Friendship is NOT Sexy

by VFusion

Rating: mature
Tags: Comedy, Random, Derpy Hooves, Sex, Human, Main 6, Lyra, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Alternate Universe, Other, Original Character
Length: 48518

A clopfic with a protaganist that DOESN'T want to get jiggy with ponies! OH THE HORROR.

A clopfic with a protaganist that DOESN'T want to get jiggy with ponies! OH THE HORROR. Rated M for sexual themes, if you don't clop i can only insist to tell you not to open this story and read it. Flame if you want, vent that anger!
Co-written with a friend.

Published 2013-04-14 19:10:02 UTC
Last updated 2013-09-27 05:03:15 UTC

Chapter 1

My name is Isaac, and I live in a place called West Virginia, a place with a million people and 20 last names. There’s more rusty shit and mountains than people or houses. But not where I live. I live in one of those developed neighborhoods in West Virginia, it’s a nice place and the people aren’t too pretentious. But that doesn’t mean I have any friends. Nor does it help the fact that I like ponies. I mean I really like ponies, some would call it sentimental love others a freakish obsession. I for one called it “the family I wanted but I got fucked over with these peoples”. And apparently like many bronies, I haven’t a friend to call my own. Not on the web or in the mortal plain I call home. But I take comfort in my ponies, knowing their inability to judge serves wonders for my self esteem. Do I fantasize of ponies? Why yes I do, but hold the laughter for a second. I do not clop in any sense of the word. While I will glance at the occasional R34 for a quick chuckle, I refuse to clop. I don’t mind cloppers- really I don’t. But there is no way in hell you’ll ever catch me doing something like that ever. Why? Because of one simple fact, they’re too damn cute. When I think of Fluttershy, I think of the perfect pick me up and even better friend, but not a fuck buddy.

However, if you and I disagree, I can’t say you’re in the wrong. If others wish to do it then it is their own business and I hope it makes them truly happy. But sometimes I really must learn to just conform and not be so different.
It was a lonely, grey day in West Virginia. Same as most in the dead of winter, cold, rainy and very icey. The bus dropped me off at my stop, alone… again. My house was up on the mountain, the bad part being it was a bit of a hike to get up to it. And with my large load of homework it was going to be quite the enjoyable experience I could tell.

“Thanks god, love how you put everything in just the right way to make it impossible.”

“You callin me out bro?” I heard the voice, deep and echoing off of some unknown wall in the distance. I stopped in my tracks and went deer eyed.

“Uh… depends. Am I finally losing my mind… or am I talking to god?”

“Depends, how fucked do you wanna get?”

“Wow, you’re not a very nice god are you?”

“Read the Bible, I don’t care much for sinners.”

“Sinners? Then what are you doing with me? If anyone go bother my uncle Joe-bob in Boon County, he’s been huffing glue since 93.”

“Well, I’ve been very bored lately. I hate being bored.”

“Gee god… need someone to talk to or something? I’d be happy to help.”

“Actually yes, I’m going to make your day pretty wacky from now on.”

“What?! WHY?!”

“Cuz ah caaaaaaaaan!”

And with that the infernal silence of everyday return, my long walk still before me. I shivered in fear, something really messed up was gonna happen. I didn’t know when, but it was definitely gonna be beyond reason given the circumstances. I make the trek, the same dull trees and brown foliage being apparent and unchanged. I looked about carefully on my journey, trying to notice anything that could jump out and wreak havoc on me. Luckily I reached my front door, unlocking it without a problem. The house seemed innocuous enough, every item of notice placed in its correct place.

“Nothing stupidly dangerous over here… and nothing stupidly dangerous over there.”

I deemed the situation nothing but a simple mental collapse on my part, and trust me I’ve been waiting for that. So I simply fell into a comfortable chair in front of my computer, and opened the lid to start my ever retarded pursuit of ponies. However, the supposed “Fucking with me” mentioned by god came about in a very… creative way. Twilight Sparkle spreading herself to me, the image frozen on my screen first made me want to laugh, then vomit, then scream. I didn’t have a break down, this was real.

“Okay god…. Very funny. But can I have my computer back? I need to-“

“Search up more ponies?”

“How is that your business?”

“Are you sassing me?”

“Perhaps… maybe if you relinquish my computer.”

“About we try something else?”

“Will it involve me and my fixed computer?”

“Yes, but you must pass my challenge!”

“Oh no…”

“Go to your room, the challenge will begin when you arrive!” I really wanted to resist with every fiber of my being excepting this challenge, thinking it would definitely spell my doom.

“GO! Or else I will… turn you into a transsexual!”

“OH SHI- wait, pre-op or post-op?”

“SOMEWHERE IN BETWEEN!”

“OH SHIT!” Not a question, I was running to my room faster than all hell. Up the stairs, first door on the right revealed my normal, everyday room. Knee deep in clothes I need to pick up and pony merchandise. Nothing seemed different, dangerous or R34 themed… probably the worst scenario possible.

“I’m not seeing anything… are you still going to turn me into a-“ In an instant my world turned to black, something striking me smartly in the back of the head. It remained black for all of 5 seconds before I began to regain feeling in my body.

“Uuugh… UUUUUUGH…” Every joint feel like dry plaster in my limbs, shattering at the slightest movement. My head’s condition resembled that of an overused kickball’s, the trees above me wouldn’t cease their disorienting spinning.

“There, now I’m going back up to the plain of Oblivion.”

“Oblivion is over rated!”

“BLASPHEMY!!!” A tree magically whipped me across the stomach in response.

“AAAAH! It’s just… an… opinion…” I struggled for all of an hour before I finally clambered to my feet, unsteady and wounded.

“A forest? Why hack my computer with R34 then throw me in a forest?” Bewildered and injured, I trudged through the forest blindly. The entire thing resembled the forests in West Virginia as well as a monkey could Megan Fox… wait, bad analogy. You get the idea. It seemed to carry on forever, no clearing or hint of differing light other than the evening sun.

“This is incredible, just my luck a deity I don’t even believe in comes to me-ME of all people on the fucking planet more gullible, and then throws me in the middle of a damn forest with no hope of finding my way out before dark… just my luck I swear.” The forest dragged on for hours, nightfall now moving in to obscure the landscape.

“Fuck… I bet If I climb to the top of that tree I could see if I can find any civilization.” I approached a tree covered in every direction with long, thick branches, low to the ground for easy access. I easily pulled myself up to the half way point of the tree, looking out into a dense, dark green. I spin in the tree to view in the other direction, viewing a clearing of some sort, buildings dotting the pasture.

“There’s my shot, just get in, get a phone and leave.” What normally proved to be an easy task, climbing the tree seemed to become an absolute chore on the down motion. The branches seeming to dodge my feet and smacking my face as I turned my back on them. The tree was indeed tall, and at the 10 feet mark a particularly vicious branch swatting my torso out of its abode, onto the rough, dark ground. The visceral sound of my own leg bones snapping became prevalent, the darkness of the forest floor at night eating me up into eternal obscurity.

“AAAAH! Fuckin hell!” For a while, I could do nothing but roll about the ground in bitter agony, seeing my right shin bent at a horrific horizontal angle.

“HEEEEELP!!! HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELP!!!” But my cries seemed to meet not but the black wall of night that swallowed up the forest, reverberating around the place. Slowly but surely, I could feel my head become light, my pulse slowing in accordance. Rustling broke the disturbing night air, a weak voice illuminating my heart in its sweetness.

“Hello? Is anypony out here? Hello?” The voice was soft and subtle, an equally minute light ripping the blackness apart.

“YES! OVER HERE!” The strength to cry out was taken from within me, nothing but absolute, crippling pain left to drift away as well, leaving me with a powerful sleepy feeling. Soon enough, the blackness had done its job, and swallowed me whole in its embrace.

“Hello? …H-hello? Are you awake?” As if I the scenario was changed by a wayward blink, I found myself in the confines of a warm, hospitable environment. The soft voice of earlier speaking words like silk and gospel, commanding my attention. My eyes pried themselves open, the light about me not hurting my eyes in the least, but easing me into the subtle soft morning light that streamed through the tiny window of the room. The setting reminded me, oddly enough, of Fluttershy’s home in the show My little pony. The house being warm, cozy and… oh dear god no.

“It’s eyes are open… but it’s not responding.” Slowly I peer to my left, viewing the one thing I know that could possibly do this, Fluttershy. So, like any logical and sane person, I did the first thing that came to mind to ease the situation.

“AAAAAAAAAAH!!!” Maybe not. She jumped into the air, beating her yellow wings to stay afloat. Quickly I searched about the room, confirming it to be Fluttershy’s home. She cowered in the upper corner of the room, eyes wide and breathing heavily.

“What is this?!”

“What?! Is something wrong?!” She flapped closer, holding her hooves to her mouth. I simply stare at her, because to be quaint. I’m sitting in a bed being taken care of by a brightly colored winged pony. None the less, Fluttershy.

“Tell me what’s wrong, I can try to see if I can help you.” Her voice was soft and calm, contradicting my loud, rough voice. Her eyes mixed with her voice, creating some sort of warming feeling in my chest. Her look was as if she was already using the stare, causing me to shrink back into my new found bed.

“Is… is your name… Fluttershy?”

“H-how did you know?” She came back to the ground, moving back away from me.

“Okay, don’t be a brony in every other EIH fic ever written, play dumb.”

“Uuuuuuh… you remind me a lot of a… “Fluttershy”.”

“There’s another pony named Fluttershy?”

“… Yes”

“You’re obviously not a pony… where did you come from? You obviously know some ponies outside of here.”

“Um… er… I’m… a human.” A horrifically confused cracked her face, obviously never being aware of such a term.

“I’ve never heard of humans… are you from around here?” I wondered what to tell her, I didn’t want to pull the same stupid shit they do in the clopfics.

“I’m from… Trottinghaaaaaam…”

“Trottingham? I haven’t read anything in the past while about humans in Trottingham.”

“I wouldn’t think, I’m not that young.” Her ears perked up to the notion of learning about me in something.

“Really? How old are you? What’s your name? Where’d you learn to talk? Do you have other human friends?” She inched closer and closer with every word, her nose almost booping mine.

“Uh… let me run a question marathon here, 17, Isaac, I learned to talk through the magic of magic and no. I have no friends… unless you can I, me and myself.”

“No friends? How can you have no friends? Don’t you get lonely?” She rubbed her hooves together nervously, flapping ominously close to me. I backed up in the bed away from her, not wanting to solicit something terrible.

“It’s… lonely yes but… you get used to it guess.”

“Oh how awful! I can’t imagine not having anypony to care about me.” She touched a hoof to my chest, rubbing my chest gently for comfort. I could only stare and blush at her strangely soft touch, recoiling only in the slightest.

“I appreciate it really, but it’s not a problem. I’ve gotten used to the fact.” She only seemed to get some what closer, her eyes sympathetic and warm with emotion.

“Well, I could be your friend…” Her cheeks exploded with red, showing her true Fluttershy-ness. She smiled a with her tiny snoot, the sincerity hard not to fall in love with.

“Th-thanks… that mean a lot to me Fluttershy. You’d be so kind to take me into your home not knowing anything about me and treat me as your guest. I’ve never come across anybo-pony like you.”

“I was the element of kindness for a reason.” She landed on the ground with a soft clop of her hooves, she patted my chest softly through the warm, soft covers.

“Can I get you anything? Some soup, pillows? Maybe a little friend to cuddle up to.”

“Resist it, resist asking her.”

“Some soup sounds just dandy Fluttershy… but before you go, how long am I gonna be in the bed?”

“Won’t be too long I promise, your leg isn’t broken as bad as it looks. Maybe 2 days, 3 tops.”

“Sounds reasonable. Thank you Fluttershy.”

“I’ll make sure your soup isn’t too hot, don’t wanna burn your mouth now.” She walked off, rather slowly. Her hips seemed to actually swing as she walked away, her eyes met mine for a second with a blush burning her face.

“No… no, no, no, no, no, no, no NOOOOOOOOOO! Why can’t I ever have nice things?!” I squirmed in the bed, trying to make a hasty escape and run for the hills before I do something I regret. I veered to the side, feeling a stabbing pain in my leg before I can even move it. Ripping off the warm covers, I exposed my own injury. My leg wasn’t bent at the visceral angle it was before, but the cast was thin and stained red and grey. There was no way in hell I was gonna get out the door without her seeing me, and I was feeling kinda tired from my arrival.

“Just bite the bullet, and avoid that plot like the plague.” I shift around in the bed, pulling the covers back up to my neck uncomfortably.

“Wait a minute… these sheets… this frame… the window placeme- oh dear Lord help me.” The surroundings confirmed it, but my mind wanted to deny it. She had placed me in her bed. No shirt, no jacket, no pants not even the decency to put my socks on. If she placed me in her bed, where did she sleep? Or worse, where is she GOING sleep? Thoughts raced through my mind of the most concerning situations, a clopfic unfolding with me as the lead… I can’t have this happen. I made a promise to myself right then and there to resist her advances, to the death.

“Here comes the soup!” She flaps in, carrying a bowl of steamy red soup.

“I hope you like tomato Bisk, I made it just for you!” She lands at my side, placing the bowl on my stomach. I reached to grab the bowel, but she keeps it between her forehooves and grasps the spoon in her teeth. She looks up, a spoonful of soup presented to me.

“Ohen why!” She says, bearing her teeth with the spoon approaching my face.

“Uuuuuh… my leg is broken, not my back.” She pressures on, her eyes half open with a sultry smile on her face. The spoon poked through my lips, leading the delicious soup into my mouth. Something must’ve turned red on my face, her eye lids only drooping more and smile getting bigger.

“You rike?”

“Mmmh hmm.” I hum through the silverware, as she takes it from my mouth. She drops it in the bowel, licking her lips.

“Glad to see somepony enjoys my cooking.”

“Please… stop… doing what you’re doing.”

“What do you mean?” She retracted into her normal nervousness, blushing heavily.

“Um… I seriously don’t do ponies. I appreciate it but-“

“But what? Am I putting you off?” She struggled to get closer to my face, almost knocking over the soup.

“No, no, no! It’s just that… I don’t like ponies like… that.”

“Well how can you be sure? Have you ever… done it with a pony before?”

“What? NO! That’s not entirely what I meant!”

“Then you can’t know! You haven’t even tried it!”

“Just trust me Fluttershy… I really don’t wanna be in this position!” She backed down, taking the soup in her hooves again.

“You still want the soup?” It was barely over a whisper, a shy, sad, defeated whisper. That kind of response that drives a person insane with grief. I love Fluttershy, honestly. She was always the pony I felt the most for. She wasn’t my favorite (Sweetie Belle takes that accolade… oh god shouldn’t have mentioned that)but she was the pony I felt the most feelings for. I never spoke a word at school, and shook like a leaf in any social confrontation that chose to beat me upside the head. You know, like every other Fluttershy fan out there that ever lived or ever will. Original.

“Yeah… it was real good soup.” She takes the spoon in her teeth again, bringing another scoop to my lips.

“Can I please eat it myse-mmh!” She stuck the spoon in my mouth, regardless of my protests.

“You don’t want… want me to feed you?” Fluttershy shrinkage commenced.

“I really don’t… I don’t wanna start anything that I might regret.”

“But… I wasn’t gonna fight you.”

“Not fighting me, but hear me out. I appreciate the jest, I can’t say that enough. But I. Don’t. Like. Ponies.” She let out a tense breath from her nose, looking down at the dish.

“Okay… I understand. I guess humans aren’t used to ponies…” Before I could say anything, she rushed out of the room Fluttershy style. Feeling like a massive dick for literally doing fuck nothing, I pick up the soup and take spoonfuls of the red delicious liquid. A quick glance to the floor saw me a slight puddle. Little droplets of clear liquid sitting on the floor, and a wet spot on the verge of the sheets.

“It’s good fucking soup.” I say quietly, reassuring myself that this whole façade was just a horrible mistake and 3 days later I could be sprinting away from here and rid myself of this pony sexual tension. Not wanting to guess, none the less clean it up the fluids in the floor, I placed the now empty soup bowel on the nightstand and rolled over to face away from it. The soft sheets, comforting warmth and agonizing leg pain lulled me into some sort of pseudo sleep. Everything became distorted and the room would not cease its spinning, my head becoming more like a barbell on the end of my neck. Whatever was in my soup wasn’t having a good affect on my stamina, and before I knew it I was asleep. Something irked me as my brain retardedly shut down, the fact that I still had a possibly human obsessed Fluttershy in the house and I was just going to sleep right in her house. Basically serving myself up on a silver platter for her weird, pony fantasies. I told her I didn’t like ponies like that, so based on Fluttershy friend logic, she CAN’T try something. Unsure, I drift into my surely overpowering sleep.

“Angel bunny please! Just please keep out of mommy’s room for just the night. Mommy has to do something… private… Angel! Get in your bed! I mean, if you want to, sorry to yell… please just make this easy on mommy… thank you sweetie. Mommy will still be here to take care of you in the morning. Good night angel.” A soft voice stirred me in my sleep, probably just Mom trying to get the dog to sleep again. Then a soft flapping sound approaches, increasing slightly in volume steadily. Okay, now I don’t have anything in my house that flaps… are my sleeping pills causing those side effects again? Something stirred the covers, displacing the warmth lying on me. Before my next thought could lazily plop into my head, something warm and soft squirmed against me, moving up my legs, torso, and then stopping at my chest. Soft fuzz gently hugged against my neck, silky strands of what seemed like hair worked onto my arm. Slight drafts of warm air pushed against my neck in what seemed like breaths, fuzzy somethings getting a grip round my arms and meeting on my back.

“He’s bigger than he seems… warmer too.”

“I’m awake.” With that a terrific screaming noise ripped the quiet air wide open, scaring the absolute shit out of me and sending Fluttershy into a flapping frenzy in midair.

“OHMYGOSHSORRYSORRYSORRY!!!” She stuttered as I got my bearings in the almost pitch-black room, the air from her wings cooling my face.

“I’m so sorry! I thought you would get cold and the couch wasn’t very comfortable to sleep on and I really think you’re-“

“Whoa now Fluttershy! Let’s just… calm down here.”

“But you said you didn’t like ponies like that and I thought I could just wake up really early and you’re really soft and warm-“

“Fluttershy! Don’t worry about it okay? If we just drop it now, and promise never to bring it up again, then I forgive you. Don’t tear yourself up, I’ll sleep on the couch if it’s that uncomfortable.”

“But that’s just it… Isaac… I need to…” She trailed off, and inaudible sentence forming in the air.

“Fluttershy? Is there something we need to talk about?” She squirmed about in the air uncomfortably, rubbing her hooves together.

“ Maybe we should talk about it over some midnight snacks… I need to…”

“Readjust the mood?”

“Something like that…” She gathered some of her animal friends, beavers in particular to help carry me into the living room. The beavers nicely seated me in a chair according to Fluttershy’s order, while she brought out some small scones and some milk in a glass. Both items were set gently before me as she took her own seat, not looking anywhere near me.

“So, I guess if you’re not willing to let this go, you might as well explain yourself. I’ve barely been here 24 hours and it seems you want to have… intimate relations with me.” She shuffled around nervously, signaling the animals to hurry off.

“I… I really do…”

“Be honest now, why is this?”

“Well… when I brought you into the house yesterday… you were pretty badly hurt. You were just so helpless and venerable, I feel terrible about what I did.”

“How? You saved my life Fluttershy! If anything I owe you it.”

“That’s the thing… when you were unconscious I … I ... “

“Come on now, no one ever got hurt from telling the truth.” I placed a reassuring hand on her shoulder, a blush forming on her cheeks.

“I… took advantage of you. Please don’t hate me! Please! I’m so sorry!”

“Took advantage of me? Wha… what do you mean?” She bit her lip, shuffling in her seat.

“I... put your thing… in my mouth.” Immediately something in my the back of my head started screaming in terror and disgust, wanting to throw out any humanity and just get out of there. But he was far over shadowed by my sympathetic NPR side, saying “Go to her, comfort her in her time of need.”. I hate both these guys.

“That’s… not so bad. I mean, at least you told me right?”

“Well um… that’s not… all I did.”

“Say what now?”

“I… may have… held it in there for a little bit longer than I should have.”

“Fuck it, leave… why aren’t you leaving? Wait? What are you doing?!”

“I’m not angry Fluttershy, it’s only natural to have these urges. But, maybe they’d be best spent on a nice stallion. You know, one of your own species?”

“NO! Comforting leads to fucking! Don’t you read clopfics?!”

“Believe me when I say, I really can’t be bothered by that considering what you’ve done for me.” She cracked a tiny smile, putting a hoof to my hand and staring into my eyes with her half closed ones.

“No pony’s ever tried to comfort me like that… or has ever thanked me this much.”

“Fluttershy… there’s no need to worry. We all get urges, and if things like this come up once in a while… well, it’s still not a good idea. BUT, if we can atone for it… I guess it’s not valid any longer.” She stared intently in my eyes, smiling happily and breathing gently. I attempted to pull my hand away, but pressure from her hoof almost nailed it in place.

“I… I think I’m love with you Isaac.” She said softly, barely enough to hit my ears. Her hoof rubbed my hand, as the other came up over the table to touch my cheek. Honestly, I was too stunned to try and evade her hoof’s advances.

“What?”

“I think I… love you.”

“Love, as in… like marriage or, that weird love where all they do it rut?”

“I can go either way…” She hovered in her position for a second, my wide eyed, “deer in the headlights” stare still meeting her “I’m gonna fuck your brains out” stare.

“I have… no response to that. Honestly.” Suddenly she climbed onto the table with all four legs and looked down on me, her eyes pleading with their Fluttershyness. Her nose officially booped mine in the most uncomfortable pony related moment of my life.

“Please, just once tonight! I promise to never bring it up again or tell anypony! It’ll be our little secret! Please?!” She breathed heavily in fear, the close contact of our noses becoming tighter and tighter until I couldn’t even begin to breathe through my nose. Several conflicts tore through me, I had no intention of coming into her home and acting like an ass, but at the same time I have my morals god damn it! Whatever demon possessed me at the time drove me to this conclusion, regret pervading my thoughts before I could even say it.

“Just once?”

“Just once.”

“… alright… but just once… tonight… for you.” Her blush spread to her nose, the burning hot appendage taking a leer to one side to make room for her next action. She came in for a kiss, not a tongue filled kiss, but simply a nervous, timid, pleasant kiss. I defiantly was not expecting such, but when trying to recoil her arms imprisoned my head in a death grip. She moaned into my mouth, the vibrations running down my neck and jaw as I squirmed under the odd sensation. Her little butter colored body pushed my chair back, seating her rump in my lap. My hands being vacated from the table, I let them float in the air as her ministrations continued. Her mouth nomed on my lips, the intensity of the kiss picking up as her tongue plunged into my mouth, a cascade of her own saliva rushing into my mouth. The taste is nothing like they’d have you believe in those fics, if anything it tastes kinda bad if you’re not really into it. Like a watery mix of… spit. It tastes like spit. For Fluttershy however, this wasn’t enough. She pulled her head back, licking my lips over own spittle.

“Thank you… I promise I would disappoint.”

“Not my concern…” My wide eyed look didn’t cease, it causing her to giggle a little. My arms were getting tired floating in mid air out of complete surprise, so they decided to take refuge of her back. If I know I’m going to fuck her, might as well put some effort into it. Her wings twitched under my hands, slowly opening up and pushing against my hands.

“Oh… you know about Pegasus wings don’t you?”

“Wait what?”

“Just keep touching them… it feels amazing.” She pressed her fore head to mine, sighing contently as her wings dragged my hands upwards with them. No erection yet, thank god. Something wet and hot dribbled fluid on my exposed thigh, soaking the lower part of my underwear.

“Getting… excited?” A lump in my throat wanted to jump out and induce vomit, but her adorable, soft head rubbed against my face in some sort of repressed passion as she moved her arms to my neck and rubbed her… Fluttershy parts on my naked thigh.

“Uh-huh… you’re getting me really hot.” She pressed her lips into mine once again, her tongue playing with my relatively inactive one in our mouths. Drool seeped out from between our lips, Fluttershy giggling girlishly in my mouth. My hands went back down to her wings base, simply resting on them. With such movement and contact she squeaked in my mouth, biting a little on my lip.

“Please… rub my wings. Your hooves are amazing.” Her… marehood leaked more fluids onto my leg, some dripping onto the floor with a tiny “plap”. The animals were now in hiding, some peaking and others just now scurrying away into little holes about the house. My hands gripped her wings reluctantly, giving them a very slight squeeze. She squealed in appreciation, happily dumping more of her juice onto my good underwear and thigh.

“Should we… take this into the bed room?” She asked in a sultry tone, her marehood twitching against my thigh disgustingly. I wanted only to prolong this, or if available drop the idea entirely. But I suck at being confrontational… at least to Fluttershy.

“Uh… why not?” She squeed happily, tightening her grip round my neck.

“Carry me?” Her hind legs twitched and kicked in excitement, her wings flapping at the tips. My hands slowly, slowly moved down to her rear, intertwining my fingers to make her a little seat. Quickly she lifted herself up and sat back down in my hands, the soft, warm flesh molding to the shape of my hands. Her plot was surprisingly bigger than it seemed, not chubby by any means, but healthier than say Rainbow Dash or Applejack. I guess it only serves to logic, she’s a vet, not a- WHY AM I PUTTING SO MUCH THOUGHT INTO THIS? I stood up on one leg painfully, limping back to the room shakily.

“Oh my, I completely forgot about your leg! I got so into the moment, let me get the beavers!”

“No, no… it’s fine! I can… try to carry you the 3 yards to the bed.” I took the pain as a punishment for doing this, somewhat feeling like I paid for my foolishness. Could’ve just told her no, could’ve just left, could’ve just gone to church and not pissed off god! But, my thoughts were interrupted by her flopping into the bed, nervously patting the area next to her.

“Lay down on your back… don’t wanna hurt that leg now.”

“No… Isaac think about it. You have a Mom… stop getting in the bed!” I crawl over the foot board, dragging my stiff leg over it and taking position next to. She stares at my almost naked body, rubbing it with a surprisingly soft hoof. I’m not fat, nor am I well built. If anything I’m kind of a stick, my arms are under developed compared to my large track legs, not very attractive to any humans.

“Did you eat well where you came from? Your ribs are showing through your skin.”

“No… I’m just built like that.”

“You’ve got a very pretty body Isaac.” She trailed off looking at my underwear, her ears perking up.

“I know what that is…” She touched a hoof to my crotch, my back stiffening abruptly.

“Oh my! Are you that sensitive?”

“Well um… maybe. I don’t clop… or masturbate at all.”

“Really? I think I’d go crazy if I didn’t pleasure myself at least once a month… so that means you’ve got a lot in store for me?” Holding back my disgust, one of my hands idiotically finds her plot with a light squeeze.

“It’s all yours if you want it.”

“Oh I intend to really make this one time count… I haven’t done this in a while.” She gripped the waist band in her teeth, skillfully pulling it down just enough to not be within her line of activity. Her eyes bulged at the appearance of my limp member, her mouth visibly watering.

“Still limp? We’ll have to fix that.” She pressed her nose against the shaft, taking in the scent as well as licking it rather gently. Immediately I wanted to pull her off and make it stop, not wanting to be blown by a horse, but as much as I hate to admit, Fluttershy has a really soft tongue. Her movements continued, her nose pressed against the hardening shaft with her tongue lovingly licking my length as her head moved up and down to cover the whole thing. Sadly, my boner over powered any reason or logic, as it normally does. Much to her content my member twitched under her nose, pushing against her face.

“Mmmh, that didn’t take long… just as delicious as the first time.” Her voice was becoming lower and quieter in that sexual tone, the darkness obscuring most of her face. Her tail flicked about, the very end brushing up against my nose. The base curled around my wrist, pulling slightly towards her dripping marehood. I reached over with a free hand to turn on the lamp, if I was going to do this I was going to at least try to do it well, and for that I needed light. The amber light illuminated the small room, her marehood shining in the thin light.

“Like what you see?” Her round cheeks rippled has she shivered in happiness, her flank hole and marehood revealed to me with no sense of shame or moderation. I couldn’t in any sense verbally express yes, so I simply lied through a nod.

“Well then, why don’t I bring it over there for you?” She stood up in to bed, straddling my face with her hind legs. Some of her juices dripped from her onto my face, I resisted wiping them off.

“You ready for some Fluttershy?”

“No.” I grumbled under my breath. She shook her plot slightly in the air, her legs shaking in anticipation. My face turning a putrid shade of green, I nod again, opening my mouth with a mock smile. She sat on my face slowly, shaking and shifting slightly to work my deeper in. All my air was almost entirely cut off, the only air coming from between her folds, reeking of her areas.

“Comfortable? I know I am.” I give thumbs up, closing my eyes in pain. I man up and stick out my tongue, finding her blistering marehood.

“Oh my god IT GOT IN MY MOUTH!” Her juices percolated down into my mouth, the taste actually… not bad. Not like candy, but sweet and salty. Using this as some small motivation I drove on, licking between her cheeks. She resumed her nuzzle and lick treatment of my member, humming and giggling at my licks. Eventually, she wrapped the head of it in her tongue and pulled it into her mouth. Her soft, warm, wet mouth sucked on it lovingly, moaning around it. Her moaning sent vibrations of sick pleasure down my spine, causing me to shutter under her suffocating plot. Her tailed flicked about wildly, her wings beating cool air about the place. She shivered and fluctuated from my efforts, her sucking incrementally becoming stronger and stronger. My tongue was getting incredibly sore, having to work between her cheeks and folds to really get to her. She popped me out of her mouth, looking back at me.

“Please… I want you inside of me!” She rips herself from my mouth, the fresh air well appreciated as I gasped and clawed for it. The happiness did not last long however, her quick turn about positioning her plot over my hip.

