Pariah

In response to Musing of an Inquisitive Soul and the contained viewpoint on unicorns,

I find enough reverence for the authorial genius behind the musings so as to not impugn her intelligence or standing, as I have been known to do, but have you (you being the collective--as in, unicorns' rights activists) not yet suffered the revelation that the legislation restricting the reign of unicorns is bred of necessity, not fear?

"Oh, but Diascribe," I hear you vomit, "how is it necessary?"

I'm glad you asked, peon. You see, do you not cage the beast lest it to bar it from mustering the temerity to rip you limb from unsightly limb? Sure, you incur the wrath of the opinionated radicals and the beast itself, but you've preserved your own well-being, as well as countless others. Is that not what matters?

Has the Great Unicorn Slaughter (or the GUS, as it has come to be monikered) already fallen from your mutual recollections? It was but 20 years ago--only a paltry handful of time. Need I remind you that the Unicorns were not the victims? The Magic Wars? Even the Earth Pony Enslavement Crisis?  I am astounded at your forgetfulness. Simply stupefied and flabbergasted. It's quite the feat to siphon me speechless, and congratulations.

But in the past 10 years--the past 10 that magic has been monitored--we have yet to witness another massive unicorn homicide craze. Sure, the belligerence of unicorns and their supporters are just brewing and stewing, but the magic-related crime rate has plummeted by an astonishing 63%. Sixty-three percent. That's more than fifty. That's more than half. That's, in fact, a majority. You're welcome.

Ungrateful, is what you are. Thankless ingrates. Here we think of none other than the majority's health and all we receive is cantankerous lambastation. Praise the fates I don't have spacial allotment to verbally slaughter each and every one of you ignoble curmudgeons with the most unbridled and scalding verbiage I could conjure. I could supplicate for such an allowance, but I don't happen to be the pleading sort. You're very welcome.

With listless regard,

Diascribe.

--"Authors' Altercations" from The Biweekly Post