Purrbox the Cat, Wousey the Mouse, Ruffles the Dog, Cluckabell the Chicken, Tweetums the Parakeet and Mr. B the Beetle had all been replaced by new lab animals about a week ago. It was a mortifying and tragic business… but Twilight Sparkle couldn’t deny facts. Over the course of the past several weeks, she had cast so many different prototypes of her Swap Cure, that none of them were any good as test subjects.

All six of their minds were hopelessly intermingled, like a stew. While she had attempted to use the swap spells to ‘reset’ them after each experiment, she found that it was ultimately useless. Each swap left a little behind, even when ‘reset’ to the right animals. And the lack of a counterspell meant that now each individual animal had about an equal amount of the other five mixed with its own essence. Each new casting of a new spell just tightened the impossibly gnarled knot. So Twilight had written once again to her mentor, and Celestia had come through. The Princess had sent a special pony to collect the six Way-Too-Swapped animals and replaced them with fresher specimens.

At least, Rainbow Dash had never ever asked where Wousey, Purrbox, Mr. B, Tweetums, Cluckabell, and Ruffles now were. She wouldn’t have had an answer for Rainbow, though the princess had assured her that they’d be well taken care of. One small solace for Twilight was that these were still just animals.

If it had been ponies, or some other sapient race, she’d be no better than a mad scientist. After all, that’s what animal testing was for, to ensure sapients wouldn’t have to suffer for the advancement of science.

Now, she had Greeny the frog, Brownie the dog, Mew Mew the cat, Pinknose the ferret, Sterham the hamster, and Wiggles the rabbit. All six of the animals were fast asleep as Twilight let herself into Rarity’s cloud house. A whiteboard by the door marked where they now stood, Swap-wise, in red marker:

Prototype #0167 Experiment; Attempt #3
Animal → Behavior Of
Rabbit → Ferret
Frog → Dog
Dog → Hamster
Hamster → Cat
Cat → Rabbit
Ferret → Frog

Prototype #167 had been such a bust. Affected the vocal chords so that a perfect dog’s bark would emerge from the frog’s throat, and so forth with the rest. Fortunately, a quick recasting of the spell, two at a time, set the animals back where #166 had left them all, though perhaps at a slightly different pitch. Twilight levitated some hay fries out of the refrigerator and quickly heated them to a steamy deliciousness with a spell. It was time to try and make a hundred-and-sixty-eighth prototype Cure.

She sat at her desk and pulled a blank sheet of paper, a quill and inkwell, and her trusty rhyming dictionary closer with more telekinesis. Taking her first bite of a fry, she lay the blank sheet of paper over earlier prototypes she’d be filing away later today, and began jotting in the beginning portion of Starswirl’s spell, which she now knew as well as a nursery rhyme…

“From one to another,
Another to o…

A wing. That’d been the noise of a wing flap she’d just heard. There was a ferret, a frog, a dog, a cat, a rabbit, a hamster, and herself that had a rightful place in this house right now, and none of those things possessed wings. And she’d come here alone.

Perhaps some bird had flown in accidentally? Except that a bird would’ve probably kept flying all around the room, searching for a way back to the open sky, wouldn’t it? And that wing flap had been just that: one single flap, not repeated flapping. As though the owner of the wing had been putting up with an itch that just HAD to be shaken out. Twilight’s pegasus friends got them all the time.

‘Hello?” she called out. “Is anypony there?”

Her lab animals continued to sleep under the magic spell she had them under. Nothing else stirred within the house.

“Rainbow Dash?” she called out. “Fluttershy?”

Still nothing. But it hadn’t been some trick of her imagination! Twilight knew she’d heard something!

Her horn lit up with magic, and she lifted how couch up. Wasn’t anything there. But then she lifted a large stack of pet food boxes, she threw open a closet door…

...She turned too late at the faint sound of galloping hooves on the cloudy floor. A large-bodied somepony rammed into her from the side, and she fell on her side, the wind knocked out of her lungs. From where she lay down on the floor, she glimpsed a pegasus in a dark gray hoodie and long dark gray pants, which covered up most of his body. Despite her awkward angle, Twilight could also see his face was covered by a red bandana, and his wings and tail were brown.

The suddenness of it all left Twilight stunned. The home intruder, whoever he was, seemed to be shocked by his own actions.

“I didn’t… I just… just need to…” He said, the tone of his voice confused and apologetic.

And then before Twilight could think to put him in his place with another spell, he spun around and grabbed the stack of papers on her table with his mouth and bolted. At first, the papers seemed like such a random thing to take… the sort of thing a dazed pony might grab from her house when she had exactly half a minute to evacuate it.

But then she remembered what she’d had written on all those papers: several of the failed prototype Swap Cure spells!

And she let out a scream and she got to her hooves and chased after the pegasus, shooting stun spells from her horn. But the thief was too fast a galloper, and he made it out of her cloud house as though fleeing a bear. And once he was outside, he just took to the skies. Twilight kept firing her spells in desperation, but she could only chase the thief so far before she was standing at the edge of the cloud Rarity’s home rested upon. Conjuring a cloud platform might’ve been an option if Twilight weren’t so slow at piloting those things!

So the chase stopped there. Her heart pounding in her ears, Twilight dashed back inside to write to Princess Celestia to inform her what had happened..

* * *

Seven hours later, the police found the culprit inside an abandoned warehouse, out in a nearby town called Whickerton. They were able to identify the thief as one Brown Mulch, a landscaper with no previous criminal history. He was still dressed in the same grey hoodie and pants Twilight Sparkle had described, with the bandana just a few hooves away, on the floor.

The police placed him under arrest, but it soon became clear that there was no point interrogating him. Brown Mulch’s memory had been obliterated by a magic spell. In fact, this was how he’d been apprehended: He’d been wandering around, dazed and confused, uncertain of where he was… and who he was. Whoever cast the memory spell on him wanted to make sure no one found them. Reconstructing his memory with a memory spell would be possible, but with the sheer extent of the damage, it’d be months of treatments before they’d even have so much as a lead.

None of Twilight Sparkle’s stolen papers were found on Brown Mulch’s person, or anywhere in the warehouse he’d been discovered in. and there was no trace left of whoever had been in the warehouse with him, either, the scene wiped clean, possibly with a cleaning spell. As to who had robbed the former landscaper of his memory and Twilight Sparkle’s notes… outside of the fact that there was a unicorn who knew memory magic and possibly cleaning spells, there were no solid leads.

Though the police hastened to assure Miss Sparkle and Princess Celestia that investigations were still ongoing.

* * *

“...And that’s the reason why I had to take everything out of Rarity’s cloud house, and have it moved into an all-new laboratory,” Twilight told Fluttershy, two days later. The two friends were walking alongside each other, going from Sugarcube Corner towards Golden Oaks Library.

“Really?” asked Fluttershy.

“Yes,” But a few seconds later, she drew closer and whispered to her yellow friend, “Well… actually I wasn’t the one who did the moving. Celestia sent some… super-secret friends of hers to help do all the real heavy lifting, in the dead of night.”

“Sneeeaky,” said Fluttershy, and Twilight shushed her. Then Fluttershy looked up toward a cloud where some pegasi foals were playing around. “Twilight, would you excuse me for just two teeny minutes?”

And she flew up towards the foals. Twilight sat off to the side of the road and watched as Fluttershy first exchanged a few words with the young pegasi, then had some kind of pegasus game with them. A kind of mock aerial dogfight, where they circled round and round each other in the sky with much goodnatured giggling. But it was a quick game, and soon Fluttershy had said bye and was back on ground level with Twilight.

“Sorry about that,” she said, as they both began walking again. “I’m actually helping throw a birthday party for that white filly up there, and I’m also making her special birthday dress with Applejack, and I wanted to make sure of a few things.”

“Sure,” said Twilight, before lowering her voice again. “Say, Fluttershy? Something I’ve been noticing. Rarity likes to focus a lot on flying and even her unicorn spells tends to be very, well… ‘pegasus-y.’ And I remember Applejack… more than once she’s told me she regrets not being born with a horn.”

“I’ve heard that from her too a few times!” said Fluttershy.

“But you… you’ve got an earth pony’s cutie mark on you, and yet, you seem to really enjoy flying! I mean, you’re even more comfortable up in the air than your old self was!”

“I dunno! Guess the ol’ Pinkie Pie would’ve been right at home with a pair of wings! I mean, it’s in her blood, after all.” Fluttershy grinned.

“In… her blood?” Twilight gave Fluttershy a cock-eyed look that she usually reserved for Pinkie.

“Yeah! Granny Pie herself was a pegasus! I… I mean, Pinkie looked up to her and loved her lots… Always wanted to fly with her. The swap tells me it’s cause my wings weren’t strong enough when I was younger, but now… I realize it was ‘cause she couldn’t fly at all.” She paused, looking sad for a fraction of a second, before shaking it off with a cheerful grin. “Boy howdy, was my old self missing out on a lot!”

“I suppose so,” said Twilight, picturing the old curly-maned Pinkie Pie sprouting a pair of pink wings from her back, and zipping about like a firefly on caffeine. She shivered. “But maybe it was for the best.”

Fluttershy spread her wings, and for the rest of the journey, she flapped a foot above the ground all the way into Twilight’s home.

“So you moved your lab inside your house?” asked Fluttershy, when they stepped in.

“Not exactly,” said Twilight, leading her to stand before a certain wall.

“You know, I don’t recall this full-length mirror being here before,” Fluttershy commented. “But it looks pretty! Did you buy it re…”

“Who can take tomorrow,” Twilight Sparkle intoned, “dip it in a dream, separate the sorrow and collect up all the cream?”

Fluttershy went quiet as every light in the room suddenly turned blue. And the full-length mirror shone an unearthly glow all over Twilight Sparkle’s body.

“You have been identified as Twilight Sparkle, both in body and soul,” the mirror told her in an echoing voice. “Of sound mentality, untouched by any mind-altering magics or substances. And of reasonably even-tempered emotionality, as well. Welcome, Twilight Sparkle, what may I do for you?”

“I desire passage,” Twilight told the mirror. “For myself, and that of a single guest: Fluttershy.”

And Twilight nudged Fluttershy in front of the mirror. It scanned her as well, with the same glow.

“You are indeed Fluttershy, and you are not holding Twilight Sparkle under any form of duress.”

“You could’ve just asked,” Fluttershy said, feeling insulted.

“Princess Celestia is now being contacted. Please wait patiently.” A moment later, the mirror said, “Princess Celestia bestows her permission to Fluttershy. You are both free to pass through.”

And the mirror turned into an opaque bronze color. Twilight stepped through and Fluttershy followed after her.

* * *

They entered a laboratory packed with all the same equipment that Twilight had brought into Rarity’s cloud house, plus a few things more. Such as scientific instruments so advanced-looking, they probably qualified as state secrets, in and of themselves. Also, other equipment she remembered being in Twilight’s sub-basement lab when her Flutter sense… Er, Pinkie’s... Pinkie sense? was being tested.

“Did... Discord make this place?” Fluttershy had to ask Twilight.

“No. This isn’t one of Discord’s chaos zones. We’ve been transported over to a real location. We’re in S…” Twilight stopped herself from saying the place’s actual name. “We’re inside a top secret blacklisted underground government research facility.”

“Ooh! Ooh! D’ya wanna swear me to secrecy?” Fluttershy eagerly asked.

“Maybe just before we leave.” Twilight proposed.

“In the meantime, why don’t we get down to business?” said a little brownish bunny-shaped thing by Fluttershy’s forehoof. One with a miniature goat horn and deer antler on his head.

“Discord!” Fluttershy smiled. “So great to see you!”

The draconequus returned to his real height and shape and flashed a cheeky grin.

“Discord, here, paid a friendly visit to Rainbow Dash the other day,” Twilight explained. “I was there, and I got him to agree to come meet us here today.”

“Hold on,” Fluttershy said, looking between Twilight and Discord. “Let me guess… he’s the one who’s gonna hypnotize me?!”

Twilight looked slightly chagrined. “Well, originally, I was gonna do it to try and do it to you myself… read up five different books on hypnosis techniques, but then I saw Discord and figured, well, y’know…”

“...Why not leave it to a pro?” Discord finished for Twilight, now wearing a broad turban, with the rest of his body cloaked in wizardly cloth.

“Unless you wouldn’t feel comfortable,” said Twilight, remembering what a horrible experience it had been for her friends that earlier time, when they had all been enemies with the draconequus. When he had gazed into each of their eyes and warped their entire way of thinking…

“Are you kidding?” Fluttershy scoffed. “Discord’s as much a friend to me as you are, Twilight! Go ahead! Let’s do this!”

The draconequus bent and placed his hands on both of Fluttershy’s shoulders. His eyes closed, and with a flash, they reopened, a swirling kaleidoscope of colors, Fluttershy was drawn in by the oh so colorful and swirly colorful swirls. Oh, now her eyes were colorful swirls! How delightful!

Twilight found herself being drawn into the swirls, even from where she stood. Then she blinked, and shook her head, willing her out of her trance with a jolt. Right after, she felt Discord’s hand on her own shoulder.

“She’s all yours, maestro,” Discord said, and Twilight dared opening her eyes. “Pick your words carefully, though. She’s very suggestible in this state.”

And he went over to the animals’ cages, pulled out Mew Mew the cat and sat down in a chair, stroking the cat slowly while he watched the ponies.

Looking into Fluttershy’s eyes was like looking into a pair of kaleidoscopes. She just stood looking outward and grinning vacantly, with those eyes like a mystical rainbow vortex.

“Fluttershy? Can you hear me, Fluttershy?”

“Loooud and cleeear,” Fluttershy told her, in a sleepy, distant voice.

“We’re… we’re going to take a journey to the very bottom of your subconscious, Fluttershy. We’re gonna see what it looks like.”

“Sooounds fuuun,”

“I want you to picture your subconscious as the sky,” said Twilight, who was finding it weird to maintain eye contact with Fluttershy when she’d ceased to blink. “And right now, we’re at the very top of your subconsciousness, Fluttershy. The top of the sky. And now you’re spreading your wings and you’re flying downward. And I’m right next to you.”

“How are you flyyyying, Twiliiight?” Fluttershy inquired, in that airy dreamer’s voice. “Yooou don’t have wiiiings.”

Twilight thought about dismissing the point as being meaningless to explain, for a second, but then decided maintaining Fluttershy’s belief in the vision was more important. “I’m flying on one of those cloud platforms Rarity taught me to make.”

“Ohhh. Ohh-kaaay. Thaaat maaakes seeeense.”