“Ooooooh… no.” She came down and rubbed her wetness over my member, moaning and licking my neck in a hot, wet passion. Her hips bucked against mine, squeezing our genitals together in this tight embrace she wouldn’t break. Her hips came up, giving me room to… put it in.

“Don’t be shy… I’m ready.”

“And that’s the problem.” I muttered under my breath, reluctantly grabbing myself and standing it up to touch her opening. The feeling of my member on her marehood immediately brought some sort of humanity to me, realizing in a literal sense how fucking dumb this was. Even if I wanted to stop, she wouldn’t have had it, she quickly crushed my hips with hers, burying me in her. She squealed in happiness, nuzzling my chest.

“Ooooh! You’re so much bigger than you look.”

“Knowing this, I want to off myself.” She began to bounce up and down on me, almost feeling nothing down there because of the absurdity of the moment. Fluttershy however, seemed to be having a ball on her own accord, giggling, moaning and smiling the whole way down. So bad was my need to stop, it could only match the stabbing pain in my leg. Nothing except the waist was getting anything but a wiggle, while Fluttershy had herself a hoot.

“I’m getting close Isaac! Keep going!” I wasn’t doing anything, but whatever. It’s almost over. She came down particularly hard a certain time; feeling like my leg was shattering again while she happily squealed in the throes of love making, her juices squirting out from between our contact.

“OH SWEET CELESTIA!” She collapsed onto me, sighing happily and drooling onto my chest. She held herself in place, keeping me inside as I tried oh so hard to change the fact.

“You were amazing Isaac… I love you.” She kissed my neck sweetly, laying the side of her head on the spot. I myself was recovering from mental trauma while she pulled the covers over us, the wet spots impossible to dodge. Her wings splayed out and embraced me with her arms, as she cooed to herself and drifted off to sleep. When I finally was able to except the fact that I was going to hell and just fucked Fluttershy, I realized her hold on me was tight enough to probably asphyxiate a small child. I squirmed around, trying to break free. But the amount it would take to break free would also be enough to wake her, meaning that my chances of escape would be eradicated entirely.

“Wait it out, my leg will heal in 2 days. Maybe I can make it far enough in 1.” Terrible ideas are terrible ideas, but after what I had gone through, it seemed like an easy task to simply undertake. With a shattered mind, and a set plan, I drifted into an unsteady sleep, Fluttershy’s warm breath and body lulling me like a baby in a cradle.

Author's Note

My friend Jack and I tossed this idea around for sometime before actually working on it. Was fun coming up with what happens and I have to say that there is going to be more coming soon!

Chapter 2

Morning sunlight opened burned the darkness away from my vision, the warmth of the sheets reviving my aching body. A quick view of surroundings reminded me of my sexual escapades of the previous night, Fluttershy strewn about on the bed rather lazily drooling. She breathed gently onto my face, her arms laying around under the covers not really gripping anything. Perfect escape route, I her limp body drooped around my splayed limbs without a care. Pushing and pulling her arms off of me, I slowly put my good leg on the floor, then the broken one. The pain barely eeked my balance, and the cast was easily torn off. A huge bruise painted my shin a ghastly purple, and my knee shook violently under the pressure of my body.

“Come on Isaac… baby steps.” Carefully limping to the door, I made it out into the living room and searched for my clothes. Fluttershy’s soft voice echoed from her room, talking in her sleep.

“Mmmmmm Isaac… I’d love to try it in my flank…”

“Hold back the puke, hold it!”

“Yes Isaac… don’t be gentle… I want it all.” For whatever reason, she has very good pronunciation in her sleep. Ignoring her continued icky thoughts, I searched about in the kitchen, not having seen them in my time spent awake in her room. Not in the kitchen, not in this random dresser, not under this bed. Very spot seemed exhausted, until I found a small laundry hamper hiding in the corner. Opening it, I found my dirty clothes surrounded by used animal beds and little animal sweaters. Quickly they were on me, and even more rapid was my progression out the front door into the misty, warm morning. The fog hung low to the ground, obscuring the familiar setting.

“Okay, just get into Ponyville, find a mare that WON’T try to fuck my brains out, and get home… and maybe hug Sweetie Belle.” My incredibly painful, long trek began, the forest becoming smaller and smaller in submission to the fields surrounding me in their warm, open embrace. Strangely, not a pony crossed my path into the town, the fields being relieved of the dense fog by Celestia’s powerful sun. My leg bit back with every step, but I ignored the pain in fear of being in another Clopfic and drudged on into the fading abyss. The loose dirt road followed a curvy path, leading me to a large hill dotted with trees.

“I don’t recall Ponyville being on an incline… whatever gets me away from Sluttyshy I guess. The walk up the hill tore my shin to ribbons with pain, eventually leading to a large forest of large, round topped trees. The fog faded away, revealing as well a large red barn in the epicenter of this congregation of trees.

“This must be Sweet Apple Acres… maybe I could hide in the barn for the day and let my leg heal.” It was still relatively early in the morning; I assumed the Apples were asleep. I creeped up to the farm, sneaking through the open window. The barn reeked of age and some sort of musty hay, the whole place filled with tools and differing hook ups to carts and plows. The first floor was almost completely covered in the old hay and loose dirt, nothing seemed useable for any sort of concealment. A ladder connected the two floors, the second floor stocked with high piles of hay. Quickly scurrying up the ladder I found a coffin like pit in the middle of four stacks of hey. A perfect little hole to climb into and hide. I carefully let myself down into the hole, the stabbing pain taking me down to my ass.

“Aaarg! Damn it! Oh my GOD this hurts!” After a good minute of writhing in pain, I was able to pull a good cover of musty, hot hay over me to disguise my shape. For hours I lay there, sweating under the dirty, smelly hay. Drifting in and out of sleep, I eventually came to hearing the Apple’s voices, getting to work on the farm. I wasn’t listening to what they were saying, just wanting my leg to heal up so I could high tail it out. But, I guess somethings just aren’t meant to be.

“Applejack! Get some more fresh hay from up on the second floor! Them cows are a getting hungry!” The ladder creaked loudly, with the sound of rough hooves clopping against the old wood of the 2nd floor.

“Hold ya hooves Big Mac! Imma a bail or two!” Bails above me shook and dropped more of their awful cargo on me, waking me from my half sleep trance. Keeping silent, I looked up to see a bright orange blob grabbing a bale of hay and thus shortening my hiding hole. Obviously it must’ve been Applejack, her hat and voice easily recognizable. Using the falling hay to my advantage, I shuffled to spread out my cover, more evenly covering my body.

“Wha- darn it! Dropped ma hat!” A brown sun hat fluttered down onto my face, fear striking my heart with fear like nothing else I’ve seen. Quickly she jumped down the structure to retrieve her cranial accessory, getting closer and closer to finding me.

“Well there ya are! Floppin off like tha-… what in tarnation?” She jumped down to me, landing on my bruised shin.

“AAAAH!” I tensed up, sending hay, pony and hat into the air.

“My leg! Oh my god my leg!”

“What the?! What in the hay are ya doin here?!” Quickly I covered her mouth with both hands, trying to silence her. She squirmed about uncomfortably, trying to buck me.

“Quiet! Please! I’m trying to hide in here!” She slapped my hands off her mouth, quickly retrieving her hat.

“Ah don’t know what kinda monster you are, but there’s no way in Equestria you’re bummin in ma barn!” She turned about, rearing up to buck my head in.

“WAIT, WAIT! Please don’t hurt me! I need to hide in here just till tomorrow! After that, I promise I’ll be out of here and never come back!”

“Hold on now! If you’re hidin from something, ah don’t want ya bringin it over here now!”

“It’s okay! I’m hiding from… Fluttershy.”

“Fluttershy? What are ya doin ta Fluttershy?!”

“No, no, no! It’s really complicated I know! Just please let me stay up here for the night!”

“Why should ah?”

“Because… I have no reason, but trust me! I’m running away from something really worth running from! Just PLEASE LET ME STAY HERE!” She leered at me for a good 30 seconds, before touching a hoof to her chin.

“Fine… but on one condition.”

“Name it and it’s yours!”

“Work your share, and ya get your place ta stay. If ya go beyond the call ah duty, then ya get your dinner too.”

“Really?”

“Element a honesty sugar cube. I figure them fancy hooves a yours be mighty useful!”

“You’re serious right? No… hidden extra shit I gotta do you’re not telling me?”

“Ah promise ya, you’ll git your bed if you do your fair share, simple as that. But, if ya try somethin, me and ma brother will be on ta like stink on a dead cow and send ya back ta Fluttershy.” Her leer returned, burning into my very soul.

“Alright, alright! Please don’t do that! I promise I won’t … “try” anything. Can I get your name though?”

“Applejack, and ya’ll?”

“Isaac… I’m a human from Trottingham.”

“Human? Ah coulda sworn ya’ll were some kinda funny lookin monkey.”

“Why does everyone say that?”

“Now what do ya say we climb on out of this musty hole and get ya ta work?”

“As long as you don’t intend to kill me as soon as we get out.” We started climbing, Applejack lagging behind a little to jump up the stair like structure rather than climb. I reached the top first, throwing her a hand to help her out.

“Oh my… them fancy hooves a yours real… pretty lookin.” She stared at my hands, going wide eye as I’d expect Lyra would.

“Um… thanks?” I threw a hand round her wrist a blush exploding across her face.

“Whoa now! That’s feels real weird!” I pulled up to the top as she squirmed under my grip.

“Applejack?! What’s taken ya so long?” She skittered up to a sitting position, kicking a bale down to the floor below.

“Sorry Mac! Got a little caught up in something!” She climbed down first, poking her head up before climbing all the way down.

“Ya’ll just wait up here now, I’ll introduce ya and… clear the air before ya go and spook Big Mac.”

“You seem awfully trusting Applejack.”

“If ya never have faith in somepony, ya never have faith in anypony.” She winked at me, climbing down the latter to her brother.

“Mac, ah need ta show ya something.”

“Find somethin interesting in the hay stack?”

“You could say that… now don’t be freakin out, ah need ya ta stay calm and hear him out.”

“Him?”

“Isaac? Ya’ll can come on down now!” She called to me, Big Mac throwing a glance up to the 2nd floor. I poked my head out, Big Mac not changing his dull expression say for a raised eye brow. Sliding down the ladder and landing on my abused leg, I stumbled out into the open. Big Mac dropped his brow, returning to his normal countenance.

“Eeeyup.”

“Oh didn’t see that coming. SO different and creative.”

“So ya think ya can work with him just for the day Mac? He promised to be out by tomorrow.” Big Mac looked to her, then to me, then back to her.

“Well, what is he?”

“Ah think he’s called a… huhmen?”

“Human.”

“He’s a funny lookin monkey, easy to work with ah promise.”

“How can ya say that if ya’ll just found him.”

“Seriously, I don’t even work well with myself.”

“Now will ya’ll two just hush and give it a chance? Ya never know till ya try right?” Mac held his expression, me and him
exchanging piercing glances at each other. Something about the way he peered so intensely at me was unsettling, the fact that he could focus on something that hard with out blinking.

“Ah suppose ah could adjust.”

“Huh… that was easy.” Applejack signaled me to follow her, trotting out of the barn.

“Now since ya got them hooves about ya, why don’t ya git started bringin them apple baskets back to the barn after we buck em?”

“Might be a little slow with the hurt leg, but sounds reasonable enough.”

“Just work your share, and ya git your bed for tonight free from Fluttershy. Ah promise.” She and I made our way to the orchard, the trees blocking some of the emerging summer son. The heat about the place was building quickly, the Apples pulling baskets out of a cart.

“Set em under the trees Isaac, we buck em, and you take em back to the barn.” The work was easy at first, circumscribing trees with wooden baskets and waiting till Mac or Applejack kicked the trees with a loud “thwack”. When it came to carrying the baskets the devil began to poke his head through the details. My shin tore at my mind with its constant screaming of agony. The first two baskets reached the barn, I simply dumped them where it seemed other baskets of inventory had been left as well. I wanted to run back to the duo to catch up on the surely building shit I had to carry, but of course running became like cutting my own wrists with a spoon. I reached them of course, 10 more baskets resting next to the cart.

“Oh fuck me.”

“C’mon boy! You want that bed ya gotta work for it!” Applejack said, whipping my ass with her freakishly painful tail. Both hands found my bottom in fear, repressed memories of high school locker rooms surfacing again. She giggled at my skittish retrieval of the baskets.

“Whoo look at him go! Runnin faster than a spooked bull being chased by a brandin iron!” I ran with the baskets, stopping at the door.

“Wait… what the hell was that about?!”

“That my friend, is what we call “sexual tension”. It’s really funny to watch and makes for an interesting Sunday afternoon.”

“Mother fucker I knew it! Why do you have to do this?!”

“I’m bored…

The day dragged on for hours and hours of this, the heat only getting worse and worse. Eventually on one load I was sweating so much in my jacket that it was if I climbed into a hot shower in full clothing. My panting was a dead giveaway.

“You gettin hot over there?”

“Very much so yes.” I said panting through the immense amount of sweat pouring from my forehead.

“Well ah reckon ya’ll don’t need those clothes ya’ll insist so much on wearin, you can take it off if ya need to.” Red flag, red flag coming up. While I knew this was probably going to go south faster than hell, I had to take her up on her offer. The sun was in the center of the sky, if I was gonna get through several more hours of this, there was no way in hell it was going to be in this jacket.

“C’mon now, don’t be shy! All ponies are naked here, aint a problem if your only naked from the waist up.”

“I was gonna keep the shirt on.”

“Oh… are ya sure bout that? Awfully hot!”

“Yes… I’m very sure.”

“Okay then… if that’s what makes ya happy ah guess.”

“Jesus Christ it’s only been 3 hours.”

Another good two hours passed with the rough working continuing without a hitch, at least 50 baskets of red apples being transported from me to the barn. Coming back to the orchard, I could hear off in the distance something like a scream, a shrill, abnormally loud scream.

“ISAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAC?!”

“Uh oh… I think she’s looking for me.” I made my way back to the Apples, having to go a little bit farther as they had done the same to get more apples out of the orchard. Big Mac and Applejack were arguing over something, the pile of baskets increasing only by 2 or 3. Whatever debate swung back and forth between them was pretty heated, Applejack shouting toward an angry Big Mac.

“Well who said ya can’t do that with a human?!”

“The same pony who told ya it was wrong to do that with Wynona!”

“Well how bout we change that?! I like what ah see, it’s ma right to pursue what make me happy!”

“Um… excuse me? I enjoy a good shouting as much as the next pony, but I got a bed to work for.” Big Mac viciously threw me a glance, Applejack turning to face me entirely with a massive blush.

“Oh Isaac! Um… how long were ya standin there partner?”

“Long enough to know that whatever it was, it probably wasn’t worth me getting in the middle of.” She looked to the ground, laughing a little.

“Heh heh… well thank ya kindly. I apologies for that, awfully rude ta yell when ya got a guest.” I grabbed 4 more baskets with my forearms, Applejack shuffling her hooves uncomfortably in the dirt.

“Not a problem, just get on with the day and I can be out of your hair.”

“Yeah… can’t wait for that.” She trotted over to another tree as I turned about to bring the baskets back, but before any distance could be truly covered a sick thumping noise sounding out.

“AAAH! GOSH DARN IT AH MISSED!” I spun around in terror, the baskets dropping to the ground. Applejack lay on the ground, a visceral scrape running along her left thigh up to her cutie mark.

“Oh crap Applejack!” I rushed up to her, Big Mac meeting me there.

“Applejack what happened?”

“Ah missed the tree and grazed her! Ah think ah hurt something!” Blood leaked out of numerous tiny cuts on the scrape.

“You need any help? A band aid maybe?”

“No, no! All I need is ta get back to the barn and get some disinfectant!” She wobbly stood back up on her hooves, her left back one shaking rather violently.

“C’mon Isaac, pick up them baskets and get movin! Like ya said, ya got a bed to work for!” She limped on her leg towards the barn on the same path I followed with the baskets. Big Mac however stopped me with a strangely gripping hoof on my shirt tail.

“Ah don’t know what idea she got in her mind about you… but I’d suggest ya watch yourself if you don’t want something bad ta happen to ya.”

“Whatever could you mean?”

“Ah mean, if ah catch ya so much as lookin at ma sister in a way ah I don’t like… you gonna concerned with somethin much worse than Fluttershy.”

“I shit thee not when I say you haven’t a thing to worry about friend… I don’t do these kinda things.”

“It’s not you ahm entirely worried about. Now get on back to work… and keep them eyes of ma sister!”

“No need to worry Mac! I’ve been down this road before and I learned me a thing or two.” He returned to his work, a glared drilling into his stern face. Disregarding such, I made haste to catch up with Applejack, getting hold of my spoils to bring back to the farm. Surprisingly, Applejack was waiting for me at the half way mark, sitting on her rump. Her hat sat on the ground next to her, her ears flopped on her head and pained expression on her face.

“Applejack? What on ear-… Equestria are you doing here all by yourself?”

“Ma leg hurts too much… ah can’t make it back to the barn.” She looked up at me, eyes pleading for something. A quick inspection of her scrape couldn’t bring any evidence of crippling injuries. If anything Applejack wouldn’t be put down by such a small complication. None the less, she seemed content much content to sit there in her pain.

“Need some… help?” She peered up to me with her big green eyes with all the pity she could muster, and threw it in my face.

“Ah just need ya to maybe…”

“Carry you?”

“How’d ya know I was gonna ask that?”

“Sadly… I’ve been down this road before.” I let the baskets down in front of her, leaning down to inspect her “crippling” wound.

“Doesn’t look so bad… is the element of honesty trying to pull one on me?”

“What? Oh no of course not! Ma legs hurts and ah need help! How hard is that ta believe?”

“And here I was thinking you were tougher than that.”

“Ah guess ya don’t want that bed if ya’ll wanna be disrespectful and all!”

“Alright, alright! Just… don’t squirm while I’m doing this, might drop you.” Her face lightened up significantly, laying down on her back for easy carrying. I worked one hand under her shoulder, the other at the base of her tail. Dangerously close to her plot. With one swift move I lifted her up into the air, she was much heavier than Fluttershy. Maybe it was just the fact that she was an earth pony and Fluttershy a Pegasus, but immediately she started squirming in my arms.

“Whoa! What are you doing?” Quickly she worked herself into a position that demanded my hand directly on her plot, her tail whisking back and forth between my arms.

“Ya’ll weren’t givin any support to ma rear!”

“I know! I was avoiding that!”

“Well if you’re gonna cry bout holdin a mare’s rear, than git up to the barn and ya’ll and can put me down!”

“Great! Can’t wait.” She was getting awfully hostile, probably agitated at my refusal to recognize her advances. Sprinting as fast as I possibly could I carried her to the barn, almost laughing in glee when I broke the horizon.

“Alrighty then, think you can walk now?”

“Ah dunno, kinda like it up here. Nice view, gives me a break from all that workin.”

“Don’t push me Applejack, I’ve got half the nerve to drop you.”

“And ah got half the nerve to send ya right back ta Fluttershy!”

“You wouldn’t!”

“Oh ah would if ya gonna be nothing but disrespectful ta me!”

“Applejack? Why you be so mean?”

“Because… ah just wanna get in the barn and relieve this pain. Is that too much to ask for?”

“I guess not, where should I set you down?”

“Right where ya been putting the baskets, ahll head inside and git ta grabbin some disinfectant for ma scrape, and ya’ll can just wait for me.”

“Shouldn’t I be getting back to work?”

“Naw, ah need ya for something before you go rushin off to work again.”

“You’ve gotta be kidding me.”

“Mind telling me what it is?”

“Let’s just say, if ya get it done, I can guarantee ya not havin ta work for that bed anymore.” The barn door remained open, no other pony crossing our path. The barn seemed completely abandoned of any ponies, I knew granny Smith was around, and Applebloom definitely.

“Where’s the rest of your family, can’t just you and Mac up here.”

“Ma little sister Applebloom’s at school, and Ma granny Smith’s probably nappin or somethin like that.” For naming where her family was, she was awfully quick about it. Almost like she was rushing to get to something else. Take a guess where this is going, I dare you. I took her into the barn, the baskets of apples catching her eyes.

“Done a nice job Isaac, that’ll save us a tona work today.” I let her down to the floor, as she stood up perfectly balanced and coordinated.

“Just take a seat on them there hay bale, and I’ll bring what ah need ya ta do right out.”

“Wait, you seem to be walking just fine.”

“Still hurts!”

“I call bullshit!”

“Ya can call all ya want but it aint changin nothin!”

She trotted off with a funny limp through the barn door into the house part, me taking a defeated seat on the hay bale.

“This is bullshit right here.”

“Having fun there?” A booming, echoing voice scared the shit out of me, not holding a physical entity in sight.

“Is that you god?”

“Yeah, it’s me. Saw that 69ing with Fluttershy man. You’re quite the playa aren’t you?”

“See? This is why I don’t go to church.”

“Now, now, no need to be worried. I got something in store for you and Applejack.”

“What? Are you gonna break her character more and have her lie more?”

“No- well maybe.”

“Why are you doing this? This is no sort of test for a minor damn it.”

“Look Isaac… um… fuck you. APPLEJACK HONEY IT’S YOUR QUE!”

Applejack burst forth from the door, a thing of disinfectant in her hoof. She trotted over to me normally and spat the cream, gel disinfectant stuff into my lap.

“Do me a solid and… apply it?”

“Apply it?” She looked back to her flank, the scrape barely crawling up to reach past her cutie mark and leading all the way down to her ankle hoof thingy.

“Ah can’t really reach back there so good with ma hooves, lend me one a yours?”

‘I think I’d rather eat Fluttershy again.’

“Uh… can’t you get Big Mac or… anypony else to do it instead?” She smirked at me, taking off her hat.

“Come on now, how hard can it be for a stallion like you to apply gel to a mare’s rear? Ah coulda sworn you were male.”

“I am… but I have my morals darn it.”

“Tell ya what, drop them morals just for tonight, and ya git your bed. With a little bit more work, ya git your dinner. Sound good?”

“Oh lord what have I started?”

“Now keep your chin high! I’m lettin ya off easy! Ya’ll should be grateful ahm even letting ya sleep in a bed tonight.” I sighed,
her point pretty much hitting the nail on the head.

“Alright fine, I’ll rub your ass, then I get back to work and nothing else happens okay? Can I guarantee this one solitary thing from not leading to something fucking oriented?!”

“Ah can’t guarantee that, if you’re good at it ah might feel tempted to… take it a bit farther.”

“Oh… didn’t see that comin did ya?”

“No, no , no, no. This is way out of line pony!”

“Ah know, but it’s a good way ta get what ah want.”

“I don’t wanna do this… like at all.”

“Now hold now, put some heart into it. Ah wanna make sure ya actually earn the bed, not just nah, nah, nah your way through.”

“What does this entail?” I ask hoping not to get an answer.

“Just do what ah tell ya, and you’ll be golden sugar cube.”

“Oh god just kill me now”

“No. That would defeat the learning experience.” Applejack reared up, as if about to kick me in the face. But instead she sat her plot right in my lap, her hind legs grasping my thighs together. Her tail rested between her plot and my stomach. Twitching and flicking in happiness.

“Now just dab it on there, don’t wanna be all slimy.” She giggled and shook her plot in my lap, my stomach screaming to let me puke. I picked up the little squeezy thing, squirting some of the thick liquid onto my finger tip. Looking down at the round orange thing laying in my lap, every muscle in my arm was resisting my movements. Not wanting to touch any pony’s rear in this matter, knowing it was only going to get worse.

“Well c’mon now, don’t be shy. Ah don’t bite.” Her voice came in a lusty tone, driving me mad with disgust. Finally my hand met her scrape, her cheeks shivering under my hand. Closing my eyes and biting my lip I started to gently rub the gel on her wound, Applejack for whatever reason flicking her tail in my face.

“You liken what ya see?”

“Already said no.” I muttered under my breath, Applejack sighing in content rather than listening. Her tail had a mind of its own, rubbing against me and swishing about happily. Before I knew it, my finger was dry and her plot not near covered. Sadly squeezing more into my finger and going back in. Applejack pushed her plot back into me with her front legs, a determined look on her face.

“Don’t be afraid ta use your whole hoof sugar cube, gonna be a long day if ya don’t pick it up.” With a knotted stomach I squeezed some disinfectant into my palm, gently rubbing it into her plot.

“The least ya can do is look at me while ya do it.”

“Please don’t make me…” Her hooves wrapped round my waist, pulling her butt into me even tighter.

“Alright Isaac, ah think that’s quite enough. Time for you to get the real part. Off when them pants boy!”

“FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK! FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK.” She pulled her thighs off, rubbing her tail between my legs.

“Please Applejack, can I do ANYthing else to get me bed?” She whipped me across me the face with her tail, turning about to face me.

“Well… I guess I can ask Fluttershy if she gotta bed…”

“You’re mean!”

“And horny! Now get them pants off before ah go and fetch Fluttershy!” With a stern look back and forth between us I undid my fly, pulling my pants down.

“Oh my… nice and rounded.” She poked the head with a dirty hoof, eyes almost bursting from her skull. She inched closer and closer to it, nose taking whiffs of air from my crotch.

“Mmmmmm… nice ahn musky.” I covered my eyes with both hands, imagining something completely non-pony related doing this under much more pleasant circumstances. She licked at the flaccid tip, giggling and nibbling at it. Closing my eyes obviously did something, I was for some reason stiffening up in her mouth as she took in the head. She bobbed her head up and down slowly, booping her nose against my hip. Her tongue rubbed all over the bottom of the shaft, tickling the head occasionally. She pulled up to simply kiss the head, rolling her tongue in circles around it. In the void blackness I was seeing during the whole thing, I dunno what I was fantasizing about, but it was probably focusing on anything other than the pony below me.

“Mmmh, mighty tasty. Now it’s time ta really get things started!” She turned around again, pointing her butt towards me.

“Mount up Isaac, we’re goin for a ride!” I parted my fingers to gaze into her plot, boner almost completely killed. But I wanted that bed, my shin calling back with its familiar sting as I got off the bale onto my knees before her.

“Flank hole.”

“What?”

“Not ma baby maker, ma flank hole.” Shit. Fluttershy was pushing it, but Applejack anal is just too damn far.

“Kay it’s been fun but I’d rather sleep on the fucking ground.” I stood up, her hind leg quickly delivering a swift blow to my shin as I collapsed onto my knees before her.

“AAAAH! Dick! Dick move!”

“You were tryin ta run away! We had a deal mister!”

“I know, but this is WAAAAAAAY beyond my jurisdiction!”

“Fluttershy?! Fluttershy?! Ah found your human!”

“ALRIGHT ALRIGHT! Just hush and let’s get this over with!” With the sad, defeated face of a man who got caught beating off to ponies by his mother, I spit on her hole, and worst off, rubbed it.

“Oh my… that hoof a yours is just magic!” She pushed into my finger, pushing it in her.

"Happy thoughts, happy thoughts. Puppies… family… killzone 2…. Skyrim… ponies- NOT PONIES!!!" Her muscles clenched tightly around me, making it almost impossible to do anything outside of hope it wasn’t ripped from my hand. Applejack was very much pleased with it however, tongue lolling out of her mouth and eyes looking up to the rafters and late evening sun gushed through the many holes. As much as I tried to remove my trapped finger, her cheeks contracted in a strangely powerful embrace around my knuckles.

“Ah! I like that! Keep goin!” She panted and closed her eyes. Almost breaking my finger, I pulled it out rather roughly, much to her discontent.

“Ah said keep goin! What ya’ll doin back there?”

“Just give me a second and this will be over much faster.” Grabbing myself, I… aligned myself with her opening.

“Put it in… slowly.”

“Not at all? Sounds like something I can do!”

“Shut up and get ta work sexy!” She bucked back violently back, driving the head in. Holding back my immense amount of vomit, she moaned loudly, tail flicking up to curl around my neck. With much effort that I didn’t want to put in, I started slowly pumping my hips back and forth, feeling the warmth of her bottom pull me in. Up until now my back had been perfectly straight, giving me a disgustingly detailed view of her plot. So to avoid absolute turn off, I bent down and wrapped my arms round her stomach, burying my face in between her should blades to obscure my vision. She was moaning and groaning rather loudly, something dripping onto my thighs and pulled down pants. Wanna guess what it is? Go to hell.

“Sweet Celestia! You feel amazing!” She gyrated her strong hips against me, twisting me in her. Her bucking became much stronger, beating my curved stomach half to death in an instant and slowing my progress. But she didn’t seem to care as she drooled and lolled her tongue out of her mouth, her eyes half hooded in pleasure.

“Oh man that smarts.” I muffled into her neck, feeling her butt beat my midsection to jelly.

“Ahm getting close! Hold on tight Isaac!” She barely got it out above a whisper, gasping for air under my ministrations to her rear. Her thighs squeezed together, her cheeks pulling me in deeper and deeper into her. She bucked back into me, hard enough to send me backwards into the hay bale. Applejack fell back onto me, kicking her legs in the air as her marehood shot streams of whatever you call it into the air. It dribbled down from between her legs onto me, soaking my pants.

“Damn it… those were my good pants.” She sighed happily, shaking her tush a bit with me still buried in her.

“You were amazing Isaac… ah dare say you earned yourself more than a bed sugar cube.” She pulled her butt into the air and freed me of her confines, laying herself back down on it. She seemed quite happy with herself, smiling and drooling lightly as if she was asleep, every now and again wiggling to get comfortable. She lay there for a good ten minutes before we both heard the sounds of hooves clopping against the hard wood of the house on the other side of the door, Applejack quickly springing to her hooves and grabbing her hat.

“Get up! Ah think Granny Smith heard us!”

“What in tarnation is goin on out there Applejack?! I thought you was workin in the orchard with Big Mac!”

“Uh, nothin Granny! Just wrangling this here cattle back to her pen!”

“And how does it feel amazin?” Her face turned deathly white, the door knob being turned by Granny.

