I am War.

The Goddess of the Day groaned in her bed and brushed back the sheets to get a look at her surroundings. She winced as her hind legs began to creak again and give twinges of pain. Celestia blinked once or twice to get the vestiges of sleep out of her eyes and looked to her bedside table. The bright neon yellow of the needle disposal box reflected off the surgical steel of the medicine tray as Celestia plucked at one of the needles with her horn, flicking off the orange safety top with a gentle pulse.

Having taken the needle firmly in a warm golden glow, she plunged the needle into her rump, just above the cutie mark, and pushed down on the plunger, letting out a breath she didn’t even know she was holding as the drugs began to take effect. Putting the needle into the disposables box with a hollow clunk she got to her hooves and stepped off the bed with a crunch. Looking down she saw the shattered remains of a salt bowl under her hoof, the white salt cubes grinding into the carpet. Groaning, she lifted the glass shards and put them in the bio hazard box. She concentrated and picked up the salt from the carpet, picking out a few crumbs and hairs from the off white grains.

She looked at it for a moment through bleary eyes before opening her mouth and crunching down on the salt.

Smacking her lips as she tried to get the taste of saltiness out of her mouth, Celestia looked out the window as the moon began to set and a growing pressure in the hind of her brain began to rise. Many years ago, Twilight had asked how Celestia had always known when to raise the sun and set it, and in truth, Celestia simply felt when it was time, much like how her subjects knew when they really needed to pee. And so, with a simple flash of her horn, Celestia sent the basic spell to work.

Truth be told, the whole ‘fly up into the air and perform the flashing light’ thing was just for show. All it really took was a gentle ping from her horn and up came the sun. Twilight had always been annoyed by that. She’d always expected a grunt of effort, a pause, a moment of meditation, just something other than a content hum and a relaxed, unfocused expression.

Celestia blinked as she finished raising the sun. She took another needle, flicking off the cap and sticking the thin metal tube into her rump, opposite the first puncture mark. She dropped the tube into the yellow box with a clatter and opened the drawer below.

Inside were white boxes with sticker labels. She took one up and read the labels “20mg Flupirtine tablets.” she said, “Do not stop taking this medicine abruptly unless otherwise advised by your doctor. This medicine may affect mental alertness and/or co-ordination. If affected, do not operate a carriage or operate machinery.” The Goddess of the Sun snorted and swallowed two pills, putting the box back into the drawer with a clatter, “They stick those warnings on everything now.”

Meanwhile at Sweet Apple Acres another god was waking up. Excolotis swung his legs over the hay bed, letting his legs hit the floor with a clank. He lifted up his arm and watched the multi part pauldron shift as he moved his shoulder around. He stood up and wandered over to a bucket of water, staring at his helmeted reflection. Reaching up he undid the gorget straps and put the curved metal on the ground, followed shortly by the curved helm. With a gauntleted hand he pushed back his hair and stared into the water barrel, noting the slight discolouration around his eyes.

He lifted up has hand and let a sharp cut throat razor materialise in his hand. He looked around and picked up a can of axel grease and popped the lid, sniffing at the contents. Frowning in distaste he put the lid back on the can and dropped it back onto the dirt. Looking into the reflection of the water he began to bring the razor across his face.

The door opened with a creak as granny Smith pushed it open, staring as Excolotis guided the razor under his nose. “Hi there, Excolotis,” she said, “Ah’ve made up some toast an’ eggs fer you if you’re hungry”

Excolotis grunted as the razor danced around his chin.

“After that,” continued Granny, “We’ll be needin’ to trim sum of the older trees. They’re gettin’ a bit open.”

Shave. Grunt. Shave.

“Ah’ll be goin’ in to town t’ see my gran’children if Ah can. Do you want t’ come with?”

Excolotis paused for a moment, “I would quite like that Mrs Smith.”  Turning his head back and forth to see his reflection, Excolotis decided that the shave was satisfactory and dropped the cut throat razor, letting it dissipate before it hit the ground. He turned from the water barrel and followed Granny Smith to the front of the house.

Rainbow Dash flew over the town; strip of paper held in her mouth. It was scheduled to be a fine day with a light drizzle over the town at midnight, cloud moving in later that day. All in all, she merely had to keep cloud build up. Towns close to the Everfree forest often suffered from cloud build up was wild clouds drifted into controlled areas, meaning that they would often have to send up a flight team to stop the white, fluffy build up. Such clouds were often towed away back over the ever free or repurposed to save on efforts. To help protect from this the town had an acceptable discrepancy of 2.3 mm to help keep things from getting over watered or drying out. Inner cities such as Canterlot, however, never had to worry about such things due to the distance between them and the untamed wilds.

She had decided to take up more shifts in and around Sweet Apple Acers, especially the morning shifts. While a large part of her hated getting up early and preferred to use her post as weather captain to get the middle day shifts she knew, deep down in her soul, that to disobey her Princess would be an affront to the very core of her being.

Shaking her head, Rainbow dash focused on her copy of the grid chart for the day. Keeping herself hoisted up by her wings she took her slip of enchanted paper between her hooves and read the lists with a practised eye. “Okay then,” she said, “I’ve cleared up the clouds, and as such everything’s fine, right? Right, so on to my... extracaricucalar... activities.” With a pump of her wings and a swift dive to pick up speed she flew off towards the farm.

Excolotis sat on the front porch with his helm in his lap, his legs stretching over the stairs as he held a baking tray in his hand as an improvised plate. His fork was made from black metal, and the ‘plate’ held nearly twelve eggs and thirteen slices of toast. He sighed. “Hello, Rainbow Dash.”

“How did you know it was me?” asked Rainbow as she fluttered down to the ground.

“I could hear your wings,” smiled Excolotis, “Sensitive hearing, remember?”

“Yeah, yeah,” said Rainbow, “What’re you doing?”

“Having breakfast,” said Excolotis, spearing an egg with his fork, “After that, I’ll be helping out around the place. There are trees to trim.”

“Uh, correct me I’m wrong,” said Rainbow, “But won’t that be a problem? You can’t exactly buck the tree.”

‘There’s more than one way to get things done.” said Excolotis, eating the egg on his fork.

“Fine, be that way.” snorted Rainbow, “Anyway, we’re going up to see Applejack later today, will you be coming with?”

