The War for Summer

by Zaku Pony

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy
Length: 19746

Summers in Equestria are hot. Like, really REALLY hot. And not all princesses like it that way.

Summers in Equestria are hot. Like, really REALLY hot.

And not all princesses like it that way.

(Over 100 Thumbs Up! Thank you!)

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2013-07-30 20:54:43 UTC

One Afternoon...

Everything in Equestria was great. Its culture, its citizens, its cuisine; everything was great. Every morning the great sun rose, and in the evening the great moon arrived to take its place. Every day ponies went about their business, determined to do their part in a world where everything was great. From the Frozen North and Crystal Empire, down to the Macintosh Hills and Badlands, greatness was a part of Equestrian living. Equestria was so great, that it the only way for things to get greater was to make things worse from time to time. (So they could get better, you understand?)

Princess Celestia understood, that was for sure. Her glorious sun beat down on everything in her kingdom, as she laid on her back on smoothest imported sands from the San Palomino Desert. One of the wonderful things about being a ruler over a kingdom of wealth and magic, was no pony questioned you using a room in the castle to replicate a beach and an ocean for when you didn't feel like leaving.

It was certainly a perk Celestia had enjoyed over the last millenium, and she had no plans to stop any time soon.

"Another drink, Your Majesty?"

Celestia turned her neck and lowered her sunglasses to drink in the image of who was standing beside her. With a towel around his own neck and a serving tray held aloft with magic, one of her finest Royal Guard stallions stood patiently waiting for her answer. There was a thin layer of sweat in his pristine white coat, causing it to lay gently on his very defined and refined muscular structure. He stood at attention as well, and stared at her with a look that showed no discomfort from her gaze.

She licked her lips, finding herself suddenly parched.

"Yes, thank you." With her own magic, she lifted her empty glass and placed it on his serving tray. He gave a curt bow, and turned to leave.

"Oh, wait!" Celestia remembered, and called out as he left. "Extra umbrellas this time!"

The guard gave her a nod, as she watched his muscular flank open the doors to her private beach room and leave.

Celestia laid back on her back like a happy filly, letting herself impact the warm sands ever-so-slightly with a small thump. Through the retractable roof her sun shown down with a bright intensity, and she winced in pleasure from the intensity of its rays. Summer was upon them; the best season. A season to rule them all! A season she wished could last...well, forever! If no pony objected, of course.

Summer in Equestria truly was great. There was noth--

"WHEEEE! CANNON BAAAAALL!"

Quicker than equine reflexes should have allowed, Celestia threw up a magic shield and caught all of the water sprayed from her younger sister's attempted dive turned belly-flop. Transforming her shield into a bucket, she poured all of the water that had almost ruined her pristine sandy beach and dumped it into the holding pool for the ocean water. Waiting for the guilty to party to surface, Luna then burst from the depths of the salty pool laughing and spraying even more water that Celestia had to catch and dump back in.

"Oh, sister! Tis' wonderful!" Luna splashed about with a happy smile on her face, her orange water-wings on her actual wings standing out starkly from her deep blue coat. "When we inquired about going to the beach, we would have never imagined that it could come to us!"

"I'm glad that you are happy Luna." Reaching out with her magic, Celestia picked out a white beach umbrella with her sun emblazoned onto it. Spiking it into the sand, she then opened it to shade herself from her own sun. "You wouldn't believe what we can do with some of the rooms in the castle."

"Oh? Pray tell, sister. Pray tell," Luna ears perked up, as she paddled her way over to the edge of the ocean pool and laid her forelegs over onto the neutral marble tile that separate sand from water. Her mane dripped messily over her eyes, and she pushed it back with her magic.

"What secrets have you been keeping from us for so long?"

Celestia chuckled softly at her sister's foal-like curiosity. "Nothing too dramatic Luna, I promise. Let us just say, that many mantelpieces and large bookshelves in some unused rooms are gathering dust for a reason."

"Oh, Tia. That's not fair!" Luna huffed out her cheeks adorably, and gave Celestia a sulking frown. "I bet you just want to make fun of me for going around the entire castle and inspecting every last furniture piece in the vacant rooms, don't you?"

Celestia laughed to herself gently, secretly impressed that Luna had managed to catch her in a half lie.

"Perhaps, Luna. Perhaps. But for now," she stretched her limbs out and her wings, and nestled herself deeper into the warm dry sands underneath her hooves. "Let us just relax and enjoy our time together on this day off, shall we?"

"Yes, lets." Luna agreed, before spreading her wings out wide and throwing herself backwards into the water with another impressive splash.

Celestia simply sighed, letting her sister do as she pleased and even allowing some of the water to splash onto her beloved aridly dry beach sand. It had been a long time since they had had the time to be together, never mind seeing Luna enjoy herself without the mask of dutiful control and restraint she always put on when holding her court. It wasn't that Celestia didn't have any standards of her own when hosting the Day Court, mind you. But her little sister's court could be mistaken for a funeral with how little ponies involved spoke, and with such plain and emotionless tones when they did. Truly, the Night Court was all business and no play.

It was a little worrisome, to say the least. But watching Luna laugh and splash about like a filly was an assurance to Celestia's mind. The rigors of running a kingdom were non-stop, but it was good to see that the sudden responsibility of leading an empire hadn't shaped her for the worst.

"Your Majesty? For you." Celestia turned and saw that her royal eye candy had returned, with a small but innocent smirk on his own face in response to her sultry smile. "And extra umbrellas, as requested."

"Thank you, Loto." Celestia said, taking her drink off of his serving tray and placing it on her own table half-buried in the sand next to her. In the glass glowed her own special cocktail for the summer, the potion giving off a vibrant glow like hot magma despite the ice cubes in it. "You are dismissed... For now."

"Yes, Your Majesty," her guard-turned-servant gave one last bow, before turning to leave.

"Actually, wait one moment Loto." Celestia commanded. Taking a dainty sip of her drink, she reached over for her sunglasses on the table too and put them on before turning to him. "May I ask you a question?"

"But of course, Your Majesty," Loto nodded.

"What is your favorite season?"

Behind her shades Celestia could see his eyes drifting away, but for only a second. A single second that his training in the Royal Guard allowed him to be caught staring at her royal tush, before something would have to be said. The cogs in her mind turned in amusement, and she turned over onto her sides before criss crossing her forelegs in front of him. She then spread one wing out in its full glory, before folding it back into her side. Through the entire process, Loto had failed to come up with an answer beside his own breathing, which was becoming more intense with every passing second.

"Well, guardsman?"

"Summer!" Loto shouted a little too loudly, his eyes shooting back to her own. "Summer is the best season, Your Majesty."

Celestia toyed with the idea of spreading her wing out again, but decided to be merciful.

"And do you like your summers...hot?"

"Ooh..." Loto said in thought, almost sounding like a slight moan. "Yes... Yes, Your Majesty! The hotter the better!"

Knowing that enough was enough, Celestia gave him a gentle smile before waving her hoof at him. Although his earnest admiration and...dare she say, love, for her was apparent, there was a line in the sand that had to be drawn between good-natured fun and actual flirtations. She had taken her fair share of lovers from her personal guard, but it had never been allowed to bloom into something more...permanent. It was better that way, for all parties involved.

"Good answers, Loto. You are dismissed, again."

Loto's ears dropped slightly, before his training kicked in and he stood himself up rigidly. "Yes, Your Majesty." With another curt bow, he turned to leave knowing that her eyes were again watching his flank as he left.

"Tia... That was terrible of you."

"Oh, don't be such a prude." Celestia said, still watching Loto leave before turning to her sister. Luna had lifted herself out of the pool with her own magic, and was drying herself off with a towel. "It was just a little good-natured flirting, is all. Am I not all--"

"That's not what we were referring to, sister." Luna rubbed the towel around herself, finally trying it around her waist and letting it cover her tail and rear.

"Oh?" Celestia went to take another sip of her drink. "Then what did you mean?"

"When you said that summers were best hot." Luna began drying her mane. "Art thou mad? Hot summers are unbear--"

PPFFFFFFFFFFHHH!!!

Luna was treated to the sight of watching her older sister do a genuine spit-take, spraying her drink all over her pristine sands and each droplet looking like red-hot embers where they landed. With her eyes no longer bulging out of her head from shock, Celestia quickly snatched the towel Luna was using to dry her mane with her own magic, and cleaned off her muzzle from the molten-red cocktail. Satisfied that she had gotten it all, Celestia placed the stained towel back down on the sand and stared daftly at her younger sister.

"Luna... What did you say?"

The goddess of the night turned her head quizzically, not reading the situation at all.

"Hot...summers...in...Equestria," she started slowly, noting how her older sister seemed to be riding on each word. "Are...terrible?"

Her words were too much to comprehend. Was it possible to string together such a wicked sentence?

How could her younger sister betray her so? Had she no appreciation for everything done for her since her return?

What was the the world coming to? What evils could possess a pony into casually saying something so damning?

Before Celestia could say anything in response (not that such evils could be countered with the common Equestrian language), she heard Luna shout her name as the world began to blur around her. She felt the soft sands heated from her summer sun gently catch her as she fell, before blacking out completely.

History

Princess Luna sat quietly, her gamecolt afloat with magic as she methodically went between mashing the A and B buttons and control pad playing her game. There was something about the sterile and eerie silence in the royal hospital ward that made her uncomfortable. The only noise in the private ward her sister had been stationed in were the occasional beeps and boops of her beloved toy, echoing lonesomely in chorus with the beeps and boops of the various medical machines attached to Celestia. (That, and the steady hum of several over sized heat lamps all shining on her sister like some wilted plant in need of artificial sunlight.) She could hear the faint sounds of conversations running from other wards, but could not discern anything concerning her in them.

The only company she had (save for her sister still out like a light), was an unknown stallion in a white-bandage full-body cast that sat in total silence. Attached to him was an IV drip that slowly emptied downward, and another dish that collected something underneath him. On occasion, the nurses would return to the ward, and switch the drips with each other so that whatever was running out of him was now running into him. Repeatedly, attentively, on the hour every hour.

She had tried striking up a conversation with him, like asking who he was or what terrible tragedy had befallen him to put him in such a state. But after no response to anything she tried (talking, poking, staring, pouting, interrogating), she had assume that he must be asleep or in a state of delusion to deal with the pain accompanying injuries that would require a full-body cast from snout to tail. She pitied him, really. And that pity was helping distract the guilt she felt from shocking her own sister into a state of unconsciousness.

She hadn't meant any harm by it. Really, she didn't.

In hindsight, it was natural that most (if not all) ponies in Equestria loved the spring and summer seasons best.

But she hadn't expected her sister to outright faint from the suggestion that summers were too hot.

...Which they were.

There was no arguing against it. Really, summers in Equestria didn't need to be as hot as they were. It was just silly! To think that there was anything in her fair kingdom that would actually need the temperature during the height of the day to be over one hundred and one degrees was...lunacy!

Luna giggled to herself over her own pun, before opening up the menu to check over her ship in her game. Her prized flagship, the Rewloola, was undergoing repairs in a nearby shop. She had just finished deadly combat with a group of Mantis slave traders, who had dared board her ship after demanding a beloved crew member (no doubt to sell into slavery) in return for safe passage. A missile to their shield generator and several burst laser shots later, her attackers were begging for mercy and even offered one of their own captives in exchange for their lives.

It was a win-win in her eyes.

She happily accepted her new crew member, before blowing slave trader's ship into space dust with a final shot from her burst lasers.

"Victory for the Federation!" shouted Luna in jubilation, watching the charred and broken remains of her adversary's ship begin to drift into the open wastes of space. "We will NEVER give in to slave trading scum! NEVER WE SAY!"

