Myself, Warcraft, Ponies, and Hell

by LorePoni

Rating: mature
Tags: Dark, Alternate Universe, Random, Crossover, Human
Length: 1289

Trollestia is bored. Original, right? She takes a human, a dimension hopping spell, a bag of popcorn, and enjoys the show.

Trollestia is bored. So very bored. So, she takes the only logical option and fucks with someone from another world. She chooses a random human, and sends him to a few worlds, focusing on three main ones, based on her mood, of course.

Main worlds included are the World of Warcraft (pun intended, feel free to punch me for it), our beloved world of Equestria (only, where Alicorn Twilight didn't happen), and my own rather fucked version of Equestria. I might toss a few more in here and there, but those will likely be short scenes.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2013-04-18 17:50:02 UTC

Chapter 1

Blah blah blah disclaimer blah, I own nothing in this story except myself, this applies to all current and future chapters, blah.

Trollestia sighed as she walked out onto her balcony, and stared into the setting sun, which was suspiciously shaped like a male horses genitals. Sighing again, she summoned a journal, and read through it. Eventually, about half way through, she grinned widely. Rushing inside, she ran to Luna's room, and opened the closet, where Luna cowered in a clown suit.

"Please... Please, no more!" Luna begged.

Beaming, Trollestia replied "I have good news, sister!"

"Please, not the brush! Anything but the brush!" Luna began to sob.

"Oh hush, it's not about you this time. I just wanted to say that I need you to run the castle for a little while, while I have some fun." Trollestia seemed to pop out of existence as she used a teleportation spell.

Luna remained cowering and sobbing for a good three minutes before her elder sister's words finally registered. "Me? Run the castle, while she's busy?" She paused, before smiling. "I'm free!" She paused again. "... for now." Smiling, Luna left her room and headed towards the Royal Court.

It started out a day like any other. Or, night, rather, as it was 3 in the morning. I stared at my computer screen, having lost track of time. If one looked at the screen at an angle, in the reflection they would see a white male with brown eyes and thick brown hair staring into the screen.

If they looked at the screen itself, however, they would see a logo with the words World of Warcraft: Mists of Pandaria. On the left, there would be three figures: a tall, dark, elven figure with a cowl and quiver, an armored elf with green eyes, a pony tail, and outrageously large eyebrows, and a werewolf figure with spiked shoulder pads. On the right would be an armored human (with an awesome, spiky pony tail), a shorter, stouter armored human with a large hammer and huge beard, and a gnome with techno-goggles, a wrench, and a shield. In the background lay a fictional map of a continent.  At the bottom of the screen was a blue bar, stuck at what one could call about 90%.

After 2 minutes, the bar finally filled, and the screen turned to one of a large room with three men behind podiums on a raised elevation. Behind the men were swords, boxes, books, and a variety of other items. Centered on the screen was a hunched, robed figure, with 4 clawed fingers instead of 5 normal fingers and very large shoulder pads. On his back was a large staff, the top of which was like a crooked parody of a sickle. Any further details, such as color, were gone, as the being was enveloped entirely in shadow, which also made him somewhat transparent.

At the bottom left of the screen, a pinkish-purple message came from a friend, who's player name was Alicion.

A: "You there! Your late for the raid, I had to ask the leader to wait for you. You're lucky you're the tank."

Re: "Oh, just tell him that I was visiting friends or something, I'm sure he'll understand. Oh, and it's you're*"

A: "Lol"

Re: "That's what I would say, if I had a life, if I was a tank, and if I actually got my ass up and raided."

A: "I would raid, but I'm too lazy -3-"

Re: "same. So, what's up with you? The usual of sitting in the Cathedral Square, waiting for a rp that will never happen?"

A: "Pretty much :p and I'm going to go to bed, I has stuff tomorrow"

Re: "All right, g'night."

A: "Night."

Alicion has gone offline.

I sighed. Another day of having nothing to do. I hit Shift+P on my keyboard, bringing up a panel with a variety of creatures listed on the left, a little icon of it to the left of each name; my pet journal. I queued for a pet battle with my Soul of the Aspects, a golden dragon with a serpent-like body  and tail to compliment it's tiny claws and wings, my Moonkin Hatchling, which was like a plump little humanoid bird, and my Restless Shadeling, a blackish-greyish ghost whose waist was connected to the ground. Named Warmth, Alamo, and Smiles, respectively.

I hovered my mouse over my minimap, where a green eye with a slitted pupil was looking left and right, blinking occasionally. Hovering over that eye, I read the average wait time: 10 seconds. Time in queue: 30 seconds. "Ten seconds my-" I was interrupted by an accept or decline message, which featured a baby raptor and a baby monkey, seemingly in combat. I smiled as I clicked the Accept button.

After what felt like years, but was really probably about 15 seconds, the scene finished loading. I looked at the background. Dark, broken down buildings, and lifeless. Deadwind Pass. I looked at the opponent's team.. and saw something that thoroughly confused me. Instead of an enemy team, or an enemy for that matter, there was an incredibly realistic horse head, colored like Celestia's head, complete with a little tiara and a flowing mane. It was a pretty disturbing, honestly. After about 5 seconds, I regained myself.

"Okay.. either I fell asleep and am drooling on my keyboard, the lack of sleep has finally caught up to me, or there's a Blizzard employee about to get fired. Eh, I'll just forfeit and leave." I moused over to an icon of a white flag, and clicked it.. and nothing happened. "Eh?" I clicked it again. The horse-head Celestia grinned, and let me tell you, a realistic Celestia horse head grinning is not too pleasant to look at.

I clicked a few more times, each time the thing would grin wider. Eventually, it spoke in a perfect Celestia imitation. "Having trouble there?"

"Yeah, I-" I stopped, my eyes widening as I realized that it had spoken to me. It grinned wider, to a point that I'm certain would be impossible for a horse, even if it was done by an external force.

The voice turned deep and grainy. "Here, let me help you out a bit." Three white beams shot down from the in-game sky and hit my battle pets, killing them all instantly, like some sort of hyper-Moonfire spell. I think my eye twitched. "Aww, you're still not free." It smiled sweetly, and not nearly as largely as it was before. Its voice went back to Celestia's. "Have you ever wanted to go to Equestria?"

A small box appeared on my screen, with three buttons, each stacked on top of each other. Among them were "Yes", "No", and "Holy hell what the fuck is happening". My heart rate increasing ever so slightly, I clicked the final option. Still smiling, the horse-Celestia-head spoke. "Good."

With that, my UI vanished, and the horse-head-Celestia grew in size until it was just the background and the head. The background music faded, the background noise of the street outside faded, and my ceiling fan light faded until all the visible light was coming from my monitor. Celestia-horse-head opened it's mouth wide, and I felt myself grow smaller until I was roughly a quarter of my original size.. I was pulled into the maw, through my screen, letting out a manly, high pitched scream as I wet myself in a manly way. If the hyper-realism in the maw wasn't enough, there was the whole being pulled into it thing.

As soon as I felt my feet enter the monitor, which felt strikingly similar to submersing yourself in warm water, everything went black.