Derpy's Creepypasta Storytime

by Radiant Eclipse

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy
Length: 4672

Derpy has started her own storytelling series. Wanting to give real shocks to everypony, she chose something uncommon. Creepypasta. So she decided to test her new career with her audience, who consider the stories she chose horrible and make fun of.

Derpy Hooves aka. Ditzy Doo has started her own storytelling series. Wanting to give real shocks to everypony, she chose something uncommon. Creepypasta. So she decided to test her new career with her audience containing the mane6, Spike, the Cutie Mark Crusaders, Celestia, Luna, Cadance and Shining Armor. Too bad her stories turn out to be utter garbare, to both the annoyance and sarcastic entertainment for everypony else.

Be warned! These contain the worst creepypastas of them all. They are so bad that they literally made me wet my pants because of laughing. There is nothing scary about them and there are overall just terrible stories, which fit perfectly into the concept here, which in turn focusses on critizising it to the fullest potential in a sarcastic, but very funny way.

If you have suggestions of creepypasta that are just awful, but not consider themselfes trollpastas, please leave a comment.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2013-04-19 20:45:01 UTC

Sonic.EXE

"Welcome everypony, to the very first story of 'Derpy's Creepypasta Storytime'." Derpy Hooves spoke out next to a campfire in the night.

The main sextet and Spike, the Cutie Mark Crusaders and the princesses, as well as Shining Armor and Cadance were gathered around it to go camping. They wanted a relaxing break from their responsibilities and took off into the white woods. Contrary to that, Rainbow Dash promised to take Derpy with, as otherwise, she would not keep her snout shut.

Eventually, to everypony's displeasure, but also certain interest, they spent the night listening to one of Ditzy's scary stories. Though they couldn't suspect it, it would turn out to be a nightmare. Not because the story is scary, but because it was rotten to the core.

"And I'm sorry to put my name into the title of this, but it's fitting. But yes! It's the first story of this brand new series. Now, don't get to scared just yet, as this is the first story, I want to explain how these will go down, and then I'm gonna read it to you. Uuuuuh!"

"There will be more than just one?" Scootaloo questioned exasperatingly.

"I'll be doing a lot of reading as, obviously, this is a story time. Though if the story is too... lacking... I may summaries when needed. But yes. I hope we don't have to be sarcastic while I read the more shoddy stories and at the end, you can share your conspiracy theories with us... and... all the scary ghost and er... But without further delay, it's time to read, because today on 'Derpy's Creepypasta Storytime', I'm telling the overly blood-stuffed tale... of Sonic.EXE.

"Now the story starts with a total Sonic The Hedgehog – Fan, because that is how the story starts. Guess I'll be reading this from the first perspective... yaaaay... Pretend on that author, expect when I or you do stupid comments.

"So like, I'm a total Sonic-Fan, much like everypony else."

"Yes" Applejack commented deprecatingly. "Because everypony in the world loves Sonic. Way to make up the world's mind freak you hardhead."

"Well I like him." Rainbow Dash added."

"Anywho... I like the newer games, but I don't mind playing the classics. I don't think that I've ever played a glitchy or hacked gameS... before... though I don't want to play any, after the experience I had... Dramatic Pause dot dot dot.

"It all started on a nice summer afternoon. I was playing Sonic Unleashed. Yeah, I was doing that, until I noticed, out of my peripheral vision, that the mailpony had arrived and put something in my mailbox as usual and left."

"It would be weird if he hung around." Rarity observed. "So good thing that he does h-his job... hmmmpf..."

"I paused my game to go see what I got in the mail, and the only thing in the mailbox were a note and a CD case for computers."

"That's right! Computers!" Twilight stated exaggeratedly. "We're delving into the world of technology. So hold on to your seats!!"

"But wait!" Apple Bloom added. "It came with a note as well. We're also delving into the world of paper."

"So, he looked inside the mail-package-thing. Now I'm going to not read from the first perspective just to change things up. He looked at the note first and realized it was from his dear friend Kyle."

"Do you know who Kyle is?" Fluttershy asked.

"And in parenthesizes; let's just call him that."

"Didn't want to expose Kyle's precious identity in this high caliber tale... Tehehe..." Sweetie Belle backbit.

