My little serious pony

by Legion2709

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Crossover, Human
Length: 7912

The story of how two legends of computer games Serious Sam and Duke Nukem were in Equestria.

I am Russian and I am having some problems in the translation, as I used a translator and he is not very familiar with the diverse nym Russa mat takchto advance soyri.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2013-04-17 16:39:09 UTC

epilogue

Sam Stone, probably the last person surviving flew to the device of time travel, but before heading to the 31 century BC. e he picked up the phone started ringing.

Mental Alo-house.

A dad is home.

No, he is now busy destroying what that world

-Okay, then tell that Uncle Sam will come to visit a game of murder.

Well, only you should hurry up because my dad now for lunit your planet.

-What? Will do.

Then Sam looked up at the sky and saw the moon fell to the ground. Holy shit! Okay, I'll see you in the 31 th century BC, freaks!

Sam jumped into the portal, he would have known where he will throw it, and the Earth has been destroyed

.

In the other game universe blond on ROLLING steroids, Duke Nukem was celebrating a victory over the aliens, slashing beer and squeezing women who had saved.

And so the crumbs which plan.

-We want you to spend all week with dreams and dreams of doing what you want.

-Such a plan I like, well, let's get.

Lustful Duke plans ruined call of the president.

-ALO! Your mother who calls me.

-Duke is Mr. President

-What do you B * ive you want from me

-We have a problem

-And they can not wait until next week I have now Sax marathon.

No-Duc your ass out there who should be her husband is not far away.

Okay, listen

-After the fall of alien spacecraft at the crash site, opened a portal.

-And I have to get there

That's right, we had a scan .... "Oh yes, we still ask you do not stop," Duke trahaesh you that while I was talking to someone.

Uh-huh.

Well-traveled scan showed that on the other side of the portal there is a large amount of minerals. And in America, these resources are very much needed, so we are sending you sweat side of the portal, and do whatever you want there, but to what was there already belonged to the United States, you understand.

-I did not hear right, I can do whatever you want there, and something for me it will not be

-Done right.

-Then I'm really where this site!

-After 5 blocks from Duke Burger

-Everything went outside to grab the world, girls are sorry.

Where I got your mother.

Sam woke up to some cave and had difficulty understanding where he got it Toli Toli so vulgar in hell looks.

-Where am I tore hell.

After Sam woke up, he saw sveet, he went to him in the hope that there will be a way out and no mistake, but what he saw he was hard to believe what he saw.

Hu-What the fuck is a ***** ****** mother's **** **** in red sneakers perdak!

Properly expressing all, Sam began to look around the neighborhood it was hard to imagine the place looked like what he saw on the landscape of the earth, but differs by its bright, even the rocks were full of colors.

Sam realized that this place is inhabited by intelligent beings because he first caught the eye of this castle which was built on the mountain, and below could see a small town with a mill and a farm, he also said the railroad on which the train was racing.

Yes, it seems this is not the age 31, but where I then Whacking ... "crack of branches"

-Who's there!

Sam turned to the side of the bush where there was noise.

-You go I'm not afraid!

-I have a red belt in Pease * Uh hedgehog jutsu!

In response, the bushes are quiet, shy voice.

-Excuse me why?

Sam realized that there could be a person, or someone else close to the man, but not something that came out of the bushes.

Being outwardly resembling a horse only very little that distinguishes it from another horse is a small snout and large eyes, a horse was not naturally yellow and pink mane even that was characterized by a terrestrial relatives is the presence of wings.

Who are you?

Pegasus being asked which sees the first time in life.

-I have this man that I am, the same question I have for you?

Pony me, I'm Fluttershy.

-And my name is Sam

Very nice Sam-I first saw the person.

-I'm talking pony.

-There's not where you're from a pony.

-They are just not able to talk.

These questions were asked to each other half an hour, "where are you from, what is this place, and t '

Okay, I'll go Sam otvidu Ponyville will introduce you to the other ponies, I think Twilight will be happy to learn that be on your world.

A beer do you have?

-What is beer?

-Well, it's a drink

-We have apple cider.

Okay, well, that suit went to Ponyville!

Sam exclaimed happily and with that sat on the back of a yellow pegasus.

What are you doing?

-I think we'll fly to you

-You weigh like a bear get off me!

-I do not pick up, neither of which is heavier than the two rabbits.

-So, let's go on foot

Popevaya song «AC / DC High Way To Hell» Sam with a new girlfriend went to Ponyville to understand why his story goes here and why.

At about the same time on the other side of the cave got Duke.

-Holy shit, what is this place, bright and cute probably there some local virgins.

-Okay with * at the scenery, Mr. President said that all this place was owned by the United States, and I'll be the king of the land will mean kicking ass and chewing gum.

Sam and Fluttershy walked into Ponyville and almost silent, everyone was in their thoughts.

-Come on Fluttershy think that to ask him whether people fly if they have magic, think that be.

Sam in his head had other thoughts

-Why I can not see anything?

Sam asked myself going all the way back staring at Fluttershy.

-How do they go to the toilet, and if I can fucking tyknite there is a finger that be to appear as well as about the same! fly no distractions, can just ask.

Uh-Fluttershy.

Yes, what?