Twilight continued to narrate their ‘descent,’ lower and lower, through several layers of clouds, just as her hypnosis books had said. Every so often, Twilight would ask Fluttershy “can you tell if we’re at ground level yet?” And the yellow pegasus would either shake her head or say no, and it would be back to describing the plunge of flying downward, and all the birds they were veering around, until...

“Oh. Oh myyyy.”

“What is it?”

“I can seeee sooomethiiiing…”

“What? What?”

“It’s briiiight… colorfullll… Getting closerrr…”

“Can you tell me what it is…?”

“Oooonne mommmenntt… Oh.”

“Fluttershy…?”

“Sorry, Twilight,” said Fluttershy. “We haven’t reached bottom. I can tellll. But we cannnn’t go annny further dowwwwn.”

“Why not?” asked Twilight Sparkle.

“Balloons.”

“Balloons?”

“Bahh-looooooooons,” said Fluttershy, eyes weaving all around the room. “Trillions of them. Maybe even squintillions.”

Glancing at Fluttershy’s flank, Twilight got a hunch. “These balloons wouldn’t happen to be the same color as the balloons on your cutie mark, are they?”

“Why, yessss. They arrrre.”

Shaking her head, Twilight said, “Let’s just push our way through the balloons.”

Fluttershy screwed up her face, as though in effort. “Erngh… the balloons are like a walllll.”

“Isn’t there any way to go around them?”

“They completely cover this whooooolllle part of the sky like… they’re like a…”

“Like the glass dome of a snow globe.” And suddenly, there stood Discord, by Twilight’s side, holding such a snow globe in his hands. Only instead of a snowflake flurry, it was all blue and yellow balloons, packed up against the glass, blocking out any sight of whatever lay underneath. Twilight shot him a look, but the draconequus just shrugged as though to say, ‘it was a lucky guess.’

“Can’t you just… pop the balloons?” she asked Fluttershy.

A longer pause; Fluttershy outright squeezed her eyes shut for the first time in a quarter of an hour.

“They’re unpoppable.” Her eyes opened. “Waaaaaaait… if I focus, I can hear something through the balloons. A voice.”

A chill coursed through Twilight’s veins. “Whose voice?”

“It sounds like… my own.”

The chill intensified. “What’s she saying?”

“I can’t make it ouuuuut,” the swapped pony said, sadly. “It sounds weeeeeeird. Garbled.”

Twilight tried many different approaches for the rest of that hour, but this was as far as she could get. There was simply no way around or through this impregnable dome of balloons, and no matter how much Fluttershy strained to listen, she could not make out anything the voice on the other side of the balloons was saying.

“Fluttershy, I think that’s enough. I think it’s time for you to return to full consciousness. We’re turning around. We’re flying back upward…”

Gradually, Fluttershy’s eyes lost their kaleidoscopic quality. She returned to her full self.

“What do you think it all means, Twilight?” she asked, and was the purple unicorn glad that her pegasus friend no longer sounded so drugged out.

“I don’t know,” the unicorn said. “I’ll have to think it over.”

“I know in my heart there was more to see further down there, past the balloons. Are you sure there isn’t more we could try?”

Twilight smiled kindly. “I think… I think that’s all I can think to do for today. Discord, Fluttershy, thank you both for coming.”

At that, Discord clapped his hands together, as if this were a cue for a surprise party. “Well! If that’s all over and done with… Fluttershy, my dear old friend? Remember that long weekend I promised to treat you to, back at that one place?”

Fluttershy gasped in delight. “You mean… we’re really gonna go do it?”

“Oh, yes!” Came the response. Horror and alarm rushed through Twilight as Discord brought out a giant sledgehammer.

“N-now, Discord…” Twilight spoke in a sweaty rush to the grinning draconequus. “T-there’s a lot of expensive equip…!”

SLAM! Twilight scampered behind a chair. Only, inside of hitting the thaumaturgic disgronifier or her brainwave scanner, Discord’s hammer stopped at a midway point. When he drew his sledgehammer back, Twilight was agog to see a large crack just hanging straight in midair. As though he’d struck an invisible brick wall.

Again and again, Discord swung his hammer with gusto, scattering metaphysical debris everywhere... until he had formed a hole big enough for himself to walk through. A hole in the very wall of reality, it looked like… a hole to another reality!

Twilight came around behind Discord for a better look, instantly wishing the hole was much larger. She could see… Pinkie Pie? And Lero? And… herself? The other Lero was holding a large knife, and her other self had a spell building up on her horn… it appeared they were fighting off some enemy, though Twilight couldn’t see who it was.

But the other Pinkie Pie of this parallel reality was the most extraordinary sight of all. Here, Pinkie wore the Rainbow-Thunderbolt cutie mark. Along with a set of aviator goggles which looked to have seen a lot of use.

“Twilight?!” exclaimed the other Pinkie Pie. Whatever fight Pinkie was now in the middle of… Discord’s hole in reality had seized her attention, along with the other Lero and Twilight’s!

“Pinkie Pie?!” Twilight exclaimed, just as stupidly.

“Don’t you worry, Miss Sparkle!” Discord said, now wearing sunglasses, a straw hat, and a tacky T-shirt with parrots and palm trees. “I promise I’ll have her back in this reality by Monday morning at the very latest! C’mon, Fluttershy! Arrivederci!”

“Arrivederci!” she echoed, trotting after Discord through the portal.

Once they had both crossed over into the alternate Equestria with its alternate Swap, Discord snapped his fingers. Twilight Sparkle watched the debris from his hammer strikes settle back into the wall of reality, resealing the breach seamlessly.

* * *

Months ago, Pinkie’s herd-sister, Twilight, had been assigned by Princess Celestia to fix up some kind of weird old spell, (a task Pinkie was sure she was still working on to this day… but she was getting ahead of herself!) Twi-Twi had wanted everypony out of the house while she tested this dangerous spell. So Pinkie had contacted her bosses at the Weather Bureau and gotten a few days off of work. Then she’d pulled out her ol’ gyrocopter and hooked up her ‘Lero seat’ securely to its tail end.

The ‘Lero seat’ was something Pinkie had custom-designed to fit Lero’s unusual, (yet thoroughly sexy) derriere and his hands. If he wanted, he could help her with the pedaling, but if he was tired, he could let her pedal for both of them. (Years ago, Lero had been iffy about this, saying it wouldn’t be fair for him to be “dead weight” on her when they were both airborne. Pinkie had pooh-poohed it all; reminding him that she had strong legs and a strong back that were both in very great shape!)

Then Pinkie had set her trusty aviator’s goggles over her eyes, and made sure her Lero had his own set strapped on, and they were up in the air, in the wonderful sky, and Lero had once again sung that sweet little Earth song about somepony named “Daisy” and “a bicycle built for two” which he always sang at least once every time they were on the gyrocopter together… but then the real trouble started when a suicidal flock of birds had slammed into the propellor right over Bramblewood Forest. And Lero had gone flying off his seat, and so had Pinkie, and she’d LOST her goggles and the gyrocopter had crashed into a rushing river and been carried out to the ocean…

...Pinkie would never forget what it’d been like, stumbling into that cave after days of searching and finding her sweet snuggle bear nearly dead, wrapped up in cocoon silk and being tortured by that big mean spider. She remembered feeling her poofy pink mane fall flat and straight against her shoulders, in pure horror and sadness. And then Pinkie’s flat mane promptly developed a pair of lightning-shaped kinks in itself as the rage took hold of her, and she had pulled out her megaton hammer and her samurai sword from the place where she kept them, and made short work of the seven-legged monster.

Pinkie would also never forget what it had been like bringing Lero home after he’d been hospitalized. He’d been so disoriented, so… confused about a lot of things! Not quite like his old self. An effect of the bad fall and so much spider venom, as Twi-Twi had explained to her. To be honest, losing the gyrocopter had had a downright freaky effect on Pinkie, herself!

Then, between one thing and another, Lero had been chasing after Rainbow Dash down on her apple farm. And even weirder… he’d gotten her to fall in love with him and join Herd Bellerophon! Or rather… Herd Bellerophon had joined the Apple Family. Both at the same time, really!

And now here was another thing to definitely not-forget: Discord and Fluttershy from a parallel dimension coming in through a magic portal thingy last night, crashing at Golden Oaks, then sitting down at the breakfast table with them this morning!

“So, Shy, lemme make sure Ah understand yew right,” Rainbow Dash drawled, from where she sat. “In yer… in yer, uh…”

“Home reality,” Discord supplied, from his own chair atop the ceiling, sipping tea that somehow didn’t fall out of his upside-down teacup and shower them all with tea.

“Right. In yer home reality, ya say that Pinkie’s the one who’s the farm girl on Sweet Apple Acres, ‘stead a’ me?”

“Thaaat’s right!” Fluttershy said.

Pinkie rolled her eyes a bit as her rainbow-maned herdsister gave her a smirky grin that just said it all.

“...I already help plenty with the crop dusting and getting my pegasus friends to bring top quality weather to Sweet Apple Acres, all the time! I even apple-buck and other stuff when you ask me too!”

“Aw, c’mon, cuddle puff, you know she’s only just teasing!” this world’s version of Lero said. And the human rubbed Pinkie’s shoulders and the side of her neck until she smiled. It didn’t take very long.

“Yeah. All o’ yew in this new herd of mine are blessings,” said Rainbow, looking around the table from Lero to Pinkie to Lyra, past Big Mac and Granny Smith, to Twilight, and to Spike, who was seated next to Apple Bloom. “Sides, what else would Ah do with mahself if yew took mah spot as head farm-girl here, Pinks?”

“You could do what ‘my’ Rainbow Dash did, and take up animal care!” Fluttershy proposed.

Several of the others around the table laughed as Rainbow Dash nearly choked on her mug of cider. Once she was breathing properly again, she said, “No offense ta yer Rainbow Dash, but… okay, certain critters Ah can git along with jest fine. Chickens. Pigs. Lil’ doggies like Winona.”

The dog, herself, looked up at the sound of her name. Rainbow reached down and pet her head with a forehoof.

“But there’s thangs like polecats and pelicans and flamingoes and beavers at that there cottage. How’m Ah supposed ta tend ta consarned beavers? So no thanks; best leave that kinda thang ta gals that really love all the world’s critters. Like mah world’s Rarity and yer world’s Dash.”

“Really, though, not even our world’s Dash is THAT crazy about taking care of ALL those animals, despite everything,” said Discord. “She’s just really good at it.”

Rainbow Dash the Farmer nodded her head, as though hearing sanity. Then Pinkie smelled the air, and announced, “Oooh! Breakfast is just about ready!”

The oven dinged just as she was leaving the dining room. A few moments later, she was coming back with her huge platter of breakfast muffins she’d baked, and her other huge platter of apple slices with different stuff to dip them in. Oh, it was lovely, watching all those mouths water!

“Pinkie, you’ve outdone yourself,” Lero said in mid-chew, and she kissed the pineapple muffin crumbs off his adorable lips.

Discord made noises of agreement; magically growing his own strawberry muffin to ten times its original size. Lero looked as though he were about to try thanking the draconequus again for saving them all from that monster they’d been fighting last night. Then he seemed to decide it wasn’t worth interrupting Discord’s tiny, yet loudly gluttonous bites.

Twi-Twi also answered a knock at the door, apologizing to whoever had come that the library wasn’t open to the public yet; could she come back in an hour?

“You know it’s weird seeing Golden Oaks Library moved way out here in the middle of Sweet Apple Acres,” Fluttershy commented, looking out the window at the acres of farm, just outside.

“Still weird for us, too,” Spike admitted, biting into an emerald-and-cranberry muffin.

“Eeeeyup,” Big Mac concurred.

Rainbow Dash shrugged, giving Lero’s shoulder a loving thump. “Once Herd B decided it was gonna join me, well… Ah would’ve loved to’ve move ALL mah farmland over ta where the library was, but… there’s just so gosh-darn MUCH of it… we agreed this way’d be easier.”

“Hey, Spike,” Fluttershy said. “Would you mind flexing your muscles for me?” Spike did so, and Fluttershy let out a little gasp. “Wow! You’re MUCH more muscular than the Spike from my world!”

It was even somewhat true!

Spike flexed his bicep again, looking happier. “Well, it just goes to show what a little farm work can do for you! Bet the ‘me’ from your world just works on the books, right? Bet he’s all scraggly, right?”

“Mm-hm!” Fluttershy said, turning to Lero. “So how did you and Rainbow Dash fall in love with each other, here?”

“It took a lot of hard work,” Lero admitted.

“And by ‘hard work,’ Uncle Lero means ‘farm chores!’” Apple Bloom piped up adorably.

Rainbow Dash refilled her cup of cider, and looked into it wistfully. “Ah dunno what it was. Ah didn’t see mahself ever fallin’ fer someone who weren’t a pony, but... Mr. Handy, here, jest comin’ back and comin’ back at a time where Ah needed extra help. Nevah tired, ahlways wit’ a smile on his face… And that… clicked with somethin’ deep inside me.”

“We’re all so proud of Lero!” Pinkie beamed. “I remember when he was nervous about me bringing Twilight into our herd, and now he’s gone and gotten a mare for himself, all on his very own!”

“What about you?” Fluttershy asked Pinkie Pie, eyeing her rainbow-thunderbolt mark again. “How’d you fall in love with Lero?”

Pinkie hugged her snuggle bear’s arm. “I’ve always loved Lero for the wonderful stallion he is. But we first started bonding over stories of the super-fantastic flying machines they have on Earth! Y’know, the human world? I mean, it’s not just blimps and gyrocopters with them; it just really grabbed my imagination! They have these things called ‘helicopters,’ which are kinda like gyrocopters, except the pilot is enclosed and you don’t need to pedal; they have this thing called a ‘motor’ which spins the propellers for you, at a rate faster than any pony could manage; even me! And there’s another flying machine called an ‘airplane.’ Hundreds of ponies can fit into these things and be flown across oceans into other countries, keeping them up in the air for hours… sometimes nearly an entire day! Isn’t that right, snuggle bear?”

“Swear it on my life, cuddle puff,” Lero assured her, running a hand through the back of her mane.

“Oh! And they have spaceships, like in our sci-fi films, but unlike our sci-fi, human spaceships have flown to the moon for real! Just picture that: a flight to the moon without one speck of magic! Flying the earth pony way!”

“Flying the earth pony way…” Granny Smith repeated, her head shaking in disapproval.

