Sweet Sugar Sassafras Sponge Socks!

by MeepyMeeper

Rating: everyone
Tags: Slice of Life, Comedy, Random
Length: 1458

My second inspiration from Zytharros the Great. The title says it all. Pinkie + Rarity + collab = disaster.

Book 1 of the Zytharros Trilogy.
Pinkie and Rarity decide to collaborate, resulting in hilarious disaster. Zytharros supplied the title design. :)

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2013-04-26 21:10:01 UTC

1 - In Which Rarity is Flustered

"Hey Rarity!! Boy, have I got a surprise for you!!!"

Rarity jumped as the door shot open so violently, it crashed loudly against the wall and almost flew off its hinges. An all-too-familiar pink mare boinged into Carousel Boutique with an unnaturally wide smile distorting her lower face as the door banged shut behind her. Oh no, thought the unicorn in exasperation. This can't be good.

Whenever Pinkie had a surprise, it never turned out as awesome as she thought it was going to be. For example, one time she decided on an especially hot summer day to take everypony to the beach. Two stiflingly roasting hours later, Rarity was borne home unconscious from heatstroke on Spike's back (he refused to let anyone else carry her, or even help!), poor Twilight Sparkle had a raging fever for two whole days, Applejack couldn't work for her all-over sunburn-to-rival-all-sunburns, and Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash's delicate wing feathers were damaged from laying on the hot sand. Only Pinkie wasn't affected. (Nopony knew why.)

Needless to say, they never went to the beach again that summer.

And there were countless other "surprises" that went terribly wrong - Rarity remembered them all in an instant, and couldn't suppress a nervous meep. What in Equestria could Pinkie have planned now?

"You're gonna LOVE this!" the pink pony cried, excitedly bouncing up and down beside her friend.

I hope so, thought the purple-maned mare apprehensively.

Pinkie stopped bouncing, which was odd of her, and leaned in reeeeally close to the white unicorn as though what she had to share was confidential and demanded the utmost secrecy. Her blue eyes narrowed with anticipation as she took a deep breath, putting her mouth up to Rarity's ear.

"I have an idea for a new design..." she whispered.

Rarity pulled back, her eyes wide, her mouth open. "WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY??" she squeaked.

Pinkie nodded, grinning widely. "Yup! I've got an idea I think you'll just adore!"

The fashionista groaned inwardly. "What is it, dear?"

The party-loving mare smiled. "Oh, it isn't much. It's just sweet sugar sassafras sponge socks."

Complete silence in the dress shop followed that announcement. At last, after about two full minutes, during which Pinkie gazed at her friend expectantly and Rarity couldn't find anything to say - anything at all! - she finally managed a response. It was probably the most common single-word answer in Equestria.

"What!?"

"Yeah! Sweet sugar sassafras sponge socks! That are actually edible!"

At this new claim, the mare with the dark blue eyes started. "EDIBLE??! Why, dear, how in Equestria are we supposed to do that?" But Pinkie interrupted her.

"And they're also orange. Wait." Her carnation-colored brow furrowed in confusion. "What is sassafras anyway?"

Rarity blinked. "Do you mean to say," she began hesitatingly, "that you came up with an idea you're not even sure about!?"

Pinkie seemed not to notice the other's voice getting a touch shrill at that last, or if she did, she pretended not to. "Yup!" she declared brightly, then turned and trotted towards the door. "Time to go ask Twilight what sassafras is!"

The pink pony had only been gone half a second before Rarity breathed, "Edible sweet sassafras...sponge...sugar socks???? That Pie will be the death of me..."

And then she fainted dead away.

2 - In Which Pinkie Finds Out What Sassafras Is

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK!

Twilight Sparkle started, raising her head from the book she was reading. "Who is it?"

"It's Pinkie!" came the voice on the other side of the door. "Can I come in?"

Twilight rose and went to the door, opening it before she got there with her magenta-colored magic. "What is it, Pinkie?"

"Oh, I was just wondering if you knew what sassafras was," replied the pink mare, smiling casually.

Hmm, thought Twilight. I wonder why she's asking that... But she cast her concern aside and said brightly, "I think I have a book about plants somewhere nearby!" Her horn glowed as she walked up to the shelf she thought the book was on and started pulling out titles.

