Perfect Chaos

by musicalDeleria

Rating: everyone
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Doctor Whooves, Romance, Princess Luna, Original Character, Random, Adventure, Discord, Derpy Hooves
Length: 2784

Yet again I find myself staring at this blank summary space wondering what to write to explain the tale I've twisted together. Well,I've got nothing. So I'll just tell you this, this is the story of a peculiar young mare who often find

I need opinions, somebody, anybody, please, read this and leave a comment/ critique, i have no idea what I'm doing wrong here, is it the OC? The writing style? Am I just a horrible writer? I'd like to think not but I'm so conflicted with the ratings this story has... I've never seen such negative feedback for my writing before and I just want to know what is wrong with this particular story to garner such negative ratings. I would love if someone could just explain whats wrong with it or give constructive criticism so I can fix what I'm doing wrong. It may sound silly but I'm questioning if I really am cut out for being an author as I aspire to be, that maybe I'm not as good as I thought I was and that I haven't made as much progress as I'd thought... I'm sorry, I kind of ended up rambling a bit, but please, If someone could review this and let me know the mistakes and such I would be forever grateful.

Yet again I find myself staring at this blank summary space wondering what to write to explain the tale I've twisted together. Well,I've got nothing. So I'll just tell you this, this is the story of a peculiar young mare who often finds herself in the company of a once chaotic draconequus as he serves out his sentence in his stone prison and the antics that ensue once free DiscoXOC

Published 2013-04-29 21:40:02 UTC
Last updated 2013-04-30 15:44:15 UTC

Prologue

The stars flickered dimly in the deep midnight sky. The moon casting her silvery glow upon the world below, giving the castle gardens an enchanting gleam and making the statues come alive with the defining shadows she cast.

The soft click of hooves against the stone pathway echoed somberly through the large conservatory, accompanied by soft melodic humming.

The source of the melody, a dark charcoal gray mare, her mane a blend of deep and lighter violets, walks just below an arch of topiary leading into the statue garden.

As her tune trails off her eyes reopen, face upturned to the moon above as it glints off deep ruby irises.

A small smile graces her lips as she returns to her song.

"Will the circle, be unbroken? By and by, by and by? Is a better, home awaiting? In the sky, in the sky?"

Her melody is low and mournful, conveying broad sentiment, though the smile still remains upon her lips as she walks silently among the statues, once again returning to humming the tune as she comes to stop before the statue of the draconequus.

This statue had always stood out the most to her, even since the first time she'd come to the royal gardens as a filly on a class trip.

The reason for her intrigue though had not been for the strange appearance of the figure in stone, instead it stemmed from the doleful sadness it awoke within her whenever she neared it.

She stood admiring the statue as she did on many nights like this, her humming long since dying off a she studied the stone.

He was a most peculiar looking statue, very tall and limber in an almost reptilian way, though he stood bipedal on two mismatched legs, his left leg being that of a goat, the right being that of a lizard. He had the head of a horse adorned with a deer antler on the right and a goat horn on the left, he had a forked snake's tongue and a long fang protruding from the right side of his mouth and his chin had a tuft of beard like a goat's. His mane resembled a donkey's or zebra's, his tail was that of a dragon's with a small tuft at the end. He had the right paw of a lion and the left claw of an eagle, his left wing was of a Pegasus and the right a bat's.

Though she did not know much of the legend of Discord, she knew enough to realize this stone was his prison.

Most believed the story to be another old mare's tail like that of The Mare in the Moon, though she could not deny the sadness that gripped her heart whenever she looked upon the statue.

Her gaze lingered on the stone face of the draconequus for a moment more before she returned to the garden path, continuing on her way through the perennial sanctuary, singing a simple tune to herself.

Will the circle... Be unbroken...?

By and by... By and by...?

Is a better... Home awaiting...?

In the sky... In the sky...?

Author's Note

This is my first FIM fanfiction, I don't really have much to say about it at the moment though ^^" I hope you enjoy Perfect Chaos though, and please look forward to new chapters very soon :)
Also, just in case any readers frequent fanfiction.net as well as fimfiction, I posted this there as well under the username musicalDeleria, just in case someone may get the idea it was taken from one of the accounts ^^
Bonus points to those who know the song's origin with out googling ^^ It's actually pretty easy ^^"
(If anyone knows of a ponified version of the song referring to cloudsdale and wants to leave me a link that'd be awesome! :3 if such a song doesn't already exist though, then I'll be working on making it a reality! :3 At least lyricswise ^^")

Chapter One

Tangled tufts of violet hair of varying hues peak out from beneath light floral blankets and sheets which rise and lower gently as a hidden young mare sleeps beneath them.

A small, striped green form pokes its head over the edge of the bed, peaking up at the lump under the covers through tiny pin prick eyes.