Most of the others at the table looked abashed, though Twilight glared at Granny Smith, her mouth tight, but she restrained her tongue. In the silence, Pinkie had to hide how hurt Granny’s comment left her. Just when the pink pony thought nothing else would happen before breakfast was over, Fluttershy came and let herself in through the front door. Which was to say Pinkie’s Fluttershy: the yellow pegasus native to this reality!

Both Fluttershys stared upon the other, and everypony else stared at both of them, with Discord chuckling from his ceiling. The visiting Fluttershy stepped out from where she’d been sitting, offering the homeworld Fluttershy a look at her flank.

“It’s like staring into a funhouse mirror,” whispered the local Fluttershy. “You really are from a parallel dimension, aren’t you?”

“Pretty much!” the visiting Fluttershy said, with a perky nod.

“Is Laughter your Element of Harmony?” asked the local Fluttershy, running a hoof along the other’s balloons.

“Yes, it is!”

“And yet… I’ve heard that you’re also a dressmaker for the Carousel Boutique. Just like me.”

Even if their cutie marks had been blocked from view, it would’ve been easy for anypony to tell these two apart. Fluttershy the Fashionista’s mane and tail were so much more stylized, plus she had applied a light bit of makeup. Her smile was also not quite as big and boisterous.

“It was a favor to a friend! But I’m good at dressmaking!” Fluttershy the Party Queen proudly told her other self. “AJ needed a little help with her Boutique, so I jumped in to help her!”

The fashionista smiled in an intrigued way. “Mind giving me a demonstration? Come over by my boutique and sew a dress for me?”

“Only if you agree to sew a dress for me too!” the visiting Fluttershy said.

* * *

Fluttershy the Fashionista liked animal motifs. They were present in just about every piece of apparel within her boutique. Skirts with foxes. Gowns with swans. Dresses with frogs. Blouses with otters. That sort of thing. But none of her designs were the least bit kitschy or chintzy, but elegant and highly refined. The best way Fluttershy could think to describe it was a ‘subtle silhouette’ effect; you had to be more or less looking for the animals, or the light had to be shining on them just right.

“So there I was, falling towards the earth, with no clouds to catch me,” the other Fluttershy was saying, “And then, moments before I would’ve hit the ground, my fall was broken by a clothesline.”

“A clothesline?” Fluttershy the Party Pony repeated.

Both Fluttershy and the fashionista version of her were working on sewing machines across from each other in the back room of the Carousel Boutique, sewing dresses for one another.

“Yeah,” said Fluttershy the Fashionista. “A lady’s clothesline. And wouldn’t you know it, this darling little white chiffon thing with glittery diamond-like sequins caught me like a safety net. I was just a filly at the time, so it was several sizes too big for me… but the moment I looked in a window and saw how fabulous I looked inside it, the course of my life was pretty much set. From that point on, I always wanted to look that glamorous. And I wanted to help other mares look glamorous too.”

The Fashionista Fluttershy paused in her sewing to smile at the diamonds on her flank.

“So now tell me,” she continued, with a skeptical look at the balloons on the Party Fluttershy’s flank, “How did you come to become a dressmaker, in your world?”

“Well...” Without mentioning the secret of the Swap, Fluttershy the Party Queen explained to her fashionista self about how Applejack owned the Boutique in her home Equestria, and the problems AJ had been having with her ‘Muse.’ Fluttershy the Fashionista kept switching back and forth between hilarity and dismay, but when she got to the part where she formed a partnership with Applejack, her fashionista self got off her sewing machine and gave her a hug.

“Can I ask something?” said Fluttershy the Party Queen. “Did any of you guys experience anything like that? Where your ‘muses’ went haywire on you?”

The fashionista thought it over. “Now that I think about it… Pinkie Pie was off her game for a little while a few months ago. Some of the others too. But not me! I’ve always been skilled at dressmaking, so I never experienced any sort of problem like that!”

Tricksy as The Swap was, Fluttershy the Party Queen felt good about taking her other self’s word on that. She, too, had the same skill after all, and it showed in the swanky party dress she finished for her seamstress self. She knew her own body language well enough to tell the other Fluttershy genuinely liked it! In turn, Fluttershy the Fashionista had made a perfectly beautiful dress of her own, with a tiger motif. A bit too elegant for the sort of parties Fluttershy usually preferred, but hey! She looked dang good in it!

After that, Fluttershy went and visited Applejack, and shared cupcakes with her and party tips and showed off the Fluttershy Foreswearing while getting to see her perform the Applejack Avowal. Then she went to see Rarity at the cottage by the edge of the Everfree Forest. It was weird seeing Rarity’s level of refinement in an animal caretaker; the effect was like a more sophisticated version of one of those ‘crazy cat ladies.’ Only with all animals, instead of just cats.

She wasn’t quite sure how Rarity managed to keep the cats still long enough to style their fur.

Then Fluttershy returned to Sweet Apple Acres, where she met up with Pinkie Pie, who asked if she wanted to go for a flight together… as casually as most other earth ponies would’ve asked to join her for a jog.

“Sure!” Fluttershy said, and Pinkie led her to a side building attached to the side of Golden Oaks Library. A wooden building that didn’t exist at all in Fluttershy’s home reality: Pinkie called it a ‘hangar.’ The pink pony unlocked it and pushed open its doors. All sorts of heavy-duty tools and spare mechanical parts lined the walls. There were also pictures; fanciful drawings Pinkie had drawn of herself and other earth ponies flying through the skies and the stars, and photographs of her with her Element Bearer friends and photos of her with the others in Herd Bellerophon, and one that was just her and Lero in the cloud house. Pinkie was on her hind legs, kissing Lero deeply, and Lero had written on this picture: I love you to the stars and back, Pinkie - Lero.

And in the center of the hangar sat the gyrocopter: the pride and joy of Pinkie Pie the Pilot.

Pinkie flew that machine like she was born for it. At times, it was almost challenging for Fluttershy to keep up with her.

“...So then I looked up, and I saw Rainbow Dash’s Sonic Rainboom shooting by, overhead. I had never felt joy like that before! But the thing was, when I was looking up on that day, and at that minute, I was really looking up for the first time! Which is to say: that was the moment I fell in love with the sky! The Rainboom had looked so happy and wonderful, flying through the air like that, and I wanted to feel that exact same happy wonderfulness! It took a lot of trial and error, and maybe a few booboos, bruises, and broken bones, but I was able to build my first flying working flying device; an oversized kite! Boy, you should’ve seen the look on Pa’s face when I announced that I wanted to move to Cloudsdale…”

But he’s MY Pa… Fluttershy had to stop herself from saying, as she dodged a cloud. Well, kinda. My real Pa is… is… he’s… dang it! I’d know the answer to this if only Pinkie Pie had asked me about my real parents before we got ourselves swapped!

Later, once her flight with Pinkie Pie was over, and Pinkie was wheeling her gyrocopter back into its hangar, Fluttershy found Twilight Sparkle in her kitchen. She made sure they were alone before beginning to speak.

“Twilight? I’ve got to come clean about something,” Fluttershy said, “Somewhere in existence, there may actually be a Fluttershy who was legitimately born to the Pie family and grew up on their rock farm, the way I told you. Don’t get me wrong, though; I wasn’t lying about having those memories. It’s just that they’re swapped memories. Because I’m a Swapped Pony.”

And Fluttershy sat down and told the purple unicorn her real story.

The Twilight Sparkle of this world had many of the same reactions as the Twilight Sparkle of her home world. Guilt, first. Tearful apologizing on behalf of what her other self had done. But Fluttershy knew just how to calm her down, and soon enough, Twilight was asking many of the familiar old questions about what it was like being a Swapped Pony, which Fluttershy was happy to answer.

“What’s your Swap been like for you?” she asked Twilight at the end.

Taking a breath, Twilight Sparkle went over, pulling back a window curtain with her magic. They could both see Pinkie Pie’s hangar from here.

“When Rainbow Dash’s cutie mark was swapped over to Pinkie… flying and flying machines became everything to Pinkie,” she began. “Pinkie ‘remembers’ losing her ‘original’ gyrocopter over Bramblewood Forest. According to her swapped memories, it fell into a rushing river, so it’s understandable why no one will ever be able to find it. But when she came home to find her hangar completely ‘gone,’ she nearly lost it, because the Swap couldn’t adequately explain away its absence. Spike, bless him, he ended up coming up with a good cover story. Claimed that he accidentally burned the hangar down due to him sneezing fire while cleaning it. Took Pinkie a long while to forgive him. She still won’t let him clean in there.”

Fluttershy felt bad for Spike. The little dragon couldn’t catch a break anywhere, could he?

“But even so, her new cutie mark really kept her frazzled, during those early days of the Swap.”

“Because she HAD to fly, right?” said Fluttershy, understanding all too well.

“Yes,” Twilight nodded. “But Lero really came through for her. Gave her a lot of airplane rides.”

Fluttershy gasped. “Lero has an airplane-thing here in this world?!” Fluttershy wasn’t even completely sure what an airplane was, but Pinkie Pie had made it out to be something just below a spaceship in terms of coolness and complexity.

Twilight laughed. “No, no, by ‘airplane rides,’ I mean he’d hold her front left hoof in his left hand, her rear left hoof in his right hand, and spin her around in circles. Or sometimes he’d just hold her high over his head and sprint for a good number of yards.”

“Oh, that sounds SO FUN!” Fluttershy exclaimed.

“Pinkie thought so too. She loved him for it. Loved him for a lot of things… him and all of us! It hurt her that Lero had 'memory troubles' after the spider. She wanted to ‘go back’ to uh… being, uh…”

“Frisky?” Fluttershy suggested, remembering how things were with Rarity the Weathermare. Twilight was looking awfully flushed.

“Yes. Being as frisky with him as they ‘always used to be,’ but she was happy to just hug him and stuff while his ‘memory was coming back.’”

Maybe it was going a bit far, but Fluttershy couldn’t help asking; “Did she get frisky with you and Lyra?”

“Ah… Uhm… Er…”Twilight’s hesitant hemming and hawing through her smile, told Fluttershy all she needed to know, so Fluttershy waved off the question.

“Forget about it.”

“Right. Eventually, all of us in Herd Bellerophon ended up getting together and building the hangar ourselves. Then, once the gyrocopter parts arrived in the mail, Pinkie put the gyrocopter together herself, and she’s been taking joyrides ever since.”

“What about Rainbow Dash?” asked Fluttershy.

“She didn’t have nearly as much problems becoming a farmer. She’s strong and fast, and that translated well enough to farmwork. In fact, if you don’t mind me saying so, considering all that you’ve told me about your Swap, Fluttershy, I’d say mine’s been going much easier than your own.”

They got back into the subject of Fluttershy’s Swap. It amazed Twilight that ‘Fluttershy’s Lero’ had sacrificed as much money as he had for Fluttershy’s equilibrium. When Twilight muttered ‘dodged a lightning bolt, there,’ she pretended not to hear. But all the talk made Fluttershy recall something else.

“Hey, Twilight? Has Honeydew been, um, more troublesome than usual?” she asked. “And does the word ‘Sicklefin’ have any meaning to you?”

“Honeydew?” The name came out in understandable distaste. “Can’t imagine why you’d want to bring her up, but she’s been her same mean old self. And as for ‘sicklefin,’ is that a kind of fish? Has Honeydew taken up fishing or something?”

“You really do have it easier here,” sighed Fluttershy, and she went on to tell Twilight Sparkle all about Lero’s kidnapping by the Sicklefins, and everything she’d heard about the fight in the quarry mill. Including the swapping of Honeydew and Exit Wound. Twilight was appalled.

“...But that’s not all. Somepony ended up spilling the beans about Honeydew and Exit’s swap to the public at large. Because of that, my Twilight had a thief break into her cloud house and snatch your notes on the Swap.”

“My notes?!” repeated Twilight, looking ready to be sick.

“Nowadays, my Twilight’s moved her lab over to this super-secret place that’s accessible only by a special magic mirror. You might want to consider doing that yourself, and, well… maybe your Honeydew’s still a bit saner than mine, but you might want to see whether she’s made any criminal connections.”

“I’ll do both those things, With the Swap, there’s no such thing as too many precautions.” Then Twilight hugged her again. “Thank you so much, Fluttershy, you probably saved me and my herd an awful lot of trouble!”

“You’re welcome!” She grinned. “I’m gonna go outside and check out Dash farming, okay?” Twilight nodded as Fluttershy then wandered outside to watch Rainbow Dash the Farmer clear an entire field by ping-ponging from apple tree to apple tree at high speed; her wings working as energetically as her legs. From a higher altitude, Fluttershy could see that her pinballing sometimes formed deliberate connect-the-dot shapes, of things like squirrels and horseshoes and figure eights out of rainbow trails.

“Whaddaya think?” Rainbow called up, as she finished one of Fluttershy’s own head, more visible in the rainbow contrails her flying had left behind.

“Oooh, I like it!” she called back, while Rainbow motioned for her to come down.

“Come sit a spell! Help yerself to an apple or two!”

Fluttershy took herself up on Rainbow’s offer, picking the most delicious-looking Red Delicious out of the nearest basket. “Mind telling me the story of how you got your cutie mark?” she asked the pegasus. “What made you want to be a farmer, Rainbow Dash?”

Rainbow took an extra-slow bite of her own apple, chewing thoughtfully. “Back when Ah’d done mah rainboom, Ah was doin’ it over Sweet Apple Acres. Mah rainboom was so powerful that all them apples fell off the trees into buckets, and they was rainbow-colored ta boot! When Ah saw them change, Ah felt so pleased with mahself, Ah went right to Granny Smith to ask if she could do it again. Well, Ah kept comin’ back and comin’ back, and one thang led ta’ another, ‘til Ah was adopted into the Apple Family!”

Fluttershy wished she’d brought a tape recorder with her, just to see what the friends from her home reality would make of these stories.

“Now Ah got a question fer yew,” said Rainbow. “Which mares has Lero hooked up with in yer Equestria? Pinkie Pie and who else?”

“Um… it’s Rarity, Twilight, Lyra, and Rainbow Dash. The Lero of my world has no romantic interest in Pinkie Pie at all.”

Rainbow frowned. “But… it’s Pinkie… and she’s the farmer there. Plus, didn’t ya say that Ah tend to the critters where yer from? Why’d he want anythang ta do with that?”

Fluttershy almost didn’t swallow the bite of apple in her mouth, wondering how to explain this to Rainbow Dash, or whether it was worth explaining at all. She didn’t want to hint anything about The Swap...

