Chapters A Fetch Quest for My Drink
A Fetch Quest for My Drink
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“Wake up, Mom,” called the disdainful voice of a young filly. Berry Punch forced her groggy eyes open. “You fell asleep on the floor again.” Her daughter Ruby, a small unicorn with a light red coat, stood over her.
“Honey, just a few more seconds, I’m tired.” Berry’s eyes eased themselves back into their relaxed, sealed state. That seal was abruptly broken apart by a hard buck to the side. “Fine damnit. I’ll get up.” Ruby slid her horn under the tired mare’s belly and lifted her up like a caravan jack. “Thanks hun,” the mare said as she did some exaggerated stretches. Berry Punch was Ponyville’s official alcoholic and second-best partier. This was just another average morning of waking up with a bad headache. “Hey Ruby, do you remember anything about last night’s party? I think there is something I need to remember, but it won’t come up.”
The filly made an unimpressed sigh and shrugged. “Same old, same old. You made a fool of yourself and everyone got wasted. I kicked them out at three in the morning and played Dodo society, the usual.” She rapped at the floor with her hoof as she searched her memory for anything out of the usual. “Well there was one really fancy looking guy, a big unicorn stallion. You were talking to him a lot I think. I don’t really know. I just clean.”
“A unicorn stallion huh? Come on, hang-over, clear up for just one second. I think he told me something… interesting. Something I just can’t get it to come up." Berry growled as she dug her hooves deep into her skull "Damnit! I hate this stupid memory stuff!” Berry bumped her head into the nearest wall over and over, but that wasn’t going force the memories out any sooner.
“Just wash yourself up before you go outside," Ruby dismissed her mother with a bored, almost condescending tone, "I’ll be on the computer.” Berry took slow stumbling steps to the upstairs bathroom where she let herself soak in the comfort of steamy, bubbling bath water. The soothing scent of strawberry bubble-bath flowed through her nostrils. The memories from last night made gentle waves back into her mind. Amongst those memories was one of a white unicorn with a lustrous, red mane.
The memory started with her lying on the couch with the regal looking unicorn. He whispered into her ears with his sweet, seductive voice. “You want to know the recipe to the ultimate wine? Wine so good even Celestia doesn’t get to drink it. The recipe goes like this. First you need to ferment oranges with cooled magma, holy grapes mixed with purified magic, singing cherries, and a sea pony’s ‘Shoo Bee Doo’. Then you need to mix it all with dragon’s love.” The Berry of the memory giggled after that ingredient. “and as for the yeast, you need yeast that’s been treated by a hippogryph. Then the yeast needs to be sprinkled in stardust. Mix all of that together and you’ll have a batch of the best wine in the world.”
Berry’s tongue dribbled with drool as the recipe repeated over and over through her head. The ingredients made no sense, but it didn't matter. Something magical about them made her desire it. It was as if she had to drink it right then and she’d let neither hell nor heaven get in her way. Rushed with energy, Berry bounced downstairs. “Ruby! I’m going on a pilgrimage!"
Ruby’s hoof slid down her face as she belted a disdained groan. “Mom, what religion do you even believe in that has you going on a pilgrimage?”
“Uhhh, the religion of wine.” Berry snickered.
“Give me a second. I have type a message before I can even dignify that with a response.” The filly turned her back to her mom and faced the radiant computer screen. Ruby typed into the text box of her chatroom on Dodo Society.
Little Drinker- Guys I think my mom has finally went full blown retarded. She’s shouting about a pilgrimage for alcohol.
Mini-RAINb0w- Seriosly? whats a pilgrim thingy?
Muffinfilly- I think its a tyop of adveture. I herd of it in last dreamX. Shes gonna go to churchs n stuff.
Little Drinker- I doubt that. She’s probably just horribly misusing the word.
Mini-RAINb0w- Ask what shes going 4 I wanna knwo!
Little Drinker- Fine just give me a second.
Ruby spun her office chair around to face her mom again. “So, what the hay are you talking about? I know you don’t believe in anything so it’s not a pilgrimage.”
Berry bounced uncontrollably like a schoolgirl. “I remembered what that unicorn said to me. It was a recipe to the world’s best wine! Dragon love, Shoo Bee Doo, singing cherries, hippogryph-treated yeast, holy grapes, stardust, cooled magma, and purified magic! Doesn’t it sound like the best damn drink in the world?”
Ruby's voice fell flat. “Honestly. That sounds ridic-”the recipe’s magical tune echoed through Ruby’s young head. Her mouth watered and her eyes dilated, “-ously delicious! Mom can I please have some? I know I’m not supposed to drink, but I think I need this one! If I don’t get it I’ll explode or something. Then child services will finally come for you.”
“You really think I wouldn’t let my own little girl have the best wine in the world? Of course you can! Now come on let’s go!” The impatient Berry rushed for the door only to get a painful bump when Ruby shut it with her magic.
“I have to say bye to my friends first. Just lie there for a minute.”
Little Drinker- Guys me and my mom are going to go adventure for the best wine in the world. Also guess which filly gets to drink under-aged. Me!
Mini-Rainb0w- Id go with u but sweati bell would be to much of a wimpy marchmallow!
Muffinfilly- Awww I’m at my daddy’s right now. I’m sure mama wood let me go wit yo guys. And cant yo u drink at those parys anyway? yOUr mom woud never care.
Little Drinker- Yeah I just choose not to. I’m sort of scared, but this sounds to good to miss out on. Bye girls!
Little Drinker logged off.
Ruby jacked her mom back up like before. “Mom we should go see aunt Cheerilee first. I’m going to have to leave school for a while.”
Berry groaned, “But I haaatee Cheerilee. Do we really have to? Can’t you just ditch? Please do it this once for mommy.”
“Not happening, I got stars to keep! There is no way I’m letting Sweetie Belle become the new sun filly. Now come on!” Ruby bucked her mom through the door. The walk to Cheerilee’s house was filled with whining and fake crying.
The house was an incredibly happy shade of orange. It sat high on top of the rolling hills near the schoolhouse. Ruby opened the the door with the key under the mat. “Hi Auntie Cheerilee. I brought mom with me.” The rich maroon colored teacher was in the middle of popping a bottle of white wine when they came in.
Cheerilee blushed, “Oh you caught me in the middle of my Sunday drink. What brings you and-,” Cheerilee’s tone turned more dull, “my sister here?” She took a sip of her drink in front of Ruby knowing the filly wouldn't mind.
“We’re going on an adventure for the ultimate wine. She’ll be out of school for a while. We’re just here because she cares about some sun filly crap.” Berry was rewarded with a swift painful buck for the “crap” part.
Cheerilee’s drink sprayed from her mouth, soaking Ruby in nasty wine-spit. Berry on the other hoof opened her mouth for the drops that went her way. “Ultimate wine? Adventure? What the hay do you think you’re doing taking a little girl on a journey in Equestria! This place is covered in manticores, dragons, and giraffes!”
“But you haven't heard what’s in it yet,” Berry rhythmically listing the ingredients.
“Sister, Dragon’s love doesn't even sound,” that ingredient repeated in Cheerilee’s head, dragon’s love, “Dragon’s love sounds like the best thing I’ve heard in my whole life. You know what?” Cheerilee bolted upstairs and in minutes returned with a three saddlebags of supplies, “Since I'm such a good, cheery sibling I’ll be happy to help you two. I wouldn’t want to see my sister’s funeral too soon would I?”
Berry snorted as she put on her saddle bag. “Yes you would. You just want my booze. That’s the only reason we ever talk.”
Cheerilee hummed as she rummaged through her living room dressers. “We’ll need weapons if we want to survive the Equestrian untamed-lands. Aha! Here it is.” Cheerilee pulled a protractor out of the dresser. The curved edge had been modified with a lethal blade while the straight edge was turned into a mouth grip. The best thing about it was that she could still measure angles! “I’ve been saving this confiscated protractor knife for years. You two will need something to use as well.”
“Oh, oh, I play tennis! I can beat monsters with a racket! And I was practicing healing magic too because of all the injuries that happen during mom’s parties.” Ruby brandished a racket Cheerilee had lying around and swung it like a sword.
Cheerilee pat the little unicorn’s head.“Good idea Ruby. You’re already more useful than your mother. The funny thing is, I just confiscated some metal spiked balls from Scootaloo yesterday. She said something about a ‘being uncannily convenient’ cutie mark.”
Berry stared at the beige bag Cheerilee had pulled out from her confiscation closet. “You have some weird kids.” She searched through her memory banks for anything that could be her own weapon. “Hmm, Twilight had something cool I can use to kill stuff with. Lets go.” Berry made sure to shut the door on Cheerilee's face as they left.
“Of course you would swing a gourd around.” Cheerilee scoffed.
“Hi there Berry. Did you say gourd?” Twilight’s mumbled, trying to figure out whatever Berry was talking about. "Oh right that huge drinking gourd Celestia gave me. I really have no idea why she would send me something like that. Do you need it?”
“Yeah we’re going to kill monsters. We’re going on an adventure.” Ruby said. Berry struck a heroic warrior’s pose. Going on an adventure was starting to sound pretty kick ass even without the wine.
Derpy’s ears perked. “Killing monsters? Dinky does that all that time on her fantasy game. I miss my muffin when she’s with her daddy. Can I come too?”
“The more the merrier, Derpy!. Maybe Raindrops can cover for you.” Cheerilee said.
“Well it seems you’re forming quite the party, so I'll try not to hold you up. Spike, toss the gourd out the window! Berry needs a weapon!” Twilight called to her loyal dragon. After a few seconds a cheap wooden spear fell to the ground, almost skewering Cheerilee.
“So close.” Berry mumbled.
“Spike!” Twilight shouted.
Spike's popped out of the second floor window. “Sorry Twilight! We gave the gourd to Applejack, remember? So I thought a spear would be good. Actually… why do we have a spear anyway?”
“I thought it would come in handy one day,” Twilight mumbled, “You guys can keep the spear. Tell Applejack I said you may have the gourd. She'll understand.”
Derpy picked up the spear. “I know how to use one of these! Dinky uses this drag spoon character all the time.” She spun the spear in her hooves.
“Wow, Blondy’s pretty good at that.” Berry remarked.
“Why thank you. I practice a lot you know. As a mail mare I have to know twenty ways to kill a pony. I’m an expeeeeeerrrt !” Derpy’s spinning propelled her through the air, hurtling in the direction of Sweet Apple Acres.
“Follow her!” Berry yelled.
The others found Derpy crashed through one of applejack’s trees... rump first. “You okay, Blondy?” Berry asked as she tugged and pulled the pegasus’ head.
“Yeah I crash into things all the time. All part of being a mail mare.” Derpy popped out of the tree and landed with a stumbling three point dismount.
“What in tarnation is goin’ on over here?” Applejack and her cousin Braeburn were about ten trees away.
“Sorry Applejack. Derpy had a little trouble. Also, we’re here for a gourd Twilight gave you.” Cheerilee said.
“I’ve been using that thing for my personal cider. Y’all sure ya want it?” Applejack replied. The party nodded. “Fine then. Hey Braeburn! Help your cousin out and get that thing from the barn cellar.”
