Wario Attempts to Write a Self-Insert Fanfic

by Dunsparce

Rating: everyone
Tags: Random, Crossover
Length: 1276

A fanfiction contest is being held and the winner gets 5,000 coins! It is Wario's time to shine as a writer!

One day, Wario was watching TV when one of the commercials caught his eye. A writing contest was being held and the winner of the contest was to be rewarded 5,000 coins! Wario was not one to waste any time. It was time for him to write the only thing he could write: a self-insert, third-person pony fanfic. His house burns down as a result.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2013-04-23 22:52:50 UTC

What Have I Done?

Wario was bored. It’s not like it was a surprise or anything, though. Picking his nose and grunting every now and again has to get boring after a while. His brother Waluigi attempted to make him watch My Little Pony earlier, but Wario fell asleep half way through season two. It wasn’t that he hated the show or anything, it was just that he was being Wario: a man that cares for almost nothing but TV and coins. Speaking of TV, Wario turned the TV on out of boredom just in time for a commercial break in the middle of one of his favorite shows.

“Arrrr. Stupid!” Wario complained as he tapped his finger on his chair’s arm rest. After four minutes passed, it seemed as though the commercials would never end. Wario was beginning to get impatient and angry until a very flashy bubble popped up on one of the commercials.

“Do you like money!?” a voice shouted from the TV. Wario waited for the commercial to pass impatiently.

“Hey, fat man, I’m talking to you!” It said after a pause. Wario jumped up spastically.

“Who? Wadio?” He asked as he pointed to himself.

“Yes, you! You like money, right?” The voice responded. Wario looked around and whispered into the TV.

“….Yes.” He answered.

“Well, then, sir, you have the opportunity to win a total of 5,000 coins with this contest!” The voice shouted as Wario’s mouth gaped open.

“Waaa! 5,000!?” Wario exclaimed.

"Yes, 5,000! All you have to do is write a story!”

“Write story? Wadio? Wah hah hah hah haaa!” Wario laughed jokingly. “You make Wadio laugh! Good joke!”

“This is no joke, sir! The contest will take place tomorrow, Saturday, at the Mushroom Castle entrance, and that is your chance to win 5,000 coins!” The voice shouted as a bundle of coins appeared as a picture on the TV. Wario reached for the coins on the TV while a drop of drool sparkled as it raced down his chin. However, the commercial changed as soon as his red nose touched the TV, snapping him out of his trance. Wario then looked to the left to his computer screen which displayed the My Little Pony logo that he had left up when Waluigi left. The gears in Wario’s head began to churn and clang as an idea flushed through his head.

“Wahaha! I got it!” He shouted as he pointed his finger to the ceiling. Wario was ready to put his writing skills to the test and write a My Little Pony fanfiction. There was only one way that this could turn out, and that result would be somehow losing his house.

Wario and Rarity get gold

By Wario

Wario woke up. He felt good that day. He wanted money. He knew Rarity liked money, so he went to Rarity’s house. He asked Rarity if she wanted to go on an adventure and she said yes. Wario was happy and then they went to go on an adventure for gold.

On the way to There-Is-Gold-Here mountain, Rarity and Wario came across something bad: a fool’s gold monster. He was fierce and had fake sharp teeth. Everything about the monster was fake. Wario punched him in the face and Rarity was impressed. With her magic, Rarity chucked the dead monster off cliff.

They were almost at There-Is-Gold-Here mountain. Then Rarity started to not feel good. This was bad. Wario healed her with his awesome looks and they moved on.

Wario and Rarity finally made it to There-Is-Gold-Here mountain. To their surprise, there was a lot of gold. However, in the way was something so bad they were scared out of their minds: a smelter monster that was going to smelt the gold right in front of them into gold Mario statues. Rarity and Wario wouldn’t let that happen, though. They swung into action and

Wario had fallen asleep in the middle of writing the story. The clock on the right of his desk said 2:04 AM, Saturday. The story was due at 1:00 PM that day! Wario would have to wake up soon or the story would be overdue! He didn’t wake up anytime relatively close to soon

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Wario awoke with the beautiful sun shining in his face through the window.

“Arrrr...” he groaned as he lifted his head. He glanced at the clock and, to his surprise, it read 12:34 PM.

“WAH! Nononononono!” He panicked as he looked at his story. It was 152 pages long and all he saw was the letter "r". Frantically, Wario took his mouse and began to highlight all of it. However, upon a few pages of highlighting, there were surprisingly words and sentences. Some words he didn’t even know were written, such as “broke” and “poor”! He had soon realized that he had written an entire 150 page story about Rarity turning into a vampire with his face while he was asleep! Since he didn’t have time to read his masterpiece, he decided to call it the first two words he saw within the story: Rarity Sucks.

“Yes, YES!” Wario cheered as he rubbed his hands together mischievously. Before he was ready to turn it in to the contest, he needed to run a spell check by pressing F7 on his keyboard. His finger slowly drifted toward F7, but then something terrible happened: he missed and pressed the dreaded F8 key; the key nobody ever presses.

Just as the F8 key went down, a gigantic boulder plunged through the ceiling and destroyed Wario’s computer and desk and caught his house on fire, which burned down immediately. The only thing that remained was Wario and his chair, both of which completely unharmed. Wario sat with his finger still where the F8 key once was with a dumb, frozen grin on his face. He began to twitch after a few seconds.

“WAAA-HA-HAAA!” He exploded as he hit the floor with his fists. “WHY YOU DO THEES TO WADIO!?”

All of a sudden, a sheet of paper hit Wario’s face. Pulling it off, he noticed that it was blank and clean, despite it being around a huge pile of ash. A pencil also laid below Wario, completely unharmed. Wario realized he had no choice and realized that he must write his My Little Pony fanfiction by hand.

“Arrrrr!!” He growled as he grabbed the pencil and paper. The contest ended in approximately ten minutes, so he had to rush, rush, rush.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

It was 12:58 PM and Wario was dashing to the contest with the paper in his hand. The three literary judges sat at the desks, ready to announce the winner.

“WAAAAAIT!” Wario shouted at them as he held his paper high. “Wadio have pony paper for yooooou!”

He slammed the wrinkled paper on the desk of one of the Goomba judges, who looked at Wario with sarcastic eyes.

“Wario?” One of the judges asked. “YOU wrote a story?”

“Wadio write, yes.” He answered as he clenched his hands together.

“Well, let’s just take a look at this paper, shall we?” The judge said as he put on a pair of glasses on.

story by wario rarity and wario go on an adventure my computer broke give me money

The Goomba judge looked up with a disappointed face.

“If I had a hand I would be facepalming right now.” He said.

“So, did Wadio ween?” Wario asked.

“Mmm…no.”

“D’oh I missed!”