Necronomicooking

"It is finished m'lord."

"Oh really? Everything I asked for?"

"Yes m'lord, Necronomicooking is complete." The evil lord grinned at the young colt writer and the colt cowered back.

"Uh, m'lord, if you don't mind me asking"

"Yes?"

"Why would you need a book like this?"

"I don't need it. It is for you."

"B-but m'lord! I cannot use something wicked and evil like this!"

"Ah, that is where you are wrong. You will use it, as I instruct you to. You are my new disciple, and that requires some killing on your part."

The colt then bowed to his master "Yes m'lord." and he left, entering the other room where he was being held captive. The dark lord picked up the book placed in front of him. Necronomicooking. He touched it with the tip of his horn and cackled maniacally. The book was now invulnerable, and could withstand the test of time.

The colt in the other room was an innocent fellow, he just happened to pass a little to close to the dark one's lair. He was a light grey stallion with a silver and red mane. The stallion was perfect for the dark lord, and he already looked the part. The dark lord had tortured him, then finally, removed his cutie mark and replaced it with his own, two skulls in a pool of acid, a symbol of service to the dark lord. The poor guy never knew what he was getting himself into until it was too late. Now that he was bound to the dark lord, he was his eternal servant.

The dark lord himself was one of the few remaining alicorns. He was also one of the last in this land. Some of his family had flown west, including his sisters Celestia and Luna. Now he was one of the only left. Many of his family did not complete the journey west, and died at the hand of horrible creatures. As far as he knew, there were only the three of them. Celestia and Luna in the west, and then himself in the east. But who was he? The dark lord had been imprisoned in stone, for reasons he couldn't remember. He remembered his family, and he remembered his purpose, to torture ponykind. He couldn't remember his name, which bothered him. He always just thought of himself as "the dark lord" but surely he had a name.

The dark lord sighed, his lament was one that nopony could help with. He was just an evil, compassionless (and apparently nameless) beast. He decided his followers would think of a name for him. He called in his disciple. "Disciple! Come to me!" the door flew open in rapid response to his summons.

"Yes m'lord?"

"I realize I have not learned your name."

"Yes m'lord, my name is Moonlit Wonder."

"Now tell me something else: do you know my name?"

"Your name m'lord? I don't believe you've ever told me."

"I was afraid of that. Nothing in your legends or history books tells of a great and powerful alicorn? One of fearsome might? One whose coat and mane are colored with the blood of ponies? One whom could rule them all, but was turned to stone? And while we are on that topic, who turned me to stone?"

"I'm sorry m'lord, but I do believe you have been imprisoned for a long time, longer than our records show."

"Then name me. Name your benevolent ruler. Whom shall you praise when you spill the blood of thine enemies, my cleric?"

"I suppose if I were to name you... I think you would be called...Cruciamentum."

"Cruciamentum?The old pony word Cruciamentum- meaning to torture or torment?"

"The same."

"Perfect. But now I think you need a new name. Yours is too happy, I will name you, in thanks for you naming me."

"Thank you m'lord, what shall I be called?"

"Since I also am fond of old ponyish, I shall use it to name you as well. Let me think... how about... Morsus, the old pony word for pain."

"Thank you m'lord. Do you need anything else?"

"No, you may rest. I need to plan." He waved away Morsus and continued to sit upon his throne. He hadn't been outside in a while, since well, he had been turned to stone. He wondered how his mountainside castle looked now. Cruciamentum trotted over to the balcony near his throne. As far as he could tell, the castle had been in a deteriorating state from the inside, how did it look on the outside? From the balcony, Cruciamentum could see most of the castle, it was missing. The throne room had apparently been all that remained. The rest of the castle lay below. He would have to enslave more ponies than he expected. One of the first things he now planned to do when he conquered the west was fix his castle.

Speaking of things he planned to do, Cruciamentum re-entered the throne room and opened the book. The pages were filled with recipes designed to torture a pony's mind or body, whether it be the cook or the victim. Cruciamentum eyed his favorite recipe, the Glass Patina. Yes it was the perfect weapon for torture, by cooking a regular patina, filled with glass shards. It was funny how a patina was made, because no matter what you put in it, it always looked the same. Cruciamentum closed the book and entered another room, his bedroom.

The sun had fallen, and Cruciamentum had planned to wait all night until his precious book was complete, but his disciple surprised him and finished early. Now that it was complete, Cruciamentum needed sleep. He lay down on his bed, the foal's down it had been filled with had not deteriorated in the slightest, and he was comfortable. He looked around the room. The carpets were still red, as in the other rooms of his castle, and the stone walls still sported the magically lit sconces of old. He smiled as he thought of how little his world had changed, but then frowned as he thought about how much everything else had.

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Morsus had arisen early as expected and had fetched breakfast for his master. Cruciamentum usually treated his disciples kindly, but when called for, they were treated harsher than anypony else. This manely happened when they failed, but also whenever they argued with one another, or they sympathized with his slaves, or they claimed to be his favorite. Cruciamentum gestured for Morsus to have a seat at the dining table in the throne room. Morsus obliged and asked Cruciamentum "What have you planned m'lord?"

"First I will have some questions of you, my cleric. What is the current state of the pony population?"

"Why the ponies are completely segregated m'lord. earth ponies toil in the fields, and the pegasi take whatever food they need in exchange for the weather, then the unicorns, they take whatever food they need, in exchange for bringing forth day and night."

"So there is no trust between the tribes then, is there?"

"Exactly, they all hate each other."

"And who are their leaders?"

"Well for the earth ponies, there is Chancellor Puddinghead, for the pegasi, there is Commander Hurricane, and for the unicorns, there is Princess Platinum."

"So I need to think of a way to start a war, and what better way than to assassinate their leaders?"

