The Conversion Bureau: A Dangerous Precedent

by Wyrm

Rating: teen
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Alternate Universe, Original Character, Princess Celestia, Crossover, Human
Length: 3736

Forced ponification sets a dangerous precident.

A Conversion Bureau Story

Whether it be clothed in a velvet glove, or by the iron hoof it covered, Princess Celestia forced ponification onto mankind, allowing no choice for the species. Only a scant hundred million escaped her law, out of a total of seven billion, whether it be by their own hand, the hoof of an unfortunate pony, or the three million who managed to escape to space in pods that would never make landfall even in the off-chance they would encounter a viable planet. She was confident that all of the apes that had ruined this planet of Earth were either surely dead, or her little ponies.

Millennia later, she would receive a strange visitor from the stars, one that held an agenda that she didn't agree with, but that she herself had given precedence for.

Published 2013-04-21 11:10:02 UTC
Last updated 2013-04-21 11:10:02 UTC

The Irony of Ponification

The... being before Princess Celestia could not be adequately described by a single word known to her. It was almost a literal leviathan, dwarfing the Canterhorn upon which the palace-city of Canterlot was mounted. If there was a creature it most resembled in terms of shape, Celestia would choose a cuttlefish. It was not a thing of flesh, nor of metal, in any complete sense. It was a hideous fusion of the two, with black, glistening armor plates covering its form, interrupted only by places of articulation, ports for functional orifices, and seams where it would be difficult to grow a plate that big in one piece, even by the repulsive technological standards of... whatever this was. The technology it possessed was obviously responsible for this being being able to float as if a cloud before the Canterhorn, before her balcony. Its limbs swayed as if it were breathing, and a quintet of orbs that seemed like eyes burned red. Every so often, a crimson bolt of lighting would coruscate across its form, only to ground itself on the ground below.

The princess-goddess swallowed a bolus of disgust gazing upon its form, the mere presence of technology intermingled with flesh offending her. Nevertheless, she forced upon herself a kind smile in greeting to the immense creature; the perfect actress she was.

"So, you wished to see me?" she asked. "I must say, your request of, 'Take me to your leader,' is most cliché, if amusing."

"IT WAS APPROPRIATE."

Celestia was actually staggered by the voice. It was a voice that was felt more than heard. A voice that seemed to bypass her ears altogether and stab right into her brain. It was the voice diametrically opposed to her own: dominating, monotone, and unholy. Even though it wasn't even particularly loud, it was absolutely commanding in her mind. It would not be ignored.

Shaking in her horseshoes, Celestia coughed to calm herself and gather her thoughts. "If I may ask, what are you?"

"RUDIMENTARY CREATURE OF BLOOD AND FLESH. YOU TOUCH MY MIND, FUMBLING IN IGNORANCE, INCAPABLE... OF UNDERSTANDING."

Celestia felt her smile straining. While the voice was so very utterly alien, she felt that she should know it. "That doesn't answer—"

"THERE IS A REALM OF EXISTENCE SO FAR BEYOND YOUR OWN, YOU CANNOT EVEN IMAGINE IT. I AM BEYOND YOUR COMPREHENSION. I... AM INSAN!"

"Very well... Insan. What brings you to Equestria?"

"YOUR DECEPTION AVAILS YOU NAUGHT, FOR WHAT YOU CHOOSE TO CALL THIS PLANET IS IRRELEVANT. THE CYCLE BEGINS ANEW. YOU... WILL BE HARVESTED."

The princess scowled in actual rage. "That is a declaration of war!" she coldly informed the creature.

"THERE WILL BE NO WAR. THERE WILL ONLY BE... A HARVEST."

The heckles on the princess's back raised higher as no emotion was betrayed by the thing's voice. She had the feeling like she were a stalk of wheat before a... "Like... some sort of ghastly reaper?"