Very slowly the little reptilian pulls itself onto the bed, making its way across the mattress until it rests atop the sleeping mare, tiny clawed feet grasping and releasing the blankets covering the mare.

The equine shifts agitatedly in her slumber, turning toward the wall next to her and pulling the covers tighter, a purple glow shining through the blanket, accompanied by a sound like light shimmers on the air as the covers move on her will and surround her.

The reptile manages to keep its hold on the covers and one they settle again it makes its way toward where the mare hides her face in the bed sheets, burrowing its way beneath them and flicking its long tacky tongue out at the equine's ear.

The mare lets out a startled yelp, covers flying off as she sits up, her reptile companion going flying with them before being caught in midair, suspended by a glowing purple bubble of magic.

"Sorry Pascal," the mare says to her scaled friend, setting him lightly back onto the mattress, the magic holding him disappearing at the same time the mare's horn ceases glowing.

She rubs the sleep from her eyes with a hoof, a small yawn escaping her as she glances to the clock on her nightstand.

The timepiece, showing an image of a bright cheery yellow sun residing high in the middle of the sky, very slowly inching to the left side of the clock as a portrait of darkness creeps into view on the right, indicating late afternoon.

"Oh wow, that late already?" She says around another yawn.

The little chameleon in front of her gives her a pointed look as he continues to struggle with the climb across the mattress to get to her.

"Oh my gosh, I am so sorry Pascal!" She says, quickly jumping out of bed, briefly stretching her hooves before heading toward the door, levitating her companion onto her shoulder as she hastily makes her way to the kitchen.

She busies herself with retrieving ingredients from the fridge, combining dandelion, kale, and small pieces of watermelon into a bowl, setting it on the small dining table and levitating Pascal in front of it while simultaneously restocking the fridge.

"That's better," she says, smiling at her scaled friend.

Humming to herself she returns to the bedroom, a silver comb moving from the vanity in the corner of the room begins working itself through her lavender mane, controlled solely by her magic.

At the same time she trots over to the small bookshelf by her bed, scanning through the small collection of fiction novels as her bed makes itself and the comb returns to her vanity.

She pulls a book from the shelf as a deep purple saddlebag is placed over her back, the straps doing themselves as the book finds a place in one of the side pockets.

She stands before a tall, silver framed mirror taking in her appearance.

The mare staring back at her had a long wavy mane and tail composed of many varying shades of purple that ended just above her hooves, her bangs were side swept to the right of her face hanging close to her eyes and ending in a slight curl. Her coat and horn were a consistent dark charcoal gray, her hooves a barely noticeable shade darker. Long carbon black lashes framed vibrant red eyes that stood out immensely from the rest of her coloring.

After some contemplation she levitated a thin black and white ribbon choker before her face. The white areas were slightly colored from age though it had been well cared for and in good condition, the ribbon sill silky and new feeling and the intricate pattern of circles and shapes still intact.

She quickly clasped the choker around her neck before making her way back into the kitchen, finding Pascal finished with his meal, still on the table and looking bored.

"Would you like to go to the garden with me today Pascal?" She asks the chameleon, trotting over to the dining table.

The reptilian lifts his head toward her and takes a few slow steps to the edge of the table.

The mare smiles brightly and levitates the chameleon to her shoulder again before moving him to sit on top of her head after a few seconds of the reptile struggling to climb up her violet mane.

The equine moves to the door, a pair of keys levitating from the kitchen counter and locking the door as it closes before finding their way into her saddle bag.

The walk through Canterlot is uneventful, everypony tends to steer clear of the strange unicorn with the even stranger cutie mark.

The cutie mark in question that took up her right flank was a jumble of many different images, a blue lily flower, a pair of black music notes forming a large heart on her coat, a quill and parchment, a balloon and colorful confetti, a wire whisk, all close together and overlapping in many places.

Nopony had ever seen anything like it, at first it was thought to be a case of the cutie pox, though these marks didn't spread, they only took up and overlapped on her right flank.

Though that was only one of the things that made the mare an oddity to everypony else, had it just been the marks most probably would have overlooked this difference.

It was the things the unicorn said and the way she sometimes acted that kept everypony at hoofs length.

She often mentioned things that nopony had ever heard of before, or would know things she should never have known. Mentioning strange creatures or games no being in equestria had knowledge of, singing strange songs and riddles.

Some olden ponies thought she was dangerous, others thought she may have a screw loose, but everypony knew she was different, too different, and that was enough for them to keep their distance.

The mare had grown used to it after a while, choosing to ignore it when she could and put on a smile. She did have at least one friend in Canterlot though and she was just fine with that.

"We're just gonna make one quick stop Pascal, then we'll be off to the gardens," She says to the chameleon clinging to her horn.