“Time allowing.” replied Excolotis, scooping the final eggs into his mouth.

He stood, slipping his helm onto his head, and knocked on the door, waiting patiently until Granny Smith took the cooking tray from his hands and went inside.

“So, that’s it?” said Rainbow, “Do work, help out, and ignore Applejack?”

“Rainbow Dash,” said Excolotis, “I am not ignoring her. I am simply trying to make sure that she doesn’t have to rush around and tidy up because she was out for a few days.”

Rainbow scooted back; there was something in his words that sent signals to her brain that made it certain that continuing on that path would be a very bad idea. “I’m sorry,” she said, “I just... feel a bit pent up.”

Excolotis breathed slowly, “That’s fine,” he said, “It can be frustrating to be unable to do anything.”

“Yeah,” Rainbow said, “It sucks.”

Excolotis waited.

“I mean,” Rainbow said, “I can move faster than sound, but I can’t even save my friends. Some Element of Loyalty I turned out to be.”

“Sometimes,” said Excolotis, “Violence can be the very thing you’re not supposed to do. I learned that the hard way. Still, at least it won’t be happening again.”

“Yeah, yeah.” said Rainbow, “I guess you’ll be working for most of today.”

“Yes.” said Excolotis, “I’ve never done farming before. I am... not entirely certain about the idea of doing something like this though, so we’ll just wait and see.”

Granny Smith opened the front door and stepped out onto her porch, “Hey ther’ Rainbow Dash,” she said, “What’re you doin’ here?”

“Ah, hello Miss Smith,” said Rainbow, “I’m just chatting with Excolotis here, y’know?”

“Yes well, don’t be keepin’ him too long,” said Granny Smith, “Ah’ll be needn’ him for th’ harvestin’.”

“Don’t worry, Miss Smith,” said Rainbow, “I won’t be keeping him for long, just having a chat.”

“Good, ‘cause we’re getting started.”

“This here is the apple,” said Granny Smith, holding up a yellow Golden Delicious, “This is a fine example of an apple. You will not even think of touching them.”

“Of course, Mrs Smith.” said Excolotis.

Excolotis and Granny smith stood in the middle of the orchard. Granny Smith had found her old straw hat and had plonked it on top of her head. She trotted over to a long pole with some sort of serrated blade on the end. She flicked up the end with her hoof and let it rest against her shoulder like a soldier’s pike.

“This is a Long Saw,” she said, “We’re goin’ to be using it to do a bit of Raising on th’ apple trees.”

Excolotis looked at the small implement in Granny Smith’s hooves. He held out his hand and a Long Saw with a black metal handle appeared in his grasp. This one was sized to him, and more than a bit larger than Granny’s.

“Nice trick,” smiled Granny Smith, “But tha’s a bit large, so we’ll stick to this one.”

Excolotis nodded and let the Long Saw drop from his fingers. True to form, it dissipated in moments.

“Now, let me show you the cuts.” Granny Smith trotted over to an apple tree. The branches were thick and bushy, with heavy branches fanning around the bottom.  “This here is getting a bit large. If we don’t trim back the lower branches, the apples’ll grow where critters can get to ‘em. That’s a waste of time, energy, and money. If’n we trim ‘em back, the apples’ll grow up higher where we can rest easy knowin’ that they’ll be out of the reach of those gubbins.”

She set the saw down, and lifted up a set of Bypass Loppers. “First we gotta trim back th’ smaller branches; leaves and what not. One we’ve done that, we can get to th’ branches proper.”

She reached out, and with careful snips began to cut off the branches. She continued to trim until the branch itself was completely exposed. She then picked up the Long Saw and made a short notch at the base of the branch. “This here,” she said, “Is where we’ll be trimming off the branch.”

“Why not cut off the whole branch?” asked Excolotis, “If you leave it like that, there will be a buldge.”

“Good question,” said Granny Smith, “That’s ‘cause if we do that, the tree will be a bit more... ah, what’s th’ word... vulnerable. To disease and such.”

“Ah.”

Granny Smith sat as she watched Excolotis cut back the branches. It was strictly amateur work; Sometimes he’d cut a bit too far out, sometimes a bit closer than granny’s liking. More than once, Granny Smith had stopped Excolotis to show him where he should be cutting. “So dang proud,” she muttered, “Y’ain’t gonna ask me fer help. Stupid fool.”

“Um... Good morning, Mrs Smith,” Granny Smith looked over her shoulder.

“Why, Fluttershy,” she said, “What a pleasure to see you again.”

“Oh... uh, how are the chickens doing?” asked Fluttershy.

“They’re doin’ well,” said Granny, “That tonic you gave ‘em worked something fierce.”

“Good to hear... Uh...” Fluttershy rubbed her back legs together as she pondered how best to phrase her next sentence, “It’s... uh... Visiting hours at the hospital... I was wondering if you wanted to go see Applejack.”

“I’d like that,” Granny Smith turned, “Hey, Excolotis?” she shouted

“Yes?” he called back; carrying an arm full of branches and leaves.

“We’re goin’ up to th’ hospital!” Granny shouted, “Are y’ comin’ with!?”

“Sure,” called Excolotis, “I’ll just finish with this branch!”

“Ah, he’s a good soul,” smiled Granny, “A bit proud... but a good soul.”

“Yes,” agreed Fluttershy, “He is nice. Have you been having trouble with gophers lately?”

“No,” said Granny Smith, “It’s been clear sailing over here.”

“That’s strange,” said Fluttershy, “the road’s been all dug up... I thought that it was Gophers... but I guess I was wrong.”

Princess Luna moaned happily as she turned over in her warm bed. Sometimes, the feeling of cloth on your fur was a heavenly one. She stopped as her hoof bumped against something soft and yielding. She opened her eyes to look into a mismatched pair of eyes.

“Hi.” said Spider Script.

She swore and leapt out of bed as Spider Script laughed his head off at the Night Queen’s bluster.

“You... You...” she stammered.

“Ah ah ah,” said Spider Script, “Temper temper, I’m only having fun.”

“You STOLE!” Luna shouted, “Into MY SANCTUM! And you DARE TO TELL ME TO BE CALM!” Luna rose up from the floor as ethereal magic began to wisp around her; her eyes glowed white and a great wind began to blow the sheets from the bed.