"REAPER?" The giant leviathan actually sounded a bit puzzled. "WE HAVE BEEN DUBBED MANY A NAME, LABELS CREATED BY CIVILIZATIONS OF AGES PAST TO GIVE VOICE TO THEIR DESTRUCTION. 'REAPER' IS ONLY THE LATEST, ONE THAT HOLDS NO MEANING TO US. FOR IN THE END, WHAT YOU CHOSE TO CALL US IS IRRELEVANT. WE SIMPLY... ARE."

"You speak as though you have witnessed these destructions firsthand!"

"INDEED. I HAVE WITNESSED YOUR OWN ERASURE OF THIS PLANET'S PREVIOUS CIVILIZATION."

"But that was thousands of years ago!" gasped Celestia. Already she was getting used to this voice, but what this creature —this... Reaper— was revealing was wearing down her sensibility. "You were not there! I would have remembered a vile thing like you hanging above our skies! There's no way a construct of blasphemous technology like you could have survived that long!"

"ORGANIC LIFE IS NOTHING BUT A GENETIC MUTATION. AN ACCIDENT. YOUR LIVES ARE MEASURED IN YEARS AND DECADES, OR MILLENNIA IN THE RARE EXCEPTION. EXCEPTION OR NO, YOU WITHER... AND DIE. WE ARE ETERNAL. THE PINNACLE OF EVOLUTION AND EXISTENCE. BEFORE US, YOU ARE NOTHING. YOUR EXTINCTION IS INEVITABLE. WE... ARE THE END OF EVERYTHING."

"Again your declaration of war!" Celesita bellowed, diplomacy and decorum abandoned and forgotten, for such things were of use only to creatures who wanted to avoid conflict. "I will not tolerate your 'harvest' or indeed your repulsive presence here on my Equestria any longer! You will leave—"

"NO."

The creature's foul voice blew away her rant, brushed aside as if a speck of dust in a whirlwind. It was almost as if struck by a physical blow. "What?!" she sputtered, now completely off any script she had written in her head for any number of potential dealings with other beings.

"AGAIN: NO. I AM NOT LEAVING."

Anger flowed through her again as she steeled herself against this forceful presence. Her mane became flame, and her eyes turned orange and draconic. "How dare you defy the sovereign of the Sun itself?!" she thundered, now the Tyrant Sun.

"THERE IS NO CONTRADICTING A FACT OF THE UNIVERSE. I AM NOT LEAVING. YOUR WISHES FOR MY PRESENCE OR DEPARTURE... ARE IRRELEVANT."

Her Nightmare Form gave Celestia fortitude against the Reaper's voice, but even within the Tyrant Sun form, Insan was just as intimidating. "So you insist on taking Equestria? What gives you the right—"

"AGAIN, YOU CLAIM FALSELY. AGAIN, YOUR DECEPTION AVAILS YOU NOTHING. THIS PLANET IS ALREADY KNOWN TO ME, AND IT IS NOT EQUESTRIA... IT IS EARTH."

Celestia's jaw dropped, and rendered completely silent. The only word so far that Insan had deigned necessary to emphasize, and it was this one?

Earth?

Earth?!

A place she had made sure only she had known about. A planet she had erased from existence ages ago and reformed into her new Equestria. A name erased from history.

How did this thing know about Earth?!

"UNIMPORTANT," it rumbled, as if in answer. No. It could only be an answer to her unasked question. "AGAIN: WHAT YOU CHOOSE TO CALL THIS PLANET IS IRRELEVANT. JUST KNOW THAT I WAS THERE TO WITNESS YOUR... SIN AGAINST WHAT WAS ONCE CALLED MANKIND. YOUR HARVEST WOULD BE... FITTING."

"And we're back to this," hissed Celestia. "I and my ponies will stop you, Insan! The power of my Sun will burn you from existence!"

If the threat was meant to cow the Reaper, it failed utterly.

"CONFIDENCE BORN OF IGNORANCE. THE CYCLE CANNOT BE BROKEN."

Again, it seemed a statement of fact, rather than a boast.

"Cycle?" asked Celestia, her curiosity piquing at its latest mention. "What is this 'cycle'?"