"No...no...no...Aha! Here it is!" she exclaimed as she levitated a green book to hover in front of her, already open. The pages turned like mad until she finally stopped. "Here it is! Sassafras." Pinkie leaned forward eagerly as Twilight read the passage.

"Sassafras: a medium-sized de-cid-u-ous tree...hmm, wonder what that is...growing to 15–20 meters tall, with a trunk up to 60 cm diameter, and a crown with many slender branches. The bark on trunk of mature trees is thick, dark red-brown, and deeply furrowed. The branching is sympodial."

What? thought Pinkie.

"The shoots are bright yellow green at first with mucilaginous bark, turning reddish brown, and in two or three years begin to show shallow fissures. The leaves are alternate, green to yellow-green, ovate or obovate, 10–16 cm long and 5–10 cm broad with a short, slender, slightly grooved petiole. They come in three different shapes, all of which can be on the same branch; three-lobed leaves, unlobed elliptical leaves, and two-lobed leaves; rarely, there can be more than three lobes. In fall, they turn to shades of yellow, tinged with red."

Clearly Twilight was getting confused as well; but she forged ahead.

"The flowers are produced in loose, drooping, few-flowered racemes up to 5 cm long in early spring shortly before the leaves appear; they are yellow to greenish-yellow, with five or six tepals. It is usually dioecious, with male and female flowers on separate trees; male flowers have nine stamens, female flowers with six staminodes (aborted stamens) and a 2–3 mm style on a superior ovary. Pollination is by insects. The fruit is a dark blue-black drupe 1 cm long containing a single seed, borne on a red fleshy club-shaped pedicel 2 cm long; it is ripe in late summer, with the seeds dispersed by birds. The cotyledons thick and fleshy. All parts of the plant are aromatic and spicy. The roots are thick and fleshy, and frequently produce root sprouts which can develop into new trees."

Pinkie's eyes grew wider and wider and wider as the lecture-style description of the sassafras tree went on...but at this last, Twilight stopped reading and evidently it was over.

There was complete silence in the library.

Finally, Pinkie declared, "I have absolutely no idea what that just said."

"Me neither!" Twilight emphatically agreed. She went to the shelf again, leaving the book open on the table. "Hmm...plants...trees...is there another book?" she muttered to herself, again pulling out random titles that seemed like they were related to sassafras, then frustratedly shoving them back once she realized they weren't.

Meanwhile, Pinkie went over to the book whose confusing passage had just been read, and peered at it. Suddenly her face lit up. "Hey, Twilight! There's another little...thingy here!"

The lilac unicorn paused in her search, looking over at the pink mare. "What?"

"It says right here," said Pinkie, placing her hoof on the page, "underneath that crazy thing you read, that sassafras is either a deciduous North American tree  with aromatic leaves and bark whose leaves are infused to make tea, or an extract of the leaves or bark of this tree, used medicinally or in perfumery."

Twilight Sparkle stared at her friend. "Where was that?!"

"Right here!" Pinkie moved aside so the unicorn could join her.

There was a pause, and then a long, drawn-out "Ohhhhhhhhhh..." from Twilight. She looked somewhat embarrassed. "Sorry, Pinkie, for having you listen to that ridiculous description. I don't know how anypony could possibly be expected to understand that!"

Pinkie grinned. "Oh, that's all right. Now let's look up de...decid...decidulolus."

"Deciduous," corrected Twilight as she levitated a dictionary, or as she liked to call it, a lexicon, over to the table and opened it to the D section.

"Here it is. Decidious: A tree or plant whose leaves or petals fall off seasonally or after flowering, or whose fruit is shed when ripe."

Pinkie nodded. "Makes sense." Then she turned and headed for the door.

"Wait!" cried Twilight. "Where are you going?"

"To the Ponyville Market," responded the party-loving pony, pausing halfway through the doorway. "After all, in order to make sweet sugar sassafras sponge socks that are actually edible, one must have sassafras! And I intend to get it. Bye, Twilight," she added almost as an afterthought as the door shut behind her.

"Sweet...sugar...sassafras...sponge socks?? That are edible?! Where in Equestria did she get that idea?" wondered the bookworm as she stared at the closed door. Suddenly she had an irresistible urge to find out. Her saddlebag floated onto her back as she rushed out the door, yelling, "Pinkie! Wait up! I'm coming too!"