"To which we did respond, 'Sooth, sirrah, dost thou always work beneath a podium?'"

A polite ripple of laughter rolled around the booth as Princess Luna concluded her tale, though in truth, she seemed a little disappointed at the response. Nevertheless, she smiled at each of her companions in turn, reserving the broadest and warmest for the stallion at her side and the mare next to him. The latter seemed more interested in her drink than anything going on around her. The smile faded a little as the mare failed to give any response.

"Were you not amused, Professor Sparkle?"

Star Sparkle flipped a hoof at her mane, raised her pink face (slightly pinker than usual thanks to the alcohol) and stared at Luna for quite some time, holding the Princess's gaze with her own for nearly a full minute, until she belatedly remembered that alicorns had no need to blink.

"It seems a little contrived to me," she said, turning her eyes back to her glass.

"We – I assure you the events did occur exac–"

"Oh no, no I'm sure it all happened just as you said," Star replied, cutting off Luna with a wave of her hoof and prompting a scandalised gasp from another of her companions across the table. "I just thought it all seemed a little... silly."

Luna's eyebrows rose a fraction. "Silly."

"That's what I said, isn't it? You'd think someone who had spent thousands of years running an entire continent would have learned how to listen to other ponies occasionally–"

"Star," the stallion to her left rumbled.

"Yes, Lucent, my dear?"

Lucent lifted a hoof to Star's drink and gently pushed it away."I think perhaps you've had enough."

"Oh, I'm just getting started," Star shot back, grabbing the glass with both hooves and pulling it close to her chest. She glared at Lucent and then at Luna, daring them to contradict her. Neither did, likely afraid of the explosion that would result otherwise.

With the immediate threat to her drink neutralised, Star's gaze turned across the table to the rest of her herd, or at least those who had been able to show up. Glint was watching her like a gazelle would watch a sleeping lion, even as he nosed at the all-too-fancy cocktail in front of him. Twilight Velvet had her eyes closed and was shaking her head, and Crincile, sweet young Crincile, had suddenly found something very interesting on the far side of the crowded dance floor their booth faced.

Of course, she could have been staring at the two bulky guardsmares trying to blend in with the crowd, something they might have been able to achieve if not for their prominent bat wings and the fact that one was still wearing her helmet. One of the many dubious perks of being courted by a princess. Star found herself idly wondering whether a Thestral's wings were as entertaining as those of a pegasus. She pushed the thought aside. It was getting in the way of her anger.

"Star? Did you hear me?"

It was also getting in the way of her hearing. Star turned to Glint and glared at him, as if that would have an effect on the brainless – but that wasn't fair. Of course he simply grinned at Star, possibly proving her right.

"I said, ‘you've been out of sorts ever since you came back from your visit with Twiley.’" He toyed with his glass and a distant look came into his eyes. "I've rather missed all of them since the last time, especially that wonderful weather mare."

"You barely even talked to Rainbow Dash last time."

"Rainbow... no, the weather mare, Star. Rarity. Wasn't she an absolute stunner? Oh, she could pull off a wet mane without even trying! I was half inclined to call up Luvvie and get her on a shoot with me. The way she moved and talked, you'd almost think she was born to be on the catwalk, not chasing clouds around in some two-bit backwater... Star, are you alright?"

The glass between Star's hooves creaked ominously, her glare intensifying with every word Glint spoke. She pushed the drink aside before a tragic spillage occurred and placed both her hooves very carefully on the table. "Are you telling me that you've fallen for this nonsense as well?"

"Nonsense?" Glint laughed nervously and looked at the others, frowning. "What nonsense?"

"This insane idea that my Twilight would have any sort of inclination toward that stuck-up wannabe princess! It's bad enough that white-coated nitwit's deluded about it, poor Twilight was beside herself with worry when I was there, but you..." The table rattled as she pounded her hoof against it. All her herdmates were staring at her with no comprehension. "If this is some idea of a joke–"

"I have no idea what you're talking about," Glint shot back, turning to the others for support. By his side, Twilight Velvet raised a hoof to his shoulder and returned Star's glare with one of her own.

"I think Lucent's right, you've had enough. Rarity is a perfectly decent young mare." Velvet leaned her head against Glint's neck and nuzzled at his cheek. "There there, it's okay," she crooned, eyeing Star all the while. "You're just disappointed that your daughter didn't go chasing pegasi the way you do."