“Sure thing.” Braeburn saluted before cantering off to the the barn. Applejack tipped her hat to Berry and company before going back to farm work. About ten minutes later, Braebern dropped a large reddish-green gourd full of hard cider next to Berry. “Hope ya don’t mind the drink ma’am. What ya need this thing for anyways?”
Berry submerged her head in cider as Ruby handled the talking. “My mom needs it to kill monsters. We’re all going on a quest for the ultimate wine.”
“Ultimate wine? Then y’all should buys some of my sister’s apples. Ain’t no way y’all can make the best wine in the world without apples. Here let me get y’all folks a bushel.” Braeburn bucked the tree behind him. All the tree’s apples fell perfectly into crates underneath. “Here, y’all can have ‘em at a discount. Applejack’ll never know, two percent off!”
Cheerilee politely declined. “No thanks Mr. Braeburn. The recipe doesn’t call for any apples. See we’re looking for a particular set of ingredients." Cheerilee proceeded to list of the ingredients in song to the rhythm of the ABC's.
Braeburn laughed. “That’s just plain silly. What the hay is Shoo Bee Doo anyways?” His eyes dilated. That strange list of ingredients suddenly filled his every thought. Now nothing was more important than drinking this godly nectar. “Did you say ‘oranges’? Ya know, we have some orange farming relatives. How about I help? I can get free oranges from ‘em.”
Berry fell inside the now empty gourd. “Hell no! I’m already sharing this between my daughter, Blondy, and my sister who refuses to just die already. So why the hell should I share any with you,” she shouted, her voice echoing against the clay walls.
“I have a shotgun,” Braeburn said bluntly.
“That’s a good reason.” Berry wiggled her way out of the gourd like a worm. “Fine, get your gun and we’ll go. If I stick around any longer I’ll be taking the whole town with me.”
Breaburn called Apple Bloom from a distance. “Hey Apple Bloom, can you have my gun ready at the gate? Tell Applejack I’m cutting this visit short.”
"Whatever you want Braeburn,” Apple Bloom replied from the next acre over. After a few minutes of preparation the party lined up at the town exit. The whole group was eager and ready to rush out into the world.
Berry packed the gourd into her inventory. “Okay let’s get our asses in gear! For wine!”
“For wine!” the rest echoed. Berry took one step beyond the Ponyville limits.
“Waaaaaiiiiiiiiit!” Fluttershy landed in front of the party. The party looked at each other confused. “Um sorry, you really don’t have to wait. It’s just, it’s really dangerous out there. You should really use the save crystals Celestia placed all around Equestria. I can’t make you, but you really should. If something,” she gulped, “horrible were to happen the crystals would bring you back to the past. Twilight says these crystals really mess up the timestream so you shouldn’t use them too much. Except if you don’t use them, you’ll die, so you should use them a lot. Wait...sorry. I confused myself. The crystal is over there. Oh, and if you run into a lagobo could you please bring it back? I’d love to see one.” Fluttershy disappeared as suddenly as she appeared.
Berry walked over to the crystal.
Do you want to save your life?
Yes ->No
Berry laughed. “Saving is for wimps.” Berry obtained her third Ruby buck of the day. “Damn it, I’m going to start punishing you for that.”
“Mom, if Dinky taught me anything, it’s the cardinal rule. Save early, save often.” Ruby said.
“Yeah, Muffin always saves when she gets to a save point. She gets really upset when she forgets,” Derpy added.
“I’d really prefer not to die today, Sister.” Cheerilee said.
Braeburn scratched his chin. “I reckon it’s probably a good idea to save here. Starting over from three days ago would be mighty irritatin’ for me.”
“Shut up! Damn I hate the Berry-is-wrong game.” Berry tapped the crystal again.
Would you like to save your life?
->Yes No
Which file would you like to save in?
-> 1- Empty
Saving your life. Please don’t open your eyes during this process.
….... ….. ….
A Fetch Quest for My Drink
A Fetch Quest for My Drink
New Game
-> Continue
Choose a save file.
-> 1 Berry Punch LV1
The party of inexperienced adventurers stood before the gateway of their new campaign, the road out of Ponyville. Ahead of them was an endless world covered in rolling plains, beautiful forests, and so much more. There were new towns to see, wilderness to explore, and some big opportunities to die if you’re unprepared. Only then did Braeburn realize, “...We don’t have a single clue where we’re goin’, do we?”
“Well, this whole thing was my sister's idea,” Cheerilee turned to her sister. “Berry, where are we going?”
“Pfft, shit I dunno. My first instinct after I remembered the recipe was to go on an adventure to get the junk I need to make it. I never got any on where to look. I figure we’ll just have to wander and hit some kind of hint eventually. This stuff can’t be too hard to find.” Berry said before trotting ahead of the rest.
Ruby tugged her mother back by the tail. “That’s just going to get us all killed! We should go back to Twilight’s and get a map. Maybe we could get some research done on the ingredients too. I don’t even know what half the stuff on the list actually is or how we’d ever even find it.”
Berry stomped a frustrated hoof into the dirt. “Hell no! Spending too much time in this place is why I have to share with ... “ Berry looked at the others she was traveling with,“... two ponies I hardly even know and Cheerilee. We’re winging it! Blondy, go up there and find us someplace to go.”
With a salute, the bubbly pegasus ascended into the skies. Her eyes darted in every direction. “Searching, locating, targeting, zoom and enhance!” Her eyes locked in place, targeting the perfect place to start. “Destination locked! There, Manehattan over yonder hill! They have muffins.”
The grounded ponies turned their heads to the city; the large industrialist metropolis emerged from beyond the northern. “Huh, can’t believe we didn’t notice that,” Cheerilee chuckled,“Well you heard Derpy. Let’s go!” With a bounce in their step, the party started its march to the wealthy city. One step, two steps, three steps, Random encounter ! The world twisted and contorted and then it was just a blur. Suddenly the world came back into focus, and Berry found herself in the middle of the grassy plains with her weapon drawn. Three oozing, smiling, blue slime balls bounced in front of her. Somehow they looked violent.
“The hell was that? Is everyone okay?” Berry shouted as she realized she was already circling the Gourd above her head. “And when did I learn this fighting style?” she mumbled.
“We’re fine, just caught in the reason ponies don’t travel much.” Braeburn stood on his hind legs with his shotgun ready. “I’m not sure if ya ever left Ponyville before, but the thing is, the outside is a dangerous place. You take a few steps and bam ! Monsters all over. T’aint fair, ya can’t even see the things until they attack ya.” Braeburn took aim and fired at the center slime. Thirteen damage flashed in white text above its head. “Darn slimy, bullet-absorbin’ varmints.”
“Get ready mom. it’s your turn!” Ruby was ready on Berry’s right, bouncing one of her spiked balls on a racket.
“What?! Does everypony know how this works except me?” Without any other options, Berry aimlessly swung the gourd at the slimes. Miss . “Oh what the hell!”
As if from nowhere, Fluttershy descended onto the center of the battlefield with her own heavenly spotlight. “I’d like to explain what’s happening … if you don’t mind. Umm, you see . . . Equestria is a very strange land. The untamed wilds are - terrorized - by - monsters! It's really frustrating and scary because you can't see them, and, umm, whenever you're walking around you could be ,eep, thrown into a random encounter at any moment!”
“I figured out that part already. Explain the shit that’s going on now!" Berry shouted.
Fluttershy recoiled. “S-sorry, of course. Well, umm, once you're in a," she gulped, "r-random encounter you fight by taking turns. The turn order is determined pretty randomly - most of the time that is, I think. The worst part is if you're traveling in a party of well more than three . . . your partners won't be able to help you unless you switch out! Braeburn, could you please be a nice pony and give an example?”
“Sure as sunshine Fluttershy.” Braeburn ran into the horizon until he faded away. Cheerilee rushed onto the battlefield from the same endless expanse.
“Roger!” Cheerilee said as she assumed battle position, “Ready for anything!”
“The other thing is if all three active members happen to …. um die, then it’s game over for everyone. So remember to heal please. It would be terrible for you to have to hurt time. And before I go, sometimes the way encounters work changes. I’ll come back if that ever happens. Good luck.” Fluttershy ascended back into the sky, like an angel disappearing in the Sun’s holy light.
“Well none of that made any sense. Why do we have turns? Why don’t we just fig-" One of the enemy slime launched itself at Berry's face. The gelatinous body wrapped around her head. "The slimy shit is on me! Get it off!” Berry wrestled the disgusting blob of off her face and tossed it back to the other side of the field. Ruby and Cheerille snickered. “You two suck.”
Ruby tossed a ball from her sack and slapped it directly into the center slime. Eight damage and the slime dissolved into a small puddle of sad, blue ooze. “It’s easy. Just hit them when it’s your turn.” The two living slimes lunged themselves at Cheerilee. With a graceful twirl, the thief-class pony dodged both attacks. She returned fire with critically-hitting cut, killing the left slime.
“And why is she so lucky! That’s not fair at all,” Berry whined.
“Because I have a good luck stat,” Cheerilee boasted with a flip and a catch of her knife. “Stop whining and take your turn
Berry growled beneath her breath as she took all her frustration and turned it into a hammering swing. The gourd crashed down on the slime with all the force of a level one warrior, ending its sad, pathetic life. “Let’s try not to do this crap again.”
Berry Leveled up “Great, that just means I’ll have to fight more doesn’t it.” Ruby Leveled up “Yes, just a bit more and I can beat up the bullies.” Cheerilee Leveled up “Another lesson taught” Braeburn Leveled up “Aaaaaaaaapppllleeelllooooooosssa”
The world spun back to to normal and the party was back on road like before. If three steps meant one battle and they had to go all the way to Manehattan and further “...This going to be a bitch,” Berry grumbled as they took long cautious steps.
Coltstantinople, one of Equestria’s four noble cities. Windsor castle was home to Dionysus, the city's duke.Prince Blueblood walked through the decorated halls with a scroll describing tax issues he wished to discuss. As he split open the doors to the duke’s throne room, hisjaw dropped. The white-marbled room was covered in fallen nobles, most of weary or surprised expression, all with a spilled goblet of red wine laying next to them. The duke layed sideways on his throne. Like most of the royal family, he was a unicorn with a purely white coat. His glistening, blood-red mane matching his eyes. With his magic, he swiveled his own wine glass above his belly. Blueblood took terrified steps through the room of corpses, stopping a few feet away from his cousin’s throne. “Dionysus, wha-what the hell is this?”
“Nothing, we just had a party.” Dionysus poured viscous fluid over himself, staining his coat with red. “You missed the punch.”
Blueblood took a step back. “You mean to tell me you poisoned all of them?”
“Perhaps I did, or maybe one of my waiters is a traitor to the nation and that’s why I killed him. Yeah, that sounds like an excellent lie to me,” Dionysus said before licking the tainted wine off of his own fur. “Oh how fun it is to be immune to poison. Thank our alicorn blood.”
“This-this is horrible. It’s deceit and betrayal to the country! I demand to know why you would go against your homeland!” Blueblood’s horn glowed as grasped sword that hung from the wall with his magic.
“Oh you’re threatening me with a decoration. You’re always such a laugh.” Dionysus chuckled. He floated the empty wine glass above him as he hummed a little tune.
The Prince growled, “Answer the damned question! I swear I won’t hesitate to cut you through.”