“Shit!” I reached down and tore my pants back into place as the door swung open, Granny Smith standing in the frame of the door.

“What in tarnation is THAT?!”

“FUCK!” I stood up, trying to pull my pants back up as I got to my feet and ran faster than greased toward the door. Granny Smith for whatever reason pursued me with a switch in her teeth, whipping me painfully as I burst out into the evening sun.

“GO ON! GIT YA VERMIT!”

“Aaaah! I’m trying!” Her switch burned when I came in contact with my flesh, my pants only then being pulled up all the way.

“DON’T YA DARE COME BACK NOW! AHL SWITCH YA!” She whipped me across the back, sending me into a painfully sprint craze down the hill I came up earlier that morning, not even sure of where I was going. I kept running until I had actually came upon the verges of Ponyville, smashing into a house to stop myself entirely.

“God… damn it… can’t… BREATHE.” I collapsed to the ground in exhaustion, breathing as if I had been drowning not a moment ago. Slowly, I had my lungs back under my own control and was able to stand again. I finally noticed something missing.

“Aw man! I left my fucking Jacket!” I never left the house without my jacket, none the less left it somewhere.

“Damn it… that was my favorite jacket.” Looking about the place, I saw it was defiantly going to get dark soon. Ponies would definitely be heading sometime, and I would have the perfect opportunity to skitter into an alley and hide. As I thought, many of the stands at the market were packing up for the night, ponies heading in doors.

“Alright, shouldn’t be too long of a-“

“Are you okay… human?”

“FFFFFFUCK.”

“Are you alone?! Do you need help?” I snapped to the source of the voice, covering my crotch with both hands.

“PLEASE DON’T RAPE ME!” Oh shit Lyra.

“What? Why would I do that? You’ve obviously had something very traumatizing happen to you! Please come inside you need to get out of the open before somepony sees you!” Lyra was standing on her porch looking out to me, using her magic to grab me by the hand and yank me towards her.

“What? But you don’t even know me!”

“Doesn’t matter, you’re a human in need just like any pony would be. Now get in the house before some pony sees you!” She used her magic to full on lift me several feet off the ground and into her door, quickly slamming the door behind her and locking it with a padlock.

“Jebus I was gonna say yes!” I said rubbing my head flat on my ass on the floor. She rushed about the place in some sort of panic, closing every blind in the house and locking every door. I stood up, watching her every move. The last few mares I had the pleasure of sharing my company with hadn’t been quite trustworthy, Lyra I couldn’t even guess what sort of ideas were going through her head right now. She trotted up to me, looking back and forth in the house.

“Okay… just wanna make sure no pony sees you!”

“Why is that so important to you may I ask?”

“Well, I don’t think many ponies know about humans, don’t wanna scare somepony.”

“Okay… I’m afraid but convinced.”

“So what’s your name human?”

“Isaac… and you?”

“Lyra, Lyra Heartstrings! Expert on human history and anthropology! Glad to make your acquaintance!” She threw me a hoof, smiling wider then a semi truck. I held her hoof in my hand and shook it.

“Isaac… thanks for taking me in Miss Heartstrings.”

“Oh it wasn’t a problem! I’ve never seen a real human before! The text book pictures are so much more different than the real thing!” She said it between giggles, as if it were an entirely different language all together. When I went to pull my hand away from our little shake, she placed another hoof on top of the hand.

“Wow… so this is what a “hand” really looks like… so bony and… flexible.” She stared intently at my hand, me trying to pull away before she slobbered all over it… or did something even worse. ( Lyra X human cliché in 3… 2… 1… )

“I love them… your hands are beautiful!”

“Heh heh… well uh… thanks.” I pulled my hand from her, her smile fading.

“Oh… sorry. Got a little carried away I guess.” She quickly turned around and rushed into the kitchen, all I could do was follow her the short distance into the other room.

“Whatcha doing Lyra? Making dinner?”

“Yeah um… just need some help getting this one pan out.”

“Really? Your magic not getting it?”

“Just… grab it and pull for me will ya?” The pan she was talking about was deeply lodged in a pile of other wares, only the silver handle visible. I grabbed the offending ware and braced the pile, giving a long steady pull. Before I could relieve the pan of its prison however, a turquoise arua surrounded it and yanked it out.

“What? I thought you said-“ She brought the thing down on my skull, knocking most of the sense out of me.

“Bu bu… bu… bleh.” She came down a second time, bringing on the inky blackness that first brought me to Fluttershy again.

Author's Note

If you want me to send you the story to edit it for me, thanks but no. I have a procrastinating friend to do that. Also, no questions damn it.

Chapter 3

Sometimes profanity seems so appropriate it hurts, but there also times where if I were to call out I would probably bring more mares with bad intentions. BUT… when you wake up in a back alley of Ponyville with your own shirt tied around your mouth, dirty words written all over you in sharpie, pants pulled down and shoes most likely stolen, a fuck here or there doesn’t hurt.

“Fuck me… wait, no. Disregard that.” Pulling my shirt out of my mouth and sitting up, something crinkled against my chest. Looking down I saw a piece of paper taped to me, stained by liquid. I pulled it off and groaned as I read it.

“Dear Isaac,

The first thing you ought to know is that it’s mating season here in Ponyville. Guess I should’ve told you that, but I have no regrets about what I did. Sorry for bashing you on the top of the head with the pan, I honestly thought I could get it in one bash but you know what they say, second time’s the charm. To be honest I treated you nicely, laid you in a bed and put on some smooth jazz and rode you until my hip was bruised. You wouldn’t finish, so I did in your mouth. You were a good ride, thanks for the rape.

Sincerely, Lyra.

P.S. If you wanna know where I am so you can get revenge on me, go to hell. Also I fixed your shin.”

“I fucking hate rape.” I pulled my pants up and folded the note into my pocket. Standing up, I looked out the alley into the still dark town. Most of the lights about the place were out, only a few establishments still having anything going on. Slowly I slipped my shirt on and exited the dark confines of the alley, stealing into the night looking for a way out. Getting revenge on Lyra was far from my mind, glad I was at the least not conscience for it. I was already going to hell for what I’ve done, so looking for her might just double it according to her note.

“Hey bro, what you up to?” A large echoing voice tore through my ears, the familiar tone leading me to believe it was that fucker in the clouds again.

“What do you want? Can’t you see I’m sneaking out of this fuck infested town?”

“Hey now, I said you had to complete my challenge and you’d get your computer back. Leaving Ponyville will only make it worse for you.”

“Fuck you, I’m going.”

“Adult dragon Spike rape.”

“What?”

“Is exactly what will happen to you if you leave. I will summon that dude and he will bend you over the nearest flat surface I shit you not.”

“I’m not scared, we’re in season 3 damn it.”

“OH IS THAT HOW YOU GONNA PLAY IT? Then how about this? This is right after “Griffon the brush off” and I’ve got half the mind to bring that 4 foot monster right to you.”

“4 feet? I remember him being much taller.”

“I wasn’t talking about his height… in a sense. And you’ll still be a fucked up transsexual.”

You know, I think I’d rather kill myself and go to hell.”

“Trick question, this IS your hell.”

“WHAT?!”

“Good luck bro, I’ve got some Deidra to slay!”

“Fine, see you later Sheogorath.”

“Actually the names Brahma thank you.”

“Huh, isn’t that eye opening?” In my expert sneaking something appeared in a noteworthy way. A club with booming base and a sign in front.

“Non-ponies drink for free. Hmmm…” While I’m not old enough to drink on Earth, I figure that while I still have “momma’s little fuck toy” written on my forehead, now might be the time to calm the spirits with some alcoholic bliss. Many species of absolute what the fuck stood outside of the club, chatting and sipping on some glasses of drink. Most were Griffons, some being zebras and what looked like sea ponies. Wanna know how they got there? Then fuck off. Carefully I moved towards the building, trying to look as nonchalant as possible. The patrons sitting outside paid no mind to me, barely throwing me a glance. The door was left open, propped open by a small chalk board with the words “specials” on it. Quickly scanning the board revealed nothing surprising, salads and soups for ponies, meat for griffons. “Scream me some more” blared at an ear shattering volume inside, calling me to it. I love Vinyl Scratch, this song being my absolute favorite. But my options were considered before making any brash decisions, the potential for pony rape probably being much lower in there then out in the open.

“Ugh… fuck it. I need alcohol.” I stepped in, the place almost completely dark and filled to the brim with dancing creatures and ponies alike. The stage was covered by towering stereos, topped by Vinyl herself. She thumped her head up and down to the beat, the audience picking up ponies and sending Pegasi into the air in a flurry of motion. On the other side, behind a fence mind you, was the bar. A neon blue light lit the length of it, the floor lighting up with each step someone took. Calmly, and sort of walking to the beat of the deafening song I walked up to the bar, searching for an open seat. All of them seemed full, a blob of a body occupying it in the darkness. Finally one revealed its self, right next to a familiar rainbow tail.

‘Okay, mare, mane six, probably drunk, you’re looking to get drunk… wait, we can make this work.’ I take a seat next to her, trying not to draw attention to myself. The bar was illuminated, and by some scientific bullshit I don’t even care about the sound seemed to be dampened drastically, enough to hear conversations without ponies or griffons having to yell. The bartender was turned away from me, making someone a drink.

“Hey, can I get the most ridiculously powerful drink ya got?”

“A powerful drink you ask? For me it will be an easy task.”

“Zecora?”

“Dangerous potions, I don’t just brew. I do know my way around a cocktail or two.”

“Huh, rhyming’s not as good as I remember.”

“Don’t get smart with me, or bounced your ass will be.”

“Fine, just… give me the strongest thing you got.”

“I only have with me, this bottle of Everfree.”

“On the rocks leave the bottle.”

“Feeling fruity yes? Wanting to pick up some mares I guess?”

“Just bring me the drink and let me be on my way.” With a bit of a frown the Zebra turned away, setting out to retrieve the drink.

“A whole bottle of Everfree? That’s like, 95% alcohol.” Rainbow Dash spoke up, sipping her drink through a tiny straw.

“Trust me, if you’ve been through what I have you’d need it.” She inspected me quickly, raising an eyebrow.

“Something tells me you’re not from around here.”

“Trottingham… I’m sticking to that.”

“Trottingham? Huh, only thing in Trottingham is that weird milk mare.”

‘Ick, belly tits… get your god damn finger off that search bar.’

“I’m just in town for a while, gonna leave tomorrow.”

“Leave tomorrow? I would think you’d be recovering from a massive hang over.”

“Then I’m walking out with a head ache!” Rainbow chuckled a bit, Zecora setting my bottle and shot glass on the table in front of me.

“Thanks Zebra.”

“Wow, thought we were bros dude, can’t believe you’d say something so rude.”

“Lame rhyme Zecora.”

“Douche.” She turned about again, making her way to another patron of the bar. Now all I had was my drink, and my ice, my two best friends right now. Rainbow’s ears perked up, me pouring a shot for myself.

“You gonna drink that whole thing on your own?”

“Maybe, if shit goes my way.” I take a shot, the fowl liquid being even worse than I could imagine.

“Ugh… Party.mov you lied to me!” Rainbow pushed her glass away, turning in her spinny chair to face me.

“Somethin bad happen?”

“How do you mean?”

“Well most ponies only ever buy Everfree to have a drinking contest, or kill themselves.”

“That actually doesn’t sound too bad right now… I haven’t been in the best of luck as of late.”

“Me neither, one of my oldest friends just turned on me today. I thought she was nice and cool… turns out it was only for me.”

“Would it be that spooky griffon?”

“Yeah, how’d you know about that?”

“Let’s just say, I get around a lot and read a lot.” She shuffled in her seat, another shot being poured for my reluctant consumption.

“Mind um… sharing that?”

“Not at all, already feeling sick from the first one.” She slid her glass over to me, being completely void of ice or liquid. I poured just enough to cover the bottom of the glass in a thin film of liquid, Rainbow somehow picking it up with her hoof.

“Here’s to drinking durin hard times.”

“Amen to that sister.” We clinked our glasses, both of us taking a quick gulp of the almost pure alcohol.

Whoo, that packs a punch huh?”

“Ick, it certainly wasn’t worth what I paid.”

“You mean nothing?”

“Hush you.” I’ve never really drank anything alcoholic, maybe a sip or two of some dry vodka here and there, but this actually had a plan behind it.

“Yo Isaac, I see you getting hammered with the pony. Is that really weird thing about arbitrarily not having sex with ponies finally breaking?”

“No, I have a master plan dick nozzle.”

“Really now?”

“Yeah, get black out drunk, have sex with rainbow dash during said drunkenness so I don’t remember it, and then move on with my life as I would.”

“Thanks, now it’s my job to fuck it up.”

“It’s full proof, no way you can mess it up.”

“You’ll see dick mobile.” Rainbow dinked her glass against my head, looking into my eyes.

“Hey buddy? You alright in there?”

“Wha? Oh, yeah. I’m fine.” I pour her another shot, putting my glass down and tilting my head in its new found heaviness.

“So human, you got a name?”

“Isaac… I know you’re name from the papers.”

“Oh yeah, that sonic rainboom right?”

“Something like that.”

“Well Isaac, you seem like you’ve been down on your luck, wanna talk about it?”

“Depends, is that ALL you want to do?”

“I’m guessing you’ve had mare troubles?” Something like a smile creeped across my face, my chest lightening in at her comment.

“How’d you guess?”

“Well, I’m not an egg head reader, but I’m not sure if every human has the same “Momma’s little fuck toy” written on their foreheads.” My eyes twitched, hand rushing to my forehead.

“Also I don’t think “bitch” and “boy toy” are supposed to be written on their arms.” I chuckled at her comment, looking to my forearms.

“Yeah… hasn’t been the best week.” She lightly punched me in the arm, taking a shot.

“Mmh, sucks man.” I took a shot, feeling a little spinny already.

“Goodness gracious… this is some potent stuff.”

“It’s amazing we’re still talking, or that you haven’t passed out on the floor.”

“Heh heh, you too Dash.” She and I shared 2 more shots, both of us shaking back and forth in our seats.

“And so, get this! GOD, of all things, sent me here, to fuck mares! I don’t even wanna fuck mares!”

“Hahahaha! What are you? Gay?!”

“I think I’d rather be!” She and I laughed at the incredibly unfunny pun, Zecora trotting up to us with a disgruntled look about her.

“You two are being rather loud, wouldn’t you like to go dance with the gigantic crowd?”

“Wha… what did African horse just say?”

“I dunno… something about… rhyming.”

“African horse! Learn to speak before you go… throwing your Yoda talk at me!” Zecora narrowed her eyes at us, walking away to the very margin of the table.

“She left me Dashie… I think she’s mad at us.”

“Naw man, she’s just shy.”

“Please don’t say shy.” Dashie and took one more shot, the overpowering nature of the alcohol making it hard to see straight or hear her.

“Dude… we need to stop drinking this before we do something we regret.”

“Finally! A mare that agrees with me!” I push the bottle away, it flying over the other side of the bar and crashing to the floor.

“Ooops.” I felt a warm tingling sensation around my shoulder, being yanked back out of the chair in the same breath.

“OH FUCK.” I crashed to the floor, Dashie falling back onto my stomach. Two huge stallions stood over me, Zecora between them as the magic aura around their horns dissipated.

“Dashie… I think the African horse is mad at us…”

“Dude… your belly is so WHITE.” The stallions didn’t waste time asking Zecora or the manager, they grabbed us with their magic again and drug us through the crowd and up several flights of stairs I don’t quite recall being there before. With bruised body and probably more vomit then I’m willing to admit, they threw us out into the street roughly. I landed straight on my face, Rainbow landing on my head.

“And don’t come back!”

“Was it entirely vital to make those 8 flights f stairs out of magic?”

“It was funny wasn’t it?”

“… yeah, I shouldn’t doubt you Frank.” They walked back in through the doors, Rainbow picking herself up rather unsteadily.

“Isaac… did we die?”

“I dunno, by now I’m just glad Fluttershy hasn’t found me.”

“Fluttershy’s looking for you?”

“It’s a long and… wet story.” I rolled onto my back, sitting up to about her eye level. Looking about I saw that no pony or griffon occupied the area, the only sound coming from the repressed music of the club and Rainbow’s stomach gurgling.

“You alright Dash? You sound kinda rumbly in the tumbly.” She swayed side to side, face turning a sick shade of green. Before booze brain could conjugate a thought, Rainbow let out a torrent of puke onto my chest and pants.

“Aw sick man! I just had those… Applejacked!” She let it out, quickly surveying her misdeed.

“Heh heh… ya got stinky stuff on you.” She giggled a bit, almost veering to her side while I tried to stand up.

“Dashie… I thought you were nice and stuff! … looks like My little Dashie was a FUCKIN lie too.”

“Isaac… don’t sweat it man. I’ll take ya home and get ya washed up… if I can remember which way is up.”

“That is… severely alarming.” She lazily flapped her wings, bringing herself into the air above me. Her arms worked under mine to get a sufficient grip, the force of her flapping actually lifting me to my feet.

“Uh Dashie, I’m afraid of heights! Honestly I think I- OH NO!” She lifted me a meager foot off the ground, my brain processing it as a thousand.

“DASH! I’M GONNA FALL!”

“Oh shut up heavy!”

“I VANT MY SANDVICH!” She continued her labored lifting, eventually getting a good thirty feet into the air.

“I’m gonna die… I’m gonna fall and die an old lady!”

“Isaac! I can’t find my house with you yelling about boning old ladies!” She flapped lazily and very much wobbly over to a mass of clouds, rainbow waterfalls crashing down into small reservoirs.

“Wait… I can’t walk on clouds…”

“Don’t worry, I had my whole house enchanted to so ponies could walk on it!”

“Huh… why doesn’t anyone think of that?”

“Cuz, I’m awesome and thuper cereal cool.” She hovered a good 10 feet over the front yard of the cloud house, her grip slipping.

“Dash? … DASH?! The only thing that scares me more than heights is falling! DASH?! You’re still letting go!” She lurched right, sounding like she was ready to puke again.

“Well how else am I gonna get you down there?!”

“NOT dropping me!”

“That wouldn’t work! It’s science don’t question it!” She let go, sending me falling in a silent terror to the surface of the cloud home. I hit the fluff of the ground, not bouncing or feeling any shock, just landing softly with a slight foompf . I sat there for a good few seconds, face snow white in terror and eyes wider than a freight train. Rainbow crashed next to me, burying her face into the cloud mass next to me.

“Come on buddy, we gotta get that nasty stuff off you pronto!” She lifted her head form the cloud, puffs of white sticking to her face. I wasn’t moving, too far in shock to breathe.

“Oh come on ya big baby! It wasn’t THAT far of a fall… Isaac?” She waved a hoof in front of my face, almost falling into the gap it left. She sighed, grabbing me by the sleeve of my shirt and pulling my along the surprisingly slippery cloud face. She pulled me with surprising strength, getting me through her door and into her amazing house.

“Woooow… Dashie you have a really nifty house!” The entire place was a sight of absolute awe, waterfalls of rainbow cascading down like outside, the room erected into a circular shape surrounded by clouds engraved with intricate ancient Greece style etchings. The area we were in at the moment had no doors or stairs what so ever, instead a ninety degree incline up to the top portion of the house where the tops of the door frames peaked over the railing. A kitchen like set up showed in this bottom portion, the sink, counter and fridge all carved from clouds.

“I know, I made it myself.” She fell over onto her side, her legs kicking rather feebly.

“Ugh… you need to lose some weight tubby.”

“Fuck you stripety thingy.” We both found it impossible to stand up, Dashie rolling around the floor like and itchy dog. I came to the conclusion that the second the room stopped it’s insolent spinning I could try, but until then I was trying to keep the smell of pony vomit form over powering my nose.

“You’re plan worked like magic didn’t it genius?”

“God… is that you?”

“Stop asking me that, now get up. This is boring and I’m almost out of popcorn and milkduds.”

“I can’t get up… I can’t feel my legs.”

“GET ON WITH IT.” My legs move about themselves, kicking and trying to walk. They curled up and then spontaneously uncoiled to launch me to a standing position.

“Oh fuck I’m standing!” Dashie looked over to me, wings buzzing a little.

“Isaac help me up… the floor won’t stop spinning.” I wobbled over to her, bending down to scoop her up. Her legs kicked at my touch, not being used to the sensation. One of her legs kicked much harder than I expected, hitting me square in my abused stomach. Unfortunately, because of the putrid contents I had consumed, I immediately puked onto her belly.

“EEEEW! The heck man?!”

“Sorry… got kinda sick.”

“Ugh… now I need a bath too.”

“Well, how are we gonna get up to the bathroom?”

“Get me on my hooves, then I can try and fly up there.” I moved a hand under her back, rolling her onto her hooves. She barely was able to stand, her ears flopping up and down involuntarily.

“Come on Isaac, let’s get cleaned up.” She flopped up into the air, barely getting a grip on my arms. She flapped her wings harder and harder, eventually lifting me off my feet.

“Don’t look down Isaac… I don’t want puke on my floor.” We ascended painfully slow, probably being bested by a turtle. On that note, Tank flew up to Rainbow’s face. Tank gave her a very, very… VERY slow lick up the side of her face, her hold on me wobbling.

“Hey Tank… I gotta… take care of something before… I get to bed.” She nuzzled him back, but continued to pull me up to the upper level. She floated over the floor, stopping her wings abruptly, sending us both to the ground.

“DASH!”

“Sorry, got tired.”

“Just help me get in the bath Dash.” She and I somehow flipped into the bathroom, the tub a simple square of clouds with a deep basin in the middle. I fell into it, Rainbow crawling in next to me.

“You bath in those clothes?”

“I’d rather.”

“How weird would you have to be to bathe in clothes?”

“How stupid would I have to be to get in a tub naked with a mare?!”

“Oh come on sir fagula! How unattractive can I be to you?!”

“VERY!”

“Ugh, fine. We’ll bathe in the clothes.” She caned her neck and grabbed a dial in her teeth, cranking it to one side as water crashed through the nozzle. The water came down in a wash of cold as fuck. Rainbow laid under the water, letting it run through her fur in what looked like total bliss.

“Huh… don’t wanna get my new boots wet.” I untied my laces, pulling off my black boots and throwing them onto the floor with my socks.

“Okay, sufficient bathing attire.” The water built up higher and higher, coming up to her tail base.

“Isaac, you sure you wanna bathe in clothes covered puke?” My ravaged mind ran through Brain.exe, looking for a certain file marked “plan”. Sadly it seemed to be replaced with 4 pints of Everfree.

“Ya know what… not really.” I removed the reeking clothes, my underwear remaining very much glued to me.

“Wuz that thing?”

“My underwear, it’s gonna stay.”

“Whatever man.” I reached over and grabbed some sort of plastic bottle, assuming it was soap. I tried to squeeze some into my hand, mostly missing and getting it on my legs.

“Fuck…. fuck… fuuuuck.” Several attempts turned into drunken slurs of frustration. Rainbow Dash got back onto her hooves when the water reached my stomach, trudging over to me unsteadily.

“Hey man… I’m not really up to touching puke... can you do it?”

“You can’t even wash youself?”

“Naw, I just don’t wanna.”

“You’re lazy.”

“You’re fat and pasty white.”

“How bout this, I’ll wash my barf off you, and you can get the stuff on me?”

“I can do that… I think.” She grabbed a wash cloth in her hoof, me doing the same with one of my hands. Sloppily we smeared the soap against each other, me having a tough time getting off the sticky stuff from her fur. She poured soap on my bare chest, burping while she and I scrubbed each other. I moved up to her lower neck, Dash moving higher up and getting was on my neck. She pushed with her whole body, leaning into me.

“Darn it… you’re too tall.” She got closer and closer, sitting between my legs and rubbing my chin. I rubbed the wash cloth against her cheek, much to her discontent.

“Watch the face buddy! It’s ma money maker!” She slopped her cloth into my face, sending me falling back in the tub.

“Ah! It’s raping me!” I panic, throwing my arms on my face and tearing it off. It flopping to the floor with a loud splat.

“Darn it Isaac! Now I gotta get it!” She started to climb onto me, grabbing my shoulders and sliding up my body.

“Bwaaaaaaah it tickles.” I slurred, Rainbow pulling her thighs up to my hip.

“Eep, I feel a warm spot.”

“Aaaaaaaaaah yeaaaaaaaah.” Rainbow moaned, her hips bucking into me.

“Dash? … DASH?! Why are you peeing on me?!” I slurred, arms weakly trying to push her off. She simply gripped harder, pulling herself flush with my body as the warm spot on my crotch moved up and down rapidly.

“Dash! I demand you stop!”

“When I’m done bwaaaaaaaah…” She buried her face in my shoulder, her hips kicking up a massive amount of water over the side in their crazy bucking and rubbing. My arms were caught between me and her, too weak to push the small horsey off of me. Her legs kicked about against my sides, pulling down my underpants with her hooves.

“Isaac! Stop squirming so much!”

“Stop peeing on me!” My last line of protection was pulled down barely past hips, the warm spot becoming something more terrifying.

“OH MA GAWD!” Now I was really squirming against her, my brain finally processing something other than urine. Her grip stayed the same, defeating my struggle like I wasn’t even trying. Water splashed over the edges and onto the floor noisily, the whole scenario filled with screaming, moaning and splashing. Her tongue touched to my neck, Rainbow bringing her hips up higher than expected once.

“Get, OFF ME!” I bucked up, drunkenly trying to flop her off. But, as if something was trying to fuck up my day, I heaved right into her.

“BWAAAAAAAH! THAT’S AMAZING!” Suddenly something changed, the room stopped spinning, my stomach unknotted, my mind could think straight with the loud ringing in my ears ceasing.

“God I’m going to kill you.” To be short, I wasn’t drunk anymore. That being said, Rainbow increased her wild humping smashing my already sore hips.

“AAAAAAAAAAAH! DASH! NO! BAD PONY! BAD!” My arms are still lodged under her heaving chest.

“No! Pony want!”

“NO! PONY FUCK OFF!”

“I heard fuck!” She bit my neck, almost drawing blood.

“AAAH! I DENY YOU SHE DEVIL!” She bucked roughly a few times, burying me in my entirety. She shoved me about in the tub, her heart beating in a fury of excitement against my arms.

“Isaac! Imma bout to… BOUT TO.”

“DON’T YOU DARE!”

“Gonna do it!”

“NOOOOOOO-“

“AAAAAAND THAT’S THE DAAAAASH!” Suddenly there was an intense rushing of warm liquid from her choking embrace around my girth. She shivered and twitched, her wings flapping like mad on the water. She loosened up a bit, sighing in blissful content.

“Dayum Isaac… you ride better than a stallion for being so small.”

“Small? … SMAAAAAAALL?!” I flung her off of me, sending her crashing against the opposite end of the tub.

“Watch it dude! The wings are sensitive!”

“NO! This isn’t even funny anymore! Before it was just fuck the pony, get knocked out and get on with it! Now I’m getting ripped on for my fucking dick!”

“Gee man, I said you were a good ride.”

“I DON’T WANNA HEAR THAT GOD DAMN IT!” My rage built up like an overflowing dam, my face quickly reddening.

“Heh heh… you look funny when you’re angry Isaac!” She giggled in the tub, hiccupping and flopping her ears up and down lazily. As if by some drug, her adorable appearance soothed my fiery rage. The whole reason I enjoyed MLP was to calm me down, make me happy. And god damn it, no self respecting brony can argue with the Dash!

“Any more freak out left in you?”

“I… I ju- … damn it Dash! Stop being so cute so I can be mad!”

“No! I refuse funny monkey thing!” She rolled about in the tub, the water having soaked everything to the nth degree.

‘Okay, obviously shit hasn’t been going good with Dash. I’m not sure if she wants to outright rape me, but I think it would do us all some good to just slow down a bit.’

“Okay Dash, why don’t I… put you to bed and we can discuss this like normal pony things?” She didn’t respond as much as let out a huge burp, several bubbles floating up onto the surface from behind her.

“That’s kinda sick, but I digress. Let’s get you dried off.” I grab a towel off of one shelves in the room, laying it out on the floor before reaching into the basin to retrieve her.

“We gonna do it in the bed too?”

“No, I’m putting you to bed and that will be the end of it.”

“Oh come on Isaac! You know you can’t resist the Dash!”

“Maybe for some light cuddling no, but I kid you not I hate rape.”

“I liked it, it can’t be rape!”

“I think we have a miscommunication.” I laid her on the towel, rubbing it over her soft body. She barely resisted at all, derpily letting her eyes droop sleepily. I scrubbed delicately over her wings, not wanting to excite her again. Then finally I dried her flank and underside, Dash throwing some remarks in a slurred as hell fashion.

“I thought you didn’t wanna buck!”

“Just drying Dash. Make this easy.” Her tail swished about excitedly, brushing against my face and neck.

“Come on! Dash hasn’t had some good ol TLC in a while!”

“I beg to differ miss bath tub rapist.”

“Sheesh man you’re a hard ass.” The drying complete I threw the towel across the room, snapping my fingers to get her attention.

“Bed. Now.”

“Who are you to tell me what I gotta do?”

“Dash!”

“Fine, fine! Just stop with the yelling for goodness sake!” She made her way out of the bathroom, me grabbing her leg.

“I mean go to your bedroom, not out the window.”

“This IS where my bed room is!”

“Really? Cuz all I see is a thousand foot drop to the ground!”

“Isaac I know what I’m doing, mkay? I’m sure I can get to bed, and not have to have you yankin’ on me!” She tried to pull her back leg out of my hand, pulling freakishly hard. I wasn’t expecting to let go anytime soon and the water on the floor only added to this calamity. She pulled me directly out of the window.

“DAAAAAAAASH!”

“Ooops… maybe I should try and save him! … meh, Dash tired” The wind beat me as I fell. Ripping through my hair and thin underwear.

“Told ya I’d fuck it up.”

“This seems a little extreme!”

“Don’t sweat it bro, you won’t die maybe.”