"SSSHHHHH!" shouted all of the doctors and nurses at her from a ward over.

Luna wilted in embarrassment, and she hid her face behind her gamecolt. Stupid games and their immersing depth...

"Oooh...urm...ugh." Celestia moaned in her bed, rolling from side to side.

"Sister!" Luna sprang up from her seat, and pulled a chair over with her magic to sit next to her sister's bedside. Pushing aside some of the lanterns, she leaned in closer to whisper. "Tia! Are you awake?"

Celestia groaned, rolling over in her bed once more. The pillow under her head felt as soft as a cloud, but she resisted its touch to pull her back into her dreams. "Oooh, Luna? Is that you?" Groggily she fluttered her eyes, slowly awakening and trying to take stock of the situation. She could feel from the covers draped over her to the bed she was laying on, that they were not on their artificial beach anymore.  "Where am I? I had...such a terrible dream."

"A terrible dream?" Luna tapped her chin with her hoof. "Like when press caught you in the middle of your cake feast?"

"...No."

"Like... The time you misplaced the sun among our stars, and begged for our help to find it?"

"No."

"Like... The time you were beaten by an ugly singing bug queen at our niece's wedding?"

"No." Celestia felt a nerve twitch, as she was waking up. The intense glow of the multiple heat lamps surrounding her felt nice enough to put her back into a dreamy state, but she ignored them. A certain pain in the flank needed to be taken care of first.

"Like... The time mother caught you writing smut filled--"

"ENOUGH!" shouted Celestia to get her sister to stop, with such force that the curtains in the ward blew wildly and paper periodicals flew into the air.

"SSSHHHHH!" shouted all of the doctors and nurses at them both from a ward over (again).

Both Alicorns shrank in embarrassment, watching the lighter decorations in the room all fall to the floor with a loud clatter. They glanced at each other, waiting for the other to speak first. After a few seconds Luna held up a hoof and cleared her throat, giving an apologetic look too. "We are sorry, sister. We were only teasing."

"No, it is fine Luna." Leaning up from her bed, Celestia spread her wings out for a good stretch before laying back down. "I shouldn't have raised my voice. Forgive me."

"Very well then." Placing her gamecolt aside and switching off the power, Luna placed her tiara off of her head and onto the stand next to Celestia's bed. "You were saying something about a nightmare?"

Nightmare. The very word sent a slight shiver up Celestia's spine. Despite all of the successes of the present (Luna's modernization, Cadance ruling over the Crystal Empire, and Twilight Sparkle's advancements in friendship studies) the untouchable and irreversible events of the past still weighed heavily on her mind. It was hard to kick back as a princess when your millennium of peace kept getting interrupted by violent incidents one after another. (Although letting Discord out the first time had been more entertaining than harmful, in hindsight.)

The great thing about being the most experienced princess of four, were that the three others in your shadow were always eager to prove themselves. So eager, that taking on the stupid problems Equestria faced daily was done with genuine enthusiasm and concern, as opposed to loathing and laziness.

All the more time for the best princess to eat cake and take naps under her sun.

"Yes," Celestia recalled faintly, putting a hoof on her own head. "It felt so real as well... I feel ill thinking about it."

Luna scooted herself closer, "Tell us your woes, sister. What could be so dreadful to make you uncomfortable?"

Watching her older sibling fidget in bed, it was clear that she was uncomfortable even thinking about thinking about whatever troubled her. The gears in Luna's head turned silently, mystified by the sight of her older sister who stood strong against so many challenges and horrors of different shapes and sizes, at a lack of words to describe her fear. Truly, whatever was on her mind was something of an unfathomable nature.

"Well..." Celestia finally confessed, "I had a dream that you hated summer. That you hated the greatest season of all! MY season!"

Luna stared at her older sister, whose confession had been released through trembling fears that she had somehow offended her with the most vile of accusations. Still in her bed, Celestia turned away like a foal unable to look a parent in the eyes after a guilty confession.

After a moment of confusion and shock, Luna spoke.

"We...do not hate summer."

Celestia had looked away in shame after her confession, but she whipped back around with wide eyes after hearing her.

"You... You like my summer?"

Now it was Luna's turn to fidget nervously.

"Yes... We do?"

An eternity seemed to pass between them, with Celestia's eyes only growing larger with watery tears brewing in their corners. Luna sat in awkward silence, completely failing to understand  what was going on. All around them the only noise in the private ward were the dozen heat lamps that were still projecting an obnoxious level of light and heat onto them both.

"OH LUNA!" Celestia finally cried out, throwing her forelegs and wings out. Luna jumped back in surprise, only to be caught by her elder sister's magic and pulled into a crushing hug. Like a steel trap or a cage, she felt her sister's limbs and wings wrap around her giving her no chance of escape. "I am so glad you love my summer!"

Luna let out a cry of disgust, acutely aware that she was being used as a living tissue as well as emotional relief.

"Sister! Let us go! NOW!"

"Never!" cried Celestia with tears of happiness, and Luna screamed again knowing that her elder sister's snot was probably getting in her mane as well. She flapped her wings furiously, hard enough to throw out deep blue feathers in her struggle, but failed to pry herself loose. "You have no idea how much this means to me! To think that you love my summer as much as me!"

"Argh! We never said that!" Luna protested, still unable to free herself despite beating her hooves down on her sister like a drum. Why was it that her older sister had the physical resistance of lunar titanium when it pained her?

"We only said we dislike hot summers!"

In an instant, Celestia stopped and released Luna.

Not expecting her sister's sudden release, Luna nearly flew backward and into the ceiling with how hard she had been struggling to get loose. Now aware that her sister had released her and completely ceased all of her crying and wailing in an instant, she descended with her wings and stared at her cautiously. From her bed she stared back in complete silence; a look of wide-eyed innocent confusion on her face as she processed her words. After a moment, she reached over to the table where Luna's tiara lay to take a tissue and wipe her eyes and blow her nose with.

"I'm sorry," Celestia folded up the ruined tissue with her magic and placed it in a nearby wastebasket. "I must still be under a lot of stress. What did you just say to me?"

"We said," Luna started, still not understanding the situation no better than hours ago, "that we do not like hot summers."

Again, another silence that was as thick as the triple layered carrot cake with white frosting Celestia loved. Interrupted only, again, by the continued hum of the heat lamps that brightened the bed Celestia lay in like some marker for aircraft to know where to land at midnight. Finally, after what seemed like an even longer eternity than before, Celestia spoke.

"...Get out."

Luna perked an ear up, "What?"

"I said get out." Celestia said again, thrusting a hoof toward the exit of the ward.

It took a minute for Luna to understand that her sister was being serious, as she hadn't budged an inch in the time she had spent gawking at her. Her foreleg remained pointing firmly at the private ward's exit. Determined not to stoop to her own sister's level of immaturity, Luna took her tiara and placed it on her head as regally as possible.

"Very well," she turned to leave, "we shall leave you be to brood, if our opinion offends you so much!"

"Good!" Celestia turned her nose up snobbishly, watching her go. "Get out of my castle."

Luna froze.

"What?" She turned around in a fury, and stared at her sister who still was giving her a look of snide contempt. "What did you say to us?"

"I said," Celestia repeated, sticking out her tongue as well for good measure, "get out of MY castle."

"How dare you--!" Luna snarled, turning back around and stomping her way over to her sister's bedside. She shot her sister the harshest glare she could imagine, but continued to be stared down with a return look of utter contempt. "This is not your castle, Tia! Tis' OURS to share!"

"Nope," Celestia stretched her neck out over her sister. "I'll have you know it is my castle! I paid the mortgage off while you were on the moon, you know."

"W-wha--" Luna spluttered, unable to believe her ears. "What does that matter!? Mother and father left the castle to BOTH of us! And," she blinked in thought. "If the castle has been paid for already... What have you been doing with the Bits taken out of my allowance every week!?"

"Wouldn't you like to know." Celestia chuckled to herself mirthfully. "It's been going to a good cause Woona, I promise."

Luna gasped upon hearing her dreaded pet-name. Now it was on.

Outside of the ward, a large collection of doctors, nurses, and patients had gathered after hearing Luna's squawking from Celestia's incorrect presumptions. They all stood together, mesmerized by the sight, and waiting with baiting breath for the next blow to be struck. Never mind how boring it was to be stuck in a bed all day; wouldn't you try to listen in on two perfect immortals having a heated argument if you were there?

"We cannot believe how foalish you are being over the weather! Mother and father would be ashamed!"

"Why you--!" Celestia stood up on top of her bed, knocking all of the lamps sunning her over and onto the floor with a loud crash.  She spread her wings out in their full glory, looking down at her little sister furiously. "I've sent foes to Tartarus for less!"

"W-we...!" Luna stammered, taken back by her sister's aggressive display. She struggled to muster her courage, still taken back and unsure whether her sister's behavior was all an overly elaborate joke gone horribly wrong. But when she turned and saw all of the doctors, nurses, and patients in the ward staring at them, she found inside of herself the courage to act. The courage to rebel! For too long she had taken the backseat to her older and more charismatic sister. Never again, starting with this one moment, would she back down from her sister's demands in front of their subjects!

Standing up straight to appear as regal as possible, Luna cleared her throat with all eyes on her. Still on top of her bed, Celestia looked down at her with an arrogant sneer.

"You can kiss our flank!" she turned around, and raised her lithe butt into the air at her sister.

"Because no one gives a BUCK about your DUMB summer!"

Everypony watching gasped in unison. It was the ultimate act of humiliation: being mooned by the owner of the moon.

Luna grinned with satisfaction at everypony's shocked reactions, even her older sisters. But unlike before, her older sister showed no signs of horror or fear afterward. No, quite the opposite, and she felt a cold chill run down her own spine. In front of her still standing atop her bedding, her older sister's mane had changed from its peaceful pastel colors to the fiery reds of the past. A past where problems had been solved via brutal violence, dealt out with an iron hoof that did not bother with negotiations.

The voice in her mind didn't have to tell her twice.

Luna took off sprinting. She barreled through the ponies in the royal hospital who had gathered to watch, like a wrecking ball through a plaster wall. Ponies who survived the ordeal later claimed that she might have broken the sound barrier in the process.

Behind her she heard her older sister yell something unintelligible in rage as she sprung in pursuit, smashing her bed it into a million pieces in the process.

Escalation

Escalation of force.

Three simple words, that when strung together in the Equestrian language could refer to a myriad of things.

For Princess Celestia, escalation of force referred to her plans to capture and reform her little sister. After a fruitless hour of chasing Luna through the castle and around Canterlot, her sister's prophetic warnings about one too many slices of cake were becoming dangerously close to fulfilled. It did not help as well, that her target knew as much about avoiding magic traps and detection as Celestia knew about casting magic traps and detection spells. (Even the snare-trap she had set with a moonpie as bait had failed to capture anything, save for a hungry Night Guard wandering while off duty.) For an alicorn that had just returned to her kingdom after a thousand years of absence, Luna seemed to know the ins and outs of the royal castle better than she had assumed.

There was only one trump card Celestia still held over her sister, but she loathed to use it. There was a limit to underhoofed and dirty tactics between immortal entities of the same family, mind you. And the last time that line had been crossed, somepony ended up taking an involuntary vacation on the moon for a thousand years.

But if push came to shove, she knew that she could use it to bend Luna into submission.