“Well if you really want to know why I killed them …,” the duke turned to his cousin. His crimson eyes were larger than a pony’s irises should ever be, “it’s because none of it means anything anymore,” he shouted. “I’ll let you know something. Alcohol holds tremendous power over ponies. It elicits all sorts of emotions. It pulls others to success, it crushes lives, it brings ponies together, but it can also call forth our true blood.”
Blueblood lowered his sword. “What about our blood?”
“Remember, we’re descendants of Celestia! We have her blood flowing through us! That’s why we don’t get sick: that’s why we are immune to poisons. For years I’ve researched of a wine so powerful in its magical properties that it can make any member of the royal family an alicorn five times more powerful than the princesses. The best part is, I finally found a pony whose drive for booze is powerful enough to make it for me, Berry Punch.” Dionysus used his magic to make a window in the floor. On the other side was Berry and her companions battling monsters in an open field. “Isn’t she wonderful? Foulmouthed, sexy, and a desire for alcohol that overpowers fate itself. She will bring me the intoxicating nectar that will make me the most powerful being on this planet!””
The prince’s eyes fixated on the mare. “A simple mare is the key of your scheme? You’ve no backup plan at all?”
Dionysus dismissed the magic window “I don’t need one. She’ll accomplish everything. Even if I did have one I wouldn't tell someone too stupid to understand it.”
Blueblood turned his back. “I’m making my leave. You know I can’t let you get away with this. I’ll tell Celestia and Luna. If they don’t stop you, then I’ll stop you myself.”
“Oh you will? Even if it means killing the mare and her little girl?” the duke taunted.
“Yes. Even if it means killing civilians. Good day cousin.”
“Great. You’ll be a wonderful source of … experience for them,” The wine duke chuckled as he magically summoned another glass full of red wine. “I wish you the best of game overs.”
Manehattan, a bustling city of business and wealth with a bit of muffins on the side. The roads were made of expertly placed cobblestone. The brick buildings stood several floors tall, much larger than any wooden creation in Ponyville. Berry pulled crawled into the city, beaten, battered, and bruised. Her hooves finally touched the glorious cobblestone.“Yes! No more damn encounters.” She let her muscles give out and simply lay sprawled in the street.
The others walked in just behind her. Ruby's horn sprinkled a healing light over her mother. “Mom please. We only fought level two monsters the whole way here.”
Berry grumbled and rolled over onto her side. The dark bruises on her side faded away was they were exposed to the pink light of Ruby's spell.
Derpy hovered above the other ponies. Her wings flapped like a hummingbird. “We can’t stop here. We still need to head to where the muffins are,” Derpy whined, “Come on let’s go!”
Cheerilee and Braeburn heaved Berry onto her hooves.“Derpy dear, my sister’s tired.” Cheerilee said with the motherly tone she usually saves for children. “As much as I’d love to leave her behind we have to wait just a bit. She’s sort of the lead. The muffins will still be there.”
Derpy flitted back and forth. Her hooves wrestled through her mane.“Noooo ,we have to go now. They’ll be all gone soon. I can tell!” The flustered pegasus turned coat and dashed into the alleyways on her own.
Derpy has left the party
Berry smacked hoof against her forehead. “Gah, stupid addicted pegasus. I don’t even know why we let her come with us. I say we can leave her wherever she ends up. Blondy will be fine”
Braeburn pat Berry on the head. “Now that ain’t no way to talk about anypony. Y’all just handle yourselves. I’ll go after Derpy. You should try to find my Aunt and Uncle Orange. Tell ‘em you’re with me and they’ll give ya as many oranges as ya need.” Braeburn tossed the girls his bit pouch before giving chase the cross-eyed pegasus.
“I’ll hold on to the money.” Ruby said as she tucked the bits into her bag. “To be honest, I don’t want to trust either of you with it. So where should we start looking for the Oranges?”
“Pfft , I don’t know. Let’s ask the guy.” Berry pulled up to a grey, well-clothed unicorn. “Hey you, have any idea where we can find the Orange family? We need some stuff from them.”
“The Oranges? Why they live in the east side, up in the deluxe apartments on the highest floor. Here, I’ll give you a very special map." The unicorn passed Berry the tan leather scroll from underneath his top hat. "It was made by some serious explorers. It charts all of the planet and even locks on to whatever city or building you’re in. I've been told it will also point out areas of interest. It’s amazing, but I’ve no need for it. Good luck.” The gentlecolt trotted away into one of the many back alleys.
“Well that was lucky,” Cheerilee said with an almost worried inflection to her voice. “So we just follow this map anywhere and we’ll know where to go next?”
“Seems like it." Ruby tapped her horn on the map. "See, the apartments over here have a little white glove pointing to them.”
Cheerilee chuckled.“Magic enchantments will never cease to amaze me. Are we heading there first? I’d like to get some water to be honest.”
“Screw water!” Berry snorted. “I need a shot or two; let’s go to this bar. I like its name, The Knockout Shot. That promises some strong liquor.”
“Mom, no. Auntie, later. We should just get the oranges out of way while we can get them for free.” Ruby took the map from her mom with her telekinesis. Another key item Berry couldn't be trusted with. The two mares groaned as a child led them through the city. The apartment that the map led them to was much more like a hotel in appearance, both inside and out. It had swanky seats, a shiny mahogany desk, and a desk-colt. The sisters sat on the couch and glared at each other while Ruby handled the business. “Excuse me, sir. We’re looking for the Orange family. They live here, don’t they?”
“Yeah, and I'm glad they're gone,” The blue desk worker replied.
“Excuse me?” Ruby said.
The colt pounded on the desk.“Those two would constantly order meals that I’d have to carry up to the top floor! I have to carry all their food. Do you know how much I get tipped?” The filly shook her head in response. “None! Freaking zero bits from those cheap orange peels. Everypony else here gives a pretty nice tip, but not those two. I’d take their food up fifty times a day and for nothing! If the- Aughghugh !” his rant was cut short by a flower pot to the face, followed with pain, and succeeded by bleeding, lots of bleeding.
Berry leapt over over the desk and pressed her hooves into the poor colt’s chest.“I don’t give a flying shit about how much you lift! Are the Oranges here or not? Because if they aren't I have a bar to be going too!”
Negative Karma Increased
“And I still want some water, please.” Cheerilee added.
“I’m sorry,” the pony coughed as blood from his face ran into his mouth. “The Oranges left for the Coltstantinople a week ago. Just get off me, please!”
“Fine, let’s go ladies.” Berry removed her hooves from the colt, leaving with her family. He lied on the ground, his face in excruciating pain.
“Nice work mom. You got kicked out of The Knockout Shot for knocking a pony out in one shot. I’m a bit proud to be honest. You usually take two swings to knock out somepony,” Ruby said as she lifted her mother up from the street.
“Whatever. their drinks weren’t that strong anyway,” said the ever staggering Berry Punch, “and those two bimbos were asking for it!”
“The first girl was a lamp. That’s why you were able to snap her in half without her screaming,” Ruby said with a small chuckle.
Cheerilee walked out of the bar with a purposeful wiggle in her rear. “Bye bye ladies. Hope to see you all again sometime. I’d love to stay, but I’ve got a sister to take care of. “With another flaunting shake of her plot, she closed the door behind herself. “ Nice to see you’re living up to the family name, sister.” Cheerilee said with a half drunken snicker. Crackle! Boom! The girls’ attention was stolen by the night sky. Fireworks decorated Luna’s night with bright colourful sparks and flowers of fire.
Ruby’s eyes were fixated on the display. “Wow, what’s all this is for? The last time we saw fireworks like this Trixie was in town.” Distracted, Ruby found herself on the ground from her mom’s weight.
The blond mailmare touched down in front of her. “See, I told you we’d find them getting kicked out of a bar! My eyes know everything. Oh, and sorry for knocking Berry on you, oopsie.”
Braeburn trotted onto the scene with a plate of muffins on his back. “Okay you were right for the third time today, but I still ain’t bakin’ you any cupcakes to go with these." The cowpony switched his attention over to Cheerilee. "So did y'all find my aunt and uncle?”
“No luck. They’re in Coltstantinople. We’re going to have to get oranges somewhere else,” Cheerilee said before breaking back into snickering.
Ruby shoved Berry off her back. “Hey Derpy. Can you find where the fireworks are coming from?”
“Sure.” Derpy hovered above the ground. She started spinning, going faster and faster till she was a rotating blur. “Scanning, scanning, scanning, scanning, fireworks source located!”
“Yes!” The excited filly clopped her hooves together. “Mom, can we go please? I really want to see the fireworks show!”
“Sure, why the hell not. They’ll probably have better booze anyway,” Berry said from the ground. With the help of her questionably loyal companions, Berry was lifted all the way to the three story high, blue tent the light show was coming from. The unnecessarily large sign outside boasted ‘The Great and Powerful Trixie, most powerful unicorn mage of all time!’
“Her again?” Cheerilee said as the ursa major incident flashed through her mind like a nightmare. “Oh, why not? What are the odds of that happening again? Let’s get seats … in the back” Berry and Ruby sat a row ahead of the rest while Braeburn sat between Derpy and Cheerilee. The Great and Powerful Trixie was just finishing a trick where she fused two stallions together.
“Thank you, thank you! Trixie has two more tricks left tonight. The first will be great and the second will be as powerful as you could ever imagine. Who among you are ready to experience such incredible magiks first hand? You over there in the corner! Come over and be the mighty assistant of the Great and Powerful Trixie!” Each time her name was uttered, a burst of flares erupted from the stage floor. Her mighty assistant was a bouncy, pink earth pony.
Trixie draped the mare with a golden scarf as she summoned her to the stage. “Now dear, all you need to do is open your mouth nice and wide for the Great and Powerful Trixie to work her magiks.” Obediently, the mighty, pink assistant opened her mouth as wide as possible with an audible ‘ahhhhh’. Without hesitation, Trixie forced the her into a great and powerful lip lock!
The crowd, reeled in surprise. “This show is hotter than I thought it would be. We should get backstage tickets next time.” Berry chuckled with a perverted grin planted on her face.
“Her last show definitely wasn’t this romantic,” Cheerilee said, her cheeks blaring with red.
The kiss evolved into a passionate make out session, much to the disgust of some patrons, and the pleasant surprise of others. Something started to change in the assistant. The pink pony's belly swelled like a balloon. She grew larger and larger as the kiss went on. Once she was about the size of a caravan, Trixie's lips broke away from the romantic spell. “Behold the helium kiss!” The cloud roared with applause and whistles. Roses and violets were thrown to the stage along plenty of papers with addresses and numbers. “Oh don’t give the great Trixie everything yet. You haven’t seen the powerful part!” As a punctuation to her boast, the Mighty assistant exploded. Gasps filled the tent. “Yes my audience, she is dead, but like a phoenix she will arise back to our mortal realm!” Trixie tossed her hat. Her horn was burning with light like a wild fire.The scarf the used-to-be-mighty assistant wore floated in the air. It spiraled as Trixie manipulated it with her magicks. The scarf stretched and contorted far beyond its limits. Then the scarf gave in to her will and combusted into burst of golden fire. The ashes fell to the stage, where they collected together into a bright sphere that shattered into a pony!
“Twilight is going to love the story about what it was like in Asgard!” The Pink assistant shouted.
