Happy Fun Times in Equestria

by Gylden_Glør

Rating: teen
Tags: Human, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Comedy, Random
Length: 39598

This story serves as a way to "blow off my creative steam," and is a basic HiE story with a little individual flair.

This isn't actually a serious story: this is just a way for me to blow off my creative steam so I don't get sidetracked while writing stories such as "Trapped" (on my other account) and "Responsibilities."
If you don't enjoy this story, that's okay: I'm not really putting any effort into it. It's just a way to waste time when I get bored, in all honesty.

Published 2013-04-21 11:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2013-09-17 02:49:44 UTC

Chapter 1: Arrival

I smile to myself as I go deeper.

I've always loved swimming. It's the one thing that's made me feel completely calm...

Ever since I was a young boy, I've been coming to this pool, and I've always been trying to get to the bottom: an impressive twenty four feet down. Yeah, maybe a bit over the top, but I'm a professional swimmer: there's no way I can't hold my breath for that long.

Eventually, I do it: I touch the bottom of the pool. I grin to myself, and wince as my lungs send yet another distress signal. I turn, and push off of the floor.

However, I quickly find that I collide with a wall of concrete.

I open my eyes, and find that water has flooded my goggles. Hold on...my goggles have completely fallen off.

Shit, I'll have to get those later...

I try to look for the surface, but I can't see it. So, I let science do the work: I shut my eyes and relax my body, and allow myself to float towards the top. For a moment, I think it's working, until I get a searing burst of pain from my lungs that force me to take a gasp of-

Air?

I open my eyes again, and find that I'm no longer underwater. So...it worked?

But...if it worked...

Why can't I see anything?

I take a few more deep breaths, my lungs gratuitous for the air. I spin around, and all I see is black.

This is confusing, to say the-

There! I kick towards the newly found speck of light, surprised that I'm able to propel myself, and a million questions burst through my mind: What's going on - where am I? What am I in? Am I dead?

The speck of light grows bigger, and I see that it's the bottom of...some sort of pool, and there are several poles erected in it: ten total, five different colors.

I frown in confusion as I accelerate my breaststroke. I can almost make out some sort of ceiling through the water now...

I stop in surprise as one of the pairs of poles begins to move, and I find that they're not poles at all: they're legs. As I realize this, they all start to move: the multi-colored beings are kicking to keep themselves afloat.

I hold my breath as I near the bottom of the tub. I squeeze my eyes shut, and after a moment, my lungs begin to burn again, but I dare not take a breath: I may be underwater again.

I keep kicking, and after a moment, I feel myself breach the surface of the water. I take a deep breath, and begin to tread, leaving my eyes shut as I rest.

"You perverted scoundrel! You were watching us bathe!"

I open my eyes as the feminine voice hits my ears. I try to apologize, but find that my lips are unable to make coherent sounds: all I can do is flap them like a fish as I try to understand what's going on.

"So...did'ya like what you saw?"

"Rainbow Dash! That's disgusting!"

"What's goin' on over there? Does some pervert need me t' beat 'im up?"

The three new voices add to my confusion. I force my eyes open, and spin around to see where I am.

I'm in a rather fancy spa, and it's all very nice and whatnot and looks very well kept and -

AND I AM SURROUNDED BY FUCKING PONIES.

My breath catches in my throat, and I decide on something.

Without taking a breath, I dive back underwater, searching for some sort of...I don't know...extra dimensional rift in time and space itself?

When that proves to be a bust, I decide to just wait: maybe it'll show up eventually, huh?

I hear voices from above the water, but choose to ignore them as I slap at the floor of the tub in impatience. I want to go home, just open the fuck up already!

My lungs begin to sting, but I ignore it. After several minutes of nothing happening, my throat begins to convulse, and I begin to gag on water: my body is forcing me to breathe. I choke as water goes right into my lungs, and I weakly punch at the floor in desperation.

"Let me out!" I try to scream. All that comes out is bubbles and tears. "Let me the fuck out, God fucking dammit!"

I feel something tugging at me, and I breach the surface once again. I immediately start to retch, and about a good gallon of water spews out of my mouth before I'm able to breathe again.

"Geeze, if you didn't like what you saw, you could've just said 'no'...you didn't have to go and drown yourself..."

A sudden idea hits me: maybe these...things, know how I got here! I spin around, and grab the...I mean, I say they're ponies, but they look nothing like any ponies I've ever seen. I only say ponies because of the long muzzle.

"How do I get out of here!?" I demand, squeezing the things' blue shoulders in a crazed state of panic. "How in the shit do I leave!?"

The blue thing doesn't take kindly to my violent outburst. Rather, she pulls back a blue hoof, and-

I let out a grunt/cry of pain as I feel my nose break, and the world goes black.

Rainbow Dash

I glower at the unconscious...thing, slumped over the edge of the hot tub, and shake a few flecks of blood off of my stinging hoof. "What a creep," I mutter.

"What th' hay is goin' on!?" I hear Applejack shouting. I lean over so I can see her, and find that she's struggling against the confines of the miniature tub that Zecora had prepared for her. She struggles to get out, and the entire thing bounces with her movements. "Get me outta this darn thing, already!"

Twilight jumps to assist her, giving me a strange look as she passes. What? She thought I was just gonna let that thing grab me without a fight?

"Oh, I think you hurt it," I hear Fluttershy mutter from my side.

"'Oh, I think you hurt it,'" I mock her. "I hope I did. Creep..." I stare as a bit more blood trickles out of the thing on its face. Damn, but is it ugly...

Fluttershy lets out a small squeak, and I hear Pinkie Pie shouting at me to be nice. I disregard her as I start to search the things body.

The first thing I see is that it's wearing pants, but no shirt. The opposite of what Spike wears when he gets fancy. I take note of the oddly placed nipples, and decide that it's a girl. And it's obviously not a pony - it doesn't have enough hair to be one.

I pull off the pants, and frown at the oddly shaped penis. So...it's a girl boy? Is it a hermaphrodite?

"What is it, Rainbow Dash? A concealed weapon?" Rarity ask, a tremble in her voice.

"Uh...I don't know," I respond, pulling the things' pants back up with a blush. Just then, Applejack joins us, and sneers at it in disgust. "It has nipples, but it's got a dick..."

"Such language!" Rarity shouts.

"Don't care," I announce. I quickly find the pockets on its pants, and pull out some weird things: some soggy, green paper, a few oddly colored and non-Equestrian bits, and some kind of...receipt.

"It says 'Burger King'," I announce as I immediately read it. "Says here it got a...double cheeseburger - whatever that is - with a large fry and a large vanilla milkshake."

"It's a carnivore!" Twilight screams, jumping away from it as if it's some sort of plague. I toss the receipt to the side, and back away, as well, if only out of precaution: I have no idea what a carnivore is.

"What's that?" I ask.

"It eats meat!" Twilight cries, staring at it in fear. I look back at it, and decide I may as well give it a second K.O. punch.

"How d'ya know that?" Applejack asks.

"Cheeseburgers are made from cow meat!" Twilight exclaims. "I...I went to the Diamond Dog capital for Celestia once, and...they had cheeseburgers there!"

Fluttershy starts to cry, so Rarity quickly escorts her out. I roll my eyes at how much of a pushover she is.

"I've got to tell Princess Celestia!" Twilight shouts, before running out of the spa in search of Spike.

"Ah...Ah don' wanna be around this thing..." Applejack mutters, looking a bit green.

"Me either!" Pinkie Pie shouts.

"I'll keep watch over it," I declare as I drag it out of the tub. "I'll just tie it to a chair or something. You two go on - if Twilight says so, we can bring it to Celestia."

"Yer'...yer' not scared?" Applejack asks as she approaches the door. I raise an eyebrow at her.

"I just knocked it out with a single punch. Of course I'm not scared."

Applejack nods, and bolts out. Pinkie pauses as she nears the door. "Be careful, Rainbow," she says.

"I will," I assure her. She nods, and runs after Applejack.

I sigh to myself as I drag the unconscious thing into a chair, and find some rope to tie it up with. I try to find the spa sisters to warn them so they can leave, but I remember that they went with Zecora back to her hut: she was going to teach them some remedies they could use in massages...

I eventually find rope (as well as a bunch of bondage gear...yuck) and use it to bind the things' arms behind the back of the chair, and tie the rope around its entire body. I curse a few times, because I was never as good at tying nots as Applejack, but I get the job done.

Once I'm finished, I sit down with my back leaning against the tub, cross my legs, and wait.

Author's Note

I know, this is a flimsy explanation for his arrival in Equestria, but it has something to do with the Poison Joke. (It got in the water and made something random happen.)
So, yeah. That's sort of a spoiler because Zecora is going to explain it soon enough, but, whatever.
If you enjoyed this chapter, like the story and favorite it so you can read the future chapters. This is nothing but a way for me to blow off creative steam: it's not a primary story. It's just what I'll write to make my other stories better (so I won't get sidetracked.)

Chapter 3: Questions

I tear open the next door, hoping that this is the bathroom, and not that freakish bondage room again...

I sigh in relief as I find the bathroom, and immediately turn on the sink. After splashing some water on my face, I lean against the basin, and listen to a heated shouting match going on between Rainbow Dash and Twilight Sparkle.

After a few moments, I hear Twilight walking towards where I am, and I take a deep breath as a few more tears roll forth. I just...can't think about her. I can't. She's gone now, and there was nothing I could do: I made my peace with this a month and a half ago.

But if I made my peace...why am I crying?

I cringe as I hear the front door of the spa blast open, and eventually pull itself shut. I run a hand through my hair, and look back up at the mirror, frowning as I see how red-rimmed my eyes are.

"Are...are you okay?"

I turn to see that Twilight has arrived at the bathroom, and is looking a little green. "Uh...Yeah...I'm...I'm fine." I respond. "Uh...You're looking kind of sick..."

"I found the bondage room," she responds in a slightly queasy voice. I nod, and we leave it at that as I gingerly exit the bathroom.

"I, uh...sorry for falling apart like that. I thought I was over all of that, but...apparently not..."

Twilight shakes her head dismissively. "Oh, don't blame yourself. Rainbow Dash shouldn't have pressed the matter."

I nod, and awkwardly gesture towards the spa's lobby. "Should we...wait inside? For...Celestia?"

She nods, and we do just that. When we arrive, two ponies walk in, and stare at me.

"You...you are zis carnivorous beast?" One of them asks.

"Uh," I respond, staring at the both of them. I feel my energy leave me: after all I've been through today, I'm just too tired to deal with this crap... "I eat veggies, too..."

"Ah, what a relief!" One of them cries. "Twilight, just make sure he doesn't do any naughty things."

I take note of the distinct French accent they seem to share, and Twilight nods before waving her hoof for me to follow her. "Come on, Peter. We should get you some clothes." With that, she picks up the weird iguana looking thing, and starts for the door.

"You have clothes for humans here?" I ask, my brain working at 8% capacity as I follow her out the door, and into the summer-

HOLY FUCK THAT'S FUCKING FREEZING I WISH I HAD MY SHIRT ON. IT WAS SUMMER BACK ON EARTH. WHY IS IT FUCKING WINTER HERE. TO WHOM AM I ADDRESSING THESE STATEMENTS/QUESTIONS.

"Oh, we'd better hurry," Twilight mutters as she notices that my teeth are instantly chattering. "You don't have any fur, so you get cold fast...Come on, if we run, we'll make it to Rarity's faster."

I nod, and keep behind the pony as I run after her. A few ponies in the small town give me strange looks, but I ignore them and keep running: if I can get clothing, them I'm getting fucking clothing.

We eventually arrive at a strange-ass looking building, and Twilight calls it Rarity's "Boutique". I simply nod as I rush in, stomping my bare feet in an attempt to get the blood flowing.

"Oh, you're okay!" I hear a pony shout. "Thank goodness, I thought Rainbow Dash had seriously hurt you..."

I look to my left, and see that there's a small yellow Pegasus smiling up at me. "Hi," I manage to say through my frozen lips.

"Oh, darling, you're freezing! Twilight, I take it you brought it here to have me tailor some clothes for its...odd body?"

"Don't call him it," Twilight immediately announces. "His name is Peter. And he's a human."

I smile to Twilight in thanks, but can't manage to form the words of gratitude as I struggle to keep my body temperature above zero degrees Kelvin.

"Ah. Yes. Well, Peter, if you'll just come this way..." I follow the white unicorn, and she immediately begins to size me with yellow measuring tape, mumbling to herself all the while.

"What material do you want me to make this out of?" She asks. I can tell that this is her profession: every single thing she does is practiced and smooth.

"Uh...a cotton undershirt...and...and a woolen...sweatshirt?" I ask through my thawing mouth in hopefulness.

"Undershirt?"

"A short-sleeved shirt that humans wear to keep their attire from chafing," I respond, my words no longer chunks of ice.

"Ah! Okay...Now, for your pants..."

"I'll need boxers," I announce. "Uh...underwear. Uh...short pants, I guess. Shorter than this bathing suit. And...could I have...denim jeans?" I smile at the unicorn in hope, and she nods.

"Oh, very simple," she mutters to herself. "Footwear?"

"Socks and sneakers," I respond, hoping I don't have to explain those, too...

Once she's done measuring everything, she makes a few quick sketches, and then sets to-

"Oh, my, I never formally introduced myself!"

Sets to introducing herself. Great... Not like I'm freezing my balls off or anything...

"My name is Rarity," she announces, extending a hoof in a genial manner. I accept it, and she gives my hand a surprisingly vigorous shake. "My friend here is Fluttershy, and I believe you and Twilight Sparkle have already met?"

"Yeah," I respond. "Nice to meet both of you," I announce, holding out my hand towards Fluttershy. She takes my hand and gives it a small shake: a picometer up, a picometer down. All while giving me the most adorable little smile.

"Now, then," Rarity announces, "I will craft your garments post-haste! And do not fret for your payment: I will cover the expenses, as you are new here."

I nod, slightly caught off guard by how hospitable she's being. After my less-than-pleasant experience with that Rainbitch, I was sort of expecting everyone here to try to break my nose...

"Oh, Peter, your nose!" Twilight shouts. "I almost forgot all about it!" I frown. Was she reading my mind, or did she just so happen to think about it? "Come here, I'll fix it."

I'm about to thank her when that iguana thing falls off of her back, and into a heap on the floor. "Uh...is your pet...okay?" I ask, pointing towards the fucked up lizard.

"He's not my pet," she responds with a small smile. "He's my baby dragon. And yes, he's-"

I block her out as I descend upon him, holding him up with wide eyes. "Oh my God, you're a fuckin' dragon!?" I demand.

"Watch your language," Twilight barks. "Remember, he's still a baby."

I nod and give a quick apology as I set down the baby dragon. He looks up at me, and frowns.

"Yeah, I'm a dragon," he responds in a cautious tone of voice. "I'm Spike. And you are..."

"Peter," I respond, holding out my hand for him. He crushes my hand with his claws, and I do my best not to cry. "I'm a human..."

"Oh, did I squeeze your hand too hard?" He asks as he sees how red the skin is. "Sorry, I'm sorta going through a growth spurt...and, well, everything's getting bigger..."

I hear a small snort from across the room, and I look to see that Rarity is blushing as she goes about her work. I grin at how perverted she is. Maybe I'll get along here just fine...

"Uh...Where's Rainbow Dash?" Fluttershy asks as I decide to relax on a nice sofa.

"Oh...We...We had a fight," Twilight responds. "I...I said a few...mean things, and she...she flew off."

Fluttershy gasps, and I shrug. In all honesty, the bitch deserved it.

"Oh, my, that's terrible! Rainbow rarely ever gets upset like that!"

Twilight sighs as she stares at the floor. "I know...It's just...I didn't mean what I said, y'know? I wish I could take it back..."

"Rainbow Dash will probably come down to apologize soon," Fluttershy responds. "You know how she is - give her enough time to herself and a tub of ice cream, and she starts thinking that she's got to apologize for everything. When she does, you can talk to her."

Twilight, Spike, Fluttershy, and Rarity all giggle a bit at the reference to Rainbow's apparent womanly activities. I frown to myself: everything I saw about her yesterday contradicts those ideas. Then again, I don't know anything about her...

"Is she going to be okay?" I find myself asking.

"Really? You're asking that after she gave you a bloody - oh, crap! Come here, let me fix that..."

I nod, and squeeze my eyes shut as I hear magic coming into play. Yeah. Fucking magic. I live in a world of magical ponies now.

Oh, joy. Maybe next -

I scream in pain as my nose cricks back into its correct position. "Damn, that hurt," I mutter once it's all done.

"Oh, sorry," Twilight mutters with a sheepish grin. "I'm not too good at healing spells yet...You know, never having the opportunity to actually practice them and whatnot...It's not like I can just go and injure somepony..."

I nod, and rub my nose a bit. "Anyway, thanks," I say, politely. "My nose doesn't hurt half as much now. By the way, how does your magic-"

"Done!" Rarity announces. "Peter, go into the fitting room and pull them on!"

I stare at Rarity in slack-jawed amazement. "You...You serious?" I ask. "You were working on those for a grand total of five minutes. How are you done?"

"They were very simple," she responds. "The shoes took the longest amount of time, admittedly. It was a nice refreshing break from the more difficult tasks I've had...such as that one, there."

She points her hoof, and that's when I notice the dresses hanging from racks on the wall, all of which are on display: beautiful, elaborate, crazy dresses that would take a human seamstress years to complete.

"How long did it take you to make these?" I ask, reaching out to trace my hand along the embroidery of one.

"Oh, a few hours for each," she responds with a wave of her hoof.

"Seriously!? Holy crap, that's amazing!" I cry, grinning as she blushes and tries to shrug off the compliment.

"Really, darling, it's nothing. It's what my special skill is."

"I'll say," I respond, smirking at the dress. "These are beautiful!"

"Oh, stop it," she giggles. I want to take her seriously, but I know she's loving every second of my praise. "Now, go on! Shoo! Get your clothes on, you delightful young boy, you!"

I feel a shiver of repulsion, and the whole room goes silent. "Did...Did that sound...creepy to you, too?" Rarity asks me in a rather uncomfortable voice.

"You have no idea," I respond as I slowly retreat into the fitting room. I pull the curtain closed behind me, and tear off my now-dried bathing suit before pulling on each article of clothing. I put on the sneakers last, and smile at how well-made the clothes are: not a single stitch out of place! Man, she's awesome.

I come out of the dressing room feeling nice and refreshed. "Thanks," I announce.

"Oh, my, it's getting late," Fluttershy states. I look outside to see a few stars twinkling. "I'd best be getting home..."

"Yeah...Peter, do you have anywhere to stay?" Twilight asks me. I stare at her for a minute, an abundance of sarcastic responses on the tip of my tongue. But I decide that the most sarcastic thing to do is just stare at her in silence until she finally gets it.

"Oh...right..." Twilight mutters, blushing intensely. We all chuckle a bit, and Twilight offers that I stay at her library.

"That way, Celestia will have an easier way finding us, and I can introduce you to all of my friends in the morning by just calling them to the library! Well, except for Rainbow Dash, that is..."

I cringe at the mention of the name, and feel an unexpected pang of empathy. I hope she's not too depressed by what

Twilight said to her...I mean, some of it was brutal, even by my standards.

Oh, who the fuck am I kidding. That wasn't brutal at all. By my standards, brutal is when you stare at someone, say "fuck you cunt," and walk away, leaving the person to wonder what the hell they did wrong until their dying day.

Truly tragic.

Anyway, I bide farewell to Fluttershy and Rarity, and follow Twilight and Spike to their home, significantly warmer.

And fluffier.

Once again, we arrive at a weird-ass looking building: a fucking tree. A fucking house. A fucking tree house.

"Welcome to the library!" Twilight Sparkle announces as she opens the door.

Great. A fucking tree house library thing.

Fuck.

I step in, and decide never to light a match in this building. Twilight ushers me up the stairs, and to a bedroom. I watch in amazement as she grows a bed straight from the wood of the building. She grew the interior of the tree, and made a bed.

Fucking.

Magic.

Then, she proceeds to magically retrieve a mattress, sheets, and pillow, magically places them on the bed, and magically prepares said bed for an inhabitant.

Magic.

Fucking.

Uh...

Shit.

Yeah...

Okay, my mind is, like, dead right now. I can barely entertain a sane thought.

"So, if you need anything, I'll be sleeping right across from you!" Twilight announces with a grin. "Goodnight! See you in the morning."

We both climb into our beds, and I note how large the moon is: it's probably very close to this planet. Which means that high tide is fucking crazy as shit. Note to self: avoid the beach.

I roll onto my chest, and I realize something.

I haven't felt this excited for over five years.

I'm starting something new.

I'm starting something...better.

That pleasant and comforting thought stays with me in my dreams as I fall asleep, and just before my conscious state fades, I realize that there's something else I'm feeling, something that I haven't felt in a very, very long time.

Hope.

I grin to myself as an elevated sense of peace carries me away to the world of dreams.

"Peter, wake up."

I grumble as I struggle to shrug off my attacker. "Five more minutes..."

"Peter, the Princess is here to see you."

I roll onto my side in an attempt to see the Princess, and accidentally fall right out of bed with an exclamation of surprise, and a rather painful thud. "Ow," I mutter as I rub my head.

"Oh...you okay?" I hear Twilight Sparkle ask with a small giggle. I grumble as I sit up, and nod a bit in response.

"Uh, yeah...I'm fine." I shake my head in an attempt to wake myself up. However, all it does is give me a headache. "Just a bit...tired."

"That's understandable," Twilight mutters in return. "Well, come on. I've got pbreakfast ready and everything."

I nod as I follow her down the stairs, and I stop dead as I'm greeted by one of the most beautiful creatures I have ever seen.

With a coat of stark white and a billowing mane of light, the Princess sits upon the floor as a humble guest, politely smiling at Twilight and myself as we descend down the stairs. I look to her gleaming horn and her graceful wings, and I can't help but lose myself in thoughts of how magestic she must be in flight.

"Are you this 'Peter' Twilight told me about this morning?" She asks. I shiver as her voice passes over me: a distinct sense of summer wind remains upon her words. I can't do anythg but nod, entranced as I clumsily stumble down the rest of the stairs. "It's a pleasure to meet you."

I nod again, and fall into a seat across from the regal beauty. "You're beautiful," I finally whisper, staring at her slanted eyes and the light that hides within. She giggles, and shrugs off the compliment.

"Everypony says that when they first meet me," she explains. "I have no doubt you'll get used to it."

I simply nod again. I don't think I'll ever get used to anything here...

Then again, I got used to seeing the crazy shit in "Don't Starve," so anything is possible, huh?

"Now, I would like for you to answer a few questions," Celestia announces, "but first, I want you to eat. While we are not carnivores, we do tend to eat things such as eggs. So, Twilight helped to produce some scrambled eggs for you."

I look down at my breakfast, and that's when the smell hits me, and I immediately dig in. I didn't realize how hungry I was...

By the time I remember my manners, I've already finished the eggs, and I wipe my mouth of the excess deliciousness with my tongue. "That was great," I announce with a content sigh.

"Now, I have a question about your diet," Celestia announces. "Do you need to consume meat?"

I shake my head as I smile at the Princess. "No, Princess. I don't. So long as I get enough minerals, I should be fine. I've gone entire weeks without eating meat: I've eaten just cheese and vegetables and fruits at times. Bread, eggs, fish, and more - as long as I get enough protein, I should be fine. I just hope by body doesn't go into shock if I change my diet too fast."

Celestia nods, and I hear a scratching noise: I look to see that Twilight is putting down some notes. She sees me looking at her, and smiles sheepishly. "Just for future reference," she explains before returning to her notes.

"Now, then, I'm going to have to look into your mind," Celestia announces with a frown. "I could just ask you questions about morality, but cultural differences may make a good answer seem poor..." I nod, and she pauses. "Are you...comfortable with this?"

"Yeah," I respond after a moment of shock: she's an all-powerful Princess, and she's asking if I'm comfortable with it?

"Alright," she mutters, gently pressing the tip of her horn to my forehead. "This may feel...odd."