“Why are you so angry, Princess,” said Spider Script, “I thought you liked a Stallion in your bed!”

“A STALLION IN MY BED!?” roared Luna, “I SHALL GIVE YOU A STALLION IN MY BED!”

“Oh, no thanks,” laughed Spider Script, “I prefer the Mares.”

“HOW DARE YOU-“

“What is happening here?” interrupted Celestia.

“THIS UPSTAR-“ began Luna, but she was interrupted by Celestia waving a hoof, “I am sorry, sister,” the magic wind died away, and Luna’s eyes returned to normal as she drifted back down onto the carpet, “this upstart has gone too far this time, he must be punished for his impudence and mischief!”

“What, exactly, did he do now?” asked Celestia.

“He snuck into my bed!” complained Luna.

“It was a joke!” said Spider Script “Can’t any of you take a gag?”

“Spider Script,” said Celestia, “I want you to go to the guest chambers and stay there until I come to deal with you.”

“Yes, your majesty.” Spider Script bowed low and trotted out of the room.

“Why does he listen to you and not me,” asked Luna, “If I ask him to do something he acts rude and aggravating.”

‘Because,” said Celestia, “Spider Script respects me. And he knows next to nothing about you.”

“He still stole into my chambers,” said Luna, “I want him to be punished for that.”

“And he will,” said Celestia, “but what you need to understand is this: Spider is like a child; a hyperactive attention whore of a child on a sugar high, but a child never the less.”

“So you... won’t punish him then?” asked Luna, confused by her sister’s choice of words.

“Oh he will still be punished,” said Celestia, “He will spend a day in the holding cells for this, but you must understand that he does like you.”

“He has an unusual method of showing it,” said Luna, sitting on her bed.

“If Spider didn’t like you,” said Celestia, opting to stand, “He would have nothing to show to you, except for barely restrained hatred. What was he like when you first met?”

“Rude, aggravating, crude,” said Luna, “He asked if ‘eating me out’ would make me pleased. He actually had barely restrained hatred for me, though I have begun to think that it was preferable to this. To be honest, I have entertained the idea of simply having him thrown out the castle; however, I am aware that you want him for your current efforts.”

“Yes, well,” said Celestia, “Spider is a moral vacuum and he’s completely disgusting, but he’s a loyal and a true friend. And his rants are something to be heard. He can be very amusing once you get to know him. Anyway, if he hated you he’d still be talking to you like that; this is how he tries to make friends.”

“Why would I want to be his friend?” asked Luna, “He is a braggart; cruel, and evil.”

“Trust me,” said Celestia, “You’ll get on like a house on fire.”

“Yes,” smiled Luna, “with flames and ponies running for their lives.”

Celestia gave her a Look, “Don’t be so literal minded, Luna.”

Applejack prodded at the daisy and lettuce sandwich on the bed table across her legs. Her jaw was no longer bandaged, though there were bald patches where the fur had yet to grow in. True to the nurse’s prediction, Applejack had been wheeled in for magical surgery that morning and they had fused her jawbone back together. They’d even replaced the teeth that the griffins had knocked out.

She had asked if she could keep the frame they’d put in to keep her jaw together, but they had told her that they needed it back. Applejack still wasn’t certain if she liked the ramifications of that. How many other ponies had those metal bolts twisted into their flesh? She shuddered to think about it; hospitals still creeped her out.

Applejack looked up as her friends trotted into the room. Except for Fluttershy, she just walked. Leaning down and under the door frame Excolotis squeezed into the room, yet even when he was through the door he had to crouch to avoid banging his head on the ceiling. Applejack smiled inwardly as he twisted to fit his bulk into the room without knocking down ponies or furniture, yet still leave enough room for him..

“Hi, Applejack,” said Twilight, “How are you doing?”

“Hey, girls,” said Applejack, “Ah’m doin’ better. They recon Ah should be out in a few days.”

“Oh, good heavens,” said Rarity, “What ever happened to you fur? It’s... well it’s got holes in it!”

“Oh, this?” said Applejack, “It’s where they put in th’ screws fer m’ jaw.”

“Screws?” gasped Rainbow, “Why would they put screws into your jaw?”

“To hold it together,” said Fluttershy; as one, the heads of every pony in the room turned to stare at Fluttershy. “Um... Yes?”

“How do you know that?” asked Rainbow.

“Um, well...” said Fluttershy, “I am a state paid wildlife ranger. I have the education; the certificates... even basic surgery skills.”

“Wait,” said Twilight, “You can perform surgery?”

“Well,” said Fluttershy, “It’s nothing big... I mean, sometimes I have to clean out a wound because it got infected and it’s begun to rot... or... or a leg might be shattered and I have to re set it... um...”

Fluttershy mewed and hid behind her mane at the curious (and slightly horrified) stares of her friends.

“Uh, sugar cube,” said Applejack, “Since when could you do that?”

“Um...” said Fluttershy, “its part of my... job...”

“Okay,” said Rainbow, “Fluttershy is actually pretty awesome. Did not see that coming.”

“Oh! Uh... Excolotis,” said Fluttershy, “That... uh... shipment... came today, so I won’t need your help.”

“That’s good.” said Excolotis.

“So, uh, don’t mean to be rude or nothin’” said Applejack, “But what about the farm?”

“Ah, don’t’chu worry ‘bout that,” said Granny Smith, “Excolotis here is helpin’ out. He’s not you though, so get well soon, y’hear?”

“Wait, Excolotis,” said Applejack, “God of War, Excolotis? Is a farmer?”

“He’s the god of...” stammered Granny, she wheeled around (Leaving a scuff mark on the floor. The cleaner complained about that) and dropped to one knee, “O’ Milord,” she said, “Please f’rgive me, I didn’t treat you with th’ respect you deserve!”

Excolotis stared at Granny, “Rise, Miss Smith, my name brings no honour.” he said “You are a better soul than I.”

The girls felt their knees twitch. The Royal Canterlot Voice made them kneel in terror and subservience, but this made them feel... hopeful. It echoed like the voice of a kindly father, one with infinite wisdom and understanding. ‘It’s very similar to Celestia’s voice, come to think of it;’ mused Twilight, ‘noble and powerful.’ Twilight blinked as she realised that this actually was something like the Royal Canterlot Voice. It was manipulative and echoing, reaching down into the heart and pulling on its strings.