“Holy muffin apocalypse,” Derpy said nearly entranced. “It doesn’t matter if my eyes ever work normally. I just saw best show ever! …. and Dinky wasn’t here for it.” Derpy’s eyes sprinkled crooked tears as she rested her head on Braeburn’s shoulder.
“Hey sister, are you thinking what I’m thinking?” Cheerilee asked.
“We should find Trixie backstage, knock her out with chloroform, and kidnap her?” Berry replied flatly.
Her sister groaned. “No, but that makes a good backup plan. I think we should try to convince her to join us. Her magic would turn the giraffes outside into dust.”
“We should probably save in case the recruitment plan doesn’t work,” Ruby suggested as she started writing down a much better kidnapping plan with crayons. “Mom there’s a save crystal back outside.”
Would you like to save your life?
->Yes No
Which file would you like to save in?
->1- Berry Punch LV1
Are you sure you want to overwrite that file?
->Yes No
A Fetch Quest for My Drink
A Fetch Quest for My Drink
New Game
-> Continue
Choose a save file.
-> 1 Berry Punch LV5
Berry and Derpy roosted on the roof of a building overlooking Trixie’s tent and caravan. Two guards had been rotating shifts around the caravan for about an hour. Trixie was already inside; they just needed to sneak in, tie her or something, and jack the caravan. “Hey Berry, does your head still hurt from getting smashed with that hammer?” Derpy asked as she tapped the earth pony’s skull.
Berry pushed the pony’s hooves away. “It does now that you made me think of it again.” She massaged her now aching head. “How did it feel to get shot in the plot with arrows a lot?”
Derpy checked her rump. “It really hurt at the time, but once everything went black I only felt cold and then I saw Dinky.” A tear rolled down the pegasus’ face, but she didn't stop smiling. “But I’m all fine now and Dinky’s fine too! So everything's okay. Now remind me, why are we on this roof again?”
Berry opened a small piece of folded paper illustrated with intricate doodles. “When we tried to just take her and run the police killed us. Remember?” Derpy responded with a nod. “Well, Ruby drew up a better plan... one that shouldn’t end with us dying. We’re supposed to watch the guards around Trixie’s caravan so we can let the others know when it’s clear. Braeburn is supposed to snatch her while Cheerilee keeps the guards distracted.”
“What does Ruby do?”
Berry looked for the doodle of Ruby on the paper. “She’s supposed to steal the keys from the guards so we can jack the caravan and drive away.”
“You can drive a caravan? Ruby can drive a caravan?!”
“Duh, it is called a caravan. Ruby plays her driving simulator stuff on the computer all the time. I’m sure she can handle it.”
“Wow, Ruby’s a pretty smart girl. My Dinky is a bit like me; she’s pretty smart , but her head isn’t always in the right place.” Derpy presented a small wallet photo of her foal. Her hair was curled for that picture.
“Your eyes aren't even in the right place Blondy,” Berry said as she derped her own eyes for a moment, “but yeah I’ve seen your kid. She’s fine, not as much of a smart ass. I know Ruby cares about me-or at least I think she does, but I never get that mother daughter connection with her. She always treats me as if she were an adult too. Hell, sometimes I’m the damn kid.”
“I’d say Ruby is an adult. I don’t get to see her act like a child much when she plays with the others. She cooks, always stays on top of her grades, and keeps everyone out of trouble. At least that’s what Dinky tells me about her. When I see Ruby in town it actually makes me sad. She’s the only kid not acting like a kid. I see her play games with the others but she never seems as free as them, but she really seems to love fireworks.” Derpy pointed to the extra fireworks that still burst and sparkled from Trixie’s previous show. “That’s one thing.”
Berry laughed as she relaxed over the roof’s edge. “Jeez Blondy, when’d you become a child psychiatrist? How does Dinky treat you?”
“My muffin always looks up to me. She asks me to kiss her when she gets hurt, she always comes to me when she’s curious, she watches everything I do and tries to imitate me. I’m like the world to her and she’s the world to me. We care for each other.” She hugged the little photo as close to her body as she could. “I think that's what it means to be family.”
“Hmmm, how much does she care for me?” Berry mumbled to herself.
“Umm, Berry? I think the guards are leaving,” Derpy said, leaning halfway of the edge of the roof. The two guard ponies went inside a nearby tavern. “What do we do now?”
“We discreetly let the others know it’s time for them to get rolling.” Berry walked to the other side of the roof. Braeburn , Cheerilee, and Ruby rested on bench down below. “Hey sis! They’re taking a break in the tavern! Move your asses!”
Braeburn , Cheerilee, and Ruby rested on the steps of the street side of the building.
“I’ll talk nicer to her when I’m dead,” Berry snapped. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I was having a conversation with Blondy!” She flicked her tail and trotted off, kicking some pebbles at her sister's head.
“You’re just jealous that I have a job,” Cheerilee retorted. “Now let’s go, team!”
Cheerilee, Breaburn and Ruby snuck through the alley on the building's side. They had the perfect strategic position behind Trixie’s caravan. The back window was wide open and it had plenty of room for Braeburn to squeeze through. All Cheerilee and Ruby had to do was walk into the tavern and work their skills while the stallion contained Trixie by any means. “Okay big guy,” Cheerilee nudged Braeburn’s side, “go up there and see what she’s doing.”
“I’m really starting to have second thoughts about this,” Braeburn said as he made tiny little baby steps toward the window. “Why are we kidnapping a pony? It’s wrong, isn’t it? A unicorn made me explode for it a couple hours ago.”
“Pfft, try being frozen and then shattering to a thousand sparkling pieces. It hurts a lot more! Now go on, we promise we won’t let you die again. My plan is perfect!” Ruby boasted.
“It was drawn in doodles!” Braeburn displayed his own wrinkled copy of the plan. “Doodles!”
“And those doodles are perfect!” Ruby turned to her aunt. “Auntie Cheerilee says so.”
“Yep, I’m going to put it on the fridge at home. Now just play your role, Braeburn. You’ll do great. I’ll give you a gold star.” Cheerilee said with a sticker sheet of golden stars in her mouth, each reading “good job” or some variation thereof.
“Gold... oh, never mind. Fine, I’ll do it; just hold your horses.” The reluctant stallion crept over to the window. He approached the caravan on the tips of his hooves. His eyes just reached over the window. The inside was uniformed in a blue shade only slightly darker than Trixie’s coat. Breaking through the blue were various bursts of colour resembling the sparks of fireworks.Trixie had her back turned to him, admiring herself in a vanity.
“Oh, Trixie! You dazzled the audience yet again. Tonight’s mare was very familiar, but where was she from? Oh right, Trixie remembers now; she was standing next to those hecklers in Ponyville. Hmmph, she was a pretty filly though. Of course there’s no mare prettier than you, Trixie.” The unicorn winked at herself in the mirror. Four pictures were wedged into the top of the vanity’s frame. The largest was of Trixie herself, one was of a purple unicorn, and other two were a pair of blue unicorns. “One day you will defeat an ursa major. You’ll go back to that town and show them all and she will respect you. Then I can become a star in the sky happily. Hell, I already make a beautiful star. Kiss me!” Trixie threw her face at the mirror, engaging in an extreme make out session … with herself. Braeburn shuddered and shielded his innocent eyes.
He trotted back over to the girls. “So, what’s she doing?” asked Cheerilee.
“She’s uhhhh, doin’ stuff. I reckon she’ll be a while.” Braeburn said with an expression somewhere between fear and disgust. “So, how exactly do you want me to get her?”
“You just need to restrain her. You can phase out a unicorn’s magic by tapping their horn.” Ruby pointed to the tip of her own horn.
Braburn’s head tilted. “Does it really work like that? It seems sorta... stupid.”
“Just try it. Force her down and tap her horn. Trust me, I do it to Sweetie Belle all the time when she’s practicing telekinesis. We’re going to go get the keys. We should be only be five minutes. When you get Trixie just open this bottle.” Ruby pulled a small black bottle from her bag then levitated it over to Braeburn. “That’s going to signal mom and Derpy.”
“Good luck. Don’t hurt her too much,” Cheerilee said as she took Ruby with her to the tavern.
“Good luck? This is all the help I get, some advice and good luck? Can’t I at least have some rope or something?” The stallion mumbled to himself. Braeburn looked through the window again. Trixie’s mind was still immersed in making out with herself. He scanned the room for anything that could be of use. He’d need something to tie her with and something to keep her mouth shut. “Let’s see. There’s a case of pinecones and some capes. I’m gonna have to work some ingenuity here.” Braeburn climbed through the window like a squirrel. He took one of the pinecones from the case and crept behind the distracted unicorn. “Ah darn it I’m too nice to do this,” he muttered to himself with his muffled mouth. He spit the pinecone out his mouth, straightened his hat, and stood straight. “Howdy there.”
Trixie shrieked, pulling an immediate one-eighty degree turn. “You didn’t see Trixie kissing herself! She was merely trying to clean her mirror!”
“You were moaning, heck your slobber’s all over the dang thing.”
“Cleaning is a very difficult process.” The unicorn folded her forelegs defensively “Now why are you in Trixie’s caravan?”
“I uh, wanted your personal autograph,” Braeburn said thinking off the top of his head. He held out his hat towards Trixie. “Please sign it, please! Your show was the most amazing thing I bet I’ll ever see!”
“Oh, of course, Trixie thought you were going to kidnap her or something.” Trixie signed her name and title in exaggerated cursive. “Anything else the wonderful Trixie can do for you?”
“Uh well I was wondering, maybe you could do a show in Appleloosa! I can tell ya all about it. There’s hardly any unicorns there. Everypony would love to watch you.”
“Appleloosa? Trixie doesn’t know about this place. She’ll listen and consider the possibilities.”
Meanwhile, Ruby and Cheerilee looked for the guards in the tavern. The Bird’s Nest Tavern was as average as average could be. Normal wooden tables, normal stained glasses, and normal half burned candles. It was completely unremarkable in every way possible. “Hey, I found them over there.” Ruby pointed to the two red coated guards who had been throwing darts on the other side of the room. One had a blue mane while the other guard’s was green.
“Actually Ruby, I was thinking.” Cheerilee scratched her chin with her hoof as she tried to piece the idea together. “If I’m the thief class why is the white mage doing the stealing?”
“Because they need to be distracted and I just thought a beautiful grown mare like you will get their attention better than an itty bitty under-developed girl,” the filly said wearing the biggest pair of puppydog eyes imaginable.
“Darn it, I should have never taught you how to do that. Fine, go over there. I’ll try … something.” Cheerilee waltzed towards the two guards with a certain sway in her hips. “Hello there. I’m new to this town. The place I’m from isn’t so big.”
“A small town girl, huh? We’re from Canterlot, but big cities are our specialty. What sort of help do you need, miss?” said the green maned guard
“Not much I just need a place to have some fun.” She winked.
The green haired pony winked back. “You’re in luck, me and my friend here know plenty of fun places in Manehatten. There’s a lot for a mare like you to do in this town... if you catch my drift.”
“Oh, really. What is your drift?” The mare said, stroking the blue maned guard’s side.
Both guards jumped. “The arcade, the comic book store, the giant Internet cafe with free world of arts and crafts. And there’s even a huge costume shop!” The two said in unison.