I close my eyes, and gasp as I feel her vast consciousness entering mine. She prods and pokes at certain things, accessing memories I had forgotten I had, and learning about everything I know about my culture in a split second. She goes through what makes me happy, what makes me sad, what makes me violent, angry, and what has happened so far in my life. When she reaches her, I feel another twinge of sadness: I'm at peace with my failure, and yet, it's always there, reminding me of who I lost...

Thankfully, she senses how distraught that topic makes me, and skirts around it, leaving everything about her to my own mind. I feel the utmost gratitude, and I guess that she must have felt my gratitude, because I hear her voice in my mind:

Those memories are for you, and for you alone.

I think the words "thank you," and she continues.

And that's when she finds things that make her cringe, such as the endless hours of pornography I've watched, and how I started watching said pornography at the age of eight. Once again, she skirts around anything of a sexual nature, but still prods for any sign of sexual violence: she wants to be sure that I'm not a rapist.

After that, she goes through normal violence, and sees the video games I've played, and I can feel her amusement.

You humans have creative ways of causing pain...

You could say that...

She looks into more things, but I won't bore you. Mostly because she stops to read all the books I've ever read, and explain that she's copying them into her own mind so she can write them out for Twilight to read: apparently, the young unicorn is her student and protégé.

Once she's done, she comes out of my mind, and pulls her horn away with a small breath. "Well, that was interesting," Celestia announces, looking at me with the eyes that only one that truly knows you can have. "You're a very nice young man, but you have many...ah...quirks."

"And so does Rainbow Dash," I say. I wince as those words tumble out of my mouth: I hadn't really meant to say that...

"I know. But she's very nice and caring, once you get to know her," the Princess responds.

"Alright," I respond with a shrug. "I guess I'll give her the benefit of the doubt, then..."

Celestia nods, and straightens herself before changing the topic. "Now, I understand that you enjoy emotional physical contact," Celestia announces, causing me to blush, "and that that sort of topic is not smiled upon between individuals of the opposite gender that would consider themselves friends in your culture." I nod, and she continues. "Well, here in Equestria, that is entirely acceptable. Cuddling is just a way to show friendly affection. So, should you ever feel the urge to, say, wrap an arm around somepony...it's perfectly fine. Also, I saw that you like children: the best way to prove to Rainbow Dash that you're not a threat would be to befriend a filly named Scootaloo."

"Whoever said I wanted to be Rainbows' friend?" I ask.

"Nopony. I just don't think that you want her thinking you're a threat."

I shrug. "Alright...anything else you wanna tell me, about how to not get a broken nose?"

Celestia smiles at me. "Don't walk into any bars." I slap my hand to my forehead as she giggles at her joke. "Anyway, I had best be going. Thank you for the breakfast, dear Twilight. Take good care of our guest."

Twilight nods, and the two share a hug before the Princess disappears in a flash of light. My jaw drops open as magic is used once more.

Fucking magic.

"So," Twilight announces, "what n-"

It's then that the door to the library bursts open, letting in the autumn breeze, (yeah I found out that it's autumn, not winter,) as well as an incredibly drunk pony. How can I tell that she's drunk?

Well, because of the bottle of booze in her hoof, and the way she's unable to stand upright.

"Twerleart," she mumbles, taking a strange step forward, "I've gerts tahr tarkh ter yher..." With that, the Pegasus collapses, and the bottles rolls away from her grasp as she falls unconscious, her legs twitching in her drunken stupor.

"Oh, dear," Twilight mutters, "help me get her up. And don't let Spike see her like this..."

I nod as I close the door, and gingerly pick up the Pegasus, and help Twilight carry her into the basement. Once there, we place her on a small cot, and the both of us stand back as she finally goes unconscious with a small burp.

"Who is this?" I ask, staring at the unfamiliar pony.

"Her name...is Scootaloo," Twilight responds, her voice small and distant.

Author's Note

You know who's going to get blamed for this :P

Chapter 4: Pegasus Problems

"Get me a pail."

"What?"

"Get. Me. A. Pail." Peter repeats, much more forcefully. I nod as I realize what he means: Scootaloo's young body is going to immediately reject the alcohol as soon as she wakes up. I run upstairs to get the bucket I use for whenever Spike happens to get a stomach virus.

After I've fetched it from my bedroom, I run down the first flight of stairs, and then the second. I give it to him, and he drops it on the floor as he stares at the filly.

"How old is she?"

"Ten."

"Then how in the hell did she get alcohol?"

I shake my head. "I don't know. It's weird, though, she's actually a really nice kid..." I let that sink in so Peter doesn't judge her. "I checked the bottle, by the way - it's magically infused scotch. It's twice as potent as normal scotch, and it doesn't come out of the system like normal scotch: you could vomit up your entire gastronomical system, and it'd still be there, running havoc in your body."

Peter shake my head. "And I thought the alcohol on Earth was bad..."

He sighs as I sit next to him, and watch Scootaloo. "I don't think her body will be able to handle it," I announce. "She's probably going to get alcohol poisoning, and we'll have to bring her to the hospital. When Rainbow Dash finds out, she's going to be livid..."

"What does she care?" Peter asks with a snort of derision. Wow, and I thought he was going to give her the benefit of the doubt...

"Rainbow Dash is the closest thing Scootaloo has ever had to a mother," I inform him. "She's an orphan."

Peter looks back at Scootaloo and pouts. "That sucks...but...why does Rainbow Dash care so much about Scootaloo?"

"Rainbow Dash first met Scootaloo a few years before I came to Ponyville," I inform him. "I don't know the actual story, but I know that it involved the death of Scootaloo's parents."

"What happened to them?"

"As far as I know, they died in a fire, and Rainbow managed to rescue Scootaloo," I sigh. "It's very obscure: I think the only ones who know the real story are Fluttershy and Rainbow herself. But I know that it earned Rainbow a lot of respect - it's part of why she's in charge of most of the weather in Equestria."

"In charge of the weather?"

"Yeah. Weather ponies move clouds, and plan rain, thunderstorms, and more."

"Huh," Peter remarks. "That's...convenient."

"Sometimes, but not when you don't read the plans," I sigh. "Last time I forgot to check, I got caught in a thunderstorm for about four hours."

Peter chuckles lightly, and shakes his head as he watches Scootaloo. "I hope she wakes up soon," he announces. "That way, we can find out where in the hell she got the alcohol..."

"She's probably going to be unconscious until the alcohol is totally out of her system," I announce. "Or, at least, until she's vomited enough to be hungry..."

As if on cue, Scootaloo's throat begins to contract, and Peter immediately turns her onto her side so she can puke into the bucket. "So drunk she can't even wake up to puke," Peter comments as he watches the vomit simply dribble out of her mouth.

It's then that Scootaloo wakes up, and, tasting the puke in her mouth, vomits once more.

"It's alright," Peter comforts her as she begins to cry. "Just let it all out, Scootaloo..."

"Who are you?" Scootaloo asks once she's finished vomiting.

"My name is Peter," he responds. "I'm a friend of Twilights'."

"Nice to meet you," Scootaloo mutters, before turning over and vomiting again. Peter frowns as he rests a hand on her foreleg. "What happened? Why am I-burp-sick?"

"You came into the library with an empty bottle of magically infused scotch," I inform her. "Would you mind telling me where you got that?"

Scootaloo frowns, and seems to struggle to remember what I'm talking about for a moment. It's then that she sits up, and puts on her best angry frown.

"I remember why I came here now," she growls. "You were mean to Rainbow Dash! I drank the liquid courage to stick up for her!"

"Liquid courage?" I ask her, quite confused. "What do you mean, liquid courage?"

"The scotch!" Scootaloo shouts. "I drank it all before I got to the library!"

"You mean you drank it all in one shot!?" Peter exclaims, absolutely shocked.

"Uh...yeah," Scootaloo responds. "What else would you do?"

"You're lucky you're not dead," Peter announces. "You're way too young to be drinking shit like that, kid..."

"That's the same thing Rainbow Dash said!" Scootaloo protests.

"Then you should've freakin' listened to her!" Peter shouts in return. "Y'know what? Why do I even care - this is her problem, not mine."

Scootaloo hiccups, and sways a bit before speaking. "I'm not a problem, dumbass! You're a problem!"

"Scootaloo, are you...are you still drunk?" I ask, rather concerned.

"Nah, that booze is totally out of my system now!"

"Obviously not," Peter mutters as he stands.

"Peter, where are you going?" I ask, confused.

"Yeah! Come back here ahn' fight me like a man, foo'!"

I look back at Scootaloo in confusion: she must've gone through a short spurt of normalcy before returning to her drunken state...

"I'm going to get Rainbow Dash," Peter announces. "I'm not going to get involved in something that's none of my business."

I'm about to protest, but after a moment, I nod. "Alright, fine. Go get Rainbow Dash..."

Peter nods, and, with that, he leaves.

Peter

About ten minutes into my search, I realize that I have no idea where the hell I should be looking.

And I have no idea how to get around this place.

And I have no idea what this place is even called.

All wonderful things to lack when you're hunting for someone.

I sigh as I walk over to a pony sitting on a bench. "Excuse me, would you happen to know where Rainbow Dash is?"

The pony frowns before responding. "Sorry, no clue, buddy. Maybe you should find Fluttershy - those two have been hanging out quite a lot lately..."

"Thank you," I say. "Have a nice day."

"You, too."

I nod, and rush to another part of town. Of course, that does nothing to help me find the fucker, because I still have no idea where I am.

After asking one dozen ponies where Rainbow Dash is, I get tired of doing so, and end up just tossing the question left and right.

"Would you happen to know where Rainbow Dash is?"

"Yeeeeeup," I hear a deep voice say.

"Really? Where?" I ask, looking around in the sky for any sign of the Pegasus.

"Sweet Apple Acres, cryin' up a storm."

I turn in surprise, and see that there's a large, red pony standing behind me with a green apple tattooed to his ass.

"Uh, could you point me in that direction?" I ask, somewhat desperately.

"Sure," he responds. "It's that-a-way."

I nod, and take off in the direction of his hoof, finding it strange that he didn't even ask me for my name before telling me that a friend was crying...

I feel a pang of regret as I pick up my pace. Is Rainbow crying because of me? Because of the fight I started between her and Twilight by having that stupid emotional breakdown?

I sigh as I shake my head, and eventually see a bunch of apple trees cropping up ahead of me. I slow as I realize that I can see Rainbow Dash, sitting in a tree by the fence, hiding her face from the world.

As I hear, I begin to hear voices.

"Rainbow, please, come on down from there," I hear a voice akin to Applejack's call. "Ah'm sure that Twilight didn' mean what she said!"

"You don't understand!" I hear Rainbow Dash spit. "She was right, Applejack. If I cared about other pony's feelings at all, I wouldn't have made that Peter guy have an emotional breakdown!"

Well, shit. It is my fault. Now I just feel like a shit head.

I rush up to the tree, and hop the fence in one fluid motion. I approach Applejack, and she seems shocked to see me. However, with a small smile from myself, she understands, and sighs.

"Fine, Rainbow. If Ah can't convince ya' that it's not yer' fault, then maybe someone else can."

Rainbow Dash frowns, and I enter her line of sight. "Hello, Rainbow Dash," I say, softly.

"Oh," she mutters. Applejack nods, and starts to depart. Once Rainbow and I are alone, I immediately start to climb the tree. Rainbow watches me in cautious curiosity as I ease myself onto the limb, sitting directly next to her. I sigh as I reach over, and gently pat her on her back.

"Rainbow Dash...it wasn't your fault," I say, softly. "I had made my peace with my loss of her a few months ago: I had moved on. But I was wrong, which means...it means I have a bit more growing up to do." I smile as she sits up, and looks to me with a small frown, her apologetic eyes wide and glistening in the sunlight. "And I want to thank you for showing me my weakness."

Rainbow Dash pauses for a moment, and sighs. "Peter, that's good and all, but when I did it, I wasn't thinking about making you know what you've got to improve, I just wanted to know what you were so ashamed of...I...I didn't trust you, and I didn't stop to think about your feelings."

I frown as I rest a hand on her shoulder. "You were doing it for your friends. You were doing it because you wanted to know if I would hurt your friends. And I respect you for that, Rainbow Dash."

The cyan Pegasus looks into my eyes, and her frown deepens. "But that doesn't change that Twilight was right. I can be such a jerk sometimes..."

"So?" I ask, struggling to maintain my balance on the tree limb. "So can I, Rainbow. Trust me, where I come from, people like you are considered the most polite individuals in the world. Trust me, you're not a jerk at all. The fact that you feel the urge to apologize to everyone you hurt shows how much you care." I smile at her, and my heart skips a beat as I almost lose my balance. "Trust me, you're not a jerk. You're actually really nice."

She frowns at me, and I inwardly sigh: she's going to keep doubting that she's nice, and keep acting like she has to apologize, because she just cares too God damn much. "But...I mean, it's different, Peter. D'you know what the Elements of Harmony are?" I shake my head no. "Well, they're all bits of Harmony, meant to keep the world in order. There are six of them - Magic, Laughter, Generosity, Honesty, Kindness, and...Loyalty." She sighs as she looks away from me. "I'm the bearer of the Element of Loyalty. And...I feel like I have to live up to it, y'know? So, how could I be the Element of Loyalty if I'm always being mean to my friends?"

"If one of your friends were to get into a fight, and you knew they would lose - even with your help - who would you back up?"

"They wouldn't lose if I helped them," Rainbow Dash points out.

"Shut the fuck up and let me comfort you, asshole," I command. Rainbow chuckles lightly, and I punch her on the foreleg before continuing. "Now, what if they wouldn't win even with your help, and you knew it. Who would you back up?"

"My friends," she responds immediately.

"Why? Wouldn't you want to join the winning side?" I ask, provoking her into the answer I want to hear.

"Why would I!? I wouldn't turn against my friends like that! What, you think I'm some shallow loser!?" She grabs me by my sweatshirt, and I grin.

"No," I respond, resting my hands on her hooves, "I think you're anything but, Rainbow Dash. You're Loyal, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise." I smile at her, and she seems to be transfixed. "Being Loyal doesn't mean being nice, Dash. It means that you'll stick by them through thick and thin."

Rainbow Dash keeps staring, and understanding seems to spread through her eyes. I keep looking into her eyes until she begins to blush, and it's then that I let go of her hooves, and ruffle her mane. "See? You're Loyal. You don't have anything to worry about."

Rainbow Dash nods, and remains silent as she watches me in slight caution. "Why are you being so nice?"

"Because you're my friend," I respond immediately. "Isn't that obvious?"

"Really? After I broke your nose?"

I snort in laughter. "Please, that was nothing."

"Nothing? I knocked you out cold!"

"Not for very long."

"Oh, come on. You were K.O.'d. There's no way that was 'nothing'. Trust me, when I punch, I punch."

"Really? I thought that you shat yourself when you punch!"

Rainbow Dash starts to laugh, and I join in with her. "You're such a weirdo, Peter," she remarks.

"Says the pony with rainbow colored hair."

"Hey! My hair ain't weird, it's sexy!"

"Really? Does the carpet match the drapes?"

"Yeah! What, you wanna check?" She smirks at me, and I blush an intense red.

"Uh, I'll pass..."

"Fine, your loss."

I scratch my cheek to hide my blush, and decide to bring up why I came here. "By the way, I'm glad that I got this time alone with you," I announce, "but that's not the whole reason why I was looking for you..."

"Then why were you looking for me?"

"It's about Scootaloo," I announce, pursing my lips as she turns to glare at me.

"Is she hurt!?" Rainbow demands.

"Not...Not exactly," I respond, unsure of how I should bring up the subject. "She, uh...she's sort of..."

"Just spit it out!" Rainbow Dash cries as she grabs me.

"She's totally hammered," I respond. "Drank a whole bottle of scotch. She's at the library."

"She what!?" She cries. Before I can say another word, she tightens her grip on me.

"What are you doing?" I ask, starting to panic.

"Hold on tight!" She cries as her wings expand.

I do a she says, and grabs onto her torso with my arms, holding on tight. "Rainbow, what're you-"

She takes off, and my words fall from my throat as I squeeze my eyes shut, and a bubble of a scream forms behind the lump in my throat.

Rainbow Dash

I hold onto Peter tight, 'cus I don't want my new friend to die a few seconds after I made a friend out of him.

I feel his hands dig into my sides, and I smirk to myself: he's terrified!

It's then that I hear him let out a rather feminine shriek, and I can't help myself: I start to laugh hysterically, shaking him as I fly.

"Rainbow, let me down!" I hear him shout. "Please!!!!"

"It's faster this way!" I shout past my laughter. "Look, we're already here! Prepare for landing!"

"OH THANK FUCK!"

I chuckle lightly as I hover above the ground. "You can let go now. Your legs are a centimeter above the ground."

"I don't wanna," he whimpers. "Could you just let me down?"

I sigh, and push myself down a bit more. I feel his legs buckle, and he lets go of me, collapsing onto the ground. I land next to him, and watch as he cries a bit. Yeah. He cries. I mean...wow. And there I was, thinking he was some sort of "big bad carnivore"...

"That was terrifying," he moans, wiping away his tears of absolute fear. "I think I'm gonna be sick..."

"If you're going to barf, do it in those bushes," I suggest, pointing a hoof. He nods as he rushes over, and expels his breakfast.

"Never...again," he pants, leaning on his knees as he struggles to catch his breath. "Oh, God...." He sobs a bit, and I roll my eyes.

"Come on," I command. "We've got to see Scootaloo."

Peter nods, and collects himself before nodding for me to go in first. I do so, and walk down the stairs into the basement.

"Scootaloo," I announce, catching the pony's attention. She stops giggling at nothing, and looks up at me.

"Hey, there, Rainbow Dash...How are you dobeing?"

I snatch the empty bottle from its spot on the table, and bring it right up to her face. "Where did you get this, Scootaloo!?" I demand, frowning as I restrict the urge to slap her upside the head.

"I gots it from the 'secret fridge'," she responds, smirking at me with her teeth sticking out as she pushes her lower jaw to the left. "Look at my fashe, Rainbow Darsh!"

I slap a hoof to my forehead, and place the bottle back on the table as I tower over her.

"Scootaloo, what did I say about drinking that stuff!?" I demand as I frown at her. She cowers a bit in my shadow. "It could ruin you, Scoots! I can't believe you went ahead and drank it!"

"I'm sorry, Rainbow," she responds, inflicting her words with a bit of odd sounds. "But I wan'ded ah stick up fer you, Dashiedy Dash Dash!" I sigh as she vomits into the tray by her bed.

"You don't have to stick up for me," I protest. "You don't."

Scootaloo looks up at me, and frowns. "But I wanna stick up fer ya, Rainbow. Yer' my big sistah..."

I sigh as I rest a hoof on her shoulder. "Scootaloo, you know that you're like a little sister to me, but I can fight my own fights. And please...don't ever drink again."

"I make no promises," Scootaloo teases me. I sigh, and take a step back.

"Call me when she's not drunk anymore," I tell Twilight. "Because right now, I just...I just need to be alone for a bit."

"Twilight, you're alright on your own?" Peter asks. Twilight nods, and Peter smiles. "Great. Could you tell me where I could find Fluttershy? I never really got to know her much."

Twilight gives Peter directions, and I immediately exit the building, flying towards my house at top speeds. When I reach it, I go in through the floor, patch up the hole, and immediately find my truth potion: the same one I had Zecora make for me last night so I could interrogate Peter today.

I stand in front of the mirror, unstop the vial, and place a single drop on my tongue. I immediately close up the vial, place it on my dresser, and stare my reflection in the face.

"Do you have a crush on Peter?" I ask it. I don't feel my lips moving as I respond.

"Yes."

I sigh, and ask the next question. "Why do you like him?"

"Because he was the first guy that has ever genuinely cared about me. Every other guy that ever liked me only liked me for my body."

"Are you afraid to tell him?"

"Yes."

I nod to myself, and return the truth potion to my drawer full of panties. (They're all custom made to blend into my fur so that nopony can see my vagina, or the panties themselves.)

I sigh as the truth hits me. I finally have another crush, after three years, nod it's on a guy that isn't even a fucking pony.

Well...

This won't end well.

I sigh as I set myself to get hurt again. I may as well go down there, and tell him right now, because now that I know that I'm afraid of it, I can deal with it instead of being in denial for a week and a half...

Super convenient thing, truth potions. At least now I can know what the shit is going on in my head.

Author's Note

The end is supposed to be a bit of a joke against the use of the truth potion, making fun of Deus ex Machina

Chapter 5: Stuff...

I smile as Fluttershy and I check on the several burrows, each of which she is preparing for their winter hibernation.

And that's when I notice the three butterflies on her left buttcheek.

I frown in confusion, and end up staring at it for a few moments. "Hey, what's up with the butt tattoo?" I ask, still staring at the three butterflies.

"Wait...you mean my Cutie Mark?" She asks, looking back at it and to me. "That's not a tattoo...everypony has a Cutie Mark...well, almost everypony..." She frowns as she withdraws into her mane. "Oh, I'm sorry, does that make me sound superior to you? Because you don't have a Cutie Mark?"

"No, not at all," I respond with a frown. "So...what are these Cutie Marks you speak of?"

"They show what a pony's special skill is," she responds, smiling pleasantly as she gives a small mammal a piece of raisin. "Mine is dealing with animals..."

"Cool," I remark, sort of ignoring her as I kneel down to examine the Chinchilla. I grin from ear to ear as I scritch under it's chin, and it tilts its head so I can get a better angle. Fluttershy lets out a small squeal of adoration.

And it's then that I smell something weird. I look around in search of the smells' source, and eventually find that there is a small, round bit of feces floating up into the sky. I stare at it, my mouth hanging open as it ascends into the atmosphere.

"Oh, you're not very used to that, are you?" Fluttershy asks, blushing as she turns to face me. "Pegasus poop floats. Uhh, if that's not too disgusting for you..."

"I...you don't...you don't use a toilet?" I ask, watching as more poop pops out from underneath her tail. I frown as I slowly back away from her.

"Uhm...I can't afford one," Fluttershy admits, rather ashamed. "But they have ponies that clean the skies...it's a...it's mostly a job they give to inmates...I mean, is this all too weird for you?"

"Not weird," I immediately respond, not wanting to insult the sweetheart of a pony. "Just...different."

"Oh, thank goodness," she sighs. More poop. "I was afraid you would think lesser of me..."

"I could never think lesser of you!" I protest. "I have the utmost respect for you, Fluttershy."

"R-really?" She asks, smiling at me in relief. "You do?"

"Yeah," I respond, smiling as I let the Chinchilla scamper away. "You're a complete sweetheart, Fluttershy. Not to mention the fact that you're humble. Oh, and I know that you're the Element of Kindness, and I respect you for that, too."

She gasps, and starts to shiver and shake. "Y-you are you...how d-d-d-d-do you know that!? D-did Discord tell you?"

"No, Rainbow told me," I respond. "And who's Discord?"

"Oh, that's a relief," she sighs. "Discord is, uh...the God of Chaos and Disorder..."

I whistle. "I'd like to meet him!" I declare with a smirk. "Sounds like he could throw a party..."

"Have you met Pinkie Pie?" She offers, smiling at me. "She throws the best parties ever."

"Really?" I ask, smiling to myself as we move onto the next burrow. "Any alcohol?"

The Pegasus is about to respond, when we both spin around in surprise as we hear a certain brash Pegasus shouting my name.

"Yo, Peter!" She shouts, grinning as she lands in front of me. "I've got a crush on you!"

I stare at her, and blink a few times. "That's...nice..." I mutter, not sure what I should do.

"Just thought you should know," she announces. "'Cus you were so nice to me, right? Guys I've liked have never really cared much about me, they just wanted me for my sick body."

"Oh, Rainbow, I've never seen you so brave before!" Fluttershy declares. "Not to say that you're not normally brave, because you are..."

"Nah, I just drank a bit of the Truth Serum I had Zecora make for me so I could interrogate Peter."

I stare at Rainbow Dash in surprise. "Isn't that a bit dangerous? Won't you go spilling some weird secrets?"

"Like the fact that I have a crush on you?" She suggests.