-Tell me, how do you go to the toilet

-Um, but it is very delicate, and what this talk about how we defecate.

I just-I do not what you can not see through that you could relieve themselves and multiplied.

-We will come to my friend's Twilight and it will give you a book on Anatomy of a pony, she lives in a library.

Weather-she lives in the library reading a lot of books I suppose, and does not go into the light.

-Well

-She nerd?

No, she is not there any "fence" it's just very clever.

When approaching Ponyville Sam stopped to take a leak, and when I returned, I saw this picture, healthy bear was standing right in front of Fluttershy with evil Askale raised claw on pegasus.

-Get away from her you're my future carpet in the living room!

With that, Sam attacked the bear and began to beat up a bear.

Sam-stop

-This bear wanted to kill you?

-No! He showed me a bad leg is my job to take care of animals.

Oh, forgive me, in my part of the Bruin bears are killed indiscriminately.

-And I'm sorry baby I just do not understand that this place is less dangerous than me

-Do you not know that I have the gift of communicating with animals

Dar?

-Well, yes, I'll explain everything

Rest of the way to Ponyville Fluttershy told him about kyutimarkah, Pegasus, unicorn, and earth ponies and Sam talked about his world, what happened and how he got there.

A dull day

No, do not stop.

-Sam wake up.

No-clean spoon

Sam-Sam

Ahh what?

-Did you have a nightmare.

-You can say so, it morning?

Yeah, I made you eat.

Ooh, thank you.

-By the way, I did not know that you have a tail?

-What is the tail?

Well, here it is in front.

Fluttershy poked a protruding from under the covers and risers swung it to the left to the right.

Uh-general that it is not the tail.

-A what?

-This is what separates boys from girls.

Fluttershy quickly removed the hoof and blushed and decided to move the subject.

-Come on already.

Pegasus brought scrambled eggs and salad.

Em baby, and you have meat to eat.

-Meat?

Well, yes, you know chicken, beef, pork.

-You probably forgot where you are, ponies herbivores.

-B * I!

-I've been bored on a wall, climb when the princess promised to help.

-Twilight said that in the late afternoon.

Ah well, I * B!

-You can do all this while hiking in the area suddenly find yourself how or whether to do.

Similarly, I can kill or whether any monster!

-That's not what was meant.

-All gone for a walk.

Sam wandered around the neighborhood in search of adventure Ponyville on his ass.

-Pam-pam param where is the problem monsters, bandits, pirates, generally boring when you can not pull someone's heart or eyes.

He went to the palace where he met Sugar Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie.

-Hey, what do crumbs

-We had an argument with Pinky who will not blink an hour he will get out that cake.

Nom-nom what this something.

-Well, I almost won.

Pegasus upset.

-Come deshi I still have.

Pinky went to the kitchen.

Ai Gummi you again climbed into the fridge.

-And who is the Gummi?

-My pet alligator.

Oh, what a cute, Uchi-way, who's the little alligator, who's so good.

-I do not know what you like alligators?

-Well, I grew up with my grandmother on a farm in Australia krokodilnoy I raised one alligator I called him Sebastian * sob *, but when I returned from school grandmother said all Samy Sebastian died.

-Well, well, do not cry.

-He loved to eat lambs for lunch in tears * choke * Sebastian Uehehehe.

-Well, it's not all good cry.

Began to comfort his rainbow pegasus.

-Do you want to go on, we have fun together.

-Yeah, I'm here all morning already kata balls go.

-Where are we going.

-See you soon.

Sam was burning with impatience.

-Are we there yet?

-No.

-Are we there yet?

-No.

-Are we there yet?

-No.

-Are we there yet?

-Yes.

-Really?

-No!

Well, when it is already.

-All.

-Cheers! that is hunting for the Tigers, the competition who will eat more.

No, this is a game.

What's it called?

-Lemmings!

-What?

-The essence of the game to jump off a chipped and stay underwater as long as possible.

-And what do we play?

On-desire.

-What?

-Any.

-I am in the business.

Well, if I win then you have to kiss the princess, Sam, and you'll have to eat kicks the bucket of herring.

-Okay, but if I win then you're going to Sam rest of the day walking in the dress Rarity, Rainbow Dash and you confess love Big Macintosh.

Okay, then listen to my disposition if I win then you will be a full day kicks silent, and deshi will have to dance for all to see ballet.

They all agreed and started jumping, jumping deshi first minute there, there are two, four, five comes up, jumping kicks next five minutes, seven, eight, emerges, the next Sam jumps ten minutes, twelve.

-Hey Pinky campaign we lost.

Agha who lounge so that it can be a long time under water.

-And how do you think he drowned

-No, but most likely he is just waiting and when we grab him and jump to save.

And then comes up Sam's body to the bottom of the belly.

-Here I am told

Agha

A minute of silence.

-I will save him!

Pony jumped to rescue drowning, they pulled out of the water and drowned his steel pump.

-So I'm doing kicks him artificial respiration, and you pump out the water from it.

-And how well I was blown into, and you jump on his stomach.

After these procedures, Sam woke up.

-Eehhh.

Quiet Sam-we saved you.

I won-

Pinky silent nodded.

Yeah, only then I'll dance.

-Was it worth it well, let's go home.

