. “I-I didn’t.... I didn’t know y-you could t-t-talk... Um, well...a-are you feeling okay?”
"Uh, yeah. I-I'm fine, I guess..." I said, rubbing my temples, attempting to alleviate the throbbing headache. "My nose hurts like a bitch though, and I'm pretty sure it's broken."
"Yes, I did see that. I sent one of my friends to go get Twilight. She should be able to fix you up, good as new!" She replied in a more confident tone. Then she was back in her secluded whisper as she said, "U-um...I was wondering..um..w-what exactly..uh...what are you? I-if you wouldn’t mind, that is..."
"Well, I could ask the same of you. I'm a human. I'm from earth, which I'm assuming I'm not on anymore."
"Oh, we'll I've never heard of Earth, but we're in Equestria, and I'm a Pegasus pony." she said, ruffling her wings when she said she was a Pegasus.
I leaned my head back into the pillow, trying to take everything in. "Ha! I'll bet there's Unicorns here too, right?" I mused aloud with a chuckle.
"Well yes, actually," I sat up and gave her a 'you've gotta be kidding' look before she continued. "Twilight's a unicorn, and she's on her way now to heal that broken nose of yours."
"Huh. That's interesting." Real Unicorns and Pegasi? Well, there's a Pegasus right in front of me so she must be telling the truth about the Unicorns. Pretty cool, I guess. A little silly, but cool nonetheless. "Wait, how did you find me? And how did I get here?"
"Well, I was just here at the house, making breakfast for Angel Bunny, and Mr. Beaverton Beaverteeth-" Mr. Beaverton Beaverteeth? What? I smiled slightly at the humorous name. "-came by and motioned me to follow him. He led me into the Everfree Forest and there you were, splayed out on the ground. Your nose was all bloody and bent and your face looked really bad. From the looks of it, you ran straight into a tree!"
I blushed and rubbed the back of my neck, "Yeah, about that. It's a long story, but yes, I did run into tree."
She let out an adorable, heart-melting giggle and continued, "When I saw you were unconscious, I tried to wake you up but you were out cold. I had to get Mr. Bear to carry you back to the cottage. You slept for a few more hours before you woke up. It's almost lunchtime now."
"Oh, I believe I caught your name but I'm not sure. Fluttershy, is it?"
The timid Pegasus blushed and said, "Oh, um..yes. How did you know?"
"You mentioned it before you knew I could talk."
Her face flushed an even deeper red and she turned her head a little in embarrassment. "Oh. Right. I did do that, didn't I?"
"Yes, you did. Fluttershy is such a lovely name, too."
I don’t think her cheeks could've flamed up anymore than they did just then. I wonder how I can see her blush through her coat... "Well, thank you. Oh, I don't believe you've told me your name. What was it?"
"How I forget things," I mused to myself, "My name is Xyrus. Xyrus Tocker." Fluttershy repeated my name under her breath, probably to remember it. At least that's what I always do. Don’t judge me.
Suddenly, I remembered my backpack and everything in it. Shit. "Hey, when you found me, did I have a black backpack on?"
"Oh! Yes, you were wearing a black bag. Here you go." She walked over to the corner of the room and picked up the black bag that was sitting there with her mouth and carried it over, handing it to me. Huh, I wonder why I didn't see it before...
I thanked her and began rummaging through my bag, finding my various assortment of drugs and a couple of pipes, laptop and charger, phone charger, toboggan, a pair of sunglasses, pocket vaporizer (I love that thing), survival knife, solar charging equipment (hey, you never know when that thing'll come in handy), iHome speakers, and my beautiful pair of Sony studio headphones. I then checked my pockets. Phone? Check. Wallet? Check. Grinder? Check. EarPods? Check. Huh, I’m surprised nothing broke. Seeing all of my possessions, I let out a sigh of relief. "Well, everything's here. Thank God."
"Who?" Fluttershy asked.
"God. Ya know, big invisible dude in the sky? The big kahunas of almost every religion in the history of ever? I personally don't believe in him, but I say God in phrases nonetheless."
"Oh. Well I've never heard of this 'God' fellow, but we do say 'Thank Celestia' and things like that."
Celestia, Celestia....where have I heard that before....wait! If something is celestial, it’s gotta have something to do with stars, right? Yeah! I is so smart. "Celestia? Is he like a sun god or something?"
"Well, she's actually the Sun Princess." So close... "In fact, I should probably contact her. Oh well, I guess we can when Twilight gets here."
"Contact her? Wait, can she reply?"
"But of course! She runs the kingdom alongside her sister, Luna."
"Uh, wow. That's...that's....pretty cool. Oh if you don't mind me asking, why are there three butterflies on your butt? Is it a tattoo or something?"
Fluttershy chuckled, "No, that's my cutie mark." Her what. "It's a special mark that everypony-" Everypony? Seriously? "-gets when they find out what their special talent is."
"So lemme get this straight, it's a permanent tattoo thingy that just appears on your butt when you find out what you're really good at?"
"Basically, yes."
A knock on the door interrupted our friendly conversation. "Oh! That must be Twilight!" Fluttershy mused.
She trotted out the bedroom door and went downstairs. I heard the door open and another feminine voice joined Fluttershy's. I assumed it was Twilight. I heard hoofsteps coming back down the hall as their conversation grew louder. Fluttershy walked in first and let who I presumed to be Twilight in.
"Twilight, this is Xyrus, the human. Xyrus, Twilight. She's a unicorn." Yep. I noticed that. I think the horn gave it away.
"Hello there, Xyrus."
"Hi, Twilight. Say, you wouldn't be able to fix my nose, would you?"
"Oh! Of course! Hold still, I've got to asses your wounds."
Her horn began to glow with a fluid like, violet aura. She scrunched up her face a little before quickly pulling back, a shocked expression on her face, "You broke a rib! Two, actually. Thankfully it's only a fracture and I'll be able to heal It. Don't move, this may feel strange." I broke two ribs?! Maybe I hit my head harder than I thought... Wait, what if this is all a hallucination or I'm in a coma or something?
Just as I was about to ask Twilight if I had suffered any major head trauma, a cool, fluid-like sensation flowed through me, focusing on the parts of my body that were in pain. I felt the bone and cartilage rearrange on my face, followed by the split skin merging back together. Following that, I felt a sharp pain in my side that was gone as soon as it came. She was right, it did feel very strange, but as soon as she was done, all of the pain was gone. I felt my nose and confirmed that it was indeed back to normal. I also noticed my headache was gone, and so was the pain from the broken rib. Hell, my whole body felt better.
"Wow, Twilight. Thanks a bunch, all of the aches and pains in my body are gone. Completely!"
Just a little background info: I had suffered with minor scoliosis my whole life and my back had never, ever felt this straight. It just felt....right.
"No problem, Xyrus! Now I must contact Princess Celestia; I know she would want to speak with you, what with you being a previously unknown species and all. Not to mention you're sentient!" She turned to a little purple dragon with green spine (Why didn't I notice him before?) and continued, "Spike, take a note for Celestia:
‘Dear Princess Celestia,
I'm not sure if you're aware, but a creature called a human was found by Fluttershy earlier today. He was injured but I healed him. Please reply ASAP.
Your faithful student,
Twilight Sparkle’"
"Twilight...Sparkle" Spike repeated to himself as he finished off the letter. He rolled it up and engulfed the parchment with a green flame, sending a swirling mass of ash out the window.
"Woah, woah, woah, dude! Why'd burn the letter?" I asked as Spike blew the letter to smoke.
"What? I didn't burn the letter, I sent it. Dragon fire is magical, it's how we send mail."
So I'm in a world with talking Pegasi, Unicorns, Dragons, magic, instant healing, no crazy religious bullshit, and I've got most of my electronics and personal possessions. Not to mention my colorful array of drugs. Yum. Hmm...I wonder what kind of drugs they have here? Heh, pony drugs.
I sat up and cracked up back, following up with my fingers, toes, and neck. "Hey Fluttershy, do ponies have drugs?"
"Um...well, kinda. We have salt bars, but salt can be dangerous and it's addictive. It can really mess a pony up....Why? You're not a salt addict, are you?"
"Ha! Salt? Humans don't get messed up on salt! Nah, we got better stuff than that. But there are seriously no other drugs? Anywhere?"
"Nope! Not a single one!"
"So there's no illegal drug market or anything at all?"
“That’s right.”
"Then have I got something to show you, oh boy!" I pulled out my quarter-pound bag of Lemon Haze and opened it, stuffing my nose inside and taking a hearty whiff of the sweet buds.
"What...what is that?"
"What, these?" I asked, dangling the bag up next to my face with a smile, "These, my dear Fluttershy, are the marvelous dried flowers of the marijuana plant. I grew it myself." I said that last part with a little seasoning of pride. I was proud of my bud, and for good reason. I did grow the best stuff around. "Go ahead and take a whiff, you won't regret it, I promise."
She leaned her muzzle into the bag and sniffed. Her eyes widened as she grinned ear to ear and took another whiff, this time inhaling deeply, trying to take as much of the sweet, lemony scent as possible. "W-wow, that does smell mesmerizing." Her smile dropped and a confused look took over her face, "Wait, what do you do with it?"
I figured a demonstration would be the best answer, so I grabbed my pipe, got up, and asked Fluttershy where the front porch was.
"It's out this door and right down the stairs; you'll see the front door."
"Alright. Actually, if you would follow me, I'll answer your question. Twilight, Spike, c'mon down with us."
Fluttershy trotted along behind me to the door, followed by Twilight and Spike. We stepped outside onto the porch and I pulled out a decent sized nug, broke it up a little, and put the pieces in the grinder I had pulled from my pocket. I twisted it back and forth, shredding the dried plant, readying it for toking. When it was all ground up, I emptied it in my hand and pulled out my pipe, packing it tightly to the brim. I reached into my back pocket only to find that my lighter wasn't there. I checked my other pockets but turned up nothing. Shit.
