"Too Little, Too Late"
My name is Gilda Streit, and this is the story of how I lost my best friend. Now, I'm not much of a storyteller, honestly I just like to fly around, but I know every story should start at the beginning, and that's where I'll start, seeing as many of you don't really know the relation between Dash and I.
It all began in junior flight academy, a little after she'd just gotten her cutie mark. Honestly, she and I didn't like each other a whole lot at first, but somehow we soon became friends. I forget how it all happened, we both just did really stupid stuff together, always getting in trouble together... You see, I'm not always looking for trouble. In fact, back then I was really timid, raised by the strictest parents who'd just moved straight out of Gryphus only five years beforehand without knowing a single word of Equiish, dad being a soldier in the Gryphus civil war. He used to be a Loyalist, but, something obviously changed seeing as soon enough we found ourselves in Cloudsdale over a continent covered in all these ponies.
Dad taught me to hate ponies, especially Pegasi. He said over a thousand years ago all the Pegasi were at the head of something called the "Cirran Empire", and they tried killing us all. We beat 'em, seeing as there aren't any Pegasi in Dioda but, ah, that's all just politics and history. Sorry, I can't think straight, all this just puts me out of focus. You see, I didn't get along with Dash or any other ponies for that matter at first because I grew up being taught that they were all evil, and that we were only going to be there for a little while.
Though Dash... there was something I liked about her. Maybe I saw a bit of myself in her? I was disciplined, even kinda shy as well, but there was something rebellious about Dash, something that I related to; that whole thing of going against the system, doing whatever you want because you want to do it. Dash and I became good friends soon enough after we decided to look at what we had in common, and that started something really awesome. I can't remember a single day back then when we weren't together paling around, whether we'd be racing around the city outskirts, chasing colts, going on "adventures" on the ground... The fondest memories were probably of sleepovers and anything stupid that one of us would come up with and instantly regret afterwards.
At sleepovers, we usually talked about colts. We were fillies, but hey, Soarin was just accepted into the Wonderbolts and damn, was he cute. Rainbow was completely freaking obsessed with him, always talking about how they'd both do sonic rainbooms at their wedding, how he was doing in comparison to the senior members, she'd never shut up about him!
This was our usual pattern for years to come, right about until Rainbow left for Ponyville. Or it was a little bit beforehand, we'd started drifting a little bit, but we kept in touch. You know what happened next three years ago when I visited Ponyville. Didn't get along with her friends, got in a fight with Rainbow, left. It was a small thing, we made up about it some time afterwards, and then we started talking again. But we'd drifted. I lived in Cloudsdale and I had my job, she lived in Ponyville and had her duties controlling weather and saving the world.
Then, I got a letter from Twilight Sparkle. Rainbow Dash had hung herself. Nopony knows why, it just happened. She was nowhere to be found, then apparently she was found her in her room dangling from a rope.
I didn't cry. Not at first. I read the letter, set it somewhere, and sat on the table right next to me. Deep down, I wanted to smash things, I wanted to knock everything off the counters, I wanted to hit the wall, I wanted to scream that it wasn't fair, but I couldn't. I just felt defeated. My parents were already dead, and now one of the last ponies with any meaning to me whatsoever is gone forever.
I started to cry for the first time in years when I passed by the academy on my way to work the day afterwards. No use sitting in bed moping around at home all day, I still need to make end's meet, and Dashie wouldn't break if it was me, so I wasn't breaking for her. I saw the academy, and I lost it. Right on the sidewalk, it had just hit me-- she was gone. My best friend, everything that happened there, all the times we got in trouble, all the fun we had at recess or working on group projects together-- all just leading to this. We'd never get to reminisce about that place again. I began to cry, letting loose a few tears. Nopony stopped to help, nopony cared, I was just some random Griffon crying for Celestia knows why. I regained my composure, and continued my flight to work.
So here I am now, at the Ponyville Temple. Everypony --including me-- was wearing black. I didn't want to, and I'm not sure how many others did either, because Rainbow wouldn't have wanted that. She wouldn't have wanted it so bleak and dreary and depressing, she always hated seeing her friends like that. I guess we were all too scared in case we did something different.
She'd hate that.
When I entered the Temple, I saw plenty of ponies everywhere, all of which friends and fans. Her five close friends sat in the front, I was skeptical of where to sit; most ponies around here only knew me from when I visited that one time and the trouble I caused, but then Rarity, I think that's what her name was, waved for me to come sit with her and the rest of Rainbow's friends.
So I casually walk over, really freaking nervous. I don't think many of them really ever liked me in the first place, but I went over. What the hell was I supposed to do?
Before I could sit down, I was greeted with a warm constricting hug from Pinkie Pie. She looked different than the last time I visited; her hair was down, and her coat was the tiniest bit duller. She sat back down right afterwards, staring forward into space, barely restraining more tears. Twilight and Rarity stood in front of me, Fluttershy and AppleJack still sitting silently beside Pinkie Pie in the pews.
"How are you holding up, darling?" Rarity asks as she dabbed at her eyes with a tissue suspended into the air by her magic. "I know you two were close, and-- and--"
I cut her off, pulling her in close with a hug, I felt her mane, smooth as silk, brush against the tiny feathers of my neck as she shook with each breath, trying to keep herself calm. It was starting to get kind of hard to breath, not because she was pressing so hard, but because I started to feel a welling in my chest. You know how it feels kinda tight there when you're really stressed? Yeah, times that by a million for me right then and there.
The mare pushed away, taking a deep breath. "Breathe, just breathe, Rarity", Twilight prompted in a soothing tone. Rarity closed her eyes, taking a few more deep breaths, then let out one last sigh as she swept her right hoof across the ground. Twilight turned to me, putting a hoof to my shoulder. "Everything okay for you?"