"Uh...yeah," I mutter, frowning as I look to Fluttershy. "Uh...well, I mean, I'm flattered," I announce, not wanting to hurt her feelings. "I mean, I really am flattered. You're a...a brilliant young woman, and-"

"Mare," she corrects me. "Young mare."

"Either way, you're a brilliant young adult," I respond. "And I have a lot of respect for you. But...I don't know if it's mutual..."

Rainbow Dash opens her mouth to say something, but that's when we hear a small voice shouting Rainbow's name.

"Hey, Rainbow Dash!" The filly shouts, standing between Rainbow and myself. "Is this thing bothering you!?"

"Uh, I'm Peter," I mutter, staring at the filly in the utmost confusion and surprise. "Uh...and you're..."

"Scootaloo!" She declares, grinning in pride.

"I thought you were drunk in Twilight's basement!" Rainbow Dash declares, her mouth hanging open in surprise.

"What? I'd never drink!" Scootaloo protests. "You said I shouldn't!"

Rainbow and I exchange a glance. I'd say that Fluttershy exchanged a glance with us as well, but she's already run away, fearing...whatever it is that's going on.

"Changeling!" Rainbow Dash shouts, before flying off to the library, leaving a rainbow trail behind her.

"Uh, stay here, I guess," I mutter, confused as I sprint after her, dodging around small animals as I make my way across the fields.

Twilight Sparkle

I stare as I come back down the stairs.

Scootaloo is gone.

Instead, Applejack is in her place. And she's still drunk.

"Hey, Twi'!" The...I don't even know what chirps. "What's up?"

"I-" She goes up in green flames, and my eyes widen as she's replaced by Carrot Top. "You're a Changeling!" I shout, entering a readied stance as I glare at it.

"Ya caught me!" It chuckles. It changes form again, and frowns as it comes up with Vinyl Scratch. "Nah, that's not it," it mutters. I watch in confusion as it goes through several transformations, and then I understand.

"You don't have control over your transforming when you're intoxicated!" I declare, suppressing a chuckle.

"Bingo!" It shouts. Finally, a black carapace appears, and the Changeling sighs in relief. "Ah, finally, I can end the freaking charade..."

I scowl as I raise my horn, and prepare to blast it into next Tuesday. I charge up my attack, and -

I jump with a yelp as the Changeling presses a hoof to the tip of my horn. "What is wrong with you!" I shriek, rubbing the base of my horn in discomfort.

"Sorry, thought it was like a hoof shake," the Changeling declares, stumbling as it approaches me. "My name is Metamorpha. I'm Chrysalis' daughter...thing."

I gasp as I enter a readied stance once more. "You're the Changeling Princess!?" I shout, staring at her in shock. Now that I take a close look, she looks different from other Changelings: first, she has pupils, not just glowing orbs. Secondly, she has a rather larger stature than most Changelings...

"Eh," she remarks. "I don' wanna be the Princess, though...hate my mother..." She burps a bit, and sits down on the floor, grinning to herself in giddiness. "Got a lot of love from that Rainbow Dash, when I was that orange one? She really cares for her..." She giggles a bit before continuing, and I stand up straight in slight concern. "Came to Ponyville to run away. Couldn't stand eatin' love that was stolen from folks, y'know? Mother always says 'no, no, it's all good, blah blah blah...'" She snorts to herself. "Bitch...anyway, I came t' Ponyville to hide from the Hive...can't stand that damn place anymore, y'know? Don't like it no more..."

I immediately react as she begins to act nauseous. I bring her the bucket, and she barfs into it with gusto.

"Thanks," she mutters, holding a hoof to her head. "Ugh, now that the drink's wearing off, I'm starting to think that wasn't such a good idea..."

"You're telling me," I remark in distaste. She dry heaves for a moment, and then lays back with a sigh.

"Well, I got drunk pretty late last night," she announces with a small chuckle. "Surprised it took this long for the darn stuff to wear off...ugh, Goddess, I think I'm starting to get a hangover..."

I frown. "Uh, I'll get you some painkillers," I suggest. She nods, and I immediately go into my kitchen to get some ibuprofen.

"Twilight!"

I spin around as the door bursts open, and Rainbow Dash rushes in. "That's not Scootaloo, it's a Changeling!"

"I know," I respond, filling a cup with ginger ale. "She's Chrysalis' daughter, and she ran away - she doesn't want to be the Princess. Get it? She's a Changeling rebel."

"Rebel?" She asks, genuinely confused. "Since when was there a rebellion in the Changeling empire?"

"I don't know...she may be the first," I respond. "Now, come on - she had the drink last night, and she's starting to get hungover."

Rainbow Dash frowns, and starts to follow when Peter runs through the door, panting as he leans on his knees. "Hey...I...don't know...what a Changeling...is...but I...I...I came...anyway..." He coughs a bit, and a few violent coughs wrack his body. I give him a cup, and he spits a large glob of phlegm into it. "Oh...s-sorry...not used to..." He falls silent as he collapses onto the floor, his breathing labored as he gesticulates. "Just...gonna...rest..."

Rainbow Dash looks up at me, and frowns. "I...I think I'll stay here and look after Peter," she announces. "You handle the Princess, alright?"

I nod, and immediately make my way downstairs.

Rainbow Dash

"C'mon, get up," I command, extending a hoof to help him. He takes a deep breath, and grasps my hoof, leaning against me in absolute exhaustion. "Geeze, you need to work out, man," I remark, leading him over to the couch. He collapses onto it, and closes his eyes as he pants.

"Fuck you," he mutters, pressing his fingers to his head as...well, I guess he's having a headache. "Ugh...could you get me some water? I'm not used to running, I normally work out by swimming..."

"I swim, too," I remark as I immediately fetch him a bottle of water. He nods in gratitude as he opens it and downs half of it in a split second. "I'm like a fish in the water!"

"Or a horse," he remarks with a small smirk, seemingly refreshed by the water.

"Or a horse," I agree,wanting to make him laugh: I don't wanna be a jerk to him, not after I told him I have a crush on him. Oh, man, I hope he's gonna end up liking me, too: I can't stand having a non-mutual crush...

"So, what's a Changeling?" He asks. I feel a bit crestfallen, as I had hoped he would've asked about my crush on him...

I explain what a Changeling is as quickly as possible, and try my best to describe what it looks like. Peter nods as he stretches, and places his hands behind his head.

"They sound like a handful," he remarks. "Anyway, d'you think-" We could catch a movie? We should have dinner? We should date? "-we should go downstairs and help Twilight?"

Oh. "Uh, I think she's got it," I respond. "She's good with this kinda stuff..."

Peter nods, and closes his eyes with a sigh. "Alright..."

A few moments of awkward silence pass, and I begin to fidget. I want to hold his hoof - er, hand - and help him through this..."D'you want me to...give you some support?" I suggest. "It looks like you were in a lot of pain..."

"Uh, Rainbow Dash, I'm fine," he mutters as he unties his shoe laces. He places his shoes on the floor once they're off. "I just needed to rest a bit..."

"Yeah, right," I immediately respond, blushing as I realize that I'm trying to invade his personal space in any way possible. "I knew that..."

"Uh-huh," he mutters, frowning as he crosses his legs. "Anyway, I think I'll take a quick nap..."

"D'you think you'll ever like me?" I clap my hoof over my mouth as soon as the words escape my mouth. The shit are you doing, me!? It's not even that bad of a crush - it's probably the stupidest one I've had yet!! Am I just that desperate...?

Peter stares at me for a moment, and sighs. "Tell ya what. How about I hang out with you - and your friends," he pauses to let that sink in, "if I grow to like you, I'll ask you out. Deal?"

"Deal," I immediately respond, rather enthusiastically.

"You really wanna be in a relationship, don't you," he remarks, flatly.

"Yeah, I'm desperate." I silently curse the truth serum as more words escape unbidden. "Sorry, that's the truth serum talking..."

"Is that true?" He asks with a frown. "Are you really desperate, Rainbow Dash?"

I bite my lower lip. Of course it's true, dumbass: I drank truth serum! "Yeah," I whisper, hating my dumb choice to drink that shit every second...

He's about to say something when Twilight comes back upstairs with a sigh. He looks at her, and away from me, and I sigh as well.

"She's asleep," Twilight announces. "I'm going to tell Celestia..."

I nod, and Peter gets up from the couch. "Well...what now?" He asks as she stretches.

I frown as a feeling nips at the back of my neck. "I dunno. But I fell like I'm forgetting something..."

Meanwhile...

Fluttershy trembles under her bed, the darkness and warmth offering her little comfort.

A few hoof steps in her house cause her to panic. She lets out a small squeak, and curls into an even tighter ball.

There are no Changelings here, she tells herself. There are no Changelings here, there are no Changelings here, there are-

"Uhhh, Fluttershy? Why did Rainbow Dash say that I'm a-"

"Changeling!" Fluttershy squeals, bursting through the mattress as she rockets upwards. With a resounding thunk, her head hits the ceiling, and she falls unconscious, oblivious of the fact that she now needs to buy a new bed.

Or that there are pellets of poop floating into the ceiling.

Chapter 6: Respect

"Can I come with you guys?" I ask, pouting as the eight of them get ready to depart.

Spike, Twilight, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, Applejack, Pinkie Pie, Rarity, and Princess Metamorpha are all going to board a chariot supplied by Celestia that will bring them directly to Canterlot. This is an issue of international security and diplomacy, as far as I know, so it might be illegal for me to go...

"I dunno," Twilight mutters. "I don't know if Celestia would want you there..."

"Yeah, but what am I supposed to do while I wait here?" I ask with a hefty sigh. "I'm so used to having stuff to do..."

"Like what?" Rainbow Dash demands. "There's plenty to do here! You could visit Sweet Apple Acres, take a jog, read a book..."

"Yeah, but none of those are nearly fun enough," I respond. "Okay, reading a book I get, but I'm used to having technology, y'know? Like, a DS, or a computer, or an iPad - normally when I'm bored, I go on the Internet and look at pictures of funny cats for an hour and a half!" They all give me strange glares, even Metamorpha (who's still a bit hungover.) "It's sort of a culture shock for me, y'know?"

"Alright," Twilight sighs. "Then if this is going to be so hard for you, then maybe somepony should stay behind with you..."

"Who?" I ask with a frown. "I mean, you're all the Elements of Harmony, right? Aren't you crucial for this?"

"Who told you about that?" Twilight asks.

"Rainbow Dash."

Twilight sighs, and casts a glance at the cyan Pegasus. "Rainbow, would you mind staying behind with Peter, to keep him busy?"

I can tell that she's having a conflict of interests. She wants to go with them to keep her country safe, but at the same time, she wants to stay with me because she has a crush on me - as she told me under the influence of the truth serum she ingested.

"I-I don't know about that...." Rainbow Dash mutters. "I mean, I should go with you guys - this is a Changeling!"

"I assure you, I am nothing like my mother," Metamorpha announces. "I am not a warmonger."

Rainbow Dash fidgets, and I really wish I had a cell phone or something so she could go ahead with them. "I'll stay." We all turn towards the yellow Pegasus, and we're not surprised whatsoever. "I can stay...besides, my animals need to be looked after, and Peter can help me."

"That's a good idea," Rainbow immediately announces. "Yeah, that's be a great idea!" I raise an eyebrow as her cheeks flush a tiny bit. Is she trying to stay away from me?

In all honesty, I'd understand that, and I'm sort of grateful for it, too.

"Alright, it's decided then," Twilight announces. "Come on, Princess Metamorpha - let's get going."

"Right," the Changeling mutters. I cast a look at Rainbow Dash as she turns to leave, and I sneak in a small wink, just to mess with her. She lets out a strangled yelp before running out of the library.

"That's strange," Fluttershy mutters as the door slams shut behind Rainbow Dash. "What could've made her act like that...?"

"I honestly don't know," I lie. "In any case, let's get to caring for your animals."

Fluttershy lets out a hefty sigh as we finish the surgery.

"Oh, thank goodness you caught that," Fluttershy announces as we set aside the tools. I gingerly pick up the unconscious bear cub, and bring it to the bear waiting anxiously outside. A shiver goes down my spine at the thought of giving a bear its cub and not getting mauled.

"He's going to be fine," I announce as I give the bear her cub. She hugs it close, and looks down at me with what seems to be a smile. Then she bends down, gives me a lick, and walks off to tend to her injured baby.

When I return to Fluttershy, I find that she's discarding of the debris that had impaled the cub's stomach. I help her in wrapping the bloodied and splintered wooden fencepost up. We quickly discard of it, and she sighs as we set about throwing out our gloves.

"I didn't know you were a veterinarian," she announces.

"I'm not," I respond. "I didn't even have a doctorate yet when I arrived in Equestria. I only had a Bachelor's in medicine." I sigh as we finish cleansing her emergency room, which is in her basement. "Of course, I ended up having to drop out of college for everything that happened, but...life is life."

"Uh...what happened?" Fluttershy asks. "That is, if you want to talk about it. I'm sorry if I'm prying..."

I set my jaw as I force myself not to suppress the memories. I let them wash over me for a moment, and the regret goes away: just like my therapist said it would.

"I had to do some things," I respond. "Some things that I'm not exactly proud of. But it was all for a good cause."

Fluttershy nods, and leaves it at that. "Okay. In that case, let's get upstairs - I have something I want to give you."

I nod, and we walk up the stairs. Once we get there, she stands up straight, and clears her throat.

"Peter, I didn't know why that cub was in pain until you found the small nub of wood. Thanks to you, we were able to remove the wooden splinter from its chest, stitch the wounds closed, and possibly save its life." She reaches into her kitchen cabinet, and pulls out a small bag. "Uhm...please, take uhm...ten bits?"

"Uh...how much is a bit worth?" I ask, wanting to know whether I could save her some money. "Like, how many bits is it for a candy bar?"

"One bit."

I nod. So one bit is basically equivalent to one dollar. "So...ten bits?"

"Oh, is that not enough?" Fluttershy asks. "Uh...twenty! It's...it's all I have, b-but you can have it!"

"You only have twenty bits?" I ask, surprised. She nods, and I shake my head. "Don't pay me, Flutters. Keep the money. You need it far more than I do."

"Peter, you...you don't have any money."

"Yet I don't need any, because for the time being, Twilight is supplying for me." I smile at her. "So, keep your bits, Fluttershy. And if you try to force me to take a payment, I will give it right back."

Fluttershy blushes as she looks away with a small smile. I smile as she timidly approaches me, and quickly hugs my legs. Due to her stature, she can't really hug my torso, so I bend down to hug her properly.

"You're a sweetheart, Flutters," I say softly. "Now, come on. Let's go finish with those burrows."

She nods, and we both leave through the back door to attend to the rest of the small burrows.

One Hour Later...

I turn in surprise as a wall of cheering catches my attention, and smile despite myself as I watch Rainbow Dash flying towards Fluttershy and myself. Damn, but can she fly...

"I think she's going to do a Sonic Rainboom," Fluttershy whispers, smiling to herself.

"A Sonic Rainboom? The shit is that?"

Fluttershy gives me a small smile. "Wait and see."

I sigh as I look back to the sky, and watch as a conical image forms around Rainbow's hooves. After a moment, the cone's apex is split, and the pent-up energy is released as an incredibly large explosion. My jaw hangs open as I watch the colors shimmer through the sky.

After a minute, I'm still staring at where the Sonic Rainboom once was, and my jaw is still hanging open. I barely even notice as Rainbow Dash softly lands next to me.

"Sup?" Rainbow asks. "Uh...Pete? You okay?"

I shut my jaw, and turn to face the cyan pony. I stare at her in shock, unable to comprehend what the fuck I just witnessed...

"How are you still alive?"

"Huh?"

"Rainbow Dash, you split the light spectrum. You went faster than the speed of light - the kinetic friction against the air alone should've sloughed your skin right off!"

Rainbow Dash shrugs. "Peter...whatever, that's not important right now."

"Not important?" I ask. "Rainbow, you should be a heap of gesticulating meat!"

The cyan Pegasus sticks out her tongue in disgust. "Whatever. Anyway, guess why I did that Sonic Rainboom, Fluttershy?"

Fluttershy frowns. "I don't know, Rainbow Dash. Was it to impress Peter?"

A strange noise escapes from the back of the Pegasus' throat as her cyan cheeks turns crimson. "N-no!" She responds, taking a defensive stance. "Geeze, Fluttershy, you forget that I'm not into romance or shit!"

"I'm sorry," Fluttershy mutters. "But...Why did you do the Rainboom, Rainbow Dash?"

"We made a treaty with the Changeling Empire!" Rainbow Dash responds with a grin. "Guess what? Queen Chrysalis has been overthrown! I dunno how, but the rebels totally kicked her flank!" Hovering a bit in the air, she makes few punching and kicking movements. "From what I'm told, it was basically all the Changelings against her small amount of royal guards! It must've been awesome!"

"But...why wasn't Metamorpha there?" I ask, confused. "Wouldn't she want to see her mother overthrown? I mean, didn't Twilight say she was the head of the rebellion?"

"That's why she wasn't there! It would've been too risky! She ended up drinking 'cus she hadn't heard back yet, and she was worried that all the rebels had been killed. But no - they got Chrysalis off the thrown, and now Metamorpha's the Changeling Queen!"

I nod, and Fluttershy claps. I don't feel incredibly enthusiastic, as I don't know anything about the Changelings past what Metamorpha looks like. Freaky bug thing...

"Anyway, how'd you like that Rainboom, Pete?" Rainbow Dash asks with a cocky grin. I raise an eyebrow with a smirk.

"Oh, so it was just to impress me..." I remark. Rainbow lets out a small "urk!" as she turns crimson yet again.

"N-no it wasn't!" She whines, frowning as she protests. "I just...I just wanna know what you think of it, y'know?"

I sigh, and decide to indulge her. "It was awesome," I respond, smiling as my enthusiasm comes back ten fold. A grin plays across my face as I remember the rush I got from seeing that blast... "Scratch that, it was fucking amazing! That explosion? Frikkin' awesome, that was like, the coolest thing I've ever seen!" I blush as I realize that I lost control over myself for a moment in my fervor to explain how fucking amazing!!! that Rainboom was. "But, uh...yeah. It was cool."

Rainbow Dash snickers lightly, and she gives me a large smirk. "At this rate, I'd say you've already got a crush on me."

I chuckle in response. "Fat chance. It takes more than breaking the laws of physics to make me like someone." I shrug. "Although, it does act as a catalyst for any sort of affection..."

"What's a catalyst?"

"Makes reactions occur faster," I respond with a cocked eyebrow. "Duh."

"Shut it," Rainbow spits. "Anyway, I think I'd better get in the sky - I've got a lot of cloud busting to do, y'know? See ya later, gu-" Her voice catches in her throat as her eyes widen, and she stares right at me. I frown, looking to Fluttershy for some sort of explanation. "Oh...my...gosh."

I move to the side, but her gaze doesn't follow me. So, I look in the same direction as she is, and I see that there's a small orange Pegasus, grimacing as she flies towards us. She's doing a really shit job of it, though - she keeps having to stop to regain her balance...

"SCOOTALOO!" Rainbow Dash screams with a grin, almost making me go deaf. "YOU GO, GIRL!"

Scootaloo's about to crash, but seems to get a second wind from Rainbow's cheering as she continues to fly towards us. I watch, rather unimpressed, as she stumbles to a landing a few yards away from us. Rainbow Dash starts to approach her, but Scootaloo takes to the sky once more, and Rainbow lets her fly the rest of the way.

When the orange Pegasus reaches Rainbow Dash, the latter embraces the filly in a strong hug, grinning as she giggles like a little girl. "Oh, I'm so proud of you, Scoots! You did a great job! You'll be doin' your own Sonic Rainbooms in no time, girly!"

Scootaloo giggles, as well, and I can see that she's crying a bit. I feel a bit of lighthearted warmth in my chest: she probably couldn't fly at all until recently, and that's why Rainbow is so proud of her.

"But it wasn't nearly as good as you," Scootaloo mutters, frowning as she pulls away from Rainbow Dash.

"So?" Rainbow asks, grinning as she pulls Scootaloo back. "Scootaloo, I don't care if you're as good as me! I just want you to be the best that you can be! Yeah, it's a slow start, but you're makin' progress, buddy!" Rainbow Dash grins, and I allow myself a small, warm smile at how caring she is for the small filly. "But, damn, Scootaloo, what was it like? Was it exciting? Were you scared?"

"Nah, I wasn't scared!" Scootaloo responds.

"That's my Scootaloo - takin' her challenges head on!" Rainbow grins, and I smile to myself as I turn away from her.

"C'mon, Fluttershy," I say softly, a newfound respect for Rainbow Dash spurring me onwards. "Let's get the rest of these burrows done, okay?"

"Alright."

Throughout the rest of the day, I can't get out of my head how happy those two seemed, and I realize that I know literally nothing about Rainbow Dash: yeah, she knocked me out with a vicious punch, and she likes to fly, and she's sort of a bitch, but besides that...I don't know anything.

In all honesty, I'd rather like to find out a bit more about her...

Author's Note

BLAH BLAH BLAH NOTE BLAH BLAH BLAH
FIVE

Chapter 7: His Past

"You know, Peter...I'm a psychologist. So...if you ever want to talk about you past with me...then I could give you a free session. What with you helping me so much and all..."

I look to Fluttershy in surprise. "What're you talking about?" I ask as I take a sip of the lemonade she gave me.

"Well...you said that you had a Bachelor's in Medicine, but that you had to drop out of college. How old are you, by the way? Just...I don't really know...if that's okay..."

I smile as I lean back. "That's fine. Well, I told Rainbow Dash that I was twenty two, but that's...sort of a lie. I wasn't exactly willing to tell the truth, what with my being tied to chair and whatnot. I'm actually twenty seven." Fluttershy nods as she takes a bite out of her daisy sandwich. My stomach yearns for meat as I watch her consume more and more food that I find inedible. "And, well...thanks for the offer, Fluttershy, but...I'd rather not talk about my past. I've already had a therapist for all of it, and she helped me quite a lot."

"So, you're a wack job, huh?"

I turn in surprise as Rainbow Dash walks into the cottage. She takes a seat next to Fluttershy, and I raise an eyebrow. "Weren't you busy with that kid?"

"She had to go home," Rainbow responds with a shrug. She's trying to act nonchalant, but I can see the small bit of pride glinting in her eyes. "So, you had a therapist? What's in your dark and mysterious past, huh?"

I sigh as I place down the glass. I force myself to close my eyes and count to five, lest I slap the shit out of her. Once I've calmed myself, I unclench my jaw, and look back up at her. "Rainbow Dash, I don't like talking about it, alright? Let's just...let's just finish our lunch, alright?" I pick up my grilled cheese, and take another bite: it settles my hunger, but not my yearning for meat.

"So...if you don't want to talk about your past...we can talk about your, uh...your now. If...if that's okay, I don't want to get too involved if you don't want me to..." Fluttershy blushes as I give her a soft, reassuring smile. "Uhm...well, I mean...are you...alright? What with...being around ponies and everything. I mean...I'd think you'd have a mental breakdown from seeing talking, flying, magical ponies and whatnot..."

I shrug as I recline. "Yeah, well...I don't mind it. I don't mind being around you guys because you're just as human as, well...humans. Yeah, a bit weird-looking, but...intelligent and alive, all the same. It's just easy for me, because I'm quicker to accept that you're just as smart as me, and therefore, you're equals. I mean, I was sort of freaked out in the beginning, but when you showed me so much hospitality...it was comforting, to say the least."

Fluttershy smiles, and Rainbow Dash looks down at the table for a moment, seemingly deep in thought. "Well, that's very nice, Peter. I'm happy that we've made you feel so much at home..."

"Yeah...at home..." Rainbow mutters, frowning to herself in irritation.

"Rainbow, I told you, I'm over it, alright? We're friends now!" I sigh as I give her a small smile. "Besides, you're actually really sweet."

Rainbow blushes. "Sw-sweet!? I am not sweet! I'm too cool to be sweet!"

Fluttershy giggles lightly, and I just stare at Rainbow Dash in confusion. "Really, Rainbow? You were crying over the fact that you insulted me! You're super sweet, and don't let anyone ever tell you differently."