"Dammit, I don't have a lighter. How am I supposed to light my bowl?" I asked to no one in particular.
Spike spoke up, "I can make a little flame. Here, watch."
I watched as Spike puckered his lips like he was whistling and emitted a small, green flame from the small hole. Ok, that's awesome. I knelt and held my pipe down under the flame and took a nice, big hit. Ah, nothing like a fat bowl to chill out. I held it in a few more seconds before releasing a plume of white smoke, followed by a painful coughing fit.
"What did you do that for?" Twilight asked, "Why would you inhale a bunch of smoke if all it does is hurt you?"
I chuckled, "Oh, Twilight. That's where you're mistaken. It does hurt some, but once the pain is gone, that's when the fun begins. When you smoke weed," I pointed at the bag, "it gives you what is called a 'high'. It makes the world feel....thicker, if you will. It makes you feel extremely happy, and everything you do is interesting. The world as you view it becomes very surreal, and don't even get me started on music. Not to mention the munchies."
"Munchies?"
"Oh, it's when you get really, really hungry after you smoke. Like, crazy hungry."
Spike stepped forward. "Hey, can I try it?"
"Yeah, su-" Twilight cut me short, putting a hoof in front of Spike and saying, "Oh no you don't, Spike. I wanna see if this stuff is safe."
"Alright then," I said, holding the pipe in front of Twilight, "Spike? Care to light us up?" Spike walked over and ignited his little green flame and held it above the still partially green bowl. I put the mouthpiece to Twilights lips and said, "Okay, inhale slowly and no matter what, don't blow back into the pipe. If you must cough, pull away before hand. Otherwise, you may blow the whole bowl out onto the floor."
She began taking her first hit, the weed igniting and glowing a vibrant orange.
She inhaled for about four seconds before violently pulling away and coughing out what I swear was a fucking cloud. After she had sufficiently coughed her entrails out, she looked up at me with watery, bloodshot eyes. A stupid grin spread across her face as her eyes narrowed to slits, imitating the perfect stereotype stoner face.
"I feel..I-I...I feel...amazi-i-ahaHAHAHAHA!" She burst into a giggle fit that I could only describe as the single most adorable thing I ever heard, next to Fluttershy's. Nothing, not even a room full of puppies and kittens, could beat that giggle. She fell over onto the ground and rolled on her back with her hooves folded against her chest. She kept giggling and speaking incoherent words for about a half a minute before finally calming down to catch her breath and standing up.
"Y'alright Twilight? You were laughing pretty hard there." I asked.
"Yeah. Yeah I'm okay, but WOW I feel weird. But I feel good too. It's like....like I'm floating...and....wait, what was I just talking about?"
It was my turn to laugh a little. I knew how she felt right now and I was pretty high too. I decided to poke some fun at her. Ya know, just for shits -n- giggles.
"You were talking about how how many cupcakes could cover the moon."
"Oh oka...wait, I was? Huh." She began musing almost under her breath, "Well, a cupcake takes up about nine square inches, the moon's surface area is about fourteen point six million square miles, and there are sixty-three thousand three hundred and sixty inches in a mile...." She spoke up, "Then the moon can have eight trillion three hundred twenty-five billion five hundred four million cupcakes on the surface."
I looked at her, she looked back at me. We were silent for about four seconds before we both cracked up at the same time, and we didn't stop for another minute. In between heaves of laughter, I said, "Twi-Twilight. We-we need to um... We need to uh... We need to give-...give Fluttershy some- Ha! Some weed!"
She nodded in agreement and I turned to Fluttershy. She had that 'what-the-fuck-is-wrong-with-you-two' face on as she looked at me, then Twilight, then me, then back to Twilight, then over to Spike. He shrugged. "Well," she started, "that does look fun...oh, alright! I'll try it."
I chuckled in agreement and lowered the pipe down to her level. I put it on her lips and Spike ignited his sparkling, green flame and held it over the bowl. Fluttershy started to take a hit, slowly at first, then she went all out, clearing what was left in the bowl. I watched in amazement as this little pony, who had never smoked a day in her life, cleared an almost 1/3 full bowl from the biggest pipe I had. When she was done, she continued to hold the smoke in and her eyes look like they were bugging out of her head. Then, in a flash of white light and a fairly loud *BANG*, a wild taller pony thing with a crown, necklace thingy, wings, and a horn appeared! She tall and had a creamy white coat, violet eyes, a golden crown with a matching necklace thingy and shoes, and a sun on her ass. I hereby dub thee, Sunbutt. I then noticed her mane. It was an array of bright, cool colors that seemed to flow in a breeze that wasn't there. Her tail matched her mane, colors flowing in a nonexistent wind. What the fu-...how does it do that? When she teleported in, it scared Fluttershy and she released a huge, thick cloud of smoke right into her face.
"Oh my goodness! Oh, I'm so sorry, Princess!" Fluttershy said through her fits of coughing, bowing to the princess as she arrived. So that must be Princess Celestia. I noticed that Spike and Twilight both bowed too so, trying to make a good impression on royalty, I gave an awkward, shallow bow.
"It's fine, Fluttershy. Don't worry yourself, but why in Equestria did you have smoke in your lungs?"
Fluttershy looked at Celestia, horrified. Celestia looked back at Fluttershy, then to Twilight, then me, then back to Fluttershy, then back to me, and then finally she looked at Spike. He shrugged.
Celestia sighed and turned to me. "Hello, I'm assuming you're the human Twilight informed me of?" She asked in a majestic, feminine voice.
"Yes, I am. My name is Xyrus. I'm assuming that you're Princess Celestia?" She nodded and I continued, "As for Fluttershy, well, we were testing out some weed."
"Weed?"
"Oh, sorry. I forgot you don't know what that is. It's basically the dried, trimmed flowers of the cannabis sativa and indica plant. It can be smoked, and the effects include euphoria, excess happiness, a floaty feeling, pain relief, depression relief, uncontrollable laughter, and a plethora of other medicinal benefits. The best part is that it's basically completely harmless."
Celestia looked at me with a certain disbelief, as if she thought I was kidding. "Now, there are a lot of amazing herbs and medicines that help with a few of those things but I know of nothing that powerful, at least without some troubling side effects." So there *are** other drugs...* "You said it was a plant, right? It's not processed or synthesized?"
"That's right. It's a completely naturally grown plant. Also, the only real, though minor, health concern is the smoke. You inhale smoke into your lungs if you smoke it. However that's not the only way to take it. I can bake it into most foods and it can be ingested, eliminating the need to inhale smoke. Now, another way to do it without smoking is vaporizing. It makes the active compounds leave the flower without burning it."
Celestia was silent for a moment, pondering. Then, she said, "While I would like to see what this substance is like, I want to be very sure that this is not going to cause harm to me or my little ponies at all." My little ponies? Seriously? I'm sorry, but that just sounds absolutely ridiculous.
"Of course, I completely understand your concern. Back in my world, there were many millions of people who used this plant and not once in the thousands of years of history has one person gotten seriously injured or died as a direct result of the plant. It is extremely safe and has also been used as a medicine for millennia, and it's still used today."
Celestia nodded and replied, "Very well, it seems that this truly is quite harmless. If what you say is true, I suppose I'll try it out."
"Great! I'll be right back." I ran inside and up the stairs to the guest bedroom to grab my pocket vaporizer. I ran back down the stairs and rejoined the ponies on the porch, vape in hand. I grabbed another little nug and popped it in the grinder and twisted it back and forth, shredding the sticky bud. I put the shredded cannabis into the vaporizer, placed the cap on, turned it on, and waited. When the little green light that meant it was ready came on, I gave some instructions to Celestia.
"Now, I'm going to put the end of this to your lips. When I do, inhale through your mouth and stop the moment your lungs start to feel dry or you need to cough. Also, if you need to cough, go ahead. It'll hurt more if you don't."
She nodded in response and I raised the vaporizer mouthpiece to her lips. When it was firmly on her mouth, she began to inhale. After a few seconds, she pulled back and coughed two or three times. When she looked back up, her eyes were a red and she had a big, stupid smile on her face. Hehe, Sunbutt's high. Twilight, Fluttershy, and I just cracked up. A few moments later, Celestia joined in. We were all just standing there and laughing when Spike said, "C'mon guys! What about me?"
I looked at Twilight for confirmation. She just smiled and stared through me with barely open eyes. Good Lord, Twilight. You high as shit. I turned back to Spike and handed him the vaporizer. He put it to his mouth and took a fairly big hit, finishing it all off with a few coughs and wheezes. He handed the vaporizer back to me with a grin and said, "Dude, I feel amazi-ing-ngahahaHAHAHAHAA"
We all stared at him and quickly joined in geeking the fuck out. After a few side-splitting minutes of uncontrollable laughter, the giggling subsided.
Celestia spoke up this time, "I'm hungry. Can we go get some cake?"
I chuckled. "I'd love to. Where's the bakery?"
"Follow me, everypony!" Twilight said, starting off towards what looked like a little town. There's that 'everypony' shit again. Why can't you just say 'anybody'? We followed her into town and towards what I swear was a massive gingerbread house.
"I-is that....Is that a...gingerbread house?" I asked, bewildered.
"Yes, our friend Pinkie Pie lives and works there."
"Wait, she lives and works in a giant gingerbread house? That happens to be a bakery? That's sweet, dude. No pun intended."
Twilight chuckled at my pun and continued on. I looked around town and saw nobody but us. I wonder where everybody is... Eventually, we reached the gingerbread house with a little sign out front that read 'Sugarcube Corner'.