"He hadn't heard from Kyle for about 2 weeks and he knew it was Kyle, because he recognized the hoofwriting, though, what was weird... was how it looked."

"Apparently he didn't recognized the hoofwriting." Luna reasoned.

"It looked badly written; and scratchy... and somewhat difficult to read, as if Kyle was having a hard time writing it down and did it in a hurry."

"It's that or his hoofwriting is just poor." Rainbow Dash remarked. "And you say you know who Kyle is. You don't know anything about Kyle. Some friend you are!"

"The note said 'Tom, I can't take it anymore. I had to get rid off this thing somehow before it was too late; and I was hoping you would do it for meeeeeee... I can't do it. He is after me, and if you don't destroy this CD, he will come after you, too. He is too fast for me, please Tom, destroy this harmony-forsaken disc before it comes after you, too. It's too late for me... Aaaargh....' That was just a sound affect, a fainting sound-effect cause he is unconscious... maybe... I don't exactly know... 'Destroy the disc... and you destroy him... There can be only one, but do it quickly, otherwise he will catch you. Don't even play the game. It's what he wants. Just destroy it, please.' Signed by Kyle.

"Now Tom over here thought that this was certainly weird. Even though Kyle was his best friend, he hadn't seen him in 2 weeks, he did not do, what he was asked of him."

"You jerk of a friend." Twilight reconsidered. "You won't even heed his warning. He said 'destroy it' like eighteen times, but somepony seems to have selective reading..."

"Tom didn't think that a simple... Gaming-Disc... would do anything bad, after all, it's just a game, right? Boy, was he wrong about that... hmpf! '**ANY... way...' he looked at the disc, and it looked like any ordinary Computer-CDR-Disc, expect it had black marker on it, and what was written was Sonic.EXE, but it was much unlike Kyle's hoofwriting."

"Not that you would know that." Celestia noted. "Would you, Tom?"

"But, he must have gotten the game from somepony else, like a pawnshop or ponybay..."

"Or that old stallion who wanders around and gives ponies games." Pinkie Pie appended. "Legally, he is allowed to be around colts and fillies, but... ääh... nopony is patrolling the area. I blame Tom..."

"...But when Tom..."

"The horrible friend." Scootaloo commented."

"... saw SONIC on the writing of the CD, he got excited and wanted to play it since he is a big Sonic-Fan. He went to his room and turned on his computer, put the disc in and installed the game. When the title screen popped up, he noticed it was the first Sonic game and he was like 'AWESOME!!!!', because he said earlier, through me, that he liked the classics. Remember?

"The first thing he noticed what was out of place was when he pressed 'Start', there was a split-second when he saw the title image turn into something much different, something he now considered horrifying.”

“Because he is a huge fraidy-cat.” Sweetie Belle commented.

“He remembered what the image looked like in the split-second it showed up. The sky had darkened, the title-emblem was rusted and ruined... with RUST... and the 'SEGA 1991' was now 'SEGA 666'...”

“Because that's cliche and it belongs in this Creepypasta.” Rarity devalued the story.

“... and the water had turned red... like blooooooooood... expect it looked hyper-realistic. Hyper-realistic blooooooooood. But the freakiest thing he saw was Sonic. His eyes were pitch-black, and bleeding with two red glowing dots starring right at him!”

“Tom seems to be a little vain.” Fluttershy concluded. “And he seemingly thinks that the world revolves around him. Everything has to be about you, doesn't it? Like this story, hmm?”

“This is why Kyle doesn't want to talk with you anymore. He is our pal now.” Applejack continued.

“But let's just assume that Sonic was starring right at him so he can feel special.” Rarity finalized.

“Sonic's smile stretched wider, up to the edge of his face. He was rather disturbed about the image when he saw it, though figured it was a glitch and forgot about it.”

“Seriously?” Rainbow Dash scrutinized. “You dumb boor. Yep, it was a glitch, rather than elaborate and scripted. But pfff.... glitch...”

“After a cut to black, it stayed like that for about 10 seconds or so, and then, another weird thing happened.”

“Oh boy!” Pinkie burst out.

“The save-select from 'Sonic The Hedgehog 3' popped up, and he was like 'Double-u T H what's this doing in the first Sonic game?!'”

“Cause that is obviously the weirdest thing that happened so far.” Shining Armor spoke out.