Going home was not the usually quiet and probably all of silence for kicks.

-Hey, what are you silent language Pinky swollen.

Sam and Rainbow Dash potkalyvali Pinky all the way.

-HELP!

Who's that?

In the distance, ran three small pony foals probably around, and chased them what that creature.

-HELP!

-We must help them!

With these words, pegasus jerked to the side and picked up the foals in their singing.

-Oh, thank you, our heroine Dash.

Oh, well, stop, hey you're a schmuck, and you can not choose a victim of its growth.

Oink-Oink.

The creature looked like a pig just passed around on his hind legs and had a hand, a pig to get the shotgun and targeting the pegasus, but it was worth it just to raise the trunk of the pig got in the face.

-Are you on the children of the guide arms, and Naf-Naf.

Sam pulled out a shotgun and a pig's face sent a boar.

Boom!

Pig's head shattered into small pieces.

Wow, cool screaming kids

-Sam who he is.

-I do not know these spinogryzov Bring to a safe place.

Well-kicks went to help me.

Sam started to look around in search of other enemies and saw another two pigs one had six-barrel machine gun.

-And here's Knife with NIF-Nuf-Nufom.

Sam went to the pigs point each.

-There is not a smoke.

And Sadilov in pigs of lead.

Rainbow Dash with Pinkie came to Ponyville, but saw tens of these pigs had a spacing of the city, they took refuge in the library Twilight.

-What's going on here Twi?

I do not know, but I've already sent a message to the princess about what happened.

Suddenly, the library door opened and stood at the threshold of a pig, but she wanted to cross the threshold dose received as a lead pony in perplexity looked out the window and saw a man standing at a stroke in Ponyville Sam with a strange machine, pony cried.

Sam the shelter these creatures will kill you.

PFF, do not be ridiculous shelter, shelter for Pi * reel now, I'll show these boars

Pig headed towards Sam.

-Come here ub ** DKI khalyavnyy tickets to hell.

Sam unscrewed the gun fell out and lead bullets that tore apart pigs.

-Keep walking bacons.

Not after a protracted battle with the invaders Sam shrugged and began to fry grill meat pigs.

Soon, taste the delicious kebabs.

Pony started coming out of hiding in Ponyville arrived Fluttershy.

-What's going on here Twi?

-We were attacked what that pig started firing at us from what that magic sticks.

Oh, I hope you're not hurt?

No, Sam has saved us all.

* Chews * Yeah * chews * they * chews * wimps * chews *

Sam, how can you stop eating them?

Well, they are delicious though some come across ammo.

And then began to play the pipe royal chariot arrived in Ponyville, she came out of the princess and her sister, the princess was bandaged head.

-Your Highness.

Sam, where the Duke?

As far as I remember this magnus * hedgehog left with you.

-So you do not know?

No, but what ought to know.

He's deceit and cunning stole the elements of harmony and ...

-Phahaha.

Interrupted the princess sister.

-Cunning and deceit I'm asking you Tia led him into the hall with the elements, and then he gave a stool at you over the head.

-Well, you would not have to say, okay no matter how elements from him and he fled in an unknown direction and I do not know what he will do a take off.

Well, we will do what I do not like very much.

Use brute-force and indecent manner.

-You * ulis that it is certainly nothing to wait and I do not feel the pathos he will give it.

In expectation.

Sam with the other ponies were expecting when, or whether that will happen, but as luck would have it, not what happened, other ponies went about their business, and those who were not busy wait whatsoever either.

Tia, you do not know where he's going?

-I try to feel the power of the elements to understand where they are.

-But the princess?

Asked Twilight.

-How he could make use of?

It is obvious, and for the fact that the Duke of the other elements of the world that do not feel it, and obey just like that, and I honestly do not know how he uses them.

-And you sister that be to find?

-I feel weak magic radiating elements just do not understand where they are.

That would not interfere with the moon princess look for the items, Sam decided on a pony wander around in the hope of finding that be.

-Sam can question?

Asked Rainbow Dash.

Yeah ask.

-And what was that thing that rumbling you're becoming those pigs?

-This is called a machine gun he created for the murders of all living creatures in the main people or other reasonable and sensible creatures.

-What a mess!

Afraid Fluttershy said.

-You create a machine for killing each other!

Well-baby is a human nature, and it does not change, moreover, not all of our things that we create, created for destruction, we have cable TV, social networking, weed, beer, women fight in the mud.

-And what are these your "social network"?

Twilight asked, curious.

-Well, it's a place where people can not communicate with each other vidyas.

-How is that even possible? ... Vidyas not talk to each other.

We have such a machine called a computer, they have almost every inhabitant of the earth, these computers are connected to each other, and we help them communicate, upload photos and tell people what happened in your life.

Surprisingly-and you, too, was in these networks?

-Yes, but not the debt.

Sam remembered how he enrolled in the contacts.

Well, that girl I'm waiting for your suggestions and messages of friendship that you have wanted.

It's been five hours.

-They probably embarrassed because I'm so sexy.

A week passed.

-Damn, I went through the whole "jail", but beautiful girls and no.

A month passed.

-I checked in the contacts of an hour ago, and no one asks me to friends.