The reptile lets out a strange little squeak of indifference as the mare turns into a small little cafe on her left.

The little golden bells attached to the top of the door chime cheerily as she steps inside the fragrant little shop.

Almost immediately somepony behind the counter turns to greet the newcomer. The stallion's smile grows as he notices her walk up to the front of the store.

"Good morning Calliope, just now getting up I see," He teases with a grin.

"Good afternoon Twister Wing," She replies back to the pegasus with a smile of her own.

The stallion at the other side of the counter had a light gray-blue coat, the color of clouds in an oncoming storm, his mane and tail a few shades darker like the shadows in storm clouds, his mane just barely brushed his shoulders and fell messily into his eyes. From his chin to his underbelly was a light dusting of white like pure snow, or clouds from the very buildings and walkways of Cloudsdale; the same white was present on his wingtips and the bottoms of his back and forelegs, stopping just above carbon black hooves.
His eyes were as blue as the sky on a sunny day, with thin rims of stormy gray lining the outer edges of his irises.

Had his uniform not been covering it, a gray tornado with a pure white feather overlapping it would have been seen on his flank.

"So I'm guessing you're ordering an iced caramel coffee, a dandelion salad, and a banana muffin, am I right Calli?" The stormy Pegasus asks, remnants of his earlier grin still present.

"You know me too well Twist," She replies, her smile still intact as well

"Maybe it's just because you loiter around the shop so often," the stallion teases as he prepares her order.

"Twist!" She scolds, lightly tugging at a strand of his mane with her magic.

"Hey! Cal that hurt," The stallion complains with a pout.

"Oh it did not you big softy," She grins suppressing a laugh.

The stormy pegasus could be so sensitive sometimes despite his name. He could fly faster than almost any pegasus and create the biggest storms the weather factory had ever seen, but around Calliope he was as tame as a kitten with a dog's bark.

He had been her first, and only real friend in Canterlot. They'd met when they were still filly and colt. The storm bringing pegasus had gotten a little carried away with his storm making and completely drenched the poor filly who'd been reading out in the sun among the Royal Garden's flowers.

He didn't seem to care in the least that it was the outcast filly of Canterlot whom he'd caught in the downpour. He actually wouldn't stop apologizing, and even offered to replace her waterlogged book and walked her home.

She'd caught cold from the soaking and was stuck in bed for days, and the young pegasus had visited every day and cooked for her until she recovered.

When she was better he still stuck around, seeming to enjoy her company and her strange stories and songs, their friendship took off from there and hardly a day passed when they didn't see each other.

"So, let me guess, reading in the gardens again today?" He asks, beginning to gather her order into a paper bag.

"Yup, ya got me. Am I really getting that predictable?" She asks sheepishly.

"Hmm I don't know, you've only been doing the same thing almost every day since before I met you," He jokes.

"You make it sound so... Boring and repetitive," It was true though, she felt most at peace among the flowers and shrubbery, and found it the most relaxing place to curl up in the grass with a good work of fiction.
What always seemed to draw her in though was the statue garden, she often found herself dozing off among the stone guardians.

"Well," The stallion trails off, a slight grin on his face.

The unicorn's horn glows semi threateningly with magic, a grin of her own present on her face.

"Whoa, hold on now Calli, I was only joking," He says, wings unfurling nervously at his sides as he takes a step back.

"Mhmm, joking," She repeats letting out a small laugh as her magic dissipates and the stallion lets out a relieved puff of air.

"You can be pretty scary sometimes Cal," He says with a nervous laugh.

"Maybe, or, you could just be a big scardy cat," She grins.

He shakes his head at her strange expression and sets her order down on the counter.

She retrieves the necessary bits from her saddle bag and lowers them onto the counter, tucking the bag carefully into a side pocket and levitating the drink in front of her.

"Thanks Twist!" She says to her feathered friend.

"No prob Cal, same time tomorrow?" He says knowingly.

"You bet," She grins. "We're still on for Saturday right?" She asks over her shoulder.

"Definitely, see ya later,"

The mare smiles softly to herself as she exits the cafe, rejoining the bustling and busy streets of Canterlot.

Author's Note

Well, I hope you enjoyed chapter two of Perfect Chaos! I'm sorry there's no Discord in this chapter, I just thought this would be a good place to end this chapter, but I promise everyone's favorite King of Chaos will be present in the next chapter! :3

If you've enjoyed the story so far please leave a thumbs up or comment (It really helps to stay motivated when I know people like what they're reading :3

Anyway, thanks for continuing to read to this chapter, I hope you liked it! :)

Author's Note

This story will be on Hiatus as of today, I'm not sure If or when I'll return to it at the moment, but I will most likely be leaving fimfiction for a while and returning back to fanfiction.