"Hey, where is everybody?" I asked.
"I dunno," Twilight said, a bit hastily.
I shrugged and walked up to the door and opened it. As I walked inside, I noticed that the lights were off. Hm, something's not right. Why are the ligh- "SURPRISE!!!!" Holy shit, that scared the piss out of me.
"HEY! Were you surprised? Huh? Were ya, were ya, were ya?!" A fluffy, pink pony with cotton candy-esque hair squealed at me as I trier to recover from the startle.
"Uh, yeah. Haha, a little." I said, still clutching my heart, still trying to regain my composure.
"Grrreat! I love surprising ponies in Ponyville! Heck, I like surprising anypony anywhere! But you’re not a pony but it doesn’t matter ‘cause I surprised you!" The pink pony's high-speed ramble was interrupted when she glanced at Celestia. "Oh hi, Princess Celestia!" She said with a bow. The rest of the ponies inside turned when they heard Celestia’s name, bowing when they spotted their princess. All too quickly, ponies of all colors came up to Celesta, bowing and asking if there’s anything they can do. Celestia let the first one go and get her some cake, and he quickly ran off to complete the favor. As for the others that asked, they just got waved away with a hoof.
I turned back to the pink fluffball and said, "Hi, I’m Xy- "
The pink pony turned her head back towards me and jumped up to my face, somehow levitating in mid-air while she sputtered a long string of words, cutting me off. "HEY! You're the new pony in Ponyville!" Here we go again... "Well, you're not really a pony but you're NEW!” Is this pony insane or something? “And if you're new, then you don't know anypony and if you don't know anypony then you don't have any friends and if you don't have any friends then you need a Pinkie Party to get you friends so I threw you a biiiiiiggg party with everypony in Ponyville! By the way, my name's Pinkie Pie-" Yep, your magic purple friend told me. "-and I LOVE parties! Big parties, small parties, oooohhh all kinds of parties! And I threw you the best kind of party: A PINKIE PARTY!" Once she was done, she fell back to the floor, stood there, and smiled at me with her big, baby blue eyes, not even taking a breath. Okay, that's....what?
"Uh, hi Pinkie. I'm Xyrus; a human."
"Well hiya, Xyrus! And weeelcome to Ponyville!"
"Well thank you for the warm welcome, and as a repayment of sorts, I've got something to show you that will blow your fucking mind."
"Ooohhhh, is it fun?"
"Oh, yes. Very, very fun."
"Ooh, yippee! I love fun things! Well, what are you waiting for? BRING ON THE FUUUUUN!" Okay, so not just insane but an insane fun addict. A really annoying insane fun addict.
I chuckled lightly and reached into my pocket, grabbing my small bag of Lemon Haze, grinder, and vape. "Alright Pinkie,-" I started to grind up the weed, "- here's what I'm gonna do: I'm going to put this green stuff into this black thing-" I lifted the bag and vape, respectively, "-and then I'm going to put the end of the black thing to your mouth and you need to inhale. Stop when your lungs feel dry or you need to cough. If you have to cough, do it. It's better to cough if you need to."
"Okie Dokie Lokie! Wait...so what does it do?"
"Weell... The most common effects are euphoria, extreme hunger, pain relief, uncontrollable laughter, relaxation, an-"
"WAIT! What did you just say?"
"Relaxation?"
"Nono, before that."
"Uncontrollable laughter?"
"YES! Is that true? UNCONTROLLABLE LAUGHTER?! That'll be like double uncontrollable laughter because I always like to laugh and this is gonna be....it's gonna be...it's gonna be AMAZING!!"
"Well let's not keep the fun waiting," I said halfway sarcastically as I finished up grinding the weed and putting it in the vape. I put the cap on and hit the 'on' button and waited for it to heat up. When the little green light came on, I held it up to pinkie's lips and she began to pull in the vapor. A few seconds later, she pulled back and held in the vapor for a second or two before exhaling it all with a few hearty coughs. When she was through with her coughing, she looked back to me, eyes red and a dumb grin plastered on her face. I just laughed. Then Pinkie joined in, followed by Spike, Twilight, Fluttershy, and finally Celetia chimed in with her own bouts of laughter. There we were, standing inside Sugarcube Corner geeking the fuck out while the whole town watched us in confusion. After thirty seconds or so of unintelligible words laced with waves of laughter and no sign of us stopping, the other party-goers went back to what they were doing.
It took about another minute for the painfully extended giggle fit to subside, leaving us practically gasping for breath.
Pinkie was the first to talk, "W-wow, Xyrus. Ha! I..need...*gasp*....I need to h-have...some..some CUPCAKES!"
"Well, that's what we all came here for so let's eat!"
Before I could even take a step, Pinkie ran over to the snack table faster than she physically should be able to and somehow grabbed about fifteen cupcakes in her arms and ran back over to us, handing out cupcakes to our stoned selves before eating the remaining ten or so cupcakes in one bite. After she swallowed them, she licked her face clean in one swipe, something that reminded me very much of Tom and Jerry. What the fuck? Okay, maybe I'm a little *too** high...*
I took a bite of my cupcake and my mouth exploded. Not literally but figuratively, ya know? IT WAS SO GODDAMN AMAZING THERE ARE NO WORDS HOLY FUCK. But seriously though, those were the best damn cupcakes I'd ever had in my FUCKING LIFE. The cake's consistency was moist and soft, melting away in my mouth while the icing dissolved and tickled every corner of my mouth. I don't know how she made cupcakes like these, but they were hands down the best thing I had ever tasted in the history of ever...ever.
When my angel-cum-mouth-gasm had subsided, I noticed that three other ponies had joined the group; a green-eyed orange pony wearing a stetson with a blonde mane and tail tied at the ends, a blue-eyed white Unicorn with a curly purple mane and tail, eye shadow, and bolder eyelashes, and a cyan Pegasus with a bed head rainbow mane and tail and magenta eyes.
The orange one spoke up first, and I noticed her thick country accent. "Well howdy there partner! Th' name's Applejack." She held out her hoof in a hand-shaking gesture and I took it. She took her other hoof and got a good hold on my hand before giving me a hearty handshake, almost knocking me off balance with her greeting. Damn, this pony is *strong*.
After regaining my composure, I smiled and said, "Well it's nice to meet you, Applejack. I'm Xyrus."
"Ah'm guessin' you're not from 'round these parts, are ya?"
"Nope. To be honest I have no idea how I even got here. One minute I was at the biggest bash of the year, the next I was running through the woods, and now I'm here. Go figure."
Pinkie butted in, "You were at a party? AND YOU RAN AWAY?? Why in the wide, wide world of Equestria would you do that?"
"Well," I started, but I was cut off by Twilight.
"Xyrus, let's save story time for later, you haven't met Rarity or Rainbow Dash yet." She gestured towards the white Unicorn and the cyan Pegasus.
"It's a pleasure to meet you, Xyrus." The white one started in the exact high-class tone of voice that I was expecting, "If you don't mind me asking, what exactly...are you?"
"I'm a human, from the planet Earth. I've been told I am the only one of my kind here, so I'm assuming that this place is not anywhere on my home planet."
"Ooh, an alien! What kind of fashion do they have there? Oh, there must be some interesting clothes there. How I'd love to see an alien fashion show! Aahhhh!" She kind of lost herself in mumbling and I turned to the rainbow-maned one.
"Hey, you must be Rainbow Dash. It's a pleasure to meet you."
"Sup dude?" She replied in a scratchy, tomboyish voice, holding out her hoof in a fist bump, or I guess in this case a hoof bump, gesture. I grinned approvingly and bumped her hoof with my fist. I think I'm gonna like this pony. She's the coolest one I've met so far.
"So Rainbow Dash, wanna try some weed?" I said with a smirk.
"What's...weed?"
"It's an herb that well, makes everything....awesome. In every way."
"Something that makes everything awesome? What are you waiting for??"
I grinned as I grabbed my vape and held it up to her mouth after giving her the same instructions I had told the others. She took a long pull and jerked back, coughing back out what she had inhaled.
"Gah, that hurt. But...I feel...whaa?. This...this feels...awesome!" She said 'awesome' in a high-pitched squeal, pushing her mouth into fish-lips with her hooves and narrowing her eyes. It was the funniest face I had ever seen in my life. I busted out laughing at her expression and she chimed in soon after with her own tomboyish laughs.
Our laughter died down to a chuckle and I wiped the tears out of my eyes, turning to Applejack and Rarity. "I don't suppose either of you want some of this?" I said, brandishing my vape in front of them.
"Well, it does look mighty fun..." Applejack said.
"Hm, I could do with a little cheer. Why not?" Rarity agreed.
"So who's gonna go first?" I asked.
"Go on, Applejack. You've been working awfully hard today and you could use some relaxation."
"Oh alright. Thanks, Rarity. Now what exactly do Ah do with it?"
Here we go with the instructions. Again. *sigh* whatever. I told them both what to do and they both took their hits in turn, coughing afterwards just like everyone else had.
“By golly, this stuff really is amazin’! Ah haven’t felt this good in months!”
“Yes, it is certainly quite divine, if you ask me. Everything is just so....dazzling!”
I stopped listening to Rarity. To be honest, her accent and way of speech were really getting on my nerves. I thought I had met everyone I was supposed to, but I couldn't shake the feeling that I was being watched. I glanced around the party, searching for any staring eyes. All too soon I found myself looking into the two golden orbs of a mint green pony with a light teal and white mane and tail. She was watching me with wonder, as if she couldn't believe her eyes. When she saw me looking at her, she blushed and awkwardly waved at me. Well, might as well see what's up.
