Entrance Exams
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My Little Adventurer, Loathing is Magic.

Entrance Exams

"So here are our choices," Twilight began. "There's three Guilds to choose from. Each of them specializes in a particular field of expertise: Muscle, Magic, and Mischief. And none of those quite fits you, Fluttershy." She gave the pegasus a contrite look.

"May I see your notes, Twilight?" She asked. Twilight hooved over the notebook, allowing Fluttershy to read it. "Thank you." After a moment of browsing, she looked to Twilight. "There are a couple of pet classes. I could enlist as one of those."

"Are you sure?" Rarity asked. "You'd still have to be involved in combat."

"i'm not going to be the wimp." Fluttershy declared. "Not this time." She stood up. "It's a simulation, right?" Twilight nodded. "Which means that there's no risk of fatal injury."

"I wouldn't say no risk," Twilight replied. "But the penalty for failure in the book world is less severe than in Equestria."

Fluttershy hooved the book back to Twilight. "I may not be the smartest, or the bravest, or even the friendliest," She said. "But I can't just turn my back on the ponies I care about. If you all plan to go on this crazy quest, then count me in." She held her hoof out.

Dash placed her hoof on Fluttershy's. "I hear you loud and clear. We're all in this together," she said. One by one, the others placed their hooves in the arraignment.

"Then here's what we'll do," Twilight began. "Based on our own preferences. I'll head to the League of Chef Magi, AJ will vist the Fraternity of the smackdown, and Dash, you check out the Department of Shadowy Arts and Crafts."

"Gotcha," Dash replied.

"Ooh, can I go with Dashie?" Pinkie asked. "I love arts and crafts."

"Sure, I think I'd like your company." Dash added.

"And I'll go with AJ, if that's ok." Fluttershy said.

"Sure thing, Sugarcube," Applejack said.

Twilight looked to Rarity. "I don't suppose that I can convince you to check out the shops instead," The white unicorn suggested.

"We can do that later," Twilight smirked.

"Fair enough," Rarity said.

AJ and Fluttershy trotted along the streets of the northern edge of town, then found a 3 story tall building that took up a city block. A single smokestack jutted upwards from the roof, with a cloud of steam lazily wafting from the top. A few windows dotted the 2nd and 3rd floors of the boxy brick and mortar structure. A large sign made from soldered metal scraps was perched on a pair of concrete pylons. It read 'Fraternity of the Smackdown.' "This must be the place." AJ commented.

Upon entering the building, they had to fold their ears back to muffle the noise from numerous hammers pounding on anvils, fresh-forged weapons and armor being quenched, and orders being shouted at assistants. With Fluttershy following her closely, Applejack made her way over to a set of stairs that led up behind a large cinder-block wall. Once they were on the 2nd floor, they noticed that the wall dividing the walkway from the rest of the smithy, also blocked out a substantial portion of the noise. Opposite the wall were a few open archways, spaced out several strides apart. They entered the one marked 'Office.' "Howdy, is there where we register?" Applejack asked.

A large muscular, silver-furred Diamond Dog wearing a pair of mirror sunglasses looked up from a stack of paperwork. "This is where serious applicants register."

"We are serious." AJ replied. "Me an' my friend here wanna go rescue the Queen."

The dog laughed as she approached the ponies. "Everyone's eager to rescue the Queen. But not everyone can be a hero," She laced her fingers and cracked her knuckles. "First test. How well can you handle an angry mob."

"Well I s'pose we could try talking." AJ mused. "That almost worked in Applelosa."

"You go to Bordertown." The dog commanded. "And you get one of their party piñatas, and bring it back here."

"That's all?" Fluttershy asked. "That doesn't seem like a hard test."

The Diamond dog smirked as she took two thick slices of meat from a jacket pocket. "Go to the store, and buy your gear with these."

"This looks like some poor mangled animal." AJ commented.

"It's meat, it's money. To use as currency or other things," The Dog explained.

"Well thank ya kindly miss uh.." Applejack began.

"Titania. And if you make it back, you can tell me your names."

"Don't you worry none 'bout us," AJ declared. The two ponies then left and headed next door.