“An’ the whole... farmin’ thing...” said Granny Smith, slowly and stiffly getting to her hooves.

“... I have no anger in my heart.” said Excolotis, “Though some may feel that I have been dishonoured, in truth I felt welcome. My assistance was given freely, and no shame shall be placed upon you.”

“Ah, well now,” Granny Smith nervously chuckled, “Tha’s a relief.”

“Yeah, well,” said Rainbow, “How much longer are you gonna be in here, Applejack?”

“Th’ nurse said I’ll be in here for a few more days,” said Applejack, “So I hope you can handle life on th’ farm for a few more days.”

“Hah,” laughed Excolotis, “I think that I can.”

“Don’t start laughin’ yet,” said Granny Smith, “You’ve yet to muck out the pig pens.”

“Oh! Oh!” said Pinkie Pie, “Is that some sort of training where you try to teach some important lesson? Like co-ordinating hand and eye!? Or is it to teach him obedience!? Or to bring home the importance of humility and the necessity of small tasks!? Is it to teach him that even great individuals must start at the bottom!? Or is it,” smirked Pinkie, “because you’re tired of being knee deep in pig crap?”

“Pinkie,” gasped Rarity as Rainbow cackled like a mad mare, “You shouldn’t say that!”

“I’m sorry,” said Pinkie, “Should I have said ‘pig shit’ instead?”

Rarity’s face settled through expressions as Fluttershy thumped a choking Rainbow on her back. It started at blank surprise, flickered briefly towards annoyance, stopped for a drink at amusement, before settling down and buying a house on recognizance. This was Pinkie Pie after all.

“It’s just that it’s rude, darling.” said Rarity, “You shouldn’t say that.”

“That was wrong, Pinkie.” said Twilight, “Funny, but wrong.”

“How dare you speak like that before an old mare?” asked Granny Smith. Pinkie looked down at her hooves and began to mutter apologies, before Granny Smith laughed.

“Ah’m just havin’ you on,” she laughed, “Ah am tired of being knee deep in pig crap! Applejack here would’ve cleaned out the pens today, but well...”

“Oh, sure,” smiled Applejack, “Ah’ll just head on back and waggle mah back legs in the air with the rake in my teeth, shouting ‘Help, help, Ah’ve fallen and Ah can’t get up!’ when I fall over ‘cause my legs aren’t healed yet.”

“On the plus side you’ll land on something soft,” said Pinkie, “On the downside, you’ll land on something soft!”

“Hehahahaaah!” coughed Applejack, “Ah, It hurts to laugh. Hahaha, ow...”

“Ah,” sighed Granny Smith, “It’s a pleasure to see you, sugar cube,” said Granny Smith, “But th’ day’s getting on, and Ah wanna see how Big Macintosh is gettin’ on. Get well, dear.”

“Happy trails,” beamed Applejack as Granny Smith went out the door, Excolotis pulled gently behind by the front of his cloak.

It was later that day when Twilight stepped into her front door, frowning as she thought of her next move. “Spike!” she yelled.

“Yes, Twilight?” said Spike as he trotted down the stairs, jumping down from one to the other, “You want to write a letter?”

“Yes,” said Twilight, “I think it’s time we left for Canterlot.”

Ever since the Changeling incident Celestia had become rather more paranoid about Twilight and her friends, often requiring notification in advance whenever they made plans to head elsewhere. Twilight could swear that they were being watched as well, but rather than making her nervous she felt safer somehow. Probably having something to do with the idea of having guards watching you to make sure you were safe.

Never the less, she quickly penned a letter detailing her plans. She wanted to leave for Canterlot within the day, hopefully in an hour. She quickly jotted down the letter on the fine parchment, sealing it with a dollop of yellow wax. She palmed it off to spike who quickly engulfed it in green flame.

Strangely enough, the response was almost instantaneous, and Twilight browsed over it quickly.

“What’s it say?” asked Spike, “Is there something wrong?”

“No Spike,” said Twilight, ‘It’s just that... Celestia wants me to bring Excolotis with me, and wants to see us both.”

“What?” gasped Spike, “Why would she want that?”

“I don’t know,” said Twilight, “But if the princess orders it...”

“I don’t get it,” said Spike, “Celestia almost never responds to these other than to say that she got our message.”

“Well,” said Twilight, “Excolotis is obviously pretty big. Literally and figuratively. Celestia probably wants to get him settled in as quickly as possible.”

“But why not do that here?” asked Spike.

“I don’t know Spike,” said Twilight, “And we won’t know until we get there. Get the bags, I’ll go and get Excolotis.”

Spike shook his head as Twilight shut the door behind her, “I just knew he’d be trouble.” he said.

Twilight stepped out of her front door, and almost ran straight into Fluttershy.

“Oh!” squeaked Fluttershy, “I’m sorry… I should’ve been watching where I was going…”

“Fluttershy,” said Twilight, “It’s alright. Now, I’m in a bit of a hurry, but I need to know what you’re doing here.”

“Oh, um well,” Fluttershy reached into her saddle bags and pulled out a lump tightly wrapped in greyish white paper, “The… uh… shipment came today, so here’s the… things for… well…”

“Oh!” Twilight hurriedly ran into her house/library with the bag, and came back out with a hand full of bits, “Right, thank you, I’ve been running a bit low on… mice…”

“Oh it’s no worry,” said Fluttershy, “Just make sure Owliscious only gets one or two a day.”

“Oh, um, Fluttershy,” said Twilight, “Excolotis and I will be gone for a few days, alright? Mind telling the girls?”

“I’m happy to help,” said Fluttershy, but as soon as she said that, Twilight was already out of the door and barrelling down the street, luggage floating behind and leaving an irritated Spike behind in the door, holding the paper package in his claws.

‘Sometimes,” admitted Spike, “I think I’ll never understand her.” He shook his head and went back inside.

Twilight was trotting along the road when she felt her hoof sink into the dirt. She looked down and saw that someone had dug up part of the road. She blinked. Why had someone done that? She pawed at the hole for a few moments, bringing up clods of loose dirt as she tried to figure out who had been digging into the packed earth.