"There is a problem with that thought m'lord."

"What is it?"

"Very recent news, m'lord, they made up."

"What do you mean 'made up'?"

"They settled their differences, they even grouped together and founded a colony in the western lands."

"And this is recent, correct?"

"Within the past four days m'lord."

"Then there is still a chance to re-instill resentment in them."

"How would we do it m'lord?"

"Easy, as I said before we assassinate their leaders."

"With what m'lord?"

"A delicious treat."

"I beg your pardon m'lord, but did you say 'a treat'?"

"I did. The Glass Patina. It is perfect. First, we will serve it to the unicorn princess along with a note reading 'courtesy of the pegasi', next, we will serve it to the earth pony chancellor with a note reading 'courtesy of the unicorns', and finally, we will serve one to the leader of the pegasi with a note reading 'courtesy of the earth ponies', they will all declare war on one another, accusing each other of killing their leaders."

"That is a brilliant plan m'lord."

"Well then get to work, all three of the dishes must be delivered on the same day, so the other two remaining leaders do not get suspicious when another leader dies."

"Yes m'lord"

And with that Morsus had left the company of his lord, and set off to cook the dread dish. He grabbed the cookbook and exited the room, entering his own. The lord had been kind enough to allow him the large library that was here. Morsus placed the book on a stand and began searching for ingredients. Oddly enough, the pantry was in the library. The patina required mainly grains and such, so not many of the ingredients required had perished. The only remaining ingredient needed was glass. Morsus approached a window in the library and bucked through the glass. Being a unicorn, he did not need to worry about how he was going to gather the glass, so he picked up the shards with his magic and placed them in the bowl. All the other ingredients were mixed in with the glass and soon the mixture was complete. Morsus began to focus his magic on the glass mixture, he lifted it out of the bowl and shaped it into three square patinas. He focused harder on the patinas and began a heating spell, cooking them to perfection. He reached out for his saddlebags, grabbing them and stuffing in the three patinas. Morsus placed the saddlebags on his haunches and re-entered the throne room.

"I am ready m'lord, I will leave and deliver the patinas."

"Very good then, be on your way."

"Yes m'lord"

Morsus focused his magic on himself, and then on the location of the unicorn kingdom, he prepared a teleport spell and was gone.

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Morsus arrived in the unicorn kingdom, he looked to a nearby waste bin and emptied the patinas into it. He was not planning to help this monster, no, not the monster who wanted war throughout the land. Instead, he decided he needed to see a weapon smith. Morsus entered the town outside of the castle and headed in the direction of smoke and the sound of hammers on metal.

Morsus trotted through the town, occasionally checking to see that his new cutie mark was still covered by his saddlebags. Surely if anypony were to see such a mark, he would be skinned alive. Morsus arrived at the blacksmith's in a short time. He approached the blacksmith. "I need the best sword you can make."

"That'll cost ya"

"How much?"

"About 300 bits"

"Here, have it done by this afternoon"

"You got it"

Morsus trotted away from the blacksmith, trying to think of ways to waste a whole day.

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Morsus approached the blacksmith later in the day, the sword was complete. The blacksmith handed it to him without a word. Morsus strapped the sword to his back, then prepared an invisibility spell for it. He took a moment to concentrate on the sword, wrapping it with his magic, forming the proper components for the spell and finally concealing it. He was ready now, to end that monster. Morsus began another teleportation spell, his magic almost exhausted now, but he managed to form the spell and cast it.

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Morsus had returned to the lair of Cruciamentum. He slowly approached his master on his throne. "Is it done Morsus?"

"Yes m'lord." he said, drawing to a few hooves away.

"Is something troubling you?"

"You could say that m'lord." Morsus was now within reaching distance. Morsus turned his head and grabbed the sword from its sheath, revealing it to his master. "What are you-"

Morsus struck true almost severing his master's head, blood spattering everywhere. Morsus dropped the sword on the floor, he grinned to himself. Morsus, you've saved Equestria he thought. He began to walk to his room to rest and restore his magic when his body started to convulse. Morsus failed to even reach the door before dropping to the floor. His eyes began to water from excruciating pain. What's happening? Morsus thought, he didn't realize he would get a response. You tried to kill me Morsus. You tried to play hero. Now you will suffer the consequences. Morsus continued to convulse, soon he began to cough up blood, up into the point of vomiting it all over the floor. Morsus soon passed out, unconscious. Then he was dead.

Morsus's body was soon possessed by Cruciamentum. He took the body and felt around inside of it, becoming accustomed to Morsus. Soon he was in full control. Cruciamentum took the book and teleported it to a random place, where anypony could find it and use it. Cruciamentum knew this body would not last long, since he was really dead. There was no preventing death, just prolonging it. Cruciamentum hobbled to his room and lay down upon his bed. He welcomed the relief it brought. The book, he knew, would live on, causing torment in his honor. Cruciamentum closed his eyes, and let death come to him.

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Many years and hundreds of uses of the book later

A mare took hold of the book, giving it to some stranger, getting onto a covered wagon bound for Ponyville. She begged to the stranger "Please, please hide this book. Nopony should ever read this." The little old mare just smiled and nodded. The other mare felt comforted by this, almost like it would never be used again.

She was dead wrong

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Ponycodes:

Morsus
2S2S1N4200A0A0A000000000000BA0000UN193300400000071C6C6C6FE000005107F3FCC004CB2

Cruciamentum
5K2B0J4290540000FFC49D00011FE0000UN1A34200000002F19E00002D000003107F3FCC004CB2

Sidenote:
Old ponyish is just Latin, I didn't make up something random that kind of sounded cool. It took me like thirty minutes to find a good name. Latin was perfect for this.