“The thing is, Rainbow Dash… Lero’s not the sort of stallion who sets his sights on nabbing himself a farmgirl or an animal caregiver, or a rich heiress, or anything else. Jobs don’t matter that much to him. In my world,” she said, thinking of Lero’s family situation both before and after the Swap, “and in this world… and I’m super-sure this is a pattern I’ll see repeated in all the other worlds Discord takes me to see as well…”

Rainbow the Farmer’s jaw dropped. “Me? Me and… not Pinkie?”

“...It’s you he always goes after, Rainbow Dash,” Fluttershy told her. “It’s YOU he absolutely has to have.”

Rainbow Dash stared back at Fluttershy long and hard. Struggling with her amazement. Then who should walk over, but Lero, himself, pulling along a ladder and some spare buckets on his own cart. About half of his buckets were full of apples.

“Hey, Dash,” he greeted, wiping sweat off his brow.

“Lero?” asked Rainbow Dash. “Hey… would ya… would ya like ta call it in early t’day?”

Lero studied her in surprise, before looking towards the sun. “Early? You sure? I’m making good time so far, I should be done with my bit long before suns…”

“Ah know,” she said, in a gentler voice, flying up just high enough to give him a long kiss. “The apples’ll be here tomorrow. We’ll pick up where we left off. Ah jest… been thinkin’ ‘bout how special ya are ta me, Lero. How ‘bout we take some time off fer ourselves? Jest this once?”

And soon enough, Rainbow had the amazed yet happy human climbing on her back, flying off high into the sky. Heading for home, with Lero’s cart left behind. It left Fluttershy with a very warm feeling inside.

“Hey, Fluttershy!” spoke a winged apple with a familiar voice and yellow eyeballs. “Ready to move on and see another Equestria?”

“Not just yet, Discord,” said Fluttershy, hearing the impatience in his voice. “Let’s give it another hour or two. We’ll say our goodbyes after dinner.”

“Aww, but it’s so much more fun to just up-and-leave, Doctor Who-style!” Discord pouted.

“Well, I don’t know who this Doctor you’re talking about is, but it sounds to me like he needs a lesson in how to be a good guest!”

Discord turned and looked back at the TARDIS he’d conjured just for this trip out, and let out a little sigh. He dismissed it with a snap of his fingers.

* * *

“...And in this version of Equestria, the young get swapped with the old,” said Discord, going through more slides in his slideshow. “Applejack with her sister, Apple Bloom, Rarity with Sweetie Belle, Pinkie Pie with Pumpkin Cake, Rainbow Dash with Scootaloo, and Spike with Twilight Sparkle.” The last slide in this set showed Spike with Twilight’s cutie mark. He was lowering the spell book he was reading to chat with Fluttershy and Lero, while Twilight organized the bookshelves in the background.

“Twilight and Spike,” repeated Celestia, flatly.

“They were touching one another when Twilight cast Starswirl’s spell,” Discord explained, clicking the clicker he held. “And in this Equestria, not only did it swap the Element Bearers around, it also transformed all of Ponyville into griffins; Spike and Lero included. For reasons they’re still struggling to figure out.”

Princess Luna frowned from where she sat. “This feels like an awful lot of other Equestrias you’ve shown us, Discord.”

“Griffinville’s the twenty-ninth one we saw!” said the draconequus.

“You had time to visit twenty-nine different places, in one long weekend?” asked Celestia.

Discord giggled. “Well, back on Friday, I did promise I’d return Fluttershy here on Monday morning. And here we are! Monday morning, and Fluttershy’s back, safe and sound and right on time to help Mr. and Mrs. Cake open Sugarcube Corner! But… well, time’s hardly a constant between dimensions, and you know how these sort of things go in time travel stories, right? Fluttershy and I must’ve been world-hopping for a month or two in ‘real time,’ (or whatever you’d call it,) before I brought her back here to this wonderful Monday!”

Celestia shut her eyes for a heavy sigh. “You’re incorrigible.”

“Corriging’s for losers,” said Discord. “Oh! One more I just GOT to show you two! In THIS Equestria, Fluttershy’s swapped into the role of Sun Princess,” Discord pressed his clicker. “Ponyville’s village idiot; a mailmare by the name of Derpy Hooves, is swapped into caring for her animals,”

“Discord!” Princess Celestia snapped, sounding genuinely angry.

“Er… What?” Discord replied, startled at the sudden shift in her mood.

“Mrs. Hooves is certainly not the ‘village idiot’ or anything of the kind, and I won’t tolerate you refering to my ponies as such.” Celestia said sternly.

Discord paused, and shrugged. “Fair enough. I’ll refrain for calling her the vill-” he caught himself. “...that. Shall I continue?”

“By all means.”

“Well, then, the piéce de résistance! You, Celestia…” He clicked the projector again, “You deliver the mail.”

This latest slide showed Celestia wearing a mailmare’s bag, with her huge body somehow lodged inside a now-busted mailbox, with her eyes going in two different directions. In a way, the absence of her crown was even weirder than the bubbles now on her flank.

“You can bet that world’s version of me has his Bewitchment on at full power!” He chuckled devilishly.

Princess Luna couldn’t help herself from snickering behind a wing. But Celestia… laughed aloud. Openly.

“Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha! Look at me! I look… I look… ah-ha-ha-ha-ha!”

Neither Discord nor Luna had expected glad laughter from Celestia at such a sight as this.

“Do you have any other pictures of me from that world?” asked Celestia.

“Um.” He replied cleverly. “Uh… yeah. Yeah, I do.” With another click of his clicker, the three of them were looking at a picture of the swapped Celestia, laying dizzily on the ground. A small filly was kissing the large bump on her head.

“That little gray filly kissing your booboo, there, is Derpy’s daughter, Dinky Hooves,” Discord said, a little awkwardly now.

Celestia gasped in delight. “Me with a sweet loving daughter? Oh, this is a wonderful world! And I must say, Fluttershy looks majestic, indeed, wearing all my royal attire!”

Discord ended the slideshow there; the projection screen vanishing away, and the room the three of them were in lighting up.

“While we’re on the subject of my Bewitchment,” he told the alicorn sisters, “There’s something I should warn you about. This whole Swap business has been going on far longer than any of us intended it to…”

“As if I need another reminder of that…” Celestia sighed.

“…As such,” Discord continued, “There’s a good possibility that my Bewitchment will start manifesting flaws.”

Luna looked at Discord, askance. “Flaws? Do you mean to say it’s weakening?”

“Weakening?!” Discord looked indignant and affronted and almost ready to punch the darker alicorn. “I would never, never EVER let the Bewitchment weaken! Fluttershy and all her friends depend on my Bewitchment to keep them out of the nuthouse! I’ll only end it if Twilight finds that Swap Cure, or if all the Element Bearers die off… but otherwise, it’s full power for the entire ride!”

“My apologies,” spoke Luna, “It was not my intention to imply…”

But Discord had already calmed himself down, and he waved away her apology. “Keep in mind that the Bewitchment is formed of my chaos magic. Originally, it was a disruption of an existing order; that of the Pre-Swap days. But now the dust has settled. Everypony’s grown comfortable in their new roles. A new norm has been established; and chaos doesn’t like norms. So, again, there’s a good chance that flaws might start manifesting. Plot holes. Conflicting stories. That sort of thing.”

“Couldn’t you…?”

“It’s just the way my magic works,” said Discord. “So if it starts acting out in unpredictable ways, you need to be prepared for that. I’ll try and do what I can to smooth out the rougher patches, but I can’t fix everything.”

“Can’t or won’t?” asked Luna, accusingly.

Discord smiled. “Tell me, Luna, have you ever tried to separate yourself from your magic?”

“What?” The Princess of the Moon asked, baffled at the question.

“I am chaos. My magic is chaos. There isn’t a distinction between ‘can’t’ and ‘won’t’ here, because it is how I am and as such, how my magic is. Oh, don’t get me wrong. The idea of hurting Fluttershy is abhorrent to me, but there is part of me that will delight in the chaos, regardless of how guilty getting a shred of pleasure from it makes me feel. But I meant what I said. I will do everything I can to prevent it from causing damage… but after long enough, I won’t be able to stop it, any more than you can stop your wings from cramping up after a months-long flight.”

“...I see.” Luna replied, looking contemplative.

“All this on top of Twilight getting her research notes stolen…” Celestia sighed out.

“Fear not,” Luna assured, nuzzling her elder sister’s side. “I’m sure our agents will get to the bottom of this before any further complications arise!”

* * *

“Nnnngghh…”

Soapy Floors spotted Zinc Sulfate beginning to stir. Soapy had thought that she’d shot her up with enough serum that she’d be out cold for hours longer. She considered injecting her with a fresh dose… but perhaps things would be neater this way, instead. More satisfying.

Soapy watched Zinc’s eyes flicker open from her distance. Watched the other unicorn mare try to thrash against the chains crisscrossing her body, pinning her flat against the floor. To shake the horn wrap off her horn. To take in what she could see of the basement she now found herself in, with its cinderblock walls, its bowed beams, and near-nonexistent lights.

Then Soapy Floors decided to step into Zinc Sulfate’s field of vision. Her smile was so smug that Zinc immediately recognized that Soapy had to be her captor, and she screamed and screamed many useless screams.

“You have a remarkable talent, Zinc Sulfate,” said Soapy, when the beige mare’s voice had died down a little.

“W-what?” Zinc asked, her screams stopping.

“You have a remarkable talent,” Soapy Floors said again. “You are a masterful chemist. The pride and joy of Premium Industrial Chemicals, Inc. You’re so brilliant in the laboratory, always cranking out useful new products. Such a remarkable talent. An enviable talent. A desirable talent.”

Zinc Sulfate’s cutie mark showed a test tube full of orange liquid. Soapy Floors eyed this with such open hunger, that the chemist instinctively hid it with her long fluffy tail.

“Who are you?!” Zinc asked.

“You don’t recognize me?” Soapy sniffed. “It is because I’m not wearing the blue jumpsuit, or would that have even mattered?”

Zinc peered at Soapy’s flank. “You’re… one of our janitors?”

“How ever did you guess?” answered Soapy Floor, whose own cutie mark showed a dripping mop. “Cleaning is such an… empty sort of ‘talent’ to have, wouldn’t you say?” she continued. “Kind of like having a ‘talent’ for licking stamps. Or reciting the alphabet. Or opening doors. Why, it doesn’t even require any real talent at all. Anypony can do it!”

“It… it’s… somepony has to do the cleaning,” Zinc Sulfate said, straining against the chains again. “No one else complains about it. They’re good at what they do, and they seem… happy?”

“Perhaps,” Soapy consented. “But what if I’m not happy? Why does it have to be me? There’s no great honor in janitor work! I made a bad decision when I was very young, and now I’m paying the price for it! But if I had the expertise you have...”

“S… so you what are you talking about?” asked Zinc Sulfate. “Do you want me to train you in chemistry?”

Soapy shook her head. “I know it took you years to reach the skill level you now have! Years I do not have! Hell, even worse, I won’t ever have the same… talent with it as you. But there is a way! A magic spell!”

And Soapy Floors levitated a piece of paper in front of her face.

“Once I cast this… it’ll all come naturally to me!” she crowed. “All your skills will be mine, Zinc! And I’ll be able to begin a new life in a new town!”

And she began reading the incantation which would swap the booby prize on her flank for Zinc Sulfate’s grand prize of a cutie mark. It’d be just like what’d happened between Honeydew and Exit Wound, only better! Because unlike those two, she wasn’t a psychotic criminal!

“From one to another,
Another to one…”

* * *

“And… so then what happened?” Rainbow Dash asked Applejack. The animal caretaker and her fashionista friend were having one of their monthly spa sessions together.

“Well, the newspaper said that that the crazed janitor-gal went and swapped cutie marks with the chemist mare!” Then, frowning, AJ looked backward. “Now why’d ya go ‘n’ stop fer, Lero?”

“S… sorry,” said the human.

Rainbow’s wonderful stallion had gotten his old job back, just a few days ago. She’d tagged along to watch Aloe and Lotus welcome him back to this spa with laughter and open arms. Lero had walked into the sisters’ hugs as though he had returned from a war.

“Yew okay there?”

“I’m fine! Really, I am!” And with that Lero returned to massaging Applejack’s back before she could eye him with any more concern, relaxing slightly as the orange pony sighed out a happy sigh.

“Go on, though, go on!” Rainbow Dash told Applejack. “What happened after their cutie mark swap?”

“Hm?” Applejack reopened her eyes. “Well, the janitor jest went plumb loco! Went inta the lab where the chemist worked, mixed a buncha weird chemicals in a bucket of floor polish, then heated it over a bunsen burner and blew up the lab! Four times over!”

“Did she…?” asked Lero, from behind her.

“Survived, but she’s in the hospital, ‘n’ won’t be gettin’ out anytime soon… oh, yeah, Lero, that’s the spot…”

“But what about the… oooh, wow… what about the chemist?” Rainbow Dash’s own masseur was Gerhard the Griffin. She never would’ve supposed that the needle-like sensation of bird talons could’ve been so pleasant. Maybe she should look into acupuncture.

“Sad business,” said Applejack, stretching herself out on her table. “Claims she don’t know nothin’ ‘bout chemistry no more, insists she’s jest a janitor. Wouldn’t take her old job back or nothing, but insists that Twilight’s spell failed completely, that she’s ‘always’ had the mop mark on her. She’s in psychiatric care.”

Rainbow Dash frowned.

“Applejack, when you say ‘Twilight’s spell,’ it’s not… well, okay, Twilight did design those spells, but she explained to me that they were rejects. They were never supposed to see the light of day, let alone be used on ponies!”

“Yer preachin’ ta the choir, Rainbow, darlin’. We both know Twilight ain’t never woulda wanted this ta happen. That consarned idjit what stole them bad spells from Twilight’s lab… that’s who Ah blame fer what happened ta the chemist ‘n’ the janitor and all them OTHER ponies who went and did cutie swaps on themselves, too… ohhh, Ah needed this…” said Applejack, melting further into his touch. “Say, Lero? How’s it feel, having your ol’ job at the spa back?”

“Terrific!” said Lero. “Everypony’s been really happy to see me back… my old customers, my old co-workers, Aloe and Lotus… and Gerhard, here, might be new, but he’s a great guy too!”

“I’ve been here months,” said Gerhard, in between a lovely kneading of Rainbow’s withers. “You’re the new guy now, Herr Human.”

He and Lero did a hoof… no, rather a fist-bump.

“Really is great settling back into the old routine,” said Lero, breathing in the incense-rich air. “Didn’t realize how much I missed the place. What about you, AJ? How’s it feel being back in the Carousel Boutique?”