“Dude, they have cosplay outfits for Ragna the Bloodpony there. I so need to get one!” the blue maned guard exclaimed. “Oh, hey! I bet you’d look great in a Hsien-po costume. You should go there with us.” He gripped her hoof. “Miss Trixie is letting us off soon.”
“Well if you really think I’d look good in it.” Cheerilee’s eyes darted across the room looking for her small unicorn. “I mean I’ve definitely heard of the character before, but I don’t play games much.” Ruby snuck up behind the guards unnoticed. The keys to Trixie’s caravan dangled from the waist of the blue maned pony. She started levitating the keys off of him with her magic. She made sure not to accidentally jingle them as evil jingly keys always tempted her to. They were off now; she just needed to get them into her pouch nice and safe.
“Hi little Ruby! What are you doing in Manehatten? Is Berry here?” said the familiar voice of a mare. The surprise snapped Ruby’s concentration in half. The keys fell straight to the floor, making a jingle loud enough to alert everyone in the building. Ruby spun herself around to see the exact mare she thought it was: Colgate.
The guard ponies turned around immediately. “Ladies, why are our keys on the ground?”
“I think these two were trying to steal our keys. Jump ‘em!” The guards threw themselves at the thieves.
“Slow!” Colgate shouted as her horn shot out a spell. A blue image of a slowed down clock formed in front of the guards like a magic seal; the two were stuck in a state of slow motion.
“Romana, snatch the keys and follow me!” Cheerilee bit the skin on Ruby’s back and ran off with her; Colgate ran behind her with the keys around her horn. The three mares forced their way through the caravan window. “Braeburn signal Berry! we-”
“Shhhh. She’s asleep,” Brabeurn said as he tucked the loud and snoring Trixie into her bed. “I was telling her all about Appeloosa and she just darn fell asleep on me.” Braeburn popped open the black bottle from earlier. “Wow this stuff is strong. I can’t believe you carry it on you.”
“It’s the best way to get mom to actually come when you need her. She gave these bottles to me years ago and said ‘If you ever need me open up one of these and I’ll come running’. She didn’t lie. It always works. Even when-” Bang bang bang! Ruby was cut off by the sound of something slamming against the vehicle. “Crap, are they back to normal speed already?”
Loud bangs came from the door followed by a well known angry voice. “Let me in, damn it! I can smell the Vodka!”
“Oh thank goodness it’s just her.” Cheerilee pulled Berry and Derpy inside. “Be quiet. We have to go, now! Trixie’s asleep and her guards will be after us any moment.”
“Okay just- “ Berry’s eye’s landed on Colgate. “Wait a sec. Why is she here?”
“I had to handle a special appointment and-”
“No time!” Cheerilee interrupted.“Ruby, drive!” The filly plopped herself in the driver’s seat at the front of the caravan. She jammed the keys into the ignition and slammed down the pedal as hard as telekinesis would let her.
Colgate helped herself to a seat at the vanity. “Well we’re on the road now. There’s no way those two are catching up to us. So Berry, what’s going on? I mean jacking a caravan is a pretty big deal. And who’s the pretty boy with the hat?”
“Well I’m Braeburn. I’m not from Ponyville, just sorta along for the ride.” He gave the new unicorn a powerful hoofshake. “Glad to meet ya, miss.”
“Nice to meet you too.” she said giving him an even stronger hoofshake. “ I’m Romana Colgate: expert dentist. Here’s my card.” The card read ‘Romana Colgate: expert dentist.’
“And I’m Ditzy Doo,” Derpy boasted, “But you probably remember me as Derpy, Dinky’s momma.” The wall-eyed pegasus yawned. “And if you excuse me I’m gonna take a nap. Night.” She snuggled up next to Trixie under the covers and rested her head on the unicorn’s belly.
Colgate stared at them for a bit. “That’s sorta adorable.” She remembered the warm feeling from the last time she slept with Berry like that. The warmth covered her fur like a blanket. “Berry, I’ll snuggle up with you tonight if you tell me why you’re in trouble.”
“I’m not in trouble,” Berry pouted. “I swear none of you have any faith in me.”
“Sis, it’s been twenty-three years and you still haven’t given me a single reason to have faith in you. Anyway, Romana, we’re on a big adventure. We’ve found the recipe for the greatest wine in the world. We just got sorta sidetracked and decided to kidnap Trixie,” Cheerilee said, pointing to the sleeping unicorn. Her smile did a poor job at hiding all the shame she only just realised she had.
Colgate’s eyes twitched in disbelief. “Wha- why? That’s something I’d expect Berry to do when she’s unsupervised.” Berry flicked her tail at Colgate’s comment, which was pretty much the most obscene gesture any earth pony could do.
“Well uh, because … umm,” Cheerilee’s head hung sheepishly as she looked for a lie. “ uhh, because we needed help killing monsters. Mentioning monsters, Ruby if you see any giraffes run them over!”
“We’re in the city, auntie.” the filly replied.
“Then keep an eye out, they’re crafty! So do you want us to drop you off anywhere, Romana?”
“Nah, I wanna hear more about this Recipe.” Colgate stretched her muscles and reclined. “So how exactly do you brew up the world’s best wine?” She munched on one of Trixie’s pinecones as the sisters listed off all the ingredients on cue. “Wait, wait, wait-” Before she could object to the idea the recipe’s spell worked its ways on her submissive little brain. The image of the drink was so fantastic she almost choked on her pine cone. “You guys didn’t call me about this! I can’t believe you would try to keep me from knowing.” She folded her forelegs and spat a half-eaten pinecone at Berry's head.
“Hey!” Berry barely ducked under the projectile. “I wasn’t trying to keep you from knowing! I just was a bit too ahead of myself. I’d much rather have you here than,” Berry growled, “Cheerilee. Please, I wouldn’t want to have the best wine in the world without the best mare in the world. Come on Pearly.”
“Wait, best mare in the, actually never mind. None of my business. I’m a pretend I ain’t hear anything.” Braeburn tiptoed to the front with Ruby. “Just go ahead and do whatever.”
“You’re adorable when you’re sorry, you know that Punchy?” Colgate whispered as she kissed Berry on the nose. “Sure I’ll help out. It finally gives me a chance to use my PSI.”
“PSI,” Cheerile inquired “I’ve never heard of that before. Is it a unicorn ability?”
“Not really. It’s a psychic ability. Any breed could do it, ya know, if they’re psychic. My mom was psychic but she only taught me PSI, Psychically Stolen Incantations. I can steal the spells right out of something else’s brain. Certain spells anyway.”
Cheerilee winced. “Sounds painful for the victim.” She massaged her own head just thinking about how that would hurt.
“It’s better not to think of it.” Colgate turned to Berry. “So where are we going next, Punchy?”
“I have no idea,” said the ever blunt ‘Punchy’, “We don’t really know where anything is. All we got is a map that can point out things once we already know what we’re looking for.”
“Well I think I know where we can get singing cherries. There’s a big city called Gallopolis that has a monster hunting contest each year. It’s got three prizes. The trophy, singing cherries, and the third is whatever the hell you want. Within reason of course.”
“Pearly, you really are the best mare in the world!” Berry tackled the unicorn into a surprise snuggle. “Ruby, mark Gallopolis on the map! We’re competing in a hunting festival!”
“On it!”
“Prince, I honestly have no reason to believe your cousin would have been the one to poison all those ponies. He even told me himself that he had proof it was one of his own servants. He came to it about me earlier. “Celestia looked down upon the prince from her throne. “Blueblood, you must be tired. Please take a rest, that should clear your head of these ridiculous notions.”
Blueblood bowed his head “But, Celestia, grandest mother please. He’s lying; he told me! He’s out to overthrow your rule.” He looked up, staring desperately into Celestia’s unbelieving eyes. “Why can’t you see it? He has a mare going on a journ-”
“You’ve told me, Blueblood!” Celestia interrupted him with scarcely used royal Canterlot voice. “The main issue is that your story is ridiculous. First, how could a wine possibly turn him into an alicorn? Second, if there ever was such a thing like that I would know about it. I’ve been around for thousands of years, haven't I?”
“Yes you have.” The prince hung his head, hair draping his eyes. “I’m sorry for wasting your time.” He trotted down the hallway to his personal bedchamber when he was stopped by two black guards with bat wings. These ponies were well known as ‘Luna’s Children’. Each one was treated as a member of the royal family and Luna herself treated them as her own kids. Celestia said they were the result of a relationship Luna had shortly before the Nightmare Moon incident. They were sent to another country while she was trapped in the moon to keep the public from questioning where these mutant ponies came from. “Aether, Moros, why are you blocking my path to my own bedchamber? I grow tired of your pranks.”
“Oh there’s no prank here, cousin. Our mother just wants to have a word with you about your meeting with Celestia,” Aether, the shorter and sleeker of the two brothers, said.
“You see. she doesn’t exactly buy into Dionysus’ pathetic excuse of a lie like Celestia does.” Moros waved his hoof in front of the wall. A dark door manifested behind him. Even without horns the Luna’s children had their own form of mostly dark magic. “Please step inside. Mom is waiting to see her grand nephew.”
Blueblood was hesitant to even touch the door considering it was practically flaming with darkness and had not existed for less than two seconds ago. Shaking, he pushed the door open. Black winds quickly swallowed the the prince into the ghastly green depths of the door’s dimension. Blueblood found himself on a green,but incredibly fluffy, throw pillow. It was as soft as a sheep. Before him was Luna sitting on her throne that seemed to be made of what Blueblood could only guess was anti-matter. Aside from the pillow and the throne nothing else seemed to exist. The two were dead in the middle of space. Stars decorated every direction and comets whooshed by every few minutes, but the most beautiful thing was the elegant shining moon that floated behind Luna’s head like a halo.
“Prince, I believe you have to something to tell me about Dionysus.” Luna clopped her hoof against her throne. On command all twenty one of her children appeared in a circle around Blueblood. Each in their own personally designed throne.
“Grandest aunt, where exactly are we?” His body quaked in fear and shock. Drops of the Prince’s nervous sweat fell into the abyss of space.
“We’re in my own personal dimension. It’s something I crafted up with an old invention Star Swirl made. Anypony can make their own dimensional room. I was planning to sell them to the public soon. They’re excellent for reducing stress.” Luna crackled her bones and stretched. “Now tell me what your cousin is up to, child. Out of every family member Celestia has shown me, the moon trusts him the least.”
Blueblood went over the duke’s plan in full detail or at least all the details he had. “You see, that’s why he has to be stopped. If he’s already killing off nobles before he’s in control you can only imagine the incredible chaos he’ll unleash when he’s an alicorn.”
Luna closed her eyes for a few moments. “I am familiar with this wine. Celestia was never interested much in alcohol, but I always kept my eye out. What he says about its magical properties is completely true. I can think of a few solutions. First, we could kill his errand lady. I’d hate to have to kill a subject, but that’s likely the easiest method. Secondly we could kill him. However killing the duke will not be easy now that he knows you suspect him. One of us would have to be punished for it. I can put Thanatos in charge of contemplating a murder method just in the event that we have to use that option.” Thanatos, the tallest stallion who sat atop a throne of coffins, manifested a sketch pad and started marking up plans. “That sword is named Selena. It’s made of pure solid moon rock and enchanted with your element, Ice. You have all of my children at your disposal. I trust you to handle this problem, grand nephew. I’ll do my best to work from the sidelines.”