Sam suddenly received an offer of friendship, "Pedobir 2002valera_denchik wants to add you as a friend" in the laptop was in the Saguenay whole clip.

-Go'll play tanchiki a dandy.

From the memories of his voice drew Rainbow.

-Hey, look what I found in the ditch!

When Sam came to the pit ponies, they saw a strange black tube.

-What is it, Sam?

Fluttershy asked, puzzled

-Seems guess.

Sam jumped into the ditch to see better on the subject.

-Oh yeah! It's something about what I was thinking.

What's this?

Asked Twilight.

-It does not ship gun shooting in large nuclei Beno *! are wheeled into the opponent into the ground leaving a piece of it crushed meat.

-How awful!

Fluttershy said.

-What is there not terrible, just like bowling with meat cutlets.

-Hey, we have not tested the neighborhood forever wild forest!

Rainbow Dash said.

Yes, I had to check it the first.

Twilight said.

-So what are we waiting for cereals wiggled!

Feel free to Fluttershy said.

-Fluttershy I do not think you can say: they.

-Well, I typed the word is you.

-I am proud of you Flatten!

Gordo said Rainbow Dash.

You overcame a shyness and began to express vulgar if you spend a week in a place with Sam then you'll be, uh ... Sam as you call those women out there?

-Bitch!

-Here you are going to be a real bitch.

-I like that you do not want this to be a bitch.

Yes, you'll get used to, you're right with me Twilight?

-I do not know Rainbow I think Fluttershy do not go no decent expression, and what do you think, Sam.

Well, as my grandmother said Stone, mat Babu does not paint.

With all the talk they had not noticed came close to the forest.

-Did you see that be Twi?

-No, maybe a nutria, but somehow I do not hunt there flattery.

A human in the forest is so terrible, or h * Sali, cowardly chicken "Kuh-Qudah"!

Hey, we're not chicken!

Dash said, outraged, but their dispute broke Twilight.

Quietly, you better look over there!

From the forest came the next group of pigs, and they were armed with much more dangerous than it was then.

-Damn these strange pig again go to Ponyville to warn the princess, Dash and Fluttershy you go to Ponyville to report a princess of the attacks, and you Sam ... Sam where are you ....

-Iiiihhhaaa go here pork chops!

Sam, you do not they will tear.

But Sam has not heard of any Twilight himself he wanted to release the giblets from these pigs, he took out a gun which picked up in the ditch and began firing.

Hey, catch!

Sam took a volley at the core of the flying pigs and turned the former boars meat pieces scattered on the road.

-YES! Two nil in favor of Sam's jubilant crowd.

Sam ran to the other ponies.

Sam are you alright?

Fluttershy asked, concerned.

-If I'm okay, but I'm on cloud nine I'm here all day * it's toil and now this.

In a fit of joy Sam kissed Fluttershy that triggered a strong reaction from Twilight and Dash.

-You are what you are doing!

Outraged cried Twilight, Sam Fluttershy quickly unhook from each other and their faces turned red.

I-I do not know what came over me I'm sorry baby.

-Not that I myself am frustrated.

-Apologies to leave then now we have a princess.

Having come to Twilight Princess spoke about the possibility of finding items.

Dear Princess Celestia, we seem to know where items may they forever wild forest.

-I acknowledge your guesses Twilight, my sister and I discovered the magical power of the radiating elements, they really ever in a wild forest and are found in our old castle.

-So what we need to do a princess?

-We have to get out there and pick up items at Duke.

Well, as it was full of pigs with them their magic weapon.

-I will help you!

Sam volunteered.

-Are you sure that you can break through all of this army.

-Yes, what is the army of children from kindergarten to high chances to stop mnya than those boars.

-Okay, Twilight shalt all the other ponies and we'll meet in the castle when Sam clear the way.

-Will be made a princess.

-And I will go with you, Sam.

Well, on one condition which one?

Sam sat astride a princess.

-I will go to the forest on your lifelong dream of flying on a unicorn.

Eh-Okay, but hold on.

Sam riding a princess to rescue kingdom of Equestria from becoming a country of vice and violence.

culmination

Сэм с принцессой подлетали к окраине вечно дикого леса.

-Сэм у вас есть какой не будь план?

-Блин я простите я забыл свой пакетик с «планом» дома знал бы обязательно прихватил… погодите вы наверное имели веду план действий.

-Разуметься, а что это за пакетик с «планом»?

-Ну это сувенир привезенный мною из Амстердама, хех прикольный город надо будет еще раз туда съездить.

-А как вы планируете спасти с вой мир отправившись в прошлое?

-Ну это как в «Терминаторе» я отправляюсь в прошлое нахожу одного Уб*юдка который все это затеял и убью его будущее измениться и мир спасен.

-А кто этот Терминатор?

-Ну это…БЕРЕГИСЬ!!!

В Сэма с принцессой летело пушечное ядро принцесса успела увернуться, но Сэм выпал и упал в лес, по пути ударившись о пару десяток веток.

-АААА!!! Б*я, УХ твою, сра*ь.

Упав на землю Сэм в стал и направился к месту от куда был возможный выстрел.

-Ух доберусь я до этих го*но едов головы их ние засуну в ан*с Дюка пи*рила ср*ный.