After she had calmed down (on her own and with aid from the castle's staff), in hindsight she wondered if her little sister even understood the significance of summer in Equestria. Not only for ponies across the land, but for living creatures of all different races who relied on the sun to survive. How many noble houses in the Griffon Kingdom had signed mutual-alliance treaties, and were just as loyal to the Equestrian throne as the Griffon throne? Or how many dragon clans in the east had even tried to worship her as a goddess, after learning of her power to control the sun? How many monsters and abominations had thought twice about preying on ponies, after learning of who ruled over them?

Equestria's history was tied to the sun.

The laws of nature. The roles of master and servant; the eternal struggle between the weak and the strong to trade places with each other. The plagues of social and racial conflicts other nations constantly faced did not exist in Equestria because of the unity brought by the sun.

And summer was the season that embodied that.

But if there was one other thing Equestria embodied, it was the importance of harmony.

Promoting harmony, living by harmony, and upholding harmony.

And that meant forgiving a younger sibling (no matter whose fault it was) for starting trouble.

"You're going to apologize first, I assume?"

On her throne, Celestia sat at a slant leaning on one hoof in thought. Just past midday, the sun shown through the stained-glass windows and her throne with a bright intensity. Waddling into the great hall that lead up to the throne room, she could hear the lumbering steps of her guest heading toward her as well as his wings flexing. Bureaucrats around the throne room parted like water, as he strode casually past them.

"Really Celly, when are you just going to admit that you and your sister were born antagonists?"

"It is our fights that make our bond as sisters stronger," Celestia remarked coolly. She righted herself, giving her guest the full attention a close friend deserved.

"You should know something about that, Periwinkle. You were hatched from a full nest, were you not?"

Balancing himself up on his tail, a blue wyvern with matching colors to his name let out a grunt of agreement. When standing up straight, Periwinkle stood at least twice as many bodies as Celestia. But for a wyvern in service to a greater dragon, size meant little since the position of ambassador to Equestria entailed more than being intimidating in size. For all of the stereotypes about Wyverns being inferior and stupid compared to dragons in a multitude of ways (something that she had never heard Periwinkle deny), Peri himself had shown considerable cunning in the past. But lacking the forelegs of his larger kin, it was always amusing to watch Peri's body language reflect the creatures he socialized with that did.

"If you are here to find out what is going on, I've already forgiven my sister."

"Indeed I am," Peri gave her a fang-filled smile. "It is good to know that there will be peace in my time. There are enough problems in the world, wouldn't you agree?"

"Mmm," Celestia gave a neutral groan, slowly sliding back into her lazy posture on her throne. Chasing Luna around the castle and the city had sapped most of her strength, and it was hard to keep appearances hiding that.

"Have you come to make small talk, Peri? It's my day off, you know."

"Oh! I know, I know." Still balancing on his tail, Peri waved off her concerns with his massive foot. "I'm just here to ask if you would like to go sunbathing with me, since you've scared your sister off. I am cold-blooded, after all. And while I have your attention, I could suck up to you on some really minor issues my juniors will not stop demanding I talk to you about."

"Demands?" Celestia almost laughed. The idea of several smaller wyverns crowding around Peri and voicing their inane concerns amused her greatly. To his credit, the Peri she knew was more likely to cannibalize his own kin than listen to their complaints. The things that some other races complained about Equestrians (everything from pony coat colors to the vibrancy of rainbows) was entertaining, to say the least.

"I didn't know you listened to them."

"Oh, well you know how that can be. I have to humor them sometimes, right?" With his foot still raised, Peri looked over his razor-sharp pedicured claws over with a sharper eye. "Sort of like what you do with your nephew, from time to ti--"

"Your Majesty?"

Interrupting them both, Celestia turned and saw Loto at her side. Unlike before, he was dressed in his standard golden armor but without his helmet covering his face. All the better to see his handsome features with. Suspended in the air with his magic was a napkin and a glass of her favorite red tonic that she had been drinking earlier.

He looked at her expectantly, but she stared back at him unsure.

"Loto," she lifted the drink off of the tray with her own magic, "I don't remember asking for this."

"Well, Your Majesty," Loto gave a bow to her, placing his serving tray on his back. "The kitchen heard about your...incident earlier, and assumed you would like one as soon as you returned to the throne. To relax, of course."

Celestia stared at the hypnotically appealing cocktail, and could smell the faint fragrance of tropical fruit blends and secret ingredients. The mixture was a secret to all except some of her most prized chefs, and it would be a shame to turn down something so prized just because her afternoon had been interrupted early. After all, it wasn't the drink's fault that a routine sisterly squabble had broken out into something...silly. Right?

"Thank you, Loto." She took a sip of the drink, savoring the flavors as they washed over her tongue and into her mouth. "Tell the kitchen staff I said 'thank you' as well."

Loto smiled, "Of course, Your Majesty." He then gave another bow, before leaving from to where he came.

Celestia looked at Periwinkle, who was staring at the contents of her drink while she drank. By the look on his face it was clear that he was thinking something, but wasn't going to voice it any time soon. After finishing some of her drink, she dabbed her mouth daintily and turned to him.

"Would you like one?"

Peri held up his other foot with a look on his face that was unclear. "No, thank you. I can't imagine what something like that would do to my insides."

"It's just fruit juice," Celestia said, noting how her cocktail was radiating its own light. "It won't kill you, I promise."

"Again, I must decline," Peri insisted, turning to look out the window and putting his foot down. He watched her finish the rest of her drink in silence, occasionally glancing out one of the windows back and forth between her and something outside. All around them, the bureaucrats of the day court went about their business and their chatter began to slowly fill the room. Business as usual was good for Celestia, but look on Peri's face had changed again.

"...Is something on your mind?"

"That guardsman." He pointed a claw on his foot in the direction Loto left. "Has he been close to you...for long?"

"I don't see how that is any of your business," Celestia felt a light blush touch her cheeks, when the first thing she recalled about Loto was how firm his curves were. And how soft his coat was. And how diligent, intelligent, and witty he could be. "Why do you ask?"

Peri blinked, before shaking his head. "Hmm. Forget I said anything. If you'll excuse me, Your Radiance."

With an abrupt turn that sent a gust of wind blowing about the throne room from his tail alone, Peri waddled off toward the exit. But before reaching it, he stopped after glancing outside one of the clear windows in the throne room. Celestia had picked up some papers left beside her throne awaiting her signature, but watching Peri freeze stopped her too. Whatever he was staring at outside of the castle had grabbed his full attention, and was starting to become a great amusement to him.

She placed her empty glass on a table behind her throne. "Peri, is there something else I should know about?"

"...Perhaps?" the wyvern answered with a poorly hidden grin. "But some things...are best seen for...yourself."

"What do you mean?" Celestia asked, stepping off her throne with dread. At this point the periwinkle wyvern could no longer control himself, and had broken down into a lewd snicker. He rocked back and forth in place, threatening to tumble himself over and crush some poor workers of the day court who were standing nearby. Despite her smaller size, she shoved him aside and looked out the window.

Peri laughed even harder, watching Celestia's jaw start to drop when she looked up into the sky.

For all of Equestria to see, the moon was eclipsing her sun. Not entirely, mind you. But occulting just enough so that every single resident of Equestria had probably looked in the last ten minutes to wonder why the sun's light had dulled. Squinting harder, on the lunar surface of the moon she could see a very crude drawing in the moon's sands resembling her sister's rump.

Cutie mark and all.

"N-now Celly," Peri tried to say, but broke down again into outright laughter. "Y-you're t-t-th-e eldest! Don't k-kill her! H-h-h-hAH, hah hah hah! Ahhh, HAH HAH HAH!"

Unable to control himself any longer, Peri fell over onto his sides laughing. The last thing he saw (through his blurred vision), was Celestia turning back around and marching up to her throne. Opening up a drawer in the table behind it, she whipped out a small grey box from inside and stormed out of the throne room without so much as a single word.

Finally managing to calm down, he looked at the shocked faces of the bureaucrat ponies around him with pity.

Equestria hadn't experienced a war for several centuries. But in one afternoon, a war over summer had been declared.

The Winds of War

Commander Dreissen of the Night Guard strode boldly back and forth in his briefing room. His long and punctuated steps demanded respect from the stallions assembled in the room, in direct conflict with the vibrant tropical-flower shirt he wore. Twenty minutes ago an emergency session had been called for all Night Guard members on patrol in the royal castle. Over the last few minutes a mixed group of the Night Guard had arrived, ranging from bat-ponies in half their armor, sleepwear, swimming trunks, and beach toys filled with fine-grain San Palomino Desert sand.

The briefing hadn't started, but everypony could tell by their superior officer's pacing back and forth that the matter was of grave importance.

After taking a brief head count, Dreissen dimmed the lights in the room. From the ceiling, a small magic crystal on a mount began projecting a detailed map of the castle's interior on the wall behind him.

“Gentlecolts!” Holding a riding crop in his wing, he gave the image on the wall behind him a satisfying smack. “Thank you for arriving punctually when called. Let it be known that your loyalty to Her Majesty has not wavered in peaceful times.”

He continued to pace back and forth, waving his crop in the air.

“You have been called here today... To stand besides Her Majesty in a great crusade she had bravely decided to undertake this very afternoon! We the Night Guard, shall persist in--”

In the back row, one of the guards stood up and out of his seat before raising his foreleg into the air.

Dreissen stopped, and pointed his riding crop at him. “Yes, ensign? What's your name?”

“Gaza, sir!” The bat-pony stood at attention. “Will Her Majesty's crusade be be over in time for dinner?”

“Well ensign, I do--” Dreissen did a double take when he realized how casually he was about to answer such a silly question. Or was it an innocent question? He could never tell with his own soldiers, since half of the enlisted Night Guard had never seen combat outside of patrolling the Everfree forest.

“Very funny, soldier.” He shot him a glare. “Only Her Majesty decides when her crusades start and end. We do NOT ask royalty to fit their schedules around ours!”

Another bat-pony raised his foreleg. “Sir? If I took a vacation day today, do I get another?”

“I'm afraid not Galluss,” Dreissen watched the bat-pony's head droop in disappointment. “For that, I am truly sorry.”

"Sir? Do you know how long that castle beach and pool are going to stay open to the guards?"

"That beach is PRIVATE, and to be used by royalty only!" Dreissen said angrily. "I'm going to make an exception and pretend I did not catch some of you coming from there."

“Sir?” A bat-pony sitting next to the one that had asked about dinner before raised his foreleg. “I've got kitchen duty tonight with Petty Officer Jamru. Can we stop Her Majesty's crusade for dinner and start it again after?”

Dreissen groaned, stopping short from facehoofing in front of his stallions. He knew that the question being thrown at him were meant to be serious ones, but something about that irked him.

“Very well. I will ask Her Majesty if she would be willing to put her crusade on hold for dinner.”

A small chorus of cheers rose up from his assembled stallions, and Dreissen groaned again. As much as he enjoyed a proper fruit salad (the Day Guard always insisted on putting oats in the salads), there were standards to be had for professional soldiers. Standards that he had no faith in most of his stallions to uphold in the face of their strongest enemy: boredom. The Day Guard on the other hoof, despite Captain Shining Armor's leave for the Crystal Empire with his wife, was a model of dedication and efficiency.

Why did he have to get all of the good-intentioned rejects?

“Alright, alright! Everypony settle down,” Dreissen said, waiting for another few seconds for the chatter to die down. “This is serious, gentlecolts. I expect all of you to fulfill your duty to Her Majesty when the time comes. Which brings me to why you have been assembled here today...”

Every stallion in the briefing listened to their commander's dramatic retelling of events relating to what had happened. It was an emotional story that put them on the edge of their seats, all starting with an innocent question and an inappropriate response. Followed by the same innocent question, persecution, and finally exile and (twice) humiliation. Every stallion of the Night Guard had different feelings about what their duty to Equestria meant, but all felt united with each other over their loyalty to Princess Luna. An Equestria without Princess Luna was not an Equestria they wanted to live in.