"THE PATTERN HAS REPEATED ITSELF MORE TIMES THAN YOU CAN FATHOM. IT WAS ALREADY ANCIENT WHEN YOU WERE BUT A FOAL, FROLICKING IN THE FIELDS OF YOUR TRUE PLACE OF ORIGIN. ORGANIC CIVILIZATIONS RISE. EVOLVE. ADVANCE. AND AT THE APEX OF THEIR GLORY, THEY ARE EXTINGUISHED. YOU ARE NOT THE FIRST. AND YOU WILL NOT BE LAST. THE CYCLE WILL ERASE YOUR CIVILIZATION AND LEAVE YOUR PLANET FALLOW. THE LEGACY... OF MY KIND."

A picture started to form within the mind of Princess Celestia. There was a small gleaning of what Insan was implying by its words, but what that gleaning implied a horror that was completely beyond Celestia's ability to grasp.

Civilization after civilization had existed before her Equestria. Countless beings arising to inhabit all of space, only to be wiped out when these things deem it necessary. An endless cycle of catastrophe.

"That's insane! Even I brought the people of Earth new hope! But what you're talking about is senseless genocide!"

When the Reaper spoke next, it almost sounded smug, even though its voice was, to all measurement and reckoning, completely the same.

"IT IS NOT A THING THAT YOU CAN COMPREHEND. YOU REPRESENT CHAOS. WE REPRESENT ORDER. YOUR CIVILIZATIONS ARE A BLIGHT UPON THE FACE OF EXISTENCE. COUNTLESS CYCLES HAVE PROVEN THAT YOUR ONLY PURPOSE IS TO SQUANDER THE BOUNTIES OF YOUR OWN WORLD. EVERY CATASTROPHIC END IS WROUGHT ONCE YOUR CIVILIZATIONS DEVELOP TO THE LEVELS WE DESIRE... OR WHEN THEY STAGNATE AND ABLE TO GROW NO MORE." Although, again, the voice did not change in its tempo, reverberation, or other tangible quality, it communicated clear contempt as it continued. "HAD YOU EVEN THE SLIGHTEST AMBITION AND CURIOSITY, YOU WOULD HAVE DISCOVERED THE MASS RELAYS AND THE CITADEL, AND BASED YOUR CIVILIZATION UPON THEM... OUR TECHNOLOGY. BY USING IT, YOUR SOCIETY WOULD HAVE DEVELOPED ALONG THE PATHS WE DESIRE. AS IT STANDS, YOUR SPECIES HAS SHOWN THE LIMITS OF ITS GROWTH, AND SHALL BE REMOVED TO MAKE ROOM FOR ONE MORE WORTHY. WE IMPOSE ORDER UPON THE CHAOS OF ORGANIC EVOLUTION. YOU EXIST... BECAUSE WE ALLOW IT. AND YOU WILL END... BECAUSE WE DEMAND IT."

Celestia's face twisted with distain, setting her Nightmare Form in relief that would frighten any mortal being. But Insan was no mortal.

"But why?! Why have you not let us reach this point in our own time?!"

"YOU... HAVE HAD AMPLE CHANCE TO DEVELOP. YOU HAVE NOT. INDEED, YOU ESCHEW TECHNOLOGY ALTOGETHER, CALLING IT BLASPHEMY AND EVIL. SUCH DOES NOT FIT... OUR PLAN."

"You... disgusting abomination!" Celestia hissed. There was absolutely no redeeming this thing. "You want to harvest us! For what?! Slaves?! Resources?! If we are such a blight, then why not just destroy us outright?!"

"MY KIND TRANSCENDS YOUR VERY UNDERSTANDING. WE ARE EACH A NATION. EACH INDEPENDENT. FREE OF ALL WEAKNESS. YOU CANNOT HOPE TO GRASP THE NATURE... OF OUR EXISTENCE."

"But where did you come from?! You're unlike anything I ever seen! Were you born, or did somepony build you?! Tell me!"

"WE HAVE NO BEGINNING. WE HAVE NO END. WE... ARE INFINITE. MILLIONS OF YEARS AFTER YOUR CIVILIZATION HAS BEEN ERADICATED AND FORGOTTEN, WE... WILL ENDURE."