Whoever had done it had used a flat blade, she could tell that much. The sides of the hole, though not even, were certainly straight and cleanly cut. She went back and pawed at the loose dirt, determined to get to the bottom of the mystery before her.

She paused when she saw the brown stains beneath the dirt. She sniffed at it, and noted the smell. ‘Like hot Iron’ she thought, ‘but what leaves a smell like that?’ She frowned at yet another mystery, but decided to get on with things. Perhaps someone else would know what the brown stain was.

Twilight found Excolotis in the orchards, plucking apples from the trees and putting them into baskets by his feet. Lounging in the shade sat Granny Smith, sipping a drink as Excolotis worked.

“Hey Mrs Smith,” said Twilight, setting the luggage next to the Apple family matriarch, “How is he doing?”

“Well,” said Granny, “He’s not what Ah’d call perfect. He’s not very fast, and it takes him ah while to get at th’ apples, but he’s workin’ steadily. Give me Applejack or Big Mac’ any day of th’ week.”

“Hmm.” said Twilight, “Well, I’m sorry to take him from you, but Celestia wants me to take him to Canterlot.”

“Ah well,” said Granny, “It’s ah shame to let him go, but if he’s needed, he’s needed, and there ain’t a thing we can do ‘bout that, is there?”

“Not really,” agreed Twilight, “Hey, Excolotis!?”

“Yes Twilight,” Excolotis called, “What do you need?”

“The princess wants to see you,” shouted Twilight, “Could you finish up so that we can get a move on?”

Excolotis nodded, and bent down to the basket at his feet. He picked them up and put them on a cart. “Walk with me.” he said.

“Now then” he said when Twilight trotted up next to him, “Mind telling me what those friendship reports you’ve been giving to Celestia are?”

“How did you know that?” asked Twilight, “Did Pinkie tell you?”

“I’m not that stupid, and Pinkie didn’t tell me anything.” said Excolotis, “You’ve been saying a lot of things. Now, what are they?”

“Ah, well,” said Twilight, a nervous smile stretching across her face, “I was sent to Ponyville to study the magic of friendship by Celestia as my Post Graduate studies. And whenever I have something to report I send one off to her.”

“I see,” said Excolotis. He stood in front of the cart, facing away from it, and bent down, taking the handles in his hands and lifting them up.

“Now mind explaining what Rainbow Dash is doing as a Bearer of the Element of Loyalty?”

“How did you...” Twilight sighed, “She told you, didn’t she?”

“Not directly,” said Excolotis, “But you should watch what you say if you want to keep secrets from me.”

“I’m not keeping secrets from you,” blustered Twilight, “Were friends, right? Friends don’t keep secrets from each other!”

Excolotis looked at Twilight, then set off, cart in tow. “We are friends,” said Excolotis, “So do me that one favour and stop lying to me. Now what is Rainbow Dash doing as a bearer of the Element of Loyalty?”

“Well,” said Twilight, “I’ll have to go back a bit... You see, a thousand years ago Luna became overcome with anger because she was being... well... ignored by her subjects. She became twisted by her bitterness and transformed into Nightmare Moon. She then tried to over throw Celestia and rule the realms. Celestia was then forced to banish Nightmare Moon to... well the moon until recently, when she escaped and defeated Celestia.”

“So we; Rarity, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, Applejack, Fluttershy  and myself set out to defeat Nightmare Moon and restore order. At first I had no idea what I was doing, heh, but then I managed to figure it out. We used the Elements to restore Nightmare Moon back into her ordinary self and Celestia took Luna back to Canterlot and... well... things have been going pretty fine since then.”

“Luna...” mused Excolotis, “Well; Luna always did hate being ignored. How long did it take for her to become like that?”

“I don’t know,” admitted Twilight, “But some have said that it must of have been something external. You don’t just turn into a monster like that over night. A mouse doesn’t become a snake just like that.”

“Right,” said Excolotis, “And now... what does Celestia want with me?”

“How did...” Twilight said, setting off after Excolotis, “You heard didn’t you?”

“Yes,” frowned Excolotis, “I did. You told me; not five minutes ago. Now I’ll ask again, what does Celestia want with me?”

“I’m... not sure,” admitted Twilight, “all I know is that Celestia told me to bring you with me when I went to Canterlot.”

“And where is Canterlot?” asked Excolotis, “It did not exist back when I was around, in case you’ve forgotten.”

“Do you see the mountain?” asked Twilight.

“Yes?”

“And do you see the small white castle on the side?”

“Yes?”

“That is Canterlot.”

Excolotis nodded, “That is a day’s forced march from here, what time do we leave?”

“Well,” said Twilight “Is there anything you want to pack?”

“I have everything I need on my back, apart from the clothes that Rarity made.”

“Ah, good,” said Twilight, “So just put the cart down in the barn and we’ll be off. But we aren’t walking.”

“If we aren’t walking,” said Excolotis, “How are we getting there?”

“What in Tartarus is that!?” shouted Excolotis above the whistle.

Twilight waited for the whistle to die away, “It’s a train,” she said calmly, giving her luggage to “And it’s how were getting to Canterlot.”

“What’s a train!?” asked Excolotis. He bent down and picked up the sack with his business casual outfit.

“That’s a train,” said Twilight, pointing to the metal steam engine and carriages, “It’s a steam operated engine that uses rapidly shifting pressures to give rotary power to the wheels. We’ll be in the wooden carriages there.”

“Hm, so why are still here?” asked Excolotis.

“Because we need to buy tickets,” said Twilight, “We don’t own the train, so we must pay for the right to use the train. The tickets show that we have paid for the right to use said train.”

“Okay then,” said Excolotis, “So where do we get the tickets?”

“Over here.”

“So what do you think of the train Excolotis?” asked Twilight, “Having fun?”

“This is an amazing device!” said Excolotis, gauntleted hands steadying him against the swaying of the train as he stared out the window, “A steel engine with the strength of a thousand stallions that never tires or needs rest! Just give it the fuel and it will go forever and a day!”

“Pretty amazing when you put it like that,” smiled Twilight.

“And the applications!” beamed Excolotis, “Thousands of soldiers moved from one city to another in but hours instead of days; fresh and ready for war. No tired, smelly stallions and mares weary from a long march! Or you could move food, or weapons or other supplies! This changes everything!”