If their princess was going to wage a war over summer, they would be sure to follow her into the gates of Tartarus and back.

But unknown to all, a magic wire in the ceiling had begun transmitting the moment when Dreissen had started.

♪~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~♪

Luna hummed to herself, pacing back and forth in her secret hideout. Her steps echoed off of the walls of her secret home, with her silver hoof-guards kicking small pebbles around as she walked. Chewing the tip of a pencil in her mouth, her brow furrowed in frustration as she racked her mind for an answer to her problem.

There was something about the Crystal Caverns bellow Canterlot her sister did not like, so it made for the perfect secret hiding place to get away from being in the spotlight of Canterlot castle. (She even had basic furnishing brought down in secret to her cavern home.) Being undetectable by most traditional magics was only a side-bonus, on account of the strange attributes the crystals growing in the walls of the cavern possessed. Uncut and unpolished, the crystals distorted and rejected magic flows that entered them. But by shaping and cutting them properly, they could be used to redirect or even amplify magic. Some of the secret projects of the Equestrian military were experimenting with adapting these crystals to amplify traditional power sources, and trial testing had shown promising results. (Luckily the fresh craters in her moon went unnoticed by the general populace.)

If Tia ever found out and objected for whatever silly reason, she could always claim that occupying the caverns would prevent any subversives from taking advantage of a blind spot in Canterlot's defenses.

Or something noble like that.

With a checklist held suspended by her magic, Luna continued to pace back and forth in thought. Some would say that tutoring Twilight on royal etiquette might have caused a habit or two to rub off onto her, but only a fool would challenge her older sister without planning ahead of time. Convincing Celestia to lighten up about summer would not be an easy task. In order to succeed, she would have to plan for everything.

Plan for today, plan for tomorrow, and even plan for plans today and tomorrow!

And such planning was...being done as she walked.

Convincing Celestia to lighten up about summer would not be an easy. Not after provoking her twice.

Tia's humiliation has been doubled, Luna thought to herself with a smirk.

She had hear the rumors in the castle about when Tia had noticed her moon. Right in the middle of talking with a foreign diplomat, no less! Perhaps mooning her sister (twice) was a bit immature, but Luna liked to think of it as a political statement (done twice) than an act of youth rebellion.

There were four alicorns in the world now, and the age where Celestia decided things alone was at an end. Had her older sister not proclaimed the day after her return, that it was her responsibility to hold up half the world just as much as hers? So too, Equestria was no longer a kingdom where the extremes of any season brought about danger and disasters. Did that not mean there was more room for flexibility on some things in the world?

There were some merits to not trying to fix things that were not broken, and yet...

...No. No!

Luna stamped her hoof down and shook her head. No! Even if her sister had her reasons, there was nothing wrong with her request! There was nothing wrong with not liking a hot summer! The burning humiliation of being evicted from the castle in front of countless doctors, nurses, and their staff over the weather!

As soon as her plans were completed, she would rally her loyal troops to make the next step in her plan against her older sister. Taking the pencil out from her mouth, she looked down at her check list at what had been completed so far.

Step 1: Declare intentions (half-check).

Step 2: Get Tia to take you seriously (check).

(Step 2.5: Humiliate Tia if possible [double check] and find out where our allowance has been going.)

Step 3: ?????

Step 4: Profit from a cooler summer (and  Article 0 of the Equestrian Millennium Charter).

Luna sighed, looking at the shadows of the caverns. Maybe she would have to stay hiding longer than she had planned.

Without warning, a sound echoing off of the walls of her hideout caught her attention. It sounded like something, or maybe somepony, had fallen over and was now tumbling down one of the abandoned mine shafts in the caverns. She looked around trying to discern the source, but the expansive tunnels in the caverns prevented her from telling what direction it had happened. After a few seconds, the echo of the sound tumbling stopped.

"Galbaldy? Is that you?" She called out, looking around. One of her closest guards (known for his rust-orange colored eyes) was no where to be found. He had escorted her down to her room in the caverns, but looking around it appeared that he had disappeared.

"Commander Dreissen?" She called out again, but still got no answer. "Is somepony there?"

Her voice echoed off of the cavern walls, becoming more distorted with every reflection. Taking one last look around with no answers to her calls, Luna breathed a sigh of weariness before laying down on her sofa.

"Just our imagination playing tricks on us. We must calm ourselves," Luna told herself, closing her eyes as she laid back. The comfortable cushions of the sofa caught her gently, and she could feel her mind drifting from their soft touch.

"Perhaps just a small...small nap before our...victory...would be fine..."

Whether she had meant to or not; it only took a few seconds for Luna to be snoring peacefully, her breathing in harmony with the echoing winds of the Crystal Cavern. It felt good to be at peace for just a little. She would need ever bit of strength in the coming times, if she were to stand even a little chance against her elder sister.

Emerging from the shadows around Luna, a group of Day Guard commandos ran to report their findings back to their princess.

The Stakes

The sun was setting on Canterlot, and the spiral towers of the white city reflected the lowering sun. There had been no sign of Luna ever since the “double-moon” incident, and after storming out of her throne room Celestia had returned with an even calmer demeanor than before. (To the relief and puzzlement of everypony who understood what had happened.) The moon had been moved from blocking the sun, and before Peri had realized it, the rest of the afternoon had past without interruption so that dinner was already being served.

He had asked to dine with Celestia in hopes getting to watch the fireworks when Luna would reveal herself (probably in some dramatic fashion). Dinner was usually the first meal of the day for the night princess, and she loathed to skip it.

“Have I told you that your patience with your sister is...” Peri paused to think of the right word. “Unique?”

“Hmm? And why is that?” Celestia asked. She placed her fork down, and reached over for the salt on the table. Lightly dusting the fruit on her plate, her bit into her apple slices with a crunch. “I don't think I treat my younger sister any different than I should.”

"No, no. It's more your...tolerance of each other that I find unique. Born antagonists, like I've said.”

“Siblings fight, Peri. Just because we are both princesses doesn't make it any different.”

“Oh, but I get to differ,” he smiled like a cat who had caught a mouse. “Because with power comes the great responsibility. What is the saying? When you have a hammer, everything begins to look like a nail? And there are only so many nails in the world to hammer down...”

Celestia had picked up her fork, but she placed it down with an audible noise.

“Are you accusing me of abusing my elected power?”

Peri let out a jovial chuckle.

“No, far from it. Quite the opposite, really. I'm amazed the two of you have such restraint.”

“Restraint?” The word came out of Celestia's mouth bitterly. She chewed her next bite gruffly, not caring that her mouth was full when she spoke. “Drawing graffiti on the moon's surface like a foal? I should show her my restraint by giving her a spanking on the flank like she deserves.”

“Oh, she'll grow out of it,” Peri laughed some more. “It's just a phase in her immortality. She's only had a thousand years to regret abusing the moon the first time.”

Out of the corner of her eyes she glared at him.  “Peri, if I ever catch you saying that in front of her...”

“I wouldn't dare, Your Grace. But the harsh reality for creatures such as my masters and yourself is that a thousand years is nothing. Relationships will come and go, and new ones will replace them. So long as you allow them to, that is.”

Celestia said nothing in return, continuing to eat her dinner at a steady pace. Around them the staff of the castle went about their business, ferrying items back and forth from the table. Seeing that he was waiting for her to say something, she only passed him a sparing glance.

“I am not in the mood for such discussions tonight, Peri. Save your musings for another night.”

“Oh, very well then,” he huffed in mock pain. Opening his jaws wide, Peri snapped some of the gems piled onto his own plate. He crunched them loudly in his mouth, with little bits of ground gem stones falling messily to the floor. After a moment he swallowed everything in his mouth at once, and licked his jowls with his long split tongue.

To his amusement, the guards and servants in attendance were sweating a little. No doubt imagining themselves in place of his inanimate dinner.

“Pardon me.” Peri gave an evil laugh, eyeing every pony in the room with a predatory gaze. “What I meant before, is that you and your sister never involve your subjects in your vendettas against one another.”

“Vendetta is a bit of a strong word,” Celestia wincing at the thought. The past had left many things unsettled between Luna and herself, but she hoped with the passage of time that they would remained buried. “And of course we would never involve our subjects in our personal affairs. Wouldn't you?”

“I wouldn't be so sure of that,” he answered cryptically. But before Celestia could ask him a question in return, the entire room shook. Everypony present looked around, as little bits of paint and dust from the ceiling rained down when the room shook again.

But after the second tremor, it stopped.

Peri chewed another gem, crunching it loudly.

"...Hmm. Maybe it was nothing?"

"Charges are set... Preparing to enter the room!"

Peri looked around the room, and even under his own two feet.

"...Did anyone else hear that?"

"Three...two...one... BREACHING!"

KAH-BOOM!

Everyone in the room (except for Celestia) jumped when a sudden explosion rocked the room, with servants and guards turning their heads to avoid the spray of broken glass. From the explosion members of the Night Guard burst into the dining hall from shattered windows on both sides. Somepony screamed, and servants began to flee out of the room in a panic, as smoke from the demolition charges began to blow in. In a confused panic the guards immediately ran to Celestia's side to protect her, with the princess still eating her dinner without care. More bat-ponies in armor entered the room, running through the smoke and kicking in the rest of the broken windows for their comrades following.

Peri looked up, and from the windows in the ceiling bat-ponies began to enter the room rappelling down ropes despite having wings to fly with. He watched the second wave coming down break more windows in the ceiling with the ends of their weapons (because why not), sending shards of glass and debris pouring down onto the dinner table. After a few seconds, they landed alongside their comrades that had entered from the side windows.

After the last of the Night Guard had entered, they assembled around the main entrance to the dining hall and waited.

"WE RETURN SISTER! WE WILL NOT EAT OUR DINNER IN FEAR!" The double doors to the dining room flung open with gale-force winds (flattening the closest of Luna's soldiers that had stood too close), and the princess of the night strode in flanked by even more personal guards.

"COME AT US IF YOU DARE! WE SHALL NOT RETREAT FROM THY TYRANNY TONI--"

"If you keep shouting, your dinner will get cold."

Peri watched all of Luna's energy deflate like a popped balloon from her sister's simple statement.

"We..." Luna's lower jaw hung loose. "Huh?"

Celestia continued to eat, picking out a piece of broken window that had falled onto her plate. The acrid and dirty smoke from the demolition charges still hung in the room, obscuring each princesses view of each other.

"I was told by my personal guard that you had fallen asleep down in your little clubhouse. I was wondering if you were going to be awake for dinner, since I was too busy trying to kill you during lunch."

Luna flared her wings out defensively (smacking the two guards closest to her). She narrowed her eyes and an accusing squint, "We see you haven't forgotten about this afternoon."

"It was just this afternoon, Luna." Picking up an apple slice covered with debris Celestia placed it aside. The falling glass had scratched the surface of one of the serving plates on the table, and she sighed in disappointment. "I take it that means you are still set on your foalish idea of changing my summer."

"Perhaps we are." Luna trotted toward her end on the dining room table, opposite of Celestia's. Pulling out her seat, she brushed off some debris with her wing. "Are you still adamant on refusing to accept change?"

"It's my summer Luna and I have no reason to change it. You don't see me demanding warmer winters, do you?"

Luna flinched visibly, gritting her teeth. "Well...no," she faltered. It was true that her sister loathed cold winters as much as she hated hot summers. But length of nights and days aside, Celestia had never challenged Luna to change how winters in Equestria were. Up against a corner, she searched her mind, trying to think of anything she could use to justify her crusade.