“It’s funny,” said Applejack, while he got busy rubbing at her frogs. “There used to be a time where the Boutique felt like… like being at the bottom of a well. A well with slick walls that Ah was always tryin’ ta scramble up from. Now, though? Feels like comin’ home. The tent in the marketplace was nice fer what it was, but… it’s time. And Ah’m happier for it.”

Lero nodded, looking pleased. “How’s your partner been?”

AJ chuckled. “Fluttershy’s been a blessin’. Always creative in the RIGHT ways, and always bringin’ in more business. If it weren’t for all her partying, Ah’d have problems keepin’ up with her! Jest came back from a weekend getaway with Discord a little while ago… and I’m still tryin’ ta break her of this habit of checkin’ ponies’ cutie marks before speaking to their faces! Even, no, especially with ponies she already knows well! Ah mean, c’mon! What’s it gonna do, fly off onta somepony else?”

Lero gave a weak little laugh.

“Hey, Lero? Rainbow? While we’re on the subject, Ah’m gonna be participatin’ in another fashion show in Canterlot. Yew and our other friends and the rest a’ yer herd’re more’n welcome ta come along, if ya’ll want.”

Lero looked over at Rainbow Dash. “We’d have to check our availability, but I, for one would be VERY interested, seeing what the fashion bigwigs think of your new lineup!”

“So’m Ah… ohhh, yeah… THAT’S the spot. Lero, ya got yerself a new returnin’ customer, and that’s a fact!”

* * *

“Well, since we’re all here, let’s introduce ourselves!”

“My name’s Hefty Axe. I’ve always been a lumberjack, but then my beautiful marefriend showed me that cutting down trees is evil and destroys our precious environment.”

“My name is Ricotta Gnocchi. For my job, I cook Bitalian food at Il Favoloso Ristorante… but I’ve been doing that for far, far, far, far too long. It’s gotten to the point where I’m sick of the taste of my own food.”

“I’m Straight Flush. I gamble. I’ve always been great at the casinos… except that I also have a teenage daughter, see? Always kinda hero worshipped her mom. And one night, she got it into her head that she’d inherit the same skill at poker as her old lady, here. Turns out it didn’t work that way, so she’s in massive debt. So I’m kinda hoping this’ll give me a new lease on life, so I can show her a better way.”

“I’m… oh, what is this supposed to be, some touchy-feely group hug therapy shlock? I don’t need to tell anypony my name! The scuttlebutt is that you’ve got some way to change your cutie mark.”

“That’s right. I do. It’s right here, on this sheet of paper.”

“Is that… the magic that Sparkle mare used on Exit Wound and Honeydew?”

“Yes! It was a little poorly written, to be honest, but I’m an expert spellcaster, so I spruced up the incantation a bit. Now it’s guaranteed to give us each the cutie mark we really need so we could all lead really fulfilling lives!”

“Sweet!”

“Now, everypony line up, so I can cast it on all of you at once!”

“My life’s finally gonna improve! Finally!”

“From one to another,
From another to one…”

* * *

As promised, Applejack and Fluttershy treated all the adults of Herd Bellerophon and Pinkie Pie to a trip out to Canterlot, where they’d be promoting Carousel Boutique’s all-new lineup of clothes. The eight of them watched from front-row seats. The swanky music played. The spotlights shone on the supermodel they’d hired to mince up and down the catwalk in blue jeans and a T-shirt AJ had made.

The reception of their new line could best be summed up as ‘mixed-negative.’ Words like ‘plain,’ ‘stark,’ ‘austere,’ and ‘unembellished,’ were being thrown around by the other high-fashion ponies who attended.

“Ah dunno,” sighed Applejack at the cocktail lounge she brought all her friends to, once the fashion show was over.

“What don’t you know?” Fluttershy asked her business partner.

Applejack took a sip of her apple margarita. “It’s jest… comin’ ta this place now, ‘specially since ya’ll got mah head straight, Fluttershy, Ah dunno what it was that made me idolize these Canterlot ponies. Why Ah wanted ta be workin’ here, so badly for as long as Ah can recall.”

“Well, they’re stylish, and graceful... a real cut above…” Rarity defended, with a distant, unfixed look in her eyes. “That fashion show was... something else. I felt…”

But Pinkie Pie shook her head. “Heard ‘em sayin’ AJ’s duds was ‘simple’ and ‘unpretentious’ like those were bad things!”

Rarity didn’t answer her farmer friend. With an almost-nervous shiver in her flank, she wrapped both her arms around Lero and stole a kiss from him, which he was happy to return. That relaxed the weathermare.

“Ya really like ‘em?” Applejack asked Pinkie, really brightening for the first time since coming to Canterlot.

“Yeah!” said Pinkie, swigging down her root beer float shooter. “Those jeans really spoke ta me! Ah could see mahself wearing them! Not that Ah’m some fancy-schmancy fashion expert...”

“No, no, no!” said Applejack, who was liking the idea of a farm girl like Pinkie Pie wearing her threads. “It’s good to hear!”

“Maybe you ought to reconsider who you’re marketing these clothes to,” Twilight Sparkle suggested. “I don’t think these Canterlot ponies will appreciate what you have to offer the way other ponies would.”

“Yeah, yeah, yer right, Twilight…” Applejack agreed, looking thoughtfully at Pinkie Pie again. “It’s much more suited for a different crowd.”

“Say, um, girls? Do you think we’ll have time to see the Wonderbolts?” asked Rainbow Dash, shyly. “I heard they were having some kind of convention, and I was thinking…”

“Fire!” screamed a pony, suddenly galloping in through the door. “FIRE! Fire at Il Favoloso Ristorante! Quick!”

* * *

Lightning Dust was loving this Wonderbolts convention. Especially the fans. Lightning relished their well-deserved slavish adulation they were showing everything Wonderbolts; from the goggles to the actual flesh-and-blood stunt flyers. Even looking at their pathetic, flabby, out-of-shape bodies just made all those hours practicing her stunt flying all the more worthwhile. The thought of all the health problems they were going to have later in life never failed to bring a grin to Lightning’s face. Take this sad, overweight, dumpy dump in front of her now!

“You’re really a Wonderbolt?” the eight-year-old chubster was asking her.

Meadow Flower cleared her throat next to Lightning. “Well, we’re just cadets in the Academy right now…”

“...And wimp-talk like that is why she’s always gonna be wingpony while Yours Truly is gonna be the next Spitfire,” Lightning cut in. “I know it, she knows it, heck, even Spitfire knows it!”

The little chubster chuckled. “You’re kinda cool!” And she brought out a picture of the most recent roster of the Wonderbolts. “Could you…?”

“Say no more!” And Lightning Dust dipped her forehoof in fresh ink and brought it down on the picture. The monogramming on her hoofprint showed beautifully and unsmudged in the ink: LD.

Meadow Flower gave her a slightly timid, cowed look as the chubby filly flew off. Lightning remembered the first time she’d seen this look; right after the two of them had made that tornado when she was just starting out in the Academy as a Wonderbolts cadet. Mostly, the tornado had been Lightning Dust, not Meadow. Spitfire had recognized that, right off the bat: “A bit excessive for cloudbusting, but judging from your time, it was obviously an effective tactic,” those had been her words.

Not that Meadow Flower had raised a peep about Lightning nabbing all the credit for that wonderful stunt. None of those other weak second-raters Spitfire also taught, either. By this point, all knew who Spitfire’s ace cadet was: Lightning Dust! Lightning was right where she needed to be at this point in time; standing next to Spitfire. Her apprentice in all but name.

It was kinda ironic. Fifteen-ish years ago, Lightning Dust had been merciless on all those brownnosing teacher’s pets, back in elementary school. Made them wish they’d never been born. And look at her now, kissing up to ol’ Orange-’n’-Yellow! Ah, but Spitfire and all the other Wonderbolts were the only ones worth turning herself into a pet for. It was only temporary, anyway. At the rate Lightning was climbing the ladder, she’d be on equal standing with Spitfire, Soarin’, and all the rest within a year, tops.

Lightning Dust gave a considering look at her own inky horseshoe. The monogramming still looked gorgeous as ever… yet now Lightning was sorry she hadn’t paid extra to have her whole name spelled out. Somewhere in the world, there were other ponies with ‘LD’ as their initials. Some of them might even her classmates! She barely knew any of those chumps’ names…

“All Wonderbolts!” barked the voice of ol’ Orange-’n’-Yellow herself. Lightning got from behind her booth and stood front and center, wowing the crowd with her speed! Meadow Flower, as always, made Lightning look a little better by being slightly slower. Same as the other cadets.

“There’s been an incident, and they need the Wonderbolts to assist,” explained Spitfire. “Move out!”

Along with clicking cameras, Lightning Dust heard murmurs from the convention fans, wondering if this was some sort of surprise stunt show. Too bad they didn’t know Spitfire like Lightning did! They all flew out, following Spitfire; both her fellow Wonderbolts, and cadets like Lightning.

“Here’s the situation,” Spitfire explained, when they were up in the sky. “Apparently, some madpony went into a Bitalian restaurant, locked all the customers inside, and began setting fire to the place. Our mission is to go in and help rescue survivors.”

“I think I see the restaurant!” somepony called out.

Lightning Dust could see it too; a fancy-looking building with torrents of smoke pouring out many of the windows. A team of weatherponies were flying around, gathering stormclouds to contain the blaze… and was it Lighting’s imagination, or was that a unicorn, up among all the pegasi?

Once they were closer, it turned out it wasn’t imagination at all; a white unicorn mare, on a cloud of her own. What a weirdo! On ground level, Lightning Dust could also see more normal unicorn firefighters, blasting flame-snuffing spells at the flames, while the earth pony firefighters had some kind of wheeled contraption with an enormous water tank and hose.

First, they landed in front of the unicorn firefighters. A brown mare came forward and began casting fireproof spells upon them, one by one, so it would be safe for them to enter the building. And Lightning flew in, like the heroine she was! Smoke and fire was just about everywhere; thank goodness that unicorn’s spell helped her breathe in all this and see clearly!

Lightning Dust looked through the smoke, and spotted this helpless old earth pony biddy hacking and wheezing by a blackened potted plant. With great awesomeness, Lightning grabbed the old lady and flew her out the high window! The crowds cheered and stomped their hooves and their cameras flashed at the heroic sight of her. Flush with pride, Lightning circled around them all, holding the old mare up high, as though she were a medal! She circled around them all, again in again, in a series of victory laps!

“What are you doing?”

Lightning stopped circling around the burning restaurant. A blue-coated mare with a rainbow-colored mane and tail, was now flying in front of her, looking at her as though pussywillows were sprouting from her ears.

The sight of this mare sparked a sudden, powerful feeling within Lightning Dust. Was it the unique color of her mane? Her fit figure? The way she was about the same age as Lightning, herself?

Lightning Dust hated this other mare. Hatred at first sight.

“My job, duh!” She finally answered the rainbow-tailed twit.

It was a completely irrational thing, this hatred. Nonetheless, Lightning Dust hated this other mare as though she’d swindled every bit out of her bank account. Lightning hated her as though she’d spat in her pie. Lightning hated her, without even knowing her name. It wasn’t as though they had met before, right?

“There’s still other ponies to save, dummy!” retorted the other pegasus.

“Please… lemme down… so dizzy…” This was the old biddy Lightning was still holding up high. With a hard snort, she returned the old bat down to the ground before returning up to where the rainbow mare had been.

“You think you’re hot stuff or something?” she snapped. “We’ll see about that! I challenge you to rescue more ponies than me! Winner gets to…!”

But the rainbow mare had already flown back into the burning restaurant. Lightning Dust almost wanted to shout ‘That’s cheating!’ But even that would be a waste of precious seconds, and she’d be damned if she was going to let some nobody with too many colors in her mane get the best of her!

So back in she went! There was a unicorn lady stumbling through the smoke; Lightning brought her out! Then a little earth pony colt! And his mother! Then his other mother! Then a waitress! The rainbow mare passed Lightning by with some middle-aged earth pony stallion on her back. Her fellow cadets were also busy with rescue efforts, and even some other strangers were participating. Such as two earth pony mares; a pink-coated girl with apples on her flank, and an orange one with diamonds on her flank! She also saw a yellow pegasus girl with balloons on her flank, a purple unicorn with stars, and a weird two-legged thing she almost mistook for a scrawny hornless minotaur, all working to bring ponies outside. Lightning had to act fast before she didn’t have any left!

Fortunately it was a big restaurant, and speed was her specialty! Three ponies! Six! Ten! Thirteen!

“Think that’s all of them!” called one of the firefighters. “We’ll take it from here!”

Lightning Dust found her opponent easily. Her mane and tail were very distinctive, after all.

“Thirteen,” she told her.

“I’m sorry, what?” asked the mare, looking baffled.

“Thirteen! I pulled thirteen ponies outta that oven! How many did YOU get?”

The rainbow pony shrugged blankly, as though Lightning had asked for an exact count of hair strands on her head. “I wasn’t keeping track! The only thing that matters is that everypony’s safe, right?”

Lightning Dust's dislike of the mare grew even further.

“One more!” called out one of the firefighters, teleporting a unicorn pony with very serious burns out in the direction of the medics. “I found this one right in the kitchen!”

“That’s HER!” called out the waitress Lightning Dust had saved. “She’s the loony who started the fire in the kitchen! I saw her soak a whole bunch of books in wine and then skewer them on roasting spits and try to cook them on an open fire! She’s the one who locked all the doors!”

“She’s got Ricotta Gnocchi's cutie mark!” noticed a toque-wearing cook. Though the fires had burned the rest of this mare’s body pretty well, the pasta mark on her flank had come out unscatched.

“You’re telling me this is another of them Swap Jockeys?!” asked a stallion.

The purple unicorn with the starry cutie mark turned towards the stallion. “I’m sorry, what did you say, ‘Swap Jockeys?’”

“Yeah! Swap Jockeys!” said the stallion. “Don’t tell me you haven’t heard of them! They’ve been up and down the news! Swap Jockeys are those wackos who feel the need to swap their cutie marks with other ponies, then go nuts!”

The purple mare went quiet with a shudder.

The police ended up placing the Swap Jockey arsonist under arrest, while the medics brought her to the hospital. As the firefighters fought off the last of the fire, and the rest of the authorities worked on crowd control, Lightning Dust turned as she heard Spitfire calling out.

“Hey, there!” But it wasn’t Lightning she was calling to, but the rainbow-tailed mare.

“Um… hello?” she asked, as Spitfire trotted up to her.