“Anyway, he noticed something was off...”

“Because so far everything has been spot on.” Cadance uttered.

“... the background was the dark, cloudy sky of the bad stardust speedway level from Sonic CD, and there were only 3 save files. The music was the creepy caverns of winter music from Earthbound. Uuuh... Only it was extended and seemed to have been in reverse. And the image of the save file where you would see a preview of the level, you're on, it's just red static... for all 3 files. You know... red... like bloooooooood... What freaked him out more...”

“Said Tom, the easily freaked out atrocious storywriter...” Added Rarity.

“... was the character select. It only showed Tails, Knuckles and to his surprise, gasp, Dr. Robotnik!? Know he knew something was up.”

“Finally, I was starting to thing that guy was a moron.” Scootaloo annotated.

“How can you play as Robotnik in a Classic-Sonic-Game? For crying out loud, hehehe...”

“He probably still is.” Shining Armor amended.

“That's when he realized that this wasn't a glitchy game... it was a hacked game.”

“Little slow on the uptake, aren't we Tom?” Twilight taunted the storywriter. “This clever line is likely followed up with 'Eeyup, it's definitely looked hacked. HMPF!”

“... said detective Tom indeed. It was really creepy, but as a smart gamer...”

“That's probably the funniest line in this whole horrible story.” Cadance frown upon the Creepypasta. “Now you are just telling lies, Tom. Kyle knows better. We all know better.”

“... But, as a smart gamer, he wasn't scared, or at least he tried not to be. He told himself 'It's just a hacked game and there is nothing wrong with that. It's just being itself.' Anyway, shaking off the creeped-out feeling he had...”

“Because he's a chicken.” Applejack commented.

“... he picked file one which shows Tails, and when he selected and got started, the game froze for about 5 seconds, and then he heard a creepy, pixelated laugh that sounded a lot like that Kefka guy from Final Fantasy before cutting to black. The screen stayed black for about 10 seconds or more...”

“Good thing Tom is keeping a stopwatch with him so we know all the times for this story.” Fluttershy annotated.

“Then it showed the typical level-title-thing...”

“Good thing Tom also has the technical lingo down.” Celestia chuckled.

“except the simplistic shades were different shades... of... RED... with text, that only showed 'HILL ACT 1'. The screen faded in and the level-title vanished, revealing Tails in Green Hill Zone from Sonic 1. The music was different though. It sounded like a peaceful melody in reverse.”

“Whatever that is supposed to sound like.” Rarity questioned.

“Anyway, he started playing and had Tails start running like he would in any of the classic Sonic games.”

“Mr. Classic-Sonic-Game over here knows about nothing but classic Sonic games.” Rainbow Dash slagged the author off.

“But, what was odd was that Tails was running along the level, but there was nothing but flat ground with a few trees for 5 minutes.”

“Again, good thing he has that stopwatch. We would not know what's going on otherwise.” Scootaloo blasphemed..

“But that was when the peaceful music started to lower down to a low, deep tone, very low, as he kept going. Uuuuuh here comes blo-od. He suddenly saw something and stopped to see what it was... ääähm again! It was one of the small animals, lying unconscious on the ground, mangled... bleeding... with BLOOD...

“See?” Apple Bloom remarked. “It was obvious the tawdry blood-thing was coming...”

“Oh no the poor animals...” Fluttershy said, actually being afraid of their safety and feeling hatred towards the author for implementing such gruesomeness into the story.

“Tails had a shocked and saddened look on his face, that Tom had never seen before, so he had him move along. A way to be sympathetic, Tom. Shame on you. Tails kept having that worried look on his face, and he kept moving. He saw more lifeless animals though. As Tails passed them, looking more and more worried, as the music lowered, and he moved pass more inanimate critters... BLOOOOOOOOD... Tom was SHOCKED to see how they all passed away. They looked like somepony ended their lives in a rather gruesome way. A squirrel was...

“NO. PLEASE NO!” Fluttershy begged Ditzy. “Just, if you don't mind, skip the unnecessary part.”

“Why is Ditzy reading that story then again?” Applejack talked down the author, causing everypony to chuckle.

“Tom... the coward... felt sick to his stomach, when he saw this mess; and apparently, Tails felt sick, too.”