Сэм вышел на не большую открытую местность где закрепились Свиньи, у одной из них была корабельная пушка другие были вооружены не понятными автоматами с тремя стволами.

-Блин какой криво жо*ый придумал такое калечное оружие, ладно время действовать.

Сэм оторвал какую-то корягу и с ней пошел на свиней, вышибя из свиньи мозги Сэм взял дробовик и начал месить хрюкающих тварей, спустя две минуты в живых осталась только свинья с пушкой Сэм подошел к ней.

-Слушай Пятачок, Винни Пуха поблизости нету так что отдай пушку.

В ответ хряк направил пушку на Сэма отчего голова свиньи разорвалась, а части.

-Эх до чего же тупой.

После в сей этой бойни к Сэму подлетела принцесса, она была в небольшом шоке от такого количества трупов.

-Сэм ты в порядке?

-А то я обзавелся целым арсеналом пушек теперь я король человечества.

-То есть ваших правителей выбирают у кого больше оружия?

-Нет я так просто сказал услышал где то.

-Мы теряем время пойдемте.

Сэм с принцессой пробирались до замка через орды противников, Селестия была не в восторге от применения насилия, но это было не обходимо.

-Сэм как можно убивать этих существ и не испытывать жалости?

-Тут все просто Тия они у*бки, а у*ебков надо валить без жалости, вот в моем мире были враги которых не жалко таких как безголовый камикадзе, уроды еще те бегут толпами как гопники и еще орут как ненормальные.

-А что делают эти «камикадзе»?

-Как что подбегают поближе к тебе и взрываются.

-Какой ужас.

-Эй принцесса этот замок?

-Да это он только я его не узнаю.

На руинах замка Дюк поставил неоновую вывеску с надписью «Хата Дюка всем девчонкам проход свободный»

-Очень замаскированное убежище.

С сарказмом сказал Сэм.

Сэм с принцессой зашли в замок там, было все по-другому как помнит это место принцесса на полу был постелен длинный красный ковер, на стенах весели портреты Дюка и рядом стаяли статуи голых женщин вылитых из золота.

-Как он так разжился, а Тия?

-Очевидно он использовал силу элементов они дали ему магическую силу.

-То есть он сказал типа «сим салобим ахалай махалай» и все исполнилось я так понял.

-Именно так только без всяких магических слов.

Они дошли до центрального коридора и Селестия остановилась, сказала что останется чтобы подождать Твайлайт с друзьями, Сэм пошел дальше он чел по коридорам на которых висели портреты Дюка, Сэм не удержался взяв с пола предмет похожий на графит он начал разрисовывать картины.

-Ха пи*рские усы тебе идут Дюки.

Войдя в тронный зал первое что он увидел разуметься это золотой трон на котором сидел Дюк в зале был бильярд, шест для стриптиза, кровать.

-Не плохо ты тут обжился я смотрю я думал спаситель мира звезда ни когда не стал бы красть чужое добро.

-Мне плевать что ты там думаешь у меня есть все шесть элементов я силен как Дэвид Блэин.

Дюк нацепил на себя все шесть элементов, три на правой руке и два на левой, а самый главный шестой он надел себе на голову, что вызвало реакцию у Сэма.

ПХАХАХА…извини я всегда говорил один браслет еще не пи*р, но ты блин…пхахаха ты реальный пе*ик.

-Да я посмотрю как я тебе с этими брюликами зад надеру бриташка!

-Я австралиец!

-Мне вы все как один х*й одинаковы.

-ДА ну так давай ты и я один на один без пушек без магий только кулаки.

Сэм выкинул все свой пушки на пол и пошел в сторону Дюка, Дюк сделал тоже самое и началась безжалостная битва.

Сначала они били друг друга это была словно битва двух титанов ни кто не подавал слабости, после кулачного боя в бой пошли подручные средства от стульев до бильярдного кия, в ход шли бильярдные шары, после того как кончились все подручные средства Сэм и Дюк взяли с кровати по подушке и начали колотить друг друга подушками и перейдя на оскорбления.

[Сэм] -Твоя мама такая толстая, что трусы для нее делают из брезента для батута!

[Дюк] -А твоя мама нас только жирная что в Макдональдсе ей приносят в жертву одного из работников!

[Сэм] -А твоя мама такая толстая что когда она зашла в автобус пукнула и убила всех пассажиров!

[Дюк] -А твоя мама настолько жирная что когда у нее запор то в стране объявляется чрезвычайное положение!

После череды оскорблений про матерей Сэм с хватил Дюка и несколько раз ударил о шест для стриптиза, и сломал очки Дюка.

-Мой любимые очки ну все теперь ты заплатишь за это!

Дюк воспользовался элементами и уменьшил Сэма до роста в десять сантиметров.

-Что за х*ня я размером с куклу барби.

-Ну как ты выкрутишься теперь мини Сэми.

-Ну это тебе не повезло потому что валить гигантов моя профессия.

Сэм накинулся на Дюка и залез к нему под штанину и достав нож начал тыкать в ногу и забираться по выше по волосам и используя нож как опору.

-Ай ай анну вылезь из моей танины АЙ АЙ Б*я я щас тебе.

Селестия все еще стояла в коридоре, наконец-то к ней подбежали Твайлайт с друзьями.

