My Little Red vs Blue: What the Hell is This Place?

by 115GhostNova

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Crossover, Human
Length: 1229

Red team and Blue team recieve a sudden surprise in a explosion while Grif is complaining about how scary they are

Red team and Blue team are blown away in an explosion sending them very far away to a place called Ponyville. They must now adapt to there environment and survive with whatever they fucking find or look for while Tucker is clopping to these cartoonish ponies.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2013-04-19 04:16:56 UTC

Blown away

*BOOM*

Everyone screamed very loud that Grif had an eargasm and vomitted on Caboose. They couldn't say anything but "AHHHHHH!!!!!" almost in the whole thing of the conversation or argument between Grif and Tucker bitching about how Tucker was a pussy from a sniper shot.

"Tucker you faggot, you didn't hold the bomb!!!" said Grif complaining to Tucker

"It's not my fault someone sniped it out my hand!!!" said Tucker frustrated

"Tucker, Grif! You should be ashamed of yourselves!" said Sarge wanting them to shut up

"Why?! We're about to die!" exclaimed Grif

"With honor! Now shut up and show honor Grif!" said Sarge

"Sarge, look! A yellow light!" said Simons with delight

"Can I finally see my dead cat again?" said Caboose happily

Awkward silence fills the warping of all of the people inside warping to who knows what they'll end up in (which you would probably know already xD) until Simons breaks the silence with his nonsense of heaven(sorry if this is offensive) resulting Sarge to bitch about Simons.

"Sir! It's unbelievable we're going to heaven!" again, said Simons with delight

"Simons! Tucker faps to a guy with pink armor and Grif is a lazy ass!" said Sarge

"God faps and watches porn?!" said Tucker in surprise

They got into an argument of some bullshit of heaven(again, I'm sorry if this is offensive) with Tucker keep saying "God faps and watches porn?!" over and over again while Sarge argues with Simons and Grif accepting to be the lazy ass of red team to be ugly and proud. Simons kicked Grif's balls after he said that and ended the argument with simply just saying-"Tucker, you're surely going to Hell" but Tucker kept it going.

"Eh, screw it. At least they said there are hot women there." said Tucker seeming ok with it

"No Tucker, only old ladies go to hell." said Sarge

"Aw crap...." said Tucker in a low tone

"Wait, where's Church!" said Tucker with curiosity

"Nooo! Church, my best friend!" shouted Caboose

"Caboose, he's not your friend." said Tucker

"Yes he is." replied Caboose

"Ok, shut up Caboose." said Tucker

"Hey guys? The yellow light is getting closer!!!" shouted Grif

"AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!" shouted everyone

Meanwhile in the past

A man with a helmet, body armor, gun, and ammo suddenly appears outta nowhere from a portal in an abandoned base. He starts swearing because of the bullshit decorations and how piece of shit this base was built and said it was built by a hobo organization from Mexico.

He then walks slowly and dramatically to a weird looking Windows 69 computer. He presses the on button to watch porno but realizes he's not like Tucker. Wait, did I tell you his name is Church? Well he is Church. The Windows 69 computer turns on and opens up Luna game. Church is creeped out by the fucking pony and hits the screen.

"AGGHHH, OMFGZZZ!!!  Piece of shit!" screamed Church

"Hey, stop!" said a robotic voice

"What the fuck was that?!" again screamed Church

"Why are you talking to yourself?" asked the robotic voice

"You're a talking toilet with sperm on it?! Boy, what have I gotten into?!" said Church

"I'm not a toilet! I'm the computer you dumbass, and my name is Gary!" said the computer

"Well, Gary..... Why the hell am I here and separated from my idiotic team?!" said Church

"People say that a man like you comes to me and wants to watch pony porn." said Gary

"What?!  I don't watch My Little Pony with porn!!!" said Church with a little blush

"You're blushing" said Gary

"Screw you!" said Church

***

(ALERT, WINTER WRAP UP SONG IN PROGRESS!!!)

In the place of Equestria, ponies gather around to sing a song for fun to make Twilight get shit on. They proceed with dramatic effects and appear with mane six, starting with Rainbow Dash. She starts to speak "Three months of coolness, and awesome holidays!" then comes a pink pony named Pinkie Pie "We kept our hoovsies warm at home and time off work to play!" then an (SCREW IT, you know the rest)

All of a sudden, the six ponies hear a weird buzzing noise and think it's Rainbow Dash farting again. But a portal comes out of nowhere and appears right at there fucking faces. Tucker, Grif, Caboose, Sarge, and Simons appear out of the portal. But Simons is singing something though.

*ZZZZZZZTTTT*

"When you see me face, I hope it gives you hell, I hopes you hell!!!!" said Simons singing

"God dammit Simons! No one wants to  hear your album!" Screamed Sarge

"Oh, sorry sir." Said Simons in a sad way

"Well fuck! I actually liked Simon's singing!" said Grif in delight

"Really Grif?!" said Simons in surprise

"No! I was kidding!" said Grif with a little sarcasm

"Right....." said Simons

"Can I sing?!!!" said Caboose

"Ugh, for the last time Caboose.... No one cares." said Tucker

"Excuse me, where did you ponies appear?" said the unknown voice or whatever

"HOLY SHIT, I think I just had a boner!" shouted Tucker

"Uh, what did you just say?!" said a scratchy voice

"Woah, you sound like my 200 year old grandma!" shouted Grif with a little chuckle

"Do they at least have pussies though?" asked Tucker

"They could have a penis that's 20 inches tall!!!" said Sarge

"Oooo!! Is that like those sticks with the sugar with it?!" said Caboose

"Hey Caboose, why don't you try touch it?" said Grif

"Ok!!!"

"Hey, hey!! What do you thi- *blushes*" said the scratchy voice

"I never knew Caboose watches porn. I think I should learn from him!" said Tucker

"Hey, blue thing. What is this diamond pink think near your butt?" asked Caboose

"S-stop!!! Oh, but it feels so good! Please make it go in more!" shouted the scratchy voice

"Hey, look at all the other things. They're like staring at her vagina." said Simons

"Is this how real porn feels like, how it looks, and how it smells like?" said Grif

"Is Caboose still doing that? Because I want to join!" said Tucker

"Tucker, you already had a baby!" said Sarge

"Oh, right..." said Tucker

"Wait, do you hear that? Is she really saying that!!!" said Grif

"Ugh, I'm about to cum!!!!" said the scratchy voice

"Why are we watching this anyway?" said Simons

"It's our destiny Simons! Now shut up to make it end!" said Sarge

"I hope it ends me, because I never want to see this again." said Grif

"I hope so Grif! You were a bad soldier..." said Sarge

"Thank you Sarge!" said Grif

"You're welcome!" said Sarge

"Nghh, ahh!! *squirt*" said the scratchy voice painfully

"Hey! What is this white slimy stuff?!" asked Caboose

"Oh my, I don't even, just oh my fuckin' gawd." said Grif

"You sound like those people from the internet." said Simons

"Shut up and enjoy your porn guys!!!" said Tucker

"Hello!! What is this slimy white stuff?!" again asked Caboose

"Hey, why are you all staring at me?" said Caboose in suspicion

"Omawgosh, help!! Church, Tucker, Grif! They're going to eat me!" screamed Caboose

"No they're not Cab-  Hey! Who are you people with a dick on your forehead and wings!" said Tucker

"Caboose is right!!! They're going to eat us!" said Grif

"AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!" screamed the red and blue team

Then they flew off to that Canterlot place.