“I saw the way you handled yourself, flying all those ponies out. Impressive!” said Spitfire. “Gotta ask; were you ever part of the Wonderbolts Academy?”

“Uh... no…”

“You sure?” asked Spitfire. “Maybe you were a dropout or…?”

“No,” said the rainbow-tailed mare, shyer than ever. “That is, I’d remember being in the Wonderbolts, and that never happened.”

Spitfire removed her goggles and squinted closer to the mare. “Then where do I know your face from?”

“Um… well, I… I dunno,” the mare stammered. “Well, uh, I am one of the Bearers of the Elements of Harmony. Kindness is my Element. It could be that you’ve seen my face in a magazine or a newspaper somewhere with the other Bearers. Maybe.”

Spitfire nodded. “Yeah. That must be it. Anyway, I just wanted to say that you fly like a cadet at the Wonderbolts Academy. Both in terms of speed and style. Who trained you? Do you maybe have a relative at our...”

“Nopony trained me!” the mare insisted. “Although… well, I guess you could say I trained myself.”

“Trained yourself.” A smile crossed Spitfire’s face; a smile Lightning Dust loathed to see directed at Miss Butterfly Butt. “What’s your name, filly?”

“M… my name’s Rainbow Dash, Miss Spitfire,” said Rainbow Dash, cringing as though it might be too forward of her to already know the name of a celebrity.

“Then let me ask something, Rainbow Dash; would you be interested in developing your flight talents at our Academy?” Spitfire offered. “The Wonderbolts could use ponies with skills like yours! Whaddaya say?”

* * *

“You said ‘yes,’ right?” Lero asked her, five hours later.

Rainbow Dash was now at the dinner table with her other five family members. They were all eating a delicious, creamy pasta dish.

“I told her I’d need time to mull it over,” Rainbow Dash said, with a downturned half-smile.

“And what did she say to that?” asked Lyra.

“Spitfire said that she’d be sending me some kind of document in the mail. If I mailed it back to her with my name signed on it, she'd let me join the Wonderbolts Academy!” Rainbow bent forward, taking a big mouthful of the pasta. “She said I’d have a week.”

“Did you explain to her how many animals you’re taking care of, Rainbow, dear?” asked Rarity, neatly twirling a forkful of noodles with her magic. Then, at the sound of a large dog’s jaw snapping shut, she turned to Spike.

“Please, Spike, don’t do that! You’re teaching them bad habits!”

Enough time had passed where the rest of Rainbow’s herd was willing to let some of her better-behaved animals live in the library with them. Spike has been sneaking scraps of food off of his plate, and right now, he had an audience of eight dogs, whose eyes were locked upon the noodle in his little hand.

“Awww, c’mon, Rarity! They’re soooo cute!”

“No, Spike,” said Rainbow Dash, with a strict, forbidding frown that the canines cringed away from at once. “If you want to give them treats, do it after dinner, but not while we’re all at the table. They need discipline.”

Glumly, Spike put the food that was in his hand into his mouth, trying his best to avoid the pooches’ heartbroken gazes.

“Soooo, Rainbow… what do you think of becoming a Wonderbolt?” asked Twilight Sparkle.

Was it just Rainbow’s imagination, or had everyone else stopped eating, watching her like those dogs had been watching Spike’s noodle? Well, Rarity was still chewing her food normally… and the Wonderbolts were a big hold-your-breath sort of thing. Rainbow Dash could relate to that, very well.

“Part of me wants to. Like, really, really, really wants to,” she told the others quietly. Her mind went back to that stadium Lero had taken her to. “It’s hard for me to explain, but… ever since you guys got me into them, I’ve felt a weird excitement about the Wonderbolts. Something that’s always there, down at the bottom of myself, even if I don’t always pay it proper attention. And now, Spitfire’s offering me this chance to be a cadet, to be a Wonderbolt, and it’s like that glow that’s deep within me has gotten brighter! I’d love to be a Wonderbolt!”

“...bottom of myself… glow deep within me…” Twilight had grabbed a pencil and a napkin and seemed to be writing something on it, but Rainbow Dash was too focused on the Wonderbolts to really give it much thought. To be one of them… their speed, their stunts, the whole sense of being part of something grand!

But then her cutie mark twitched, and all her usual worries and inhibitions came back to the forefront. “But being a Wonderbolt would be an enormous commitment, wouldn’t it? What if I make a fool of myself in front of all those other ponies?”

“You won’t make a fool of yourself, Rainbow Dash!” insisted Lero. “You’re too skilled at flying!”

Then the otterhound gave a bark, and Rainbow realized, “Plus, I have all my animal friends that I need to tend to…”

“I’ll take care of your animals for you, Rainbow!”

Rainbow turned her amazed eyes on Spike. “You…?”

“Go ahead!” the little dragon encouraged. “Becoming a Wonderbolt is RIGHT for you, Rainbow Dash! I know it! Er… which is to say, I can ‘feel it in my bones!’ Let me watch over your animals for you while you’re busy being a cadet, okay?”

Rarity was seated right next to Spike, and she nuzzled him. “Oh, Spike... your heart is as big as a mountain, but Wonderbolts training is no mere side hobby! Why, for all we know, she might even be required to leave our home completely, and move into a dormitory for a few months, if not longer! And just think how MANY animals she has!”

Rainbow had to admit that Rarity was right. Even SHE didn’t have an exact count on how many animals she had, especially when she factored in the insects. To drop them ALL on Spike for months would be wrong.

“I’d be willing to help. It doesn’t all have to be Spike.”

Rarity gave her sweet prince a shocked look, and Lyra spoke up.

“Maybe we should just wait and see, Rarity. Maybe you’re wrong, and she won’t have to join a dormitory. It might be just like attending a regular school, where you get to come back home once classes are out! In which case, I might be able to help take care of the animals, too. We can work in shifts!”

“This is… quite the outpouring of support!” Rarity sputtered.

“Come on, Rarity!” said Lero. “Opportunities like this don’t just fall in your lap every day!”

“I understand, but we need to be sensible too…”

A knock came at the front door, and the conversation stopped. Rainbow Dash went and answered it.

“Seems I’ve come to the right house,” said the mare at the door. She was a pegasus about Rainbow’s own age, with an athletic build. Her coat was light turquoise, and her mane was mostly amber-colored, with golden stripes. Her cutie mark showed three stars and a lightning bolt. The one who’d challenged her to that ridiculous pony-rescuing contest.

“Uh, hi there!” Rainbow greeted. “I’m sorry, but this is kind of a bad time for me. I’m actually in the middle of dinner.”

“Yes, it smells like it!” the lightning-marked mare stretched her neck past the doorway, and took a big whiff of the air. “Mmm, is that pasta primavera I smell? Drenched in creamy, buttery white sauce?”

Miss Lightning Mark smirked at the sauce still smearing Rainbow’s muzzle. “What an extremely fattening and unhealthy choice of meal! Haven’t eaten that dish, myself, in years!”

“Excuse me?!” Rainbow asked, hastily licking it off her chops. “I beg your pardon?!”

“We’re both busy mares, so let me cut straight to the chase: did you get that letter from Spitfire? Are you actually planning on entering the Wonderbolts Academy?”

“Well, I h… actually, I’m sorry, but what business is that of yours?”

The lightning mare straightened proudly. “I’m the MVP this year at the Wonderbolts Academy. So if my teacher suddenly has some kooky idea to enlist new students this late into the semester… I’d like to know. I’m a good student, y’see.”

Deciding to just be honest, Rainbow told the rude mare, “No, I haven’t gotten the letter, and I haven’t made up my mind.”

The lightning mare’s smirk turned colder. “Let me give you a piece of advice, filly: don’t bother. Tear the letter up the moment it arrives. I’ve seen the way you fly, girl: you don’t have what it takes to be a Wonderbolt. You don’t have what it takes to be one of our janitors. But let’s say you ignore me. Let’s say I see you on our practice field in a cadet uniform in a few days. Filly, I will make your life a living hell. In and out of class.”

“J… just what have you got against me, anyway?!”

“You’re just bad news, girl. I can sense that. So you’d be a bad fit for the Wonderbolts,” the lightning mare answered, turning around on Rainbow Dash. “So I’d go inside, get yourself six scoops of ice cream, and chow down. Stick to goals you can achieve. Plus, it’d a good way for us never to see each other again."

The lightning mare left a blue and yellow thunderbolt streak in the air when she flew off. Rainbow might’ve called it ‘cool,’ but she was too resentful of its maker.

“Who was that?” Lero asked, as she re-entered the dining room.

Rainbow Dash looked at every member of her sweet, supportive family. She thought of her animals, when they had been unmanageable. She thought of Honeydew. She thought of the bully mare who’d just been at her front door. She thought about the grateful faces of all the ponies she’d saved. Then she thought of Spitfire and her offer.

“I’ve made up my mind,” she told her family, decisively. “I… I don’t know if I have what it takes to become a Wonderbolt. But I’d like to find out. So I’m joining the academy!”

This announcement was met by congratulatory cheers from Twilight Sparkle, Lero, Lyra, and Spike, who all came around and hugged and kissed her. Though it wasn’t until much later that night, when Rarity gave Rainbow her own hug, alone in the bathroom.

“It really is a marvelous opportunity, you know… attending the Wonderbolts Academy,” the unicorn weathermare said.

“Rarity, I… I don’t want to be selfish about all this, you’re right about my animals, and I don’t want…!”

“We’ll make it work, my sweet hummingbird,” Rarity assured her. “Truth be told, I was actually feeling a bit jealous of you.”

“Jealous?” repeated Rainbow Dash.

“I’ve never really brought this up, but did you know there’s… always been a part of me that yearned to join the Wonderbolts, myself?” For some reason, Rarity’s eyes travel back to her rainbow-thunderbolt cutie mark as she said this. “But it was never, ever to be. I’m not a pegasus, you see.”

Rainbow thought about Rarity’s past; being raised in the pegasus lifestyle up in Cloudsdale, and she snuggled up close to the other mare. “You’re a wonderful unicorn, Rarity. Don’t forget that.”

“Oh, don’t you worry about that,” said Rarity, snuggling back. “I’ve grown quite comfortable with my place in life.”

* * *

Bunny Bite’s cutie mark showed a brown rabbit nibbling a carrot. The color of Bunny Bite’s coat was a crisp carroty orange. Her mane, tail, and eyes were the same shade of green as carrot greens.

“But Ah always figured clothes were jest fer fancy Canterlot ponies, not farm gals like me,” Bunny Bite was saying to the other mare.

This mare could’ve almost been a sister of Bunny’s. She, too, was an orange-coated earth pony. Although she had three fancy diamonds on her flank, Bunny did like the way she wore her hat. Like it belonged there. She’d introduced herself as Applejack of the Carousel Boutique.

“Beggin’ yer pardon, ma’am, but that there’s an all-too-common misconception Ah intend ta correct,” said the salesmare. “Clothing’s fer everypony, everywhere.”

“Why so?” asked Bunny Bite.

“Well, fer starters…” Then Applejack stopped, apparently distracted by Bunny’s front hooves. “Y’know, them’s a very fine-looking set of horseshoes ya’ll’s wearing, Miz Bunny.”

Bunny lifted her legs, showing the horseshoes off. “Ah think so too! Made for me by Hammered Anvil, herself!”

“Ah’ve heard good things ‘bout Hammered!” said the salesmare. “Looks like them shoes do a fine job protectin’ yer hooves.”

“Indeed, they do!” They ought to have, for the price Bunny had paid for them.

“...In the same way we wear horseshoes to protect our hooves, don’t it make sense ta wear clothing ta protect the rest of yer body?”

“Protect…?” Bunny repeated. She supposed a metal suit of armor would be one thing, but cloth things like this salesmare was wearing were so easily torn. “Protect from what?”

“Where do Ah even begin?” Applejack said, looking all around the barn they were both standing in.

“Ah mean, Ah’ve been alive fer twenty-three years now, and for all that time, Ah’ve always gotten by nicely enough in mah birthday suit.”

“And such a fine-lookin’ suit it is, Miz Bunny!” the salesmare purred. “The orange of yer coat is such a warm, invitin’ color… suits ya to a T!”

Delighted and flattered, Bunny Bite did a little turn and fluttered her eyelashes. “Careful! Ah’m a herded mare, and Ah’ll have you know there ain’t room for any more herd-sisters in our happy home.”

“Aw, darn the luck!” said Applejack, with a playful smile. “But now, this here carrot farm a’ yers, it’s sure is a BIG one, ain’t it?”

“Ninety acres o’ land. Been in mah family fer generations.”

Both of the mares looked out Bunny Bite’s open barn door, at all the many neat rows of carrots peeking out of the ground. Not yet ready for harvesting, but soon. It was impossible for Bunny to miss the misty sort of look in Applejack’s face. Maybe she’d grown up on a farm of her own, as a filly?

“Bettin’ yew get yer share of botflies out here.”

Bunny Bite cringed, caught off-guard by the surprise turn this conversation had taken. “Uh… yeah! Those pests are jest ‘bout everywhere in this part of the world.”

“Ain’t it terrible how they always buzz around yew? The way they lay their eggs under yer skin, and ya think it’s jest a skeeter bite? Only for it to swell up all painful-like, and then ya have ta shave off a big patch of yer fur jest ta begin ta treat it, before the eggs…”

“Stop, stop, STOP!”

The truth was, Bunny Bite had actually had all this happen to her recently. One day when she was in a hurry, she’d forgotten repellant, and they’d swarmed her own afternoon, and she’d wound up with numerous botfly eggs planted all over her body. When the doctors had dug them out, it’d been painful. But for Bunny, the worst had been going around with bald spots all over her coat. It’d looked like she’d gotten the mange! But it’d have been even worse if they’d hatched!

“Mah apologies, ma’am. But there’s a reason Ah bring this up: a practical set o’ clothes can comfortably cover up ta eighty-five percent of yer body, if not more! And Carousel's clothing’s all about practicality!”

“So wearin’ these clothes-things makes ya botfly-proof?” the carrot farmer asked.

Applejack held her head up proudly. “Mebbe not proof, but makes it lots harder for ‘em to find vulnerable spots on yah. On top of that, clothes aren’t jest good fer insects, pardner! They’ll also help protect ya from thorns, burrs, poison oak and poison joak ‘n’ the like, mud, dirt, ‘n’ grit, even extreme heat and extreme cold!”

“Clothes can do all that?” Bunny asked, in awe. What had she been missing out on, her whole life?!

