To Be Somepony

Gathered around the table in the living room, Ribbon and her parents sat and ate their dinner as the final rays of sunlight disappeared. Both her parents were talking about their days at work while she ate quietly by herself, like most times. Usually finishing before the both of them, she'd wait a few minutes before leaving as if for their permission or for them to at least finish, thank her mother for the meal then went into the kitchen to rinse off her plate and utensils.

But before she could complete the cycle, her father brought the brochure of the college up at the table.

"So apparently Ribbon's interested in going to the new college in Canterlot." he said.

"Really." her mother said with excessive delight, then looked at her, "Where'd you here about it."

"School." she answered almost inaudibly.

"So are you're thinking of going?"

"Maybe." she shrugged.

"I was looking through the little pamphlet she had and saw that there's a tuition fee for going there." her father said.

"How much?" he mother asked.

"Five thousand a year."

Her mother gasped dramatically.

"That much?!"

"Indeed. It must be quite the school if their charging that much."

"And I can imagine its only going to get higher with demand for more learned teachers."

"Oh yes. Equestria's getting bigger by the day."

"How long do you think it'll stay that low?"

"That's low?" Ribbon thought.

"For a while I guess, since its still new and their trying to get students. It wouldn't be too bad of an investment."

"Do you want to go Ribbon?" her mother asked.

"Maybe, I don't know."

"Are there any tests you have to take to get in?"

"Yeah, but I don't know if I'll take it."

She got up from her seat.

"Thank you for dinner."

"You're very welcome."

She went into the kitchen and rinsed off her plate and fork, then went upstairs to her room. With her homework done and nothing to do, she went to her shelf of records and picked one of her favorite classical pieces, then sat on the ledge of her window with her hooves hanging down. From where she sat she could see the lights of the court house twinkle in the distance and most of Ponyville.

The experience at the library that day was still on her mind. She remembered the feeling she experienced when Twilight Sparkle came down the stairs; excitement just like the time before but less potent, followed by a more subtle disappointment when she went into the basement again. She mused over what had caused her to feel those emotions.

"Was it because I still wanted to try and talk to her?" she thought.

Minutes passed as she brooded over it in her mind. Her angry thoughts led from one to another, from whether or not she had begun to hate Twilight, to how she wasn't assertive anymore, to how everypony in her class annoyed her. Her music still played and she tried to imagine dramatic scenes to help calm her, but it was too up tempo to imagine anything graceful like flying in the clouds. She had special record just for that kind of image, but she was too lazy to replace it.

When the music stopped and the needle hit the small metal pin that held the record, she had already spent thirty minutes just sitting and thinking to herself about her life as an earth pony. She envied how a pegasus could fly whenever they felt like it and be free like Rainbow Dash, and how unicorns could use magic and make their lives easier. The envy turned to hate, but she let it go before it could fester in her heart.

"Calm down Ribbon." she thought, "You're overreacting again, just let it go."

The moon had come up and a cool breeze followed it. She got her hooves back to the floor then closed her door to go to bed. After snuggling under her blanket, she looked at her clock then set it to go off, then rested her and fell to sleep shortly after.

Sitting on top of a mountain, she felt slightly dizzy but also adrenaline flowing through her blood. Her beautiful wings were stretched out and felt the wind run its soft fingers through her feathers. Closing her eyes, she stood on her hind legs then let herself lean forward and fall off thousands of feet towards a layer of cloud. Her wings flapped once and she was flying over them.

Her mouth opened slightly and she tasted the sweet air, and a smile grew on her face. Out of nowhere she began laughing from the pure joy and then went barreling into the clouds, feeling the wisps of fluffy air kiss her face. A great forest then opened in front of her as she soared over it.

"This is awesome!" she screamed at the top of her lungs.

A hole in the canopy of the forest caught her eye, drawing her towards its mysterious presence. Circling over it, she saw a huge mirror reflect the suns ray back at her, making her fly closer to inspected. Her hooves touched the ground near the mirror which turned into a sparkling pool of water. Around her, she was surrounded by the smell of thick pine and mint, the sounds of woodland life, and saw what looked like parasprites flying hither and there.