“Maybe?! But how will I finish the test if I die?!”

“Easy! You start all over!”

“SHIIIIIIIIIIT!” I spun wildly in the air, coming closer and closer to what looked like the Everfree forest.

“Oh no! He’s putting me back at the beginning! He knows I’m gonna die!”

“Aaaaaaand BOOM goes the stick!” With such words uttered from the indefinite source, a large branch struck me in the forehead. The same blackness I’d seen many a time took over, shrouding my world in a welcomed darkness.

Author's Note

Author’s notes: I hate this chapter. I know it sucks and I never wanna see it again. Also I like the name Fresh Cookies. So, my best regards to him.

Chapter 4

“Isaac. Isaac wake up else your tea will get cold.” I burst to a bright light, sitting in an uncomfortable chair with a thing of amber liquid in my hand. Looking down I saw myself covered in fancy clothing and white gloves, a tiny hat sitting on top of my head. Fluttershy, Applejack and Rainbow Dash all sat on a couch opposite to me, wearing similarly fancy clothing and holding steamy tea cups.

“Huh… this is an… interesting setting.”

“It’s your mind Isaac. Surprisingly blank.” Fluttershy said, sipping from her drink.

“Oh. Did I die?”

“Not really.”

“Not really?”

“Maybe minor brain damage, you might just loose all memory of your brother.”

“Mkay… seems like something I can live with.” I took a sip of my extremely bitter tea, the 3 mares sitting calmly and giving me normal looks.

“So um… Applejack do you still have my Jacket?”

“Indeed.”

“Is there any way I can get it back?”

“Unfortunately not, I’m probably masturbating in it as we speak.”

“Hm, I’m not sure I like that.”

“Sorry partner. Not much ah can do as a figment of yer imagination.”

“True, true. Also Dash may I ask you a question?”

“Go ahead.”

“Why did you pee on me?”

“I had quite a bit to drink, I was holding it till I wasn’t close enough to you where you wouldn’t feel it. But I got stimulated and it just gushed out.”

“Not your fault then I guess.”

“I still find it funny I got to wiz on you.”

“Don’t push it missy.” I sipped my tea again, shifting around in my seat to try and get comfortable.

“So… is there a way out of here?”

“There’s a door, but Jesus said he wanted to talk to you before you left.”

“Jesus?” A man in a tuxedo came from behind me, pulling up a seat next to the mares.

“Sorry I’m late guys, had a Westboro Baptist I had to send to hell.” The man’s hair was long, his beard scraggly and short.

“Sup bra?”

“Jesus?”

“Yeah man. Joint?” He said, holding out a small little white joint to me. In absolute disbelief I accepted, letting him spark me up.

“So I hear Dad’s putting you through some weird stuff.”

“Yeah… you could say that.”

“I know what you’re going through, but I can’t really convince him to stop doing what’s he doing. But, I have an offering for you to maybe help motivate you.”

“Kay… please, humor me.”

“I’ll get valve to make half life 3 and I’ll change season 3 of MLP to be good.”

“But I liked season 3.”

“Hush up now Isaac, I know what I’m doing here.”

“I think I’m getting the short end of the stick here.”

“Half life 3 dude, what more could you ask for?”

“But I don’t play PC ga-“

“Well it’s all I got, so just be glad I gave you that.” He stood up, putting a hand to my shoulder.

“Come on now Isaac, you gotta a test to pass.”

“But I’d rather smoke a joint here where it’s nice and civilized.”

“Isaac… seriously just make this easy.” He pulled me up out of the chair, leading me into the white abyss that surrounded us.

“Uh maybe we can talk this over? Maybe I can just snuggle them really roughly?”

“Not my rules man, gotta do what the big man says.” He led me through the whiteness, approaching a door with the word “reality” above it in red. He let go of me and stood at the door and opened it for me.

“Just take the door and the challenge will be resumed.”

“Will I remember any of what I’ve just seen?”

“Yes. Plus you get to keep the hat!”

“But… I’ll be bare ass naked except for my underwear if I don’t get to keep the clothes.”

“Holy crap kid, I didn’t think it’d be so hard to get a teenager your age to go out and fuck some free pussy. Really man!”

“There’s quite a difference between “pussy” and Applejack’s ass!”

“Well, I’m no dirty ass clopper so it’s not my problem. See ya bra.” He shoved me through the door, me falling into a black abyss of anonymous. I couldn’t scream for whatever reason, the wind tearing through my hair and jacket being surprisingly light and gentle. Then I felt as If I hit the ground face first, coming back into reality on the shore of a lake. I was on this lake, but I could barely see anything. It’s like those scenes in call of duty where the character is about to die and all you hear is the sound of his labored breathing and heartbeat.

“I just found him here this morning. I couldn’t tell what kind of pony he was, but his hooves all are silly looking.”

“Looks like something struck him in the cranium, look at this wound.” Something poked me in the head, exciting much pain out of it.

“Cranium? Oh I love that game!”

“No Derpy, I’m talking about his head! Look at the wound on his head!”

“Oh… I just assumed he had jam on his head.”

“We better get this thing over to the library to see if we can bring him back.”

“Wouldn’t the hospital be better? They’re really nice ponies! They got my head out of the sewer pipe that one time!”

“I don’t think the hospital would be much help to this… thing.”

“How are we gonna get him to the tree place?”

“I’ll use my magic, you can come if you want… but DON’T TOUCH ANYTHING!”

“No problem spook book pony! I got it!” Something warm and soft engulfed me, lifting me up into the air. All my muscles rejected every twitch and movement I tried to make, my inability to cry out leaving me only in a face of total pain. Because of it, I blacked out again. But, it wasn’t 5 seconds of peace and quiet before I came back to my senses. Strapped onto a cold table looking up at a roof that looked like a cross section of a log.

“Spooky purple pony! It’s eyes are moving!” A voice with a severe lisp cried out only a few feet away from me. My head, wrists and ankles were bolted tight to the table tight enough to prevent any sort of movement. I couldn’t even turn my head to look away from the brutal light shining on my face.

“Note taken, pupils dilate according to light.” A pencil scratched against a piece of paper somewhere out of view, Twilight’s voice coming through to my ears. Something poked the side of my face, some pony’s hot breath being blown into my ears.

“You think it can talk?”

“Maybe if you stop poking my damn face.” I heard a gasp from both of them, a soft clop coming from their hooves run across the floor.

“Subject can talk… speaks equestrian.”

“I’m from Trottingham… I don’t mean any harm if that’s why you put me in this thing.”

“Seems to have a male voice… speaks through a mouth.”

“Seriously, I’m getting kinda spooked being stuck on this table.”

“How do we know you’re not lying? How can we devise if you don’t want to eat us?”

“I dunno, he looks kinda squishy and thin.” Something poked my rips gently, Derpy’s voice ripping my heart out in cuteness.

“Okay then, prove you don’t want to eat us.”

“Uuuuuuuuh… I’d seriously rather chew my fingers off then hurt a pony?”

“So?”

“Okay… how about I have a very special somepony?”

“That would explain the female ejaculate on your loin cloth. But not the immense amount of pony urine.”

“Yeeeeaah… about that.”

“How come on purple pony! He sounds nice enough! Also he’s kinda cute! Like a puppy!”

“Yes yes! Listen to the mare!” There was a short pause, my eyes searching for a view of them but to no avail. Then a light pink aura of magic unhooked my head coupling, only the right hand restraint doing so as well.

“You can use your right hoof, and look around. But I still don’t quite trust you.”

“Well, what can I tell you to convince you I won’t hurt you?”

“Nothing really.” I threw her a look, seeing a rather bothered Twilight. Her mane was a mess, her horn shining from sweat and her fur matted round her chest and neck.

“Yeah, I figured just as much.” She wrote some more things on her clip board, Derpy making her way right up to my face. She came up so close her nose pressed against mine, her left eye inspecting my face while the other the ceiling. She carefully examined every aspect of my face, my attempt to pull away from her only leading her to follow me.

“Uuuuuh… can I help you?”

“Your breath smells really bad! What did you eat?”

“Derpy! Get away from it! You don’t whether or not it’s going to try and bite!”

“He didn’t try and bite me this time.”

“True… but I still don’t like the look of those teeth.” She yanked my gums up from my teeth, taking a quick sketch.

“Ah! AAH! At urts!”

“Oh quit whining, I’m just taking a quick look! … Aaaaand there we go!” She let my mouth alone, my hand rushing to rub its aching friend. She took the paper off and laid it on a pile of paper at the least 2 feet tall.

“Quite a bit of notes you got there.”

“I always take good notes Isaac, never miss a beat.”

“Wait, how do you know my name?” She levitated my soaked, torn underwear in front of my face. The tag still had my name written on it in sharpie. A thought hit my mind immediately, my head snapping to look down to my crotch.

“Oh gosh! I’m naked strapped to a table!” She barely looked at me, actually slapping me across the face with the cloth.

“Ow! Why would you do that?!” I said, rubbing my cheek with my free hand. She simply looked back to me, blushing like crazy while her pupils shrunk.

“Just uh… stay quiet. I need concentration to look over these notes.”

“Why DID you hit him purple thing?” Twilight blushed more, trying to look as if she was busy with her papers.

“I just need some quiet to go through my examinations!” She sorted through more paper in a very fake looking manner, obviously distracted by something. At the odd angle I was strapped I couldn’t really look too far past her plot, which in this case turned out to be a terrible detail. I saw her marehood, dripping and winking back at me. Quickly my head snapped back to look away, only to see Derpy getting dangerously close to my genitals.

“Ooooooh! It’s all small and deflated!”

“Derpy! Get away from that!” I said, swatting at her with my free arm.

“How do you know my name?!”

“That’s not important! Just get away from that thing!”

“Why? Is it dangerous? Should we remove it? PURPLE PONY! HE’S NEED SOMETHING REMOVED!”

“NO!” I silently yelled, clasping a hand over her little snoot. She squirmed a little, trying to break my manic hold. I tried not to hurt her, being a massive Derpy fan.

“Derpy! I need you to hush, PLEASE!” She started to squirm less franticly, mainly trying to pull her snoot away.

“I promise I’m not gonna hurt you! Just please hear me out!” She stop her struggle, oddly plopping down on the floor with a loud crash.

“What’s going on back there?!”

“Nothing Purple pony! Just poking the thingy!”

“Well don’t poke the “thingy” too hard, I really want to get some samples to classify his species and send it off to Celestia.” She turned back to her work, cataloging her findings and placing things into beakers and other things into whatchamajiggers. Derpy turned back to me, giving me a sympathetic look.

“What’s the matter Isack?”

“Derpy, I need you to do me a huge favor.” I whispered to her, my voice portraying my absolute fear and urgency.

“What is it? Do you need a muffin? Maybe some letters?”

“No, I need you to open the rest of these things holding me down!”

“Why? Purple pony’s kinda mean but I’m sure she won’t hurt you.”

“You don’t understand! I know something really bad is going to happen to me!”

“Like what?”

“She’s going to ra-…. Just trust me. I’ve done this like three times already!” She gave me an absolutely bewildered look, wrinkling her snoot and crossing her eyes at an impossible angle.

“Three times?”

“Just undo these hooks and I PROMISE I won’t try to eat you!”

“Well, how can I be sure you don’t wanna gobble me up?”

“Derpy, I would never hurt you. From what I’ve read in the papers about the mail services here, I couldn’t possibly… admire you anymore.”

“Admire?”

“I think you’re pretty nifty Derpy, but please! Undo these latches and let me run out that door! I’m begging you!” I took her hoof in my hand, pleading her with my eyes as hard as I possibly could. Her eyes didn’t even seem capable of focusing on anything that wasn’t on the fucking ceiling, but her eye lids somehow formed into the correct way to show empathy.

“I’ll… I’ll see what I can do.” My face immediately brightened up, my arm wrapping round her neck and hugging her against me.

“Aw thank you magnificent creature! I promise I’ll find a way to pay you back!” She giggled and blushed, pulling away from me.

“Daw, well… it’s really nothing I assure you heh heh!” She giggled in place for a while, blushing and crossing her eyes in every direction but the right one.

“Uuuh… Derpy? Now is always the best time for this kind of thing.”

“Oh! Sorry! I I just got a little… distracted there.” She giggled more, making her way down the brace on my right ankle. She inspected the item up and down, tilting her head this way and that. She seemed confused about something, like her eyes weren’t quite dialed in to their correct settings.

“Huh… looks like you’re stuck buddy!”

“Uh, yeah. That’s why we had the little chat? Remember?!”

“Chat? …. Oh yeah!” She said, raising a hoof as if in a eureka moment. She put her mouth to the coupling, pulling and grunting in stress as the metal clamp no sign of surrendering to her efforts.

“Derpy! What did I tell you about eating things that aren’t on a plate?!”

“It probably won’t taste good and isn’t good for Derpy’s tummy?”

“Spit it out…. OUT YOUNG FILLY!” Derpy let the brace out of her mouth, a long trail of saliva following her mouth.

“Better, now if you could please step out for a moment I need to collect samples.”

“Step out? Samples? Better?!” Derpy looked to me in fear, my own face turning pensive as her magic forced my right hand back into the brace. Twilight made a small magic disk thing to start pushing Derpy out by her plot. Derpy kept one of her eyes on me, reaching for me.

“Isaac! I’m sorry!”

“God damn it Derpy! Don’t be sorry! Run!” Twilight forced her out the door, locking quicker than greased lightning and throwing the key across the room. Derpy scratched at the door much like a dog, Twilight pulling any shades down she had for her tiny windows. Derpy’s muffled cries could be heard ominously outside, my struggling compounded by the thick metal of the braces. Twilight pressed her head to the door, as if she was bleeding or tired form some sort of activity. If one gave her a glance it wouldn’t be too farfetched actually. Her fur was shining from the sweat, her cheeks and face flush red. Her marehood unfortunately caught my eye, still winking and dripping back at me. She turned back to me with a sick smile, approaching me with her tail wagging. She came right up to my face, her tongue hanging out of her drooling mouth as she surveyed her helpless crop.

“Mmmh… now to collect my samples.”

“Is this in the name of science?” I said, cracking a terrified grin much to her content.

“Well, once I have my samples… then we can get to the science part.” She licked her lips, pulling up a clip board and a quill with her magic. She quickly looked over the list, her grin getting bigger and bigger as she descended down.

“Are you going to rape me?”

“Collect samples...then rape you.”

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!! I HATE MY LITTLE PONY! I FUCKING HATE IT! EVERY CLOPPER CAN BURN IN HELL FOR ALL I CARE! I thrashed about like a mad man, pulling my wrists and chaffing the shit out of my ankles. She stepped back in surprise, quickly stepping back and giving me a good slap with my underwear.

“Now there won’t be any of that while we get into this. Just comply and you might enjoy yourself. I won’t be hurting you now.” She said, running a hoof down my ferocious face. I badly wanted to bite her, but her cuteness kicked my rage straight in its balls. Her giant, half open but innocent eyes started to really drive deep into my conscience. Just the very look of ponies melts my heart, and even though this one’s intentions were less than helpful to my situation.

“SPIKE! SPIKE HELP!”

“He’s out with Rarity getting diamonds. He won’t be back until late tonight. Until then…” She stuck her tongue out, licking my face from my jaw, into my eye socket and across my forehead. She let out a steady heavy breath as she did, her eyes closed in bliss.

“Weird sample there.”

“First sample, oral sample.” She said, checking her clip board up and scratching an item of with the quill. I gulped nervously, her gaze going to my lips.

“O-oral… sample?” She rammed her face into mine, connecting out lips in a sticky, dripping push. Her tongue rushed deeply into mine, her pony tongue disgustingly twice as large as mine. She pushed and pushed against my head like an animal, barely pausing to pull back not but a millimeter to catch her breath. She moaned and groaned into my mouth, growling at times even. Her saliva over powered everything else in my mouth, filling my senses with nothing but it’s taste and texture as her tongue pushing almost into the back of my throat. I gagged a bit and sputtered from her wet and suffocating embrace, not being able to pull back because of the open brace behind my head. Finally, after almost 2 whole minutes of sucking on my tongue and slobbering all over my face she pulled back. A long string of thick drool connected us, her breath ragged and her cheeks fiery red.

“Oh my… that was amazing.”

“Bleh bleh… bleh BLEH bleh… ubleh…” I said, her spittle coating everything on my face below my eyes and even some of my neck. She brought up the clip board, checking the next item off with a quill and smiling.

“Skin sample.” She said simply, climbing onto the table. I watched in bewilderment and fear, my eyes wide and shocked.

“I thought you were going to rape me last.”

“This isn’t rape, it’s science. And I BUCKING love science!” Her marehood leaking fluids onto my stomach, the plaps tickling and exciting more struggle from me. Twilight looked down on my thin rib filled chest, her eyes examining with surgeon like precision. Suddenly she collapsed onto me, knocking the air out of me and causing me to cough.

“Ugh! W-what the hell are you doing now?” I asked, shaking in the braces.

“Only collecting samples Isaac. No need to worry yourself.” She said in a sultry tone, her marehood pressing against me in an almost blistering heat. I’m not kidding, it actually felt like a hot, fleshy iron was pressed into my belly. My initial jump shook her, her tail descending to rub on my firmly flaccid member.

“Please! I’ll make it worth your while if you let me go! I can pay you! My hands are much bigger than Spike’s! Plus I don’t turn into a massive killing machine if I get stuff!” I begged, her hips only bucking against my belly.

“Okay then, let me rape you, and I’ll let you go.”

“FUCKIN TECHNICALITIES!” I screamed, Twilight only giggling and letting her tongue run across my chest and up to the base of my neck. She pulled back to put her mouth round one of my nipples, her marehood smearing back and forth against my belly button.

“Ah! That’s a really weird place to be sucking!” I squirmed under extremely odd ministrations, her sucking only becoming more and more powerful as a grin cracked her snoot down the middle. She continued to suck and lick away, her marehood getting more and more wet with every thrust and rub. I squirmed and breathed heavily under her, panicking in every respect of the word. I tried not to heave into her, learning my lesson from “the Dash”. But against my protest she continued her strangely passionate humping and sucking. She suddenly ripped her head off my chest, again leaving a fucking gallon of slobber on me.

“Ick, I’d think you of all ponies YOU would be neater about this kinda stuff!”

“Not when I’m in the height of Estrus… bitch.” She barely said it above a giggly whisper, probably never have actually said it to another pony in her life. I scoffed at her, Twilight only giggling more.

“Twilight!”

“What?!”

“I thought you were a decent mare!”

“Hee hee! I guess not!”

“Aw! I’m sorely SORELY disappointed!”

“Oh hush up Isaac! Don’t pretend you didn’t like it!”

“Okay, I won’t. I didn’t like that!”

“Well then! …. This is kinda awkward.”

“Maybe you could just let me go?”

“Hm… nah. I kinda like how smooth and… big you are.” She said, sliding down my midsection to touch my limp member with her burning genitals. By now, I only laughed.

“HA! Just TRY and get an erection out of me!” She gave me a “challenge accepted” look as her horn glowed, engulfing my member in pink. She giggled as something twitched and vibrated in my loins. She shifted to my left, directing my gaze with magic to look at my member. Guess what, erection magic. You called it man! Yeah nice job! Now go fuck yourself.

“I guess I win… and I want my prize.” She said, standing on all fours and backing up.

“How bout some candy or something?! We could go by sugar cube corner if you like! Just please reconsider this before you do it!” She gave me an angry look, her clip board coming back to her face.

“I guess I can reconsider while I get my last 2 samples.”

“Yes yes! More sticky fore play would be better than sitting on me!” Her grin spooked me, one of pure evil lust that the wacky hoo has in Planned Parenthood try to warn you of.

“3rd, rectal sample.”

“Wait, WHAT NOW?!” She levitated a round cylindrical object from her desk over to hover above my stomach, my fear peaking.

“Twilight… I’ll do anything for you not to get that any where my ass.”

“Okay then, let me put it in you.”

“That’s a bit counter intuitive to what I was getting at.”

“And?”

“Please?”

“Please what?”

“Please don’t do what I’m thinking you’re going to do.”

“What? You don’t like it there?”

“yes! How’d you guess?”

“I adlib with these kinds of things.” She pulled my legs up higher with her magic, jumping to sit her rub between them on the table. She grinned and peered down on me, my vulnerable squirms doing nothing but fill her with more and more lust. She positioned it to touch me, freaking the absolute shit out of me.

“Bite the pillow! Cuz I’m goin in dry!”

“FUCK! I HAVE NO PILLOW!” She giggled, the sound of her spitting hitting my ears then a shear feeling of icky crawling up my spine as she pushed the smooth rod in gently.

“Ah- AAAH! What is WRONG with you?!”

“Science! It’s totally legal if it’s for science!”

“That’s bullshit!” She pushed it in deeper, holding it for a few seconds before pulling it out again to restart the cycle. The sensation was horrific, the stretching and rubbing sending me into a new kind of panic. My mouth started biting my arm, trying to sever it to break free. My feeble efforts were defeated though, Twilight watching only an inch away as she continued her treatment. After an agonizing minute of this, she pulled the dildo thingy out of me. She looked over its shiny exterior, giving it a long and thoughtful lick.

“That’s… that’s really gross.” She continued to lick up and down the length of it, smiling at the probably awful taste. The rod was dripping wet before she cast it to the side, reviewing her check board once more.

“Let’s see… last sample… sperm sample.” She looked down on my magically erect genitals, her eyes growing wider.

“Now we get to the rape.” She said, climbing over me and positioning herself for contact. My heart raced with fear, my body not able to turn or wrench it’s self far enough in one direction to get away. She only giggled at my attempts to escape, descending down onto the tip. Her burning hot marehood made contact with the head, stopping entirely. She held herself suspended like that for a good few seconds, only gyrating her hips about to rub the round tip around in her winking folds. I looked away as she slammed her hips down onto me, burying me in her and bashing my backside into the table. She groaned like she was dying, bouncing herself up and down in a frenzy of what seemed like repressed passion and lust. Her juices were absolutely coating my hip, visibly dripping from her contact onto the table. She kept herself upright with what seemed like much difficulty, swaying back and forth as she bounced like a maniac on my genitals.

“Oh Isaac! You feel so good inside! Mmmmmm!” She closed her eyes tightly, biting her lip and increasing her pace of bouncing. By now she was coming down with so much force that my hips buckled the thin metal on the table when she crashed down into them, the sound echoing throughout the enclosed space enough to make my ears ring. As per the usual, I wasn’t getting hardly any feeling down there, most shocked and terrified that this was happening. Also turned off entirely by the rape aspect. So much so I couldn’t even protest when she raised herself up off of me and brought her flank hole over my member.

“I’ve always wanted to try this. Applejack says it feels amazing.” She pressed her much tighter bottom against the tip, taking in a heavy breath of excitement. Her eyes held a strange, kinda high but only so much where I feel loopy look, her surprisingly soft cheeks trailing down against me before I came into contact with her actual opening. She was going at an absolutely boring as fuck pace, hardly making it passed the head in a minute. But our both out lucks were changed when her hoof, heavy from her pressure and slick from the immense amount of liquid on the table slipped on her own fluids and sent her crashing down my full length. She plopped down onto my hips, her soft, rounder cheeks fitting snuggly between my legs. She let out a small eep, her eyes wider than mine as she froze entirely. She was concerning in her look, almost like someone… well jammed a lubed pole up her ass.

“Twilight? … Twilight you okay in there? Yoo who, Twilight… come on man this is kinda-“ I was cut off when her marehood shot a jet of fluid straight into my face. Short as it was, my face was knocked back by it, most of it getting in my mouth. She started moaning and groan like she was riding me again, barely humping into me from her new position. I sputtered and gasped, the sweet, salty fluid being shoved down my throat by the pressure of her release.

“What the fuck was that?!”

“MAGIC!”

“Why would you do that with your magic?!”

“I don’t know!” She continued to ride me with her soft, plushy flank, now actually pulling me out and then coming down. She eagerly leaned into me, placing her hooves on my stomach to support her now faster riding. Her much tighter caverns now constricted on my in a choke hold, something actually getting a little bit of a wiggle. Twilight’s indifference was almost painfully obvious, her eyes not even focused on mine but rather her own marehood. She reached down with a hoof and began to rub herself, going on her second climax.

“Oh Sweet Celestia! You ride so good Isaac! You’re amazing!”

“These aren’t really the correct circumstances in which I wanna hear that!”

“Too bad!” Her marehood seemed to be gasping for air along with her, the immense amount of liquid pouring out onto me and squishing out onto her hoof. Her insides clenched on me erratically, signaling her oncoming squirt as she slowed down her pace. She barely raised herself beyond the base, her hoof almost punching her marehood.

“Isaac! I’m gonna… again!” I closed my eyes and mouth, turning my head to avoid her freakish spurt again. She finally let her hooves go out from her once again, throwing her head back and moaning loud enough to quiet Derpy’s door scratching. Her juices shot with significantly less force, simply dripping out with only enough force to hit my belly button with napalm like jizz. She finally came forward once more and let her head onto my chest, pulling herself free of my member. She laid there in content, breathing easily and letting her tongue stick out a mere millimeter to taste me again. I looked up, my attitude taking a massive turn seeing she was spent entirely.

“Ha ha! Yes! It’s finally over! I’m free!” She looked up at me with a clever look, as if she had beaten me in some overly complicated game.

“What makes you so sure I’m letting you go?”

“Uh… all the other mares did?”

“Oh no, you’re not going anywhere Isaac. If anything you might make it to the door before I rip your legs off with magic.”

“YOU ARE SICK PONY!”

“Close, if you count being in heat as being sick then you’re right. I’ll keep you strapped here till I’m out of heat, then you can be my second assistant until the time comes again.”

“How much retard did your mother pour in your orange juice as a filly?”

“Oh please. You’ll get used to it eventually.” She giggled evilly, sliding off of me and trotting off to the stairs.

“Hey! You’re just gonna leave me here?! Right where anybody can see if they walk in?!”

“Don’t worry, after I take my bath I’ll move you to my bed room to get back to it.” She winked and turned away from me, making her way up the stairs and leaving a trail of liquid behind her as she went. I sulked against the table, my wrists surely broken and pulled from all my struggles.

“Is this where it all ends? Being made a slave to Twilight Sparkle? Starving to death on this table? Bleeding out when I eventually get cut on one of these things? I always imagined me dying in something like world war 3 in China or North Korea. At least that’s what my dad wanted me to do… or maybe it was just the die part, he was never very good at what he did.” Suddenly I heard grunting and stressing form outside. Derpy’s voice came from outside, sound like she was stressing to do something.

“Oh my god is she masturbating to this?! God! Come on man this is Derpy we’re talking about!”

“You’re mind is getting corrupted, I’m simply advancing the story.”

“Story? Wha- AW HELL NO! This isn’t some shitty fic on fimfiction is it?!”

“Shitty? How bout 114 favorites as of 5/4/13?!”

“God! Who’s been posting this shit?!”

“Me mostly, but hey! 90 likes on fim and 10 followers on Fanfic.net! Dude you’re getting popular!”

“Oh please, like any human being anywhere now and forever would ever be into this shit.”

“Okay that’s quite enough 4th wall jokes, time for shit to move forward.” A rock crashed through one of the windows, a sweaty Derpy crawling through.

“Derpy?”

“Isaac?”

“Derpy?!”

“Isaac?!”

“DERPY!”

“Oh yeah! Lyra! Help me carry him!”

“Why did you do that? I thought we were just TPing to the library- OH SHIT IT’S YOU!”

“Lyra?”

“Isaac?!”

“LYRA!”

“AW SHIT MAN!”

“Wait! Where are you going?!”

“Derpy quick before Twilight comes back down!” Derpy derpily galloped to the table, hopping up and slipping on the wet metal. She fell down belly first onto my belly, my still magically erect member touch her plot. Her and my eyes went freakishly wide, one of hers meeting mine.

“Uuuuuuuh… Derpy?”

“You got a third leg.”

“Yeah, whatever. Can we um…”

“Right right. Let me just uh…”

“… sometime today would be fantastic to-“

“Sorry, the Derpy’s a little rusty on this kinda thing.”

“Put it in her big man! Make her a rear mare!”

“LYRA!”

“I’m not leavin till I see dat bubble butt get tapped!” Derpy squirmed off and unlatched the braces on my arms, letting my get the ones on my ankles. She jumped out the window, me sliding off the table and grabbing my undies before I stumbled out into public. I slipped the still damp things on, them getting wet once more from my abused genitals. I jumped through the window with Derpy, getting a vicious cut down the length of my forearm and one on my face. I crashed into a Spetsnaz roll, running like a fucking mad man with Derpy. Lyra trailed after us, her horn glowing and floating a marker after me.

“Isaac slow down! You lost all your ink bro!”

“Don’t you DARE call me that!”

“It’ll only take a second! I can do a dragon you like!” Derpy led me to a small house in the town, me and her sprinting past many ponies in the square and knocking over tables in sugar cube corner. Pinkie Pie didn’t take too kindly to when we spilled her chocolate milk shake, her voice following Lyra.

“My SHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKE!!! You’ll pay for this you- ooooooooh!” I looked back at her, about to apologize before I saw her pupils shrink drastically, almost to the point where they weren’t visible.

“DERPY! PINKAMENA! LYRA!” She and I only went faster, her small house drawing her near it. Most of the houses looked exactly alike, hers being no different as we bashed the door open and slammed it shut. Lyra stopped outside, banging on the door.

“ISAAC! GET THAT SWEET ASS OUT HERE BEFORE I DRAG IT OUT! ISAAC?! Wait, Pinkie Pie? What do you want? I thought you were-… wait… what are you doing? Ah! AAAAAH!!!” Screaming rung out from inside, gradually dying down as the sound of dragging and spilling rung out. I pressed against the door, panting and breathing heavily as I slid down slowly. My butt hit the floor as Derpy collapsed into my lap, panting heavily.

