Terrell Owens In Equestria

by The-darkevil101

Rating: teen
Tags: Crossover, Human, Alternate Universe
Length: 1845

While in the Dallas locker room, Terrell Owens is attacked by a random brony, and sprayed with a bottle of piss. He then wakes up in equestria and gets into a little trouble with the residents there.

NOTE: This takes place in an alternate universe in where the cowboys never cut T.O. The year is 2011 (It has to be a possibility….)

"Touchdown, Cowboys!" That was all Terrell Owens wanted to hear.

Then, while he was in the locker room, a brony comes out of his locker, and sprays him with a bottle of piss.

Somehow, T.O. falls out cold, and the brony is shot on site. And then he wakes up in equestria. A fight ensues.

EDIT: This is now a one-shot. Because I can't think of any more chapters now, and I think it's good where it is. Sorry peeps.. :(

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2013-05-02 09:20:01 UTC

Chapter 1

     It was the last game of the season in Dallas Stadium, and it was fourth in ten on the Dallas forty-five yard line. The Cowboys had only one chance to do this. They were trailing 19-13 in the fourth quarter against the Detroit Lions with only ten seconds left in the game. Romo lined up behind center and finally...

"HIKE!"

     Romo dropped back to pass. He had two guys on the right and one on the left. The first two on the right were already covered, so he looked to the left..and then he saw it. Terrell Owens had only one guy on him and Romo knew for sure he had him beat. Not wasting another second, Romo cocked back his arm, and rifled the ball down the field.

     T.O. looked back almost lazily. After all, he had already caught two touchdown passes. (The second PAT was blocked by Ndamokong Suh.) But anyhow, the ball was nearing the end-zone and Owens reached his hands up to catch. Though it seemed like forever though, because the tiny, 5"1 defender "covering" him kept tugging on his jersey. Finally, the ball landed softly in his hands, and Terrell could just hear the cowboy fans cheer. He easily shook the wimpy defender off of him, and glided in the endzone.

     "Touchdown Cowboys!"

     The crowd erupted as T.O. simply spiked the football, and began doing sit-ups to entertain the crowd. But he wasn't done yet. He got up, flexed his bicep, and started "Caepernicking". The crowd erupted once again, but this time in laughter. Then finally, Owens took a bow, and was finally dragged away by Romo and the kicker to the sidelines after getting four excessive celebration penalties.

     The PAT was backed up to the Lion's forty yard line, but luckily Baily, (the kicker), had plenty of leg to make the kick with ease. After a little squib kick, the clock ran out, and the game was over. The crowd erupted with cheers, as the lions once again for a fifth time went 0-16. The lions went to the locker room ashamed, but not before T.O. had a few things to say as they departed.

     "Hey, you all better fold next year. Y'all can't win a game to save yo' life's!"

      That did it. Two of the lion's defenders: Ndamokong Suh, and Kyle Vandon Bosch began to charge at him for his constant gibbering. But little did they know that they were about to taste the strongest pimp-hand known to man. Right as they were about to tackle him, Owens whirred around, (He had already turned his back to them), and stopped them both in their tracks.

      What he said next shell-shocked them: "Can you say, pimp-slap?" and not a second sooner after he spoke these words, he sent his backhand flying at their faces. They didn't even have time to react, and they went flying into a wall, causing fans to cheer as Owens unleashed a can of T-FU on the two un-affective defenders.

       And not a second sooner, almost acting like the scene before them never happened, the media rushed up to him asking about his newest achievement. However, he just waved them away as he, and the rest of the dallas team went into the locker room, even if the cowboys finished 1-15.

    Terrell and his teammates were chatting it up in the dallas locker room when suddenly a news camera person came up to him asking for an interview. He agreed and shortly after the camera was rolling.

    "Here we have with us is Terrell Owens, the explosive WR on the cowboys offense. Tell us, what made this game a great one for this team that seemed to almost lose it all?"

     Owens paused for a moment, and then said the following: " Man, the Lions tried their hardest, and we tried our hardest and all...but in the end, it was me against that bankru-, I mean, challenging secondary."

     The news reporter looked stunned to hear such a comment, but then proceeded with the following question:

     "A lot of our more quieter fans spoke up about what you had to say about...My Little Pony. Any comments?"

     Again he paused, but this time he became more bold.

     "Yeah...Forget about that fruity pebble nonsense, that's just for dudes who don't have jobs." and right after he said this, several of his teammates went "OOOOOH", and Terrell crossed his arms proudly of his new found confidence.

     "Thank you Mr. Owens for your time." said the news reporter as he and the camera man packed up and went on their way.

     T.O. simply nodded, but not too long after he noticed something rumbling in his locker. So, thinking it was just a prank from his teammates, he went to go check it out. It wasn't until he noticed that the rumbling became more...human-like. Terrell was cautious now. He crept a little slower each time he heard gibbering coming from his strangely quiet locker. Even more wierd, his teammates didn't even notice. That should have been the red flag for him, but being the egomaniac he was, he decided to press on.