Then, it hit her.

"Sister!" Luna slammed her hoof down onto the table. "We challenge thee!"

With her magic, Celestia gathered up the smoke in the room into a miniature whirlwind and blew it out the broken windows in the ceiling. With her magic, Peri watched in awe as her magic began to piece the broken windows in the ceiling and walls pack together slowly piece by piece. Like some kind of reverse rain, hundreds of fragments of glass rose up and began to morph back into solid panes. He wondered silently how often magic like the kind she was casting had been used since Luna's return.

"...To what?"

"To...to...um," Luna scratched her head in thought. She thought to herself for a minute, before clapping her hooves together. "We challenge you to a battle for the seasons!"

"Let me guess," Celestia continued her repairs on the room. "Whatever it will be, if I win you will let me make winters warmer. But if I lose, then you will go through with your insane plan to make summer cooler."

"Yes!" Luna shouted, but then she did a double-take. "Wait, we meant no! But, yes! Or plan is perfectly rational!"

Celestia said nothing, continuing to use her magic to repair the room. She got up from her seat, inspecting her work with a closer eye. Still at table surrounded by her guards, Luna waited for her sister with baited breath. She let out a beastly growl, irritated that she was putting repairing the room above answering her challenge. Shaking some of the dust and broken glass off of himself, Peri in his own place waiting for Celestia's answer as well.

"Luna?" The alicorn of the night almost jumped out of her seat, but then sat back down. "Did I tell you that the kitchen made you a special dessert tonight?"

"Special dessert?" Luna's ears perked up, but then flattened as she looked at her suspiciously.  "What do you mean, 'special'?"

"I felt bad about you missing out on lunch," Celestia remained facing the windows she had just repaired. From his side of the table, Peri could barely see a small smirk on her lips. "So I had the royal kitchen make you a special dessert for dinner tonight. Chocolate pudding is your favorite, right?"

Celestia gave a sharp whistle that made Luna wince, but before she could ask anything further, a servant entered the room pushing past the guards and stepping over debris still on the floor. On his back was a sterling silver tray with a protective top over it. He trotted up to her silently, and pulled the cover off to reveal a large chocolate pudding pie with an even larger amount of whipped cream on its surface. Written in the whipped cream in a chocolate drizzle, were the words: I'm sorry, Luna.

"Oh Tia," Luna mumbled in embarrassment. She looked at the dessert anxiously. "You didn't have to... We mean... This is..."

"Ah! Ah! Not yet," Celestia pointed a hoof toward the bottom of the pie. Luna looked down, and saw a small folded note attached to a string to the pie's tin. "Not until you read that."

"Very well, then." Luna felt her cheeks still burning in embarrassment, but she gently picked up the folded note card with her hoof and opened it up. The card was small, so she had to squint to read the writing inside.

"I," her eyes widened, as she read it, "accept your challenge!?"

Peri swore he heard Luna try to say something. A sound made from a horrific realization? Or maybe she was trying to beg her sister to stop what she knew was coming? Regardless; Celestia grabbed ahold of the pie with her magic, and flung it into the face of her younger sister. The chocolate pudding pie hit her with such a splat that it knocked her over and out of her chair, and into her unsuspecting guards. (Who failed to catch their princess, and were tackled by her instead.)

"MY SUMMER SHALL NEVER BE CONTESTED!" Celestia shouted, loud enough to rival the royal Canterlot voice. "You will be defeated like the foolish miscreants you are! All of you! No one dares challenge the authority of the sun!"

And with a flash of light as bright as the sun, Celestia teleported from the dining room leaving a shining trail in her wake.

After a minute of dead silence, Peri closed his jaw with her foot. He looked around the room, and saw the personal guards of each princess and servants peeking around corners into the room gawking in the same way he had.

"Well," he breathed. "That was...something."

Covered in chocolate pie with her guards sprawled underneath her, Princess Luna gave a groan in agreement.

Whimsical (Short Interlude)

Coming back from his impromptu vacation, Discord didn't know what to expect. It was strange to think that the embodiment of chaos and disharmony would be concerned about predicting the future, but a cautious immortal draconequus was an immortal draconequus that wouldn't be stuck as a stone statue for another thousand years.

Celly, did I tell you that I love what you've done with the palace? The violence? The drama? The CHAOS? Discord began to laugh, but then shook his head dejectedly and crossed his arms. No, too boring and cliche. Hmm...

Floating around Canterlot castle not-so stealthily stuffing his entire form into a distorted and misshaped cloud, he looked around at the chaos of the battlefield bellow him. There were probably a million different forms he could flawlessly mimic to be completely undetected by anypony looking, but there was no fun in being perfect.

Secretly, Discord had began to come and go from the Canterlot royal gardens long before his supposed escape and first meeting with the new wielders of the Elements of Harmony. Celestia's power over the elements of harmony had weakened from her traumatic experience of banishing Luna to the moon, and Celestia alone was not strong enough to imprison him permanently as was originally intended. Despite this, her knowledge of the magical arts was still strong enough to imprison him for years at a time. As a result a strange new relationship between the two had formed; an immortal jailer overseeing an immortal prisoner, both with too much time on their hands and surrounded by others with never enough. As much as he loathed to admit it (rose-tinted sentimentality made him nauseous), those comical years of secret escapes and being secretly captured had been almost as enjoyable as the time before...Equestria.

Before Equestria. Before stupid responsibilities, higher causes, duties and obligations, and dumb attachments.

All of the things that left a sour taste in his mouth. Bah. Bleck. Bluh.

Regardless; the strange (and chaotically violent) disturbances in Equestria as of the late had been more than satisfying enough to watch before his unexpected parole. The return of a goddess possessed by evil nightmare spirits, a swarm of magically mutated bugs that could eat anything, an invasion by parasitic insectoid equines, an attack on Canterlot by a gigantic cockatrice and its minions, the emergence of a long-lost empire ruled by a shadowy tyrant king; just to name a few. Some of the aforementioned events had been amusing, while others had just been downright strange. Even for him.

Returning to find both alicorn sisters at war with each other over the season of summer was...both.

But in his own words, what fun was there in making sense?

I must be careful about this; this could be my greatest work ever! But only if everything goes right! Discord thought, as he tapped the digits of his mismatched hands together. Bellow him he could hear the sounds of battle echoing through the different rooms of the castle. Above and around him in the skies, fliers from both armies ran patrols and fought each other in dogfights with crazy contraptions of magic and clouds.

I dare say, the time has come for ORGANIZED CHAOS! AH HAH HAH HAAAAH!

Balling both his claw and paw into fists, Discord began to concentrate his magic.

"Soon! All of Canterlot will be...will be... Heeey, waaaait a minute..."

Discord stopped concentrating and blinked; he didn't have a clue where or what to start with first.

In fact...

All around him Canterlot really was in chaos. Not the same chaos as reversing gravity or having pink cotton candy clouds rain chocolate milk, but the chaos of two whole armies running amuck and chasing each other down violently in a city filled with ponies that desperately did not want to get caught in the middle. The city was literally being painted both red and blue, with property being broken and windows getting smashed just as fast as workers from the castle were fixing them. Gardens and the arrangements in them were being destroyed and stripped, just in time for more workers from the castle to uproot everything and replace them with healthy ones. In the skies both armies fought with airships and crazy cloud creations. The weather around Canterlot was constantly changing from gusting gales with lightning storms back to a light sunny breeze in a matter of minutes. It was as if he were caught in a strange dimension, where construction and destruction were in some race with to outpace the other.

Then it hit him. A feeling of dread struck him, going from his swerved spine right into the pits of his stomach.

"I know what's happening here!" Discord shouted, suddenly enraged. "I've been REPLACED! HOW DARE--!"

But the mismatched draconequus never got a chance to finish, as stray lightning bolt from a pair of dueling cloud ships struck him from behind. Bursting into flames, Discord fell out from his own cloud as black as a charcoal briquette, spiraling downward and landing with a splash into one of the filled fountains in the royal garden.

♪~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~♪

The Old Mare Who Swallowed a Fly

Discord stomped along the cobblestone hoofpaths of the royal garden, still dripping wet from his horns down to the tuft of fur on his tail. He shivered as he walked, occasionally grumbling obscene utterances under his breath. All around him Canterlot was under siege by both forces, with stallions and mares in armor fighting each other on the streets in a tangled melee of destruction.

This is what I get for trusting in the magic of friendship! UNEMPLOYMENT!

He grumpily kicked a stone in front of his path out of the way, glaring at it accusingly before looking around at the organized chaos surrounding him. Philistines! he wanted to shout at them all. They had some nerve to take his art, and put on a show without all of the good parts. In fact--

"Owch!" He nearly jumped in place from the shock of pain that hit him. There it was again! He looked down to both of his own mismatched hands, and flexed them gingerly. It had begun as a strange itch the closer he had gotten to Canterlot, and he had ignored it. But now it was becoming outright painful, and physical pain was not a sensation he wished to experience in his immortal life time.

There was something wrong with the natural forces of magic around Canterlot, he was sure of it. Something that was messing with his own powers. Sabotaging him. Draining him. Ruining him. The forces of chaos were his to command, and if he wanted to go from a soaking wet mess to a well-dressed dapper draconequus in a tuxedo all it would take was a snap of his claws. It was just how the universe worked! Or at least, was supposed to work. He had tried (minus the tuxedo) to clean himself up after pulling himself out of the fountain he had crashed into. Repeatedly. But after waving his arms around, shaking them both like cheap electronics, and yelling some more obscenities for good measure, he had deduced that the problem was not with himself.

"How can this be?" Discord asked to no one in particular, pushing his sopping wet fur out from in front of his mismatched eyes. He caught a glimpse of some kind of cloud ship launching a volley of cloud missiles, and evaporating another cloud creation out of the sky. "It's not fair! Everything in Equestria is going cooky and it's not my fault!"

Wait! No! I need to focus! Discord forcibly stopped his own rambling, taking the time to seriously think. A better question would be, who can I trust to make this right? Who do I trust to put me back on my throne as the master of chaos, and bring peace to all of Equestria?

He stopped and began to count the digits on his claws. They were roughly equal to how many living entities he trusted to get such an important job done, with one of them being himself.

"Hmmmmm... I wonder if I have enough power left to bring them here..."

♪~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~♪

"I'm just speculating, but if we could be absolutely certain that my sister's forces were going to converge around the royal kitchen, then I, I..."

To the surprise of all of her officers gathered around her, their superior - Princess Celestia, the immortal ruler and founder of the Kingdom of Equestria - faltered mid sentence. For a ruler who normally spoke with unswerving conviction and perfect grace, even when alone with her closest confidants, it was utterly out of character. More than a few of the Day Guard officers exchanged brief glances with each other, all equally shocked by her gaff.

Who is it? Celestia thought, briefly forgetting her present audience. Someone or something in Canterlot had just arrived from chaos fueled teleportation spell. The spell had been casted in such a clumsy inelegance that more sensitive magic users (no doubt including her sister) had felt a disruption in the natural mana around Canterlot.

I must remember to look into that later...

"I've been thinking," Celestia finally continued, "that we could fake a weakness in our defense around the royal kitchen. If we can lure my younger sister into a fight to retake the kitchen, we could then encircle her marshaled forces and deal a strong blow strong enough to prevent her from counter attacking elsewhere. Well? What do you think?" Her last words were rushed, as if she were overly self-conscious.

"If, If I understand you correctly, your majesty," Captain Quel said, tentatively speaking for his fellow guards, "you're ordering us to reduce our numbers along the kitchen line to lure your sister into a fight to retake the royal kitchen. If so, ma'am, I beg to reply that it could be dangerous if she does not take the bait."