“Heh,” Twilight giggled nervously, “I guess it does...”

“Oh, don’t mind me;” said Excolotis, “I’m just a bit excited about all this.”

The train compartment was just large enough for Excolotis to stand without having to lean down. He had taken the opportunity to stretch out on one of the lounges, which he used as a sort of chair when he was not moving around the train swaying drunkenly as it rattled back and forth.

His eyes sparkled with excitement and his mouth was curved in a permanent smile, showing his sharp teeth as he laughed as the train gave a sudden lurch. His helm was tied to his belt by a leather hoop, allowing him to move about and freely use both his hands.

Excolotis began to sing softly as he stared through the window.

“Here, at the edge, I wonder... Here, at this place... I ponder. The edge, of my mighty sword, will flash; fallen my axe, helmets smashed!”

“Glory, and fame! Blood, is my name! Soul, full of thunder, heart of steel! Killer of mares, a warrior’s friend; sworn, to avenge my fallen brothers, to the end!”

“Excolotis,” Twilight frowned, “Surely you know more songs than bloody ones.”

“Not really...” Excolotis admitted.

“Uh...” Twilight thought for a moment, “Want to play a game to pass the time?”

“What game?”

“Is it an animal?” asked Twilight.

“Yes.”

“Is it... furry?”

“No...”

“Does it... have feathers?

“Nope.”

“So it’s reptilian...”

“Yes.”

“That wasn’t a question!” protested Twilight, “Can we ignore that?”

“No. You have fifteen questions left...”

“What? We’re counting that?”

“Yes. Fourteen.”

“Oh, come on!? Is that fair!?”

“No. Thirteen and counting...”

Twilight glared at Excolotis, whose face was split by a massive grin.

“You’re enjoying this, aren’t you?”

“Yes. Twelve questions left.”

“Gah!”

“I spy... with my little eye... something starting with W.”

Excolotis glanced around the train carriage, “Is it... a window?”

“No.”

“Hmm.” Excolotis rubbed the back of his neck as he looked at Twilight. “Wind?”

“You can’t see wind,” said Twilight, “Only its effects, so it doesn’t count.”

Excolotis tapped the wooden banister as he thought. “Windmill?”

“What?” said Twilight, “Where’s the windmill?”

“Over there,” pointed Excolotis, “You can see it from here.”

“Oh, yeah...”

Eventually, the train pulled into the station with a gentle hiss. The train platform itself was a rather simplistic affair carved from white stone, in and of itself simply large stone slabs set up so that the train could pull in and deposit its passengers. Few, if any ponies were at the station, partly because the train itself only went from backwater to backwater, partly because it wasn’t the busy times, but mostly because of pony kind’s natural dislike for travelling.

For the most part, ponies tended to stay where they were born, entire towns setting up and growing slightly until they merged with other nearby towns. Travel throughout the realms was rare, with very few deciding to leave their home towns. It was actually starting to reach the point where ponies from settlements literally less than a week’s travel were starting to develop marked physical characteristics. It also meant that segregation was distressingly common, with nearly most of Canterlot being populated with Unicorns.

Celestia herself was trying to get the population to mix up to avoid the three pony types splitting into breeds, but inevitably, the inherent xenophobic nature of pony kind made that next to impossible. Still, assigning the more tolerant ponies to postings helped tremendously.

Yet despite all this it was inevitable that racism was still relevant, especially amongst the upper echelons. Many of Canterlot didn’t even acknowledge or even care that there was an outside world. Many of them simply thought that food and other products turned up out of the blue, but the population of one point two million had to be fed. Had to be clothed. Had to be entertained.

Every day, carts of goods came in from the freight trains. Nearly a hundred cart loads of eggs came into the city every day. Hundreds of tonnes of apples and apple products were eaten by the city. Hundreds of thousands of cows gave milk for the city, entire legions worked for the city without even seeing it, except in the distance; forests were cut down for the city, and carts and wagons and trains and carriages of goods, of hay, of flour, of clay, of metal every minute of every hour of every damn day...

Canterlot wasn’t a city, it was a process; a vast, swollen thing that would never be sated, couldn’t be sated, that sat on the map and twisted the land around it for hundreds of miles, and only a few grasped just what that actually meant. This was the city. And it just doesn’t exist because you think it does. A lot of work went into it. And while it worked, no one cared.

Disposal was a problem too. Consider the ponies. Do the Math. A pony craps twice a day, disposing of roughly three and a half cups of faecal matter per day. Three point five times one million equals three point five million cups of shit every day, and it has to go somewhere. You probably can’t imagine just how much that is, so here’s a nice visual reminder. Imagine a soccer pitch. Now stack bricks of pony crap about knee high. That is how much shit is crapped out every day. Now imagine a week’s worth; a month’s worth.

Has to go somewhere, right?

And this was the second thing about Canterlot, something that wasn’t in the brochures (Or wouldn’t be if Equestria actually had tourism) and most certainly wasn’t something that was well known. Canterlot wasn’t built on the side of a mountain; Canterlot was built into the mountain.

Behind about two feet of rock lay chambers and caverns hollowed out by ponies to make room for warehouses, vast vats of fresh drinking water drained from above the mountain, and sewerage treatment plants. The other problem was that Canterlot simply didn’t get the water it needed from rainfall. While most towns relied on rivers Canterlot didn’t have any such thing, so the sewerage treatment plants helped to keep the ponies watered.

Vast magical vats the size of swimming pools stirred and steamed under the cold light of electricity, taking fresh drinking water from the stinking mess that was the result of a million ponies living in one cramped space and pumping it back into the fresh water tanks.

Of course, all of this was lost upon most, and it was certainly lost upon Twilight. But Excolotis was never one to stop thinking. He knew what it meant to feed an army, and that intellect and genius for logistics had been repurposed by Celestia nearly four thousand years ago towards running a city and making sure that the populace was kept fed, watered, housed, and clothed.

This probably went a long way to explaining why Excolotis wandered after Twilight in a sort of haze, sack over his shoulder.

“Are you okay?” asked Twilight, “You’re kind of quiet.”

“Hm?” Excolotis turned from gaping at the boulevards and tall buildings to look at Twilight, “Ah, no I’m just lost in thought.”