“Making sense, because Tails is the official coward of the whole series.” Pinkie Pie giggled.

“After a few more seconds, there were no more animals and the music seemed to have stopped, so he had Tails continue. After a minute passed, after the music stopped.

“After, after, after.” Scootaloo floated.

“... Tails was running up a hill and then he stopped. It wasn't until he saw why. Sonic was there on the other side of the screen with his back against Tails, with his eyes closed. Tails looked happy to see Sonic, but then, his smile faltered, obviously noticing that Sonic wasn't responding to him. If not acting as if totally oblivious to Tails prep... What the buck?"

"Tails walked slowly towards Sonic and Tom noticed that he wasn't even moving the keyboard to make a move, so this had to be a cutscene. It had to! Blood! Suddenly, he began to have a growing feel of dread, as Tails walked closer to Sonic to get his attention. He felt that Tails was in danger and something bad was about to happen. He heard a faint static growing louder, as Tails was but inches away from Sonic and stopped, but stuck his hand out to touch him. To foreboding feeling in his gut was growing stronger and he felt the urge to tell Tails to get away from Sonic.”

“Yes!” Twilight called out. “Yell at your monitor. This is the clear solution to the problem. Don't turn off your computer and just yell!”

“Suddenly, again, in a split-second, he saw Sonic eyes open and they were black with those red glowing dots, just like the title image, though there wasn't a smile. When this happened, the screen turned to black and a static sound was off. It stayed black for about 7 seconds...”

“Stopwatch...” Luna cut in on the reading.

“... and then, white text appeared, forming a message.”

“As texts tend to do...” Cadance remarked.

“Hello, do you wanna play with me? At this point, Tom was creeped out. He didn't want to continue with the game, but his curiosity got the better of him when he was taken to a different level with the Title now saying 'HIDE AND SEEK'”

“Whew!” Apple Bloom became desperate. “He and his daft curiosity.”

“This time, he was in the Angel Island level from Sonic 3, and it looked like everything was on fire. Red fire. Red. Like bloooood. Uuuuuuuuuh...... Yeah this is monotonous for me, too. Just keep quiet. Tails looked as though he was scared out of his wits this time. He actually looked at Tom.”

“Again, Tom is a narcissist.” Fluttershy annotated. “The world revolves you; no, no it doesn't.”

“But Tails made frantic gestures to Tom, as he wanted to get out of the area as fast as possible. Tom was starting to get a little freaked out by this, cause like Tails was actually breaking the fourth wall, trying to tell him to get him out of there.”

“It's that, or Tom drunk out of a spiked spring or something.” Spiked remarked.

“So Tom pressed down on the arrow key as hard as he could and made him run as fast as he could. A pixelated version of that creepy theme when you meat Shadow at the Ark as Robotnik from Sonic Adventure 2... this is getting way too specific... was playing, as he made Tails trek though the desolate forest, trying to help him escape from whatever he was trying to run from. Suddenly, he heard the creepy laugh, again. That awful Kefka laugh.”

“Somepony doesn't like Kefka...” Murmured Rainbow Dash. “Sod you, Tom...”

“Right after 19 seconds...”

“Counting.” Rarity noted.

“... had passed as he help Tails run through the forest, he began seeing flashes of Sonic popping everywhere on the screen, again with those black eyes and the red... Hmpf... The music changed to that suspenseful drowning jingle.”

“Which I like suspenseful drowning jingle... heh, jingle implying nice; drowning implying not nice.” Twilight commented.

“As he saw Sonic behind Tails slowly gaining up on him; flying. Sonic wasn't even running, he was actually flying.”

“Detective Tom figured out something else.” Scootaloo remarked. “Running... isn't flying. I hope you are all taking notes because this is going to be on Miss Cheerilee's test later.”

“The flying pose made his sprite look similar to Metal Sonic's flying pose, except it was just Sonic... and he still had the black and red eyes.”

“I get the dratted picture. Black and red eyes, I get it.” Cadance declared.

“But this time, Sonic had the most derange looking grin on his face. He looked as though he was enjoying the torment he was giving the poor little fox as he gained up on him. Blood.... BLOOD you guys. Suddenly, Tails tripped.”

“Wait to go.” Pinkie Pie remarked. “You can fly too, can't you?”