I walked over to the golden-eyed gazer and said in my classiest English accent, "Well, hello there. I couldn't help but notice your surveying glance and so I decided to come make your acquaintance. My name is Xyrus Tocker, and I'm what you'd call-"
"-a human!" The pony finished excitedly. How the fuck did she know? And why is she so enthusiastic?
"Uh, yes. A human. Anyways, what was your name?"
"Lyra Heartstrings at your service!" She said with a small bow, presenting her hoof for a shake. I took it in my hand and shook it firmly. Lyra stared in amazement at my strong grip on her hoof. "Wow, those fingers of yours really are strong! They just look so...fragile."
"Nah, they're actually extremely resilient." I said as I took my left index finger and pulled, twisted, bent, and all shades of abused it while Lyra watched, wonder apparent in her eyes.
"Oh my Celestia!" She said, grabbing my hand with magic, which is a truly odd sensation lemme tell ya, and closely examining it, "How can your fingers not..break?"
"The bones in fingers are very strong and flexible."
"Bu-but, how can they grasp something so firmly? I thought humans didn't have magic?"
"We don't. The muscles that make my fingers work are up in here." I said, pointing to the inside of my forearm. "They're connected via very strong tendons to my fingers and when they contract, my fingers pull inwards." I said, wiggling my fingers in front of her amazed eyes.
"Wow, that's incredible. Hey! You should come by sometime so we can talk a little more! This is all so fascinating."
"I'll be sure of it, Lyra." She grinned like mad and made this adorable little 'squee' sound when I said her name. "Now, where can I find you?"
"Oh! Well, whenever you wanna talk to me, all you gotta do is say 'Lyra Lyra' and I'll be there!" Okay, that's just downright creepy.
"Um. Okay.... I'll do that. Well I've got to rejoin my little group so I'll catch you later, Lyra!"
"Bye, Xyrus!" She said, waving to me as I turned to leave. Just as I took my first step away, Lyra got my attention. I turned back to face her.
"Yes?"
"Um, don't get weirded out or anything but.. Do you think you could uh.. Ya know....scratch behind my ears?"
I was a bit surprised at the request but I obliged. I reached my hands behind her ears and scratched them the best I knew how. I think I was doing something right because as soon as I started scratching, Lyra all but melted onto the floor, a mile-wide grin splitting her face. After about twenty or so seconds, I stopped and she restabilized herself. "How'd I do?" I asked, already knowing the answer.
"Words can't even begin to describe how good that felt. Your fingers are so soft it just...ahh! They're amazing!"
"Yes well, my hands do tend to have that effect." I said with a certain bit of pride, "I am a masseuse, you know." That was partially a lie. I'm not a professional but I did have a lot of experience and practice, courtesy of my mom and her fucked-up shoulders and back. She taught me over years how to massage and I had gotten extremely good at it. I'd like to say I was a professional, but we never had enough money to send me to any classes or anything. I was good enough though; Lyra certainly approved.
"Well I'm terribly sorry, Lyra but I must rejoin my group." I said, motioning towards The six ponies, Celestia, and Spike.
"Okay, but remember, all you have to do is say 'Lyra Lyra' and I'll be there!" That's still pretty creepy...
"Alright. I'll catch you around!" I turned and walked away as Lyra waved a parting hoof. I rejoined my party of ponies who were all talking, not surprisingly, about the weed that had been bestowed upon all of them.
As I approached, I chuckled and asked, “So guys, I was thinking. If I were to go to the park and do some cloud-watching, who would join me?”
They all agreed on my absolutely magnificent idea and we departed. Once we got outside, I stopped, turned around, and asked, “Um..where exactly is the park?”
They all laughed and Twilight volunteered to lead the way. Celestia turned to me as we walked and said, “Oh Xyrus, I almost forgot. I need to run some memory checks on you to, well, make sure you’re not dangerous. It completely slipped my mind before and I have no idea why...”
I chuckled at her weed-induced forgetfulness and said, “Okay, I can understand that. Weird alien randomly shows up and is intelligent, let’s make sure he’s not dangerous. But what exactly are you gonna do with my head?”
“I’m simply going to scan through your memories and make sure you’re not a threat.”
“Um, before you do that, I've gotta tell you something. Back in my home world, I was constantly surrounded by violence. If you find the violent memories, take them with a grain of salt. I only committed those acts through self-defense and in defense of my friends and home. I hope you will understand. I wasn't really the violent type, but I had my fair share of moments where my only option was violence in defense.”
Celestia was quiet for a moment, pondering. After a few moments of thought, she looked back up, “I understand. You see, when I check memories, not only can I see what you saw, but I can also see all of the reasoning and all of the thought processes. I will understand if you had no other choice. I’ve had circumstances similar to that as well. Now if you don’t mind, I’d like to go ahead and get this over with so we can rejoin our group’s more interesting conversations.”
“Alright, Celestia. Mind read away.”
Celestia held a hoof out for me to stop walking. She turned to me and her horn bagan to glow with a golden aura. Just then, I felt a sort of presence, like a cool liquid trickling through my thoughts. It felt very peculiar but at the same time soothing; I was almost disappointed when the fluid-like mind scan was over. Celestia looked at me with a mixture of shock and sympathy. She didn’t say a word as she wrapped her wing around me, obviously trying to comfort me. I’m guessing she found some memories of the rougher points of my life. *sigh* I’ll never forget that night.... I returned the gesture, sinking into her soft coat as her large wing pulled me closer, almost picking me up off the ground. “I’m sorry...” she whispered quietly. “You’ve known more heartbreak, sorrow, and evil than anypony I know of, besides my sister and I.”
“Yeah,” I replied, “I know. I prefer not to remember those times. But at the same time, I don’t want to forget them. They remind me everyday that I have to be strong. Believe it or not, those memories were part of what helped me stay sane during my time on the streets."
"Well, you're not a threat, so when I get back to Canterlot I'm going to sign your Equestrian citizenship papers. Fluttershy told me that she is taking care of you right now until you can buy a house. If I were you, I'd try to get a job in Ponyville; I'd imagine you're going to find yourself needing some money here soon. Say, what are those paws of yours? I've never seen anything like them."
"They're not paws, they're hands. And these-" I wiggled my fingers in front of her "-are fingers. And they are extremely agile. Very handy. No pun intended."
"But they look so delicate. Wouldn't they break?"
"Nope. Actually, they're very resilient." I said as I pressed my fingers back against each other and pulled, twisted, and bent them to show how strong they were.
"Wow, they look so fragile. I would expect them to break at just a little pressure. I guess I was wrong." She said with a small smile. "Well, if they are as agile as you say they are, I'll bet you could get a job as a masseuse at the salon in a jiffy. I'm sure that Aloe and Lotus would hire you in a heartbeat once they saw those fingers of yours. Hooves can only do so much you know, and I'll bet the pay is decent."
"That reminds me, what currency is used here?"
"Bits."
"Okay, how much are they worth?"
"Well, a nice house runs for around three thousand bits, but our currency system is strange. Basically, the rule is that the more bits you have, the more they're worth. For instance, you can buy a tomato for about a bit, but you can buy a really nice night for two at a fine-dining restaurant for about ten bits. The bit's value rises with quantity, if you will."
She was right; that is a weird system. Makes sense though. Kinda. "So, what's the ratio? Like, how does the value go up as quantity goes up?"
"Well it's kind of hard to explain but it's not exponential. The prices fluctuate day by day, so it's difficult to track the exact exchange rate. Also, different locations may use different prices but for the most part it's all similar. Your best bet is to roll with it. Also, if something seems worth less than they're asking, haggle the price down. If you're good at it you can save a lot of bits."
"Alright, fair enough. It'll take a little while to adjust as the currency and prices in my home world are set. There are different currencies and although the values between do fluctuate, it's usually not anything worth noting." I decided not to mention The Great Depression. It would be a lot to explain.
Celestia continued, "Well, we tried that approach a few hundred years ago, but it didn't really work. Over time, the values just changed and eventually developed into the system we have today. You see, we don't have a treasury, nor do we have a national banking system. Any banks are privately owned and using them is at your own risk. That's not to say banks are not reliable, but it's better to know some background information on a bank before throwing all your bits in."
"A few hundred years ago? Just how long do you ponies live?"
"Well Alicorns, like my sister and I, can live for quite a few thousand years. Normal ponies like the ones you know usually live to be about-"
Our conversation was interrupted by the group calling back at us, "Hey guys, c'mon! We're here!"
We picked up our pace to meet the others in a nice little clearing, perfect for cloud watching. We all lied on our backs and stared up at the floating masses of ice crystals. Just then, Rainbow Dash jumped to her feet and soared up to join the clouds, grabbing- Wait, what? -a few and beginning to make a massive cloud raft. When she had finished, it was easily big enough for all of us to lie down on it. She walked over to Twilight and whispered something in her ear.
Twilight nodded and turned to the rest of us, "Fluttershy, Princess, would you step aside for a moment, please?" They did. "Okay everypony, and Xyrus, hold still."
Her horn glowed with the vibrant violet aura it had before and I felt a fluid-like, floaty feeling trickle down from my head to my toes. "Hold up, what did you just do?" I asked.
"I cast a cloud walking spell on you. Go ahead, hop on the raft." She gestured towards the white platform that hovered a few inches off the ground.
I looked skeptically at the mass of water vapor, slowly stepping forward. I put my left foot down onto the cloud, half expecting it to go right through. However that was not what happened. When my foot made contact with the fluffy platform, it stopped. The cloud gave a little, but my foot was held up firmly with a force that I could only describe as a fluffy memory foam pad on a waterbed filled with thick syrup. I stepped up and put the rest of my weight on it as the others climbed on. Somehow, the cloud didn't sink down under our mass; it just remained in its impossible hovering position about four inches off of the ground. I reached down to the cloud and felt it, running my hand gently across the surface, feeling a plush, cotton-like texture as my fingers combed through the fluid-like solidity of the floating raft.