Rainbow Dash's blush intensifies, and Fluttershy starts to blush as well. "Uhm...this is...this is getting awfully personal...maybe, uh...maybe I should...give you two...some time?"

I sigh as I return to my sandwich. "Sorry, Fluttershy, I, uh...I guess I sorta forgot myself there for a second. We'll continue this conversation in private, Rainbow Dash."

"P-private?" Rainbow stammers, her blush intensifying even more we she looks to me in confusion.

"Oh, not like that," I whine with a curled lip. "Geeze, you have a dirty mind..."

Fluttershy lets out a small squeak, and she's starting to blush a bit more. I frown at her, and gobble up the last bits of my sandwich before standing, and nodding to Fluttershy. "Thank you for the lunch, but I'd better get back to the library. Twilight wants to document my biology."

"Hey, why don't you skip out on hangin' with that egghead, and hang with somepony awesome? Like me!"

I frown at her as I crack my back. "Yeah, no. I'm quite the egghead myself, thank you very much." I give Fluttershy a quick hug, and get a move on.

"Fine, I'll come with you."

I nearly jump out if my skin as I hear the voice from directly behind me. I've been walking for several minutes, and I didn't even hear her approaching me.

"Why?" I ask as she chuckles, and I catch my breath.

"'Cus I like you, remember?" She responds. I feel my cheeks flushing, and I scratch my cheek in embarrassment. She chuckles as she walks past me, letting her tail trail across my legs in a manner that reminds me of that of a cat. "You know, I'm gonna get'cha one way or another."

"You don't even care that I just got here, do you?" I remark as we walk. "I mean, I've barely been here for a day, and you're already hitting on me. I'm practically a perfect stranger!"

Rainbow Dash frowns at me. "But I do care, Peter. I just don't get emotional." She looks around to make sure that nobody's listening in on her. "Okay, I do, but not often...I'm not an emotional pony."

I sigh as we keep walking. "Rainbow Dash, I don't get why you're so god damn skittish about being yourself in public. Just, seriously, if you care about someone, just show it. If you care about me, just show it - I'm more likely to reciprocate in that case, y'know?"

Rainbow Dash narrows her eyes at me as I walk, and she hovers. "What d'you mean, reciprocate?"

"I mean cuddling, hugging, maybe even kissing." I shoot a smirk at her. "Maybe if you come a bit out of your shell, I'll end up right in there with you."

Rainbow Dash blushes, and crosses her hooves in irritation. "In that case, we've both got a long wait..."

I sigh as we continue to walk, and I just shrug it off. Eventually, we reach the library, and -

"Hello again."

I stare at Princess Celestia in shock as she opens the door. "Uh...hi?" I ask, unsure of what she wants.

"I know that I let your memories of that woman remain unscathed," she announces. "But I must read them - after careful consideration, I realized that there is more to it than your own pain."

I clench my jaw as I realize what this means. Seeing as how she's incredibly powerful - as I discerned from her ability to read my memories - I should probably just go with it...

"Fine," I sigh, walking further into the library. "Go ahead."

Rainbow Dash

I gulp in nervous anticipation as Peter and Celestia sit across from each other. Twilight waves me over, and I sit down next to her as she begins to speak.

"You're going to want to keep quiet for this," she informs me. "Celestia is going to have to concentrate a lot to understand why Peter did what he did."

"What'd he do?" I ask, confused.

"I don't know yet," Twilight responds. "But I'm assuming Celestia will tell me when she does..."

I nod, and sit still in impatient anxiety. I would only wait like this for two ponies: Princess Celestia, and Princess Luna.

Not even my own father receives that privelege.

I gulp as Peter and Celestia's eyes close. Peter's eyes start to flicker underneath his lids, and a bit of a smile seems to come across his face as memories float past his eyes. I watch as his Adam's Apple bobs with apparent silent vocalizations, and he shows his teeth once or twice in wistful smiles.

But it changes.

After a small while, he becomes stoic. He no longer says phantom words, and he clenches his fists every once in a while. Did he get in a figh with her? Or did he just have to do something for her that hurt?

I watch as he goes through several emotions. I can't pinpoint what they are, but they seem to be all throughout the spectrum. After a while, his shoulders slump in what seems to be some sort of dejected acceptance. He cringes once in a while, and I can see that his knuckles are starting to turn white. I watch his jaw clench, and his eyelids squint. He seems to be in incredible pain, and I force myself to remain composed. It kills me to see him like that, and the worst part is that I don't even know why...

And then, he releases his fists. He slumps in the chair, and he seems to be incredibly weak: he doesn't even so much as smile. All he does is stare at his lap with his closed eyes.

It's then that his last change begins. He takes a few deep breaths, and seems to completely calm himself. After several minutes, he smiles again.

And then he grins.

Celestia releases the magic, and both she and Peter open their eyes. Peter looks right at me, and then to Celestia. She nods, and before I know it, he descends on me, holding me in a tight hug that surprises me just as much as it surprises Twilight.

"Peter...what're you...?"

"I want to put it all behind me," he whispers. "I just want it to be over..."

"Want what to be over?"

"Everything," he croaks. I feel a few hot tears streak onto my coat, and I pat him on the back in an attempt to comfort him. I...have no idea what's going on.

Celestia approaches, and begins to speak. "Peter...I am proud to call you a citizen of Equestria. The sacrifices you made for her...I have nothing but the utmost respect for you."

Peter nods, and I feel him hold me a bit tighter. "What's going on?" I ask, frowning at Twilight. "Princess...what'd he sacrifice?" I turn my attention to Celestia, seeking some sort if answer.

"He gave up everything," she responds, silently. "In what he did...he gave up his life."

"What'd you do?" I ask, confused as he calms and pulls away from me.

"I...I don't want to talk about it," he responds, wiping a few tears away. "It, uh...it hurt to remember it, to say the least..."

"Okay," I respond, some sort of strange understanding coming to me. "Whenever you're ready."

Peter smiles at me, and gives me another quick hug. As he pulls away, he gives me a quick peck on the cheek. "Thanks, Rainbow. You're the best."

I smile, and I realize that I'm blushing as he stands, and walks towards the stairs. "Well, it's pretty late," he announces with a stretch and a yawn. "I think it's time I get to sleep..."

I look out the window, and, true enough, the moon is putting a small bit of blue light into the library. I stretch as I prepare my wings for flight.

"Goodbye, all of you. I hope you all have wonderful nights of sleep." With that, the Princess teleports away, and I nod to Twilight.

"Well, I'd better get goin'. G'dnight, Twi." I look to the stairs. "Peter...good night. I'll, uh...I'll see you tomorrow, alright?"

Peter's face appears over the balcony of the second floor, and he gives me a grin. "I'll count on it."

I nod, and give myself a little involuntary giggle as I take off through the front door, grinning in the night light.

Looks like I've got him, huh?

I can't help but feel that it's a bit more than just that, though. It's also just being close to him like this...just being close to anypony like this.

In all honesty, I'd forgotten what it felt like.

Chapter 8: The Gym

I perform my daily stretches, splaying out my wings a bit to flex the muscles. I hear a whistle of admiration from somewhere, and I cast a glance behind me to see that there's a male Pegasus watching me stretch my wings, his own wings stretched out a bit in something that isn't exactly athletic.

I roll my eyes, but can't help but grin to myself as I snap my wings shut. Just love the attention...

As I straighten up, I start to head towards the weights, but I stop as I see somepony - or, rather, some human - walk into the Ponyville gym.

I smirk to myself as I wave him over. "You're late, fatass," I remark as he finishes the doughnut in his hand.

"Sue me," he remakes through a mouthful of fluff. I chuckle lightly as he starts doing his own stretches.

For the past week and a half, Peter has been doing nothing but lounging around the library. (And getting paid for it - it's his "job".) I've been trying to get him to do something physical, because I just can't stand the thought that he just sits there and does nothing all day. Twilight, I get - she's devoted her life to studying.

Fluttershy is too self-conscious to go to the gym.

Rarity...I wouldn't even ask her to go to the gym. I'd have to listen to a half hour rant about sweat.

Applejack doesn't need no stinkin' gym.

Pinkie Pie would destroy the bucking place.

And I, well...I only rest after I exercise and practice. It's part of my routine: exercise in the mornings, rest, weather pony stuff, exercise and practice, rest, exercise, sleep, repeat.

And then there's Peter. All he does is sit there.

And sit there.

And sit there.

So I finally managed to force Peter to get up off his lazy ass and come to the gym with me. And I, of course, am his personal trainer.

"Alright, let's start with seeing how much muscle you've got," I announce. He nods as he takes off his (new) sweatpants and his hoody, revealing the gym shorts and shirt that he had Rarity make for him (for fifty bits apiece.)

It's then that I actually take the time to check out his body for the first time. Besides when we first "met", I've never actually seen his arms, nor his legs. But now that I can actually take the time to appreciate it...

"Flex," I command. He nods as he flexes his muscles, and I allow myself a small smile. "Alright, you've got a good amount of muscle. That'll make this easier. Now, let me see your back - Twilight told me all about how your muscles work."

He nods again, and turns as he takes off his shirt. I hear a few ponies snicker at his nipples, and he blushes a bit as he flexes his back, especially his "trapezius".

And holy shit.

I feel myself growing a bit hot and bothered as I admire the bulk of muscle on his back. Oh, I'd just love to jump on his back, feeling his muscles work, feeling them pull, feeling his body work, feeling the most pure form of biological work, the elastic force of the muscles contracting and extending, the joules radiating off of his flesh, the-

I blink as I bring myself away from my daydreams. Seriously, I have got to deal with that fetish. It creeps even me out...

I nod as I tell him to put his shirt back on, but not without a tiny bit of regret. He turns to face me, and I immediately get some protection for his hands.

"Wrap these around your hands, then get into ring eight with me."

Peter nods, and expertly wraps the strips of cloth around his knuckles. I smirk to myself, a little blush creeping into my cheeks as I proceed to fit on some target hoof shoes.

"Looks like Dash has got a crush," I hear a familiar voice announce. I smirk to myself as I turn to face Vinyl Scratch.

Vinyl Scratch comes here to work out once in a while. She does pretty good, but not as good as I do. She can only bench press a ninety, so you can tell it's just for her to work off some steam.

"You know it," I respond with a snicker. She winks at me before returning to her thrusts, and I step into ring eight as I wait for Peter.

I smile as he approaches the ring. Without the flexibility of pony legs, he's probably just going to-

My jaw drops as he rolls right over the wires. He didn't seem strong enough to do something like that!

Well, whatever. I wanna test out his agility, and this is the best way to do so.

"Alright, try to hit the targets," I announces as I stand on my hind hooves. The gym starts to quiet down, and I look around to see that a bunch of the ponies have stopped working to watch: Rainbow Dash, training the alien...

Now that would be an awesome headliner for Gabby Gums.

I hold up my hooves, and wait for Peter to begin as I prepare to move my legs as fast as they can go.

Peter hits the first one without trouble, as it's just floating there. The second he hits surprisingly fast, and the third, fourth, fifth, sixth, seventh eighth ninth tenth eleventh-

I end up having to actually put effort into it to give Peter a challenge. He's lightning fast, even by my standards! He just jabs his arm out, hits his target, then hits the next in the blink of an eye!

"You're good," I announce as I move to give him a challenge. He quickly accepts it. "Better than I had expected!"

"Years of practice," he responds. He's not even panting yet, but he's going so fast...

The bad thing, though, is that they're not strong hits. They're just fast. "Alright, try for strength over speed," I announce as he continues to strike.

He doesn't say anything, but the transition is flawless. And while he only slows down a bit, I start to really feel the force in his punch...

As he proceeds, he starts to get a bit slow. "Come on, pick it up!" I shout, scowling as his hits get less and less frequent. He can't be tired already...

"You sure?" He asks, breathing easily and calmly. He may suck at running, but when it comes to throwing punches, he's got the endurance of a bull. "I mean, this isn't much of a challenge, Rainbow Dash."

I wince at the obvious personal insult. "What!?" I shout.

"I mean, I'm barely even trying," he informs me. "I mean, yeah, when I was going really fast before, that was a lot of effort, but right now, just keeping up with you...it's not hard at all."

My jaw drops a bit, and I grind my teeth with a vicious growl as I toss off the target shoes. "Vinyl, give me the boxing gloves."

"Sure thing!"

A moment later, I'm pulling two boxing gloves onto my hooves. I don't know why they're called gloves, nor why they look more like Peter's fists than they do hooves, but...whatever. I pull them tight with my teeth, and Peter receives similar gloves, but red instead of blue.

"This is more like it," he announces with a smirk. He tosses the gloves to the side. "But I'm not going to need these."

I grind my teeth at the second insult he's directed at me. Nopony calls me weak!

I hear a bell, and I grin to myself. So, this is some sort of boxing match now? Guess I sorta started that when I asked for the gloves...

"You ready?" I taunt. Peter nods as he takes a stance I'm far too familiar with: a defensive stance.

He's going to use martial arts.

"Peter, this isn't a martial arts gym," I remind him. "This is a modern gym. If I wanted you to do karate, I would've taken you there."

He raises an eyebrow. "It's not karate, Rainbow Dash. It's actually my own style of fighting."

I cock an eyebrow back at him, and smirk as I strip off the gloves. "Alright, we'll do martial arts. This I gotta see..."

He nods, and I take my karate stance. We advance, and the atmosphere goes up a notch: everypony in this gym knows I'm a black belt. They all know I'm going to win.

I take the initiative in attacking, and Peter immediately hits my hoof out of the way, his knuckles tucked in and his palm facing outwards. He remains calm as we circle each other, and I get increasingly pissed off at his cocky asshole attitude.

Alright, it's show time.

I launch myself at him, and-

He blocks me. I narrow my eyes at him as I back away, and prepare myself once more.

Alright, I'm going to beat the shit out of him...

Somehow, I'm now on the defensive.

While I was trying to get Peter in the ribs, he twisted his arm around my foreleg as I tried to hit him, kneed me in the stomach, and then let me go. I got winded, and he started attacking me, his stance wide as he practically dances around me, trying to get into every single opening he can find.

However, I manage to block him, again and again and again. I'm faster, stronger, and better.

Eventually, I see a huge opening: he leaves his side wide open. I lash out a hoof at his side, but I realize too late that that was what he wanted.

He wasn't trying to hit me on the shoulder.

He was preparing for a kick.

I can't help but let out a large puff of air as his foot makes rather brutal contact with my stomach. I try to get out my wings to keep myself stabilized, but it's then that something shifts.

Peter stops playing around.

He hits me right in the joint where wing and back meet, then in the shoulder, and then in the ribs. I'm barely left standing as I try to clutch all three, gritting my teeth in pain as my dislocated limbs let out cries of pain.

I'm about to throw in the towel: this is it, he's actually got the one up on me. Of course, I'll get back at him later, but-

But it's then that he goes in for the kill.

He palms me right in the sternum with a vicious exhalation, causing me to fall backwards onto my dislocated wing with a yelp of pain. I hear a few gasps, but they're blocked out by the sensation of the broken rib finally reaching my mind. I let out another involuntary yelp, and struggle to sit up so I can at least save some face...

It's then that Peter falls to my side, his eyes wide as he looks over me. "Shit, are you okay!? I didn't mean to hit so hard, I-"

"Relax," I hear Vinyl Scratch inform him. "These kind of things are normal in here, y'know? But normally it's Rainbow causin' it to other ponies that're dumb enough to try to fight her."

A few of the ponies laugh, and I blush like mad as I look away in an attempt to hide my tears. Peter shakes his head as he looks up at Vinyl Scratch.

"No, I don't think you understand, I-"

"Lemme guess, you've got a crush on her?" Vinyl asks with a smirk. I look up at Peter in surprise, and watch as his eyes grow a bit wider.

"No, that's not it," he responds, starting to hyperventilate a little. "That hit would've killed a human."

Vinyl Scratch frowns, and Peter immediately picks me up, causing a good deal of pain as he asks for directions to the hospital.

"How d'you know it would've killed a human?" I ask in a raspy voice as Peter carries me towards the door. I can feel his heart hammering in his chest. "I...I don't get it...how d'you-ah!-how did you know that could've killed one?"

He shakes his head as he leaves the gym, and starts to walk towards the hospital. I wait for him to answer, as it's not like I'm going anywhere with a dislocated wing and foreleg...

"Because I've done it before," he finally whispers, his Adam's Apple bobbing as he gulps. My eyes widen as I realize who's carrying me.

I'm being carried to the hospital by a murderer.

Chapter 9: Keeping Secrets and Promises

I'm about to leave the library, and make my way back to my (expensive) rented home, when Rainbow Dash clears her throat to catch my attention.

"Yes, Rainbow?" I ask, a chill running up my spine as I think of our deal: she promised to keep the fact that I killed someone in a past life secret, because she "doesn't think I'll ever do it again." Or something like that, I don't know, these ponies are just too damn forgiving in my opinion...

I mean, sure, I'm grateful, but...confused.

"So, uh...Twilight's going to be running all-night-long experiments, and...well...it's going to be snowing tonight, so..." She blushes a bit as she stands. "Would you mind if I stayed at your place?"

Twilight nods in agreement: she's already getting her equipment set up. I smile in relief and kindness as I motion for her to follow me. "Of course I don't mind! Come on, let's get going before it gets snowin'."

Rainbow Dash pauses, and stares at me. "Peter...never rhyme like that again. Please."

"Duly noted," I chuckle. "Alright, now let's go, Dash."

She nods, and we bid farewell to Twilight before we leave. Once I'm fairly certain that we're out of her earshot, I cast a glance at Rainbow Dash.

"So, any particular reason as to why you wanna stay at my place tonight?" I interrogate her. "Instead of Rarity's, or Pinkie's, or Fluttershy's..."

"I want to talk to you," she responds, pursing her lips in apparent irritation. I nod as we walk along, dead leaves crunching underfoot.

"I take it's about our agreement?"

"Yeah, it's about our agreement," Rainbow responds, snappily. "And the fact that I've got to lie to my friends for you."

I nod. "Fair enough. But...I mean...Rainbow, I can never thank you enough for how much you've done for me so far. Really, our, ah...agreement, it's...it's saved my life here. Literally. And I-"

"Look, let's talk about this when we get to your place, alright!?" Rainbow snaps. I nod, blushing a bit as we continue walking.

After a few moments of silence, we reach my house, and I quickly unlock the door and pull it open for her. She nods in thanks as she hurries in, and I pull the door shut behind me and lock it as I motion for her to join me on the couch.

"Would you like anything to drink?" I ask as I fetch a water bottle from my fridge.

Due to my inability to tend fires, Twilight managed to get me a house with a boiler and an internal heat system, which is why I crank the thermostat up a bit as I crack open the plastic container.

"No. I just want to talk," Rainbow responds, staring down at the floor in silence. I frown as I recognize her symptoms: she's not sure about something, and she's really nervous, too.

"Rainbow," I sigh as I sit next to her, reaching for her foreleg with my hand. She jerks away from me, and I sigh as I take a gulp of water. "Rainbow, I understand that you're conflicted - trust me, I do. And if you're uncomfortable with keeping this a secret from your friends, you don't have to - you can tell them, alright?" I reach out to rest my hand on her shoulder, and, thankfully, she doesn't pull away. "I don't want to force you to do this. You know that I care about you."

"And that's just it!" Rainbow Dash shouts as she stands, exasperation creeping into her voice as she starts to pace. "Peter, you're an absolute sweetheart! You're a softy, you're basically a less awkward version of Fluttershy! And you're the first guy that's ever cared about me enough to force your way into my personal life! Other stallions, they...they just try to impress me! But you...you don't care about impressing me. You don't care how you look! You just care about me being happy..." I gulp in anticipation as she continues her rant of frustration. "And then, I find out that you're a killer, and...I just...I just can't believe that you would do something like that! And even if you did, then...I want to believe that you'd never do it again, but how can I be sure!?" Rainbow demands, jumping to stare me right in the face. I cringe a bit at the small scare I get from the sudden jump. "How can I be sure that my friends are safe around you!?"

I smile at Rainbow Dash, and gently brush her cheek with my fingertips. She blushes, but doesn't pull away as I gently tuck stray strands of chromatic mane behind her ears. "Because the person I killed...I see his face in my sleep," I whisper. "It's the one thing that I regret the most in my entire life. And while it wasn't murder...I regret it just as much as if it were. I could never bring myself to kill anyone else, ever again - what happened when we were fighting was just me panicking, because it made me remember the fight I had killed him in, and I sort of...snapped, I guess."

Rainbow gulps, and I can see the utmost hope in her eyes. "So...you promise that you'll never, ever, ever hurt anypony?" She asks, softly. I nod, and she lets out a small breath of relief. "Then our agreement still stands, Peter...I won't ever tell anypony about the person you killed..."

I smile in gratitude, and give her a quick peck on her cheek as I hug her. "Thank you," I whisper into her ear. "You're the best, Rainbow Dash..."

I hear her chuckle a bit, and I smile as I release her, and stand. "In any case...it's getting late out. I'll set up your bed on the couch, and - "

"I don't want to sleep on the couch."

I look at Rainbow in surprise. "Well, then...where will you sleep?"

"In your arms," Rainbow Dash whispers, a vibrant blush spreading across her cheeks. "So that I may come closer to the warmth that your heart has shown me..."

"My, my, you're a poet," I tease. Rainbow smiles at me, and I nod. "Fair enough. C'mon, Dash - let's get some sleep..."

I smile as I hold Rainbow Dash, and gently stroke her mane.

This is all I've wanted to do since we became friends...

I've just wanted to hold her close...

I've just wanted to be here for her...

I sigh to myself in content relief as I nuzzle the top of her head. She giggles a bit, and nuzzles my chest.

As I'm about to fall asleep, she wakes me up with a tough shove.

"Hey, what the hell?" I ask as she shakes me.

"I want you to promise me something," Rainbow informs me.

"Alright, sure," I respond, more than willing to make a promise after everything she's done for me.

"Don't tell anypony about this. Don't tell anypony about that thing I said about being closer to the warmth in your heart. And don't tell anypony that I'm being this emotional with you."

I smile at her. She obviously doesn't want her reputation to be tarnished. "No problem, Dash," I whisper. "This can be our little secret..."

She giggles a bit. "We have a lot of little secrets..."

"Yeah," I sigh. "Yeah, we do..."

Rainbow Dash nuzzles my chest a bit as she snuggles into me. I smile at the warmth, and at the sensation of her heartbeat close against my own, lulling me into a deep sleep...

"Goodnight, Rainbow Dash..."

"Goodnight, Peter..."

Our breathing becomes synchronized as we fall asleep.

Author's Note

I didn't know what else to write.

Chapter 10: Peter the Romantic

Rainbow Dash grumbles as I gently shake her awake.

"What?" She demands.

"It's time to wake up," I say, softly. "Don't you have work today?"

"I'm off on Tuesdays," she spits. "Now, let me sleep..."

"Fair enough," I respond as I immediately set upon holding her again. She nuzzles into my chest, and I grin at now cute she is.

"You know that you're adorable, right?" I whisper to her.

"This is the last time we're doing this," she announces with a hoarse voice.

"Why!?" I whine. I blush as I let her realize how much I enjoyed it.

"Because I just wanted to see if you would kill me in my sleep," she responds. "You didn't, so I trust you more now..."

I frown as I stroke her mane, trying to make her as comfortable as possible. "Could we please keep doing this?" I ask, on the verge of begging. "Please? I really like holding you..."

Rainbow Dash looks up at me, and frowns. "Peter...I only get personal like this with ponies I'm testing or dating. I was testing you, Peter - we're not dating."

I frown as I press my nose into her forehead. "Rainbow Dash...holding you, it...it made me realize that this is all I've wanted to do since we got to be friends. I just want to hold you close, and be there for you. If dating you means that I can do that, and that I can be here for you, then I want to date you, Rainbow Dash."

She looks up to me in surprise, apparently totally awake now. "But...you don't wanna date me for my body?" She asks. "Not for...my looks?"

"I want to date you for you," I respond softly, romance bursting forth as I smile at her. "I want to date you because of your personality. You acted so personal with me, and I want to get to know you better than I already do. I want to be able to call you my sweetheart..."