     "What could be making all that ruckus?"

     Finally, he got closer, and reached out for the handle.

     *CLANG-BANG*

     What T.O. saw next was shocking. It was a brony, because it gripped a pink horse doll and what appeared to be a bottle of....urine? Anyhow, Terrell was in trouble and needed to act fast. He decided to use his tasty pimp-hand to knock the brony away. However, it didn't work as the brony shook it off and advanced towards him. Finally, it grabbed one of his arms and sprayed the five day old piss-in-a-bottle relentlessly at his face, causing him to cough and for some reason black out....

    (What happened to the brony you ask?...Well..um..he got shot on sight by the FBI.)

     "And now I, The great and poorly funded Trixie, will now make a object appear from my hat!" said a blue unicorn with a magician hat. It had a greyish white mane, and it spoke very loudly, and even boastfully. She stood in front of a small audience on a small stage in front of a smallish town. The main guest though, were the mane six. (you know em')

    Then, not a second further, just before she was set to do her so called "trick", her hat began to bulge.

     "What the-, This isn't supposed to happen! I demand to know what's going on!" she shouted above the shocked crowd.

     Finally, the hat exploded, and out plopped our hero, Terrell Owens.

     Trixie stood there for a moment, shocked and slightly a little impressed by her own magic. But not before T.O. woke up from his short coma and back-handed her, still thinking he was fighting that crazed brony. Then he got up rather quickly, and looked around, a little shocked himself. The crowd looked rather odd to him; he even saw that pink horse doll in real life. But he really didn't know if he was dreaming or not. Anyhow, that actually didn't matter, as he had bigger problems.

      Finally, the purple pony in the front, (Twilight), spoke up.

      "Um...Sir? Who are you?" she asked timidly.

      Owens tilted his head to the right for a moment, then tried to speak, but nothing came out. He tried again, this time for real, but still nothing came out.

      'What happened to my voice?' he thought as he stared on at the technicolor town.

      Once more, the purple pony spoke out again:

      "Sir, can you talk?" she asked.

      But this time, he wasn't wasting any more time. T.O. shook his head, and silently walked off the stage. Then the pink horse that he saw, (Pinkie Pie), reached out to him by grabbing his arm. But just because that brony was holding a pink horse doll, Owens didn't want to know what this certain pink horse was about to do. He pulled away violently, and uppercutted her in the jaw.

      The pink horse fell on her back, shocked and hurt by the sudden attack.

      A blue horse with a rainbow mane, (Rainbow Dash), flew up to Owens rather quickly.

      "Hey! She was just trying to help you!" but not a second sooner after this, Terrell spun around again,(He had already turned his back to the pink horse), almost gracefully, and made her taste his pimp-hand. The pegasi fell back, almost hurt, and then back up a few steps and rammed T.O. straight out of ponyville.

      Owens yelled violently as he was sent flying through a few carts, and even into someone's house. However, his ego alone gave him much strength. He climbed out of the rubble and grumbled to himself..Wait, grumbled? Terrell got his voice back! However, now was not the time for talking. But then he realized that he was very far out of town... Then he heard something call his name. And it came from behind him...

      "Terrell....Terrell...Teerrrrell.." the voice was almost ghostly.

      Owens looked around, and then out of the corner of his eye and saw horse like figures surround him. He balled his fists ready to pimp-hand any evil-do-ers as he went. Finally, they all became visible. They seemed normal...but then they revealed their true forms once they all noticed Terrell observing them. They didn't say another word as they all crept towards him, silently giggling as they got closer.

      After he had enough of this, he broke the silence.

      "What do y'all want with me?!"

      They said nothing.

       But before he could say anything else, one of them tapped his shoulders, and then hiked it's front hooves higher to his shoulders. Then it leaned it's head a little bit to meet his and spoke softly.

       "Terrell.....Wake up or you'll find yourself on another team."

      *Bang*

      Pain washed over his head as Terrell owens shot awake back at his locker room. His teammates and coaches were all gathered around him.

      Romo spoke first.

      "Terrell? Are you ok?"

      "Yeah..I'm fine.." he responded.

      "Okay..But get up. You've been out for awhile."

      T.O. got up and realized his pads were still on and he was sweating.

      "Guys, I need to get changed first, is that okay?"

      One of the coaches nodded as he began the ritual of taking off his pads and shooing off the wandering teammates that were still staring at him while he was taking a shower. Finally, he was done, and climbed on the Dallas cowboy bus on the ride home.

As Terrell Owens walked through the front door of his sports mansion, he was finally glad that nightmare was over. But something in this setting seemed..."off" to him. Then, he saw it...lying on the main table of his house (He has to at LEAST have one in his home) was a pink horse doll with red letters on the table saying:

THIS ISN'T OVER, TERRELL!