“Isaac… what’s wrong? We got away and Lyra didn’t get you. I don’t know why she wanted you, but you seemed pretty scared.” My lip trembled and my eyes burned, something wet running down my cheek.

“Isaac? Are you crying?”

“Derpy… Lyra’s dead… Pinkamena got her… and she saw me too.”

“Pinkamena? You mean Pinkie Pie?”

“Derpy… I wanna go home. I wanna go home!” I sobbed quietly into my hands, Derpy standing up and nuzzling her snoot into my cheek. She threw her hooves round my neck in a soft, sympathetic hug.

“Hush now Isaac. You’re safe with me. Let’s get you into a bath tub and we can talk this over.” I couldn’t detect anything sketchy in her comforting, no sense of impending rape, no intentions of a fucking nature, just a hug between friends in a time of fear and uncertainty.

“Derpy… I want my mom.”

“I can be your mommy till you get home… if you want me to.” I looked her in the one eye that was looking to me, my heart turning into useless slush as my arms wrapped around her shoulders gently, pulling her into my embrace.

“I’d like that… I’d like that a lot.”

Author's Note

Thanks to all the fans! Psst!... chapter 5 is at the bottom of the chapter selection thingy... I'm still trying to figure out how to move it... man I suck...

Chapter 6

“Isaac. Isaac wake up else your tea will get cold.” I burst to a bright light, sitting in an uncomfortable chair with a thing of amber liquid in my hand. Looking down I saw myself covered in fancy clothing and white gloves, a tiny hat sitting on top of my head. Fluttershy, Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Twilight Sparkle and Pinkie Pie all sat on a couch opposite to me, wearing similarly fancy clothing and holding steamy tea cups.

“Oh God damn it!” I shouted, standing up and sending my tea to the floor with a clatter. Twilight looked up to me, barely sipping her tea.

“Isaac you’ve spilled your tea.”

“Oh what a tragedy!” I threw my arms up in the air, staring angrily at them. Something burned on my face and body, some of my wounds still left over from Pinkamena’s treatment.

“You know, it’s not like I just had my eyes gouged out by Pinkie over there and had my face raped… AGAIN!”

“Oh come on you were begging for it.”

“Begging you to stop!” She shrugged her shoulders, Applejack placing her tea down on the armrest.

"Calm down partner, this is a calm place.”

“No! This is just… just mean!” Rainbow Dash chuckled, looking to me with her boyish look.

“Come on Isaac, mean?”

Wasn’t exactly the nicest action when my teeth were knocked in by bubblegum butt over there.”

“Hm, uncalled for.”

“Really? We’re going on the grounds of what’s called for now?”

“At least TRYING to be civilized.”

“Yeah, really easy to believe given the last few hours of my life. Which is now OVER.” Jesus appeared again, tapping me on the shoulder and cringing at my messy and cut features.

“Ick, what happened bro?”

“I thought you’d be watching.”

Naw, Dad keeps it on the big TV in the living room and cheers a lot. I haven’t played Black ops 2 in like 5 days.”

“Oh cry me a river.” I sat back down in the chair, Jesus pulling up another for himself.

“So I’m guessing things didn’t work out quite like we planned?”

“Well, I gotta start over. Cuz bubble butt over there killed me.”

“I believe the correct term to be “eviscerated”.”

Hush you.”

“Well, you want another try?”

“I have to don’t I?”

“Dad just thinks you’re near death, I can bring you back to much better place.”

“Uh… how so?” I shrunk back into the seat, unsure of his offer.

“Just get in there, keep the suit, and shit might go your way and you can go home.”

“So… you’ll heal my fucked up face and let me get on with the challenge?”

“AS LONG, as you promise to not buy Call of Duty: Ghosts.”

“Call of Duty: Ghosts?”

“Oh yeah… you’ve been kinda occupied haven’t you?”

“Yeah… I guess you could say that.” He stood up, grabbing my hand in his.

“Up man, you got mares to poke.”

“Yaaaaaay.” I stood up, looking back at the ponies on the couch behind me.

“Bye Isaac.”

“Catch ya on the flip side.”

“Don’t be a stranger now.”

“Read lots of books.”

“Fail and I’ll cut you.” Jesus led me through the blank whiteness once more, passing a door.

“Keep your voice down, Dad’s in there.”

“Aw the fuck! I picked a boy for raping not cutting! Pinkie!”

“He sounds angry.”

“He hasn’t been smoking, and the last mare kinda set him off.” I gave him a confused look, a loud crashing noise coming from behind the door.

“Wait… he died? HE DIED?!”

“Aw crap, Isaac you gotta disappear!”

“What?”

“If dad figures out I helped you, he’ll be pissed!”

“Won’t he find out anyway?!”

“Like he keeps track of this shit, he just skips to the sex parts! He’ll never notice the suit!” He yanked me down through the blank space, kicking at the white to open a door of the same color.

“Jump boy!”

“WHY?!”

“AH SAID JUMP FAGGOT!” He kicked me in the rear, sending me head over heels into the room beyond the door. The door immediately shut tight behind me, sealing me in a pitch blank room. I struggled to stand, the stiff clothing not doing much to help my mobility. Eventually I climbed to my feet, feeling about the room to find a door at least something other than the smooth surface of the wall. Eventually something small and waist height clocked me in the genitals, signaling its existence in the dark.

“OUCH. Oh damn that hurts!” I cupped my goodies, turning the knob slowly. "Please don’t be Lyra’s house please don’t be Lyra’s house.” I turned it until the knob ceased turning, me pushing it out to open the mystery door. A soft light illuminated the room behind me, leading me into a strangely familiar hall way.

“Isaac honey? Are you upstairs still? Dinner’s ready!” Derpy’s voice came from downstairs, the smell of steamed vegetables coming from downstairs as a slight draft brought the smell of soap from down the hall.

“I’m back… in Derpy’s house.”

“Isaac?! I’ve been waiting for 20 minutes! Is Mommy gonna have to come up there and get you herself?” Something suddenly twitched inside me, like when my own mother is threatening to kick the door down on me while I’m in the bathroom. I don’t know why in the world I’m having this kind of reaction to a small derpy horse that isn’t even REAL, but my dumby brain immediately shat out an answer.

“Coming Mom!” I rushed down the stairs, my new shoes clacking loudly against the creaking steps before I stumbled into the kitchen. Derpy sat at the kitchen table, looking very much disgruntled with a little apron wrapped round her waist and her plate still covered in food. Her eyes went a decree wider at the sight of me, her gaze scoping out my attire.

“Oh… where’d ya get the fancy clothes?” I looked down at myself, the entire assembly of the fancy dress still clinging to me.

“Uuuuuuh… found it?” I said, unsure and rubbing the back of my hand. She stared at my stomach for a good while, finally looking up in a daze.

“looks good sweetie!” She said, blushing as her wings buzzed against the chair.

“Thanks… not really sure how or when I got here, but I’m hungry.” I sat down, a pile of warm broccoli and cup of juice next to my plate.

“Looks good Derpy!” I brought the drink to my lips, the liquid coming close before Derpy began to speak.

“I didn’t know what you liked to drink, so I poured a little bit of everything in the glass.” The liquid hit my tongue, a mixture of grape, orange, cherry, milk and battery acid hitting my tongue.

“AW! What IS this?!” I held the glass out before her, the fluid hitting the table cloth and sizzling it with a putrid black smoke rising from it.

“Okay… chemistry of that is overly alarming.”

“Like I said, everything that looked like drinky stuff I poured in there.”

“Battery acid?!”

“It seemed like a good idea at the time!” I set the glass on the table, reluctantly scooping some broccoli in a fork for consumption. Luckily, the presence of ridiculous poison was not detected. Only sweet, soy soaked broccoli.

“Mh, very good Derpy.”

“Knew you’d like it honey!” She giggled adorably, her blush growing.

“You alright over there?” She stopped, her snoot wrinkling.

“Oh, I’m just fine honey! Just kinda… flustered.” She looked down to the floor, her hoof picking up a random piece of silverware before she almost pitches it off behind her.

“Oospie! Need to get that!” She climbed down, moving to get her fork while I munched on the broccoli. While I wasn’t that fucking dumb, I did take a peek at her. Her butt wiggling in the air as her tail remained as a yellow censor bar.

“Derpy what on Earth are you doing?” She looked to me, the fork in her mouth.

“Wigglin.”

Wigglin?”

“Wigglin.”

Mkaaaaaay… can I ask you to stop?” She held her pace, still shaking to and fro.

“Maaaaaaybe.”

“Okay then, stop.”

“Why?”

“Why?”

“Yeah, I’m just wigglin here and you’re sitting there insulting me and peeking at my seat!” She said matter of factly, her eyes looking nowhere near me.

“Point made, but I am your guest and I would very much like it if you stopped.”

“Well I’m your new Mom! So I can tell ya what to do!”

Hm, I Don’t think that’s what the deal was set up for.”

“I’m just gonna wiggle here for a bit, you can do whatever you want with it.” She and I met gazes for good second somewhat, her eyes barely able to focus on whatever the floor and ceiling needed to show to her.

“Alrighty then. Have fun then.” She continued her odd wiggling, her eyes staring into mine.

“Are you looking?”

“No.”

“Come on!”

“Come on what?!”

“My flank maybe?” A tense second hung in the air, my face wrinkling in anger.

“Going to bed.” I stood up rather stiffly, having finished my dinner shortly before.

“Wha-Isaac! Come on buddy!” She followed, hovering in front of me. She put her hooves to my shoulders and let me tell you, if it had been any other pony at the time I might have felt the urge to tear their legs off. But because Derpy Is Derpy, logic exchanged itself for Derpy logic. Again.

“I-I don’t have to wiggle anymore! We can just um… er…”

“Have a nice dinner perhaps?”

“Yeah! No pony has to go leaving the other here!” She almost squealed, getting closer and closer until she was clasped onto me tighter than a vice grip. She rested her chin on my chest, looking up to me with big, pleading derpy eyes.

“Leave? I was just gonna go to bed and let you calm down a bit. I was thinking I’d finally found a mare that isn’t trying to rape me.”

“Rape?”

“Bad touchies.”

“Ooooooh.” She still held tightly to me, her eyes derping about in wayward directions as I walked us back to the table. I pulled out a chair for myself and waited for her to move, of course this was the exact opposite of what I should’ve expected.

“Derpy?”

“Mmmh hmmm?”

“I need to sit.”

“Sit then, I won’t be in your way.”

“Really?”

“You’re snuggly wuggly Isaac! Can’t I just enjoy it a little longer?” Our gazes met, she sneezed, my heart melted and we both laughed a little.

“Okay then Derpy, enjoy it all you want.” I sat in the chair, pulling up the table as Derpy rested her wings on top of the table. I slid her little plate to her, a fork and a snoot digging into her food that was still left. She snorted and snuffled as she ate, her tail wagging in my lap. She had turned about, her face effectively buried in her food as she nibbled away. I set my arm on the table, hand resting on my jaw to let my neck finally have a break. A stolen glance out the window showed a dark night sky, odd seeing how the last time I was here it was broad daylight. Upon closer inspection I could see the lights of Ponyville shading the black sky, the multitude of small hills of the usual background obscured to form a total sheet of black to cover the landscape indefinitely.

“Watcha lookin at honey?”

“I’m not sure… kinda feelin homesick.”

“Oh yeah… that does beg the question of where you came from.”

“Trottingham… but I never did get to meet another of my species.”

“I’ve only ever heard of humans from Lyra. But of course she’s kinda nutty.”

“Comin from you that’s one hell of a statement.”

“She went on and on about how she was going to find herself a human and tie them up in her basement and make snuggles with them. All day everyday! Sometimes just makes a mail mare go crazy!” She said, licking her plate as my mind officially went into offended mode.

“Aaaaaaand you heard this, brought a human into your home and then just left me alone in the bath tub twice?”

“I didn’t think much of it, she also said she was into mares.” I shook my head in crazy disbelieve, wanting to throttle the little grey mass before she hopped from my lap and into the air.

“Time for beddie byes Isaac! Since you’ve already had your tubby you can just come right to bed with me!” She stayed in the air, watching me with a gleeful demeanor. I shrugged my shoulders, standing up and carting the plates to the sink. After successful dumping I turned to see derpy extracting a book from an unreasonably high shelf and scoot up the stairs. I followed, using the sounds of her squeaks and flutters as a reference to her position. She was at the far end of the hall, flitting about a large queen sized bed with a book in her mouth. I stood in the door frame, my loud, hard shoes drawing her attention long before I stopped.

“Where am I sleeping tonight?”

“You don’t wanna share a bed?”

Nnnno.”

“It’ll be awfully chilly without you.”

“You got a blanket Derpy you’ll be just fine.”

“Pweeeeeeease?!” She trembled her lower lip, staring into my eyes with her gigantic derpy ones.

“No.”

“Ugh, fine. But can you at least read me a story before bed?”

“Sure, as long as I have a bed.” She smiled wide and nestled herself under the covers, her hoof pushing the book to the foot of the bed. I came in, turned on her lamp, sat on the bed and held the book gently. The cover was ancient, visibly falling apart at the seams. The text was almost illegible, faded from obvious age and abuse.

“This is an old book Derpy.”

“It was my mommy’s mommy’s. I’ve had it since I was a little filly.” She squeed, snuggling under the covers as I removed my hat and gloves. We exchanged smiles, my eyes viewing over the title.

“The Tale of Little Yipperlu.”

“It’s what my mommy read me to sleep with.”

“Wait… that was my nickname when I was a baby…”

“It’s a well known story, maybe your mommy named you after the story book in Trottingham.” Disturbing thought pushed away for now. I opened the thing slowly, the crackling and crinkling of the ancient material noisy and apparent.

“Once, in the times before nightmare moon, there lived a young black filly named Yipperlu. She was a very nice little filly, always helping her mommy in the kitchen and her daddy in the garden. She was very smart and pretty, and her parents loved her very much. But Yipperlu was very different from many other ponies. Many ponies were pretty colors, pink, blue, white, orange some even rainbow. But Yipperlu wasn’t like any of those ponies, she was a sleek, shiny black. Hoof to ear, her fur was blacker than night and shinier than even the prettiest diamond.” Derpy closed her eyes, resting her large head on a pillow with a small breath though her nose. One of her ears flopped down, the other perked to listen to me. My WTF meter was flying off the charts, the story pertaining almost exactly to how I was a kid. The outcast in black in a world of color.

“E-even though Yipperlu was a very kind and gentle filly, many mares and stallions feared her. Her shiny black coat was so unusual that some ponies avoided her entirely. Never giving her a chance or being even the slightest bit generous. Yipperlu was very sad, she spent a lot of her time by the lake… staring at her wavy reflection in the water… day by day nothing seemed to change. Every black hair on her little body still remained, still shone in the light, still permanently a part of her. One day, when Yipperlu was not but 12 winters of age, she rushed off into the forest. The voices of the cruel ponies… only chasing.” I shuttered on the bed, remembering step by step… the day I did very much the same.

“Yipperlu hid herself away in the dark cover, feeling like forever she could cover herself in this feeling. This feeling of security. She did many things here; sometimes she would read library books in the forest. She learned many things in the forest, origami, cartography, how to play chess and many other things too numerous to count. Her Mommy and Daddy worried about her, being in the woods alone. She never did tell them how she felt, how she was made fun of and feared. Yipperlu couldn’t make them feel guilty in such a manner. It was no pony’s fault she was the way she was, but for the time, grinding through the days seemed the best solution.” Derpy snuffled a bit, my reading somewhat low and sad in tone. I peaked to her, the small stains on her pillow just below her eyes. Her eyes remained closed, mine still trained on her. I decided to lay down next to her before I continued, extending an arm to pull her into a soft hug. She gladly returned it, nuzzling her wet face into my neck and suit.

“You’re an amazing reader Isaac… I’ve never cried to Yipperlu before.”

“Seems… freakishly familiar to me.”

“It has that effect on a lot of ponies.” She buried her face in my neck, sniffling and crying quietly. I held her to me, continuing to read.

“One day, Yipperlu came upon a sight that made her little heart flutter with joy. A small, black colt hiding in her spot in the forest. Who he was and where he came from was of no concern, her only one being of a social nature. She made like lightning to get to him, their eyes meeting in a lock of the strongest material in all of existence. New, blossoming passion. They became very good friends, meeting day in and day out to read more books and learn more skills. His name was Duster, but he was known to Yipperlu as Dustly. Both shared a friendship unlike any other, knowing the neither one had another friend to call their own. For years this carried on, things changed, buildings fell and rose, ponies came and went and the moon rose as the sun did for 20 winters. Before something was to come about in Yipperlu’s life. A time when life ceases to give, but takes in imminent strokes. THIS is a children’s book?”

“It’s my favorite children’s book! Also the only book in the house.” She didn’t open her eyes, still cuddling up against me.

“Before long, her Mommy, then her Daddy came to exist no more. Going up to the palace in the sky to forever live with the great mother Faust.”

‘Oh no this “mother Faust” stuff again.’

“She was very sad at the lost, and never quite felt the same. That warm place in her heart was never again filled in such a way. But the one thing she could always attest to, in this dire time, was her best friend Dusty, to be by her side. Forever now and forever later.” The book came to an end, me still turning the page expecting more. Oddly enough, it only showed the inside of the back cover. On the back was a taped piece of paper, a crayon drawing of a grey blob with a white blob on its head and a second grey blob with a yellow blob on its head. The second blob had a set of blobs on its back, oddly oval like. Both of them stood on a block of green, looking to each other with crude smiley faces etched onto their blobbiness. At the corner of the taped paper was the most horrible depiction possible in the English language of the word “Ditzy Doo” in black crayon. To say the least, my heart split in two. But my mind still found its self prying for answers.

“That’s it?”

“That’s it.” She sniffed again, my neck damp with her tears and drool. I ran through the pages again, looking for a missing page or an epilogue of some sort.

“It was kinda… curt on the ending.”

“It was always kinda short. But I always assumed it was because nothing was left to be said.”

“It’s an odd ball that’s for sure… did you draw this here?” She opened an eye half way, examining it.

“Yeah, my Mommy put it in there when I was 5.”

“It’s cute Derpy.”

Thanks, I always liked coloring. Even if my ponies are just bloby thingies.” She nuzzled into my neck and shoulder, taking giggly breaths through the fabric.

“You’re a really good reader Isaac.”

“Maybe if the story made sense I could do better.” She just giggled, releasing her grip on my neck and scooting away.

“There’s a free room just to the left. If you really don’t wanna spend the night with me.” I stood up, still holding the closed book and readjusting my hat.

“I’ll take the room thanks, don’t want to get too well acquainted.”

“Why is that exactly?”

“Well… I gotta get home some time. I’ve got peo-ponies and business to take care of.”

“You could always just stay here. With me.”

“I’d… be afraid to. I’m not really safe to be around.”

“Oh come on Isaac. I mean you’re kinda spooky and all, but you seem perfectly nice.”

“That’s the thing… just trust me on this one. I won’t be here one more day then I have to and then you can forget all about me forever.”

“And if I never want to do that?”

“… then you’re not thinking quite straight.”

“These kinds of things have never been straight or black and white Isaac.” I made my way to the door frame, turning her lamp off and getting ready to close the door.

“Always welcome in the bed if you get cold Isaac. Or if Pinkamena comes again.” I shivered at the name, not exactly fully recovered from that event.

“Considered.” I moved to close the door, her voice sounding out before I could fully close it.”

“Please?” A tiny squeak escaped the room, my movements stopping entirely.

“P-… pardon?”

“Please Isaac? Please come… stay with me.” I held my spot for a second, contemplating as I bit my lip.

“I promise I won’t snuggle you… I just want some pony to be next to me.” Her voice came so softly, so faintly so quietly. My heart couldn’t handle it; my brain stepped down from control, letting my most idiotic feeling take the wheel. That feeling, is adoration for Derpy Hooves. I slowly opened the door once more, stepping in and placing the book on the nightstand. I untied my shoes first, my socks coming with them followed by my jacket. The rest of my clothes slid off besides my boxers, oddly enough being my novelty heart boxers. Derpy shuffled about in the bed, sliding to the opposite side and throwing up the covers for me. She pulled a pillow down and placed it in the middle of the bed to make a motley wall, her pillow.

“There, now we don’t have to worry about… touching in the night.” I slid under the warm covers, the bed being barely big enough for my height. She watched me climb in intently, scooting up to the barrier pillow and laying her head on it.

“Good night… Isaac.”

“You know… I think I can tolerate not having a wall.” Her eyes went a little wider, her tail wagging under the sheets.

“R-… really?”

“It’s okay Derpy… It’s not too big a deal for a pony like you.” She stared me down for a second with her weird eyes before she moved, her body inching closer to mine with tiny shuffles of the sheets. She didn’t move her barrier, simply resting her head on my bicep and keeping her gaze to mine. She and I exchanged heavy breaths, both of us breathing each other’s intense air.

“Comfy?” I ask, her soft mane rubbing against my arm and face.

“Y-yeah… I like this more than the pillow…”

“We don’t really need the pillow Derpy. I can man up for one night.” I pulled the pillow out of from between us, her body almost immediately filling the vacuum of warmth by clasping onto mine. Her soft fur and warm mass rubbed against mine, her face getting closer. Much closer. Her nose touched to mine, her blush matching mine as we both felt out heart rates jump. Her hips pressed into mine, the warmth of her haunches cast aside for the moment to her wings. Her wings jumped up excitedly, the covers coming with them.

“Ever done this before with another sta-“

“Nope.”

“Huh… then we’re both noobies. Let me get that for you though.” I reached up and held her wing, gently pulling it down to her body with little resistance. She breathed heavier, her little legs holding onto me like a daughter does a strong father.

“There, now I get half the blanket and you the other.”

“O-okay… Isaac.” I adjusted the blanket to cover us both evenly, the soft fabric like heaven in tandem with her fur.

“Night Derpy… see ya in the morning.” She closed her eyes, her head working its way under mine. In one such motion, she replaced my pillow with her soft head. Her ear against my lips as it twitched and flopped up and down sporadically. I closed my eyes, the warm, soft thing against me bringing me to a very soft place. A place I had never been to before, but gladly welcomed. My usual insomniac tendencies faded, sleep coming quickly as Derpy’s little snoozes and snorts acted as a soft lullaby.

“Come on Isaac! Time ta learn the way a life!” I shook awake, in the back of my Dad’s shitty pickup truck. I sat up, looking about the place. An old, dusty, smelly and green horse farm, why was I here? Couldn’t remember. I feel asleep in the back again, probably because I haven’t had more than 6 hours of sleep in 3 days. My Dad opened the door of the bed, grabbing my foot and shaking me into alertness.

“Come on and wake up boi! Ah said it’s time ta learn now get yer ass movin!” Just like my Dad, a West Virginian hillbilly. My Mom was a writer from New York, and often fought with my Dad. To say the least, they each had their own ideas about raising a kid. Now that I was 12, my Dad wouldn’t let me take Sex Ed and had since decided to teach me himself. He woke me up at 5 this morning, threw me in the back of the truck and took me to the Hinton’s horse farm. Even though my Mom hated horses and never wanted me near one. I, being the most obedient moron on this Earth, trudged from the back onto the dirt. A cloud was tornadoed away in the wind, the red dust choking the air of anything breathable.

“Alrighty then, Isaac, this is mah good friend Richard.” He pointed to a large, round man with a scraggly grey beard, biker glasses and ripped overalls. He held a huge hand out to me, spitting out some tobacco.

“Mornin kid, ya ready ta learn somethin?” I accepted his handshake, my grip nothing compared to his freak crushing power.

“Y-yeah… I guess.”

“Aw hell, Isaac! Get a little excited! Ya’ll gonna see the greatest show nature has ta offer!”

“Really?!” I said, getting wrongly excited.

“Hell ya! Dick, get that mare Zibby out here!”

“Ah told ya ta call me Richard ass hole!”

“Well ah forgot ya damn pig!”

“Watch yer mouth before ah fill it wit a 12 gauge!”

“Just git the damn horses out!”

Horses?” Richard disappeared into a nearby barn, my Dad leading me to a fence and resting against it.

“Just sit back and watch Isaac. It’s the miracle of life in action!” Richard came out of the barn with a large grey horse, leading it to us.

“This here’s Zibby. She likes apples.” He threw me and apple, when I picked it up from the ground because I’m a fucking terrible catcher the mare trotted up to me. The horse ate the apple out of my hand, much to my delight.

“Hee hee! It tickles Dad!” I petted her giant nose, her face then coming up to sniff me. Her giant nose pushed into me, tickling like mad. My Dad pulled the apple out of my hand and pitched it behind him, looking to Richard.

“Ah suggest ya’ll go break out Buster before ma son turns inta some god damn nature fag.” Richard simply nodded, making his way back to the barn in silence. Zibby continued to sniff and lick me, my Dad swatting at her.

“Go on! Git! Isaac pay attention! What you’re about ta see is MUCH more important than that damn “Sex Ed” bullshit they be teachin ya at school!”

“B-but… I wanted to pet it.”

“It’s a HER Isaac! See that thing on her winkin and drippin?” He pointed to her rear end, her tail lifted with much liquid pouring down her thigh.

“Dad! Dad that’s nasty!”

“That aint nasty! That’s real life right there!”

“Dad!”

“Isaac don’t ya DARE go tellin me you don’t like pussy now!”

“Dad that’s a horse!”

“You a man?! Or a fag?!”

“I’m a man!”

“Then hush up and enjoy! Damn, you’re brother had it in a second! Ah mean shit! Ah had to hold that crazy man to keep him from hopping the fence! Wish HE was here instead a you!”

“D-… Dad I’m sorry. I… kinda see what you see in the… horse’s… parts. It’s a very nice… um… compilation of folds.”

“Pussy boi!” Richard came out of the barn again, a HUGE black stallion trotting quickly behind him. Richard let the thing go, laughing as he approached us.

“That damn thing just bout broke ma back when ah was tryin to get him ready! He ready ah tell ya what!”

“Ready for… for what?”

THIS Isaac, is what ah brought ya ta see. Just watch that little ol mare as good as ya can.”

“Dad! We’re not actually gonna watch them…”

“Hell yeah we are! And YOU gonna be the one to learn it!”

“Dad!”

“Ah- aaaaaaaaw! There we go Buster!” The stallion mounted the mare, my hands covering my eyes.

“DAD! That’s just wrong!” He sighed and got off the fence.

“Shit son! What kinda man are ya if ya can’t even enjoy some good ol lovin?”

“It’s a HORSE dad!”

“Well ah can’t go showin ya PEOPLE doin now can I?! That’s illegal!” I covered my eyes more, the sound of the mare’s whinny echoing about the whole place as Richard cheered.

“Better than doin it by hand ah tell ya what.”

“Ah! What is WRONG with you?!”

“It’s mah job! Ah get paid a thousand dollars to jack off them stallion over there!”

“Dad, I’m going back to the truck!” I started off, hearing their voices as I fell back into the bed.

“A thousand dollars?”

“That be how much they pay for that horse spunk. Make more race horses.”

“Hmmmm… ah think ah just found Isaac a summer job then.” I jolted back to life, Derpy bouncing, but thankfully not waking. I was sweating quite profusely, the sheets clinging to my warm flesh. Derpy was still nailed to me, her snoot now huffing my scent from my neck and chest. I rubbed my head, feeling a hot, bothered sensation against my palm. My body shook, the reality of the dream vivid in many more ways than one. I slowly wiggled out from Derpy’s grasp, her little smile turning into a worried frown as she struggled about in her sleep.

“Isa… Isaac… where… Isaac?!” I sat on the edge of the bed for a second, putting my hand up to her nose. She sniffed it twice, throwing her hooves round it in a warm hug.

“Got… ya.” She smiled again, her tail wagging and disturbing the covers behind her. Sadly, I removed my hand out from under her grasp. Quickly I shuffled into the bathroom, turning on the faucet to let water rush over my tired face. My usual black bags of sleep deprivation remained, more purple than I remember, but still freakishly dark. The water seemed to do the trick, my icky feeling fading. Unlike my memory.

“Ugh… never thought THAT memory would ever come back.” I leaned against the sink, taking a breath before I moved out and down the hall back down to derpy. When I opened the door she was frantically squirming in the bed, almost crying. Seeing this, I immediately dove in and got close to her. Her nose huffed my scent, her smile returning as her eyes opened.

“Hey Isaac.”

“Hey Derpy.” We said softly, my arms still caging her in a gently hold.

“Were we like this when you woke up?”

“Sorta.” She giggled and rolled onto her belly, standing up in the bed slowly as her joints cricked and cracked. She yawned, which made me yawn, her little giggle irresistible.

“Let me get dressed… and maybe I’ll cook breakfast for us.”

“Plenty of muffins, no need to cook.”

“Oh yeah, the muffins thing.” I stood up, grabbing my assortment of garments to plaster back on. Starting with my pants and working to my shirt. When I lifted my jacket from the floor, a loud “rrrrrrrrip!” sound followed it, a pocket caught on a chore handle and subsequently tearing the jacket almost in half.

“Daw shirt without the “R” part!” I groaned in dissatisfaction, Derpy sympathetically holding it in her hooves.

“Oh no! You’re fancy whatjamajigger!” She and I exchanged sighs, the jacket more than ruined.

“I-I know a pony in town who could fix this! She’ll do it for cheap!” Derpy stated, my mind, although very stupid, figuring out the mare in a flash.

“I’m assuming a mare by the name of Rarity?”

“I was suggesting Colgate, but yeah! Rarity is a MUCH better mare to ask!” I rolled my eyes, carrying the torn things down the stairs with Derpy. I took a seat at the table, Derpy flapping to the fridge and pulling out two muffins on a single plate.

“Careful, they’re really chilly.”

“Weird warning, can’t be too bad.” I grabbed a muffin and took an indiscriminate bite, Derpy failing to stop me.

“W-wait Isa-“

“AW!” I bit into the rock-like pastry, a tooth almost cracking in response.