"You're so sappy," Rainbow mutters. I can't help but see the happiness in her eyes at the prospect of dating someone for a pure reason.

"And you're so happy," I inform her, smiling as I stroke her mane. "I like it when you're happy..."

Rainbow Dash blushes. "I swear to Celestia, if you ever tell anypony that we're being romantic, I will beat the holy hell out of you."

I chuckle lightly as I curl her mane around a finger. "I wouldn't dream of it, Rainbow."

"Good," she mutters. "Well, I guess we'd better go on some sorta date, right? Maybe we should catch a movie..."

"Whatever you want," I whisper. "It's all up to you..."

She blushes again, and cuddles into me a bit more. "You know what...maybe I'll like having a romantic boyfriend," she announces. "It could be a bit relaxing..."

I grin as I kiss her on her forehead, eliciting yet another blush. "You'd better..."

Rainbow grins as I stroke her mane in a loving fashion. "Peter, you're such a romantic," she sighs. "It's a bit disgusting, don't you think?"

"I think it's cute," I retort. "And besides, it's good for you to finally have a guy that truly cares about you in your life...you know, besides your father..."

Rainbow smiles. "Yeah, it is nice, isn't it..." She frowns at me. "Ugh, your romanticism is contagious!"

I chuckle as I hold her. "I hope...Rainbow, I truly hope it is...because I need a bit of romance...to get through this crazy place..."

Rainbow smiles at me, and I can see an eager spark in her eyes. "In that case, I want to be your romance..."

Author's Note

Yay for romantic bullshit...

Chapter 11: Emotions

I frantically knock at Rarity's door, sweat beading on my forehead.

"What, what!?" She demands as she rips the door open. "Rainbow Dash, it's ten o'clock in the morning, what is going-"

"Inside!" I order, motioning for her to go in.

"What?"

"Inside inside inside!" I shout, pushing her inside and shutting the door behind me. I quickly pull the blinds shut, and then push Rarity into a chair as I take a seat across from her. She frowns at me, obviously concerned as I sigh in relief: privacy is a blessing...

"Darling, what's wrong?"

"I have a date today," I inform her.

"What!? With whom?" She demands, grinning at me. "That is wonderful news, Rainbow Dash!"

"It's with Peter," I respond, gulping as I look around to make sure nopony is listening. "But, listen, there's-"

"Oh, my, you had better make him as comfortable as possible!" Rarity cries.

"Rarity, listen to me!" I shout, grabbing her by her forelegs. She nods, and I gulp as I begin to speak. "You have to Pinkie Pie Promise that you'll never tell anypony what I'm about to tell you." She goes through the motions, and I nod. "Alright. Back on Earth, Peter killed another human."

"What!? You're going to be dating a murderer!?" Rarity shrieks.

"Shush!" I order, biting my lower lip in anxiety. I look around again before looking back to her. "He's not a murderer. He only killed the human because he had to - he doesn't want to ever kill again, and he never will. I trust him, Rarity - he outright told me that he killed somehuman, and was still super nice to me...after that, I decided to test him by cuddling with him in his sleep, right?"

"He could've killed you!" Rarity whimpers.

"Exactly, but he didn't. All he did was tell me how grateful he was for keeping it secret, and hold me!" I cry. "He was just super nice with me, and he was being all tender...he accidentally leaned on my foreleg in the night, and he kept apologizing to me because it hurt me a bit. He's too gentle to kill ever again..."

Rarity frowns as I rant on. "If you agreed to keep it secret, why are you telling me?" She asks, confused.

"Because...because I needed to know if I was doing the right thing," I admit to her. "Look, I really like Peter, and...well, he trusts me, and I trust him. And, well...he said he wants to date me because he wants to be there for me..." I start to soften a bit as I smile to myself. For some reason, I've always been able to open up a bit with Rarity: she knows that everypony has a soft side, myself included. "It's...it's nice to finally have a guy that actually cares about me, y'know?"

Rarity smiles at me. "Oh, Rainbow, that is simply adorable..."

I nod a bit, oblivious to the obvious insult in my thoughtful state. "And so...that's why I wanted your help. Do you think I should keep it secret, and date him? Because I know that he'll never willingly hurt anypony...he's too nice..."

"Why, yes, I do! Let your romance bloom! If you care for him the same way he cares for you, then you shall keep it secret and allow for your love to blossom!"

"Love?" I ask, rather disgusted. "It...it's not love, Rarity..." I feel myself growing rather nauseous at the concept.

"Sure it's not," she remarks with a smirk. "In any case, I won't tell any ponies..."

I frown. Why did she emphasize ponies like that...? Eh, whatever. It's just some sort of Rarity thing...

"Well, I'm off to buy the tickets for the movie," I inform her. "Seeya!"

Rarity

I nod as Rainbow Dash rushes out the door.

And I immediately spring into action, fighting for the justice of Equestria!

I Pinkie Pie Promised not to tell anypony.

I didn't Pinkie Pie Promise not to tell anydragon...

I quickly arrive at the library, panting a bit at the physical exertion. But this is worth it - there is a killer in our midst! He must be brought to justice...

"Spikey-Wikey!" I call out, grateful that my makeup hides my blush as I call out for the lovely little dragon...

"Rarity?" Spike calls out. My heart skips a beat as he rounds the corner with a grin. "Hi! What's up, Rarity - is there anything I can do for you? Would you like a drink, or a..."

"Spike, I wish I could romanticize this moment," I inform my lovely-bubbly little dragon. "But you must tell Twilight something!"

"What? What's the matter? Is there somepony I've got to beat up?"

"Peter killed a human back on Earth," I whisper to him. "And Rainbow Dash has fallen for him, and agreed to keep it secret. But I'm telling you so justice can be defended in this wonderful nation of Equestria!"

Spike's jaw falls as he hears that. "I'm on it, Rarity!" He announces, before running into the back of the library. I nod as I opt to take a seat, relieved as my duty is fulfilled. I sigh as I toss my mane out of my eyes, rather proud of myself for doing what must be done...

"Rarity....."

I look around in surprise. "Pinkie Pie?"

A book falls from a shelf, and lands before me, open to page 108. I frown at it, and reel away with a gasp as a phantom of Pinkie Pie rises out of it, chains binding her to the book as her eyes glow. "You broke Rainbow's Pinkie Promise..." She snickers a little, and the daggers in her eyes start to pierce through her pupils, causing a bit of blood to leak into her cheeks.

"No, I didn't," I protest as I avert my eyes from the nauseating monstrosity. "I told Spike, who's a dragon. I promised not to tell any ponies."

The snickering stops, and when I look back, I see that Pinkie Pie is nodding. "Alright. Sorry to scare you like this. Bye!" With that, she's sucked back into the book, and it returns to its spot on the shelf. I sigh in relief as the phantom leaves.

"Rarity, Peter killed somehuman?"

I look back to Twilight, and nod. Didn't tell her: just confirmed suspicions...

"Alright...I'll let Mayor Mare know! Spike, send a letter to the Princess and let her know! Rarity, I'll make sure to have Celestia give you a reward - thank you for doing this..."

I nod, and move over to the couch so I can rest as Spike bustles for some paper and a quill, and Twilight rushes out the front door.

Peter

I smile as Rainbow Dash presents me with the tickets.

"I bought tickets to go see Daring Do," she announces as I take them from her teeth. "We can sit together and watch it...uh...see, I've never gone on a date before, so I'll be flyin' blind here. You've got to lead me a bit..."

I nod, and look at the tickets to see what time the movie's playing at. I frown as I look back to the clock, and see that it starts in ten minutes.

"We've got to get going, now!" I shout. "If we don't, we won't get good seats!"

"Seats?" Rainbow asks as I pull on my hoodie and my sneakers. "What, like benches? Peter, they have sorta bed-like things. You wanna be able to stretch out and be comfy, right? Plus, it would be hard for ponies to sit on a seat and watch a movie...I mean, we can sit like you do all the time, but it can cause a few back problems..."

I nod, and shrug. "Alright. Sounds good." I smirk at her. "And seeing as how you enjoy being in bed with me, I say it'll be fun..."

Rainbow Dash blushes, and looks away with a small smile. Once she realizes what she's doing, she shakes her head to snap out of it. "Ugh, I must look so stupid..." She mutters. "Yeesh, I always promised myself I'd never let any stupid romantic crap make me go...stupid, y'know?"

"It's your first date," I remind her. "Like, ever. It's to be expected."

Rainbow nods, and we finally walk out the door.

When we exit, it's to the sunny autumn afternoon. A bit of snow still layers the ground, as the Pegasus ponies are preparing the ground for the cold of winter.

"This way," Rainbow announces. "C'mon."

I nod, and follow her all the way to the theater. Once we get there, Rainbow motions for me to go in first. I grin at her as I do just that, confused as to why the theater is in such a small building...

However, I soon realize that it's no small: a majority of it is underground. I find that out as Rainbow leads me down the stairs, and to the usher that checks out tickets, tears off a small nub, then hoofs then back. We smile at each other with our own little blushes as we hurry down the stairs to theater five.

Once we get in, I instruct Rainbow to join me in the back of the theater.

"But we won't be as close to the action!" Rainbow protests as an advertisement flickers across the screen.

"Yeah, but other people - I mean, ponies - won't want to see us on our date, you know? It's just common courtesy to sit in the back, so nopony else has to watch us holding hands - er, hooves...or me holding your hoof, or whatever. It's also a good idea to get some privacy during a date - that way, any intimacy we share won't be awkward due to publicity."

Rainbow blushes visibly in the darkened theater at the term "intimacy." Rather than dwell on it, I take out the few bits I've saved from my pockets as I go through a door marked "food and drink." I purchase a pack of Skittles, (weird that they exist here, too, right?) and one large soda, with two straws. I then lead Rainbow to the back of the theater, and I find that she was telling the absolute truth.

Rather than seats, there are beds. And these beds range in size from single pony beds to double pony beds, all for the sake of solo viewing and (I'm going to assume) viewing with dates. Only three of the six double beds are vacant, so I bring Rainbow over to one in a dark corner: experience dictates that we won't want to be seen as we watch the movie...

I elect myself to sit closer to the wall, and Rainbow nods in gratitude as she sits next to me. She places the soda in the cup holder next to her, on a small pedestal, and I place the rather large pack of skittles between us. Rainbow Dash smiles as the movie starts, and I move to grasp her hoof.

"Already?" She asks, seeming rather unsure as I rest my hand on her cloven. "I mean, you're already getting romantic?"

I shrug. "Why not? It'll make the rest easier, Rainbow Dash: I promise, you won't be as nervous after a few minutes..."

"I'm not nervous," she whispers in return. She snaps her attention to the screen, and I can see her blush in the reflected light. "Just watch the stinkin' movie..."

I grin as I pull her hoof onto my chest, and relax a bit as what seems to be a pony version of Indiana Jones starts up...

As we sit through the movie, there's a jump scare in the form of a skeleton. Rainbow gasps as she jumps a bit, and I smirk as I look at her.

"Gotcha, huh?" I ask.

"No," she immediately responds. "Nothing can scare me. Hay, nothing can even startle me!"

An urge that's been building up since we entered the building finally finds a way to express itself as I look over Rainbow's body. With her hoof in my hand and her mane spilled over her ear, she seems to be so fierce yet so gentle. I smile as my heart skips a beat: beautiful inside, beautiful outside.

"You sure about that?" I ask, a little bit of seductiveness finding its way around my tongue.

"Yeah. Why, you got an idea?" Rainbow asks, smirking at me.

"Yeah," I whisper in response as I lean towards her. "I think I've got an idea..."

Rainbow frowns as I move closer, and hold her hoof a bit closer against my chest. "Peter, what're you-"

I silence her by placing a hand on her cheek, and darting in to give her a light kiss on the lips. Rainbow's eyes widen, and she lets out a silent yelp as our lips connect.

Once she's not startled, and is more blissful, I stop the kiss, stroking her cheek in care.

"Okay...I've gotta admit..." She whispers, blushing as she turns onto her side to examine me, "that did sorta get me..."

I smile as I rub her cheek with a thumb. "How'd it feel?" I ask, silently.

"It felt fake," she whispers as she leans forward. "It was my first kiss...but it wasn't. I always imagined it as...being emotional, and...and intimate..."

I smile. "I know," I whisper as I fidget a bit closer to her. I end up with my arm wrapped around her as we lean closer together. "That wasn't a kiss, Rainbow Dash. This will be your first kiss..."

Rainbow blushes as she starts to blush, and I smile as I rest a hand on her cheek. I lean forward, slowly closing my eyes as she closes hers.

Our lips finally connect, and I feel the actual urge lifting, replaced with an elated happiness.

I'm kissing Rainbow Dash...

That's all I can think as she presses her body against mine, her forelegs wrapping around me as our lips open and close, interlocking and parting as we continue with the gentle, passionate, slow kiss...

After a while, Rainbow pulls away, and buries her muzzle in my chest. I smile as I press my lips to the crown of her head, stroking her mane as she starts to whisper.

"That felt amazing," she whispers. "Like everything Rarity ever said it would be..."

I smile as I close my eyes, holding Rainbow Dash in a warmer embrace. "You know...this romantic side of you is really nice," I inform her as I start to breathe deeply in relaxation. "I didn't think you'd have a romantic side..."

"I do," she whispers. "Bits and pieces of my personality sorta come out in different packets, y'know? Like photons..."

"You know what photons are?" I ask, pleasantly surprised.

"Yeah," she chuckles. "But don't tell Twilight, or anypony else for that matter...they all look at me like a dumb jock, and it's that perception that lets me stay impersonal..."

"Why d'you wanna stay impersonal?" I ask with a frown.

"Because the few times I let ponies get close and personal with me, they hurt me," she whispers. "I only let myself act like...well...myself, in front of my closest friends and...well, you."

I nod, and kiss her on the crown of her head. "I'm proud to be in that circle, Rainbow Dash. Thank you for trusting me like that..."

Rainbow smiles as she kisses me on the cheek. "Thank you for trusting me..."

I nod, and we kiss and snuggle for the next ten minutes. It's not until a half hour later that I work up the courage to use my tongue, and once we're done with our first make out session, she snuggles into me with small pants and nuzzles.

I grin to myself as, five minutes later, we start to make out again. I don't know what it is, but something about her tongue being so damn broad and long makes me go wild...

Eugh, that sounded sorta gay, didn't it...

I shrug it off as we share another tender moment of snugging, and I realize how happy I am to finally be with her...

Rainbow and I exit the theater with smiles and giggles, her tail slapping against my legs every few moments as we walk...

"So, wanna stay at my place again?" I suggest. "We can make out all night..."

Rainbow chuckles as she nods. "Yeah..."

I nod, and I'm about to suggest we get some lunch when several dozen ponies immediately surround us, seemingly coming right out of thin air.

"Uh...what's going on?" Rainbow Dash asks.

It's then that six ponies walk forth: Pinkie Pie, Rarity, Applejack, Fluttershy, Twilight, and the mare that happens to be a Mayor. The Mayor clears her throat, and begins to speak.

"Peter, you are surrounded. Do not attempt to flee. You are under arrest for murder."

I frown. "But I never killed anypony," a suspicion nibbling at the back of my mind as I cast a glance at Rainbow Dash.

"Yes, but you killed a human back on Earth," Twilight informs me.

"And how would you know that?" I mutter.

"Rainbow Dash told me, and I told Spike," Rarity announces. "Spike then told Twilight, and sent a letter to Celestia."

"Rarity," Rainbow Dash whimpers. "I trusted you...."

"And I trusted you, Rainbow," I growl. "I trusted you to keep it a secret. I trusted you to share the burden of that knowledge. And you abused that trust." Rainbow starts to protest, but I stop her with an outstretched hand. "Don't say I can still trust you. I can't. And any relationship we had is over now."

She lets our a choked sob, and I hear her take off behind me, embarrassed and broken. I sigh as I extend my hands towards the crowd, and a pony immediately slaps cuffs onto my wrists. "I'm sorry," Rarity says to me as I'm paraded to the town hall.

"Go shove it up your ass," I snap at her.

I sit in the cell, chewing the fat in my cheeks.

"You know that Celestia will probably have you sentenced to banishment, right?"

I glare at Twilight, who's stayed with me the whole time. "Fuck you," I spit. She nods, as if she were expecting as much.

"Twilight...the Princess just sent me a letter," Spike announces, coming forward with a frown.

"What's his sentence?" Twilight sighs.

"It's a royal pardon..."

I nod to myself. She saw my memories, she knows why I did it...

"Oh..." Twilight mutters. "Well, you're free to go, Peter..."

I nod again as the cell's bar door is pulled open. I snatch the pardon from Spike's claws, and walk out of the jail without a second glance. I pass off the pardon to the guard, and he nods me out.

I start on my way back to my house, hot tears threatening to burst forth at any moment.

I trusted her...

I kissed her...

I swallow back a sob as I ignore the glares of disgust and confusion. I trusted her...so much...

And even worse, I was slightly sexually attracted to her! That's the main reason as to why I decided to trust her, like a fucking idiot...

Plus, with how much she decided to trust me, I thought I could trust her...from coming out of her shell around me, to letting herself act a bit girly with me...

For fuck's sake, I kissed that bitch...

I sigh as I hear a pair of wings far above me. Rainbow is probably following me, trying to find a way to apologize...

After seventeen minutes of walking, I finally reach my house. I would call it a home, but it's not a home. It's just a building.

I throw the door open, and decide to leave it open for whoever wants to apologize. May as well be civil about it, hm?

I immediately march into my bedroom, and lay down on the bed, staring at the ceiling as I wonder what I'll say to her. Should I just punch her in the face? Or should I betray her trust, too?

Maybe I'll just snap her leg, that would be entertaining...ah, yes, I can imagine her screams now...

"Uhm...hello?" I frown as the owner of the familiar voice gently closes my door. "I...I saw you walking out of the jail...where are you?"

"In here," I respond, my voice almost catching in my throat as I speak.

"Alright..."

After a moment, Rainbow's head pops out from the hallway, and looks at me with a frown. I cast her a glance, and nod in acknowledgement.

"D'you...mind if I join you?" She asks, nervously approaching the bed. I can see that she's been crying.

"Yes," I respond with a sigh. "I mind."

Rainbow freezes, as she apparently didn't expect that response. She nods as she stands by my bed, and takes a deep, shaky breath before speaking.

"I didn't tell Rarity to get you in trouble. I told her because I had to be sure that I was doing the right thing." She casts her gaze away from me. "I had to be sure that I wouldn't end up just getting hurt, again..."

I frown as my heart tells me to hug her, but also tells me to kick her the fuck out. I choose silence, and Rainbow continues.

"If you hate me, I'd understand...but I made Rarity Pinkie Pie Promise never to tell anypony, ever...but Spike's not a pony, so...that didn't quite work out..."

"Yeah, no shit," I spit.

"Look, I just want to say...that I had a really good time today. It was the first time I ever really felt totally comfortable around a guy...well, besides Big Mac. And I...Peter, if...you don't have to forgive me, but...could we...could we still be...dating?"

I look at her in surprise. She's actually asking for something like that after what she did!? "No," I respond, flatly. "Rainbow, what you did...it hurt me, Rainbow."

"Why do you have to be so sensitive about it!?" Rainbow Dash shouts, apparently angry at me. I sit bolt upright, and shove off of the bed so I can glare at her.

"Excuse me?" I demand. "I trusted you with the biggest secret of my entire life, Rainbow Dash. You treated it like it was nothing!"

"No, I didn't! I didn't know what to do, I needed help!"

"Well, good job! Getting help ended up letting all of Ponyville know that I had to kill a guy, you fucking twat! I mean, for fuck's sake, Rainbow Dash, it should be common sense that you don't tell your friends!"

Rainbow stands up on her hind hooves so she can glare right back at me, her wings splayed out for balance. Or in irritation: I can't tell. "Yeah, well you didn't have to make such a big show out of it!"

"Such a big show!? It was your asshole friends that surrounded and arrested me! And you flew away sobbing!"

"Yeah, 'cus you broke up with me in front of all those ponies! Do you have any idea how embarrassing that is!?"

"Oh, fuck you!" I roar at her. "I was the one that was publicly humiliated, and flagged as a fucking murderer!"

"Yeah, but you didn't have to embarrass me, too!"

"You're the one that betrayed me!"

"I didn't betray you - Rarity betrayed me!"

"Then fuck the both of you!" I shout. "You shouldn't have told her - you shouldn't have told anypony!"

"Then you shouldn't have tried to kill me!"

"I didn't try to kill you!" I shout. "I had a nervous breakdown, I remembered when I killed that guy because of how we were fighting!"

"Then you shouldn't have fought me like that, you should've just stayed on boxing!"

I have nothing else to say to that, so I just shout, "Fuck you, Rainbow Dash!"

"Buck you, Peter!"

"I hate you, you fucking bitch!" I scream. "I kissed you - I made out with you! I trusted you so much, Rainbow Dash!" I start to break down as tears finally force themselves forth. "I trusted you so much! I trusted you, and you betrayed me!" My argument begins to fall apart as I do, as well. In reality, I know it was my fault for trusting her in the first place, and for such a stupid reason...

"I trusted you because...because...because I wanted to fall in love with you," I admit (against my better judgement) as I lean against the bed for support. My legs are starting to give out from the exhaustion of just being totally emotionally destroyed.

Rainbow Dash remains silent, but I can hear her stepping towards me on her hind hooves. She rests her hoof on my hand, and grasps my other hand with her spare hoof. I look up at her, and while half of my heart tells me to push her away, the other half of my heart, and my testicles, tell me to...to...

I follow my dick as I throw myself at her, kissing her with passion and forgiveness. The logic of my emotions are washed away by the illogical longing for a relationship with her as I run my hands up and down her body, feeling every inch of her as our tongues slide together...

We fall onto the bed, and Rainbow Dash takes off a pair of panties that had previously been invisible to me. I tear my clothes off, as well, and we continue to make out, smiling and panting into each other's mouths as passion and lust override anger and pain.

I pant as I stare up at the ceiling, Rainbow Dash's head resting on my chest with my arm draped over her. She wraps a foreleg around my waist, and I find myself wondering how the fuck that just happened...

"You're my first," Rainbow informs me in an emotional whisper. I sort of gathered that from the blood, but I bite my tongue. A few moments of silence span between us before she speaks again.

"Will you forgive me, Peter?" She asks, silently. I gulp as a few more tears find their way forth.

"Yes," I whisper, unable to say no after such an emotional display from the cyan Pegasus.

"I love you," she whispers.

"I love you, too..."

With that, she falls asleep, and I'm quick to follow.

All I can think is:

What have I gotten myself into?

Author's Note

I wrote this because I'm bored, and my laptop is being a bitch as of late...

Chapter 12: The Raid

I sigh as I look over Rainbow Dash, sitting upright in my bed as she watches me.

"Here," I mutter, picking up her panties so I can give them to her. She nods, and I sigh as I finish getting dressed.

"Is something the matter? You're sighing a lot..."

"This was a mistake," I announce, biting my lip in bitter regret. "And I'm sorry that I took your virginity - your first time should be happy and full of love."

Rainbow Dash sighs, as well. "Peter, this wasn't a mistake. I do love you, and I'm so sorry that I hurt you...please, give me a second chance..."

I don't respond to her pleas. Rather, I keep talking as if she never spoke. "I'm leaving. I'll live in the Everfree, I don't know - I can't live here anymore..."

"Please, don't do this to me," Rainbow whispers.

"Don't do this to you!?" I demand, spinning on my heel to stare at her. "You did this to me! Because of you and your big mouth, I'll be thought of as a murderer, Rainbow Dash! I won't live a life like that - I can't live a life like that! Not again..." I sigh as I pull on my sneakers. "I'm leaving Ponyville, and that's that."

"You can't. It won't let you."

I stop, and stand up straight at the shift in her tone. It's changed from begging and hurt to cold and calculating.

I turn, and see that Rainbow Dash is sitting on the bed with the posture of a sphinx. "Excuses me?" I demand.

"This town isn't done with you yet," she informs me. "You have work to do, Peter."