"Alright, you ready to see the most awesome view of Equestria you'll ever see?" Rainbow Dash said triumphantly as she began to effortlessly push the cloud up and forward.
The float (no pun intended) soared up into the sky being quickly accelerated by the power of Rainbow Dash's strong wings. When we reached a lower cloud layer, Dash slowed us to a stop and hopped up on the raft. I took a moment to soak up the view. It was incredible. I could see for hundreds of miles in every direction and the warm sun beat down on my back.
"Wow. Just...wow. The view is amazing up here. I don't think I've ever seen anything so..."
"Awesome?" Rainbow Dash cut in.
"Yeah. Something like that." Just then, I realized something I hadn't before. These ponies are speaking English. All of them. Perfectly. How in the hell....there must be some connection. "Hey I was wondering, how are you all speaking English?"
Celestia replied, "Well, what we're speaking is Equestrian. You're speaking English. Equestria has many languages but a spell I cast upon the land a few thousand years ago allowed the instantaneous translation of languages between races. It's a spell that lingers everywhere that affects every sentient being, translating any language that enters the brain into the native language of that being. It kind of works on some animals and non-sentient creatures but usually not as effectively. That's about the best I can explain it without speaking in magical terms that you would not understand, as magic is a non-existence in your world."
"Amazing. I wish we had that sort of thing in my world. It would've helped so many social tensions in the past and in the present."
Celestia nodded but didn't respond. Neither did anyone else. Soon enough, the sun began to set and we all watched the glorious day come to an end. On the opposite horizon, the moon began to rise in its 'journey' to the top of the sky. "Well", I began.
Twilight finished my sentence, "You need to find a place to stay, Xyrus."
Fluttershy gently poked at my side. I turned to face her. "Um...well it's just that...you've got...um, you have your things at my cottage and umm...well, I think it may be an okay idea if uh, you...." Fluttershy's voice reduced to a squeaking whisper, "stayed at my place?"
I smiled at her kindness and was about to agree when Twilight cut it again, "Oh don't worry, Fluttershy, I've got an extra bedroo-"
"NO!" We all turned to Fluttershy, surprised by her outburst. "Um...I mean.... I just think that, you know, he should stay with me because he's....well, a creature that's not from here, so I can take care of him until he finds a house....or something."
"I agree", I said, "Fluttershy was taking very good care of me when I left, and I have no gruff with staying at her cottage."
Fluttershy's face showed a look of relief and Twilight's a look of surprise and acute disappointment. "Alright then," Celestia said, "Xyrus shall stay with Fluttershy until he is otherwise able I live on his own in his own house."
"Well," Dash said to Fluttershy, positioning herself behind the cloud, "I'll drop you two off at your house so Xyrus can get settled in."
Dash began to push the cloud slowly forwards and down. Fluttershy's cottage came into view within a few minutes and we slowed our approach. When we were a ground level, Fluttershy and I stepped off the cloud, followed by Celestia. "Bye guys!" Dash yelled in her scratchy, tomboy voice as she switched sides on the cloud and began accelerating away. The rest of the ponies said their goodbyes before the cloud flew out of earshot.
Celestia turned to us and said, "Well, I've got to get back to Canterlot. I must file your citizenship papers now so that I may deliver them to you tomorrow." I nodded and thanked Celestia.
"Fluttershy, take good care of Xyrus and show him around town some more tomorrow. I'm sure some ponies around town would be eager to meet him after we abandoned the party so quickly today."
"You can count on me," she replied with a bow, "I won't let you down. And I won't let you down either, Xyrus."
The regal pony nodded and said, "I'll be off then. Good night Xyrus, Fluttershy" Celestia's horn suddenly glowed brightly and she was gone in a flash of golden magic. Fluttershy led the way inside and began towards what I assumed was a kitchen.
"Do you want anything for dinner?"
I wasn't all that hungry. I was however tired as hell. "I'll just have a glass of water, please."
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah. I'm just tired and I need some sleep."
Fluttershy nodded slowly in understanding and somehow got a glass from the cupboard and filled it with water. She handed it to me and I turned to go upstairs. Before I left though, I turned to Fluttershy, "You know, you are probably the nicest pers- er, pony I've ever met. You're caring and kind and you're very understanding and I thank you for your generous hospitality."
"Oh, well you're very welcome. I'm always happy to help one of my friends in need."
I smiled at the yellow Pegasus. "Thank you, Fluttershy. Now I've got to head to bed, I'm worn out."
"Goodnight!" She called behind me as I left to go upstairs. When I got to the bedroom, I grabbed my laptop from my bag and brought it to the bed. I flipped it open and logged in. There wasn't any wifi. I wonder why...
I pulled out my laser mouse and opened up Crysis. I love that game. Aliens 'n' shit. After about an hour of popping ceph caps in the Korean jungle, I saved the game, shut my laptop, and got comfy. It was then that I realized I may never see my family again. Then again, that wasn't saying much. My sister was the only blood family I had left, and we weren't exactly close. I had good buddies, but no one I would miss to death. After that car wreck that killed my parents I’ve kind of been a loner. Parties and music were all I really looked forward to. I played trumpet in my high school band and was a pretty good player but circumstances stopped me from following my path to becoming a professional. No girlfriend, no house, no family. Shit, I'm a fucking nobody. But hey, I’ve got a new start in this weird fucking world of ponies and dragons and shit. Whatever. No humans though, and that means no sex...with humans that is. Well, fuck. I had booty calls back at home but I wasn't close to any of them at all. They were hot and they liked sex. That's about it. Here though, ponies. Ponies everywhere, and no humans. I know what you're thinking, you dirty fucking pervert. I'm not screwing a pony. No way, no how. Maybe a relationship would be possible but I don't see it likely. Sex though? Hell no. Not happening. They may not look like ponies from Earth but they're certainly not human, and I'm not exactly one for bestiality. Well, would it be bestiality? They're sentient and intelligent. They can talk. They have thoughts and personalities. Xenophillia, maybe? Yeah, xenophillia. Nope, still not fucking them. Whatever, I need some shut eye. Good-fucking-night.
Nightmares, Fingers, and Inter-Dimensional Travel
Chapter IIYay for inexplicable inter-dimensional travel!
Rain rolls down the windows of the car as it speeds through the dark, stormy, Friday night of summer. My dad is driving and my mom is fast asleep in the passenger seat, her head in a silly position on the window. There's no one on the road and the only sound I hear is the fast raindrops on the metal roof of our sedan and the soothing sound of the tires rolling on the wet pavement. My 16 year old sister sits beside me, playing a game on her phone. I sit on the other side, reminiscing on the past week. This was the week I was supposed to have attended a national band competition in New York. Sadly, the death of my grandfather had us packing for a trip to California for the funeral. My parents didn't seem to mind pulling me from my one chance at true success at what I was actually very good at: playing trumpet. They said they cared, and yet I was the one who had to spend my time and my money to buy everything from my horn (which is quite expensive, mind you) to lessons to supplies to, well, pretty much everything. They didn't even attend my first recital, something about a fancy dinner at some bullshit restaurant that I can't even pronounce the name of. I had saved up a lot of money to go to this competition but since I was so goddamn lucky and I wasn't eighteen yet, I had no choice but to be dragged to my grandfathers funeral whom I had never even met. From what I hear, he has had zero contact with the family for around twenty years. Yeah, I was pissed about having to go. Like I said, I had no say in the matter and was soon packing my bags along with the rest of the family.
Despite it all, I love my parents. They helped me when I was distraught and they healed me when I was hurt. They did what they could to help me stay on my feet but that was about the extent of their assistance. I still love them as I watch the rain pick up speed, drenching the windshield, forcing my dad to turn the wipers on full force.
Just then, I feel the loud rumble of the grooved pavement on the side of the road. My dad swerves back into the lane to avoid going off of the narrow two-lane street. All too quickly, a pair of headlights make themselves visible through the torrent of rain. Something's not right though...they're right in front of us, and they're speeding toward us at a blinding rate.
"SHIT!" My dad yells over the downpour, starting to dodge into the other lane. Before I could even blink, I felt a powerful force rip me forward into the already inflated airbag in front of me. The sickening crunch of metal fills the air accompanied by a shrill screech from my mom that is cut short by the *crack* of her neck. My sister screams as the entire dashboard caves in about a foot and the airbags feebly try to protect the driver and passenger. Glass flies everywhere and I black out for a moment from the G-forces, waking up just moments later to my sister's distraught sobbing.
"MOOMMMAAA!! DAAADDD!! NOOO-O-O-O P-PL-PLEEAASSEE N-NOOO!!!!" She stutters her words between sobs as I regretfully glance toward the front seat where a sight of horror that will never leave me waits for my eyes. There, lifeless and mutilated, lay my father and mother, battered and bloody. Not a breath was taken by either of them. I have no words. I don't even scream. I just stare in shock, not believing the sight that is so plainly there. I don't even realize I'm crying until my vision blurs and I have to wipe a tear from my eye. When I move my arm however, a searing pain rips down to my fingers. I look down to see my right shoulder awkwardly bent forward, still held firmly by the seat belt. I figure my collarbone is broken and I wouldn't be surprised if a few other things broke as well. Over my shock and pain though, I can still hear the heart-wrenching screams of misery from my sister, whom is frantically trying to wake my father up. I painfully unbuckle my seatbelt and try to open the door, but do my dismay it is stuck.
I pull out my phone and quickly dial 9-1-1. The dispatcher answers, "9-1-1, what is your emergency?"
"I was just in a car wreck. I think the driver and passenger are dead. I think I'm on West Pratt Road in Michigan. The back door won't open."