"She did seem rather cultured," Crincile added with a little smile of her own. "And she's one of the first unicorns to work in the Equestrian weather service! I think that's rather special, it shows we don't need to limit ourselves just because of who our ancestors might be."

"’Special’ isn't how I'd put it," Star muttered as she reached for her drink once again. She felt a warm breath against her ear and looked up at Lucent. "Luci, tell me you at least remember?"

"I remember that Rarity was a perfect gentlemare. And I remember that you kept staring at her rump."

"She wasn't the only one," Glint murmured, winking at Lucent and wiggling his eyebrows. Lucent rolled his eyes and sighed.

"You ponies are all crazy," Star muttered. She slammed back the remainder of her drink and shuffled out of the booth. "I'm going home."

"But milady Star..." Luna reached across the table and gave Star a pleading look. "I ordered a round of 'nachos' and they have yet to arrive! Wouldst thou not stay to partake of this treat?"

"Cheese gives me gas," Star muttered, before turning and plunging into the crowded dance floor. Of course she took the opportunity to brush against one of the guards as she went, just to satisfy her curiosity. They were surprisingly warm, those wings. Star gave the confused guard a wink as she passed, and was surprised to see a slight blush form on her cheek.

But her heart wasn't in it. Not really. Star threaded through the crowd and out into the relative peace and emptiness of the lobby. Free of the stares of her companions she sat down on the floor and rubbed both her eyes. Confusion and anger were battling beneath her chest; was this how Twilight had felt? She'd been holding up surprisingly well if that were the case, intimate dalliances aside.

Sighing, Star resumed her trek toward the cloakroom. The mare attending barely gave her a second glance as she retrieved Star's belongings; Star was briefly amused to note that the little idiot had to stop chewing her gum when she walked.

"Milady Sparkle, a moment please."

Star halted in the dimly lit foyer, halfway between the cloakroom and the exit with her scarf and cloak floating around her head. She looked over her shoulder at her interlocutor and rolled her eyes.

"I'll have to assume you did that creepy smoke thing to get through the door without me hearing you, Your Highness."

"We– I would prefer Luna, milady."

Star nodded slowly, knotting the scarf around her neck as she turned to face one half of the diarchy and her potential future herdmate. "I know this may seem indelicate, but no mare has referred to her courted lead as milady for nearly five hundred years."

"It is the custom to which we are accustomed, so to speak, but if you wish me to change–"

"Oh no no no, dear, I find it all very charming. At my age there's something to be said for a little bit of respect from another pony. Especially one as powerful and well-travelled as you."

"It is kind of you to say so, milady."

"Of course I can only take so much of that tripe before I want to kick down a door." With her scarf smoothed and secured Star let her cloak gently lower around her shoulders and then left it, ignoring the tassels and ties as she turned her full attention to Luna. "So. What does a princess of the realm want with a lowly mad professor such as myself?"

Luna hesitated for a moment, wings briefly flaring as she pawed at the ground until she finally spoke. "Reassurance."

Her voice was quiet, almost so quiet that Star didn't hear her, which was something of a first. The lunar princess was known far and wide as the loud and brash youth of the diarchy, though youth was more Cadence's thing these days. Star tilted her head back and grinned without mirth.

"If you're worried that I'll object to your courting–"

"Do not misunderstand us, milady Star. We find Lucent most pleasing and fearest thee not, nor thy ire. In that stead we wish to reassure thee; madness suffer thee not, nor the affliction of our sphere."

"Uh... could you step forward a few centuries?"

"Forgive us." Luna bowed her head and smiled just a little. "It is our habit to resort to such archaisms in times of stress. Your fears are unfounded, Star Sparkle. When we heard you speak of Twilight Sparkle and her herd we could not quite believe it were so: that you are aware of the truth that Rarity has taken the place of Rainbow Dash in the herd of your daughter."

Star looked up from fiddling with her cloak ties and frowned at Luna. So she wasn't alone. Interesting. "Is that so?"

"Myself, Princess Celestia, Twilight and her–" Luna paused and frowned, her lips moving slightly as she tried out a few words.

"It's just that much simpler to call him a stallion," Star cut in. She waited for Luna's smile and nod before going on. "Besides, Twilight made it clear how she feels about 'monkey-boy' and I haven't had time to think up another."