I frown at Rainbow Dash. "Rainbow, what are you...if this is some sort of excuse to get me to stay, then -"

"Wake up, Peter. You have work to do."

"Wake up, Peter. Peter, wake up!" My eyes flicker beneath my eyelids at the noise. "Peter, please! We're being attacked!"

A sudden surge of adrenaline causes my eyes to shoot open, and I suck in a deep breath as I see that Rainbow Dash is desperately trying to wake me up. A siren blares its song in the distance. "What?" I ask as I sit up, and immediately start pulling on my clothes.

I don't know why, but this feels...familiar...

"Peter, a gang of Diamond Dogs are attacking - you've got to get out of here! I'll stay back with the others to defend the town, you've got to go!"

I pause as I pull my last article of clothing on. Rainbow Dash starts urging me towards the door, and I look at her with a frown. "I can't," I inform her.

"Why not!?"

"I've got to help," I respond. "I'm going to help you defend Ponyville."

"Why?"

I frown at the question. Something made me choose to fight, but...I don't know what.

"I don't know," I admit. "I just should."

She rolls her eyes in irritation. "Fine, just come with me. And you've got to keep quiet, I wanna get the jump on them."

I nod, and as soon as we exit the house, she darts off towards the center of town. I take my time, searching for injured ponies, or for Diamond Dogs, all the while grateful that the siren is muffling my footsteps.

Of course, it's also muffling the sounds of these Diamond Dogs. Which I have no idea what they look like...

However, as I slowly round the corner, I find out.

I see a pony, her tail tucked between her legs as she backs away from a group of unkempt, bipedal mongrels. She finds herself pressed against a wall, and I immediately sprint over as stealthily as possible.

"Now, just give us your money, and we won't hurt you," one of the Diamond Dogs promises in a soft voice. "Come on - all we want is some bits. Nothing more."

The pony whimpers as she curls against the wall, and I hold my breath as I creep up behind a Diamond Dog. Once I'm within range, I use the base of my palm to hit the animal at the base of the skull with as much strength as I can muster. It lets out a yelp of pain as it slumps over, unconscious.

The two other Diamond Dogs notice me then, and I take on a fighting stance as they immediately attempt to assault me. Fortunately, they're lumbering beasts, and I'm able to avoid their ridiculously telegraphed blows.

By avoid, I mean just jump to the right, spin around, and kick one of the Diamond Dogs in the back of the head. It falls to the ground, unconscious, and I collapse to the ground, having fucked up my landing.

By the time I scramble to my feet, I feel the Diamond Dog's claws raking through the skin of my back. I let out a cry of pain as I collapse to the ground once more, hot tears rolling forth as I feel hotter blood leaking down my back.

"Fuck," I whimper. I force myself to stand, but the Diamond Dog hit me in the back, hard. I let out another scream of pain as I'm sent to the ground, sniffling from the pain of having newly made wounds torn open wider by a furry fist.

"Looks like your luck ran out," the Diamond Dog growls into my ear as it crouches down above me. I feel it sit on my back, and I let out a cry of pain at the sensation of coarse fur being inserted into the slits in my skin. "Now, I'm gonna kill ya. But first...I'm gonna fuck ya!"

My eyes burst wide open, and a bit of fight comes back into me as I wait for the beast to stand. As soon as it does, I brace myself on my palms, quickly curl in my body so I'm out from underneath the Diamond Dog, and then spring back, catching the animal right in the chest.

I hear it wheeze, and feel its ribs break, before it collides with the hard ground.

Unfortunately, the collision isn't enough to stop my path, and I end up coming off the ground a bit, just to slam back into it, gritting my teeth as the gashes in my skin are bent like gills, forcing more blood out and sending more pain into my brain.

As I drift off into a painful unconsciousness, I hear a pony gasp, and then there's silence.

The sirens have been turned off.

"Help!!" The pony screams.

That's the last thing I hear before everything goes black.

Chapter 13: Healing

"I can't help but wonder - why are you treating me so well?"

We all stop to stare at Peter. After a moment, I avert my gaze towards the floor. I can't stand to look at him: it makes me feel horrible...

"Well...because you got hurt protecting somepony," Twilight announces.

"Yeah, and yesterday, you were flagging me down as a murderer," Peter reminds her. "What caused the sudden shift in thought?"

"Well..." Twilight's voice trails off as she sets about fixing the flowers that dozens of ponies sent in for Peter. He turns his head towards me, but can't move his back: the doctors said that if he does, it'll mess up the wounds.

"Well?" He asks me. "Would you mind explaining to me why everypony isn't treating me like a murderer anymore?"

"Because we know that you're not," I respond with a sigh. "You saved Bon Bon's life. Do you expect us to just ignore that? Everypony here is willing to give you a chance now, thanks to that..."

"Yeah, but that ain't it," Applejack announces. "Rainbow Dash here went to some mighty lengths t' clear yer' name, y'know. Ah've never seen 'er so passionate 'bout somethin'! She gave a speech at th' town hall an' everythin'!"

Peter looks back to me again, and I force myself to make eye contact with him. He smiles, and I blush as I look to the floor again. "Thank you, Rainbow Dash," he announces. "You didn't have to..."

"I did," I hiss in response.

"No, really - you didn't. Yeah, you might've screwed up, but you didn't have to stick your neck out there for me like that..."

"We made love last night!" I shout at him, having finally lost my cool. The ponies in the room all stare at me, then at him, then at me, and begin to panic as they bustle out of the room, each of them blushing and gaping in surprise. "I had to, because we made love, and it's my responsibility!"

Peter frowns as he waves me over. I sigh as I approach him, knowing that I've screwed up again - I didn't want my friends to know about that. So much for that, huh?

He holds out his hand, and I grudgingly oblige by placing my hoof in his hand. He smiles at me, and I watch his Adam's apple bulge as he gulps.

"So...I'm in the clear?" He asks, softly.

"Yeah," I respond. "I managed to get everypony to look past it - I told them that they should get to know you, because it's just one small thing in your past, and we don't know what you'll be like here. It took a while, but...they believe me."

Peter smiles at me. "Thank you...it means a lot to me."

"I did it because it was my fault," I inform him. "It shouldn't mean a lot to you - you should hate me! It's my fault that you were arrested and stuff in the first place! And it's my fault that you could've been, like, totally kicked outta Ponyville!" I press my hooves to my eyes to keep tears from falling, as I can feel them coming forth. "And, on top of that, we made love! I lost my virginity to you, and I could've gotten you banished! Hay, I gave you my virginity, all because I did something stupid that hurt you! I'm basically a fuckin' slut, Peter!"

"You're not a slut!" Peter protests, grasping my hooves with his hands. He sits up, and I wince as I hear his bandages crack a bit.

"You should sit back down," I caution. "Your stitches..."

"Fuck 'em," he says. "Rainbow, you're not a slut - it was my fault, alright? We did that because, first, our hormones were crazy from the date. Second, because we were getting heated up, because I couldn't forgive you..."

"You shouldn't forgive me," I whisper. "Peter, I...you trusted me with that knowledge, Peter. It was a special knowledge, and something that only the two of us should know - it made our relationship special, y'know?"

"Rainbow," he says, softly, "our relationship can be special without sharing secret knowledge."

"Yeah, I know, but it was something more than just a secret - it was more like a key, a key to you - and I gave it away!"

"Since when were you so sappy?" He asks. I frown at him, unable to understand why he's not agreeing with me...

"It wasn't a key to me," he announces. "Do you know what the key to me is?"

"What?" I sniffle.

"It's you," he says, softly. "Rainbow, you're the thing that can unlock me - you're my key." He smiles as he brushes across my cheek with the back of his hand. He gulps, and takes a deep breath before saying: "I meant what I said. When I said...that I love you."

I stare a him in shock. "But...we've only know each other for a few days," I protest.

"And?" He asks with a shrug. "Love is never the same for everyone. For us, it could be an instantaneous love - one that blossoms overnight. It may not be the strongest love, but if we stick together, we can make it strong." He smiles at me as he brings my hooves to his heart. "And we can forget that this stupid shit happened, y'know? We can sort of start over..."

I smile, and nod. "Y-yeah, we can," I mutter. "And...in that case...I love you, too."

Peter smiles, and pulls me in for a kiss. I oblige, and a moment later, I'm easing him back onto the bed.

"Rest, sweetheart," I whisper. "You need some rest..."

"Will you stay with me?" He asks. I nod as I rest my head in his chest, and listen to have deep breathing, ad his heart beating, as we rest...

Meanwhile, in Canterlot...

"Baby, what're you doing?"

I let out a small yelp as I cut the stream of magic. I wince as I fear what could happen down there in Ponyville: if those two don't bond well, then the Elements of Harmony could end up drifting apart due to a simple mistake...

"Nothing," I respond. "Just...thinking."

"Yeah, sure," Shining Armor chuckles. "Anyway, I've got to get back to work...I love you, Cadence."

He gives me a peck on the cheek, and I smile. "I love you, too..."

With that, he exits, his armor clinking a bit as he fixes it. I sigh as I return to the bed we had...used, ready to have to explain this to the cleaners...

However, I find that Shining Armor took care of that: the sheets are in a heap on the floor, prepared for being washed. New sheets are spread out across the bed, and I smile to myself.

Either I have the best boyfriend in the world...

Or he is totally whipped.

I sincerely hope it's the former, but the latter wouldn't be that bad.

Author's Note

See? I explained why Rainbow and Peter were like forgiving and shit bananas.

Chapter 14: Questions

I walk into the library, frowning in concern as I run the odd request through my mind once more.

Meet us at the library tonight. Come alone. Signed, the girls.

I shake my head. I had found the note pinned to Peter's hospital door as I was leaving his room. It just doesn't make any sense - why would they want to meet me alone?

"Hello?" I call out, looking around the emtpy lobby. I hear a silent gasp, and I feel a chill travelling down my spine. "Anypony there?"

"We're up here, Rainbow!" I hear Twilight shout. I nod, and with a few flaps of my powerful wings, I'm on the second floor landing, frowning at my friends in confusion.

"Uh, what's up?" I ask, looking between them and how they're seated in some sort of circle. Twilight motions towards a cushion with a hoof.

"Take a seat, Rainbow Dash," she suggests, softly.

I gulp as I do so. This is not going to go well...

"Look, I admit it - I stole a keg of Applejack's cider, alright? Please, don't be too mad at me - I left forty bits in her bookshelf!"

"That was you!?" Applejack demands, standing in frustration. "Ah thought it was Apple Bloom, tryin' to get her Cutie Mark in thievery! Again..." She quickly changes the subject. "Ah had no idea - and, where, exactly, did you leave those forty bits?"

"With your 'special magazines'," I respond, smirking at her as I say that. She flushes red as she begins to stammer.

"How d'you know 'bout those!?"

"We're best friends," I remind her, matter-of-factly. "I know everything about you."

"Okay, while I enjoy the gossip, could we get onto the main point?" Rarity asks, her own cheeks flushed a bit at the topic of "special magazines". I wonder if she has any of her own...

"Yeah! Like how Dashie had alien sex with Peter the Alien!" Pinkie Pie squeals, grinning as she bounces in her seat. "Did he grow tentacles!? Was it slimey and steamy!?"

I blush, and silently thank Celestia as Twilight harshly shushes Pinkie Pie. "Uh, no...none of that happened, Pinkie," I mutter, my blush growing as I begin to feel uncomfortable. Is this really what they brought me here to talk about?

"Well, what did happen?" Rarity asks, her voice peaking a bit. "I'll admit that it's an unsavory topic, but it's one that I'm curious about. It's not every day your friend makes a friend a lover!~"

I blush more, and frown as I look around. "Hey, uh...are you sure Spike should be allowed to hear this?" I ask.

"He's up in Canterlot," Twilight informs me. "Come on, Rainbow - stop avoiding the question. That's completely unlike you."

I gulp, sweat rolling down my forehead as I stare at each one of them in turn. I decide to turn to anger to get them to back off. "Hey, why d'you wanna know, anyway!? LIke you care about what it was like with Peter - you were about to arrest him a few days ago!"

"Rainbow, please calm down," Fluttershy says, softly. I sigh as she continues. "We know it was your...first time. Would you mind explaining to us...what happened? We would really like to know..."

I shudder a bit at the prospect. "Guys, this is making me feel super uncomfortable," I finally announce, shifting my hooves on the pillow in anxiety.

"Why? There's nothin' to be afraid of!" Applejack cries as she wraps a hoof around my shoulder. "None of us have ever made love before! We jus' wanna know what it's like!"

I raise my eyebrows at Applejack. "You've never had sex before?" I ask, unable to believe what I'm hearing.

"Nope!" She cries with a grin. "Ah guess ya' beat me to it, didn't ya'?"

I scowl as I toss her arm off of me, forgetting that I'm surrounded by my friends as I lose myself in my passionate beliefs. "I did not beat you to it, Applejack! Making love isn't a competition - it's an intimate connection between a mare and a stallion, and it's one that's more than just some sort of accomplishment! What I did with Peter wasn't just to lose my virginity first - it was because I wanted to be close to him, and as we were making love, I realized just how much I love him!" Applejack sits back down on her cushion, her mouth hanging open as I shout her down. "And not only that, but you have the nerve to disgrace something like that by making it into a competition!? I like to compeete, but when it comes to this - I've always had firm beliefs about this, Applejack. You migh not know, but I do. I believe that when a mare and a stallion make love, it's not just some sort of act - it's a promise. It makes a bond of emotional connection that should never be broken, ever!"

A hoof on my side brings me back into reality with a jump. I turn, and see that Fluttershy is timidly attempting to calm me down as the rest of the girls stare on in shock. I realize that their necks are craned, and that I'm about three feet in the air. I plop back down on the cushion, my wings snapping shut as I try to shrink into myself, blushing in shame.

"Sorry," I mutter, unable to make eye contact with them as I expertly hide my eyes behind my mane - just like Fluttershy does.

I look up in surprise as I hear clapping. Rarity is slapping her hooves together in a slow manner, and is slowly picking up the pace, her eyes tearing up as she does so. When she realizes that nopony is joining in, she stops clapping, letting the atmosphere settle back to an awkward silence.

"Sugarcube," Applejack finally begins, "Ah...Ah didn't know," she says softly. "Ah...if Ah knew ya' felt that way about makin' love..." She shakes her head, and gives me a small smile. "Shoot, Ah can't help but have a boatload o' respect fer' ya' after that. Hearin' that ya' value relationships like that is, well...reassurin', to say th' least. Just t' know that yer' not some slutty jock..."

"You thought I was a slut!?" I demand, my humility forgotten as I spin around to face her, my teeth bared in a growl. Applejack laughs awkwardly as she holds up her hooves in surrender.

"Uh...maybe?" She mutters, grinning at me in an attempt to appease my rage. I prepare to slap her when I hear Rarity clearing her throat.

"To be fair, darling...we all did," she announces. "At least...to a certain degree...seeing as how you're so physically active, and, well...your body is rather slim...but in any case, with your personality, I believed that you would act rather promiscuous - in search of something 'awesome'."

I shake my head in dissapointment. "Never!" I respond, vehemently. "I know that once you make love with a pony, you become super emotionally attached - I've seen it in the poor guys Gilda bucked." Rarity gasps at the fowl language, but I keep on going. "When I saw how devestated they were that she wanted nothing to do with them, I realized that, if I ever had sex with a guy, I'd have to be sure that I loved him first, and that I was willing to spend...well, a good amount of time with him."

Rarity smiles, and surprises me by tackling me in a hug. "Oh, Rainbow, you're nothing but a true mare! Any gentlecoalt would be lucky to have somepony as respectful as you!"

I blsuh a bit as I push her off of me. "Easy there, Rares..." I mutter.

"So, did he use his fingers!?" Pinkie Pie shouts, seemingly oblivious to the "drama" going on. We all stare at her, and I frown as I shake my head.

"No, Pinkie - he didn't use his fingers."

"Oh, bummer! I bet he'd be able to make you have so many orgasms like that!"

I frown as I stare at her. "Pinkie...have you ever had sex before?" I ask, alarmed and cautious.

"What!? No!" Pinkie Pie declares, blushing furiously. "Ewwy, I couldn't imagine having an icky penis up my V-hole!" I cringe at the phrasing. "No, I just use a bunch of toys!"

I feel my stomach churning, and take it as a warning. "Well, while this is, like, super interesting Pinky...I think we should stop talking about this." I stand, smiling at the girls sheepishly. "Anyway, I should...probably get home," I announce with a fake yawn. "It's getting pretty late..."

"Why don't you stay here, Rainbow?" Twilight suggests. "I know for a fact that your house gets colder than most Pegasus houses, and that you nearly got hypothermia last Winter. Why don't you stay where it's warm?"

I'm about to protest, but I just sigh at the harsh reality: I really should stay here. "Alright, fine," I grumble. "Just...can we stop talking about Peter and I? At least about having sex, it's really weird, and it crosses a line with you girls that I really never wanted to cross..."

The girls nod, and let the topic fall away as Rarity brings up a new dress line she's been designing. I happily listen to what she has to say, as it's much better than telling my friends what it felt like to have sex for the first time...

"So, Rainbow Dash, would you like to try on one of the outfits?"

I shrug. "I guess," I respond. "So long as it doesn't make me look like some sort of frilly girly girl..."

"Oh, it won't," Rarity promises me with a smirk. "Weren't you listening to what I said?"

"That it's made out of the same material as Peter's clothing," I respond with a raised eyebrow.

"Exactly! It's jeans and a hoody adapted for a pony," Rarity informs me. "You could come by tomorrow to try it on."

I smile at the idea. "Alright, that sounds cool! I mean, Peter looks awesome in that stuff, so I have no doubt that I will!"

Rarity nods. "Exactly. Now, then, you could come by tomorrow to try it on! But I must get going, darlings - I'm sure you understand..."

I nod, and Rarity departs, taking her warm winter attire with her.

"Ah'd better get back, too..." Applejack announces. "Ah don't wanna leave Apple Bloom alone fer' too long..."

I nod, and slowly, each of the ponies explain why they've got to leave. I just shrug them off, as it makes no difference to me either way why they've got to leave.

Eventually, it's just Twilight and I, and the lavender unicorn gives me a sheepish smile as she begins to magically put away the cushions.

"So...you should get some sleep, Rainbow," she announces. "I'm sorry for prying like that, but we we all very curious..."

I nod in understanding, and flop onto the bed with a sigh. Within a few moments, I've gratefully fallen into the soft embrace of sleep.

Author's Note

Dasfshafudfhsdaopfjhreofreqf filler.

Chapter 15: This Chapter is Filler.

Rainbow Dash smirks at me as she gently caresses the tip of the white poll. I gulp, watching in rapt attention as she prepares to grip it with a hoof.

She moves her hoof in one fluid motion, and I let out a groan as she leans back.

"Checkmate," she announces with a smirk. I rub my temples in irritation as I try to find some way out of the play, hoping it's just a Check...

"Fuck," I spit as I lean back in defeat. "You win..."

Rainbow Dash grins at me as she pumps her hoof in victory. "Awwwww yeah!" She shouts. I glare at her rook, hating it as it stands there, mocking my King as it's trapped by both the Rook and her Knight. I can't move my King, or I'll put it in danger from her Knight, and if I take her Rook, the same thing applies. Also, I can't take her Rook with my Bishop, because then I'll be letting her Queen have access to my King. The only thing I can do is shake her hoof, put the chess pieces and the board away, and oblige to the parameters of our bet.

"Go on," she urges as she sits on my lap, rewarding her with a grunt as her flank sandwiches my member. "Gimme a back rub!"

I sigh as I place my hands on her shoulders, and begin to rub - mostly with my ridiculously strong thumbs. I may have been preoccupied with keeping myself alive in my past life, but that doesn't mean that I didn't have time for excessive video games.

Especially Pokémon.

She sighs as I give her the agreed upon rub down, and squirms a bit in my lap. I wince as a blush creeps into my cheeks, and I can't help but look downwards.

Ever since our date and our passionate love-making, I've been looking at Rainbow Dash as less of a pony and as more of a human. After a while, I stopped seeing her flank as a horses' butt, and started to see it as Rainbow Dash's ass - and what an ass it is. It's toned and muscled and tight, but it's got just enough fat to pad it and give it that wonderful curve. Quite honestly, it's a curve of sexy perfection.

"Staring at my flank again?" She asks. I look up with a blush, and I see that she's looking over her shoulder at me with a smirk. I give her a sheepish smile, and she chuckles lightly as she squirms a bit in my lap, causing my blush to intensify as I feel pleasure building up. "Well, we might as well massage each other," she announces, seductively. I grin with an intense blush as I continue to massage, and she continues to grind.

However, we're cut short as Rarity walks into the hospital room without so much as a knock.

"Rainbow Dash!" She screams, causing the cyan Pegasus to let out a yelp of a surprise as she leaps off of my figure, and hover in the air as she sweats bullets. "I thought you meant what you told Applejack!" She cries, a pout creeping across her face.

"What'd you tell Applejack?" I ask, rather confused. Rainbow ignores me as her blush gets even redder - something I didn't think was possible.

"I did mean it! But now that we've made love, anything after that is just having fun! Our first time was emotional and beautiful, but if I just want to be a bit sexy with my boyfriend, then it doesn't have to be all 'beautiful' again - only when we actually make love does it have to be that way!"

I blush intensely as I hear that. She's told me that she felt that way about her first time, but I had no idea she had told her friends about it. I mean, I don't mind, but...it's a surprise.

"Oh," Rarity announces. "Alright, that makes sense...I suppose." She shakes her head as she glares at the cyan Pegasus. "In any case, you shouldn't do stuff like that in a hospital!"

Rainbow rolls her eyes, but admits that it was wrong, if only to shut up the white unicorn. Rarity then turns to me, and starts to interrogate me on my condition. I respond with smiles, and once she's satisfied, she turns around and says something that shocks us both.

"While I don't condone doing things like that in a hospital, I'll leave you two to...enjoy yourselves," she announces with a wink. Rainbow and I both blush and stammer, and she walks away with a pleasant giggle, and closes the door behind herself.

"She's always telling sex jokes," Rainbow informs my befuddled expression. "I never expect them, and she always teases me with them...it's, like, super annoying, but also kinda cool...that, in all honestly, was a crappy one compared to most of the jokes she tells..."

I smile as I nod, and Rainbow Dash checks the door for a doctor before sitting back down on my lap. I suck in my breath as she deliberately situates herself in the most arousing way possible.

"Well, I think we should continue our rub-downs," she announces with a smirk. I nod, and we both continue to rub each other.

About a half hour later, there are several tissues discarded into the garbage, and Rainbow Dash is cuddling up to me with a small smirk.

"Good thing we didn't make a mess," she announces. I nod, and she kisses me on the base of my jaw.

As I hold her, something random comes into mind, and I pose it as a question.

"Hey, Dash - how'd you get so good at chess?"

"Well, I told you I actually graduated as valedictorian from Flight School, right?" She asks.

"Uh...I think?" I respond. "I don't exactly remember, but I might as well congratulate you on it again, or for the first time."

Rainbow chuckles lightly. "Yeah...anyway, I decided that the best way to keep my mind sharp for flying would be to learn how to play chess. Because, y'know - the strategy of it. I decided that if I can know what to do in a certain situation in chess, then I would attain the same mindset for flying. So, I just kept practicing and learning from my mentors, and, well...within a month or so, I was top-ranking in my chess club. Well, y'know, except for Fluttershy..."

I cock an eyebrow at her. "Fluttershy plays chess?"

"Yeah, and she's amazing. She had me in Checkmate in, like, five moves. Thing is, even when she's not playing speed chess, she makes her moves within, like, seconds. So it really kept me on my hooves, and I eventually just lost track because she was just going so fast, and, well...I lost my Queen on my third move, and then she got me into Checkmate on her fifth. If I remember, she did so by sacrificing her Queen, and putting her own King into check - she used the organization of my own pieces to beat me."

I nod, and shrug a bit. "It was probably more than five moves," I announce. "You're probably just exaggerating..."

She shrugs as well. "Whatever. All I know is that she's the only pony I don't mind losing Chess to - she's too good, and I can't help but admire her for that. I think she could probably beat Princess Celestia..."