She walked towards the edge of the pool and looked into its water and saw her reflection then gasped; her wings were gone. With all her might she tried to make them reappear and regain the feeling of them flapping at her sides, but they never came back.

"Tis' a pity to lose what one desperately wants." a voice spoke all around her.

"Whose there?!"

From the middle of the pool she saw a black circle form then grow to engulf its entire surface, then she noticed it had turned night. Hundreds of star appeared as she watch the water ripple from the middle and black figure rise from the depths. It eyes glowed white as it made itself towards her, walking along the top of the water.

"Pri...Princess Luna?"

"Indeed child."

Her body's figure then glowed and Ribbon saw in her in all her majestic beauty. Her radiant hair sparkled in the night air as she kindly looked down at Ribbon.

"You... you came to my dream?"

"I did, as is my duty to all my subjects."

"But why? Why me?"

"Your heart curdles anger that has been the root of many evils. I'm am here warn you of its intent."

"Evils? What, no. No!" Ribbon said, her hoof slamming to the ground, "I'm not evil!"

"Not necessarily. Though you lack the power to harm the world, your anger holds power to harm you yourself."

"I know what's in my heart! I know whats in my mind as well too! I've seen things like this too you know, spent time thinking on why I get so angry! It's what everypony goes through, it's just a phase!"

"It would seem my fore-sights are not wrong."

Ribbon's chest heaved back and forth as she caught her breath from her explosive reaction, then sighed heavily at the princess's affluent stare.

"I'm sorry." she said weakly, looking away.

Princess Luna walked onto the solid ground, closed her eyes and placed her forehead against Ribbons, her horn resting on the ponies brown mane.

"They say dreams are gateways to the inner chambers of our minds." she said softly, "I've have entered thousands of dreams, and have seen emotions and thoughts most try to hide from themselves."

"I'm just another case aren't I then? You've dealt with many like me, and probably have a way to calm me down that you've used many times before."

"Such a thing to say." Luna said then lifted her head to look down her, "You speak as if you can read another's thoughts."

"I just have a lot of time to think to myself. It's like I'm the only one who understand me."

"Have you not friends to share your feelings?"

"Yes, but I never talk about my feelings with them. They probably wouldn't understand."

The princess looked away and gracefully walked around the pool, her wing waving for Ribbon to follow. Ribbon trotted next to her, a strange feeling growing inside of her.

The two walked passed the brush and into the thick of the forest.

"As I entered your mind, a noticed a minute difference in its thought pattern. The way I traveled past your conscious was more complex than most. It is a experience I seldom obtain."

"I like the way you speak." Ribbon said out of the blue.

"You find it amusing?"

"I find it cool. It's different."

"Fascinating. Most your age find my diction... annoying."

"I like to think I'm not like most ponies." Ribbon giggled, "But then again... I try not to think like that. I know I'm just a regular pony."

"Such humility. Come, let us delve deeper into your mind."

Ribbon noticed the princesses pace quicken, so he had trot to not fall behind.

As they continued into the forest, the trees began to shake and there leaves began to fall miraculously. The dirt beneath them became loose and sifted like sand. Moans and creeks came from the dying trees, until one finally fell when all its leaves turned brown and had fallen off. More trees fell, opening the night sky to them. The stars began to fade and the sky darkened until it was pitch black.

"Stay close." Luna warned her, "Lest our meeting be in vain."

Ribbon trotted closer by the princess, then felt the ground quake beneath them. Cracks on the ground formed near them and grew larger. Fissures widened as dirt and trees fell into oblivion, and a pathway was carved out in front of them with a light at the end of it.

The ground turned to solid rock, and all around them everything fell into the black void that seemed to encompass them. The rock crumbled from behind them was the walked past it and the light grew brighter. By the time they reached its source, there was absolutely nothing but the two of them and the strange light.

Its rays shortened as the princesses circled it around it, leaving Ribbon in awe. A glowing orb was left, then expanded into a large sphere.

"This is the memory matrix." Luna explained, "It is the core of your memory, and where we will find the source of your anger."

Memories flashed along it smooth surface as the princesses eye glowed again. Ribbon watched as thousands of images went across it.

"It would seem this anger first seeded when you were young, a time when you were called a... 'blank flank'?"

"I guess so."

