“Who am I? I’m the Courier,” I flatly stated with emphasis.

All they give are blank stares.

“I- Well, I guess it is silly to introduce myself like that… Look, it’s just what people started calling me, okay? I used to be a package carrier, so, um…” I try to explain, blushing increasingly.

“Well… never mind all that. All right. My name’s Martin. First name Stanley.”

The princess speaks.

“Well… Mr. Martin, I’ve never heard of anything like your species. I may sound rude, but… what are you?”

“I’m a human. Homo sapiens, scientifically. Bipedal, sparse hair, no tail. And we got hands at the ends of our arms- forelegs? And on our legs we have these odd… you know what apes are, right?”

“Of course.”

“Yeah. Apes, pretty much. Probably a derogatory word to use, but still. Ape-descendants, anyway.”

“Yes! I’m sure I could learn more about you.”

“Wait. I… well, I need your answers to the same questions you’re asking about me. Because I’m completely unfamiliar with this land, I need to learn too.”

It was Spike who spoke then.

“Wait! Homo… sapyy-”

“s-a-p-i-e-n-s. I doubt scientific names matter anyway. Anyhow, you’re a princess, right? ...Your majesty?” I say, slightly uneasy.

“Yes I am. But please, call me Twilight.”

“In this little tree-library? I’m guessing it’s your palace?”

“It is. I know it’s not a sprawling castle, but it’s my home. We lived here for a long time, even before I became a princess.”

“You weren’t one before?”

“My mentor, Princess Celestia. She was the one who deemed worthy and ascended me to an alicorn. That’s how I got these,” she tells me, unfurling her wings.

“Pah. Every little girl’s dream… Wait, I didn’t see any ponies that had both wings and a horn. Are you some kind of ruling race?” The thought occurs to me.

“Well, I suppose… Almost all of the royal family are of the three main subgroups. I… guess we’re… senior?”

“Okay. So straightforwardly, I’m in Equestria, inhabited by you ponies?”

“Yes, but there are other species and nations around the planet.”

“Okay, that’s settled- wait. Humans… are omnivores. We eat meat, even if we don’t require it. Will that be problem?”

She was going to respond, but then I interrupted.

“Oh, and I’m wearing a lot of leather things…”

I grow increasingly uncomfortable, and so do the other two.

“It… won’t be a problem. Most ponies… know better than to judge, especially those with carnivorous pets.”

“Um. That’s settled. So you have three subspecies? What are the differences? I mean other than flight...”

“Pegasi, those are the winged ponies, they can stand on clouds as if they were solid. Earth ponies have a special connection with the environment that makes them natural farmers, miners, and other jobs. And unicorns like I used to be have access to controllable, functional magic.”

I stare blankly.

“Magic. Okay,” I deadpan.

“...Was it something I said?” says Twilight.

“I… magical powers? What? I… can you demonstrate?”

She closes her eyes, and a sparkly (heh) purple glow emanates from her horn with a chiming noise. Suddenly, my right hand is bathed in a similar aura and some impulse drags it upwards.

“Telekinesis. All right. You, uh, ‘cause most humans don’t believe magic exists.”

Now that shocks her.

“Disbelieving in magic…?”

“Well, uh, no one has magical powers, and magical things only happen in fiction and myth… Huh, lots of
surprises for both of us. Geez, is that how pegasi fly with wings too small to reasonably support them, biologically speaking?”

“Yes. I… Gee, I have another thing to ask about. Who are your companions?”

My two friends were mostly just sitting about and enduring what odd looks they were getting. I point to the (cyber)
dog.

“That’s Rex. He’s, uh, my dog.”

“But, what happened to him? Why is his body… his brain all…”

Mind you, three of his legs and much of his body were mechanical, and instead of a braincase, he had a glass
dome showing his brain within.

“Well, he’s mechanically augmented. Machine parts help him a lot. Smarter, stronger, longer lived…”

She looks quite uncomfortable. But hey, so am I.

“Yeah, I know. Kind of… barbaric. But he’s still a loving companion. And I wasn’t responsible. C’mere!”

Old boy comes to my lap and rests. I stroke his back.

“And that’s ED-E.” Pronounced “Eddie,” though it was just me who decided to call him that. “He… It… How do I explain…”

“Well, ED-E’s a robot. Do you happen to get that?”

"Yes, we do have concepts of robots. But for the most part, robots haven't really ever been constructed except as prototypes."

"Ah. We humans... built a lot. This little guy's sentient, even."

“You’ve created sentience? Artificially?”

“Indeed. Don’t ask me how, it just seems that quite a few machines just... gain awareness on their own somehow. So yeah, I’ve got my two most loyal friends with me, and I’m pleased to be in your land.”

And the next question.

“What are those things in your hands? You have something attached to you, and that implement you’re carrying. I believe it’s a firearm?”

“Yes, it, um, is. I need to be prepared travelling through the wilderness. I… probably shouldn’t keep it around, in the royal dwelling, I mean. Actually I think your guards have confiscated everything. I’ll just lay them down. Because I trust you.
Not to harm me.”

I slowly lay my shotgun on the floor.

A pause.

I start moving again, unloading an entire armory of seventeen different guns, energy blasters, anti-tank weapons, blades, clubs, and a mountain of explosives.

“Do you really need that much protection, as well as that armor?” says Twilight.

“Better safe than sorry when travelling. I go to a lot of dangerous places, you see.”

“I see. Now, what is the device mounted onto you there?”

“Ah! My third best friend! Or second? Or first? I dunno. Anyway, it’s a Pip-Boy 3000. Finest portable computer you’ll find anywhere. Not intelligent, like, uh, him.”

“A computer? It’s very small… What is it for?”

“Ah. Tons of things. It can assess my physical condition and state, give me basic medical help, monitor my surroundings. store text and speech, map and locate me, and most importantly, play music. But for the most part, I just use it to organize myself. My goals, my situation, my schedule. We’re inseparable. Mostly. Cause it’s bound to my skin permanently. Need a technician to get it off.”

Spike speaks up, which actually surprises me, given that he was mostly silent.

“Can it play games?"

“What do you mean, uh, games? On a machine? Don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“You don’t know what a video game is? An interactive entertainment on a computer?”

“Don’t really know of anything like that. Well, we have interactive simulators, but they’re for serious wor-”

I am interrupted when the door slams open. Six ponies enter, followed by the two guards. But all I can say is-

“Hey, Pinkie!”

Author's Note

Not only am I a dreadful writer, but Google Docs gives me all this crap. Damn.