Twilight and Rarity had just entered the western section of town, when they noticed the scent of numerous spices mixed together. "It seems that they have some kind of eclectic restaurant around here," Rarity commented. "One that's trying to capture the essence of Mareterrainian cuisine."

Twilight lit her horn, then looked around. "I am feeling a little hungry. Maybe we can stop for a quick bite," She followed a shimmering trail in the air. With Rarity following, Twilight tracked the scent to its source. A cafe that spanned the length of five shops. Nearby banners, signposts, and even a billboard on the roof of the building proclaimed it to be 'The League of Chef Magi !!! !' "Hunh, I wonder why they have that extra exclamation mark."

"Maybe they want to be sure that everypony knows who and where they are," Rarity replied. "It is a little tacky, but at least they had the courtesy of stopping after four."

Inside, numerous ponies were going among the various stations: Stoves with ranges that held pots of boiling water or sauce, sinks that had constantly running faucets, racks of spices, shelves that held bags of pasta, utensils, or different sizes of pans and pots, and tables where food was prepped. "I can see how the layout channels the flow of traffic for maximum efficiency. By keeping the stoves close to the sinks, that cuts down the time needed to fill or drain pots."

Rarity stopped to observe a bubbling green sauce. As she leaned in to take a sniff, a particularly large bubble popped, splattering her snout with sauce, and allowing the pungent odor of wasabi to invade her nostrils. She gagged and shook her head. One of the nearby ponies took a pan of boiling water, then gently guided her over to a sink. He dumped the water and Rarity held her head in the resulting steamcloud. The vapor dissipated the odor of the sauce, while the chef pony passed her a cloth napkin. "Thank you kindly." Rarity said as she wiped her snout.

"It's always a precaution to keep a pot of water boiling while you're making a sauce." The unicorn replied. "You wouldn't believe how often those mishaps occur."

"A very sound practice." Twilight said as she trotted over. "It just so happens that we're looking to join the League."

The pony held out a hoof. "Pecorino-Romano, Chief Chef of the League, You can call me Peco for short."

"My, you certainly are a Gentlecolt," Rarity said, shaking his hoof and giving him a smile. "Certainly skilled in cooking from the looks of it."

Pecorino gave a hearty laugh. "Thank you. I sample every batch of food that I make, and some of every batch that others make as well." He patted his rather large belly. "After all, you shouldn't serve food that you're not willing to eat, right?"

"I hate to interrupt," Twilight began. "But we were told that we had to register with a guild before we could rescue the Queen."

"That's correct," Pecorino stated. "If we allowed just anypony to go off playing hero without the proper training, then they're likely to get hurt. That's why we keep a strict policy that all heroing has to be done through the guilds."

"Yes, I can see the need for such measures." Twilight replied.

"There is a small task that you can help with," Pecorino began. "I've heard that there's a Pasta Ooze lurking in the old Spookyraven Manor."

"And you want us to capture it?" Twilight asked. Pecorino took a paper bag from his apron pocket and passed it to Twilight.

"No, I want you to bring me the remains. It's a product of the food cults."

"Food cults?" Rarity asked incredulously. "I've never heard of such a thing."

"A bunch of rag-tag misfits who are envious of our knowledge of the Arculinary Arts," Pecorino replied sourly. "Mostly upstarts who don't wanna take the time for proper training."

"Right, so we'll go get your Pasta ooze." Twilight said. She turned to leave.

"Wait!" Twilight whirled around. "You should get some equipment first." Pecorino hooved them each a slab of meat. "Go down the Emporium." He pointed.

"What is this?" Twilight asked, levitating the slab.

"That's meat," He held up a third slab, then flipped it around. "It's not pretty, but it serves as currency."

"Thank you again, Mr. Pecorino-Romano." Rarity said before following Twilight.

In the eastern section of town, Dash and Pinkie found a black-painted building amidst a row of shops. A purple neon sign depicting a pair of sunglasses was the only ornamentation on the outside.. "This must be the place." Dash mumbled as she approached the door.

She knocked, then a small panel slid open. "Whats the password?" A mare asked.

"What password?" Dash blinked. "We're looking for the Department of Shadowy Arts and Crafts. We wanna join up."

"You'll have to use the rear entrance." The mare replied before slamming the panel closed. Grumbling, Dash walked towards the nearest alley, with Pinkie bounding after her. They found a small door that only came up to shoulder level.