No. No it isn't okay, it's not okay, my best friend is dead and I have nowhere else to go. Help me, what am I supposed to do!? "I'm alright. Doing as well as I can." I told her. I didn't want to break down, if I'm going to cry here, I'm not going to do it now before it even began.
We sat down towards the end of the pew, and I was right next to Fluttershy.
"Hey, 'shy,"
Her response was barely a whisper, I had to lean in to hear her, "Oh, hi, Gilda, I-- um, are you okay?".
"Just fine, 'shy. We're all doing the best we can."
"I-- I know".
Music began to play. That typical organ melody that you always see playing in the movies whenever there's a funeral, the kind you think only exists in the movies and never stop to think that any day you could be hearing that melody play for your friends, your parents, your kids, your grandparents, your brother's, your sister's, your cousin's, anybody's funeral.
They rolled out a casket, following it were a bunch of ponies I didn't know, as well as her father and uncle Jeff. Accompanying them was the local cleric. He was old, it was hard to imagine those sticks of limbs carrying anything, even that frail old body, much less the heavy jacket he wore.
He began to talk, but honestly I wasn't paying attention, I was stuck with my own thoughts. Is this really happening? Why am I here? Can that really be Dashie in there? She died on April Fool's day, this HAS to be some elaborate prank! Yeah, a prank! That's what it is! But she wouldn't do this, they saw a body, I can't kid myself.
My heart began to tighten, like some demon was squeezing it like a sponge with his black talons. Why? Was it because I could've stopped this? Could I have stopped it?
I diverted my thoughts back to the cleric. His voice matched his body perfectly, as he strained to make just enough sound for the temple to echo his weak words so that all in the Temple could hear his voice. "And now, we will hear a few words from some of Rainbow's friends and family. First will be her uncle, Jeff Stallowski, next Spitfire from the wonderbolts, and finally Sweetie Belle will sing a song.
Her uncle Jeff, a pony with a light-brown coat, long hair and a tan moustache stood up to the podium. He wasn't dressed formally at all, maybe he knew Rainbow didn't want that. Heh, uncle Jeff was always there for her. He was the closest thing to a brother she'd ever had. He began his speech.
"Hey, all... I'm Jeff Stallowski. I prefer to be called 'The Dude', Dashie loved that name. Every time she said my name she'd get this smile on her face. This huge, excited smile like it was the funniest thing ever. She loved it so much...
"I've lost a few people. I know, anypony here wouldn't think me to be all that emotional, but, we all go through it, man. I'm not that old, but I remember my dad told me that yeah, even after a friend dies you start to forget things you did, and... you might even forget the sound of their voice, the places you hung out, all of it." He began looking around the room, watching as we all stared up at him as though he was a cleric delivering a homily. He looked me and smiled, then continued his sermon. "But you never forget how they made you feel. You'll always remember how they made you feel. That's what he told me, and it's true. A lot of you are pretty young, and you've got a lot ahead. So like, just keep that in mind, man. You all know you'll forget when you're old, when you move on, but we'll always remember how Dashie made us feel."
He walked down from the elevated platform at the front of the temple, back into the pews with the rest of the family.
Next Spitfire stood up to the podium. She talked about when Dash had visited the academy, how she always saw potential in her, how she would've made an excellent wonderbolt. Dammit, Dashie, why the hell did you do this? They wanted you, you would've lived your dream and been happy, why would you give that all away? I noticed tears streaming from AppleJack's eyes as Fluttershy tried to wipe them away.
Why would she do this!? The letter said that nopony knew why she did it, we don't know what she was going through, and I don't care. It wasn't worth this, her escape to the wonderbolts was right there! She would've been home free, she would've had it better than any other Pegasus to live.
Soon enough Spitfire finished her eulogy and flew back down to the pews in the back, with a few of her friends. I think Soarin was there, but no other wonderbolts. Then three fillies took the stage. Instruments had already been set up before the service began, and the white Unicorn among them took the stage.
There's no one in town I know
You gave us some place to go.
I never said thank you for that.
I thought I might get one more chance.
What would you think of me now,
so lucky, so strong, so proud?
I never said thank you for that,
now I'll never have a chance.
The tightness in my heart grew stronger. I could barely breathe, and before I knew it tears were slowly trekking down my face.
I never said thank you for that,
now I'll never have a chance.
May angels lead you in.
Hear you me my friends.
That line. 'I never said thank you for that.' That's all I could focus on. I leaned forward, putting my face in my hands. As I exhaled, I began to shake and more tears came out as I released a moan of despair. I was crying. For the first time in years, since foalhood, I was actually, genuinely crying.
I felt a wing cover my back, and I glanced to see Fluttershy huddled over me, comforting me. After all I did to her, she--
I looked away. I can't take this. I kept crying. Crying and crying and crying until the song ran its length. The three fillies descended down the stairs, the face of the orange pegasus covered in tears, much like mine. She's too young for this. Tartarus, we're all too young for this.
Why?
Author's Note
Dedicated to Evan Flynn Rush. June 3rd 1996 - April 1 2013. Based on our friendship (though it was better than Gilda's and Rainbow's. Less complications, we never really fought).
I love you, man. This story hardly grasps the effect of what you did. When I get there, I'm going to punch you, then give you the biggest hug you'll ever get.
Also, the song Sweetie Belle sang is "Hear you me" by Jimmy Eat World. One of our friends sang that at Evan's service, and being the most powerful part of it all, I had to include that. The story would've been even longer, but I just stopped. I think I made my point.