I chuckle lightly. "Now that is something I would like to see..."

"Yeah, given Celestia doesn't rage quit and drop the sun on Flutters," Rainbow remarks. We both snicker, and I kiss her on the forehead for no reason whatsoever.

A moment of silence passes, and then Rainbow rolls out of the bed with a stretch of her wings.

"Well, I've gotta get going, babe," she announces. "Got a lot of weather to manage today..."

"Alright," I respond with a smile. "See ya tomorrow, sweetheart."

"Oh...shit, I almost forgot about that," she announces, frowning at me in nervousness. "I won't be here tomorrow - I'll be in Cloudsdale, attending a weather debriefing for the next quarter..."

I nod. "Alright, see you on...whatever the fuck comes after tomorrow, because I lost track of the days two days ago," I announce. Rainbow chuckles a she gives me a peck on the forehead.

"That's Friday, sweetheart," she says softly. "See ya then."

I nod, and she leaves - after we have a final good-bye make out session, of course.

I lean back on my pillow with a sit as I clasp my hands behind my head. Life...is...good!

I close my eyes, and eventually fall asleep, snoring as I dream of Hannibal Lecter making a gourmet dish out of kidney and lung...

Author's Note

Eeeeeeeeeeeyup.

Chapter 16: A Social Experiment

Twilight and Fluttershy bustle into the hospital room together, Twilight bearing an eager grin and Fluttershy hiding behind her mane a bit.

"Hi!" Twilight chirps.

"Uh, hi?" I mutter in response, cocking an eyebrow at the obviously excited unicorn.

"So, I've decided to conduct a social experiment," she announces. "I'm going to document the psychological effects of having an intimate romantic relationship with an individual of an unfamiliar species! I'll do this by giving both you and Rainbow weekly psychiatric examinations - or, rather, Fluttershy will do that, and I'll look at the results!"

I raise both my eyebrows this time. "Just throwing Doctor-Patient Confidentiality right out the window, I see?"

"Not all. An action in pursuit of knowledge is always lawful. And, besides, Celestia gave me the go-ahead to examine your brains!"

I put on a nervous, sheepish smile. "That makes you sound a bit crazy," I inform her.

"Eh."

I chuckle lightly as I turn to Fluttershy. "So, what, are you going to be taking the examination now?" I ask.

"We're going to ask you questions irrelevant to your relationship with Rainbow Dash, and we're going to do the same with Rainbow - just to make a control group. After that, every other week will be a joint psychiatric evaluation, and even when it's not joint it'll be about your relationship!"

I nod, and Fluttershy smiles softly as she turns to me with a few tools that she pulled out of her saddlebags. She unfolds a tripod easel, and proceeds to begin the examination.

Applejack

I smile as the Golden Delicious bounces in my saddlebag. Hoo boy, Peter's going to love this gift!

It's been a while since I've visited him, but I'm pretty sure that he'll be happy to see me either way.

Besides, I've seen him glancing at my flank now and again. He may be dating Rainbow Dash, but what's the matter with enjoying a bit of eye candy now and again, hm?

I'm about to enter the room with a big grin when I see that Fluttershy and Twilight are surrounding Peters' bed. He's staring at a blotch of ink, so I naturally decide to take a peek.

My smile disappears in a flash as I see the (obviously) depicted vagina. I slowly back out of the entryway, making sure that they don't hear me so I don't get wrapped up in whatever it is that's going on in there...

"Ah swear," I mutter to myself as I fully exit the hospital, "some ponies an' their crazy fetishes..."

Peter

"I'd say it looks like...a gate opening to a bright light," I announce as I observe the Rorschach ink blot. Fluttershy scribbles that down, and I admire the way the light pans out as it exits the door. "Kinda like the door to Kingdom Hearts," I mutter to myself.

"Excuse me?" Fluttershy asks with a frown.

"Oh, nothing, just something from a mindfuck of a videogame," I respond. I smile at the image; as I know now, without a doubt...That Kingdom Hearts, is LIGHT!

"Uhm..." Fluttershy states. She puts down a few letters, and proceeds to flick over to the next image.

"What do you see?"

"A cat," I announce. Fluttershy nods, but I hold my hand up to stop her from flicking to the next page. "A cat playing a piano, to be precise."

Fluttershy frowns at me, and tilts her head to look at the ink blot. Twilight does as well, and they both look back to me with quizzical stares.

"Uhm...if you don't mind me asking...how do you see that as a cat...playing a piano?"

I shrug as Fluttershy hastily scribbles a note down. "I dunno. It just looks like Keyboard Cat."

"Don't you mean...a keyboard-playing cat?" Twilight interjects.

"No, I mean the Keyboard Cat, from the YouTubes." They both give me blank stares, so I sigh. "It's an Internet thing..."

"Ooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh," they both release simultaneously. I've told them all about the kind of weird things you can find on the Internet, so they fully comprehend the idea of the Keyboard Cat being on the Internets.

Fluttershy flicks to the next picture, and we continue the psychiatric evaluation.

Meanwhile...

I turn over on my cloud with a grin.

Aww, colt, this is the life, ain't it?

Sittin' back, relaxin', knowing that I've got a boyfriend to visit in the hospital in about a half hour...

Yeah, this is the life...

"Hey, Rainbow Dash!"

I groan aloud as I turn onto my belly to poke my head out over the edge of the cloud. I glare at Applejack for a moment before allowing myself to practically melt through the cloud, flapping my wings a few times to ensure that I descend slowly and safely.

The first thing I do when I reach the ground is punch Applejack in the shoulder. "That's for interrupting my nap."

"Fluttershy an' Twi' are showin' Peter draw-rin's of their vaginas!" Applejack hisses a me. I frown at her for a moment before grabbing her chin, forcing her mouth open, and taking a whiff of her breath. "Uh...what're you doin', Sugarcube?" She asks, hitting me with a wave of apple-scented breath.

"Making sure you're not drunk," I grumble. "Look, what you're saying is totally ridiculous. You're probably just taking something out of proportion."

Applejack rolls her eyes at me. "Sugarcube, Ah'm bein' serious! And he was enjoyin' it, and it was all big and it was -"

"Did it have what seemed to be a light on top rather than a clitoris? And did it look almost like the trunk of a tree?" I ask, giving her a flat glare.

"Uh...I...how'd you know? Have ya...have ya seen that draw-rin', too?"

I begin to laugh at her. She cocks an eyebrow, so I explain the Rorschach test, as well as the nature of the ink blots to assist ponies in determining the manner in which a patients' mind prioritizes information. As soon as I finish explaining, Applejack shakes her head in confusion.

"Ah thought ya' hated readin'," she announces. "Why in th' hay d'ya know so much 'bout the Rorschach Thangs?"

"Fluttershy told me all about them," I inform her with a hint of sourness in my voice.

"Oh? When?"

"When I had to go for therapy," I respond. "Remember? When my mom got drunk and slept around in Ponyville like some sort of skank?"

"Oh, Ah remember that," Applejack mutters with a blush. "Yeah, that was...Ah can understand y'all needin' therapy after that."

I release a "hmph," but nothing more. Applejack kicks at the dirt as the silence spans.

"So, uh...maybe ya' wanna go see 'im now?" Applejack asks. "'Cus if they're givin' him a psyche 'valuation...maybe ya' could learn more 'bout him."

I smile to myself. "That's actually a really good idea," I announce. "Yeah...I don't know much about him, and he's really hush-hush about his past..."

Applejack smiles. "Then, go on! Git'!"

I nod, and hurry over to the hospital.

A few minutes later, Peter and I are hugging with small smiles.

"Hey, Dash," he announces as we release each other. "I wasn't expecting you so early."

"Well, AJ told me you were having a psyche evaluation, so I figured I'd come by so I can hear a bit of your insanity," I tease.

Peter smiles at me. "Ah, Dash...you're so naïve."

"Huh? I don't get it."

"I've already descended into insanity by ever dating you," he teases with a vicious smirk. I punch him on the shoulder, and he laughs as I simmer.

"Uh...if you two are done," Twilight interrupts. "I was actually going to get you - we're going to do a joint psyche evaluation. The control for you will be Fluttershy's personal experience with you."

"Personal experience?" Peter asks with a cocked eyebrow and a sultry voice. "My my, could I perhaps share in one of these personal experiences?"

Fluttershy blushes intensely as I laugh boisterously. Peter is hit by a swift slap from Twilight, and I make no move to stop her.

"Now, then," Twilight says harshly, "can we finally begin?"

"Yeah," Peter sighs. "I don't see why not."

Twilight nods, and Fluttershy takes the stage, still blushing intensely as she clears her throat.

"This is going to be a study of the effects of a cross-species relationship," she announces. I say announces because her voice is barely speaking level - a new height of volume for her. "Now, Peter, Rainbow...are you happy together? And please, be honest - don't tease each other when I ask you questions...if you don't mind..."

"We're happy," Peter immediately responds. "At least, I am. Are you happy?" He turns to me. I nod in affirmative. Fluttershy writes something down.

"Rainbow Dash, do you know much about Peter's past?" Fluttershy asks me. "About his family, his friends, his past interests..."

"Some stuff," I respond with a shrug. "A lot of it is still a mystery to me. Like, I don't even know where he went to school yet."

"That's because you never asked," Peter points out, matter-of-factly.

"Oh," I state, flatly. "Well, still - I don't know much about Peter's past."

Fluttershy nods. "Peter, what do you know of Rainbow's past?"

Peter shrugs. "Some stuff," he echoes. "I don't know anything 'bout her family or anything, but that's mostly because I never bothered asking. We've only been together for a few weeks now - I have no doubt that we'll eventually end up learning more about each other, whether we actually want to or not."

I nod. I'll have to bring that up with him later. Whether we want to or not!? Who wouldn't want to learn more about me!?

"So, Rainbow, do you like Peter as a boyfriend, or as an individual?" Fluttershy asks. I cock an eyebrow.

"I guess as both," I respond. "I mean, he's a cool dude, but he's also a really great boyfriend."

Peter smiles at the compliment. Fluttershy poses the question to him.

"I'd say I like her more as an individual than as a girlfriend," Peter announces.

"What? Am I not a good enough girlfriend for you!?" I demand, rather irritated. Peter calms me down in the simple way that nopony else can: he places a hand on my muzzle, which, coming from him, I really don't mind.

"Calm your tits," he urges. I snicker. "What I mean by that is that, sure, you're a great girlfriend, but...you're also a great person. Or, er, pony. I mean, sure, on the outside you seem like an egotistical bitch-"

"Hey!"

"But once I get to know you, I see that you're anything but. You're an egotistical sweetheart." He smirks at me, and I end up confused. Is that...a compliment? It sure didn't feel like one...

"Well, moving on," Fluttershy announces. "Oh, sorry, were you not done yet?"

"Nah, we're done," Peter responds as he reclines. "What next?"

"Rainbow, describe Peter in one word. And please, don't just say 'awesome,' I want you to really think about it."

I nod, and let my wings do their business as I think. I sift through words, and after a while, I believe I've found one that fits.

"Enigmatic," I announce. "He's a bit unpredictable. Kinda like a thunderhead. While I know how he'll react to certain things based on his personality, I never quite know how he'll react, y'know? Like, he might find something funny, and I know he will, but I don't know to what degree." I nod to myself as I finish.

"Wow, Rainbow...I never thought you even knew what the word enigmatic meant, even less how to apply it!" Twilight exclaims. I give her a flat glare, but it dissipates once I see her smile: she's actually trying to compliment me!

"Uh...thanks?" I mutter.

"Peter, your turn," Fluttershy announces. Peter nods as he cracks his knuckles. Twilight cringes at the sound.

"Well..." He looks me over. "I mean...there are a few things to take into a account, really...I mean, she's definitely just as brash and confident as she acts, that's without any sort of doubt." I puff out my chest in pride. "But she's also very...sensitive, and-"

"I am not!" I cry in protest, blushing insanely.

"And very insecure," he finishes with a cocked eyebrow and a smirk. I scowl at him as he continues. I'd better swear Twilight and Fluttershy to eternal secrecy after this...

"But she's also many other things, besides all of that. And a lot of it...I honestly don't understand. Like, at all. So...the word that I would describe her with is, ironically enough...chromatic."

The three of us slap our hooves to our faces. "Peter, that's the worst pun ever," I groan.

"But it's true!" He protests in a whine, which differs greatly from his prophetic speech from moments ago. "I mean, you're so many things - all in one tiny package!" I narrow my eyes at him. "Tiny is subjective here," he quickly amends. "But thing is, your personality has so many edges to it, but, much like a white light, you choose only to show one to observers. It's only those that truly scrutinize you that see the different shades of your person - pony."

Twilight nods. "Alright, makes sense," she announces.

"So," Fluttershy begins. "I...think we're done here..." She looks over what she's written down, and nods. "The rest of it will have to be done in a more...professional setting."

"What, a hospital isn't professional enough for you?" Peter challenges.

"No no no," Fluttershy rejects, blushing as she shakes her hooves in denial. "No, but it's not very private, and I'd rather execute a session in my cottage, where it can be quiet and private..."

Peter cocks an eyebrow, but doesn't make the innuendo. I applaud his restraint. That fish is way too easy to go for, when you could truly zing everypony with an amazingly awesome one.

"Well, rest up," Fluttershy chirps as she and Twilight depart. As soon as they do, Peter and I give each other sultry grins.

"We're alone," he announces.

"All alone," I confirm. After closing the blinds and the door, I slowly join Peter in the bed, and immediately begin to do something that I could never ever ever let anypony ever catch me doing, ever.

I become the little spoon.

Author's Note

I wrote this because I'm bored and I can't find Claudia's room in Silent Hill 3.

Chapter 17: Gifts

Rainbow smiles as she opens the door for me.

"Home sweet home, right?" She asks. I nod with a smile as I use my crutches to maneuver myself through the door. They've requested that I keep weight off of my lumbar vertebrae, so I've got to use these fucking crutches to make sure I don't end up dislocating the already herniated disks, or even puncturing the dermal sac...

As soon as I step through, Rainbow closes the door behind me, and goes to flick the light switch. I sigh as I lean on the crutches, waiting for light to illuminate the surprisingly dark house...

I mean, it's daytime out! Shouldn't it be bright in -

"Surprise!!!!!"

I let out a cry of shock as Rainbow joins the chorus of screams that shout to me. I grin as I shake my head, taking a quick headcount of the ponies present. Lyra and Bon Bon are standing right in front, and both are beaming at me. I grin back at them, and it's then that my vision is obscured by pink.

-ie Pie.

"So, were you surprised huh huh huh!?"

"Yes, I was very surprised," I respond with a grin. "You didn't have to go and organize a party for me, Pinkie. I'm only returning from the hospital."

An over the top gasp. "Just returning from the hospital!? You're returning from the hospital after you saved Bon Bon's life!" Pinkie Pie exclaims. "I think that's worth a party!"

I grin at her as I shrug. "Yeah, what the hell," I respond. "Uh, could you guys move so I can sit on the couch? I'm not supposed to be on these for too long..."

The ponies immediately comply, and I find myself sinking into the comfortable couch a moment later. Rainbow Dash sits next to me, carrying two plates in her hooves. I take the one she offers to me, grinning as I taste the chocolate.

"This is amazing!" I exclaim. "It's, like, the best chocolate ever!"

Pinkie Pie grins. "I made it myself!" She exclaims. "While you're sitting down, it's gift time!!"

Rainbow and I exchange a glance, and shrug as we begin to accept gifts.

First up is Pinkie Pie. She gives me a "super-fantastic-funnerific" hug, which I return quite gladly. She is so SOFT!!!

Next is Applejack. I could honestly stop getting gifts after hers, because she presents me with the Holy Grail: alcohol. I grin as I take the hard cider from her. "Thanks," I breathe. I immediately have Rainbow get me a glass, and I pour a generous amount for myself. I takes a long gulp, and let out a sigh of content as I feel it worming down my esophagus.

"Are you sure you should be drinking?" The next in line, Twilight, asks. "Aren't you on medication that makes it dangerous to consume alcohol?"

"No, I'm not even on painkillers," I respond with a shrug. "Twilight, I've been in the hospital for the past two months - they sorted everything out, alright?"

Twilight shrugs it off. "Alright. In any case, here's my gift!" She chirps as she presents me with a tome wrapped in brown paper. I eagerly tear it open as Rainbow rolls her eyes, but I ignore the anti-intellectual as I profusely thank Twilight for the amazing book.

"This is great!" I exclaim. "I absolutely love it!"

Twilight nods as she recites the title. "'The Concepts of Physical Engineering with Magical Infusion'. You have no idea how long it took me to find that."

I motion for a hug, and after that's over, the next steps up.

"Uhm...I didn't know if you would like anything I had to give...so...I just decided to let you choose..." Fluttershy begins. "Any time you want...you can come down to my cottage and pick out a pet," she informs me. "On the house...or, uh...cottage..."

I grin as I warmly hug the timid Pegasus. "That's perfect!" I cry. "Thank you, so much!"

Fluttershy smiles at me, and the next pony steps forward.

"I made you a splendid gift, darling!" Rarity announces. I tear open the package to find a rather dapper-looking suit. I thank her, and lean over to mumble something into Rainbow's ear.

"Clothes...worst gift ever."

Rainbow giggles, and Rarity gives her a distasteful glance before turning with a hmph and joining the growing crowd of onlookers that have already given gifts.

Three fillies step up next. I look to each of them, immediately recognizing them as the "Cutie Mark Crusaders." They present me with a box, and I eagerly open it to find...

A...

Uh...

A...

"What is it?" I ask, hoping I don't insult them.

"It's a stool!" Scootaloo chirps. "A stool for your butt!"

I nod, and put on my most convincing grin as I put it down beside me. "It's great," I lie. "Thanks."

They nod, and give me a quick, collective hug before hopping away.

Okay, I like hugs, but this is getting to be a bit much.

After several more gifts, (and more hugs,) Bon Bon and Lyra walk up to me with giddy grins. I smile at them both, and that's when I notice the engagement band on Bon Bon's hoof.

"Congratulations!" I exclaim. "I didn't know you two were engaged."

Bon Bon and Lyra just nod before speaking. "That's actually what we wanted to talk to you about," Lyra announces. "Peter, will you...will you be our band-bearer?"

My eyes widen at the prospect, and a moment later, I'm grinning as we have a three way hug. "Of course!" I cry. "I'd be honored."

Bon Bon grins, and starts to cry a bit as she hugs me, thanking me profusely for saving her life. I pat her back a few times, and then they leave.

When I realize that that was the end of the line, I look to Rainbow Dash expectantly. She casts a glance back at me, and scowls. "What? I'm not giving you a gift for getting out of the hospital...I do it all the time!" I smirk at her as she uses her wing to hide something behind her. "What're you smirking at?"

"Nothing," I respond teasingly. She blushes as she puts on her best scowl.

"Well, if that's all the gifts, let's get this party started!" Pinkie Pie exclaims.

Two hours later, Rainbow and I are waving to our friends as they leave. I would say that we have a lot to clean, but Pinkie already took care of that. How? She sucked it up with a vacuum she keeps in her mane. Don't ask.

"I was sorta hoping she'd bring alcohol," Rainbow announces as she picks up the bottle of Applejack's hard cider. "I guess this'll have to do..."

I shrug. "Whatever. It's actually not that strong, really. Probably 'cus the kids were there and everything..."

Rainbow nods. "Yeah, I get'cha. In any case, I think I'd better head home - I don't wanna let the place gather dust, y'know?"

I nod with a small smile. "Alright. I'll see you tomorrow, sweetcheeks."

Rainbow nods, and walks to the door. I walk her to it, and open the door in a courteous move. She bites her lower lip, and shakes her head for me to close the door. I do so, cocking an eyebrow as she turns to face me.

"Remember when I said I wouldn't give you a gift?" She asks. I nod. "Well...I lied..." She smiles at me: a nervous, excited smile. "If you'd like...I could...stay the night here..."

I stare at Rainbow Dash for a moment. "Rainbow, are you proposing that we make love?" I ask her. She nods.

"We haven't done it since our first date," she reminds me. "And I...I really want to feel close to you again..."

"I dunno," I respond with a shrug. "I'd rather just...cuddle. I mean...I'm really tired, and...doing something like that..." I sigh. "It could hurt my back, and...well..."

"Peter, if you don't want to sleep with me, just say so."

"I don't want to sleep with you," I immediately announce. She pulls her head back as if she'd been slapped: she wasn't expecting me to actually say it. "And do you want to know why?" She nods. "It's because I'm starting to think that it might have been a mistake. I've been thinking it ever day, and every day it gets worse - because we didn't make love. We had make-up sex, and I took your virginity in a bout of lust and loneliness. It wasn't right, Rainbow. I want to do it again, but...I still feel bad for not doing it the right way."

Rainbow grins as she stands on her hind hooves, awkwardly using her wings for balance. She immediately wraps her forelegs around my waist, bringing our hips close together. "Then we can do it the right way tonight," she whispers to me. I smile as I wrap my arms around her in return.

"I was hoping you'd say that," I admit as we slowly waltz in my living room.

"I love you," she whispers to me.

"I love you, too."

She smiles, and we begin to kiss.

After a mock date that we pull off by sharing a bottle of wine, the two of us are standing in the bedroom, carressing each others' bodies as we begin the endlessly arousing ritual of foreplay.

And about an hour and a half later, Rainbow Dash is resting with her wings wide open and her eyes closed, a smile gracing her lips and a single foreleg wrapped around my shoulders as I rest my head on her chest, my arms holding her waist as I listen to her heart beating and her lungs expanding and contracting.

"That was amazing," she pants. "Much better than last time..."

I move a hand to her chin to make her look at me. I smile into her eyes. "Because this time it was real."

She smiles, and we kiss for a fleeting moment before I squirm a bit to get into the proper position, and then tuck my head underneath her chin, burrying my face in her lovely fur as she hums to herself in content.

Within a half hour, I'm having dreams about Valtiel and the Order. And by the God, it is a wonderful dream. Mostly because I'm playing on Extreme X, and I'm just OWNING the damn game. Fuck yeah...

Chapter 18: Swarm of the Century

It's been a while since the Diamond Dog invasion.

Since then, I've fully recovered, and Rainbow Dash and I have stopped sleeping together. Why? Because she's been working hard on getting winter ready, and has been staying up at night drafting plans for this years' snowfall. She basically passes out on her bed when she's done.

Also, non-important stuff has been happening. Such as...well...

Not...much has happened. Honestly. Even with Pinkie Pie around, not much has been happening...

I shrug off the lack of activity as I proceed to continue my work on the wiring for my device. Twilight and I have been working on incorporating magic and human-styled technology within each other, and it's going pretty well - we've almost made a touchscreen that uses magic to determine where a pony intends to touch it.

In any case, it's really interesting, and is something I'm enjoying quite a lot.

Right now, I'm working on a device that uses said touchscreen to type out a message, as a gift to Princess Celestia. I know it's simple, but with only a rudimentary computer available to program with, it's the best I can do...

My wiring is interrupted by a knock. After making sure that the recently soldered wire won't end up springing back and wasting the solder, I go to answer the door. I'm immediately greeted by Rainbow Dash, who is grinning up at me.

"Heya, Pete!" She chirps. I smile as she hugs me.

"Hey, Dash," I announce as we part. "What's up, babe?"

"Well, since Princess Celestia is visiting today, we decided we'd all chip in to help prepare!" She informs me. "So, I decided to see if you wanted to help."

I smile. "I already am. I'm making her a gift - wanna see?"

Rainbow nods, and I show her the mess of wires I'm working on. The entire thing is about the size of the table it's resting on, for obvious reasons. (Hooves are big, so there needs to be enough surface area for a pony to place their hoof on the screen so the computer can determine their intention.)

"Wow, cool!" She declares, obviously lying. I smirk as I ruffle her mane.

"Rainbow, if you don't find it interesting, you don't have to fake it," I inform her.

"Yeah, but...I don't wanna hurt your feelings."

"Why? God knows, hurting your feelings is one of the only highlights to my day..."

Rainbow chuckles lightly. "Oh, Peter, you're such a dick..."

