Tom Cruise from Oblivion was flying over the land in his white-ball thing. He was looking for drones that shot the evil stupid aliens from another planet that came to Earth to destroy all the humans. Now all the humans were in a spaceship to go to another planet and live there, so he had to fix the drones that shot the machines that the spaceship needed to go and settle the other planet with all the humans.
But Tom Cruise from Oblivion didn’t want to go to another planet because he liked Earth, even though it was all destroyed and things. The CN Tower had even fallen over and that was sad! It was the saddest, saddest thing of all the sad things that had happened since the aliens from another planet had invaded the Earth! That was sad! But I got to see the CN Tower in a movie intentionally and that rarely happens unless the film crew gets stupid and has the camera pointing in the wrong direction so it was all cool with me!
But Tom Cruise from Oblivion wanted to stay on Earth even though all the cities were buried because of the nuclear warheads the humans used to make the aliens go away. Even though the cities were buried under dirt he still found things that the Other Woman who lived in his giant sky tower house like something from the Jetsons didn’t like because she didn’t like things from Earth and she wanted to go on the spaceship to go to another planet with the other humans.
So Tom Cruise from Oblivion saw a drone and landed his white-ball thing and said, “Other woman! There is a drone here!”
And she said, “Be careful Tom Cruise from Oblivion! There are aliens around!”
And Tom Cruise from Oblivion landed his white-ball thing and got out with his gun. He said, “Don’t worry drone! Even though the aliens have shotted you, I will fix you so you can shot the aliens right back!”
The drone was happy! So Tom Cruise from Oblivion started to fix it. It was here that a team won a big game that made a lot of people happy, and Tom Cruise from Oblivion was sad to go to another planet where people wouldn’t play big games like the Superbowl and the Indianapolis 500 anymore, and that was sad.
But he spotted something! It was an alien! So he shot at it! It died!
“Ha ha ha,” Tom Cruise from Oblivion laughed. “That will show the evil aliens from another planet that they cannot blow up our moon and get away with it!”
He gave the drone a kiss and it sped off and started killing all the aliens that were trying to blow up the machines that made the energy for the spaceship to go to another planet with all the humans. He got in his white-ball thing to fly away when he noticed something.
There was something in the ruined library! It wasn’t an alien because it was reading a book!
“Other Woman! There are ponies here!”
“Hi! I am a pony! My name is Twilight Sparkle!”
“Holy macaroni,” Tom Cruise from Oblivion said, because this was a PG13 movie and he used up the only F-word he was allowed to say at the end of the movie when he told the giant alien artificial intelligence to go fuck itself. “You can talk!”
“Yes! I am here with all my friends and we are all ponies and we want to be your friend!”
Tom Cruise from Oblivion was stunned!
“Other Woman! There are ponies here that want to be our friends!”
Other Woman sniffed because she wanted to go to the other planet on the spaceship with the other humans even though Tom Cruise from Oblivion did things like bring plants and weird space women who fell from the sky home and yes that is a spoiler and maybe if you didn’t want to have the movie spoiled maybe you should have seen the movie before you read a fic called ‘Tom Cruise from Oblivion in Equestria’ now shouldn’t you.
“Sally, we are no longer an effective team,” Other Woman said.
Sally, who was the giant alien machine in the sky said, “I am sorry to hear that. Drones, kill Tom Cruise from Oblivion!”
So the drones came and tried to kill Tom Cruise from Oblivion and he said, “Drones! No! Don’t kill me! Why can’t you be like the ponies and try to be my friend!”
But the drones were all, “We want to kill you Tom Cruise from Oblivion! You are evil now!”
But Tom Cruise from Oblivion wasn’t evil, and he thought for a moment and had a profound thought about like human identity and stuff and it was deeper and more profound than in the movie even though the movie wasn’t that bad I give it like a B- and stuff because it was visually interesting and based on an original concept and a lot of movies are not like that these days because Hollywood executives are thick like that.
Twilight Sparkle said, “Quick Tom Cruise from Oblivion! We need to make our get away!”
And Tom Cruise from Oblivion was all, “Motherfucking yes, we need to make our get away!”
So Tom Cruise from Oblivion followed Twilight Sparkle into the ruins. And he saw ponies there! There was Applejack and Rainbow Dash and Rarity and Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie and all the other ponies! And they were friends with him!
Twilight Sparkle said, “Tom Cruise from Oblivion, you need to blow up the evil spaceship thing that the aliens brought over because the aliens are stealing all the things from Earth and all the other humans on Earth will die!”
Tom Cruise from Oblivion was all like, “Whoa!”
Twilight Sparkle smacked him. “Motherfucking yes whoa, now go blow up the damn spaceship! Bitch!”
So Tom Cruise from Oblivion was all, “Okay I will go blow up the spaceship!”
Tom Cruise from Oblivion got in his white-ball thing and went up in the sky to the alien spaceship. It was a giant triangle that Other Woman talked to a woman named Sally that lived on the spaceship asked all the time if they were an effective team. Tom Cruise from Oblivion brought in his spaceship into theirs and saw the inside of the Tet.
And he saw there were hundreds of clones of him and Other Woman! And he remembered how he and Other Woman were once astronauts who came over in a spaceship to see the giant triangle thing that was called the Tet for some reason and they were talking to humans at NASA instantaneously even though they were at Saturn and that wasn’t possible and completely distracted from the experience and that was bad because this is one of those small things that the movie did that really add up if you don’t catch them in time, and he and Other Woman were sucked into the Tet and he had to jettison the pods containing the rest of the crew and one of them was his wife! SPOILERS!
And he said: “All the ponies are my friends and Earth is my home and you are even alien computer and you made all the drones and things and this is getting too long to type, so I’m just going to tell you that you’re going to die!”
Tom Cruise from Oblivion closed his eyes and thought about his wife and his friendship with Twilight Sparkle, and Morgan Freeman who was there with him even though I forgot to mention him because I’m writing this to be funny and if you do that you detract from the whole experience I’m trying to provide, sat up, and he said, “Fuck you Sally.”
Tom Cruise from Oblivion blew up the alien spaceship!
All the ponies were happy that the Tet had been blown up except Twilight Sparkle but suddenly out of nowhere came Tom Cruise from Oblivion only this one was number 52 and that was a completely ridiculous thing because he was left tied up in the desert and what about all the other Tom Cruise from Oblivion and Other Woman clones and what did Morgan Freeman and the other humans eat and did the woman that Tom Cruise from Oblivion leave at the cabin like deliver that kid by herself and if so wasn’t it like the biggest dick move ever not to tell the other humans so she wouldn’t have to?
But it was a happy ending. So whatever.
And then the song that M83 and the other woman made started playing.