“But... anyway... In parenthesizes, another cutscene. The music stopped and Sonic vanished. Tails lay there and started crying for 15 seconds... sniveler... The scene was rather upsetting to watch and then, Tom kind of teared up, too.”

“Oh you little filly.” Rainbow Dash had a go on the author. “It's not real. Pull yourself together there, Skippy.”

“And then, Sonic appeared right in front of Tails. Tails looked up... in horror... Blood...”

“Here we go.” Celestia foreshadowed.

“...started running from these black eyes of Sonic as the grin slowly grew on his face as he looked down at the horrified fox. Tom could do nothing but watch.”

“Turning of the PC was apparently not an option.” Twilight questioned. “I bet Tom was enjoying this show that creep. Yet another reason why Kyle and all of us despise you. You are a bad friend.”

“Just in a split-second though, Sonic launched at Tails right before the screen went to black. There was a loud screeching noise and it only lasted for 5 seconds.”

“Again, really glad you are keeping track on the numbers.” Fluttershy annotated. “Just saying, nice to know you have your priorities in this weird situation straight. Wait to go, Tom.”

“The text returned, only this time, it said 'You're too slow. Wanna try again?' And then, that gosh-awful laugh came with it. Tom was so shocked by what had happened. Did Sonic take Tails out? No! He couldn't have. He and Tails are supposed to be best friends, right? Why would Sonic do that to him...”

“Why Tom?! Why?!” Pinkie bawled.

“Tom shook the shock off as he was brought back to the character select screen. The savefile that had Tails though was different. Tails was no longer in the box itself, but In the TV-screen itself, which was flickering with that red static. Tails expression scared Tom, cause you know... the coward-thing. His eyes were black and bleeding. His orange fur had gone black and he had an expression of anguish on his face.”

“He was goth...” Luna bantered.

“Trying to ignore it, he picked Knuckles next...”

Derpy recognized the situation of everypony else and even her to this moment happy expression turned into disappointment and a bit of anger when she realized the quality of the story she was just presenting. Finally, she comprehended what she was reading and stopped it.

“Okay. Now I'm going to stop here and say something. I don't want and shouldn't read the rest of this. Do you want to know why? You are completely right. Your snooty comments were justified all the time. This story is absolutely freaking terrible. I mean Discord, where are only through what I would call the first arc, the 'Tails Arc', and I already see you wanting to knock yourself off which I understand.

“So far, we've been able to establish that Tom is a coward, he is easily freaked out... OMG Blood... not a fan of Kefka, doesn't have the intelligence to turn off the darn computer and go for a jog, and blood, bloody blood blood, dead animals, blood. And you know what's worse? That's basically the rest of the story. This happens with the other two characters, as well. It's just a little shorter, or slightly changed.”

“Oh no, running right, scared, blood, uuuuh... Sonic, black eyes, red dots, bloody dead stuff. Blood. Scared. Blood. Me not know how to turn off computer. Machine scares me. Don't know how works. This characters in agony; I feel so bad for them. Sonic's a jerk and he is evil. Rinse and repeat. Uuuurgh....”

“I'm sorry. I can't read this anymore. I know it's the first story in my series but... gosh cursed... When I read this to myself the first time, I thought it was very good. But realizing your expressions, I understand it is not. I shouldn't ask Screwball for suggestions anymore. So, what I'm gonna do now is summarize the Knuckles and Robotnik arcs... a little... and then I'll skip to the end and you and I can give our final dismissive thoughts. Ready? Go!”

“Oh not got to play as Knuckles; bloody blood. Static and oops, here is Sonic and Sonic is trying driving me and Knuckles crazy; and I still don't know how to turn off computer. Computer scare me. And then Sonic gets Knuckles and then shoves Knuckles into a box like Tails. Sonic says some stuff, but we don't care. Knuckles looked bad as well. Tommy-boy finally shuts off the game for nap-time, but that was disturbed by a nightmare. He was in pitch-blackness with Tails and Knuckles and they were crying for his help; because the world revolves around Tom! Tom is so incredible important!"