Celestia turned her head, pushing her flowing celestial mane back out from her face. "What's the matter, Captain?" she said, her voice suddenly hardening. "You're not worried about those bat-winged clowns my sister calls soldiers, are you?"

Quel knew Celestia was angry at him for giving a weak-kneed response on behalf of the other officers in her Day Guard. But he knew the reality of what she was really suggesting: timing a campaign of misinformation to make it seem as if Luna was the agitator in the war (which she was), and then slowly attempt to starve her forces out both in supplies and pony power. Once the war had been won, Celestia would rule unchallenged in a new postwar era over the summer and winter. Because no witnesses (save for the officers gathered) would ever know that Celestia had managed such an underhoofed and diabolical sabotage campaign against her own family, their own positions as her permanent military cabinet would be secure. Admittedly, Quel and many others knew that Equestria had avoided wars and conflicts in the past out of sheer guile and cunning on Celestia's part. But he had never suspected that he would live to become involved with such a historic scheme.

"When the Night Guard attacks, our own forces should be able to hold off the Night Guard long enough for our encirclement to be completed," Celestia added. "Don't you agree?"

"Why, yes ma'am." Quel placed his helmet down on the table next to some notes on Celestia's desk in front of him. "You're quite right, I'm sure ma'am. Our forces in the field, as you mentioned, are made up of some of our crack units."

"And, your majesty," from behind Quel another officer stepped forward and removed his helmet as he spoke, "the cadet ranks from the academy are showing good results in the field. As far as most of them are concerned, all of this is just part of an elaborate training exercise. Some I've been told are even enjoying it."

"I see. Nemo, would you consider pulling more cadets from the academy to participate then?" Celestia asked offhandedly. "If we already hold the advantage in numbers, would even more be better?"

"I would not be so sure of that, your majesty," Nemo warned. "I do not believe that members of the Night Guard, soldier for soldier, are any stronger than our own. But I do not want to see our ranks clustered with too many untrained stallions and mares at such a crucial time."

"I'm not expecting you to take them all under your command, Lieutenant. We should look into alternatives away from the front so that these cadets can be trained for service before the war is over." Celestia stood up and pushed aside the shades covering the windows of her expansive chambers. Outside the sun was beginning to set slowly, and the world outside from her spiral tower in Canterlot the sky glowed a healthy orange basking on everything in the world. Her world. But soon that world would be gone, replaced a foreign land of darkness and shadows that her sister held mastery over.

"You still seem hesitant Captain. Speak frankly to me, Quel."

"We can't control where the Night Guard will organized their first counter attack, ma'am. And we have no guarantee that Princess Luna won't be expecting some kind of trap, given how much effort we put into building the defenses around the royal kitchen. As long as that is true, I believe the plan will be very risky to carry out, ma'am."

"Hmph. I see your point. But surely it's possible with our intelligence to try and find out where my sister will organize her single-point attack? Can't we monitor their build up from the System project and predict where they are coming from?"

"Well... I, er, suppose so ma'am."

"System" was the codename for a top-secret Equestrian project to create a weapon that utilized the rays of the sun. The project had been commissioned after the Changeling invasion of Canterlot, but had become redundant in the days and weeks after since Chrysalis and her brood had gone into hiding after their defeat. The System project itself was constantly concealed underneath a thick and dense shield of clouds, higher than any normal Pegasus could fly, and constantly attended by a select few members of the Day Guard who spoke to no pony about where or what their assignments were.

If Quel understood what Celestia was asking, the implications were clear: not even Princess Luna knew about the System project. And if Luna knew nothing, than parliament or any other legal body in the Equestrian government didn't either. Every single day the citizens of Canterlot went about their business, oblivious to a super weapon right out of a science fiction novel hovering over their heads.

Celestia continued, "I've already had Greenwich, my vizier, sound out the possibility of a negotiated peace settlement afterward with my sister. I've nominated Periwinkle the wyvern ambassador from the Vagan Clan to mediate."

"Is there such a possibility, ma'am?" Quel immediately regretted asking the question so soon. He did not want to convey any enthusiasm toward a break in the fighting, given that the Day Guard had finally begun to see victorious results in combat.

"You could say so," Celestia answered mysteriously. She then turned away from her windows and walked back over to Quel. She smiled thinly, having to lean her slender neck down a little to match height with him. Quel instinctively stood at attention, holding his personal belongings he had brought with him to the meeting at his side. He knew immediately that Celestia had made a decision.

"I'll leave the timing of this encirclement up to you," Celestia said, casually walking away once again and sitting herself down on a large embroidered cushion that gently caught her as she laid. "But I want you to be ready if my sister attacks the royal kitchen tonight. Can you do it?"

"Yes, your majesty!" Captain Quel said enthusiastically, placing his helmet back over his head. Snapping off a formal salute, he turned to walk out of her room with his head held high.

She watched him go, with both Lieutenant Nemo and the silent Lieutenant Nero following right behind him. There was something attractively tragic about the Captain that the Princess loved; an older stallion, wise, strong, handsome in his own way, but still with a naive streak that came from not being a regular member of her inner circle. Ever since Shining Armor had left to rule the Crystal Empire with his wife as prince and princess, there had been a reshuffling of the Day Guard ranks to fit ranking officers who were being transferred. The opportunity had arisen for Celestia to hoof pick subordinates for her own political purposes, and completely sidestep any boring standards that peace brought. It had been nice to actually choose subordinates who showed promise and initiative, instead of having to choose ponies because of their political connections and material wealth.

Maybe I should annex more kingdoms into Equestria. Celestia laughed at the thought, while picking a tall wineglass from a silver tray on a nearby table. Fishing around with her magic, she pulled a wine bottle out from the base of the same table and wrenched the cork out from its top with a loud pop.

Just a light drink before going to bed. ONE drink...

Tilting the bottle expectantly, she gently poured the rich red wine into her glass. She looked over the bottle which still had the golden yellow gift ribbon tied around its neck from when Loto had given it to her. It had been an unexpected and unusual gift, but she had accepted it graciously from one of her favorite servants. Celestia had vowed in the past to stay sober after one too many nights of drinking with diplomats or nobility had loosened her lips too well. Some truths were meant to stay buried, out of tact mostly. But a present from a dear friend (and a handsome stallion to boot) was a different matter altogether.

Without any guilt she took a petite sip, letting the tart blend of flavors splash into her mouth before gingerly swallowing. After the first sip she could slowly feel the weight of the day leaving her mind, as well as the nagging headache that had refused to go away since the afternoon. Ever since that damned day where Luna had had the audacity to insult her season, she had been plagued with headaches of great intensity. She had tried to work through them, but on some days they had been so unbearable that they had incapacitated her from focusing at all.

But like magic Loto had been there, always there just at the right time to help her keep a strong image in front of the rest of her subjects. It was hard to put into words just how much his dedication meant to her; what it meant to have somepony who could almost read your mind and be there to help you. And how rare it was to have somepony who knew and respected the sensual guidelines of looking but not touching.

Sitting in her room alone watching her sun set, she realized just how much she missed him terribly. Maybe it was the prospect of fighting that had scared him off, or maybe she had said or done something to offend him. But his request for an immediate weeks leave had been approved before she had even heard of it. The very fact that he hadn't come to her first with his request made his absence sting even more.

Hmph. Well, who needs him. Celestia sneeringly frowned, resisting the urge to polish off the rest of her drink in one go. But before she could think of anything else, a gentle knock came from the doors to her room. Celestia swallowed, placing her glass down aside on the table where her maps of the castle lay.

"What is it?"

"Your majesty? You have a...erm, several guests here to see you."

She turned to her windows, glancing somberly at her descending sun. "Visiting hours are long over, guardsman, and I would like to be well rested for tomorrow. Please tell whoever it is to come back--"

"Out of the way! We don't have time for your stupid stuffy security!" Celestia heard an all-too-familiar voice on the other side of her doors say, as well as the protesting of her guards who were probably being forced away. "Celestia! Open this door! NOW!"

"Discord!" Celestia shouted back. It was just what she needed; unending headaches, a tense briefing with her army commanders, a light drink before bed, and a visit from an irate god of chaos who was in the middle of a temper-tantrum. "How many times have I told you! Just because you can come and go doesn't mean--"

She froze in shock, taken back the mess of matted and dirty fur that was barging into her chambers. Despite their antagonistic history, Discord tried to prevent anypony to seeing him in any kind of disheveled or messy state. There was something - she had chalked it up to his ego - that compelled him to keep an impeccable degree of good hygiene despite the chaos he involved himself in. But the Discord entering her chambers looked as if someone had used him for a massive ragged dish cloth, and scrubbed every dirty surface of the castle with him before setting him loose her way.

"What--" She almost laughed, but caught herself after seeing the very unhappy look in his eyes. "You seem very upset Discord. What has happened to you?"

"We have a problem. You and me." He narrowed his eyes down at her, pointing a claw back and forth with his words. "So I brought in help to fix it. I hope for your sake that you will cooperate with us."

Celestia narrowed her eyes back at him, challenging his menacing glare. "Do not come into my chambers and take that tone with me, Discord. I have more than enough problems to deal with than whatever problem you dug yourself int--"

"Aunt Celly?"

"Princess Celestia?"

Celestia froze again, her eyes wide and meeting Discord's own that seemed amused at her shocked face.

"Your majesty," he bowed mockingly, "I present Princess Cadance of the Crystal Empire, and Princess Twilight Sparkle of...um...uh... Hey, what did--"

"Ponyville." Twilight grumbled.

Discord looked back at her. "Really? Just--"

"Yes. Shut up."

♪~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~♪

Chaotic Conspiracy

Why me...

Those were the only two thoughts on Princess Cadance mind, as she comforted her weeping aunt in her forearms. Three whole bottles of wine later (nine-tenths of which had been consumed by the solar monarch), Celestia had degraded into an emotional mess that continued to flop back and forth between her bed and her niece's arms. The night had started out as a perfectly normal one, but the more and more Celestia told of her side of the story the more she had begun to drink. It hadn't taken long for the alcohol to hit the elder alicorn's system, and so Cadance and Twilight found themselves in the care of an immortal Princess with a thousand years of emotional baggage to drop onto anypony in sight.

"Oh Cadance," Celestia bemoaned, rolling around on her bed. "Where did I go so wrong? Is it so wrong of me to love being adored by my subjects?"

"Of course not auntie," Cadance said, reaching her hoof out and stroking her aunt's mane where she lay. "But...everything in moderation, right? Maybe you should--"

"Send my sister to the moon?" Celestia's eyes lit up.

"No!" Cadance shouted quickly. "Not that! Anything but--"

"Maybe I should send the moon to my sister," Celestia giggled with a fiendish delight. "Yes, she would never see that coming. Although she might, since the moon is so big and everything. Hey, did you ever notice how small the moon is compared to my sun? Haha...just goes to show who got the real talent from our mother."

Cadance turned silently and looked over at Twilight pleadingly, begging her to trade places with her for a little. But the librarian-turned-goddess was searching around the room with her back turned to her, seemingly looking for something in particular. With her magic she was going through the various objects with her magic, carefully inspecting each thing she lifted.

"Twily, is something wrong?"

"Hmm... I'm not sure," Twilight answered cryptically. She opened a drawer in Celestia's vanity before shutting it closed with a small slam. "Does something seem off to you?"

Cadance gave Twilight a flat stare in return, pointing to the delirious monarch still being held up in her forelegs.

Twilight rolled her eyes in response. "I meant anything else."

Cadance took a few seconds to think, before pointing out the window of the bedroom. The sounds of fighting echoed lightly even through the closed windows, and a thick black smoke could be seen rising from somewhere in Canterlot as if something were on fire.