With the princess distracted for a moment, Star set back to work on her cloak, her thoughts briefly flittering to the earth pony who had tailored it for her. He'd sewn with his mouth, he remembered, using his tongue to put an odd little twist into the stitch that still gave her a peculiar feeling in the pit of her stomach whenever she looked at it. Maybe she should teach Lucent to stitch...

"Left over right or right over left," she muttered as she tried to tie the final knot. Her eyes strayed to Luna, who apparently found her trial of the toggles fascinating. "You know, I thought I was going crazy at first? I'm quite sure Twilight has. The question is, what are you two going to do about it?"

"I am not sure what might lead you to believe–"

"Oh don't play games with me, Your Highness." Star growled. She gave up on the cloak. It was tied well enough for her purposes and it wasn't as if she ever had a reputation for a neat appearance anyway. "I know I'm not a good mother, but even I can see this is tearing my daughter apart. I will not see her driven insane to satisfy another one of your sister's silly schemes."

For a moment it seemed as if Luna would simply turn away, which would have fit Star's expectations quite well. The younger diarch was something of an unknown, despite Lucent's long infatuation with her and Star couldn't help wondering if she was just Celestia Lite.

She didn't turn. Instead, Luna cracked a slight smile and bowed her head. "I understand your concern, Star Sparkle. My sister and I have disagreed over such things in the past."

"That explains a few things," Star muttered under her breath, but if Luna heard her she gave no indication. "So, again, what will you do about it? Because frankly if I have to put up with any more of this rubbish I may commit regrettable acts upon your sister's person."

"I would advise against it, lest you wish to visit the Mare Lubus," Luna demurred. She took a few steps, short for her, yet they brought her right around Star and close to her head again. With an affection Star found surprising Luna leaned forward and nuzzled at her ears and mane. "There may be a solution. We, my sister and I, have knowledge of the spell Twilight cast, particularly related to its first 'victims', for want of a better description."

"And you haven't just told her this? She's going– if this is Celestia playing her stupid games..."

"It is not," Luna replied, lifting her head suddenly from Star. She closed her eyes and shook her head. "I wish it were so. I would tell Twilight immediately had not Celestia chosen otherwise. If you wish, I shall speak to my sister on this matter and attempt to convince her to release the information, but I fear it shall be for naught. I too am aware of the great risk involved in letting any other know of it. Were it any other pony..."

She lowered her head again. Star let her, not wanting to risk anything that might change Luna's mind. Besides, she had a nice, if rather unusual scent with a faintly acrid undertone, like the smell of a match just struck. It was exotic and unusual, both of which Star would readily confess to being her weakness.

"Shall I assume you do not wish to return?"

The question was out of nowhere. Star pulled away from the princess and shook her head. "No. I need to go home and get myself good and drunk without blowing the entire family fortune on swanky cocktails."

"I believe I understand," Luna replied. "I shall convey your apologies. And I shall speak to Celestia on the morrow," she added quietly. Star nodded. After a silent moment they both smiled just a little awkwardly and turned away.

* * *

There was something to be said for being the head of a department devoted to the eternal study of the past. She could set her own hours, lecture on subjects she usually enjoyed and she could even pick some of the brighter students for some one-on-one study, though she'd had to cut back after that last very stern letter from the Dean's office. It wasn't if she'd done anything immoral.

Not more than once, anyway.

Unfortunately, there were downsides. She had to actually attend her lectures, unlike some of her colleagues who could fob them off to a teaching assistant. Worse still, she had to be sober when she did so lest the faculty take away her drinks cabinet again, a punishment far worse than any other they might have meted out.

To cap it all off, she wasn't allowed to simply toss students out her her classes for being stupid, much as she would have enjoyed it. With a sigh she turned to the body of students behind her – rather truncated now that the true imbeciles had been weeded out by the weight of required skill – and glared at a young mare in the middle of the crowd with her hoof raised.

"If this is going to be about the shape of Kuur inscriptions again–"

"No ma'am Professor Sparkle, uh, ma'am. It's about..." the mare rifled her papers, which at least meant she'd been taking notes, and lifted up a tattered sheet covered in crude copies of the illustrations Star had made the previous week. "You keep mentioning the Kuur as having controlled the weather over their major population areas to better manage their crops, but surely weather control was only introduced to the area when we arrived?"

"You mean ponies?" The mare nodded and smiled. Star didn't bother to return the favour. "Of course, the sort of weather control we're used to has always been the exclusive realm of the pegasi in Equestria, hasn't it."