Behind the two, a fair number of Ponies had decided to follow Excolotis and Twilight. Never the less, though he got a lot of stares there wasn’t any panic as of yet. While ponies got out of his way as he walked past, and he did get a few ponies running away and families holding on to their children a bit more closely, yet they didn’t really react too badly all things considered.

As Twilight walked along, Excolotis began to look up and down the street, frowning as he looked around.

“What’s wrong?” asked Twilight, “Are the ponies bothering you?”

“It’s this place,” said Excolotis, “It makes me uneasy.”

“Okay...” said Twilight “How so?”

“It’s... open...” Excolotis explained, “The roads are arranged on a grid. The roads themselves are wide and straight, only gently curving in some areas. The buildings are high up, which will play merry hell with acoustics. It will also be impossible to mount any sort of co-ordinated defence, though an attack will be rather easy to pull off. “

“The high buildings are solid, but that’ll just funnel any sort of area of attack along the main streets. It will also act as a funnel for defensive troops which will definitely hinder any sort of movement, and while that means that a few high powered unicorns could hold a location, it works both ways. I’d simply use a flame based attack, probably in the form of vast gouts of fire, and that’d clear these streets as easy as anything.”

“The buildings themselves are arranged in a tier formation, with many houses simply stacked upon others. Give me five unicorns talented in demolitions and I could probably level half of the city in less than an hour.”

“All in all,” Excolotis said, “this place is almost impossible to hold against a determined attacker. He who owns the skies owns the city, simple as that.”

“Okay...” said Twilight, “It’s not like I wanted to sleep tonight.”

“Sorry,” Excolotis said uncertainly, “I just know this sort of thing. So... yeah, this is just a simple glance and I can tell all that already… Sorry.”

In time, they came up to Castle Canterlot itself. The front drawbridge sat over a moat, a ditch dug about several feet deep and shored up on one end by the stone wall. The wall itself was a solid chunk, yet it and of itself was built over a flattened patch of earth. It was obvious that magic had gone into the construction of the building.

The castle had fluted towers, banners flying from the smooth white marble. Each inch of the building was sparkling as if it was coated with a magical aura, so well polished was the stone. As Excolotis took small steps to stay next to Twilight, the guard straightened up perceptibly, grasping the shafts of their spears even more closely. Excolotis stared at them for a long moment before hurrying after his purple guide.

“Things have changed,” he said.

The inside of the walls were even more amazing, open gardens and immaculate lawns stretching across. White stone pathways crisscrossed in a circular pattern with spokes connecting them all. Upon the grass grew the occasional sculpted fir tree with ponies lounging under a few, some eating their lunch.

As Twilight led Excolotis through the gardens a tawny stallion approached. Unlike most he did not pause in his steps as he approached. As he got closer Twilight could see that he had blue eyes and his hair was a deeper brown. His Cutie Mark was that of a folder.

“Lady Twilight,” he said “would you be so kind as to come with me?”

“Where will you take us?” asked Excolotis.

“Her Majesty Princess Celestia has instructed that I bring you to her study,” the stallion said, “Any further questions must wait. I am not authorised to talk to you, other than to tell you to follow me, where we are going, my name, and that I am not allowed to talk to you.”

“Uhm,” said Twilight, “So what is your name?”

“My name is Brown File,” he said. Brown File rotated upon one hoof in an act of grace that would of have made Rarity swoon and set off towards the main gates. Twilight shrugged and set off, Excolotis following a bit more slowly, his head turning left and right.

Rainbow Dash sped along to Fluttershy’s house. After having checked the farm and Twilight’s house slash library she had flown into a panic. Where was Twilight? Where was Excolotis? She didn’t know, but Rainbow Dash vowed that she’d find out. She dived hard as she flew directly over Fluttershy’s house, heading down on a landing right onto her lawn.

“Hey, Fluttershy?” Rainbow Dash landed on the ground with a small thud, “Y’home?”

There was no answer.

“Fluttershy?” called Rainbow, edging around the tree house. She snapped her head at the sound of a wooden thunk, and began to trot in the direction of the sound. “Fluttershy?”

Moving her way across the lawn she came up to a wooden shed with a single narrow window, set high up in the wall. Again, she heard a loud thunk, followed by a series of slower wooden thumps. Rainbow dash opened the door, and froze.

Fluttershy stood on her hind legs in front of a bench, her wings held out behind her to keep her steady. In one hoof she held a long knife, a loop of fabric keeping the knife secured in her grip. In front of her lay a pig’s corpse, probably no older than three or four years. Knife in hoof, Fluttershy quickly slashed around the pig’s neck in quick sawing motions. She flipped the pig, and quickly sliced up the other side of the neck, before twisting the head a full one hundred and eighty degrees.

Rainbow Dash went green.

With a quick flash of her knife Fluttershy sliced between the vertebrae in the pig’s neck, and then pushed the head to one side; in less than a minute she had decapitated the pig. That was all too much for Rainbow, and she emptied her stomach on the floor.

Fluttershy turned as she heard the splashing noise and squeaked, “R-Rainbow!?”

Rainbow Dash staggered out of the wooden shed, her stomach heaving as she tried to process what she had seen.

“Rainbow!?” Fluttershy ran out of the shed, knife gone and worry and fear across her face, “Rainbow, wait!’

“I’m fine!” said Rainbow, waving a hoof as she heaved again, “Just... just give me a moment...”

Rainbow swallowed, and turned to face Fluttershy, “What was that I saw in there?”

"Well... um...” Fluttershy fidgeted, “That was... um... do you remember the shipment that I talked about...?”

“Yeah?” Rainbow said, sitting down and taking deep breaths.

“Well... Um... I have to feed the animals...” Fluttershy flinched, “But not all of them are herbivores or omnivores...”

“Oh, Celestia no...”

“So... So... so...” stammered Fluttershy, staring at a patch of dirt in front of her, “So the... the Resources Department sends out these... boars... which are... relatives of pigs...”

“Hoo...”

“And... and then I cut them up in... in my shed...” Fluttershy looked at her hooves, “So... so I... I can f... feed the bears and... and the...”

“Okay then!” shouted Rainbow, her eyes open far too wide and a thin lipped smile on her face, “I think I get the picture! SO! Have you seen Twilight!?”