"You're a sod! Sonic gets up close and personal with Tom saying 'You're a lot of fun to play with kid, just like your friend Kyle. Though he didn't last long. Won't be long now until you join him and all my other friends. You can't run kid. You're in my world now. Just like the others, now I'm gonna grab you and you're gonna wake up and play the game again.' Now he's playing as Robotnik. There is bloodstains everywhere and Robotnik looks unsure and uuuuuuuh... blood and he had to got down some stairs which is undoubtedly Robotnik's worst nightmare, because he is so out of shape look at him. Kefka laughed. Dark, red, black flame, blood; uups here is Sonic again and Tom was shown a most unpleasant image."

"It was a hyper-realistic äähm... ooooh nooo... it was a hyper... it was so scary that I messed up that line. I can go fix it but I can't, cause I'm so scared, cause it was a hyper-realistic image of Sonic standing in the darkness where you could only see his face, while his head and torso faded into black. And when Tom says 'hyper-realistic' a million dratted times, he means so realistic that you could see the lines of blue fur, as you could actually feel it, if you touch the screen. His face... OH GOSH... he had the most horrifying smile Tom had ever seen ooooooooh gosh... Bla-bla image, static showed up again, text saying 'I am god' which was apparently the most horrifying thing he had ever seen. Sonic was monster, pure evil, sadistic, all powerful, nightmares. And his victims are his little toys."

"Then Tom screamed like a little filly when sonic rushed at the screen with his mouth wide open and he yelled for good 7 seconds. He counted that on his wa-atch. Shoot! It keeps going. Here is Round 2. Tom cried for the characters as they were bumped and depressed and forever tormented by the horrid hedgehog. That horrid, fictional hedgehog. Then the computer shut itself off, thanks Celestia. He sat there for 25 seconds, counting each individual second otherwise he wouldn't know how many seconds... hmpf... He couldn't get the game out of his computer. It stuck in there, but he at least managed to turn the computer back on now."

"After he sat there for another 25 seconds, cause 25 is a nice number apparently, he heard a voice right behind him. Tom tried to turn around to see where the voice came from and what he saw made him scream, because sitting on his bed, starring right at him... was a Sonic-plushy who was smiling with bloodstains under his eyes. The End... Shoot!”

“Okay, this is incredible terrible. I had to read it and reread it for you. I went through Tartaros; you're welcome. Now for the skeptics, of course it's not real. As for the story, it is garbage. It repeats itself constantly going on and on about blood and freakin' out and blood and I feel bad about the characters and blood and Tom keeps describing things repeatedly, as well as saying things multiple times like 'hyper-realistic' and 'blood' and  'uuuh I feel bad hmpf', 'blood'. Yes I get that Sonic has black eyes and red dot, gosh, I can read. You're insulting the reader, my friends."

"The three arcs play out the same as in 'oh no here is this character, but now there is this blood and here comes Sonic and he is a jerk, so bad things are gonna happen. Tom is also vain and things the world all revolves around him and everything is about him like he is so incredibly important; and the story ends with a plushy that flew out of his computer-monitor; and then it sat on his bed.' What message is that supposed to send? Oh no, free toys, Sonic you're such a twit?"

"The story is so bad it literally made us hopping mad, and I really am hopping mad. I'm such a well rounded individual. And I can say now without a doubt this is one of the worst things I've ever read; and I am awfully sorry having read this to you.”

Ditzy gazed very sadly into the campfire, even though her friends were laughing their flanks off when she started to bash the story herself. Regaining seriousness, the others looked at each other with a pitying gaze.

“The scariest thing about this whole thing is...” Twilight assumed with Derpy barely noticing it. “ ...that I can feel deep down in my heart, it's just gonna get worse and worse, because you just started this series, Ditzy, and there are many more stories like this out there.”

Derpy was even more depressed now and lay on her back. “Well... I just don't know what went wrong. Maybe I'm just a dimwit...”

“Oh no, Ditzy.” Rainbow Dash tried to convince her. “Don't say that. Okay, this one story was dross, but it wasn't your fault. You'll sure find better ones!”

“Yes!” Ditzy shouted happily. “Next time, I will deliver you the best and scariest story ever.”

Ditzy was flying around happily in the night, ignoring everypony else, before she crashed into a tree and entangled herself in the leafage. The others gazed at Rainbow Dash, with Rarity making the final point.

“Did you have to encourage her that much?” They blamed her simultaneously.