The student nodded again, soaking up the implicit praise for being so very smart. Star smiled just a little.

"The Neighponese use a combination of pegasi and unicorn magic," the student added, gaining a couple of bonus points for knowledge. Star gave her a small nod. "The griffins only manage their weather enough to divert extreme events. And the Zebra..."

"They don't bother, as I found out on my first trip to Bokswana," Star replied with a slight smile.

"But your point was the Kuur."

"It– it was, yes," the student replied. She hesitated for a moment. "I don't see how they could have controlled the weather at all. They–" she bit her lip. "They were donkeys."

"And donkeys have no functional magic," Star supplied with a curt nod.

"They don't even have earth pony magic–"

"Not any more, no," Star cut in. She turned to the vast blackboard at her back, raising a piece of chalk to its surface, ready to start a new set of notes. "Have you ever heard of the concept of 'selective genocide?’"

Before the student could answer, there was a loud crash as the doors of the lecture hall flew open. As one, the student body turned to stare at the doorway, which filled briefly with a deep blue mist that solidified into the shape of Princess Luna. A flurry of gasps echoed around the hall, accompanied by a half-formed mutter about Nightmare Moon possibly being a better teacher than the current incumbent. Star decided to let that one slide.

"Greetings to all," the princess loudly declared. Her voice echoed around the now silent chamber. "Star Sparkle, we require thy attention forthwith!"

With a smile Star very slowly lowered the chalk that hovered by her head, before slowly setting about her notes. She stacked them once, then shuffled the papers and stacked them again before sauntering from the podium and toward the door, letting her hips swing provocatively all the way.

The confused whispering of her class when she pressed herself against Luna's side was music to Star's ears.

"Would you like to take this outside, Your Highness," she said, pitching her voice just loud enough to be heard across the room. "Or should we do it right here?"

Luna shifted on her hooves and glanced at the extremely attentive ranks of students. "The implications of your question are amusing without doubt, Star Sparkle, but we only wish to talk."

When the windows on the far side of the room ceased rattling, Star shook her head back and forth a few times. The princess had obviously tried to pitch her voice at a stage whisper, but equally obviously she was still having some trouble working out just where the volume control was. She rolled her eyes at the students and ushered Luna out into the corridor.

"I never get to have any fun around here any more," Star muttered as she pushed the door closed. Luna had made her way across to a notice board on the far side of the corridor and was carefully examining an outdated notice about a visit from Equestria's 'sole ruler.’ "I assume this is about our conversation the other night?"

Luna turned her head from the notice board. "Indeed, it is," she replied. She faced Star, but refused to meet her gaze head-on, preferring the sight of her delicately engraved shoes.

"Well?"

"My sister does not feel she can afford the risk," Luna replied. This time her voice was genuinely quiet, almost too quiet for Star to hear, though the ringing in her ears didn't help matters all that much.

"The risk? Did she spin that 'all of Equestria' bull pucky–"

"That Equestria is at risk from this information was never in doubt, Star Sparkle. We both–" Luna turned away, snorting and growling all at once, her hooves tramping on the cold stone floor. "It is information that threatens our very nature."

"That tells me plenty all by itself, 'Your Highness,’" Star grumbled. "Why don't you tell Twilight?"

Luna's head tilted back and she stared at the ceiling, an odd little smile playing across her lips. She rolled her eyes toward Star and raised an eyebrow. "Would you take that risk in my position? While it is extremely unlikely to come to that, I do not relish even the possibility of another exile to the moon. She is stubborn, she is not easily angered, but this..." Luna shook her head. "I cannot convince her. And I dare not take the issue into my own mouth. It would– it would not end well."

"Fine," Star grunted. She rifled through the memory of her spellcraft and settled on the old family favourite. "If you can't convince her, I will."

"Star, do not act in haste–" But before Luna could finish the thought, Star had disappeared in a flash of light. Luna tipped her head forward and nosed at the air where she had been, examining the spell she had used. It seemed rather more refined than Twilight's teleporting and certainly left none of the burn marks.

She was just preparing to leave when the air rippled and Star reappeared with a loud bang. The now rather haggard-looking professor tossed a book at Luna and winked at her, her horn glowed, preparing the next teleport spell. "If you wouldn't mind taking my class while I'm gone, we're on page ninety-six. "

"But–"

"Don't let Cookie Cooker distract you from the lecture. She's wily but she doesn't take mockery well."