"Yes. I noticed the absence of your mark upon my arrival, but I see that it has done little to effect your emotions."

The memories stopped on one Ribbon recognized immediately.

"I believe this looks to be the source."

Luna's eye returned to normal, and the memory of the incident at the library the day earlier appeared on the orb.

Ribbon watched herself eagerly walk up to Twilight and give her the letter, then as she began to cry when she left. Turning her head away, she clenched her eyes from repeating what she saw and did her best to suppress the sorrow.

"The newly crowned Twilight Sparkle." Luna said, "Me and my sister took great pride in watching her blossom that day. Such happiness rarely blesses our presence."

"Good to hear!" Ribbon yelled, "I bet everypony in Equestria is still mawing over her success as if it were a some drama! "

"Envy I see. I am all too familiar with that poison of the mind."

Ribbon sat on her hind legs and hung her head.

"I sense conflicting thoughts."

Ribbon said nothing.

"You need not feel guilty. The regret in your heart is a blessing, you see the error of your words when others would not. You are very wise for one your age."

The orb vanished and the two were left alone. Luna went to her and laid next to her. Tears dripped down her cheeks.

"What troubles you child?"

"I don't no wh... why I feel this way. I'm just trying to be good so I don't hurt anyone."

"A noble pursuit, but do the consequences of no longer being ignorant of sin seem bearable?"

Ribbon shook her head.

"Something else I can tell is on your mind. What is it?"

Sniffing away the tears and mucus in her nose, she looked at the princess.

"What's it like being a princess?" she asked.

"An interesting question indeed. You could say it is just like anypony else's, only the magnitude of our live's aspects greater than yours."

"Its just, I have no direction in my life right now and have no idea what I want to be."

"A question we must all face."

"But what if the answer you want is out of your reach?"

"I don't understand." Luna said, a confused look on her face.

"Do you think you'll be remembered as Nightmare Moon or Princess Luna?"

"I... Well I would assume that given recent events that..."

"Is that what you think you'll be remembered by, as a monster that was merely turned back and behaved good for the rest of her life? I know I wouldn't want that. But others will probably just remember me as the pony who never got her mark. I'll be remembered as a joke, and I know I'll have done little to prevent it. I don't know if it means I'm special or what, but I'm tired of waiting. I'm tired of just being the quiet one in the back of the class."

"Ribbon." Luna said forcefully, frightening her, "Enough brooding, enough torturing yourself, enough of this foolishness. What is it that ails you?"

"What does it take to be part of history?" Ribbon answered.

The question baffled the princess.

"I... I just want to be somepony. The reason I felt so bad when I met Twilight was because she didn't know me, and that she probably never would. It felt like I would never gain her acknowledgement. Like my name means nothing."

"Nothing." Luna repeated.

"I don't hate Twilight. I don't know why I would, but ever since what happened I've just felt so insignificant, and I don't want to be. I... I want others to know me, and want to be proud of the fact that they do."

"You want to be famous?"

"Not famous like a celebrity, but famous like a hero, like my existence will actually have mattered."

"I see." Luna said solemnly then stood up, "Please, stand."

Ribbon did.

"The words you've spoken have interested me deeply. Though your tongue is ill tempered, and you mind still growing, you show great potential. The flaw I see however is you lack of confidence. You speak true, but your actions say otherwise. Let this encounter be a lesson to you, that you may reflect on your life and how you shape your destiny not by what will appear on your body, but by what road you will take in life."

"I... I don't know if I can. When will I have to decide what to do?"

"That is for neither of us to now, but calm yourself that you may be ready when you will meet your crossroads."

The princesses figure back to fade into the darkness.

"Wait! Don't go!" Ribbon said.

"It is time for you to take hold of your life, and guide yourself towards your future. Farewell."

The princess disappeared, leaving Ribbon in the void of emptiness.

Her alarm woke her from her dream, and the floor underneath her bed greeted her eyes. She had fallen out of bed during the night but never woke.

Trying to lift herself up, her back ached from the awkward position and her head rang along to the ring of the alarm. She grabbed the clock and turned it off, noticing clumps of her mane in her face. Looking towards the window she saw Over the Mountains and through the Void on her desk, untouched and unread.

"Hero." she said, the dream vividly running through her mind.