"What is this, the foals entrance? The door's too small." Dash griped. She opened the door which had a spring closure, and peered inside. "Looks like a slide of some kind."

"Oh boy, I love slides." Pinkie declared, leaping over Dash and entering the narrow space. "Wheeeeee." There was a sound of something splattering. "What is this, whipped cream? Ice cream? Come on Dashie!" She called

With a sigh, Dash entered, the door closing behind her. The slide was steep, but short, and Dash' decent was slowed by the remains of a large ice-cream sundae and a pink Earth Pony. The pair found themselves on a stage, with an audience of ponies pointing and laughing. "Welcome to the Department!" A gryphon greeted them, padding over with a couple of towels. "Let's get you cleaned up, come, walk this way." He turned and started walking, dragging his back left paw. Pinkie imitated his gait, while Dash followed in a normal walk.

"Sooo, you like pranks?" Dash asked as they entered a washroom.

"Of course," The gryphon replied. "We prank every newcomer, then the ones that return to stay get to engage in prank wars with us."

"Sounds like my kind of guild," Dash grinned, she quickly rinsed off. "So what do you all do here?"

"Oh we drink, play games, prank the other guilds, prank townsfolk, occasionally we get in on the hero biz. Speaking of which, there's been a rather noticeable increase in applicants today."

"That's cause some meanie foalnapped the Queenie," Pinkie said tossing her towel aside. "And we're gonna get her back."

The gryphon rubbed his beak with a talon. "Sounds like it could be good for business. And if the other guilds are getting in on the action, I wouldn't want to be left out."

"So we're in?" Dash asked hopefully.

"I'd like to get you in," The gryphon replied. "But there's the small matter of qualifications." He grinned. "Maybe you can persuade a client of mine to repay his loan."

"Sure, who is it?" Dash asked.

"He's a nice gentlecolt who got lost in the Shady Back Alley after taking out the loan. Tell him Cinnamon Gambit sent ya." The gryphon said with a smirk.

"Ok, let's go find this guy." Dash tossed the towel aside.

"Okie Dokie Lokie." Pinkie added.

"I do have a parting gift for you." Cinnamon said.

"What is it?" Dash asked. He tossed them each a scroll. Dash unrolled hers and read. "Beginners' guide to 'aquiring' stuff?"

"Yeah, I think it'll come in useful for ya." Cinnamon winked.

Bordertown lay to the south, separated from the rest of the city by a short stretch of beach. The cluster of Adobe buildings bore painted signs that had once been colorful, but were now sun-faded. The sound of trumpets. guitars, violins and accordions filled the air, flowing in zesty rhythms, punctuated by an occasional short explosive pop. As the six entered the town, they noticed a large gathering filling the southern section. Ponies of various ages, all wearing colorful clothing decorated with sequins, were milling about. Most of the adults were engaged in conversations, eating various grilled foods and drinking from cans. Some were playing instruments, while a few were lighting and throwing small fireworks. Most of the younger ponies were scampering about, chasing paper mache golems that resembled animals, and whacking them with sticks while other foals were grabbing up the candy that fell out. "Ooh, looks like they're having a party!" Pinkie exclaimed. "And me without my cannon."

"Maybe we can convince them to hoof over a piñata without too much of a fuss," Fluttershy mused.

"Pffft, yeah, they look like a bunch of pushovers," Dash added. "I bet I could grab one and fly back before they realize what happened." She darted closer to the gathering, then grabbed a passing piñata that resembled a squirrel. The golem squeaked and wriggled wildly in Dash' hooves, attracting the attention of the other ponies.

"Rainbow Dash!" Applejack snapped.

"Golpeo! Golpeo!" Several young ponies swung their sticks at Rainbow Dash, getting a few lucky hits in.

"Ow, hey, quit it!" Dash snapped. She yanked a stick, then flailed wildly, causing the foals to scatter. Some of the adult ponies took offense, then stepped in to intervene. One tossed fireworks at Dash while another began lobbing maracas with great force. Dash flew back to her friends. "Little help here?"