"Star–"

"And don't erase the board, whatever you do!"

Star frowned for a moment. Then with a satisfied nod she disappeared again, leaving Luna gripping a book she had never read and facing a potentially very interesting afternoon. With great care she cracked open the book and peered at the indicated page.

"Pre-unification history? We know of this era like none alive this day! Let the education commence!"

* * *

If there was anything at all that Star would refuse to give up about herself, it was the ability to teleport. Few unicorns could do it reliably, fewer still could manage the feat over long distances. Teleportation – and magic in general – ran powerfully in her ancestors. The skill was as embedded in her blood as being an insufferable ass seemed to be buried in Velvet's.

The look on Luna's face as Star had tasked her with teaching her students had been fascinating. The look on the guard's face as Star abruptly appeared in front of him directly outside the great hall of Celestia's throne room was simply hilarious. He gawked at her, his eyes bulging and swiveling as he sought some form of assistance.

A moment later the terror was gone, the guard's knitted brow uncreasing like ironed cloth. The spear at his side flashed forward to rest its tip a mere inch from Star's chest and the guard leaned toward her, lowering his snout to appear more threatening.

"State your–" he squeaked. Then he cleared his throat and tried again. "State your business."

"Oh, I'm just here to browbeat Her Highness into granting me three wishes," Star replied, raising her snout and pushing the spear to one side. "Just like all those halfwits behind me." She glanced over her shoulder at the growing crowd of snoot and privilege milling around the room. "No offence, you understand, your nobleships."

They didn't reply, either out of shock at being so rudely treated or because they recognized her and didn't want another taste of her rock-blunt wit. Come to think of it, she'd had more than a few of them through her classes. Star rolled her eyes and turned her attention back to the guard, who was carefully trying to poke her with his spear without actually touching her.

"Are you going to let me in?"

"Ma'am, you can't just expect to teleport into the throne room unannounced–"

"Of course not, there are wards around it to prevent that." Star smiled at the guard. He shied back and bit his lip. "That's why I'm going to walk in."

And she walked past him, ignoring his half-hearted protests and the distant clatter of hooves as his compatriots stormed toward the room. Three minutes, that was probably all she had. At least for now. With a huff, Star kicked open the enormous doors of the throne room and stepped through. She spotted no other supplicants in the throne room, meaning that she’d managed to either catch the Princess in a break between her meetings with the various nobles… Or she had been expecting her just this moment. Star couldn’t decide which was more likely.

Brief memories of her prior visits to the palace flashed through Star's mind, the most potent being Twilight fast asleep in front of Celestia's throne with Smartypants clasped to her chest while Celestia carried on the business of the court around her. Everypony had remarked on how darling the image was, but all Star had been able to see was her child sleeping at the foot of her mistress' throne like some sort of pet. To say it had coloured her relationship with the monarch would be something of an understatement.

"Good morning, Star. A pleasure, as always."

It didn't help that she was so damn congenial all the time either.

"The pleasure is all yours, I'm sure."

To her credit, Celestia didn't pause for even a moment as she descended from her throne, though the smile had faded from her lips by the time she reached the foot of the dais. She glanced up at the guards now clattering through the doors, then raised her eyebrow at Star.

"I won't ask what you did to upset my guards. You may leave," Celestia added to the guards, her gaze turning to the commander at their head. He shuffled his forehooves and glared at Star, but then turned and dismissed his squad. With a bow he backed from the room and closed the doors.

Celestia circled Star and walked toward a low table by the far wall, where a pitcher of water and a few small glasses stood, shaded from the sun that fell through the stained glass windows opposite by a carefully placed standard.

"So. I assume you're responsible for Luna's little–"

"Yes, I am, no, I didn't threaten her, yes, I am here to change your mind. Can we skip the pleasantries and get to the point?"

Celestia's brow raised again. She poured a glass of water and raised it to her lips, then paused, frowned and lowered the glass again. "The point?"

"Twilight needs something and you're hiding it from her."

Celestia's eyes narrowed. She swirled the water in her glass and stared at it as she spoke. "You must surely be aware that there are some secrets that cannot be told, no matter the cost."

"I'm aware that I would never tell anyone how to find the secret stock of gin in my office," Star replied. She sidled over to the table and Celestia's side. Smiling just a little as she poured herself a glass of water, Star let her eyes wander over the brightly decorated walls of the throne room.

"The location of your drinks cabinet does not have the potential to plunge the entire world into a new age of darkness."