“Son of a-... MMMH!” I held my cheek, the pain like a bad bruise.

“Are you alight honey?!” Derpy said, hopping on the table like a mad woman and pressing her nose to my lips.

“Ah! Yes I’m fine! Just don’t touch my lips!”

“Lips?” She nudged closer, the tooth responding in less than a happy mood.

“Stahp! That’s not helping!”

“Oh! I know what will help!”

“That is-“ she moved her snoot into my mouth, her lips pushing into my mouth rather… aggressively. They eventually made their way to my tooth, Derpy making an exaggerated kissing noise.

“Mmmmmmua! There! A kiss to make it feel better!” My face didn’t waste a second, it held a look that actually caused Derpy to retract a bit. I couldn’t look at it of course, but by the way I was feeling it obviously wasn’t too sunny looking.

“S-sorry… it looked like it hurt.”

“Thanks, but never again.”

“R-right…” She sunk back in her seat, pulling herself a muffin with a rather defeated look.

“You don’t have to feel bad about it; I just don’t want any smooches.”

“I understand Isaac. Just got a little… um…”

“Excited?”

“Yeah... That.” She and I cracked through our muffins, the awkward silence a little bit much for Derpy.

“I gotta go to work today… is it alright if I just drop you off at the place and we can meet home when my shift’s over?” The gears in my head started turning, thinking that if Rarity is the last of the mane 6 I have to go through, I might as well just stick with her plan. Anything to get home faster by now.

“That works just fine Derpy, I’ll be home before you if things go my way.” She nibbled her muffin, still looking quite saddened.

“Hey… I’m sorry about that. I didn’t mean to offend.”

“Just forget about it. By now it doesn’t matter.” The air turned tense, the muffins disappearing slowly as Derpy went put on her Mail-Mare apparel. I folded the jacket against the table, Derpy nuzzling my leg when she was ready to go leave.

“I’m still sorry Isaac.”

“I said forget about it, which means I accepted.”

“Didn’t sound like it.” I let out a long sigh, placing the folded fabric under an arm.

“I got a lot of problems Derpy, hopefully I can clear them up today and be done with them.”

“How? You mean between Pinkie and Lyra?”

“…yeah that.” She lead me out of the house and into the full view of the public, some ponies already staring while others duck behind cover.

“Do you need help? I can always take the day off.”

“As much as I would… strangely enjoy that, I’ll be fine. After today I’m off scot free.”

“I’m still not sure what the issue is here.”

“Well, let’s just say everything will be just fine after today.” I lied through a grin, Derpy returning an equally unsure grin. I jumped for the chance of going home, but then again, this IS Equestria. Where everything is better than Earth and all the citizens are kind and (rapists) caring. As well, the prospect of living with Derpy DOES sound significantly better than going home to my usual bore of a life. I mean, why go home and spend the rest of my adolescence watching ponies on the computer when they’re right here? Then again, I don’t think I EVER wanna see the mane 6 EVER. Or Lyra now that I think about it. I was definitely conflicted, but in all honesty… I was decided long before the end was even near.

“Okay then… just follow me down to the clothes shop.” She and I started forward in silence down the dirt path, my eyes still darting from house to house to watch for potential followers. We were be stared down by the entire village, those who DID meet my gaze sunk back into a hiding stance. The only thing I’m sure was medicating my appearance was the accompaniment of Derpy. But guessing from her reputation it wasn’t much help to my already freakish appearance.

“Are we close? I don’t like some of the looks we’re getting.” Derpy looked to each side, adjusting her little hat to see better.

“I dunno Isaac, ponies usually look at me like this all the time.”

“Not very re-assuring.”

“It’s just around the corner, no need to worry.” I still didn’t quite trust her, some ponies now daring to meet my gaze either a vicious look or a sultry one. My face remained the same, confused as hell and possibly afraid. Something that the sultry looks only made worse. But as Derpy promised, the building was on the next turn. The large, feminine building stood tall in its purple and white stature. It was frilly as I remembered, the carnival ride like nature of the whole place not changing one bit as we stepped up to it. The porch surrounded the structure, the guard rail hiding us slightly. The ceiling came in contact with the top of my head.

“This is the place Isaac… are you SURE you’ll be alright Isaac? I mean… I can still take that day off if you want.” We met gazes, my temptations of simply going home with her and never leaving painfully obvious. In no way did I want to go and do this, in no way did I know I was ACTUALLY going home. For all I knew, I could be sent back to Pinkamena when the challenge was finished. There was some sort of guarantee in staying with Derpy; I would at least have a bed and food to munch on. Even if I didn’t get my own bed… Derpy was awfully cuddly.

“I can handle it, it might take a little bit to get over the um… appearance. But I promise I’ll be back at the house before you get home.” Even Derpy could understand I was lying, but she didn’t seem sure enough to really get in the middle of it. She hugged against my leg, rubbing her face into my thigh.

“Bye Isaac.” She cooed softly, her voice melancholy in tone. I patted her head softly, wanting badly to pull her into a hug.

“Don’t worry Derpy, I’ll be just fine.” She only hugged harder, her face pressed into my leg. Some ponies trotted by us, giving Derpy and me shocked looks.

“What are YOU looking at?” I said as Berry Punch trotted passed.

“Nutin man! I can’t even tell if you’re real or not!” She said rather drunkenly, stumbling about with a bottle in bag.

“Might wanna take it easy on the sauce Berry.”

“Will do Celestia monkey!” She fell on her face, the bottle rolling several feet away as Derpy released me. She looked me down one time, turned and left with a heavy hoof. I watched her go for a long while; eventually she took flight and disappeared in a crazy spin out through a cloud, and explosion ringing out somewhere distant.

“Ugh… lets go fuck me a mare.” I turned about and hesitantly opened the door, the frilly thing being just barely tall enough to let me in without having to duck. The inside was extremely tall compared to the ceiling of the porch, the air reeking of perfume and fabric.

“Cooooooomiiiiiiing!” A feminine, posh voice echoed from the stairs, Rarity herself trotting gracefully down the stairs.

“First customer of the day! How may I-“ She stopped cold at the sight of me, her jaw dropping and eyes going wide.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just get the screaming out of the way now and let’s get on with this.” She looked me up and down, her tail lifting slightly and her jaw closing.

“W-would your name happen to be… Isaac perhaps?”

“Wait, you know my name?” She smiled and almost hopped in the air.

“My goodness! This is simply unheard of! I can’t believe I found you! In my own store of all places too!” I viewed her like she was mad, her composure returning in a very lady like inhale.

“Mind explaining something?”

“Well dear, unless every Huhmen in Equestria is name Isaac, I know a mare that’s been searching ALL over for you!”

“No… no, no, n-“

“Fluttershy darling! I found him! He’s right in here.!” A fear of unstoppable proportions erupted in my chest, my arms dropping the jacket. I froze in place as Fluttershy poked her head out from behind a door, her mane frizzy and her eyes sleep depraved. Of course she essentially exploded at the side of me, her smile heartwarming but terrifying in the same motion.

“ISAAC!!!” She tore out of whatever room she was hiding in, tackling me painfully to the floor.

“ISAACIMISSEDYOUSOOOOOOOOMUCHNEVERWORRYMELIKETHATAGAIN!” She was dressed in a pink and purple robe, tissues clinging to her as her sticky face pressed into mine.

“My goodness Fluttershy! I didn’t know he meant so much!” Rarity giggled, my shear surprise holding me in a frozen position under her.

“What happened Isaac? I just woke that morning and you were gone! I looked all over for you!” She sobbed, pressing her head into my clothed chest and letting her tears wet it. She hugged me tighter than Derpy, her little tongue coming out to run up my neck rather… stickily? Stickly-icky? Sticky-y? In that instance of wet, warm contact I shoved her off, making for the door faster than all hell.

“ISAAC! WHERE ARE YOU GOING?!” Fluttershy cried from behind, my shoulder knocking the door down the petite purple piece of wood. I burst out into the sunlight, rushing out into the main street in a huffing madness. I didn’t really know where I was going; I went the opposite direction of Derpy’s house and straight through the market. Every pony saw me run through, most screaming and other’s questioning my fear. Fluttershy followed not far behind, screaming and crying.

“ISAAC! PLEASE COME BACK I NEED YOU!!!” The screaming and running attracted the attention of the entire town, any pony in my way quickly jumping out of the way. Before I knew it I was hoping carts and stands, trying not to knock things down but failing drastically. Applejack’s stand came in through the cross fire, my black jacket still wrapped around her forlorn body as she caught a glimpse of me.

“Isaac? Is that you?!”

“NOQUITETHECONTRARY!” She chased anyway, watching Fluttershy go past her in a similar fury of speed.

“Isaac?! What in the hay are ya’ll doin?!”

“HE’S MINE!” Fluttershy squealed, picking up speed.

“FUCK. OFF!” I continued running from them, passing under a strangely out of place storm cloud. A piece of rainbow hung over the side, a pile of bottles under the cloud. I tripped over the bottles, making a huge noise before I quickly picked myself up. Rainbow Dash stirred from her perch, watching me go with the two mares tailing.

“Isaac! What happened to you?!”

“No! I deny you!” She came down from her cloud, chasing me along with the other mares. She was of course faster than them, and actually got pretty close to me. But her large liquid consumption slowed her down enough to let me elude her grasp.

“Isaac slow down! I just wanna talk!”

“Get away from me!!!” We all passed the library, the broken bits of glass being cleaned up by a disheveled Spike and a worried looking Twilight Sparkle. She immediately spotted me, her composure almost exactly like Fluttershy’s.

“Isaac!” She started her own chase, not paying much mind to the other mares after me as well. Rarity surprisingly enough still followed Fluttershy, all of the mares becoming weary from this laborious chase.

“Isaac please! I love you!”

“Ah still got that free bed if ya’ll need it!”

“Bro! I’m sorry for peeing in the tub! Come on man!”

“Get back here! Celestia’s not hearing a word about this!”

“Girls?! Why are we chasing him?!” I continued to sprint in silence, tearing through SugarCube Corner again. Tables were thrown to the side as I hustled through, a pink blob accompanying a green one at one table. Something brown tumbled to the ground, a loud slopping noise following.

“MY SHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKE!!!”

“Damn it all!”

“Wait- LYRA! We have to stop him before he tattles!!!”

“Wha-Isaac! I thought you finished him!”

“I did! Now chase!” She and Lyra sped off after me, joining the growing pastel mess behind me as a cloud of dust trailed close behind them. I myself felt I could keep this up as long as I needed to, the air in my lungs sufficient when combined with my overwhelming fear. I went as far as to leave the village, running down a path of dirt and pebbles. I looked back; the whole mane 6 and Lyra still coming quick but low on breath.

“Can’t you take a hint?!”

“Bro! Any faster and I’m gonna pee again!” I kept the speed up, eventually running up a sharp hill. Only the two pegasui could keep up, the others were crawling up slowly. I came to the peak first, stopping at the fringe of a sickeningly tall drop. I stopped from running just before I slipped and plummeted, pebbles and bits of dirt dropping.

“Shit... shit, shit, SHIT!” I turned back, the mares all getting over the horizon of the hill. Most of them dropped from exhaustion, Rainbow Dash and Applejack the only ones standing.

“Now ya’ll best be explainin yourself! Havin all them mares chasin ya!”

“Why are you running?! I just wanna explain myself!”

“Isaac! I thought you loved me!”

“You didn’t tell the cops did you?!”

“I thought I killed you!”

“HUSH UP! All of you! Before I take a step back!” They all froze up, my foot shifting back towards the vertigo inducing drop.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa bro! No need to do something we might regret!”

“Isaac no! Please don’t do it!”

“What in tarnation is wrong with you?! Jumpin off some dang cliff when a bunch of mares are askin ya ta come home with em!”

“Isaac I’m sorry! Just please don’t tell Celestia!”

“WHY are we chasing him? I know Fluttershy has a reason bu-“

“How’d you come back? I thought I did a good job throwing you in the river!”

“STOP! Just stop!” I growled, taking a fighting stance and snarling. They all took a step back, even Pinkie and Lyra.

“Are all humans as whiny as you?”

“Lyra!”

“Well sorry Fluttershy, but you’d think he’d be all over this.”

“NO! That’s not the point here!” They all gave me bewildered looks, my breath heavy with anger.

“What’s with you?! You think love and whatever Pinkie does is worth this?! I wasn’t EVER consensual with ANY of this!”

“B-but… you said yes!”

“You don’t understand! I HAD to do it!”

“What in the hay is that supposed ta mean?!”

“Isaac quit being stupid! It’s not like some magical force is making you do this!”

“You… none of you would understand! This is a little beyond MY comprehension!” Twilight in particular stood up, questioning me with her prying eyes.

“Isaac… we can help you! There’s no need to do something as crazy as I think you’re going to do.” She tried to appear calm, the other ponies doing the same. Rarity, Lyra and Pinkie didn’t follow suit however.

“Just… just leave me alone! I don’t want your rape filled help!” Fluttershy came forward, making me take a tense step back.

“Isaac… please believe me when I say this-but… I’m sorry for what I did. Can you please forgive me?” I was about to shake my head “no”, but the other mares began standing up and sniffling.

“Ahm Sorry Isaac… ah shoulda just let ya worked and gave ya the bed… it was wrong what ah did.” Applejack and pulled her hat down, still boasting my jacket round her shaking body. Rainbow Dash rubbed her arm nervously, looking away from me.

“Me too man… I just… lost control there I guess. Forgive?” She then turned her gaze to me, begging with her eyes the same as the other mares.

“I don’t want to make us sound like a broken record… but I’m sorry Isaac. It was… just gross what I did to you. Can you somehow find it in your heart to forgive me AND my friends?” Even Pinkie, with her mane slightly de-poofing stepped forward with Lyra by her side.

“Now that I think about it… it may have been a bad idea to hurt you. Aaaaaaaaand we’re both really sorry for doing all those messed up things to you. Also the rape, tying you down and gouging your eyes-“

“Yeah, yeah, yeah I got it Pinkie.”

“I apologize to you… for kidnapping and selling you for the price of two movie tickets. I really could’ve gotten like 50 or 60 bits out of you.” I leered to her, turning around to look down the cliff.

“ISAAC NO!” Fluttershy came forward once more, the mane 6 all taking a sharp gasp at my move.

“Isaac, bro, listen to me. it was an accident! Therefore, it wasn’t technically rape! I’m off the hook right?!” Rainbow Dash did a little squee noise, smiling rather pathetically.

“Just don’t jump man… we really don’t want you to jump.” Rainbow sniffled, the mane six getting closer to each other and begging in a collective manner. Their faces, say for Rarity’s, all reminded me of my trials. The faces I once remembered as the cute little escapes from depression, now all of them reminders of the dirty shit I’ve done. I watched them as the wind blew through my hair, then turned about to look down the cliff. Two choices, jump… or stay. Plummet 100 feet to my back shattering death, or stay and deal with those faces.

“Isaac… please.” Begged Fluttershy, her tears falling down to the ground.

“Please don’t jump… I… need you Isaac.” I stared them in the eyes, my heart melting and at the same time screaming in rage. Look back, look forward. Choices, choices, choices.

Author's Note

Chapter 5 is possibly being re-written. I’m not quite sure, but it’s only because I’m such a wienie at writing. I would apologize for the lack of sex, but would also like to ask that you’d put your boners back in your pants.

Chapter 7

“You really want me to forgive you all?”

“Yes! Please do!”

“Isaac if ya’ll jump I swear ah’ll buck ya so hard your grandfoals will be say ouch!”

Come on man! We said we were sorry!”

“Please Isaac?! Please forgive us?! The guilt’s too much to bare!”

“Why are you all begging? This all seems a little… much.” I looked back over them, all their faces portraying their sincerity.

“I promise to never tough you again! Just please don’t jump!”

“You can come stay at the barn if ya need! All the free food ya’ll can eat and never have to worry bout me touchin ya’ll again!”

“Isaac it was a mistake! Just let me say I’m sorry over some drinks!”

“I can make it better! I can erase your memory of it! We can still be friends!”

“I promise to never kill another pony ever again if you don’t jump!” All the mane 6 stopped and looked to her and Lyra, wide eyed and mouth agape.

“WHAT?!” They all said in unison, taking their gaze from me.

“Oh yeah… I’ve got a bit to explain don’t I? Heh heh… heh.” While they were all turned I took my opportunity, leaping from the mountain and holding my mouth closed to keep from screaming. Below me the ground was nothing but fields, the landscape approaching faster and faster as I fell. I was barely half way down before a congregation of screams rung out from on top of the mountain, a blue blur zooming over the edge. Of course Rainbow was after me, not being as fast as I would’ve expected thanks to her need to wiz.

“ISAAC! WHAT THE HAY ARE YOU DOING?!”

“PUTTING THIS NONSENSE TO AN END!”

“THAT’S INSANE!”

“EXACTLY!!!” She grabbed at my feet, my legs kicking feebly at her.

“NO!”

“ISAAC! STOP BEING BA- OH CRAP!” She stopped abruptly, floating in the air as I continued falling. I smiled at her stoppage, before hitting something surprisingly soft. It cushioned my fall enough to only shatter my back and let me fall on the ground face first.

“UUUUUGH… what the fuck?” I barely grumbled, looking up to see Big Mac looking rather disgruntled over me.

“Hey… Mac.”

“Eeyup.”

“You ever say anything else?”

“Sometimes.”

“Oh… did you come to save me?”

“Nnnope.”

“Oh… then you’re here to kill me?”

“Eeyup.” He said matter of factly, rearing up and whinnying like an angry horse.

“AW SHI-“ He came back down on my head, blacking me out in a millisecond with a loud thwack.

“Isaac… Isaac wake up.” Something said, sharply tapping my face with a foot.

“No… Mom I hate going to therapy…”

“Get up.” Another sharp tap to my face, this one directly in my eye.

“Ah! WHAT?! What is it?!” I looked up, the south park version of god standing over me.

“You… moron.”

“What the hell?” He was freakishly mouse like, except green and brown with buck teeth. He was barely 6 inches tall, his little tail longer than he was tall.

“Shut up. It’s time for a news flash.”

“Thrill me.” I said lazily, rolling on my face and officially giving up on this whole “sanity” nonsense.

“You can go home.” That grabbed my attention, my face turning to a happier glare as I snapped to my feet.

“REALLY?! FOR REAL AND FOR TRUE?!” I giggled, bouncing in place like a psychopath.

“Of course! But there’s only one catch!” Quickly I frowned, ceasing my insolent bouncing with mouth agape.

“A catch?”

“Just one.”

“A catch? You had me come this far to finishing the challenge just to send me home and finish there?”

“More or less. When you complete the task I have for you at home… THEN I’ll leave you alone.”

“Sounds… sketchy.”

“Oh it IS Isaac! But rest assured, it is ALMOST legal!” He said, throwing an arm round my shoulder and smiling.

“Wait… I think I might just wanna start over.”

“Nope! You agreed bitch! Now get to it!” He ripped a giant tear in the whiteness surrounding us, poking my in the butt with a long stick.

“Come on… go.”

“Uh… this seems a little… sudden.”

“Come on man. I said you could go home with a catch. It’s totally safe.”

“But I know you too well! How in any sort of well meaning mentality can I believe this is going to be good?” He shrugged, giving me another sharp poke in the butt.

“Okay Isaac… the truth is that the other challenge got horribly boring.”

“Boring? I was mutilated by a pink lesbian pony and then dumped in a river. THAT’S boring to you?”

“Well, you ARE talking to the guy who put Muslims and Jews in the same country.”

“WHOA, think we’re hittin some points we really shouldn’t be buddy.”

“Ugh, will you just fucking go already? I can get a cattle prod instead of this stick you know!”

“Yeah no. I’d rather start over than get the mystery pony… it’s not Discord is it?”

“No, but now that I think about it you’ll need these.” He threw a handful of small soap boxes at me, the small rectangle hitting my feet with a tiny thud. Slowly, and with an eye trained on him, I picked up the small boxes and examined them.

“Suppository for… want it need it spell? Why are there 3?”

“Trust me dude, you might need more than that. ALAKAZAM!” He pointed his tiny paws at me like a magician, a small pink ray flying out and hitting me directly in the crotch. Instinctively I curled slightly in anticipation of an impact, but instead a warm sensation crawled through my dick.

“Ah! The hell are you doing?!”

“Working my magic! DO NOT BITCH.”

“I’m not getting cancer am I?!” The beam ceased, a group of hearts popping from the area.

“Okay, you’re set. Fuck em up kid.” He patted my shin, pushing me into the black tear.

“Them?”

“Them.” With a freakishly strong shove he sent me into the void, the blackness enveloping my entire view before I even knew what was going on. I tumbled a bit, before crashing back into my bed. I jolted awake, feeling like I had been hit in the face with a freight train. Looking about, I was very much in my usual environment… if I woke up on Saturday. It was Tuesday when I began the challenge, why the hell I was in bed at 9:30 AM on a Wednesday was a mystery to beheld. Luckily I was in pajama pants, my room was still an unholy mess, my blanket remained pull over me and only me… looked like I was in the clear. Quickly I pulled up the covers and looked about. Yep. I’m alone… THANK THE SWEET LORD ABOVE. Rolling out of the bed I made sure to watch the floor, not wanting to step on a surprise pony… or my Sweetie Belle plushy. Which I gladly picked up and gave a hug.

“Aaaaaaw… it’s good to be home.” I squeed, placing her on the nightstand and strutting out. Yeah I probably had a mare to pork, MAYBE stallion… hopefully not-but at least I was home. Home in my good ol West Virginia! Making my way down the stairs I took a seat at the kitchen table, scooting up my laptop and slowly opening the lid.

“No Twilight Sparkle, no Twilight Sparkle, no Twilight Sparkle.” I opened the lid full ways, being greeted by my usual Applejack background.

“Ha… I totally won that challenge.” I arrogantly stated, leaning back in the chair. Applejack still had my jacket, the usual hook it hung on remaining vacant. Fuck it, I’m enjoying the silence I have for now until my next challenge peeks their head. So throwing caution to the window I brought up my usual writing projects and tapped away, school always kept me busy. But before anything could get done I heard my mom’s bedroom door open, soft footsteps following.

“Mornin Isaac.” Came a familiar squeaky voice, sounding nothing like my Mother.

“The hell?” Turning around I could see Derpy making her way out of her room, her mane all frizzy and wings fluttering softly.

“But… I heard footsteps.”

“Footsteps? But you’re the only one in the house with feet silly.” She smiled, pulling out a chair next to me and hopping into it. That didn’t last long though, she flopped onto her belly. Her head coming down to rest on my lap. Letting out a long content sigh she, looked up to me with one eye, the other looking at my crotch.

“Have breaky yet?”

“Breaky? Wa-… how long have you been here?”

“Oh come on Isaac don’t be silly! Don’t you remember the last year we’ve been living together?”

“Uuuuuh no. Apparently not.”

“Hee hee! You’re stupid Isaac!” She punctuated the word “stupid” with a hoof tap to the face.

“Better start remembering soon, Sweetie Belle and Celestia will be home soon!”

“Hubba waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!” I started screaming, my hands going to my head to pull out some of my short hair to make it stop.

“Isaac!”

“OH NO!” I yelled, dropping the hair in my hands and covering my eyes.

“Isaac what in Equestria is wrong with you?!”

“THAT. IS SICK!” She lifted her head out of my lap, letting me bound like a gazelle out of my chair and run up the stairs. Tripping and falling on my face, I skittered into my room and locked the door. Leaning against the door, I lifted up my pants and inspected my goodies. While I’m not exactly fascinated by my penis and need to check if it’s there every second, something about it wasn’t right. It glowed a faint pink, with miniature hearts floating about it.

“Aw shit… the circle hath completed its self.” I groaned, the sound of hooves against the stairs behind the door.

“Isaac? Are you okay?”

“NO.”

“Come on honey, tell me what’s wrong.” I cringed a bit at her use of the word “honey”, my half retard mind conjuring a plan.

“Uuuuuh… just need to sleep in some more! Insomnia and all.”

“But… it’s 9 AM. You HATE sleeping past 9.” God damn it, she knew my weakness. I slapped myself across the face, trying to get my sense back together and think of a way to escape without alerting her. She obviously heard the slap, a slight gasp escaping her.

“Are you um… C-clopping?”

“What?!”

“Oh… sorry Isaac. I’ll… let you be then… I’m still available if you feel like you need some release.”

“I’m quite alright thanks.”

“You sure? Or are you waiting till Celestia and Sweetie get home?” Bad thoughts, REALLY bad thoughts.

“I’m very sure Derpy! Just need some extra sleep!” She sighed, audibly heading back down the stairs after a moment or two.

“You’re pills are on the nightstand honey… love you.” Her hooves met the hard wood of down stairs, letting me know it was safe to let out a breath of relief. Standing up I looked out the window, it was still the same neighborhood I lived before the challenge. Nothing was out of place from what I could see and nothing seemed like it was about to kick my door down to get to me. Safety of course was about to come into question. Celestia was approaching, and being on tumblr too many times I had half a mind of her intentions. Sweetie Belle… I didn’t know. But having the want it need it spell on my junk and then a suppository for it in the same room… it’s only a wonder Derpy didn’t get a good look. Opening the window I peered down from the second story, the ground being SO much farther away then I remembered.

“Fuck… that would break my legs.” I wasn’t exactly dressed for jumping either. Bare feet, TF2 sleep pants and my undies. Thinking as fast as a moron could think, I rushed to my closet. I couldn’t find any clothes, oddly enough. The usual shelves they were stored on now carried nothing but what could only be described as pony clothes.

“You gotta be kidding.” Looking around, all I could find was my military gear I usually used for airsoft, most of it covered in pony merch. Luckily I found my camouflage store, unluckily my green camo was in the wash. All I could find was my urban camo.

“Red… red… more red… god damn it!” It would have to work, otherwise it would be my novelty “fierce" camo. I don’t know why I had purple camo, but shit it was fierce.

“Fuck it.” I threw on my red camo, tying on a pair of boots. Making my way back to the window I looked down again, the bare wall before me seeming to stretch at the sight of the ground. A good ten feet of thin air sat between me and the ground, my fear of heights being the biggest bitch as always.

“You jumped before… you jumped before.” Climbing through the window, I hung off the edge, holding on by just the sill. I took a deep breath and leapt from the window, flying through the air and repressing the urge to scream. Hitting the ground I fell into a roll, tumbling onto my back painfully.

“UUUUUGH. Urban Ninjas have bones of STEAL.” I groaned, not even making it past the decorative bushes in front of the house. ( Mind you that’s a 5 foot clearance ) I landed on something sharp, a stabbing feeling in my back.

“Damn it… never was good at having guts.” I Groaned, barely able to sit up. I tried, but fell back in pain. Something approached me, the sound of two sets of hooves clopping against the cement of the drive way.

“Oh my goodness! Isaac!” Came a squeaky voice, one set of hooves clopping faster. Something rested against my belly, the squeaky voice even louder.

“Isaac! ISAAC! What happened! Celestia! Get Derpy!” Opening my eyes, I met Sweetie Belle’s. Although her usual green irises were replaced with large pink hearts.

“ISAAC! You’re pants are really interesting!” She squeed, burying her face in my crotch.

“NO-AH!” I jolted forward, then falling back in pain.

“DAMN IT… that really smarts!” She stopped only for a second, Celestia standing over me.

“You alright?”

“No… not exactly.” She took one look to Sweetie Belle, her eyes changing to hearts as well.

“HOT DAYUM BOI.” She squealed, bringing her head down next to Sweetie’s.

“GOD DAMN IT!”

Author's Note

That epilogue with the bonus pony is gonna be awhile. I’m taking on a new project and also have a life to get back to. So, get ready for some really sick shit in the next chapter you pervs. Still love you though.

Chapter 8

“I’ll tell you what I told Derpy. Unless you intend on using your wings do NOT jump out the window. Only bad things will happen.”

“I’ll have to keep that in mind next time I jump out a window.” I groaned dryly, on my back and in my underwear in the living room. The mares had attended to my nasty cut, now occupying themselves with unrelenting body touching. Sweetie was curled up under my chin, Celestia with her face between my legs and Derpy… well Derpy was actually pretty god about minding her personal space. She sat on a chair she had pulled up in front of the couch, resting her head on my stomach and gently licking it.

“Ugh…”

“What’s the matter Isaac?” Sweetie Belle squeaked, uncurling and laying her head next to mine.

“I… I really just don’t know anymore.”

“You sad?”

“Yeah…. Yeah you could say thAAT.” I jumped a bit at the end, Celestia getting a bit invasive with her crotch nuzzling.

“We could play a game! You love playing games!” She giggled, sitting up and squeeing.

“Okay, a game. Let’s do that. Let’s play get your face out of my pants!” I barked, looking down on Celestia in particular.

“What? You like it when I get freaky on the couch.” She cooed, continuing her nibbling. Sweetie craned her neck to see what Celestia was doing, only meeting a hand over her eyes.

“Hee hee! Are we playing blindfold again?!”

“Blind fold?”

“Don’t you remember? When you put that piece of cloth over my eyes and we played all night?” I exchanged a shocked look with her, my mouth agape as she giggled.

“WHAT?”

“Or when we played the “pet game”? That was fun!”

“OH, SWEET BABY CHRIST.” I scowled, covering my eyes and drawing much attention from the mares. Derpy stopped licking, turning to face me with her unfocused eyes.

“Isaac, you’re acting weird. Please tell us what’s wrong.”

“Yeah, he’s not getting hard. I’ve been at this for like a minute.” I pulled her out by her snoot, Celestia only resting her chin on it.

“Are you tired Isaac? Because you were SO pent up last night.” Celestia cooed, punctuating the word “so” with a dreamy whine.

“I was?”

“I’ve never seen a boy ride a foal so intense in my life before that night.” Feeling something crawl upwards in my stomach I looked to Sweetie, who was blushing and giggling.