-Принцесса мы так рады видеть вас.

Радостно сказала Твайлайт, а Флаттершай спросила.

-А где Сэм?

-Он пошел к Дюку, но боюсь ему угрожает опасность.

-О нет надо помочь ему!

Флаттершай быстро кинулась в тронный зал и за ней побежали остальные пони, а тем временем Дюк вытряхнул из штанины Сэма и тот у пал на землю.

-Ну что Сэми вот и твой конец я бы мог предложить править вместе, но ты даже не сможешь правит моим талканом.

-ХА я и не с таких передряг выпутывался и я спасу этот мир от тебя.

-От меня да не смеши меня Сэм ты не смог спасти свой мир о ты говоришь об этом, но не волнуйся я позабочусь о твоих знакомых с которыми ты тут познакомился особенно о той желтой пегаске, она будет развлекать чю то дочь пока я буду драть её мамашу, ну готовься к смерти.

Дюк поднял ботинок и собирался раздавить Сэме как вдруг.

-Отойди от него!

Прозвучал тихий, но уверенный голосок.

Сэм оглянулся и увидел Флаттершай которая встав на задние копыта и взяв в передние дробовик который лежал рядом, она держала его не очень крепко как он был предназначен для тех у кого были пальцы, но она все равно могла нажать на курок и кого-то застрелить.

-Ты не слышал что я тебе сказала отойди от него!

-Эй ты хоть знаешь как им пользоваться давай я тебе покажу.

-Не подходи, а то тебе будет больно.

Не уверено говорила Флатти.

-Та ты же и мухи не обидишь у тебя кишка тонка!

-Не слушай его малышка ты можешь я знаю!

-Ты же сопля и тебя большим пальцем сломаю и с твоих зверушек шкуру спущу.

-Ну мы это посмотрим пиз*юк!

Сказала Флаттершай и с этими словами надавила на курок, дробовик выстрелил отбросив Флаттершай в сторону, Во время выстрела Сэм смотрел на пегаску, а когда обернулся у видел что Дюк лежит свернувшись в позу зародыша и схватив руками за то что между ног.

-МОЙ шары с*ка АААА… как же больно кот ни будь вызовите скорою.

Сэм прокричал.

-Получил засранец!

В это время подбежали остальные пони.

-Флатти ты в порядке? спросила озабочено Дэш.

-Да со мной все в порядке.

Элементы почувствовав хранителей элементов от отцепились от Дюка и полетели к своим законным хозяевам.

-Я принцесса Селестия и именем Эквестрий ты Дюк изгоняешься в свой мир.

Элементы засветились и испустили радужный свет который окружил Дюка и начал отправлять его туда откуда он выбрался.

-НЕЕЕЕТ Суч*и!

После того как Дюк исчез все стало на свои места Сэму вернулся нормальный рост, все картины и апартаменты исчезли.

-Ух спасибо малышка если бы не ты то пришлось отдирать меня от ботинок Дюка ты поборола саму себя и тебе пришлось причинить кому-то боль ты в порядке.

-Да у меня неприятный осадок от содеянного к тому же эта штука ударила меня в живот, а так в се нормально.

Тут подошла принцесса.

-Сэм от лица всей Эквестрий я благодарю тебя за спасения нашей страны.

-Спасибо ваше величество.

-И как я и обещала я отправлю тебя в твой мир на тридцать один век назад.

-Отлично! Эй малышка ты что плачешь.

-Я не хочу чтобы ты уходил ты мог бы остаться.

-Да мог бы, но я нужен своему миру и если я его спасу кто знает может я найду способ вернуться обратно.

-Тогда будь осторожен.

Сэм и Флатти крепко обнялись, и его еще проводили все остальные пони, после проводов элементы засветились и окружили стеной света Сэма и тот начал растворяться и Сэм прокричал последние слова Флаттершай.

-Запомни то что спереди не хвост!

Сэм исчез.

Ну что Флаттершай я думала что ты по жизни будешь тихоней, а тут и человека пристрелила, и непристойно выражаешься, да еще на мужика запала который не является пони.

С казала Дэши в гордость за подругу.

-Ой ну перестань все это пройдет завтра я буду прежней Флаттершай, а теперь идемте ко мне домой я за*башу вам чая.

Well, here we are in Ponyville

Duke went on forever wild forest.

Pi * dec me that his mother was there to capture it possible to just throw the bomb and who will resist here, I'd roasted calves parallel to playing the game about himself, and instead go for Cp * Nome forest itself and say that for Bl ********* be ...

In conversations with yourself Duke rolled off a small cliff.

-AY my ass! It burns your mother, how it burns AAAAA!

Moving away from the pain caused by his haunches, he noticed the ruins of an old castle by going to the castle of Duke began to inspect the room is clear that the passages were low, but as the Duke himself was not the giant that did not stop him, the windows were the remains of stained glass windows with images of horses with horns and wings.

-Damn it, or what that stupid lock spoiled rich girls whose Dad or er or on this thought stops Well Well then it will be my residence in which I'll edit this place where I put a huge telly, then hot tub, and then a giant bed to go could fit twelve heifers.