"Nor would keeping it hidden drive my daughter to madness," Star replied quietly, wandering across the room to the foot of Celestia's throne. She sat down on the step and glared at Celestia. "This isn't one of your games, Your Highness. Twilight's sanity is at stake and right now that's far more important than some hypothetical risk that she might get ratted and blather your silly little secrets to the newspapers!"

"I trust Twilight to reach the correct solution in time."

"Really." Star stood again, leaving her water on the step as she circled the dais. Her eyes wandered to the throne itself and for a moment she paused, smiling, before continuing her path. "If you trust her so much, why are you hiding the solution from her?"

"What information I choose to reveal to Twilight is not your concern, Star Sparkle," Celestia replied. Her wings flexed and eyes followed Star closely as she climbed the steps toward the celestial throne, but the princess made no move to stop her. "Who are you to tell me otherwise?"

Feeling a sudden heat in her belly, Star whirled to face Celestia, her eyes blazing. "I'm her mother, you manipulative, self-righteous... princess! I may not be the best parent, in fact, I know I've been a terrible one, but she is my only daughter. My own flesh and blood! Do you understand that? Can you understand? You sit up there with her licking your damned hooves for a few years and that makes you think you have the right to drive her insane?"

"That is not–"

"Did you ever think what would happen if she did lose her mind? Hmm? Or did you just decide to ignore the consequences of what you did to her when you gave her that stupid spell book?"

Star sat down right at the foot of the throne, raising her chin and gazing down on Celestia. "You're supposed to be the one who sets events in motion centuries before you need them. You, Princess, are supposed to be able to see problems coming decades before anypony even realizes what's going on, but you seem to have neglected that foresight of yours this time. Did you ever stop to consider what might happen if that dear daughter of mine did go truly insane? My dear, beloved daughter who is so powerful that she nearly blew Canterlot off the side of the mountain when she was a filly and could probably mind-bend the entire country into worshiping her dock if the mood took her? The filly who you fear so much that you've placed wards on your throne room specifically to block her magic?"

"If you're going to start throwing around conspiracy theories–"

"Oh please," Star growled. "I can see them as clear as day."

To demonstrate the point she let a flash of magic flow from her horn and spread around the room to reveal a filigree of delicate spellwork embedded in the walls. It pulsed with a lavender light before disappearing again.

"She wasn't the only magical prodigy in the family," Star said, lidding her eyes a little. She stared at Celestia and then tipped her head briefly to one side. "I just had more practical ambitions."

"Be that as it may..." Celestia's voice sounded steady as she replied, but there was an undercurrent, a very slight tremor. Her wings fluttered again. "We are not discussing a filly's private diary or a secret crush. The information you wish divulged has implications far beyond anything you could conceive. It is hidden because to reveal it would threaten the the stability of our entire world. It is a secret because it must be. I cannot reveal it. Not even to Twilight."

"So the secret stays secret, my daughter goes mad and the world ends anyway, is that it? And they say you're a benevolent ruler."

"I sincerely believe Twilight Sparkle shall find a solution long before there is any risk of your overblown fantasy becoming a reality," Celestia replied. She took a step toward Star, her wings flaring briefly. "This secret shall remain so. Forever."

"Your Highness, no matter how hard we may try to hide our secrets, there's a strange quality about them."

Star stood up and kicked out at the throne. A door popped open beneath her hoof, until then so perfectly hidden that even a detailed search wouldn't have revealed it, unless the searcher knew exactly what they were looking for. It swung wide as she pulled her hoof away. Star leaned in and extracted a small bottle and tumbler, pausing a moment to hmm at the extremely pricey label. She popped the cork and poured herself a drink, then turned to Celestia and raised the glass in a mocking toast.

"They tend to be found out."

The princess simply stared, her mouth forming a line so straight it could have been used to level concrete. She watched as Star took a taste of her drink, her lips smacking appreciatively at the very expensive liquor.

"Nothing can remain hidden forever, princess. Some enterprising pony will figure out your little secret one day. Come to think of it, the chances are high that it'll be my Twilight who does it."

Star levitated her now empty glass back to the secret cabinet and closed it carefully. Once sealed she could almost believe it had never been there in the first place. She took a few steps off of the dais until her head was level with Celestia's.