“Excuse me, I gotta use the bathroom.” I groaned, getting up and quickly rushing up stairs. Immediately Derpy rushed up, following my up the stairs and grabbing my shin.

“Isaac! Last time you went in your room you fell out of a window and your penis became overwhelmingly interesting!” She wasn’t too happy with me, anger plastered on her face as Sweetie and Celestia made their way up the stairs.

“I was going to the bathroom, not my room.”

“There’s a window in the second floor bathroom!”

“Well what’s your plan anyway? Follow me round the house all day making sure I don’t fall out a window again?!” They all exchanged looks with one and other, smiling slowly and then looking back up to me.

“Damn it all.” Before I could really conjure a thought, Celestia had her magic set on over drive, bringing us all into the tiny shower.

“AH! What just happened?!” I yelled, the mares all wrapped about me tightly. Celestia was at my back, craning her neck to rest her head on top of mine. Sweetie was holding onto my neck, dangling as Derpy nuzzled between my legs. They all giggled in unison, Derpy nudging the handle with her lower hoof to turn the water on.

“You ready for the “shower game” stud muffin?” Derpy said over the sound of the water, licking my crotch. Naturally I jolted back, only to have Celestia’s forehooves make a brace about my neck.

“Oh no…”

“Oh yes!” Sweetie cooed, licking at my lips and nibbling on my nose.

“Come on Isaac, you love shower play!” Derpy Squeed, pulling down my underwear with her hooves. A yellow aura surrounded my thighs before I could struggle, Celestia nuzzling into the back of my head.

“If not shower play, we can always do “rape play” Isaac.” She growled, licking behind my ear. Sweetie gasped at the suggestion, bouncing excitedly.

“OH, OH, OH! Can I hold the collar this time?! I wanna hold his collar!”

“Dear god!”

Eventually they had their fill in the shower, letting me stumble out of the steamy room. My innocence was gone by Dashie in all truth, but by now it was nothing but a butt raped noise machine in the back of my head.

“We’ll see you after we dry off stud muffin!”

“We’ll hurry back Isaaaaaaaac!” Came Sweetie’s sing song voice, making my stomach lurch. Honestly never in my life did I ever think I’d have to bring myself to eating out an under aged horse, but by god this week has been on a roll with that. Celestia already waltzed out, a towel wrapped about her head as she watched my slump against the sink.

“Heh heh, Sweetie took a lot out of you didn’t she?”

“It’s like she NEVER had enough! I thought her… THINGY was trying to EAT my face!” She giggled and nuzzled me, licking on my face.

“You know I never got a chance to… “play” with you while we were in the shower. Seems like something you’d correct for a princess.” She raised her eye brows at me expectantly, eyeing my naked crotch and smiling.

“I don’t really have a choice in this do I?”

“Knowing how you absolutely DESTROYED Derpy last week when you came home from school it won’t be too much of an issue.” She whispered, resting her large head on my shoulder. All the while they had been making implications of my sexual prowess, unannounced to them that I had absolutely no idea what in the world they could be talking about.

“Just… just make it quick before I start puking my guts out.”

“Need some pepdobismal sweet heart?”

“No, no… I just never imagined Sweetie Belle to taste like…. Ugh… vanilla crème.”

“I’d figure you would’ve remembered what she tasted like, seeing how you ate out from between her-“

“Let me just stop you right there, by now this is just too creepy.”

“Creepy? You lived with us for a year and NOW you’re saying it’s creeping you out?”

“Apparently.” She seemed absolutely lost, simply nuzzling me after a second of thought.

“I know what’ll make you feel better.”

“Oh really now?”

“We can put on some Marcy Playground and do some “pet play” like you like.” She hopped up on me a bit awkwardly, her hooves resting on my shoulders as she almost forced me straight to the ground.

“Ah! Heavy!”

“Should I fetch the collar Isaac?” She cooed into my ear, throwing her towel off as her mane waved gracefully in the wind that wasn’t blowing.

“I’d rather you not really!”

“In the pet game that means yes!” she squealed, hugging against me. She hopped off after a good moment, lifting me into the air with her magic.

“Whoa! What the crap is this?!” I said, lazily tumbling through the air as she carried me into my own room.

“Makes it easier to get your cute outfit on!” She giggled, pulling out a small wooden box from underneath my bed. She opened said box and pulled out its contents, my stomach turning into an atom bomb of sickness.

“Got you collar, you cute little name tag… you’re socks aaaaand your little sock!” She giggled, laying out the items on the bed in neat order. The “little sock” was nothing but a condom.

“I don’t have to wear those do I?” I cringed, the thought of wearing knee high socks more than disturbing.

“Oh come on Isaac, you love playing pet!” She squeed, using her magic to slide on the socks and collar as I fought like Bruce Lee in the air.

“No! Get that shit away from me!” She only pushed harder, still in the mentality of play.

“Seriously! I don’t wanna play right now!” I jerked away from the collar, opening up a leg for the black sock to be pushed on. Trying to pry it off the collar snapped onto my neck. Naturally reaching up to pry it off, my other leg was covered. She threw me onto my bed, rustling the sheets as her magic grabbed onto the end of the cord on the collar. She pulled me down to my stomach, standing at the edge of the bed.

“YOU. ARE. WEIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRD!”

“You invented the game honey.” She pulled me towards her, my head resting on the edge of the bed. I looked directly into her chest, her head a good 2 feet above my body. She smiled rather sweetly, running a hoof down my torso.

“Who’s Mommy’s little boy? Who’s Mommy’s little boy?!” She said, as if petting an adorable puppy.

“The hell is your malfunction?!” I demanded, confused by her hoof running up and down my stomach rapidly. He little shoe rubbed against my stomach, the warm metal a bit off putting in its smooth feeling.

“Ooops, forgot the shoe.” She giggled, popping off her little hoof ornament before returning it to my stomach.

“What are you eve-BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHEHEHEHEHEHEH.” I melted at her belly scratching, the feeling of having every single solitary thing in the entirety of the universe going your way. The simple rubbing of a warm nub on my belly made me malleable as putty, my smile spreading across my face.

“Who’s Mommy’s good little boy?!”

“ME-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E!” I stuttered, her hoof making my leg twitch at every rub.

“That’s right! That’s right little lover boy!” She giggled, nuzzling into my neck and nibbling on the flesh there. I tried to resist, my vain attempts to push her off only encouraging her with more laughter. She giggled like a little girl and motor boated my neck, increasing the speed on my belly. I laughed so hard I thought I was going to run out of air before she was satisfied, her tickly hoof on my belly and the warmth of her breath making me squirm in ticklishness.

“Hey!” Came a squeaky voice, the tickling stopping in an instant. Both our attentions turned to the door, a rather displeased Sweetie Belle standing in the door as Derpy passed by her.

“You guys started playing pet without me?!”

“What? You had your turn with him.”

“But I wanted to hold the collar!” She squealed, literally a child being refused a treat. Derpy simply walked past her, a towel round her head as she gave me a quick peck on the cheek.

“Just don’t chafe him, he still needs to make dinner girls.” She said calmly, going into my closet.

“Isaac it’s a mess in here and you need to clean up.”

“Thanks mom.”

“WOW these pants are fierce!” I rolled my eyes in a bit of disbelief, suddenly feeling a bit of weight jump into my crotch.

“OH MY JEWELS.” I grunted, Sweetie quickly trying to snatch the rope from Celestia.

“Gimmee!”

But you had your turn.”

“Gimmeeeeeee!” She squealed, jumping on my crotch to try and reach the end of the cord.

“Isaac! Sweetie’s being a meanie again!” My penis was basically mush now, so to prevent form turning into a red stain on my sheets I grabbed Sweetie Belle mid air.

“Stop! Give her the collar so she won’t beat my nads to pulp!” I ripped it away from Celestia and gave to Sweetie Belle, her mouth happily snapping it up. Celestia ‘s face turned betrayed, watching Sweetie Belle.

“It’s okay Celestia! I just wanna hold the collar! He’s all yours!” She giggled, starting backwards to pull on the collar. Of course it felt like a baby was on the end pulling, the collar only tightening as she struggled and fussed with it in her mouth.

“Isaac, did you forget how to play the pet game?”

“I… I guess so. Seeing how I don’t want to play.”

“Hm, no. That’s a rule. Once a pony has engaged in pet play the word “no” isn’t applicable.” Celestia said, climbing on the bed next to me.

“A rule? There are rules?”

“Uh, yeah. We drew them up when we moved in.” Celestia opened my nightstand, pulling out a book thicker than a bible and dropping it on the bed. Something like a crack came from the bed frame.

“Jesus…”

“891 pages of rules. You were very clear and we all voted on it.”

“WHEN would I find time to do this?!”

“Isaac you don’t go to school anymore! You have all the time in the world.”

“COULD SOMEPONY OR PERSON PLEASE PUT THIS TOGETHER IN A WAY THAT MAKES SENSE?!”

“Isaac calm down. Just let your momma Celestia and… whatever Sweetie Belle is-“

“Owner.”

“And her owner take care of you. We’ll take you out in the back yard and bash you in the head till that amnesia wears off later.” Sweetie tugged lightly at the collar once again, Celestia pushing me to my side with a hug. She crawled over me, her hind legs wrapped around my waist as Sweetie pulled at my neck with the collar.

“Too heavy!”

“Too sexy!”

“Too fucking young!”

“Didn’t stop you before.”

“Or in the shower… or in the bed… or last night in the bu-“

“Stop it.” Celestia shrugged and ran her tongue up the side of my head, nibbling on my ear and leaking onto my hip. Her tail wrapped round my leg tightly, Sweetie eventually giving up on the tugging.

“Celestia!”

“Hm?”

“You’re too heavy and you’re taking up all the Isaac!”

“It’s my turn to play and I want it. You had yours already.”

“How bout NO play? That’s sounds just chipper!”

“Hush boy. Tell ya what Sweetie Belle. I have a proposition for you.”

“Oh?”

“Let me get my turn by myself, and you can use Isaac to play with this new toy I found.” She levitated the suppository box in our view, Sweetie grabbing it.

“What Is it?”

“I dunno, but the pretty pictures on the side say to put in our butts.”

“Oh… I’m not sure I like that.”

“Don’t knock it till ya try it.”

“Sweet jebus you two are insane.” Sweetie sighed and gave me a smooch, hopping off the bed.

“Promise I’ll get him when you’re done?”

“No.”

“Yes.” She cut me off, retaking the collar in her magic and giving it a few tugs. Sweetie smiled a bit, going out the door and closing it quietly behind her. Derpy herself also came from the closet, sporting my fierce camo.

“Lookin fierce Derpy!”

“I know right?” They giggled, Derpy following Sweetie. Celestia turned her attention back to me, rolling off me lazily and resting on her back. She spread her haunches and sighed, her tail engulfing me as I sat below her. She pulled on the collar gently, increasing tension as I resisted. Eventually she gave a sharp yank, making me hack and cough as my face went kablam into her marehood. She gasped a bit, pulling me upwards still. She pulled me to smear my face on her slit, her juices painting my mouth delicately. She exhaled a tense breath, the taste of her juices pervading my mouth. While I was wiping the taste of pina-coloda out of my mouth she pulled down wards, only the base of the cord being gripped in her magic to increase tension. She buried her clit between my lips, bucking in the same motion to jolt it into motion against my lips. She tensed up, sucking in air through baring teeth as her wings jolted out.

“Ah~… nibble on it.” She whispered breathlessly, keeping me plastered to her nubbly. By all means I wanted this to end, but also I wanted to put my penis through a ban saw for gettin nifty with Derpy in the shower just a moment ago. So I decided not to warrant the phrase “OP is a faggot” and gently brought my teeth to her pokey thing. Applying very little pressure brought out a dramatic moan, her horn sparkling a bit. I could see this was speeding things up, I applied more pressure. My teeth gently worked her nubbly as my hands focused on keeping myself level with her waist. She writhed and kicked under me, petting my head with an oddly stretched hoof, panting and moaning.

“That’s a good little boy! He’s gonna get such a good treat when he makes Momma cum!” She cooed, her tail wrapping about my body. I rolled my eyes, knowing the reward would probably be the foul liquid that comes out of the girl when… I dunno the proper term. Poke? Figgle? Handle? Rail? Fuck it, I hate English.

“Now put this in my ass!” She squealed, throwing a box directly in my face.

“Ah! The fuq?” It was the suppository, still in its unopened box. She gave me some slack to let me pull away and inspect it, my fingers opening the small box. A small clear egg thingy tumbled out, wrapped in plastic and slippery as hell.

“Ooooooh! That’s a weird human toy!” She cooed, spreading her legs and lowering her tail more. I barely got a chance to unwrap it, the collar yanking me down to her flank hole roughly.

“The pulling! The pulling is really redundant.”

“Well then put that thing in and let’s to get to the good part! Although I WOULD like a courtesy kiss before hand.” I cringed, even the sight of a… clean white bum hole (Wow… never gonna write that anywhere else in my career) I wasn’t exactly out for rimming. The smell wasn’t too offensive, I’m not really huffing it but it of course my face was 20 inches from a horse’s anus so I’m not sure exactly what I expected. BUT… being the dirty horse fucker I am, I closed my eyes, bit my tongue and connected my lips to it quickly.

“OH! That was lovely!” She cooed, giggling as I got the thing near her hole. It came with its own lube I learned, the thickest end not much thicker than say a real egg. Sadly I raised it up to her, touching it to her back door as she exhaled.

“Deep breath… now the box says 2 to 3 hours in the rectUUUUUUUUUUUUM.” She extended her word when it actually started sliding in. Her flank hole expanded rather well, eventually letting the small object pop in once it had passed its thickest point. It disappeared in her, my sigh of relief quickly silenced when I was yanked upwards by the collar. It floated about in the air by a small field of yellow light, being jerked than towards to Celestia’s head. She was panting rather harshly, her eyes half open while she threw her forearms round my neck and pulled my member flush with her genitals. She ran her tongue up my face, her warm spittle dripping down my face.

“Ew…”

“Hush up and rut me big boy.” She breathlessly gasped, bucking her hips into me. I bounced off her, her godly strength quite surprising to one who didn’t expect it. I didn’t expect it, and I hurt my penis. She watched me expectantly, me rising up into the air to position my member to her hole. She didn’t wait long though, taking the large rule book and slamming it into my rear to shove me into her.

“AH!” I coughed, my cries of pain ignored entirely as she kept me to her with rear legs.

“OH YES! That’s the stuff!” She yanked on my collar, giving me a pretty harsh look.

“Get movin Isaac! Do I have to get the book I show to Derpy when SHE forgets how to rut?” Rolling my eyes I shamefully began to pull out of her, pushing back into her incredibly tight caverns. Her slick flesh stretched around me, the juices dribbling out onto her as she squirmed about. I kept it slow, burying my face in her fur to keep from puking. The feeling of her warm clit against my stomach crawled through my spine as if a spider stood in its place, making me try and pull away from it. Physically this wasn’t exactly possible, her hind legs grasped me with legs like iron. She bounced me up and down like… well a horse, her moans filling the room and probably a good half of the neighborhood. Her horn continued to let out a series of terrifying sparks, the crackling streams of light falling down on us. Luckily it didn’t burn, but the sparks seemed to come only stronger and more plentiful.

“I’m getting close! H-harder Isaac!” She yanked me up to her lips with the collar, forcing me to look at her as she shoved her horse tongue in my mouth. Gagging, I of course attempted to pull back only to meet a pair of hooves on the back of my head. Her tongue rubbed and squirmed about in my mouth, feeding me with a rush of her saliva. Her insides convulsed and twitched against my member, the juices now coating my pubic area thingy as she bucked me up in the air.

“OOOOOH SHIT SON.” She squealed, burying her face in my neck. Her juices gushed from our contact, an audible set of plaps hitting the sheets and floor. Her walls tightened like a vice grip, squeezing and milking on me. Her grip tightened as well, her forelegs crushing my wind pipe against her fluff.

“ACK-AAACK!” I coughed, but she paid no mind to it. She instead proceeded to lift her wings upwards, incasing us both in a feathery hug while she rolled on her side. She ceased choking me, but still kept her grip on me body. Her face scooted back a bit when she finished her dramatic squirting, staring me down with sultry eyes, hanging tongue and sweaty fur.

“Was it good for you too baby?” She whispered, rubbing the back of my neck with a hoof.

“Nothing I could say right now could sum that up really.”

“Glad you liked it sweet heart.” She cooed, nuzzling me tightly as her wings now came flush with my back. I simply laid there for the time being, the cage of fur flesh and feathers tight enough to hinder all movement what so ever. Eventually I went limp enough to slip out of her, securing the thought of not puking in her hold. Eventually her breathing became quieter and softer, her grip loosening. She fell asleep, good enough for me. So I wiggled out of her grasp, sliding down to her hips and barely avoiding brushing my lips against hers. Looking down I got a view of her flank, thankful that the medicine had stayed in her.

“I’m putting my dick through a pencil sharpener when this is all over.” I groaned, getting up from the bed and finding my boxers. I slipped them on and opened my door, finding Sweetie Belle with a small box in front of her.

“It says “insert into rectum” Isaac. What’s a rectum?” She asked, her face as quizzical as mine was green.

“It’s a… long and probably very unsanitary story.” I sighed, picking up the box and looking over it.

“Are you gonna put it in me? Cuz that sounds like fun!” She squeed, hopping up and grabbing onto my leg. Her head came up to my knee on its own, her new hold letting her chin rest on my thigh. I thought hard about it, thinking maybe I could just lived with a penis obsessed Derpy and Sweetie Belle. That is until Sweetie Belle started pulling at my waist band with her hoof.

“Isaac? You awake in there?” With a defeated face and conscience, I lifted her up like a puppy. One arm ran up the length of her body with my hand on her chest, between her legs. She grabbed onto my arm with all her little legs, her mouth noming and sucking on my fingers.

“You sure?” I asked one more time, not as to why but I guess hope is just stupid like that. She nodded her head, moaning as her filly bits rubbed against my arm. Her juices dripped down onto my elbow, now I had to amputate it.

“Do it on the kitchen counter! I’m sure derpy won’t mind.” She giggled, sucking passionately on my fingers and watching me with her big eyes. I bit my tongue, tasting a bit of blood and making my way down the stairs.

XXXX 6 MONTHS LATER XXXX

“Mornin Isaac.”

“Mornin stud muffin.”

“Mornin Isaac.”

“Mornin guys.” I sighed, reaching over to turn the lamp on. Derpy was perched on my chest, her head next to mine with the covers enveloping the rest of her. Sweetie Belle was curled up next to my head, her little snoot next to my ear to fill my head with her snoring. Celestia was my new pillow, wrapped in her own blanket with her long neck craned to rest on Sweetie Belle. By now I had just gotten used to the fact that my life was centered around these obsessive ponies, apparently in this world I was pardoned from going to school to look after these mares. My parents and family… well apparently they were vaporized or something because I haven’t heard or seen shit of them since I got back. I don’t really care actually. I have enough problems now. Other than that from they had showed and told me it seemed like in this world I was a total sex ADDICT. All the pictures they had to show me, someone was naked, or dripping with nasty juice. Other than that, things hadn’t changed. Most of my life was dedicated to the mares now. But since I had… used the suppositories on them, they mostly cuddle. Which I guess is better than rutting… but I still hate myself. And clopping.

“Isaac, can we have pancakes for breakfast?” Sweetie asked, still in her little curl.

“Please?”

“I love pancakes!”

“CELESTIA REQUIRES YOUR OVER TOP PANCAKES.”

“Fine! Just give me a few minutes and I’ll bring them up.” I groaned, a mass of cheering coming from the bed. I trudged down the stairs, rubbing the sleepy from my eyes and heading into the kitchen. The place was usually pretty well kept, the mares helped clean whenever they made a mess. So I set out making the pancakes, making it to setting the pan on the burner before the doorbell went off.

“Who the hell could that be?” I questioned, making my way to the door and opening it. Whoever was on the other side was already gone, a small box being the only thing left. On it, resting a note.

“Dear faggot,

It has come to my attention that you have passed my test, therefore I have packaged your reward in this box that looks ominously like it contains anthrax. It is possibly anthrax.

Love, the jebus”

With a rather… horrified look I went back to the kitchen, grabbing the biggest knife I could find. Than a box cutter. I didn’t know HOW I was going to attempt to fight off anthrax with a knife, but things are always going south for me aren’t they? So, I gently cut the tape along the top of the box, only for it to explode open with a rainbow trail.

“AH!” I yelled, the cutting implements flying into the ceiling. They stuck, the familiar Pegasus stopping on the couch.

“Aw shit son! I was in that box for 2 days!” Rainbow Dash said, flopping into her back on the couch.

“Dash?”

"Hey Isaac! Miss me?” She waved, grabbing the remote like she owned the place.

“Wha-… what the hell are you doing here?!” I questioned, getting up and approaching her.

“Wait… hold on Isaac! HNNNNG!” She spread her legs, a loud fart echoing through the house.

“Sorry man, was holding that one in for a while! Can’t do it when you’re stuck in cardboard box!” She sighed, resting into the couch and wagging her tail.

“So, you had me come all the way from Ponyville, when does the fun you promise start?”

“Fun?”

“I got more everfreeeeeeeee.” Came her sing song voice, a bottle in her hoof as she shook it. Her words hit my eardrums, letting my brain overload with absolute un-want of this thing before me. pushing me backwards to faint on the floor.

And if you wanna know what happens after that, then fuck off. I’m done with this shit.

The end…OR IS IT?!

Author's Note

yeah, this is really the end of the story. YES there will be a sequel, when? When I damn well feel like it. If you have any ideas or what not, GO AWAY. I hate myself, thanks for reading, watch everyone de-favorite when this goes up.

It's not over faggots.

Today was the day, that day I could take no more of these ponies, the day I could no longer live with the constant crap. I was going to shoot myself. I got the hand gun from my nightstand, loaded one round into it, locked my bed room door and dressed in a fancy looking suit. I was ready to do this stupid, stupid thing.

Then something happened I wasn't quite prepared for.

"Is that him?" Came a young, extremely familiar voice from outside my window, as I he was standing there next to it. Only problem with that being I lived on the 2nd floor of the house.

"Should be, this is the right address." Came another voice, this one much more feminine and familiar. Baffled, I turned about and opened the window, sticking my head out to see another man and Pinkie Pie rebelling down the wall of the house, the man holding a club in one hand.

"Crap! Cover blown Pinkie!"

"Plan B!" She yelled, the man leaping over and bonking me on the noggin before I could pull my head back into the house. He stunned me for the moment, making me stagger about like an idiot for a good second before I collapsed to the floor in a pile of pathetic, both of them climbing in.

"Yep... that's him." Said the man, kneeling next to me and touching my neck.

"And he's still alive... great!" Pinkie made her way over, clad in black ninja apparel. She poked my face a few times, looking me over and frowning.

"Hmmm... give him another bonk. Just to be sure."

"Wai-" I feebly protested, before getting another sharp hit to the face with the club thingy.

"We were able to retrieve him Luna. Unfortunately, we may have bashed his brains out with a stick."

"Just as well, we only need him to beat back the duplicates."

"Don't worry princess, with this one, they're good as gone."

"Very good Sinclair. Just wake him up and brief him on his mission."

"Will do." Two voices faded in and out of my mind, feeling like I had been beaten in the face to the pointed that all I was able to do was lay on the table and listen to others around me. Then, a hand grabbed me by the cheek and moved my head. Making me look into the eyes of my own self, sitting on a chair next to me in a hospital room.

"Hey there champ... how ya doing?"

"Wha... who..."

"Try not to freak out okay? Now listen... you're back in Equestria-"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!"

"Yeah... thought so. But while I'm at it, it might helpful to mention I'm your clone."

"..." I stared blankly at him, my heart having palpitations from the suggestion of being in rapey horse land again as I examined his features, terrified at what I saw.

"Who... are you?"

"I'm you! Cloned from your DNA!"

"By who?!"

"Twilight Sparkle."

"How did she get my DNA?!"

"While you were sleeping-look, the point is... we need you do to a favor for us."

"Wha... what is it?"

"We need you... to fuck some ponies."

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!"

Author's Note

I'M BACK!
And by back I mean... a chapter every 2 weeks on another profile... but it WILL be a sequel directly following the events of this thingy right here... so yeah. Friendship is NOT sexy 2 the quest for faggots... yay?

Chapter 5 ( Re-written )

( Warning: This chapter has pretty much NO comedy or talent put into it what so ever and contains icky lesbo pones. And yes it is re-written but the beginning is the same because I'm lazy )

Derpy sat me in her tub on the highest floor in the house, the sunlight streaming in through the drapes on the windows. She kept near me, that being my request. I simply sat in the tub, holding my arms and letting the soapy suds foam up around me as I relax against the smooth white surface of the basin. Derpy gently used a small cup to pour water on my hair, washing it of its abuse. My expression was freakishly blank, contemplating what in the hell I was to do about Pinkamena. Derpy caught my dark view, pressing her snoot to my cheek to get my attention.

“Isaac? What’s the matter? You’ve been staring into the wall the whole time you’ve been in the tubby.”

“I’m afraid Derpy… I’m really afraid.” She let out tense breath near my ear, her own ears flopping down.

“Tell me what it is. I want to help you now.” I shifted about in the tub a bit, trying to think of a way to explain Pinkamena to her.

“You know that Pink pony? That chased us with Lyra?”

“Pinkie Pie, what about her?”

“I… I think…”

“Come on Isaac, I’m sure I can help you here.”

“I think she wants to murder me.”

“What? What in Equestria could make you think that?”

“I’ve heard stories… of a murderous baker who lives in this town. They say she hardly ever strikes… but when she does her victim never sees the light of day again.” I sat forlorn in the water, sinking down until the bubbles came up to my neck. I still held my serious look, Derpy’s expression turning sympathetic.

“Well… I can only say I’ve never heard of a pony going missing around here. Every once and a while I get lost in a cloud and get stuck for a few days… but I’ve never seen Pinkie do anything to hurt any pony.” I shook my head, only sinking deeper into the bubbly abyss.

“No… no you wouldn’t. Derpy she saw me. I saw that look in her eye… she knows what I look like and she knows where we live… it’s only a matter of time now.” She pulled me up from the bubbles, putting her hoof to my shoulder.

“listen Isaac, I don’t really know you all that well, I’m not sure what species you are and you’re third leg is kinda creeping me out. But I PROMISE to you there’s no boogey pony out to get you. I’m also prepared to do anything to put your mind at rest.” She stared intensely into my eyes, her look breaking mine in their incredibly odd way of soul piercing.

“Alright alright I believe you. Just don’t stare at me that intensely again. Puts me on edge.”

“You’ve been through a lot huh?”

“I wouldn’t like to talk about it… I fear you’re too innocent to hear.”

“I’m not a filly Isaac… I know where babies come from… I think.”

“They don’t come out the butt.”

“Really? Wow! You’re really smart Isaac!”

“Yeah… sometimes I wish I could just be a hypersexual prick like everybody else. But you get what you get I guess.”

“Words big.”

“Sorry Derpy, I’m used to talking to myself by now.”

“I have an idea of how to relax if you’re up for it.”

“If you climb in this tub and try to buck me I won’t hesitate to rip your cute little head off.”

“What?! No silly! I was gonna get my record player! You’re funny Isaac!” She giggled and fussed, nuzzling my cheek sweetly. Then she turned and started trotting off, me almost leaping from the tub.

“WAIT WAIT! Please don’t leave me alone… when I don’t know where Pinkamena is.” She gave me a funny look, pausing before she went out the door.

“Isaac, don’t be ridiculous. I’m sure no pony’s gonna get in here before I get back.”

“But… it’s Pinkamena.”

“I won’t be gone anymore than… what comes after a second?”

“2 seconds.”

“No, no, no, after that?”

“3 seconds?”

“No silly! I mean the one AFTER all that!”

“… 1 minute?”

“Yeah! That’s it!”

“Are you like this all the time Derpy?”

“No, sometimes I just stay home and read a book… probably should get more than 1.” She trotted off down the hall, humming happily to herself and wagging her tail.

“Derpy?! I don’t wanna be alone! DERPY!” I leaned out of the tub, my lower half hidden in the tub and by the immense amount of bubbles. Realizing how exposed I was, I quickly sank back into the tub. My eyes went up and around the room, searching for that Pink mane. I shivered and squeaked in response to the slightest sound, the memories of Lyra’s horrible screams still present in my mind. Her giggly, snorting laughter resonated through my mind, driving me to go lower and lower into the water until I could barely take air in through my nose. Derpy’s hooves clopping against the hard wood resonated through the hall way, her light humming soothing my freaked ears. Her clopping came louder and louder before a terrific crash tore the quiet air apart. I heard a yelp, then an ear piercing silence. I froze in the water, the warmth of it turning icy cold against my skin. The sound of something heavy being dragged now picked up, the noise coming closer in intervals. Heavy breathing of something young and female clawing its way down with similar sounding clops. Nothing around me could serve as a weapon, bubbles being my only cover. I ducked under them, coving my face and holding my breath as the noise penetrated the room. Not a word escaped its mouth, the bubbles muffling any sound say for labored breathing. The hoof clopping now came right up next to me, the breathing displacing bubbles over my face. Then, at the one moment I knew I was to die, a pair of arms grabbed my head and yanked me from the bubbles.

“I found you!”

“NOOOOOOO!!!” I thrashed about, grabbing the offending pony in a blind rage and yanking it into the tub.

“Isaac?! What are you doing?!”

“I’LL DROWN YOU PINK HAIRD PYSCOPATH!!!”

“Isaac! It’s me! Derpy!” The body struggled and kicked in the water, my eyes being cleared by a torrent of water. I opened them reluctantly, seeing a wet, disheveled and terrified Derpy Hooves.

“What?”

“It’s me you silly bun!”

“But… the dragging a-and the breathing and the creepy scenario!”

“I dropped my record player and had to drag it! I got really tired from dragging so I panted like a puppy!” She gave me a crazy look, her mane hanging over her good eye.