Pinkie leapt into the skirmish, catching a maraca in one hoof, while swiping a sombrero with the other. "Ole!" A few piñatas rushed in her direction, but Fluttershy and Applejack moved to block them, their own weapons making quick work of the flimsy constructs. "Ooh, Piece of candy." Pinkie scooped up some of the treats that had fallen out.

Rarity and Twilight looked to each-other, then rushed in as the mob began converging on their friends.

From her vantage point, Rainbow Dash could see her friends slowly spreading out, AJ and Rarity scuffling with some of the musicians who wielded weapons crafted from instruments, Twilight and Fluttershy were fending off packs of wild piñatas. Pinkie Pie was...Dash scanned about the area, dodging the things that were thrown at her. "Hey! Not cool!" She flew a little higher, still keeping her grip on the struggling piñata. In the midst of the fracas, she saw Pinkie swiping stuff from ice coolers and tables arraigned around a long metal trough grill. She grinned as an idea formed. "AJ! Turn right!"

"What?" AJ called up, as she deflected a strike from a particularly brawny pony.

"Just trust me, there's a large grill about twenty paces on your right!"

"This is not the time to worry about food!" Rarity called up.

"No, we need to knock it over!"

"What?!" AJ and Rarity exclaimed.

Dash grumbled then flew over to the grill and kicked it. It jostled slightly, but the sound got the point across. Applejack estimated that she was close enough, so she charged. Just before she would have collided with the trough, she spun around on her front hooves and delivered a powerful kick with her back legs. The impact caused the trough to tip over and dump it's contents. The chefs scrambled out of the way as hot coals spilled out. The shifting weight caused the trough to land with an echoing thud, coming to rest on one of it's broad sides.

Everyone stopped and turned to look. The only sound audible was the gradually fading hollow ringing of the trough. "I think we better start running." Applejack exclaimed. Several of the partiers recovered from the shock and moved to form a blockade. Others began rushing at the ponies from the sides, forcing them to cluster together as they ran. Just before they reached the blockade, Twilight wrapped her friends in a purple aura, and teleported them forward 20 yards. As the pursuers collided with the blockade, the six ponies made a mad dash back to the city.

Two blocks in, the earth ponies and unicorns collapsed on the sidewalk to catch their breaths, while Dash and Fluttershy massaged their aching wings. The Bordertown ponies had given up halfway across the beach, but in their panic, the six hadn't noticed until they got back to the city. "Now I see why Titania gave us that test." AJ managed to say between breaths.

"At least we managed- ow!" Dash began, but was interrupted as the piñata bit down on her pastern. It slipped out of her grasp, then scampered away. "Darnit, all that work for nothing!"

"I'll go get it." Fluttershy grumped, taking to the air. She followed after the golem.

"Twilight, lookie lookie!" Pinkie Pie emptied a pouch. A cascade of candy poured out, along with some firecrackers, beverage cans, snacks, and some hoof-sized comic books. "It's like Nightmare Night."

Twilight levitated a thin slice of meat. "For Gryphons, maybe."

Rainbow Dash took one of the cans, popped it open, then took a sip. "That's the stuff. Real cane sugar." She sighed happily. "None of that fake sweetener stuff."

"Oh, and this is for you Dashie," Pinkie tossed over a set of the sequined clothing. "I found some extras laying around."

"Thanks Pinkie," Dash donned the outfit, then snickered. "Looks like a Rarity original."

Rarity snorted. "Hardly. I would not mix cyan and neon pink together in such odd formations. And the crown of a sombrero should not have any lateral creases." She poked at Dashes' hat. "That thing looks like a gaudy lemon juicer."

"Aaanyways," Dash began. "What's our next stop."

"Prolly should deliver the critter to Titania," AJ suggested. "Make sure it don't get loose again."

"He won't," Fluttershy stated. "Flufflenut promises to be good. He just doesn't like being mangled." She indicated the piñata perched on her back.

"While we're here, we should check out the market nearby," Twilight stated. "Maybe we can find some useful equipment."

"What can I do for you fine mares today?" The shopkkeeper greeted the six as they entered. "Pardon the mess, we've been busy ever since the Queens disappearance this morning."

"Yeah, we were there." Dash stated. "We're looking to get her back."

"More adventurers?" The shopkeeper chuckled as she approached them. "Already got your weapons and armor I see. What about your other supplies? Potions and all that?"