"And what do you think will happen when she discovers this great secret that could have helped her solve her current predicament?" Shaking her head, Star continued down the steps, passing Celestia without a backward glance as she headed to the door. "If she's not angry before that point, she certainly will be afterwards."

She was almost at the door when she heard Celestia's wings flutter again and the ring of golden shoes on stone. Celestia stood beside her, frowning, her eyes fixed not on Star but on the door itself. Her jaw clenched and unclenched, an uncharacteristic show of emotion from a pony who only ever seemed to smile.

"I built that cabinet three hundred years ago, by my own hoof," Celestia said quietly. She sat down on her haunches, a rare enough sight at the best of times. With her rear legs folded to one side and her wings flat against her body she seemed that much smaller. "I spent nearly a century designing it to be impossible to detect. How did you know?"

Star smiled and shrugged modestly. "Every office has one. This might be bigger and more gaudy than most, but it's still an office and you’ll still have those days when you're stuck in here late in the evening with nothing to do and a need for a good stiff drink." She looked over her shoulder at the throne and leaned toward Celestia, lowering her voice to a whisper. "Don't tell anyone, but my secret stash is hidden in my chair as well."

Celestia pursed her lips, nodding slowly. After a few moments she stood again, her body reverting back to its regal grace as she made her way back toward the throne. "I shall consider your advice, Star Sparkle."

"Is that so?"

Seated on her throne again, Celestia merely smiled and nodded. For a moment her eyes strayed down to the hidden compartment beneath her seat, before returning to rest on Star. The smile narrowed just a fraction along with Celestia's eyes, but before Star could process the change it was gone again. Star wanted to say something, maybe get in a final jab, but some part of her realised that it might be counterproductive. Instead she turned and pushed her way back into the outer court, not even taking the time to look back as the doors closed on the silent throne room.

Celestia did not call the guards back in, for she knew the conversation wasn't over. She moved up, and sat on her throne.

"Discord, come out."

"My, my," came the familiar voice. With a pop, a pair of mismatched eyes formed into existence next to her. "Getting a bit big-headed, are we?" With another pop, his infamous visage appeared, sans body – and massively larger than normal – with his eyes still their usual size. It was very off-putting to look at. "Reformed or no, you know you can't command me." Thankfully, while he spoke, there was a noise like a balloon inflating, restoring his eyes to large, but proportionally accurate size.

She looked at him, faintly amused. "It wasn't a command. It was... a request. Besides, I knew you were there."

He hmmmed. "Odd," he replied, a loud clicking and grinding noise sounding as the rest of his body slowly popped out of the bottom of his head, one section at a time, as if it was some sort of mechanism unfolding. "Am I becoming predictable?" he asked, his still massive form lounging about the throne room as he tapped his chin. "That doesn't sound like me." His visage shifted into the images of several other beings of a wide variety of species - including other draconequi, each with a different combination of animal parts, all still massive, and occupying most of the room.

"You wouldn't miss out a chance to watch one of my subjects give me a dressing-down," she replied, used to his antics by now. "Especially not one you arranged yourself."

"Moi?" he said, utterly failing to look innocent, whatever the halo levitating above his head implied. "Whatever could you be implying?"

She gazed evenly at him. "I believe I told you the exemptions should be myself, Luna, Twilight's herd, and–"

"–Anyone who could help Twilight Sparkle complete this task," Discord interrupted, taking her form to finish her quote for her. Celestia frowned at her yellow-eyed doppelgänger, whom responded by winking suggestively back at her. "Note the emphasis on the words 'Twilight Sparkle' there," said the purple now-unicorn, Discord fluidly shifting form to form as he spoke.

He was abruptly seated on a massive throne next to Celestia's, Twilight’s form slowly sliding back into Discord’s. The throne was strange, looking like it was made out of swords that had been melted together. "Nowhere in that request was there a rider about hiding your dirty laundry."

Suddenly, the Day Court was full of clotheslines -–countless copies of her crown jewels – her tiara, necklace, and golden horseshoes hung from them... as well as a certain coronation dress that she had commissioned, but didn't actually exist yet. "So I put the one person on the list who I knew would care, would be deeply motivated to act, to in some way to make up for her past mistake of being a quite frankly miserable parent, and on top of that, who I knew would have the Rocky Mountain Oysters to tell her God and Ruler what a foolish idiot she's being, for refusing to give her student all the information on the subject."

"But we don't know if this information could actually help Twilight–" Celestia started.