“Oh... um...” Fluttershy sighed, relived that the conversation had steered away from her shed, “She’s gone to Canterlot. With Excolotis. To see the princess.”

“Okay! Yeah! Great!’ said Rainbow, “I’m going to go see Tank! Let’s talk about this NEVER!”

Rainbow Dash sped off at her full speed, leaving Fluttershy standing in her back yard. “Ooh, I hope you don’t hate me, Rainbow Dash,” she whispered, “Please don’t be mad.”

Filthy Rich walked from stall to stall, basket in his mouth. He sniffed at a pallet of tomatoes, rolling them in his hooves as he looked for the ripe ones. Reaching into his saddlebags, he took out his purse and counted out a half dozen coins to give to the stall keeper.

Taking the tomatoes in his basket, he trotted over to a bench to sit and rest his hooves.

“Mind if I sit here?”

Filthy Rich groaned as Horsefly heaved his bulk onto the bench. “I’ve been thinking about my weight.” said Horsefly, “It’s getting a bit out of control, hm? I’m thinking of getting some more exercise.”

“It is getting a bit much.” admitted Filthy, ‘any fatter and you’ll be rolling to work.’ He added in the privacy of his mind.

“I must admit, I’m a bit worried,” said Horsefly, “Some of my workers haven’t shown up today. I do hope that haven’t done anything stupid, but you know griffins.”

“Yeah.” said Filthy, taking a sudden interest in the bush next to him, “Seen Blueblood recently?”

“Funny thing,” said Horsefly, “But the rumour on the grape vine is that he’s going to be entertaining Excolotis.”

“Ah?” Filthy’s ears perked as he turned to face Horsefly, “He’s travelling to Canterlot?”

“Well, you didn’t hear it from me,” said Horsefly, “but apparently, Celestia’s lost faith in her guards.”

“Hmm.”

“Oh, by the way,” said Horsefly, “Why are you here? I thought you had servants for this sort of thing.”

“Well,” said Filthy, “This is how my Pa did it, and this is how I do it, and it’s worked out pretty well so far. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it as my Pa used to say.”

“Yes, well, you new money chaps have always been like that,” said Horsefly, “That’s just not how it’s done, hm? That’s what commoners are for.”

“Yes, well,” Filthy turned away, “I suppose I see things differently.”

“You must know your place,” said Horsefly, waving his hoof for emphasis, “You’re better than them; you’re above them. They are the servant, and you are the master.”

Filthy grunted, “I’ll take that under advisement.”

“Well,” said Horsefly, “Listen to your betters and all that, cheerio.”

Horsefly slid off the sagging bench and slowly walked down the street. When he was halfway, Filthy could see him actively sweating.

Filthy waited until Horsefly was gone. “That evil little shit...” He cursed, “Old money? You are the master? What a fat piece of crap!”

Celestia sat at her desk, and stared at the metal orbs in front of her. There were seven in total, each made from polished steel and strung up by a length of plastic to a metal frame in a straight line. She tapped her forehoof upon her desk impatiently, and took one of the balls in her telekinetic grip.

Clack... Clack...

In a perfect display of physics, the steel orb crashed into its brothers, sending another flying as the force was sent along the group. It was strangely hypnotic, and Celestia found herself staring; her mind slipping away with the steady clack... clack... clack... of the strange toy.

Her back began to ache again, her hind legs beginning to give their little twinges of pain as her painkillers began to wear off.

‘Not now.’ Celestia thought, reaching into her desk drawer and pulling out a white bottle in a golden glow. She popped the lid and lifted out two pills, quickly biting down on them and scowling at the bitter taste.

She jumped when a hoof politely knocked on her door, making her drop the bottle on the thick red carpet. The sun goddess cursed and quickly scooped as many pills as she could find into the bottle, before jamming on the lid and dropping the little plastic container back into its drawer. Celestia cleared her throat and straightened slightly, gently shutting the desk.

“Come in.” she said.

The door opened, and in trotted Twilight, Excolotis bending at the waist to fit through the door. Celestia sighed inwardly as he stooped to avoid banging his head upon the ceiling; even with the extra room afforded by the architechure, he still ran the risk of banging his head on any low hanging fixtures. She kept her face neutral as she noted that he was still wearing his full plate. By now she had hoped that Excolotis would of have seen fit to remove it. But then again, Excolotis never did feel safe without it.

“How are you doing, Excolotis?” she asked.

“Not as well as I would of have liked.” He said, “But then again, I suppose that the day could of have been worse.”

“And how are you, Twilight?” Celestia said, turning towards the purple unicorn, “I trust that you didn’t have too much trouble.”

“The... Incident at the barn was... unpleasant.” Admitted Twilight, “but I’ve gotten over that by now.”

“I’m sure that you both have questions,” said Celestia,” but I’m afraid that they will have to wait; we don’t have a lot of time. Excolotis, I need you to head straight to the barracks. Once there, speak to the captain of the Guard. His name is Shining Armour. I want you to bring yourself up to speed, and I also give you my authority to perform an inspection of the Guard; I expect a report upon them later this evening. Twilight, walk with me.”

Celestia rose from her chair, and began to walk out of the room, but stopped when an armoured arm was raised in front of her. “Celestia...” said Excolotis.

“...Excolotis...” Celestia looked up at Excolotis. The height difference was staggering, even at the tip of her horn, Celestia only just reached Excolotis’ belt. They stood there for a few seconds; the tension thickening around them.

“...Nothing.” Excolotis lowered his arm, “I want to speak to you later.”

“Very well...” said Celestia, “If you need a guide, speak to one of the guards. They’ll help you.”

Celestia left Excolotis in the study, sweeping Twilight up in her wake, and so they walked down the hall, leaving the War God alone. Excolotis moved to the desk, his footfalls muffled by the thick carpet. He looked at the clean surface of the desk, before kneeling down onto the floor. His gauntlet stretched out, and Excolotis plucked an oval stone from the floor. He held it up, and read the writing carved onto it.

“20mg Flupirtine...”

He put the oval stone in a fold of cloth, and quickly moved out into the hallway.

“Guard,” he said, “Take me to your Guard Captain. I would have words with him. And you can carry the sack.”