Blueblood bowed, levitating his new sword high. “Grandest Aunt Luna. You have my word that I will remedy this stain of a royal.”
“I trust you. Now go rest.” Luna assaulted the Prince with the same black winds that had forced the Prince into her dimension. The wind blasted Blueblood into the emptiness of space. The prince woke up on the floor of his bedchamber with his new sword next to him. A new black save crystal floated in the center of the chamber.
Do you want to save your life?
->Yes No
Which file would you like to save in?
-> 2- Empty
Saving your life. Please don’t open your eyes during this process.
….... ….. ….
A Fetch Quest for My Drink
New Game
-> Continue
Choose a save file.
-> 1 Berry Punch LV5
The save crystal’s glow covered Berry’s form then faded as if she had absorbed its light. The wind blew through her mane in the open grasslands. They had parked in an open field on the side of the road. Like most of the wild-lands that they’ve passed through on foot, it seemed to just be hills, grass and trees that went on forever.There were the mountains that blocked off Gallopolis from eastern Equestria over to the west. Berry glanced over at their periwinkle colored caravan. Ruby was still busy pouring fuel into the tank , Braeburn and Cheerilee were having their own conversation on the nearby hills, and Derpy was still sleeping with Trixie. “Why do I feel so strange right now?” Berry held her hoof against the brilliant red crystal and stared into her own crimson reflection. “You just need a drink. You deserve one right now anyway.””
“Or you could just, ya know, talk to me.” Berry felt Colgate’s soft mane brush by as she walked up beside her. Colgate’s lips pecked at the earth pony’s cheek.“So have you told Ruby about our engagement yet? She really ought to know what we’re doing.”
“She’ll figure it out on her own.” Berry looked into her fiancée’s eyes through the crystal’s red tinted reflection. “She’s a little smart ass like that. Deductional what-ever is one of her things.”
“Deductive reasoning,” Colgate corrected. She nuzzled her face into Berry’s scruffy neck. “Come on Ber, this is something you really have to tell her. A new parent is a real big deal for a child her age. We can’t just keep it a secret from her until the wedding day and then go ‘oh by the way we’re getting married’. Just go over and ease her into the idea, kay.”
Berry giggled a bit as Colgate’s fur tickled at her sensitive spot. “If you think it’s such a big deal, you go tell her. You’re the one that’s gonna be the new parent.You’re better with children anyway. Make her say ‘aaahh’ or some shit.”
The unicorn gave a desperate look into the crimson reflection of Berry’s eyes. “She’s your daughter, no one should be able to talk to her better than you. I mean I’ve been with you for a while now and I’ve always been pretty amazed at how you two always talk to each other as equals. It’s like two best friends.”
“So that’s how it looks from the outside?” The earth pony's mumbling was barely audible. “I feel like that sometimes, but I’m not really too sure if it’s exactly like that. Ugh listen, my head’s just a bit cloudy. Just uh, give some time to think and I’ll probably get to it later.” She dropped onto the grass, raising a small cloud of dust and green blades. She glanced at Colgate’s reflection as the unicorn walked towards the caravan. “We’re not equals.”
Braeburn and Cheerilee sat at the top of a hill a few steps away from the vehicle. The rising sun was hanging high over the horizon. It made a glorious orange tint against the rolling grass in the distance. “I used to live on a different farm before we settled Appleloosa. I got to see something a bit like this every mornin’ from my bedroom window,” Braeburn closed his eyes as he reminisced on his childhood, “Just replace the grass with a couple thousand apple trees. I loved watching the apples all shine up right at once. It was real pretty sight back then even if it did blind my eyes a mite bit.”
Cheerilee had rolled onto her back while the stallion talked. She closed her eyes as well and tried to imagine how inspiring it would be for a young filly to wake up to such a magnificent sight each morning. Something about its calmness gave birth to a warmth in her heart. “That sounds really romantic, in the artistic sense I mean. I guess you really liked your home town, huh?”
A smile grew across Braeburn’s face as he opened his eyes and adjusted his hat. “Yep. Harilson was a old, small town, but that’s what gave it that quaint homey feelin’ ya know? That feeling that just makes a pony feel like they belong. Full of friendly folk, hard work, and delicious apples. I don’t think a single pony was unhappy. That’s where Applejack’s papa grew up. Sweet Apple Acres was her mama’s. I’m about her brother’s age. I remember them having their wedding up in the big barn. AJ’s mom was pregnant with her at the time.”
“I never knew that about Applejack. It sounds like you’ve got hundreds of fond memories back there. Maybe you could write me an essay on it. I’d love to read it.” Cheerilee rolled onto her stomach, bumping into the stallion. She giggled a bit and looked into his eyes with a smile. “Would you do that for me?”
Braeburn smirked down at her as he tipped his hat. “Sorry Miss Cheerilee, I’m more of a story teller than a writin’ type, but I love tellin’ stories to other ponies. I can tell ya as much as you’d ever want to hear if that makes ya happy.”
“Very well then, let’s see.” The maroon pony scratched at her chin. It took her just a moment to come up with the next question she really wanted to ask. “So about Applejack’s parents. I’ve never really seen them before. Whatever happened to them? I’m a bit curious because I’m Apple Bloom’s teacher and I’m always a bit concerned that her parents aren't there.”
“Oh”, Braeburn’s tone dulled drastically. He stared at the horizon a bit longer before finding his voice. “They’re rebuilding Harilson.”
“Huh,” Cheerilee’s shifted onto her haunches and shot Braeburn a completely perplexed look. “But, you were just talking about how great Harilson was.”
“Yep. It was great, but few farm towns are very well protected from a tornado. One day I woke up and my sunrise wasn’t there! Instead I just saw this giant swirling wind thingy rippin’ trees straight out the ground! I screamed of course, woke up darn near everypony in town! We all got out just dandy, but there wasn’t really a town anymore. Applejack’s papa was a darn stubborn stallion and decided to rally ponies to rebuild. They’ve been working on it for years, but tornados just keep rollin’ on in. Me and the other folk just decided to find a new town, and that’s how the great Appleloosa came to be.”
“Oh dear,” the mare took Braeburn’s hoof into her own. She rubbed it gently and spoke to him in a soothing voice. “I am so sorry for making you have to look back on that. I’ve had relatives in similar situations before. I understand what a pony goes through when they lose their home.”
“Oh don’t fret about nothin’. I’ve been well over for years now. Now I get to tell you about,” The stallion reared up and looked to the sky,“ Aaaaaappplllelooooosaa !”
Back at the caravan Ruby could hear Breaburn ramble about the desert settlement. She tossed the gas canister aside, having just finished filling the tank.“Stupid hybrid caravans. If you’re going to make caravans fueled by flare crystals they shouldn’t need fuel!” The filly turned to buck the motorized heap when she saw Colgate had been sitting behind her. Her cheeks blushed just a bit as she lowered her hind legs. “Oh, hi Ms.Romana. We should be ready to hop on the road again now. Did you want something?”
“I’ve been dating your mom for five years and you’re still calling me Ms. Romana?” Ruby nodded in response. “Well, you could just call me Romana, or Colgate. You can even use Pearl if you want, I’m sure your Ber’s not very protective of that pet name.” She crouched down to Ruby’s eye level. “You could at least drop the miss.”
“Okay then. I’ll just call you Romana if that’s really all you want.”
Romana raised a brow. “You sure you don’t want to call be by some sort of nickname or something?”
“I’m sure. What’s with the sudden concern over what I call you? You’ve never cared before and you still just call me Ruby.”
“Well, do you have any nicknames you like?”
“Silver Spoon and Diamond Tiara started calling me Bucks.” Ruby looked to back at her hind legs. They were much more firm and strong than other the other fillies in school, especially for a unicorn. If it weren’t for Applebloom’s farm work she’d probably have the strongest legs in class. “I bucked them for it, hard. I just like being Ruby, dad chose that name.”
Colgate’s ears perked. “You know Berry never told me much about your dad; it pisses her off more than anything and Cheerilee goes all mute whenever I bring him up. You mind filling me in?”
Ruby’s eyes turned to the ground. She tapped her hoof into the dirt a few times before talking again. “I … don’t really remember much. I just remember I really liked him. He was nice to me, but mom didn’t talk to him much. And then one day, he was gone.”
Colgate took a step back. “Uh, sorry. I guess I don’t really have any business delving into anypony’s past anyway. I’ll uh, just get in the caravan.”
“Watch your step there’s a-” Ruby cringed as she heard the sound of glass crashing against the floor. “Are you ok-” a shriek pierced her ears, followed by a thud on the caravan’s side. “Oh crap, she woke up!”
“Who are you ponies?! Why are you in my caravan?! Guards!” Trixie huddled herself in a corner with a bag of firecrackers and other small pyrotechnics. The interior of the caravan was trashed. The floor was marred with broken glass, pine cones, and the burn marks of fire crackers. A pegasus shaped dent was imprinted into the side, and just about everything was out of place. The others were all grouped into the caravan’s opposite end. Braeburn took a cautious baby step towards the angry mare. Snap, crackle, pop! “Don’t get any closer to Trixie! She should have known better than to trust you! Trixie is never going to entertain your stupid Appleloosa!” She threw another batch of little explosives at the group of kidnappers. “Stay Back! Back I say!”
“Hey now, don’t insult Appleloosa. Wasn’t my idea to snatch ya up, everypony else made me do it.” Braeburn’s comment was met with the glares of his peers. “Y’all know it’s true.”
“Shut up!” Trixie shouted. She flung another barrage of fire crackers her kidnappers. “Just get out of Trixie’s caravan and she’ll drive away peacefully. Got it!”
“Calm the fuck down! You’re going to burn down your own damn caravan.” Berry stomped her hoof only to get burnt by crushing a lit cracker. “ow,ow,ow owww!””
“Please stop throwing those, they’re loud and hurt my ears. We’re friendly ponies; I even brought muffins. Have one.” The pegasus presented a warm, fluffy muffin that smelled of banana.
“Like hell you’ve brought muffins; you’re trying to poison Trixie!” The paranoid unicorn shot Derpy’s muffin with a blue cracker. Gory, burnt muffin guts splattered across the pegasus’ face. “Now leave before Trixie hurts something more than your muffins.” Her horn glowed icy blue, tiny snowflakes swirling around the base. Everypony took careful steps backwards. Ruby jumped back the farthest, having already suffered the cold pain of an ice spell.
The filly’s clever brain went to work once she was safe behind a motherly figure: Derpy Hooves. Her horn sparked .“Mom, I have an idea,” she whispered, “Did you ever notice how we all decided to join you after you told us the recipe?”
“Yeah, it was starting to piss me off. What about it?”, Berry tried not make any sounds or movements that may set off the hostile unicorn.
“Well maybe the recipe is hypnotic. It worked on me, Auntie, Braeburn, and Ms. Romana. Just try and list it off to her or something. The filly gave her mother a telekinetic push. “Go on, do it!”
The unicorn's glare intensified as Berry got closer. Her horn’s glow flared and snowflakes frenzied around the tip. Berry gulped, “We, were um trying to recruit you for uh ….” she stammered, then in a panic she blurted out each ingredient as loud as she she could. Berry ducked, covering her head with her hooves. “Don’t hurt me!”