Meanwhile, Sam and Fllatershay already went to Ponyville

No, you're lying

-I am not lying to you Princess Celestia each chime sun raises and lowers it in the evening

Her younger sister is doing the same with the moon.

Dyke I'll digest it, that is your country is a thousand years, one princess nor anyone not happy with it for so long sitting on the throne.

-Well

Damn, we would fly through the first ten tried to kill her.

-You all so cruel.

-But do not say for example from where I grew up, all was quiet until he came with his Mental Bl * to the army and did not destroy my world

-I am so sorry for your planet.

After these words, pegasus flew closer to Sam and hugged him.

What are you doing?

-I want you to comfort

Thank you, baby, but if I find a way to go back in time I will be able to save their world.

-Well, we already are.

Going into Ponyville, Sam felt uncomfortable all natural pony he met stared at him as the black sheep of the circus, and it annoyed Sam in other matters, he met quite a warm welcome to him from nowhere jumped pink pony whose hair looked like sugar wool.

-Hey!

-AAA

Oh, sorry did not mean to scare you I Pinkie Pie, who are you not even tell you the bald monkey no, you're a dragon without wings.

-Pniki calm down a person

Man-when did not hear, and what's your name

-Me-Me-me-my name is Sam you crushed my balls

I'm sorry, that crushed

Sam frantically showed her to the place where it occurred.

-Get off

Oh, I'm sorry

Well-Fluttershy I ran to throw a party

-While

Restless pony ran away, and Sam curled up in the fetal position.

Sam-hurt

No-Bl * be tickled me!

Pegasus lowered her eyes, Sam realized he had offended her.

-Hey, I'm sorry baby I did not want it I spontaneously

-He's all right I should get used in your field, go by the Twilight.

When he reached the library, Sam was surprised.

-This is a library?

Yeah, that.

-I have seen such libraries in fairy tales.

Going to the library once they met the purple unicorn with a small dragon.

Hi, I need assistance conditional Twilight

-Priv ... Fluttershy, do you know what is behind you bald monkey.

-I am the man and the monkey sounds insulting.

Excuse me, man, where are you from

Twi-you have to help him destroy his world, and that would save him he needs to go back to the past.

-You know that I can not mix and that if anyone was either in time, but we can help the princess she is sure that be will come up.

-Let me help you.

-Spike, look after our guest as we write a letter

Well, as always I'll go Viersen.

Ale-Hey are you callin 'hey big man whom you went to wait for me, and there is where you go there is a pub.

Purple dragon and his new friend went to the sugar palace suddenly fallen on his head to Sam that something soft.

-So now someone who will receive ... Uuuuvvaaau

Before Sam flock sky blue pegasus with a mane with all the colors of the rainbow.

Oh sorry, I was just doing a new trick

-No no no no Che's all right I'm Sam

Hee-hee, and my name is Rainbow Dash, and that means your kyuti mark on his chest?

-Which brand?

-Well

-And you're talking about zhtu it means I'm pi * dec how steep.

Wow, I too like you said there "Pi * dec cool"

-And you're learning

-Sam does not want to enjoy a couple of cocktails in a sugar palace.

-I do not mind if you're a cocktail podruzomivaesh something else

What other

Forget Em "Just did not sleep"

Okay, let's go Spaayk is waiting for us.

-Come on, hey, what's that

Sam noticed a figure similar to that man approached him, he was a man not quite tall with blond hair, he wore a red shirt and jeans, a man came up to Sam.

-Hey Brit.

-Firstly I do not fuck blond Briton and an Australian and a Briton for plum shlopochesh.

-Not kepetis Crocodile Dundee I did not expect to meet someone from the homo-sapiens.

Sam, do you know him

No, I have never seen.

-What! How do I know I can not Duke Nukem female thief of hearts, athlete, and in general I saved the planet from aliens.

-Stop, stop kachek that is you save the earth.

-Well, yes.

Continue the conversation lasted a sugar palace where Pinky had a party in honor arrived in Ponyville. Sam and Duke acquainted with the rest of the pony and continued their conversation.

-So you're saving the earth from aliens and all the people especially women are just crazy about you.

-Yes it is Sammy, I live in their own house in the heart of Las Vegas where I have a secret hideout like Batman every day I tr * Hai, five women have been removed, Musical toys even there.

Sam's a little saddened tales Duke because he was doing the same thing even steeper and with his bare hands, and he did not have his own world and he could not save, but the thoughts were interrupted by the announcement of the arrival of the princess and at that moment she walked in the cafe all the pony princess bowed Sam stood up and only Duke sat and looked at the princess thought.

I-B * what the hell is a princess train a horse with just what that eldoy sticking and for Baska when I become ruler of this place is to be personally carry my carriage virgin and would jump at it.

At the head of Sam had other ideas.

-That's awesome mane it develops, but even here there is no wind, I also want this.

And Sam lost in dreams as he drives a motorcycle "Ural" on the Australian highways and has developed such a head of hair and he passes a group baykkerov are blinded by his awesome head of hair fall from the bike, and the girl of one of the bikers jumping into his carriage, and they leave at sunset, but the voice of the princess dream interrupted.