"Okay I've got emergency response on the way. Is there anyone else in the car?"
"Yes, my sister is in the backseat with me. My mother and father are in the front seat. I doubt they survived. I broke my collarbone but other than that I think I'm okay."
"Okay, just stay on the line. Emergency response should be there very soon."
I let out a sigh of relief, although in these circumstances I'm not sure I would call it relief. My parents are probably dead, I missed the national band competition, and I'm stuck in the middle of goddamn nowhere after a wreck waiting for emergency response.
Sirens are becoming audible over the rain that is now soaking the interior of the car and I notify the dispatcher that I hear them arriving.
"Okay, you may hang up now."
"Thank you." I hang up the phone just as the fire truck pulls up beside the car. The firemen rush over with the Jaws of Life and pry my door open, allowing my sister and I to climb out of the pile of twisted metal that was once our car.
I take one look into the front seat where my mother lay lifeless and I can barely hold my lunch. Silent years run gently down my cheeks as the firemen pry the front doors open.
I glance over at the other car in time to see the driver climb out of the wreckage. Not a goddamn scratch. He's stumbling like he's drunk, and it dawns on me. A rush of anger seethes through my veins. "YOU!" He glances at me, kind of frightened. "You MOTHERFUCKER! YOU KILLED MY PARENTS! PIECE OF SHIT!" I lounge at him, ignoring the pain in my shoulder. The firefighters, realizing what is happening, grab me and hold me back.
They seize the drunken driver as well who is stumbling away in an attempt to flee.
Just then, the ambulance arrives and the paramedics put me on a stretcher, checking my shoulder and asking me a plethora of questions regarding how I physically feel. The police arrive just as the paramedics load my panicked sister and I into the ambulance.
Somewhere in the distance, a new voice becomes audible over the paramedics. A gentle, female voice calling out to me. "-rus!" What? "-yrus! Xyyrruuss!!" Where is that coming from? I feel a rough shaking as the world around me seems to crumble. "Xyyrruuussss!!" The shaking becomes more prominent as I feel my body being jerked forward and backward very quickly. Slowly, a familiar low ceiling became visible past a pair of gentle, teal eyes. The figure became clearer as I can make out the face of a familiar yellow Pegasus. Fluttershy! "Xyrus! Oh thank Celestia you're okay!" She wrapped me in a gripping hug, allowing me to bury my tear soaked face in her soft coat. Her flowing pink mane draped around me, finally allowing some comfort from the dark grasp of my night terror.
A lovely word from Dashie the Great
I’m sure most of you noticed that weird jump in tenses. That was intentional. It was the transition from the dream world to the ‘real’ world. Just letting you guys know so you don’t get confused. Back to the story!
"Oh my goodness! Xyrus, you were crying and saying things and shaking! Oh, I was so worried! You wouldn't wake up and I thought you were in danger! Thank Celestia you're okay now!" She continued to gently rock me in her warm embrace, helping me calm down from the horrifying flashback.
"I'm fine now, I think. Thank you for waking me up."
"I'm glad I could. What happened to you?"
I was silent. Should I tell her about the wreck? She seems so innocent and gentle, I'm not sure how she would take something like that. Oh well, it wouldn't be right for me to hold back. I sighed. "A few years ago, I was riding in the backseat of my car with my sister next to me and my mom and dad in the front seat."
"Um, what's a car?"
"There aren't cars here?" Fluttershy shook her head. "Huh. Well, a car is a four-wheeled metal box designed for transportation. Kind of like a carriage. It's driven by a powerful motor-"
"What's a motor?" Wow, you ponies don't have much technology, do you?
"Okay, a motor is a powerful thingy that makes things spin fast." I didn't want to go into mechanics right now.
"Oh okay." Eesh.
"Anyways, it's driven by a powerful motor and it can move quite fast and carry a lot of weight. The downside is that they're quite dangerous, and they wreck all too often, whether it's an accident or not. It's usually an accident but there are some nutty people back in my world. But I digress, I was riding in the backseat and my father was driving. My mother was sitting next to my father in the front. It was raining hard that night and visibility was bad. Out of nowhere, another car came speeding towards ours and hit us full force." Fluttershy gasped quietly and put her hooves over her mouth.
"We have these things called seat belts that strap us down in case we're in an accident but my mom and dad were in the front so they were doomed. The dashboard, the thing in front of the driver and front passenger, caved in and killed my mother and father instantly. I blacked out for a few seconds but I survived along with my sister and a few broken bones."
"Oh my goodness you poor thing!" Fluttershy lunged forward and wrapped me in a sorrowful embrace. I choked up remembering the incident but I managed to hold my ground. After a few seconds, she pulled back and looked at me with her big, teal eyes.
I sighed, "I need a bowl. Care to join?"
She perked up a little at that, "Sure. I made us some breakfast to eat afterwards. I know for sure we'll be hungry."
"Yeah, you know it. Let me grab my vape." I reached over my bed to my bag as grabbed my vape, Phone, and iHome speakers. I merrily walked down the stairs, browsing my music library for some cool tunes to play. I settled on some of Queen's finest hits and met Fluttershy in the kitchen. "So, you ready to hear some awesome Earth music? I don't know if the lyrics will translate but at least you can appreciate the songs."
Fluttershy smiled, "I'd love to. And I think it will translate, we'll just have to see."
I pulled out my weed, grinder, and vape and set everything up. Once the vape was heating, I pulled out my phone and plugged it into the speakers.
"What are those things?" Fluttershy asked, motioning towards my phone and iHome speakers.
"They're my phone and speakers. Don't you have those?"
"Well we have speakers but they're powered by magic. I don't know what a 'phone' is though." Wow, I could make some serious dough here patenting things. I smiled internally at my masterfully made money-making (alliteration much?) idea.
"Well a phone is something humans use to instantly communicate. Nowadays it's also used for listening to music, taking pictures, watching movies-"
"Movies?" You guys don't have movies? Damn. Not very much technology at all...
"Fancy moving pictures with sounds. I'll explain it later. Anyways, I'm gonna play some music while we vape. You haven't heard music until you've heard it while you're high."
I glanced over to the vape just in time to see the indicator light for preheating turn on. I pick it up and take a long hit, savoring the sweet, fruity taste of the vapors. I held the vape out to Futters and she grasped it with her hooves and put it to her mouth, taking a decent pull before pulling back, holding for a moment, and coughing heavily. Wait, how did she hold it with her hooves? Whatever. I'm too high for this shit. I need music.
I started the playlist of Queen's greatest hits and sat back to relax. "It's translating. I know what he's saying. But why is he singing about that? Lazing on a Sunday Afternoon? What's that supposed to mean?"
"It's about having a busy or interesting week and just relaxing on Sunday before the next week comes. It's a feel-good song; one of my favorites."
"I like it. It's catchy."
After listening to music and eating a lovely omelette for breakfast, I decided to go chill in the park for a while. After averting some questioning glances from quite a few ponies, I reached a cozy spot under a big oak tree. Oak tree? But this kind of tree is on Earth too. How did it get here?
I dismissed the coincidence and remembered what a certain minty green pony told me at the party. There was that one pony. Lyra, I think it was? Yeah. She said to say 'Lyra Lyra' when I wanted to talk to her. Well I'm bored anyways so why not? Before I can even begin to say the magical phrase, the pony with the lyre on her ass flashes into existence in front of me.
"You called??" She spouts excitedly.
"Um yeah. I was about to, actually, but that's not important. I believe you wanted to talk some more?"
Lyra grinned so wide I was afraid her head would split. "Yes! I did! Mostly though, those beautiful hands of yours! Ooh the fingers are just lovely and everything about them-" she took on a sultry tone of voice "-is purely mesmerizing." She took them into her magical bond and gently caressed them, easing the toward her flank.
"Hey, now! I'm not sure I like where this is going..." I stuttered, pulling my hands away.
Lyra whimpered slightly and looked up at me with impossible puppy dog eyes.
"No. I'm not falling for your cuteness."
Her pupils got even bigger and seemed to sparkle even more, accenting the already adorable gaze.
"No. Not happening. I don't care if you're sentient. I'm not doing that with a pony. No way, no how."
Lyra 'humphed' dramatically and sat back on her rump. "Well the least you can do is tell me what it was you were doing with the Elements of Harmony yesterday."
"The what?"
"The six ponies you were with yesterday? You were doing something and apparently it was hilarious. I've never seen
Princess Celestia's laughing so out of control in my life!
"Oh I was letting them sample some of my finest weed."
"What's that?"
"It's the dried flowers of a certain plant. You can smoke it or bake it into foods and it makes you feel floaty and happy and you tend to forget everything. Also, it's hard to concentrate on things. Laughing uncontrollably is also a side-effect."
"That sounds fun! Can I try?"
"I don't know... It's really fun... Are you sure you're up to it?"
"Yes, yes, I am!"
"Are you suurree?"
"YES! For Celestia's sake just gimme!"
"We'll if you're going to be rude about it I won't give you any at all," I said, folding my arms and holding my head high. I opened one eye to see a very sad looking Lyra looking up at me with the best puppy-face she had. "Nahh, I'm just joshin' you. You can have some; one sec."
I pulled out my vape and turned it on. "Ooh what's that? Is it a cool human contraption?" Lyra asked, eyes wide and fixated on my small, black vaporizer.
"Yes, it is a 'human contraption'. A very handy one at that. It vaporizes the chemicals that give you the 'high', which is how weed makes you feel, and prevents you from having to inhale smoke."
"Oohh, sounds cool. How does it work?"
"It gets hot."
Lyra gave me a deadpan look.
"What?" I ask, putting my hands in a placating gesture, "I'm not lying."
She just shakes her head. I glance down at the vape to see that the green light is on. "Alright Lyra, ready to get high?"