The glow and flakes around Trixie’s great and powerful horn dissipated. Her eyes widened curiously. “Wait a sec,” Her voice was more hushed and calm, “What exactly does all of that mean? You’ve piqued Trixie’s curiosity.”
Cheerilee took up job of explaining.. “Well it’s all the ingredients to the greatest wine in the universe or something like that. We really wanted you, the Great and Powerful Trixie to help. After all, your magic must be more than enough to handle the monsters.”
“Oh, of course you would want Trixie on a journey like that.” she levitated her hat and cloak onto herself. “But, Trixie’s services must have a price. She wants her own portion of this ‘greatest wine in the universe’. Are we clear?”
Berry complained under her breath about another pony getting some of her precious wine. “Yeah, sure you can. The more the merrier,” she grumbled.
After short introductions and and an explanation of where they were heading next, Trixie was perfectly ready to join their quest. It turned out Trixie’s weapon of choice really was fireworks. With Ruby as the designated driver, the group only took a few hours to make it to Gallopolis gate. There were plenty of gates like this in Equestria that was supposedly to help protect ponies, but everypony knew it was just way to get bits. Gallopolis gate in particular was in the small gap between two huge mountain ranges.
A skinny freckled blue stallion answered at the gate booth.“Welcome to Gallopolis gate... wait. Are you a child driving?”
Ruby’s eyes darted back and forth, until her eyes caught onto a fake mustache. “Um, no.” She said with her newly found mustache covering her lips. “Just having facial hair issues.”
“Folliculestis Malfunctionate. My uncle used to have the problem too. Sorry to be all suspicious about you a second ago.”
“It happens a lot.” The unicorn’s facial hair fell to the floor. “Ah there it goes again.”
“Yeah, it’s a terrible disease. I really hope you beat it. Anyway I’d love to help you, but Gallopolis Gate is actually under lock-down right now. My dumb brother forgot to treat the bars and now they’re rusted in the ground. A lot of ponies are going to miss the festival without an airship.””
Colgate rushed to the window “Wait, what do you mean we can’t get in?! We need to get to that festival, we have important dentistry business.” She flashed her dentistry badge. “Romana Colgate, Officially Licenced Expert Dentist. You can’t keep me out buddy!”
“Oh gosh!” The booth pony broke into a nervous sweat. “Okay, okay ,there is one detour that’s close by, but it’s pretty dangerous.There’s a cave on the eastern mountain not too far from here, but it’s packed with monsters. It’s a pretty short cave though. After you go through, it’s just a short walk to Gallopolis.”
“Thanks” the unicorns responded.
The booth pony raised his hoof.“One little thing, you’re going to have to ditch your caravan.”
Choose a save file.
-> 2 Blue Blood LV10
“Great Aunt! Great Aunt Luna!” Blue Blood called from one of the highest roofs of Canterlot castle. The morning’s rising sun had the white castle town washed in orange. The roof’s domed surface was hard to walk with hooves; each step almost caused him to fall off the castle entirely. Blue Blood sat his haunches at the dome’s highest point, trying his best to remain still. His helmsmare was taking far to long bringing his airship up. “I’d think a Princess would be a bit more punctual,” he grumbled.
Whining screeches echoed in the streets below. Blue Blood listened intently as they got closer and more piercing. The prince only barely flinched as a swarm of bats passed him on both sides. The swarm huddled together before him like a living, flapping cloud. They belted a powerful unified screech before bursting into black flame. The fire molded into the form of Luna and three of her bat-winged children. Blue Blood’s expression was far from impressed.
The alicorn pouted, “What, no reaction? Are you truly that used to my entrances already?” Luna and her children kept themselves lifted just above the roof. Blue Blood recognized her followers as Nemesis, Momus and Philotes. Nemesis was easily recognized by the heavy armor she always wore. Unlike most Equestrian armor her black suit covered the whole body with the exception of her cold expression. Momus’ defining trait was his masks. He never really shown his face. A different mask always blocked it from view. The one he was wearing now was painted in red and had a sly smile that crept across it’s face. The third skinnier pony was Philotes who wore a simple black dress. Her purple main was long enough to reach the bottom of her hooves.
Blue Blood curled his mouth into a grin. “You can only explode from a horde of flying heathens so many times before ponies expect it great aunt. So are these three going to be my assistance for this”, he coughed,“mission?”
“Yes, I trust them to be your companions. You seek out the mare, correct? If, so you’ll have to go through the many dangerous lands of Equestria. Thanotos and Apate will watch Duke Dionysus. I’ve also taken the liberty of having your air ship upgraded over night. You’ll be running on flare crystal power from now on. It should be here any moment now.”
Blue Blood bowed his head, directing his horn at the princess. “I am very appreciative great aunt. I’ve desired one of these crystals for quite a while, but there were very few available for airships. And may I ask one favour.” He rose his head to look straight into his elder’s eyes. “That dreadfully pointless battle system Celestia made. Do you think it’s possible to change it.”
“That? Of course, we told her a thousand years ago that turn based combat was a silly idea but she didn’t listen. We made that with control crystal she keeps hidden in the basement. Changing that will be simple for us.”
The armor clad pony gave Luna’s shoulder a light tap. “Mother, I’d just like to warn you that you’re lapsing into ‘royal we’ again.”
The alicorn’s face flushed with red, “Thank you, Nemesis.” She leaned towards Blue Blood’s ears. Her lips whispered him a soft warning “One last thing nephew. The save crystals have their danger. Though they help you return back to living, the time travel they use is based on memories. I assume you’ll be leading the group so they will use your memories to go back in time. That means you’ll be reliving pieces of your past whenever you come back. Most ponies don’t come out of that in the same condition as before.”
The prince raised his head towards the sky and beat his royal hoof upon his chest. “Don’t you worry in the slightest. There’s no chance of failure while I lead this mission.” Propellers chopped through the air below. Blue Blood’s airship spiraled up around the tower. The ship docked itself on the roof directly behind the prince. The balloons that held the body afloat were covered with a rich violet die and were covered in elegant curving designs. The ship itself was a small, sturdy personal cruiser made from durable every free forest wood. “The Aurelia is my own beloved vessel and has never let me or anypony down. She’s a mother of good luck. I bid you farewell great aunt.”
Luna gave a hopeful nod, “Then may she truly be a vessel of good fortune. Farewell nephew. Children, follow your cousin’s orders, I fully trust him to lead this operation. My faith is with you.” The princess burned away in the same dark blue flames she used to make her appearance.
“You may now honor yourselves by boarding the magnificent Aurelia.” Blue Blood turned his back to his new companions and strutted aboard the airship.
The mask wearing pegasus flew circles around the balloons .“Whatever, your ‘magnificent ship,” Momus said mockingly, “seems pretty crappy to me. All this pointless effort to make it look all pretty and you don’t have a single stinking weapon installed. The bow isn’t even suited for ramming and the frame makes for a poor defense against any proper weapon. I don’t want to ride in a fancy looking model. I want a ship!”
“Wha- what did you just say about my Aurelia?! Do not compare her to some average, military vessel. This is my personal vessel; her job is to transport us, not to engage in combat. We’re after a mare, not a country!”
Momus descended onto the deck. He had switched masks to one that displayed a condescending laugh. “Aww, seems like our leader is too stupid to prepare for the unexpected. Let me teach you something then.” He rushed the prince, leaning close against his face. “You always mount cannons on a ship, moron.”
“Momus stop antagonizing him!” Nemesis trotted beside Blue Blood. Her armor made loud thuds and clanks as she walked on the wooden deck. “This is not a military mission. The princess is supposed to remain unaware to our actions so we must take a smaller personal form of transport.”
“Whatever, pet.” Momus switched masks again. His hooves were to fast for anypony to see his face between exchanges. The new mask was blank. He turned his back and gave a flick of his tail.
She turned to the prince. “I apologize. My brother is naturally critical. Would you like me to act as second in command, sir? I am mother’s personal guardian and adviser.”
“I shouldn’t need one. Momus should be my only problem. After all,I’m only leading four ponies. Which reminds me, I need to check on Trade Wind. Make your self at home in the spare quarters. There should be bunks for the three of you.” Blue Blood trotted towards the ships helm located at the bow.
“Waaiit prince,” Blue Blood stopped in place as the call rung against his eardrums. The thinner dress wearing pony rushed towards him.“Prince I am really happy to be working with you and really honored that momma decided to let me be your partner on this mission, hug!” Philotes flung her fore-hooves around Blue Blood. She practically had hearts for eyes. “We are going to have just the awesome-est time together! I can tell.” Her voice cracked as she squealed.
“Uh, Sure. I’m real happy to be working with you as well.” The prince’s voice was strained as he struggled to break free of the mare’s death-hug. “Alright, release me already!”
“Aye aye captain!” The two forelegs that had Blue Blood locked released, letting him fall right onto his haunches. Philotes saluted with a fangirl like squeal. “Anything else you want captain? I can make tea, or coffee. Do you think you’d like coffee and tea together? I always wanted to try that!”
The royal unicorn stretched his legs as he returned to his hooves, “If you insist.” he groaned. “And while you’er at it try to learn how to hug a pony without crushing their bones. The kitchen is right next to the guest quarters. Just promise me you can actually cook. I don’t want my royal tongue touching some horrible swamp water. Now if you excuse me I have to discuss some things with my helmsmare.”
“Roger Dodger! I hope you like lots of cream in your tea-coffee.”
A blue haired yellow earth pony lied in front of the helm. The pony flipped through the pages of a thin book with colorful panels. Blue Blood crept behind the pony without distracting it’s attention. “Psst, Tradewinds,” the unicorn whispered, “What are you looking at?”
“Nothing much, just this awesome comic about a sky-pirate with an eye-patch-goggle-thing. Wish I could have become a pirate.”
“Oh, that’s nice. Now tell my why are you doing this when you’re on the job!” Blue Blood hollered in the helmsmare’s ears. The earth stallion snapped up and saluted to his superior. “Tradewinds how many times have I told you it’s very improper for you to read comics while on the job?
“A lot sir, but were docked ri-”
“No buts!’ The prince snapped. He raised his nose to the air and and beat a fore-hoof against his chest “Need I remind you who’s the prince and who has a zero point one millionth chance of becoming the leader of Equestria one day.”
“No sir,” Tradewinds replied with a droning tone. “So what exactly did you request the ship for so early in the morning? Are you making another visit to Coltsantinople? You were really uppity about something when we left last time. “
“Actually, it is about that, but I’m afraid your childlike mind would get a little too excited if I told you what we’re doing.”
“Oh, come on sir. I wouldn't get excited, tell me.” Trade winds leaned against the the wheel “I am the one at the helm after all. I have to know where we’re going. It’s my job.”
“You’re positive you won’t get too exited? Very well then, what’s your little ruffian eye patch hero doing now?
A star twinkled in the earthpony’s eyes and his mouth grew into a brilliant child-like grin.“Well if you really care sir, right now his sister was just kidnapped and that made him really upset. I mean if my sister was kidnapped I’d be mad to. So he assumed his rival did it but his rival’s actually a pretty nice guy and after the fight they decide to help each other! So the build this humongous new super shi-”
“You can stop now.” The prince backed away from his now sweaty helmsmare. “Right, I believe it’s still probably a bad idea to tell you right now.”
