My Self insert ( you asked for it)

(If you do not like HIE....I dont care. This is not a serious story. If you want a serious story read my Mordane Stronghoof HIE)

The first thing you should know about me is that I have lived a very strange life. The second thing is this....

I DID NOT BUCKEN WANT TO WRITE THIS!!!!!!!!!

It was requested of me and I tend to give my readers what they want.

That is why I have carefully considered things before making this and have used many data point and past experiences to determine how I would act.

That being said I refer to my first statement.

I have come in a hairs breath of dying about thirty times. Yes thirty times. Drowning, being shot, hit by car, avoiding falling knives, falling off buildings, suffocating in my sleep, getting lost, attacked by animals and sickness.

Oddly I have never broken a bone. Probably because I started paying attention. It's not like I am clumsy no crap just happens to me. I am convinced someone from the future who I will piss off has a time machine.

Anyway here is my stats:

height: 1.8 meters

weight: 180 kg( yes I'm fat about 50kg overweight for my bone structure)

IQ: 163 (according to a test I took as a kid and did not try on)

beliefs: Christian (Baptist)

Knowledge: Collage student: Physics Student: Up to calculus three and I'm about to go to modern, I know how to survive in the wild, I had an obsession and learned how to build many basic techs from the ground up, Random internet knowledge, Tactics( I know a lot about this), sociology, psychology and economics. Though I do not have a major done yet. I read a lot. Do not claim mastery in any of this.

Talents: writing, singing, playing baritone, mind over matter and jury rigging. Do not claim mastery in any of this except the mind over matter.

genetics: Well I'm half native American and then a bunch of European countries. Irish, polish, English, French and so on.

Physical capacity: hold breath: one minute while swimming. I have not lifted weights but using mind over matter I was once able to pick up a metal refrigerator and people usually call me to move heavy things...sooooo take what you will from that.

Political views: .....way to complex to write down here

Philosophy: .....see previous statement.

Emotional stability: ....low.

faults: vindictive, stubborn, low stamina ( though not when enraged or focusing), easily depressed, self demanding in social and moral issues, no natural inclination for mercy. family suffers from blood rage when injured and angered.

So Here I go don't expect some heroic story. I rarely move with brash actions. Also there will come points in the story where I will randomly be like. What do you want to happen to me next or what random element do you want me to introduce. This is for you the reader so If a comment saying they want something to happen to me it upvoted above ten then I will do it. NOTE: that is things that happen TO me not what I decided to do. Also I may say no if it's to...wrong.

Also // means mental commands using mind over matter or mental programmed responses.

Last thing I will not be getting an editor for this. I will write it to the best of my ability and use probability and dice to determine things I cannot logically or are to complex.

Here is my promise to you who bother to read.

I will be blunt and honest as to what reactions I would have even if they put me in a bad light. I will not twist any probability rolls to my favor. I will accept any element introduced into the story by upvoted comments over ten as long as they do not break cannon.

Welp sigh...here it goes.

Oh yes this will not be edited. Live with it.

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/sub systems functioning within normal parameters...wake up/

/error: trauma detected/

/assess/

/sprained ankle. bruising over left side of body. possible concussion......system recommends suppressing memories and falling into unconscious/

/override/

My eyes open and I inhale steadily as my head throbs. Careful focusing assessing head pressure confirms skull is unfractured.

I focus and will the pain away and pay careful attention to my thought patterns and determine they are operating normally.

I remove concussion from the list of injuries.

It is then I stand and take assessment of my situation.

Many things happen at one.

I taste the strange air touched by smells my mind cannot place. Everything screams at me. The sunlight is off. The colors are too bright.

Different atmospheric composition. No industrial products. I smell no coal nor do I taste plastic on the air.....Very Rural? No checking baselines.....

I pick of a stone near my feet and drop it. Mentally measuring how long it takes to fall....

...Gravity is less. Air indicate the absence of advance civilization....This must be a new world.

A thrilling sensation fills me and I begin to crack a smile.

/Activate extreme survival mode./

The smile is tempered and removed as my brain kicks into high recording for latter review. My muscles tighten as the heartbeat in my chest grows stronger. My brain begins pushing aside unrevent knowledge and brings forward survival skills and the warrior outlook. The scientist goes to sleep or at least moves the the back burner.  First contact parameters are prepped....just in case.

/ Remove 30% of muscular restriction bellow temp cap/

During this I simultaneously began to look at the world around me. The trees, grass, plants they all seem...off. Its subtle but there noticeable to those who would look.

I quickly check that I have gained no injury and assess my condition and assets. It is then that I make a starting discovery.

....I appear to be naked.

Inwardly I groan. This world may have no sentient life and if...