"–But we don't know if it won't, either," he finished. "See, while I didn't get to see the whole series of events – considering I had a seat in the ‘transformed to stone’ section..." he said, and he was abruptly carved out of stone, but still animate. He ate his entire drink, jaws stretching impossibly to fit it in, then crunching it in his stone jaws. "But from what little I did see, I know for a fact you have just as many skeletons in your closet from that time as Little Luna does." Nonexistent closet doors opened up all over the room, skeletons pouring out – she recognized ponies, griffons, Minotaurs, and dozens of others, including one that she assumed, based on its shape, was a human’s. She idly wondered if these were just random imaginary skeletons, or Discord-created duplicates of people she'd known throughout the ages. They became tangled up in the clotheslines, many taking amusing or inappropriate poses as they did.

"I get where you're coming from, Celly – you're afraid. You hide it behind your ‘I'm a thousand years old, the only emotions I have are faint amusement and mild disapproval’ thing, but we were archenemies when you were just coming out of fillyhood!" The skeletons suddenly shrank to child-size, the clotheslines retracting, causing the rather disturbing visual of child skeletons being dragged off through the doors, which vanished. "I know you too well to hide it from me."

Celestia looked at Discord oddly – one thing she'd learned from spending time with him 'peacefully' was that overtly reacting to his antics just encouraged him – and he did tend to clean up after himself, at least these days. "And with your incredible insight, what are you proposing I am afraid of?"

He casually gestured with his hand. "Oh, lots of things. But I think the biggest one is losing Twilight's respect."

Suddenly, they were surrounded by dozens of Twilights.

"You tricked me!"

"You weren't there when I needed you!"

"You hurt me and those I love!"

"You're the worst mentor ever!"

"I hate you!"

"You used me!"

"I was stupid to think you were on my side!"

"I never want to see you again!"

Celestia slammed a hoof against the ground, causing a deafening crack to echo through the room. She glared at Discord. "Stop it," she practically growled.

"Fine." He snapped a finger, and the Twilights disappeared with a pop. "Now that I've had time to watch you all... One of the things I find the most ironically hilarious is how terrified Twilight Sparkle is of losing your approval – when you're just as scared of the opposite. You just hide it better."

"It's not just her – what we've kept secret could lead all of the residents of Equestria to question our stability, and the legitimacy of our rule."

"Oh, it was that bad, was it? My, my, my." He paused, turning on her. "Let me offer this insight: It would be far worse for you if Twilight failed because you held back information than if you told her everything and she still failed. Because then you would have betrayed her. You gave her a dangerous task without telling her absolutely everything you knew about it. I know it's important that she figure it out herself – but if nothing else, telling her how others failed will at least prevent her from going down the wrong paths... and as for the rest – you trust her. Twilight Sparkle and her herd will keep this secret to their dying day. You know that."

There was a long silence as Celestia stared at the creature next to her, who had assumed a relaxed, slumped posture as he talked. "...Discord, why are you being so helpful?"

"I'd say out of the goodness of my heart, but I know there's no way I could keep a straight face. Simple: There's something in it for me."

"Fluttershy."

"Yes. Now–" With a snap of his fingers, he and the throne vanished, the Day Court returning to how it once was. "–go to your sister and tell her what you decided." His disembodied voice finished.

Celestia harrumphed, and stood. "You can't command me, either."

However, she left to do just that.

Author's Note

God bless Archonix. He wrote this for me a long while back. (Well... except for the tail end of this chapter... I have someone else to thank for that.)

A special explanation deserves to be given to all of you. Originally, this chapter you've all just finished reading was amounted to a sort of 'Scene 1' for the much larger chapter that is to follow.

But I got to thinking about Star Sparkle. Considering what sort of lady she is, her deeds here are huge. I decided to break off this segment into its own chapter because I felt our Star deserved a moment of distinction, a chance to shine for once... rather than have her be quickly overshadowed by all that is to come in the upcoming chapter.

A toast to you, Star Sparkle! May misfortune follow you the rest of your life, but never catch up, and may the grass on your road to hell grow long from lack of use!

Please stay tuned, everybody. We'll soon be taking a fateful dive into the past; you won't want to miss this.

Please support the Divided Rainbow TV Tropes page, and help keep it updated!

And I strongly encourage every true fan of this story to check out this Divided Rainbow spin-off: Into The Hedge, strongly approved by Yours Truly.

As well as Ends Of The Spectrum, by SpinelStride.