Twilight facehoofed before groaning.

"You know what I mean. I want to find out what caused this."

"I'll tell you the cause of this!" Celestia shouted suddenly, springing up from Cadance's arms. "That spoiled brat I once called a sister! She has no appreciation for the finer things in life!"

Sinking back down onto her bed like a deflated balloon, Celestia looked over at Twilight who was still searching about her room furiously. The youngest alicorn was opening shelves and drawers, sifting through their contents like a burglar searching for valuables to steal.

"Twilight, what are you doing?"

"Oh, nothing." Twilight said nonchalantly, still hunting around intent on finding something.

"...It doesn't look like nothing."

"It's nothing Princess, really." Twilight insisted. "I just feel like something...strange is around here."

"Heeey..." Celestia rolled right-side up. "You're not a spy for my sister, are you? ARE you?"

"A what?" Twilight looked back at her and shook her head. "No, of course not Princess. Don't be ridiculous."

"Well why won't you call me 'Celly' like I asked?" Celestia rolled over in her bed again, still looking at Twilight but now upside down. "Don't you love me anymore? Just because I can't order you as a princess, you won't do little things for me?"

Twilight groaned, starting to feel as if she were talking to a thousand year old filly. "Yes, Princess. You know I love and respect you. That's why I still look up to you as a princess."

"So why won't you call me by my name? You call my bratty little sister hers. And...and... Hey, why don't you visit Canterlot more? It's not fun around here without you breaking into the library in the middle of the night."

"I did that once!" Twilight defended. "And I had my reasons!"

"Oh, I don't care about that," Celestia said. "But it was so cute watching you sneak into the castle library with your pink friend and Spike. Sneaking along stealthily, and trying to avoid the patrols of my guards. Saaay, have you tried wearing that skintight catsuit for Flash...Flash... What was it? Flash Sandwich? No, Flash Singer? No, Flash...Sentry?"

"Flash Sentry?" Cadance repeated. She remembered the name and how it belonged to one of the orange coated castle guards in her kingdom. She looked at Twilight quizzically, but almost laughed at the completely flustered and shocked face Twilight was giving them both.

"We are NOT talking about that here!" Twilight shouted, turning away in embarrassment.

"Ahhh, how fast they grow up," Celestia sighed happily. "I remember the days before Discord became so wrapped up in himself. And I remember the days where your brother never had the courage to even give a valentine for Hearts and Hooves day to little Cadance here..."

"Oh auntie, stop it," Cadance said, nudging Celestia gently. "You are never too old for a loving relationship."

"Maybe so," Celestia murmured dreamily, but then frowned with a large scowl. "But not so long as my brat of a sister insists on causing trouble!"

"What did she do exactly?" Cadance asked. Celestia's explanation had started out sensible, explaining that the two elder alicorns were in a bit of a friendly competition with each other. But as time had gone on, the conversation had degraded into a ramble about flavors of cake, diplomatic issues, diamond dog alpha males, Discord's history, and even graffiti on the surface of the moon. None of it had made any sense, with the only link seeming to be that the elder alicorn blamed her younger sister for all of it.

"I'll tell you what she did," Celestia grumbled furiously. She looked around angrily, searching for a wine bottle that still had some of its contents left for her to drink. "She...she... She insulted the summer!"

Cadance and Twilight exchanged looks.

"She insulted a season?" Twilight asked with an eyebrow raised.

"Summer is NOT just a season!" Celestia shouted suddenly, blowing Cadance off of her bed with the Royal Canterlot Voice. "Summer is my BEST creation! It was I who brought balance to this world by creating the four seasons, and stabilizing the world for ALL life on it! My little BRAT of a sister whines about her night never being appreciated, but what did the stars ever do to bring peace and stability to the ENTIRE world!?"

With that said, Celestia flopped back down onto her bed and sighed.

"...I need more wine. Somepony bring me more to drink."

"Oh, of course!" Cadance shouted, getting up from the ground. "We'll both do just that! Come on Twily!"

"What? B-but Cadance!" Twilight protested, only to be lifted up and carried out of the room by her foalsitter's magic. She flailed in the air, still holding onto one of the empty wine bottles with her own magic. "I'm not done yet! Wait a sec--!"

Ignoring her protests, Cadance opened the double doors to her aunt's bedroom. Walking out as quickly (but calmly) as possible, she flashed Celestia with an uneasy smile. "We'll be back soon, so don't come looking for us! I promise! In fact, please stay right there in bed. Like you are. And don't drop the moon on Luna."

Not waiting for an answer, Cadance closed the doors shut and put Twilight down.

"Alright Twilight, what were you thinking?"

"Ooooh? Now you want to listen to me, huh?" Twilight said, rolling her eyes.

"Twily! Don't be like that," Cadance whispered in a hushed voice. "You saw how she was acting! If we said something wrong she could have taken it the wrong way, and then we would really be in trouble."

"Well, it's only a theory so far," Twilight said, as she and Cadance began to walk down to the cellars of the castle. "But I think we should try talking to Luna as well. I want to hear both sides of the story before we try anything."

"Ahem. Mares? I have a theory on the matter as well."

Both Cadance and Twilight stopped and looked around. They both turned at the same time, and saw that a nearby scenic painting of several ponies besides a lake included one mismatched draconequus in the group. Discord looked down at the two princesses from his painting, before snapping his claws and appearing before the two of them in a puff of smoke. He wore several fluffy pink towels all around his body including one wrapped around his head, all of which were soaked wet with water.

"I'd almost forgotten how wonderful the baths in the castle are. I haven't had to bathe like a mortal in hundreds of years." With another snap of his claws, the wet towels around him disappeared and his fur dried instantly. "Say, either of you haven't seen most of my powers lying around, have you?"

"Discord, we don't have time for your games." Twilight said, moving to walk around him.

"Oh, but I beg to differ." Walking alongside her very ordinarily, Discord kept pace with her, with Cadance following behind. "I wasn't joking, by the way. You two want to find out why sunny-butt and moon-butt are acting so silly, right?"

Twilight stopped suddenly, glaring up at him. "Did you do something to them!?" she accused.

Discord let out an indignant snort, crossing his mismatched arms. "Really, you insult my artistic taste. Do you still fear me as some sort of crazy mastermind who controls the universe? Do you think I would do something so cliche' and predictable?"

Twilight continued to glare up at him, but she had to admit that he was right. She would probably never understand the taste of an immortal god of chaos, but the one thing Discord constantly avoided were performing tricks that could be construed as predictable. She didn't doubt that even the most elaborate plans he could come up with would probably never satisfy him if there was the slightest risk of somepony understanding it.

"Mister Discord, could you please tell us what you are thinking?" Cadance asked politely, breaking the silent stare down.

"Hmph. Well, I see some princesses have some respect for their elders," Discord stuck his tongue out at Twilight. "To put it simply, I think that Celestia is stealing my thunder."

"Your thunder?" Twilight asked, clearly confused. "What does the weather have to do with this?"

"I don't mean it literally, you adorable little bookworm," Discord mocked, reaching out a hand to tug at her cheeks that was immediately slapped away. "What I mean, is that Celestia and Luna are drawing in the forces of chaos without knowing it. And because of that, they're acting a lot like...me! Haha!"

"What!? That's absurd! How could that even be possible!?" Twilight shouted. "Celestia and Luna would never experiment with chaos magic!"

"Very true, very true." Discord nodded in agreement. "But it may not be as simple as that. I doubt you know, because Celestia would never teach you, but chaos magic is something much more finite in the world. Flexible, but finite. Not at all like the natural magics ponies that use every day."

To demonstrate his point, Discord held out both of his arms and opened his palms. Twilight and Cadance watched as a small white light glowed in his left claws and a purple glow started to emit from his right paw. Slowly the light of the left claw was absorbing the purple glow in the right paw, changing its color to a more grayer tint.

"As much as it kills me to admit it, Celestia is a much stronger magnet for magical power than me. If she and her sister ever willed it, I would be hard pressed to fight them both for control over the chaos magic in our world." Discord rolled his eyes. "But since we all know what Celestia thinks of my beloved chaos, she would never even try having a little fun from time to time. Except for now, that is."

"Hold on, do you expect me to believe that Princess Celestia would try to use chaos magic to one-up Luna?" Twilight asked incredulously. "After hundreds of years of being against it?"

"Oh of course not," Discord nodded. "That would be ridiculous. That's why I think she doesn't know that she's doing it. I think somepony or some THING is feeding it to her in secret," he whispered, wiggling his digits around spookily for dramatic effect.

"Well...what do you think we should do to fix it?" Twilight asked hesitantly, still not believing him fully.

"Well..." Discord mimicked her hesitancy, before chuckling uneasily. "I have no idea. I've never had to deal with this before. No one has ever managed to use chaos magic without destroying themselves, excluding yours truly, haha! I might just have to man up and suck the chaos out of her through skin contact, if you know what I mean." He winked suggestively, waggling his eye brows as he did.

Twilight looked at him with a face of utter disgust. Letting out a groan, she walked past him brushing him off.

"Forget about him, Cadance. Let's go talk to Luna."

"Fine! Be like that!" Discord shouted after her, noting the apologetic look he at least got from Cadance. "I'll get my powers back without your help! Some princess you turned out to be!"

Sticking his snout in the air, Discord snapped his fingers and walked right into a wall he wanted to phase through.

♪~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~♪

Immortal Stalemate

Dairy Entry 0014...

I have been embroiled in mortal combat with my sister for over a week.

Our holy crusade to relieve our ponies of the heat of summer has stalled. Our servants and civil service members have been spared from choosing a side, but we have heard stories of families being torn apart. Brothers fighting brothers! Sisters fighting sisters! Lemonade versus limeade! Ice cream against frozen yogurt! Chocolate against vanilla!

The world we know is slowly being torn apart, but we will press on.

As per the agreed upon rules, the deadly stock arsenal of our guards and volunteers have been replaced less dangerous substitutes. Foes and allies are eliminated from combat when marked clearly by the opposing force's colors.

It is simplistic enough to work, but intricate enough to demonstrate our knowledge in the art of war.

Alas; we thought our prowess would eventually force our sister to sue for peace, but our complacency has allowed disaster to strike. Two days ago Tia's red forces occupied the royal kitchen, and we fear she will try to starve my loyal blue forces out. We have captured the royal beach room (much to the joy of my forces), but we have not made much progress elsewhere. The citizens of Canterlot have been more than generous in providing my troops with supplies and refreshments, but we fear such generosity will not last forever. Many ponies have no stance on the issue, and they see our fight for them as nothing but a nuisance.

We have considered many alternatives to ending the fighting, but we are unsure. We do not wish to add more kindling to the fire, as the saying goes. (We have considered using the remainder of our allowance to hire nine of the world's deadliest mercenaries, but we talked out of it by our trusted vizier. For now. The giant ice launcher and fly swatter will be considered later.)

If things continue, a mediator will have to be called in. Perhaps two, even.

We remain,

Princess Luna, Diarch of the Equestrian Empire.

♪~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~♪

Luna closed her diary with her magic, placing her writing quill aside as well. She looked outside the tent flaps of her makeshift command post, which had been erected in her older sister's desert. Outside she could hear her faithful guards enjoying themselves in her ocean, and it relaxed her mind to know that she was giving them a brief respite.

A week had passed since her humiliation at her older sister's hooves coinciding a declaration of war, and although the first few skirmishes had yielded results for both sides, the fighting had calmed down into a stalemate. Everything from beach-chair guard posts to flour-bag bunkers had been assembled in rooms and halls in the castle, sometimes with both sides sharing hallway intersections on opposite ends. Too far away to take shots at each other, but close enough for each side to make rude gestures.