She went to the window, straightening her hair, and looked out towards where the sun would rise. The sky slowly turned violet as its rays drew near, then she saw a figure fly away. The coming rays reflected off its mane in a way so dazzling she could see the glimmers from her window.

"Thank you Luna."

The school bell rang and the room immediately emptied except for Ribbon who took her time. Her eyes had trouble staying open because of the nights rest, and had gotten her in trouble when the teacher called on her head sleeping on her table.

Outside she squinted at the sunlight, and dizzily walked towards the road as her head adjusted. The weekend had finally come, but she didn't feel the least bit excited.

"Worst two days of my life." she grumbled to herself, "But probably the two most important."

Walking back towards her house felt like a journey all on its own with her legs weak and her head hanging low. Her eyes occasionally closed for a few second then opened when she felt herself trailing off. She passed by the library and stopped in front of it.

"Spiiiiiiiiike!" a voice yelled from inside, "Where are my quills and paper?!"

No sadness, nor sorrow or anger festered in Ribbons chest. Nothing came, to her surprise; remembering the incident that caused her breakdown did nothing to affect her anymore, like she had developed an immunity to it over night. It brightened her mood to see her life had already begun to change.

She kept going down the road, and decided to take a walk around town.

After a while she made to the fountain in the middle and sat down to rest. Her bag rested against its brick, barely filled with any school work. Looking down at the ground, she thought about the dream and how real it felt when she woke up. It was like she had never fallen asleep in the first place, which would explain why she felt so tired.

"I said some stuff I'm still not sure of." she thought, "But where did it all come from. I've never acted like before in my and life and yet it felt so good to just yell, and to a princess. I was so rude, if only I could go back and change what I said, but that's impossible. How can she sense my emotions and that they were evil. I know what I was feeling wasn't really the best, but don't all ponies feel this way sometime in there lives? It's just a phase, it has to be. I know I'll get over it, and this will all be just another embarrassment in my life."

Her elbow touched her knee and she brought her cheek to her hoof.

"Maybe I do want to be something in this world, but what? It's not like I can do anything special; all I do is just stay quiet and bite my tongue from lashing out. But look where that's gotten you Ribbon. And now you think that you can make a difference in the world when you can't do anything to keep yourself from overacting. Why don't you just become a teacher, that way you can assign all the homework you want and yell at smartponies."

Her eyes looked around the market.

"You're pathetic, really you are Ribbon. You even get angry at your best friend for being who she is. What kind of a friend are you, what kind of pony do you think you are? You have no right to get angry at her, at anyone. Maybe you really should just keep to yourself... and become a librarian. At least they work in a quiet place."

She rubbed her leg against her bag, tilting it back and forth.

"Your getting angry now, for no reason. Maybe you should just go home and sleep it off. No school tomorrow so you can just stay in, keep that fricking alarm clock off or just throw it out the window. But then... what will you do tomorrow? Its not like you have anywhere to go or anything to do besides homework. Will you just lay in bed all day? You probably would if it would help even in the tiniest way."

Her bag fell to the ground.

"Maybe you should just do what Luna said and wait for your 'crossroads', maybe something good will happen then."

Grabbing her bag, she left the fountain and made her way home, getting there while the sun was still high. Up in her room, she saw the book still on her desk but felt no motive to read it and simply shut her curtains and laid down on top of her bed in the dark. Thoughts ran through her head as she tried to think of things to do to occupy her weekend.

"Maybe I could go out and buy something. That's always nice. To go out and... spend the bits your parents give you. Bits you hardly earn, yet they spoil you you stupid idiot. You don't even deserve an allowance for what little you do around the house."

She turned on top of the blanket, her head raging with ire thoughts.

"When will you finally get a job and pull your own weight. Your parents did when they were young, but here you are arguing to yourself like an idiot, doing nothing to please them or make them proud. Why don't you do that tomorrow; go out and try and get a job. Or why don't you see if you can even pull yourself out of bed in the morning."

Tired of beating herself up, she went to her player and picked out a record, then got under her blanket and rested her head on her pillow. The lullaby soothed her mind as she drifted away, trying to imagine what it was like to flying again.

"I bet you ten bits you won't get up before nine."