I nod in agreement, and Rainbow is about to say something when there's another knock.

I open the door to see that Rarity is standing there with a searching gaze. "Where's Rainbow Dash?" She asks. I see Rainbow Dash making motions for me to lie out of the corner of my eye. I smirk as I carry out the plan.

"Oh, she's just in there," I announce, showing Rarity the way. Rainbow Dash scowls at me as Rarity starts to drag her off for dress fitting.

The fashionista pauses in the doorway, and turns to me. "Come now, Peter - you can't expect that I'll let you speak to Princess Celestia in that, now, do you?"

I sigh as I begrudgingly follow her, locking my door on my way out.

I can't help but snicker lightly as Rainbow Dash growls in irritation.

"Shut it," she spits.

I smirk, and I smile genially as Rarity approaches me.

"Now, then, what to do with you..."

I shrug. "I dunno...maybe a tux?"

Rarity grins at the idea. "Oh, that's marvelous!"

I smile at her, and Rainbow Dash sighs on the stage by my side.

"Seriously, you seem like you enjoy this crap, Peter," Rainbow grumbles.

"I don't, but I respect that this is what Rarity does for a living," I growl in response. "Seriously, be a bit more respectful..."

Rainbow sighs, but I can tell that she feels a bit guilty. I nod to myself in appreciation of my victory.

A little while later, Twilight enters the Boutique with a big grin, and with four bugs floating around her.

"Look what Fluttershy gave me! Oh, it looks like it made some friends - why don't you all take one?"

I grin as I accept one of the cute little things. "This is absolutely adorable," I announce as it hovers in the palm of my hand. I examine the bug a bit further, and can't help but smile as Rainbow rubs it against her cheek in adoration. "Wait, hold on...it's just a...it's just a sphere with wings..."

"And?" Twilight asks.

"Well...where's it sexual organs?" I ask, rather confused.

"Peter, that's gross!" Rainbow Dash exclaims. "Seriously, you can't be thinking of having sex with a bug!"

"Oh, shut the fuck up," I retort. "What I mean is - how do they reproduce? Given the size of their mouths and eyes, it seems like they wouldn't have any room among their internal organs to actually have sexual organs...unless, they're, you know, asexual, which isn't exactly unheard of for smaller organisms..."

"Please, how could it be asexual?" Twilight asks. "What, does it go through instantaneous mitosis?"

"Mitowhat?" Rainbow asks. I ignore her as I carry on.

"Hold on - I wanna test something. Get me some food."

Twilight nods, and magically gives me an apple. I hold it in front of the bug, and it gladly consumes it, chewing happily and steadily.

"Awwwww," Rainbow Dash coos. I roll my eyes as I set the seemingly intent bug down on a table, and begin to watch it.

Within a few moments, a gray mass is expelled from its own, which quickly becomes an individual bug. I scowl in disgust as I quickly kill the both of them.

"Peter, what are you doing!?" Rainbow Dash demands.

"They're a pest," I announce. "You saw how they eat - each time they eat, they multiply!"

"But...how did you know to test it like that?" Twilight asks, rather concerned.

"Think about it - they have no room for sexual organs, and every animal is supposed to propagate its species. If it can't do that via traditional means, then what else is there left for it to do but use the largest organ available - namely, the entirety of the digestive tract - to make mass into a new organism?"

"That...actually makes a lot of sense," Twilight announces. "Huh...well, I guess we'd better get rid of them before they totally bankrupt Ponyville of all sorts of food."

I nod in agreement. "Good idea. Let's go to the library and look up how to exterminate them - before the Princess gets here."

Twilight nods, and we both go off to research. The last thing I hear as we leave comes from Rainbow Dash.

"I swear, he's just as random as Pinkie Pie, but twenty percent smarter..."

"One hundred and twenty, thank you very much," I call back. Rarity and Rainbow giggle a bit, and I continue walking after Twilight.

Okay, maybe their giggling was the last thing I heard from the Boutique, but whatever.

"So, these...'Parasprites' like music," Twilight announces. "Okay, let's get rid of 'em...we can lead them off into the Everfree."

I nod in agreement, and we go to prepare what we must. With Pinkie Pie's help, who has already started collecting musical instruments, we manage to assemble an...ensemble. I know it's horrible, but the pun had to be made.

Within a half hour, and after explaining the bugs' nature to the town, we've lead the pests into the Everfree forest, and Twilight used her magic to burn them all into ash. I nod in appreciation as we continue back to the town.

When Celestia visits, it's to a perfectly ordinary town, with nothing out of place whatsoever.

"Hello," she announces. "How is everything today?"

"Oh, absolutely fine," Twilight responds. "But it could've been a lot worse - a Parasprite from the Everfree forest found its way into Ponyville!"

"Ugh, I hate Parasprites," Celestia spits. I nod in agreement.

"So, after Peter realized that they were asexual, we decided to look up how to get rid of them!" Twilight announces. "Pinkie Pie helped, of course."

After a quick congratulations on my quick thinking, we proceed to continue with the festivities.

As I'm about to head into the town square with the procession, Pinkie Pie pulls me aside, and whispers: "Swarm of the Century my furry pink ass."

Author's Note

I decided to show how a bit of logic can totally avoid a totally stupid scenario.

Chapter 2: Going Too Far

"Zecora!" I shout as I finally see the hut coming into view. I wince as Spike tightens his grip on my mane: it's been quite a bumpy ride for him...

As I finally arrive at the door to the hut, I stop to catch my breath. Zecora bursts out of her home, and looks me over in shock. "Zecora, something...I need...Your help..." I pant.

"Twilight Sparkle, what has befallen you and your friends? I thought I had brought the Poison Joke to an end..."

I shake my head as I let Spike down off of my back. He immediately loses his balance, and decides to lay on the ground for a moment. I shake myself to let the matted fur from where he was sitting fall back into place.

"Zecora, something happened," I say when I've caught my breath. "We were in the hot tub, right? But...something...happened. This...thing came out of the tub! And...I think it just sort of...appeared there..." I shake my head as I try to wrap it around what I saw. "It was weird, though...for a second, the bottom of the tub went all cloudy, and then...he was there!"

Zecora frowns, and waves me into her house. Spike and I follow, and quickly greet the spa sisters as the zebra goes about reading several of her books, mumbling to herself in her native tongue all the while.

After a small while, she lets out an exclamation, and approaches me with a book. "Poison Joke has some side effects," she announces. "When it is washed off, it can cause strange things at best."

"Side effects? Strange things?" I repeat, tapping a hoof to my chin in confusion. "What does that mean?"

"It says here that Poison Joke can do something unheard of by you pony folk. It can open a door, and that door works one way: it will suck in a poor soul, and forever in Equestria shall they stay."

"That..." I pause to consider it. "That just makes this even more confusing...does that mean that this...thing is gonna be in Equestria...forever?"

"I am afraid that that is true," Zecora responds as she shuts the book. A small puff of dust escapes as the pages come back together. "I only hope it does not blame you..."

"Blame me?" I ask, frowning to myself as I think of what could happen if that thing blames me. It could turn me into a burger...Or worse, it could eat me alive!

"It has been torn from its home. For that, you may have to atone."

"But...it wasn't my fault!" I cry, my hooves circling each other in nervous energy. "I mean...but...it's a carnivore, Zecora! It could eat me!"

The two spa sisters gasp behind me. "Non - a carnivore? In our establishment of beauty? Non, I say, non!"

I cringe as they burst from Zecora's hut, and hurry back to their spa. That's not going to be fun...Now the whole town is going to find out about it...

"Twilight Sparkle, this will cause much distress. I think it would be best for you to tell the Princess." I nod, and quickly pull a quill, paper, and inkwell from my saddlebags. I write a quick letter to Celestia explaining the situation, and have Spike send it.

"Thank you, Zecora," I say as I scoop Spike back onto my back. "But I'd best get going before there's a panic in Ponyville..."

The zebra nods and wishes me luck, and I rush back towards Ponyville, hoping that this situation hasn't gone to hell in a hoofbasket...

Rainbow Dash

I look up as I see the thing move a bit. It shakes its head, lets out a grunt, and tries to move its hands. But my expert knots keep it from doing so.

"So, you're finally awake," I remark, fidgeting once again in irritation. Why the shit did I volunteer to watch over this thing? It feels like I've been sitting here for hours now...

"Who're you?" It asks, struggling against the rope I've got tied around it. "What's going on - where am I?"

"Don't you remember?" I ask, raising an eyebrow with a smirk. "You were watching us bathe, you sicko. You came up for air, grabbed me, and I punched you - totally knocked you out." It looks to me, and after staring in slack-jawed silence for a moment, it looks back at its lap and lets out a rather loud curse. "Yeah, that's right, you creep. Didn't get away that easy, did'ya?"

It looks up at me, and I gulp as I see its eyes. It looks...desperate. "Please," it mutters, "I just want to go home...I have no idea how I got here, please, just let me go home..." It hangs its head and begins to sob, and I just stare in shock. So, this big bad meat-eater is...crying? I don't get it...

I frown as I realize what it's doing. "Cut the act, jackass. I know you're gonna eat me the second I let you go - you're a meat-eater, aren't you? Well, all meat-eaters here in Equestria are cold-blooded predators. Trust me, I know the deal. I almost got mauled by a bear once, y'know? But Fluttershy was there to bale me out at the last second. But the fact that you had someone slaughter a cow for you...Damn, I hate things like you. Act like you're civilized, but cut down those poor cows for food..."

It looks up at me in surprise. "Wait...you know about my home!? Can...Can I get back there!?" It sounds so hopeful that, for a second, I almost believe its bullshit.

"Well, you're from the Diamond Dogs, aren't ya'?" I ask. "Twilight said that Diamond Dogs have cheeseburgers..."

It shakes its head. "No...No, I'm a human...And for your information, they don't just slaughter cows back where I come from." It sneers at me, and I wait for an explanation. "They raise them, and when they're near death, they just put them out of their misery."

"Doesn't change the fact that you slaughter them, though."

It growls in irritation. "Look, that's not important right now! What's important is that I need to get home, alright!?"

I'm about to ask it where its home is, when the spa is filled with a flash of light. Once it fades, I see that Twilight Sparkle is standing there, her horn still crackling with a bit of energy as Spike slides off of her back, his face greener than his scales.

"Yo, the fuck!?" It shouts, staring at Twilight in amazed awe. "The shit, you can teleport? God damn, that's awesome."

"Almost forgot I could do that," she remarks as she approaches the thing, obviously ignoring its exclamations. "Now...Celestia, the one of the Princesses in this world, is going to get you soon. And you're going to have to answer all of her questions honestly - and I mean all of them, all right?" I raise an eyebrow at Twilight. I don't get to see this side of her often - the in-charge, badass side, that is.

"Alright," it responds with a sigh. "I'm not gonna get back home anytime soon with that crazy bitch harpin' on me, so I may as well just go along with whatever the hell you've got planned for me..."

I laugh a bit, until I realize that it was calling me a crazy bitch. "Hey! Watch who you're callin' a bitch!" I spit.

It rolls its eyes, and turns to Twilight. "Look...could you let me out of these ropes? If I'm going to answer questions, I don't want to be tied to a chair..."

"Why would she let you out? So you could eat her!?" I demand.

"We don't eat horse meat!" It shouts back at me, its face immediately reddening.

"We're ponies!"

"We don't eat pony meat, either! Nobody eats horse meat but the savages, and I am definitely not a savage! Hell, half the time, I refrain from eating meat - I mostly eat vegetables and baked shit. Yeah, I like meat, but I'm not some sort of crazed murderer..."

It's then that I see a spark in Twilight's eye. One that I know all too well - the spark of curiosity. "Twilight," I caution, "this thing isn't something for you to study. It could be dangerous!"

"For all you know, I could shoot lasers out of my fucking eyes!" It shouts at me, apparently having lost its temper. "Now, are you going to let me out of these or not?"

I ready myself as Twilight immediately loosens the ropes. "Twilight...what are you thinking..." I mumble to myself as I prepare to attack.

Once it's freed, it rubs its wrists, and sighs in relief. "Thanks," it mutters. It leans back in the chair, and I relax a bit. Maybe it's not going to attack, after all...

"So, where are you from?" Twilight asks as she takes a seat on the floor.

"Earth," it responds. "I'm a human from Earth. That's...well, that's a planet, and I severely doubt that we're on Earth right now. And...to be specific, I'm form the United States of America. Uh...State of New York, city of Manhattan..."

Twilight nods, and cocks her head at the so-called 'human'. "So, what's your name? How old are you? What's it like on Earth? Is everyone a human there? Rainbow Dash said that you have a penis. Why do you have a penis if you have nipples? Are you a girl or a boy? Do you have-"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," the human interrupts. "You're telling me that this...thing looked at my dick?" It asks, pointing directly at me.

"Thing!?" I shout, standing upright with a scowl. "I'll have you know, I'm a top-class athlete Pegasus pony! Nobody can call me a thing! You're the thing here, bucko, so you'd best get used to it!"

The human shrinks a bit, and I smile as I realize something: this motherfucker is afraid of me! I smirk in victory. Huzzah for Rainbow Dash!

"Well...yes," Twilight responds. "She was searching for a concealed weapon..." The human nods, and shrugs.

"Well, I guess I'll answer your questions," it announces with a sigh. "I'm a guy, first off - all humans have nipples. I don't know why. Believe me, I don't. But what I do know is that my name is Peter, I'm twenty two years old, and yes, all the intelligent beings are humans on Earth."

"Only humans? Not griffons, or dragoons, or-"

"Peter" interrupts her with a raised hand. "'S this really important right now?" He asks with a frown. "I mean...I was close to drowning no less than one hour ago, and then, I found myself in your hot tub. So...maybe we should stop focusing on what I am?" A bit of irritated sarcasm creeps into his voice, and I must admit that I agree with him for the first time since he got here. "Maybe we should start focusing on how I'm going to get home."

Twilight frowns, and shakes her head. "Uh...Peter, look...I spoke to Zecora," she announces. "The Poison Joke...We washed it off, and it...I guess it made a portal of sorts. I don't know how, but..." She takes a deep breath, and I grow concerned. Is this guy just a joke? An apparition made by those damned plants? Did we get high off of the fumes? "You're stuck here...forever. There's no way to send you back."

For a moment, Peter sits there, absolutely silent. After a moment of him just staring down at the floor, I realize something: he could have family. He could have friends. And now, he's stuck in Equestria, away from them forever...

Then again, I don't know anything about this guy.

"You know what," Peter announces, biting his lower lip in thought, "maybe...maybe that's for the best." He looks up, and I can tell that he's dead serious.

"What are you talking about?" Twilight asks with a frown.

"Maybe it's for the best," he continues, choosing his words carefully, "that I stay here, and...restart my life."

"Why would you want to restart your life?" I ask, suspicious of the human as he tries to find a way around the subject.

"I...I did some things I'm not very proud of," he announces. "But here...it doesn't matter anymore. I...I can start over, right?" He smiles for a brief moment, and Twilight frowns.

"If you're so intent on restarting your life, why did you freak out and demand for a way back home when you first arrived?"

"Yeah, why did'ya do that!?" I shout, jumping at the opportunity to scare this bitch a bit more as I jump up to get all up in his face. I grin as I get the reaction I was looking for: he yelps in surprise and jumps in his chair, which causes it to topple and sends him crashing to the floor.

"Rainbow Dash! Stop scaring him! I'm trying to ask him legitimate questions!" Twilight snaps at me. I grumble a bit as I resign to a corner.

"I was panicked," Peter responds as he stands, and rights the chair. "I was freaked out by being in some weird world, y'know?"

"That's true," Twilight mutters, rubbing her chin with a hoof. "But...what did you do, that you're not proud of?"

Peter immediately shakes his head. "I'm not telling you."

"Why?" Twilight asks.

"Because I don't want to," Peter growls, giving her a glare that even makes me cringe a bit. "Because what's done is done, and I wanna leave it at that."

"Did you kill someone?" I ask, smirking at him as I finally get him pegged down. He's a murderer running from the law!

"No!" He shouts, seemingly insulted. "I didn't kill someone, you asshole!"

"Hey, calm down," Twilight urges. "It was just a question."

Peter seems to steam for a few moments, and runs a hand through his hair before responding. "Yeah, whatever..."

"If you didn't kill anyone, then I don't get why you'd want to leave your life behind," I announce. "I mean, the only stories I've ever heard of ponies giving up their lives is when they've committed murder..."

"I didn't kill anybody," he spits, growing viciously testy as I grill him.

"Oh? Then what did you do?" I ask with a smirk.

"Rainbow, don't - " Twilight starts in a slightly meek voice, but she's cut off by Peter.

"I did what I had to do to keep her alive," he spits, staring at the floor as he clenches his jaw. "Nothing more."

My smirk widens. "To keep who alive?"

"The woman I loved," he responds, his lower lip starting to quiver as some sort of emotional bubble bursts. I stare at him in shock as a few tears come forth.

He stands, and storms off, leaving me with nothing to say but "oh."

"Nice job, Rainbow Dash," Twilight remarks. I look towards her, and my shoulders sag as I see the disapproving look on her face. "Not even a day in, and you've already sent the poor guy into hysterics..."

"Poor guy?" I ask, trying to maintain some sort of face. "He's the one that grabbed me, remember!?"

"He was panicking!" Twilight shouts. "You just overreacted!"

"Then how come you screamed when we found out he was a carnivore?"

"Because I was panicked, too!" Twilight shouts in response. "Some strange thing just came out of a hot tub I was sitting in - do you think I would be in my right mind!?"

I don't have an answer to that, so Twilight just walks away with a rare huff. "I swear, Rainbow Dash, you take everything too far! He may be a genuinely nice guy, and what did you do? You punched him in the face, and then you made him have an emotional breakdown. Great going! Glad to see you're still making friends!"

"Yeah, but...I just reacted!" I shout, blocking her path as she tries to follow Peter. "He was being violent, so I reacted!"

"Exactly! You reacted, but you never stopped to think!" Twilight shakes her head with a sigh. "Rainbow Dash, we know absolutely nothing about him other than his name, his species, his age, and what he eats. You'd think that you would be at least a little understanding for once, and not just be the usual asshole that you always are!"

I take a step back, and I feel something that I never thought I'd feel coming from any of my friends.

Pain. I feel pain.

"Is that really how you feel?" I ask, frowning at her.

"Yes, Rainbow Dash, it is! And why do you care so much about how I feel!? You don't care about how any of our other friends feel!"

I take another step back, and shake my head. "That's not true, Twilight."

I expect her to shout at me, but she doesn't. Instead, she shakes her head, and walks right past me. "Keep telling yourself that, Rainbow."

I stand there in stunned silence as I listen to Twilight searching for Peter. After a moment, I force myself to walk through the door, and that's when I lose all sense of dignity.

Kicking open the door with more force than necessary, I launch myself into the air, and fly back to my home as fast as I can.

Because right now, there's a tub of ice cream that needs some severe weight loss.

Author's Note

Sentimental stuff
Sentimental stuff
JOKE.
Yes.

Chapter 19: A War Begins

"So, Peter, are you excited for this years' Winter Wrap-Up?"

I glance at Rainbow Dash with a smirk. "God, yes. I can't wait for winter to be over."

Rainbow chuckles lightly. "Yeah, I feel you. What're you gonna be doing during the Wrap-Up?"

"Absolutely nothing," I deadpan.

"Wait - what!?" I frown at her.

"What?"

"You've got to help us out in Winter Wrap-Up!" She cries, roughly grabbing me by my (bare) shoulders. I cringe as her poorly trimmed hooves dig into the flesh. "It's tradition! Every single pony has got to participate - and since you're my boyfriend now, you've got to work on it even more! How d'you think I'll look if everypony finds out my boyfriend is some sort of slacking tradition-hating oaf!?"

I roll my eyes as I force Rainbow Dash to release my arms (which is quite difficult to do). "First off, I wasn't told of this tradition," I point out. "I was just told that Winter Wrap-Up was happening."

"But...didn't Twi' explain it to you?" Rainbow points out, seemingly befuddled. "She would take time to explain the entirety of its history, let alone modern tradition!"

"Well, I think she was going to, but then she squealed and got super excited before sprinting off to do something in the library. I waited for her to come back, 'cus I thought she was getting a book so I could read up on the history of it, but she never came back. I just sort of assumed she was done explaining it to me."

Rainbow Dash rolls her eyes as i conclude my story. "I tell you, boy; for all the concentration she's got when performing magic or studying, that unicorn has got to have ADHD when it comes to anything else..."

"Yeah, and you would know," I goad her. "You're the expert." It was recently revealed to me that Rainbow Dash has ADHD, as well. Despite the fact that I have it, too, she always takes jokes I make on the topic incredibly personally - which makes it fun and inviting.

"Hey," she growls. I hold back a smirk as my joke takes root. "It's just who I am, okay!? I don't mind talking about it, but I hate when others make fun of me for it! It's not something that should be made fun of - it's part of who I am!"

I finally let my smirk go as I retort. "What, and you've forgotten that I have it, too?"

"No, I know that you have it - I don't forget things like that! But that doesn't give you the right to start cracking wise about my ADHD!"

I frown at that. "So, wait - you can joke about my ADHD, but I can't joke about yours?"

"Duh!" She replies, as if that concept should be obvious. "You don't mind it nearly half as much as I do!"

"That's because it's you!" I reply, a small grudge I've been holding for the past few days coming to surface. "I've told you this already, Dash - if you tease me, I don't mind because it's you and I know you'd never actually try to ridicule me! Why can't you trust me in the same way!?" It's then that something within her erupts.

"Because I barely even know you! Yeah, we have sex; yeah, I care about you; yeah, it feels like love; but I don't even know what love actually feels like! It's like...we go on one good date and end up saying a few things in the heat of the moment, and you suddenly think we're in a trusting relationship!"

"Oh, please; who are you to talk about trust?" I demand. "Need I remind you that you told Rarity what you promised never to tell anypony!?"

"Well, excuse me if it was about a murder you committed! I had to be sure of what I was doing first!"

"It wasn't murder, I've already - look, I don't want to talk about that anymore. All that matters is that you don't have the right to talk about trust after that, okay?"

"I don't have the right!?"

"No, you don't." My stern tone of voice seems to shut her down. "You don't have the right to speak of it at all. I still think back on it, and it still hurts that you would betray my trust like that. The only reason as to why I let you into my life after that is because I was willing to trust you again - because I do love you. And if you don't share the same trust with me, then I don't see why you're in this relationship, because its foundation lies in trust for one another."

Silence falls, and Rainbow Dash stares at me - not in anger, but in shock. "Do...do you mean that?" She asks, her voice barely a whisper. I nod.

"If you truly don't feel that you can trust me, then you shouldn't be in a relationship with me. And I don't mean unfounded, stupid trust - as in you'd trust me with your life. I mean that you'd trust me with your secrets, knowing that I would never do anything to hurt you."

Rainbow Dash watches me cautiously for a moment before finally sighing, and giving in. "Alright, fine," she sighs. "I...I'm sorry that I let that joke upset me so much. It's just...I don't like it when anyone jokes about it. If it makes you feel any better, I won't joke about your ADHD, alright?"

I smile at her. "Alright," I respond. "I had no idea you were so insecure about it."

She begins to blush. "Well, you said that I should be able to trust you with my secrets, so here goes..." She sucks in a deep breath of air. "I feel like having ADHD makes me...inferior. Because I can't...be at the top, y'know? I feel like it...it holds me back..." She hangs her head in defeat, and I smile as I wrap an arm around her.

We kiss, make up, and curl up in bed together, happy to have one another. And yet, beneath this geniality and love, I can sense resentment brewing from what we said, and some very valid points were made that, some day, we won't be able to ignore anymore. Whether it be within a year or a few days...this fight is going to resurface. I just know it. I can feel it in my bones, humming to me like a dark premonition of sorts...

I sigh as I nuzzle Rainbow Dash's neck and decide to ignore that for now. Why worry about tomorrow's battles when I'm in a truce in the war?

Author's Note

Just an example of unrest amongst the lovers. Yeah.

BTW I reaaaallly can't wait to write the Discord chapter, because it's going to be awesome.