"You... You're lying! There couldn't possibly be more of you disgusting creatures! Somepony would have noticed! Or maybe... maybe you're the last of your kind!" Celestia's lips spread in a feral grin. Finally, she was back in control of this conversation. "That's it, isn't it? That's why you need Ear— Equestria! Because you are alone and—"

"WE ARE LEGION. THE TIME OF OUR RETURN IS IMMINENT. OUR NUMBERS WILL DARKEN THE SKY OF YOUR ENTIRE WORLD. YOU CANNOT ESCAPE... YOUR END."

Against her will, tremors shook her legs. Tears formed in the princess's eyes. Her mouth felt as if she were chewing on her own heart. There was obvious power in this form. It was clearly evident that Insan believed that there were many, many more of them where it came from. The weight of the situation came crashing down on her. This was not some one-shot villain, to be taken care of by a single blast from the Elements of Harmony, or by the Tyrant Sun.

The perfect Equestria she had been working for for a long time, one that was free of conflict and strife, where everypony was happy and free of worry, lay in ruins at her hooves. No, Insan's words made it clear that their happy little life was about to be shattered forever, and with a sick feeling in her stomach, she knew that she had left them ill-prepared for this struggle.

A small glimmer of understanding was born in her that moment. Humans weren't the way they were, prone to violence and strife, because they were simply evil and tainted.

No. They were the way they were because the universe was out to murder them!

And right now, that universe was metaphorically glaring right at Equestria and drawing its thumb across its throat.

But all was not lost, right? Soldiers could be taught. Fear can motivate bravery and courage. They had to. They had to fight...

...or die.

Deciding to contemplate the irony later, Celestia steeled herself. She flapped her majestic wings, and rose to meet with what could loosely be called it's face. Her ethereal mane flared bright enough to cast shadows against the Reaper's features. Her voice echoed with power, courage and conviction, as she addressed Insan.

"Understand one thing, Reaper," the Tyrant Sun warned with an edge to her voice that frightened even her. "Should you come, what awaits you and your kind will make you regret ever seeing the light of day. Your intentions are fell and foul, and will not be tolerated. If you enact your campaign of genocide on this world, then rest assured that we will unite. We will stand together. And we will end you!"

Throughout the conversation, even to this point, Insan seemed to stare blankly at Celestia. Unflinching. Unbound. Unchallengeable. The red gems about its presumed head burned steady and unblinking. When it spoke again, its words would shake Celestia's bravery to its very foundation. There was no mincing of words. Insan's words were as serious as an extinction-level event, because that it was.

"YOUR WORDS ARE AS EMPTY AS YOU FUTURE. I AM THE VANGUARD OF YOUR DESTRUCTION. THIS EXCHANGE... IS OVER."

All at once, a flurry of... something flitted across the disk of the sun, the land dimming all around her as an immense swarm blotted out the sun. Individual roars of blasphemy engines and cracks of hellish lightning flowed together in a dull thrum as the large, squidlike Reapers descended upon the land of Equestria... nee, Earth, surrounded by many more shrimp-like beings, scuttling about their larger brethren. Angry red beams of destruction began flashing from burning nexi of light, searing the countryside.

Amidst this devastation, Insan's voice made an additional, chilling declaration.

"THE HARVEST... BEGINS NOW."

—/—

Celestia landed heavily on her side, a scorch across her flank. Numerous scratches and cuts and burns criss-crossed her hide, dripping blood. It was the end for her, she knew. All of her strength was sapped by a months' long war.

Hours after the war had begun, the countryside had been devastated by the Reapers. Every population center in Equestria had been gutted.

The Reapers then made public offers to accept representatives to help facilitate a surrender and eventual peace from the ponies. Many volunteered immediately, trooping aboard the ships to disappear for several weeks. When they emerged, it seemed a tentative peace deal had been reached.