-So it is those strange creatures of which you wrote to me Twilight

Yes, Princess, but I met one does not know where this little man

-Hey pokuratnie with expressions

-Excuse

So, as I understand you need to get into their world and another thirty one century ago

-Yes it is your "prechisonstvo" ie Majesty

Hmm, maybe you can help the Elements of Harmony is the most powerful magic in all of Equestria and misfortune can happen if it fell into the wrong hands.

-The most powerful saying.

Duke had to be considered as something like this on.

Your Majesty, I do not have any where to send me here to explore the culture and history of your people.

Ubaltyvaya princess Duke walked with her at her table and began to veer stories.

-What are you so sad

Fluttershy asked them yet approached Rainbow Dash

Yes, in the sadness I

A-What is

-Yes, you know I listened to this Mr. America and thought, what I have, not what I do not I do not have any houses or Goreme girls I protect my world that could not

-But you have something that is more important castles and fillies is your dedication to your home.

-Thank you babe

A Duke this just a braggart and how you were saying "pi * dezhnik"

Rainbow added.

Hey, Sam, and you like the red belt on it.

The party came to an end all the ponies went home the princess said she would help send Sam in the past, and Duke persuaded the princess to take it to Canterlot.

Sam, you need somewhere to spend the night.

Do you have any suggestions then Flatten.

Yes, you can spend the night at my house I'll find a place where to go.

Okay, let's go.

Coming home to Fluttershy they have not been able to find a place where he could sleep for Sam.

-I found it.

-Show.

-Here.

-But that basket for dogs?

-Well, what I did not sleep well when I lived with my grandmother on a farm krokadilnoy she was putting me in a bag stuffed kangaroo.

-Well, and yet you do not help me with one thing.

-What?

-You would not be able to comb my mane.

PFF-that when I let no no no no no and not force.

After five minutes.

Not really, I do it.

Oh, I feel so tender you all the hair weed

I'm sorry, the last time I combed the hair of her sister dolls, and then on the dispute.

After all this pegasus went up to her bedroom, and Sam dropped into the basket and fell asleep giving wild snoring.

dream of Sam

Sam dreamed that he was sitting in a certain institution, Sam sits on among institutions at the table at the premises was a scene in one light goes out the music started «Jamelia Stop» and the stage was Rainbow Dash She was dressed in a light blue corset and stockings of the same color, she danced dances causing Sam's jaw dropped by what he saw he could not take his eyes from the sight. After these dances pegasus walked up to him and said in your ear.

Join Sammy-I know you want to taste ponyashey flesh.

-No, I will not do that to you you are so cute I would never do that to you.

Yeah true a few hours ago you were staring at my girlfriend's ass Fluttershy, and now all of a such a monk, maybe you do not have enough attitude.

With that, the room went Fluttershy in a pink dressing gown, and they are in a place with Rainbow began licking chocolate ice cream and a seductive look at Sam.

-There is no need to not only chocolate, eat strawberry it is less sexy, stop forgive.

Wake-Sam Sam ... Sam ... Sam

In the head with a stool.

Duke and Princess flew to Canterlot.

Neither the X-* Jase palace, well, you Printsesska and from his dwelling Babakhan I suppose the whole state coffers vbuhali.

Generally the Kanterlotsky castle was built a long time ago before I was born.

-How much you?

-More than a thousand years.

A * x Et Well, you and old mare.

Ahem Ahem, for my kind of a relatively young age.

Well, excuse me "Your Majesty"

Arriving in Canterlot Tia Duke began to show all the places of her palace.

-And here we have the throne room, kitchen here, and it is a royal dressing room ... what are you doing?

-B * I'm not with al * from the moment arrived here.

-Could you not to use your human dialect, some words are not clear.

-What?

-I could not say not to use your human dialect, some words are not clear.

-I did not hear?

Duke walked away from the toilet and turned to face the princess is not tucking his farm in the pants.

-Oh my! Cover is not decent.

-And so human as you are all naked, and I so badly.

-Do you see we have that be it?

AAAA-no.

After that, the Princess another hour showed him all the surroundings of the castle.

-Your mother what I had just agreed to.

-Are you happy with what you do not.

-Yes, I would like to tell you that you are ... and who is this?

-And this is my sister, the moon, hey sis how are you.

It's all right here just raised the moon in the sky, and the cat is this?

-Oh, I forgot to introduce you Duke is the Moon, the Moon Duke.

-Very nice.

A one-chick.

-I am not a "chick" I have a pony.

-We is a complement.

Then, thanks.

-Many respected princess could you show me the very elements of which you are so telling.

Oh yeah, I almost forgot to come with me.

The Princess and the Duke came to the store.

-Well, where these elements.

-They are behind this door storage.

Celestia put a horn in the opening vault and she started to open, while the princess was engaged in the discovery of a hiccup than Duke could distract or neutralize the princess.

-What should I draw on her stool approach.

Hranilishe opened.

That look-Duke Elements harmonies they support peace in all of Equestria, support kindness, honesty, generosity * Bamts * OHohoh.

Celestia lost consciousness and was sedated while Duke took the elements, but before he left he decided to look under the tail of the princess.

Mother Chesney's really not * I can not see who is clearly in need of a prince, but I like the two-legged so goodbye a bitch.

Duke took the items and fled in wild forest forever in the old castle and the princesses began capturing Equestria.