Random S**t

by Pixel brony

Rating: mature
Tags: Comedy, Random
Length: 974

Where I'll put my random as hell ideas

I need to write this stuff down before my brain explodes…

I will list characters at the top of each chapter. Or I won't.

And you bet your ass that the Mature tag we'll be earned maybe.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2013-04-22 18:20:02 UTC

The Talent Show

The show opens up with the words 'Equestrian Talent Show!' in big, bold, colorful letters. A upbeat song begins to play as an announcer begins to play.

"Hello, and welcome to Talent Show! The show where everyday ponies come on the stage to show off their talents to earn todays fabulous prize! What's the prize you ask? Why, 10,000 bits, of course! How is the winner decided? By our panel of secret judges of course! Today we are in a small town called Ponyville! Lets get right to it, and see what this town has to offer!"

The image changes to that of a stage with red curtains, and a single spot light shining down.

"First up! A first ever for the show! A dragon!"

A small reptile with green spikes on his back, and purple scales walks upright onto the stage.

"His name is Spike, and he works as an assistant to none other than, Twilight Sparkle! One of the Elements of Harmony! Lets see what the young dragon has to offer!"

The young dragon takes a scroll from behind his back.

"Umm... Hi." Spike says meekly. "M-m talent is that I can, um... send scrolls straight to Princess Celestia."

With a small inhale, Spike holds the scroll in front of his mouth, then exhaled a small gout of flame. The scroll was rapidly lit aflame, then turned to ash, and flew through the air on an unseen wind off screen.

"Well! That was... something! Its up to our judges to decide if it was a 10,000 bit something!"

Spike then walks off to the side of the stage. A few seconds later, a beige pony with a blue and pink mane and tail, walks into the center of the spotlight. A long brown box is resting on her back.

"Up next is earth pony Bon Bon! She is the towns candy maker, and from what I've been told, are the best in the area! I'll have to grab some for myself! Now! Lets see if her talent is as good as ponies claim her sweets to be!"

"Hello!" Bon Bon said sweetly, as she slid the box off her back. "I'll just cut to the chase..." She opened the box and pulls out a long, thick, light gree- the screen cuts a picture of a pony with a large smile on his muzzle, operating a large camera, with a bottle of liquor in hoof. The words 'Technical Difficulties' is in bold red text at the top, and classical music playing. After a few minutes, the stage reappears on the screen, with a pony in a janitor's uniform mopping the stage.

"L-lets cut to commercial... I need a drink..."

The screen cuts to black, and then a kitchen with two ponies comes on. A mare in an apron is washing dishes in the sink, and a colt with a baseball cap on is stirring a spoon through mushy cereal. The colt drops the spoon in the bowl, then turns his head to the side.

"De de-de deduh..." The colt says dejectedly.

The mare in the apron turns around with a box of cereal in her hoofs with the word ' Crispy POPS' written on the front.

"Dedut duit duhh!" she says happily while holding up the box.

"Dee du duh!?" The colt exclaims loudly.

The two begin to chatter incoherently. The mare walks over to the table and starts shaking the box, making the yellow balls inside the box rain down on the colt. The door to the side opens up, and a stallion in a milk-stallions suit walks in.

"Dehhhhhhh!" He exclaims loudly. "De duh de-fudah fuh?" He places a hoof on the colts head and tussles his cap, making the colt smile.

"I almusk de fudah de duh!" He says to the camera.

The screen cuts to a close up of the 'Crispy POPS' box. Drums begin to play, while a pair of scribble ponies bounce around in front of the box, making 'boing' sounds as the bounce. The screen goes black. When it come back, it shows a mare doing laundry in a laundry room. She pulls out a heap of clothing from a washer, and puts it in a basket off to the side. She then looks to the camera.

"Y'know, I used to hate doing laundry." She says in a tired voice. "That was until I fou-"

Suddenly, a manly scream is heard, and a jet sky crashes through a wall. Terry cruise is seen sitting on the jet ski with only a pair of black shorts on.

"WHOO! OLD SPICE ODOR BLOCKER BODY WASH CANNOT BE CONTAINED WITHIN ONE UNIVERSE!" He yells, then gets off the jet ski. "SO, IT RIPPED A HOLE IN THE MULTIVERSE, JUST SO I CAN APPEAR ON ALIEN TV!" He looks down at the quivering mare by the washer. "THERE IS NO NEED TO BE AFRAID! OLD SPICE ODOR BLOCKER BODY WASH MEANS YOU NO HARM! ALL IT WANTS IS TO SPREAD GOOD SMELLING MEN, EVERYWHERE!"

The screen cuts to close up of the body wash in Terry Cruise's hand.

"PO﻿ PO PO PO PO PO POWER!"

The screen the goes black again. After a few seconds, the 'Talent show' logo appears, with no upbeat music this time.

"Welp. We've been cancelled. Fuck all of you."

The screen goes to static, and then is turned off.

"Princess?"

"Yes, Twilight?"

"Please ban TVs."

"I was just about to go do that... right after I ravished you all night!"

"Oh! Princess! But I'm still a virgin!"

"Not for long, my faithful student."

"WAIT!"

"Princess Luna!?"

"Sister!?"

"I will help in the taking of Twilight Sparkles virginity!"

"Yes, sister! We shall ravish her together! Then, she will become an Alicorn! With a dick! And make us pregnant with said dick!"

"Huzzah!"