“Eyup! Clothes are the farmer’s best friend! The secret is in their washability and disposability. Would you rather all that filth keep gettin’ caught in yer coat? Or a set o’ threads that yew can shuck off ‘n’ wash, or jest toss straight in the trash, if need be?”

Applejack did a stylish turn.

“Plus they fit so snugly, you barely know they’re even on! And they make you look oh-so-stylish! Do correct me if Ah’m wrong.”

Bunny Bite certainly couldn’t correct Applejack. The clothes she wore did look fabulous on her. They… well, to be honest, Bunny Bite knew next to nothing about clothes, so she didn’t know words to even describe them. But the clothes were blue and you could see all four of the legs, unlike with… gowns? Was that the right word?

“But Ah heard word from mah stallion that clothes’ll cover up yer cutie mark…” Bunny recalled, trying to imagine what her herdmates would think if they came by and saw her with garments on her.

“Bad clothes will, yes. But none of mah brand, no ma’am! With me, yew have two options.” And the salesmare opened up the case she’d brought with her, unfolding two different sets of clothes, nearly identical, except…

“Option One: yew’d send me a photo of yer cutie mark and Ah’d sew on an appliqued copy onto the outfit. Or there’s Option Two: Ah cut out a circle of fabric so that yer mark can show openly.”

“Ah think Ah like Option Two better!” said Bunny Bite. Applejack, herself, had gone with that option on her own outfit.

“Fantastic! Whaddaya say we get yer measurements…”

It turned out that Applejack had an outfit that fits Bunny’s measurements perfectly. And her asking price for the clothes was very reasonable. Wearing the clothes felt… different. But it was the sort of different Bunny could get used to. She couldn’t say that about everything. Bunny ended up seeing AJ out with a batch of fresh carrots, as an extra gift.

“Ya know, Miz Applejack, Ah’ve met a couple other ‘tailor’ types once or twice before… and they ain’t nothin’ like yew! Ah feel like yew… ‘get’ me, y’know?”

Applejack took a big long breath of the farmstead air.

“...Ah’ve come ta admire yew farm folk. Ya’ll truly are the salt o’ the earth. It’s mah pleasure ta do mah small part as a fashion gal ta make what ya’ll do that much more fulfillin’ and enjoyable. Part o’ me’s kinda sorry Ah can’t do more.”

* * *

Bunny Bite and her other first few customers hadn’t been idle. Apparently, word of mouth travelled fast among farm ponies.

Orders started to trickle in.

Then they started to flow in.

Then they poured in.

Applejack honestly had a hard time figuring out how she was going to handle all the volume; travelling to farms to take measurements along had almost become a full-time job. Fluttershy, bless her heart, had cut the number of parties she was throwing (‘Just the essentials’, whatever that meant,) to spend time helping her. She’d even recruited her sister to help ferry around the materials - and Sweetie Belle had recruited her friends to her assist - and she was relieved they hadn’t departed when they hadn’t turned out to be “Cutie mark crusader seamstress assistants.”

But the real blessing had been Spike. She hadn’t needed to ask, but as things had built towards a fevered pitch, he’d appeared almost like magic, just in the moment she needed him, immediately reorganizing things to make the process much more efficient, and keeping nearly flawless track of all the orders and measurements which had been slowing her down with her less-than-perfect record keeping causing her to frequently lose minutes out of every work hour trying to hunt them down.

Now, while she was stitching together jeans (They’d proven to be her most popular items), he stood nearby, cutting fabric pieces from bolts of denim, his claws letting him cut the patterns just right, stacking the pieces up for her and Fluttershy to use. Fluttershy was out at the moment; apparently, one of the ‘essentials’ was a foal’s birthday party taking place today, but she’d promised to come back when it was over.

The Crusaders were out delivering finished orders to the post office, leaving just her and Spike working at the moment, the only sounds being the rrrp-rrrp-rrrp of claws cutting fabric, and the clack-clack-clack of a sewing machine.

“Applejack?” Spike asked.

“Mmmm?” She responded, focusing pm her work, so as to not to lose a stitch.

“Think once this order backlog subsides, maybe you’d like to go out to dinner? Wherever you like. I’ll even pay! Unless, you know, you’d like to. I know how important tradition is for you.”

“Whay, Spike, that sounds laik a wonderf-” her stitching suddenly came to a halt, as her train of thought suddenly caught up to what he said.

“Spike… Are… are ya askin’ me… out on a date?” she asked.

The little dickens just smiled at her, in a distressingly charming manner. “Depends on if you say yes, I suppose.”

Applejack was startled by how many emotions warred within her at the thought. On one hand, he’d always been adorable, smart, clever, generous, affectionate, helpful, and supportive… and more to the point, he’d been there for her in her lowest moments, even when her other friends weren’t able to help her, and stuck by her and never gave up on her, even after she’d treated him badly. It had honestly reached the point where she was having a hard time envisioning life without him.

So that left her with a question: did she love him? To be honest with herself, she did. How could she not? But was it a love of a friend to another, or… something more? Something that he obviously sought? Part of her desperately wanted to say “Yes!”, throw caution into the wind and embrace this wonderful person and all he had to offer her, but three things held her back.

First, he was a child. Secondly… there was no certain way of telling how fast dragons grew up to their titanic size. Or if they ever did, if they simply chose to never give into their infamous greed… (and a one-of-a-kind sweetheart like Spike just might be able to pull that off!) Either way, it wasn’t fair to him. Third, dragons lived long lives, while ponies didn’t.

She thought about deflecting his pursuit, like she had in his past, or accept his offer and be noncommittal about pursuing their relationship… but that tasted like dishonesty, and it felt wrong to continue behaving like that. It even came to the point where she was disgusted by her past self for leading the poor dear on like she had.

“Applejack?” Spike asked, and she suddenly realized she’d been staring at him silently for several second. “You okay?”

“Fahne.” She said. “Jez.... Thinking. Spike. Do ya know how long it’ll be ‘fore yer a grown-up dragon?”

“Well… No. Nopony knows. Dragons are too dangerous and too mean-hearted... there’s still so much that even the most committed pony biologists don’t know much about them,” he said, shamefully..

“That’s the problem, Spike. Ah do love you-” Applejack started.

“You do!?” The dragon sat up sharply, looking excited.

“But-” She attempted to continue.

“Oh…” He almost seemed to wilt.

“Spike, Listen to me! I’m not putting you off because I don’t want to be with you! But… Spike, don’t you realize… I could be long dead before yer a grownup too! That ain't fair for either of us.” She put her hoof gently on his claw.

He gripped her hoof tight. “But… But… Well, maybe I’ll grow up really fast! We don’t know!”

“We can’t hang our lives on maybes, Spike, especially not on something this important.” She gave him an apologetic nuzzle.

“Well… I thought you thought that True Love conquers all, and all that? That we’d be able to overcome all the obstacles in our way as long as we loved each other!” Spike stated, looking up hopefully at her.

She smiled, and sighed. “That’s a lovely idea… and honestly, a few months ago, I’d probably say that you were right… But… How my life’s been going lately… I don’t think it’s right going for long shots, no matter how lovely they are.”

“Well… How about a compromise?” He looked bright again.

“Ah… compromise.” She frowned not liking the sounds of that, but she wasn’t sure she could stand squashing his hopes again.

“Well… I don’t want to pressure you into anything- but right now, we’re not really in a rush, right? You’re young for a pony. Maybe we can wait a while, and see if things can work out…?” He paused, seeing AJ’s stricken expression. “...Look, AJ, I care about you… but if this really is that bad for you… I’d rather be your friend. I’m glad to be you friend, and I want to keep you as my friend, no matter what.” He drooped and sighed. “I was just… hoping to at least have a chance at my dream. That was selfish. I’m sorry.” He started to move away.

AJ pulled him into a hug, causing him to let out a startled shout before realizing what was going on, and hugging back. “Ah’m glad yer mah friend, too. Ah dunno what Ah’d do without ya.” She whispered, holding him tight, a tear leaking out of the corner of her eye. “Okay.”

Spike blinked. “Okay?”

“I’ll agree ta yer compromise. But only on one condition.” She said firmly.

Spike looked up. “Name it.”

“That ya don’t pin all yer hopes on me. Yew find a filly that’ll make ya happy, yew don’t hesitate. Ya get with her, okay? No passing up happiness fer me.”

“Alright, AJ. I promise. I won’t pass up a chance to be happy just for the possibility to be with you.”

“Eeee!” Sweetie Belle quietly squeaked in the next room over where she and the crusaders paused after they got back from their delivery and heared Serious Voices in the next room over, which they ‘accidentally’ overheard the conversation. “I have a chance!”

“Wait… ya laik… Spike?” Apple Bloom whispered.

“Sweetie’s got a coltfriend! Sweetie’s got a coltfriend!” Scootaloo taunted quietly.

“Quiet you two, they’ll hear!” Sweetie hissed back, as the two began talking again.

“So… Not tryin’ to look a gift lizard in the mouth, or anything... but how come ya'll showed up here all of a sudden?”

Spike suddenly looked abashed. “Oh, uh, I’ve kinda been trying to avoid the library lately. Things have gotten a bit more… intense with the herd lately, since everything has been going so well.”

“Oh?” AJ asked.

“Intimately intense,” he clarified.

There was a beat. Then AJ was enlightened. “Oooooooohhhhh…”

* * *

“Mmm! Nhhhaaa… LERO! Oh, LERO!” screamed Rainbow Dash.

“Faster, my sweet prince! Ohh, aaaahh!!” urged Rarity.

The hot snort with which Spike awoke would’ve set a regular bed on fire. But Spike’s sheets, blankets, pillows, and pillowcases were made of the same materials used by the brave members of Ponyville Fire Department, so that didn’t happen.

Blearily, the little dragon trying to count just how many of Dash’s cute little animals had snuggled up against him last night. Three cats, two dogs, a lizard… and those were the ones he could see. Quite a few furry bodies were pressed against his back side.

“Okay,” he called out. “Okay! Sorry, everybody, but I’m getting out of bed.”

About three or so of the animals actually moved at the sound of Spike’s voice. The rest remained put until Spike extracted himself off his bed, trying his best not to disturb any of the pets which wanted to remain asleep. The others who awoke with him looked at him expectantly. Wanting to be petted. Wanting breakfast.

Still sleepy, yet on his feet, Spike petted every little creature he could reach as he made his way to his dresser and pulled out jeans and a T-shirt, and slipped them onto himself in front of his mirror. Applejack had made them all well; he’d come to like the feel of his spines slipping through their proper holes on the back of his clothes.

Spike took a second to look at himself in the mirror. Ponies who saw him in the street said he looked very ‘human,’ walking all two-legged in clothes. One had even called him Lero’s ‘little purple son.’ Mostly, they meant it goodnaturedly. Frankly, Spike felt honored by the comparison. Honored to be associated with the ‘stallion’ oF Herd Bellerophon.

“Mmmm… MMMMPPHH!!!” Lero was sounding breathless while his mouth sounded full, and Rarity was making joyful noises.

...Well, most of the time. But Lero certainly wasn’t the only reason Spike liked wearing clothes these days; it was also because AJ had made them; specially for him. They fit no other soul in Ponyville. Every day he put them on, it felt like he was cloaking himself in her appreciation for him. Her affection. He felt more loved and heroic with them on than in the buff.

“Oh, Professor Michealiiiiiiides!” called Twilight. “I’ve been such a naaaaughty student!”

Ugh. Spike really loved all the grownups in his family, but did they have to be that loud when they were all playing with each other? And weren’t you supposed to save that sort of stuff for nighttime? The afternoon, at least? Oh well. At least he could be happy they were loving each other; it was much better than when there’d been friction.

Doing his best not to hear ‘Professor Michealides’ enact ‘punishment’ on Twilight Sparkle, Spike went downstairs. All the animals in his bedroom knew his routine and followed him down. Any animals that were still asleep downstairs, (in spite of what was happening up in the master bedroom,) came awake as they heard Spike opening the bags and cans of pet chow.

They were meowing and panting and barking so impatiently, Spike almost didn’t hear the knock at the door. When he went to go answer it; it was Scootaloo.

“Hey, Spike!” she said, eager as ever. “Can you believe today’s Take-Your-Foal-To-Work Day up at the Weather Factory?! Can you believe Rarity’s gonna be taking us both up there?!”

“I know,” he said with a smile. “You really came early, didn’t you?”

“Not too early, I hope!” Scootaloo said, as though hoping she could squeeze in another bonding moment with her favorite unicorn.

“Aaaaahhhhh!” exclaimed Rarity from upstairs. “Our sweet prince… ooooohh… makes for a simply divine seesaw, doesn’t he, Rainbow?”

“Yes!” cried Rainbow Dash. “Oh, yes, yes, YESSSS!!!”

Spike had never seen Scootaloo’s ears flatten back so fast.

“Why don’t you come back in an hour?” he told her, shutting the front door gently.

* * *

“I’ll tell you something, Lero; I had my doubts about Rear Window when you’d first described it to me in that letter,” said Sundance, the acclaimed filmmaker.

“Why?” asked the human. “It’s a solid story.”

“Theeeerrre IS the fact that the whole film hinges on a killer who doesn’t think to shut all his curtains while he’s committing murder and chopping up the body,” Sundance pointed out, sipping her whiskey sour.

“Well, in the original movie, everything was happening in the middle of a sweltering summer, which was why everyone’s windows were wide open,” Lero reminded her, stopping himself from describing how air conditioning units weren’t as commonplace in the 1950s, when it had been first filmed.

“If I were Thorwald, I’d think a little extra sweat’s a small price to pay for staying out of jail. I mean, if this were some lonely farmhouse out in the sticks, it’d be one thing. But this stallion’s in an apartment complex with LOTS of neighbors!” countered Sundance.

“Well, when everyone has their windows open, having it closed is more suspicious. On top of that, he was probably depending on his neighbors assuming the sounds of the murder and butchery were just the sound of a typical domestic disturbance, and none of their business... especially in the middle of an oppressive heatwave where you didn’t want to move, much less investigate a murder.”

“But that brings me to another fine point; why would the weatherponies allow a heatwave to last for THAT long? It’s unconscionable!”

“Weatherp…?” Lero looked blankly, never having thought of that, until Rarity spoke up next to him.

“You have to understand, Sundance, dear... Rear Window is a human story, and humans don’t have weatherponies in their world.”

“What about weatherhumans?” Sundance asked.

While Rarity laughed, Lero explained, “The weather’s wild in our world. It does what it wants. ‘Weather humans’ simply do their best to try and predict the weather.”