“Come on” Tradewinds moaned. “I didn’t get that excited, sire. My nose only bled a little bit this time see.” He wiped his nose with his fore-leg, smearing a streak of blood against his fur. “ I usually have to take a bath after this.”
“Do you have any idea how unsanitary that is? Go wash your-”
“Prince-y !” The enthusiastic dress mare pranced onto the scene with a document behind her folded wing.
Blue Blood murmured a light curse under his breath. “I was to believe you were making coffee. What do you require now? I am very preoccupied with this fool right now.”
“I wasn’t making coffee, I was making coffeetea!” Philotes corrected with a warm smile. “Nemesis just reminded me that I had something real important to give you.” She took the paper from her hooves, which Blue Blood promptly took with his levitation. “That there is a list of all the ingredients to the ambrosial wine so we can have an idea of where to look. She said whatever you do to never ever, ever read all the ingredients at once. I don’t really get it, so I’m going go back to making coffeetea. Bye Princey, bye Mr.Helmsmare!” With a kiss blown each stallions’ direction, Philotes spread her wings and took off to the other side of the ship.
“Well,she sure was pretty.” Tradewinds wiped his nose, marring his leg with more blood than before. “So uh, what’s her name?”
“Philotes, and don’t even bother getting any puny little hopes, she’s a noble.” The prince read over the document. He would read a word turn his head for a second, then read the next. “The hay am I reading? Stardust, cooled magma? I swear this is the most preposterous list of...” a note on the paper caught the prince’s attention.
“Yes I know these ingredients are very silly, but Star Swirl knew what he was talking about before the bell jingling made him mad. Now, Prince my best suggestion of where to start is Gallopolis. You said the mare is from Ponyville didn’t you? Well,Gallopolis isn’t all too far from that town. Every year they have a monster hunting festival were the prize is whatever you ask for(within reason, don’t go asking for their castle you already have your own). It’s worth examining as the event is coming in the next three days. Good luck.”
“Tradewinds, clean yourself up. I just got a hint on where to go first. We depart for the city of Korin!”
“Roger dodger! Wait a sec, did she say she was making coffeetea? I love that stuff!”
The Caravan had been driving on the side of the Korin mountain range for about an hour. The the rolling view of the mountain side outside the window slowed down until it reached a stop. Ruby hopped out of her driver’s seat and untied the little pegs she had on her hooves. The other mares sat on the bed while having idle chitchat while a hat-less Braeburn moved around in the back. “The map says we’re at the cave. Does anypony want to pack anything before we leave?”
“I still need to raid the fridge; I call packing the food!” The wall eyed mare fluttered to the refrigerator and immediately started relieving it of it’s contents. “Oooh, there’s a cake in here! Taking that.”
“Hey that’s Trixie’s food. You better not eat all of it. Especially the pine cones, leave those alone.” Trixie jumped to her hooves with a flare in her horn. A purple aura wrapped around Derpy and whisked her away too the other side of the caravan. “Just let Trixie handle her refrigerator.”
“I’m lookin’ for my hat over here it shouldn't take too long.” Braeburn tossed outfits and props as he searched. “Don’t mind me! I’ll handle it myself.”
“Make sure to take any booze you find in there with you.” Berry stretched out each of her legs. “Me and Pearly are gonna wait outside. Just don’t take too long we don’t have all day. Come on.” Berry and Colgate hopped out their seats and trotted out the door. Colgate gave a short wave to the others before stepping off.
Cheerilee closed the book she had been writing in and slid it into her saddle bag.“I’m ready too. I’d don’t want to postpone anything.”
“Okay Auntie. I just need to check something.” Ruby cantered over to Trixie. The show mare was meticulously arranging her assorted pine cone based delicacies into her bags. “Ms. Trixie, would you happen to have a laptop here? If it has gem-fi I’d like to use it for some online games?” The filly used her puppy face skill against Trixie.
“Trixie doesn’t usually let kids use it, not that she usually deals with children,” she mumbled, “but you’re a child who can drive so Trixie guesses she can trust you. Just don’t get any viruses on it, okay. It should be under the bed.” The mare went back to gathering her pine cone cakes and pine cone shakes. Ruby stared at her for a moment before fetching the laptop from under the bed.
“Okay, Derpy found my hat, I’m ready!” Braeburn tapped the dust off his trusted cap and flipped it onto his head
The cave’s walls were all a smooth emerald green. The ground made a path that branched out into separate caverns.Wind whistled through the the holes in the walls and pathways. Chilling water dripped on their heads from the stalactites above. “I bet the rest of y’all wish ya had hats now, huh?” Braeburn snickered. “Hey Derpy you sure you don’t wanna use it? I’m fine taking it off for a bit.”
“No thankies. I like the rain. The way it pats on my head reminds me of when I tried to be a weather mare. Drip drip drop.” Derpy went on humming as she flew against the wind above the rest of the party.
“Trixie’s hat provides superior rain protection than your western patchwork. Trixie’s hat comes with a exponential boost to magical power and rejects rain.”
Cheerilee walked beside her sister. Her eyes darted across the cave looking for any signs of life. “Her sister. Didn’t that guy at the gate say that there's be a lot of monsters inside this cave? I haven't seen a single one. I’m telling you that doesn't feel right.”
“Oh please. Don’t get your shit all worked up. Just keep on walking, if no monsters come up it’s fine.” Berry’s hooves stopped their trot. A transparent ice wall obstructed their path. On the other side of the wall was a huge circular platform with the exit directly on the other side. To their left was another brilliant crimson save crystal.
“Mom, my common sense is tingling. I think we need to save, now!” Ruby tapped at the crystal. “Come on just do it real quick.”
“I swear your Cheeriliee’s child somehow. Both of you calm down. Hey Trixie get over here, I’ve got something for ya.” The show mare raised her nose and trotted towards the front. “Ya, see this ice shit? Handle it!”
“Well you’re just a master of words aren't you? Hasn’t anyone taught you how to ask nicely? First you kidnap Trixie and then you give her orders.” Trixie levitated her hat above her horn. “No matter, melting this ‘ice shit’ is but mere child’s play for The Great and Powerful Trixie!” Trixie’s magic burned with a red aura. The grooves in her horn ignited in bright flame. “Behold, Fire!” The horn blasted a blazing fireball at the center of the icewall.The spell burned straight through it’s target and exploded against a wall on the other side. The ice melted almost in an instant and formed a warm puddle beneath the ponies’ hooves.
“Tadaaa!” Trixie hummed her own fanfare as she gave a bow to her small audience. “The Great and Powerful Trixie’s fire magicks has allowed us to continue.” The party walked through the puddle and continued their trek forward. “Black magicks isn’t a skill most unicorns are capable of, few even dare to attempt learning it, but Trixie was bold enough to master the art of strong destructive magicks. Trixie’s power knows no limits for she-” Trixie felt something familiar, very, very familiar. A precision targeted hoof strike collided with her talking device. The mouth took a full critical strike. The head unit was on a direct crash course to the ground: she was down.
Danger
“I’d start flying if I were you. I’m hearing something rumbly and it’s not my belly,” Derpy shivered in flight above the other ponies. The earth bound ponies looked down to see the rocks separating and shifting. The mountain groaned and grumbled as rocks fell from the ceiling.
Colgate tapped at the cracks, “It’s just some rumbling Derps, don’t worry about i-, huh?” The cracks beneath her grumbled as they widened into notable crevices.“Uh-oh.” The rock snapped apart, dropping Colgate into dark, hole, her screams reverberated around the cavern walls.
“Colga- whoa!” Berry fell to her haunches as the ground turned into a crumbling slope. The floor crumbled outwards from a the hole like a burning piece of parchment. Their screams bounced off each other as the plummet down into a seemingly endless abyss.
Sploosh! Cheerilee pushed her head above the murky water. She gagged on the thick fluid in her throat. “ Is everypony else okay? Hello?” four other heads emerged from the water “Okay, Berry, Ruby, Colgate, Trixie.... where’s Derpy and Braeburn?!”
“Ya’ll don’t worry we’re up here!” Braebern waved his hat to the others. Derpy had him wrapped tight in her forelegs. “You can bring us down now Derpy.” Derpy and Braeburn landed perfectly dry and unharmed while the rest climbed out the pool of still cave water.
“Sorry I could only grab one of you.” Derpy said as she fiddled with Trixie’s wet mane. “It’s so shiny when it’s wet... hey, uh you hear that?” Everypony’s ear twitched just a bit. Chirps echoed through the holes scattered about the walls. The chirps evolved into screeches and frantic flapping.
Ruby shook out the water trapped her ears. “Are those bats?” Their attention went to the holes that dotted the cave. Red gelatinous bubbles spouted from the openings. They wiggled and twitched with the screeches. The slime bubbles popped out of the holes with squishy sounding schlop. The goo-like bat wings protruded from the balls of slime, and each had a pair of shiny yellow eyes. The party huddle together backside to backside. “What are these things?”
Battle (Fenrir)
“What the hell! Aren't we supposed to be taking turns or something?!” Berry blindly whipped her gourd at the swarm. The the gourd cut through the air like a sword; the bat squealed as it spattered against the force of the clay weapon. “Braeburn what the hell is going on?!”
Bang! Red Jelly splattered against the cave walls, “I don’t know just kill the darn things.” Braeburn cocked his trusty shot gun. “I hope really hope this works.” The stallion raised his gun towards the sky, beams of radiant energy spiraled into the metal barrel. “Spiral shot!” Braeburn redirected his aim towards the the swarm of jelly bats. Three shells of light burst from the gun; they twisted around each other and tore through a cluster of the flapping menaces.
Derpy weaved and dodged through the foes with her spear ready in her mouth. Her blade sliced through the gelatinous bodies like her wings cut through the air. On the ground, Trixie charged her spells as Berry covered her with wild swings. Flaring fire balls erupted from Trixie’s horn. The spells burst on impact with the bats causing them to scatter and screech. The bat’s numbers were reduced to just a remaining five, non-threatening monsters. The last of the swarm huddled together above the earth bound ponies.
“I’ve got them!” Derpy gripped her spear between her fore hooves. Her eyes rolled sarcastically till they both acquired their target. She spread her wings wide as she channeled her energy into the next attack. The spear became alight in a transient blue aura. “Gungir!” Derpy shot her spear at the bats with full force. The jelly bats made their final screech as the spear ripped through their clustered mass. “Woo Hoo! I did it!”
Derpy leveled up “Am I doing it right?” Braeburn leveled up “Ride on!” Trixie leveled up “Still Great, Still Powerful” Berry Punch leveled up “Why don’t I get any powers?”
Berry licked a bit of the jelly off the ground “This stuff is pretty good. I guess the fight was sorta worth it.” The goo that now coated the cave walls began to squirm. “Eww, what hell is it doing?” Derpy yanked Berry away from the pulsating, jelly puddle. Slime from the walls launched into the mass on the ground. It warped and contorted within itself. The blob rose high above the ponies. Two beady yellow eyes popped out of the ooze and tentacles extended from it’s sides. “... you know what, I take it back. Not worth it.”
A Fetch Quest for My Drink
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