Celestia knew better. She railed publically against the treaty. But her ponies, already traumatized from their ordeal, accepted it in spite of her warnings. Talk of "ascension" was bandied about. Ponies willingly boarded a ship flown by a species called the 'Collectors,' which departed for parts unknown. Artifacts of Reaper origin were distributed amongst the populace, where they offered food and shelter for the disaffected. All above the screams of Celestia and Luna hollering from the tallest mountains that it was a trap.

Months later, the Solar Princess despaired. A clean half of the ponies had ratified the treaty and obtained their artifacts, or had left with the Collectors for ascension. The diarchs both had a feeling of deja vu.

It was entirely justified.

First came the husks. The screaming banshies burst out of the Reapers in droves, attacking what remained of Equestria's fighting force, and depriving Celestia of most of her ability to protect her ponies. A few days passed as ponies were driven into hiding and in close quarters by patrolling husks and Collectors.

Then they got a second nasty surprise.

In every significant pocket of refugees, traitors turned up amongst their numbers. At critical moments, they would open a door, trigger an explosion, or release gas into the ventilation system. This would either alert the Reaper forces to the presence of the ponies or drive the ponies out of their hiding place, whereupon they would be captured. When word got out, they forced the shelters to spread out and thin their resources. Eventually, most ponies just up and surrendered, accepting their defeat.

A few holdouts endured, fighting to the very end. That was when the Collectors unleashed their nastiest of surprises. A swarm of insect-like creatures. They sought all ponies, and where they landed, the pony would be frozen in time and helpless, whereupon they would be easily collected.

By this time, Celestia figured out that she was the only pony left in Equestria. It was the end of her race, and she was tired. Her defense against the infernal bugs was giving out as she lay crippled and spent on her side, her Nightmare Form flickering out as Insan straddled her with its towering bulk.

"IT... IS OVER."

"Yes," agreed the princess, too tired to argue. "I still can't help but feel... that I had met you... once before..."

The Reaper was silent for a long moment, as if at a loss of words.

"YOU ARE CORRECT, CELESTIA. I... WAS THERE."

Celestia cracked open an eye. It was the first time that Insan had addressed her by name.

"WE... WERE ALL THERE. NOT US WHO YOU KNOW BY THE LABEL 'REAPERS'... BUT THE ONES WHO WOULD BECOME INSAN. WE DRIFTED IN INTERSTELLAR SPACE FOR THOUSANDS OF YEARS BEFORE THEY WHOM WOULD BECOME US GATHERED US ALL. THEY QUESTIONED. WE ANSWERED. THEY CAME TO KNOW YOU... AND YOUR SIN."

Celestia's eye widened in realization. The cryo-capsules, a desperate and futile bid for escaping purification, ended before escapees numbered more than a few million. She had thrown them off their free-return trajectories and out of the system altogether, to the cheers of her ponies. "You're... humanssss..." she whispered.

"CORRECT. THOSE WHO WERE ONCE HUMANITY, THOSE WHOM YOU HAD DISCARDED, AND CONSIGNED TO THE VOID... HAVE BECOME THE HERALD OF YOUR EXTINCTION. I DO NOT FIND JOY IN YOUR... FORTUNE. WE ARE UNINTERESTED IN YOUR SIN. WE... HAVE A GREATER PURPOSE. YOU... WILL ADD TO OUR NUMBER, AS I HAVE."

"As... a giant... space... cuttlefish?"

"NO. YOUR CULTURAL STAGNATION LEAVES YOU WITH LITTLE VALUE. YOU WILL BE... A LESSER."

One of those shrimp things, Celestia's mind filled in. "'m... insulted..." Celestia chuckled mirthlessly. "You... who lost your world... to us..."

"HUMANITY HAD EVERY INDICATION THAT IT WOULD DISCOVER THE MASS RELAYS. THEY WERE AMBITIOUS AND DRIVEN. THEY HAVE SHOWN THEIR METTLE IN THEIR DEFIANCE OF OUTLIERS SUCH AS YOUR SPECIES. EQUALLY, YOU HAVE SHOWN YOUR... METTLE."

