Equestria Girls: William Simmons High is Texas.

by MetaKnight145

Rating: mature
Tags: Main 6, Gore, Dark, Alternate Universe, Equestria Girls, Comedy, Random, Slice of Life, Sex
Length: 1001

The stories of the various adventures that our favorite humans get in at William Simmons High.

The stories of the various adventures that our favorite humans get in at William Simmons High.

Oh Sithis why did I make this?
Do not read if you: Hate dark comedy, can't handle extreme satire, find the KKK to be a super duper organization, are sensitive on the subject of rape, murder, molestation, underage sex, underage gay sex, high school shenanigans, abortion, football, reading, Star Wars vs Star Trek, Superman VS Batman, children's card games, the use of tissues when clopping, advancement of the human condition, soul searching, peace, love, or beastiality.
You have been warned.

Published 2013-04-16 18:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2013-04-16 18:30:01 UTC

The Klan Can.

It was another stomach sickening, dick mutilatingly, annoying sunny day at William Simmons High, the birds were tweeting the tune from Gwar’s Fucking an Animal and the shit flowers of spring were filling the air with their ass smell. William Simmons high is a high school located in the unimportant and useless state of Texas. Seriously it could succeed  from the union right now and no one would give ten shits, if you live in Texas just kill yourself now.

Anywho we start our story in the blue 2000 Honda Civic Sedan that belongs to the school’s star quarterback Shining Armor and his eight month pregnant for the fourth time not much smarter girlfriend Cadence. You just gotta love how religious parents can refuse the already shotty sex education in this country don’t ya? To be fair though Shining has taken more than a few hits to the head so even if he was told what a condom is he wouldn’t be able to put it on, the fact that he can still drive is a miracle.

But enough about these unimportant would die first in a horror movie while having sex in the woods two dimensional characters with no positive attributes beyond being the future saviors of hundreds stem cell receivers. We have to get to Twilight Sparkle the charming introvert with OCD, PPS, and just a small touch of dementia. If you don’t know what it is; PPS stands for principals’ pet syndrome a debilitating disease affecting more and more of our young people every day. It is characterized by someone doing every little thing asked of them by any principals or people in power and not remembering anything about it till about age forty then promptly killing themselves because they touched them in a place and way that made them feel uncomfortable .

So yes Twilight is a molest victim, but don’t feel too bad for her, for she is a sexual sadist and those people are to be treated badly on sight because they are obviously psychopaths that deserve no understanding whatsoever.

As they parked in the handicapped space behind the school right next to the door and a Rolls Royce with a Klansman’s uniform in the back and a large fancy R on the hood. Did I mention that Shining is a douchebag that did that kind of thing? No? Oh well, he is like every football playing teenage stereotype,  he is and shall remain the main token asshole with no further development for the duration for this sacrilege of the written word story.

They stepped out of the car and Shining ran as fast as he could up to the door and pushed a crying goth girl with straight pink hair out of the way onto the ground as he went.

Cadence just mumbled, “Idiot.”  and lit up a cigarette after she took a swig of vodka from the metal container in her pink pocket book. She was getting an abortion later that day anyway so it didn’t matter.

Twilight took a deep breath shook her head and leaned on the car as she waited for the hour wait till school starts.

“God hates fags! God god god, blah blah Jesus holy, fags bad, straight good. Pray to our god because he is a bigot and you should worship bigots!”, yelled three voices behind them.

Twilight turned to see Rarity, Applejack, and Big Mac doing their daily protest of the Straight Gay coalition started by Derpy, the school’s “special” student to help prevent bigotry. That went over about as well as one would expect it to in Texas. If you were wondering how Derpy is still alive if she is “special” and in Texas, the oligarchy opps I mean the Supreme Court ruled that it is wrong for Texas to kill the mentally handicapped.

“And burn and lynch all niggers and jews!”, Rarity shouted. Big Mac and Applejack just awkwardly looked at each other. Despite being major racists themselves they didn’t think minorities  should be killed, just put in places away from the descent white folk. Just then a loud slap radiated through the parking lot which earned even the bored attention of the soon no longer pregnant Cadence.

Blueblood, Rarity’s boyfriend, had slapped her and she was now laid on the ground and whimpered.

“What have I told you about these stupid fucking protests.”, he yelled angrily at her.

Everyone in the parking lot turned their head back to their respective businesses, because after all racist bigot members of the KKK aren’t people and deserve to be beaten for expressing their views.

“N..n...Not to do them.”, she barely whispered.

“Correct. Now pick yourself up and clean off all that dirt. I’ll not be seen with a dirty fucking whore.”

“S-sorry Blueblood.”, he started to walk off and Rarity got up and followed him after she dusted off the dirt from the ground.

A blue Honda Civic pulled up on the other side of the Rolls Royce and a depressed girl with blue hair got out of it. She was clearly depressed as kept her head down and stared at her feet as a tear or two fell from her eyes. Twilight cracked a sadistic smile when she saw the girl.

“Revenge is sweet.”, the sadist muttered under her breath as she took a sweet demented tour of her memories.

She didn’t notice Fluttershy and Dylan Clopbold, some new kid with blond hair, walk briskly by her. Both wore a black trench coat and backwards black hat. They carried two propane tanks under their arms as they walked in the direction of where the buses are parked. They didn’t bother to avoid the cameras, everyone knew that they didn’t work, and haven’t worked since the Reagan administration. Wait, no not even then.

The hour was soon up for Twilight and Cadence and soon the bell rang, and they walked into the school for their good ole fashioned genuine first rated in the country Texas edumacation.