My brain neurons fire. A recent addition to my mental landscape squees.  He has recognized the area around me.....the conclusion is highly improbable however.

These range of colors and those plants....I've seen them before. They were two dimensional but the markers are unmistakable.

"Equestria?"

The show I had watched for three months and had become quiet obsessed with....This world matched its aesthetic.

" Could I be in the land of ponies?' I grin at my own justaposition.

Sadness wells up as well but a short burst of will suppress that emotion. The expected emotions of being cut off socially hit me like bricks...luckily I've gone through as much.

.....I may be on another world but that is no reason to grow sad. My purpose may yet continue. If this world is barren however I can continue long enough to follow the final prerogative. Then....well then I will have no reason to go on will I?

The thought of death does not scare me. I have faced it many times. What scares me is being useless. What scares me is being forgotten.

A part of me reminds that this may be the land of ponies. Which if so would make this intresting but...I would of never chosen to leave my world. I had work to do.

"True I won't believe I'm there until I see a pony with my own eyes. Even then I would have to touch it."

Overhead something catches my eye. The obvious outline of a dragon flying through the air.......

"well.....that is interesting."

/Equestria probability at .8%/

stop making random statistics.

But it's fun.

don't care.

I talk to myeself sometimes.....what everyone is doing it.

Ok so my first goal will be to observe the natives....scratch that. The first goal is to find food....scratch that first goal is to make a weapon and clothing.....animal skin will probably be best.

But what about probable taboo?

Survival first.

I look around by at the lay of the land. It is hilly forested area with a mountain in the background.

River being in the area is likely.

Listening I pause..... all I can hear is animal sound but they are thicker in one direction.

It's probably there.

So I set out already devising contact scenarios. There is so much that goes into it. Are they intelligent enough to relate to me or vise versa? Will they care to?  How advance will they be? Can I fit in there society?

The idea that this was Equestria was still in my mind....I had already considered that senerio. Observation would be the name of the game. Observe then adapt.

Whatever planet I'm on....it is unlikely I will ever return to Earth.

I thought of home, my parents, my brother and sister. My schooling unfinished. The stories unwritten.

Such is the way of life I shrug. My family would miss me...and move on. They were great folks. It strikes me as odd that I don't even fill the onset of sadness. Well that is probably a delayed reaction. I'll deal with those emotions later when it's convenient.

As I move there the forest I pick up many items.

The first being four ripped off limb of saplings. The second is a hard stone. Finally I did run across some berries that looked like blackberries... though I could not take them as I did not know if they would be editable.

The river was pretty easy to find after a short distance I could hear it.

Going up to it I stepped in and let my feet soak. It has been years since I last walked barefooted through the forest. So of course they hurt and have a few cuts.

That is not the main thing now however.

I start shifting through the stone of the riverbed. Hoping to find some kind of hard stone in the river. If I was lucky I would find some of the really hard glass like rocks under it near  the surface. They weren't stone but I don't know the scientific name. Whatever If you throw it hard against the ground it breaks and forms a sharp edge if you're lucky.

and I do have to time.

As I sat there shifting through stones I meditated and allowed short bursts of emotions to come through.

Best to deal with it in small doses.

First came the loss of my brother... He meant much to me. Then the taste of co co puffs. They are delicious.

Soon my finger touched something hard.

Jackpot!

I pull it up...

and am faced with a giant diamond.

........

........

Well It comes down to a point....I guess this is my spear head.

I toss it to the river edge and continue working.

Soon I found five of the hard glass like stones.

Throwing them against the rock proved successful on two of the throws. One was a wide shard. The other narrow and long.

The narrow one can be a knife. I'll use the long one for something else...Oh yah an axe head

Making tools from scratch isn't easy....well ok yes it is but most don't know how to do it.

First you take a mildly thick sapling branch. Then you spit it with and edge about a third meter. Then you place the tool head in the space. Using the cut ends you loop them around both the handle and the tool bit before tying them off on each other.

After finishing my hammer made with a hard oval stone I found I went on to make a axe using the other piece of hard creek stone.

Using the third sapling I made string and finished of securing my other tools. Then I took the long narrow glass stone and rubbed it in one spot against a random hard stone in two places so that I could use string and a short piece of wood to tie it off. The last thing I made was the spear.

The sun was about three fourths of its way through the sky when I began on the knife and now I estimated about two hours of light left.

Wandering a bit I eventually came across a tree with thick enough limbs that I could climb. So up I went. There I twisted several limbs and made a pallet before going to sleep.

My last thought was how lucky I was to find a tree with limbs thick enough.

That and the pain all over my body from physical activity.

Why God why?.....Oh .....well fine then I'll just go to sleep.

With that I do.