“But… but.”

“Isaac if you wanna make snugglies in the tub all you have to do is ask you know.”

“NO! I just got spooked and thought you were some pony else… and was attempting to drown you.”

“Isaac… the heck man?”

“I’m sorry! I’m just… really pensive about this kind of stuff.”

“Pensive? Why would you write when you’re scared?”

“Get out of the tub Derpy.”

“Acknowledged.” She crawled out of the basin, quickly grabbing up a record in her teeth.

“I usually play this when the mail list is longer than 3 houses. Maybe it will help you write.”

“Y-yeah… sounds fantastic.” She slid the vinyl disk onto the contraption, putting the needle on and sliding a small lever on the side. The record spun and crackled through the flared tube which broadcasted the sound. The small noise barely eeked out of the machine, filling the room with soft, easy going music.

“The FTL theme?” ( Hint, hint: Play the FTL menu music while you read this. Sets the mood for undesirable poking scenes )

“FTL? What’s that?”

“Uh… nothing. Just kinda recognized the music.”

“Yeah, it’s Vinyl Scratches “sleepy club” mix. It’s my favorite.” She pulled a towel off a ring, sliding it over herself quite oddly. Her wings manipulated the towel to get her back, her fur quickly dry. Her poofy arm threw the towel back on the small ring, pulling another one off.

“Time to get out Isaac, don’t wanna prune do we?”

“But… but I’m stark naked.”

“Oh come on Isaac, I won’t peak.” She said sweetly, the music mixing with her unbelievably cute face. Her wet mane still hung over her eye, her wings shuttering a bit audibly.

“You promise you won’t peak?” I asked, shaking and moving to exit the tub.

“Super promise.” She shook the towel in her mouth, beckoning me to join its warm embrace. I slowly crawled out of the tub, averting my gaze from her daunting stare… derp… thing that she looks around with. I got out of the tub, the immense amount of water and bubbles on me dripping off of me and onto the floor. I stood before her, reaching for the towel. But, as she promised she peaked not and swung her head up and covered her eyes. The towel whipped me upside the head a bit, bringing me to a chuckle. I gripped the towel, her jaw releasing its grip and surrendering the object to me. She giggled and turned about, making her way to the wall.

“I’m gonna let your dry of- OOF!” She knocked her head into the wall, her hoof still covering her eyes.

“You alright over there?”

“Yeah, I had worse head boo boos before!” She said, feeling the wall with closed eyes before finding the door frame. She quickly skirted out, looking back in with closed eyes before leaving.

“I’m making steamed broccoli for dinner. Will that work?”

“I’m a sucker for Broccoli, sounds great.”

“Come down when you’re done, you can help me if you want!” She giggled and fussed like an embarrassed school girl, turning her head to leave. Another bumping sound echoing through the hallway.

“Oh fiddle sticks!” Came a boyish voice, Derpy’s hooves clopping against the hard wood of the floor. I chuckled quietly to myself, the music starting to wind down into almost inaudible beeps. I replaced the needle quickly, going to close the door and lock it. I trust Derpy well enough, but I learn too. The mirror and sink were just to my right, having my underwear laying on it to dry. I gingerly made my way to it, dropping the towel and extracting my underwear for use. But something caught my eye before I could slip them on. My face in the mirror. Before this whole thing I could call myself a noble person, I’m no god damn hypersexual meat head, nor am I a PC gamer nerd who hates everyone, nor am I a console gamer douche bag who hates everyone. I had managed to be the most unlikable person I could be and was proud of it. Now… now I wasn’t anything. I was a dirty, filthy, pony fucker. Below zoophiles. While they don’t hurt anyone (By “anyone” I mean humans) and make themselves happy, I probably ruined many pony’s lives. Lives that I never even knew existed in real life, lives I had no intention of even interfering with, lives- holy fuck- I had no intention on ruining THIS way. So, to all you horse fuckers out there, you guys are alright. At the least you’re better than me. I actually went through with it… I was made two unicorn’s toy, an earth pony’s submissive boy toy, a Pegasus’s fantasy and a piss rag for another Pegasus. Now, I was possibly to become another earth pony’s carcass to rip apart. That face in the mirror, couldn’t be mine. It was only the image of some submissive, overly obedient, bitch toy who didn’t deserve any of this. Blackened bags of stress hung under my eyes, the cut on my face peeking out in agony as a tear rolled down my cheek. I put my hands to the sink, letting my head droop down to look into the empty basin. The swirls of the marbles led my eyes round in useless pursuits, something I had recently gotten akin to. If you haven’t already realized from the wall of text, I get very philosophical when I’m angry.

“Ugh… I think I’ve met my match.”

“Can’t beat me bro.”

“I know god… and if you really want to see me mutilated and possibly eaten by a small, pink pony… I guess it was to be.”

“Chin up, I have the necessary precautions in place.”

“Is that so?”

“Worst case scenario you get stabbed a few times and almost limp away with fatal wounds.”

“Fatal?”

“You’ll get raped two times over before you bleed out.”

“People worship you, that is amazing in its self.”

“Oh Isaac, I’m hurt.”

“Just a question before my inevitable demise.”

“Shoot.”

“Why?”

“I’m bored, and you seemed a perfect candidate. Emotional, not a clopper, hateful, mean spirited, asexual and a brony! Just can’t catch a better fish!”

“Yeah… seems legit.”

“Never knew you to say legit.”

“I guess you could say I’m a little… broken.”

“Well, if it means anything by now, that last one kinda got out of control.”

“Now you tell me.” A soft clacking sound came from behind me, my head quickly snapping to the mirror to scan the area behind me. Nothing seemed out of place, my mind simply putting thoughts in my head of a Pinkie nature. I breathed heavily, turning to confirm the information. Luckily, the only sound was the crackling of the record and the soft music pouring from it. I ran a hand through my hair, chuckling in absolute uncertainty.

“Heh heh… this is gonna be a fun evening I can tell.” I blew a tense breath and got my towel back and rubbing it against my garments, doing the best I could to at the least attempt to dry them. It worked about as well as trying to wrangle Dash back from the window, but it had to do for the moment at hand. So I slipped the damp things on and went for the record player, lifting the heavy thing up into my grasp.

“Sweet buttery Jesus it’s like a thousand suns all bearing down on this one tiny object!” I grunted, heaving the metal box into a more comfortable position and opening the door with a foot, placing it down outside the bathroom to prevent it from rusting or what have you.

“Isaac? I’ve been waiting for twenty minutes! Am I gonna have come up there and get you?”

“Be right there!” I called back, watching the area around me and searching for a pink blob. Seeing nothing but the inside of Derpy’s home I slowly made my way down the stairs. Knowing how Pinkie likes to absolutely shatter the walls of reality and the reason, I took no chances. Every step was carefully thought through before being taken, every breath of air was one of absolute silence and everything single movement was an observant one. As one could imagine, it was forever and a day before I reached the bottom of the steps. Of course because I had been doing nothing but looking in every direction accept front, I bumped directly into a hovering Derpy.

“AH! SOMETHING FUZZY!” I squealed, pushing her back and flopping directly on my ass.

“AH! SCREAMING!” She recoiled sharply from my obnoxious yell, also coming to her butt on the opposite end of me. I had curled up before her, covering my eyes in fear of bouncy horse. All I could hear was an audible pout, Derpy’s hooves clopping against the hard wood of the bottom of the stairs.

“This is really going to be a problem honey.” She huffed, moving my hand away from FOV.

“You’re telling me.”

“Isaac, you know what my mommy told me to do when I was too scared to go outside when there was a bee’s nest outside?”

“Get the bug spray?”

“No. She told me “DERPY, get your butt out there and face your fear”!” She took a powerful pose, a hoof to her chest as she smirked defiantly.

“How’d that work out?”

“I attacked the bees nest and got stinged a lot… huh… now that I think about it that was terrible advice."

“Stung Derpy.”

“Grammar is not the point Isaac! You’re going to have to face your fear if you want to live here.”

“What exactly does that entail?” I ask shakily, backing up a bit.

“I’m taking you down to sugar cube corner for a milkshake.”

“How bout no? I like staying here better. Less chance of getting raped again.”

“Wrapped?”

“Raped.”

“Rapped? Are you gonna bust a rhyme?! That’d be the Shiznit Isaac!” She squeed at the suggestion, bouncing a bit.

“Derpy is it fair to say I’d rather NOT walk into broad day light in my under wear?”

“Why? I’m naked right now, EVERYTHING on display!”

“Well, I really don’t like being naked and putting my goodies out for anypony to oogle at. That work?”

“Isaac. You’re being a scardy pony.”

“No I’m being a rational pony.” She reached out and got a hold of my hand in her mouth anyway, pulling me up to my feet with her wings. She had me stand, then started pulling me towards the door with her hooves.

“Come on Isaac! You can’t just live in my house forever and be afraid of Pinkie. I promise there’s NOTHING to fear about Pinkie!” She insisted, pulling an extremely reluctant me towards the door. I resisted mind you, but when you weaponize cuteness like that mother fucker you’re no match. Besides, I had a challenge to complete to get out of rapey horse land.

“Alright fine! But if something bad happens to me it’s on you.”

“Pfft, like something bad will happen by visiting Pinkie Pie! Worst case we get tummy aches from her party cake!” So we were off, she still had my hand between her hooves as I opened the door. The familiar sun light bitch smacked me across the eyes, partially blinding me for a second.

“Hot damn it’s bright out.”

“It’s like 6:30 honey. It’s not that bright out.”

“Well I’ve been stuck in Twilight’s rape dungeon and you’re bathroom all day so I haven’t exactly gotten a good view of the outside world.”

“Rape dungeon? You mean her living room?”

“WITH a rape table in it!” She rolled her eyes, giggling a little at my tone. Mind you I had never actually streaked before, a little bit running to Derpy’s but other than that my embarrassment level a little bit over boner killing. Not to mention all the ponies staring with their gigantic eyes. Big Mac behind his stand, thankfully alone.

“Eeyup…”

“Mac you aren’t to tell AJ.”

“Eeyup.”

“And I want my jacket back!” After a few more minutes we finally reached the surprisingly foreboding sugar cube corner. The atmosphere was spirit crushing to say the least, I had felt more secure standing on a rusty oil rig in West Virginia. One on the edge of a cliff that overlooked a fireworks and puppy store. Think I’m lying? Well screw you I’m holding Derpy’s hoof while in my underwear. I’ve got mad creds bro.

“Alright Isaac, nothing spooky yet… nothing pinkie either.”

“We’re standing outside Derpy.”

“Then inside we shall go!” She trotted happily towards the door, the sign oddly enough saying the store was still open. With all the courage and possibly a good dose of being a moron I followed after Derpy. The door swung open to her Derpy’s push, a bell ringing quietly above our heads. The inside was oddly vacant, the warmth of the ovens and the sweet scent of the pastries being baked still wafting through the air softly. Pinkie was behind her counter, looking me in the eye with her usual freakish amount of excitement.

“HI! Welcome to sugar cube corner Derpy and weird thing!” She squeaked, smilely and bouncy as always. Luckily her mane had returned to its poofy state, no hint of red on her.

“What can I get you guys?” She asked, looking to Derpy.

“Actually Pinkie. I have an interesting story for you.” Derpy said, approaching the counter. I watched her rather closely, attempting to follow her. But just like everything in the last 3 days of my life, something grabbed me from behind. Something warm and small wrapped around my mouth and chest, yanking me backwards across the shop. I struggled against the warm pulling force, my hands finding nothing but a sea-foam colored glowing aura around me. Before long I was in the closet of the shop, the door shutting to turn the room pitch black. The magic dissipated, only one culprit on my mind before something soft and fuzzy pressed against my nose. A light came on, a very smug Lyra touching her nose to mine with raised eye brows.

“Fuck me…”

“Not right now Isaac. I’m kinda raw. But thanks for the offer.” She giggled, me pushing her off and getting against the door. It was locked from the outside, my hands banging against the wood of it while Lyra sat back against a pile of fur coats and party supplies.

“Bang all ya want Isaac you’re just making yourself tired for the next part.”

“Next part?!”

“Me and the pink one struck a deal… so you might be playing a little game with me and Pinkie.”

“How… how so?” I groaned, pressing my face to the door in utter anguish.

“Hide and seek. Derpy can’t play though.”

“I see that as more of a good thing…”

“Oh don’t be so sad Isaac, somepony’s getting a kick out of this! Plus it’s totally fair. You break out and run off you’re free!”

“Why is that I detect high levels of bullshit in this?”

“I dunno. Maybe you’re an idiot?”

“Joy…” With that she unlocked the door and let me fall out onto my face. Lyra exiting by way of my own body.

“Oh and Isaac, while I’m coming out of the closet, might as well mention something.”

“Please! Humor me before I feel tempted to jump up and snap your adorable huggable neck.” She giggled at my comment, watching me rear up to do as I said.

“You have 30 seconds to hide.” She teleported away, yielding only Pinkie standing behind her. Of course I jumped back sharply, Pinkie only grabbing me.

“HI!”

“AH!”

“I’m Pinkie Pie! I’m gonna rape you!”

“AAAAH!” I shoved her off, making her land on her back as I bolted down the hall. I slid on a turn, listening as her giggling filled the rooms behind me. Firstly I found a window, thankfully in the room that I had turned into. So, like any logical person I went straight to it and attempted to pry it open. Strange enough it DID open for me, the width and height of the opening plenty to let me through. Problem being, Pinkie’s head poked through with a smile.

“Nice try Isaac! But you’re gonna have to think a little bit harder than that to foil Pinkie!”

“DEMON!” I screamed, turning back to go down the other end of the hall. I sprinted as she locked the window, tempted to try another as I passed through the kitchen. Derpy was notably absent, my face looking out the window to see the front yard to see her walking away with something.
“Derpy! Derpy help!” I screamed, not even getting her ears to twitch. On closer inspection, all I could see was Derpy walking away with an obscene amount of muffins pouring out of her newly acquired saddle bags. Along with her some sort of stuffed animal.

“Come on Isaac! Let’s go home and cuddle!” She squeed, trotting off happily with her stuffed human doll clasped to her little pony chest.

“DERPY! DERPY YOU GOD DAMN ADORABLE FOOL!”

“Aaaaaw, it’s said when ponies abandon their friends… why not snuggle with Pinkie?!” Yelled Pinkie as she dropped from the ceiling onto my head, her itty bitty pony arms wrapping about my terrified skull.

“AH! RAPIST PONY!” Her front hooves covered my eyes, blinding my rage filled recoil away from the window.

“Weeeeeeee! Giddy up lover boy!”

“It tickles and yet it burns!” My hands flew up to try and pry the little space invader off my cranium, her legs only tightening while her tail wrapped around my neck. She giggled as my hands clasped around her front legs, prying at her crazy Pinkie strength.

“Lyra! Throw me the crop!”

“Crop?!” I muffled through her fuzzy fluff, something immediately striking my back side sharply.

“OUCH!” I squealed, my hands finding my back as I took off running for no particular reason, maybe hoping I could get away from the stingy ass pain.

“He’s a buckin’ Pinkie!”

“I know! I can barely control this crazy sillybun!” She giggled, pushing back on my face with her hooves to persuade me from running forward. I denied her directional opinion and kept on, hoping to ram her into a wall. My legs carried me quickly forward towards something, Pinkie jiggling a bit on top of me in fear.

“Isaac! Stairs! Fall! Owie!”

“Suck my balls and eat wall bubble butt!” I yelled through her fluff, charging head long towards whatever she was talking about.

“Bail!” Came Pinkie’s voice, her little limbs flinging her off me as my vision came back, revealing a flight of stairs down to the basement.

“OHMYGODNOT THEBASEMENT!” I yelled, crossing WAY over the threshold of the first step and flying out over the platform of pain below. Just before I started plummeting towards the ridged floor of death, Lyra’s magic engulfed me in the warm of magic.

“Isaac wait!”

“Welp… don’t really have… much of a choice here.”

“Before you go idiotically jumping off the top of the stairs put this cup on. Don’t wanna jostled the family jewels just yet am I right?” She chuckled, levitating a plastic thing onto my knickers.

“Alright then Isaac have a fun trip down!”

“Watch out for my broken glass collection!”

“Pinkie says watch out for her broken glass collection!”

“Wait why are you dro-“ Before my sentence could even hit her twitchy Lyra ears she let her magic cease rather abruptly as I resumed my manic plummet to the stairs, my face eating a step and knocking every last bit of stupidity out of me. As well as whatever sense was left after what happened with Dash.

So as one can imagine I fucking ate the step and busted my noggin against the wooden floor. What happened after not I’m not sure. I’m sure some broken glass collection was wrecked but beyond that only PAIN AND ANGER.

But it wasn’t long before I came to, thankfully not in the basement and even better, not on top of a pile of broken glass like somepony implied. However life is a series of compromises, thus I traded a pile of glass for the floor of SugarCube Corner with Pinkie’s nose pressed to mine. Her eyes were literally bulging out at me, her giant smile visible even from my perspective.

“Hi Isaac!”

“Are you going to kill me?”

“Nope. I was just gonna bounce on you for a bit then let you go silly!”

“Kill me.” I gruffed unhappily, looking down to see Lyra duct taping my ankles together.

“Don’t be such a faggot Isaac I’m sure any other stallion anywhere else would be happy to have two mares goin for him.”

“Alright, since it would take 5 fucking centuries to explain EVERYTHHING that flat-out wrong with that sentence, let’s start with just the basics. YOU Lyra, bonked me in the head with a frying pan and then wrote on me, THEN you felt it necessary to dump me in an alley where any pony could just walk by and see me.”

“I told you on the note I was very gentle with you. Not many ponies will play smooth Jazz while they’re raping their bro.”

“I am NOT your bro.”

“WHICH reminds me Pinkie, get the sharpie.” With that Pinkie just now removed her uncomfortably close face from mine, bouncing off into the obscure of the place.

“Alright Lyra let’s make a deal.”

“A deal?”

“Yes a deal… let me go and I promise I’ll get some kind of rubber hand or whatever human body part you like.”

“Rubber hand? Bitch you’re joking me right?”

“Alright maybe not something along that line… let’s put it this way. I will do something really weird and secret for you IF you let me go right now. Iswear!” She put her hoof to her chin, deep in thought as she hummed a little. She thought only for a second, as if her idea was so simple and diabolical only she could come up with it. She looked down at me with her hooded eyes, her hoof touching my chin as she inched closer with her bright little snoot.

“Beg me to not use this thing.” She cooed, levitating a collection of straps and clasps onto my stomach.

“What the hell is that thing?”

“Crap, forgot the good part!” she said, turning about and lifting out a large green dildo from behind her. Two and two made four in my head and shit went down.

“AH! Okay, okay let’s not do something we might regret here!” I yelled, clenching my cheeks at the sight of the freakish length of the thing.

“What? It’s the smallest one that Pinkie had!”

“Still!”

“It’s only a foot long pussy.”

“…I’ll beg.”

“Well then do it.” She said, sitting down on her cheeks and waiting for me with her spooky phallus in her lap.

“…please Lyra don’t put that thing in my butt?”

“Boring.”

“Ugh… Lyra you fantastic mare of epic proportions would you grace me with the honor of NOT putting that creepy horse shlong in caboose?”

“Getting there. Now say I’m pretty.”

“Ugh… Lyra… you… beautiful, cute… somewhat green mare of princess brilliance… don’t get that dildo anywhere near me.”

“Alright. I’m convinced. While you’re begging was at best “sub-par”, I’m willing to not put this thing in your sweet smooth ass.”

“Thank god…”

“But I’m still gonna rape you with Pinkie.”

“YOU… YOU, are out of whack little filly!”

“I know! I’m SO naughty!” She giggled, throwing the dildo across the room as Pinkie bounded into the room.

“Sorry Lyra. We didn’t have any black left. But I got pink!” She giggled, placing the markers on my chest as one lifted into the air with Lyra’s magic doing the lifting.

“Aw come on guys! C-can’t we just have a shake or something and work this out?” I begged, jerking to sit up. My hands were bound at the wrist with the same tape, making me fall back from the lack of support under me. Before much else could happen Lyra’s magic pinned me to my back, preventing any sort of struggle. Pinkie giggled as I fell back, marker in mouth as she brought it to my chest.

“What ya gonna write Pinkie?”

“Som-ing fun-hee!” She giggled, trying to keep the marker steady while she wrote on my chest. My head tilted to watch the display, her mouth writing actually pretty legible as it smeared across my chest.

“S…L…U-Pinkie!” She started giggling profusely, barely putting her “T” down before dropping the marker.

“Hee hee! Isaac stop it I can’t write!” Lyra rolled her eyes with a smile, using her magic to write even more words across my stomach.

“You gotta be quick Pinkie else it smears!” She giggled with Pinkie like two little girls with a new toy, her marker smearing almost an entire paragraph.

“What the hell that does even say?” I questioned, Pinkie’s hoof pressing my head back down. She stretched her neck comically low down to my stomach, reading it.

“I, Lyra and Pinkie do solemnly swear to rape this human while making him out little toy, pet and or bitch. By Equestrian law we take upon us the duty to give him adequate punishment and love throughout his duration as out little slave. Upon the occasion that he disobeys his masters, he will be punished by trauma to his posterior and or his adorably small human love poll. Signed Lyra Heartstrings. Wow Lyra you’re really professional!”

“I know. It’s the unicorn in me. Besides, if the princesses come by and try to arrest us we have the legal stuff right here!”

“You guys are fucking insane…”

“I’m not insane! I’m Pinkie silly!” She giggled, suddenly bringing her tongue out to lick across my face. As if it were some kind of signal to her Lyra moved down my torso to my crotch, her little snout pressing against my covered goodies before she violently ripped off my underwear. The air was already cold against my goodies, making my recoil back into the floor.

“I’m not sure why you wear these things… but they smell good!” She squeed, pressing the cloth to her face and huffing like an addict.

“Ew…”

“That’s not very sanitary Lyra…”

“Oh hush you two.” She huffed, straddling me with her hips as her warm slit hovered over me, slowly sinking down to touch to my shaft. The hot, wet flesh smeared and parted a bit to let my limp shaft hide in it, her tongue lolling out a bit lazily.

“Mmmmh… come on Isaac get it up.”

“Fuck you.”

“Working on it.” She huffed through her pleasure, her hooves resting against my stomach to support her as she started to bounce and gyrate against me. My stomach lurched with the motion, the warmth against me making me want to do nothing but retreat away from it. But the big squishy Pink wall behind me was having none of that. She looked down on me with a strangely warm smile, petting my head.

“Don’t worry, Mamma pinkie’s here to take care of you.” She cooed softly, laying my head on the ground between her legs.

“That’s why I’m worrying…” She giggled a little, her cooch barely an inch from my head. She lifted herself off me and sat herself on my face, shaking her tush a little to sink me in all the way. My air supply was immediately cut off, followed by the most SHAMEFULL erection one can fathom. Fluttershy and Appljack we’re close contenders for it, but it was made so much worse with Pinkie’s flank hole pressed to my nose.

“MMH!” I muffled from behind her cheeks, my face stuck between the plush cheeks of Pinkie’s behind. Lyra gyrated a bit rougher into my crotch, my now stiff member pressed between my belly and her girly bits. Pinkie’s bits were touched to my lips just as much, her scooching about parting and smearing then across my face as she bucked a little towards Lyra.

“Wow… his face is super duper smooth!” She giggled, wagging her tail happily as she rested her hooves on my chest. She squiggled about on me, moving every which way and direction to satisfy her weird pony libido or something.

“Imma kick it up a notch.” Came Lyra’s voice, a hoof touching to my head and bringing it upwards to touch to her drippy thing.

“Ooooooh! It’s all round at the tip!”

“That’s why I love humans!” They both giggled a bit, Lyra letting herself all the way down on my shaft and bouncing at the base from the impact.

“YEEOW! Woah mamma that’s good!” She squealed happily, her hips bouncing and jerking about in sexual excitement. Pinkie giggled at her friend’s motions, her own bits sliding across my mouth as her sweet and salty juices poured out of her and onto my reluctant face. Both of them moaned and carried on, making love noises as they bucked their hips in soft passion against me. Lyra’s pace outmatched Pinkie’s surprisingly, her marehood squeezing and squelching around my member as she shivered in pleasure around it. Her cheeks slapped against my thighs lovingly, her warm flesh and fur warming the rather bitter feeling I was yelling into Pinkie’s squishy bit. Pinkie bounced on my face as well, smashing my head into the floor repeatedly. She scooted further up, her center of gravity lurching forward to bring her flank hole right to my mouth. Trying to spit out her nasty taste wasn’t really within the confines of reasonable, she rutted and slammed it into my mouth excitedly while she and Lyra’s moans ceased, only to be replaced by what sounded lips smacking together in a weird lesbo pony passion on top of me. Of course this carried on for a good few minutes, Pinkie and Lyra’s hips beating my now fragile body into a pulp of shattered dreams and a sore penis. Lyra’s juices were now so plentiful they began to run down my hips in little streams, pooling under me as she squeezed and pulsed around my girth with Pinkie clamped to her face. Pinkie’s marehood scrubbed and bumped right against my chin as her juices poured equally with Lyra’s, trailing down my neck and cheeks as she suffocated me under her bubbly tush.

“I’m not gonna last much longer Pinkie.” Lyra moaned into Pinkies face, her marehood convulsing in orgasmic bliss around me.

“I wanna taste!” Pinkie giggled, shifting her weight and laying across my stomach, her chin on my pelvis as she lapped at me and Lyra’s icky mess, licking and nipple at my exposed shaft.

“Ah! That tickles!” Lyra squeaked, her juices flooding out of her and spurting out a bit, the little drippings quickly consumed by Pinkie as she let her fem juice out into my mouth.

“Ah! Pinkie juice! It’s awful!” I squealed, getting a mouthful of her luv juice. Pinkie panted into my base, nuzzling into Lyra’s thingy as she rolled off me and onto her back next to me. Lyra followed after her, laying her little body flush to Pinkie’s with their faces touching.

“Nice ride Isaac.”

“My mouth… taste like ASS.”

“That’d be a side effect from eating Pinkie’s sweet bottom.” She giggled, snuggling into Pinkie a bit. Every part of my body was sore, my legs from running, my face from the smashing, my goodies from that insanity you just witnessed, in lay man’s terms I was going to go far anytime soon. But that didn’t stop me from rolling onto my belly and scooching across the floor towards the door, my feet being taped together at the oddest angle conceived to prevent my walking.

“Oh look how cute Lyra! He thinks he can get away!” Pinkie giggled, the sound of her getting up coming from behind to make me go faster towards the door.

“Come on Isaac. Don’t you like two fluffy mares making happy time with you.”

“Now that I think about it… NO.” I huffed, reaching the door with my head and straightening my back, bashing my head into the knob in a retard attempt to unlock it. Pinkie hugged against my back, licking my neck and nuzzling me into the door, humming to herself.

“Isaac you’re embarrassing yourself. Just surrender to me and Pinkie and maybe we’ll let you go… IF I can get some hand action up in here.”

“Only “hand action” you’re getting out of me is a middle finger shoved up your ass!”

“Ooooooh! Exotic!” She squeed, her tail wagging as Pinkie pulled me back down to my back, looking down on me.

“No need to worry Isaac! I’m a really good care taker!” She giggled, Lyra nuzzling her a bit on the neck.

“Are you guys… a “thing” now?”

“Maybe. I dunno Isaac Pinkie just has a pretty fine plot.” Lyra narrowed her eyes at Pinkie, raising her eye brows suggestively. Pinkie met her gaze, giving her a smooch on the nose and lifting her tail.

“Wait for me upstairs. I’m just gonna put Isaac somewhere inconspicuous.” Pinkie said quietly, getting a kiss from Lyra as she turned to leave. She wagged her tail back and forth as she walked, flashing her squishy bits as she and Pinkie kept their sultry looks. Pinkies faded almost immediately as she Lyra disappeared up the stairs. She turned back to me with a crazed look in her eyes, her pupils shrinking drastically as her mane fell.

“Aw crap…” I groaned in fear, Pinkie grabbing something quickly from behind the counter. She came back rather twitchy, her hoof somehow grasping a chocolate milkshake.

“You still owe me a milkshake Isaac…” She hissed with a freakish smile, giggling a bit as her ears flopped up and down randomly.

“Uh… I could as Derpy for some bits may- OHMYGODWHATARE YOUDOING?!” I yelled, her hoof bringing the shake right down on my forehead, shattering the glass against my face and stunning me. The trauma was enough to knock the sense out of me for a good while, my body being dragged down somewhere against a painful flight of stairs then being put on something cold and metal. I faded in and out after that, eventually coming to full sense in a dark room, my arms and legs splayed out against a metal surface and stuck fast to where ever they were held by some sort of clamp.

“AH FUCK!” I yelled, panicking in the situation that lay before me. I struggled roughly, pulling at my limbs painfully as my bashed and bucked against the table, wanting to be free of the dire implications. Then, a single click forced a light to come on, revealing Pinkie and Scootaloo at my side.

“Scoots?”

“Hey he knows my name!” She smiled, hopping on the table with a ball gag.

“Funny Isaac, I didn’t know you and Scoots knew each other.” She said quietly, extracting a large serrated bread knife.

“AAAAAH!”

“Miss Pinkamena he’s loud!” Scoots said, covering her ears.

“Gag him, he won’t be too long I’m sure.”

“FUCK YOU! AND YOU!” I screamed, looking to Scoots in particular.

“GET A HOBBY!” She forced the thing into my mouth, tying it rather quickly.

“Alright he’s all set!” She hopped off the table, some rattling of equipment echoing in the dark basement. Pinkamena moved right up to my face, making me look to her.

“Just hush Isaac. Pinkie’s got everything covered.” She cooed softly, lifting the knife into the air above my stomach.

“Fuck…”

Author's Note

Is it better now?! ... no?... fuck. There goes another weeks of work down the drain... aw man...