Dear Rarity,
As you have probably realized by now, I set off for the Crystal Empire about two days ago. I’m guessing either my friends or Mom and Dad told you about it. Anyways, no matter how you found out, I kind of need your help. I got myself into just a little bit of trouble. (A little. Really, I swear.)
Well, I guess first thing’s first. You’re probably wondering what on earth I’m doing in the Crystal Empire. I’ll say it plainly: it was to get your attention. You see, Rarity, even though you’re my big sister, we never really do anything together that often. Sometimes I model dresses for your filly lines, sometimes we go camping together and I carry all your stuff. But as fun and memorable as those events are, quality time like that rarely comes to us. It feels to me like everything I try to get your attention is either ignored or yelled at. Well, this is a letter, so you can’t yell at me through words on paper! But please don’t ignore me this time. I really need your help.
So yesterday, I found out that you can only become a crystal pony by surging like a bazillion manawatts through the Crystal Heart in the middle of town. That’s a lot of manawatts. The ponies here told me that it only happened when you came here because 1) the ponies here were having some resin resen resonance effect due to goodwill and beating out Sombra and some other junk I don’t remember, and 2) both Twilight Sparkle and Princess Cadance were there to power the thing. With Sombra gone, I can’t really do anything to make the crystal ponies that happy (and I tried, but they don’t like comedy acts that involve lots of structural damage like we do at home (you can expect that letter in a couple days)), and Twilight Sparkle isn’t here anymore. So I had to absorb the power of the Crystal Heart in some other way, and I decided on a pretty unconventional and highly experimental method.
I, uh, ate it.
It seemed like a good idea at the time.
So yeah, I’m now being held in the Crystal Empire jail for millions of bits in property damage and defacing a national treasure. (It was originally destroying, but they figured they’d be getting the thing back in a few days one way or another.) My hearing’s next Friday and I don’t think I can make bail. Also, the whole empire kind of hates me now. I don’t think I’ve ever seen ewes growl at somepony before.
If you could come up here with Twilight Sparkle and do something, like a royal pardon or something, that would be really, really, great. Or bring some antacid. I don’t think this Crystal Heart was cooked properly.
And it didn’t even make me a crystal pony. This sucks.
Your sister,
Sweetie Belle
P.S. Please don’t tell Mom and Dad.
P.P.S. If Spike asks, tell him the Crystal Heart didn’t taste all that great.
Dear Sweetie Belle,
First, I would like to say that running off by yourself to the Crystal Empire with such a half-baked plan has to be at least the third most irresponsible thing you’ve ever done. Next, I would like to know how you fit the entire Crystal Heart in your mouth. It was larger than yourself, if I recall correctly. From the way you described it, you seemed to have swallowed it whole. Spike applauds you for some reason I cannot begin to imagine.
Those said, I’ve spoken to Twilight Sparkle, and she and I both agree that this will be a good learning experience for you. Everypony needs to be thrown in jail for some major incident or other at some point in her life. I went to jail for a bit when I made all of those fur coats that breached several animal cruelty regulations, and Twilight Sparkle and Fluttershy went to jail after the parasprite incident that destroyed ninety percent of the town. In a way, it’s good that you’re experiencing this so early in your life. As they say, if you’re going to damage your life and worldview in a near-irreparable manner, best do it while you’re young.
You see, Sweetie Belle, getting your cutie mark may be the traditional rite of passage, but nopony grows up only once. No--we are all continuously growing, learning, bettering ourselves with the experiences and challenges we meet in life. Without such experiences, we are no better than trolls in a dark cave, hidden away from the world, hidden away from any sort of social interaction, left to muck about in our own waste. It’s not a pleasant thing, I tell you. Just ask Twilight--she’s older than Pinkie Pie, and Pinkie Pie actually has a job. It’s why she was still a “student” who needed to “learn about friendship.”
So now, it’s up to you to make the best of your new situation. You’re living on your own for the first time. This isn’t like camping, where there’s everything you need carried around with you, accessible at a moment’s notice--this is jail, and living in jail means taking on new responsibilities. You’ll have to learn how to network, finding out who wants you dead and which guards you can bribe; how to expand your palatal horizons, eating the prison gruel; and most importantly, learn what it’s like simply not to be with Mother and Father all the time. Moving out is nearly inevitable, and you might as well prepare for it now. Besides, you’ll probably stay in jail for a month at the most. Twilight got that much for destroying the town; you’ll be out in no time at all.
In any case, Twilight Sparkle failed to obtain your royal pardon, and based on precedence, we could probably sell both our parents’ home and Carousel Boutique and it still wouldn’t be enough to cover your bail. Remember to stay away from the violent ones (you’ll be able to tell from their cutie marks or tattoos), and don’t drop the soap.
With love,
Your sister, Rarity
P.S. Due to media coverage of your adventure, Mother and Father have found out about what happened. They have told me to inform you that when your sentence is up, you’re grounded.