"That's what we came here for," Twilight stated. "We did manage to acquire some currency." She levitated a stack of meat slices."

"So what goods are you interested in? I'd recomend the spacious saddlepack." She held up a set of saddlebags that had zipper fasteners. "The enchantments on this give each of the four pockets a storage space of one cubic meter."

"Great, how much for six?" Dash asked.

"90 Meat."

"How about five then?" Twilight suggested. "I can wait until we get more meat."

"So can I," AJ added.

"Make it three." Fluttershy chimed in.

Rarity and Pinkie looked to each-other, then the unicorn nodded. "Three will be fine."

Twilight hooved over the meat, then the shopkeeper passed out the saddlepacks. Pinkie Pie filled one pocket with the loot she had gotten earlier. "Wait, hold up." The shopkeeper held up a hoof. "That looks like Bordertown candy."

"Yeah, we just came from there," Pinkie said.

"I'll make you a deal," The shopkeeper began. "I'll give you 40 meat for each of the candy skulls." Pinkie sorted through the candy, managing to pick out ten 1/4 scale model skulls made of pressed sugar. Each one was decorated with edible colored paint, rock-candy eyes glued in the sockets with frosting, and a waffle cookie sombrero. "Thanks, these things are delicious."

"Cool, so now we can all get saddlepacks." Dash exclaimed. She picked out one that was dyed in a myriad of colors. The others then selected their bags. Flufflenut climbed into one of the pockets of Fluttershys' pack.

"I've got some healing potions over here," The shopkeeper tapped a shelf. "And soda water for magic users."

After spending the remainder of their meat on potions and soda, the group departed. "Next stop. Spookyraven Manor," Twilight said.

The door to the mansion creaked as Applejack pushed it open. The long narrow hallway seemed to swallow up light past the first pair of rooms. The door on the left was shut and barred with a chain, while the door on the right had rotted off it's hinges. AJ lead the way into the mansion then they peered into the room. A crude maze had been formed from numerous shelves and cabinets. Resting on the shelves were opened cans, old vegetables, bags of dry ingredients, jars of oils, spices and other condiments and seasonings, along with pots, pans and other cookware. As soon as AJ stepped into the room, many of the objects began rattling, jumping and moving around. One of the cans fell to the floor, rolled over to Applejack, then righted itself and attempted to throw itself at her. She swatted the can away, causing it to smack into a wall. "Watch out girls." She warned as she backed into the hallway.

"Let me try something." Twilight stepped into the room and surrounded several of the objects with thaumic auras. "Be still!" She commanded. The objects continued vibrating and moving on their own. Twilight released them, then retreated as a tomato soared through the air, landing with a loud splut in the space she had been a moment before. "I don't get it. If they were magically animated, I should have been able to depower them."

"Looks like pantry ghosts." Dash leapt into the room, and began whacking cans with her stick. Pinkie joined in, buffeting the ornery foodstuffs with blasts from her stolen accordion. AJ, Rarity and Twilight also stepped in, whacking pasta bundles, meat blobs, rotten vegetables and killer cans. The five slowly made their way around a corner, only pausing their attacks long enough to grab any loot that caught their interest.

Fluttershy crept along the path, swiveling her ears for any odd noises. The sounds of battle seemed to move deeper into the room. As the first fork, she was just about to follow the path of broken bags and dented cans, when she heard a wet sloshing noise coming from the other way.

Looking over, she saw a mass of red tomato paste saturated with rings of pasta oozing in her direction..

Upon hearing Fluttershy's shriek, Dash scrambled back along the corridors. "I'm coming!" She The yellow pegasus suddenly leapt from around the corner, ran past Dash, and collided with AJ, almost knocking her over.

"Whoa! Easy there sugarcube." AJ draped a front leg around her.

"What's going on?" Twilight glanced back. She noticed Dash whacking at something just out of sight. "AJ, Fluttershy, cover our rear! Rarity, come with me!" The ponies switched places, Fluttershy and Applejack fending off smaller food monsters while Twilight readied her magic, Rarity following suit a moment later.

"Ungh, my stick isn't doing any damage!" Dash griped. "It just flows around it." The two unicorns fired bursts of magic, which disintegrated bits of the ooze.