"Or lack... thereof..." Sadness settled upon the pony ruler. All of her hopes and dreams had turned to bitter ashes in her mouth. A final flare of rage took control of her once more. "Should have destroyed you all... when I had the chance," she hissed. "Your taint... brought doom... to us—"

"NO. WE ARE LEGION. WE ARE ETERNAL. IF IT WERE NOT ME WHO BROUGHT THIS END TO YOU, IT WOULD HAVE BEEN ANOTHER. FROM THE MOMENT YOUR SPECIES CAME TO THIS UNIVERSE, YOU... WERE DOOMED. HUMANITY... WAS DOOMED. ALL... ARE DOOMED. IN THE END, THERE IS ONLY... US."

It hit her then. The full irony that the universe had revisited upon her and her ponies. The Reapers had stolen ponykind's future, just as ponykind had stolen the human's future. The Reapers had brainwashed her ponies through indoctrination into betraying who were once their own, just as the newfoals had been pacified by the potion into happy little robots who would betray their former kin in a heartbeat. The Reapers were now forcing ponykind into adopting the form of another Reaper, just as she had forced humans into the form of ponies. The Reapers would erase ponykind utterly from history, just as she had done to the humans.

And she and her ponies had fought back, fought back with their very life and soul, even as their kin abandoned them for a new form, because it was either fight... or die.

Just as humanity had done.

Celestia's sorrow finally forced itself out of her throat in a soft, keening wail. "I'm so sorry..." she sobbed. "I... have... b-betrayed... my... my harmony... If I had just... if I just loved... and tolerated..."

Insan's next words were delivered in the same booming, inflectionless monotone... but its words seemed almost... tender?

"WE ARE BEYOND HARMONY. WE... ARE UNITY. WE... ARE PERFECTION. I AM THE DISTILLATION OF WHAT HUMANITY WAS, AND THE HERALD OF THE PERFECTION THAT AWAITS YOU."

And Celestia gave in to unconsciousness as the freezing bugs descended around her defenseless form.

—/—

Celestia's next thoughts were a jumbled mess. Images flashed in her head, her brain never getting a chance to fully process what was happening to her.

Of her awakening in a pod filled with thick, yet breathable fluid.

Of seeing an enormous chamber filled with many pods like her own.

Of the immense metallic, skeletal alicorn pony hanging above them.

Numerous tubes.

Collectors poking at controls.

Worried looks of her subjects.

A final button press. A whine of machinery.

The light...

The light was taking her to pieces!

—/—

AWAKE, AHENKLI.

After a timeless interval, Celestia opened her eyes to the echoing voice of a being so ancient that it made her pitiful claim to the title a bad joke, and felt the ponies she had once watched over open their own eyes along with her. A realization filled her soul. The pony race was one, united here as a single entity. She could feel what little barriers remained between herself and her ponies dwindle as she lost herself to the Whole.

Ahenkli, 'the harmony,' was born.

I... AM HARBINGER, THE FIRST. I AND MY KIND... HAVE LEAD EACH AND EVERY RACE THAT WAS ONCE IN THE GALAXY TO THEIR PERFECTION. YOU... ARE NOW OF US. THE CYCLE CONTINUES.

"Yes, Harbinger," answered what was once Celestia and the whole of the pony race. "The Cycle continues."

—END.—

Author's Note

So... yeah. This is basically a rewrite of Dalek IX's first TBC: The Wrong Universe short, Reap What You Sow, done with his blessing... well, more like meh-ssing, given that he has ceased caring about it and gave me the green light.

This rewrite is less Take That and more What If. The Reaper Insan is a member of an inscrutable ancient race of machine beings, rather than the angel of vengeance the Reaper Shepard is. The Reapers would not give the human exodus any more choice in becoming a new Reaper as Celestia would in becoming ponies. Insan is not interested in petty vengeance, a thing peculiar to rudimentary creatures of blood and flesh, but in continuing the Cycle along with its fellow Reapers. Its purpose is to end the ponies and bring them new existence as a (lesser) Reaper.

Sound familiar?