But for all her progress, things were not looking good.

The simple fact was that Celestia rightfully owned the summer, and Equestrians had become used to centuries of intense heat. Just as her winters were filled with long cold nights, having long hot days in the summer had become customary. And there were complaints being filed from citizens in Canterlot protesting both sides, but Luna knew she would end up shouldering most of the blame for wanting to change the norm. In hindsight she should have known, since some ponies would and could complain about anything.

"Your Majesty?"

Turning her head toward her command tent's entrance, one of her many Night Guards saluted before walking inside.

"Yes, Rosette? What is it?" Luna asked, before turning her attention back to a map of the royal castle spread out over a table. The map had several red and blue flags dotting each room, so many that almost every room in the castle was occupied. "You have something to report, no doubt?"

"The patrol headed out to scout the defenses around the royal kitchen hasn't returned." There was a clear hesitancy in her voice, as Rosette walked over beside her and pointed to several blue flags on the map. "We've received no contact from them either, and our outposts around the kitchen aren't responding. I'm afraid that they may have been captured by the enemy."

"Impossible," Luna breathed. Her eyes washed over the map of the castle as Rosette went about replacing her blue flags with her Tia's red ones. It was clear that the symmetrically divided castle was slowly changing against her. "What's happened?" She demanded, and put her hoof down on the map with a thump. "We personally oversaw the fortification of the cupcake line yesterday. How were they taken so quickly by the enemy!?"

"I-I don't know, your majesty." Rosette stammered, taken back by Luna's sudden burst of anger. "The enemy... That is, the Day Guard's tactics have changed. They were acting reserved until this morning, but they're attacking in groups too large for our outposts to defend against!"

Luna muttered to herself, and bit her lower lip in frustration. Both the Day and Night Guard had been reduced in size compared to the conscripted legions in Equestria's early centuries, but it hadn't hit her just how dwarfed her Night Guard was in numbers compared to the Day Guard ranks. Operations at night had been reserved for her to command since her return, and it had been decided that a several hundred well-trained stallions and mares would be more suited for Equestria's needs. In the tight confines of the royal castle, the training and discipline of her Night Guard could be overwhelmed by the raw volume of Day Guard recruits brought into service after the royal wedding incident.

"Also... Your Majesty?"

"Yes?"

Rosette reached into her saddle bags, and pulled out a loose collection of dirty papers. "I have a report her from the southern halls. Apparently they've been attacked by Day Guard cadets, who are acting as diversions for the regulars."

"What?" Luna's eye widened in shock at the information. "Are you sure?"

"Yes ma'am." Rosette nodded. "The attacks were...particularly fierce, I recall the report saying."

"Why would--... Would you go this far?" Luna whispered to herself, still in shock. To think that Tia was sending mere colt and filly cadets to be living shields in waves for those behind them. The thought of such desperate tactics, even if it was just a game, horrified her. She let out a shutter, leaned her foreleg down on the map table and resting her head on it.

Rosette looked at the table at her work and grimaced, but recomposed herself quickly in fear of Luna noticing. A clear bulge of red flags had begun to enter into blue territory, with some replacing blue ones like a hemorrhaging wound spurting blood. Judging by the path of attack, it was clear that the red flags could split the blue flags in half if their push continued in such a stabbing thrust. Outside they could both hear the sounds of the guard playing on the beach and in the artificial sea, oblivious to what was happening elsewhere in the castle. She looked to her princess, who had closed her eyes in thought and was still mumbling to herself in broken thoughts.

Rosette cleared her throat, and Luna cracked an eye open to see her standing at attention.

"Your majesty, I request that we be given orders to launch and immediate counter-attack."

"Neigh." Luna said flatly, before closing her eye again. "We must working on creating another fortified line before Tia's forces organize for another attack. We must be better prepared this time for when she comes."

"Your majesty, please," Rosette tried again. "We must be strong in times such as these. Please give us the order to organize a counterattack to retake the castle's kitchen so we may prove ourselves on the field of battle!"

From the start both sides had upheld some kind of unspoken agreement that some locations in the castle would remain neutral. But without warning Tia had moved her forces to occupy the royal kitchen, and cut off supplies for her younger sister's side. After receiving the news, Luna had personally gone to see the construction and fortification of the cupcake line that surrounded the outer walls of the royal kitchen, possibly for a future operation to retake the royal kitchen for their own use. The purpose of the tour had been to assure her of the capability of her Night Guard, but in reality all it had done was bring out her fears about the superior material and stallion power of the Day Guard. After the royal kitchen had been occupied, engineers working for her older sister had gone to work creating a fortress around the royal kitchen. By comparison, the fortified outpost of her Night Guard that was supposed to lay siege to the kitchens was dwarfed shortly in every single way imaginable.

After a minute of silence, Luna finally spoke. "What do you think attacking the kitchen fortress would gain us?"

"I...ah," Rosette felt herself at a loss of words. Was her majesty being rhetorical, or did she want her answer? Sometimes she couldn't remember when her guard shift started, or when the barracks sleeping assignments had been changed, never mind strategizing for war.

"Your majesty," she bowed her head down to the ground, and held it there as she tried to gather her own thoughts on the matter. "It is the wish of any true soldier to be able to fight while honoring the beliefs he or she holds. With respect, your sister has stooped to tactics unfitting for a princess by occupying the royal kitchen and cutting off supplies to us. Please give us the order to launch a counterattack!"

"Don't be absurd," Luna said harshly, giving her a contemptuous glare that sent a chill to her spine. "We do not remember ever schooling you in such idealistic nonsense. Pointing out the wrongs of our older sister's underhoofed tactics will not win a fight!"

"Maybe I am a fool then," Rosette kept her head bowed. "But I must learn how not to remain as one by going out and fighting. You can't expect us to accept defeat without fighting, your majesty!"

Her own words had surprised herself more than Luna could have guessed, and in the seconds of silence that followed Rosette remained shocked at her own sudden burst of stubborn courage. Because of her military-related training, and the fact that she had been born into a family dedicated to serving Princess Luna, she has risen to the rank of corporal long before some of her seniors. Having always tried to avoid anything directly connected to the more violent aspects of her career, her promotion had hardly made her happy.

Although her companions were unaware of it, generations back her grandfathers had sided with Nightmare Moon and fought beside their princess weighing their loyalty over everything else. But as fate would have it, their own prejudices had blinded them from fulfilling their obligations to what was good for their princess, as opposed to simply following orders. Her father had always told her, "Your ancestors were real knights. They were great stallions and mares, who were willing to stand for how all races in Equestria deserve to be acknowledged for who they are. Their methods were far from perfect, but there is nopony in the universe who is perfect. Even Alicorns."

At that point, Rosette recalled how she would usually grow tired of the old story, and cut off her father saying, "We're living in a modern Equestria, father. We're just ordinary guards now..."

Thinking back now, she was slowly realizing that her fellow bat-ponies outside were the closest living things to being in the horseshoes of the soldiers that had fought in Equestria's only civil war a thousand years ago. To her silent horror, all of the unpleasant associations with her family and history were starting to shine through the uniform and armor she once donned as part of an event-less evening routine.

"Well? What would you have us command?" Luna asked, snapping Rosette out of her thoughts as she glanced past her and outside of the tent. Outside the Night Guard were still frolicking and playing about on the beach and sea like colts and fillies. "If you've a plan for us that is more than just words, do tell."

To her surprise, Rosette found the words to answer. "All plans start as thoughts and words, your majesty. It is the soldiers you command that will turn them into reality."

"...Hmph." Finding herself matched in a battle of wits, Luna frowned and walked to another table in her command tent. Reaching underneath it with her magic, she pulled out a set of scrolls and scanned the names written on them. "We do not remember Rosette, a mare who always tried to skip out on sword training, as a soldier who is eager for blood. What has changed in that head of yours since we last spoke?"

Rosette swallowed guiltily, with her long held suspicion answered about why she had never been punished for skipping out on the boring aspects of her basic training. Nothing short of royal intervention, apparently. Swords were for Griffons and other creatures with more dexterous manipulators on their arms. To her, it was stupid to try and stab an enemy with something clenched tightly in your jaws when you could just shoot them with a magic spell. Or use high-explosives. Or just plain old fire, in all of the amazing ways that had been developed to cast it.

"To be perfectly honest, your majesty," Rosette looked down at the ground, not caring any longer about putting up a brave facade in front of her princess. "I've always questioned what kind of a soldier I would turn out to be, since I felt the shadow of my ancestors casted over my family."

"You wish to prove yourself, and to put aside your doubts?" Luna unrolled another scroll and scanned its contents. She flipped it over and onto its blank backside, and magically reached for her writing quill that still laid near her diary. "Or is it something...more? Is this about your father?"

"If I may be so bold, I'd rather not talk about my family your majesty." Rosette shifted in place uneasily. "What I mean to say is... I think all of your guards wonder if there will be a time where we use our training in actual combat. Even if this is a giant game of some sort, I feel uneasy fighting other ponies like my life is on the line."

"Then... Are we to believe...that you are having a conflict of morals from raising your hoof in violence against your fellow guard? And you feel that going into combat will force you to resolve your fears?"

"I... Ah..." Hearing it said out loud and with no subtlety, Rosette feel ashamed. "Yes, I think so. That is correct, your majesty."

"Hmm, we believe we understand." Finishing her writing, Luna screwed the cap back over on her inkwell with her magic. She waved the parchment in her grasp lightly into the wind to try it, before rolling it up and tying a blue ribbon around its body. "We are sorry to disappoint you, but we will not send you into combat Rosette. If you believe that you will somehow overcome your fears from being forced to confront them, allow us to tell you personally that the world is not that simple."

"What!?" Rosette shouted. "B-but your majesty, you can't--! I NEED to--!"

"NO! NO BUTS!" Luna shouted back, with the sides of her tent reverberating the gale-force power of her voice. Sand under both of their hooves was kicked up into the air, covering important documents and maps in the tent. Outside every Night Guard playing or lazing about had heard the shout and had stopped whatever they had been doing (or in the case of the few sleeping, gone back to it). The beach room of the royal castle fell into a deathly silence, with the only sound in the room being the waves in the artificial sea lapping against the pool's side.

"An army is NOT about the needs of individual soldiers! We will not be responsible for sending ponies who have pledged their loyalty to us to their deaths twice! You WILL obey your princess, and have FAITH in her decisions like you ALWAYS have! Have we made ourselves clear!?"

"...Yes, your majesty." Rosette mumbled. Without saluting she turned herself around, and walked toward the command tent's exit with her tail tucked between her legs.

"Corporal Rosette!"

Jerked to a stop, Rosette saw the empty saddle bags mounted to her sides were wrapped in Luna's magic. After untying the straps that kept them closed, Luna slipped the large parchment scroll she had been writing on seconds ago into it.

"We want you to deliver this message to the outpost at the crayon line. And," Luna's voice held a clear edge in it, "do NOT fight if the Day Guard tries to confront you. You are a courier and a scout, Rosette. Do not forget this."

"Yes, your majesty." Rosette mumbled again, before closing her saddle bags securely on her own.

"...Rosette."

Stopping just short of the tent's exit, the young bat-mare turned and looked at her princess. To her shame, Luna's eyes reflected a sadness that pained her to look at them. A sadness she had taken countless oaths to never allow happen during her lifetime.

"Do not be in such a rush to grow up. Never go in haste to expose yourself to the problems of our world."

Unable to think of anything to say in return, for better or for worse, Rosette walked out of the tent and into her fellow guards.

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