A couple of minutes later, the ooze was reduced to a small mass of warm red sludge. Twilight took the rune-covered paper bag from her saddlepack, opened it, then wrapped up the sludge. "There, now lets get out of here."

After fighting their way out of the mansion, the six paused on the front porch to take inventory while Fluttershy tended to their wounds. "The good news is that we have plenty of fresh ingredients for cooking," Rarity held up a bundle of asparagus. "If none of you mind eating pasta, tomatoes and asparagus for a while."

"Pass," Rainbow shook a hoof in her direction. "I've lost my appetite for pasta."

"We have enough meat to get some more items," Twilight declared. "How are we doing on potions?"

"We only used a few, so we're good for another mission," Fluttershy replied..

"Right, we gotta collect on a loan or something," Dash said. "And the map that Cinnamon gave us shows that it's in the seedy part of town."

"I can see why we were given these particular tests," Fluttershy began. "There's no way we could face down that armored pony at our current skill level."

"Agreed." The others added.

The six ponies peered into the alley. The main alleyway was lit by several trashcan fires and had several other paths branching off of it. Some trench-coat wearing ponies were gathered around the fires, while others shuffled about mumbling to themselves. Several large spiders could be seen lurking in webs along the upper edges of the walls. "So who do we have to talk to?" Twilight looked to Rainbow Dash.

Dash shrugged. "Dunno. He just said that somepony in there owes him money or something."

"What does it look like from above? Maybe you can help us navigate." Twilight mused.

"Alright, I'll check." Dash took to the air and started to fly over the alleyway. She circled around the block, looking this way and that, then returned half a minute later. "There's some kind of weird magic effect covering the area."

"Weird magic?" Twilight perked her ears.

"Yeah," Dash rubbed the back of her neck. "From above it looked like it went on forever in every direction except where you guys were, and when I looked at it from the other sides, it shifted to match the direction I was looking. It also seemed to wrap around you gals when I was on the opposite side, but I know that's not right."

"Hmmm. So navigating it from above won't work. I guess we'll just have to go in."

"Ummm, girls. Those spiders are adapted to taking on prey that are much bigger than they are." Fluttershy offered. "And their body language indicates that they're super aggressive."

"We'll keep that in mind," Twilight stated. "Everypony ready?"

"Ready." Came the chorus. As soon as they entered the alley, the spiders skittered in their direction. Using their clubs, AJ, Fluttershy and Dash made quick work of the arachnids, while Rarity amnd Twilight relied on blasts of magic.

"Ho-bo?" Several of the ponies turned upon hearing the commotion. They began excitedly talking to one another, but their words sounded like odd combinations and repetitions of the syllables 'ho' and 'bo.'

The ponies lurched towards them, extending a hoof and turning it frog up. The mingled smells of old booze and urine assaulted their nostrils as the hobos approached. "Haven't they ever heard of soap and water?" Rarity began backing away, waving a hoof to clear the air. One of the alley spiders jumped onto her rump, causing her to rear up and whinny in surprise. The sudden noise and action caused the approaching hobos to pause.

AJ swiftly knocked the spider off of Rarity then stepped on it. Taking advantage of the hobos' surprise, Dash and Pinkie began sneaking about the mob, picking pockets. Coming out of their surprised stupor, the hobos broke ranks and stumbled deeper into the alleyways to escape the assault. Heading deeper into the alley, the ponies noticed smaller pathways branching off the main alley. "Which way?" Twilight looked to Dash.

"I don't know, I got a headache looking at it from above."

"Fine, we'll try this one." Twilight headed towards one side alley. The rest followed, keeping a defence against the spiders. At the end of the route, they found a bright orange dumpster. "Nothing. Let's go check elsewhere."

"Psst." They heard someone call from a dumpster.

Twilight used her magic to flip open the lid. "Come on out."

"It's cool, it's cool." A pegasus stallion held her hooves up. "Just don't leave me here with the spiders." He climbed out of the dumpster, then pulled out a sack marked with '-M-'.

"Just hand over the payment, and we'll be on our way." AJ said. The pegasus passed the sack to Twilight, then the group fled the alley

"We seem to be doing an awful lot of running." Rarity stated as they arrived back at the main street.