Lyra grins enthusiastically, "Yes!"
I smile as I pick the vape up, "Now, when I put this to your lips, inhale until your lungs begin to feel dry or you need to cough. If you need to cough, do so. It will hurt worse if you don't."
"Okay, inhale until lungs dry, cough, yada yada, got it."
I chuckle as I put the vape to her lips. She begins to inhale the sweet vapors. A few seconds later, she nods for me to pull it away and she holds it in for a moment before letting it out. At this point she's just staring into the distance. I waved my hand in front of her face to get her attention and she quickly snaps back into reality. "Wha who what??"
I laughed at her spacey mindset. "What's so funny?" She asks.
"Oh nothing, you were just staring off into space. By the way, how did you know I was a human?"
"Huh?"
"When I first met you, you finished my sentence and knew I was a human before I even said it."
"Ohh, well I love humans! Everypony says I'm obsessed but I don't think I am."
"Okay okay I know that. I mean how do you know what a human is?"
"Well-" her answer was cut short by a sharp blow to the top of my head. Everything blurred as I collapsed into the ground. The last thing I saw was Lyra rushing to my side.
I woke up on a dry forest ground, but something seemed familiar... A quick glance behind me confirmed my suspicions. I was right where I was when I knocked myself out against that tree. I was back on Earth. I could see the Party Playhouse in the background. It had yellow tape surrounding the perimeter and there were police cars everywhere. From where I was, I could see detectives walking around the building. Wow, there must’ve been some serious shit going on here... I decided it would be wise to go the other direction even though I didn’t know my way back to the city from here without going towards the mansion. I walked aimlessly through the woods. My phone had no service so I couldn’t pull up GPS or call for help. I was stuck in the middle of the woods and I had no idea how to get back.
“Well, fuck....” I said to myself, grasping the situation I was in. “How the fuck did I get back anyways?”
While the answer to that question would be waiting for me soon, I didn’t know at that point so I decided to just turn back and try to sneak around the mansion. When it was in sight, I veered off to the side in an attempt to stay hidden from the eyes of the law surrounding the massive house. Unfortunately, a yell from an officer busted my cover. I looked over just in time to see three officers walking quickly towards me.
“Hey, you! Stay where you are! Hands on your head!”
Fuck this. I ran. I fucking ran like hell. They began to shout louder but I wasn’t listening. After a few minutes of chase, I glanced behind me, only to see them still hot on my tail. The only difference was that there was now five of them. In the distance, I could hear a dog barking. Oh, fuck no. They did not set a dog on me.
I saw roads becoming visible through the trees. When I reached the street, I bolted across to the sidewalk and into the city. The cops were still right behind me, following me around blocks and weaving through dodging pedestrians. I saw cars stopped at an intersection up ahead with the light about to turn green. Here’s my chance! I sprinted across the street just in time for the light to turn green, starting the flow of cars. The cops were stopped at the other side and I was able to weave in with the crowd, Assassin’s Creed style. I made my way to my friend’s apartment, hoping he didn’t get arrested that night. I walked up to the porch, knocked on the door, and waited.
Between Worlds/A Turn for the Worse
I knocked on the door and waited. A dog immediately exploded into barking and from far inside I could here a man yelling at him to shut up. A few moments later, my friend Bernie opened the door, wearing his usual home gown: PJ pants and an AC/DC t-shirt. His golden retriever greeted me happily at the door.
"Sup bro?" I said, tipping my head back in the 'sup' motion.
His eyes widened to the size of dinner plates. "Holy shit, dude, I thought you got arrested!"
"Nah, crazier shit than that."
"Did you even get caught?"
"Nope. In fact I bet if I told you what all happened, you wouldn't believe me."
"Bullshit. Try me."
"Okay. When I ran out of the Party Playhouse as the cops were approaching, I ran into a tree in the woods because
I was drunk and high as shit."
He grimaced, but past his pained expression I saw a stifled giggle.
"Yeah, yeah, laugh it up." He did just that. "So I ran into a tree, but that's not even the start of it."
He raised an eyebrow. "I'm listening."
"Well, I knocked myself out when I hit the tree, but when I woke up, it was in a house. And there was a little yellow Pegasus who ha-"
"Woah, woah, what? A Pegasus? Dude, someone must've spiked your drink with something."
"Hey, hey, lemme finish." He folded his arms and looked at me with a waiting expression. "Anyways, there are no humans there and apparently this place is called Equestria. There are Unicorns, Pegasi, normal ponies, dragons, and magic and-" I stopped talking. Bernie was busting up laughing at my story.
"You are so full of shit!"
"See, I told you. I told you that you wouldn't believe me."
"Well it's hard to believe a story like that. Ponies? Are you fucking kidding me? That's gay as hell."
"Actually, it's not what you'd expect. I got high as fuck with them and their princess." I swear I could see him gag when I said 'princess'. "Hey, I know it sounds dumb but they're actually really chill. Twilight, a Unicorn, healed my face and hangover completely." He was now looking at me like I had two heads. "All the aches and pains I've ever had we're gone without a trace. The little dragon, Spike, is a lot cooler though. There's also a dykish one, a Pegasus named Rainbow Dash. I swear she's a lesbian; she's got a real scratchy, tomboyish voice." I lost myself for a moment in muttering about Rainbow Dash and my suspicions for her being a lesbian.
He just shook his head and chuckled, "Dude, you're insane."
"I swear to fuck I'm not lying!"
"Okay, gimme some proof," He said, adjusting his stance.
"When I ran away from the house I was wearing my backpack. When I woke up there, I had my bag with me along with everything in it. When I got hit in the head again, I showed up back here next to that same tree, except my bag was nowhere to be found. Cops were already going through the house and I barely escaped them."
"Whatever. You can keep your magical ponies to yourself, I'm just glad you didn't get busted. C'mon inside, bro! Smoke a bowl, have a beer. Whether you're telling the truth or not it sounds like you've had a crazy past few days."
I liked that idea. I followed my good friend inside, letting my eyes adjust to his usually dark house. He walked to his fridge and grabbed a few beers and walked to join me on the couch. He handed me one and I cracked it open.
"So what happened at the party?" I asked, "How many unlucky bastards did they get?"
"About 23. It was bad. Cops arrived, followed by a fucking SWAT team."
"What?! That's ridiculous! The hell happened?"
"Yeah, apparently there was some macho drug dealing thing goin' on at that house and the pigs caught wind of it.
There was a firefight and a few people died."
"Holy shit, I'll bet that was all over the news."
"Are you kidding? It made national headlines." He grabbed a copy of the New York Times that was sitting on the coffee table. "Check this out, dude." He pointed at one of the stories on the front page. "'Major Drug Bust at College Party in Michigan, 4 Dead, 13 Injured'. See? Shit's been mad crazy around here."
I'll bet... "Damn... And all the while I've been stuck with magical flying ponies and dragons in a world that seems like it was carved out of pure happiness."
He just shook his head. "I think we should get you to a doctor," He said sarcastically, "But first, lets pack a bowl and chill, eh?" He took another swig of his beer and stood up to leave the room. I looked at the bottle in my hand. I hadn't even drank any at all. Maybe I am a little stressed....
Bernie came back with a jar of weed and bong in hand. "Got some Sour Diesel yesterday. Watch out, this shit'll knock you on your fucking ass."
"Shmexy. I wish I could match you but my backpack with everything in it is in my little imaginary pony world." I said that with a sharper edge, a bit more than intended. Bernie just shrugged and packed the bowl.
Bernie took a nice, milky hit and handed the bong to me. I followed, filling the bong with smoke and making it clear again. Ahh, it feels good to toke out of a nice bong. Percolators rock.
"So tell me more about this pony world of yours."
I dove into conversation, telling him the story from the time I left the party until the time that I arrived at his house. He listened intently, but I doubt he believed a word I said. When I was finished, he answered.
"I've gotta hand it to you, that was one of the best bullshit stories-" Called it. "-I've ever heard. It's perfectly believable, but it's totally not. Talking ponies? Magic? Dragons? I mean, how am I supposed to believe that?"
"How do you think my face was healed after running into a tree?! Where did my backpack go?"
"You know what, I'll bet I can explain both of those things. Let's say you never actually ran into that tree. I'm sure you were so drunk and high that you probably just passed out running in the woods. As for your backpack, you probably thought you grabbed it when you didn't. Considering how fucked up you were that's a perfectly viable option. Your drink could've been spiked and you could've hallucinated all of that pony shit."
I thought over what he said. He did have a valid point, but I was still fairly convinced that it had happened. The only problem: I was stuck back here and all the proof was there. So was my backpack. With all of my shit in it. Why the hell didn't I take any pictures? l'm a fucking idiot... Then again, that was even if my backpack was there. I might've actually forgot it at the house. Maybe all of that pony stuff really was a hallucination. I hate everything right now. Except this weed. This stuff is good.
"Whatever," I said, not really wanting to think hard right then, "lets just chill for awhile."
Bernie agreed and went to the kitchen and grabbed a 12 pack. "Hey, how's about we have a couple friends over? I can call Joe and Marty, and maybe a few others if you want."
"Sure, haven't seen 'em since the party. Why not?"
Bernie got his phone out of a pocket and called a few people. Soon enough there was about 5 of my good buddies at the house and we were all drinking and smoking to our hearts content. A few hours of chugging and toking found me upstairs for no reason whatsoever. I have the best luck, I'll tell ya. On my way down the stairs, I tripped and began a long trip down the steps.
"Gaahhh!!" I yelled as the lower steps approached my face at an alarming rate. Right before I hit the bottom, I thought to myself, Fuck everythi- *CRACK!* Everything went dark.