The gold-colored filmmaker shivered for a second. “Well, it’s not that big an issue. We added a bit into the script, and made it so Jeff’s recuperating in a city where the weatherponies are all on strike. Jeff reads about them in the news.”

“Well, at least it’s easy for you to film, right?” asked Lero. “I mean, almost all of it takes place in Jeff’s room…”

“What about all the neighbors he’s peeping on? The Songwriter? Miss Lonely Hearts? And let’s not forget the Thorwalds? Imagine you’re filming through binoculars and having to send a pegasus to fly out to the far apartments across from you, every time your actors need to do a new take!”

It was enough to make Lero wonder how Alfred Hitchcock, himself put up with it all.

“Still, the story really does grow on you. Jeff is the coolest voyeur I’ve ever seen. And I really dig Stella; she’s got such a smart mouth to her! And for a moron, Thorwald’s really good at ramping up the suspense. So yeah, I think once filming’s wrapped up, we’ve got another bit mint masterpiece on our hooves! Cheers!”

And Sundance and Lero clinked glasses together.

“So I was thinking about this…”

“Hey, Lero!” interrupted a new voice. Lero looked over and saw a gaggle of strange mares. “My friends and me… we’re all big fans of yours, and we were wondering, could you take a few pictures with us?”

“Sure! I’d be glad t...” Lero started, then turned back to the film director.

But Sundance just waved him away with a laugh. “Go ahead, Lero; we can talk about Rear Window later. Mingle with your fans. It’s your party, after all.”

And indeed it was.

Years ago, there had been a day where Lero Michealides had escaped from a horrible world into this better world of ponies. Today was nothing less than the anniversary of that day. They had made a surprise party of it; his family leading him to Sweet Apple Acres on some trumped-up pretext that the Apples needed extra help with the farmwork. And it touched Lero to the core of his heart how many ponies had shown up.

“Mr. Lero?” said little Ruby Pinch. “I drew this for you.”

When he’d been at Ruby’s party, he’d been costumed as one of the background deckhands. The picture Ruby gave Lero showed him as a pirate captain. With a peg leg, a hook hand, a skull-and-crossbones tricorn hat, his beard four times longer than usual, and a swashbuckler’s grin. For a six-year-old, Ruby could really draw.

In fact, Berry Punch had saved a fair number of the props from the big pirate party to reuse here... though they were only a small percentage of the decorations; more in honor of what he’d done for her and her daughter that anything else. Fluttershy had also made balloon men and set up banners that read HOORAY FOR HUMANS! and WE LOVE YOU, LERO! Some ponies had brought gifts, as though it were his birthday; (Spike had snuck him a secret gift of sausages and bacon he’d ordered straight from a griffon butcher; Lero happily promised to share) and next to them was a montage of all sorts of pictures of Lero; from personal scrapbooks, from magazines, and from off the walls of his own home.

Ponies asked Rainbow Dash to tell the story of how she had first discovered Lero, out in the woods. Normally, she disliked having the spotlight thrust upon her, but somehow, she had no problem opening up about Lero. He listened by Dash’s side, fascinated as everypony else but for slightly different reasons. Once again, he was listening for the differences between what the swapped pony remembered and what had actually happened with Fluttershy, who had been the one who’d actually found him in actual history.

Though there honestly weren’t that many divergences this time around… Rainbow Dash spoke with emotion building in her voice and moisture building in her eyes.

“...And then… and then he looks up and me, and he says, ‘please.’ A-a-and I’m so shocked to be hearing an actual w-w-w-word from what I thought, what I thought was just some dirty animal, I dropped what I had in my mouth and I said, ‘Please what?’ And he takes so long before he answers, I figure that’s, that’s just the noise he makes. Y’know, pigs go ‘oink,’ chickens go ‘cluck,’ and this thing went ‘please.’ B-b-b-but then he said, ‘Please, at least being h-h-h-honest with me. Are you p-p-planning on keeping me in a cage? Or f… feeding me to one of these animals?”

At this part in her story, Rainbow Dash was really tearing up.

“I’m sorry!” she sobbed, as Lero took her in his arms. “It’s just… especially after all we’ve been through, us being together… what sort of place did you… where you came out looking like that, and the first thing you ask me is if I…?”

“That’s all in the past now,” he consoled her. “Everything finally began getting better for me the moment you first became a part my life, Rainbow Dash. And it’s only gotten better from there.”

As they kissed, Lero distinctly heard a mare ask her stallion, “How come you never say stuff like that to me anymore?!”

Lero kept having fun. He bobbed for apples with the Cutie Mark Crusaders. He tossed horseshoes with Pinkie Pie. He played cards against Big Macintosh and Bonbon. It was even great seeing how many ponies were wearing clothes made at the Carousel Boutique; about three in every ten, including Pinkie Pie, who was wearing a fine pair of overalls over a T-shirt.

And Lero danced.

Pony dancing was unusual. Whereas human dancers would put their hands around each other, ponies generally much prefered necking each other, and sliding against the sides of each other’s bodies like cats. To say ‘he danced with many mares,’ wasn’t quite correct; more like ‘he danced next to many mares,’ who found the sight of him dancing a delightful oddity. Except for Rarity.

It was no ballroom waltz, but even with banjos, fiddles and harmonicas, the ponies of the Apple clan could play slow, romantic music as sweetly as any string quartet, even if it was with a bit of a twang. And when Rarity stepped out on the dance floor with Lero, she danced with him as a human woman would. On two legs, with her arms around his shoulders, stomach to stomach and cheek to cheek. Her back legs never so much as quivered, through all the steps they took. Many other ponies stared at the strange spectacle, but she didn’t seem to seem them. And as the music played on… Lero reached a point where he didn’t either. Rarity was just so sweet…

Then came a surprise none of them had expected. Two sky chariots came down from up above. All the ponies pointed and gasped, as not just Princess Celestia, but Princess Cadence of the Crystal Empire and her beloved husband, Prince Shining Armor stepped out.

As everyone, Lero included, fell to a respectful bow, Celestia surveyed them all with her gentle smile. “We heard that you were celebrating the day our extraordinary friend Lero first arrived among us,” she stated with melodious courtesy. “We, too, wish to celebrate, and hope you don’t mind that we weren’t formally invited.”

Of course nopony minded. Of course, they were all too honored to have so much royalty attending. Though they fretted over where Princess Celestia ought to sit, and Lero graciously offered his own chair at the head of the table, just to make things simpler.

“Twiley!” Shining Armor called out joyfully to his sister.

“BBBFF!” she called back, while hugging her brother.

Then, Shining Armor greeted his little brother with a friendly “Hey, Spike!” and a ruffle of his head, while Spike returned a “Hi, Shining!” To the human, he smiled and said, “So, how you’ve been holding up, Lero? Twiley hasn’t driven you insane yet, has she?”

“Eh, no more than usual,” Lero laughed before they both patted each other’s back, as brothers-in-law often did. “Hello, Cadence, you’re looking as beautiful as ever.”

“Oh, Lero, it’s been too long!” Princess Cadence said.

“I know! I haven’t seen you since your wedding!” he said, as they hugged.

Then the feasting began. There was a cake; a very large and wonderful s’mores cake which was basically just a huge s’more with dozens of smaller s’mores baked inside. It was deliciousness itself; but Lero didn’t eat too much of it. Pinkie Pie had invited all her extended family to come by to celebrate as well, and almost all of them had been glad to. Each family had brought something to eat, and Lero did his level best to sample at least a morsel of each of the pies, cakes, casseroles, baked vegetables, mashed potatoes, salads, and everything else that didn’t have hay in it.

Lero, Rarity, Twilight, and all the rest of his herd sat across from Celestia, Cadence, and Shining Armor. It amazed Lero how chatty Rarity and Princess Cadence were with one another. Back when Rainbow Dash had been lead mare… Rainbow and Cadence had gotten along as nicely as cousins who only saw each other at family get-togethers and had nothing whatsoever in common. (Privately, Lero supposed that if Cadence was more ‘action hero,’ the old Rainbow Dash would’ve taken a stronger interest in her.)

In contrast, Rarity and Cadence got along with each other like well-established best friends; chatting about dresses and food and their manes, and their stallions, and the weather… and through it all, Lero saw Rarity’s eyes keep returning to the wedding ring Cadence wore on her horn. Again and again.

“I must say, Cadence, dear, I still remember how glorious it was, the day you and Shining Armor tied the knot!” the white unicorn sighed at one point. “Do you think you would ever have a second wedding, once the two of you meet more of the right ponies?”

Shining Armor laughed. “If I had fifty bits for every time somepony asked us that, we wouldn’t need tax collectors!”

“We certainly have no shortage of would-be suitors,” Cadence admitted, with a slight eye roll.

“Hey, Lero?” Shining asked, looking across at the human. “I remember hearing that you used to be monogamous too, before you got converted.”

Lero shrugged. “Culturally, at least. What can I say? Twilight won me over.”

Though she blushed a little, Twilight blew him a small kiss from where she sat.

“Well,” said Cadence, “If we ever do find the right ponies, we’ll be glad to welcome them into our own herd!”

“The trick is finding anypony else I could bring myself to love as much as you!”

No storybook author could’ve written a more perfect kiss than the one Shining Armor and his wife then gave each other.

Though, once it finished, Cadence sighed. “Though it’s a legitimate concern for us. I wouldn’t ever want to put a fellow mare through being loved ‘second-best’.”

“Oh, of course.” Rarity replied, understandingly. Once more, Lero saw Rarity gaze longingly at the ring on Princess Cadence’s horn, before rubbing at her own horn with the side of her arm. As though feeling an absence.

A little further into the meal, though, when Celestia had gotten up to get herself more cake, Shining Armor asked his sister in a much quieter voice, “Hey, Twiley? I heard about the… well, the experiments you’ve been doing.”

“How… much do you know?” asked Twilight, very cautiously.

“Barely anything. Celestia’s been really tight-lipped. But the reason I ask is because, um…”

And he took a deep breath.

“Down in the Crystal Empire, there’s this mare who serves us as a minister, and is also a personal friend of ours. But she also has this teenage son, very immature for his age. And apparently, she was really dead-set on passing along her own common sense onto her son. Well, somehow, she managed to get ahold of one of those experimental spells of yours, Twilight…”

“Oh no,” said Lyra Heartstrings, speaking for all of Herd Bellerophon.

“...And, uh, now our minister friend and her son have each other’s cutie marks, and it’s hard to explain and nobody really understand it, but they’re both deluded, and the son seems to practically believe he is his mother, to the point where he’s tried to, ah, um… perform ‘wifely privileges’ with his own father...”

“A mother and her son,” Twilight spoke in an appalled whisper. “A mother with her son.”

“...And we’re wondering if anything can possibly be done for them, Twiley, because this cutie mark mixup is pretty much tearing that whole family apart…”

“Shining Armor,” said Celestia. She was suddenly right by the prince of the Crystal Empire, speaking down at him as though he were the captain of her guard, again. “This is no place for us to be discussing such things.”

“Yes, Princess Celestia!” Shining Armor said, with a knee-jerk salute.

And the table went quiet.

Rarity finally broke the silence. “Twilight, might I speak with you in private?”

“Of course.” Twilight said, eager to extract herself from the situation

* * *

“So what was it you wanted to talk about?” Twilight asked Rarity.

Her white unicorn herdsister had led her around to behind a tool shed, far away from everypony else.

Rarity hesitated for a few seconds, and almost looked ready to delve into a lengthy preamble, before she instead settled on a simpler one-word response: “Marriage.”

Twilight tried to blink but failed to. “Marriage?”

“I want us to have a wedding,” sighed Rarity in her lovely voice. “All of us in Herd Bellerophon. A big, beautiful wedding ceremony, just like the one your brother had with Princess Cadence. But without the changelings, of course. You’re the heir to your family’s title, after all. Eventually they’d insist on a proper marriage, sooner or later, I’m just… leaning more on the ‘sooner’ side.”

To Twilight, Rarity’s words felt like she either gone bankrupt or won several lotteries. Either at the same time, or maybe it was one or the other? For some reason, she couldn’t tell which.

“I love you all so much, and I want to elevate what we have beyond the traditional stallion-and-herdsisters arrangement. I want us all to be wives! I want Lero to be our husband!”

And Rarity leaned forward, treating Twilight to another of her mind-melting kisses that she had come to cherish so greatly.

“You know, there’s a part of me that’s always yearned to be married. I almost wonder why we delayed this long? Perhaps, on some subconscious level, we were all waiting for dear Rainbow Dash to join our happy herd. I must admit, our family feels so wonderfully complete with her in it!”

Twilight knew Rarity well enough to tell that this wasn’t a passing fancy. She was definitely determined about this. This was just the first word… but she’d work on her. She’d work on Lero, and she’d work on the rest of them. She’d bring all her charm, and exert all her influence as their herd’s lead mare and she’d make this wedding happen.

“I’ll be Mrs. Rarity Michealides... “ Rarity whispered. “Has a nice ring to it, wouldn’t you say? My goodness! I’ll have a last name of my very own! Me!”

“Excuse me? Twilight?” Both of them turned around.

Princess Celestia, in all her tall shining, solar grace, was not the sort of pony you could imagine coming up on you from behind, unnoticed. Yet here, she had managed it. Twilight stood stock still while Rarity fell into a bow.

“Forgive me, Rarity, dear. I hate to interrupt, but may I have a quick word alone with Twilight? I promise, it’s important, and I won’t be long.”

“Of course, Your Majesty,” said Rarity.

Student and teacher waited until the swapped pony was well out of sight and earshot.

“So… wedding plans?” asked Celestia, in much harder tones.

“I… Princess Celestia, I…”

Celestia only had to shut her eyes for Twilight to fall silent. “Just answer me one question, and be completely honest, please. Are you even truly trying to fix Starswirl’s spell any more? Or do you no longer even want that?”

Author's Note

This chapter marks the beginning of the end. Act Three of Divided Rainbow's story; the final act. Still got a bit more to go, though. Haven't quite settled on precisely HOW many more chapters I have left, but I know what's going to happen.

I'd like to thank Rikmach for all his help editing, and for SpinelStride for so many ideas, especially with the alternate universe Fluttershy and Discord go visit.

I also encourage you all to check out Lex Divisia, the latest Divided Rainbow spinoff by Qtip6! It's a fun one!

Also, I'm planning on getting back into Ask The Swapped Ponies, so if you have any new questions for the characters of this story, please send them there!

Finally, a call out to all you tropers: please help me bring Divided Rainbow's TV Tropes page back up to date. Thank you all so much!