I woke up in the cold, damp grass curled up into a little ball, trying to conserve warmth. My body was stiff and my head hurt. I felt like shit, likely from the hangover, not to mention my unfortunate trip down the steps. The cold helped out with the nausea and headache but I still felt terrible. I sat up slowly, clutching my throbbing cranium. I looked around through the dark night, eventually identifying the landscape as Ponyville park. More specifically the exact same spot where I got hit in the head when I was with Lyra. Why didn't anyone move me? Did I disappear it something?
I looked around me for anything that could've hit me. Immediately I spotted a broken flowerpot on the ground, dirt and dead flower along with it. Where the hell did that come from? I looked up and saw empty sky. C'mon, that's impossible. Unless someone hit me on purpose....
I gradually got up, trying to ease my troubled stomach. It didn't help. I kneeled over and heaved up last night's beverages. I got back up and made my way, slowly, into town. I couldn't remember the way back to Fluttershy's cottage but I did remember that she said something about Twilight living in a big treehouse so I set out to find it. Exactly why Twilight lived in a treehouse was beyond me, but I needed someone reliable to ask what happened.
It wasn't long before I saw a majestic tree-turned-house at one end of the town. Not exactly the kind of treehouse I was expecting but it makes more sense nonetheless. The lights upstairs were still on, so I walked up to the door and knocked. I head the pattering of small, reptile-esque footsteps heading towards the door before the little purple dragon opened it and gasped.
"Hey, Spike."
"Xyrus! You're okay!"
Twilight poked her head down the staircase of what I now knew was a library and upon seeing me her eyes took on a certain vibrant glow as a smile split her face. She came quickly down the stairs and wrapped me in an unexpected hug.
"Uhh, hi. ...it's uhh, nice to see you too?"
Twilight quickly let me go, flustered. "Right.. Sorry."
I waved my hand, "Don't worry about it. I do have a very bad headache though, think you can help me out?"
"Of course!" Her horn began to glow and my aching body suddenly felt worlds better.
"Thank you much. I....partied a bit too hard last night."
"Speaking of which," Twilight started, "what happened to you? I heard something about you getting hit in the head with a falling flowerpot and then just disappearing into thin air."
"Now that's interesting. I'll have to ask Lyra about that; she was with me when it happened."
I told her what happened from the time I got hit to the time I woke up back in Ponyville park. She seemed intrigued when I mentioned the cop chase scene but for the most part I think she just brushed it off.
When I was through, she thought for a moment and said, "That's very interesting. Every time you've gotten hit in the head hard enough to knock you unconscious, you've switched worlds and ended up in the exact same spot when you previously were hit."
"So, what you're saying is that if I slam my head against that wall-" I pointed to the wall behind me, "-hard enough to knock me out, I'll end up back on Earth at the bottom of the staircase I fell down?"
"In theory, yes. However I don't want you to go slamming your head into things just to get back and forth. If you'll allow it, I'm going to put a surveillance spell on you so I can watch for any links between the worlds. That way, whenever you next get teleported, I can try to secure the break and utilize it. If this works, I may be able to make a solid connection between Earth and Equestria so you can travel back and forth. Plus, think of the technological advancements the humans have! From what Fluttershy told me they have technology that could put most magic here to shame!"
"Well, there is a downside to all of that. The human race in general is a very mean bunch of people, and mean also means violent. There are good people and there are bad people. I think they're mostly balanced but from what I've seen of this world, I doubt there is much strife. Am I correct?"
"While there is very little major conflict, we have had some trouble with certain characters like Discord, the Changelings, the Diamond Dogs, and a few others. There was the whole Nightmare Moon fiasco but that's over with. How bad could your world be?"
I made a mental note to ask her about those events later. "Well, if I tell you about it, you have to promise me that you won't look at me any different. A lot of human technology paints my race in a bad light. What you will have to understand is that I'm not like those people. Celestia checked my memory and confirmed that. Don't let your newfound knowledge change your point of view."
"I understand, and I promise I won't think of you any differently." She sounded sincere, so I figured I'd tell her.
I took a deep breath, "Firstly, a lot of human technology has to do with killing and destruction." Twilight paled slightly when I said that. I couldn't help but think I was making a mistake. "We have things called guns, which are weapons that accelerate small pieces of aerodynamically shaped metal at insane speeds. We have bombs and explosives, things that are launched, dropped, or even thrown at people that we don't like and are trying to kill us. They explode and can cause extremely severe damage. We have nuclear bombs, which are special bombs powered by literally splitting atoms in super dense metals." Twilight's ear twitched and she looked a bit more intrigued. "That kind of bomb can level a city with millions of inhabitants and have a destructive radius of hundreds and hundreds of miles. Radioactivity will stay in the ground for thousands of years, making the area uninhabitable." Now, Twilight looked horrified. Yep, I made a mistake.
Twilight replied shakily, "It seems like the human race has warfare down, but don't you guys have good technology? Like for healing and fun and happiness?"
"I was getting to that. Humans have unprecedented technology developed over hundreds and hundreds of years that to you may seem like magic. Years of improvement, redesign, newer materials, and a lot of hard thinking by some very smart people yielded things like this," I pulled out my iPhone 5 and showed it to Twilight, walking over to stand next to her. I hit the home button, swiped, and put in my passcode. The homescreen appeared as Twilight looked on with nothing short of pure awe. I tapped an icon that led to a game. I tapped through a few menus and the slicing began. A variety of fruits began appearing at the bottom of the screen, flying up to an arch before falling back down. They were sliced up in lines and individually, spattering fruit juice all over the virtual backdrop.
"H-how is it....doing that..? There's no way that's not magic of some sort." Twilight sputtered in response.
"It's not. It's special silicon chips, metal, plastic, glass, different chemicals, and most importantly, electricity. Although I'm assuming you all have electricity given your light fixture," I pointed that the ceiling light.
"Actually, that's a magical light, like this," Twilight's horn took on a gentle, violet glow as a ball of bright, white light appeared a few feet in front of my face. I looked on with intrest, trying to fathom how it was possible. Although I have witnessed more impressive feats of magic, such as instant healing. That was pretty awesome. By the time I had stopped my mental rambling, the light was almost too bright to look at.
"Umm, Twilight?"
She didn't respond, but her horn glowed brighter and a circular wind began to pick up around her.
"Twilight! Can you hear me??"
She remained in her trance, seemingly completely unaware of her surroundings. The glowing ball of now very bright multi-colored magic began spinning, sending small, white sparks across the room. They were harmless, as when one hit me it just bounced off my skin in a shower of smaller sparks.
"TWILIGHT!! WAKE UP!!" I yelled as I cautiously walked over. I nudged her not so gently, causing her to wheel on me and open her eyes. Although I'm not sure if you could call them eyes. They were white and glowing very brightly. Her face shifted to one of rage, and she was looking like she was about to attack.
I looked over nervously to the multicolor ball of magic, which had now turned to a terrifying mix of black and red, shifting across a dark, bloody spectrum. It was moving slowly towards me and I glanced back at Twilight. Her eyes were empty of life, and behind I could see an ocean of swirling blood and pitch.
A voice that was not her own crept out of her mouth. It was a deep, growly voice; one that sent a horrified chill down my spine, "Hello, Xyrus. How interesting it is to see you here."
"Who are you? How do you know my name?!"
He raised his voice a little as Twilight's face stiffened, "I know all, boy. I also know that this planet is not your own. You do however belong here for my purposes. Oh Xyrus, how important you are. After all, without you my master plan could never work. You are the wildcard. You are the last piece of the puzzle. You, Xyrus, you are the missing link to it all. To everything. To-"
He was cut of by a deafening explosion as our surroundings instantly changed to that of a large dome made of bright, yellow magic. Celestia was suddenly at my side and her horn was exploding with magical sparks. The roaring of wind whipped around us, blocking out almost all other sounds.
Celestia focused hard and a beam of bright yellow light came out of her horn and hit Twilight's, making a link and causing the purple unicorn's body to lift slowly into the air. Her face went blank as her eyes slowly shifted back to normal. Celestia gently set her back down on the floor as the magical shield surrounding us dissipated. Twilight collapsed into a heap of exhaustion and Celestia's horn returned to its normal creamy shade of white.
The Princess rushed to Twilight's side as soon as she was on the floor, "Twilight! Can you hear me??" She nudged her gently with her hoof. Twilight groaned and curled up into a tighter ball. "Are you okay?" Celestia asked, "What hurts?"
Twilight moaned in agony and managed to force out, "E-every....everything... It burns..." She looked up at the ceiling,
"Help m-me.. What's wrong w-....with me?"
"Sshhhh, it's all okay. You'll be okay, my student," Celestia reassured her, ushering the paramedic ponies who had just arrived over to the scene. As Twilight was rushed to the hospital wing of the castle, Celestia turned to me and said,
"Xyrus, I need you to tell me exactly what happened, word for word. I think I know what this all means but I need more evidence."
I nodded and told her everything. When I was finished, her face was shrouded in a mix of horror, confusion, and intense thinking.
"So it's true... He is free once again."
"Who? Who is free??"
"The Infernal Element. He was commonly known as the 'Reaper'. It was four thousand years ago that I banished him eternally to Tartarus, but somehow he has broken the magical bonds which held him strong."
The deep, growly voice that previously came from Twilight made its presence in the room, coming from all places at once. "You are certainly correct, Celestia. I have returned. Such a pity that you banished me all those years ago. Tsk tsk tsk.. Doesn't look very good on your record..." He remarked with a bit of a sarcastic fling.
Celestia's face grew hard, "Show yourself, monster!"
Ignoring her response he continued, "However that was your choice and I can't punish you directly. Nonetheless I think I've got something...better in mind." With that, we didn't hear him again.
We stood in the silence for a moment until it was shattered by a shrill scream that seemed to echo forever.
